February 13, 2024 • 8 mins
Human attachment is thousands of years old but Valentine’s Day started off as a blood soaked pagan fertility festival, and it wasn’t much fun for women. On the flip side, the romance element is a recent invention. You can thank the Victorians for that.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ah, romance.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
It sounds great. It's got all the upside of love
and sex and none of the downside, I guess. But
there was a time when Valentine's Day was celebrated a
little differently. Imagine your sweetheart wanting to increase your fertility,
sacrifices an animal, and then slaps you with the hide.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
I'm Patty Steele.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
How romance has evolved? Next on the backstory. We're back
with the backstory. Well, we all want a little romance
in our lives, right, but it means different things to
different people, and it played out really differently depending on
when you lived these days. A lot of us kind
(00:41):
of brush romance aside, but secretly we dream. Let's head
back in time. Attachment is ancient. In fact, apes evolved
the ability to become emotionally attached to one another as
humans appeared on the scene. We maintained those attachments, mostly
because it helped us and the abes survive. Everybody needs
(01:02):
a team. Right well later through thousands of years and
right up until the seventeen hundred's, marriage became a thing,
but it was pure business. Romance wasn't even a consideration
the early days of Valentine's Day began in Roman times
in the sixth century BC with a very unromantic and
very bloody pagan fertility festival. Every year between February thirteenth
(01:26):
and fifteenth the Romans celebrated Lubercalia by sacrificing animals and
then slapping women with the bloody hides of those animals,
which they believed made women more fertile. Later, in those
same festivities, women would be paired off with men by lottery.
Wow talk about romance and when it came to that
pairing off well. For thousands of years, in most societies,
(01:50):
men dealt with the money, getting the food, and the
overall decision making. Women figured out how to make the
money work. They took care of the home and children
and social obligations. Romance not so much. If you had money.
Marriage was about inheritance, land, politics, business, Children and wealthy
people often found romance, but it was pretty much always
(02:12):
on the side, and mostly just for men since women
had to worry about pregnancy.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Now.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
If you didn't have money, it was all about getting
the best deal possible from your intended everything from a
little bit of money. If anybody had any land or
at least access to some and somebody'd have children with.
You'd put together whatever kind of home you could manage
with traditional responsibilities. Again, not very romantic, but very practical.
(02:38):
Now here's the thing. People entering a marriage didn't really
expect anything different. They knew what they were getting into,
unless you were Romeo and Juliet, who treasured love beyond
family obligations. And we all know how that ended for them,
which was kind of the point of that story, thank you, Shakespeare.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
And there were other exceptions.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
In fact, in fourteen fifteen, the Duke of Orleans wrote
the very First Valentine. It was a poem the twenty
one year old duke sent to his wife from prison.
He was locked up in the Tower of London after
being captured in a battle with British troops. He wrote,
I am already sick with love, my very gentle Valentine. Unfortunately,
he was locked up for another twenty five years, and
(03:21):
his wife died five years before he was released. But
by the seventeen hundreds, romantic feelings started to be taken
into account pretty regularly when it came to marriage. Still,
there wasn't much in the way of dating. It was
referred to as courting, and the intention was very different.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
The goal of.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Courtship was always marriage, so family was still very much
involved in the decision. It's just that courting gave both
the man and the woman the opportunity to see if
there were sparks feelings there. In fact, in some cases,
young couples were allowed to go to bed together, but
they were fully dressed and they had a thing called
a bundling board between them. Yeah, it was actually a
(04:01):
big board that kept them from touching but allowed them
to lie together in the dark and talk and bond.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
They also had bundling.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Sacks, by the way, which were basically sleeping bags for two,
but sewn all the way up the middle. Now, if
the couple decided there were feelings and the man made
a commitment, he had a really really rough time getting
out of it unless the woman released him from his obligation.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
As they called it.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
It was called breach of promise if you weren't officially released.
But still, feelings became more important, and that's when Valentine's
Day became more of a thing. Love letters and gifts
were away to win someone's heart. The absolute peak of
the romantic approach to Valentine's Day began in the late
(04:47):
seventeen hundreds, when people began to build these elaborate puzzle
Valentines with folded paper, which, when each section was unfolded,
revealed more about the sender's feeling. Then came the eighteen hundreds, when,
in an effort to outdo competitors, guys began to really
slather on the romance. Valentine's cards reached their peak in
(05:10):
the mid eighteen hundreds, since the mail service was reliable
and there was really no other way to reach out,
Plus one woman started making a business out of constructing Valentines.
Incredibly artistic Valentines showed up, decorated with everything from peacock
feathers to lace to jewels, accompanied by very mushy but
(05:30):
beautiful poetry or prose. Sometimes they'd quote their favorite romantic poet,
like Elizabeth Barrett, who published her love poems to her
future husband Robert Browning. The first lines of her sonnets
from the Portuguese read how do I Love THEE? Let
me count the ways I love THEE? To the depth
and breadth and height my soul can reach. Wow, romantic,
(05:54):
How else might you celebrate in those days?
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Well?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Victorians started the tradition of giving flowers, especially red roses,
for Valentine's Day, still very popular today. They gave jewelry,
which has never gone out of fashion, and you might
also swoon over a box of chocolates. In a very
smart business move, Richard Cadbury of Cadbury Chocolates created the
first heart shaped box of chocolates in eighteen sixty one,
(06:18):
trying to drive up sales for the family business, and
boy did it work. Now thirty six million heart shaped
boxes of chocolate are sold every year. By the way,
it wasn't all flowers and chocolates during the Victorian era.
If you didn't appreciate the attention of an admirer, you
would send vinegar valentines also called penny dreadfuls that were
(06:40):
meant to put a stop to unwanted attention. Now, by
the time Hollywood got involved in romance in the twentieth century,
they sold us on the idea of romantic forever love
and don't you love the happy ending, the happily ever
after storyline?
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Question? Is is it realistic? These days?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
We still sell celebrate Valentine's Day, but we've begun to
lay off the mushy part of it. Did you know
that today teachers get more Valentines than any other group,
followed by kids, moms, then wives, and then are fur babies.
Some even celebrate Gallantine's Day a time to celebrate your
best female friends, even if there's no romance. In fact,
(07:22):
backing you up on that note is the Greek philosopher Plato,
who said the highest form of love was actually our
non sexual, non.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Romantic attachment to another person.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
That's so called brotherly love, which we now call platonic love,
named after, of course, Plato. He believed that passion, romance,
and sex make us do really stupid stuff, and that
love between family members or close friends is the perfect attachment.
It's kind of hard to argue with that. Now. The
thing is, at the end of the day, we're all
(07:53):
looking to feel something right, that little flutter or warmth
when you see someone you're attracted to and when they
lock eyes with you. Romance does that for us. So
Happy Valentine's Day, whatever that means to you. If you
have a story you'd like me to take a deeper
dive into and share, feel free to DM me on
(08:15):
Facebook at Patty Steele or on Instagram at Real Patty Steele.
I'm Patty Steele. The Backstories a production of iHeartMedia, Premiere Networks,
the Elvis Duran Group, and Steel Trap Productions. Our producer
is Doug Fraser. Our writer Jake Kushner. We have new
(08:37):
episodes every Tuesday and Friday. Feel free to reach out
to me with comments and even story suggestions on Instagram
at Real Patty Steele and on Facebook at Patty Steele.
Thanks for listening to the Backstory with Patty Steele, the
pieces of history you didn't know you needed to know.
Ah, romance.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
It sounds great. It's got all the upside of love
and sex and none of the downside, I guess. But
there was a time when Valentine's Day was celebrated a
little differently. Imagine your sweetheart wanting to increase your fertility,
sacrifices an animal, and then slaps you with the hide.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
I'm Patty Steele.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
How romance has evolved? Next on the backstory. We're back
with the backstory. Well, we all want a little romance
in our lives, right, but it means different things to
different people, and it played out really differently depending on
when you lived these days. A lot of us kind
(00:41):
of brush romance aside, but secretly we dream. Let's head
back in time. Attachment is ancient. In fact, apes evolved
the ability to become emotionally attached to one another as
humans appeared on the scene. We maintained those attachments, mostly
because it helped us and the abes survive. Everybody needs
(01:02):
a team. Right well later through thousands of years and
right up until the seventeen hundred's, marriage became a thing,
but it was pure business. Romance wasn't even a consideration
the early days of Valentine's Day began in Roman times
in the sixth century BC with a very unromantic and
very bloody pagan fertility festival. Every year between February thirteenth
(01:26):
and fifteenth the Romans celebrated Lubercalia by sacrificing animals and
then slapping women with the bloody hides of those animals,
which they believed made women more fertile. Later, in those
same festivities, women would be paired off with men by lottery.
Wow talk about romance and when it came to that
pairing off well. For thousands of years, in most societies,
(01:50):
men dealt with the money, getting the food, and the
overall decision making. Women figured out how to make the
money work. They took care of the home and children
and social obligations. Romance not so much. If you had money.
Marriage was about inheritance, land, politics, business, Children and wealthy
people often found romance, but it was pretty much always
(02:12):
on the side, and mostly just for men since women
had to worry about pregnancy.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Now.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
If you didn't have money, it was all about getting
the best deal possible from your intended everything from a
little bit of money. If anybody had any land or
at least access to some and somebody'd have children with.
You'd put together whatever kind of home you could manage
with traditional responsibilities. Again, not very romantic, but very practical.
(02:38):
Now here's the thing. People entering a marriage didn't really
expect anything different. They knew what they were getting into,
unless you were Romeo and Juliet, who treasured love beyond
family obligations. And we all know how that ended for them,
which was kind of the point of that story, thank you, Shakespeare.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
And there were other exceptions.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
In fact, in fourteen fifteen, the Duke of Orleans wrote
the very First Valentine. It was a poem the twenty
one year old duke sent to his wife from prison.
He was locked up in the Tower of London after
being captured in a battle with British troops. He wrote,
I am already sick with love, my very gentle Valentine. Unfortunately,
he was locked up for another twenty five years, and
(03:21):
his wife died five years before he was released. But
by the seventeen hundreds, romantic feelings started to be taken
into account pretty regularly when it came to marriage. Still,
there wasn't much in the way of dating. It was
referred to as courting, and the intention was very different.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
The goal of.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Courtship was always marriage, so family was still very much
involved in the decision. It's just that courting gave both
the man and the woman the opportunity to see if
there were sparks feelings there. In fact, in some cases,
young couples were allowed to go to bed together, but
they were fully dressed and they had a thing called
a bundling board between them. Yeah, it was actually a
(04:01):
big board that kept them from touching but allowed them
to lie together in the dark and talk and bond.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
They also had bundling.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Sacks, by the way, which were basically sleeping bags for two,
but sewn all the way up the middle. Now, if
the couple decided there were feelings and the man made
a commitment, he had a really really rough time getting
out of it unless the woman released him from his obligation.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
As they called it.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
It was called breach of promise if you weren't officially released.
But still, feelings became more important, and that's when Valentine's
Day became more of a thing. Love letters and gifts
were away to win someone's heart. The absolute peak of
the romantic approach to Valentine's Day began in the late
(04:47):
seventeen hundreds, when people began to build these elaborate puzzle
Valentines with folded paper, which, when each section was unfolded,
revealed more about the sender's feeling. Then came the eighteen hundreds, when,
in an effort to outdo competitors, guys began to really
slather on the romance. Valentine's cards reached their peak in
(05:10):
the mid eighteen hundreds, since the mail service was reliable
and there was really no other way to reach out,
Plus one woman started making a business out of constructing Valentines.
Incredibly artistic Valentines showed up, decorated with everything from peacock
feathers to lace to jewels, accompanied by very mushy but
(05:30):
beautiful poetry or prose. Sometimes they'd quote their favorite romantic poet,
like Elizabeth Barrett, who published her love poems to her
future husband Robert Browning. The first lines of her sonnets
from the Portuguese read how do I Love THEE? Let
me count the ways I love THEE? To the depth
and breadth and height my soul can reach. Wow, romantic,
(05:54):
How else might you celebrate in those days?
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Well?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Victorians started the tradition of giving flowers, especially red roses,
for Valentine's Day, still very popular today. They gave jewelry,
which has never gone out of fashion, and you might
also swoon over a box of chocolates. In a very
smart business move, Richard Cadbury of Cadbury Chocolates created the
first heart shaped box of chocolates in eighteen sixty one,
(06:18):
trying to drive up sales for the family business, and
boy did it work. Now thirty six million heart shaped
boxes of chocolate are sold every year. By the way,
it wasn't all flowers and chocolates during the Victorian era.
If you didn't appreciate the attention of an admirer, you
would send vinegar valentines also called penny dreadfuls that were
(06:40):
meant to put a stop to unwanted attention. Now, by
the time Hollywood got involved in romance in the twentieth century,
they sold us on the idea of romantic forever love
and don't you love the happy ending, the happily ever
after storyline?
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Question? Is is it realistic? These days?
Speaker 2 (06:59):
We still sell celebrate Valentine's Day, but we've begun to
lay off the mushy part of it. Did you know
that today teachers get more Valentines than any other group,
followed by kids, moms, then wives, and then are fur babies.
Some even celebrate Gallantine's Day a time to celebrate your
best female friends, even if there's no romance. In fact,
(07:22):
backing you up on that note is the Greek philosopher Plato,
who said the highest form of love was actually our
non sexual, non.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Romantic attachment to another person.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
That's so called brotherly love, which we now call platonic love,
named after, of course, Plato. He believed that passion, romance,
and sex make us do really stupid stuff, and that
love between family members or close friends is the perfect attachment.
It's kind of hard to argue with that. Now. The
thing is, at the end of the day, we're all
(07:53):
looking to feel something right, that little flutter or warmth
when you see someone you're attracted to and when they
lock eyes with you. Romance does that for us. So
Happy Valentine's Day, whatever that means to you. If you
have a story you'd like me to take a deeper
dive into and share, feel free to DM me on
(08:15):
Facebook at Patty Steele or on Instagram at Real Patty Steele.
I'm Patty Steele. The Backstories a production of iHeartMedia, Premiere Networks,
the Elvis Duran Group, and Steel Trap Productions. Our producer
is Doug Fraser. Our writer Jake Kushner. We have new
(08:37):
episodes every Tuesday and Friday. Feel free to reach out
to me with comments and even story suggestions on Instagram
at Real Patty Steele and on Facebook at Patty Steele.
Thanks for listening to the Backstory with Patty Steele, the
pieces of history you didn't know you needed to know.
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