January 24, 2024 • 19 mins
Daily Show correspondent Kristen Schaal always helps break down issues that concern women politically and personally. She walks us through politician's attempted efforts to deliver issues through a women's perspective and the GOP's stance on abortion funding for rape victims. Also, Kristen walks host, Jon Stewart, through the MTA's efforts to get men to close their legs when sitting on the subway.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
The midterm elections and I know you're all really excited
are only a month away, and their outcome will be
in the hands of one constituency.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Women are going to decide this election.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
The importance of women over women are going to be
the ones that decide who controls the Senate.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Seemed awfully high pitched.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Women are in the top interest group in twenty fourteen,
in last place once again, Merman Lawyers.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Now, Usually women are a sure thing for Democrats, but
this year the GOP is launching a big rebranding effort
to change that.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
And you know what that means.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Republicans are trying to leverage the women's.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
Vote is big rebranding effort the National College Republicans.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
They ran an ad with.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
The idea of attracting younger women into voting Republican.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
The barrage of TV advertisements sponsored by a well funded
conservative group featuring women. A nearly one million dollar campaign
ad to draw young female voters to the GOP.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I'll give you one million dollars to spend just five
minutes in the voter's booth with the old demographic for.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
More, we turn to see your women's issues correspondent to Christenshaw.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Kristen, So do id you're feeling? Vote me too? Christen?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
How is this Republican ad campaign outreach to women going
so great? John?
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Republicans have finally figured out what's most important to women
men folk. Women don't see candidates as potential leaders. We
see them as possible soulmates. And Republicans are finally running
as to reflect that.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Welcome to the candidate. Bachelorette.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Ashley now must make her final decision always in reading.
Speaker 5 (02:01):
My space, spying on my messages, reading my emails.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Will Ashley send Mark the Democrat packing? Will she finally
choose Rick.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
The Republican who will work for her future?
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (02:13):
My god, Rick's so dreamy. I damn choose Mark. He's
a mess.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yeah, but so far as the GEOPI goes, women think
elections are just about getting into relationships.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
No, No, that's insulting and reductive. Women don't just think
about getting into relationships. We also think about getting out
of them, Like the one ran with Obama.
Speaker 5 (02:35):
In two thousand and eight. I fell in love. His
online profile made him seem so perfect. I trusted him.
But by twenty twelve, our relationship was in trouble.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Oh what it up?
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Girl?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
What it out? We've all been there.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
He's in my emails and text messages, spying on me
but ignoring real threats. Thinks the only thing I care
about is free birth control, but he won't even let
me keep my own doctor.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
She's right. We gave Obama our hearts, and all they
got in return is this free birth control.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Christ and I is that? Isn't that really too many?
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Not for democrats? The reckless?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
You know this, this whole camp. I'm really hoping those
fell off your life instead of what I just saw.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I just saw something under the table move and then
I heard them hit the floor. I don't I don't
know what happened, this whole angle that the robins gonna
have it. It feels like you were when they wanted
more girls to play pac Man. So then they just
slapped lipstick in a bow on pac Man and then
called it MS pac Man.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Yeah, John, MS pac Man is a feminist hero. She
didn't subscribe to your patriarchal idea of what a woman's
body should look like, Shane. Whatever she wanted pineapples, pretzels, ghosts.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
I didn't know her courage.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
I don't forgive you, John face it. Republicans finally figured
out how women's brains work. Science shows that this part
right here is devoted to thinking about relationships, and the
small part here is bitchiness.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Were those were those scientists men by any chance?
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Yeah? They were scientists, women's scientists.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
You You.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Maybe even just the an ad for when you meet
the perfect candidate and you know right away that he's
the one, and then it's time for every little girl's
wet dream finding a wedding dress.
Speaker 5 (05:09):
The Tom Corbett is perfect.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
I like the Tom Wolf.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
It's overpriced and a little outdated, but I know best.
And don't forget the tom Wolf comes with additional costs.
Speaker 5 (05:22):
There's increased taxes.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Mom, this is my decision.
Speaker 5 (05:27):
I see a better future with Tom Corbett.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
You don't work out in the air because Brittany said, yes,
it's a Tom Corbett.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Oh, I'm so happy for you, Brittany. I mean I'm
a little jealous because that dress would have looked so
much better on me. But you look beautiful. Congratulations Christen.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
This is outrageous And why don't men get these kinds
of ads?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Oh, don't worry. Republicans also have ads targeting men in
the exact same insulting way. You know, the same I'm
a god, came up with that and I a Republican.
You want to get your what? You gotta kick Mary
Lander to the kurve? A centrist Democrat? What is that?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Even?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
It's so confusing, just like chicks, right, vul republic kid?
If you want to rush.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Bull?
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Republic kid? If you got the Nats?
Speaker 1 (06:30):
What that guy? Because I want to vote for that guy?
Got that guy? Right?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
We beginning night in Washington, known a season of physical discipline,
House Republicans are discovering the cutting spending isn't as easy
as they had hoped. It turns out people like some
of the things the government does for them. Luckily, the
Republicans will come up with a brilliant idea. What if
instead of cutting services for people, they cut services for witmen?
Speaker 4 (06:57):
Seven hundred and forty seven million in to the nutrition
program for women, infants, and children.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Cutting more than a billion dollars from the head Start
education program. One of the.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Bills eliminates tax breaks for private employers who provide health
coverage if their plans offer abortion services.
Speaker 6 (07:16):
Allowing hospitals to refuse to perform an abortion on a
woman even if she'll die.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Wow, that's so pro life, even if it kills you.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
So they want to cut everything from family care to
prenatal care to the child nutrition. It's like they're probably
the Congress.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
You're saying, you can't prevent an unwanted child, you can't
get care if you do get pregnant, and we won't
give you any help feeding the kid after it's born.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
But those two minutes when that skull is crowning your
baby's the most precious thing on that.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Much of the GOP focuses on planned parenthood, which, to
hear them tell it, is apparently in the abortion business
for an unusual reason.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
My parenthood isn't about health, it's about profit.
Speaker 5 (08:03):
They're focused on becoming big business. They reported a sixty
three billion dollar profit.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
They make money on the abortions. That's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Everyone knows Plan PARENTO doesn't make money on the abortions.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
It's the concessions. That's that's where the money wents. You're
junior mints. You're not jokes.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I mean, who needs that big a drink to go
in for more on the House's defunding efforts. We're joined
by senior women's issues correspondent Kristin Shaw.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Christen. Thanks you this way, this way, or this way.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Last time you were here, Christen, if you remember, we
discussed the House Conservatives move to reduce federally funded abortions
for rape victims by redefining the term.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Rape, which would have totally worked if the Republicans hadn't
backed down at the last minute.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Pussies may be the most chilling way I've ever heard
that phrase.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
That was like from Saw three or something. Christen. Are
we seeing bills.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
That would receive abortions by cutting funds for a much
broader range of services? Now?
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Is that? Is that what's going?
Speaker 4 (09:19):
What it would do is deny millions of women routine
checkups and examinations, defund gynecological exams, cervical cancer tests, UTI treatments,
and the full panoply of women's health services that Planned
Parenthood provides.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Admit Planned Parenthood is running quite an elaborate front for
its abortion stores, but the facts are just what Mike
Pince said. If an organization has anything to do with abortions,
then everything that organization does is tainted and it shouldn't
get any government money.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
So you are you are coming out in support of
this new house.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Yes, If anything, they don't go far enough. Our taxes
are going to abortions in ways no one is even
talking about.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Let's talk about it now.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
What how well for starters, we have to cut funding
for fire departments.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Now why would that be?
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Hello? What if an abortion clinic catches fire and firefighters
put it out, paving away for more abortions? Abortion is
firefighters paid for with our taxpayer dollars.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Well, that's like saying we have to defund the Coast
Guard because abortion providers go to the beach.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Oh I hadn't even thought of that, but you're right,
No more Coast Guard. Give me another. This is fun.
FAA Mile High Club number one cause of unwanted pregnancies
between York and Lax.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Mining Safety Commission, Mile Below Club, Libraria, Congress.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Sexy Librarians, NASA, Space Abortions.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco on Firearms.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
John, Please, I'm getting pregnant just listening to you.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Person. If you try hard enough, you try hard enough,
that's the bubon stock. You can link abortion to any
piece of spending exactly.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
It's disgusting. I mean, how can Mike Pence be sure
that when he pays money for something, it will ultimately
go to pay for an abortion.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Well, there's no I guess there's no way to guarantee it.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
So there is now presenting stork bucks, a pro life
currency that can't be spent on anything having to do
with abortion. Here, try to buy something for me from me,
not for me. Well, if you want to.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
Uh, hello, hello, I'd like to buy a cup of
coffee with my store box, would you, yes?
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Droll with coffee.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
It has caffeine the drum that keeps abortion doctors awake
so they can perform abortions all night long. I don't
think so.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
People do not listen. It's a delicate issue.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
There's not people that are not gleeful about performing abortions.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
They're not gleeful about these things are oh god, what
are these native? By the way, they seem very flammable, just.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Tree pulp, gumpowdern stork meat. After the whole VP thing,
the stork meat just really lights up stark covered in Christ.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Everyone objects to something the government spends money on. I
may not want my taxes paying for for uh, waterboarding
or subsidies or Mike Bence's pross state exams.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
But but there goes my money.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Straight up, Mike Pences ass, I know, unless, of course
you're spending my new currency Sunshine Bucks. They don't go
where the sun don't shine twenty as Mike Pences prostrate
on it. Do we have that image?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
I don't think we have that image. I think all right,
thank you very much, Christian, Christian Shawl, everybody, We'll be
right back.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Everyone knows that in the real Merca people ride pick
up trucks and fix your flat tires.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
But if you live in a city, you got your
public transportation where people from all walks of life come together,
do know each other very closely. They're always finding new
ways to do it. It's a battle against man spreading.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
It is a guy taking up two seats for.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
The first time.
Speaker 5 (13:58):
The metropolitan transportation authority is asking men to mind the gap.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Mind the gap.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
I think that might be the nicest way to say,
don't be an asshole in the subway. And yet it
seems like a simple question of manners. Taking up two
seats when you could take up one has somehow opened
a new front in the culture war.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Bleke spreaders.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
They're the worst men.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Ben. Yeah. Yeah, the field one's a little.
Speaker 6 (14:30):
With the restraint.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Men's groups are calling it male oppression.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
And apparently calling themselves men's groups.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Take that for what it's worth.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
From where, we're joined by senior women's issues correspondent Kristin Shawl.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Kristin do it.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
This is a big deal, John, and I just just
want to say, men, I'm sorry. You should absolutely have
that extra seat. You deserve that extra seat. But do
the math. Men make thirty percent more than women, they
should have thirty percent more space. On the right to work.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
It's not a Chris, there's not even what it's about.
It's this is just an issue of common courtesy on
the subway.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
That's oh no, John, you've been so brainwashed by this
feminized world. You can't even see everything that men have lost.
You used to run companies by yourself. You used to
run countries by yourself. You used to do everything just
you dudes. And if a woman showed up, you got
to call her sugar tits with no consequences. You give
(15:45):
her a seat in the typewriter pool with all the
other sugar tits.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Is uh minor point. I think it's tits I, TITSI.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
The subway is the only placemen have left. We've literally
driven you underground to find that last inch of ball space,
and now society saying no, even there. A man's place
is on one seat, knees together. As a woman who
has struggled her entire life to keep her knees together.
I am your ally.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Well that you know.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
You may not be aware of this, but one regular
subway seat does grant you a good amount of ball space.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
It's not it's not wow?
Speaker 3 (16:41):
What?
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Wow? What?
Speaker 3 (16:42):
John? Can I talk directly to your testicles for a second,
because I think you're holding them hostage? These four caged balls.
Your ancestors used to roam free, the wind blowing through
your soft, fuzzy hair, the sun soaking up into your
(17:04):
wrinkled skin, knowing that this day, this land, this whole
goddamn world was yours.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
That was actually that was That was quite moving.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
That was, Oh, John, your balls are crying, not crying,
Christ in there allergic to wool. Come on, John, just
get it together. Occupying all the territory U can is sexy.
When I'm in a subway car with all those men
taking charge of the seats around them. I get so
(17:42):
weak in the knees I can barely stand. But I
have to.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
See that thought that seems that seems rude to make
you stand in that John, who's.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
The manliest man in the world.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
That's George Clooney manlies.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Yes, Jean Claude man. Damn, And look how much room
he needs for his balls. Would you call that rude
or amazing?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
It's amazing. I think my balls would would protest a
move like that.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Well, then get out of the way, because this man
spreading train is going express. It's no longer about individual comfort.
It's a movement. The MTA wants to run its ads. Fine,
we're gonna run ours. When they tell men to rent
it in, you lock those legs together, united, we sit,
that's right. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I don't know how effective a movement is, but it
seems a nice way to make a friend.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Oh my god, you guys, John Stewart is the loneliest man.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
She doesn't mean that, Guys, don't listen.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
I want to see men fighting the good fight, spreading
with pride, and hey, while you're at it, maybe yeah,
you know, you show us what you're fighting for.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
I don't understand what you're well, just don't be.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
So up tight, sugar balls. You don't give us a little.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Pea like this guy.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
You not showing about full stack. It's a little quick now,
a little ball cleavage. If you're joining the movement, we
gotta see the goods. You're moving right.
Speaker 6 (19:23):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
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You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
The midterm elections and I know you're all really excited
are only a month away, and their outcome will be
in the hands of one constituency.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Women are going to decide this election.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
The importance of women over women are going to be
the ones that decide who controls the Senate.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Seemed awfully high pitched.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Women are in the top interest group in twenty fourteen,
in last place once again, Merman Lawyers.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Now, Usually women are a sure thing for Democrats, but
this year the GOP is launching a big rebranding effort
to change that.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
And you know what that means.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Republicans are trying to leverage the women's.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
Vote is big rebranding effort the National College Republicans.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
They ran an ad with.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
The idea of attracting younger women into voting Republican.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
The barrage of TV advertisements sponsored by a well funded
conservative group featuring women. A nearly one million dollar campaign
ad to draw young female voters to the GOP.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I'll give you one million dollars to spend just five
minutes in the voter's booth with the old demographic for.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
More, we turn to see your women's issues correspondent to Christenshaw.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Kristen, So do id you're feeling? Vote me too? Christen?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
How is this Republican ad campaign outreach to women going
so great? John?
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Republicans have finally figured out what's most important to women
men folk. Women don't see candidates as potential leaders. We
see them as possible soulmates. And Republicans are finally running
as to reflect that.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Welcome to the candidate. Bachelorette.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Ashley now must make her final decision always in reading.
Speaker 5 (02:01):
My space, spying on my messages, reading my emails.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Will Ashley send Mark the Democrat packing? Will she finally
choose Rick.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
The Republican who will work for her future?
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (02:13):
My god, Rick's so dreamy. I damn choose Mark. He's
a mess.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yeah, but so far as the GEOPI goes, women think
elections are just about getting into relationships.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
No, No, that's insulting and reductive. Women don't just think
about getting into relationships. We also think about getting out
of them, Like the one ran with Obama.
Speaker 5 (02:35):
In two thousand and eight. I fell in love. His
online profile made him seem so perfect. I trusted him.
But by twenty twelve, our relationship was in trouble.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Oh what it up?
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Girl?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
What it out? We've all been there.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
He's in my emails and text messages, spying on me
but ignoring real threats. Thinks the only thing I care
about is free birth control, but he won't even let
me keep my own doctor.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
She's right. We gave Obama our hearts, and all they
got in return is this free birth control.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Christ and I is that? Isn't that really too many?
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Not for democrats? The reckless?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
You know this, this whole camp. I'm really hoping those
fell off your life instead of what I just saw.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I just saw something under the table move and then
I heard them hit the floor. I don't I don't
know what happened, this whole angle that the robins gonna
have it. It feels like you were when they wanted
more girls to play pac Man. So then they just
slapped lipstick in a bow on pac Man and then
called it MS pac Man.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Yeah, John, MS pac Man is a feminist hero. She
didn't subscribe to your patriarchal idea of what a woman's
body should look like, Shane. Whatever she wanted pineapples, pretzels, ghosts.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
I didn't know her courage.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
I don't forgive you, John face it. Republicans finally figured
out how women's brains work. Science shows that this part
right here is devoted to thinking about relationships, and the
small part here is bitchiness.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Were those were those scientists men by any chance?
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Yeah? They were scientists, women's scientists.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
You You.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Maybe even just the an ad for when you meet
the perfect candidate and you know right away that he's
the one, and then it's time for every little girl's
wet dream finding a wedding dress.
Speaker 5 (05:09):
The Tom Corbett is perfect.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
I like the Tom Wolf.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
It's overpriced and a little outdated, but I know best.
And don't forget the tom Wolf comes with additional costs.
Speaker 5 (05:22):
There's increased taxes.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Mom, this is my decision.
Speaker 5 (05:27):
I see a better future with Tom Corbett.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
You don't work out in the air because Brittany said, yes,
it's a Tom Corbett.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Oh, I'm so happy for you, Brittany. I mean I'm
a little jealous because that dress would have looked so
much better on me. But you look beautiful. Congratulations Christen.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
This is outrageous And why don't men get these kinds
of ads?
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Oh, don't worry. Republicans also have ads targeting men in
the exact same insulting way. You know, the same I'm
a god, came up with that and I a Republican.
You want to get your what? You gotta kick Mary
Lander to the kurve? A centrist Democrat? What is that?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Even?
Speaker 3 (06:06):
It's so confusing, just like chicks, right, vul republic kid?
If you want to rush.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Bull?
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Republic kid? If you got the Nats?
Speaker 1 (06:30):
What that guy? Because I want to vote for that guy?
Got that guy? Right?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
We beginning night in Washington, known a season of physical discipline,
House Republicans are discovering the cutting spending isn't as easy
as they had hoped. It turns out people like some
of the things the government does for them. Luckily, the
Republicans will come up with a brilliant idea. What if
instead of cutting services for people, they cut services for witmen?
Speaker 4 (06:57):
Seven hundred and forty seven million in to the nutrition
program for women, infants, and children.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Cutting more than a billion dollars from the head Start
education program. One of the.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Bills eliminates tax breaks for private employers who provide health
coverage if their plans offer abortion services.
Speaker 6 (07:16):
Allowing hospitals to refuse to perform an abortion on a
woman even if she'll die.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Wow, that's so pro life, even if it kills you.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
So they want to cut everything from family care to
prenatal care to the child nutrition. It's like they're probably
the Congress.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
You're saying, you can't prevent an unwanted child, you can't
get care if you do get pregnant, and we won't
give you any help feeding the kid after it's born.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
But those two minutes when that skull is crowning your
baby's the most precious thing on that.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Much of the GOP focuses on planned parenthood, which, to
hear them tell it, is apparently in the abortion business
for an unusual reason.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
My parenthood isn't about health, it's about profit.
Speaker 5 (08:03):
They're focused on becoming big business. They reported a sixty
three billion dollar profit.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
They make money on the abortions. That's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Everyone knows Plan PARENTO doesn't make money on the abortions.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
It's the concessions. That's that's where the money wents. You're
junior mints. You're not jokes.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I mean, who needs that big a drink to go
in for more on the House's defunding efforts. We're joined
by senior women's issues correspondent Kristin Shaw.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Christen. Thanks you this way, this way, or this way.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Last time you were here, Christen, if you remember, we
discussed the House Conservatives move to reduce federally funded abortions
for rape victims by redefining the term.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Rape, which would have totally worked if the Republicans hadn't
backed down at the last minute.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Pussies may be the most chilling way I've ever heard
that phrase.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
That was like from Saw three or something. Christen. Are
we seeing bills.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
That would receive abortions by cutting funds for a much
broader range of services? Now?
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Is that? Is that what's going?
Speaker 4 (09:19):
What it would do is deny millions of women routine
checkups and examinations, defund gynecological exams, cervical cancer tests, UTI treatments,
and the full panoply of women's health services that Planned
Parenthood provides.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Admit Planned Parenthood is running quite an elaborate front for
its abortion stores, but the facts are just what Mike
Pince said. If an organization has anything to do with abortions,
then everything that organization does is tainted and it shouldn't
get any government money.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
So you are you are coming out in support of
this new house.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Yes, If anything, they don't go far enough. Our taxes
are going to abortions in ways no one is even
talking about.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Let's talk about it now.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
What how well for starters, we have to cut funding
for fire departments.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Now why would that be?
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Hello? What if an abortion clinic catches fire and firefighters
put it out, paving away for more abortions? Abortion is
firefighters paid for with our taxpayer dollars.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Well, that's like saying we have to defund the Coast
Guard because abortion providers go to the beach.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Oh I hadn't even thought of that, but you're right,
No more Coast Guard. Give me another. This is fun.
FAA Mile High Club number one cause of unwanted pregnancies
between York and Lax.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Mining Safety Commission, Mile Below Club, Libraria, Congress.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Sexy Librarians, NASA, Space Abortions.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco on Firearms.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
John, Please, I'm getting pregnant just listening to you.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Person. If you try hard enough, you try hard enough,
that's the bubon stock. You can link abortion to any
piece of spending exactly.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
It's disgusting. I mean, how can Mike Pence be sure
that when he pays money for something, it will ultimately
go to pay for an abortion.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Well, there's no I guess there's no way to guarantee it.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
So there is now presenting stork bucks, a pro life
currency that can't be spent on anything having to do
with abortion. Here, try to buy something for me from me,
not for me. Well, if you want to.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
Uh, hello, hello, I'd like to buy a cup of
coffee with my store box, would you, yes?
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Droll with coffee.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
It has caffeine the drum that keeps abortion doctors awake
so they can perform abortions all night long. I don't
think so.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
People do not listen. It's a delicate issue.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
There's not people that are not gleeful about performing abortions.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
They're not gleeful about these things are oh god, what
are these native? By the way, they seem very flammable, just.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Tree pulp, gumpowdern stork meat. After the whole VP thing,
the stork meat just really lights up stark covered in Christ.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Everyone objects to something the government spends money on. I
may not want my taxes paying for for uh, waterboarding
or subsidies or Mike Bence's pross state exams.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
But but there goes my money.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Straight up, Mike Pences ass, I know, unless, of course
you're spending my new currency Sunshine Bucks. They don't go
where the sun don't shine twenty as Mike Pences prostrate
on it. Do we have that image?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
I don't think we have that image. I think all right,
thank you very much, Christian, Christian Shawl, everybody, We'll be
right back.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Everyone knows that in the real Merca people ride pick
up trucks and fix your flat tires.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
But if you live in a city, you got your
public transportation where people from all walks of life come together,
do know each other very closely. They're always finding new
ways to do it. It's a battle against man spreading.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
It is a guy taking up two seats for.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
The first time.
Speaker 5 (13:58):
The metropolitan transportation authority is asking men to mind the gap.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Mind the gap.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
I think that might be the nicest way to say,
don't be an asshole in the subway. And yet it
seems like a simple question of manners. Taking up two
seats when you could take up one has somehow opened
a new front in the culture war.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Bleke spreaders.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
They're the worst men.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Ben. Yeah. Yeah, the field one's a little.
Speaker 6 (14:30):
With the restraint.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Men's groups are calling it male oppression.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
And apparently calling themselves men's groups.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Take that for what it's worth.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
From where, we're joined by senior women's issues correspondent Kristin Shawl.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Kristin do it.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
This is a big deal, John, and I just just
want to say, men, I'm sorry. You should absolutely have
that extra seat. You deserve that extra seat. But do
the math. Men make thirty percent more than women, they
should have thirty percent more space. On the right to work.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
It's not a Chris, there's not even what it's about.
It's this is just an issue of common courtesy on
the subway.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
That's oh no, John, you've been so brainwashed by this
feminized world. You can't even see everything that men have lost.
You used to run companies by yourself. You used to
run countries by yourself. You used to do everything just
you dudes. And if a woman showed up, you got
to call her sugar tits with no consequences. You give
(15:45):
her a seat in the typewriter pool with all the
other sugar tits.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Is uh minor point. I think it's tits I, TITSI.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
The subway is the only placemen have left. We've literally
driven you underground to find that last inch of ball space,
and now society saying no, even there. A man's place
is on one seat, knees together. As a woman who
has struggled her entire life to keep her knees together.
I am your ally.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Well that you know.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
You may not be aware of this, but one regular
subway seat does grant you a good amount of ball space.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
It's not it's not wow?
Speaker 3 (16:41):
What?
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Wow? What?
Speaker 3 (16:42):
John? Can I talk directly to your testicles for a second,
because I think you're holding them hostage? These four caged balls.
Your ancestors used to roam free, the wind blowing through
your soft, fuzzy hair, the sun soaking up into your
(17:04):
wrinkled skin, knowing that this day, this land, this whole
goddamn world was yours.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
That was actually that was That was quite moving.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
That was, Oh, John, your balls are crying, not crying,
Christ in there allergic to wool. Come on, John, just
get it together. Occupying all the territory U can is sexy.
When I'm in a subway car with all those men
taking charge of the seats around them. I get so
(17:42):
weak in the knees I can barely stand. But I
have to.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
See that thought that seems that seems rude to make
you stand in that John, who's.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
The manliest man in the world.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
That's George Clooney manlies.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Yes, Jean Claude man. Damn, And look how much room
he needs for his balls. Would you call that rude
or amazing?
Speaker 1 (18:12):
It's amazing. I think my balls would would protest a
move like that.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Well, then get out of the way, because this man
spreading train is going express. It's no longer about individual comfort.
It's a movement. The MTA wants to run its ads. Fine,
we're gonna run ours. When they tell men to rent
it in, you lock those legs together, united, we sit,
that's right. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I don't know how effective a movement is, but it
seems a nice way to make a friend.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
Oh my god, you guys, John Stewart is the loneliest man.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
She doesn't mean that, Guys, don't listen.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
I want to see men fighting the good fight, spreading
with pride, and hey, while you're at it, maybe yeah,
you know, you show us what you're fighting for.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
I don't understand what you're well, just don't be.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
So up tight, sugar balls. You don't give us a little.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Pea like this guy.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
You not showing about full stack. It's a little quick now,
a little ball cleavage. If you're joining the movement, we
gotta see the goods. You're moving right.
Speaker 6 (19:23):
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