Jon Stewart calls out America for abandoning its values in its support of Israel and Ronny Chieng and Grace Kuhlenschmidt check in with Jon from the 2024 eclipse's path of totality. Plus, Michael Kosta covers the aftermath of the solar eclipse, how a guilty verdict against the parents of a Michigan school shooter set a new gun violence precedent, and President Biden's new student debt forgiveness plan.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Now the big news today the world and died.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
I think, are we even?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Are we?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Salon?
Speaker 1 (00:20):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
There wasn't eclipse.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
It happened.
Speaker 4 (00:25):
The sun and the moon did the thing that everyone's
been saying they were going to do for centuries. Now
the path got totalitied and now both planets we'll go
back to years of ignoring each other before they inevitably
hook up again. Textbook toxic relationship. But not everyone was
(00:46):
happy about today's celestial seasonings.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
For danger lurks.
Speaker 5 (00:53):
A boxer's a learn a rare celestial event collides with
a policy failure on the ground.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
The southern border will be directly in the.
Speaker 6 (01:00):
Path of totality today when the moon covers the Sun
for nearly four minutes.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
We are told that officials are bracing for higher traffic.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
Than usual, and that means a real opportunity for smugglers
and cartels and migrants.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
To come right in, or they could just wait till nighttime.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Really they don't have the eclipse four minutes.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
I gotta say, is there nothing Fox can't tie to immigration?
This is this here Cicada infestation provides perfect cover for Venezuelans.
Of course, if you combine the dangers of today's eclipse
with Friday's seismic activity in the northeast, well, the more
(01:51):
troubling picture emerges.
Speaker 7 (01:53):
Republican Congress from Marjorie Taylor Green tweeted, the earthquake and
Monday solar eclipse are assigned from God that America need
to repent.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
How how do you know? How would you know that
that is what God meant? Why would God be so obtuse?
Why would he do that?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Or she?
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Why would she?
Speaker 4 (02:20):
Or how crazy would it be if God insisted on
they them?
Speaker 3 (02:26):
But honestly, is this shit really how God works? I
must let.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Man know to repent their wickedness. How Lord, I don't know,
dim the lights for.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Like four minutes, very specific path and God, what else?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Give New Jersey a little shape.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
Enough to render the buildings to rubble and to bring
people to their knees in repentance and atonement.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
No, just a little like a.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Jersey, just a little.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
Nookie like Oh Jersey, but divine messaging aside. It was
the biggest story of the weekend. So for more on
the eclipse, we have full team coverage.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Let's go live to Ronnie Chang in Caromel, Texas. Grace
cool E Slick in Niava.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
What a day, What a spectacular day, Grace. What is
the mood out there in Niagara Falls?
Speaker 3 (03:34):
It's a clips day.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
The sky was dark, but the moods were bright because.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
This event was out of this world.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
Fantastic, John, Oh, Grace, that's fantastic, Ronnie.
Speaker 8 (03:48):
Thanks John. The eclipse's fine, but too bad they don't
make us special kind of glasses that will allow us
to look truly directly at the horrors that occurring around
the world, especially in.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
That's a that's very true, running, very true. Powerful. Uh,
those are powerful words, Grace.
Speaker 9 (04:13):
Oh, gauza Gaza.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
It's terrible, terrible, not terrible.
Speaker 9 (04:24):
Was the Crispy Cream Special Edition Solar Eclipse donut I
had earlier? It was in the Path of Taste Sality.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
It was really really good.
Speaker 8 (04:42):
Is that a tambourine?
Speaker 9 (04:43):
Oh no, no, no.
Speaker 10 (04:49):
No no no, well technically it is.
Speaker 9 (04:53):
I was gonna do an eclipse dance, but it doesn't
seem appropriate.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I'd really like to see the dance.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Yeah, yeah, do the dance.
Speaker 9 (05:17):
The moon rise in the day time, block out the sun.
It's so fun, family and friends, the joint ever ends.
Speaker 8 (05:40):
Yeah, you know that dance reminds me of the moral
dance we all do every day to hide all complicity
in the world's atrocities, and.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
I hope that was clear in my dance.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Thank you both very much, Grace and Ronnie. Everybody well done.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
But the other big milestone from the eclipse is, as
Ronnie mentionined, the war in Gaza is now six months old.
I think time for a wellness check. But as the
war has grinded on, justice is beginning to seem more
like cruelty. But not to worry, America, the Shining City
(06:19):
on a Hill is on the case with our universal
values in the.
Speaker 11 (06:23):
Great battle for freedom between a rules based order and
one governed by brute force.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
In this battle, we need to be clear eyed.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
And just to clarify, we are the freedom folks. We're
the rules people. We're not the brute force ones. I
think we all know who the brute force ones are
in this case, Vladimir, and know that America will call
you out when you violate the basic tenets of humanity,
weaponizing food, using it as a tool as a weapon in.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Its war against Ukraine. It's unconscionable, should not happen.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
It's a conscionable.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Weaponizing food in Ukraine is not kosher nor helal. Sorry
if I'm both sides of this, speaking of which there
is a literal famine in Gaza caused by the war.
I assume America will also consider this unconscionable.
Speaker 12 (07:19):
Absolutely, We're concerned about that, no question about it.
Speaker 4 (07:23):
Well, you can't spend spell unconscionable without concern, or at
least part of it.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
The con part you can reuse the COEO. You get
the point.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
How about the free press? Ordinarily we are strongly in
favor of free press.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
We also condemn the Russian government's continued targeting and repression
of journalists.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
You hear that Russia. We condemn.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
In no uncertain terms, any repression of a free press.
I think you all know what's coming next. More journalists
have been killed in six months then anywhere else in
the world. And a new Israeli law says they can
ban media outlets they consider a threat.
Speaker 5 (08:06):
So as it relates to Al Jazeer zero specifically, we've
seen the reports.
Speaker 10 (08:11):
If it is true. If it is true, a move
like this is concerning.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
We're concerned again, how about if it's true, we condemn it,
and by the way, is it true? Like it feels
like you could probably just go someone and be like,
is this true, and if they're like, yeah, it's true,
you can be like, that's concerning not condemning, but concerning well,
you know what, perhaps these are just peripheral issues. What
(08:39):
about the bedrock rule of international law, no taking land
by force? When Russia does it, We're pretty clear.
Speaker 11 (08:45):
The entire world has a stake in making sure that
no nation, no aggressor, is allowed to take a neighbor's
territory by force. The American people will never waiver on
our commitment to those values.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Ish See, this is where Israel's action get interesting, because
you might say Israel's war is different than Ukraine's. Israel's
responding to an attack and a hostage crisis.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
But in the midst of.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
That, they pulled a little something in the West Bank.
On March twenty second that might be notable.
Speaker 6 (09:20):
As the US Secretary of State Anthony Blincoln made his
latest visit to Israel, the Israeli government announced that it
was declaring state land, only two thousand acres of land
in the occupied West Bank. This latest Israeli appropriation is
the largest land transfersons the Oslo Accords were signed in
nineteen ninety three.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Nineteen ninety three, and that's not even Gaza, that's the
West Bank. So you can't say has anything to do
with defending yourself against the mass. Let's see if America
upholds its rule against taking land.
Speaker 13 (09:53):
I haven't seen this facility of this, but anyone taking
steps that makes things more difficult, more challenging.
Speaker 8 (09:59):
This time something.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
That we would have a problem with.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
You don't know about it. They did it the day
you visited.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
Why do we tiptoe around on eggshells? They slap America
in the face, and our response as well, if anyone
slapped us in the face, it'd be concerning, that's for sure.
I mean raising a hand to a delicate body part
of the face. If true the verbal gymnastics that the
American government must undertake so as not to offend the
(10:30):
delicate sensibilities of a country we provide most of the
weapons for is Yeah, every time America tells the world
that there's something we won't allow, Israel seems to say
challenge accepted.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Are they wilfully.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
Trying to provoke us, or perhaps they're just reading our
principles from right to left. It's over.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
It's really, to be honest, it's kind of a bar.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
It's for joke.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Over thirty thousand have died in Gaza.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Since the war started.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
Some of them have ast soldiers, thirteen thousand of them children.
Speaker 12 (11:12):
Our response, since the early hours, we've been urging our
Israeli counterparts to act with as much precision as they can,
and they're targeting. Our constant efforts to urge the Israelis
to be as precise and careful as possible. We can
still continue to urge Is to be.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
More careful and more precise.
Speaker 12 (11:28):
A need for the Israeli defense forces to act with precision.
We continue to work with the Israelis to make sure
that they are as precise as as they can be.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
See they're not listening.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Have you tried synonyms for precision?
Speaker 12 (11:43):
We continue to stress to Israeli counterforce that they be
as discriminate and careful in their targeting as possible, Be
as cautious and deliberate and as careful as they can.
To be more careful and more deliberate, Be very deliberate
in the most discreete, deliberate, careful, cautious way possible, the
utmost care, and.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
A special burden to be mindful, to be mindful. What
is this hot yoga?
Speaker 4 (12:10):
We just you know, we've seen the bombing, and we
are urging Netan Yahoo to be present. What are we
doing here? The subtext of all this is America knows
this is wrong, but it apparently doesn't seem to have
(12:30):
the courage to say it in a straightforward manner. American
Israel both know that you cannot bomb your way into safety.
We learned that lesson in Irock and Afghanistan. They learned
it in southern Lebanon. They laid siege there, occupied the
southern area.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
For twenty years.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
All it did was birth and strength and hesbola.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
And they're about to do it all over again.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
And we are letting them real friends take the keys,
because friends don't let friends bomb that much. And after this,
we say, with so much horror, perhaps America finally finds
the need for a new approach with Israel, with more
(13:11):
justice and less cruelty. The US and Israel are closing
in on what would be their largest weapons deal since
the War in Gaza began well I don't know about you,
but if that's true, I find it concerning. And with
that devastating conclusion, we turned for more analysis back to
(13:35):
gray SCHOOLI shmid grace.
Speaker 5 (13:39):
No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 7 (13:48):
Let's kick things off with yesterday's solar eclipse, when people
across the continent came together to have their wallets stolen
while they were distracted by space. Hopefully everyone wore the
correct safety glasses so they didn't catch COVID from the sun,
but even if you did wear them, you still might
have a solar hangover.
Speaker 14 (14:07):
Google trends report shows some of the eclipse watchers may
not have been using proper eye protection. A company says
it saw a spike in searches of my eyes hurt
following the solar eclipse on Monday.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
My eyes hurt. That's not even a question.
Speaker 7 (14:24):
That just sounds like people were complaining to their computer,
my eyes hurt.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Google, get some friends, losers.
Speaker 7 (14:34):
By the way, I hate that Google uses our searches
to monitor trends.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
That's why you got to throw up some fake searches.
Every day.
Speaker 7 (14:41):
I'll put in my eyes hurt plus something random like
hockey skates edible, just to throw it off. But this
story does say a lot about the state of our
healthcare system. Back in the day, if you had eye pain,
you'd call up your family doctor and he'd tell you
to smoke more cigarette. Nowadays you have to wait six
weeks to get an appointment with your eyes doctor, or
you can go online and immediately find out that the
(15:02):
eclipse glasses gave you autism.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
Look, the.
Speaker 7 (15:06):
Good news is, for most people, the pain is probably
a harmless case of eyestrain. You'll be fine because those
glasses were made from the same high tech, advanced material.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
As the birthday crown they give you at Burger Camp.
Speaker 7 (15:19):
Now, speaking of looming shadows over America, let's move on
to gun violence. America treats its gun problem the way
a dog treats a new baby, by hoping that if
we ignore it, it'll disappear. But at this point, any progress,
no matter how small, would be better than the status quo.
And now a legal verdict might have set an important precedent.
Speaker 10 (15:41):
Breaking today for the first time in the United States,
parents whose son killed four teenagers will themselves spend ten
to fifteen years in prison.
Speaker 7 (15:51):
The Crumbley's provided unrestricted access to the.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Gun ignored their son's spirally mental health problems and enabled
his actions by ignoring all of the warning signs.
Speaker 7 (16:02):
School staff testify the parents were called to the school
and urged to get Ethan psychological help just hours before
the shooting, but the Crumble's refuse to take them home.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
That's right.
Speaker 7 (16:13):
For the first time ever, parents are going to be
liable for their kids' school shooting, which honestly makes sense
to me. You know, we already blame the parents for
a lot less. When a teenager throws a loud party,
we blame the parents, or when a kid has a
stupid haircut, we blame the parents. We should blame the
parents when a kid shoots up a school. And why
stop with the parents. The grandparents raise those parents, so
(16:37):
throw them in prison too. In fact, go all the
way up the family tree, you know, great grandparents, great
great grandparents, exhoom all the bodies and put them in
a special ghost jail. And yeah, and if you're thinking, wait, wait, wait,
we have to build ghost prisons now, wouldn't it be
more reasonable just to regulate guns?
Speaker 3 (16:59):
Yeah? I agree.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Either way.
Speaker 7 (17:07):
Either way, after hearing what these parents did, I don't
ever want to hear again that I'm a bad parent
just for giving my kid an iPad.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Okay, the worst thing my kid is going.
Speaker 7 (17:16):
To do is go to school and talk in a
Peppa Pig accent all day. Let's move on to some
presidential news and are ongoing coverage of Indecision twenty twenty four.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
If you're like.
Speaker 7 (17:35):
Most young Americans, you have thousands of dollars of college
debt after getting your degree in TikTok gender studies. Thankfully,
President Joe Biden is here to help.
Speaker 15 (17:45):
President Biden unveiled his latest effort to free up more
Americans who are bogged down by student debt. The plan,
announce during a visit to Wisconsin includes debt cancelation for
those who now owe more than they borrowed because of
runaway interest.
Speaker 11 (17:58):
You plan to deliver up to eight thousand dollars in
interest relief to over twenty million barros.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
WHOA, yeah, whoa. That's a nice forgiveness.
Speaker 7 (18:11):
Speaking of interesting that they call this student debt forgiveness,
as though the student did something wrong.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
We forgive you for being a poor, broke bitch.
Speaker 7 (18:22):
But as long as Brine's paying off student loans, how
about paying off the other debt college kids in Kerr.
You know, my buddy Greg never got me back from
that time I spotted him for the seadew rental in
Panama City.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
Where's my check, Joe?
Speaker 7 (18:35):
But this is a reminder that college is too expensive tuition,
room and board, books, a computer to create a social
network that will one day ruin democracy.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
It adds up. Now. Some critics are saying.
Speaker 7 (18:47):
That this student loan forgiveness is just a cynical bride
by Joe to give young people what they want so
they vote for him, And they're right. It's an ancient
tactic called politics, and Biden better hope it works because
he really really needs young people.
Speaker 13 (19:04):
In the twenty twenty NBC News exit poll, candidate Biden
led former President Trump by twenty four percentage points among
voters under thirty, but an NBC survey in January had
President Biden up by just eight percentage points among that group.
Another pole last month showed mister Trump a head by
eighteen points among voters under thirty. Are you excited to
vote for President Biden?
Speaker 9 (19:26):
I would personally say no, I'm excited to vote for
someone that's not Trump, but I wouldn't.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Say that it is.
Speaker 9 (19:33):
I'm excited for Biden.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
O man, Joe Biden is in trouble.
Speaker 7 (19:39):
The most liberal city in a critical swing state, and
its college students are on the fence. I'm excited to
vote for anyone besides Trump.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
How about Joe Biden? No, So the big question is
will this new plan work?
Speaker 7 (19:51):
To help us answer that question, we go live to
our own Josh Johnson. Josh, Josh, you've been talking to
young voters. What do they think of Joe Biden's student
loan cancelation.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
I'll be blunt, Michael. They think it's bullshit.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (20:12):
Young voters have deep principal problems with the Biden administration.
He has failed us on climate change, social justice, and immigration,
and the way he eats ice cream is nasty. These
are serious failures. They need to be addressed. Young people
don't want to bribe. They want a leader who will
secure our future. Biden is not going to paper over
these foundational shortcomings by promising us twenty thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Okay, what if you offer twenty five thousand dollars? Yeah,
we'll take it, Okay, see it?
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 11 (20:42):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
That was easy. That was too easy, Josh, what about
twenty one thousand.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
Hell no, you're going to offer money on the matters
of principle?
Speaker 7 (20:52):
What twenty four thousand? Deal twenty two to fifty twenty three?
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Here we go.
Speaker 5 (21:00):
Joe built back better baby ollow.
Speaker 7 (21:05):
He already has the Mike Josh Johnson everybody.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 7 (21:15):
Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on
Comedy Central, and stream full episodes.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Anytime on Paramount Plus.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
This has been a Comedy Central podcast
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Now the big news today the world and died.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
I think, are we even?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Are we?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Salon?
Speaker 1 (00:20):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
There wasn't eclipse.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
It happened.
Speaker 4 (00:25):
The sun and the moon did the thing that everyone's
been saying they were going to do for centuries. Now
the path got totalitied and now both planets we'll go
back to years of ignoring each other before they inevitably
hook up again. Textbook toxic relationship. But not everyone was
(00:46):
happy about today's celestial seasonings.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
For danger lurks.
Speaker 5 (00:53):
A boxer's a learn a rare celestial event collides with
a policy failure on the ground.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
The southern border will be directly in the.
Speaker 6 (01:00):
Path of totality today when the moon covers the Sun
for nearly four minutes.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
We are told that officials are bracing for higher traffic.
Speaker 4 (01:07):
Than usual, and that means a real opportunity for smugglers
and cartels and migrants.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
To come right in, or they could just wait till nighttime.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Really they don't have the eclipse four minutes.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
I gotta say, is there nothing Fox can't tie to immigration?
This is this here Cicada infestation provides perfect cover for Venezuelans.
Of course, if you combine the dangers of today's eclipse
with Friday's seismic activity in the northeast, well, the more
(01:51):
troubling picture emerges.
Speaker 7 (01:53):
Republican Congress from Marjorie Taylor Green tweeted, the earthquake and
Monday solar eclipse are assigned from God that America need
to repent.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
How how do you know? How would you know that
that is what God meant? Why would God be so obtuse?
Why would he do that?
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Or she?
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Why would she?
Speaker 4 (02:20):
Or how crazy would it be if God insisted on
they them?
Speaker 3 (02:26):
But honestly, is this shit really how God works? I
must let.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Man know to repent their wickedness. How Lord, I don't know,
dim the lights for.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Like four minutes, very specific path and God, what else?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Give New Jersey a little shape.
Speaker 4 (02:53):
Enough to render the buildings to rubble and to bring
people to their knees in repentance and atonement.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
No, just a little like a.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Jersey, just a little.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
Nookie like Oh Jersey, but divine messaging aside. It was
the biggest story of the weekend. So for more on
the eclipse, we have full team coverage.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Let's go live to Ronnie Chang in Caromel, Texas. Grace
cool E Slick in Niava.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
What a day, What a spectacular day, Grace. What is
the mood out there in Niagara Falls?
Speaker 3 (03:34):
It's a clips day.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
The sky was dark, but the moods were bright because.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
This event was out of this world.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
Fantastic, John, Oh, Grace, that's fantastic, Ronnie.
Speaker 8 (03:48):
Thanks John. The eclipse's fine, but too bad they don't
make us special kind of glasses that will allow us
to look truly directly at the horrors that occurring around
the world, especially in.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
That's a that's very true, running, very true. Powerful. Uh,
those are powerful words, Grace.
Speaker 9 (04:13):
Oh, gauza Gaza.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
It's terrible, terrible, not terrible.
Speaker 9 (04:24):
Was the Crispy Cream Special Edition Solar Eclipse donut I
had earlier? It was in the Path of Taste Sality.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
It was really really good.
Speaker 8 (04:42):
Is that a tambourine?
Speaker 9 (04:43):
Oh no, no, no.
Speaker 10 (04:49):
No no no, well technically it is.
Speaker 9 (04:53):
I was gonna do an eclipse dance, but it doesn't
seem appropriate.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I'd really like to see the dance.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Yeah, yeah, do the dance.
Speaker 9 (05:17):
The moon rise in the day time, block out the sun.
It's so fun, family and friends, the joint ever ends.
Speaker 8 (05:40):
Yeah, you know that dance reminds me of the moral
dance we all do every day to hide all complicity
in the world's atrocities, and.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
I hope that was clear in my dance.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Thank you both very much, Grace and Ronnie. Everybody well done.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
But the other big milestone from the eclipse is, as
Ronnie mentionined, the war in Gaza is now six months old.
I think time for a wellness check. But as the
war has grinded on, justice is beginning to seem more
like cruelty. But not to worry, America, the Shining City
(06:19):
on a Hill is on the case with our universal
values in the.
Speaker 11 (06:23):
Great battle for freedom between a rules based order and
one governed by brute force.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
In this battle, we need to be clear eyed.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
And just to clarify, we are the freedom folks. We're
the rules people. We're not the brute force ones. I
think we all know who the brute force ones are
in this case, Vladimir, and know that America will call
you out when you violate the basic tenets of humanity,
weaponizing food, using it as a tool as a weapon in.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Its war against Ukraine. It's unconscionable, should not happen.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
It's a conscionable.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Weaponizing food in Ukraine is not kosher nor helal. Sorry
if I'm both sides of this, speaking of which there
is a literal famine in Gaza caused by the war.
I assume America will also consider this unconscionable.
Speaker 12 (07:19):
Absolutely, We're concerned about that, no question about it.
Speaker 4 (07:23):
Well, you can't spend spell unconscionable without concern, or at
least part of it.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
The con part you can reuse the COEO. You get
the point.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
How about the free press? Ordinarily we are strongly in
favor of free press.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
We also condemn the Russian government's continued targeting and repression
of journalists.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
You hear that Russia. We condemn.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
In no uncertain terms, any repression of a free press.
I think you all know what's coming next. More journalists
have been killed in six months then anywhere else in
the world. And a new Israeli law says they can
ban media outlets they consider a threat.
Speaker 5 (08:06):
So as it relates to Al Jazeer zero specifically, we've
seen the reports.
Speaker 10 (08:11):
If it is true. If it is true, a move
like this is concerning.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
We're concerned again, how about if it's true, we condemn it,
and by the way, is it true? Like it feels
like you could probably just go someone and be like,
is this true, and if they're like, yeah, it's true,
you can be like, that's concerning not condemning, but concerning well,
you know what, perhaps these are just peripheral issues. What
(08:39):
about the bedrock rule of international law, no taking land
by force? When Russia does it, We're pretty clear.
Speaker 11 (08:45):
The entire world has a stake in making sure that
no nation, no aggressor, is allowed to take a neighbor's
territory by force. The American people will never waiver on
our commitment to those values.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Ish See, this is where Israel's action get interesting, because
you might say Israel's war is different than Ukraine's. Israel's
responding to an attack and a hostage crisis.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
But in the midst of.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
That, they pulled a little something in the West Bank.
On March twenty second that might be notable.
Speaker 6 (09:20):
As the US Secretary of State Anthony Blincoln made his
latest visit to Israel, the Israeli government announced that it
was declaring state land, only two thousand acres of land
in the occupied West Bank. This latest Israeli appropriation is
the largest land transfersons the Oslo Accords were signed in
nineteen ninety three.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Nineteen ninety three, and that's not even Gaza, that's the
West Bank. So you can't say has anything to do
with defending yourself against the mass. Let's see if America
upholds its rule against taking land.
Speaker 13 (09:53):
I haven't seen this facility of this, but anyone taking
steps that makes things more difficult, more challenging.
Speaker 8 (09:59):
This time something.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
That we would have a problem with.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
You don't know about it. They did it the day
you visited.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
Why do we tiptoe around on eggshells? They slap America
in the face, and our response as well, if anyone
slapped us in the face, it'd be concerning, that's for sure.
I mean raising a hand to a delicate body part
of the face. If true the verbal gymnastics that the
American government must undertake so as not to offend the
(10:30):
delicate sensibilities of a country we provide most of the
weapons for is Yeah, every time America tells the world
that there's something we won't allow, Israel seems to say
challenge accepted.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Are they wilfully.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
Trying to provoke us, or perhaps they're just reading our
principles from right to left. It's over.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
It's really, to be honest, it's kind of a bar.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
It's for joke.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Over thirty thousand have died in Gaza.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Since the war started.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
Some of them have ast soldiers, thirteen thousand of them children.
Speaker 12 (11:12):
Our response, since the early hours, we've been urging our
Israeli counterparts to act with as much precision as they can,
and they're targeting. Our constant efforts to urge the Israelis
to be as precise and careful as possible. We can
still continue to urge Is to be.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
More careful and more precise.
Speaker 12 (11:28):
A need for the Israeli defense forces to act with precision.
We continue to work with the Israelis to make sure
that they are as precise as as they can be.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
See they're not listening.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Have you tried synonyms for precision?
Speaker 12 (11:43):
We continue to stress to Israeli counterforce that they be
as discriminate and careful in their targeting as possible, Be
as cautious and deliberate and as careful as they can.
To be more careful and more deliberate, Be very deliberate
in the most discreete, deliberate, careful, cautious way possible, the
utmost care, and.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
A special burden to be mindful, to be mindful. What
is this hot yoga?
Speaker 4 (12:10):
We just you know, we've seen the bombing, and we
are urging Netan Yahoo to be present. What are we
doing here? The subtext of all this is America knows
this is wrong, but it apparently doesn't seem to have
(12:30):
the courage to say it in a straightforward manner. American
Israel both know that you cannot bomb your way into safety.
We learned that lesson in Irock and Afghanistan. They learned
it in southern Lebanon. They laid siege there, occupied the
southern area.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
For twenty years.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
All it did was birth and strength and hesbola.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
And they're about to do it all over again.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
And we are letting them real friends take the keys,
because friends don't let friends bomb that much. And after this,
we say, with so much horror, perhaps America finally finds
the need for a new approach with Israel, with more
(13:11):
justice and less cruelty. The US and Israel are closing
in on what would be their largest weapons deal since
the War in Gaza began well I don't know about you,
but if that's true, I find it concerning. And with
that devastating conclusion, we turned for more analysis back to
(13:35):
gray SCHOOLI shmid grace.
Speaker 5 (13:39):
No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 7 (13:48):
Let's kick things off with yesterday's solar eclipse, when people
across the continent came together to have their wallets stolen
while they were distracted by space. Hopefully everyone wore the
correct safety glasses so they didn't catch COVID from the sun,
but even if you did wear them, you still might
have a solar hangover.
Speaker 14 (14:07):
Google trends report shows some of the eclipse watchers may
not have been using proper eye protection. A company says
it saw a spike in searches of my eyes hurt
following the solar eclipse on Monday.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
My eyes hurt. That's not even a question.
Speaker 7 (14:24):
That just sounds like people were complaining to their computer,
my eyes hurt.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Google, get some friends, losers.
Speaker 7 (14:34):
By the way, I hate that Google uses our searches
to monitor trends.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
That's why you got to throw up some fake searches.
Every day.
Speaker 7 (14:41):
I'll put in my eyes hurt plus something random like
hockey skates edible, just to throw it off. But this
story does say a lot about the state of our
healthcare system. Back in the day, if you had eye pain,
you'd call up your family doctor and he'd tell you
to smoke more cigarette. Nowadays you have to wait six
weeks to get an appointment with your eyes doctor, or
you can go online and immediately find out that the
(15:02):
eclipse glasses gave you autism.
Speaker 3 (15:04):
Look, the.
Speaker 7 (15:06):
Good news is, for most people, the pain is probably
a harmless case of eyestrain. You'll be fine because those
glasses were made from the same high tech, advanced material.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
As the birthday crown they give you at Burger Camp.
Speaker 7 (15:19):
Now, speaking of looming shadows over America, let's move on
to gun violence. America treats its gun problem the way
a dog treats a new baby, by hoping that if
we ignore it, it'll disappear. But at this point, any progress,
no matter how small, would be better than the status quo.
And now a legal verdict might have set an important precedent.
Speaker 10 (15:41):
Breaking today for the first time in the United States,
parents whose son killed four teenagers will themselves spend ten
to fifteen years in prison.
Speaker 7 (15:51):
The Crumbley's provided unrestricted access to the.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Gun ignored their son's spirally mental health problems and enabled
his actions by ignoring all of the warning signs.
Speaker 7 (16:02):
School staff testify the parents were called to the school
and urged to get Ethan psychological help just hours before
the shooting, but the Crumble's refuse to take them home.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
That's right.
Speaker 7 (16:13):
For the first time ever, parents are going to be
liable for their kids' school shooting, which honestly makes sense
to me. You know, we already blame the parents for
a lot less. When a teenager throws a loud party,
we blame the parents, or when a kid has a
stupid haircut, we blame the parents. We should blame the
parents when a kid shoots up a school. And why
stop with the parents. The grandparents raise those parents, so
(16:37):
throw them in prison too. In fact, go all the
way up the family tree, you know, great grandparents, great
great grandparents, exhoom all the bodies and put them in
a special ghost jail. And yeah, and if you're thinking, wait, wait, wait,
we have to build ghost prisons now, wouldn't it be
more reasonable just to regulate guns?
Speaker 3 (16:59):
Yeah? I agree.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Either way.
Speaker 7 (17:07):
Either way, after hearing what these parents did, I don't
ever want to hear again that I'm a bad parent
just for giving my kid an iPad.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Okay, the worst thing my kid is going.
Speaker 7 (17:16):
To do is go to school and talk in a
Peppa Pig accent all day. Let's move on to some
presidential news and are ongoing coverage of Indecision twenty twenty four.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
If you're like.
Speaker 7 (17:35):
Most young Americans, you have thousands of dollars of college
debt after getting your degree in TikTok gender studies. Thankfully,
President Joe Biden is here to help.
Speaker 15 (17:45):
President Biden unveiled his latest effort to free up more
Americans who are bogged down by student debt. The plan,
announce during a visit to Wisconsin includes debt cancelation for
those who now owe more than they borrowed because of
runaway interest.
Speaker 11 (17:58):
You plan to deliver up to eight thousand dollars in
interest relief to over twenty million barros.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
WHOA, yeah, whoa. That's a nice forgiveness.
Speaker 7 (18:11):
Speaking of interesting that they call this student debt forgiveness,
as though the student did something wrong.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
We forgive you for being a poor, broke bitch.
Speaker 7 (18:22):
But as long as Brine's paying off student loans, how
about paying off the other debt college kids in Kerr.
You know, my buddy Greg never got me back from
that time I spotted him for the seadew rental in
Panama City.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
Where's my check, Joe?
Speaker 7 (18:35):
But this is a reminder that college is too expensive tuition,
room and board, books, a computer to create a social
network that will one day ruin democracy.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
It adds up. Now. Some critics are saying.
Speaker 7 (18:47):
That this student loan forgiveness is just a cynical bride
by Joe to give young people what they want so
they vote for him, And they're right. It's an ancient
tactic called politics, and Biden better hope it works because
he really really needs young people.
Speaker 13 (19:04):
In the twenty twenty NBC News exit poll, candidate Biden
led former President Trump by twenty four percentage points among
voters under thirty, but an NBC survey in January had
President Biden up by just eight percentage points among that group.
Another pole last month showed mister Trump a head by
eighteen points among voters under thirty. Are you excited to
vote for President Biden?
Speaker 9 (19:26):
I would personally say no, I'm excited to vote for
someone that's not Trump, but I wouldn't.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Say that it is.
Speaker 9 (19:33):
I'm excited for Biden.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
O man, Joe Biden is in trouble.
Speaker 7 (19:39):
The most liberal city in a critical swing state, and
its college students are on the fence. I'm excited to
vote for anyone besides Trump.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
How about Joe Biden? No, So the big question is
will this new plan work?
Speaker 7 (19:51):
To help us answer that question, we go live to
our own Josh Johnson. Josh, Josh, you've been talking to
young voters. What do they think of Joe Biden's student
loan cancelation.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
I'll be blunt, Michael. They think it's bullshit.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (20:12):
Young voters have deep principal problems with the Biden administration.
He has failed us on climate change, social justice, and immigration,
and the way he eats ice cream is nasty. These
are serious failures. They need to be addressed. Young people
don't want to bribe. They want a leader who will
secure our future. Biden is not going to paper over
these foundational shortcomings by promising us twenty thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Okay, what if you offer twenty five thousand dollars? Yeah,
we'll take it, Okay, see it?
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yeah?
Speaker 11 (20:42):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
That was easy. That was too easy, Josh, what about
twenty one thousand.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
Hell no, you're going to offer money on the matters
of principle?
Speaker 7 (20:52):
What twenty four thousand? Deal twenty two to fifty twenty three?
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Here we go.
Speaker 5 (21:00):
Joe built back better baby ollow.
Speaker 7 (21:05):
He already has the Mike Josh Johnson everybody.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 7 (21:15):
Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on
Comedy Central, and stream full episodes.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Anytime on Paramount Plus.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
This has been a Comedy Central podcast
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