September 17, 2022 • 10 mins
Author Jennette McCurdy discusses how her relationship with her mother is far more common among child stars than is known, why she believes the message in her memoir “I’m Glad My Mom Died” is worth sharing despite potential backlash, and her return to the entertainment industry as a writer, podcaster, and director.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central, please welcome Jeanette McCurdy. Than
(00:21):
Jeanete McCurdy, I'll come to the Daily Show. I feel
so short. Aren't touching? That's fine. As long as like
you can you can swing them, you can. Yeah, it's
as long as you enjoy it. I can lower the
desk as well if you'd like. This is good. Okay, good, Okay.
I can't actually do it. I'm glad you asked me
to do it. Um, Welcome to the show, and congratulations
on writing a book that I think, for many people
(00:43):
is seen as not just something funny, not just a
story that's interesting, but in many ways a cathartic exploration
of how we see the relationships that we have with
many of our parents, our care give us, whoever it
was in our world, because you wrote a book entitled
I'm Glad My Mom died and it is is a
massive hit. So two questions, One did you hate your mom?
(01:07):
And two does everybody? Um? No, I definitely don't hate
my mom. I think she was a really complicated and
nuanced person, and I try to kind of articulate her
to the best of my ability and all her many
shades and colors. To me, her humor is really uh.
She could say things that were so wild and at
(01:30):
times abusive, but she just had a certain cadence and
a rhythm that was so humorous. So I tried to
capture that. But I certainly didn't hate her, and I
think I think that's why it was so important for
me to write this book, because getting to the place
where I was finally glad and relieved that she was dead,
you know, it took me so long to be able
to accept that um reality. And I also think that's
something that people I didn't hear anybody talking about. I
(01:53):
didn't hear anybody saying, you know that the sort of
honest reality of what their experience with their with their
parents was, if they had a similar one. It feels
like a thing that you can't say because society doesn't
accept it. It It just you have to keep moms on
pedestal and we all have to have the same experience,
and that just wasn't mine. So it felt even more
important to express it in the book. You you go
through your entire journey. Many people you know in America
(02:14):
and some parts of the world will remember you from
my colleague you you were this massive child star and
on the camera you were all smiles, You made people laugh,
everybody enjoyed what you were doing. As soon as you
read through the book, you realized that you were suffering,
You were experiencing trauma. It was really abusive in how
you were doing what you were doing it. It feels
like in many ways you were living your mom's dream
(02:35):
and she was making you do this. Yeah, I would
love to know how you did it, Like did you
have a switch? Did you have a did you compartmentalize?
Because you you talk about it in the book, but
you could you could never tell. You could never tell
on screen what you were going through. No. No, So
my mom always wanted to be an actress. Her dream
was to be famous, and she would recount sort of
these tales of how her parents wouldn't let her. She
(02:57):
would camp out in front of Donny Osmond's house, bring
him like posters. Chris Knight, who played Peter Brady in
A Brady Bunch, She swore like, oh, they had a relationship.
I think that was not true. Um, Chris Knight, if
you're watching, please let me know if my mom actually
had a relationship with you. Um. But so she she
was always fascinated with kind of Hollywood and the aura
and the romance as she saw it, and so she
(03:17):
put me in acting when I was six to kind
of give I think, in my eyes, it was to
live vicariously through me and to fulfill her dream and
what she had always wanted. But it seems like she
subjected you to a nightmare because you were in a
world where it's supposed to be fun. You know, you're
making kids television and yeah, and yet it seems pretty horrible.
I also wonder if this is the relationship of many
child stars, or do you know what was this isolated
(03:37):
or do you think this is a lot more normal
than we'd like to admit. I think it's way more
common than anyone would care to admit. I know, just
from my experience of going into auditions. Countless times i'd
have like a hundred three feet for my mom would
be having me child gatorade. I'd be walking in to
like pretend to be a homeless child, which is just
already so kind of messed up as it is. And
there's these this you know, dozens of other girls lined
up to also try and be this homeless child, and
(03:58):
the moms are like eyeing each other and like, oh,
my daughter is better being homeless than yours. And it's
like this is so what is this world? It's so weird.
But I am able to now kind of look back
and see the humor in it, and I think it
is a very absurd reality. But I do think there's
a lot of inherent ironic camera there. I think what
you've done in the book is precisely that you've looked
(04:19):
back and you've seen the humor. You use the humor
because this book without the humor is a devastating tale
of a young child who it really would be so awful.
Oh my god, it would be awful. I think it
just would be. It would be a lot harder for
people to read. I think it would be. It would
be painful, because it is still the real thing, you know.
I wouldn't even think of it as a pretty grab.
But but the humor is a coping mechanism. It's a
(04:42):
tool you're processing your life through. There's a point in
the book where I find myself reading the stories of
your mom, understanding the complicated world that she existed in,
but then wondering, you know, like how you see her,
like like did you forgive her? Were you able to
old Gold? Do you still do you still hold some
of those feelings like what has your journey been? Oh
(05:04):
my god, what a big good question. That's such a
deep like this is what I spent ten years in
therapy to be able to now say on the Daily Show.
That's so cool, that's really awesome. Um, well, I'm glad
you initially, you know, you're speaking kind of the humor,
And I do think it's a great coping mechanism, and
and I don't I try not to use it as
(05:25):
a defense mechanism. I use it that way for a
long time initially when I was first kind of trying
to grapple with everything, and I think that led to
really unfunny choices, and my my sense of humor just
sort of overcompetitory and kind of flailing and obnoxious to
be honest. Um, But I think finding humor in those
really intense moments and that those tragedies can bring gravity
where it's necessary. I hope I've done that. Um with
my mom, I haven't gotten to a place of forgiveness,
(05:48):
and I was trying to get to a place of
forgiveness for so long in therapy. I would uh sort
of plead almost with my therapist, like why am I
not able to get to this place? What is what's
wrong with me that I'm not able to forgive my
mom for this abuse? Why am I so terrible that
I can't get to get to that place? And she
eventually said, you know, Janet, what if you just kind
(06:09):
of dropped uh forgiveness and didn't make that your goal,
because that's you still trying to do your mom's work.
I couldn't. Yeah, right, I mean that's exactly my react.
And it moves to Aaron's Yeah, wow, Yeah, it's um, yeah,
it's it's it's a journey that I think fought too
many people have been. I think a lot of the
success of the book has been that. Obviously it's well written,
(06:30):
Obviously it's it's it's fantastically told, but it is a
very complicated topic. How do you address the lack of
love or the lack of parenting that you were supposed
to get from that figure, Because, as you say, mom
is supposed to be this this you know, this god,
this icon of everything. Dad in some ways as well,
but not the same, And yet you're in a world
where you're going, oh, no, it's true, you know, and
people be like, oh dad mom and dad was okay,
(06:52):
but mom is is untouching. Or even with dad you
can be like, oh my dad never showed up and
people like my neither, and then it's totally normal. But
I feel like with mom it is very very much.
And this there's this pedestal of their mind when you
when you broach this topic, when you started thinking about it,
were you worried that people would turn on you? Um?
I felt even if they did, it was a message
(07:12):
worth sharing. I really, I really mean that. Wow. I
love that. I really do. That's because that's a brave
stance to take, because a lot of people be like,
how dare you talking about your mom like that? It's
actually it's it's it's it's so crazy, how I mean,
everything gets mem ified. And you know, there was a
there was a post I saw online where someone was
trying to chastise everybody for talking about the queen, you know,
(07:33):
and like just going like we're dead, We're glad this
monarchy is ending in some way, and someone was like,
replace you think it's funny, try and replace the queen
with your mom and see how funny it is, and
someone put a picture of your book up and then
it was like, I'm glad the queen died, and it
feels like no, but it feels like that is It
feels like that's what the book is dealing with. Is
(07:54):
you dealing with the idea of a mom and how
that how that competes or con it's with your actual moment? Yes,
Oh my god, yeah that should be on the back flap.
I can write it. You shared your story with us,
You've gone through will Now you are back in the
world of entertainment in a very different way. You behind
(08:15):
the camera, you're directing, you're writing, you've got a podcasts.
It's it's interesting because it's a world that was so
toxic to you, and now you've come back in a
different way. Do you have a worry that it may
suck you back in and how do you prevent yourself
from going back into that space of feeling like you're
defined by the everything that's that you hated once? Oh
my god, I'm I'm so can I just say I
respect you so much? This is so cool. I'm so
(08:37):
happy to be here truly, Well, this is amazing because
a much um I have been scared of that. There
have been a few times when I've done some some
press that shall not be named, where it's so bizarre
because I'm like hearing the pre roll of you know,
they show like the clip of me from the past
or whatever, and it's so dramatic. It's like McCurdy then
(09:00):
an Ish from the Spotlight after her traumatic childhood, with
the trauma and the deadest. It's like, jeez, can we
calm down? And then I'm walked out to this, you know,
to this like cold, dominanty kind of set, and then
there's the journalist and there's three inches of makeup on
the guy's face and it's just like, you know, it
does feel kind of um. It feels easy to lose
(09:21):
sight of reality in these environments, and so I really
try to keep myself grounded and stay on top of
you know, therapy and and being in touch with things
that really are are good touchdowns and grounding tools for me,
because I do not want to get lost in it.
But also I will say I trust that I won't.
I don't think I had the tools before to not
get lost in it and to not feel sort of
caught up in the whirlwind. Of show biz. Um, but
(09:44):
now I feel like, you know what, there's some elements
that are really cool about it, um like this, and
then there are some that aren't. And and that's fine.
I can use my own discernment and and just be
grateful for the good experiences, grateful for you. It's really
want to throw over anything. Thank you so much. I'm
wanting my mom died. It was available now wherever you
(10:04):
buy a book can have mcarty. Everybody. Watch The Daily
Show weeknights at leven tenth Central on Comedy Central and
stream full episodes anytime. I'm on Paramount Plus. This has
been a Comedy Central podcast
You're listening to Comedy Central, please welcome Jeanette McCurdy. Than
(00:21):
Jeanete McCurdy, I'll come to the Daily Show. I feel
so short. Aren't touching? That's fine. As long as like
you can you can swing them, you can. Yeah, it's
as long as you enjoy it. I can lower the
desk as well if you'd like. This is good. Okay, good, Okay.
I can't actually do it. I'm glad you asked me
to do it. Um, Welcome to the show, and congratulations
on writing a book that I think, for many people
(00:43):
is seen as not just something funny, not just a
story that's interesting, but in many ways a cathartic exploration
of how we see the relationships that we have with
many of our parents, our care give us, whoever it
was in our world, because you wrote a book entitled
I'm Glad My Mom died and it is is a
massive hit. So two questions, One did you hate your mom?
(01:07):
And two does everybody? Um? No, I definitely don't hate
my mom. I think she was a really complicated and
nuanced person, and I try to kind of articulate her
to the best of my ability and all her many
shades and colors. To me, her humor is really uh.
She could say things that were so wild and at
(01:30):
times abusive, but she just had a certain cadence and
a rhythm that was so humorous. So I tried to
capture that. But I certainly didn't hate her, and I
think I think that's why it was so important for
me to write this book, because getting to the place
where I was finally glad and relieved that she was dead,
you know, it took me so long to be able
to accept that um reality. And I also think that's
something that people I didn't hear anybody talking about. I
(01:53):
didn't hear anybody saying, you know that the sort of
honest reality of what their experience with their with their
parents was, if they had a similar one. It feels
like a thing that you can't say because society doesn't
accept it. It It just you have to keep moms on
pedestal and we all have to have the same experience,
and that just wasn't mine. So it felt even more
important to express it in the book. You you go
through your entire journey. Many people you know in America
(02:14):
and some parts of the world will remember you from
my colleague you you were this massive child star and
on the camera you were all smiles, You made people laugh,
everybody enjoyed what you were doing. As soon as you
read through the book, you realized that you were suffering,
You were experiencing trauma. It was really abusive in how
you were doing what you were doing it. It feels
like in many ways you were living your mom's dream
(02:35):
and she was making you do this. Yeah, I would
love to know how you did it, Like did you
have a switch? Did you have a did you compartmentalize?
Because you you talk about it in the book, but
you could you could never tell. You could never tell
on screen what you were going through. No. No, So
my mom always wanted to be an actress. Her dream
was to be famous, and she would recount sort of
these tales of how her parents wouldn't let her. She
(02:57):
would camp out in front of Donny Osmond's house, bring
him like posters. Chris Knight, who played Peter Brady in
A Brady Bunch, She swore like, oh, they had a relationship.
I think that was not true. Um, Chris Knight, if
you're watching, please let me know if my mom actually
had a relationship with you. Um. But so she she
was always fascinated with kind of Hollywood and the aura
and the romance as she saw it, and so she
(03:17):
put me in acting when I was six to kind
of give I think, in my eyes, it was to
live vicariously through me and to fulfill her dream and
what she had always wanted. But it seems like she
subjected you to a nightmare because you were in a
world where it's supposed to be fun. You know, you're
making kids television and yeah, and yet it seems pretty horrible.
I also wonder if this is the relationship of many
child stars, or do you know what was this isolated
(03:37):
or do you think this is a lot more normal
than we'd like to admit. I think it's way more
common than anyone would care to admit. I know, just
from my experience of going into auditions. Countless times i'd
have like a hundred three feet for my mom would
be having me child gatorade. I'd be walking in to
like pretend to be a homeless child, which is just
already so kind of messed up as it is. And
there's these this you know, dozens of other girls lined
up to also try and be this homeless child, and
(03:58):
the moms are like eyeing each other and like, oh,
my daughter is better being homeless than yours. And it's
like this is so what is this world? It's so weird.
But I am able to now kind of look back
and see the humor in it, and I think it
is a very absurd reality. But I do think there's
a lot of inherent ironic camera there. I think what
you've done in the book is precisely that you've looked
(04:19):
back and you've seen the humor. You use the humor
because this book without the humor is a devastating tale
of a young child who it really would be so awful.
Oh my god, it would be awful. I think it
just would be. It would be a lot harder for
people to read. I think it would be. It would
be painful, because it is still the real thing, you know.
I wouldn't even think of it as a pretty grab.
But but the humor is a coping mechanism. It's a
(04:42):
tool you're processing your life through. There's a point in
the book where I find myself reading the stories of
your mom, understanding the complicated world that she existed in,
but then wondering, you know, like how you see her,
like like did you forgive her? Were you able to
old Gold? Do you still do you still hold some
of those feelings like what has your journey been? Oh
(05:04):
my god, what a big good question. That's such a
deep like this is what I spent ten years in
therapy to be able to now say on the Daily Show.
That's so cool, that's really awesome. Um, well, I'm glad
you initially, you know, you're speaking kind of the humor,
And I do think it's a great coping mechanism, and
and I don't I try not to use it as
(05:25):
a defense mechanism. I use it that way for a
long time initially when I was first kind of trying
to grapple with everything, and I think that led to
really unfunny choices, and my my sense of humor just
sort of overcompetitory and kind of flailing and obnoxious to
be honest. Um, But I think finding humor in those
really intense moments and that those tragedies can bring gravity
where it's necessary. I hope I've done that. Um with
my mom, I haven't gotten to a place of forgiveness,
(05:48):
and I was trying to get to a place of
forgiveness for so long in therapy. I would uh sort
of plead almost with my therapist, like why am I
not able to get to this place? What is what's
wrong with me that I'm not able to forgive my
mom for this abuse? Why am I so terrible that
I can't get to get to that place? And she
eventually said, you know, Janet, what if you just kind
(06:09):
of dropped uh forgiveness and didn't make that your goal,
because that's you still trying to do your mom's work.
I couldn't. Yeah, right, I mean that's exactly my react.
And it moves to Aaron's Yeah, wow, Yeah, it's um, yeah,
it's it's it's a journey that I think fought too
many people have been. I think a lot of the
success of the book has been that. Obviously it's well written,
(06:30):
Obviously it's it's it's fantastically told, but it is a
very complicated topic. How do you address the lack of
love or the lack of parenting that you were supposed
to get from that figure, Because, as you say, mom
is supposed to be this this you know, this god,
this icon of everything. Dad in some ways as well,
but not the same, And yet you're in a world
where you're going, oh, no, it's true, you know, and
people be like, oh dad mom and dad was okay,
(06:52):
but mom is is untouching. Or even with dad you
can be like, oh my dad never showed up and
people like my neither, and then it's totally normal. But
I feel like with mom it is very very much.
And this there's this pedestal of their mind when you
when you broach this topic, when you started thinking about it,
were you worried that people would turn on you? Um?
I felt even if they did, it was a message
(07:12):
worth sharing. I really, I really mean that. Wow. I
love that. I really do. That's because that's a brave
stance to take, because a lot of people be like,
how dare you talking about your mom like that? It's
actually it's it's it's it's so crazy, how I mean,
everything gets mem ified. And you know, there was a
there was a post I saw online where someone was
trying to chastise everybody for talking about the queen, you know,
(07:33):
and like just going like we're dead, We're glad this
monarchy is ending in some way, and someone was like,
replace you think it's funny, try and replace the queen
with your mom and see how funny it is, and
someone put a picture of your book up and then
it was like, I'm glad the queen died, and it
feels like no, but it feels like that is It
feels like that's what the book is dealing with. Is
(07:54):
you dealing with the idea of a mom and how
that how that competes or con it's with your actual moment? Yes,
Oh my god, yeah that should be on the back flap.
I can write it. You shared your story with us,
You've gone through will Now you are back in the
world of entertainment in a very different way. You behind
(08:15):
the camera, you're directing, you're writing, you've got a podcasts.
It's it's interesting because it's a world that was so
toxic to you, and now you've come back in a
different way. Do you have a worry that it may
suck you back in and how do you prevent yourself
from going back into that space of feeling like you're
defined by the everything that's that you hated once? Oh
my god, I'm I'm so can I just say I
respect you so much? This is so cool. I'm so
(08:37):
happy to be here truly, Well, this is amazing because
a much um I have been scared of that. There
have been a few times when I've done some some
press that shall not be named, where it's so bizarre
because I'm like hearing the pre roll of you know,
they show like the clip of me from the past
or whatever, and it's so dramatic. It's like McCurdy then
(09:00):
an Ish from the Spotlight after her traumatic childhood, with
the trauma and the deadest. It's like, jeez, can we
calm down? And then I'm walked out to this, you know,
to this like cold, dominanty kind of set, and then
there's the journalist and there's three inches of makeup on
the guy's face and it's just like, you know, it
does feel kind of um. It feels easy to lose
(09:21):
sight of reality in these environments, and so I really
try to keep myself grounded and stay on top of
you know, therapy and and being in touch with things
that really are are good touchdowns and grounding tools for me,
because I do not want to get lost in it.
But also I will say I trust that I won't.
I don't think I had the tools before to not
get lost in it and to not feel sort of
caught up in the whirlwind. Of show biz. Um, but
(09:44):
now I feel like, you know what, there's some elements
that are really cool about it, um like this, and
then there are some that aren't. And and that's fine.
I can use my own discernment and and just be
grateful for the good experiences, grateful for you. It's really
want to throw over anything. Thank you so much. I'm
wanting my mom died. It was available now wherever you
(10:04):
buy a book can have mcarty. Everybody. Watch The Daily
Show weeknights at leven tenth Central on Comedy Central and
stream full episodes anytime. I'm on Paramount Plus. This has
been a Comedy Central podcast
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