August 3, 2024 • 27 mins
Jon Stewart covers Joe Biden’s departure from the presidential race, Kamala Harris’s campaign kickoff, and the GOP’s sexist and racist attacks against her. Ronny Chieng recaps Trump’s disastrous appearance at this year’s NABJ conference and Kamala’s campaign kickoff with Megan Thee Stallion.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central. N Welcome to the Talla Show.
My name is John Short. Look a bit, oh blie.
(00:21):
We said.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We've been gone, Uh we just got back and we've
been gone like a like a week.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
It's been a week or a decade or what the fuck?
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Like?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Oh my god, so much, so much has happened in
that week. In fact, I believe perhaps it's best to
describe what's happened through a short one man black box play,
one that I truly hope will be Tony eligible.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Can I get a little? Give me a little like
stetto music.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I am a democrat, so sad, so called.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
It's all the world is due, the world and the future.
She's bleak.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
The President's ditch has gotten even deeper. There's no path
to victory. The worst nightmare kind of scenario. It's a
doom loop. We are trapped in a doom loop.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
That's the worst kind of loop. Why couldn't have been
one of those loops made of fruit? But alas, my
ball is empty, condemned to a life of misery and
minority status in key sub committees. Oh, nothing will ever
(02:17):
change our sad fate.
Speaker 5 (02:20):
Breaking news, President Biden dropping out of the twenty twenty
four race.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Say that again, but who would guide us out of
the darkness?
Speaker 4 (02:43):
Who would take us there to the promised that I'm
coming home the watching mother load.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I feel alive Tonight breaking news.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Vice President Kamala Harris now the presumptive Democratic nominee.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
A political earthquake. There is a new path in everybody's step.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
In the span of week, Democrats have gone from the
despair of a certain Trump presidency to the joy of
a statistical.
Speaker 6 (03:22):
Tie right now that feels like victory already.
Speaker 7 (03:36):
The prospect of her candidacy has injected enthusiasm and energy.
Speaker 8 (03:40):
She's received a tsunami of grassroots support and cash.
Speaker 9 (03:44):
She's raised staggering two hundred million dollars since President Biden
dropped out.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
It's a zoom world record.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
More than one hundred thousand white women mobilized for Vice
President Kamala Harris.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
One hundred thousand white women. That is a giant group
white women. I believe the scientific term is actually a
group of women.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
That is called a group of women.
Speaker 10 (04:18):
Two hundred million dollars they've raised a united enthusiastic Democratic Party,
a huge reversal in one week and they said it
couldn't be done.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Joe Biden is going to be the nominee.
Speaker 11 (04:32):
This fantasy stuff, this is good for TV, but Biden's
not going anywhere.
Speaker 8 (04:37):
This is not an Aaron Sorkin West Wing episode here,
this is real life.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
Joe Biden is a nominee, and he will be our nominee.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
We literally have three choices as Democrats.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
Either you vote for Donald Trump, you vote for Joe Biden,
or you stay on the couch.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I think we know which one of those options. JDV
answer out even I don't feel good about that job.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
What do I know?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
A simple pink pony grandpa? Okay, I means John by quickly.
That's a.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Farley, A reference to being a Chapel Roone fan, which
I totally am.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Now, somebody in the audience there'd never people come out, but.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Listen, man.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
The pundits all said it couldn't.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Happen, but it did happen, and the Republicans are not
very happy about it.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
They just steamrolled democracy.
Speaker 11 (05:45):
The Democrats are trying to hijack democracy.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
The ultimate election interferenced.
Speaker 12 (05:50):
This was a coup inside the Democratic Party.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
A coup de talk, a bloodless coup.
Speaker 12 (06:01):
But I get it.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
If I thought I had this thing in the bag
and you were gonna be going up against old Joe
Biden and then they pulled this, I'd.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Be like rough wrap over your eyes. How can you
not say they're cooing? They're cooing.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
And by the way, I love that guy's disappointment in
the phrase bloodless coup.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
This is a This is a bloodless coup. What kind
of fun is that?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
At least we brought bare spray and nunchucks. But you
know what, I do understand that they're upset.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
It makes sense. So how about we do this out
of fairness. I'm a fair person. You can replace your
old guy too. That's coffee even Steven.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
By the way, speaking of your old guy, he responded
to the change to Harris in the Trumpiest way possible.
Speaker 5 (07:04):
Donald Trump posted this on his true social account quote,
So we are forced to spend time and money on
fighting crooked Joe Biden. Now we have to start all
over again. Couldn't the Republican Party be reimbursed for whole.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
Do you have any idea.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
How much money?
Speaker 2 (07:23):
And let's go brandon your bandages.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
That Spence.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Made in America via Bang of the dsh my Trump
is too Jerry Lewis, Well, what's done is done. You're
going to have to shift gears, recalibrate. You've had Cookie
Joe and Sleepy Joe on speed dial. You're going to
need a new line of attack.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Cho's are like Jewish people join the club.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
We're getting crushed out, Aaron, right now, I'm not even
sure how much like ourselves. It's not like the old
Seinfeld days when we were riding high. You know, don't don't, don't,
don't do You can get a pagel in Iowa.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Yeah, give me a shweer in ames Iowa. Bom boom,
boom boom.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Of course that attack may ring hollow, seeing as Kamala
Harris's husband is let me check my notes, jeeish do
anything else that could denigrate all of Kamala Harris's accomplishments
by suggesting it's merely the power of the Jezebel.
Speaker 7 (08:38):
It is relevant when a young candidate tries to sleep
her way into politics and into power, and that is
what it appears Kamala Harris did.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
She never earned or won anything.
Speaker 9 (08:50):
She was legitimately handed her original posts in California state
government because she was sleeping with Willie Brown, and then
he backed her in her race for San Francisco.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Da okay, squeaks, listen, I don't know, guys, you're being
awfully subtle here. Isn't there a grosser way you can
say that.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
Kamela Harrish's the original hawk toua girl.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
That's the way she got where she is. That's what
I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
That's the kind of substantive and elevated take from a
guy who looks like he's won Mike's heart lemonade away
from getting in a fight at his sister's wedding. You
you little little tough to hair, and you're not fooling anybody.
Baldy so Sex is saying, Kamala Harris slept her way
(09:43):
to the top.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Joe Biden and Donald.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
Trump literally slept her way to the top, and we
never heard of it. Think about it?
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Does anybody have a substantive critique.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Her record is extraordinarily radical.
Speaker 9 (10:00):
Let me say at the outset, Kamala can't have my guns,
she can't have my gasoline engine, and she's sure as
hell can't have my steaks and cheeseburgers.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Sir, I don't want to be rude, but.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
It does appear that you could at least share some
of your cheeseburgers.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Looks like you'll still be okay, Is that right? Tubs?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Good to see you have mutton chops in case you
get hungry. But is Harris really that radical?
Speaker 9 (10:48):
If you combine Bernie Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, you
get Kamala Harris.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
If you combind Bernice Sanders Elizabebourne, you get Kamala Harris.
I can't be you know what, there is an app
that actually does that community.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
Leo bad Gars.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Oh my god, it's me Obata Gars. I love that guy.
He's the best. Come on guys.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Nobody believes Kamala Harris is the second coming of Karl Marx.
And even when they get substantive policy critiques, they undercut
them immediately.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Even when she was in California, she was very soft
on crime, the same Kamala Harris who as a California
prosecutor and attorney general put people in prison to use
them as cheap labor.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
She's too soft on crime. She's too tough on crime. People.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
We opened it three months.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
You're flailing dig deep.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
That's one final thing that nobody talks about. She's hated
by people who work for it. Oh my god, are
you kidding me?
Speaker 12 (12:02):
Everybody that worked for Kamala quit a very aggressive, angry,
bullying boss.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
She's not a nice person to work with. She's a
terrible boss. Your candidate's Donald Trump.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
His catchphrase is literally you sid He's the Anna Wintour
of authoritarian wannabes. Donald Trump hired forty four cabinet members.
Seventy five percent of them want nothing to do with
the guy.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
His secretary of State called him a fighting moron.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
His chief of staff said he's the most flawed person
I've ever met. You know why he needs a new
vice president, a running mate.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
I'll tell you what he tried to get the last
one killed.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
No, terrible, They're failing.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
You know what, if you want something done, do yourself, Donald,
You're gonna have to hit Kamala with one of your
magic nicknames.
Speaker 9 (12:56):
Laughing, Kamala Laffi anapasta laughing.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
So now we have a new.
Speaker 9 (13:16):
Victim to defeat Lion Kamala Harris, Lion l Yi an apostle.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Okay, you know what I hate to say. It? Can
I be?
Speaker 2 (13:32):
You tried, you gave you your best. I kind of
think you're gonna have to go back to your classics.
It's worked for you in the past. It's your comfort zone.
I think you're gonna have to play the hits.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
I think she was a DEI hired she.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Was a DEI.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
She would be the queen of DEI if she relected.
She is the EI. I think that this whole d
E and I token higher. Kamala Harris has already been exposed.
This woman, this disaster.
Speaker 5 (13:58):
Who's only qualification She was having a vagina and the
right skin color.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
So I guess she's black? Or is she?
Speaker 13 (14:07):
She's not African American.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Her mother's from India, her father's from Jamaica.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
She grew up in Canada, and she married a white
Jewish guy, so she has no common experiences with Black Americans.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
She's not one of you. She's not even married to
one of you. She's also about as black as Rachel Dozel.
This is how desperate they are. Is she black?
Speaker 4 (14:27):
Is she Indian? Nobody knows two.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Races in one person. Now I've seen everything I had.
She sent her to NA to twenty three and me,
and it broke the compuda. I don't know what to do?
(14:51):
Unas gratious.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
These people ever saw a pizza hat slash taco bell,
They'd lose their frecking minds?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
What is this a di restaurant?
Speaker 2 (15:07):
For more on the Republican response to Kamala Harris, we
go live from Washington, DC with senior political correspondent Josh Johnson.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Josh, thank you for much.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Up. Josh, You've been bound in DC. Everything is flying around.
What is the latest, Josh?
Speaker 13 (15:25):
This is a tough one for them, John, Kamala Harris
is a confusing candidate for Republicans. They feel she's too
young to be president but too old to be a woman.
But they do have some very promising areas of attack.
She's too short, She's bad at video games, all of
(15:47):
them all right, Grand Theft Auto, Mario Kart, Mario Party,
Super Mario Party, Mario Party, Superstars, Grand Theft Mario Party.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Oh and she.
Speaker 13 (16:03):
Laughs funny, you know, the laugh of a drunk girl
who lost her person then realized she actually was wearing
her purse the whole time.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
America hates that kind of laugh.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
It's not that funny.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Stacy, where do you think the attacks are going to land?
Speaker 4 (16:21):
Well?
Speaker 13 (16:21):
As you mentioned, earlier. I really think the winner is
going to be she's blind. Okay, sorry for yelling. That's
how it was said to me.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Just yelled, she's black.
Speaker 13 (16:37):
No, no, they have all kinds of attacks. Ready, all right,
I'm seeing black black, black woman. I got this one
American African, which sounds scary when.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
You flip it like that. Ye see, that's the tough one.
Speaker 13 (17:06):
Oh oh, they were looking at me when they said
this one like you, but lady also got some more
black black and he blacks urban doesn't crack at least
they know. Oh, I can't even say this one. Oh,
(17:28):
my lord from Kenya. I think that one is left
over from the last time someone was you know, black,
you said it, not me.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
So black.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
On every page, it's most of the words it's tough.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Yeah, black to you, John, Thanks John, John Johnson, everybody.
Speaker 11 (17:59):
That's just kick things off with Donald Trump. He was
doing really well with black voters when he was running
against Joe Biden, probably because black people don't work with ghosts.
But Kamala Harris is now stealing back some of Trump's
black support. So today Trump sacked down with an interview
with the National Association of Black Journalists and things got
off to a rocky stock.
Speaker 8 (18:21):
A lot of people did not think it was appropriate
for you to be here today. You have pushed false
claims about some of your rivals, from Nicki Haley to
former President Barack Obama, saying that they were not born
in the United States, which is not true. You have
told four congressmen women of color who were American citizens
to go back to where they came from. You have
(18:42):
used words like animal and rabbit to describe black district attorneys.
You've had dinner with a white supremacists at your Maraologua resort.
So my question, sir, why should black voters trust you
after you have used language.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Like that question?
Speaker 11 (19:01):
But hey, at least this is a good chance for
former President Trump to address the concerns of black voters
by answering with civility and grace.
Speaker 9 (19:09):
Well, first of all, I don't think I've ever been
asked a question so in such a horrible manner. A
first question, you don't even say, hello, how are you
are you with ABC? Because I think they're a fake
news network, a terrible network.
Speaker 11 (19:26):
Okay, okay, not a great start talking to a room
for a black journalists, But you can still recover.
Speaker 9 (19:33):
I think it's a very rude introduction. I don't know
exactly why you would do something like that. You invited
me under false pretense, and then you are half an
hour la. Just so we understand, I have too much
respect for you to be late.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
I think it's a very nasty question. Why I have
answered the question.
Speaker 9 (19:50):
I have been the best president for the black population
since Abraham Lincoln.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
That is better than President Johnson. He's I'm abo right
back to.
Speaker 9 (20:00):
You to start off a question and answer period, especially
when you're thirty five minutes late because you couldn't get
your equipment to work in such a hostile manner, I
think it's a disgrace.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Wow.
Speaker 11 (20:12):
Trump was like, listen up, black people, you always late.
Your microphone's a ghetto. And I'm Abraham Lincoln. I mean,
I think he just won the black vote. For most
politicians anyone else on earth, that would have been a
low point of the interview, But because it's Donald Trump,
it's somehow God.
Speaker 8 (20:29):
Was Do you believe that Vice President Kamala Harris is
only on the ticket because she is a black woman?
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Well, I can say no. I think it's maybe a
little bit different.
Speaker 9 (20:37):
So I've known her a long time, indirectly, not directly
very much, and she was always of Indian heritage and
she was only promoting Indian heritage.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
I didn't know she was.
Speaker 9 (20:50):
Black until a number of years ago when she happened
to turn black, and now she wants to be known
as black.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
So I don't know is she Indian or is she black?
She is always I don't know a black.
Speaker 9 (21:00):
I respect college, I respect either one, but she obviously
doesn't because she was Indian all the way and then
all of a sudden she made a turn and she
went she became a black just to be I think
somebody should look into that too, when you ask a
continue in a very hostile, nasty town.
Speaker 11 (21:20):
I don't know what it was that he thinks she
turned from Indian to black, or that he thinks someone.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Should look into that. Who should look into that?
Speaker 9 (21:29):
Like?
Speaker 11 (21:29):
Does he think the FBI is the Federal Black Investigators?
I don't think she turned from Indian to black. Okay,
she's Indian and black. Like what does he think happens
when the time is right Indians going to a cocoon
and they play some drake and they come up black.
It's very clear that Trump doesn't quite know how to
(21:50):
handle Kamala Harris. Right now he's trying to find the
angle of attack. And today he was hitting her race.
Yesterday he was hitting her age.
Speaker 9 (21:59):
She is younger, but I mean she's sixty years old.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
A lot of people I didn't do it she was sixty.
I thought she was only younger, but she's sixty.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Uh.
Speaker 11 (22:09):
I guess Trump just discovered that black don't crack. I
mean this is gonna be a first time he does
birthism as a compliment, like show us your bus certifica
because you don't look a.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Day over fifty.
Speaker 11 (22:22):
Okay, so just drop the skincare routine.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Girl.
Speaker 11 (22:25):
I bet Trump spend the rest of the day just
googling how old other black people are, like Morgan Freeman
two hundred years old question mark. To be fair, Trump
does have some substantive criticisms of Kamala, but he can't
seem to say them without making it gross and personal,
like when he was asked about how she would do
in negotiations with foreign leaders, how would.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
They consider a Harris presidency? That's just in jail.
Speaker 9 (22:50):
I think they'll walk all over I think so look
at her. I think they'll walk all over. She'll be
so easy for them. She'll be like a playtoy. Look
at her, and they say, we can't believe we got
so lucky. They're gonna walk all over. And I don't
want to say as to why, but a lot of
people understand it.
Speaker 11 (23:10):
He's like, I don't want to say why she should
be a bad president.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
You know that he and the who had the Fellas
get it.
Speaker 11 (23:19):
I'm pretty sure Kamala can handle world leaders, Okay. I
mean she did just overthrow the president of the United States.
And also nobody was easier to manipulate than Donald Trump.
Like foreign leaders just had to roll out the red
coppet and Trump treated them like a best friend. I
mean Saudi Arabia bone sawed and American journalists and Trump
was fine with it because they let him touch an orb.
(23:42):
I mean, I'm pretty sure now this is getting to
Kamala right now. She's on top of the world because
she's enjoying life as the Democrat's new messiah.
Speaker 7 (23:50):
Atlanta turned up and turned out for Vice President Harris
and a rap star came with a new slogan for
campaign merch Megan the Stallion and others made this the
largest crowd of Harris's young campaign. More than ten thousand
people filled a downtown arena.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Well, Donald, as.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
The saying goes, if you've got something to.
Speaker 7 (24:11):
Say, Thousands waited hours to see Harris speak. Does she
make it easier for Democrats to win Georgia in November?
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Yeah?
Speaker 11 (24:25):
Yeah, well so excited and we don't have to vote
for Joe Biden anymore? You know, I do feel bad
for Biden, Like everyone's going crazy for Kamala and he's
at home with COVID going who is Kamala?
Speaker 1 (24:39):
And I've never seen so.
Speaker 11 (24:40):
Much joyful statistical tie. This is like when people cheer
after the plane lands it's supposed to land. Okay, that's
a bad minimum. For more on the enthusiasm or on
the vice president Harris. We go live to one for
rallies in Houston with Michael Costa.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Thank you, right, go Michael. What's the feeling down there?
It's electric?
Speaker 12 (25:04):
Ronnie. I haven't seen Democrats this excited since they came
out with that fifth COVID booster.
Speaker 11 (25:09):
Okay, wow, they do something pumped all but the can
the Democrats build on this momentum?
Speaker 12 (25:14):
They definitely can, Ronnie, And there's only one way to
do it. Kamala Harris has to drop out.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Wait what we need?
Speaker 11 (25:21):
She has to drop out? Why everyone's enthusiastic about her?
Speaker 12 (25:25):
Yeah, well, the excitement's not about her. It's about the newness.
You know when that new kid comes to your school
and everyone's like, Oh, what's his deal?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
He's not actually cool, he's just new.
Speaker 12 (25:36):
He's just another loser whose dad happened to get a
job near your school. So quit fawning about I'm Becky Solivan.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Look, the point is this newness goes away, as will.
Speaker 12 (25:45):
This enthusiasm for Kamala. It's not gonna be Meghan the
Stallion at her next rally. It's gonna be Katy Perry
and not teenage dream Katy Perry Evie. It's gonna be
her new album, the one that the gays won't even
listen to.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 11 (25:59):
OK, If Kamala steps away, who will replace her?
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Who cares?
Speaker 12 (26:03):
The new nominee doesn't matter, because the Democrats should replace
them too. Every week a new candidate, new excitement. Republicans
won't be able to keep up. Oh you think Gavin
Newsom is unfit to be president?
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Who cares? Bits We're with Pete Budhajeedge.
Speaker 11 (26:16):
Now, okay, I mean I do like Pete Budajet.
Speaker 12 (26:19):
Well, too bad he's out because now the candidate is Twisters.
Speaker 11 (26:24):
Wait the movie, you'll like the actual Tornado.
Speaker 12 (26:27):
It doesn't matter because now it's Gretchen Wimmer.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Okay, when does this end?
Speaker 11 (26:31):
Okay, who's actually gonna beat a nominee on election Day?
Speaker 12 (26:33):
Well, after Whitmer and Shapiro and Tom Hanks and that
Pamela Horse guy, they're finally going to reach the last
possible nominee, Joseph Robinette Biden.
Speaker 11 (26:44):
Wait, Biden again, That's why this holding started.
Speaker 12 (26:48):
Exactly, and as soon as he takes the oath of office,
he resigns in favor of his VP, Kamala Harris in
the excitement loop begins again.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Ronnie Wow, how very buddhist? Michael cost?
Speaker 11 (26:58):
Everybody's more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 7 (27:06):
Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on
Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount
Speaker 4 (27:12):
Plus Paramount Podcasts
You're listening to Comedy Central. N Welcome to the Talla Show.
My name is John Short. Look a bit, oh blie.
(00:21):
We said.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We've been gone, Uh we just got back and we've
been gone like a like a week.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
It's been a week or a decade or what the fuck?
Speaker 3 (00:34):
Like?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Oh my god, so much, so much has happened in
that week. In fact, I believe perhaps it's best to
describe what's happened through a short one man black box play,
one that I truly hope will be Tony eligible.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Can I get a little? Give me a little like
stetto music.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I am a democrat, so sad, so called.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
It's all the world is due, the world and the future.
She's bleak.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
The President's ditch has gotten even deeper. There's no path
to victory. The worst nightmare kind of scenario. It's a
doom loop. We are trapped in a doom loop.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
That's the worst kind of loop. Why couldn't have been
one of those loops made of fruit? But alas, my
ball is empty, condemned to a life of misery and
minority status in key sub committees. Oh, nothing will ever
(02:17):
change our sad fate.
Speaker 5 (02:20):
Breaking news, President Biden dropping out of the twenty twenty
four race.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Say that again, but who would guide us out of
the darkness?
Speaker 4 (02:43):
Who would take us there to the promised that I'm
coming home the watching mother load.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I feel alive Tonight breaking news.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Vice President Kamala Harris now the presumptive Democratic nominee.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
A political earthquake. There is a new path in everybody's step.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
In the span of week, Democrats have gone from the
despair of a certain Trump presidency to the joy of
a statistical.
Speaker 6 (03:22):
Tie right now that feels like victory already.
Speaker 7 (03:36):
The prospect of her candidacy has injected enthusiasm and energy.
Speaker 8 (03:40):
She's received a tsunami of grassroots support and cash.
Speaker 9 (03:44):
She's raised staggering two hundred million dollars since President Biden
dropped out.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
It's a zoom world record.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
More than one hundred thousand white women mobilized for Vice
President Kamala Harris.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
One hundred thousand white women. That is a giant group
white women. I believe the scientific term is actually a
group of women.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
That is called a group of women.
Speaker 10 (04:18):
Two hundred million dollars they've raised a united enthusiastic Democratic Party,
a huge reversal in one week and they said it
couldn't be done.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Joe Biden is going to be the nominee.
Speaker 11 (04:32):
This fantasy stuff, this is good for TV, but Biden's
not going anywhere.
Speaker 8 (04:37):
This is not an Aaron Sorkin West Wing episode here,
this is real life.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
Joe Biden is a nominee, and he will be our nominee.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
We literally have three choices as Democrats.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
Either you vote for Donald Trump, you vote for Joe Biden,
or you stay on the couch.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I think we know which one of those options. JDV
answer out even I don't feel good about that job.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
What do I know?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
A simple pink pony grandpa? Okay, I means John by quickly.
That's a.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Farley, A reference to being a Chapel Roone fan, which
I totally am.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Now, somebody in the audience there'd never people come out, but.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Listen, man.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
The pundits all said it couldn't.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Happen, but it did happen, and the Republicans are not
very happy about it.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
They just steamrolled democracy.
Speaker 11 (05:45):
The Democrats are trying to hijack democracy.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
The ultimate election interferenced.
Speaker 12 (05:50):
This was a coup inside the Democratic Party.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
A coup de talk, a bloodless coup.
Speaker 12 (06:01):
But I get it.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
If I thought I had this thing in the bag
and you were gonna be going up against old Joe
Biden and then they pulled this, I'd.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Be like rough wrap over your eyes. How can you
not say they're cooing? They're cooing.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
And by the way, I love that guy's disappointment in
the phrase bloodless coup.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
This is a This is a bloodless coup. What kind
of fun is that?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
At least we brought bare spray and nunchucks. But you
know what, I do understand that they're upset.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
It makes sense. So how about we do this out
of fairness. I'm a fair person. You can replace your
old guy too. That's coffee even Steven.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
By the way, speaking of your old guy, he responded
to the change to Harris in the Trumpiest way possible.
Speaker 5 (07:04):
Donald Trump posted this on his true social account quote,
So we are forced to spend time and money on
fighting crooked Joe Biden. Now we have to start all
over again. Couldn't the Republican Party be reimbursed for whole.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
Do you have any idea.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
How much money?
Speaker 2 (07:23):
And let's go brandon your bandages.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
That Spence.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Made in America via Bang of the dsh my Trump
is too Jerry Lewis, Well, what's done is done. You're
going to have to shift gears, recalibrate. You've had Cookie
Joe and Sleepy Joe on speed dial. You're going to
need a new line of attack.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Cho's are like Jewish people join the club.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
We're getting crushed out, Aaron, right now, I'm not even
sure how much like ourselves. It's not like the old
Seinfeld days when we were riding high. You know, don't don't, don't,
don't do You can get a pagel in Iowa.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Yeah, give me a shweer in ames Iowa. Bom boom,
boom boom.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Of course that attack may ring hollow, seeing as Kamala
Harris's husband is let me check my notes, jeeish do
anything else that could denigrate all of Kamala Harris's accomplishments
by suggesting it's merely the power of the Jezebel.
Speaker 7 (08:38):
It is relevant when a young candidate tries to sleep
her way into politics and into power, and that is
what it appears Kamala Harris did.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
She never earned or won anything.
Speaker 9 (08:50):
She was legitimately handed her original posts in California state
government because she was sleeping with Willie Brown, and then
he backed her in her race for San Francisco.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Da okay, squeaks, listen, I don't know, guys, you're being
awfully subtle here. Isn't there a grosser way you can
say that.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
Kamela Harrish's the original hawk toua girl.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
That's the way she got where she is. That's what
I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
That's the kind of substantive and elevated take from a
guy who looks like he's won Mike's heart lemonade away
from getting in a fight at his sister's wedding. You
you little little tough to hair, and you're not fooling anybody.
Baldy so Sex is saying, Kamala Harris slept her way
(09:43):
to the top.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Joe Biden and Donald.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
Trump literally slept her way to the top, and we
never heard of it. Think about it?
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Does anybody have a substantive critique.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Her record is extraordinarily radical.
Speaker 9 (10:00):
Let me say at the outset, Kamala can't have my guns,
she can't have my gasoline engine, and she's sure as
hell can't have my steaks and cheeseburgers.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Sir, I don't want to be rude, but.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
It does appear that you could at least share some
of your cheeseburgers.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Looks like you'll still be okay, Is that right? Tubs?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Good to see you have mutton chops in case you
get hungry. But is Harris really that radical?
Speaker 9 (10:48):
If you combine Bernie Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, you
get Kamala Harris.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
If you combind Bernice Sanders Elizabebourne, you get Kamala Harris.
I can't be you know what, there is an app
that actually does that community.
Speaker 4 (11:09):
Leo bad Gars.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Oh my god, it's me Obata Gars. I love that guy.
He's the best. Come on guys.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Nobody believes Kamala Harris is the second coming of Karl Marx.
And even when they get substantive policy critiques, they undercut
them immediately.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Even when she was in California, she was very soft
on crime, the same Kamala Harris who as a California
prosecutor and attorney general put people in prison to use
them as cheap labor.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
She's too soft on crime. She's too tough on crime. People.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
We opened it three months.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
You're flailing dig deep.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
That's one final thing that nobody talks about. She's hated
by people who work for it. Oh my god, are
you kidding me?
Speaker 12 (12:02):
Everybody that worked for Kamala quit a very aggressive, angry,
bullying boss.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
She's not a nice person to work with. She's a
terrible boss. Your candidate's Donald Trump.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
His catchphrase is literally you sid He's the Anna Wintour
of authoritarian wannabes. Donald Trump hired forty four cabinet members.
Seventy five percent of them want nothing to do with
the guy.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
His secretary of State called him a fighting moron.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
His chief of staff said he's the most flawed person
I've ever met. You know why he needs a new
vice president, a running mate.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
I'll tell you what he tried to get the last
one killed.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
No, terrible, They're failing.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
You know what, if you want something done, do yourself, Donald,
You're gonna have to hit Kamala with one of your
magic nicknames.
Speaker 9 (12:56):
Laughing, Kamala Laffi anapasta laughing.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
So now we have a new.
Speaker 9 (13:16):
Victim to defeat Lion Kamala Harris, Lion l Yi an apostle.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Okay, you know what I hate to say. It? Can
I be?
Speaker 2 (13:32):
You tried, you gave you your best. I kind of
think you're gonna have to go back to your classics.
It's worked for you in the past. It's your comfort zone.
I think you're gonna have to play the hits.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
I think she was a DEI hired she.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Was a DEI.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
She would be the queen of DEI if she relected.
She is the EI. I think that this whole d
E and I token higher. Kamala Harris has already been exposed.
This woman, this disaster.
Speaker 5 (13:58):
Who's only qualification She was having a vagina and the
right skin color.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
So I guess she's black? Or is she?
Speaker 13 (14:07):
She's not African American.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Her mother's from India, her father's from Jamaica.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
She grew up in Canada, and she married a white
Jewish guy, so she has no common experiences with Black Americans.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
She's not one of you. She's not even married to
one of you. She's also about as black as Rachel Dozel.
This is how desperate they are. Is she black?
Speaker 4 (14:27):
Is she Indian? Nobody knows two.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Races in one person. Now I've seen everything I had.
She sent her to NA to twenty three and me,
and it broke the compuda. I don't know what to do?
(14:51):
Unas gratious.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
These people ever saw a pizza hat slash taco bell,
They'd lose their frecking minds?
Speaker 1 (15:01):
What is this a di restaurant?
Speaker 2 (15:07):
For more on the Republican response to Kamala Harris, we
go live from Washington, DC with senior political correspondent Josh Johnson.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Josh, thank you for much.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Up. Josh, You've been bound in DC. Everything is flying around.
What is the latest, Josh?
Speaker 13 (15:25):
This is a tough one for them, John, Kamala Harris
is a confusing candidate for Republicans. They feel she's too
young to be president but too old to be a woman.
But they do have some very promising areas of attack.
She's too short, She's bad at video games, all of
(15:47):
them all right, Grand Theft Auto, Mario Kart, Mario Party,
Super Mario Party, Mario Party, Superstars, Grand Theft Mario Party.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Oh and she.
Speaker 13 (16:03):
Laughs funny, you know, the laugh of a drunk girl
who lost her person then realized she actually was wearing
her purse the whole time.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
America hates that kind of laugh.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
It's not that funny.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Stacy, where do you think the attacks are going to land?
Speaker 4 (16:21):
Well?
Speaker 13 (16:21):
As you mentioned, earlier. I really think the winner is
going to be she's blind. Okay, sorry for yelling. That's
how it was said to me.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Just yelled, she's black.
Speaker 13 (16:37):
No, no, they have all kinds of attacks. Ready, all right,
I'm seeing black black, black woman. I got this one
American African, which sounds scary when.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
You flip it like that. Ye see, that's the tough one.
Speaker 13 (17:06):
Oh oh, they were looking at me when they said
this one like you, but lady also got some more
black black and he blacks urban doesn't crack at least
they know. Oh, I can't even say this one. Oh,
(17:28):
my lord from Kenya. I think that one is left
over from the last time someone was you know, black,
you said it, not me.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
So black.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
On every page, it's most of the words it's tough.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Yeah, black to you, John, Thanks John, John Johnson, everybody.
Speaker 11 (17:59):
That's just kick things off with Donald Trump. He was
doing really well with black voters when he was running
against Joe Biden, probably because black people don't work with ghosts.
But Kamala Harris is now stealing back some of Trump's
black support. So today Trump sacked down with an interview
with the National Association of Black Journalists and things got
off to a rocky stock.
Speaker 8 (18:21):
A lot of people did not think it was appropriate
for you to be here today. You have pushed false
claims about some of your rivals, from Nicki Haley to
former President Barack Obama, saying that they were not born
in the United States, which is not true. You have
told four congressmen women of color who were American citizens
to go back to where they came from. You have
(18:42):
used words like animal and rabbit to describe black district attorneys.
You've had dinner with a white supremacists at your Maraologua resort.
So my question, sir, why should black voters trust you
after you have used language.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Like that question?
Speaker 11 (19:01):
But hey, at least this is a good chance for
former President Trump to address the concerns of black voters
by answering with civility and grace.
Speaker 9 (19:09):
Well, first of all, I don't think I've ever been
asked a question so in such a horrible manner. A
first question, you don't even say, hello, how are you
are you with ABC? Because I think they're a fake
news network, a terrible network.
Speaker 11 (19:26):
Okay, okay, not a great start talking to a room
for a black journalists, But you can still recover.
Speaker 9 (19:33):
I think it's a very rude introduction. I don't know
exactly why you would do something like that. You invited
me under false pretense, and then you are half an
hour la. Just so we understand, I have too much
respect for you to be late.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
I think it's a very nasty question. Why I have
answered the question.
Speaker 9 (19:50):
I have been the best president for the black population
since Abraham Lincoln.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
That is better than President Johnson. He's I'm abo right
back to.
Speaker 9 (20:00):
You to start off a question and answer period, especially
when you're thirty five minutes late because you couldn't get
your equipment to work in such a hostile manner, I
think it's a disgrace.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Wow.
Speaker 11 (20:12):
Trump was like, listen up, black people, you always late.
Your microphone's a ghetto. And I'm Abraham Lincoln. I mean,
I think he just won the black vote. For most
politicians anyone else on earth, that would have been a
low point of the interview, But because it's Donald Trump,
it's somehow God.
Speaker 8 (20:29):
Was Do you believe that Vice President Kamala Harris is
only on the ticket because she is a black woman?
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Well, I can say no. I think it's maybe a
little bit different.
Speaker 9 (20:37):
So I've known her a long time, indirectly, not directly
very much, and she was always of Indian heritage and
she was only promoting Indian heritage.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
I didn't know she was.
Speaker 9 (20:50):
Black until a number of years ago when she happened
to turn black, and now she wants to be known
as black.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
So I don't know is she Indian or is she black?
She is always I don't know a black.
Speaker 9 (21:00):
I respect college, I respect either one, but she obviously
doesn't because she was Indian all the way and then
all of a sudden she made a turn and she
went she became a black just to be I think
somebody should look into that too, when you ask a
continue in a very hostile, nasty town.
Speaker 11 (21:20):
I don't know what it was that he thinks she
turned from Indian to black, or that he thinks someone.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Should look into that. Who should look into that?
Speaker 9 (21:29):
Like?
Speaker 11 (21:29):
Does he think the FBI is the Federal Black Investigators?
I don't think she turned from Indian to black. Okay,
she's Indian and black. Like what does he think happens
when the time is right Indians going to a cocoon
and they play some drake and they come up black.
It's very clear that Trump doesn't quite know how to
(21:50):
handle Kamala Harris. Right now he's trying to find the
angle of attack. And today he was hitting her race.
Yesterday he was hitting her age.
Speaker 9 (21:59):
She is younger, but I mean she's sixty years old.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
A lot of people I didn't do it she was sixty.
I thought she was only younger, but she's sixty.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Uh.
Speaker 11 (22:09):
I guess Trump just discovered that black don't crack. I
mean this is gonna be a first time he does
birthism as a compliment, like show us your bus certifica
because you don't look a.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Day over fifty.
Speaker 11 (22:22):
Okay, so just drop the skincare routine.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Girl.
Speaker 11 (22:25):
I bet Trump spend the rest of the day just
googling how old other black people are, like Morgan Freeman
two hundred years old question mark. To be fair, Trump
does have some substantive criticisms of Kamala, but he can't
seem to say them without making it gross and personal,
like when he was asked about how she would do
in negotiations with foreign leaders, how would.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
They consider a Harris presidency? That's just in jail.
Speaker 9 (22:50):
I think they'll walk all over I think so look
at her. I think they'll walk all over. She'll be
so easy for them. She'll be like a playtoy. Look
at her, and they say, we can't believe we got
so lucky. They're gonna walk all over. And I don't
want to say as to why, but a lot of
people understand it.
Speaker 11 (23:10):
He's like, I don't want to say why she should
be a bad president.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
You know that he and the who had the Fellas
get it.
Speaker 11 (23:19):
I'm pretty sure Kamala can handle world leaders, Okay. I
mean she did just overthrow the president of the United States.
And also nobody was easier to manipulate than Donald Trump.
Like foreign leaders just had to roll out the red
coppet and Trump treated them like a best friend. I
mean Saudi Arabia bone sawed and American journalists and Trump
was fine with it because they let him touch an orb.
(23:42):
I mean, I'm pretty sure now this is getting to
Kamala right now. She's on top of the world because
she's enjoying life as the Democrat's new messiah.
Speaker 7 (23:50):
Atlanta turned up and turned out for Vice President Harris
and a rap star came with a new slogan for
campaign merch Megan the Stallion and others made this the
largest crowd of Harris's young campaign. More than ten thousand
people filled a downtown arena.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Well, Donald, as.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
The saying goes, if you've got something to.
Speaker 7 (24:11):
Say, Thousands waited hours to see Harris speak. Does she
make it easier for Democrats to win Georgia in November?
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Yeah?
Speaker 11 (24:25):
Yeah, well so excited and we don't have to vote
for Joe Biden anymore? You know, I do feel bad
for Biden, Like everyone's going crazy for Kamala and he's
at home with COVID going who is Kamala?
Speaker 1 (24:39):
And I've never seen so.
Speaker 11 (24:40):
Much joyful statistical tie. This is like when people cheer
after the plane lands it's supposed to land. Okay, that's
a bad minimum. For more on the enthusiasm or on
the vice president Harris. We go live to one for
rallies in Houston with Michael Costa.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Thank you, right, go Michael. What's the feeling down there?
It's electric?
Speaker 12 (25:04):
Ronnie. I haven't seen Democrats this excited since they came
out with that fifth COVID booster.
Speaker 11 (25:09):
Okay, wow, they do something pumped all but the can
the Democrats build on this momentum?
Speaker 12 (25:14):
They definitely can, Ronnie, And there's only one way to
do it. Kamala Harris has to drop out.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Wait what we need?
Speaker 11 (25:21):
She has to drop out? Why everyone's enthusiastic about her?
Speaker 12 (25:25):
Yeah, well, the excitement's not about her. It's about the newness.
You know when that new kid comes to your school
and everyone's like, Oh, what's his deal?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
He's not actually cool, he's just new.
Speaker 12 (25:36):
He's just another loser whose dad happened to get a
job near your school. So quit fawning about I'm Becky Solivan.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Look, the point is this newness goes away, as will.
Speaker 12 (25:45):
This enthusiasm for Kamala. It's not gonna be Meghan the
Stallion at her next rally. It's gonna be Katy Perry
and not teenage dream Katy Perry Evie. It's gonna be
her new album, the one that the gays won't even
listen to.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 11 (25:59):
OK, If Kamala steps away, who will replace her?
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Who cares?
Speaker 12 (26:03):
The new nominee doesn't matter, because the Democrats should replace
them too. Every week a new candidate, new excitement. Republicans
won't be able to keep up. Oh you think Gavin
Newsom is unfit to be president?
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Who cares? Bits We're with Pete Budhajeedge.
Speaker 11 (26:16):
Now, okay, I mean I do like Pete Budajet.
Speaker 12 (26:19):
Well, too bad he's out because now the candidate is Twisters.
Speaker 11 (26:24):
Wait the movie, you'll like the actual Tornado.
Speaker 12 (26:27):
It doesn't matter because now it's Gretchen Wimmer.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Okay, when does this end?
Speaker 11 (26:31):
Okay, who's actually gonna beat a nominee on election Day?
Speaker 12 (26:33):
Well, after Whitmer and Shapiro and Tom Hanks and that
Pamela Horse guy, they're finally going to reach the last
possible nominee, Joseph Robinette Biden.
Speaker 11 (26:44):
Wait, Biden again, That's why this holding started.
Speaker 12 (26:48):
Exactly, and as soon as he takes the oath of office,
he resigns in favor of his VP, Kamala Harris in
the excitement loop begins again.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
Ronnie Wow, how very buddhist? Michael cost?
Speaker 11 (26:58):
Everybody's more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 7 (27:06):
Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on
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