July 20, 2024 • 35 mins
Jon Stewart, Jordan Klepper, and the Daily Show News Team analyze this week’s Republican National Convention, from Republican calls for unity and subsequent attacks on the Democrats’ agenda, to J.D. Vance’s VP reveal, to Donald Trump’s theatrical entrance and convention-capping speech.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Welcome.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Let's just talk about how long am I gonna play?
Speaker 4 (00:18):
Still?
Speaker 5 (00:18):
Please?
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Please?
Speaker 1 (00:21):
How is how is everybody doing? Wow? Wow?
Speaker 5 (00:25):
What a.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
What a terrible talking week?
Speaker 4 (00:33):
Hey John, come back to the Daddy Show just to
the election. It'll be fun.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
You'll do one day a week.
Speaker 6 (00:39):
It'll be alarm What would go wrong? Obviously, we were
supposed to be doing our shows from Milwaukee for the
RNC this week, but because of the attempt on the
former president's life, our venue, the venue in which we
(01:00):
planned to this show is a theater, which was originally
located in the soft perimeter they called it security wise,
was shifted understandably so to the hard perimeter. They called
it the hard perimeter. You really don't want to be
in the hard perimeter. It was locked down. They built
(01:25):
cages around the theater, and because of that, we felt
that we could not logistically put on the theater shows
effectively without people. But I do want to say to
the city of Milwaukee, the Mayor of Milwaukee could not
have been more accommodating to the show, more gracious to us.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
We thank you so much. I do hope that.
Speaker 6 (01:50):
We will be able to come back to Milwaukee.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
We really do.
Speaker 6 (01:56):
Want to come back at some point and make up
some of the events we had planned, especially our in
Dog decision.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
We get.
Speaker 6 (02:06):
We get dogs adopted and people registered to vote, or.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Or it's the other way around. I don't really, I
don't remember.
Speaker 6 (02:19):
But as always, the biggest slice of praise is reserved
for our production team and crew.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
They turned this ocean lineer around all the dine on
a dime.
Speaker 6 (02:33):
It is a big production to take a show like
this on the road on short notice. Our crack production
team and our crew got us back to New York City,
rejiggered all the things in the studio to get us
ready to do a program this very Tuesday night.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
It's remarkable work, and I just want to thank the
sid remarkable, remarkable all right.
Speaker 6 (02:58):
But even though we are not in Milwaukee, last night
was night one of the RNC, and obviously, after what
happened this weekend, there was a clear theme going in.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
Obviously right now, unity is a theme that we need
to be focused on.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
I think that we're going to hear a lot of
unifying top speeches.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
We got to create some unity the vitriol and the hatred.
It needs to stop. We shall bring the temperature down.
Speaker 7 (03:22):
Let's turn this moment into a moment that helps us
down that path of healing and unity.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
Wow.
Speaker 6 (03:28):
That that is Senator Ron Johnson of Wisconsin. He is
known as a particularly divisive, divisive or whoever you want
to pronounce that, a divisive figure. So to hear that
(03:48):
healing rhetoric coming from Ron Johnson is impressive. I for one,
look forward to hearing his unifying remarks.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
On the convention floor Democrat agenda.
Speaker 7 (04:02):
Their policies are a clear and present danger to America.
Speaker 6 (04:25):
I'm sorry, I guess he's what's known as unity in
the streets, divisive in the sheets. But to be fair,
to be fair, and I want to be fair in
this new environment. Senator Johnson did not mean to stoke
anger his teleprompter did.
Speaker 8 (04:44):
What he wanted loaded in the prompter was that we
needed a somber moment in history. We should heed President
Trump's call to unite, to be strong, to be determined,
We must heal. He said, I don't know how the
other one got in there and screwed up the teleprompter,
but again he went ahead and read it.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
What a douchebag.
Speaker 6 (05:09):
Sorry, I didn't mean to say that that was in
my teleprompter.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
I apologize.
Speaker 5 (05:15):
World.
Speaker 6 (05:16):
The teleprompters weren't the only ones having trouble adjusting to
the Republican's new tone. One particularly fiery member of Congress
struggled mightily as her body rejected the unity theme as
though it were transplanted like a monkey heart.
Speaker 9 (05:32):
The founding father of the America First Movement, Donald John Trump,
make America successful again, wealthy again, the country we deserve.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
She knows she's making that noise, right, okay? Or is
that is that the.
Speaker 6 (06:10):
Noise she makes when the interior monologue is going, Marjorie,
there's gonna be plenty of time to talk about satanic democrats.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Just keeping it, Marjorie, Just I just oh, this is
this is hard to do.
Speaker 5 (06:23):
Oh.
Speaker 6 (06:27):
But perhaps the weirdest moment of last night was when
the RNC looked like it was turning into the DNC.
One of its featured speakers was Amber Rose, founder of
the La Slut Walk and a sex positive, pro choice
internet celebrity.
Speaker 9 (06:39):
Donald Trump and his supporters don't care if your black, white, gay,
or straight.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
It's all love. It's all love.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
It's love. You just better hope.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
Oh that love.
Speaker 6 (06:52):
Doesn't lead to an eck topic of pregnancy, because, ah,
the guys know what I'm talking about. They're feeling that
in the old Philippian tubes or whatever. But the moment
that really felt like the DNC had snuck into the
(07:14):
RNC was when Sean O'Brien, the president of the Teamsters
Union and apparently Rob Quadrey Duppelganger, came up to the lectern.
Speaker 10 (07:23):
Come on, Codrey, it's an honor to be the first
Teamster in our one hundred and twenty one year history
to address the Republican National Convention.
Speaker 6 (07:36):
The crowd went crazy until he began to tell them
what he thinks.
Speaker 10 (07:41):
Legal protections that make it safer for workers to get
a contract, trade policies that put American workers first.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
Label law must be reformed.
Speaker 11 (07:50):
Companies fireworkers who try to join unions and hide behind
toothless laws that.
Speaker 10 (07:55):
Are meant to protect working people but are manipulated to
benefit corporation.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
The where are the chairs on.
Speaker 6 (08:07):
The Florida con Region Yes, apparently Republicans are pro worker.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Now in pro union.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
Somebody tells all the Republican governors who passed right to
work anti union laws in their states and all the
Republican appointed judges who made it easier to break unions,
and Donald Trump himself, who helped kill a bill that
would have protected unions.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
They are going to be.
Speaker 6 (08:29):
But of course, the main event from last night was
the crowning of Donald Trump's MAGA movement.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Air Apparent. No, not that guy, No the.
Speaker 6 (08:37):
There you go, the other dark haired, bearded dude right in.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Front of that one. Jd Vance. I got to tell
you something, man, that ain't right. It's like for Vice
President Donald.
Speaker 6 (08:49):
Selected the actor who would be hired to play Don
Junior in the lifetime.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
It's not right. It's like Don Junior was the beta.
Speaker 6 (08:59):
Vere that had to have some kingsmort doubt. He's the
default avatar in the video game. And the Donald Trump
Senior adjusted the pretty eyes and charisma sliders up a
little bit sixty six intelligence. And then it was time
(09:20):
for Donald Trump's big entrance. The Great Lee Greenwood did
the honors with a rousing rendition of God Bless the USA.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Is there any doubt Who's going to be the next
President of the United States?
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Rare works This station based on faith.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Rare works because.
Speaker 5 (09:42):
He was sure.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
As Donald Trump turned his head just slightly.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Bet the bullet missed him just enough.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
You know what.
Speaker 6 (09:49):
I'm sorry, Lee, We're gonna have to skip ahead just
a little bit. None of the side pattern, if you could.
The Great Lee Greenwood introducing Donald Trump.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Here we go.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
We have believed for so long that God will make
some changes in this country, and he's about to make
a change in the current administration and send them home.
Thank you everybody for being here.
Speaker 12 (10:17):
Just you get to it.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
The man is wearing a time.
Speaker 6 (10:23):
Release ear sav for God's sakes.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Help for our veterans, and God bless our military wherever
they are in. These are United States and abroad, ar
Lady present.
Speaker 13 (10:37):
Trus welcome the next President of the United States.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
They cut him off.
Speaker 6 (10:53):
Is it is it possible to bring out another band
to play a band off? But then finally Donald Trump
himself arrived, waving to his adoring crowd, and then went
to sit down and what can only be described as
some sort of chair trap.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Oh well, that's what of that? Being back? What the
hell mean?
Speaker 6 (11:20):
While back at the back cave, Joe Biden was sitting
down with NBC News anchor Lester Holt to answer questions
about what he would do to cool our nation's overheated rhetoric.
Speaker 12 (11:28):
But have you taken a step back and done a
little soul searching on things that you may have said
that could incite people who are not balanced?
Speaker 14 (11:38):
How do you talk about the threat to democracy which
is real? When a president says things like he says,
do you just not saying him he's a man incite somebody.
My opponent's engaged in that rhetoric he talks about to
be a blood bat if he loses, Like remember the
picture of Donald Trump when Nancy Pelosi's husbands hip with
the hammer going, talking about joking about it.
Speaker 12 (12:02):
This doesn't sound like you're turning down the heat though.
Speaker 6 (12:06):
He's telling you what the other guy had been saying.
How you supposed to discuss the temperature of the rhetoric
if you're not allowed to mention the rhetoric. It became
clear that Biden was ready to turn it down for everybody,
but Lesterholt, are.
Speaker 12 (12:22):
You seeing what they saw? Which was moments of Frankly,
that appeared to be you appeared to be confused.
Speaker 14 (12:30):
Lester, Look, why don't you guys ever talk about the
eighteen twenty eight lies?
Speaker 5 (12:34):
He told?
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Where are you from?
Speaker 1 (12:38):
This all?
Speaker 8 (12:47):
Shit.
Speaker 14 (12:49):
Seriously, you won't answer the question. But why didn't the
press talk about all the lies he told?
Speaker 15 (12:54):
Let me let me ask you something less Let me
ask you something, let me let me let me let
me ask you this who's got two thumbs lesson and
is about to beat your ass.
Speaker 6 (13:08):
But of course the entire debate over rhetoric is happening
because of the attempted assassination of Donald Trump over the
weekend at a rally in Pennsylvania, which was obviously terrifying
and disorienting. And I think I learned that in an emergency,
when shit hits the fan in this country, the Internet
is a great source of information. For instance, with the minutes,
(13:33):
I found out that this is staged, and then I
found out that it was actually an inside you out,
and then I found out that it was Joe Biden
who ordered it, and then I found out that this
guy is the shooter. Great job, Internet, you did it,
Except it turns out that that guy is an Italian
(13:55):
football commentator named Marco Violi, who does, to be fair,
the little shootery, but I can only assume was in
Italy sipping Apparol's printzes on the piazza when he got
a panicked call from his Nona.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Lot of go.
Speaker 6 (14:20):
Go why a lot of goal? And I have to say,
and I mean this, and I'm not I have a
slight confession to make and I am not proud of
this in any way, shape or form. But I'm following
social media during all this to find out who did it,
(14:41):
because it's this pattern I feel like we now have
in the country. When we hear about a horrific event,
you're on pins and needles in this sort of reverse
demographic lottery to make sure that the psychopathic shooter doesn't
belong to one of your teams. You know, you just
sit there going please no Democrats, no liberals, no progressives.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
It's like that press your luck game. No Jewey, no Jewy,
no Dewey, no Jewey.
Speaker 10 (15:06):
No Jewey.
Speaker 6 (15:09):
And we're all doing it. We're all doing it because
we have to know what our posture will be on
the tragedy. Will it be a haughty I told you,
or perhaps a circumspect Well, let's not rush to judgment.
We shouldn't generalize, and then it ends up being someone
we can't even figure out in the first place. A bullied, loner,
(15:31):
white guy, registered Republican donated to a blue pack, argued
Conservative Causes is a dude, but if you flip his
picture upside down, kind of looks like an old lady.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
I don't know what's going on with this guy.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
It's a jump ball.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
We don't know yet who's got DIBs, who.
Speaker 6 (15:49):
Wins, and none of us knows what's going to happen next,
other than there will be another tragedy in this country,
self inflicted by us to us, and then we'll have
this feeling again. I remember it on nine to eleven,
this disorienting, holy shit stopped the world. I would like
to get off feeling. And in that moment, there will
(16:10):
be some incredible Americans who, in the midst of it,
for some unknown reason, rush towards it and get us
back to some sort of equilibrium. And we'll count on
those folks to hold us together again. And it does
remind us that by a hair's breath, we dodged a catastrophe,
but it was still a tragedy because one of those
(16:31):
first responders lost his life. His name was Corey Comparatore.
He was a retired fire chief in the area. He
had given his life in service to his community, and
he died literally shielding his family. He's a reminder that
in those moments of crisis, there are helpers, and we
can all make a choice to try and be one
of those people, or.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
You can be one of these guys.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
In the immediate aftermath of the shooting, an article from
Forbes titled was Surviving Gunfire b Donald Trump's next appeal
to Black voters.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
Not helping, dear Lord. They're wrapping up the Republican National
Convention as we speak. The excitement is palpable or is
that soul shaking fear? They feel eerily similar. And then
that wasn't enough news to cover in a day. There's
(17:27):
another gigantic story brewing. Keep your news alerts on because
the Democrats might be recasting a very big role.
Speaker 11 (17:35):
Breaking news about President Biden's candidacy.
Speaker 16 (17:38):
The New York Times, sources close to President Biden say
he's beginning to accept he might have to leave the race.
Speaker 6 (17:42):
Axio says he could drop out as soon as this weekend.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
It's reached almost a fever pitch.
Speaker 6 (17:47):
Chuck Schumer, A King, Jeffreys, Nancy Pelosi have all had
very direct conversations with President Biden. His political fate more
precarious than ever.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
An increasingly dire moment.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
His fate now hanging in the balance, nearing the point.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
Of no we are close to the end of his candidacy.
To be clear, you're talking about an eighty one year old.
You gotta be clear about that. Think about how strange
this moment is. In the span of one week, one
candidate got shot and the other guy might drop out.
(18:23):
I mean years from now, children will be reading about
this in history books. I mean not in Florida, they
won't have those, but everywhere else. And on top of
that all of that, Biden has COVID, which is no
joke for a man of his age, especially because this
is an unusual strain where the brain fog hits you
(18:44):
three weeks ago. Now for more insight on the quickly
evolving state of Joe Biden's candidacy, we got full team coverage.
Let's first go out to DC with Michael Costa. Michael, Oh, Michael, Michael,
what's the latest?
Speaker 5 (19:02):
Jordan.
Speaker 17 (19:02):
I'm here outside Chuck Schumer's office as he tries to
push Biden out of the race. But it's a very difficult,
delicate situation because don't forget, he's the President, which means
he holds all.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
The keys, the metaphorical keys to power the.
Speaker 17 (19:17):
Rain Jordan, the actual White House keys, you know. They're
on one of those big key rings, and he has
a clip to his belt. There's a key for the
Oval office, a situation room. There's one key that just
says room. We don't even know what that is. So
they either have to convince Biden to give up the
keys or wait for him to fall asleep and try
to snake it off his belt with a broom hand.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
Is that really the only solution? Why can't they just
get a locksmith and get new keys.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
I mean, I guess they could.
Speaker 17 (19:45):
But he's also the only one that knows the White
House Amazon passwords. So what's the point of being president
if you can't watch the new season of The Boys?
Am I right?
Speaker 5 (19:55):
Well?
Speaker 4 (19:55):
If Joe Biden's an old man, as password is probably
something like Joe Biden one two Jordan.
Speaker 17 (20:01):
This man is the commander in chief. I'm sure he
has access to better Oh my god, that work?
Speaker 5 (20:05):
That was it? Correct?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
We're in great shame.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
Thanks Joe, Thank you, Michael. Let's go down a lot
to Nancy Pelosi, lot of Dosi.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
DESI Dezzy.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
We know, we know, Chuck Schumer is trying to be sensitive.
What's Nancy Pelosi doing?
Speaker 16 (20:24):
Well, she's playing a lot more hardball, Jordan. She had
a meeting with Biden where she just stared at him
while doing that five finger knife thing. It's very intimidating.
She's also trying to mess with his head. She threw
a pair of sneakers over a power line outside the
White House.
Speaker 4 (20:42):
Is that a threat?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Well, I don't know.
Speaker 16 (20:44):
But if there's one thing that freaks out old white people,
it's sneakers on a power line. How they get up there?
Is it a gang sign? Is it a drugs thing?
Speaker 4 (20:53):
Is it hip hop?
Speaker 16 (20:55):
Either way, it's time to move to Florida.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
Wow, very fluid situation.
Speaker 17 (20:59):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
Let's go out to the Capitol Hill with Ronnie Chang. Ronnie,
Ronnie talks to me. Who are you talking to, Jordan.
Speaker 17 (21:12):
I'm talking to an opposing faction that standing behind Joe Biden.
Speaker 4 (21:15):
One.
Speaker 6 (21:16):
They're telling the president to ignore the haters, stay in
the race, and do as many public speaking events as possible.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
Wow. Which Democrats are telling them that? No, no, no.
Speaker 6 (21:25):
If these are the Republicans, they are gong ho for
Joe Biden, Jordan.
Speaker 18 (21:30):
This must be the unity thing that they're talking about.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
Okay, Ronnie Chang, everybody, look, look, whether or not Biden's
candidacy is live. We are. And the reason we're live
is that it's the last night of the Republican National Convention.
And well, most GOP conventions are about nominating a candidate
and crashing the grinder servers. This one up, this one,
(22:02):
it would seemed to have a higher purpose. This convention
is happening. Frankly, by the grace of God.
Speaker 16 (22:10):
It is a divine intervention by God that President Trump
is not dead right now.
Speaker 11 (22:13):
This is divine intervention.
Speaker 15 (22:14):
The bullet peers to President Trump at six eleven PM.
Speaker 18 (22:17):
Ephesian six eleven tells us, put on the form of God,
take your stand against the devilin of schemes.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
This was providence, God's divine providence.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
Millisecond before he fired the shot.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
A God give it tilt, Yeah, a God given tilt.
If you didn't believe in miracles before.
Speaker 12 (22:32):
Saturday, you've better believing right now.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
A God Lord, a shill of protection.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
God has put an armor of protection over Donald Trump.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
God is not finished with him yet.
Speaker 9 (22:44):
I believe we all witnessed the miracle literally from you know,
before it happened.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
The flag above got blown in the wind.
Speaker 16 (22:53):
And it got tied into literally what looked like.
Speaker 4 (22:55):
An angel, divine origami. That's what we're going with. I mean,
you see an angel. I see the g string from
the cover of that Black Crows album. You know, you
(23:16):
see what you want to say. But I don't mean
to nitpick God. But if God did save Trump from
that bullet, he kind of procrastinated to the last second,
didn't they. You could have stopped the gunman at any
point during the day, but INSTEADY waited until the bullet
was in the air and went, I was glo, Son,
you gotta stop looking at my phone all the time.
(23:38):
Huh A right, fine, fine, Okay. Every cult needs a
leader who was chosen by God and has taken multiple wives.
I get it, all right. And plenty of people stepped
up this week to sing his praises. Now, one of
the most fiery speeches was from Florida Congressman Matt Gates.
Although that's an old picture of Matt Gates from a
(24:01):
long time ago. The whole week because when he came
out to speak yesterday, it looked a little different.
Speaker 7 (24:07):
Under Trump, we prospered, we were richer, Inflation was low,
and there were two genders.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
And introducing the third. Wow. Wow, it looks like his
eyebrows are reacting to a picture of his eyebrows. You
can see why they chose him to make the case
(24:37):
against Joe Biden. Inflation is so bad his forehead is
now a six head. And I could make that joke
because I've been battling inflation for years. But last night's
big speech was from Donald Trump's new running mate jd Vance,
who wanted to introduce himself to the world, and this
is what he went with.
Speaker 19 (24:57):
And while we're on the topic of grandparents, let me
tell you another mammals. Now, my mamma died shortly before
I left for Iraq in two thousand and five, and
when we went through things, we found nineteen loaded handguns.
They were stashed all over her house, under her bed,
in her closet, in the silverware drawer. This frail old
woman made sure that no matter where she was, she
(25:18):
was within arm's length of whatever she needed to protect
her family. That's who we fight for.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
That's American spirit, that's the American spirit. Unhinged paranoia. You
know what I love how gun nuts in this contrary
are always like, we're responsible gun owners. Anyway, here's a
(25:43):
glock I taped under my baby's crib. And let me
just remind everyone that five days ago their nominee was
almost taken out by an assault rifle. And I thought
that might lead to a moment of introspection. But you
guys are like, you know what's hilarious, how guns are everywhere.
But outside of his anecdotes about Grandma John Wick, the
fact was that discount ulysses that's grand did not exactly
(26:07):
set the room on fire. But the good news for
him was that the crowd was so amped they were
happy to chance no matter what.
Speaker 18 (26:24):
Wait, I oh, oh, wait, I oh.
Speaker 4 (26:34):
You guys are a great crowd.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
I've never seen a crowd so pump that it started
to engage in conversation. Yes we are. Let's order food.
How about time. By the way, if you're wondering why
the Ohio Chance is O Hio, it's because it's the
(27:05):
only word people from Ohio can spell. Go blue you
He'll Billy. But tonight was the final night of the RNC.
It was the last chance to address the events of
last Saturday. So to heal a hurdy nation, the RNC
brought in their most dignified voices to deliver their message
(27:25):
with gravity and respect.
Speaker 5 (27:27):
What happened last week when they took a shot at
my hero and they tried to kill the next president
of the United States? Enough was enough and I said,
what's up on media.
Speaker 9 (27:48):
From while brother?
Speaker 4 (27:51):
Whoa thank you? The helid has begun. He's gonna make
a great energy secretary. Now you can laugh that one
of the keynote speakers on the last night of the
Republicanvention is a washed up fake wrestler. But I'll tell
you what I think. Trump just locked up the vote
of every teenager in nineteen ninety two. Okay, we heard
(28:15):
a lot of talks. Now it's time to bring the
nation together, the sober message of unity. Who's next? Everybody
dam fished up in.
Speaker 5 (28:27):
Hell?
Speaker 4 (28:40):
Watch that ankle down, junior, watch that angle. Yeah, that's
how you achieve unity by making our ears bleed together.
Nothing riles me up like a fifty year old man
yelling at a bunch of sixty year old men in
suits to fight. Oh, I'll be pounding the lipatour Tonight's
(29:00):
then it was a big event. Finally it's time for
Donald Trump to come out. And in case you weren't
sure who he was, they put his name in big
bright lights like it was the world's most famous circuit elephant.
That's right, Trump's going to be president a Broadway. Once
(29:24):
the cheers dived down and the speaking began, Trump made
some big promises.
Speaker 11 (29:28):
Four months from now, we will have an incredible victory
and we will begin the four greatest years in the
history of our country.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
Oh, I don't know best four years? What about ninety
one to ninety five Wu Tang, Nirvana on ironic fanny packs,
Michael Jackson before it got too weird. You know, I'll
put those four years against any in history. Now, we
(30:00):
heard Trump was going to come out with a new
message of unity. You know what he delivered.
Speaker 11 (30:05):
As Americans, we are bound together by a single fate
and a shared destiny. We rise together or we fall apart.
I am running to be president for all of America,
not half of America, because there is no victory in
winning for half of America.
Speaker 4 (30:28):
Which is why to be deporting the half that doesn't
like me. Problem solved? You know what? You know what,
no I'm being a hater. There is a changed man
up here. It's call in for an end to discord.
Let's hear how we can bring about this unity together.
Speaker 11 (30:48):
If Democrats want to unify our country, they should drop
these spartas and witch hunts which I have been going
through for approximately eight years, and they should do that
with out delay and allow an election to proceed that
is worthy of our people.
Speaker 4 (31:04):
Oh how convenient. So the key to unifying the country
is absolving Donald Trump of his crimes. Anything else Democrats
should do America. Just think about how united the country
would be if Chuck Schumer punched himself in the dick.
Think about it. Come together. But then Trump went on
to tell the story of his near assassination on Saturday,
(31:28):
and for a moment they started to feel like maybe
this was a different Trump, someone somber, reflective. But then
he slipped in just a small nod to the Trump
we've always known.
Speaker 11 (31:42):
They knew immediately it was a sniper, and then began
pointing at him. You can see that if you look
at the group behind me, that was just a small
group compared to what was in front.
Speaker 4 (31:58):
That's how you know trum is going to get through this,
even the middle of a story about almost being assassinated,
he felt the need to reflectively brag about his crowd size.
I suddenly realized how insignificant we are except by crowd size,
very significant. We're all just grains of sands on a beach.
(32:19):
Although my crowd is more like a coastline. Big crowd,
big crowd. There was one other thing that made me realize,
this is the same truth Wisconsin.
Speaker 11 (32:30):
We are spending over two hundred and fifty million dollars
here creating jobs and other economic development all over the place.
So I hope you will remember this in November and
give us your vote. I am trying to buy your vote.
Speaker 17 (32:48):
I'll be honest about that.
Speaker 4 (32:55):
He's trying to do a quit for a quote in
the middle of his conventions, Paget out, my man, you
don't get total immunity until after the election. So that
was Trump's speech, A changed man who is basically the
same man as before. So what do we learn from
the RNC, Well, the campaign for president is basically one
big job interview. The convention is where America checks the
(33:18):
candidate's references. And to be sure, there were plenty of
people willing to vouch for Donald Trump. You got x
CON's domestic abusers, fake wrestlers, fake friends, his children, people
sleeping with his children, and of course the esteemed mayor
of Whovill. But but if this is a job interview,
(33:43):
it's worth noting who we didn't see, most of the
people who actually worked with him in the White House.
And if America is going to do our due diligence,
we might as well call our references to hear what
they have to say about them.
Speaker 8 (33:57):
Anyone who puts themselves over the constitution should never president.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
I think he's unfit for office.
Speaker 6 (34:02):
Richard Nixon looks like a choir boy next to Donald Trump.
Speaker 4 (34:05):
The gravest threat to democracy that we've ever seen. He
failed at being the president when we needed him to be.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
That doesn't like to read, doesn't read briefing.
Speaker 16 (34:13):
Reports, absence of leadership, really anti leadership.
Speaker 8 (34:16):
We want to be dictator.
Speaker 12 (34:18):
Shouldn't be anywhere near the Oval Office.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
Nothing but contempt for a democratic institutions, our constitution, and
the rule of law. The president has the understanding of
a fifth or sixth grader.
Speaker 6 (34:27):
Rex Sarson saying this about the president quote, He's a
effing moron.
Speaker 4 (34:37):
Okay, Okay, you know what, you know what good points.
But to just see that flag, it looked like an angel.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten Central on
Comedy Central, and full episodes anytime on Paramount
Speaker 11 (35:02):
Plus Paramount Podcasts mm HM
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Welcome.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Let's just talk about how long am I gonna play?
Speaker 4 (00:18):
Still?
Speaker 5 (00:18):
Please?
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Please?
Speaker 1 (00:21):
How is how is everybody doing? Wow? Wow?
Speaker 5 (00:25):
What a.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
What a terrible talking week?
Speaker 4 (00:33):
Hey John, come back to the Daddy Show just to
the election. It'll be fun.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
You'll do one day a week.
Speaker 6 (00:39):
It'll be alarm What would go wrong? Obviously, we were
supposed to be doing our shows from Milwaukee for the
RNC this week, but because of the attempt on the
former president's life, our venue, the venue in which we
(01:00):
planned to this show is a theater, which was originally
located in the soft perimeter they called it security wise,
was shifted understandably so to the hard perimeter. They called
it the hard perimeter. You really don't want to be
in the hard perimeter. It was locked down. They built
(01:25):
cages around the theater, and because of that, we felt
that we could not logistically put on the theater shows
effectively without people. But I do want to say to
the city of Milwaukee, the Mayor of Milwaukee could not
have been more accommodating to the show, more gracious to us.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
We thank you so much. I do hope that.
Speaker 6 (01:50):
We will be able to come back to Milwaukee.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
We really do.
Speaker 6 (01:56):
Want to come back at some point and make up
some of the events we had planned, especially our in
Dog decision.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
We get.
Speaker 6 (02:06):
We get dogs adopted and people registered to vote, or.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Or it's the other way around. I don't really, I
don't remember.
Speaker 6 (02:19):
But as always, the biggest slice of praise is reserved
for our production team and crew.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
They turned this ocean lineer around all the dine on
a dime.
Speaker 6 (02:33):
It is a big production to take a show like
this on the road on short notice. Our crack production
team and our crew got us back to New York City,
rejiggered all the things in the studio to get us
ready to do a program this very Tuesday night.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
It's remarkable work, and I just want to thank the
sid remarkable, remarkable all right.
Speaker 6 (02:58):
But even though we are not in Milwaukee, last night
was night one of the RNC, and obviously, after what
happened this weekend, there was a clear theme going in.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
Obviously right now, unity is a theme that we need
to be focused on.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
I think that we're going to hear a lot of
unifying top speeches.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
We got to create some unity the vitriol and the hatred.
It needs to stop. We shall bring the temperature down.
Speaker 7 (03:22):
Let's turn this moment into a moment that helps us
down that path of healing and unity.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
Wow.
Speaker 6 (03:28):
That that is Senator Ron Johnson of Wisconsin. He is
known as a particularly divisive, divisive or whoever you want
to pronounce that, a divisive figure. So to hear that
(03:48):
healing rhetoric coming from Ron Johnson is impressive. I for one,
look forward to hearing his unifying remarks.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
On the convention floor Democrat agenda.
Speaker 7 (04:02):
Their policies are a clear and present danger to America.
Speaker 6 (04:25):
I'm sorry, I guess he's what's known as unity in
the streets, divisive in the sheets. But to be fair,
to be fair, and I want to be fair in
this new environment. Senator Johnson did not mean to stoke
anger his teleprompter did.
Speaker 8 (04:44):
What he wanted loaded in the prompter was that we
needed a somber moment in history. We should heed President
Trump's call to unite, to be strong, to be determined,
We must heal. He said, I don't know how the
other one got in there and screwed up the teleprompter,
but again he went ahead and read it.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
What a douchebag.
Speaker 6 (05:09):
Sorry, I didn't mean to say that that was in
my teleprompter.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
I apologize.
Speaker 5 (05:15):
World.
Speaker 6 (05:16):
The teleprompters weren't the only ones having trouble adjusting to
the Republican's new tone. One particularly fiery member of Congress
struggled mightily as her body rejected the unity theme as
though it were transplanted like a monkey heart.
Speaker 9 (05:32):
The founding father of the America First Movement, Donald John Trump,
make America successful again, wealthy again, the country we deserve.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
She knows she's making that noise, right, okay? Or is
that is that the.
Speaker 6 (06:10):
Noise she makes when the interior monologue is going, Marjorie,
there's gonna be plenty of time to talk about satanic democrats.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Just keeping it, Marjorie, Just I just oh, this is
this is hard to do.
Speaker 5 (06:23):
Oh.
Speaker 6 (06:27):
But perhaps the weirdest moment of last night was when
the RNC looked like it was turning into the DNC.
One of its featured speakers was Amber Rose, founder of
the La Slut Walk and a sex positive, pro choice
internet celebrity.
Speaker 9 (06:39):
Donald Trump and his supporters don't care if your black, white, gay,
or straight.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
It's all love. It's all love.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
It's love. You just better hope.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
Oh that love.
Speaker 6 (06:52):
Doesn't lead to an eck topic of pregnancy, because, ah,
the guys know what I'm talking about. They're feeling that
in the old Philippian tubes or whatever. But the moment
that really felt like the DNC had snuck into the
(07:14):
RNC was when Sean O'Brien, the president of the Teamsters
Union and apparently Rob Quadrey Duppelganger, came up to the lectern.
Speaker 10 (07:23):
Come on, Codrey, it's an honor to be the first
Teamster in our one hundred and twenty one year history
to address the Republican National Convention.
Speaker 6 (07:36):
The crowd went crazy until he began to tell them
what he thinks.
Speaker 10 (07:41):
Legal protections that make it safer for workers to get
a contract, trade policies that put American workers first.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
Label law must be reformed.
Speaker 11 (07:50):
Companies fireworkers who try to join unions and hide behind
toothless laws that.
Speaker 10 (07:55):
Are meant to protect working people but are manipulated to
benefit corporation.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
The where are the chairs on.
Speaker 6 (08:07):
The Florida con Region Yes, apparently Republicans are pro worker.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Now in pro union.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
Somebody tells all the Republican governors who passed right to
work anti union laws in their states and all the
Republican appointed judges who made it easier to break unions,
and Donald Trump himself, who helped kill a bill that
would have protected unions.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
They are going to be.
Speaker 6 (08:29):
But of course, the main event from last night was
the crowning of Donald Trump's MAGA movement.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Air Apparent. No, not that guy, No the.
Speaker 6 (08:37):
There you go, the other dark haired, bearded dude right in.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Front of that one. Jd Vance. I got to tell
you something, man, that ain't right. It's like for Vice
President Donald.
Speaker 6 (08:49):
Selected the actor who would be hired to play Don
Junior in the lifetime.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
It's not right. It's like Don Junior was the beta.
Speaker 6 (08:59):
Vere that had to have some kingsmort doubt. He's the
default avatar in the video game. And the Donald Trump
Senior adjusted the pretty eyes and charisma sliders up a
little bit sixty six intelligence. And then it was time
(09:20):
for Donald Trump's big entrance. The Great Lee Greenwood did
the honors with a rousing rendition of God Bless the USA.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Is there any doubt Who's going to be the next
President of the United States?
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Rare works This station based on faith.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Rare works because.
Speaker 5 (09:42):
He was sure.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
As Donald Trump turned his head just slightly.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Bet the bullet missed him just enough.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
You know what.
Speaker 6 (09:49):
I'm sorry, Lee, We're gonna have to skip ahead just
a little bit. None of the side pattern, if you could.
The Great Lee Greenwood introducing Donald Trump.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Here we go.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
We have believed for so long that God will make
some changes in this country, and he's about to make
a change in the current administration and send them home.
Thank you everybody for being here.
Speaker 12 (10:17):
Just you get to it.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
The man is wearing a time.
Speaker 6 (10:23):
Release ear sav for God's sakes.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Help for our veterans, and God bless our military wherever
they are in. These are United States and abroad, ar
Lady present.
Speaker 13 (10:37):
Trus welcome the next President of the United States.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
They cut him off.
Speaker 6 (10:53):
Is it is it possible to bring out another band
to play a band off? But then finally Donald Trump
himself arrived, waving to his adoring crowd, and then went
to sit down and what can only be described as
some sort of chair trap.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Oh well, that's what of that? Being back? What the
hell mean?
Speaker 6 (11:20):
While back at the back cave, Joe Biden was sitting
down with NBC News anchor Lester Holt to answer questions
about what he would do to cool our nation's overheated rhetoric.
Speaker 12 (11:28):
But have you taken a step back and done a
little soul searching on things that you may have said
that could incite people who are not balanced?
Speaker 14 (11:38):
How do you talk about the threat to democracy which
is real? When a president says things like he says,
do you just not saying him he's a man incite somebody.
My opponent's engaged in that rhetoric he talks about to
be a blood bat if he loses, Like remember the
picture of Donald Trump when Nancy Pelosi's husbands hip with
the hammer going, talking about joking about it.
Speaker 12 (12:02):
This doesn't sound like you're turning down the heat though.
Speaker 6 (12:06):
He's telling you what the other guy had been saying.
How you supposed to discuss the temperature of the rhetoric
if you're not allowed to mention the rhetoric. It became
clear that Biden was ready to turn it down for everybody,
but Lesterholt, are.
Speaker 12 (12:22):
You seeing what they saw? Which was moments of Frankly,
that appeared to be you appeared to be confused.
Speaker 14 (12:30):
Lester, Look, why don't you guys ever talk about the
eighteen twenty eight lies?
Speaker 5 (12:34):
He told?
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Where are you from?
Speaker 1 (12:38):
This all?
Speaker 8 (12:47):
Shit.
Speaker 14 (12:49):
Seriously, you won't answer the question. But why didn't the
press talk about all the lies he told?
Speaker 15 (12:54):
Let me let me ask you something less Let me
ask you something, let me let me let me let
me ask you this who's got two thumbs lesson and
is about to beat your ass.
Speaker 6 (13:08):
But of course the entire debate over rhetoric is happening
because of the attempted assassination of Donald Trump over the
weekend at a rally in Pennsylvania, which was obviously terrifying
and disorienting. And I think I learned that in an emergency,
when shit hits the fan in this country, the Internet
is a great source of information. For instance, with the minutes,
(13:33):
I found out that this is staged, and then I
found out that it was actually an inside you out,
and then I found out that it was Joe Biden
who ordered it, and then I found out that this
guy is the shooter. Great job, Internet, you did it,
Except it turns out that that guy is an Italian
(13:55):
football commentator named Marco Violi, who does, to be fair,
the little shootery, but I can only assume was in
Italy sipping Apparol's printzes on the piazza when he got
a panicked call from his Nona.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Lot of go.
Speaker 6 (14:20):
Go why a lot of goal? And I have to say,
and I mean this, and I'm not I have a
slight confession to make and I am not proud of
this in any way, shape or form. But I'm following
social media during all this to find out who did it,
(14:41):
because it's this pattern I feel like we now have
in the country. When we hear about a horrific event,
you're on pins and needles in this sort of reverse
demographic lottery to make sure that the psychopathic shooter doesn't
belong to one of your teams. You know, you just
sit there going please no Democrats, no liberals, no progressives.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
It's like that press your luck game. No Jewey, no Jewy,
no Dewey, no Jewey.
Speaker 10 (15:06):
No Jewey.
Speaker 6 (15:09):
And we're all doing it. We're all doing it because
we have to know what our posture will be on
the tragedy. Will it be a haughty I told you,
or perhaps a circumspect Well, let's not rush to judgment.
We shouldn't generalize, and then it ends up being someone
we can't even figure out in the first place. A bullied, loner,
(15:31):
white guy, registered Republican donated to a blue pack, argued
Conservative Causes is a dude, but if you flip his
picture upside down, kind of looks like an old lady.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
I don't know what's going on with this guy.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
It's a jump ball.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
We don't know yet who's got DIBs, who.
Speaker 6 (15:49):
Wins, and none of us knows what's going to happen next,
other than there will be another tragedy in this country,
self inflicted by us to us, and then we'll have
this feeling again. I remember it on nine to eleven,
this disorienting, holy shit stopped the world. I would like
to get off feeling. And in that moment, there will
(16:10):
be some incredible Americans who, in the midst of it,
for some unknown reason, rush towards it and get us
back to some sort of equilibrium. And we'll count on
those folks to hold us together again. And it does
remind us that by a hair's breath, we dodged a catastrophe,
but it was still a tragedy because one of those
(16:31):
first responders lost his life. His name was Corey Comparatore.
He was a retired fire chief in the area. He
had given his life in service to his community, and
he died literally shielding his family. He's a reminder that
in those moments of crisis, there are helpers, and we
can all make a choice to try and be one
of those people, or.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
You can be one of these guys.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
In the immediate aftermath of the shooting, an article from
Forbes titled was Surviving Gunfire b Donald Trump's next appeal
to Black voters.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
Not helping, dear Lord. They're wrapping up the Republican National
Convention as we speak. The excitement is palpable or is
that soul shaking fear? They feel eerily similar. And then
that wasn't enough news to cover in a day. There's
(17:27):
another gigantic story brewing. Keep your news alerts on because
the Democrats might be recasting a very big role.
Speaker 11 (17:35):
Breaking news about President Biden's candidacy.
Speaker 16 (17:38):
The New York Times, sources close to President Biden say
he's beginning to accept he might have to leave the race.
Speaker 6 (17:42):
Axio says he could drop out as soon as this weekend.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
It's reached almost a fever pitch.
Speaker 6 (17:47):
Chuck Schumer, A King, Jeffreys, Nancy Pelosi have all had
very direct conversations with President Biden. His political fate more
precarious than ever.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
An increasingly dire moment.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
His fate now hanging in the balance, nearing the point.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
Of no we are close to the end of his candidacy.
To be clear, you're talking about an eighty one year old.
You gotta be clear about that. Think about how strange
this moment is. In the span of one week, one
candidate got shot and the other guy might drop out.
(18:23):
I mean years from now, children will be reading about
this in history books. I mean not in Florida, they
won't have those, but everywhere else. And on top of
that all of that, Biden has COVID, which is no
joke for a man of his age, especially because this
is an unusual strain where the brain fog hits you
(18:44):
three weeks ago. Now for more insight on the quickly
evolving state of Joe Biden's candidacy, we got full team coverage.
Let's first go out to DC with Michael Costa. Michael, Oh, Michael, Michael,
what's the latest?
Speaker 5 (19:02):
Jordan.
Speaker 17 (19:02):
I'm here outside Chuck Schumer's office as he tries to
push Biden out of the race. But it's a very difficult,
delicate situation because don't forget, he's the President, which means
he holds all.
Speaker 4 (19:14):
The keys, the metaphorical keys to power the.
Speaker 17 (19:17):
Rain Jordan, the actual White House keys, you know. They're
on one of those big key rings, and he has
a clip to his belt. There's a key for the
Oval office, a situation room. There's one key that just
says room. We don't even know what that is. So
they either have to convince Biden to give up the
keys or wait for him to fall asleep and try
to snake it off his belt with a broom hand.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
Is that really the only solution? Why can't they just
get a locksmith and get new keys.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
I mean, I guess they could.
Speaker 17 (19:45):
But he's also the only one that knows the White
House Amazon passwords. So what's the point of being president
if you can't watch the new season of The Boys?
Am I right?
Speaker 5 (19:55):
Well?
Speaker 4 (19:55):
If Joe Biden's an old man, as password is probably
something like Joe Biden one two Jordan.
Speaker 17 (20:01):
This man is the commander in chief. I'm sure he
has access to better Oh my god, that work?
Speaker 5 (20:05):
That was it? Correct?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
We're in great shame.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
Thanks Joe, Thank you, Michael. Let's go down a lot
to Nancy Pelosi, lot of Dosi.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
DESI Dezzy.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
We know, we know, Chuck Schumer is trying to be sensitive.
What's Nancy Pelosi doing?
Speaker 16 (20:24):
Well, she's playing a lot more hardball, Jordan. She had
a meeting with Biden where she just stared at him
while doing that five finger knife thing. It's very intimidating.
She's also trying to mess with his head. She threw
a pair of sneakers over a power line outside the
White House.
Speaker 4 (20:42):
Is that a threat?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Well, I don't know.
Speaker 16 (20:44):
But if there's one thing that freaks out old white people,
it's sneakers on a power line. How they get up there?
Is it a gang sign? Is it a drugs thing?
Speaker 4 (20:53):
Is it hip hop?
Speaker 16 (20:55):
Either way, it's time to move to Florida.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
Wow, very fluid situation.
Speaker 17 (20:59):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
Let's go out to the Capitol Hill with Ronnie Chang. Ronnie,
Ronnie talks to me. Who are you talking to, Jordan.
Speaker 17 (21:12):
I'm talking to an opposing faction that standing behind Joe Biden.
Speaker 4 (21:15):
One.
Speaker 6 (21:16):
They're telling the president to ignore the haters, stay in
the race, and do as many public speaking events as possible.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
Wow. Which Democrats are telling them that? No, no, no.
Speaker 6 (21:25):
If these are the Republicans, they are gong ho for
Joe Biden, Jordan.
Speaker 18 (21:30):
This must be the unity thing that they're talking about.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
Okay, Ronnie Chang, everybody, look, look, whether or not Biden's
candidacy is live. We are. And the reason we're live
is that it's the last night of the Republican National Convention.
And well, most GOP conventions are about nominating a candidate
and crashing the grinder servers. This one up, this one,
(22:02):
it would seemed to have a higher purpose. This convention
is happening. Frankly, by the grace of God.
Speaker 16 (22:10):
It is a divine intervention by God that President Trump
is not dead right now.
Speaker 11 (22:13):
This is divine intervention.
Speaker 15 (22:14):
The bullet peers to President Trump at six eleven PM.
Speaker 18 (22:17):
Ephesian six eleven tells us, put on the form of God,
take your stand against the devilin of schemes.
Speaker 4 (22:22):
This was providence, God's divine providence.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
Millisecond before he fired the shot.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
A God give it tilt, Yeah, a God given tilt.
If you didn't believe in miracles before.
Speaker 12 (22:32):
Saturday, you've better believing right now.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
A God Lord, a shill of protection.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
God has put an armor of protection over Donald Trump.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
God is not finished with him yet.
Speaker 9 (22:44):
I believe we all witnessed the miracle literally from you know,
before it happened.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
The flag above got blown in the wind.
Speaker 16 (22:53):
And it got tied into literally what looked like.
Speaker 4 (22:55):
An angel, divine origami. That's what we're going with. I mean,
you see an angel. I see the g string from
the cover of that Black Crows album. You know, you
(23:16):
see what you want to say. But I don't mean
to nitpick God. But if God did save Trump from
that bullet, he kind of procrastinated to the last second,
didn't they. You could have stopped the gunman at any
point during the day, but INSTEADY waited until the bullet
was in the air and went, I was glo, Son,
you gotta stop looking at my phone all the time.
(23:38):
Huh A right, fine, fine, Okay. Every cult needs a
leader who was chosen by God and has taken multiple wives.
I get it, all right. And plenty of people stepped
up this week to sing his praises. Now, one of
the most fiery speeches was from Florida Congressman Matt Gates.
Although that's an old picture of Matt Gates from a
(24:01):
long time ago. The whole week because when he came
out to speak yesterday, it looked a little different.
Speaker 7 (24:07):
Under Trump, we prospered, we were richer, Inflation was low,
and there were two genders.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
And introducing the third. Wow. Wow, it looks like his
eyebrows are reacting to a picture of his eyebrows. You
can see why they chose him to make the case
(24:37):
against Joe Biden. Inflation is so bad his forehead is
now a six head. And I could make that joke
because I've been battling inflation for years. But last night's
big speech was from Donald Trump's new running mate jd Vance,
who wanted to introduce himself to the world, and this
is what he went with.
Speaker 19 (24:57):
And while we're on the topic of grandparents, let me
tell you another mammals. Now, my mamma died shortly before
I left for Iraq in two thousand and five, and
when we went through things, we found nineteen loaded handguns.
They were stashed all over her house, under her bed,
in her closet, in the silverware drawer. This frail old
woman made sure that no matter where she was, she
(25:18):
was within arm's length of whatever she needed to protect
her family. That's who we fight for.
Speaker 4 (25:23):
That's American spirit, that's the American spirit. Unhinged paranoia. You
know what I love how gun nuts in this contrary
are always like, we're responsible gun owners. Anyway, here's a
(25:43):
glock I taped under my baby's crib. And let me
just remind everyone that five days ago their nominee was
almost taken out by an assault rifle. And I thought
that might lead to a moment of introspection. But you
guys are like, you know what's hilarious, how guns are everywhere.
But outside of his anecdotes about Grandma John Wick, the
fact was that discount ulysses that's grand did not exactly
(26:07):
set the room on fire. But the good news for
him was that the crowd was so amped they were
happy to chance no matter what.
Speaker 18 (26:24):
Wait, I oh, oh, wait, I oh.
Speaker 4 (26:34):
You guys are a great crowd.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
I've never seen a crowd so pump that it started
to engage in conversation. Yes we are. Let's order food.
How about time. By the way, if you're wondering why
the Ohio Chance is O Hio, it's because it's the
(27:05):
only word people from Ohio can spell. Go blue you
He'll Billy. But tonight was the final night of the RNC.
It was the last chance to address the events of
last Saturday. So to heal a hurdy nation, the RNC
brought in their most dignified voices to deliver their message
(27:25):
with gravity and respect.
Speaker 5 (27:27):
What happened last week when they took a shot at
my hero and they tried to kill the next president
of the United States? Enough was enough and I said,
what's up on media.
Speaker 9 (27:48):
From while brother?
Speaker 4 (27:51):
Whoa thank you? The helid has begun. He's gonna make
a great energy secretary. Now you can laugh that one
of the keynote speakers on the last night of the
Republicanvention is a washed up fake wrestler. But I'll tell
you what I think. Trump just locked up the vote
of every teenager in nineteen ninety two. Okay, we heard
(28:15):
a lot of talks. Now it's time to bring the
nation together, the sober message of unity. Who's next? Everybody
dam fished up in.
Speaker 5 (28:27):
Hell?
Speaker 4 (28:40):
Watch that ankle down, junior, watch that angle. Yeah, that's
how you achieve unity by making our ears bleed together.
Nothing riles me up like a fifty year old man
yelling at a bunch of sixty year old men in
suits to fight. Oh, I'll be pounding the lipatour Tonight's
(29:00):
then it was a big event. Finally it's time for
Donald Trump to come out. And in case you weren't
sure who he was, they put his name in big
bright lights like it was the world's most famous circuit elephant.
That's right, Trump's going to be president a Broadway. Once
(29:24):
the cheers dived down and the speaking began, Trump made
some big promises.
Speaker 11 (29:28):
Four months from now, we will have an incredible victory
and we will begin the four greatest years in the
history of our country.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
Oh, I don't know best four years? What about ninety
one to ninety five Wu Tang, Nirvana on ironic fanny packs,
Michael Jackson before it got too weird. You know, I'll
put those four years against any in history. Now, we
(30:00):
heard Trump was going to come out with a new
message of unity. You know what he delivered.
Speaker 11 (30:05):
As Americans, we are bound together by a single fate
and a shared destiny. We rise together or we fall apart.
I am running to be president for all of America,
not half of America, because there is no victory in
winning for half of America.
Speaker 4 (30:28):
Which is why to be deporting the half that doesn't
like me. Problem solved? You know what? You know what,
no I'm being a hater. There is a changed man
up here. It's call in for an end to discord.
Let's hear how we can bring about this unity together.
Speaker 11 (30:48):
If Democrats want to unify our country, they should drop
these spartas and witch hunts which I have been going
through for approximately eight years, and they should do that
with out delay and allow an election to proceed that
is worthy of our people.
Speaker 4 (31:04):
Oh how convenient. So the key to unifying the country
is absolving Donald Trump of his crimes. Anything else Democrats
should do America. Just think about how united the country
would be if Chuck Schumer punched himself in the dick.
Think about it. Come together. But then Trump went on
to tell the story of his near assassination on Saturday,
(31:28):
and for a moment they started to feel like maybe
this was a different Trump, someone somber, reflective. But then
he slipped in just a small nod to the Trump
we've always known.
Speaker 11 (31:42):
They knew immediately it was a sniper, and then began
pointing at him. You can see that if you look
at the group behind me, that was just a small
group compared to what was in front.
Speaker 4 (31:58):
That's how you know trum is going to get through this,
even the middle of a story about almost being assassinated,
he felt the need to reflectively brag about his crowd size.
I suddenly realized how insignificant we are except by crowd size,
very significant. We're all just grains of sands on a beach.
(32:19):
Although my crowd is more like a coastline. Big crowd,
big crowd. There was one other thing that made me realize,
this is the same truth Wisconsin.
Speaker 11 (32:30):
We are spending over two hundred and fifty million dollars
here creating jobs and other economic development all over the place.
So I hope you will remember this in November and
give us your vote. I am trying to buy your vote.
Speaker 17 (32:48):
I'll be honest about that.
Speaker 4 (32:55):
He's trying to do a quit for a quote in
the middle of his conventions, Paget out, my man, you
don't get total immunity until after the election. So that
was Trump's speech, A changed man who is basically the
same man as before. So what do we learn from
the RNC, Well, the campaign for president is basically one
big job interview. The convention is where America checks the
(33:18):
candidate's references. And to be sure, there were plenty of
people willing to vouch for Donald Trump. You got x
CON's domestic abusers, fake wrestlers, fake friends, his children, people
sleeping with his children, and of course the esteemed mayor
of Whovill. But but if this is a job interview,
(33:43):
it's worth noting who we didn't see, most of the
people who actually worked with him in the White House.
And if America is going to do our due diligence,
we might as well call our references to hear what
they have to say about them.
Speaker 8 (33:57):
Anyone who puts themselves over the constitution should never president.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
I think he's unfit for office.
Speaker 6 (34:02):
Richard Nixon looks like a choir boy next to Donald Trump.
Speaker 4 (34:05):
The gravest threat to democracy that we've ever seen. He
failed at being the president when we needed him to be.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
That doesn't like to read, doesn't read briefing.
Speaker 16 (34:13):
Reports, absence of leadership, really anti leadership.
Speaker 8 (34:16):
We want to be dictator.
Speaker 12 (34:18):
Shouldn't be anywhere near the Oval Office.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
Nothing but contempt for a democratic institutions, our constitution, and
the rule of law. The president has the understanding of
a fifth or sixth grader.
Speaker 6 (34:27):
Rex Sarson saying this about the president quote, He's a
effing moron.
Speaker 4 (34:37):
Okay, Okay, you know what, you know what good points.
But to just see that flag, it looked like an angel.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten Central on
Comedy Central, and full episodes anytime on Paramount
Speaker 11 (35:02):
Plus Paramount Podcasts mm HM
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