Long Story Short: Investing In After-School Programs

Kids in after-school programs are less likely to drink, do drugs, or join a gang. So why is the government barely funding these programs? Marlon Wayans tackles the topic in the latest edition of Long Story Short.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central. The first benefit of after
school programs should be obvious. They give kids a place
to go after school. It's right there in the name.
Come on, keep up stupid. It's true kids need to
stay busy, especially teens. If they don't have something to do,
they're gonna find something to do. That's why juvenile crime

(00:22):
peaks between two and six every day. But kids and
after school programs are less likely to drink, do drugs,
or join a gang because kids get tired pretty quickly.
They only got enough energy for either a carjacking or
a dance. Societal it can't do both. Kids aren't the

(00:49):
only one who benefit, because for every dollar spent on
an after school program, the state gets nearly seven dollars
back in potential benefits thanks to lower teenage, pregnancy, subsibutes,
and crime. Now, that doesn't mean that every kid in
the after school program is never going to commit a crime,
But if a kid stays off the streets and makes
it to college, then someday he can commit a white

(01:12):
collar crime. That's the dream. But the impact goes far
beyond keeping kids busy. They also help kids succeed in school.
After school programs are linked to higher grades, attendance, and
graduation rates. The only thing better than that is bribing

(01:33):
your kids teacher. Take it from me, that ship could
get expensive. Sean. They also expose kids to new interests, music, art, language.
There's no limit to the ways after school programs can

(01:54):
broaden your horizons, and I mean no limit. Laren's in
Southeast Virginia voicing outrage over a proposal to add an
after school Satan club to a local public elementary school
that teaches pre k through second grade, the national director
for the Satan Club defended the idea. We don't try
to indoctrinate them into Satanism. We just want to offer

(02:18):
a place that's you know, fun, you know, exciting, free
from any sort of threats of eternal damnation. How come
that bitch didn't blink. Yes, they even have a Satanism club.

(02:40):
You know that some parents who are like, oh my god,
that's horrible. But is it free? Though? So, it's clear
that after school programs are hugely beneficial. The problem is
they just don't get a lot of money. The federal
government is barely funding these programs and state governments aren't
doing much better. But it is possible because California did it.

(03:03):
In fact, for the past twenty years, California has outspent
all the other forty nine states combined on after school programs,
which is messed up because California actually has shit to
do after school. I mean seriously that Compare that to
South Dakota and shit to do In South Dakota. Kids
can only look at Mount Rushmore for so long before

(03:25):
they're like, I it's time to do some meths. But
the reason California spends so much on after school programs
is thanks to the work of one very kind, dedicated

(03:46):
kindergarten teacher. In two thousand and two, Arnold Schwarzenegger was
almost single handedly responsible for California's passage of Prop. Forty nine,
which made after school funding mandatory. Even today, the former
governor raises money after school programs with fun charity events
like crushing things with this tank. I'm inviting you personally
to the Los Angeles and to crush things in my

(04:07):
tank with me. Let's crush a taxicab, Let's crush a piano.
This will benefit the after school all stars. So what
are you waiting for? Let's go around and crush things
with that tank. Who knew that big buff mother love kids? Aha?

(04:36):
We gotta get more celebrities to turn their obsessions into charity.
Tom Cruise start jumping out of airplanes to save baby Seals,
Snoop Dogg smoke weed for Global warm and baby Lea
Lott of DiCaprio, Well, have you've seen his girlfriends. He's

(04:56):
already running an after school program. I'm sorry, Leo, they
made me say it. Please let me in your parties now.
As awesome as this is, our after school programs shouldn't

(05:17):
depend on whether anyone wants to hang out with Arnos Swatsonata.
We need to find a more reliable way to fund
these programs because they're important to underprivileged kids. And I
know what I'm talking about because after school programs was
important to me. That's why I'm talking about this shit.
I grew up in the project in New York City

(05:37):
and there was ten of us in our household, ten
wands kids, and thanks God, we had after school programs.
It exposed us to the arts. Imagine if all that
energy and work ethic was directed towards slinging drugs. I'm
not saying we beat the Winds cartel, but we would
have got a lot of mother time. Now. Listen, it

(06:02):
changed our life, and not just for our family, but
for a lot of kids in the after school programs
it did well, but for those who stays on the
streets not so much. See, it makes all the difference
to be in a place that keeps you busy, keeps
you fed, keeps you protected, even from the bullies. All
the bullies who say three o'clock, I'm gonna kick your ass.

(06:23):
You're like, so what, nigga, I'm here to six. So
the bully has to join the drama program just to
find you I'm gonna kick your ass after rehearsal Malin.
But first, let's read this sonnet from Hamlet. So long

(06:46):
story short, we need to make funding after school programs
a national priority. It literally benefits everyone, the kids, the community,
and especially you, because if I didn't have after school programs,
you could have been wrong by wands live a lot
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