March 18, 2023 • 42 mins
“If I'm on the internet, I'm not going to see these little impulse buys. I'm not going to see this pack of gum at the register. There's no pack of gum at the register in an online store.” - Dulcé Sloan
“An online store will tell you up top - the thing you want, we ain't got any. The one you like, it's not here. We'll send you an email when it gets here, but for today, don't waste your time." - Josh Johnson
It’s online vs. In-store shopping this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson.
Hold Up is a podcast from The Daily Show. Listen to new episodes every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts, or watch at YouTube.com/TheDaily Show
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, what's up? Here's edition listener,
It's Josh Johnson, right for the Daily Show. You're about
to here an episode of one of our original Daily
Show podcasts, hold Up, hosted by me and Daily Show
correspondent duels Say Sloan. It's where we take our office
banter into a weekly war words about topics big and small.
In this episode, we debate online versus in store shopping.
(00:23):
We chat about which one we think is a better
shopping experience, which one has better customer service, and where
we're likely to spend our money. Tune in to find
out which side of the debate we each land on,
and if you like the show, check out the hold
Up podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everybody, welcome
to Hold Up. I'm Josh Johnson. I'm a writer for
(00:47):
the Daily Show, and I'm joined by my co host,
The Fact, the legend, the menus. I don't know what
fact meant, the fact that you said the fact, The
factor says slow. You have to keep it now information, Joshua.
Now you are a writer on the Daily Show. I'm
(01:09):
gonna corresponded, but I didn't want to say you happy
New Year. Me grow. Oh yeah, happy New Year. Happy
mo fucking new Year. Now listen. One of my friend
was like, oh, this year should be great because it's
our Jordan year. Does that mean I guess that was
his number? It was his number, but a lot of
(01:30):
there have been a lot of athletes in the history
of sports that have not done well with the number
twenty three. I understand it is going to be some
people's Jordan year, but you can't tell me anyone that's
ever put on the number twenty three jersey for football,
for you know, basketball, well, you know, and everyone people
(01:52):
turned thirty three, they're like, oh, it's your Jesus year.
Just died and came back on the third day. That's
why we have a whole religion insa. They're like, oh,
is your Jesus. I don't think anything happened. No, it
was a pretty big year for him, But yeah, I
don't think it means something has to happen for me
every time. I don't think. Yeah, like, I don't even
(02:15):
remember what year that was when I was thirty three,
so nothing could have happened because I don't think it
would pop out to you. Yeah, yeah, like I don't
remember when I did it. Uh yeah, twenty sixteen, all
twenty sixty. Well, twenty sixteen is when I moved to
LA and I was really doing stand up full time,
(02:35):
so I guess it did do a thing. Hey, you
are really out here everything that full Jesus year I
was reborn, you know what I mean, because I stopped
into a different lifestyle, truly, because I was you know,
I was able to stop selling stucco, stopped doing bilingual
customer service. If you motherfucker's email me again. I remember
(02:56):
one day and when um, I was taking a nap
m and I got a call from this woman and
she's called from a temp agency, yeah, offering me a job.
I said, ma'am, I'm not available for this job. And
I tried to hang up the phone and she wouldn't
let me. I guess they really needed a bilingal customer
service age. I was like, ma'am, I don't even live
(03:19):
in Georgia. I like how you tried to hang up,
and she the idea that she didn't let you, the
idea that you were about to hang up, and that
she's on the other end, Like, I guess you're just
gonna let him die then, and then like, you're like, wait,
what what does that mean? Because she was like, because
she was getting an attitude with me, and that's what
I was not understanding. M. I don't know how. I
(03:41):
don't live in the state of Georgia anymore. M was
not of a viable answer, so like, an't even Georgia.
I'm sorry you can you take me off your list
or whatever? She's like, I mean, I just don't understand it.
And I just went Google me and I hear Google you,
I said, because I had time now, M, and we've
made a part that day, right, Sloan, I don't oh,
(04:08):
oh okay, yeah, I see what you mean. Thank you
think I'll take you off your list? Thank you saying
congratulations about your successes and thank you so much. Yeah
you know, you know you always turned someone into a friend,
right or a swan Because something came up through the
(04:28):
other days of Colic and he was like, hey, don't
say arch Nemesis, and I was like, whoa, whoa to
be your nemesis, I have to know your last name,
which is what an arch Nemesis would say. Though to
be fair, that's a that's high. You can't you can't
be like I don't know you well know, to be
your arch nemesis, that's one thing. But the way you
said it was exactly how an arch nemesis would say it.
(04:51):
Because I was like, Sir, I really don't have it.
And then he said something slick, and I said, you
know what, let's go. You want a nemesis. Oh I'm
not because I just I didn't want Honestly, I just
don't care enough to be his arch nemesis. Yeah, you
know what it feels like. Uh, And for the listeners,
(05:12):
we're gonna get into the episode in a second. But
what what it feels like being your friend and watching
you move through the world and also watching you tell stories.
It feels like when you're telling me the thing. This
is now the confessional booth from when the thing happened.
But sometimes you'll tell me about a thing and I
(05:33):
don't know if you forgot I was there, but I
saw it happen. So then now you're telling me your
friend you weren't. I wasn't there when you were talking
to him. But I've been there before when you've told
me about things, and maybe I was in the background,
or maybe I was at the club and you didn't
know but like like the way that I'll see the
thing happen, but then you tell me later. By the
(05:54):
time it's in my head, it's like I'm watching Big Brother,
and so you'll be at you'll be somewhere and so
it'll say something and that you'll be like, don't try me.
Then you'll tell me about the thing, and you'll be like,
and so what's going through my head in the moment,
I was like, you get the confessional, It's it's the
(06:15):
full edit in my head. Wow, talking about selling stucco.
And you've brought us right into our topic today for
the listeners. Today we're doing online shopping, yes, versus in
store shopping. Okay, hallelujah. And I want to shout out
real quick because we got this episode topic from someone
(06:40):
on Instagram leaving a comment. Because when you leave your comments,
when you when you make your tweets and your hashtag
hold up and when you comment on things under The
Daily Show's page that have us on them, we do
see them and we appreciate all of them. And so
we saw this with i'd be a great topic. So
shout out to I'm gonna try to say it right,
but it's a handle so I feel less bad about mispronunciation. Um,
(07:02):
ab chess or ninety two is where we got this from? Two? Yeah,
there must have been ninety one other ab chessers. No,
just when they were born friends. Oh, yep, you're right,
you're right. Maybe we could that part out. I'm not
looking up that. I remember I had boobs when this
(07:25):
man was born, not a person. M hm. Anyway, what
side of the argument do you land on? Of course
I'm in store shopping, you're in store. Okay, all right,
this is this perfect thing I'm still weary about. Yes,
Amazon has my shit, right, Amazon has a credit card information,
(07:50):
but I don't like it. Yeah, I don't like that.
Now every website wants to store your card in a wallet, everybody,
because like I remember when the Internet started, and what
people don't realize was what I had a conversation with
the money the other day and I was like, you
know the noise that the Internet used to make? Yeah, yeah,
(08:15):
the Internet used to be loud. They put that noise
in because they didn't believe people would believe if they
didn't have any noise. But my question is why was that?
Why are a group of adults sit in a room
I just did on those sales. I think it's because
(08:38):
what ended up happening was they were looking for sounds
to make it sound like the computer was doing something right,
and they needed to make people think that computer was
putting in work all right. And those are the most
stressed out sounds I've ever heard come out of a machine.
So they did. They did right by their endeavor. When
(08:58):
you would get this CD ROM from AOO and it
would go, you have this many hours of Internet? Could
you imagine now somebody's saying to you you can only
be on the Internet for thirty hours total, and then
you have to buy more. It was a pay as
you go internet. We'd live in a better world, to
(09:18):
be honest with you, if there was a limit, if
there was a limit on Twitter, if you could only
do Twitter for twenty minutes, Oh we have to really
chill out. Well, remember when Facebook used to stop? So
Facebook in two thousand and five, when I got on Facebook,
(09:39):
which is okay, good God, good Jesus above. I got
on Facebook in two thousand and five. Do you understand
it's twenty twenty three before Facebook? Because I think when
you were talking about this one day, everybody who updated
their status you you're friends with, you'd see all all
(10:00):
of that and then that was it, and then you're like, okay,
I finished Facebook. Oh so it would stop for you,
Like it would be like that's all we got, right,
So say I'm friends with two hundred people, Yeah, I
for only thirty people updated their status or many people
I knew. You'd scurorel to the end and it's like
and we're done for today. My Space is the same thing.
(10:23):
You remember how my space worked, whatememb Being a somebody's
top eight was a big deal. What I'm saying is
that the irons to be enough. It used to be enough.
And I remember when you didn't put your real name. Yeah, yeah,
when everybody's email address was pony Girl seven, you know
sixty two or you know wrestling Maniac eighty eight. My
(10:48):
favorite handle to date is I was playing VR and
I met this guy playing VR and his handle was
Ferrari sixty nine. You know it. Good Jesus, Oh, good Jesus,
(11:16):
because something happened. Something happened when the email came out
and all of a sudden, all of us had to
be professional business accounts, like business emails. Yeah, like no
one had a silly like, uh, my Hotmail account was
deuced in a quarter, which is my nickname? Yea. My
Yahoo account was do say two thousand? Do say also
(11:38):
my nickname and the two thousand because it was literally
the year two thousand at Yahoo dot com. But for
some reason, when these Gmail email addresses came out, we
all got really everyone started using a real name. So
me coming from the era of you know, black plan It, MySpace,
(12:01):
college Club, Me, Henty Asian Avenue, all of these silly
ass websites because my stace is really just trying to
teach us all how to code and so coming from
the air where you didn't use your real name on
the Internet, And now all of my credit card information
is just stored by con Ed the fuck. No, I
(12:21):
don't need Forever twenty one to keep my credit card information.
I don't need Rainbow Clothing stores to have my credit
at all times. I remember when it Rainbow. If you
were going to pay with a debit card, you had
to show them I D and if the back of
your card wasn't signed, they wouldn't take it. Look, you
know who already has your credit card information ready to
(12:42):
go if you use it enough, if you're a loyal
customer online stores. But that's what I don't like. I understand.
But if these stores are doing it, what's the difference.
It's I prefer an arm. I'll tell you this. If
I go in a store, it is beneficial for stores
(13:04):
to me to go in a store, because I'm gonna
buy more ship if I'm in a store. For the
fact that you've gone in a target. Yeah, you've never
gone to a target and not spent two hundred dollars
I I but yeah, no, I you got a good job.
Like when I didn't have the job I have now,
or I could usually walk into a target get exactly
(13:25):
what I was gonna get. Why do you close one eye?
I mean get exactly wink wink what I was. Yeah,
if I came in here for a person some cheap
(13:46):
ass ear rings, I'm getting a person some cheap ass earrings,
maybe a snack, and I'm the fuck up out of here.
Now I'm a target, Like, what's this? A little like
cheap ass actually with a little goofy shit in the
front that no one knows what it is. But you
still want to buy it, that dumb shit because you need,
(14:06):
because I need, because but if I'm on the internet,
I'm not gonna see these little impulse buys. I'm not
gonna see this pack of gum at the register. There's
no pack of gum at the register and an online store.
You see what I'm saying. Sure, sure, I'm with you.
But my biggest rebuttal to that is that sometimes you'll
go in the store and they don't have what you want.
(14:28):
Sometimes you will call ahead and ask them specifically if
they have what you want, and they really don't feel
like doing all that walking, and so they'll lie and
say they have what you want. And you get there
and they have what you want. An online store will
tell you up top, we ain't got any the one
you like. It's not here, and we'll let you know.
We'll send you an email when it gets here, but
(14:48):
for today, don't waste your time. That's why that's why
you go to the online store, see if they have it,
and then go to the store. Okay, but this is
and this brings up an interesting point because what you're
talking about is a bit of a of a hybrid
situation using everything the pros of everything, which I am
(15:09):
a huge fan of. But if we're talking real like
real debate, okay, like real dire straits. And there are
some stores that don't have an online website, and there
are some websites that have no physical location. If you
had to choose between the two of those, you know
(15:29):
what I mean, I feel like we'd still land with picking.
I'm picking when I go walk in because one one,
if you are a business that does not have a website,
will you interact with people? Fuck are you doing? Fuck
are you doing? When I see restaurants that don't have websites,
(15:49):
I'm like, why I meant did say something? But Matt
Richards said something to be interesting the other day. You've
never seen a Chinese food restaurant commercial? Yeah, no, because
people know you just don't know. People know to come through,
and they know when to come through because McDonald's that
commercials for years. Yeah. But McDonald's is trying to sell
(16:12):
you on something that's not as timeless as Chinese food
gimmick because because Chinese food, what they do so well
is that a bunch of places, over the whole of
our lives, as long as we've been eating Chinese food,
we know that for every Chinese restaurant out there, there
are some staples that they will have, and so there's
(16:34):
a shared language there that even though all of Chinese
food is very different and all of the different restaurants
are not a chain, we still know generally how to
navigate based on having been to several Chinese restaurants, whereas
with McDonald's, McDonald's might come to your country, they might
(16:56):
be like, hey, have you ever heard of a big mac?
Let me tell you about a big mac. You know,
Chinese restaurants, they don't need to be like have you
ever heard of chicken? That's not necessary. I'll tell you this.
We all saw the mcgriddle. We were like, wow, Wow,
(17:18):
how did they come up with the technology? Right? Wait,
what the mcgriddle? It's a pancake with the syrup on
the inside. Yeah, they put sanza egg and cheese in
the middle, and we're like, this is crazy. How did
they do this? And then twenty sixteen, I mean the
Beautified Higway Farmers Marketing Beautifed Highway Georgia in Atlanta, and
(17:41):
I see this Korean street food. Oh so they've been
jocket Korean street food this entire time. It's a fucking ploy. Wow,
it's the same if I were Korea I go, I
go after him. I'd be like, hey, hey, I'd walk
(18:03):
into any McDonald's in America be like, hey, and me
my money. Stop the presses, Okay, cease and the motherfucker sessed.
Stop pressing anything to the grill. Y'all can't afford today,
all right, because I'm suing everything. I still hate putting
(18:26):
my credit card information into the internet. I barely like
looking at my bank information anywhere. I don't like it.
I don't. I've never liked it. I understand it's super
fucking convenient, it's great. PayPal still freaks me out. All
of this ship still freaks me out. I know that
they can still your information like Target had, Like yeah,
(18:47):
Target got got but they yeah, they didn't have that leak.
They had that full on spill. That was it was.
It was, that was everybody. It was, It was about
these It was if you don't know what we're talking about.
Target had like a big hack and a lot of
people's credit card numbers and like a lot of their
(19:07):
information got for every if you want, if you thought
about Target, your information got fucking leaked. Yeah it was,
and it was in the I think the millions of customers,
so everything really bad. I think had the same thing happened?
Question did I'm always like, with these hackers, instead of
(19:28):
stealing credit card information, just hack Sally May one time.
I guess you could do both, because then here's the
thing both. I understand you got to get your money. Yeah,
because niggas in the mask that get up in the anonymous. Yeah,
Anonymous ain't hack Sally May order Freddie Mack. Yet also
we talk a lot about Sally. Maybe we don't never
(19:48):
talk about Freddie Mack, and I don't like that. I
think that what's happening with anonymous is that they are
more focused on like global issues, and like the like
economic issues will quickly get them caught. I don't think
they'll be as anonymous if it like if they leak
something from wiki leaks or something like that, if someone
(20:11):
says something that on WhatsApp that's like hateful, it might
lead to the you know, the persecution of a bunch
of people. They jump in there and they're like, hey,
this is this person by the way, just so you
know they did it, and especially if they can uncover it.
I think that when it comes to the economic stuff,
especially like student loan stuff, I think they know that
(20:34):
they would get got so fast that they're like, we
don't need those problems. Oh, because there's not enough VPNs.
You can't jump off enough servers. No, No, America does
not play with money. No, she never has because I don't,
which I always thought was interesting because my mother told
me anything, if you want to change anything in America,
(20:55):
you fuck with the white man's money because you've come
for someone's money. Hey, this is we're playing a different
game now, Like if you're playing politics, it's like some
nothing may come of anything. Right, people can talk and
talk and talk all day, like a lot of what
if you look at some of the stuff Anonymous has done,
A lot of it started as like truly pranks and
(21:17):
like things that were sort of taking the piss out
of you know, politicians and stuff. Money is you gotta
be real careful because America's a business. America's a business
first and foremost. Yeah, I think people forget. I think
some people when they were in school, they weren't paying
attention enough to realize that America is a business has
(21:38):
always been a business. I don't think online shopping could
have popped anywhere like it did here anywhere, but here
like America is so business orient convenience oriented. I don't
think that online shopping would have had the same effect
because it's like, I know there's times from just like
I need to do exit. And that's not only the
online shop. It's like when you think about like just
(22:01):
Uber Eats or something like that, Like the other day
it was like, hey, I need some stuff from the
drug store. I truly do not have time. What if
someone just brought this to my house. The fact that
there when I was a kid, that wasn't a thing
because we had stopped doing like pizza and Chinese food
got delivered. You had to go to McDonald's. Yeah, yeah,
(22:24):
everything betweets and Chinese food delivered. Everything else you had
to go pick up. New York is different just because
if everybody went to McDonald's, yeah, the whole thing. If
everybody went to go get what they needed in New York,
the city would shut down. There's too many humans in
the street, so you needed. I think online shopping has
it's benefits, but the thing that's but the cons are
(22:47):
so you know, I went on vacations last month and
I needed a new babe in suit as my mamma
cause it and I ordered a bunch of bathing suits
because they don't we don't sell bathe suits in the wintertime, yeah,
in department stores. So I had to order a bunch
of bathing suits off of Bezos's Internet. I now have
(23:11):
eleven bathing suits that I have to return. And you
can't just go to because before Amazon would come to
you if you had to return something. They don't do
that anymore because they realize that people are lazy enough,
well they'll forget to return something and then they just
don't wrap the refund people. They just have the money.
(23:32):
So now I have until the thirty first to return
eleven bathing suits that don't fit. And that's I think
is the pitfall with online shopping because now if something
doesn't work, if something doesn't fit, now I have to
go to the Whole Foods to find the Amazon locker
to return this fun I bought a tea kettle from
(23:54):
fucking Amazon fresh out the box. Did not work. I
don't have someone else return it. I think at a
shorter return window or a misster return window, because I
think the emailed me and they were like, hey, we
charge you, and I was like fuck. But I was
on the road and again. And that's the thing. If
you don't return it, you bought it. Okay, So I
promise you right now, these eleven bathing foods, Oh, they're
(24:16):
going the fuck back. I'm with you. I'm in full
support of everything that you said just now as a
con because I accept them as cons of online shopping.
This is this is where I think that online shopping
is a bit superior in that we don't give credit
to online shopping for the things that in store brick
(24:38):
and mortar stores do that ends up being online. So,
for instance, with online shopping, hey, we will let you
know when the thing is back in stock. You'll get
an email from us as soon as the thing is
back in stock, and we can send it to you.
If you're at a brick and mortar only store and
they don't have what you want, they're not calling you
(24:59):
a week from now to be like, hey, by the way,
we got it. Maybe a comic book shop will do that.
That's the only person I've ever had hit me up
after I've been in there looking for something specific and
then left my info with them, and then they hit
me up and they were like, hey, we we got it.
If you want to come back through right aspect when
(25:21):
I was a little Yeah, all right, so say keep
going yeah um yeah. Now now if they don't have
what I want, I just leave. I don't tell them
to content me. Hey listen, I don't need it that
bad now, Okay. I was like Josh Johnson walking in
at thirty two years old, being like, yeah, I need
the Superman number eight hundred and sixty five. Yeah, paragraph, um, paragraph,
(25:48):
the idea. The most assultic thing about that whole like
rant you just went on was that I'd buy just
the paragraph. You know what. They had the new Man Boy,
the New Spider Man, the boy that came out to
Miles Morales. This is my question. If the daddy black
and the mama Puerto Rican, and the daddy is there,
(26:11):
how is his last name Morales? Is the daddy also Latino?
I mean maybe he was mad at his daddy, you know, baby,
he's like, hey, I go with maiden names when you're
not acting right, Okay. Because I saw that and I
was like, Okay, that's awesome. It's a whole Afro Latino family.
And they're like, no, the dad's black and the mom
is Puerto Rican. So I'm like, is this his stepdaddy. Look,
(26:37):
I'm I'm not gonna lie to you. I haven't kept
up hard. I haven't listen when there's like a because
he's like in a multiverse, right, when there's a spider
pig and all kinds of shit, right, you might be
asking the wrong one. I'm is that not your universe?
(27:00):
It was not. I liked it growing up, but I
have not read Spiderman in quite a while. I think
that I just used it as an example because to me,
there are things that we think brick and mortar stores do.
There are actually aspects of online shopping, and I think
that you gotta pull that over. If we're splitting it
(27:20):
down the middle, you gotta push that couch on my side,
because the notifications and the recommendations are you're gonna get
those mainly online. You might go into a brick and
mortar store and find a sales associate passionate enough to
help you find the right top for you, the right
(27:43):
pants that look good, that's not just trying to upsell you.
You might find that genuine person. They're out there, but
there's a higher likelihood that, based off what you like,
a website will pick something else that you might like
and be right, but I'll say this, what I really
need need something, it's not on a store, it's not
(28:05):
on the end. It's sold out. When I really need something,
it's never there. No. I really needed some black flats O.
The store didn't have them. They had to mail them
to me. I needed a new purse, store didn't have it.
I'm gonna have probably have to find one a line,
like a real leather purse, because my friends have shaved
(28:25):
me and told me that I can afford a real
leather purse because at one point my other purse was peeling.
So they're like you making yeah, yeah, you have a
good job, your purse can't be peeling. Um, But I've
it's very rare. I go into a store and I'm
just like, black leather purse, it's what I need. It's
it's like it's a lot of times I can't find
(28:46):
what I want anyway. So going into a store, it's like, hey,
you know what, I didn't find what I wanted. I
didn't find what I needed, but I found something that works. Oh,
I just realized another thing, another pro for online shopping.
(29:06):
When you're online shopping, do you mean food or stuff? Um,
I guess I was thinking just stuff for this episode. Okay,
because I had them delivered grocery, I did, Amazon delivered
groceries to me. Yeah. Yeah, I never want another human
being to pick up my fruit or meat ever again.
Oh really, I never want another person to pick up
my produce or my fruit or my meat again. Wow?
(29:30):
Ever again? Yeah, I've realized while you were talking before.
Another pro, especially for us of online shopping. Nobody follows
you in the store. You know it's following you through
the internet. Yep, yep, you're really just out here, free
to shop in peace, in bed, in pajamas. Maybe it's snuggie, Yeah,
(29:54):
doing that experience in a brick and mortar. Roll up
to a brick and mor store with a snuggie right, No,
their stories you can walk through with his nail. There
are some, but try just walking through a store without
getting looks, especially depending on the store. There are people
who use the internet to find the dress they want
to wear for their wedding. Roll up to a wedding
(30:17):
stress store with a snuggy. Odd, they won't even let
you try stuff off. They'll be like, no, no, you're
clearly going through something. No, you clearly it's musty under
that snuggie broe. Being musty is one of the cardinal
sins of black people. Yeah, it really is. It's like
(30:40):
it's one of those things where it will change your
whole view on the person. Like someone could be giving
a lecture at a university, but if you pass them
and they got they got that, you know that that smell,
that's it's bo but it's also choked, like they've been
choking stink all day. Like you can tell they put
on extra layers so the stink wouldn't get through if
(31:03):
someone smells that on you, no matter what your lecture
was about there, Like I bet you you were wrong.
I bet you not as smart as I thought you
were because you sting. We are so funny about smelling good. Yeah, yeah,
I will even have I've had the thing where this
is really unfair because you know, you know about pheromones, right,
(31:25):
I love pheromones, but they will. But the thing is
because you don't have any siblings, right, No, there's something
that happens when you're a teenager, and I probably this
is probably just nature yours, especially like a brother to
a sister or just a brother or just a son.
Boys when they go through puberty smell like a family member.
(31:48):
Male smell terrible. Yeah, my brother fresh out the shower,
remember mother yelling at him, being like what the fuck?
And he's like, I just took a shower. Pe you.
I don't it must be all right, but yeah, tell
(32:13):
about your phaomones. Doctor put it. It's not my pheromones.
It's a it's a thing I witnessed. I was. I
think I was playing. I was. I was like playing
soccer with some people. And afterwards, uh, we met up
with some friends and they were all talking about so
we all stink from running around in the sun and
(32:34):
like trying to score goals and stuff like that. And
there was this dude who was already good looking, but
the way that the that the women in that group,
we're trying to get near him, and we're talking about
how good he smelled when he was gone, when he
was in the bathroom. I was so upset because I
know that they were going off those pheromones he was
(32:54):
dropping from, you know, just having rippling muscles, maybe muscles
sweat different and I have no idea, but the way
that they were gone about the farebats, I was like
this dude can't be good looking and have good stink sweat.
That's not fair. I'll tell you that. I saw a
study one time where they took it was like a college.
(33:14):
They had just women just wear T shirts like before
their cycle, during their cycle, and after their cycle. And
they gave these T shirts to men, like you know,
college age boys, and they were like, smell these shirts.
How attractive do you think the person is? And they
tracked that right before the menstrual cycle, of course, is
(33:38):
where all these men were like, yo, who was this person? Yeah?
She smelled like a good person. Yeah, she smells like
she's beautiful. I am someone who had to have planned
be delivered to me, and that that is a blessing.
(34:01):
The other benefit of an online store no lock up.
You're not going to Walgreens hitting the button, wait for
somebody to shut like run by and be like which
one do you want to get, and then unlock the
thing and then pull it out for you online shop
and you just add the cart. Honestly, when are we
gonna just make the whole store that? Yeah, it's almost there.
(34:24):
It's like the only thing they haven't locked up is
the chips. When they started locking up baby formula. I
was like, this country's trash. We have a little bit
of pride where when someone comes here and talks about
how trash we are, we get defensive. But it's so
funny when I travel and I'm like, oh, y'all don't
in the street. Y'all don't like it's like you don't
even have a way to bridge two ideas. Like I'm
(34:49):
being in the UK, like being in London and going
on like their Walgreens which was called Boots, and I
was like, nothing was locked up. Now it was nothing
locked up. They'll get few recommendations. This this thing I
liked because when we were in London and I remember
I had to get that um I got something because
(35:10):
I had hurt myself, right, so I was trying to
get some real pharmacy. We went to a real pharmacy
and there was just one day that was like, look
it's Russian. I don't know what it says, but it works,
Russian tailing all. Yeah, she gave those Russian tail at all.
And I was like, wait, so are you saying like
is this over the calendar or is this She's like
it's a little strong, Like I was like, she was
(35:32):
like how much she what hurts here. None of the
package was in English. None of the package was in English.
I don't even know how she knew what she was
telling because when I was in the Bahamas, one of
my friends had lost her in Hailer and another friend
of the bugs were just really eating her up and
she was having a bad history interaction. And our chef
told us to go to the pharmacy, and she's like,
(35:54):
just tell them you need to do in Hailer and
just and she just gave her and in Haler just
Albuterol and Hailer, and then gave my friends some other
prescriptions strength. And I'm just like, oh, yeah, back in
this day, you used to be able to go to
a pharmacy and go, hey, here's a problem. Yeah, I
Will says a good point. That's the thing that I
(36:16):
think the concession I can make is that brick and
mortar stores have better customer service than online shopping. Because
online shopping they don't want they don't even want you
to call. They won't tell you. You'll have to google
the number. You'll google the number for a place that
has a store that should have the number on the website.
(36:38):
You can't call Amazon. Yeah, you can't, there's no number.
Amazon has no customer service. And for as large as
that company is, as someone who worked customer service for
like twelve years, a fact that a company that big
doesn't have customer service is insane. It shouldn't be legal.
It shouldn't. I can't call Where is my waffle iron?
(37:10):
That up? It's not updating? I got kids in here.
I'm supposed to be, haven't top of the line four
Bernard top waffle iron trademark by waffle House Waffle irons
brow It comes with a fight in every box? Yeah,
where is? There's no one to call? As soon as
(37:31):
you open the box, you get a punch in the face. Truly,
And a convict is cooking your eggs m hm because
he's good at it, right, delicious? Delicious? Where the fuck is?
You can't call? You can't call Amazon and find out
you're not? Yeah, you're not wrong, So I think it's
not kicked us over to the listeners. Did we make
(37:55):
valid points? I think we made a few. I think
we made at least two weeks each a loose to each.
Tell us what you think? Do you think online store
or in store shopping? I'm gonna be in store shopping
all the way because I like to touch the feel
of cotton, the fabric of our lives. You know, I
(38:16):
see what I'm saying. I I'm gonna I'm gonna be
(38:37):
online shopping because I care about the future, and I
think that there's even more innovations to be made. I
think we've taken the brick and more store as far
as it's gonna go. I think that everything that's coming
for the future of shopping is gonna be online. So
you know what needs to happen, you know how like
food trucks when they get to a point, they could
(38:59):
do brick and mortar store. Yeah, we need you remember
the bookmobile when you were a kid. Yep, that's what
we need to start doing with these trucks. Mob the stores,
baby girl. Okay, Yeah, pull up in your neighborhood with
the essentials. This sounds like the most kidnappable store I've
ever heard. You're gonna roll up and they'd be like,
(39:22):
come on in and get your supplies, and then you're
just gonna close the van and drive off. It's like
it could be like a bookmobile situation, or it could
be like an ice cream truck situation. We pull up,
you see the pictures on the side, Like, yo, let
me get some toilet paper, let me get some paper towels,
(39:42):
let me get some dishwashing liquid, let me get some diapers,
let me get some tampons, cat food, and I'm out.
Just roll up in your neighborhood, Okay, I mean yeah,
I think I mean that would be the evolution of
the brick and mortar store. I think that's the next
step because, like say, someplace like here, people gotta go
(40:03):
to the train. People gotta do this again, Like, could
you imagine if a mobile, if just J. C. Penny
just pull up in your neighborhood. Also, they keep telling
me there's not on the end of it, and I
don't believe them. Yeah, Dillard's pull up, Yeah, Dillards, pull
(40:25):
up in the apartments, you know, nor strom rack. Let's go.
There's a dressing room in this bitch, I understand, pull up,
there's a fitting room. I've been one of those wardrobe
trucks on set. So let us know what you think
you know. Let us know if you either of us
have won you over from the position you started in,
(40:48):
or if you were with us the whole time. We
want to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening. Um,
I'm I'm Josh Johnson. If you want more of me,
you can find me on my podcast, That Josh Johnson Show,
which is where if you listen to podcasts and if
you are looking for Dul's Sake Sharks. Today, I come
to you with my new business, Oh gosh, okay store
(41:12):
on wheels. Baby girl. You can find me in your hood,
in your neighborhood in tomorrow with your daddy. You know
what I mean. I'm on to internet, you know what
it is. Also, hey, man, call your mama bye, see him.
(41:38):
This has been hold up. We've covered conscious rap versus
club bangers, barstow versus body wash, diners versus waffle houses,
all sorts of things. What else should we be talking about?
We want to know from you. Let us know, drop
us a comment or hit hold up on social at
The Daily Show. Explore more shows from The Day Show
(42:00):
podcast universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you get
your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven tenth
Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on
Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast
You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, what's up? Here's edition listener,
It's Josh Johnson, right for the Daily Show. You're about
to here an episode of one of our original Daily
Show podcasts, hold Up, hosted by me and Daily Show
correspondent duels Say Sloan. It's where we take our office
banter into a weekly war words about topics big and small.
In this episode, we debate online versus in store shopping.
(00:23):
We chat about which one we think is a better
shopping experience, which one has better customer service, and where
we're likely to spend our money. Tune in to find
out which side of the debate we each land on,
and if you like the show, check out the hold
Up podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everybody, welcome
to Hold Up. I'm Josh Johnson. I'm a writer for
(00:47):
the Daily Show, and I'm joined by my co host,
The Fact, the legend, the menus. I don't know what
fact meant, the fact that you said the fact, The
factor says slow. You have to keep it now information, Joshua.
Now you are a writer on the Daily Show. I'm
(01:09):
gonna corresponded, but I didn't want to say you happy
New Year. Me grow. Oh yeah, happy New Year. Happy
mo fucking new Year. Now listen. One of my friend
was like, oh, this year should be great because it's
our Jordan year. Does that mean I guess that was
his number? It was his number, but a lot of
(01:30):
there have been a lot of athletes in the history
of sports that have not done well with the number
twenty three. I understand it is going to be some
people's Jordan year, but you can't tell me anyone that's
ever put on the number twenty three jersey for football,
for you know, basketball, well, you know, and everyone people
(01:52):
turned thirty three, they're like, oh, it's your Jesus year.
Just died and came back on the third day. That's
why we have a whole religion insa. They're like, oh,
is your Jesus. I don't think anything happened. No, it
was a pretty big year for him, But yeah, I
don't think it means something has to happen for me
every time. I don't think. Yeah, like, I don't even
(02:15):
remember what year that was when I was thirty three,
so nothing could have happened because I don't think it
would pop out to you. Yeah, yeah, like I don't
remember when I did it. Uh yeah, twenty sixteen, all
twenty sixty. Well, twenty sixteen is when I moved to
LA and I was really doing stand up full time,
(02:35):
so I guess it did do a thing. Hey, you
are really out here everything that full Jesus year I
was reborn, you know what I mean, because I stopped
into a different lifestyle, truly, because I was you know,
I was able to stop selling stucco, stopped doing bilingual
customer service. If you motherfucker's email me again. I remember
(02:56):
one day and when um, I was taking a nap
m and I got a call from this woman and
she's called from a temp agency, yeah, offering me a job.
I said, ma'am, I'm not available for this job. And
I tried to hang up the phone and she wouldn't
let me. I guess they really needed a bilingal customer
service age. I was like, ma'am, I don't even live
(03:19):
in Georgia. I like how you tried to hang up,
and she the idea that she didn't let you, the
idea that you were about to hang up, and that
she's on the other end, Like, I guess you're just
gonna let him die then, and then like, you're like, wait,
what what does that mean? Because she was like, because
she was getting an attitude with me, and that's what
I was not understanding. M. I don't know how. I
(03:41):
don't live in the state of Georgia anymore. M was
not of a viable answer, so like, an't even Georgia.
I'm sorry you can you take me off your list
or whatever? She's like, I mean, I just don't understand it.
And I just went Google me and I hear Google you,
I said, because I had time now, M, and we've
made a part that day, right, Sloan, I don't oh,
(04:08):
oh okay, yeah, I see what you mean. Thank you
think I'll take you off your list? Thank you saying
congratulations about your successes and thank you so much. Yeah
you know, you know you always turned someone into a friend,
right or a swan Because something came up through the
(04:28):
other days of Colic and he was like, hey, don't
say arch Nemesis, and I was like, whoa, whoa to
be your nemesis, I have to know your last name,
which is what an arch Nemesis would say. Though to
be fair, that's a that's high. You can't you can't
be like I don't know you well know, to be
your arch nemesis, that's one thing. But the way you
said it was exactly how an arch nemesis would say it.
(04:51):
Because I was like, Sir, I really don't have it.
And then he said something slick, and I said, you
know what, let's go. You want a nemesis. Oh I'm
not because I just I didn't want Honestly, I just
don't care enough to be his arch nemesis. Yeah, you
know what it feels like. Uh, And for the listeners,
(05:12):
we're gonna get into the episode in a second. But
what what it feels like being your friend and watching
you move through the world and also watching you tell stories.
It feels like when you're telling me the thing. This
is now the confessional booth from when the thing happened.
But sometimes you'll tell me about a thing and I
(05:33):
don't know if you forgot I was there, but I
saw it happen. So then now you're telling me your
friend you weren't. I wasn't there when you were talking
to him. But I've been there before when you've told
me about things, and maybe I was in the background,
or maybe I was at the club and you didn't
know but like like the way that I'll see the
thing happen, but then you tell me later. By the
(05:54):
time it's in my head, it's like I'm watching Big Brother,
and so you'll be at you'll be somewhere and so
it'll say something and that you'll be like, don't try me.
Then you'll tell me about the thing, and you'll be like,
and so what's going through my head in the moment,
I was like, you get the confessional, It's it's the
(06:15):
full edit in my head. Wow, talking about selling stucco.
And you've brought us right into our topic today for
the listeners. Today we're doing online shopping, yes, versus in
store shopping. Okay, hallelujah. And I want to shout out
real quick because we got this episode topic from someone
(06:40):
on Instagram leaving a comment. Because when you leave your comments,
when you when you make your tweets and your hashtag
hold up and when you comment on things under The
Daily Show's page that have us on them, we do
see them and we appreciate all of them. And so
we saw this with i'd be a great topic. So
shout out to I'm gonna try to say it right,
but it's a handle so I feel less bad about mispronunciation. Um,
(07:02):
ab chess or ninety two is where we got this from? Two? Yeah,
there must have been ninety one other ab chessers. No,
just when they were born friends. Oh, yep, you're right,
you're right. Maybe we could that part out. I'm not
looking up that. I remember I had boobs when this
(07:25):
man was born, not a person. M hm. Anyway, what
side of the argument do you land on? Of course
I'm in store shopping, you're in store. Okay, all right,
this is this perfect thing I'm still weary about. Yes,
Amazon has my shit, right, Amazon has a credit card information,
(07:50):
but I don't like it. Yeah, I don't like that.
Now every website wants to store your card in a wallet, everybody,
because like I remember when the Internet started, and what
people don't realize was what I had a conversation with
the money the other day and I was like, you
know the noise that the Internet used to make? Yeah, yeah,
(08:15):
the Internet used to be loud. They put that noise
in because they didn't believe people would believe if they
didn't have any noise. But my question is why was that?
Why are a group of adults sit in a room
I just did on those sales. I think it's because
(08:38):
what ended up happening was they were looking for sounds
to make it sound like the computer was doing something right,
and they needed to make people think that computer was
putting in work all right. And those are the most
stressed out sounds I've ever heard come out of a machine.
So they did. They did right by their endeavor. When
(08:58):
you would get this CD ROM from AOO and it
would go, you have this many hours of Internet? Could
you imagine now somebody's saying to you you can only
be on the Internet for thirty hours total, and then
you have to buy more. It was a pay as
you go internet. We'd live in a better world, to
(09:18):
be honest with you, if there was a limit, if
there was a limit on Twitter, if you could only
do Twitter for twenty minutes, Oh we have to really
chill out. Well, remember when Facebook used to stop? So
Facebook in two thousand and five, when I got on Facebook,
(09:39):
which is okay, good God, good Jesus above. I got
on Facebook in two thousand and five. Do you understand
it's twenty twenty three before Facebook? Because I think when
you were talking about this one day, everybody who updated
their status you you're friends with, you'd see all all
(10:00):
of that and then that was it, and then you're like, okay,
I finished Facebook. Oh so it would stop for you,
Like it would be like that's all we got, right,
So say I'm friends with two hundred people, Yeah, I
for only thirty people updated their status or many people
I knew. You'd scurorel to the end and it's like
and we're done for today. My Space is the same thing.
(10:23):
You remember how my space worked, whatememb Being a somebody's
top eight was a big deal. What I'm saying is
that the irons to be enough. It used to be enough.
And I remember when you didn't put your real name. Yeah, yeah,
when everybody's email address was pony Girl seven, you know
sixty two or you know wrestling Maniac eighty eight. My
(10:48):
favorite handle to date is I was playing VR and
I met this guy playing VR and his handle was
Ferrari sixty nine. You know it. Good Jesus, Oh, good Jesus,
(11:16):
because something happened. Something happened when the email came out
and all of a sudden, all of us had to
be professional business accounts, like business emails. Yeah, like no
one had a silly like, uh, my Hotmail account was
deuced in a quarter, which is my nickname? Yea. My
Yahoo account was do say two thousand? Do say also
(11:38):
my nickname and the two thousand because it was literally
the year two thousand at Yahoo dot com. But for
some reason, when these Gmail email addresses came out, we
all got really everyone started using a real name. So
me coming from the era of you know, black plan It, MySpace,
(12:01):
college Club, Me, Henty Asian Avenue, all of these silly
ass websites because my stace is really just trying to
teach us all how to code and so coming from
the air where you didn't use your real name on
the Internet, And now all of my credit card information
is just stored by con Ed the fuck. No, I
(12:21):
don't need Forever twenty one to keep my credit card information.
I don't need Rainbow Clothing stores to have my credit
at all times. I remember when it Rainbow. If you
were going to pay with a debit card, you had
to show them I D and if the back of
your card wasn't signed, they wouldn't take it. Look, you
know who already has your credit card information ready to
(12:42):
go if you use it enough, if you're a loyal
customer online stores. But that's what I don't like. I understand.
But if these stores are doing it, what's the difference.
It's I prefer an arm. I'll tell you this. If
I go in a store, it is beneficial for stores
(13:04):
to me to go in a store, because I'm gonna
buy more ship if I'm in a store. For the
fact that you've gone in a target. Yeah, you've never
gone to a target and not spent two hundred dollars
I I but yeah, no, I you got a good job.
Like when I didn't have the job I have now,
or I could usually walk into a target get exactly
(13:25):
what I was gonna get. Why do you close one eye?
I mean get exactly wink wink what I was. Yeah,
if I came in here for a person some cheap
(13:46):
ass ear rings, I'm getting a person some cheap ass earrings,
maybe a snack, and I'm the fuck up out of here.
Now I'm a target, Like, what's this? A little like
cheap ass actually with a little goofy shit in the
front that no one knows what it is. But you
still want to buy it, that dumb shit because you need,
(14:06):
because I need, because but if I'm on the internet,
I'm not gonna see these little impulse buys. I'm not
gonna see this pack of gum at the register. There's
no pack of gum at the register and an online store.
You see what I'm saying. Sure, sure, I'm with you.
But my biggest rebuttal to that is that sometimes you'll
go in the store and they don't have what you want.
(14:28):
Sometimes you will call ahead and ask them specifically if
they have what you want, and they really don't feel
like doing all that walking, and so they'll lie and
say they have what you want. And you get there
and they have what you want. An online store will
tell you up top, we ain't got any the one
you like. It's not here, and we'll let you know.
We'll send you an email when it gets here, but
(14:48):
for today, don't waste your time. That's why that's why
you go to the online store, see if they have it,
and then go to the store. Okay, but this is
and this brings up an interesting point because what you're
talking about is a bit of a of a hybrid
situation using everything the pros of everything, which I am
(15:09):
a huge fan of. But if we're talking real like
real debate, okay, like real dire straits. And there are
some stores that don't have an online website, and there
are some websites that have no physical location. If you
had to choose between the two of those, you know
(15:29):
what I mean, I feel like we'd still land with picking.
I'm picking when I go walk in because one one,
if you are a business that does not have a website,
will you interact with people? Fuck are you doing? Fuck
are you doing? When I see restaurants that don't have websites,
(15:49):
I'm like, why I meant did say something? But Matt
Richards said something to be interesting the other day. You've
never seen a Chinese food restaurant commercial? Yeah, no, because
people know you just don't know. People know to come through,
and they know when to come through because McDonald's that
commercials for years. Yeah. But McDonald's is trying to sell
(16:12):
you on something that's not as timeless as Chinese food
gimmick because because Chinese food, what they do so well
is that a bunch of places, over the whole of
our lives, as long as we've been eating Chinese food,
we know that for every Chinese restaurant out there, there
are some staples that they will have, and so there's
(16:34):
a shared language there that even though all of Chinese
food is very different and all of the different restaurants
are not a chain, we still know generally how to
navigate based on having been to several Chinese restaurants, whereas
with McDonald's, McDonald's might come to your country, they might
(16:56):
be like, hey, have you ever heard of a big mac?
Let me tell you about a big mac. You know,
Chinese restaurants, they don't need to be like have you
ever heard of chicken? That's not necessary. I'll tell you this.
We all saw the mcgriddle. We were like, wow, Wow,
(17:18):
how did they come up with the technology? Right? Wait,
what the mcgriddle? It's a pancake with the syrup on
the inside. Yeah, they put sanza egg and cheese in
the middle, and we're like, this is crazy. How did
they do this? And then twenty sixteen, I mean the
Beautified Higway Farmers Marketing Beautifed Highway Georgia in Atlanta, and
(17:41):
I see this Korean street food. Oh so they've been
jocket Korean street food this entire time. It's a fucking ploy. Wow,
it's the same if I were Korea I go, I
go after him. I'd be like, hey, hey, I'd walk
(18:03):
into any McDonald's in America be like, hey, and me
my money. Stop the presses, Okay, cease and the motherfucker sessed.
Stop pressing anything to the grill. Y'all can't afford today,
all right, because I'm suing everything. I still hate putting
(18:26):
my credit card information into the internet. I barely like
looking at my bank information anywhere. I don't like it.
I don't. I've never liked it. I understand it's super
fucking convenient, it's great. PayPal still freaks me out. All
of this ship still freaks me out. I know that
they can still your information like Target had, Like yeah,
(18:47):
Target got got but they yeah, they didn't have that leak.
They had that full on spill. That was it was.
It was, that was everybody. It was, It was about
these It was if you don't know what we're talking about.
Target had like a big hack and a lot of
people's credit card numbers and like a lot of their
(19:07):
information got for every if you want, if you thought
about Target, your information got fucking leaked. Yeah it was,
and it was in the I think the millions of customers,
so everything really bad. I think had the same thing happened?
Question did I'm always like, with these hackers, instead of
(19:28):
stealing credit card information, just hack Sally May one time.
I guess you could do both, because then here's the
thing both. I understand you got to get your money. Yeah,
because niggas in the mask that get up in the anonymous. Yeah,
Anonymous ain't hack Sally May order Freddie Mack. Yet also
we talk a lot about Sally. Maybe we don't never
(19:48):
talk about Freddie Mack, and I don't like that. I
think that what's happening with anonymous is that they are
more focused on like global issues, and like the like
economic issues will quickly get them caught. I don't think
they'll be as anonymous if it like if they leak
something from wiki leaks or something like that, if someone
(20:11):
says something that on WhatsApp that's like hateful, it might
lead to the you know, the persecution of a bunch
of people. They jump in there and they're like, hey,
this is this person by the way, just so you
know they did it, and especially if they can uncover it.
I think that when it comes to the economic stuff,
especially like student loan stuff, I think they know that
(20:34):
they would get got so fast that they're like, we
don't need those problems. Oh, because there's not enough VPNs.
You can't jump off enough servers. No, No, America does
not play with money. No, she never has because I don't,
which I always thought was interesting because my mother told
me anything, if you want to change anything in America,
(20:55):
you fuck with the white man's money because you've come
for someone's money. Hey, this is we're playing a different
game now, Like if you're playing politics, it's like some
nothing may come of anything. Right, people can talk and
talk and talk all day, like a lot of what
if you look at some of the stuff Anonymous has done,
A lot of it started as like truly pranks and
(21:17):
like things that were sort of taking the piss out
of you know, politicians and stuff. Money is you gotta
be real careful because America's a business. America's a business
first and foremost. Yeah, I think people forget. I think
some people when they were in school, they weren't paying
attention enough to realize that America is a business has
(21:38):
always been a business. I don't think online shopping could
have popped anywhere like it did here anywhere, but here
like America is so business orient convenience oriented. I don't
think that online shopping would have had the same effect
because it's like, I know there's times from just like
I need to do exit. And that's not only the
online shop. It's like when you think about like just
(22:01):
Uber Eats or something like that, Like the other day
it was like, hey, I need some stuff from the
drug store. I truly do not have time. What if
someone just brought this to my house. The fact that
there when I was a kid, that wasn't a thing
because we had stopped doing like pizza and Chinese food
got delivered. You had to go to McDonald's. Yeah, yeah,
(22:24):
everything betweets and Chinese food delivered. Everything else you had
to go pick up. New York is different just because
if everybody went to McDonald's, yeah, the whole thing. If
everybody went to go get what they needed in New York,
the city would shut down. There's too many humans in
the street, so you needed. I think online shopping has
it's benefits, but the thing that's but the cons are
(22:47):
so you know, I went on vacations last month and
I needed a new babe in suit as my mamma
cause it and I ordered a bunch of bathing suits
because they don't we don't sell bathe suits in the wintertime, yeah,
in department stores. So I had to order a bunch
of bathing suits off of Bezos's Internet. I now have
(23:11):
eleven bathing suits that I have to return. And you
can't just go to because before Amazon would come to
you if you had to return something. They don't do
that anymore because they realize that people are lazy enough,
well they'll forget to return something and then they just
don't wrap the refund people. They just have the money.
(23:32):
So now I have until the thirty first to return
eleven bathing suits that don't fit. And that's I think
is the pitfall with online shopping because now if something
doesn't work, if something doesn't fit, now I have to
go to the Whole Foods to find the Amazon locker
to return this fun I bought a tea kettle from
(23:54):
fucking Amazon fresh out the box. Did not work. I
don't have someone else return it. I think at a
shorter return window or a misster return window, because I
think the emailed me and they were like, hey, we
charge you, and I was like fuck. But I was
on the road and again. And that's the thing. If
you don't return it, you bought it. Okay, So I
promise you right now, these eleven bathing foods, Oh, they're
(24:16):
going the fuck back. I'm with you. I'm in full
support of everything that you said just now as a
con because I accept them as cons of online shopping.
This is this is where I think that online shopping
is a bit superior in that we don't give credit
to online shopping for the things that in store brick
(24:38):
and mortar stores do that ends up being online. So,
for instance, with online shopping, hey, we will let you
know when the thing is back in stock. You'll get
an email from us as soon as the thing is
back in stock, and we can send it to you.
If you're at a brick and mortar only store and
they don't have what you want, they're not calling you
(24:59):
a week from now to be like, hey, by the way,
we got it. Maybe a comic book shop will do that.
That's the only person I've ever had hit me up
after I've been in there looking for something specific and
then left my info with them, and then they hit
me up and they were like, hey, we we got it.
If you want to come back through right aspect when
(25:21):
I was a little Yeah, all right, so say keep
going yeah um yeah. Now now if they don't have
what I want, I just leave. I don't tell them
to content me. Hey listen, I don't need it that
bad now, Okay. I was like Josh Johnson walking in
at thirty two years old, being like, yeah, I need
the Superman number eight hundred and sixty five. Yeah, paragraph, um, paragraph,
(25:48):
the idea. The most assultic thing about that whole like
rant you just went on was that I'd buy just
the paragraph. You know what. They had the new Man Boy,
the New Spider Man, the boy that came out to
Miles Morales. This is my question. If the daddy black
and the mama Puerto Rican, and the daddy is there,
(26:11):
how is his last name Morales? Is the daddy also Latino?
I mean maybe he was mad at his daddy, you know, baby,
he's like, hey, I go with maiden names when you're
not acting right, Okay. Because I saw that and I
was like, Okay, that's awesome. It's a whole Afro Latino family.
And they're like, no, the dad's black and the mom
is Puerto Rican. So I'm like, is this his stepdaddy. Look,
(26:37):
I'm I'm not gonna lie to you. I haven't kept
up hard. I haven't listen when there's like a because
he's like in a multiverse, right, when there's a spider
pig and all kinds of shit, right, you might be
asking the wrong one. I'm is that not your universe?
(27:00):
It was not. I liked it growing up, but I
have not read Spiderman in quite a while. I think
that I just used it as an example because to me,
there are things that we think brick and mortar stores do.
There are actually aspects of online shopping, and I think
that you gotta pull that over. If we're splitting it
(27:20):
down the middle, you gotta push that couch on my side,
because the notifications and the recommendations are you're gonna get
those mainly online. You might go into a brick and
mortar store and find a sales associate passionate enough to
help you find the right top for you, the right
(27:43):
pants that look good, that's not just trying to upsell you.
You might find that genuine person. They're out there, but
there's a higher likelihood that, based off what you like,
a website will pick something else that you might like
and be right, but I'll say this, what I really
need need something, it's not on a store, it's not
(28:05):
on the end. It's sold out. When I really need something,
it's never there. No. I really needed some black flats O.
The store didn't have them. They had to mail them
to me. I needed a new purse, store didn't have it.
I'm gonna have probably have to find one a line,
like a real leather purse, because my friends have shaved
(28:25):
me and told me that I can afford a real
leather purse because at one point my other purse was peeling.
So they're like you making yeah, yeah, you have a
good job, your purse can't be peeling. Um, But I've
it's very rare. I go into a store and I'm
just like, black leather purse, it's what I need. It's
it's like it's a lot of times I can't find
(28:46):
what I want anyway. So going into a store, it's like, hey,
you know what, I didn't find what I wanted. I
didn't find what I needed, but I found something that works. Oh,
I just realized another thing, another pro for online shopping.
(29:06):
When you're online shopping, do you mean food or stuff? Um,
I guess I was thinking just stuff for this episode. Okay,
because I had them delivered grocery, I did, Amazon delivered
groceries to me. Yeah. Yeah, I never want another human
being to pick up my fruit or meat ever again.
Oh really, I never want another person to pick up
my produce or my fruit or my meat again. Wow?
(29:30):
Ever again? Yeah, I've realized while you were talking before.
Another pro, especially for us of online shopping. Nobody follows
you in the store. You know it's following you through
the internet. Yep, yep, you're really just out here, free
to shop in peace, in bed, in pajamas. Maybe it's snuggie, Yeah,
(29:54):
doing that experience in a brick and mortar. Roll up
to a brick and mor store with a snuggie right, No,
their stories you can walk through with his nail. There
are some, but try just walking through a store without
getting looks, especially depending on the store. There are people
who use the internet to find the dress they want
to wear for their wedding. Roll up to a wedding
(30:17):
stress store with a snuggy. Odd, they won't even let
you try stuff off. They'll be like, no, no, you're
clearly going through something. No, you clearly it's musty under
that snuggie broe. Being musty is one of the cardinal
sins of black people. Yeah, it really is. It's like
(30:40):
it's one of those things where it will change your
whole view on the person. Like someone could be giving
a lecture at a university, but if you pass them
and they got they got that, you know that that smell,
that's it's bo but it's also choked, like they've been
choking stink all day. Like you can tell they put
on extra layers so the stink wouldn't get through if
(31:03):
someone smells that on you, no matter what your lecture
was about there, Like I bet you you were wrong.
I bet you not as smart as I thought you
were because you sting. We are so funny about smelling good. Yeah, yeah,
I will even have I've had the thing where this
is really unfair because you know, you know about pheromones, right,
(31:25):
I love pheromones, but they will. But the thing is
because you don't have any siblings, right, No, there's something
that happens when you're a teenager, and I probably this
is probably just nature yours, especially like a brother to
a sister or just a brother or just a son.
Boys when they go through puberty smell like a family member.
(31:48):
Male smell terrible. Yeah, my brother fresh out the shower,
remember mother yelling at him, being like what the fuck?
And he's like, I just took a shower. Pe you.
I don't it must be all right, but yeah, tell
(32:13):
about your phaomones. Doctor put it. It's not my pheromones.
It's a it's a thing I witnessed. I was. I
think I was playing. I was. I was like playing
soccer with some people. And afterwards, uh, we met up
with some friends and they were all talking about so
we all stink from running around in the sun and
(32:34):
like trying to score goals and stuff like that. And
there was this dude who was already good looking, but
the way that the that the women in that group,
we're trying to get near him, and we're talking about
how good he smelled when he was gone, when he
was in the bathroom. I was so upset because I
know that they were going off those pheromones he was
(32:54):
dropping from, you know, just having rippling muscles, maybe muscles
sweat different and I have no idea, but the way
that they were gone about the farebats, I was like
this dude can't be good looking and have good stink sweat.
That's not fair. I'll tell you that. I saw a
study one time where they took it was like a college.
(33:14):
They had just women just wear T shirts like before
their cycle, during their cycle, and after their cycle. And
they gave these T shirts to men, like you know,
college age boys, and they were like, smell these shirts.
How attractive do you think the person is? And they
tracked that right before the menstrual cycle, of course, is
(33:38):
where all these men were like, yo, who was this person? Yeah?
She smelled like a good person. Yeah, she smells like
she's beautiful. I am someone who had to have planned
be delivered to me, and that that is a blessing.
(34:01):
The other benefit of an online store no lock up.
You're not going to Walgreens hitting the button, wait for
somebody to shut like run by and be like which
one do you want to get, and then unlock the
thing and then pull it out for you online shop
and you just add the cart. Honestly, when are we
gonna just make the whole store that? Yeah, it's almost there.
(34:24):
It's like the only thing they haven't locked up is
the chips. When they started locking up baby formula. I
was like, this country's trash. We have a little bit
of pride where when someone comes here and talks about
how trash we are, we get defensive. But it's so
funny when I travel and I'm like, oh, y'all don't
in the street. Y'all don't like it's like you don't
even have a way to bridge two ideas. Like I'm
(34:49):
being in the UK, like being in London and going
on like their Walgreens which was called Boots, and I
was like, nothing was locked up. Now it was nothing
locked up. They'll get few recommendations. This this thing I
liked because when we were in London and I remember
I had to get that um I got something because
(35:10):
I had hurt myself, right, so I was trying to
get some real pharmacy. We went to a real pharmacy
and there was just one day that was like, look
it's Russian. I don't know what it says, but it works,
Russian tailing all. Yeah, she gave those Russian tail at all.
And I was like, wait, so are you saying like
is this over the calendar or is this She's like
it's a little strong, Like I was like, she was
(35:32):
like how much she what hurts here. None of the
package was in English. None of the package was in English.
I don't even know how she knew what she was
telling because when I was in the Bahamas, one of
my friends had lost her in Hailer and another friend
of the bugs were just really eating her up and
she was having a bad history interaction. And our chef
told us to go to the pharmacy, and she's like,
(35:54):
just tell them you need to do in Hailer and
just and she just gave her and in Haler just
Albuterol and Hailer, and then gave my friends some other
prescriptions strength. And I'm just like, oh, yeah, back in
this day, you used to be able to go to
a pharmacy and go, hey, here's a problem. Yeah, I
Will says a good point. That's the thing that I
(36:16):
think the concession I can make is that brick and
mortar stores have better customer service than online shopping. Because
online shopping they don't want they don't even want you
to call. They won't tell you. You'll have to google
the number. You'll google the number for a place that
has a store that should have the number on the website.
(36:38):
You can't call Amazon. Yeah, you can't, there's no number.
Amazon has no customer service. And for as large as
that company is, as someone who worked customer service for
like twelve years, a fact that a company that big
doesn't have customer service is insane. It shouldn't be legal.
It shouldn't. I can't call Where is my waffle iron?
(37:10):
That up? It's not updating? I got kids in here.
I'm supposed to be, haven't top of the line four
Bernard top waffle iron trademark by waffle House Waffle irons
brow It comes with a fight in every box? Yeah,
where is? There's no one to call? As soon as
(37:31):
you open the box, you get a punch in the face. Truly,
And a convict is cooking your eggs m hm because
he's good at it, right, delicious? Delicious? Where the fuck is?
You can't call? You can't call Amazon and find out
you're not? Yeah, you're not wrong, So I think it's
not kicked us over to the listeners. Did we make
(37:55):
valid points? I think we made a few. I think
we made at least two weeks each a loose to each.
Tell us what you think? Do you think online store
or in store shopping? I'm gonna be in store shopping
all the way because I like to touch the feel
of cotton, the fabric of our lives. You know, I
(38:16):
see what I'm saying. I I'm gonna I'm gonna be
(38:37):
online shopping because I care about the future, and I
think that there's even more innovations to be made. I
think we've taken the brick and more store as far
as it's gonna go. I think that everything that's coming
for the future of shopping is gonna be online. So
you know what needs to happen, you know how like
food trucks when they get to a point, they could
(38:59):
do brick and mortar store. Yeah, we need you remember
the bookmobile when you were a kid. Yep, that's what
we need to start doing with these trucks. Mob the stores,
baby girl. Okay, Yeah, pull up in your neighborhood with
the essentials. This sounds like the most kidnappable store I've
ever heard. You're gonna roll up and they'd be like,
(39:22):
come on in and get your supplies, and then you're
just gonna close the van and drive off. It's like
it could be like a bookmobile situation, or it could
be like an ice cream truck situation. We pull up,
you see the pictures on the side, Like, yo, let
me get some toilet paper, let me get some paper towels,
(39:42):
let me get some dishwashing liquid, let me get some diapers,
let me get some tampons, cat food, and I'm out.
Just roll up in your neighborhood, Okay, I mean yeah,
I think I mean that would be the evolution of
the brick and mortar store. I think that's the next
step because, like say, someplace like here, people gotta go
(40:03):
to the train. People gotta do this again, Like, could
you imagine if a mobile, if just J. C. Penny
just pull up in your neighborhood. Also, they keep telling
me there's not on the end of it, and I
don't believe them. Yeah, Dillard's pull up, Yeah, Dillards, pull
(40:25):
up in the apartments, you know, nor strom rack. Let's go.
There's a dressing room in this bitch, I understand, pull up,
there's a fitting room. I've been one of those wardrobe
trucks on set. So let us know what you think
you know. Let us know if you either of us
have won you over from the position you started in,
(40:48):
or if you were with us the whole time. We
want to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening. Um,
I'm I'm Josh Johnson. If you want more of me,
you can find me on my podcast, That Josh Johnson Show,
which is where if you listen to podcasts and if
you are looking for Dul's Sake Sharks. Today, I come
to you with my new business, Oh gosh, okay store
(41:12):
on wheels. Baby girl. You can find me in your hood,
in your neighborhood in tomorrow with your daddy. You know
what I mean. I'm on to internet, you know what
it is. Also, hey, man, call your mama bye, see him.
(41:38):
This has been hold up. We've covered conscious rap versus
club bangers, barstow versus body wash, diners versus waffle houses,
all sorts of things. What else should we be talking about?
We want to know from you. Let us know, drop
us a comment or hit hold up on social at
The Daily Show. Explore more shows from The Day Show
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