July 27, 2024 • 25 mins
The Best F**kin' News Team's best f**kin' moments at the RNC over the years, from learning about small-town values, to seeking out any Black or Latino people, to finding out the last year America was great.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Now, hey there, this is Daisy Leideck. While the Daily
Show is off this week, we put together some special
highlights just for you. We'll be back next week, but
in the meantime, enjoy this episode.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Donald Trump has assembled a wide range of supporters at
the RNC and some of the most vocal evangelicals. Yes,
he's a casino owner who's had three different wives, but
the Conservative Christians know a devout man when they see
one dog.
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Trop he represents the godly people of the United States
of America.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
He's always acted like a good Christian.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Absolutely, How can you build that kind of empire if
you're not praying to God for good things every day.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
He is the man for this time in history, and
God will using And I don't know that he's going
to even be aware of how God is going to
use him.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
You like, even knows what his relationship with God is.
Speaker 6 (01:01):
Absolutely, I think that they.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Seemed convinced, but I was still struggling to see how
this man reflected the teachings of the Good Book. What
do you think about the idea of loving thy neighbor.
Speaker 7 (01:12):
You don't want somebody living next door to you that's
going to sneak over and.
Speaker 6 (01:16):
Murder you in your sleep.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Who's gonna do that.
Speaker 8 (01:21):
Muslims?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
But then I saw a man who could convince even
the most skeptical of the death of Trump's faith.
Speaker 9 (01:28):
We are electing a man in Donald Trump who believes
in the name of Jesus.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Trist Pastor Mark Burns shining Man. That's the guy I
needed to talk to, A man who gave the benediction
on the opening night of the RNC.
Speaker 9 (01:45):
I believe Donald Trump without question loves God.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
He believes in the One True God.
Speaker 9 (01:49):
He believes Jesus Christ is his Lord and Saviord. He
believes that marriage is between one man and one woman.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
He believes that way.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
What he believes.
Speaker 9 (02:01):
Marriage is between one man and one one. Who does
Donald Trump believes one marriage is before one man and
one and one.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
He also believes a younger woman comes along. No no, no, no, no,
no no no, that's not thanks. Marriage is between one
man and one check one Slovenian and one American. Right,
So your point is this one man, one woman things.
I ran the numbers. They don't check out. Okay. So
(02:29):
he stumbled a few times on his path toward righteousness.
But surely he embodies the most basic Christian ideal of
helping those in need. Jesus said, blessed are the poor,
for they will inherit the kingdom of heaven.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
He did.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Donald Trump said, I've watched politicians bragging about how poor
they are, how poor their parents and grandparents were. And
I said to myself, if they can stay so poor
for so many generations, how smart can they be? They're morons.
Speaker 10 (02:54):
Donald Trump is not the pastor of the United States
of America. He's accepted Jesus christis to save you. Is
he a seminarian student? Can he execute the scriptures? I
don't think so.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
You know who has run a Bible study. I'll give
you a hint. It rhymes with Hillary Clinton.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
Quin Clinton.
Speaker 10 (03:13):
Yes, runs a Bible study.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
She did when she was first Lady of Arkansas.
Speaker 9 (03:18):
Well, you know, I can't speak to Hillary Clinton's relationship
with God. I know she's really good at panduin out
the black churches saying whatever amazing grace song she can
come up with for that moment.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Do you think Donald Trump knows the words to amazing Grace?
Speaker 7 (03:32):
Well?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
As I said, I think it'd be more like tremendous grace.
How fantastic the sound could save a pretty good guy
like me. I once was lost, Although you know what,
I was never lost. I was born with an impeccable
sense of direction. When it comes to Trump's views on
the poor and marriage, Christians are willing to turn the
other cheek, an attitude they extend to all God's children,
(03:54):
well almost all.
Speaker 9 (03:56):
I think that when Hillary Clinton calls Donald Trump a
person that does disrespects women. For a woman herself to
allow her husband to disrespect her, I think that's horrible.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
You're holding that to Hillary. What we show is what
we received. So what's worse, Hillary allowing Bill to cheat
or Donald Trump shitting.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Well, I want to be clear.
Speaker 10 (04:22):
I'm miss Court and I said Hillary Trump has.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Allowed you don't want to do anything.
Speaker 9 (04:28):
Bill is his own man.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
But you're connecting his actions to Hillary because he.
Speaker 9 (04:33):
Is Hillary Clinton's husband.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
But you're not connecting Donald Trump's actions to Donald Trump.
And I believe Donald Trump.
Speaker 10 (04:41):
Just like any of us, when we fall, we faltered
the sin.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
I see. Christians love to forgive, and Donald Trump allows
them to practice forgiveness and truly biblical proportions aimen What
was American last great For.
Speaker 11 (05:01):
Me, I would say the turning point for our country
was nineteen thirteen when we passed the seventeenth Amendment.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
And what's the like back when like women couldn't vote?
Speaker 12 (05:10):
Yeah, night, well back up, but again like that, that's
got your sweet spot right there, absolutely, But nineteen thirteen?
Speaker 13 (05:16):
What year?
Speaker 11 (05:17):
Was America great.
Speaker 8 (05:20):
When it was founded?
Speaker 11 (05:23):
Except for the slavery stuff?
Speaker 14 (05:25):
Except for the slavery stuff, you know, I think we
were probably our strongest immediately post World War Two.
Speaker 8 (05:32):
So around the nineteen fifties.
Speaker 14 (05:34):
Yeah, mid forties, fifties.
Speaker 11 (05:36):
I mean, I think the fifties was great other than.
Speaker 14 (05:39):
You know, segregation and women's rights. Well, we could sit
here and paint negative faces of all times in America.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Correct, it's make America great again? So when was the
last grade?
Speaker 15 (05:51):
It's always been great, so we're so if.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
It's always been great, what are we trying to go
back to?
Speaker 2 (05:57):
We're not going back, We're going forward.
Speaker 8 (06:00):
I guess the eighties were pretty good.
Speaker 14 (06:02):
Hey, the eighties, the eighties, great music, cocaine, crack cocaine.
Speaker 8 (06:06):
Yeah, well we're always great.
Speaker 14 (06:08):
The people are great, so here, Yeah, that's.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
All America is great right now?
Speaker 7 (06:12):
So we did it.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
No, we didn't do it.
Speaker 14 (06:14):
America became great when the founding fathers put pen on
paper in seventeen seventy six and decided to build a
country based on laws.
Speaker 8 (06:23):
That was greatness.
Speaker 6 (06:24):
That was awesome.
Speaker 8 (06:25):
Other than the slavery obviously, that was terrible and.
Speaker 12 (06:28):
We didn't have that.
Speaker 14 (06:28):
Yeah, we did have that slay and the Indian thing
right that was terrible, and the women's voting thing.
Speaker 8 (06:34):
But other than that, that was awesome.
Speaker 14 (06:36):
A few hiccups along the way, you know, like they say, yeah,
nobody made it to the top without breaking a few
pieces of china.
Speaker 8 (06:47):
That wasn't an insult.
Speaker 16 (06:48):
By the way, this year, the Republicans have touted their
broader appeal with youth outreach groups, a woman up pavilion,
and they even courted minorities by letting the Puerto Rican
sit up front. So we went to check out the
new GOP. But there was just one problem.
Speaker 8 (07:07):
Have you seen any Latinos?
Speaker 13 (07:10):
No?
Speaker 16 (07:10):
Excuse me, excuse me? Have you seen any black people?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
By a way, are you Latino?
Speaker 15 (07:17):
No?
Speaker 12 (07:18):
Damn it.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Asian? Excuse me?
Speaker 6 (07:24):
Any black people?
Speaker 16 (07:26):
Okay, So this was harder than we thought. But just
when we were about to give up. There was finally
a sign, not your cheese.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
And it's still warm.
Speaker 11 (07:35):
They're close.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Are you Republicans?
Speaker 6 (07:38):
It's just a gig man. Well we were getting closer.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
What's your name and are you Latino?
Speaker 8 (07:44):
My name is Luis Alvarado. I am Latino.
Speaker 16 (07:47):
Yes, finally they appeared. Now let's just take ten seconds
and we're gonna look around and we're gonna count how
many black people that we see around us aside from ourselves.
They cannot be janitors and they cannot work here. Okay,
al ready, let's go. I got zero.
Speaker 12 (08:11):
How many did you get?
Speaker 14 (08:12):
I got too right behind you.
Speaker 16 (08:15):
Oh and they're very light, so they may they may are,
They're not very light.
Speaker 8 (08:21):
One of those got freckles.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
Can't checker papers.
Speaker 12 (08:26):
I mean the Republicans are right?
Speaker 6 (08:30):
This feels good?
Speaker 16 (08:31):
And just how were they making inroads with such diverse groups?
Look no further than their youth outreach campaign headed up
by their super rad leader. Yo, what's up Daily Show nerds.
It's miss j Willie here with my man Pecan, president
of Generation Opportunity.
Speaker 8 (08:49):
Pecan house a hangin huh completely?
Speaker 4 (08:52):
All right?
Speaker 16 (08:53):
So you are the face of Generation Opportunity.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
I'm the president of it.
Speaker 13 (08:57):
You.
Speaker 6 (08:57):
Yeah, so how old are you exactly? I'm forty eight
years old.
Speaker 8 (09:00):
Eight? Yeah, But I had a band when I was
in high school.
Speaker 16 (09:02):
What year was that? Nineteen seventy five?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
No, I got your beat is nineteen eighty four.
Speaker 8 (09:07):
Holy I was not alive.
Speaker 16 (09:10):
Minorities check you check. But the real prize was the ladies.
So the Republicans invited them via Twitter to the woman
at Pavilion to engage in the issues most important to
them free hair and makeup.
Speaker 13 (09:24):
We are two women and we are here too.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Woman.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
Come on.
Speaker 16 (09:30):
The women embraced our presence and welcomed us into their
reception room.
Speaker 7 (09:35):
Until this is a close President, I'm sorry, but we're
two women and we're here to women up.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
Awesome, woman asked spontaneous women, and I got.
Speaker 16 (09:44):
This tweet that says that we could to get free
touch ups on our hair.
Speaker 7 (09:47):
Yeah, ladies, down a shooter and grab your coooter.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Excited.
Speaker 7 (09:54):
So hey, guys, step one, sure, did you want to
transvagilan ultrasomey? Just to make sure that I'm qualified, because
those are pretty good credentials.
Speaker 8 (10:05):
I'm a woman.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Do you get to go?
Speaker 16 (10:08):
While the GOP had made some strides there was one
place right next door where everyone was always welcome.
Speaker 11 (10:16):
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 6 (10:18):
So much for providing us with a safe space.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Spirs.
Speaker 6 (10:21):
Y'all are welcome you at anytime.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
As we've learned this week, Unlike Democrats, Republicans are patriotic, honest,
and decent. And there's a simple reason.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Why small town America continues to be the moral grounding
of this country.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Small town with small town values, we grow good people
in our small towns. So we sent the best news team.
Oh wait, hold on a second, So we sent the
most respectful and wholesome news team to find out what
small town values really means.
Speaker 5 (11:01):
I am from a small town, so I can tell
you exactly what that means.
Speaker 8 (11:04):
That's what I'd like you to do.
Speaker 5 (11:06):
Yeah, it's it's real people, real values, common sense.
Speaker 8 (11:13):
Can you be more generic?
Speaker 15 (11:16):
A small town values means traditional marriage, it means.
Speaker 8 (11:28):
Help me out here.
Speaker 6 (11:29):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Oh you can't. Small town values.
Speaker 11 (11:34):
I would say fishing.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
And uh.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Church?
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Uh you know God, which you wish?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Church?
Speaker 6 (11:44):
The Christian Church, Christian Church are the other ones.
Speaker 8 (11:46):
That's just no, no, no, I mean Jewish Church, Christian Church.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
And it's what happens in those Christian and Jewish churches.
That forms the bedrock of any small town.
Speaker 14 (11:56):
Marriages between a man and a woman.
Speaker 7 (11:58):
That is a small town.
Speaker 15 (11:59):
Value, a husband and a wife, a man and a woman.
Small town values are common sense values. Conservatives believe and
believe in things that make sense.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Do you have nothing against homosexuals?
Speaker 8 (12:12):
Gays have all the rights that they want.
Speaker 15 (12:15):
All they gotta do is marry a person of the
opposite sex.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Oh okay, So as long as gays don't be gay,
they've done all the rights they want.
Speaker 8 (12:26):
You shouldn't have special rights just because of the type.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Of sex you have.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Once of where's that of a constitution? It ain't.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
That's right. These folks know there's nothing more important than
a bond between a man and a woman.
Speaker 13 (12:42):
The delegates are very respectful, and they're great tippers, and
they choose very nice and we're happy to have them here.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
I like you, man, Thank you, man. I like you
a lot, all right, thanks man. Give me a kiss
on the cheek, on the cheek.
Speaker 16 (13:01):
Him.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
It's nice.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
You can't admit it.
Speaker 8 (13:04):
It was nice.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Can you do that on cable TV?
Speaker 8 (13:06):
Of course I can. I can do a lot more
than that. Small town values me not locking your door
at night. You know you got a tractor in the field.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
You've got cow in the barn.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Nineteen fifties, America. I hear you there. What do you
do for living?
Speaker 8 (13:19):
Powell?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I'm a lobbyist.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Oh, just like the fifties. Everybody knows everybody, and you're
welcome anywhere you go, just like I remember a.
Speaker 9 (13:28):
Backyard cookout of the Republican Finance Committee reception.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Come on, Roberg, Hello, the youngest of the Riggle boys
from the Stuart Place.
Speaker 12 (13:36):
You can't come in.
Speaker 8 (13:38):
Hello, Hello, Hey, hey, neighbor.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Hey, let's go new not too bad, neighbor. Let's keep going.
Speaker 8 (13:46):
You're gonna have to leave.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
It's hey, it's hey.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
It's Wyant, Jesse's grandson. S the racial thing, is it?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Goodbye? Spend just a few minutes here, and you know
what small town values are all about. And nobody put
it better than Regina.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
But we talk about that's political on our kitchen breakfast table.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
It's a nook.
Speaker 5 (14:17):
It's a nook.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Okay?
Speaker 5 (14:19):
Is that America is awesome?
Speaker 13 (14:37):
Last night, Sarah Palin took the stage and silenced her critics.
This woman is qualified.
Speaker 6 (14:44):
Tell me about our qualifications.
Speaker 8 (14:46):
One, she's a beautiful lady.
Speaker 6 (14:48):
She hunts and fishes and is not afraid to get
her hands dirty.
Speaker 8 (14:52):
She's only that far from Russia from those eyes A Putin.
Speaker 7 (14:56):
One of the things that I really respect about Sarah
Palin is that she makes Americans feel like anyone can
be president.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
But there's one.
Speaker 13 (15:05):
Issue for which she's still being unfairly attacked.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
It's very inappropriate that the Democrats have seized on the
issue of Bristol's pregnancy.
Speaker 5 (15:13):
That is a personal that is very personal, and I
don't think that she should be attacked for that.
Speaker 17 (15:19):
I think it's a family issue.
Speaker 6 (15:21):
Politics should stay out of people's business.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
You do what's right.
Speaker 8 (15:25):
And you know she's going to have the baby, she's
going to get married.
Speaker 5 (15:28):
She said, no, it's a human being she made.
Speaker 6 (15:32):
I'm sorry, what is she made the decision? The decision.
There's another word I'm looking for, rhyme.
Speaker 13 (15:38):
I think it rhymes with voice. Every family and every
woman should have the right to.
Speaker 6 (15:48):
I'm sorry. What's the word I'm looking for.
Speaker 13 (15:50):
It's her family, it's her Oh god, what is the word?
What is the word I'm looking for? It's like an
alternative or if you have two things, you be Sarah
Palin and I'll be herself. Seventeen year old daughter Bristol.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
You know you and I have always been able to
openly discuss what do.
Speaker 6 (16:07):
You want to talk to me about? I'm too busier
and now mom, he got out of my room. It's
like when you have a lot of options and you
have to select one. What's the word I'm looking for?
What is the word? Adoption?
Speaker 4 (16:21):
Is one?
Speaker 6 (16:22):
You know, there's a specific word I'm looking for.
Speaker 17 (16:24):
I'm sure the family will be able to make the
best decision for.
Speaker 6 (16:27):
Them, but they'll have the freedom to make that decision.
Hold on a second, I'm trying to have a boyfriend.
Can I carry you back? My mom is in my room.
She wants to talk to me about something. Hold on,
I pay back.
Speaker 17 (16:45):
Well, yes, but I don't think that I don't think
that the decision I think it should be not I
think that the family decision would become as how.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
Yes, okay, oh my godhead, you.
Speaker 13 (17:08):
Bothering mannis it's you know, when you have like an alternative.
Speaker 6 (17:16):
What's the word I'm looking for? Alternative? A different choice?
Speaker 8 (17:21):
Choice?
Speaker 6 (17:22):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 13 (17:23):
Every family, every person should have the choice to decide
what's best for them.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
You know the left.
Speaker 8 (17:32):
Clamors for choice, we want to make choice, we want choice.
And Sarah Palin's daughter has made a choice.
Speaker 6 (17:40):
Freedom of choice. That's different than being pro choice. She's
able to make the choice that she doesn't really want
other people to have.
Speaker 4 (17:47):
Right.
Speaker 6 (17:47):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 8 (17:53):
We've heard a lot this week about Mitt Romney's number
one qualification for presidents.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Mitt Romney turned busy.
Speaker 8 (18:00):
This is around in the private sector. He's made a
success of failing companies.
Speaker 14 (18:04):
America needs a turnaround and the man for the job
is Governor Mitt Romney.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
And why is that?
Speaker 14 (18:11):
I think government needs to run more lack of business.
Speaker 11 (18:13):
These aren't easy conversations to have.
Speaker 8 (18:16):
But if it's not working, you gotta end it.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
It's gotta go.
Speaker 8 (18:19):
If a branch of Blimpis is failing, they don't reward it.
They shut that down exactly.
Speaker 12 (18:24):
Always letting the market decide would be the best thing
to do.
Speaker 6 (18:26):
Oh okay, And where are you from?
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Mississippi?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Mississippi?
Speaker 11 (18:29):
Whoa whoa dead last? And per capita income you are
costing the federal government twenty billion dollars.
Speaker 13 (18:38):
That is uh.
Speaker 4 (18:39):
You know what?
Speaker 11 (18:40):
I think We're gonna have to let the market decide.
Speaker 8 (18:41):
And if that's the case, we need to take a
hard look at which divisions of AmeriCorps succeeding and which
are failing. Because what was that Delaware?
Speaker 11 (18:51):
And if it's not working, you gotta end it.
Speaker 8 (18:53):
It's gotta go exactly.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
So let's do this.
Speaker 8 (18:57):
Let's talk about the bottom line. South Carolina is taking
way more in government funding than it's playing back in tax.
Speaker 14 (19:03):
Well that's not good, is it.
Speaker 8 (19:05):
No, you're in the red.
Speaker 17 (19:06):
Yeah, so what do we do with cut government expenses?
Speaker 16 (19:08):
Maybe?
Speaker 14 (19:09):
Why don't we try that?
Speaker 8 (19:10):
Oh so you're blaming the boss.
Speaker 13 (19:11):
Huh?
Speaker 8 (19:12):
One operating division audited forty nine anxious states to go
nervous todd a little bit. It's kind of hard though, Yeah,
because I see your sweating. You're anticipating bad news in
this conversation.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Uh No, not really.
Speaker 8 (19:27):
Well, you're about to get some Wisconsin is failing.
Speaker 11 (19:30):
You are taking in more than you're giving back.
Speaker 8 (19:32):
That's what they say.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
No, that's what I'm telling you.
Speaker 11 (19:35):
I'm looking at your numbers here, they're middling. I know
you're wyoming. No one really expects anything of you.
Speaker 14 (19:41):
What do you think?
Speaker 8 (19:43):
Yeah, would you like a gatorade or towel or something. No, okay,
it seems like your whole face is crying. These conversations
are never easy. It can be painful.
Speaker 11 (19:54):
We've decided to let Georgia go.
Speaker 8 (19:56):
Suddenly when actually faced with the numbers. Running American life
a business didn't seem like a good idea after all,
and it was every state for themselves.
Speaker 12 (20:06):
You're really in the red and we can't support you.
Speaker 11 (20:08):
No, no, no, Iowa has.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
A budget that shows up in the black.
Speaker 12 (20:14):
Sir, Once you talk to California, Iowa is talking so
much crap about you right now?
Speaker 1 (20:20):
About yes, who are we.
Speaker 11 (20:22):
Getting rid of?
Speaker 8 (20:24):
I'd go with main All right, how do you think
this year wins?
Speaker 15 (20:29):
Well?
Speaker 8 (20:29):
I don't think it went too well. Again, Oh no,
it didn't go too well.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
O terrible.
Speaker 11 (20:37):
You are taking in more than you're giving back.
Speaker 5 (20:39):
I don't see anything wrong with that.
Speaker 8 (20:41):
To help us get moving.
Speaker 11 (20:42):
Forward, explain to me if we're running a business here,
why we're keeping you around?
Speaker 8 (20:46):
Let me talk?
Speaker 6 (20:46):
Can I talk about these hats right now?
Speaker 8 (20:49):
Americorp is clearly struggling. It was time to see EO up.
Speaker 11 (20:54):
All right, you three are here because you are the
worst three states in the Union. So we're gonna have
a little context. Okay, first prize, you get to keep
your job. Second prize, anyone want to see?
Speaker 8 (21:06):
Second price?
Speaker 11 (21:07):
Second prize obradge boy CD oh yay?
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Third price is your fire?
Speaker 4 (21:13):
You?
Speaker 11 (21:13):
Minnesota? Why the hell should I keep you?
Speaker 6 (21:15):
We have a land of ten thousand like.
Speaker 11 (21:17):
You'll go home and water ski? Whyoman?
Speaker 6 (21:19):
What do you got last population in the Union?
Speaker 4 (21:22):
Wide open spaces?
Speaker 11 (21:23):
Yeah, who gives you to go fly a kite?
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Mississippi?
Speaker 11 (21:27):
You think this is funny?
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Yes, you see this watch.
Speaker 11 (21:30):
This watch is worth more than your entire state.
Speaker 14 (21:32):
We know what hard work is and we're good.
Speaker 10 (21:36):
Then we grow cotton and we are the most hospitable
people that you'll ever want to Nat.
Speaker 11 (21:42):
I gotta be honest. Her state's a piece.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
She is out selling YouTube. Take your CD.
Speaker 14 (21:48):
Get this out.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
You're fired.
Speaker 8 (21:52):
Prepare yourself, America. Because Romney always be closing.
Speaker 13 (22:02):
Republicans are experts at managing their image. Questioners at campaign
events are carefully vetted.
Speaker 6 (22:09):
Mister President, I don't have a question. I have three
thank you, thank you, And the press is either shut out, thanks.
Speaker 7 (22:17):
Or seduced.
Speaker 6 (22:18):
That was the strategy at the convention.
Speaker 13 (22:21):
They're the GOP set up a lavish, free spad just
for journalists.
Speaker 6 (22:25):
Some reporters might be co opted, but not ed Helms
and Samantha b that's good.
Speaker 13 (22:33):
We wouldn't be distracted from our mission by cheap bribes.
We were here at the convention to get all up
in the GOP's collective grill.
Speaker 6 (22:43):
Let's talk about the warn wreck. Who do you think
God wants to win?
Speaker 4 (22:47):
Oh?
Speaker 8 (22:48):
Wow, Hi, excuse me.
Speaker 12 (22:50):
I was hoping you could wear our hat for the convention.
I have a feeling that you're going to get a
tremendous amount of airtime.
Speaker 14 (22:56):
Thank you.
Speaker 8 (22:57):
Who do you like better?
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Brooks are done?
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Wow?
Speaker 8 (23:03):
I'm into Brooks.
Speaker 12 (23:05):
George Bush's vice president, Dick Cheney, voted in support of
segregation when he was a senator in Wyoming. Does that
give you pause as an African American Republican?
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Well, I think it's important for people have come totally kidding.
Speaker 12 (23:22):
Some people say that it's a conflict of interest that
Fox News Channel is producing this convention. What are your
thoughts on that? I think Fox News is absolutely awesome.
Speaker 13 (23:33):
I have a feeling you're going to be all over
the TV tonight.
Speaker 6 (23:35):
Would you wear this.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
Hat for us?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
This is such a country of opportunity.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
And although all of us have little clips in our lives.
Speaker 13 (23:44):
I mean, is tonight the night that they exploit nine
to eleven? Or is tonight inspired empty promises for the future.
Speaker 6 (24:02):
Have you had a hot carl since you've been here?
Speaker 14 (24:03):
I have not, Just you know, so much to do.
I haven't gotten did everything yet, but I will.
Speaker 13 (24:08):
I'll be here, what five days, just getting a taxi
and say take me to where I can get a
hot carl, and you will.
Speaker 6 (24:14):
Be in for something that you never expected.
Speaker 5 (24:17):
We will look forward to that.
Speaker 8 (24:22):
And we're going to have a little time during the
next few days. And we planned to tour your beautiful city.
Speaker 6 (24:26):
Have you had your picture taken with a black person yet?
Speaker 13 (24:29):
Well?
Speaker 8 (24:29):
I don't think so, but I wouldn't mind doing that.
Speaker 6 (24:32):
That's something you'd be willing to try. Why, certainly there's
plenty of them, I know. Do you have any of
them in Montana?
Speaker 14 (24:38):
We don't.
Speaker 8 (24:38):
You know, we don't have any.
Speaker 17 (24:41):
In fact, I guess our kids were pretty old before
they saw one.
Speaker 6 (24:45):
You know what we were wrong about the Republicans.
Speaker 13 (24:49):
Turns out they could handle a tough question.
Speaker 6 (24:51):
After all, a.
Speaker 12 (24:52):
Lot of people are upset about the situation in Iraq.
Its devolved into this kind of quagmire. I hoping he
knows how we're going to get out of it.
Speaker 6 (25:01):
That's your opinion, but thank you.
Speaker 12 (25:02):
My question for you is, where the.
Speaker 16 (25:05):
Fuck are you going?
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on
Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus
Speaker 4 (25:27):
Paramount Podcasts
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Now, hey there, this is Daisy Leideck. While the Daily
Show is off this week, we put together some special
highlights just for you. We'll be back next week, but
in the meantime, enjoy this episode.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Donald Trump has assembled a wide range of supporters at
the RNC and some of the most vocal evangelicals. Yes,
he's a casino owner who's had three different wives, but
the Conservative Christians know a devout man when they see
one dog.
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Trop he represents the godly people of the United States
of America.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
He's always acted like a good Christian.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Absolutely, How can you build that kind of empire if
you're not praying to God for good things every day.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
He is the man for this time in history, and
God will using And I don't know that he's going
to even be aware of how God is going to
use him.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
You like, even knows what his relationship with God is.
Speaker 6 (01:01):
Absolutely, I think that they.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Seemed convinced, but I was still struggling to see how
this man reflected the teachings of the Good Book. What
do you think about the idea of loving thy neighbor.
Speaker 7 (01:12):
You don't want somebody living next door to you that's
going to sneak over and.
Speaker 6 (01:16):
Murder you in your sleep.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Who's gonna do that.
Speaker 8 (01:21):
Muslims?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
But then I saw a man who could convince even
the most skeptical of the death of Trump's faith.
Speaker 9 (01:28):
We are electing a man in Donald Trump who believes
in the name of Jesus.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Trist Pastor Mark Burns shining Man. That's the guy I
needed to talk to, A man who gave the benediction
on the opening night of the RNC.
Speaker 9 (01:45):
I believe Donald Trump without question loves God.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
He believes in the One True God.
Speaker 9 (01:49):
He believes Jesus Christ is his Lord and Saviord. He
believes that marriage is between one man and one woman.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
He believes that way.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
What he believes.
Speaker 9 (02:01):
Marriage is between one man and one one. Who does
Donald Trump believes one marriage is before one man and
one and one.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
He also believes a younger woman comes along. No no, no, no, no,
no no no, that's not thanks. Marriage is between one
man and one check one Slovenian and one American. Right,
So your point is this one man, one woman things.
I ran the numbers. They don't check out. Okay. So
(02:29):
he stumbled a few times on his path toward righteousness.
But surely he embodies the most basic Christian ideal of
helping those in need. Jesus said, blessed are the poor,
for they will inherit the kingdom of heaven.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
He did.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Donald Trump said, I've watched politicians bragging about how poor
they are, how poor their parents and grandparents were. And
I said to myself, if they can stay so poor
for so many generations, how smart can they be? They're morons.
Speaker 10 (02:54):
Donald Trump is not the pastor of the United States
of America. He's accepted Jesus christis to save you. Is
he a seminarian student? Can he execute the scriptures? I
don't think so.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
You know who has run a Bible study. I'll give
you a hint. It rhymes with Hillary Clinton.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
Quin Clinton.
Speaker 10 (03:13):
Yes, runs a Bible study.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
She did when she was first Lady of Arkansas.
Speaker 9 (03:18):
Well, you know, I can't speak to Hillary Clinton's relationship
with God. I know she's really good at panduin out
the black churches saying whatever amazing grace song she can
come up with for that moment.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Do you think Donald Trump knows the words to amazing Grace?
Speaker 7 (03:32):
Well?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
As I said, I think it'd be more like tremendous grace.
How fantastic the sound could save a pretty good guy
like me. I once was lost, Although you know what,
I was never lost. I was born with an impeccable
sense of direction. When it comes to Trump's views on
the poor and marriage, Christians are willing to turn the
other cheek, an attitude they extend to all God's children,
(03:54):
well almost all.
Speaker 9 (03:56):
I think that when Hillary Clinton calls Donald Trump a
person that does disrespects women. For a woman herself to
allow her husband to disrespect her, I think that's horrible.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
You're holding that to Hillary. What we show is what
we received. So what's worse, Hillary allowing Bill to cheat
or Donald Trump shitting.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Well, I want to be clear.
Speaker 10 (04:22):
I'm miss Court and I said Hillary Trump has.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Allowed you don't want to do anything.
Speaker 9 (04:28):
Bill is his own man.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
But you're connecting his actions to Hillary because he.
Speaker 9 (04:33):
Is Hillary Clinton's husband.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
But you're not connecting Donald Trump's actions to Donald Trump.
And I believe Donald Trump.
Speaker 10 (04:41):
Just like any of us, when we fall, we faltered
the sin.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
I see. Christians love to forgive, and Donald Trump allows
them to practice forgiveness and truly biblical proportions aimen What
was American last great For.
Speaker 11 (05:01):
Me, I would say the turning point for our country
was nineteen thirteen when we passed the seventeenth Amendment.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
And what's the like back when like women couldn't vote?
Speaker 12 (05:10):
Yeah, night, well back up, but again like that, that's
got your sweet spot right there, absolutely, But nineteen thirteen?
Speaker 13 (05:16):
What year?
Speaker 11 (05:17):
Was America great.
Speaker 8 (05:20):
When it was founded?
Speaker 11 (05:23):
Except for the slavery stuff?
Speaker 14 (05:25):
Except for the slavery stuff, you know, I think we
were probably our strongest immediately post World War Two.
Speaker 8 (05:32):
So around the nineteen fifties.
Speaker 14 (05:34):
Yeah, mid forties, fifties.
Speaker 11 (05:36):
I mean, I think the fifties was great other than.
Speaker 14 (05:39):
You know, segregation and women's rights. Well, we could sit
here and paint negative faces of all times in America.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Correct, it's make America great again? So when was the
last grade?
Speaker 15 (05:51):
It's always been great, so we're so if.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
It's always been great, what are we trying to go
back to?
Speaker 2 (05:57):
We're not going back, We're going forward.
Speaker 8 (06:00):
I guess the eighties were pretty good.
Speaker 14 (06:02):
Hey, the eighties, the eighties, great music, cocaine, crack cocaine.
Speaker 8 (06:06):
Yeah, well we're always great.
Speaker 14 (06:08):
The people are great, so here, Yeah, that's.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
All America is great right now?
Speaker 7 (06:12):
So we did it.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
No, we didn't do it.
Speaker 14 (06:14):
America became great when the founding fathers put pen on
paper in seventeen seventy six and decided to build a
country based on laws.
Speaker 8 (06:23):
That was greatness.
Speaker 6 (06:24):
That was awesome.
Speaker 8 (06:25):
Other than the slavery obviously, that was terrible and.
Speaker 12 (06:28):
We didn't have that.
Speaker 14 (06:28):
Yeah, we did have that slay and the Indian thing
right that was terrible, and the women's voting thing.
Speaker 8 (06:34):
But other than that, that was awesome.
Speaker 14 (06:36):
A few hiccups along the way, you know, like they say, yeah,
nobody made it to the top without breaking a few
pieces of china.
Speaker 8 (06:47):
That wasn't an insult.
Speaker 16 (06:48):
By the way, this year, the Republicans have touted their
broader appeal with youth outreach groups, a woman up pavilion,
and they even courted minorities by letting the Puerto Rican
sit up front. So we went to check out the
new GOP. But there was just one problem.
Speaker 8 (07:07):
Have you seen any Latinos?
Speaker 13 (07:10):
No?
Speaker 16 (07:10):
Excuse me, excuse me? Have you seen any black people?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
By a way, are you Latino?
Speaker 15 (07:17):
No?
Speaker 12 (07:18):
Damn it.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Asian? Excuse me?
Speaker 6 (07:24):
Any black people?
Speaker 16 (07:26):
Okay, So this was harder than we thought. But just
when we were about to give up. There was finally
a sign, not your cheese.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
And it's still warm.
Speaker 11 (07:35):
They're close.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
Are you Republicans?
Speaker 6 (07:38):
It's just a gig man. Well we were getting closer.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
What's your name and are you Latino?
Speaker 8 (07:44):
My name is Luis Alvarado. I am Latino.
Speaker 16 (07:47):
Yes, finally they appeared. Now let's just take ten seconds
and we're gonna look around and we're gonna count how
many black people that we see around us aside from ourselves.
They cannot be janitors and they cannot work here. Okay,
al ready, let's go. I got zero.
Speaker 12 (08:11):
How many did you get?
Speaker 14 (08:12):
I got too right behind you.
Speaker 16 (08:15):
Oh and they're very light, so they may they may are,
They're not very light.
Speaker 8 (08:21):
One of those got freckles.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
Can't checker papers.
Speaker 12 (08:26):
I mean the Republicans are right?
Speaker 6 (08:30):
This feels good?
Speaker 16 (08:31):
And just how were they making inroads with such diverse groups?
Look no further than their youth outreach campaign headed up
by their super rad leader. Yo, what's up Daily Show nerds.
It's miss j Willie here with my man Pecan, president
of Generation Opportunity.
Speaker 8 (08:49):
Pecan house a hangin huh completely?
Speaker 4 (08:52):
All right?
Speaker 16 (08:53):
So you are the face of Generation Opportunity.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
I'm the president of it.
Speaker 13 (08:57):
You.
Speaker 6 (08:57):
Yeah, so how old are you exactly? I'm forty eight
years old.
Speaker 8 (09:00):
Eight? Yeah, But I had a band when I was
in high school.
Speaker 16 (09:02):
What year was that? Nineteen seventy five?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
No, I got your beat is nineteen eighty four.
Speaker 8 (09:07):
Holy I was not alive.
Speaker 16 (09:10):
Minorities check you check. But the real prize was the ladies.
So the Republicans invited them via Twitter to the woman
at Pavilion to engage in the issues most important to
them free hair and makeup.
Speaker 13 (09:24):
We are two women and we are here too.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Woman.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
Come on.
Speaker 16 (09:30):
The women embraced our presence and welcomed us into their
reception room.
Speaker 7 (09:35):
Until this is a close President, I'm sorry, but we're
two women and we're here to women up.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
Awesome, woman asked spontaneous women, and I got.
Speaker 16 (09:44):
This tweet that says that we could to get free
touch ups on our hair.
Speaker 7 (09:47):
Yeah, ladies, down a shooter and grab your coooter.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Excited.
Speaker 7 (09:54):
So hey, guys, step one, sure, did you want to
transvagilan ultrasomey? Just to make sure that I'm qualified, because
those are pretty good credentials.
Speaker 8 (10:05):
I'm a woman.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Do you get to go?
Speaker 16 (10:08):
While the GOP had made some strides there was one
place right next door where everyone was always welcome.
Speaker 11 (10:16):
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 6 (10:18):
So much for providing us with a safe space.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Spirs.
Speaker 6 (10:21):
Y'all are welcome you at anytime.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
As we've learned this week, Unlike Democrats, Republicans are patriotic, honest,
and decent. And there's a simple reason.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Why small town America continues to be the moral grounding
of this country.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Small town with small town values, we grow good people
in our small towns. So we sent the best news team.
Oh wait, hold on a second, So we sent the
most respectful and wholesome news team to find out what
small town values really means.
Speaker 5 (11:01):
I am from a small town, so I can tell
you exactly what that means.
Speaker 8 (11:04):
That's what I'd like you to do.
Speaker 5 (11:06):
Yeah, it's it's real people, real values, common sense.
Speaker 8 (11:13):
Can you be more generic?
Speaker 15 (11:16):
A small town values means traditional marriage, it means.
Speaker 8 (11:28):
Help me out here.
Speaker 6 (11:29):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Oh you can't. Small town values.
Speaker 11 (11:34):
I would say fishing.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
And uh.
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Church?
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Uh you know God, which you wish?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Church?
Speaker 6 (11:44):
The Christian Church, Christian Church are the other ones.
Speaker 8 (11:46):
That's just no, no, no, I mean Jewish Church, Christian Church.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
And it's what happens in those Christian and Jewish churches.
That forms the bedrock of any small town.
Speaker 14 (11:56):
Marriages between a man and a woman.
Speaker 7 (11:58):
That is a small town.
Speaker 15 (11:59):
Value, a husband and a wife, a man and a woman.
Small town values are common sense values. Conservatives believe and
believe in things that make sense.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Do you have nothing against homosexuals?
Speaker 8 (12:12):
Gays have all the rights that they want.
Speaker 15 (12:15):
All they gotta do is marry a person of the
opposite sex.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Oh okay, So as long as gays don't be gay,
they've done all the rights they want.
Speaker 8 (12:26):
You shouldn't have special rights just because of the type.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Of sex you have.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Once of where's that of a constitution? It ain't.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
That's right. These folks know there's nothing more important than
a bond between a man and a woman.
Speaker 13 (12:42):
The delegates are very respectful, and they're great tippers, and
they choose very nice and we're happy to have them here.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
I like you, man, Thank you, man. I like you
a lot, all right, thanks man. Give me a kiss
on the cheek, on the cheek.
Speaker 16 (13:01):
Him.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
It's nice.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
You can't admit it.
Speaker 8 (13:04):
It was nice.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Can you do that on cable TV?
Speaker 8 (13:06):
Of course I can. I can do a lot more
than that. Small town values me not locking your door
at night. You know you got a tractor in the field.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
You've got cow in the barn.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Nineteen fifties, America. I hear you there. What do you
do for living?
Speaker 8 (13:19):
Powell?
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I'm a lobbyist.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Oh, just like the fifties. Everybody knows everybody, and you're
welcome anywhere you go, just like I remember a.
Speaker 9 (13:28):
Backyard cookout of the Republican Finance Committee reception.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Come on, Roberg, Hello, the youngest of the Riggle boys
from the Stuart Place.
Speaker 12 (13:36):
You can't come in.
Speaker 8 (13:38):
Hello, Hello, Hey, hey, neighbor.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Hey, let's go new not too bad, neighbor. Let's keep going.
Speaker 8 (13:46):
You're gonna have to leave.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
It's hey, it's hey.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
It's Wyant, Jesse's grandson. S the racial thing, is it?
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Goodbye? Spend just a few minutes here, and you know
what small town values are all about. And nobody put
it better than Regina.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
But we talk about that's political on our kitchen breakfast table.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
It's a nook.
Speaker 5 (14:17):
It's a nook.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Okay?
Speaker 5 (14:19):
Is that America is awesome?
Speaker 13 (14:37):
Last night, Sarah Palin took the stage and silenced her critics.
This woman is qualified.
Speaker 6 (14:44):
Tell me about our qualifications.
Speaker 8 (14:46):
One, she's a beautiful lady.
Speaker 6 (14:48):
She hunts and fishes and is not afraid to get
her hands dirty.
Speaker 8 (14:52):
She's only that far from Russia from those eyes A Putin.
Speaker 7 (14:56):
One of the things that I really respect about Sarah
Palin is that she makes Americans feel like anyone can
be president.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
But there's one.
Speaker 13 (15:05):
Issue for which she's still being unfairly attacked.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
It's very inappropriate that the Democrats have seized on the
issue of Bristol's pregnancy.
Speaker 5 (15:13):
That is a personal that is very personal, and I
don't think that she should be attacked for that.
Speaker 17 (15:19):
I think it's a family issue.
Speaker 6 (15:21):
Politics should stay out of people's business.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
You do what's right.
Speaker 8 (15:25):
And you know she's going to have the baby, she's
going to get married.
Speaker 5 (15:28):
She said, no, it's a human being she made.
Speaker 6 (15:32):
I'm sorry, what is she made the decision? The decision.
There's another word I'm looking for, rhyme.
Speaker 13 (15:38):
I think it rhymes with voice. Every family and every
woman should have the right to.
Speaker 6 (15:48):
I'm sorry. What's the word I'm looking for.
Speaker 13 (15:50):
It's her family, it's her Oh god, what is the word?
What is the word I'm looking for? It's like an
alternative or if you have two things, you be Sarah
Palin and I'll be herself. Seventeen year old daughter Bristol.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
You know you and I have always been able to
openly discuss what do.
Speaker 6 (16:07):
You want to talk to me about? I'm too busier
and now mom, he got out of my room. It's
like when you have a lot of options and you
have to select one. What's the word I'm looking for?
What is the word? Adoption?
Speaker 4 (16:21):
Is one?
Speaker 6 (16:22):
You know, there's a specific word I'm looking for.
Speaker 17 (16:24):
I'm sure the family will be able to make the
best decision for.
Speaker 6 (16:27):
Them, but they'll have the freedom to make that decision.
Hold on a second, I'm trying to have a boyfriend.
Can I carry you back? My mom is in my room.
She wants to talk to me about something. Hold on,
I pay back.
Speaker 17 (16:45):
Well, yes, but I don't think that I don't think
that the decision I think it should be not I
think that the family decision would become as how.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
Yes, okay, oh my godhead, you.
Speaker 13 (17:08):
Bothering mannis it's you know, when you have like an alternative.
Speaker 6 (17:16):
What's the word I'm looking for? Alternative? A different choice?
Speaker 8 (17:21):
Choice?
Speaker 6 (17:22):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 13 (17:23):
Every family, every person should have the choice to decide
what's best for them.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
You know the left.
Speaker 8 (17:32):
Clamors for choice, we want to make choice, we want choice.
And Sarah Palin's daughter has made a choice.
Speaker 6 (17:40):
Freedom of choice. That's different than being pro choice. She's
able to make the choice that she doesn't really want
other people to have.
Speaker 4 (17:47):
Right.
Speaker 6 (17:47):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 8 (17:53):
We've heard a lot this week about Mitt Romney's number
one qualification for presidents.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Mitt Romney turned busy.
Speaker 8 (18:00):
This is around in the private sector. He's made a
success of failing companies.
Speaker 14 (18:04):
America needs a turnaround and the man for the job
is Governor Mitt Romney.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
And why is that?
Speaker 14 (18:11):
I think government needs to run more lack of business.
Speaker 11 (18:13):
These aren't easy conversations to have.
Speaker 8 (18:16):
But if it's not working, you gotta end it.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
It's gotta go.
Speaker 8 (18:19):
If a branch of Blimpis is failing, they don't reward it.
They shut that down exactly.
Speaker 12 (18:24):
Always letting the market decide would be the best thing
to do.
Speaker 6 (18:26):
Oh okay, And where are you from?
Speaker 3 (18:27):
Mississippi?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Mississippi?
Speaker 11 (18:29):
Whoa whoa dead last? And per capita income you are
costing the federal government twenty billion dollars.
Speaker 13 (18:38):
That is uh.
Speaker 4 (18:39):
You know what?
Speaker 11 (18:40):
I think We're gonna have to let the market decide.
Speaker 8 (18:41):
And if that's the case, we need to take a
hard look at which divisions of AmeriCorps succeeding and which
are failing. Because what was that Delaware?
Speaker 11 (18:51):
And if it's not working, you gotta end it.
Speaker 8 (18:53):
It's gotta go exactly.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
So let's do this.
Speaker 8 (18:57):
Let's talk about the bottom line. South Carolina is taking
way more in government funding than it's playing back in tax.
Speaker 14 (19:03):
Well that's not good, is it.
Speaker 8 (19:05):
No, you're in the red.
Speaker 17 (19:06):
Yeah, so what do we do with cut government expenses?
Speaker 16 (19:08):
Maybe?
Speaker 14 (19:09):
Why don't we try that?
Speaker 8 (19:10):
Oh so you're blaming the boss.
Speaker 13 (19:11):
Huh?
Speaker 8 (19:12):
One operating division audited forty nine anxious states to go
nervous todd a little bit. It's kind of hard though, Yeah,
because I see your sweating. You're anticipating bad news in
this conversation.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Uh No, not really.
Speaker 8 (19:27):
Well, you're about to get some Wisconsin is failing.
Speaker 11 (19:30):
You are taking in more than you're giving back.
Speaker 8 (19:32):
That's what they say.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
No, that's what I'm telling you.
Speaker 11 (19:35):
I'm looking at your numbers here, they're middling. I know
you're wyoming. No one really expects anything of you.
Speaker 14 (19:41):
What do you think?
Speaker 8 (19:43):
Yeah, would you like a gatorade or towel or something. No, okay,
it seems like your whole face is crying. These conversations
are never easy. It can be painful.
Speaker 11 (19:54):
We've decided to let Georgia go.
Speaker 8 (19:56):
Suddenly when actually faced with the numbers. Running American life
a business didn't seem like a good idea after all,
and it was every state for themselves.
Speaker 12 (20:06):
You're really in the red and we can't support you.
Speaker 11 (20:08):
No, no, no, Iowa has.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
A budget that shows up in the black.
Speaker 12 (20:14):
Sir, Once you talk to California, Iowa is talking so
much crap about you right now?
Speaker 1 (20:20):
About yes, who are we.
Speaker 11 (20:22):
Getting rid of?
Speaker 8 (20:24):
I'd go with main All right, how do you think
this year wins?
Speaker 15 (20:29):
Well?
Speaker 8 (20:29):
I don't think it went too well. Again, Oh no,
it didn't go too well.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
O terrible.
Speaker 11 (20:37):
You are taking in more than you're giving back.
Speaker 5 (20:39):
I don't see anything wrong with that.
Speaker 8 (20:41):
To help us get moving.
Speaker 11 (20:42):
Forward, explain to me if we're running a business here,
why we're keeping you around?
Speaker 8 (20:46):
Let me talk?
Speaker 6 (20:46):
Can I talk about these hats right now?
Speaker 8 (20:49):
Americorp is clearly struggling. It was time to see EO up.
Speaker 11 (20:54):
All right, you three are here because you are the
worst three states in the Union. So we're gonna have
a little context. Okay, first prize, you get to keep
your job. Second prize, anyone want to see?
Speaker 8 (21:06):
Second price?
Speaker 11 (21:07):
Second prize obradge boy CD oh yay?
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Third price is your fire?
Speaker 4 (21:13):
You?
Speaker 11 (21:13):
Minnesota? Why the hell should I keep you?
Speaker 6 (21:15):
We have a land of ten thousand like.
Speaker 11 (21:17):
You'll go home and water ski? Whyoman?
Speaker 6 (21:19):
What do you got last population in the Union?
Speaker 4 (21:22):
Wide open spaces?
Speaker 11 (21:23):
Yeah, who gives you to go fly a kite?
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Mississippi?
Speaker 11 (21:27):
You think this is funny?
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Yes, you see this watch.
Speaker 11 (21:30):
This watch is worth more than your entire state.
Speaker 14 (21:32):
We know what hard work is and we're good.
Speaker 10 (21:36):
Then we grow cotton and we are the most hospitable
people that you'll ever want to Nat.
Speaker 11 (21:42):
I gotta be honest. Her state's a piece.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
She is out selling YouTube. Take your CD.
Speaker 14 (21:48):
Get this out.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
You're fired.
Speaker 8 (21:52):
Prepare yourself, America. Because Romney always be closing.
Speaker 13 (22:02):
Republicans are experts at managing their image. Questioners at campaign
events are carefully vetted.
Speaker 6 (22:09):
Mister President, I don't have a question. I have three
thank you, thank you, And the press is either shut out, thanks.
Speaker 7 (22:17):
Or seduced.
Speaker 6 (22:18):
That was the strategy at the convention.
Speaker 13 (22:21):
They're the GOP set up a lavish, free spad just
for journalists.
Speaker 6 (22:25):
Some reporters might be co opted, but not ed Helms
and Samantha b that's good.
Speaker 13 (22:33):
We wouldn't be distracted from our mission by cheap bribes.
We were here at the convention to get all up
in the GOP's collective grill.
Speaker 6 (22:43):
Let's talk about the warn wreck. Who do you think
God wants to win?
Speaker 4 (22:47):
Oh?
Speaker 8 (22:48):
Wow, Hi, excuse me.
Speaker 12 (22:50):
I was hoping you could wear our hat for the convention.
I have a feeling that you're going to get a
tremendous amount of airtime.
Speaker 14 (22:56):
Thank you.
Speaker 8 (22:57):
Who do you like better?
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Brooks are done?
Speaker 4 (23:01):
Wow?
Speaker 8 (23:03):
I'm into Brooks.
Speaker 12 (23:05):
George Bush's vice president, Dick Cheney, voted in support of
segregation when he was a senator in Wyoming. Does that
give you pause as an African American Republican?
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Well, I think it's important for people have come totally kidding.
Speaker 12 (23:22):
Some people say that it's a conflict of interest that
Fox News Channel is producing this convention. What are your
thoughts on that? I think Fox News is absolutely awesome.
Speaker 13 (23:33):
I have a feeling you're going to be all over
the TV tonight.
Speaker 6 (23:35):
Would you wear this.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
Hat for us?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
This is such a country of opportunity.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
And although all of us have little clips in our lives.
Speaker 13 (23:44):
I mean, is tonight the night that they exploit nine
to eleven? Or is tonight inspired empty promises for the future.
Speaker 6 (24:02):
Have you had a hot carl since you've been here?
Speaker 14 (24:03):
I have not, Just you know, so much to do.
I haven't gotten did everything yet, but I will.
Speaker 13 (24:08):
I'll be here, what five days, just getting a taxi
and say take me to where I can get a
hot carl, and you will.
Speaker 6 (24:14):
Be in for something that you never expected.
Speaker 5 (24:17):
We will look forward to that.
Speaker 8 (24:22):
And we're going to have a little time during the
next few days. And we planned to tour your beautiful city.
Speaker 6 (24:26):
Have you had your picture taken with a black person yet?
Speaker 13 (24:29):
Well?
Speaker 8 (24:29):
I don't think so, but I wouldn't mind doing that.
Speaker 6 (24:32):
That's something you'd be willing to try. Why, certainly there's
plenty of them, I know. Do you have any of
them in Montana?
Speaker 14 (24:38):
We don't.
Speaker 8 (24:38):
You know, we don't have any.
Speaker 17 (24:41):
In fact, I guess our kids were pretty old before
they saw one.
Speaker 6 (24:45):
You know what we were wrong about the Republicans.
Speaker 13 (24:49):
Turns out they could handle a tough question.
Speaker 6 (24:51):
After all, a.
Speaker 12 (24:52):
Lot of people are upset about the situation in Iraq.
Its devolved into this kind of quagmire. I hoping he
knows how we're going to get out of it.
Speaker 6 (25:01):
That's your opinion, but thank you.
Speaker 12 (25:02):
My question for you is, where the.
Speaker 16 (25:05):
Fuck are you going?
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on
Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus
Speaker 4 (25:27):
Paramount Podcasts
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