January 13, 2020 • 10 mins
Three 9-year-old co-hosts - Jonny, Tommy, and Isabelle - lead the resistance against their authoritarian principal. Features Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central. What can you do to
fight back against the injustices of today? Obviously, there's no
better activism than listening to a podcast. It's time to
join the resistance against a tyrannical, divisive elementary school principle.
Along with your hosts, Johnny, Tommy, and Isabelle, this is
(00:24):
Pod Save Little Creek Elementary. Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Pod Save Little Creek Elementary, the five and
nineteen podcast in our growing network. We are the podcast
(00:45):
by the resistance and for the resistance inside Little Creek
Elementary School and Fairfax, Virginia. I'm Johnny, I'm Isabella, and
I'm Tommy. We're in fourth grade and we have so
much to discuss this week, including Principal Welsh's outrageous decision
to shorten recess by fifteen minutes. This is not normal.
(01:06):
We also have plenty more about Principal Welsh's efforts to
build a wall between Little Creek Elementary and Santa Pueblo
Middle School. Your parents tax dollars hard at work. Later
in the pod, we have an interview with Miss Stone.
She's a substitute teacher who we think should be the
next principle of Little Creek Elementary School. She made a
lot of ways last week when she let us have
(01:27):
two snack times. So excited for that. Before we get
going some housekeeping, we're recording a live episode of Pod
Save Little Creek at Jackson's Night birthday party on Saturday.
If you like to attend the taping, get your mom
to R s v P to Jackson's mom. There's gonna
be laser tag Tommy. We also have some news about
(01:48):
our sister podcast. Yes, our sister podcast has a new
interview with my sister. Her name is Victoria. She's in
eighth grade and she's really mean to me. Check out
Pod Save My Sister on iTunes. Also, this episode of
Pod Saves Little Creek is bought to you by glue Apron.
Glue delivered straight to your cubby hole. Are you tired
(02:09):
of constantly running out of glue? I know I am.
Glue Apron is your new source for all things glue, crazy, glue,
whatever sment you name it. Last week I got an
amazing glue stick from glue Apron. It's purple. I'm obsessed
love glue Apron. I especially like their edible glue. I
don't think any of their glue is edible. I have
(02:31):
to go to bathroom glue apron. It's paste modernized. Let's
get to the news. This week, Principal Welsh announced an
escalation is shade war, banning the trade of all Pokemon cards.
He said, quote, I'm calling for a total and complete
(02:51):
shutdown of all snore lax ducks until we figure out
what's going on. A few questions. First of all, can
the principle do this? Absolutely not. He is way beyond
his authority here. It's mind blowing. For years, the foundation
of our elementary school can take two unmistakable truths. First,
(03:12):
everybody needs a coot distraught, and second that free trade
is essential to the health of this school. Isabella, I
want to turn to you. Why aren't any teachers speaking
up about this clear abusive power. Well? Did the teachers
speak up when Principle Welch appointed Timmy Johnson Hall Martyr
even though he's the biggest bully in fifth grade? Did
(03:32):
the teacher speak up when he tried to ban all
finger painting because one kid ate the paint again it
looked like it was edible. We know this about the teachers.
They are complicit. They are egotistical and they are Isosceles.
Can I just say something? This is the principal who
is stoking divisions. He's making us learn long division. Every
(03:56):
phone has a calculator, and can I just say it? Now?
They're thing there's no reason we should be learned to
play the recorder. This is a Bologney instrument. Let's get
back on track. I think we need to face the
facts here. And this is unpleasant to admit, but the
Principle is a fart face. This is the principle who
(04:16):
has showed time and time again that he's a fart face,
but all of his enablers are too afraid to say,
Principle Welch is a fart face. It's almost like calling
someone a fart face is worse than actually being a
fart face. Speaking of fart faces, how is the Principal
Welchi Soung got student of the month? You're talking about
Principal Welsh Jr. Yeah, he doesn't even know what a
(04:38):
fraction is, and all of a sudden he's doing morning
announcements and getting straight a's. It's part of a larger
pattern of corruption. I mean, why is it that Principle Welch.
It's forcing us to learn cursive. No one writes cursive anymore.
It's because Principal Welsh is a right supremacist. He's an
out and out right supremacist. This is not normal. Let's
(04:59):
all so not forget that Principal Welch has repeatedly committed adultery.
And Tommy remind our listeners what adultery is. Adultery is
when you ask an adult why they're doing something and
they say, because I'm an adult and you aren't. I
hate adultery. My dad always commits adultery When I ask
why he gets to ice cream for dinner. My dad
(05:22):
also committed adultery, and now I get to Christmas is Isabella.
What could our listeners due to fight back against Principal Welsh.
There are so many awesome organizations out there. You can
go to vote Save Little Creek dot org for lists
of opportunities. We are currently looking for volunteers to tp
Principal Welch's office. That's a great event for a great cause.
(05:44):
You should also check out our friends at Swing Left
and how can our listeners find Swing Left on the playground.
It's the swings on the left next to the Monkey Bars.
Another great organization and a very fun swing. Okay, we'll
be right back after this word from our sponsors. Great,
I'm going to go to the party. POD Save Little
(06:12):
Creek is brought to you by Progressive Mommy Insurance. Did
you accidentally call your teacher Mommy? Did you start crying
as everyone laughed at you? I've done that several times. Well, Tommy,
you need Progressive Mommy Insurance, which can protect you in
the case of a mommy accident. Progressive Mommy Insurance will
tell other students you did actually save Mommy and that
(06:32):
you were just crying because you had dusted your eye.
Question what this work if I called Mr Thompson Dad
and hypothetically peed my pants during the school talent show.
Absolutely Progressive Mommy Insurance also covers dad accidents for no
additional cost. Wow, where was this all of second grade?
Progressive Mommy Insurance don't talk to your teacher without it? Hello,
(07:06):
Pod Save Little Creek Elementary Listeners, I'm Tom Steyer. If
you're like me, you're concerned about the direction of Little
Creek Elementary School under Principal Welch. That's why I'm spending
twelve million dollars of my own money on podcast ads
to announce my candidacy for Principle of Little Creek Elementary.
I support progressive school policies like more flavors of milk
(07:29):
in the cafeteria and a band on dodgeball. Whether you're
a third grader or a pe teacher, I'd appreciate your support.
And now back to the pod. I guess today is
(07:50):
someone that we believe should be the next Principle of
Little Creek Elementary. She was a substitute teacher last week.
Please welcome miss Stowed High kids this podcasting city. It
was so cool. Did your parents are you kidding? My
parents are so behind the times. They communicate via text message. So,
(08:13):
miss Stone, you are an amazing substitute teacher. We were
supposed to take a geography quiz. You let us play
board games. We were supposed to learn long division. You
let us watch Chicken Run. Let's start at the beginning.
Why were you inspired to become sub Let's see I
got fired from Old Navy for running in a legal
casino in the fitting rooms. The next day I saw
(08:35):
pop up at for a substitute teacher, Nasty to let
makeouts dot Com and two days later, boom, I'm teaching
fourth graders inspiring. Tell me, miss Stone, what would your
first act as principal of Little Creek Elementary School? B hmm.
I would probably turn the music room into an illegal casino. Okay,
what else? I guess the performing arts theater. I would
(08:59):
also talk to an illegal casino. We were hoping you
had some ideas that would make the school better for us,
the students. Okay, okay, okay, um. You know I've got
problems with principal. Welch, we hear that. For example, why
do you fourth graders have so much homework? Sing it sister?
In fact, why you have to come to school at all?
I'm loving this. You could make plenty of money as
(09:21):
a blackjack dealer in my illegal casino. Okay, ms Stone,
You've given us in our listeners a lot to think about.
Thank you for coming on the pod. Thank you for
having me. Do you validate parking? Parking is free? This
is a public elementary school. Well then who did that
pick hew? No. I think she could be the future
(09:49):
of this elementary school. Yeah. I mean, I have some
concerns about the illegal casino part of her platform, but
there's no such thing as the perfect candidate for principle.
This is not normal? What's not normal? Sorry my mom
forgot to cut the cross off my p B and J.
That's all for today's episode of Pod Dave Little Creek Elementary.
(10:12):
Be sure to tune in next week when we will
have an interview with Mr Weaver. He is another candidate
for principal who is running on a promise of Coody
shots for all. No students should go into debt because
they cannot afford a Coody shot. That's next week on
Pod Save Low Creek Elementary. Until then, we hope to
see what Jackson's birthday party this Saturday. Let's unfudge this
(10:36):
Elementary school. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.
You're listening to Comedy Central. What can you do to
fight back against the injustices of today? Obviously, there's no
better activism than listening to a podcast. It's time to
join the resistance against a tyrannical, divisive elementary school principle.
Along with your hosts, Johnny, Tommy, and Isabelle, this is
(00:24):
Pod Save Little Creek Elementary. Hello, and welcome to another
episode of Pod Save Little Creek Elementary, the five and
nineteen podcast in our growing network. We are the podcast
(00:45):
by the resistance and for the resistance inside Little Creek
Elementary School and Fairfax, Virginia. I'm Johnny, I'm Isabella, and
I'm Tommy. We're in fourth grade and we have so
much to discuss this week, including Principal Welsh's outrageous decision
to shorten recess by fifteen minutes. This is not normal.
(01:06):
We also have plenty more about Principal Welsh's efforts to
build a wall between Little Creek Elementary and Santa Pueblo
Middle School. Your parents tax dollars hard at work. Later
in the pod, we have an interview with Miss Stone.
She's a substitute teacher who we think should be the
next principle of Little Creek Elementary School. She made a
lot of ways last week when she let us have
(01:27):
two snack times. So excited for that. Before we get
going some housekeeping, we're recording a live episode of Pod
Save Little Creek at Jackson's Night birthday party on Saturday.
If you like to attend the taping, get your mom
to R s v P to Jackson's mom. There's gonna
be laser tag Tommy. We also have some news about
(01:48):
our sister podcast. Yes, our sister podcast has a new
interview with my sister. Her name is Victoria. She's in
eighth grade and she's really mean to me. Check out
Pod Save My Sister on iTunes. Also, this episode of
Pod Saves Little Creek is bought to you by glue Apron.
Glue delivered straight to your cubby hole. Are you tired
(02:09):
of constantly running out of glue? I know I am.
Glue Apron is your new source for all things glue, crazy, glue,
whatever sment you name it. Last week I got an
amazing glue stick from glue Apron. It's purple. I'm obsessed
love glue Apron. I especially like their edible glue. I
don't think any of their glue is edible. I have
(02:31):
to go to bathroom glue apron. It's paste modernized. Let's
get to the news. This week, Principal Welsh announced an
escalation is shade war, banning the trade of all Pokemon cards.
He said, quote, I'm calling for a total and complete
(02:51):
shutdown of all snore lax ducks until we figure out
what's going on. A few questions. First of all, can
the principle do this? Absolutely not. He is way beyond
his authority here. It's mind blowing. For years, the foundation
of our elementary school can take two unmistakable truths. First,
(03:12):
everybody needs a coot distraught, and second that free trade
is essential to the health of this school. Isabella, I
want to turn to you. Why aren't any teachers speaking
up about this clear abusive power. Well? Did the teachers
speak up when Principle Welch appointed Timmy Johnson Hall Martyr
even though he's the biggest bully in fifth grade? Did
(03:32):
the teacher speak up when he tried to ban all
finger painting because one kid ate the paint again it
looked like it was edible. We know this about the teachers.
They are complicit. They are egotistical and they are Isosceles.
Can I just say something? This is the principal who
is stoking divisions. He's making us learn long division. Every
(03:56):
phone has a calculator, and can I just say it? Now?
They're thing there's no reason we should be learned to
play the recorder. This is a Bologney instrument. Let's get
back on track. I think we need to face the
facts here. And this is unpleasant to admit, but the
Principle is a fart face. This is the principle who
(04:16):
has showed time and time again that he's a fart face,
but all of his enablers are too afraid to say,
Principle Welch is a fart face. It's almost like calling
someone a fart face is worse than actually being a
fart face. Speaking of fart faces, how is the Principal
Welchi Soung got student of the month? You're talking about
Principal Welsh Jr. Yeah, he doesn't even know what a
(04:38):
fraction is, and all of a sudden he's doing morning
announcements and getting straight a's. It's part of a larger
pattern of corruption. I mean, why is it that Principle Welch.
It's forcing us to learn cursive. No one writes cursive anymore.
It's because Principal Welsh is a right supremacist. He's an
out and out right supremacist. This is not normal. Let's
(04:59):
all so not forget that Principal Welch has repeatedly committed adultery.
And Tommy remind our listeners what adultery is. Adultery is
when you ask an adult why they're doing something and
they say, because I'm an adult and you aren't. I
hate adultery. My dad always commits adultery When I ask
why he gets to ice cream for dinner. My dad
(05:22):
also committed adultery, and now I get to Christmas is Isabella.
What could our listeners due to fight back against Principal Welsh.
There are so many awesome organizations out there. You can
go to vote Save Little Creek dot org for lists
of opportunities. We are currently looking for volunteers to tp
Principal Welch's office. That's a great event for a great cause.
(05:44):
You should also check out our friends at Swing Left
and how can our listeners find Swing Left on the playground.
It's the swings on the left next to the Monkey Bars.
Another great organization and a very fun swing. Okay, we'll
be right back after this word from our sponsors. Great,
I'm going to go to the party. POD Save Little
(06:12):
Creek is brought to you by Progressive Mommy Insurance. Did
you accidentally call your teacher Mommy? Did you start crying
as everyone laughed at you? I've done that several times. Well, Tommy,
you need Progressive Mommy Insurance, which can protect you in
the case of a mommy accident. Progressive Mommy Insurance will
tell other students you did actually save Mommy and that
(06:32):
you were just crying because you had dusted your eye.
Question what this work if I called Mr Thompson Dad
and hypothetically peed my pants during the school talent show.
Absolutely Progressive Mommy Insurance also covers dad accidents for no
additional cost. Wow, where was this all of second grade?
Progressive Mommy Insurance don't talk to your teacher without it? Hello,
(07:06):
Pod Save Little Creek Elementary Listeners, I'm Tom Steyer. If
you're like me, you're concerned about the direction of Little
Creek Elementary School under Principal Welch. That's why I'm spending
twelve million dollars of my own money on podcast ads
to announce my candidacy for Principle of Little Creek Elementary.
I support progressive school policies like more flavors of milk
(07:29):
in the cafeteria and a band on dodgeball. Whether you're
a third grader or a pe teacher, I'd appreciate your support.
And now back to the pod. I guess today is
(07:50):
someone that we believe should be the next Principle of
Little Creek Elementary. She was a substitute teacher last week.
Please welcome miss Stowed High kids this podcasting city. It
was so cool. Did your parents are you kidding? My
parents are so behind the times. They communicate via text message. So,
(08:13):
miss Stone, you are an amazing substitute teacher. We were
supposed to take a geography quiz. You let us play
board games. We were supposed to learn long division. You
let us watch Chicken Run. Let's start at the beginning.
Why were you inspired to become sub Let's see I
got fired from Old Navy for running in a legal
casino in the fitting rooms. The next day I saw
(08:35):
pop up at for a substitute teacher, Nasty to let
makeouts dot Com and two days later, boom, I'm teaching
fourth graders inspiring. Tell me, miss Stone, what would your
first act as principal of Little Creek Elementary School? B hmm.
I would probably turn the music room into an illegal casino. Okay,
what else? I guess the performing arts theater. I would
(08:59):
also talk to an illegal casino. We were hoping you
had some ideas that would make the school better for us,
the students. Okay, okay, okay, um. You know I've got
problems with principal. Welch, we hear that. For example, why
do you fourth graders have so much homework? Sing it sister?
In fact, why you have to come to school at all?
I'm loving this. You could make plenty of money as
(09:21):
a blackjack dealer in my illegal casino. Okay, ms Stone,
You've given us in our listeners a lot to think about.
Thank you for coming on the pod. Thank you for
having me. Do you validate parking? Parking is free? This
is a public elementary school. Well then who did that
pick hew? No. I think she could be the future
(09:49):
of this elementary school. Yeah. I mean, I have some
concerns about the illegal casino part of her platform, but
there's no such thing as the perfect candidate for principle.
This is not normal? What's not normal? Sorry my mom
forgot to cut the cross off my p B and J.
That's all for today's episode of Pod Dave Little Creek Elementary.
(10:12):
Be sure to tune in next week when we will
have an interview with Mr Weaver. He is another candidate
for principal who is running on a promise of Coody
shots for all. No students should go into debt because
they cannot afford a Coody shot. That's next week on
Pod Save Low Creek Elementary. Until then, we hope to
see what Jackson's birthday party this Saturday. Let's unfudge this
(10:36):
Elementary school. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.
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