July 11, 2024 • 36 mins
Thursday (pt 2 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, we get an update on John Boy’s Friends List.. - John Boy decides he’s going to be out weather wizard.. - The Stones are on tour again, so we dust off our Big Show favorite, “Picker for the Rolling Stones”.. - We report on the activity of a few Dumb Crooks.. - John Boy exposes one of his neighbors secret identity.. - Carrot Top checks in from Las Vegas.. - We play Dollywood Squares with the Watermelon Queen.. - and Thiggy re-applies for John Boy’s entourage..
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Good morning. It's a big show on the radio. It's
time for dumb crooked news. Hey you big show listeners.
We get tons of dumb crooked mail every week. The
address will follow this report. Sheriff's deputies patrolling a music
festival in Pasco County, Florida couldn't help but notice one
(00:46):
particular twenty five year old man in the crowd, the
one wearing a bright orange uniform marked Polk County Jail.
A quick call to the jail confirmed the uniform was stolen,
apparently when the man was released from jail earlier than year.
Deputy's confiscated the uniform and sent him on his way,
But when the man's probation officer got the police report
on the incident.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
He ordered his immediate arrest.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
The suspect was supposed to be on strict home detention
and had sworn to the officer that he had stayed
home that weekend. Glad he likes a uniform. He's now
back in Polk County jail. A man in Kenton, Ohio,
strolling calmly down the street cradling a large marijuana plant,
struck up a conversation with a passerby. Can you believe
(01:30):
I'm walking down the street in the middle of the
day with his pot plant, the man said. He passerby responded,
can you believe I'm a cop? Detective Joe Mongol side
of the chatty hemp head with misdemeanor charges of a
cultivation and possession of marijuana. A suspect told police a
plant had been growing in the front yard of a
vacant house, where he had been nurturing it, and that
(01:52):
he had decided to dig it up and take it home.
Man A twenty year old woman from Grand Tai How, Illinois,
was arrested for shoplifting a cartload of items from a
local Walmart store. Court records say the woman stole a
pocket knife, a propane tank, hot dogs, barbecue ribs, tenderloin steaks,
(02:12):
a lady shirt, pants and shoes, men's underwear, two American flags,
two folding chairs, a bunch of bananas, a spotlight, spark plugs,
a set of spark plug wires, a radar detector, a flashlight,
four safety lights, an oil filter, a BB gun, two hammocks,
a dead bowl kit, a radio controlled toy car with remote,
(02:33):
a sleeping bag, a seventy court cooler, two inflatable kayaks,
a coffee maker, two raincoats, a CD player, two car
stereo CD players, a CD holder, a CD repair kit,
two CDs, a DVD player, two CB radios, a video
game system, three digital cameras, a two hundred shot paintball gun,
(02:54):
a three hundred ounce package of laundry detergent, a bag
of charcoal, a portable grill, a backpack, a suitcase, and
ten packs of cigarettes.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
J D J D Lord, gee, how big was this cart?
You're gonna do this weekend? Really? Everything? Where are you
going later?
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Police in all Gray, Portugal, have received reports from four
women who fallen victim to a phone scammer. They say
they were telephoned by somebody claiming to be a doctor
who offered them free breast examinations using a revolutionary new
scanner mounted on an orbiting satellite. The women were instructed
to strip to the waist and stand outside or in
(03:37):
a window so the satellite could see them.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Apparently the caller was the one doing the scanning.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
The doctor called victims back a few minutes later and
gave them report. There was a little heavier on sexual
fantasies than medical information.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
See yeah, I don't know where about a winder.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
And finally, authorities in Locksley, Alabama, are investigating the alleged
beating of a preacher by funeral mourners who didn't take
kindly to his blunt eulogy. The wife of the revered
Orlando Bethel says her husband was attacked during the funeral
and dragged out of the church for referring to the
deceased as quote a drunkard and a fornicator. The reverend
(04:20):
told mourners the dead man was in Hell and if
they didn't change their ways, they were headed there too,
says Missus Bethel. The fornicators didn't like what he said,
so they got up and beat it. By the way,
the dead man was Missus Bethel's uncle.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
You have dumb Kruk news. Mail to dumb Cruk News.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
John woyn Billet fiobogs one nine one one, Charlotte didn't
see two eight two one nine.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
And remember, criminals, it's time to turn so you don't burn.
Good morning the big shows on the radio.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Bigo, no, no, Marcella's it turns out I can't go
to lunch today. I know it's the last minute thing.
Tomorrow's no good either, Marcel Babs is out all week long.
Well it seems that Johnny Bravo has her cleaning the
basement windows. No, well, the inside isn't a problem, but
digging those holes outside to put the ladder in take
(05:21):
some time. I'm afraid it's life as usual here a
John boyn for the big show. Carry out straight.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
People, Good morning. A big show is on a radio
(06:01):
coming up. We'll can play to Curn Events Quiz Take Sea.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
You will win. It's as easy ast wait for you
to win. By the way, look forward to it. Also,
A goodness grows in North Carolina, give basket.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
We're celebrating Jackson's Farming Company and the North Carolina Watermelon Association.
We got a watermelon queen and her mama, so we're
gonna play with her. Dollywood Square is about an hour
from now.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
All right, I did okay? So well yeah, we headed
to a Curn Events quiz time. Then the Winter Circle thing. Hooraa.
Good Thursday morning.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Everybody got a big show on the radio here It
is Colon Events Quiz time. He's the way if you
join the winters die one hundred. Big show will be
calling nine Take sea. Got a goodness grows in North Carolina.
Give basket from Jackson's Farming Company to North Carolina Watermelon Association.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Man, I got some watermelon. We got set up out there.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Awesome watermelon queen, Baby doll seeds, speed sitting seeds, spitting competition.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
We've had both here.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Is one of the things. How you get to be
watermelon queen. We'll talk to her on Dollywood Square is
in an hour from now. We're gonna play with her.
All right, all right, now, let's say we got oh yeah,
let's make somebody win it right quick? You want to
Colonel Vins quiz take see you will win?
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Billy? What are we dealing with today?
Speaker 4 (07:14):
We got some news out of Iowa, the story of
a radio contest gone horribly wrong, one of our favorite topics.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Alrighty did what ain't know that big show? You're toll
free line, big caller nine and you should win next?
(07:44):
Good morning, A big show is on the radio?
Speaker 2 (07:47):
You ready?
Speaker 5 (07:48):
Ready?
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (07:53):
When quiz.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
They ain't calling them a nine on the line. Seth
out a Charlotte, Good morning, Seth, good morning.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
How you doing today? By not doing good? All right?
Doesn't have to be a seth?
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Alrighty, well, Seth Two men are suing an Iowa radio
station over a recent contest. They say the morning team
promised to pay them a big cash prize for tattooing
the station's logo on their foreheads and then failed.
Speaker 7 (08:25):
To deliver the money.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
What's gotta hurt?
Speaker 4 (08:27):
The jocks say the contest was simply a wacky on
air joke and they never thought anyone.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Would actually get the tattoo now.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
The men said the worst part of the hoax was
when they discovered that A there was never a cash prize.
B tattoo removal is not covered by their insurance plan.
Or see the station isn't really called loser one oh
four point seven?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
What do you got? Seth? Oh, yeah, that's that's a
tough one. But I believe I'm not to go.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
See yeah yeah, Well gradually you say, if you got it, buddy,
I was easy, wasn't it?
Speaker 8 (09:06):
Thank you? Suck?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I get a shout out quick, yes, sir, right to
get a shout out to my my new wife the
three weeks Marla. Alright, baby, all right, say that you
and Marla? He said it wouldn't last. That's right, Good morning,
there's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 9 (09:23):
Good borrow loyal subjects, and ye old big Show and
this is his Royal Majesty King VD.
Speaker 5 (09:32):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Fior?
Speaker 9 (09:33):
And my two brainless fights, Sir John Boys loud and
Sir Bill Ezy not quite as loud, but at least
twice as spots. And they are doing their best to
put the dumb back in Kingdom. You're doing your duty
by listening to the hidrinks of plenty here on the
(09:54):
Big Show. Oh good morning to make shows on the radio.
(10:37):
All right, man, I am meeting the most interesting neighbors.
Got uh yeah, Ike's gonna be in here in a minute.
But Patrick's uh hot mama and her, I mean his
auntie is in here. Patrick's Anie lives close to me, man,
really right down the road. So I got the nineteen
year old McKinnie.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Baby doll model staying with a daddy for the summer
across street. I got, uh, she well, her brother, she's
married to Pete, but she's baby doll. And her brother
came up for Orlando, who's one that was sitting here.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Y'all met him nice like a fellow we here, but
he doesn't really do anything for it any up. And
a girl who runs naked sports dot Com and Billy
and Billy the guy who serves Nicked Sports. The girl
that runs naked sports dot Com is in your neighborhood.
(11:30):
Life's fair. She never do like a I don't know.
I've just here.
Speaker 6 (11:38):
I have a a doctor, a heart surgeon, and and
and a financial consultant as neighbors, none of them running
any nicked doctor.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Any and he lives actually closer to you than she
does to us. Can I can I keep her? Yeah?
She lives basically in the neighborhood. O my backyard. Okay,
I don't have any neighbors.
Speaker 5 (11:59):
Not like it that.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
He's on a compound out in the middle of the desert.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Next to me.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I'll kill you.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Good morning to make show is on the radio about
ten minutes away from the hour, and that is time
to ask god.
Speaker 10 (12:42):
He yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo
yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo
yo yo yo yo yo yo yo, what's up?
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Welcome to.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
The man for all of five wy wy you need
for all y'all what you call inspirational relationship?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Did this?
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Did I hear you talk about your new end turned
white boy?
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Patrick?
Speaker 2 (13:10):
What's up with that?
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Doesn't that schooling slow you down? How can I get
into the program? Let me know when you have another opening.
Pre John Zippy, the other white boy.
Speaker 5 (13:24):
M M.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
And Lemondelo and a Rogelo sound stupid deed Zippy first off,
with a name like Zippy, You're gonna be way down
the line for a prospectorator of intern right down there
behind Astro Nerd.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
And then it goes for the.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Rest of you signing lowly paste their face player wonner bros.
I keep, I keep, I keep mental rating. Out of
the goodness of his heart. I just made a little
agreement with the State of New Jersey in lieu.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Of in cost the nation. I thought to himself, at
last and last, I was gonna get one over on
the man.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
All I gotta do is let this crazy little cracker
hang with Ike, and all those parking tickets.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Just gonna disappear. I knew it was too good to
be true.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Just call me Baron von Funkenstein, because I have created
a monster.
Speaker 7 (14:25):
Let me preach on him.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Now now, now, now, now, now, now now.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
When I took white Boy Patrick, I thought I just
sailed through this gig with some shucking jive and lead
this young blood on until my obligation to the state
was over. Next thing, I know, he's got his due,
all Jerry Carl and he's strutting around and acts vented threads,
looking fly.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
And soaking himself down in my private statue. II karate,
what's up with that?
Speaker 3 (14:55):
He picked right up on the lingoistics too. He's hulay
and stagging and booty and nil as good as take now. Now,
last thing I on anybody else would have expected is
that white boy Patrick is a little honky soul sponge.
He has done sucking up the hip this like a
Caucasian hoover. And when they come to Partan, this little
(15:18):
cracker is wearing ache out. He still can't dance a lick.
But he gets out there swinging that leg gy rotating
and smiling with that mouthful of ivory, and all the
lord the lenders fall all over him.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Him, not me.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
I tried to get some play. I mean, ain't no
sense in him doing everything, But no, they only got
his eyes for a white boy Patrick. He's even got
me fixed the fenius. At last, it looks like the
platform shoe is on the other good foot. Now I
(15:55):
could kick him to the curb.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I could.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
I could, excepting for one extenuating circumstances. Patrick's got one
hot mama and his eye that ain't too shabby, Nita.
See see see. I ain't thinks he can play this
meturating thing out until the future missus Turner come to.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Her sens.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Cause one's wine boy Patrick is official Land and white
boy Patrick Turner.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Things he gonna change.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
His daddy. My first act will be to put my
foot right in the crank and he hind in. If
I can just get him to hold steal for a
two second.
Speaker 9 (16:42):
This is ke peace out.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
If you would like to act Kike mail two ask
Guyke John Boy Billy p O about seven six sixty
three Charlotte, North Carolina two eight two four to one,
Jack you lock get you good morning. The big show
is on the radio. But first, mister Shulu, what happened
when I soak you at lunch yesterday?
Speaker 7 (17:07):
I was taking you to Hamburger and he took it.
I don't even know where it's.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
At, oh by, why weren't you here earlier?
Speaker 7 (17:14):
I whiskeyed, but anybody got t.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Say hello to me?
Speaker 7 (17:22):
Hello, you great, big, wonderful. I'm not going to be
here that will come to the hens by that murder.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
You missed the most the most important one was that
doodle do.
Speaker 7 (17:38):
I don't do that?
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yes, oh, yes you do. Oh you wanted a big
(18:18):
shows on the radio.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Yeah, Hey, we got to North Carolina Watermelon Queen. The
studio was protected by Officer Thiggy Bear motorcycle cop risbo Beach,
North Carolina.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Figure. When you come back up next week, you gotta
bring a uniform. You have your stuff in. We got
to get a picture of you for our website. Here's
the Watermelon Queen. And mister potato Head.
Speaker 6 (18:41):
Already heard from reliable sources that when he's dressed up
as in his motorcycle outfit, and he looks like one
of the village people, And I want you to know
that one of the village people actually live in his hometown.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
And I think it's the copy. Where are you all going? Later?
You take us to the ball you might have a
relationship ahead of it.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Hey for a classic bit about thirty minutes, we're gonna
read when Thiggy reapplied for the entourage just about five
minutes ago, was sitting around looking around, said I left
a woman for this.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
I said, what's wrong with me? I said, Well, like
most in the entourage, you're an idiot. Sorry, alrighty, well,
baby water Man of Queen, how you doing?
Speaker 10 (19:29):
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Good? Listen?
Speaker 1 (19:30):
You don't hang out with us for the rest of
the show. Okay, she don't go nowhere? So I didn't
want to by a big confused because this is Carrot
Top on the line. So there's a watermelon queen. Hey,
carrot Top, how you doing, buddy? Yeah, we got North
Carolina watermelon Queen in studio with us. I thought it
was some kind of Gallagher reference to me.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Oh, no, hey, what's to do? You're calling us collect?
Speaker 1 (19:53):
I hadn't heard that one.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Hey you be our girl.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Carrott yesterday called ready they're having trouble get through or something.
So she's line and Randy said, didn't you do that
dial down the center thing? She said?
Speaker 2 (20:04):
She went, what what's that?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
You mean?
Speaker 4 (20:08):
That's that's just the kind of girl I like.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
So, don't get one of shock in it.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Are you ever gonna pick up a girl successfully on
your on your TV commercial?
Speaker 2 (20:18):
You've seen him?
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Probably not?
Speaker 10 (20:21):
Probably not ever?
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Not need the commercial in real life? That's okay.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
I mean, they make it look like that that you
can't do it.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
But of course I'm really scoring with him. I'm dialing
them down the center.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
By the way, Karen talk, you have pulled yourself together. Man.
What's with the muscles?
Speaker 1 (20:41):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (20:41):
I mean your your arms?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Talk about why do they say the steroids in baseball?
Speaker 7 (20:46):
You know the steroids and comedy club?
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Right, your ol steroids?
Speaker 1 (20:51):
No I did, I've always walked out.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
I just think that I think that you've just been
looking at me a little bit.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, I remember you running around with that fake butt,
you know, the repair men fake that you have. Yeah,
I still got it.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
But he doesn't need it because his real butt looks
like that.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Now.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Yeah, checking out that much. I bet you and your
pr girl have some great stories.
Speaker 5 (21:19):
Listen you guys.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I appreciate you, absolutely care top always a pleasure, buddy.
You keep going, all right, and hope we'll be in
Charlotte sometimes.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Yeah, please come on in wring your fake but I
do it all right, buddy, all right, you guys, we'll
see okay, all right, Hey.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Watermelon queen, was that fun for you?
Speaker 10 (21:36):
That was some wonder?
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Just get started. Good morning the big shows on the radio.
You're doing great, buddy, so far, so good. You missed
the watermelon queen going urban on us. I got some
shout outs.
Speaker 10 (21:55):
No, I don't know if you could see shout outs.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Yeah, yeah, I can't.
Speaker 8 (21:59):
I'd like to first in a shout out to the
North Carolina Watermelon Association. And I've just didn't really enjoyed,
you know, my job.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
How long have you been watermelon queen? Wait a minute,
that's not a shout out. That's a sucker is believe me.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
I know.
Speaker 8 (22:16):
And I'd also like to thank Brent Jackson and Jackson
Farming for sponsoring me, because they actually sponsored me whenever
I was down there.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
So it was in Wilmington where.
Speaker 5 (22:27):
It was great.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Where are you from?
Speaker 10 (22:29):
I'm from Clinton, and I'd like to sit a shadow
to everybody back in.
Speaker 8 (22:32):
My hometown Clinton, specifically Keener Keener, North Carolina.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
All right, yeah, talent, So the talent part. Does everybody
have to spit seeds? Is that part of the competition?
Speaker 8 (22:48):
Well, actually the biggest part is with the interview that
counts the most. And then you have a speech and
a sportswear competition and an evening you know competition, and
the seat spitting contest is kind of for fun. I
mean it's just like you get out there and you
hug that state as far as you can go, and
it's not ladylike, and you know, you got to.
Speaker 10 (23:04):
Get the wind just right. I mean, there's a technique
to this, folks.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
So you want to go with the wind.
Speaker 10 (23:10):
You want to go with the wind. You don't want
to be spent in the seat away from the wind.
Speaker 5 (23:14):
You know.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
You know, she could also be miss john Boy and Billy.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
That's right.
Speaker 10 (23:18):
We could have the Susie John Boyn Billy show.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Right here talking about the science of spitting. That's fine
as good. And you Hockey, you got to blow it
like you keip.
Speaker 10 (23:27):
It in your mouth, you know, you like, yeah, you
gotta kind of blow it.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Yeah, thank you, Johnny. I appreciate that. Right that the center.
All right, well, let's play Weather one eight hundred big
shows your toll free line. We called her nine.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
You got the big Old Goodness Grows in North Carolina
gift basket from Jackson's Farming. Who Lovely Queen just gave
a shout out to the North Carolina Watermelon Association, reminding
you that North Carolina watermelons are more than a slice
up in here.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Word man, I called him. Now, I want a big show.
Go play with us next you have morning? A big
(24:24):
show is on a radio?
Speaker 1 (24:26):
All right?
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Are we ready?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Rady?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
What second one? But not a laugh? I hear that one.
Speaker 7 (24:34):
Ah, I'll to the second one from the lab.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
That would make you don't fill out of watermelon queens.
Who's sad? That's why he called him.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Now we got two contestants playing, of course. We got
Mike from London, Kentucky.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Hello, Mike, Hello, how are you doing?
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Good?
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Buddy? All right? That great? Good good Mike. You're gonna
be playing.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Against Marcia from a grouply logger Tennessee. Good morning, Marsha, Hi,
good morning.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Did I pronounce that correctly? It did.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
In the Last Star Wars moviet Okay, Mike Marcia goes
first girls, first rule. Here as y'all ask the Watermelon
Queen questions, you agree or disagree, get a tic tac
toe little deal thing written out in front of you
so you can keep.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Up with it. Which one of you guys on the
phone is the heavy brain. They're creeping me out.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
I'm hoping it's Marshall's finally mine, Uh, Marsha, where would
you like to start off with what's square?
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Top left, top left for Marcia?
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Alrighty, Suzanne, the Japanese have developed an unusual watermelon. We
want to know what is so unusual about it. They
are yellow and seedless. They are round instead of oblong,
or they are square.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
I'm thinking see you think you think they are squares?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Yes?
Speaker 7 (25:46):
All right?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Well, Marshall, agree or disagree?
Speaker 9 (25:49):
I think I'll disagree.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
You disagree with that? Oh no, but watermelon Queen was
right on it.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Square watermelons they stack better. Mike, you have the upper
left square. Now where you want to go? Okay, going
to the middle.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
This is Suzanne. Where there watermelons in prehistoric times? You say? No, Mike,
agree or disagree? I agree?
Speaker 1 (26:13):
You agree with the oh show, Yes there were. Watermelons
are native to southern Africa. Hello, but they've been known
in India since prehistoric times and in Egypt for more
than six thousand years.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Blaine Blane, That's what I'm talking about, all right? So
Marcia gets the center square? All right, Marshall, where do
you want to go?
Speaker 9 (26:33):
I think I'll pay copright.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
According to the National Food Safety Council, how long after
picking can you store an uncut melon before safely consuming it?
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Is it seven days ten days? Or fourteen days? Seven
seven days? Going for the week, Marcia? Agree or disagree?
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I'll disagree.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
I disagree with that that was the thing to do. Yes,
fourteen days actually last four? Wow. But she's the water
melon queen. She's trying to move more mallands.
Speaker 10 (27:01):
It's all about moving the melons, all right.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
So Marsha, you got two in the rows. So Mike,
I guess you want to try to block Marsha bottom left.
During the Civil Wars, we call it the War of
Northern Aggression. Why did the Confederate army boil down watermelons?
Was it A they used the rhines to resole their shoes.
B they used the boiled results as a source of
sugar and molasses, or c they made watermelon soup.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
I'm thinking A thinking A they use the rhines to
resole their shoes. Well, Mike, do you agree or disagree? Disagree? Disagree?
That was the thing to do.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Yes, they used the boiled results as a source of
sugar and molasses. Okay, Mike, you get that square right there. Marsha,
are you gonna want to block Mike in a left.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
Center that's right. Oh good baby.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
By an act of Congress, what day is officially recognized
as National Watermelon Day? Is it a August the eighteenth
B July eighteenth, C September eighteenth. I believe it's a
a August the eighteenth. All right, Marcia, agree or disagree?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Well, since she's the watermelon queen, I guess I'll agree.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
That's the thing to do, absolutely August. Mike, I guess
you want to try to block Marcia on right center. Okay,
let's talk about enemies to watermelons, Suzanne. What insect is
considered enemy number one to watermelon farmers? Is it a
the slug B beetles R c red ants on d
(28:35):
B for beetles? Mike, do you agree or disagree? Oh?
Speaker 8 (28:42):
Gosh, diagree?
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Disagree?
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Marcia is a square and the winds Wayne. Alright, Mike,
thanks for playing with us, buddy. You have a good day, man,
and have up Marshall from grut Lee Logger Tennessee famous
one of these days. All right, congratulations, baby, Jackie will
(29:08):
get your information.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
All right, y'all are we breaking right now?
Speaker 1 (29:11):
We are think next? All right, hang on, good morning.
The Big Show is on the radio. Time of our
classics been in the morning. We'll take your request. We
taking an inside the room request this morning. Well alrighty
I go, we'll do it next. Good morning, it's a
(29:50):
big show on the radio. My buddy officer Thicky out
of the speech, of course, thinking hadn't been around lately
because he got a girlfriend. That's where he's in all
win or now here. Was summer coming up, and I
was kind of bummed out about that. But then I
heard that they may.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Have broken up. I was wondering, is it true? And
then in the mail, of course, Jackie is in charge
of the mails, just started right after the Anthraxky had
nothing to do with it, Okay, just a timing around there.
So Jackie, what is ahead of that? What is it called?
(30:24):
Application for the Entourage?
Speaker 5 (30:26):
Application for John Boys entourage?
Speaker 2 (30:28):
So this is from Thiggy. Well, let's hear it Jackie.
Speaker 5 (30:33):
At the top it says print your name, He's print
Byron h quote unquote run Thiggy, Thiggy Bear and stupid.
Have you ever applied for this position before? Yes? Were
you ever previously accepted to the Entourage? Yes? If yes,
give reasons for separation. Note if you were ever a
member of the entourage and you were one yelled at
(30:54):
by Randy too. John Boy would not return your phone calls.
Please do not continue to fill out or something this application.
Reasons for separation from the entourage think he has put.
I was not thinking and got serious with the girl.
I know I broke a major rule as outlined in
the Entourage handbook, and for this I am sorry. Please
(31:21):
list reasons you feel that you could be an asset
to John Boys entourage. He's put good driving, history, enjoy
staying out all hours of the night, loves to trasl
enjoy's service work, easily humored and entertainment, lots of days
(31:42):
off from my real job, and I'm good with math.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Do you object to being on call?
Speaker 1 (31:54):
No?
Speaker 5 (31:56):
To object to being called names or being the object
of public humiliation.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
No.
Speaker 5 (32:05):
Are you currently engaged or mary?
Speaker 1 (32:07):
No?
Speaker 5 (32:08):
Does the thought of being single or divorce bother you?
He put No. If you answered yes to any of
the above questions, do not submit this application. Oh, and
this is from him to former entourage members. Please understand.
He says that being a part of the Loser Entourage
(32:28):
is very demanding and an important responsibility. You will be
responsible for John Boys transportation, his arrival to his job
on time, getting him home at night at a decent hour,
walking and feeding any of his numerous pets, taking him
to the airport, loading him onto the airplane, and most importantly,
making sure that when the plane takes off, he is
still on the airplane, especially if that plane is delivering
(32:52):
him back.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
To a work environment. Other duties of the.
Speaker 5 (32:56):
Entourage member may include, but not limited to, boat cap,
puilet paper restocker, twenty four hour on call taxi service,
and above all, remember.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Your day is not done until John Boy.
Speaker 5 (33:11):
Is a sleepy. That is so true. Any resistance to
any task could result in immediate termination from the Entourage.
If separation from the Entourage does occur, these are some
of the exciting jobs you may qualify for. Car salesman,
police officer, beer management, bar owner, medical retirement does not
(33:44):
and football coach. If this sounds like the job for you,
please sign your full name below, which he has responses
from the Entourage review board. Usually takes between four and
six weeks.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
I love this application. If you don't want him, I do.
I'm on four to six weeks summer vacation that and
started yet, We'll see good job there Byron. Well, that's
(34:25):
just as good morning. Everybody got the big shoulder Radio
(34:51):
jackuar love this facts just came in. I think you
might be interested in. This is from the Riceful Beach
Police Department.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Be on the lookout for Officer Ron Thigpen Lasting riding
westbound on US seventy four on Harley Davison Road, king
police motorcycle sign on rear motorcycle big show or bust.
Fig Pen is not on medication, but needs continued counseling
for his abnormal fear of clowns. Tailors put on his
evil clown Master's scared earlier subject will not be located
(35:20):
near birthday parties, anniversary celebrations, or abandoned clown factories anywhere
clowns may appear.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Also shies away from McDonald's for some reason.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
If located, avoid trigger words such as Chucky, Chuckles, bozo,
or anything related to clouds. Last known destination was to
join some type of entourage. We believe this to be
a type of cult for losers and the unemployable. If located,
please contact Chief John Kerry of the rice Will Beach
(35:50):
Police Department or the Center for Clown Psychosis.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah, that's why friends, do one another? Oh man? Alright, y'all,
I'm all with a Big Box.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
Is here all your favorites from four decades of The
Big Show ninety nine since each fifteen for nine ninety nine.
Speaker 7 (36:16):
Buy them once, play them anywhere.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
You can shop the Big Box online right now at
the Big Show dot com or a Big Show Stuff
by phone. The number is eight hundred and four to
seven one Stuff.
Speaker 7 (36:24):
Online services by Amnick dot com.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Have you missed any of The Big Show this morning?
You hear it now?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
The John Boy Billy Late Rising podcast up next, Mabe.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Wherever you get your podcast, make it easy. Subscribe to us.
Will the Free A hard way to go out. Say
you tomorrow, We love you.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
We made it
Good morning. It's a big show on the radio. It's
time for dumb crooked news. Hey you big show listeners.
We get tons of dumb crooked mail every week. The
address will follow this report. Sheriff's deputies patrolling a music
festival in Pasco County, Florida couldn't help but notice one
(00:46):
particular twenty five year old man in the crowd, the
one wearing a bright orange uniform marked Polk County Jail.
A quick call to the jail confirmed the uniform was stolen,
apparently when the man was released from jail earlier than year.
Deputy's confiscated the uniform and sent him on his way,
But when the man's probation officer got the police report
on the incident.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
He ordered his immediate arrest.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
The suspect was supposed to be on strict home detention
and had sworn to the officer that he had stayed
home that weekend. Glad he likes a uniform. He's now
back in Polk County jail. A man in Kenton, Ohio,
strolling calmly down the street cradling a large marijuana plant,
struck up a conversation with a passerby. Can you believe
(01:30):
I'm walking down the street in the middle of the
day with his pot plant, the man said. He passerby responded,
can you believe I'm a cop? Detective Joe Mongol side
of the chatty hemp head with misdemeanor charges of a
cultivation and possession of marijuana. A suspect told police a
plant had been growing in the front yard of a
vacant house, where he had been nurturing it, and that
(01:52):
he had decided to dig it up and take it home.
Man A twenty year old woman from Grand Tai How, Illinois,
was arrested for shoplifting a cartload of items from a
local Walmart store. Court records say the woman stole a
pocket knife, a propane tank, hot dogs, barbecue ribs, tenderloin steaks,
(02:12):
a lady shirt, pants and shoes, men's underwear, two American flags,
two folding chairs, a bunch of bananas, a spotlight, spark plugs,
a set of spark plug wires, a radar detector, a flashlight,
four safety lights, an oil filter, a BB gun, two hammocks,
a dead bowl kit, a radio controlled toy car with remote,
(02:33):
a sleeping bag, a seventy court cooler, two inflatable kayaks,
a coffee maker, two raincoats, a CD player, two car
stereo CD players, a CD holder, a CD repair kit,
two CDs, a DVD player, two CB radios, a video
game system, three digital cameras, a two hundred shot paintball gun,
(02:54):
a three hundred ounce package of laundry detergent, a bag
of charcoal, a portable grill, a backpack, a suitcase, and
ten packs of cigarettes.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
J D J D Lord, gee, how big was this cart?
You're gonna do this weekend? Really? Everything? Where are you
going later?
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Police in all Gray, Portugal, have received reports from four
women who fallen victim to a phone scammer. They say
they were telephoned by somebody claiming to be a doctor
who offered them free breast examinations using a revolutionary new
scanner mounted on an orbiting satellite. The women were instructed
to strip to the waist and stand outside or in
(03:37):
a window so the satellite could see them.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Apparently the caller was the one doing the scanning.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
The doctor called victims back a few minutes later and
gave them report. There was a little heavier on sexual
fantasies than medical information.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
See yeah, I don't know where about a winder.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
And finally, authorities in Locksley, Alabama, are investigating the alleged
beating of a preacher by funeral mourners who didn't take
kindly to his blunt eulogy. The wife of the revered
Orlando Bethel says her husband was attacked during the funeral
and dragged out of the church for referring to the
deceased as quote a drunkard and a fornicator. The reverend
(04:20):
told mourners the dead man was in Hell and if
they didn't change their ways, they were headed there too,
says Missus Bethel. The fornicators didn't like what he said,
so they got up and beat it. By the way,
the dead man was Missus Bethel's uncle.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
You have dumb Kruk news. Mail to dumb Cruk News.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
John woyn Billet fiobogs one nine one one, Charlotte didn't
see two eight two one nine.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
And remember, criminals, it's time to turn so you don't burn.
Good morning the big shows on the radio.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Bigo, no, no, Marcella's it turns out I can't go
to lunch today. I know it's the last minute thing.
Tomorrow's no good either, Marcel Babs is out all week long.
Well it seems that Johnny Bravo has her cleaning the
basement windows. No, well, the inside isn't a problem, but
digging those holes outside to put the ladder in take
(05:21):
some time. I'm afraid it's life as usual here a
John boyn for the big show. Carry out straight.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
People, Good morning. A big show is on a radio
(06:01):
coming up. We'll can play to Curn Events Quiz Take Sea.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
You will win. It's as easy ast wait for you
to win. By the way, look forward to it. Also,
A goodness grows in North Carolina, give basket.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
We're celebrating Jackson's Farming Company and the North Carolina Watermelon Association.
We got a watermelon queen and her mama, so we're
gonna play with her. Dollywood Square is about an hour
from now.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
All right, I did okay? So well yeah, we headed
to a Curn Events quiz time. Then the Winter Circle thing. Hooraa.
Good Thursday morning.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Everybody got a big show on the radio here It
is Colon Events Quiz time. He's the way if you
join the winters die one hundred. Big show will be
calling nine Take sea. Got a goodness grows in North Carolina.
Give basket from Jackson's Farming Company to North Carolina Watermelon Association.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Man, I got some watermelon. We got set up out there.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Awesome watermelon queen, Baby doll seeds, speed sitting seeds, spitting competition.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
We've had both here.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Is one of the things. How you get to be
watermelon queen. We'll talk to her on Dollywood Square is
in an hour from now. We're gonna play with her.
All right, all right, now, let's say we got oh yeah,
let's make somebody win it right quick? You want to
Colonel Vins quiz take see you will win?
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Billy? What are we dealing with today?
Speaker 4 (07:14):
We got some news out of Iowa, the story of
a radio contest gone horribly wrong, one of our favorite topics.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Alrighty did what ain't know that big show? You're toll
free line, big caller nine and you should win next?
(07:44):
Good morning, A big show is on the radio?
Speaker 2 (07:47):
You ready?
Speaker 5 (07:48):
Ready?
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (07:53):
When quiz.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
They ain't calling them a nine on the line. Seth
out a Charlotte, Good morning, Seth, good morning.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
How you doing today? By not doing good? All right?
Doesn't have to be a seth?
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Alrighty, well, Seth Two men are suing an Iowa radio
station over a recent contest. They say the morning team
promised to pay them a big cash prize for tattooing
the station's logo on their foreheads and then failed.
Speaker 7 (08:25):
To deliver the money.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
What's gotta hurt?
Speaker 4 (08:27):
The jocks say the contest was simply a wacky on
air joke and they never thought anyone.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Would actually get the tattoo now.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
The men said the worst part of the hoax was
when they discovered that A there was never a cash prize.
B tattoo removal is not covered by their insurance plan.
Or see the station isn't really called loser one oh
four point seven?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
What do you got? Seth? Oh, yeah, that's that's a
tough one. But I believe I'm not to go.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
See yeah yeah, Well gradually you say, if you got it, buddy,
I was easy, wasn't it?
Speaker 8 (09:06):
Thank you? Suck?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I get a shout out quick, yes, sir, right to
get a shout out to my my new wife the
three weeks Marla. Alright, baby, all right, say that you
and Marla? He said it wouldn't last. That's right, Good morning,
there's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 9 (09:23):
Good borrow loyal subjects, and ye old big Show and
this is his Royal Majesty King VD.
Speaker 5 (09:32):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Fior?
Speaker 9 (09:33):
And my two brainless fights, Sir John Boys loud and
Sir Bill Ezy not quite as loud, but at least
twice as spots. And they are doing their best to
put the dumb back in Kingdom. You're doing your duty
by listening to the hidrinks of plenty here on the
(09:54):
Big Show. Oh good morning to make shows on the radio.
(10:37):
All right, man, I am meeting the most interesting neighbors.
Got uh yeah, Ike's gonna be in here in a minute.
But Patrick's uh hot mama and her, I mean his
auntie is in here. Patrick's Anie lives close to me, man,
really right down the road. So I got the nineteen
year old McKinnie.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Baby doll model staying with a daddy for the summer
across street. I got, uh, she well, her brother, she's
married to Pete, but she's baby doll. And her brother
came up for Orlando, who's one that was sitting here.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Y'all met him nice like a fellow we here, but
he doesn't really do anything for it any up. And
a girl who runs naked sports dot Com and Billy
and Billy the guy who serves Nicked Sports. The girl
that runs naked sports dot Com is in your neighborhood.
(11:30):
Life's fair. She never do like a I don't know.
I've just here.
Speaker 6 (11:38):
I have a a doctor, a heart surgeon, and and
and a financial consultant as neighbors, none of them running
any nicked doctor.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Any and he lives actually closer to you than she
does to us. Can I can I keep her? Yeah?
She lives basically in the neighborhood. O my backyard. Okay,
I don't have any neighbors.
Speaker 5 (11:59):
Not like it that.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
He's on a compound out in the middle of the desert.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Next to me.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I'll kill you.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Good morning to make show is on the radio about
ten minutes away from the hour, and that is time
to ask god.
Speaker 10 (12:42):
He yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo
yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo
yo yo yo yo yo yo yo, what's up?
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Welcome to.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
The man for all of five wy wy you need
for all y'all what you call inspirational relationship?
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Did this?
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Did I hear you talk about your new end turned
white boy?
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Patrick?
Speaker 2 (13:10):
What's up with that?
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Doesn't that schooling slow you down? How can I get
into the program? Let me know when you have another opening.
Pre John Zippy, the other white boy.
Speaker 5 (13:24):
M M.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
And Lemondelo and a Rogelo sound stupid deed Zippy first off,
with a name like Zippy, You're gonna be way down
the line for a prospectorator of intern right down there
behind Astro Nerd.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
And then it goes for the.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
Rest of you signing lowly paste their face player wonner bros.
I keep, I keep, I keep mental rating. Out of
the goodness of his heart. I just made a little
agreement with the State of New Jersey in lieu.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Of in cost the nation. I thought to himself, at
last and last, I was gonna get one over on
the man.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
All I gotta do is let this crazy little cracker
hang with Ike, and all those parking tickets.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Just gonna disappear. I knew it was too good to
be true.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Just call me Baron von Funkenstein, because I have created
a monster.
Speaker 7 (14:25):
Let me preach on him.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Now now, now, now, now, now, now now.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
When I took white Boy Patrick, I thought I just
sailed through this gig with some shucking jive and lead
this young blood on until my obligation to the state
was over. Next thing, I know, he's got his due,
all Jerry Carl and he's strutting around and acts vented threads,
looking fly.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
And soaking himself down in my private statue. II karate,
what's up with that?
Speaker 3 (14:55):
He picked right up on the lingoistics too. He's hulay
and stagging and booty and nil as good as take now. Now,
last thing I on anybody else would have expected is
that white boy Patrick is a little honky soul sponge.
He has done sucking up the hip this like a
Caucasian hoover. And when they come to Partan, this little
(15:18):
cracker is wearing ache out. He still can't dance a lick.
But he gets out there swinging that leg gy rotating
and smiling with that mouthful of ivory, and all the
lord the lenders fall all over him.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Him, not me.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
I tried to get some play. I mean, ain't no
sense in him doing everything, But no, they only got
his eyes for a white boy Patrick. He's even got
me fixed the fenius. At last, it looks like the
platform shoe is on the other good foot. Now I
(15:55):
could kick him to the curb.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I could.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
I could, excepting for one extenuating circumstances. Patrick's got one
hot mama and his eye that ain't too shabby, Nita.
See see see. I ain't thinks he can play this
meturating thing out until the future missus Turner come to.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Her sens.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Cause one's wine boy Patrick is official Land and white
boy Patrick Turner.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Things he gonna change.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
His daddy. My first act will be to put my
foot right in the crank and he hind in. If
I can just get him to hold steal for a
two second.
Speaker 9 (16:42):
This is ke peace out.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
If you would like to act Kike mail two ask
Guyke John Boy Billy p O about seven six sixty
three Charlotte, North Carolina two eight two four to one,
Jack you lock get you good morning. The big show
is on the radio. But first, mister Shulu, what happened
when I soak you at lunch yesterday?
Speaker 7 (17:07):
I was taking you to Hamburger and he took it.
I don't even know where it's.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
At, oh by, why weren't you here earlier?
Speaker 7 (17:14):
I whiskeyed, but anybody got t.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Say hello to me?
Speaker 7 (17:22):
Hello, you great, big, wonderful. I'm not going to be
here that will come to the hens by that murder.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
You missed the most the most important one was that
doodle do.
Speaker 7 (17:38):
I don't do that?
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yes, oh, yes you do. Oh you wanted a big
(18:18):
shows on the radio.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Yeah, Hey, we got to North Carolina Watermelon Queen. The
studio was protected by Officer Thiggy Bear motorcycle cop risbo Beach,
North Carolina.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Figure. When you come back up next week, you gotta
bring a uniform. You have your stuff in. We got
to get a picture of you for our website. Here's
the Watermelon Queen. And mister potato Head.
Speaker 6 (18:41):
Already heard from reliable sources that when he's dressed up
as in his motorcycle outfit, and he looks like one
of the village people, And I want you to know
that one of the village people actually live in his hometown.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
And I think it's the copy. Where are you all going? Later?
You take us to the ball you might have a
relationship ahead of it.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Hey for a classic bit about thirty minutes, we're gonna
read when Thiggy reapplied for the entourage just about five
minutes ago, was sitting around looking around, said I left
a woman for this.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
I said, what's wrong with me? I said, Well, like
most in the entourage, you're an idiot. Sorry, alrighty, well,
baby water Man of Queen, how you doing?
Speaker 10 (19:29):
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Good? Listen?
Speaker 1 (19:30):
You don't hang out with us for the rest of
the show. Okay, she don't go nowhere? So I didn't
want to by a big confused because this is Carrot
Top on the line. So there's a watermelon queen. Hey,
carrot Top, how you doing, buddy? Yeah, we got North
Carolina watermelon Queen in studio with us. I thought it
was some kind of Gallagher reference to me.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Oh, no, hey, what's to do? You're calling us collect?
Speaker 1 (19:53):
I hadn't heard that one.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Hey you be our girl.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Carrott yesterday called ready they're having trouble get through or something.
So she's line and Randy said, didn't you do that
dial down the center thing? She said?
Speaker 2 (20:04):
She went, what what's that?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
You mean?
Speaker 4 (20:08):
That's that's just the kind of girl I like.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
So, don't get one of shock in it.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Are you ever gonna pick up a girl successfully on
your on your TV commercial?
Speaker 2 (20:18):
You've seen him?
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Probably not?
Speaker 10 (20:21):
Probably not ever?
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Not need the commercial in real life? That's okay.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
I mean, they make it look like that that you
can't do it.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
But of course I'm really scoring with him. I'm dialing
them down the center.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
By the way, Karen talk, you have pulled yourself together. Man.
What's with the muscles?
Speaker 1 (20:41):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (20:41):
I mean your your arms?
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Talk about why do they say the steroids in baseball?
Speaker 7 (20:46):
You know the steroids and comedy club?
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Right, your ol steroids?
Speaker 1 (20:51):
No I did, I've always walked out.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
I just think that I think that you've just been
looking at me a little bit.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, I remember you running around with that fake butt,
you know, the repair men fake that you have. Yeah,
I still got it.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
But he doesn't need it because his real butt looks
like that.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Now.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Yeah, checking out that much. I bet you and your
pr girl have some great stories.
Speaker 5 (21:19):
Listen you guys.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I appreciate you, absolutely care top always a pleasure, buddy.
You keep going, all right, and hope we'll be in
Charlotte sometimes.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Yeah, please come on in wring your fake but I
do it all right, buddy, all right, you guys, we'll
see okay, all right, Hey.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Watermelon queen, was that fun for you?
Speaker 10 (21:36):
That was some wonder?
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Just get started. Good morning the big shows on the radio.
You're doing great, buddy, so far, so good. You missed
the watermelon queen going urban on us. I got some
shout outs.
Speaker 10 (21:55):
No, I don't know if you could see shout outs.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Yeah, yeah, I can't.
Speaker 8 (21:59):
I'd like to first in a shout out to the
North Carolina Watermelon Association. And I've just didn't really enjoyed,
you know, my job.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
How long have you been watermelon queen? Wait a minute,
that's not a shout out. That's a sucker is believe me.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
I know.
Speaker 8 (22:16):
And I'd also like to thank Brent Jackson and Jackson
Farming for sponsoring me, because they actually sponsored me whenever
I was down there.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
So it was in Wilmington where.
Speaker 5 (22:27):
It was great.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Where are you from?
Speaker 10 (22:29):
I'm from Clinton, and I'd like to sit a shadow
to everybody back in.
Speaker 8 (22:32):
My hometown Clinton, specifically Keener Keener, North Carolina.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
All right, yeah, talent, So the talent part. Does everybody
have to spit seeds? Is that part of the competition?
Speaker 8 (22:48):
Well, actually the biggest part is with the interview that
counts the most. And then you have a speech and
a sportswear competition and an evening you know competition, and
the seat spitting contest is kind of for fun. I
mean it's just like you get out there and you
hug that state as far as you can go, and
it's not ladylike, and you know, you got to.
Speaker 10 (23:04):
Get the wind just right. I mean, there's a technique
to this, folks.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
So you want to go with the wind.
Speaker 10 (23:10):
You want to go with the wind. You don't want
to be spent in the seat away from the wind.
Speaker 5 (23:14):
You know.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
You know, she could also be miss john Boy and Billy.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
That's right.
Speaker 10 (23:18):
We could have the Susie John Boyn Billy show.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Right here talking about the science of spitting. That's fine
as good. And you Hockey, you got to blow it
like you keip.
Speaker 10 (23:27):
It in your mouth, you know, you like, yeah, you
gotta kind of blow it.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Yeah, thank you, Johnny. I appreciate that. Right that the center.
All right, well, let's play Weather one eight hundred big
shows your toll free line. We called her nine.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
You got the big Old Goodness Grows in North Carolina
gift basket from Jackson's Farming. Who Lovely Queen just gave
a shout out to the North Carolina Watermelon Association, reminding
you that North Carolina watermelons are more than a slice
up in here.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Word man, I called him. Now, I want a big show.
Go play with us next you have morning? A big
(24:24):
show is on a radio?
Speaker 1 (24:26):
All right?
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Are we ready?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Rady?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
What second one? But not a laugh? I hear that one.
Speaker 7 (24:34):
Ah, I'll to the second one from the lab.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
That would make you don't fill out of watermelon queens.
Who's sad? That's why he called him.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Now we got two contestants playing, of course. We got
Mike from London, Kentucky.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Hello, Mike, Hello, how are you doing?
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Good?
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Buddy? All right? That great? Good good Mike. You're gonna
be playing.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Against Marcia from a grouply logger Tennessee. Good morning, Marsha, Hi,
good morning.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Did I pronounce that correctly? It did.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
In the Last Star Wars moviet Okay, Mike Marcia goes
first girls, first rule. Here as y'all ask the Watermelon
Queen questions, you agree or disagree, get a tic tac
toe little deal thing written out in front of you
so you can keep.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Up with it. Which one of you guys on the
phone is the heavy brain. They're creeping me out.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
I'm hoping it's Marshall's finally mine, Uh, Marsha, where would
you like to start off with what's square?
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Top left, top left for Marcia?
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Alrighty, Suzanne, the Japanese have developed an unusual watermelon. We
want to know what is so unusual about it. They
are yellow and seedless. They are round instead of oblong,
or they are square.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
I'm thinking see you think you think they are squares?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Yes?
Speaker 7 (25:46):
All right?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Well, Marshall, agree or disagree?
Speaker 9 (25:49):
I think I'll disagree.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
You disagree with that? Oh no, but watermelon Queen was
right on it.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Square watermelons they stack better. Mike, you have the upper
left square. Now where you want to go? Okay, going
to the middle.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
This is Suzanne. Where there watermelons in prehistoric times? You say? No, Mike,
agree or disagree? I agree?
Speaker 1 (26:13):
You agree with the oh show, Yes there were. Watermelons
are native to southern Africa. Hello, but they've been known
in India since prehistoric times and in Egypt for more
than six thousand years.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Blaine Blane, That's what I'm talking about, all right? So
Marcia gets the center square? All right, Marshall, where do
you want to go?
Speaker 9 (26:33):
I think I'll pay copright.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
According to the National Food Safety Council, how long after
picking can you store an uncut melon before safely consuming it?
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Is it seven days ten days? Or fourteen days? Seven
seven days? Going for the week, Marcia? Agree or disagree?
Speaker 1 (26:52):
I'll disagree.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
I disagree with that that was the thing to do. Yes,
fourteen days actually last four? Wow. But she's the water
melon queen. She's trying to move more mallands.
Speaker 10 (27:01):
It's all about moving the melons, all right.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
So Marsha, you got two in the rows. So Mike,
I guess you want to try to block Marsha bottom left.
During the Civil Wars, we call it the War of
Northern Aggression. Why did the Confederate army boil down watermelons?
Was it A they used the rhines to resole their shoes.
B they used the boiled results as a source of
sugar and molasses, or c they made watermelon soup.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
I'm thinking A thinking A they use the rhines to
resole their shoes. Well, Mike, do you agree or disagree? Disagree? Disagree?
That was the thing to do.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Yes, they used the boiled results as a source of
sugar and molasses. Okay, Mike, you get that square right there. Marsha,
are you gonna want to block Mike in a left.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
Center that's right. Oh good baby.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
By an act of Congress, what day is officially recognized
as National Watermelon Day? Is it a August the eighteenth
B July eighteenth, C September eighteenth. I believe it's a
a August the eighteenth. All right, Marcia, agree or disagree?
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Well, since she's the watermelon queen, I guess I'll agree.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
That's the thing to do, absolutely August. Mike, I guess
you want to try to block Marcia on right center. Okay,
let's talk about enemies to watermelons, Suzanne. What insect is
considered enemy number one to watermelon farmers? Is it a
the slug B beetles R c red ants on d
(28:35):
B for beetles? Mike, do you agree or disagree? Oh?
Speaker 8 (28:42):
Gosh, diagree?
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Disagree?
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Marcia is a square and the winds Wayne. Alright, Mike,
thanks for playing with us, buddy. You have a good day, man,
and have up Marshall from grut Lee Logger Tennessee famous
one of these days. All right, congratulations, baby, Jackie will
(29:08):
get your information.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
All right, y'all are we breaking right now?
Speaker 1 (29:11):
We are think next? All right, hang on, good morning.
The Big Show is on the radio. Time of our
classics been in the morning. We'll take your request. We
taking an inside the room request this morning. Well alrighty
I go, we'll do it next. Good morning, it's a
(29:50):
big show on the radio. My buddy officer Thicky out
of the speech, of course, thinking hadn't been around lately
because he got a girlfriend. That's where he's in all
win or now here. Was summer coming up, and I
was kind of bummed out about that. But then I
heard that they may.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Have broken up. I was wondering, is it true? And
then in the mail, of course, Jackie is in charge
of the mails, just started right after the Anthraxky had
nothing to do with it, Okay, just a timing around there.
So Jackie, what is ahead of that? What is it called?
(30:24):
Application for the Entourage?
Speaker 5 (30:26):
Application for John Boys entourage?
Speaker 2 (30:28):
So this is from Thiggy. Well, let's hear it Jackie.
Speaker 5 (30:33):
At the top it says print your name, He's print
Byron h quote unquote run Thiggy, Thiggy Bear and stupid.
Have you ever applied for this position before? Yes? Were
you ever previously accepted to the Entourage? Yes? If yes,
give reasons for separation. Note if you were ever a
member of the entourage and you were one yelled at
(30:54):
by Randy too. John Boy would not return your phone calls.
Please do not continue to fill out or something this application.
Reasons for separation from the entourage think he has put.
I was not thinking and got serious with the girl.
I know I broke a major rule as outlined in
the Entourage handbook, and for this I am sorry. Please
(31:21):
list reasons you feel that you could be an asset
to John Boys entourage. He's put good driving, history, enjoy
staying out all hours of the night, loves to trasl
enjoy's service work, easily humored and entertainment, lots of days
(31:42):
off from my real job, and I'm good with math.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Do you object to being on call?
Speaker 1 (31:54):
No?
Speaker 5 (31:56):
To object to being called names or being the object
of public humiliation.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
No.
Speaker 5 (32:05):
Are you currently engaged or mary?
Speaker 1 (32:07):
No?
Speaker 5 (32:08):
Does the thought of being single or divorce bother you?
He put No. If you answered yes to any of
the above questions, do not submit this application. Oh, and
this is from him to former entourage members. Please understand.
He says that being a part of the Loser Entourage
(32:28):
is very demanding and an important responsibility. You will be
responsible for John Boys transportation, his arrival to his job
on time, getting him home at night at a decent hour,
walking and feeding any of his numerous pets, taking him
to the airport, loading him onto the airplane, and most importantly,
making sure that when the plane takes off, he is
still on the airplane, especially if that plane is delivering
(32:52):
him back.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
To a work environment. Other duties of the.
Speaker 5 (32:56):
Entourage member may include, but not limited to, boat cap,
puilet paper restocker, twenty four hour on call taxi service,
and above all, remember.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Your day is not done until John Boy.
Speaker 5 (33:11):
Is a sleepy. That is so true. Any resistance to
any task could result in immediate termination from the Entourage.
If separation from the Entourage does occur, these are some
of the exciting jobs you may qualify for. Car salesman,
police officer, beer management, bar owner, medical retirement does not
(33:44):
and football coach. If this sounds like the job for you,
please sign your full name below, which he has responses
from the Entourage review board. Usually takes between four and
six weeks.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
I love this application. If you don't want him, I do.
I'm on four to six weeks summer vacation that and
started yet, We'll see good job there Byron. Well, that's
(34:25):
just as good morning. Everybody got the big shoulder Radio
(34:51):
jackuar love this facts just came in. I think you
might be interested in. This is from the Riceful Beach
Police Department.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Be on the lookout for Officer Ron Thigpen Lasting riding
westbound on US seventy four on Harley Davison Road, king
police motorcycle sign on rear motorcycle big show or bust.
Fig Pen is not on medication, but needs continued counseling
for his abnormal fear of clowns. Tailors put on his
evil clown Master's scared earlier subject will not be located
(35:20):
near birthday parties, anniversary celebrations, or abandoned clown factories anywhere
clowns may appear.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Also shies away from McDonald's for some reason.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
If located, avoid trigger words such as Chucky, Chuckles, bozo,
or anything related to clouds. Last known destination was to
join some type of entourage. We believe this to be
a type of cult for losers and the unemployable. If located,
please contact Chief John Kerry of the rice Will Beach
(35:50):
Police Department or the Center for Clown Psychosis.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah, that's why friends, do one another? Oh man? Alright, y'all,
I'm all with a Big Box.
Speaker 4 (36:11):
Is here all your favorites from four decades of The
Big Show ninety nine since each fifteen for nine ninety nine.
Speaker 7 (36:16):
Buy them once, play them anywhere.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
You can shop the Big Box online right now at
the Big Show dot com or a Big Show Stuff
by phone. The number is eight hundred and four to
seven one Stuff.
Speaker 7 (36:24):
Online services by Amnick dot com.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Have you missed any of The Big Show this morning?
You hear it now?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
The John Boy Billy Late Rising podcast up next, Mabe.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Wherever you get your podcast, make it easy. Subscribe to us.
Will the Free A hard way to go out. Say
you tomorrow, We love you.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
We made it
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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