December 5, 2023 • 42 mins
Tuesday (pt 2 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, we’ll introduce a collection of politically correct, non-denominational Holiday songs.. - Move over Peanuts - James Brown is taking over the Christmas special spotlight.. - Billy has another Big Show Top 10 List - this time looking at Taylor Swift.. - Tater runs down this week’s list of What to Watch.. - John Boy sings another Christmas song with misheard lyrics.. - Mad Max runs down 25 things women need to know about men.. - and Mark Packer brings us up to date on all things college football..
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
This is the award winning John Boy and.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Billy Big Show, the South's number one exports.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
John Miller, go Maxie, Hey, Max, say, I hear y'all
got these boys on the show. What was that lace?
Rob Becker got that roadway show?
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Men, men, cavemen all. I had everybody making the whole
whole professions out of the difference between men and women,
all them stupid books and lectures comedians. I guess it
can be fun, But I tell you, Rob, I listen
to you now. I'm kind of with you on that
caveman deal. Because if my whole life consists of how
(01:04):
that I can better get along with my wife, take
a club and beat me with it. Now, I'm gonna
break it down for you, women and me, and this
is going to be a service to you as well.
I got twenty five things women that we men want
you to know. Learn these just twenty five things, and
you'll understand us. Everything will be all right. We live
(01:27):
happily ever after, Okay, right. Number one, Learn to work
the toilet seat. If it's up, don't come tell us
about it. Put hit down yourself. Number two, don't cut
your hair ever. Number three, don't make us guess we
hate that. Number four. If you ask a question you
(01:50):
don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't
want to hear. Number five. Sometimes we're not thinking about you.
You must learn to live with it. Number six, we're
never thinking about Quote the relationships. Number seven. Get rid
(02:10):
of your cat. No, it's not different, it's just.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Like every other cat.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Number eight. Dogs are better than any cats. Period number nine.
Sunday equal sports. Number ten. Shopping is not everybody's idea
of a good time. Number eleven. Anything you wear is
fine really. Number twelve you have enough clothes. Number thirteen
(02:38):
you have too many shoes. Number fourteen. Crying is blackmail.
Use it if you must, but don't expect us to
like it. Number fifteen. Your brother is an idiot. Number sixteen.
Ask what, ask for what? Number sixteen. This is for
(02:58):
what you want. Subtle hints don't work. Number seventeen. No,
we don't know what day it is. We never will
mark anniversaries. Number eighteen. Share the bathroom. Number eighteen, Share
the closet. Number twenty. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
(03:20):
Number twenty one. A headache that lasts for seventeen months
is a problem. See a doctor. Number twenty two, nothing
says I love you like sex in the morning. Number
twenty three. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Number
twenty four check your all and number twenty five. Don't
(03:43):
give us fifty rules when twenty five will do John Boydy,
did that do it?
Speaker 5 (03:48):
Ye?
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Bye?
Speaker 6 (03:49):
John Boy Minnicky.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
I have a nice.
Speaker 6 (03:51):
Day, John Boy and Phillies.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
A woman fixing a car that's like a pig trying
to read morning radio.
Speaker 6 (04:01):
Done right, good morning. It's a big shaw on the radio.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
When we're about twenty minutes away from my man, the
pac man. Were these things about Florida State undefeated, fill
of five conference not making it to the playoffs.
Speaker 6 (04:44):
He is the man from the ACC network. See what
he says right right now? That's that.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Welcome to John Boy and Dulley Playhouse. Today's episode Night
of the Sneaks and Slime. As our story opens, Ricky B.
Sharp and his wife Lucy are making preparations for a
wedding reception at the home of Ricky's boss.
Speaker 7 (05:08):
Uh so, what ay you think?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Wow? Looks great, sweetie, Fresh flowers all over the room,
nice fire in the fireplace. Man, you have done a
bang up job.
Speaker 7 (05:18):
Well, I was glad to help. Need anything else from me?
Speaker 8 (05:21):
Yup?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
You can park your fine little caboose on that couch
right there till this reception is overwhelmed.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Do what now?
Speaker 6 (05:28):
I thought I was dood?
Speaker 7 (05:30):
You want me to sit here all evening?
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Yep, you have officially been promoted from gift room decorator
to gift room supervisor. See that fancy basket on the
gift table over there. The boss Man's high dollar friends
are gonna fill that basket up with envelopes full of
cash for the Big Guy's daughter in her new hobby.
Now I need you to stay right here and keep
an eye on that basket.
Speaker 6 (05:51):
Oh how come.
Speaker 7 (05:52):
You can't do it?
Speaker 6 (05:54):
Lucy? Please?
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I am Dophan's most beloved fast food mascot, the one
and only Pizza run. I am the public face of
the whole dang run typed Papa's restaurant Grow. The Big
Guy needs me out there mixing and mingling with the
high rollers.
Speaker 7 (06:14):
Okay, I get confused. Are the high rollers the ones
that are gonna steal the buddy out of the gift basket?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
No, those are the low rollers, a bunch of no
good sneaks and slime balls, every single one of them.
Speaker 6 (06:28):
What does the boss man know all them?
Speaker 7 (06:30):
Of course he does well if he knows there are
no good sneaks and sly balls. Why the world did
he invite him to the wedded Honey?
Speaker 6 (06:40):
He had to invite him. There is family, son.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Un listen.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
If he gets sketchy, you have my permission done. Do
them top two buttons.
Speaker 6 (06:56):
I'll run them off.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
You tune in again next time hear the sneaky slag
ball say, hey.
Speaker 6 (07:03):
Big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
No no, no, no, no, not three two, only two
money pou. When I'm driving the bus in the morning,
I always get the troublemakers. But I figured out how
to get rid of them. I crank up the volume
on the Big Show with John Boy and Billy. They
are a laugh riot and the crackheads hate it.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
Good morning as Big Show on the radio. Ah, you
get the guy ready that's been on a diet longer
than Randy, the only one we can find around here.
Let me film a cracking for the special holiday song
of warning rights.
Speaker 6 (08:17):
I tell you.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Mark Packer from the ACC Network is NAT's been waiting
to get his view on the top four teams in
the playoffs and what happened in Florida State.
Speaker 6 (08:28):
All right in minutes, right now, hit it, Phil. I
don't need up box the candy. Are those coup keys
that you may the holiday?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
I wanna be a real low fat fruit.
Speaker 9 (08:47):
Cant don't get me no we ever ringing my way
flying back to me. I'm getting the chrystim of the
party cause I can't begin my.
Speaker 6 (09:01):
I've gained so much weight this year. I can't see
my missiletes.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
I barely meal my knees.
Speaker 10 (09:08):
Dana, bring my waistline back to me.
Speaker 6 (09:13):
Oh, I too fat to play Sanna.
Speaker 9 (09:15):
And if I got hidden, that's leave the reindeer would
just dare at me.
Speaker 6 (09:20):
And they ain't all say. All the kiddies tease me
about the weight that.
Speaker 9 (09:26):
I put on when I go out shopping. They all
call me Elton John children and pads free.
Speaker 10 (09:34):
It's so mean.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Dana, bring my waistline back to me.
Speaker 9 (09:41):
I can't stand being heavy. It's no fun at the
mall if I jump on Dana, fly out the smashes.
Christmas ball mean not the celery and a million harm.
Speaker 10 (09:54):
Boiled eggs, but I kill every single else for one
fried chicken. Then don't beat me, Dana, Bring my weeen
line back to me. I wanna be one lea queen
(10:15):
line back to me.
Speaker 6 (10:19):
Bring you back to me?
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Oh oh, I need at to the Mini Cooper Marry.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Crack the straight people.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
What's Christmas with that little fruitcake?
Speaker 6 (10:34):
Huh? Well, you got some hidden talent in there.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
So wor.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Good morning, Big shows on the radio. Coming up, we
play wordy word winner gets a liquid performance hard I
Motive Cleaning and detailing kid. Check out the full line
of appearance, maintenance and performance Brothers. Click on that banner
when you go to the Big Show dot com. All right,
y'all been waiting on my man Mark Packer today and
the ACC Network joins us every Tuesday morning. This time
(11:03):
the man of college football. Well, so back first, good
morning buddy. I want to start out with Paul Fine
baumb of the SEC Network. He was in favor of
Alabama making the final four for the playoffs and not
Florida State, so I could not wait. You, the man
from the ACC Network, What do you have to say
(11:23):
about undefeated Florida State Power five conference not making the playoffs?
Speaker 8 (11:30):
Paul Waitmen, Paul fine Baumb, the Alabama pomp pom guy,
thought that BAMA should be in over Florida State. I
think he was asked that question by Reeese Davis. He's
one of the great people on the planet who's in Alabama. Alum.
By the way, so let me let me get this straight.
So Reeese Davis, who again is awesome at what he does,
is one of the good people, asked Paul Finebaum if
(11:52):
he thought the committee got it Rightama should be before
Florida State. Uh huh, John Boys, that'd be like that'd
be listening. You know how much I love the San
Francisco Giants in baseball. That'd be like somebody saying, pack,
We're gonna put you on the San Francisco Giants broadcast
and ask you if the Dodgers suck. Do you do
(12:14):
about fair and balanced? What are we doing here? Yeah?
Good God, here's the deal, Johnny. You know, I thought
Sunday it was really kind of a dark day for
college football. Now again, the four teams that made it
are all really good teams, right. I mean, Bama was
great against Georgia, Washington's undefeated, Michigan's undefeated, they're doing their thing,
(12:39):
and except again, all the teams that made it, congratulations
to them. The committee decided, hey, those are the four, the.
Speaker 6 (12:44):
Four that did Texas pack. What you think about Texas
in there?
Speaker 8 (12:48):
Yeah, I mean, listen, Texas had a great year and
they have a really good football team. In fact, they
beat Alabama by double digits and Tuscaloos and that counts.
I don't care if it was in week two, week one,
or last week again. I all of that, to me,
Johnny is subjective. I mean, you could say, john but
who do you think the four best teams are?
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Well?
Speaker 8 (13:06):
I think it could be Georgia could be in there.
Maybe it's ohiose whatever. I mean, everybody's got an opinion.
It's all subjective, all right when it comes to who
do you think the four best are? And we can
argue about that all day, which we do. Us idiots
in sports broadcast can me. That's what we do. We
argue about stupid stuff like that. They were quite frankly
doesn't even have a correct answer, but it gives you
(13:27):
a chance to just eat done. However, the College Football
Playoff Committee, Johnny does have a set of rules in
guidelines and regulations, and they have been incredibly consistent over
the nine years of the College Football Playoff, this being
the tenth year, and prior to Sunday there had been
(13:48):
twelve Power five undefeated conference champions. All twelve of them
have qualified for the College Football Playoffs. So at the
end of the day when we played on Michigan was
undefeated in the conference, champion of the Big Ten, Washington
was undefeated conference champion of the Pac twelve, Florida State
(14:09):
was undefeated conference champion of the ACC. You have to
stay consistent in my opinion of the rules and guidelines
which determine who the team should be in the College
Football Playoff, and under the consistency of the previous nine years,
it felt like a no brainer, quite frankly on Sunday
(14:30):
while we were waiting for Hey, drumroll please, that Michigan
and Washington and Florida State, based on the consistency of
the rules that are stated, should have been the three
that got in. And then you have a debate on
who's the fourth. Is it Bama, is it Texas, is
it Ohio State, is it Oregon? Whatever you want to
come up for, And so was gonna be honest with
(14:51):
you I was really really startled about the inconsistency of
the College Football Playoff Committee based on what they have
done year in and y're out for literally a decade.
And before anybody screens and says, well pack Florida State
with their quarterback out, they're not as good, I would.
Speaker 6 (15:09):
Agree with you.
Speaker 8 (15:10):
I totally agree with that assumption. You can't tell me
that Florida State with Jordan Travis, their star quarterback being injured,
is better with their second or third team quarterback. I
couldn't agree with you more from that perspective. So I
but again, that's my opinion. The committee told you in
the last three weeks of the regular season with the
(15:32):
information that Jordan Travis was hurt and out for the year.
The committee, not Mark Packer, not John Boy, not my dog.
The committee told everyone that Florida State was one of
the four best teams in the last three weeks of
the season. They were in the top four. In fact,
they were in the top four heading into the conference
(15:54):
championship game, and they won the game against the top
fifteen team. Now, all of a sudden, they get flip
flopped by somebody rank seventh and eighth. That's inconsistent, and
that was my problem with what was announced on Sunday. Listen,
Alabama Michigan will be eight. I think a great game.
(16:15):
It's subjective. It might be a blowout. We've had nothing
but terrible games in the NCAA semi finals. In the playoffs,
I always think they're good games. We end up having
pack out of that team get beat by thirty five. Hell,
I don't know. It's college football. Mean, I don't have
a clue with you know. So again, I think the
matchups that ESPN company I work for, the suits are
(16:36):
probably ecstatic with Washington Texas, which has a chance to
be a great game, Bama Michigan, which I think has
a chance to be a great game at the Rose Bowl.
But to me, it was a bad day for college
football because all of a sudden, the committee basically made
the regular season not worthy. And you cannot do that.
(16:57):
You cannot lose credibility when it comes to the most
important thing is the viability of your regular season. And
here are the rules. If you win out, you are in.
That has been preached to the high heavens since day
one of the college Football Playoff, and it's applied to
every single team that's ever fallen on that category except one,
(17:19):
and that's the twenty twenty three version of Florida State.
In my opinion, that was wrong. That was a terrible
mistake by the committee.
Speaker 6 (17:26):
You nailed it, buddy, you nailed it.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
I knew you would, So I mean, in fact, this
is the last time just for four teams. So if
this was next year, Florida State would be in no problem.
How many are we going to next year?
Speaker 8 (17:39):
We're going We're going to twelve, Johnny. So the key
obviously is to win your conference championship. So, for example,
if we had the twelve team playoff this year and
we had the same outcomes of everything, and Florida State
wins the ACC, Bama wins the SEC, and the committee ranks, Hey,
here are the top four teams. The top four teams
(17:59):
would get a first round by So that would mean Michigan, Washington, Texas,
and Bama would get a buye. But then five would
play twelve, six would play eleven, seven would play ten,
eight would play nine, and the higher seeded teams get
to host that game that round on their college campus.
So the way that thing would work this year is
(18:19):
that Florida State would host the first round game as
the five seed, but Bama would have the weekend off
being the four seeds. So that's how it's gonna work out.
So winning your conference championship becomes obviously paramount.
Speaker 6 (18:32):
Next year important again next year.
Speaker 8 (18:34):
All right, But I got news for you. We will
still have arguments. I mean, you know, whoever. This is
like college basketball. We get the tournament, people go, well,
we've expanded the tournament from sixty four to sixty eight.
Most people go out, nobody cares. I'll tell you who's
gonna care. The guy that got suthing at sixty nine,
he's gonna sit there, go how in the hell are
(18:54):
we not in the front. So whether the number is
two or four, or twelve or two thousand, there's always
gonna be someone that says, we just got host. So
but I'm glad to hear that Paul Finebaum, the Alabama
Lovers Right.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Committee got it right.
Speaker 6 (19:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (19:13):
You know, something tells me that if it was flip
flopped and Florida State was four and Bama was five,
the last person on the planet Earth that would say
the committee got it right would have been Paul Finebaum.
Speaker 6 (19:25):
So it is what it is.
Speaker 8 (19:27):
Again, everybody's got their opinion and all this stuff, and again,
I hope we get great games, and I love college football,
but I thought what happened by the committee put a
damper on the importance of the regular season, because you know,
if you're Florida State, what else could you do? I mean,
you played thirteen games, you want them up? You said, well,
you got to schedule better. Okay, we scheduled LSU preseason
(19:51):
top five team, and we're gonna go play at Florida
at the end of the year. That's two of our
four non conference games against the big, bad, Mighty SEC
and they.
Speaker 6 (19:58):
Won them both.
Speaker 8 (20:00):
What are you supposed to do? I mean, if the
object is, hey, if you go thirteen and oh and
beat a bunch of good teams outside your league and
you're in the top five all year, and that's not
worthy of getting you in based on your body of work,
then you know the systems thinks because that's wrong. That's
just right out wrong.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
Good stop, pack man, you are the man. Will you
thank you so much?
Speaker 6 (20:21):
Buddy?
Speaker 8 (20:22):
All right? By the way, did you hear real quickly
that I just read this again. I'm not in anybody's
personal life, but it could help. But see, literally right
before you call it, I said, we're Deon Sanders, you know,
the king of the transfer portal. He and his fiance
are going in the transfer portal.
Speaker 6 (20:39):
Have none I know.
Speaker 8 (20:44):
I think this is a one time fake left go
right move Johnny. I don't think this is one of those.
I don't know. I just I read it. I was like,
oh my god, I read it five minutes before you
called this.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
Well that's neat a great way to break up with people. Y'all,
y'all paying attention to Thanks Mark Packer for that.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Portal.
Speaker 8 (21:05):
Every couple of America's gonna say, I'm gonna steal a
page out of college football. Honey, I'm tired of you.
I'm going to the transfer portal.
Speaker 6 (21:12):
Yeah, there you go. We'll cat jump on that next
week back all right, you got it, guys, have a
good week, buddy, Thank you so much. Man.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
There is Mark Packer, the A c C Networks them
on TV four pm weekdays. All right, Well, let's play
our worthy word game, y'all. Come on, leave it all
on the floor, one eight hundred big show. You told
free line, get a couple of contestants play next. Good
(21:59):
Morning is a Big on the radio RNA.
Speaker 6 (22:01):
Do your Tuesday.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
Today's feature track from the Big Show bit Box married
Man are running with DIVORCEMN. Search for keywords Divorceman. Hit
the Big Box at the Big Show dot com. There
right now, let's play.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
I went Everybody's head, I buy the bat.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
The big wordy word and the wordy word.
Speaker 6 (22:21):
Let's meet your contestants.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
We got Johnny from Glenn Lynn, Virginia. Good morning, Johnny,
Good morning, Johnny, Hey, Boddy, welcome. And we got Eddie
from Theodore, Alabama. Good morning, Eddie, Good morning, Clara, good morning.
All right, boys, welcome Eddie. That's Johnny from Virginia. Johnny,
Eddie from Alabama. You'll say, hey, pleasant trees. So Randy
(22:50):
is out today, so we're gonna do. Me and Johnny
gonna go for both rounds. So Eddie, you will share
between Billy and Tater. All right.
Speaker 6 (23:01):
If I'm off, y'all got it? So Eddie, you relax.
So Johnny and Johnny for the first thirty seconds.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
So are you ready, Johnny, I'm ready see what we
can do. Start the clock now, love blank number nine,
which is yeah, that's it. Hey, I want to be
from a corporal to a sergeant, I want to.
Speaker 6 (23:24):
Get a yes, uh huh, all right.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
This is a class that you look back on things
that happened. It's what class in school you look back
learn your Yeah, uh huh. Are cows grays in the.
Speaker 6 (23:43):
Yes, uh huh.
Speaker 4 (23:44):
You have dots on your face they're cute measles before Yeah,
it is freckles. But that was after the buzzer. So
a four score Tators keeping out Jackie. Four score on
the board. All right, then, so Eddie and Marcy for
(24:05):
round one. All right, Eddie, are you ready? I'm ready
whenever y'all are picking up, he said, all right, okay, okay, ready, okay.
Speaker 6 (24:19):
It's a canned meat.
Speaker 5 (24:20):
You can fry it.
Speaker 6 (24:23):
Yes, this is where Rome?
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Is this?
Speaker 5 (24:25):
This this country?
Speaker 6 (24:27):
Really?
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (24:28):
You might? This This is usually historically a lady who
helps out the head boss. He's she's his she does, Yes,
you might. These are the people that are at a play.
They're out in the what and they clap, they clap
now they clap.
Speaker 6 (24:46):
Yes, this is you might.
Speaker 5 (24:48):
This might be a I don't know.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (24:52):
Good work. The Marsin and Eddie put a four on
the board to tie it up. The round one all
right then and down. All right, Jackie, you gonna handle no,
let me see. Yeah, it's it's me and Johnny again
for round two. All right, okay, you got it? Okay, Hey, Johnny,
how you doing, bud? All right, here's where we're gonna
(25:15):
need some points here, Johnny, are you ready?
Speaker 11 (25:19):
I'm ready?
Speaker 6 (25:19):
All right? Starting to clock now? Another word for a motorcycle. Hey,
get on my Another word like when you uh you
blank wood? You blank wood? What but fireward?
Speaker 4 (25:35):
I'm been trying to help you with the word that
this is. Yes, uh huh, all right. This is a
little car. A little car you race when your kids
two words two words on a track in Myrtle Beach
race the watch when.
Speaker 6 (25:52):
You're a kid, go cart, Yes, here go cart.
Speaker 12 (25:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (25:55):
I know what you're saying, car, but it's a cart.
I heard you going. You heard that.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
I was expecting two on the boys. So a six
for Johnny, so Annie and Billy. All you need is
two to tie three will win?
Speaker 6 (26:14):
Hm hmm. I don't feel as good about this I
did of Brandy was playing Danny. Are you ready, yes, sir, and.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Go the little red spots you get when you're a teenager.
Speaker 6 (26:25):
Acne is you have me little yep, Nope, Nope.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
It's not it's not a disease. It's like just something
that happens to you when you're a teenager. Clear as silk,
clear as them up. Another name for zits, Yeah, another
name for acne is that the individual zits are what.
Speaker 6 (26:45):
Blackheads.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
No, sometimes black heads.
Speaker 6 (26:48):
Will cause it.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
You pop these doctor blank popper m d another Oh.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
Yes, well up one short, Johnny and Johnny.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
When's that like giving birth is late?
Speaker 4 (27:08):
You gotta get Eddie, he said, every word. Well, Eddie,
you came up one short, but you can't try again anytime.
Speaker 6 (27:19):
We appreciate you playing.
Speaker 4 (27:20):
Buddy, Thank you, I appreciate it, sir. All right, daddy,
have a great day down there in Theodore and Johnny
from Clean Lenn Look at Johnny and Johnny ruling.
Speaker 6 (27:28):
Wordy word there, Buddy road Joe Yay, we did it.
Good word man. You ain't on Jackie.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
Hook you up with a big old liquid performance, john
Boy and Billy Bucket prize.
Speaker 6 (27:40):
Pig Okay, thank you, good morning, got the big show
on the radio.
Speaker 4 (27:46):
Got our requested bit right here coming out of Tyler,
Texas from a mister Simon Hawkin.
Speaker 6 (27:52):
Simon says, you.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
Guys got the bit where Oliver talks about my dog Pearl.
Speaker 6 (27:57):
I mean your dog Pearl. Yes, I mean I'm reading now,
I'm putting it in my tense. What hey, Simon are doing?
Did he write it?
Speaker 4 (28:06):
It was relatively simple. Oliver talks about your dog Pearl. Okay, yeah,
I got it. It's coming up next.
Speaker 6 (28:38):
Good Tuesday morning, Big shows.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
On the radio.
Speaker 4 (28:41):
Simon Hawkins out of Tyler, Texas. Here is your request.
It is time.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
For Oliver.
Speaker 6 (28:53):
When when?
Speaker 8 (28:54):
When.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
One of the reasons this show is so popular is
because our listen as consider all of us part of
their extended family, and all of us here consider one
another a big family. So let's just set here and
be a family. That's enough of that crap. Each of
us has an individual quirks and idiosyncrasies that from time
(29:20):
to time gets on the other family members nerves, but
we generally overlook it in the name of peace and
harmony in the family unit. But there comes a time
when conditions become unbearable and someone must step forward and
say something to the offending party.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Oh, I don't like where this is going.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
And since the rest of you Gutlass jackasses haven't got
the stones to speak up.
Speaker 5 (29:47):
I do.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Take a number. I guess I'll have to do it
so John boy On behalf of the entire Big Show
cast and crew. May I say we have all had
a royal butler of your damn dog. Let me preach
(30:10):
on it.
Speaker 6 (30:13):
Now.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
It's painfully obvious why you and Pearl get along so well.
That old adage about how dogs and their masters begin
to resemble each other couldn't be more appropriate in this circumstance.
That same vacant stare when you're being spoken to, eating
out of the garbage, can those mystery stains on your fur,
(30:42):
whinding at the door when you're left outside too long,
barking at Randy, and of course dragging your ass on
the coffee. Ever since that mentally deranged mongrel has set
foot in the studio, things have gone on down hill.
Speaker 6 (31:01):
Brother.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
You're already questionable work ethic. I can't even say that
without laughing has dipped off the radar. You've started to
rely on the dog for all your material. I remember
the good old days when he used to have those
Thomas Edison stories right and left. And I gotta be
(31:27):
honest that where's your froggy stuff is so fifteen minutes ago.
And speaking of froggy, do you have any idea how
gay you sound doing all that baby talk?
Speaker 6 (31:41):
You're so cute.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
Yes you are, your little angel, just a perfect little angel.
Dead you loved you. Yes, he does, see what I mean.
I want to hit myself in the head with a hammer.
Enough already, it's only been a month and she's already
got your wearing pink. You let her run wild anywhere
she wants to go, like those liberal parents who let
(32:04):
their obnoxious, ill bred kid terrorize other families in a
restaurant and then just look on blithely like it's just
the cutest thing they've ever seen. What that kid really
needs is a first class not jerked in this tail,
And so does that damn dog. You need to man up, Skippy.
Owning a dog is a big responsibility, Your responsibility, not
(32:29):
everyone else is, because whenever a disaster happens, you handle
the problem with your usual amazing mastery of the English language.
The dog peas on the carpet.
Speaker 4 (32:41):
Jackie Tata dog pee Hell.
Speaker 6 (32:47):
She shreds anything within reach.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Jackie Tata stuff shredded Hall. She jumps up on the
table and steals food. You gonna eat that now, it's
not just the big show gang. Even your friends and
family are ready to snap. You took him to the beach,
and after two days, Captain Kit was at the tackle
shop trying to find a hook she'd fit on. Poor
(33:14):
little coach Cobs, Poor little coach Cob. She mistook him
for a chew toy and ran around the farm with
him in her mouth. And it didn't help that every
time she brought him back you kept throwing him for
a well, is that really how friends do one another?
(33:34):
Even your wife, your poor put upon wife, is at
her wits end, As if being married to you isn't
enough of a challenge. Making her sit in the back
seat so Pearl can ride shotgun is going too far?
Why the missus was even willing to meet you halfway?
She was happy to let Pearl sleep in the bed
(33:56):
with you. She thought it was touching to see Pearl
sleeping with her head on your chest, until she realized
the other end would be in her face. To be honest,
after sleeping with you, that would seem like a refreshing
change of pace to leave and the chewing Sweet Fancy
(34:17):
moses the chewing. She's a weapon of mass destruction with
a fruity collar. You name it, she'll chew it, doorstops,
chair legs, water bottles, purses, backpacks, electrical cords, books, shoes, tater.
You get the picture and the paper this month is
(34:40):
like a paper shredder with a tail. Four hours in
the studio and it's like a ticket tape parade's been
going on. So who's gonna pay for all that? Let's
just say forget the raises next year. Buy us some
chew toys, you cheap bastard. But to be fair, I
(35:04):
guess Pearl has brought us some bright moments on occasion. Well,
I've never seen Terry Hansen smile so much than the
day Pearl ate that biscuit off his lap, the time
John Boy blamed Jackie for one of Pearl's poots, and
who could forget the day Pearl dropped a big old
(35:25):
Cleveland steamer being in Rayford's office, And be honest, who
hasn't wanted to do that? Good times? But still it's
not enough. We're sick of that mutt.
Speaker 6 (35:40):
But you're the boss.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
You want to keep bringing little puppy pain And he
ask to work and the immortal words of mean Gene.
I don't know what the hell we can do about it,
So go on, let her run your life. Kiss a
fuzzy little butcher, big dumb sap. Alienate your coworkers, run
off your friends, your family. You wouldn't be the first
(36:03):
guy whose life was ruined by some bitch you validate.
Speaker 6 (36:13):
I thought she was growing on Good morning, It's a
(36:40):
big show on the radio.
Speaker 4 (36:42):
Today's featured track from the Big Show, Big Box married Man.
This episode jegg it out, My ried Man, My r man.
Speaker 12 (36:59):
Drives around a MENI man, god, a wife and some kids.
Speaker 6 (37:03):
His whole life's on the skids.
Speaker 12 (37:05):
Hey, there there goes the married man. How's he feel?
Speaker 6 (37:12):
Listen, dude, this poor guy's.
Speaker 12 (37:14):
Really screwed hanging on. Buy a bread cord of milk,
loaf of bread. Hey, there there goes the married man.
Got a big gas will, buys his clothes at the gap,
and he's just about hanging on for this bad married man,
(37:35):
married man, friendly neighborhood, married man. Life for him, has
no sing why or let him do what they She says,
it's about time he grew. Wherever there's a screw, you'll
find the married man.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
As our story opens, married man is on the way
home from a quick trip to the grocery store. Oh
I'm never gonna tart of that song. Oh darn it. Hello,
Hi honey, just leaving the store. YEP, got the craft
(38:12):
light singles individually wrap? Uh huh okay, be home in
about ten minutes. Okay, Han, all right, I'll see you
in a few minutes. Bye bye, love you, messas Stark.
(38:33):
That's my favorite part. Hello. Yeah, honey, what No, they
were out of ultra light mayonnaise. I got the regular light. Yeah.
I checked the label. It only has two more fat grounds. Yeah,
I'm sure. Uh huh okay, see you in a few minutes.
Bye bye, dormm gonnea drop the phone.
Speaker 6 (38:55):
All rats, I can't quite reach it.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
As married man bends down to pick up his flip phone,
he takes his eyes off the road for a second.
At that moment, he is almost cut off by a
speeding Corvette convertible. The minivan squeals to a stop in
the supermarket, bocking lot inches from the bumper of the
Corvette behind the wheel. Married Man's arch nemesis devorcet.
Speaker 11 (39:19):
Man, Hey, why don't you watch where you're Oah, it's you.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Why don't I watch where I'm going?
Speaker 11 (39:28):
Hey, Paula, is your fault?
Speaker 3 (39:30):
My fault? Say?
Speaker 6 (39:31):
That doesn't sound much like the pathetic queenie that I know.
Speaker 13 (39:35):
Pathetic Queenie, why you loud mouth? Goofball? Get out of
that car. I'm going to eat those words.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
As married man climbs out of the minivan, devorce man
realizes something isn't quite right.
Speaker 11 (39:47):
This pushmastered general hasn't shown this much backbone in years.
Speaker 13 (39:52):
I wonder, hey, Parl, you pulled right in front of me.
I whack my head against the stern will so hard
I can barely see straight. Come on, get out, let's settle.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
This like men.
Speaker 11 (40:01):
Hmmm, sharp blow to the head. Zero turns to hero.
Could it be hey, just kidding? Sorry about the near miss, poal?
How are you, old buddy?
Speaker 1 (40:12):
M Do we know each other?
Speaker 3 (40:14):
Sure?
Speaker 11 (40:15):
We've been friends for years.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
Want to tell you the truth. I'm having a little
trouble place in your face. But then I'm not really
sure who I am right now either amnesia. Married men
has anisia.
Speaker 11 (40:27):
At last, this is my chance to finish his pathetic,
happily monogamous lifestyle once and for all.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
I'm divorced man, the Titan of testosterone, and you, my friend,
are my faithful companion, the king of shwing wild man.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
That would explain the cape.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
Hey, hop in, we'll take a quick pop over to
the Holiday in Lounge.
Speaker 11 (40:49):
I'll fill you in on the details. Holiday in Lounge,
sure man, places crawling with major paybacks, a real target
rich environment. If you know what I mean, well, I
guess it couldn't hurt. Okay, let's go. This is our
night to howl.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Be guy.
Speaker 11 (41:11):
Hmmm, that's my flip phone. I gotter get the turn
it off. If it's important to call back. I guess
you're right. Besides, it'll save the battery. Married man, you're
happily monogamous day you s are almost over?
Speaker 6 (41:34):
Are you okay?
Speaker 11 (41:34):
There?
Speaker 6 (41:35):
Yeah, let's go.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Only mud swing. Married man suffering from amnesia heading to
a meat market bar with his greatest foe and without
his flip phone. Will I here be seduced by the
power of the dog side by the answer? Tune in
again next time, same married time, same married channel.
Speaker 8 (41:58):
We love You'll.
Speaker 12 (42:01):
Find them married nine Ahi, man, Let's get it.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Bud bit box is here all your favorites from four
decades to The Big Show ninety nine since each.
Speaker 6 (42:11):
Fifteen for nine ninety nine.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
Buy them once, play them anywhere. Shop the bit box
online at the Big Show dot Com.
Speaker 6 (42:16):
You can order Big Show Stuff I phoned.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
The number is eight hundred four to seven one Stuff
online services by Anime.
Speaker 4 (42:22):
Dot Other episodes and Married Man and his Arch Enemy
Divorceman available in the bit box keywords Divorce Man and
make you visit up next, sham over the Late Risers podcast.
Ere you get your podcasts? Gotta set up at a
Big Show dot com. Have a great resk your day.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
Love you Manute,
This is the award winning John Boy and.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Billy Big Show, the South's number one exports.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
John Miller, go Maxie, Hey, Max, say, I hear y'all
got these boys on the show. What was that lace?
Rob Becker got that roadway show?
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Men, men, cavemen all. I had everybody making the whole
whole professions out of the difference between men and women,
all them stupid books and lectures comedians. I guess it
can be fun, But I tell you, Rob, I listen
to you now. I'm kind of with you on that
caveman deal. Because if my whole life consists of how
(01:04):
that I can better get along with my wife, take
a club and beat me with it. Now, I'm gonna
break it down for you, women and me, and this
is going to be a service to you as well.
I got twenty five things women that we men want
you to know. Learn these just twenty five things, and
you'll understand us. Everything will be all right. We live
(01:27):
happily ever after, Okay, right. Number one, Learn to work
the toilet seat. If it's up, don't come tell us
about it. Put hit down yourself. Number two, don't cut
your hair ever. Number three, don't make us guess we
hate that. Number four. If you ask a question you
(01:50):
don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't
want to hear. Number five. Sometimes we're not thinking about you.
You must learn to live with it. Number six, we're
never thinking about Quote the relationships. Number seven. Get rid
(02:10):
of your cat. No, it's not different, it's just.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Like every other cat.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Number eight. Dogs are better than any cats. Period number nine.
Sunday equal sports. Number ten. Shopping is not everybody's idea
of a good time. Number eleven. Anything you wear is
fine really. Number twelve you have enough clothes. Number thirteen
(02:38):
you have too many shoes. Number fourteen. Crying is blackmail.
Use it if you must, but don't expect us to
like it. Number fifteen. Your brother is an idiot. Number sixteen.
Ask what, ask for what? Number sixteen. This is for
(02:58):
what you want. Subtle hints don't work. Number seventeen. No,
we don't know what day it is. We never will
mark anniversaries. Number eighteen. Share the bathroom. Number eighteen, Share
the closet. Number twenty. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
(03:20):
Number twenty one. A headache that lasts for seventeen months
is a problem. See a doctor. Number twenty two, nothing
says I love you like sex in the morning. Number
twenty three. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Number
twenty four check your all and number twenty five. Don't
(03:43):
give us fifty rules when twenty five will do John Boydy,
did that do it?
Speaker 5 (03:48):
Ye?
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Bye?
Speaker 6 (03:49):
John Boy Minnicky.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
I have a nice.
Speaker 6 (03:51):
Day, John Boy and Phillies.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
A woman fixing a car that's like a pig trying
to read morning radio.
Speaker 6 (04:01):
Done right, good morning. It's a big shaw on the radio.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
When we're about twenty minutes away from my man, the
pac man. Were these things about Florida State undefeated, fill
of five conference not making it to the playoffs.
Speaker 6 (04:44):
He is the man from the ACC network. See what
he says right right now? That's that.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Welcome to John Boy and Dulley Playhouse. Today's episode Night
of the Sneaks and Slime. As our story opens, Ricky B.
Sharp and his wife Lucy are making preparations for a
wedding reception at the home of Ricky's boss.
Speaker 7 (05:08):
Uh so, what ay you think?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Wow? Looks great, sweetie, Fresh flowers all over the room,
nice fire in the fireplace. Man, you have done a
bang up job.
Speaker 7 (05:18):
Well, I was glad to help. Need anything else from me?
Speaker 8 (05:21):
Yup?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
You can park your fine little caboose on that couch
right there till this reception is overwhelmed.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Do what now?
Speaker 6 (05:28):
I thought I was dood?
Speaker 7 (05:30):
You want me to sit here all evening?
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Yep, you have officially been promoted from gift room decorator
to gift room supervisor. See that fancy basket on the
gift table over there. The boss Man's high dollar friends
are gonna fill that basket up with envelopes full of
cash for the Big Guy's daughter in her new hobby.
Now I need you to stay right here and keep
an eye on that basket.
Speaker 6 (05:51):
Oh how come.
Speaker 7 (05:52):
You can't do it?
Speaker 6 (05:54):
Lucy? Please?
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I am Dophan's most beloved fast food mascot, the one
and only Pizza run. I am the public face of
the whole dang run typed Papa's restaurant Grow. The Big
Guy needs me out there mixing and mingling with the
high rollers.
Speaker 7 (06:14):
Okay, I get confused. Are the high rollers the ones
that are gonna steal the buddy out of the gift basket?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
No, those are the low rollers, a bunch of no
good sneaks and slime balls, every single one of them.
Speaker 6 (06:28):
What does the boss man know all them?
Speaker 7 (06:30):
Of course he does well if he knows there are
no good sneaks and sly balls. Why the world did
he invite him to the wedded Honey?
Speaker 6 (06:40):
He had to invite him. There is family, son.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Un listen.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
If he gets sketchy, you have my permission done. Do
them top two buttons.
Speaker 6 (06:56):
I'll run them off.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
You tune in again next time hear the sneaky slag
ball say, hey.
Speaker 6 (07:03):
Big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
No no, no, no, no, not three two, only two
money pou. When I'm driving the bus in the morning,
I always get the troublemakers. But I figured out how
to get rid of them. I crank up the volume
on the Big Show with John Boy and Billy. They
are a laugh riot and the crackheads hate it.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
Good morning as Big Show on the radio. Ah, you
get the guy ready that's been on a diet longer
than Randy, the only one we can find around here.
Let me film a cracking for the special holiday song
of warning rights.
Speaker 6 (08:17):
I tell you.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Mark Packer from the ACC Network is NAT's been waiting
to get his view on the top four teams in
the playoffs and what happened in Florida State.
Speaker 6 (08:28):
All right in minutes, right now, hit it, Phil. I
don't need up box the candy. Are those coup keys
that you may the holiday?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
I wanna be a real low fat fruit.
Speaker 9 (08:47):
Cant don't get me no we ever ringing my way
flying back to me. I'm getting the chrystim of the
party cause I can't begin my.
Speaker 6 (09:01):
I've gained so much weight this year. I can't see
my missiletes.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
I barely meal my knees.
Speaker 10 (09:08):
Dana, bring my waistline back to me.
Speaker 6 (09:13):
Oh, I too fat to play Sanna.
Speaker 9 (09:15):
And if I got hidden, that's leave the reindeer would
just dare at me.
Speaker 6 (09:20):
And they ain't all say. All the kiddies tease me
about the weight that.
Speaker 9 (09:26):
I put on when I go out shopping. They all
call me Elton John children and pads free.
Speaker 10 (09:34):
It's so mean.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Dana, bring my waistline back to me.
Speaker 9 (09:41):
I can't stand being heavy. It's no fun at the
mall if I jump on Dana, fly out the smashes.
Christmas ball mean not the celery and a million harm.
Speaker 10 (09:54):
Boiled eggs, but I kill every single else for one
fried chicken. Then don't beat me, Dana, Bring my weeen
line back to me. I wanna be one lea queen
(10:15):
line back to me.
Speaker 6 (10:19):
Bring you back to me?
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Oh oh, I need at to the Mini Cooper Marry.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Crack the straight people.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
What's Christmas with that little fruitcake?
Speaker 6 (10:34):
Huh? Well, you got some hidden talent in there.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
So wor.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Good morning, Big shows on the radio. Coming up, we
play wordy word winner gets a liquid performance hard I
Motive Cleaning and detailing kid. Check out the full line
of appearance, maintenance and performance Brothers. Click on that banner
when you go to the Big Show dot com. All right,
y'all been waiting on my man Mark Packer today and
the ACC Network joins us every Tuesday morning. This time
(11:03):
the man of college football. Well, so back first, good
morning buddy. I want to start out with Paul Fine
baumb of the SEC Network. He was in favor of
Alabama making the final four for the playoffs and not
Florida State, so I could not wait. You, the man
from the ACC Network, What do you have to say
(11:23):
about undefeated Florida State Power five conference not making the playoffs?
Speaker 8 (11:30):
Paul Waitmen, Paul fine Baumb, the Alabama pomp pom guy,
thought that BAMA should be in over Florida State. I
think he was asked that question by Reeese Davis. He's
one of the great people on the planet who's in Alabama. Alum.
By the way, so let me let me get this straight.
So Reeese Davis, who again is awesome at what he does,
is one of the good people, asked Paul Finebaum if
(11:52):
he thought the committee got it Rightama should be before
Florida State. Uh huh, John Boys, that'd be like that'd
be listening. You know how much I love the San
Francisco Giants in baseball. That'd be like somebody saying, pack,
We're gonna put you on the San Francisco Giants broadcast
and ask you if the Dodgers suck. Do you do
(12:14):
about fair and balanced? What are we doing here? Yeah?
Good God, here's the deal, Johnny. You know, I thought
Sunday it was really kind of a dark day for
college football. Now again, the four teams that made it
are all really good teams, right. I mean, Bama was
great against Georgia, Washington's undefeated, Michigan's undefeated, they're doing their thing,
(12:39):
and except again, all the teams that made it, congratulations
to them. The committee decided, hey, those are the four, the.
Speaker 6 (12:44):
Four that did Texas pack. What you think about Texas
in there?
Speaker 8 (12:48):
Yeah, I mean, listen, Texas had a great year and
they have a really good football team. In fact, they
beat Alabama by double digits and Tuscaloos and that counts.
I don't care if it was in week two, week one,
or last week again. I all of that, to me,
Johnny is subjective. I mean, you could say, john but
who do you think the four best teams are?
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Well?
Speaker 8 (13:06):
I think it could be Georgia could be in there.
Maybe it's ohiose whatever. I mean, everybody's got an opinion.
It's all subjective, all right when it comes to who
do you think the four best are? And we can
argue about that all day, which we do. Us idiots
in sports broadcast can me. That's what we do. We
argue about stupid stuff like that. They were quite frankly
doesn't even have a correct answer, but it gives you
(13:27):
a chance to just eat done. However, the College Football
Playoff Committee, Johnny does have a set of rules in
guidelines and regulations, and they have been incredibly consistent over
the nine years of the College Football Playoff, this being
the tenth year, and prior to Sunday there had been
(13:48):
twelve Power five undefeated conference champions. All twelve of them
have qualified for the College Football Playoffs. So at the
end of the day when we played on Michigan was
undefeated in the conference, champion of the Big Ten, Washington
was undefeated conference champion of the Pac twelve, Florida State
(14:09):
was undefeated conference champion of the ACC. You have to
stay consistent in my opinion of the rules and guidelines
which determine who the team should be in the College
Football Playoff, and under the consistency of the previous nine years,
it felt like a no brainer, quite frankly on Sunday
(14:30):
while we were waiting for Hey, drumroll please, that Michigan
and Washington and Florida State, based on the consistency of
the rules that are stated, should have been the three
that got in. And then you have a debate on
who's the fourth. Is it Bama, is it Texas, is
it Ohio State, is it Oregon? Whatever you want to
come up for, And so was gonna be honest with
(14:51):
you I was really really startled about the inconsistency of
the College Football Playoff Committee based on what they have
done year in and y're out for literally a decade.
And before anybody screens and says, well pack Florida State
with their quarterback out, they're not as good, I would.
Speaker 6 (15:09):
Agree with you.
Speaker 8 (15:10):
I totally agree with that assumption. You can't tell me
that Florida State with Jordan Travis, their star quarterback being injured,
is better with their second or third team quarterback. I
couldn't agree with you more from that perspective. So I
but again, that's my opinion. The committee told you in
the last three weeks of the regular season with the
(15:32):
information that Jordan Travis was hurt and out for the year.
The committee, not Mark Packer, not John Boy, not my dog.
The committee told everyone that Florida State was one of
the four best teams in the last three weeks of
the season. They were in the top four. In fact,
they were in the top four heading into the conference
(15:54):
championship game, and they won the game against the top
fifteen team. Now, all of a sudden, they get flip
flopped by somebody rank seventh and eighth. That's inconsistent, and
that was my problem with what was announced on Sunday. Listen,
Alabama Michigan will be eight. I think a great game.
(16:15):
It's subjective. It might be a blowout. We've had nothing
but terrible games in the NCAA semi finals. In the playoffs,
I always think they're good games. We end up having
pack out of that team get beat by thirty five. Hell,
I don't know. It's college football. Mean, I don't have
a clue with you know. So again, I think the
matchups that ESPN company I work for, the suits are
(16:36):
probably ecstatic with Washington Texas, which has a chance to
be a great game, Bama Michigan, which I think has
a chance to be a great game at the Rose Bowl.
But to me, it was a bad day for college
football because all of a sudden, the committee basically made
the regular season not worthy. And you cannot do that.
(16:57):
You cannot lose credibility when it comes to the most
important thing is the viability of your regular season. And
here are the rules. If you win out, you are in.
That has been preached to the high heavens since day
one of the college Football Playoff, and it's applied to
every single team that's ever fallen on that category except one,
(17:19):
and that's the twenty twenty three version of Florida State.
In my opinion, that was wrong. That was a terrible
mistake by the committee.
Speaker 6 (17:26):
You nailed it, buddy, you nailed it.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
I knew you would, So I mean, in fact, this
is the last time just for four teams. So if
this was next year, Florida State would be in no problem.
How many are we going to next year?
Speaker 8 (17:39):
We're going We're going to twelve, Johnny. So the key
obviously is to win your conference championship. So, for example,
if we had the twelve team playoff this year and
we had the same outcomes of everything, and Florida State
wins the ACC, Bama wins the SEC, and the committee ranks, Hey,
here are the top four teams. The top four teams
(17:59):
would get a first round by So that would mean Michigan, Washington, Texas,
and Bama would get a buye. But then five would
play twelve, six would play eleven, seven would play ten,
eight would play nine, and the higher seeded teams get
to host that game that round on their college campus.
So the way that thing would work this year is
(18:19):
that Florida State would host the first round game as
the five seed, but Bama would have the weekend off
being the four seeds. So that's how it's gonna work out.
So winning your conference championship becomes obviously paramount.
Speaker 6 (18:32):
Next year important again next year.
Speaker 8 (18:34):
All right, But I got news for you. We will
still have arguments. I mean, you know, whoever. This is
like college basketball. We get the tournament, people go, well,
we've expanded the tournament from sixty four to sixty eight.
Most people go out, nobody cares. I'll tell you who's
gonna care. The guy that got suthing at sixty nine,
he's gonna sit there, go how in the hell are
(18:54):
we not in the front. So whether the number is
two or four, or twelve or two thousand, there's always
gonna be someone that says, we just got host. So
but I'm glad to hear that Paul Finebaum, the Alabama
Lovers Right.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Committee got it right.
Speaker 6 (19:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (19:13):
You know, something tells me that if it was flip
flopped and Florida State was four and Bama was five,
the last person on the planet Earth that would say
the committee got it right would have been Paul Finebaum.
Speaker 6 (19:25):
So it is what it is.
Speaker 8 (19:27):
Again, everybody's got their opinion and all this stuff, and again,
I hope we get great games, and I love college football,
but I thought what happened by the committee put a
damper on the importance of the regular season, because you know,
if you're Florida State, what else could you do? I mean,
you played thirteen games, you want them up? You said, well,
you got to schedule better. Okay, we scheduled LSU preseason
(19:51):
top five team, and we're gonna go play at Florida
at the end of the year. That's two of our
four non conference games against the big, bad, Mighty SEC
and they.
Speaker 6 (19:58):
Won them both.
Speaker 8 (20:00):
What are you supposed to do? I mean, if the
object is, hey, if you go thirteen and oh and
beat a bunch of good teams outside your league and
you're in the top five all year, and that's not
worthy of getting you in based on your body of work,
then you know the systems thinks because that's wrong. That's
just right out wrong.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
Good stop, pack man, you are the man. Will you
thank you so much?
Speaker 6 (20:21):
Buddy?
Speaker 8 (20:22):
All right? By the way, did you hear real quickly
that I just read this again. I'm not in anybody's
personal life, but it could help. But see, literally right
before you call it, I said, we're Deon Sanders, you know,
the king of the transfer portal. He and his fiance
are going in the transfer portal.
Speaker 6 (20:39):
Have none I know.
Speaker 8 (20:44):
I think this is a one time fake left go
right move Johnny. I don't think this is one of those.
I don't know. I just I read it. I was like,
oh my god, I read it five minutes before you
called this.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
Well that's neat a great way to break up with people. Y'all,
y'all paying attention to Thanks Mark Packer for that.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Portal.
Speaker 8 (21:05):
Every couple of America's gonna say, I'm gonna steal a
page out of college football. Honey, I'm tired of you.
I'm going to the transfer portal.
Speaker 6 (21:12):
Yeah, there you go. We'll cat jump on that next
week back all right, you got it, guys, have a
good week, buddy, Thank you so much. Man.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
There is Mark Packer, the A c C Networks them
on TV four pm weekdays. All right, Well, let's play
our worthy word game, y'all. Come on, leave it all
on the floor, one eight hundred big show. You told
free line, get a couple of contestants play next. Good
(21:59):
Morning is a Big on the radio RNA.
Speaker 6 (22:01):
Do your Tuesday.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
Today's feature track from the Big Show bit Box married
Man are running with DIVORCEMN. Search for keywords Divorceman. Hit
the Big Box at the Big Show dot com. There
right now, let's play.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
I went Everybody's head, I buy the bat.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
The big wordy word and the wordy word.
Speaker 6 (22:21):
Let's meet your contestants.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
We got Johnny from Glenn Lynn, Virginia. Good morning, Johnny,
Good morning, Johnny, Hey, Boddy, welcome. And we got Eddie
from Theodore, Alabama. Good morning, Eddie, Good morning, Clara, good morning.
All right, boys, welcome Eddie. That's Johnny from Virginia. Johnny,
Eddie from Alabama. You'll say, hey, pleasant trees. So Randy
(22:50):
is out today, so we're gonna do. Me and Johnny
gonna go for both rounds. So Eddie, you will share
between Billy and Tater. All right.
Speaker 6 (23:01):
If I'm off, y'all got it? So Eddie, you relax.
So Johnny and Johnny for the first thirty seconds.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
So are you ready, Johnny, I'm ready see what we
can do. Start the clock now, love blank number nine,
which is yeah, that's it. Hey, I want to be
from a corporal to a sergeant, I want to.
Speaker 6 (23:24):
Get a yes, uh huh, all right.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
This is a class that you look back on things
that happened. It's what class in school you look back
learn your Yeah, uh huh. Are cows grays in the.
Speaker 6 (23:43):
Yes, uh huh.
Speaker 4 (23:44):
You have dots on your face they're cute measles before Yeah,
it is freckles. But that was after the buzzer. So
a four score Tators keeping out Jackie. Four score on
the board. All right, then, so Eddie and Marcy for
(24:05):
round one. All right, Eddie, are you ready? I'm ready
whenever y'all are picking up, he said, all right, okay, okay, ready, okay.
Speaker 6 (24:19):
It's a canned meat.
Speaker 5 (24:20):
You can fry it.
Speaker 6 (24:23):
Yes, this is where Rome?
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Is this?
Speaker 5 (24:25):
This this country?
Speaker 6 (24:27):
Really?
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (24:28):
You might? This This is usually historically a lady who
helps out the head boss. He's she's his she does, Yes,
you might. These are the people that are at a play.
They're out in the what and they clap, they clap
now they clap.
Speaker 6 (24:46):
Yes, this is you might.
Speaker 5 (24:48):
This might be a I don't know.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (24:52):
Good work. The Marsin and Eddie put a four on
the board to tie it up. The round one all
right then and down. All right, Jackie, you gonna handle no,
let me see. Yeah, it's it's me and Johnny again
for round two. All right, okay, you got it? Okay, Hey, Johnny,
how you doing, bud? All right, here's where we're gonna
(25:15):
need some points here, Johnny, are you ready?
Speaker 11 (25:19):
I'm ready?
Speaker 6 (25:19):
All right? Starting to clock now? Another word for a motorcycle. Hey,
get on my Another word like when you uh you
blank wood? You blank wood? What but fireward?
Speaker 4 (25:35):
I'm been trying to help you with the word that
this is. Yes, uh huh, all right. This is a
little car. A little car you race when your kids
two words two words on a track in Myrtle Beach
race the watch when.
Speaker 6 (25:52):
You're a kid, go cart, Yes, here go cart.
Speaker 12 (25:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (25:55):
I know what you're saying, car, but it's a cart.
I heard you going. You heard that.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
I was expecting two on the boys. So a six
for Johnny, so Annie and Billy. All you need is
two to tie three will win?
Speaker 6 (26:14):
Hm hmm. I don't feel as good about this I
did of Brandy was playing Danny. Are you ready, yes, sir, and.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Go the little red spots you get when you're a teenager.
Speaker 6 (26:25):
Acne is you have me little yep, Nope, Nope.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
It's not it's not a disease. It's like just something
that happens to you when you're a teenager. Clear as silk,
clear as them up. Another name for zits, Yeah, another
name for acne is that the individual zits are what.
Speaker 6 (26:45):
Blackheads.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
No, sometimes black heads.
Speaker 6 (26:48):
Will cause it.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
You pop these doctor blank popper m d another Oh.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
Yes, well up one short, Johnny and Johnny.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
When's that like giving birth is late?
Speaker 4 (27:08):
You gotta get Eddie, he said, every word. Well, Eddie,
you came up one short, but you can't try again anytime.
Speaker 6 (27:19):
We appreciate you playing.
Speaker 4 (27:20):
Buddy, Thank you, I appreciate it, sir. All right, daddy,
have a great day down there in Theodore and Johnny
from Clean Lenn Look at Johnny and Johnny ruling.
Speaker 6 (27:28):
Wordy word there, Buddy road Joe Yay, we did it.
Good word man. You ain't on Jackie.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
Hook you up with a big old liquid performance, john
Boy and Billy Bucket prize.
Speaker 6 (27:40):
Pig Okay, thank you, good morning, got the big show
on the radio.
Speaker 4 (27:46):
Got our requested bit right here coming out of Tyler,
Texas from a mister Simon Hawkin.
Speaker 6 (27:52):
Simon says, you.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
Guys got the bit where Oliver talks about my dog Pearl.
Speaker 6 (27:57):
I mean your dog Pearl. Yes, I mean I'm reading now,
I'm putting it in my tense. What hey, Simon are doing?
Did he write it?
Speaker 4 (28:06):
It was relatively simple. Oliver talks about your dog Pearl. Okay, yeah,
I got it. It's coming up next.
Speaker 6 (28:38):
Good Tuesday morning, Big shows.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
On the radio.
Speaker 4 (28:41):
Simon Hawkins out of Tyler, Texas. Here is your request.
It is time.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
For Oliver.
Speaker 6 (28:53):
When when?
Speaker 8 (28:54):
When.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
One of the reasons this show is so popular is
because our listen as consider all of us part of
their extended family, and all of us here consider one
another a big family. So let's just set here and
be a family. That's enough of that crap. Each of
us has an individual quirks and idiosyncrasies that from time
(29:20):
to time gets on the other family members nerves, but
we generally overlook it in the name of peace and
harmony in the family unit. But there comes a time
when conditions become unbearable and someone must step forward and
say something to the offending party.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Oh, I don't like where this is going.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
And since the rest of you Gutlass jackasses haven't got
the stones to speak up.
Speaker 5 (29:47):
I do.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Take a number. I guess I'll have to do it
so John boy On behalf of the entire Big Show
cast and crew. May I say we have all had
a royal butler of your damn dog. Let me preach
(30:10):
on it.
Speaker 6 (30:13):
Now.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
It's painfully obvious why you and Pearl get along so well.
That old adage about how dogs and their masters begin
to resemble each other couldn't be more appropriate in this circumstance.
That same vacant stare when you're being spoken to, eating
out of the garbage, can those mystery stains on your fur,
(30:42):
whinding at the door when you're left outside too long,
barking at Randy, and of course dragging your ass on
the coffee. Ever since that mentally deranged mongrel has set
foot in the studio, things have gone on down hill.
Speaker 6 (31:01):
Brother.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
You're already questionable work ethic. I can't even say that
without laughing has dipped off the radar. You've started to
rely on the dog for all your material. I remember
the good old days when he used to have those
Thomas Edison stories right and left. And I gotta be
(31:27):
honest that where's your froggy stuff is so fifteen minutes ago.
And speaking of froggy, do you have any idea how
gay you sound doing all that baby talk?
Speaker 6 (31:41):
You're so cute.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
Yes you are, your little angel, just a perfect little angel.
Dead you loved you. Yes, he does, see what I mean.
I want to hit myself in the head with a hammer.
Enough already, it's only been a month and she's already
got your wearing pink. You let her run wild anywhere
she wants to go, like those liberal parents who let
(32:04):
their obnoxious, ill bred kid terrorize other families in a
restaurant and then just look on blithely like it's just
the cutest thing they've ever seen. What that kid really
needs is a first class not jerked in this tail,
And so does that damn dog. You need to man up, Skippy.
Owning a dog is a big responsibility, Your responsibility, not
(32:29):
everyone else is, because whenever a disaster happens, you handle
the problem with your usual amazing mastery of the English language.
The dog peas on the carpet.
Speaker 4 (32:41):
Jackie Tata dog pee Hell.
Speaker 6 (32:47):
She shreds anything within reach.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Jackie Tata stuff shredded Hall. She jumps up on the
table and steals food. You gonna eat that now, it's
not just the big show gang. Even your friends and
family are ready to snap. You took him to the beach,
and after two days, Captain Kit was at the tackle
shop trying to find a hook she'd fit on. Poor
(33:14):
little coach Cobs, Poor little coach Cob. She mistook him
for a chew toy and ran around the farm with
him in her mouth. And it didn't help that every
time she brought him back you kept throwing him for
a well, is that really how friends do one another?
(33:34):
Even your wife, your poor put upon wife, is at
her wits end, As if being married to you isn't
enough of a challenge. Making her sit in the back
seat so Pearl can ride shotgun is going too far?
Why the missus was even willing to meet you halfway?
She was happy to let Pearl sleep in the bed
(33:56):
with you. She thought it was touching to see Pearl
sleeping with her head on your chest, until she realized
the other end would be in her face. To be honest,
after sleeping with you, that would seem like a refreshing
change of pace to leave and the chewing Sweet Fancy
(34:17):
moses the chewing. She's a weapon of mass destruction with
a fruity collar. You name it, she'll chew it, doorstops,
chair legs, water bottles, purses, backpacks, electrical cords, books, shoes, tater.
You get the picture and the paper this month is
(34:40):
like a paper shredder with a tail. Four hours in
the studio and it's like a ticket tape parade's been
going on. So who's gonna pay for all that? Let's
just say forget the raises next year. Buy us some
chew toys, you cheap bastard. But to be fair, I
(35:04):
guess Pearl has brought us some bright moments on occasion. Well,
I've never seen Terry Hansen smile so much than the
day Pearl ate that biscuit off his lap, the time
John Boy blamed Jackie for one of Pearl's poots, and
who could forget the day Pearl dropped a big old
(35:25):
Cleveland steamer being in Rayford's office, And be honest, who
hasn't wanted to do that? Good times? But still it's
not enough. We're sick of that mutt.
Speaker 6 (35:40):
But you're the boss.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
You want to keep bringing little puppy pain And he
ask to work and the immortal words of mean Gene.
I don't know what the hell we can do about it,
So go on, let her run your life. Kiss a
fuzzy little butcher, big dumb sap. Alienate your coworkers, run
off your friends, your family. You wouldn't be the first
(36:03):
guy whose life was ruined by some bitch you validate.
Speaker 6 (36:13):
I thought she was growing on Good morning, It's a
(36:40):
big show on the radio.
Speaker 4 (36:42):
Today's featured track from the Big Show, Big Box married Man.
This episode jegg it out, My ried Man, My r man.
Speaker 12 (36:59):
Drives around a MENI man, god, a wife and some kids.
Speaker 6 (37:03):
His whole life's on the skids.
Speaker 12 (37:05):
Hey, there there goes the married man. How's he feel?
Speaker 6 (37:12):
Listen, dude, this poor guy's.
Speaker 12 (37:14):
Really screwed hanging on. Buy a bread cord of milk,
loaf of bread. Hey, there there goes the married man.
Got a big gas will, buys his clothes at the gap,
and he's just about hanging on for this bad married man,
(37:35):
married man, friendly neighborhood, married man. Life for him, has
no sing why or let him do what they She says,
it's about time he grew. Wherever there's a screw, you'll
find the married man.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
As our story opens, married man is on the way
home from a quick trip to the grocery store. Oh
I'm never gonna tart of that song. Oh darn it. Hello,
Hi honey, just leaving the store. YEP, got the craft
(38:12):
light singles individually wrap? Uh huh okay, be home in
about ten minutes. Okay, Han, all right, I'll see you
in a few minutes. Bye bye, love you, messas Stark.
(38:33):
That's my favorite part. Hello. Yeah, honey, what No, they
were out of ultra light mayonnaise. I got the regular light. Yeah.
I checked the label. It only has two more fat grounds. Yeah,
I'm sure. Uh huh okay, see you in a few minutes.
Bye bye, dormm gonnea drop the phone.
Speaker 6 (38:55):
All rats, I can't quite reach it.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
As married man bends down to pick up his flip phone,
he takes his eyes off the road for a second.
At that moment, he is almost cut off by a
speeding Corvette convertible. The minivan squeals to a stop in
the supermarket, bocking lot inches from the bumper of the
Corvette behind the wheel. Married Man's arch nemesis devorcet.
Speaker 11 (39:19):
Man, Hey, why don't you watch where you're Oah, it's you.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Why don't I watch where I'm going?
Speaker 11 (39:28):
Hey, Paula, is your fault?
Speaker 3 (39:30):
My fault? Say?
Speaker 6 (39:31):
That doesn't sound much like the pathetic queenie that I know.
Speaker 13 (39:35):
Pathetic Queenie, why you loud mouth? Goofball? Get out of
that car. I'm going to eat those words.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
As married man climbs out of the minivan, devorce man
realizes something isn't quite right.
Speaker 11 (39:47):
This pushmastered general hasn't shown this much backbone in years.
Speaker 13 (39:52):
I wonder, hey, Parl, you pulled right in front of me.
I whack my head against the stern will so hard
I can barely see straight. Come on, get out, let's settle.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
This like men.
Speaker 11 (40:01):
Hmmm, sharp blow to the head. Zero turns to hero.
Could it be hey, just kidding? Sorry about the near miss, poal?
How are you, old buddy?
Speaker 1 (40:12):
M Do we know each other?
Speaker 3 (40:14):
Sure?
Speaker 11 (40:15):
We've been friends for years.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
Want to tell you the truth. I'm having a little
trouble place in your face. But then I'm not really
sure who I am right now either amnesia. Married men
has anisia.
Speaker 11 (40:27):
At last, this is my chance to finish his pathetic,
happily monogamous lifestyle once and for all.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
I'm divorced man, the Titan of testosterone, and you, my friend,
are my faithful companion, the king of shwing wild man.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
That would explain the cape.
Speaker 4 (40:45):
Hey, hop in, we'll take a quick pop over to
the Holiday in Lounge.
Speaker 11 (40:49):
I'll fill you in on the details. Holiday in Lounge,
sure man, places crawling with major paybacks, a real target
rich environment. If you know what I mean, well, I
guess it couldn't hurt. Okay, let's go. This is our
night to howl.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Be guy.
Speaker 11 (41:11):
Hmmm, that's my flip phone. I gotter get the turn
it off. If it's important to call back. I guess
you're right. Besides, it'll save the battery. Married man, you're
happily monogamous day you s are almost over?
Speaker 6 (41:34):
Are you okay?
Speaker 11 (41:34):
There?
Speaker 6 (41:35):
Yeah, let's go.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Only mud swing. Married man suffering from amnesia heading to
a meat market bar with his greatest foe and without
his flip phone. Will I here be seduced by the
power of the dog side by the answer? Tune in
again next time, same married time, same married channel.
Speaker 8 (41:58):
We love You'll.
Speaker 12 (42:01):
Find them married nine Ahi, man, Let's get it.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Bud bit box is here all your favorites from four
decades to The Big Show ninety nine since each.
Speaker 6 (42:11):
Fifteen for nine ninety nine.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
Buy them once, play them anywhere. Shop the bit box
online at the Big Show dot Com.
Speaker 6 (42:16):
You can order Big Show Stuff I phoned.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
The number is eight hundred four to seven one Stuff
online services by Anime.
Speaker 4 (42:22):
Dot Other episodes and Married Man and his Arch Enemy
Divorceman available in the bit box keywords Divorce Man and
make you visit up next, sham over the Late Risers podcast.
Ere you get your podcasts? Gotta set up at a
Big Show dot com. Have a great resk your day.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
Love you Manute,
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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