November 30, 2023 • 26 mins
In this episode, Karol discusses the importance of prioritizing family despite its imperfections and conflicts. She then interviews Nick Freitas, a member of the Virginia House of Delegates, who identifies America's biggest problem as an identity crisis due to a lack of shared understanding of history, logic, and the scientific method. Freitas emphasizes the importance of personal development and focusing on what we can control, rather than getting caught up in politics. He also shares his approach to social media and his personal life, including his 25-year marriage and his definition of true success. The Karol Markowicz Show is part of the Clay Travis & Buck Sexton Podcast Network - new episodes debut every Monday & Thursday.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio.
It's been a week since Thanksgiving, and in having conversations
with friends and acquaintances about their experiences, I realize that
there's a level of misunderstanding of what people mean when
they talk about focusing on the family or family meaning everything.
(00:29):
I think there's an expectation that everything in those families,
the ones made up of people who prioritize family in
their lives, is perfect. Everyone always gets along with their
entire family. Everyone loves their in laws. No one ever
argues or gives a cold shoulder or silent treatment or
anything like that. I'm here to assure you that that's
(00:51):
not so. Family is everything to me. But it's hilarious
to imagine that means we're some kind of sitcom family
that never has strife. My mom traveled from New York
to Florida, got to my house. We had missed each
other so much, and we're so happy to see each
other after several months apart that we got directly into
a fight. Families get on each other's nerves and they
(01:14):
irritate each other. They argue about politics, and they argue
about who makes the best stuffing, and they argue about
nothing at all. They ask invasive questions and know just
the right sensitive spot to probe to annoy each other.
That's a typical family. The idea that there exists a
perfect family out there somewhere that never has any of
(01:36):
that is deeply unrealistic. But if you do it right,
then you love each other and you have fun together
despite all that, and look, families break apart. I know
a lot of families who have, so when I talk
about family first or prioritizing family, I get that it's
not quite as easy as that. You may want to
(01:59):
pray orize family, but you have a crappy relative who's
just terrible and you have to cut them off. That
doesn't mean you have failed at prioritizing family. I also
know people who have had terrible parents but are building
their lives anew with their spouse and children, and they're
prioritizing that family. We get caught up in the perfect
(02:21):
that we don't focus on the effort. We imagine that
other people are living up to the ideal that we've set,
but that we ourselves are not. You could have the
right values and they don't line up with the reality
of your situation. I'm far more worried about the people
who openly say family doesn't matter much, much more so
(02:42):
than the ones who say family matters a lot but
don't have a perfectly intact one. Keep trying to live
that fulfilled life and don't give up because of the
roadblocks you face. Coming up next and interview with Nick Fretis.
Join us after the break.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on
the Clay Travis and Buck Sexton podcast Network on iHeartRadio.
My next guest, Nick Fratius, is a member of the
Virginia House of Delegates representing the thirtieth district. But that's
somehow the least interesting thing about him. Prior to being elected,
Nick served in the Army with the eighty second Airborne
(03:21):
twenty fifth Infantry and served two tours in Iraq as
a Green Beret with first Special Forces Group. He's also
the host of Making the Argument and the Y Minutes.
Nick lives in Culpeper with his wife, three children, two dogs,
three cats, twenty chickens, one peacock, four pea hens, and
four goats. Hi, Nick, thanks for being here now my pleasure.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Thank you. I think We're way past twenty chickens now.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
But oh really, I guess you got to update your bio.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
That's not chicken math words. It's always defacation.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
What's a pea hen? I have never heard of a
pea hen break? We didn't have pea has there?
Speaker 3 (04:00):
So P Cox of the mail and P hands of
the female.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I see, Okay, I really I already learned something from you.
So I usually asked this question towards the end of
my interviews, but I'd like to start with a big
question for you. And I feel like I've been following
you for a while and I think you covered so
much ground in your videos that I'd like to start
with what do you think is our largest cultural or
(04:24):
societal problem in America? And is it solvable?
Speaker 3 (04:28):
That's a good question, I think. I mean, if I
had to nail it down to one thing, I think
it's an identity crisis. And I mean that obviously on
an individual level, as we're seeing this question right now
with respect to the concept of identity, but I also
think it's on a national level as well. We've gotten
to the point where we don't have a shared understanding
(04:50):
of our history. Now you have to say that we
all have to think exactly the same way about it.
We don't even have a shared understanding of the events
or the motivation behind them, or anything of that nature.
We don't have a shared understanding of the concept of logic,
we don't have a shared understanding of the concept of, gosh,
the scientific method. In addition to that, yeah, that's right.
(05:13):
And then addition to that, that's led to once you've
kind of disconnected people from their past, from a shared
past or a shared understanding of the past, then it's
it's manifested itself and a lack of understanding of even
about the present. And you see this all the time,
and things that would be considered just casual conversations or
questions or observations now they're microaggressions, and there's some sort
(05:34):
of unconscious bias, and there's some sort of an assault
on the humanity of another person if you disagree about
any aspect of reality. And I think what that leads
to is a is a lot of just a lot
of concern and fear with respect to what the future holds.
Because as much as everyone likes to talk about diversity
is our strength, well, it is under the right conditions.
(05:57):
Diversity is certainly our strength if we're talking about people
that have some semblance of a common goal, that want
to work together and therefore bring a you know, bring
to the table various capabilities and skills and assets and perspectives.
But but all of a sudden, when diversity becomes this
within this identity crisis, when it becomes this idea of
we don't agree on where we're going, we're going to
(06:17):
rip each other apart trying to figure it out, all
of a sudden, it's it's not a strength anymore. And
so that identity crisis, which again is starts with the individual,
but works out to I think the country as a whole.
I think that's the biggest cultural problem that we're facing
right now, and I think it's absolutely solvable. The problem
(06:38):
is is how much damage is going to be done
on the way to solve it, because obviously people are
pulling in a lot of different directions right now, and
the advocates of postmodernism and critical theory and you know,
secular atheism, they certainly have a path they would like
us to go down, and they've been very very confident
that that is the direction that we're going to go
(06:59):
and then there's several other methods out there, but the
one I subscribe to is obviously I'm a Christian, so
that forms the foundation of my worldview. But what it
means is that I do believe that there's such thing
as an objective reality, there is such a thing as
objective truth, and I'm subject to that too. By the way,
it's not as if my side wins because I learn it,
(07:22):
But I think more and more what's going to decide
who wins is who is the most faithful in actually
living out their worldview and what they believe, and whether
or not they're willing to argue for it, not just
in what they say or the politics they subscribe to,
but in how they actually live their lives. How do
they treat their wives, how do they treat their husbands,
(07:43):
how do they raise their children? Did their kids get
to see the values represented in actions instead of just
commands or ultimatums. And I think if we do a
good job of that, the reason I think will win
is because it isn't our side winning your reflection of reality,
it's truth. And so yeah, so what would you say
(08:06):
it's step one?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Like, is it just on a personal basis we model
for families, you know, what we'd like to see happen
in the world. I just it's kind of a negative
moment right now, very pessimistic moment, and uh, you know,
I'm just wondering how we crawl out of this identity crisis.
You're I think that's you know, you you accurately describe
what's what the problem is. I just is there a solution.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
I what I would like people to start to think
of is that, yes, this is this is not ideal. Like,
regardless of where you are on the side of this argument,
no one thinks it's ideal. Everybody wants something different. The
thing that I would suggest is that whenever you, whenever
a civilization comes to a crossroads like I think we
(08:47):
are right now, you actually have the ability to take
the best things that you've learned from the past and
actually build upon it in a positive way. And a
lot of times those those opportunities don't come until you
hit that crossroads. And so what I would tell people
that maybe share my worldview is as frustrating as it
might be at times, I think we should also feel
(09:08):
a little bit blessed that we have this incredible opportunity
to have a disproportionately large impact on what the future
looks like. Because, let's face when things are going along
and things are just coasting, it's really sometimes it can
be difficult to wake people up to certain problems that
still exist and be able to make positive changes in
the right direction. When the crossroads are there and you
(09:32):
are going to have to make a decision, it forces
you to really look internally first and figure out, Okay,
what do I believe? Why do I believe it? And
what am I willing to do to actually protect it
to pass it along to my kids? And so the
first things first is recognize that this is actually, this
is not just a problem. It's an incredibly unique opportunity
because these moments don't always come around in history. The
(09:54):
other thing I would tell people is that it does
start with again, I get frustrated by things that are
going on, but I'm not sure you've noticed that.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I've seen it on your social.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Media especially, But I'm never fearful. Yeah, we have people
like are you afraid? What's going on? No? Well, can
do you ever wonder know why? Because I know who
I am, Like I know who I am in Christ?
Right that's my foundation. I know that I know what
my purpose is with respect to have a I have
a wife that I have responsibilities to. I have children
that I have responsibilities to. I have principles and beliefs
(10:27):
that I believe are honorable and noble and good, which
I have a standard to live up to. Doesn't mean
I always achieve it, but I'm always better for striving
for it. And so because because I feel very very
secure in my identity, my purpose, my meaning, then when
things happen that are frustrating, I'm frustrated, but I look
at what is my responsibility within this situation. And that's
(10:48):
the point where I tell people, Look, you know everybody
focuses so much on politics, politics, policy. Yeah, Can I
just say politics are important? Of course, They're not the
most important thing. The cultural fight is so much more
significant than the political fight because politics is downstream from culture.
And so when you are if you're like a if
(11:09):
you're a single person right now that that's looking to
get married, Okay, what sort of capabilities are you developing spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, professionally, physically,
start focusing first and foremost on the things that you
can control within your life, which, by the way, we
are still predominantly a free country with a great deal
of opportunity, yep. And instead of focusing on all the
(11:29):
you know, maybe areas of diminished opportunities, start focusing on
what do I have control over and what what can
I change? And what you start to notice is that
the more the more you stack up on that win column,
the more of a position that puts you to influence
other areas as well. I think a lot of people
you know, are looking at their lives they don't feel
they have much control over, and so they go on
(11:50):
social media and they complain about the president. Right, Okay, well,
you know, I'm not saying you shouldn't do that at all,
or I'm not saying that you shouldn't, but what can
you do over the things that you control that actually
put you in a position and not only be not
only prove that what you believe is successful, but to
also be in a position to be able to influence
the thing you can toward a positive direction. And I
(12:10):
think when people focus more on those things, what they
end up fighting out is they start developing in a
capabilities that they had based off of what they like,
what they're passionate about and that ends up that ends
up being a lot of fun. Right, This is not
all supposed to be drudgery as we fight your good fight.
So that's what I would say. Focus first, don't be
(12:31):
unaware of what's going on around you. Don't be unaware
of the things that are beyond your control, but start
operating from a standpoint of what can I control and
how can I make that better so that I'm in
a position to be able to influence larger things.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Absolutely so. I first discovered you on Instagram, where, you know,
let's be real, it's not common to come across any
politician must let much lesser Republican politician who's utilizing the medium.
So well, so how did you get into it? You
do these like perfect video.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
I was offering.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Excellent advice in a slightly sarcastic tone before taking a
sip of your coffee. It's very mesmerizing. My thirteen year
old daughter watches you, and you know, everything else I
like is cringe.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
So thank you. I appreciate it. One of the things
that I used to we started doing more on social
media because during the congressional race in twenty Tony COVID
was going on, and so I'd always been somewhat involved
on social media, but i'd kind of used it like
a lot of other people in political office. It was
always an extension of your campaign office. And during COVID
(13:33):
that was still pretty much the norm. Right we were
doing a lot more of like town halls on Facebook,
but I really loved the interaction where we could take
questions from people, we could respond to them like on
the spot. We really let the audience drive what the
conversation was going to be on and we did that
like every Tuesday for gosh, like five months, and it
(13:54):
was great. And then we started a podcast because that
was another way that we could talk to people, let
them know what we were thinking about, where we stood
on policy positions. And then the race was over and
it kind of all went away for a little bit,
and a good friend asked if I would take over
a show called the Why Minutes, and these were these
kind of three minute, three minute episodes where we would
(14:16):
explain some sort of concept, but we would try to
do it through something that was culturally or historically relevant,
maybe you know, economically relevant. We try to tell a
neat story and at the same time we started doing
more on short form contents, on Instagram reels and things
like that, and what we found was is that the
(14:37):
more we focused on the cultural side, right, the more
we were able to connect with people on a level
that was far more relevant to their day to day
life than just discussioning discussing the you know, the top
rate on the marginal income tech sprising. Yeah, I still
consider it a great compliment when someone will come on
(14:59):
my Instagram now, I'll be like, I didn't even realize
you were a legislator. I don't politics, and I think
that's what's That's what we found has been the most
relevant is is don't have your social media be nothing
more than an extension of your campaign. It's actually a
way to connect with people and talk with people and
learn from people and in order to talk about things
(15:21):
that again are relevant to them and are meaningful to them.
And if you can do that, you can kind of
build a connection. And one of the things that's been
really exciting for us on the podcast, which our podcasts
go for like two to three hours every time we
have one, is we have a community now which has
probably and that this is aside from the people who
just watch the podcast. The people who watch the podcast,
(15:42):
I don't. I mean, it varies from one hundred thousand
to you know, twenty thousand people fifteen depends the episode.
But we have a whole separate community of somewhere around
between seven and eight hundred people that are part of
a separate community chat that isn't like public or out there.
It's just our community chat, and they are constantly giving
us feed about, Hey, I really love this. Can you
(16:03):
talk about this issue? Can you talk about this issue?
We you know, we I had somebody reach out the
other day on one of her videos and say, you
know what, you talk a lot about raising raising sons
and a father's responsibility. I'm a widow and I am
doing my best to raise my teenage boys, and I
need is there any you know, advice you could offer me.
(16:24):
And so the next thing that we're doing is, you know,
obviously I can't speak from her perspective, but I can
certainly speak from the perspective of a of a son
that was raised, you know, largely by a single mom,
and and share that and hopefully provide something that's that's useful.
And so I think the biggest problem with politicians on
(16:44):
social media, is that ultimately, regardless of how they put it,
it's primarily about the them. Yeah, right, and when if
you really want to, if you want to connect with
people's it's not that it's all about the audience either.
I think that's also a misnomer. The relationships you enjoy
the most are not the ones where you're doing all
the giving. Are not the ones where you're doing all
the receiving. Just the ones where there's back and forth
(17:08):
where you receive benefit and you can give benefit in return.
And that's kind of what we've tried to accomplish.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
I love that, you know, I remember that coming out
video where you tell people that you're a legislator and
you know, embraced for blowback.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Yeah, but it was really good.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Do you get recognized?
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Yeah, yeah, we're at a point now where we do
I think the I I yeah, I mean it's Look,
it's always very nice when somebody comes up and tells
you that something that you said either made them laughed
or really had an impact on them. I think the
part where we realized the stuff that we were doing
(17:48):
on Instagram and on YouTube was rising to, you know,
a level where you started to get recognized as I was.
I was doing a trip out of town in Charleston,
South Carolina, and and somebody came out of a restaurant
and you know, are you the coffee mug guy? The
Oh my gosh, I love your videos, you know, and
(18:09):
and so that you know, stuff like that is it's
very encouraging.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Yeah, which one's your favorite coffee mug? You're killing me,
Smalls or.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
I don't know if I could we We've actually got
a new one. I only used it once, and uh,
I think we're gonna I think we're gonna actually roll
it out that one. That one is one that I
like a lot, but I'll kind of hide the reveal
on that one. But yeah, the zero Days without sarcasm. Uh,
you know this one right here? I saw that God,
you know, and you're killing me, Smalls, You're killing me.
(18:43):
Smalls is very versatile with a lot of the things.
Probably the one that I have that says my wife
is hotter than my coffee.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
That one, Oh, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
We're gonna take a quick break and be right back
on the Carol Marcowitch Show.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
One of the things that I love about your page
is out into your wife you are, and how like
openly you know, you're just openly into her and really
in love with her. I think so many people don't
talk about how awesome their marriage is, but you do.
And so I, you know, I really appreciate that. But
how long are you married? And when is the best part?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
It'll be twenty five years in May. We got married
at nineteen and twenty wow, And and I was in
the I was in the eighty second everyone at the
time we had all of ourt we.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Got to travel and see the world, in the world
as long as there was a military war.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
Yeah, so yeah, we had all our kids in the military.
And yeah, but it'll be twenty five years in May.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
What's the best part is really other than other than
she's really hot and hotter.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that. I I somebody asked me
so when I when I was a kid, I grew
up in kind of the same area, but you know,
there was there was divorce and stuff like that, a
couple divorces, and so, you know, I lived with my
(20:03):
grandparents for a while and then we lived in their
different apartments, and then I would go down and spend
the summers with my dad, and you know, home was
kind of my my grandparents' places as far as being
kind of like a consistent spot that was always there.
And then I remember my grandfather passed away and you know,
one of the one of the houses was sold, and
(20:24):
you know, I really haven't been back there the one
a long time. And then in the military, we moved
all the time, right, so it was like constantly, constantly
all across the country. And I in North Carolina, Hawaii,
back to North Carolina, Washington State, and I remember, I
remember we were living at our place. Right now, we
feel very blessed that we got to raise our kids
kind of in this under the same roof for most
(20:44):
of their lives. But even now we're probably gonna end
up moving again. And uh. And you know, somebody who
was asking, well, you know, how do you how do
you feel about that? You know? And and so when
I asked you, like, well, what would you consider to
be your hometown? I was like, wherever Tina is, ah,
wherever wherever Tina is at, that's, uh, that's my home.
(21:06):
So I think that's that I appreciate the most about
it is that no matter where you're at in the world,
and no matter what's going on. I have someone that
is always on my side, and I'm always on her
side no matter what happens. And it's one of the
reasons why I tell people this idea that you know,
you got to live life before you get married. It's
oh man, now you get we get married, it really begins.
(21:31):
That's I love that.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Do you feel like you've made it?
Speaker 3 (21:37):
You don't. You don't make it until you're here, well done,
good and faithful servant. And until then, there's there's a
lot of accomplishment, there's a lot of challenges, there's there's
a lot of things to overcome, and there's a lot
of there's a lot of great things like I I
can't even tell you how wonderful it is to you know,
watch your wife walk down the aisle, to see your
(22:00):
kids be born, to in difficult times, to go into war,
going to war, coming home from it, being there for
for families of people who didn't come home for it. Uh.
There's there's any number of things that I can point
back to and experiences where I am just and incredibly grateful.
(22:23):
But you haven't made it until you hear well done,
good and faithful servant.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
I like that, So I could talk to you for
you know, forever, because like I said, I'm a big
fan of yours, like one of the first people I
think I'm interviewing that I don't actually know in real life.
So it's you know, exciting for my last question and
with your best tip for for our listeners on how
they can improve their lives.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
That's tough because everybody's at different points in their life
and facing different challenges. That the thing that I bring
this up every once in a while, and you know,
we'll have people on the comments sections say, you know,
oh that's cliche or that's you know whatever. But but
what I what I've gotten, what I've gotten in the
(23:08):
habit of telling people is like, look, if someone asked
me why what I think is key to success? Like
I can share, i can share the aspects of the worldview,
but I'm not going to do it without the creator
of it. And so the the relationship and this has
been an ongoing process because it's it's it is kind
(23:29):
of a an ongoing process. The relationship that I've had
in my faith with Christ is something that has been
built on periods of skepticism, periods of contemplation, study, rebellion,
(23:49):
and and the only thing I can say is that,
even from a purely practical standpoint, I don't know of
anything else that better explains the human condition. And that's
why when I when I see things, when I see
things that are going on in the world, and people
ask are you fearful or are you this or you that,
It's like, no, I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid because again,
(24:13):
I know who I am and I know what my
purpose is, and that necessarily begins in your life with
the foundation of your worldview. It's it's it's the lens
by which you see everything else. And if you if
you haven't invested time and truly understanding about what you
believe at that foundation, the structure that you build upon,
(24:37):
it is constantly going to be swayed. It's constantly going
to be rickety, it's constantly going to be causing you
anxiety and fear. But but once you once you feel
secure in that. And I don't just mean you know,
this kind of blind faith where it's like, oh, it's
you know, it's it's it's adult Santa Claus like that.
I don't mean that. I mean once you've actually taken
(24:58):
the time to intellect actually, spiritually, emotionally understand what you
believe and why, and you feel secure and confident on it.
Then again, you can take the challenges as they come
because in each in each challenge, even if it's an
incredibly difficult one, in each trauma, you can see the
opportunity to achieve something that is meaningful and worthwhile. Because
(25:22):
if you don't have that, then the trauma becomes your identity. Yeah,
the problem becomes the thing that you dwell in as
opposed to overcome. And so I would just really encourage
people like, look, I'm I'm a big believer. I think
anybody that's seen me in the legislature or what I'm
a big believer. And I don't believe in imposing or
(25:43):
trying to legislate or require people to believe what I believe.
I want to be free to discover, you know, what
it is with their purposes and how they want to
go about living their life. But if I'm being asked
what's the single most important thing you can do, is
you need to figure that part out of your life
because it is the foundation of your entire worldview. And
(26:03):
if you don't want to live in a world where
you were constantly divined by what happens to you as
opposed to what your purpose is and who put you
here for that purpose, then you're going to have to
answer that question.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
So great. Thank you so much, Nick Fatis, You're amazing.
I didn't get to ask you how you have managed
to have not been canceled yet, but I guess next time.
Thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Thanks so much for joining us on The Carol Markowitz Show.
Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio.
It's been a week since Thanksgiving, and in having conversations
with friends and acquaintances about their experiences, I realize that
there's a level of misunderstanding of what people mean when
they talk about focusing on the family or family meaning everything.
(00:29):
I think there's an expectation that everything in those families,
the ones made up of people who prioritize family in
their lives, is perfect. Everyone always gets along with their
entire family. Everyone loves their in laws. No one ever
argues or gives a cold shoulder or silent treatment or
anything like that. I'm here to assure you that that's
(00:51):
not so. Family is everything to me. But it's hilarious
to imagine that means we're some kind of sitcom family
that never has strife. My mom traveled from New York
to Florida, got to my house. We had missed each
other so much, and we're so happy to see each
other after several months apart that we got directly into
a fight. Families get on each other's nerves and they
(01:14):
irritate each other. They argue about politics, and they argue
about who makes the best stuffing, and they argue about
nothing at all. They ask invasive questions and know just
the right sensitive spot to probe to annoy each other.
That's a typical family. The idea that there exists a
perfect family out there somewhere that never has any of
(01:36):
that is deeply unrealistic. But if you do it right,
then you love each other and you have fun together
despite all that, and look, families break apart. I know
a lot of families who have, so when I talk
about family first or prioritizing family, I get that it's
not quite as easy as that. You may want to
(01:59):
pray orize family, but you have a crappy relative who's
just terrible and you have to cut them off. That
doesn't mean you have failed at prioritizing family. I also
know people who have had terrible parents but are building
their lives anew with their spouse and children, and they're
prioritizing that family. We get caught up in the perfect
(02:21):
that we don't focus on the effort. We imagine that
other people are living up to the ideal that we've set,
but that we ourselves are not. You could have the
right values and they don't line up with the reality
of your situation. I'm far more worried about the people
who openly say family doesn't matter much, much more so
(02:42):
than the ones who say family matters a lot but
don't have a perfectly intact one. Keep trying to live
that fulfilled life and don't give up because of the
roadblocks you face. Coming up next and interview with Nick Fretis.
Join us after the break.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on
the Clay Travis and Buck Sexton podcast Network on iHeartRadio.
My next guest, Nick Fratius, is a member of the
Virginia House of Delegates representing the thirtieth district. But that's
somehow the least interesting thing about him. Prior to being elected,
Nick served in the Army with the eighty second Airborne
(03:21):
twenty fifth Infantry and served two tours in Iraq as
a Green Beret with first Special Forces Group. He's also
the host of Making the Argument and the Y Minutes.
Nick lives in Culpeper with his wife, three children, two dogs,
three cats, twenty chickens, one peacock, four pea hens, and
four goats. Hi, Nick, thanks for being here now my pleasure.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Thank you. I think We're way past twenty chickens now.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
But oh really, I guess you got to update your bio.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
That's not chicken math words. It's always defacation.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
What's a pea hen? I have never heard of a
pea hen break? We didn't have pea has there?
Speaker 3 (04:00):
So P Cox of the mail and P hands of
the female.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I see, Okay, I really I already learned something from you.
So I usually asked this question towards the end of
my interviews, but I'd like to start with a big
question for you. And I feel like I've been following
you for a while and I think you covered so
much ground in your videos that I'd like to start
with what do you think is our largest cultural or
(04:24):
societal problem in America? And is it solvable?
Speaker 3 (04:28):
That's a good question, I think. I mean, if I
had to nail it down to one thing, I think
it's an identity crisis. And I mean that obviously on
an individual level, as we're seeing this question right now
with respect to the concept of identity, but I also
think it's on a national level as well. We've gotten
to the point where we don't have a shared understanding
(04:50):
of our history. Now you have to say that we
all have to think exactly the same way about it.
We don't even have a shared understanding of the events
or the motivation behind them, or anything of that nature.
We don't have a shared understanding of the concept of logic,
we don't have a shared understanding of the concept of, gosh,
the scientific method. In addition to that, yeah, that's right.
(05:13):
And then addition to that, that's led to once you've
kind of disconnected people from their past, from a shared
past or a shared understanding of the past, then it's
it's manifested itself and a lack of understanding of even
about the present. And you see this all the time,
and things that would be considered just casual conversations or
questions or observations now they're microaggressions, and there's some sort
(05:34):
of unconscious bias, and there's some sort of an assault
on the humanity of another person if you disagree about
any aspect of reality. And I think what that leads
to is a is a lot of just a lot
of concern and fear with respect to what the future holds.
Because as much as everyone likes to talk about diversity
is our strength, well, it is under the right conditions.
(05:57):
Diversity is certainly our strength if we're talking about people
that have some semblance of a common goal, that want
to work together and therefore bring a you know, bring
to the table various capabilities and skills and assets and perspectives.
But but all of a sudden, when diversity becomes this
within this identity crisis, when it becomes this idea of
we don't agree on where we're going, we're going to
(06:17):
rip each other apart trying to figure it out, all
of a sudden, it's it's not a strength anymore. And
so that identity crisis, which again is starts with the individual,
but works out to I think the country as a whole.
I think that's the biggest cultural problem that we're facing
right now, and I think it's absolutely solvable. The problem
(06:38):
is is how much damage is going to be done
on the way to solve it, because obviously people are
pulling in a lot of different directions right now, and
the advocates of postmodernism and critical theory and you know,
secular atheism, they certainly have a path they would like
us to go down, and they've been very very confident
that that is the direction that we're going to go
(06:59):
and then there's several other methods out there, but the
one I subscribe to is obviously I'm a Christian, so
that forms the foundation of my worldview. But what it
means is that I do believe that there's such thing
as an objective reality, there is such a thing as
objective truth, and I'm subject to that too. By the way,
it's not as if my side wins because I learn it,
(07:22):
But I think more and more what's going to decide
who wins is who is the most faithful in actually
living out their worldview and what they believe, and whether
or not they're willing to argue for it, not just
in what they say or the politics they subscribe to,
but in how they actually live their lives. How do
they treat their wives, how do they treat their husbands,
(07:43):
how do they raise their children? Did their kids get
to see the values represented in actions instead of just
commands or ultimatums. And I think if we do a
good job of that, the reason I think will win
is because it isn't our side winning your reflection of reality,
it's truth. And so yeah, so what would you say
(08:06):
it's step one?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Like, is it just on a personal basis we model
for families, you know, what we'd like to see happen
in the world. I just it's kind of a negative
moment right now, very pessimistic moment, and uh, you know,
I'm just wondering how we crawl out of this identity crisis.
You're I think that's you know, you you accurately describe
what's what the problem is. I just is there a solution.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
I what I would like people to start to think
of is that, yes, this is this is not ideal. Like,
regardless of where you are on the side of this argument,
no one thinks it's ideal. Everybody wants something different. The
thing that I would suggest is that whenever you, whenever
a civilization comes to a crossroads like I think we
(08:47):
are right now, you actually have the ability to take
the best things that you've learned from the past and
actually build upon it in a positive way. And a
lot of times those those opportunities don't come until you
hit that crossroads. And so what I would tell people
that maybe share my worldview is as frustrating as it
might be at times, I think we should also feel
(09:08):
a little bit blessed that we have this incredible opportunity
to have a disproportionately large impact on what the future
looks like. Because, let's face when things are going along
and things are just coasting, it's really sometimes it can
be difficult to wake people up to certain problems that
still exist and be able to make positive changes in
the right direction. When the crossroads are there and you
(09:32):
are going to have to make a decision, it forces
you to really look internally first and figure out, Okay,
what do I believe? Why do I believe it? And
what am I willing to do to actually protect it
to pass it along to my kids? And so the
first things first is recognize that this is actually, this
is not just a problem. It's an incredibly unique opportunity
because these moments don't always come around in history. The
(09:54):
other thing I would tell people is that it does
start with again, I get frustrated by things that are
going on, but I'm not sure you've noticed that.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I've seen it on your social.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Media especially, But I'm never fearful. Yeah, we have people
like are you afraid? What's going on? No? Well, can
do you ever wonder know why? Because I know who
I am, Like I know who I am in Christ?
Right that's my foundation. I know that I know what
my purpose is with respect to have a I have
a wife that I have responsibilities to. I have children
that I have responsibilities to. I have principles and beliefs
(10:27):
that I believe are honorable and noble and good, which
I have a standard to live up to. Doesn't mean
I always achieve it, but I'm always better for striving
for it. And so because because I feel very very
secure in my identity, my purpose, my meaning, then when
things happen that are frustrating, I'm frustrated, but I look
at what is my responsibility within this situation. And that's
(10:48):
the point where I tell people, Look, you know everybody
focuses so much on politics, politics, policy. Yeah, Can I
just say politics are important? Of course, They're not the
most important thing. The cultural fight is so much more
significant than the political fight because politics is downstream from culture.
And so when you are if you're like a if
(11:09):
you're a single person right now that that's looking to
get married, Okay, what sort of capabilities are you developing spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, professionally, physically,
start focusing first and foremost on the things that you
can control within your life, which, by the way, we
are still predominantly a free country with a great deal
of opportunity, yep. And instead of focusing on all the
(11:29):
you know, maybe areas of diminished opportunities, start focusing on
what do I have control over and what what can
I change? And what you start to notice is that
the more the more you stack up on that win column,
the more of a position that puts you to influence
other areas as well. I think a lot of people
you know, are looking at their lives they don't feel
they have much control over, and so they go on
(11:50):
social media and they complain about the president. Right, Okay, well,
you know, I'm not saying you shouldn't do that at all,
or I'm not saying that you shouldn't, but what can
you do over the things that you control that actually
put you in a position and not only be not
only prove that what you believe is successful, but to
also be in a position to be able to influence
the thing you can toward a positive direction. And I
(12:10):
think when people focus more on those things, what they
end up fighting out is they start developing in a
capabilities that they had based off of what they like,
what they're passionate about and that ends up that ends
up being a lot of fun. Right, This is not
all supposed to be drudgery as we fight your good fight.
So that's what I would say. Focus first, don't be
(12:31):
unaware of what's going on around you. Don't be unaware
of the things that are beyond your control, but start
operating from a standpoint of what can I control and
how can I make that better so that I'm in
a position to be able to influence larger things.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Absolutely so. I first discovered you on Instagram, where, you know,
let's be real, it's not common to come across any
politician must let much lesser Republican politician who's utilizing the medium.
So well, so how did you get into it? You
do these like perfect video.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
I was offering.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Excellent advice in a slightly sarcastic tone before taking a
sip of your coffee. It's very mesmerizing. My thirteen year
old daughter watches you, and you know, everything else I
like is cringe.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
So thank you. I appreciate it. One of the things
that I used to we started doing more on social
media because during the congressional race in twenty Tony COVID
was going on, and so I'd always been somewhat involved
on social media, but i'd kind of used it like
a lot of other people in political office. It was
always an extension of your campaign office. And during COVID
(13:33):
that was still pretty much the norm. Right we were
doing a lot more of like town halls on Facebook,
but I really loved the interaction where we could take
questions from people, we could respond to them like on
the spot. We really let the audience drive what the
conversation was going to be on and we did that
like every Tuesday for gosh, like five months, and it
(13:54):
was great. And then we started a podcast because that
was another way that we could talk to people, let
them know what we were thinking about, where we stood
on policy positions. And then the race was over and
it kind of all went away for a little bit,
and a good friend asked if I would take over
a show called the Why Minutes, and these were these
kind of three minute, three minute episodes where we would
(14:16):
explain some sort of concept, but we would try to
do it through something that was culturally or historically relevant,
maybe you know, economically relevant. We try to tell a
neat story and at the same time we started doing
more on short form contents, on Instagram reels and things
like that, and what we found was is that the
(14:37):
more we focused on the cultural side, right, the more
we were able to connect with people on a level
that was far more relevant to their day to day
life than just discussioning discussing the you know, the top
rate on the marginal income tech sprising. Yeah, I still
consider it a great compliment when someone will come on
(14:59):
my Instagram now, I'll be like, I didn't even realize
you were a legislator. I don't politics, and I think
that's what's That's what we found has been the most
relevant is is don't have your social media be nothing
more than an extension of your campaign. It's actually a
way to connect with people and talk with people and
learn from people and in order to talk about things
(15:21):
that again are relevant to them and are meaningful to them.
And if you can do that, you can kind of
build a connection. And one of the things that's been
really exciting for us on the podcast, which our podcasts
go for like two to three hours every time we
have one, is we have a community now which has
probably and that this is aside from the people who
just watch the podcast. The people who watch the podcast,
(15:42):
I don't. I mean, it varies from one hundred thousand
to you know, twenty thousand people fifteen depends the episode.
But we have a whole separate community of somewhere around
between seven and eight hundred people that are part of
a separate community chat that isn't like public or out there.
It's just our community chat, and they are constantly giving
us feed about, Hey, I really love this. Can you
(16:03):
talk about this issue? Can you talk about this issue?
We you know, we I had somebody reach out the
other day on one of her videos and say, you
know what, you talk a lot about raising raising sons
and a father's responsibility. I'm a widow and I am
doing my best to raise my teenage boys, and I
need is there any you know, advice you could offer me.
(16:24):
And so the next thing that we're doing is, you know,
obviously I can't speak from her perspective, but I can
certainly speak from the perspective of a of a son
that was raised, you know, largely by a single mom,
and and share that and hopefully provide something that's that's useful.
And so I think the biggest problem with politicians on
(16:44):
social media, is that ultimately, regardless of how they put it,
it's primarily about the them. Yeah, right, and when if
you really want to, if you want to connect with
people's it's not that it's all about the audience either.
I think that's also a misnomer. The relationships you enjoy
the most are not the ones where you're doing all
the giving. Are not the ones where you're doing all
the receiving. Just the ones where there's back and forth
(17:08):
where you receive benefit and you can give benefit in return.
And that's kind of what we've tried to accomplish.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
I love that, you know, I remember that coming out
video where you tell people that you're a legislator and
you know, embraced for blowback.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Yeah, but it was really good.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Do you get recognized?
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Yeah, yeah, we're at a point now where we do
I think the I I yeah, I mean it's Look,
it's always very nice when somebody comes up and tells
you that something that you said either made them laughed
or really had an impact on them. I think the
part where we realized the stuff that we were doing
(17:48):
on Instagram and on YouTube was rising to, you know,
a level where you started to get recognized as I was.
I was doing a trip out of town in Charleston,
South Carolina, and and somebody came out of a restaurant
and you know, are you the coffee mug guy? The
Oh my gosh, I love your videos, you know, and
(18:09):
and so that you know, stuff like that is it's
very encouraging.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Yeah, which one's your favorite coffee mug? You're killing me,
Smalls or.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
I don't know if I could we We've actually got
a new one. I only used it once, and uh,
I think we're gonna I think we're gonna actually roll
it out that one. That one is one that I
like a lot, but I'll kind of hide the reveal
on that one. But yeah, the zero Days without sarcasm. Uh,
you know this one right here? I saw that God,
you know, and you're killing me, Smalls, You're killing me.
(18:43):
Smalls is very versatile with a lot of the things.
Probably the one that I have that says my wife
is hotter than my coffee.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
That one, Oh, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
We're gonna take a quick break and be right back
on the Carol Marcowitch Show.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
One of the things that I love about your page
is out into your wife you are, and how like
openly you know, you're just openly into her and really
in love with her. I think so many people don't
talk about how awesome their marriage is, but you do.
And so I, you know, I really appreciate that. But
how long are you married? And when is the best part?
Speaker 3 (19:15):
It'll be twenty five years in May. We got married
at nineteen and twenty wow, And and I was in
the I was in the eighty second everyone at the
time we had all of ourt we.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Got to travel and see the world, in the world
as long as there was a military war.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
Yeah, so yeah, we had all our kids in the military.
And yeah, but it'll be twenty five years in May.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
What's the best part is really other than other than
she's really hot and hotter.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that. I I somebody asked me
so when I when I was a kid, I grew
up in kind of the same area, but you know,
there was there was divorce and stuff like that, a
couple divorces, and so, you know, I lived with my
(20:03):
grandparents for a while and then we lived in their
different apartments, and then I would go down and spend
the summers with my dad, and you know, home was
kind of my my grandparents' places as far as being
kind of like a consistent spot that was always there.
And then I remember my grandfather passed away and you know,
one of the one of the houses was sold, and
(20:24):
you know, I really haven't been back there the one
a long time. And then in the military, we moved
all the time, right, so it was like constantly, constantly
all across the country. And I in North Carolina, Hawaii,
back to North Carolina, Washington State, and I remember, I
remember we were living at our place. Right now, we
feel very blessed that we got to raise our kids
kind of in this under the same roof for most
(20:44):
of their lives. But even now we're probably gonna end
up moving again. And uh. And you know, somebody who
was asking, well, you know, how do you how do
you feel about that? You know? And and so when
I asked you, like, well, what would you consider to
be your hometown? I was like, wherever Tina is, ah,
wherever wherever Tina is at, that's, uh, that's my home.
(21:06):
So I think that's that I appreciate the most about
it is that no matter where you're at in the world,
and no matter what's going on. I have someone that
is always on my side, and I'm always on her
side no matter what happens. And it's one of the
reasons why I tell people this idea that you know,
you got to live life before you get married. It's
oh man, now you get we get married, it really begins.
(21:31):
That's I love that.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Do you feel like you've made it?
Speaker 3 (21:37):
You don't. You don't make it until you're here, well done,
good and faithful servant. And until then, there's there's a
lot of accomplishment, there's a lot of challenges, there's there's
a lot of things to overcome, and there's a lot
of there's a lot of great things like I I
can't even tell you how wonderful it is to you know,
watch your wife walk down the aisle, to see your
(22:00):
kids be born, to in difficult times, to go into war,
going to war, coming home from it, being there for
for families of people who didn't come home for it. Uh.
There's there's any number of things that I can point
back to and experiences where I am just and incredibly grateful.
(22:23):
But you haven't made it until you hear well done,
good and faithful servant.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
I like that, So I could talk to you for
you know, forever, because like I said, I'm a big
fan of yours, like one of the first people I
think I'm interviewing that I don't actually know in real life.
So it's you know, exciting for my last question and
with your best tip for for our listeners on how
they can improve their lives.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
That's tough because everybody's at different points in their life
and facing different challenges. That the thing that I bring
this up every once in a while, and you know,
we'll have people on the comments sections say, you know,
oh that's cliche or that's you know whatever. But but
what I what I've gotten, what I've gotten in the
(23:08):
habit of telling people is like, look, if someone asked
me why what I think is key to success? Like
I can share, i can share the aspects of the worldview,
but I'm not going to do it without the creator
of it. And so the the relationship and this has
been an ongoing process because it's it's it is kind
(23:29):
of a an ongoing process. The relationship that I've had
in my faith with Christ is something that has been
built on periods of skepticism, periods of contemplation, study, rebellion,
(23:49):
and and the only thing I can say is that,
even from a purely practical standpoint, I don't know of
anything else that better explains the human condition. And that's
why when I when I see things, when I see
things that are going on in the world, and people
ask are you fearful or are you this or you that,
It's like, no, I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid because again,
(24:13):
I know who I am and I know what my
purpose is, and that necessarily begins in your life with
the foundation of your worldview. It's it's it's the lens
by which you see everything else. And if you if
you haven't invested time and truly understanding about what you
believe at that foundation, the structure that you build upon,
(24:37):
it is constantly going to be swayed. It's constantly going
to be rickety, it's constantly going to be causing you
anxiety and fear. But but once you once you feel
secure in that. And I don't just mean you know,
this kind of blind faith where it's like, oh, it's
you know, it's it's it's adult Santa Claus like that.
I don't mean that. I mean once you've actually taken
(24:58):
the time to intellect actually, spiritually, emotionally understand what you
believe and why, and you feel secure and confident on it.
Then again, you can take the challenges as they come
because in each in each challenge, even if it's an
incredibly difficult one, in each trauma, you can see the
opportunity to achieve something that is meaningful and worthwhile. Because
(25:22):
if you don't have that, then the trauma becomes your identity. Yeah,
the problem becomes the thing that you dwell in as
opposed to overcome. And so I would just really encourage
people like, look, I'm I'm a big believer. I think
anybody that's seen me in the legislature or what I'm
a big believer. And I don't believe in imposing or
(25:43):
trying to legislate or require people to believe what I believe.
I want to be free to discover, you know, what
it is with their purposes and how they want to
go about living their life. But if I'm being asked
what's the single most important thing you can do, is
you need to figure that part out of your life
because it is the foundation of your entire worldview. And
(26:03):
if you don't want to live in a world where
you were constantly divined by what happens to you as
opposed to what your purpose is and who put you
here for that purpose, then you're going to have to
answer that question.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
So great. Thank you so much, Nick Fatis, You're amazing.
I didn't get to ask you how you have managed
to have not been canceled yet, but I guess next time.
Thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Thanks so much for joining us on The Carol Markowitz Show.
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