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April 11, 2022 34 mins

In Absentia, Jonica, JD and the Socklings attempt to figure out what to do about Hoodwink. In San Francisco, the Laundronauts finally make contact with Jonica through Charlie’s dreams. But unbeknownst to all, the nefarious Hoodwink continues to pull the strings in the background.

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Laundronots is a production of I Heart Radio. This
is what we remember. Remember is what it sounded like.
What we couldn't hear, we made up. The rest of
it is true. What about they say, And the scritor says, well,

(00:32):
I can clearly see your nuts because the hell is weak.

(00:57):
Good tithings and tithings to you and more. They're superior, ma'am.
Children keep making them as with you, don't, he was,
how do wefer children? I found something, sir? Where in

(01:17):
his dream? Something? He found a thing? An object? Did
you retrieve it? Of course? Wait, it was a dream.
You can't retrieve an object from a dream. Maybe you
listen to nothing I've been telling you, child, I did
find something, sir. Well, you've got anybody who knows, here's

(01:40):
only me dang ring. I found a book, sir, A book,
a gideatic book, er than me, order than you, as
big as a building, sir. At first I thought it
was just a building along the road, and I almost
walked by it in my dream. But then I noticed,
like you said, sir, I noticed a namorration. I trained
him all week. Well done, since hey, I noticed the

(02:03):
building didn't have any windows. It had pages. I shouted,
buildings don't have pages. Everything got brighter and sharper, and
I was looking at a Jane book rested flat on
its side. So I started climbing so many pages I
thought I would never answer. Luckily, there are many bookmarks
and sticky notes and dog gears for hand and footholds.
Then I was standing on the cover. It was like

(02:25):
being on one of those beautiful maces you see on
the front of a Zane Gray Western paperback. Sir, under
my feet were these huge letters stretching out right and left.
I had to walk back and forth across the summit
three times be where I could figure out what they
finally spelled her, and they spelled Anti disastonishment. Terry isnyasmia
nightly like you likeular list. Excuse me Anti his astonishment?

(02:50):
Terryan isasmia night and like you likecular list? Could you
repeat that just one more time? Anti? This astonishment here
isn't ask me a nice letts consider your London or
challenge some mounted young man poray. But what does it mean?
Is it culture? Far from it, Captain. The word is

(03:12):
neither derived nor concocted. It means exactly what it says
that says exactly what it means. I'm confused. Did you
perchance get the author's name, my intrepid interloper, I did, sir,
Or at least it's how initials near the spine B
F K. Benjamin Franklin, Kingman, Rhino himself, the house all

(03:39):
in its own time and proper order. Children, For it
is here as promised, or at least foreshadowed, that we
pivot and depress the pause button, children, returning us to
the London article of Johnica's Heronicle of Fleet a k A.
The Tumor proper come in a quixotically quotidian cross stitch

(04:04):
beyond the pale of past of future comparis, you might
recall Charlie and Hoodwink had managed to overcome the many
challenges of Charlie's own vacuous psyche when their way through
his dream world and make contact with Jonka in absentia Charlie,

(04:31):
But in doing so they had left Jonica fully exposed
to the scrutiny of j G in the sucklings in
the attic like thrown room of the city of What
the are you talking to, Jonica? Nobody? Liar, liar, pants
on fire, Jonica thought about lying again, about smoothing it

(04:51):
all over, about receding to the background like mother Lafita
taught her, Sorry, I'm talking to Charlie. Instead, she told
the truth. My great granny Manny had told her he's here. No,
where is he? I don't know. Can't he hear me? Yeah?

(05:11):
I can hear. Yes, he can't hear you. Good? And
hear this, Charlie, I'm saving you for last good? What
did he say? Jonica hesitated, tone again between naughty and nice.
He said he's sorry. I did not apology, not accepted.

(05:33):
Just tell him I'm gonna make it straw. Everybody stop yelling.
He didn't apologize. I lied, and I won't be doing
it again. Charlie said he'd be waiting for you, g D.
He's looking forward to it. Understand good so much, Charlie,
When did you get so angry? G D's always been

(05:55):
this angry. I just couldn't back it up until now.
Unlike you, though, whom you never seem to get too flustered.
I get flustered plenty. You're more of a healer, aren't you, Johonnica,
a benign deity. Maybe you see where this hood wink
sent you after me. Now, Johnica, he didn't send me

(06:15):
after you. It was an accident. He wants you to
usurp me. I don't know what that moves. What have
you discovered your heart was the source of the sickness,
That it was you who was rotten to the core,
not them all together now a happy homemaker. How do
you know about that? I can hear you, Johnica in

(06:37):
my dreams. You can hear all of you get through
the heart of obsessial Jonica, getting to take you to
the heart. We'll meet you there, Jonnica, stood, take me
to the heart of absentia. And then what you said,
the heart of absentia sick? You said, I'm a healer
an Maybe that's fine here, so let's go healing. What

(06:58):
good will that do? Afterwards? I will return your shades
and new ones. It will be our bond of trust.
Once you've seen that I'm not here to usurp you,
that I'm here to help, then maybe you'll come back
with me. Mctree and splut Russell danger j d R.
Then what about these two? They will be joining us

(07:19):
as my protectors, along with someone I here choosing. If
you wish, just so you don't feel outnumbered. I don't
have someone else, true, M make you an honorary launch
or not. But membership comes with a price, and what
might that be? Trust? Jonica offered her hand. Don't we

(07:42):
need an oath? Jonica thought hard for a moment, then
pulled her hand back. Yes, I suppose we do, well,
I have one. Really, you just happen to have a
spare oath, handy. I made it up when I was little,
well little learn it's kind of silly. Let's here a

(08:03):
begotten all crap, so forgotten the bet and cotton has
gotten rotten. J d had mentioned the silly, but he
hadn't fully prepared Jannica for the during jocularity that was
now just like her job. It's not that funny. It's
a silly rhyme. I want to not quite so silly, though,

(08:28):
it's magical. How do you let me show you? He
reached for her knapsack. Jonica pulled back the suckling rusco.
Then you do it, he folded his arms. Jonica glanced
at the Suckling's no harm in trying. I guess they're

(08:48):
just words, right, words never hurt anybody? How does it
go again? A begotten allt so forgotten the bet and
cotton has gotten rotten. It's not that bunny. Sorry, you'll
need the shades of new ones. Jonica slipped the shades

(09:10):
out of her sec j D glared at her, had
them the whole time. Jonica placed the shades on her
nose and took a long, deep breath. Forgotten of grotten,
so forgotten that bisotten cotton has gotten rotten. That was

(09:33):
excellent elocution, couma. Jonica felt a tingle run from her
corsairs to her nose hairs. The throne room of the
city of what the dissolved like what takes dust in?
The colors bled away and behind it was a vast
expense of absolute nothingness. What happened? Where are we? Jonica

(09:59):
searched for point of reference, solid ground, anything, There was none.
Jendy grinned. Still want to make me a laundron? Not
this is the heart of absentia. Yes, j D offered
his hands. Jonica shook his hand. She turned slowly, trying

(10:20):
to figure out whether she was floating or being held
tightly by the absence. How did you find out this
was the heart? Because after Charlie Evans shoved me into
that machine. After you and your laundron not stood by,
and your laundronot still for now, after you and our

(10:40):
laundronots stood by and did nothing to help, I ended
up here. It was like this then nothing no one.
I was alone, nobody to talk to, nowhere to go.
For years, decades, I started to feel stretched, pulled apart,
like taffy and boiling water. I thought I was going crazy.

(11:04):
I began reciting a rhyme I made up as a
little boy, something that gave me solace in my worst times.
And when I spoke, Absentia responded with harmony. The notes
were like seeds on the wind. They took root and grew.
I watched Assentia become animate, watched this world I imagined

(11:30):
become four from music, my music born from soul. Soul
who was no crowd, no sky, no soul, no I,

(12:00):
no no no way, no f no no heights, no free,
no light, no empathy, just me, a see of a typathy.
He ain't cry youry, no big binkle. That's my story.

(12:30):
No care, no father, no there, no mother, no birth,
no duty, no birth, no beauty, no fuss, no no lust,
no we just me in a sea of a typathy

(12:58):
with the socks and the just and the heat, and
the bunckets and the boys, and the pens and the
butters and the pens and the things, and think anything, anything.
It was whirling all around me. Just spend it, heat,
animals shine upbended by an invitation from the seat of

(13:31):
a t me. Now'll be gotten all Crotton so for gotten. No,
he's uncut and the sea of agility, and spoke to

(13:51):
me in LG what the matter of must rooms? You're
the god on garlic. I was born to buging, So
let's get started original. He ain't riory. That's a story.

(14:27):
He ain't riory. Lovely bang, that's a story. J D

(14:50):
turned back to Jessica. With what eyes? He wiped it clean?
That's how I found out. Jonica removed the shades of
new I wiped her own with eyes. That was the
voice from earlier. How did you? Who did he let
me show you? He reached for the shades. Jonica pulled

(15:10):
back a treaty and spread by her side. Instantly, I
fulfilled my end of the bargain. We still have to
heal the heart. J D folded his arms defiantly. Fine,
haven't puma? Jonica looked around. What do you mean sing sing?

(15:31):
You're no happy homemaker, Johnnica. You're a stone called domestic
goddess in disguise, waiting to take us all by complete surprise.
Isn't that right? Maybe then? See? Jonica glanced at the suckling.

(15:53):
What about them? They'll be fine. They were here before us,
they'll be hereafter. Really, they weren't always like this? What
were they like? Nothing? I made them something, then they
became something else. J D shook his head ruefully. I'm sorry,

(16:14):
the tweeting. The suckling turned away. What did he do?
Jonica touched his shoulder gently. He shrugged her off violently.
It doesn't matter, now, does it, Jonica. What's done, it's done,
and once it's done, it can't be undone. That's not true.
I'm here here anywhere. It's done something you know, oh

(16:38):
so well, Jaunty colver on a color wait, clean of
the sidelines, guardian of the unengaged, mistress of the miss
maturity now seeing or send me back to my prison.
Jonica felt the waves of unease crashed again. She could

(17:01):
hear Mother Lafitte calling her back Granny Manny's cackle calling
her onward. She glanced at the sucklings. They nodded excitedly.
She looked at the shade. You won't need those not here.
She tucked them in her knapsack. Charlie, are you still there? Yes,

(17:21):
I'm gonna try something. What? No, do not try something?
The post and get to the key or send the signal.
They'll pull you through a be ready. Why do you say,
go to the heart told me to. I think he's
there with you. Yes, more saved by stroke counsel Johnny,

(17:45):
Why didn't you tell me, Charlie, No, wind, don't believe
a word he says Johonnica closed her eyes, took a
deep breath, bowed to the now, and sang homegrown, mon shone,
blown zones, don't telephone, bones a toombs and fair amon

(18:11):
so long, Oh God, the spine, Say you got the spine?
Say God, the spine? You got the spine? What's a

(18:40):
little girl facing? What's your face? And the hats? Whence
sugar and spicy loves all that says for niceness, logos,
the nices, I'm silman, that's the sinnamon. Can I begin again?

(19:10):
Can I begin again? What's a little girl facing? What's
your place in the When? Should bessy with my snips?

(19:32):
Long as the vices? I mean this sin? Can I
begin again? Can I begin again? Color cascaded out of Jessica,
filling the nothingness. Gold Dust sprinkle out of air. That's

(19:56):
about you. The mountain fountains erupted from my mouth, filling
the land with crystal clear lakes and rivers. A streak
of cobalt blue exploded from the water into the empty sky,
spreading like dark clouds popped out of the blue and
speckled the heavens with white. Jonica smiled, and a smile

(20:18):
exploded from her face, like a supernova, embedding itself in
the sky, becoming a new blazing sun. In that moment,
the warmth of Absentia increased a hundredfold, now lit from
above and below. Castlest the mother of the water, sister side,

(20:58):
the shaker of the salt. You're the baker of the
coser man, you are mister plan, You're sen am. There
is no saying alone always begin again. You can't always

(21:21):
begin again. Cares those stay in your doing even when
you whinny, you're speaking again. Set to fight, you say

(21:57):
waking back sid you're can I begin again? Wait? Wait,

(22:25):
I can do a better one. Let me just catch
my well hued Jonica spun. Gone was the wheezing, chocolate,
foul smelling, the launge of wet blankets and tangled whiskers,

(22:49):
and instead was an iron spined man in a golden robe,
a cavernous cowl pulled down low over his face. Do
you like anyone so inspired by you? Of course? Why
are you doing here? He bowed at your invitation? Why hoodwink?
I presume Hoodwink turned and bowed to j D. At

(23:14):
your service, my master. The sucklings rose menacingly. J D
stood and pulled out his watch. What did they do?
Exactly what I wanted you to do? Charlie? Are you there, Charlie?
Charlie has served his purpose dutifully to hear you are
now alone? Who are you? We're spilt? What do you

(23:36):
want from me, Charlie? Please? Please? So many questions, so
little desire to answer. The suckling surroundered him like a contempt.
J D moved in closer, spinning the watch. Hoodwink remains still,
thank you, my DearS. This new sun is making things
a little close look at you, cool, coming into your

(23:58):
own I see as I'm this is what you wanted.
I enjoy seeing people revel in their true potention. Give
me my shades, Jennica, No, you're going to need my help.
No so much agitation. This man is dangerous. The suckling
sitened around Hoodwink j D's Wunna watch faster and faster,

(24:21):
rings of mustard yellow mist gathering. Jessica whipped out the
carrots like six shooters. Everyone shut it. Amazingly, everyone did.
The suckling's folded into protecting pillars on either side of Hoodwink.
J D returned the watch to his pocket and slowly

(24:42):
sank into a sitting position. Hoodwink was the last to comply,
melting completely into his cloak, leaving only his cowl standing
like a small, shadowy cave. I didn't mean to interrupt,
especially since you've been discussing my favorites object me. You
are kind of creepy. I prefer eccentric. Why are you

(25:08):
trying to thwart me towart you. I'm trying to help you, master.
Why do you keep calling me master? I don't know you?
Do I you tell me? J D stared intensely at
the cowl. No, no, well, I expect you won't forget

(25:29):
me this time, my master. What happened to Charlotte? I'm
sure he's still sleeping soundly in his little colt were
slurred safe. The sucklings rustled. I'm here to make everyone whole.
And why all the theatrics? They were necessary? Master, I
was stuck. Charlie was simply a necessary can't do it?

(25:51):
It was imperative. The puma go next. Why only she
could open a new door. Only she could do this,
He gestured to the glittering new world of absentio surrounding them.
This is temporary. J D pull out his watch again.
The sucklings rustled. Hoodwink grinned derisively. You hope, my master.

(26:18):
J D clicked over the watch. A plume of yellow
mist rose off the glass idle. J D blew the mist,
and it rushed at Hoodwink like a swarm of bees.
Hoodwink simply sneezed, and the mist was instantly dispersed. The conundrum.

(26:41):
I see you have your watch, but without the full ensemble,
you are not quite so dominating, are you, my master?
What are you guys talking about? What is it. You
think you know many things that you don't. I know
that Benny could never do what needs to be done. Master.
His powers are of a more rudimentary nature, which is

(27:03):
why I took it upon myself to invite the puma
to the party. She is your savior. She is my savior,
only she cannot tell you from the clutches of absentia.
I simply ask everyone to trust me. Never not gonna happen.
Then I shall have to resort to more assertive measures.

(27:24):
Your majesty, heard Wing turned to MC tweety. Just on
the puma or you will never see your beloved splurt again.
Tweety turned furiously to Johaica. Jonathan brandished the carrots. Hey,
hold on a second, I helped you spot your friends
with treaty. Unschooled by the less of coiling around Jonathan

(27:47):
pinning her arms against her body, the pens instantly dropped
to the ground. Thank you for heeding my advice, Jonica,
the yummy carrots. The pens were sucked into his cow scratch.
The suckling coil defied careful splot Sprang snatched the shades

(28:13):
from Jonica's knapsack. It bounded off MC Tweedie's head ricocheted
off Hoodwing's cowl and landed in front of j D.
Glasses at the ready thank you. J D placed the
shades on his face and it blinked. Jonica's world was
gone in an instant. In its place with sledges, absentia,

(28:35):
suck Mountain, the ominous forest, the rainbow striped plane, j
D breeding and transformed the Baptist. He turned menacingly to
hoodwin Now, let's see who you really are. Sludger's giant

(28:58):
foot slammed down on the hoodwinks, cow and cloak, but
the garment was empty. Hoodwink had vanished. Sludge sniffed interesting.
He turned and glared at the sucklings, his eyes fizzling
and smoldering like downed power lines and the rays. The

(29:20):
socks folded into pajamas under his deathly gaze. Your insurrection
will not be forgotten, worms, Your punishment will color at time,
and voice of my choosing, don't ever forget that. He
raised his arms dramatically, and the dark forms of the
grubby ramblers slithered out of every whole cave and crevice

(29:44):
in the area. They fused us one and rose high
above Jonaka and the two sucklings take the flower despond up.
The gromblers turned quizzically. What I decided to call my
house the slower fog. Now take her to the slow

(30:07):
rumblers nodded and quickly closed around Jonica like a glove
z kline. I just helped you, bunny. How our allies
become enemies with our enemies become allies, And the name
is sludge. Sludge sneezed and vanished, leaving a whole of

(30:29):
absence in his wake. The whole quickly refilled with color.
But Tweedy lifted Jonica and blended her on his shoulder,
and they were off splots, galloping the side. The rumblers
close behind like a wake of ducks. N the luck

(30:56):
is the earl of hills. We scoot. Oh, come on
an evening, ladies. Your garments appear deemed and rejuvenated. What
you wished? I cannot say the same for myself. Cap
We'll continue in our children until then you have yours.

(31:16):
Auntie's going to be moving you with us, sir, What
why on earth would you do such a thing if
my daddy doesn't come back? Oh nonsense, my dear don't fit.
He'll be back before you. How do you know that?
I don't Well, I do know is that your next
london not task is thus, bring joy to the joyless.

(31:39):
Doesn't matter whom, doesn't matter. How you must provoke joy
in the joyless, and yours be able to prove it.
That's impossible, sir. How do you prove joy? That is
for you to ascitate? London Notts learned to think for
themselves children. Yes, we were stronger as a whole, but
we provided ourselves well, knowing how to improvise when individual

(32:02):
challenges are round. If you wish to be a launde
or not, you will find a way a very little one.
Oh he's no. I would never ask anything of you.
I would not ask of myself. So keep the joy clothed, stittlings,

(32:25):
God that protected, feed it and spread it like wildfire.
I think angry on this funny hair likes you jealous?

(32:49):
M hmmm. The Laundron of Us a potentially untrue tale
based on actual events, conceived, written and directed by Colin
Mackenzie Mitchell. Original music, sound design and editing by Dave McKeever.

(33:14):
Produced by Monica Michluss and Dave McKeever. Script supervision and
editorial assistance by Christina Bryant, Casting by Mary Claire Sweeters.
Executive producers John Cameron, Mitchell, ed Asner and Collin McKenzie Mitchell.
Starring in order of appearance, Isaac Robinson Smith as the Man,

(33:36):
Alison Fraser as the Woman, Madam Russia and Great Granny
Manny ed Asner as the Narrator, Max Mitchell as the Brother,
Evan Toak as the Sister, Kate Prendigast as Mother Lafleete,
Corey Krueger as j d and Sludge Blue Girl, Sarasino

(33:56):
as Jonica, Noah Bentley as Charlie On, Cameron Mitchell as
of Centia, Stephen Kieran as Hood Drink. The Laundronauts is
a collaboration between I Heart Media and Little Brother Sam Productions.
Oh For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the

(34:19):
i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get
your podcasts. The Laundronauts is a production of I Heart
Radio
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