#333 Give Them A Story!

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The nick A Gliser Podcast. Oh, nik Klaser, here's Nikki.
Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's the Nicki.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Glazer Podcast with me today.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
Noah is in Arizona. Anya's in New York City.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Brian Frangie, our new permanent sidekick, is in Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
How's it going everyone?

Speaker 3 (00:26):
I'm not crying today?

Speaker 1 (00:28):
What when did you cry?

Speaker 3 (00:31):
Remember Saturday on tour? I just went for an hour
Saturday on tour.

Speaker 1 (00:36):
You cried?

Speaker 3 (00:37):
We were driving.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
I was blacking this out.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
Remember, I was like, I made a list of my
anxieties and I ate.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Yeah, that was during the drive. I was thinking Saturday,
like during the show. Yeah, during Saturday on tour, which
we're on tour right now. We're in Tucson. Next weekend
in Vegas and then a lot of European cities. I
added up ten cities in fourteen days. But on we
were this weekend. We were in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania on Friday,
great show and then two shows in New Hampshire on

(01:09):
Saturday night. And we had to drive five and a
half hours, which you know with stops, ends up being
like six and a half.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
And in the morning, how did we even get on
the subject.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
I mean, we were just pulling out of town and
all of a sudden, Anya, oh, because on you couldn't sleep.
You couldn't sleep the night before, we got terrible sleep
because we had a wake up so early to drive.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
And you know, I was like, I just had a
list of anxieties for four hours in the middle of
the night.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
But you made a list.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
Do you find that helpful when you are Why is
that helpful to make a list for you? Because I
was guessing that's a tool you used to get out
of anxiety.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
It was the last ditch effort because I was like,
you gotta stop, Like, if you cannot sleep and none
of this meditation or breathing is working, just make a
list so you can get it out right. And then
my theory was, I bet it's like four things that
I'm just recycling over and over. It wasn't It was
like twenty seven yeah, so long. I was like scared

(02:03):
I will have or get COVID and never be able
to tour Europe or get married.

Speaker 4 (02:09):
Do you think about making an appointment to worry where
you write down your list and you say I'm gonna
worry about these at ten fifteen am tomorrow morning.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
That's interesting.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
That's because it doesn't let you off the hook of
like never worrying, because when you kind of put things,
when you go just don't think about it, you're like, well,
I'm gonna have to get to this at some point,
Like this requires but giving yourself a total break from
it knowing you will get to it.

Speaker 3 (02:34):
I wish I could do that, but it feels like
my obsession is too strong. It's like the Hulk. It's
like ha ha. You think you can tell a little
tool will work against.

Speaker 4 (02:42):
I mean, twenty seven is a lot I can't imagine.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Well, you can't control your thoughts and everyone knows that,
like I hope at this point, there's no free will,
so they're just coming in.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
You can't really help them.

Speaker 3 (02:52):
But there are things you can do that Brian's thing.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Well, because I think the thoughts are like a stream.
You can kind of like damn them up and you
can direct them in different ways and like steer them
by doing devices like that.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
But you can't just help all slow.

Speaker 4 (03:06):
All self help things is just you have all these
things that you can do and then they take up
all your day and then they don't help at all,
but you do that.

Speaker 3 (03:15):
You do help doing all day doing it because you're worried.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
Total.

Speaker 4 (03:22):
I spend all my days stretching and breathing, and I
feel like, oh yeah, you stretching do I have to do?

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Making my bed does not improve anything for me. It's
just I have a nice looking bed, but still my
life is in shambles.

Speaker 3 (03:41):
I can't get back into bed, yeah, because it's so tight.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
My therapist recently, and we'll get to your my surpist
recently told me that she was like, what do you
what do you want to do when you feel anxiety?
And I go, I want to curl up in a ball,
like I want to lay I want to lay down
on my stomach and like put my hands underneath my
like I want to feel a lot intense pressure.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
I want to be pressurized and.

Speaker 4 (04:04):
Like gravity blanket.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
Yeah, so like gravity blankets. I never liked, but I
kind of do. I get it because I'm trying to
do that by laying on my stomach. That's why I
lay in my stomach. I want to feel like I'm
being squished. Yeah, oh I would love that, but she
said she goes do it. You know, I think most
therapists would go, don't go to your room and lay
in the dark and try to fall asleep when you're

(04:25):
feeling anxiety. But she's like, do it if it works,
that's a soothing thing.

Speaker 4 (04:30):
You used to get migraine headaches all the time, and
you would like your.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
Head I take it out. Yeah. Actually, those guys.

Speaker 3 (04:40):
Put in are too similar.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
Uti has definitely got added into my vagina after the
there's only room for one you thing and three lettered
thing in my.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
Puss at a time.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
Yeah, but I used to get Yeah, my IUD caused
me great migraines and it was so it was the
worst thing in my life. And then Chris would have
to take my head and put it into his vice
like grip and just push it together. And he was
so scared that my head was going to snap like
a candle ope, and I go, yes.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
Please do that.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
I would love for my head to my skull to break,
because that would feel better and it would relieve the tension,
you know, like you just want to break up the tension. Yeah,
I mean, so your anxiety list didn't help.

Speaker 3 (05:32):
Yeah, because I went to sleep afterwards, but I was
I was sort of shocked, like, fuck, dude, this is
a lot to worry about. Like this is actually real.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
You know how they say read a book to fall asleep,
like yours. You wrote a book that'll make you fall
asleep pretty fast. There was this old lady who used
to or me.

Speaker 4 (05:51):
He was an old man that they didn't interview on
because he was one hundred and fifteen years old and
he was still cutting hair. He was a barber, and
they asked him what's the secret to your longevity? And
he said, I don't worry about anything.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
Yeah. Stress when it was like one hundred and ten,
Remember they did that video with all the older people
Like she was like, the secret to life is just
be happy every day, every damn happy. She's like everyone
in life was dead.

Speaker 4 (06:21):
The secret to a long life is to just keep
living for many years not worrying.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
I mean, stress is it? You know?

Speaker 2 (06:30):
Once you look at We talked about that uh doctor
Sarno book, The Healing Back Pain that completely transformed your
back pain, right, Brian, and you you talked.

Speaker 5 (06:39):
To all paint what I had, all chronic pelvic pain
I had. It's not even just back pain. Yeah, it's
all pains.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
And it was all in your head, right, Well, not
in a way that it was an to say, yeah,
and that's why people don't like all in your head.
But it shouldn't be condescending. It's not.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
It doesn't mean that you're causing it. If it's in
your head again, you're are not your fault. So it's
still something that people can feel sorry for you because
it's actual pain. But it is not because there's a
like a physic a torsion, and you're groin the.

Speaker 4 (07:12):
Check for there was no torsion. That meansion is when
your testicles wrap around each other and start stuffocating.

Speaker 3 (07:20):
Each other closer.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (07:23):
Yeah, if you put a rubber band around your finger
for long enough, it'll turn blue and it'll just fall off. Yes,
all right, everybody is that it?

Speaker 1 (07:33):
It'll just fall off?

Speaker 4 (07:35):
Got do it?

Speaker 2 (07:38):
Just I saw a tribe that cuts off I saw
a thing on it Reddit and there's a tribe that
like cuts off men's fingers to test their strength and
if they WinCE, they keep getting their fingers cut until
they're not wincing anymore. And there's this one guy with
like he's just like they got to they were off
his toes.

Speaker 3 (07:55):
Yeah, you have to see the banshees of inn Is Sharon.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
No, I don't.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
I don't think I need to see it. If it's
on that note, I don't want to see that happen.

Speaker 3 (08:04):
It's just such a good metaphor it. I'm curious what
you think it's about. It is such a simple story,
but it's like so crazy to watch. Can I just
tell you a tiny bit of what it's about?

Speaker 1 (08:15):
Sure?

Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, spoiler alert for thee of Irishian and that no
one's saw and no one will see.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
It was nominated for an Oscar. It's one of the
best comes. So Colin Farrell is a very simple man
and he's best friends with this guy who's like a crank,
a curmudgeon, and he comes by his house every day
and they hang out every day in this tiny town
where there's one bar. And one day he comes over.
He's like hey, and the guy's like, I don't want
to hang out, like he doesn't want to talk to him,
and Colin Farrell is just very simple. Why don't you

(08:41):
want to talk. I'm the nicest guy in town. Let's
hang out. You're my best friend. He's like, I'm sick
of you. I'm sick of what your dumb stories. And
I just don't. I don't hate you. I just want
to be done with this. I just want to spend
my life alone. I want to practice my violin, that's
what I love doing. And I just don't want to
be your friend anymore, no offense. And then he keeps
bugging him, and then there comes a point where he's

(09:03):
the guy's like, if you talk to me one more time,
I'm gonna cut off my finger and and then I
will leave it there. But the film continues, and it's
so insane to watch because you're like, who's more insane,
this crank or Colin Fair guy who kind.

Speaker 4 (09:22):
Yeah, I like the crank. I'm a crank.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
So as anyone ever told you I don't want to
hang out with you anymore?

Speaker 2 (09:28):
Have we ever? Has anyone here ever had a friend
out of the blue just kind of cut things off
and with under the guise of like, I don't like
you any like I don't.

Speaker 4 (09:39):
It would be pretty bold for someone to come out
and straight up say I don't want to hang out
with you.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
Well, you can infer that, but I guess, I guess
no matter what we've we were lied to. If this
happened to us, and it's whether or not you saw
through the lie. But most of the time a friend
cuts you off, it is because they just don't like
you anymore.

Speaker 1 (09:59):
Oh yeah, yeah, I've had to do it.

Speaker 4 (10:02):
You've had to cut people off before? Yeah, oh yeah,
you go straight up to them and you say we're done.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
No, well, I have had to do that before.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
I've had a girl that was pretty persistent afterwards, and
I had to ultimately say it was right around the
time I quit drinking, so I had a good excuse of, like,
I just don't drink anymore. That was kind of our
thing and I don't have we don't have that in common,
and I just needed And she would talk really loud
in public spaces anytime we'd be out to eat. I
would be very embarrassed, and I'd try to like whisper

(10:31):
to kind of like do you know what to do?
And it would just people were staring, and I you
love to talk.

Speaker 4 (10:38):
So imagine you're seeing someone in the corner you want
to shit talk about them, and she's like.

Speaker 1 (10:41):
That one over there, Yes, good shit talk. And I
don't mind listen.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
I don't mind getting a little loud when I know
people are kind of entertained by eavesdropping on my conversation.
I won't be super loud, but I can tell when
people are kind of like this is a fun like
in an uber. If I'm talking about something, If I'm like,
gossip about some celebrity I know dirt on, and I
know this person probably knows that celebrity too, I will
get louder. I did this recently on a girl's trip.

Speaker 1 (11:08):
We had a I was just.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
Come in, yeah, and I was mouthing off about a
celebrity that I know some dirt on. I know a
lot of shit on. I was shit talking literally, and
I'll tell you later. Brian and and I could tell
everyone was kind of like we should and I'm like, no,
let it out. I want to get this out because
anyone he tells Nicki Glazer was saying this about this person,

(11:31):
I can always deny it, you know, like I'll just
fucking deny I said it, you know. But also I
was reading things I found on Reddit about this person
as well that backed it up. And I'd only heard
this through stories, and then I saw this whole Reddit
thread where it was like, no, these are stories that
about this person. I was like, it's it's subsistantiated a
word corroborated. Yeah, I know so, but yeah, I can

(11:57):
sense when I'm being entertaining with my with the octavet
which or the volume with which I'm speaking, and then
I can tell some people Chris doesn't, my boyfriend doesn't
love how loud I can be in public sometimes and
I can't be too loud. I grew up getting shushed
a lot in restaurants and stuff because I'm just a
loud person. Haven't been in a while, but I think

(12:17):
that's more of a power thing now, like people are
too scared to shush me, so I should probably keep
it down, is what I'm.

Speaker 4 (12:22):
I love that. I love giving people a story to tell.
I used to do that. Yes, walking through the streets
of New York, you always walk past so many strangers,
and a game I used to play was called give
them a Story. I didn't call it that, but NI
explains it pretty well. So what I do. I'd be
by myself usually, or i'd be with a person I
don't have to be alone, and I'd be walking and
I would go I would just try to say something

(12:43):
that they would overhear that then there'd be a story
for them, like I'd go, like I'd be on my
phone and I'd go I told them only two meatballs
or something like that, and they'd go to their friend
at Starbucks. Like this guy was like flipping out about meatballs.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
Yes, you end up in a John mullaney joke, Like
John Lady has so many jokes where he's.

Speaker 1 (13:02):
Like eat ass, sell drugs.

Speaker 2 (13:05):
Educt Like there's always like a weird person saying something.
I realized this this week and we were listening to
John Mulaney in the car, which is great inspiration. Like,
I forget how much how good it is for me
to listen to comedians I love because it's just their style.
I absorb some of their things that I like about them,
and then thus I become better by using some of

(13:26):
the things that I already gravitate towards. Naturally, I'm not
doing it because I'm like people like John Laney. I'll
do what he does. But I'm like, oh, I like
the way he You know, I've realized something. He's a
fantastic writer, no question about it. I talk about him
all the time as one of the best standup comics
out there.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
We all know it. But the way that he talks
and the way he'll change his the dynamics of his
voice to emphasize things is very is a lot of
what makes him so enjoyable. And I go, well, I
can do that, like I'm just talking like a normal person.
I sometimes have fun with going like but I was

(14:06):
doing it a lot more this weekend and it was
so much fun, and it really like colored in. It's
like having a coloring book and you're like, oh, those
are good drawings, and then you color it in with
the vocal intonations and stuff. Tools.

Speaker 4 (14:18):
They're just tools in your tool belt. I mean, yeah,
that's why I started smashing watermelons on stage.

Speaker 6 (14:23):
Because well, I'm finding myself to be a little sexist here,
because I do hate when female comics do this mugging
after a joke that I've made compilations of, Like I've
been so bored with my life and so annoyed by
some trends in comedy that I've literally made, Like.

Speaker 4 (14:44):
What is it?

Speaker 1 (14:45):
It's okay?

Speaker 3 (14:47):
Oh They'll say a punchline and then go, yeah, you
can't see the video.

Speaker 1 (14:52):
Yeah I'm looking okay.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
If you if you watch Succession Ship, Roy is always
going she's her, she's tucking.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
Her head back and then looking to.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
The side like, hmm, I think it's that.

Speaker 4 (15:06):
I think.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
Amy did invent it. Thank you Amy, Like that's I love.
Amy invented a lot of things that you know, I
don't think she gets credit for. And I think that
she gets thrown under the bus now because she you know,
people just get tired of seeing someone too much and
then they have to that's what happens. Like, that's why
I don't want to be too famous, because they'll turn
on you eventually. But she was, yeah, she was you

(15:31):
were friends with Amy, right, Brian.

Speaker 4 (15:33):
Yeah, I did her website for seven years. That's right.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
She's like, we need to we need tory my website
through go Daddy.

Speaker 4 (15:44):
She's so loyal, like there was there was no indication
that she was ever going to drop me. And then
when train Wreck came out, huh, I had to call
her and say, I can't do your website anymore. I'm
just a guy, like you need a company to do this.
And then she was like that makes sense, and then
that was it. Wow, Yeah I got there.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
Yeah she but yeah, she definitely doesn't she would do
the thing where she goes.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
Yeah, and then she kind of does like an um afterwards. Hmmm,
like there is that. Yes, there are other female comics
that do it too. I do it like.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
They are definitely Amy mannerisms I've picked up. There's there's
just anyone I watch. I'll pick up something that they
do and you could accuse me of stealing or whatever,
but it's not conscious. But this mugging thing is taking
up twenty five percent of these comics act and I
don't see men doing it. I could see John going

(16:40):
what huh huh like and at least he doesn't overuse
it though I don't feel but maybe I'm being sexist
here and I'm just like more jealous of women.

Speaker 4 (16:49):
And I compare an I have a man, one, you
have a man? Please tell I do it all the
time because I love it, and I think I started doing.

Speaker 1 (16:56):
The mugging too and it works, and I'm like, I'm
disgusted why this works because the audience does love like
a close up of like a confused woman. Okay, what works?

Speaker 4 (17:04):
Well? My favorite comic is probably Norm MacDonald and he's
probably the one who I got this from. And I
think a lot of comics where you just lean into
a punchline and you go says, punchline, my punchline.

Speaker 1 (17:19):
You do talk like that?

Speaker 4 (17:20):
That works?

Speaker 1 (17:21):
That works, It totally works. I don't.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
I don't think it works. It gives it a little boost,
but you gotta be willing. It's gotta be funny already,
and you can't rely on it too much. So I
don't fault you for throwing that in.

Speaker 4 (17:36):
I just my whole set is I just do this
over and over.

Speaker 2 (17:39):
No, you have actually funny jokes. But yes, I've been
watching a lot of Norm recently. Did you see his
SNL monologue when he hosted SNL a year and a
half after being fired. No, Oh my god, you have
to see You have to watch it again. It's on
It was on Reddit. I saw it the other day.
He pretty much says, they fired me from the show.
And he goes, it's been a year and a half.

(17:59):
He goes, they fired me because I'm not funny. What
happened the past year and a half and now I'm funny?
He was like, you know what, He goes, nothing's changed.
I haven't gotten funnier. The only thing that's happened is
this show has gotten less funny.

Speaker 1 (18:13):
This show sucks so now, and he pretty much is like,
and then instead of saying at the end, he goes,
you know how they always go, it's gonna be a
great show, he goes, it's gonna be a terrible show.
Tonight We've got Snoop Dogg. He was so good.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
But you can hear the writers booing. I watched it
because it said listen to Noram McDonald's SML monologue, and
the writers are booing because he pretty much says it's
a terrible show.

Speaker 1 (18:35):
Wow, it's the only thing that could have happened. But
he gets to it in a way that you can't deny.
It's like he hasn't changed in a year and a half.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
Why is this guy that was fired for not being
funny suddenly left back on The only logical answer is
is that the bar has been lowered. It's so good
and you can't hate him for it because he's just
so damn lovable. All Right, We've got a lot of
show ahead of us. We're here with Brian, Noah and
Anya will be back right after this. We're back. I
got to say this weekend met a lot of besties

(19:04):
and haven't had this kind of response to something new
on the podcast in a while.

Speaker 1 (19:09):
But people are on board with Brian Frangie.

Speaker 2 (19:12):
They excited. I got a lot of side comments. I'm
just like, I'm a bestie. We hug and everything, and
then we're while we're taking a picture, They're just like,
I really love Ryan, you know, like through their smile.
It's so good. Ryan's the heart of the show. So
they are fucking on board, dude. And I'm not lying.
It was at least two to I would say three
people probably.

Speaker 4 (19:33):
That's how many people I venmo to do that.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
Well, it was good.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
It was well well spent because it made me feel like, Okay,
I made the right choice. I'm taking all credit for
people liking you. It's no, it was. It was an
easy choice to make because, yeah, I was just thinking
about you doing your little game of like give them
a story or whatever that game was called on the
street in New York. I once, I think our friendship

(20:00):
re uped because I ran into you on Eighth Avenue
after I was either on my way to get froyo
during my froyo addiction of two thousand and I'll say fourteen.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
Yeah, yeah, it was many.

Speaker 4 (20:12):
Years, it is. I was so fascinating that you remember that.

Speaker 2 (20:15):
Thirteen handles, thirteen handles. Yeah, talking about New York like
ten years sixteen handles, thank you. Ten years ago in
New York on the street. We were on eighth Avenue.
You were walking south. I was on yours.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
Yeah, I was.

Speaker 2 (20:29):
Living with Anya. So I was like, you know, I'm
headed back to my apartment. I'm daancing because I was
coming up from seventeenth was walking.

Speaker 4 (20:34):
Back from UCB. So that UCB was at twenty sixth Street.

Speaker 1 (20:38):
So you were walking downtown.

Speaker 2 (20:39):
I was walking up and then you were with a
girl that you were dating at the time.

Speaker 5 (20:43):
Oh my god, yeah, oh my god, Now I remember this,
this is you. Remember Now I'm questioning my choice.

Speaker 4 (20:49):
I ran into you twice then, because there was one
time I was leaving UCB and it was on my
twenty sixth Street and I was like.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
Oh my god on UCB. Yes, yes, and I think
they're just us.

Speaker 4 (21:01):
The fact that we ran into each other previously and
you asked me about this girl.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
Oh that's it. And then we walked for a little
bit together.

Speaker 4 (21:08):
No, yeah, wow, yeah, I think so. I think so too.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
And that was that was before I even got the
show Not Safe, which then I hired Brian my boyfriend
and I hired Brian. I told my boyfriend about Brian.
I was like, I think we got a guy to
do our digital stuff. He's run Amy Schumer's website until
she was doing train Wreck because and then he quit
out of just like you know, realizing his here. And

(21:31):
so Chris had one call with you and was like,
I love this guy. And he's not someone who I
I often have to be kind of careful about, like
you're gonna love this person. He's kind of like, let
me decide, you know what I mean, Like he doesn't
want to be told who he's gonna like, which I
totally get because I will say that when Chris Convey
and I first met the night before we met, my

(21:53):
friend who hired Chris and who also was my showrunner,
was like, you're really gonna like this Chris guy. I
think there's gonna be a thing with you too. And
I was like, don't you tell me who I'm going
to like. I don't like a setup. I don't like expectations.
I don't like anyone like kind of watching me meet
someone and being like.

Speaker 4 (22:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
And so I at first was very reluctant to give
him a chance because I didn't want Kim Gamble to
win and to like be like I told you so
and take credit for my crush.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
But and then cut to two months later, crying in
her office. I love him. He doesn't talk to me.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
She's like, you don't talk to him? Okay, So Brian,
we then you flew out to La and you did
you move to La?

Speaker 4 (22:32):
It was a great text. I was, well. I also
remember when I first started talking to Chris on the phone.
He called me and I was in the supermarket buying
bread and meats for a barbecue, and I was talking
to him while I was like, listen, this is like,
you know, in my perspective, this is not Chris Convey.
This is a potential boss calling you to interview you.
And so I had to pick up. I picked up

(22:54):
and I was like, hello, I'd love to talk about
I'm buying bread and meats and I'm about to go
to a barbecue. And then he loved this. He's like okay.
It was like should I keep you on the phone
or should I call you back? And he said keep
me on the phone.

Speaker 1 (23:07):
And then there was the friendship that was set in stone, like.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
Yeah, he he probably loved your honesty and he likes
a little He likes a trip to the store.

Speaker 1 (23:17):
Yeah, get trip to the store through the phone.

Speaker 3 (23:21):
Anyway, who meets you? Got to be friends?

Speaker 4 (23:25):
It was multiple meats, But I'm A text I got
from you was one of the best texts of my life.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
What did it say?

Speaker 4 (23:31):
I remember this. I was also walking to the store,
like not, I was walking the Whole Foods on uhl
foods on your Oh my god, I have to say
something about Arawan. I'm sure you have lots of opinions
about arawuon.

Speaker 1 (23:47):
Oh yeah, we've talked about Arawon.

Speaker 4 (23:48):
Yeah, okay, But but first the text. I was walking
the Whole Foods and I just got a text and
it said it was from you, and it'd be weird
for was it? It said, Brian? Would you will? It
was an Ember alert, and I said, I got to
get out of town. It was from you and it said, Brian,
would you be willing to move to LA for a job?

(24:09):
And I was like, of course I would? Are you
kidding me? I also just had a recent series of
calamities that made me really want to get out of
New York. This is perfect.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
Yeah, what were those calamities? Do you have your list of.

Speaker 3 (24:23):
It didn't work out with a girl on Eighth Avenue.

Speaker 4 (24:25):
Yeah, yep, we did break up and I had to
move back. I didn't have to. I prefer to move
back to Long Island and live with my dad. But oh,
it's well, first, I love. Yeah, it's too long of
a story, but I I. The first thing that happened
was I was out. I was going out for a job.
I was. I was very far along in the process

(24:46):
of being a writer for the Daily Show. And then
one of my arch nemesis is it was between me
and another person. And this is also a blind packet submission.
So I got really far in the process and they
told me in the interview I was down. It was
down to you and one of the person. And then
I didn't get it. My arch nemesis did, and I was, oh, my.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
God, I'm dying to know who this arch nemesis was. Well,
I was still around. Are you still kicking around?

Speaker 1 (25:10):
No?

Speaker 4 (25:10):
They've had a fall from Grace that was greater than Hitler.

Speaker 1 (25:14):
Uh.

Speaker 4 (25:16):
I was devastated. And then long story short, I was robbed.
I got into a car accident. I broke my wrist
all in like the same day, and uh, then you
texted me day but I did a very long story.

Speaker 2 (25:36):
You robbed, a car accident, broke wrist. Were any of
those connected?

Speaker 4 (25:41):
Well? I was playing football in Brooklyn. I had a
Zog sports football team.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
And a group I almost joined one for soccer once. Yeah,
it's just like a meet up group kind of thing
for sports.

Speaker 4 (25:54):
And now Zog is an anti Semitic slur, but oh geez, yeah,
or is it zog? Yeah? Anyway, I was playing I
was playing football, and your list is that is that
one of the anxiety of things on your list? Ong,
I was, I had my car parked and I had

(26:14):
it was Halloween weekend. I had slept over my friend's
house who had a Halloween party, and so I had
a bunch of shit in my car. I had a
laptop in my car, a phone in my car, and
I just I had to park the car out out
in front of the football field because I had nowhere
else to put it. And while I was playing football,
someone threw a brick through my car window, shattering it
and they stole five thousand dollars worth of stuff, which

(26:38):
is a great which is grand larceny. And I, uh,
when we got back to the car. I called the
police and like, it's it's so fast.

Speaker 1 (26:46):
As supposed to larseny. They're like, this is grass like.

Speaker 4 (26:50):
Grand they said that's yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:51):
They said that, uh that is interesting.

Speaker 2 (26:54):
Okay, grand larceny, yeah, which what does that mean to you?
That just means that if you catch the criminal, that's
a bigger.

Speaker 4 (27:00):
But bigger offense because they stole over five.

Speaker 5 (27:03):
It just you get to brag that you were grand. Yes,
it's a better crime to brag a bag.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
Ye, yes, yes, okay, So you broke your wrist while playing.

Speaker 4 (27:11):
Well, so I didn't even know my wrist hurt a
little bit, but they they broke into the car. I
called the police, and the police like, do not give
a shit about robbery. They will not come out. They
don't care. But I told them I had a tracking
device on my phone that on my phone, and so
I used my friend's phone. I had find my iPhone

(27:31):
and I said, I know where they are. I literally
have their location, the person who robbed me. I have
their location. And then they said okay, okay, fine, and
they they took me into the squad car and they
drove me away. And while they drove me away, my
friends were sitting with my car with the broken window,
and I had placed my my gym bag with my

(27:52):
iPod Mini and my clothes next to the car, and
we drove off in pursuit of this criminal and we
got to his literal apartment building. We knew the apartment
building he was in, and the police were like, there
are known purps in that building, and so I was like, well,
this plays a purp, and so we went in there.
They knocked on one person's door and they said did

(28:15):
did someone just come in here with a bag? And
they said no. And then the police were like, well,
that's it. We can't do anything more for you. I'm like,
he's literally in this fucking building with five thousand dollars
worth of stuff. So they said, we can't help you.
They drive me back to my jeep, while not my geep,
my car.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
While I was gone, well.

Speaker 4 (28:40):
While I was gone, a totally separate person came and
stole my gym bagh your car with my two friends
next to the car, and I said, I got to
go with the cops. I was distress. It was on
the ground. Oh my god. Okay, well they that's another thing.

(29:05):
They went. They sat in the car to wait, and
they didn't realize the gym bags out there. Some guy
pulled up and just stole the gym bag. It's all
wrong in the same.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
Fucking day and broke your wrist and not knowing, And
then I'm guessing your wrist pain might have been psychological,
if we're getting back to that risk.

Speaker 4 (29:23):
And then I I was like, you know what, my
wrist hurts a lot. And so the next day or
a couple of days later, I have my dad drive
me to the doctor. They do an x ray and
my wrist. My wrist is broken from what I dove
for an interception and landed. Yeah, I dove for an interception.
I didn't intercept it. Nothing good happened.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
We were to make friends at this, Like you do
a lot of things to make friends. Were you trying
to make friends with zog.

Speaker 5 (29:47):
Sports back in the back? In my not judging it
back then, I was not trying to make friends. You're
just trying to have some fun.

Speaker 4 (29:53):
I had a couple of friends. I had two friends.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
Uh was telling me about a time in his life
in la where he had no friends.

Speaker 4 (30:02):
Oh yeah, Like this was.

Speaker 1 (30:05):
Like no, because I had left town, like me Chris
and Tim had all moved away, and he had no friends,
and he was just going to like lantern lightings.

Speaker 4 (30:16):
I was so desperate for friends.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
Like an Echo park, Like there's like Chinese lantern lightings
so much that's adorable.

Speaker 4 (30:24):
Well, just to finish the story, yeah, sorry, sorry, So
they said we got to send you for an X ray.
I had my car back, although the window was broken.
I did that thing that you know poor people do
when they duct tape a piece of plastic over the window.
While I'm driving to get my wrist X ray, somebody
rear ends me. Oh, somebody rear ends me.

Speaker 1 (30:45):
This is all within a couple of days.

Speaker 4 (30:46):
This is all within less than a week from each other.
And someone rear ends me. And then it's one of
those guys who rear ends you and then immediately gets
out of the car, and it's like, what the hell's happening?
He gets out of the car.

Speaker 1 (31:00):
You, yeah, he's mad at the situation.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Break Oh god, it was on Sunrin insurance. You've got
a fucking trash bag.

Speaker 3 (31:07):
And he gets broken wrist.

Speaker 4 (31:12):
You're like, you're already one of those people who is
in despair. And he gets out of the car and
he goes, this is my mom's car. You gotta help
me out. You can't. Please? Can we not call the police? Please?
He starts doing that they where he like rubs the
spot on the car that he hit. He's like, it's okay,
it's okay. And I was like, you know what, it's fine.

(31:32):
I don't, I can't. I just let it go. I
get to the doctor and I realized that I really
did get injured in that car accident. I have like
my my back hurts, but it didn't last very long,
so it was totally fine. That guy was fine.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
And then you get a text for me how much
sooner after.

Speaker 4 (31:50):
Like four or five days.

Speaker 3 (31:53):
Oh, that's great, amazing.

Speaker 4 (31:55):
Four or five days.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
I was a little premature on asking you if you'd moved.
Text is important? Why is it important?

Speaker 3 (32:04):
What you mean?

Speaker 1 (32:05):
Is that text important to you?

Speaker 3 (32:06):
Brian?

Speaker 4 (32:07):
Oh? Well, it was my first job. It was my
first ever job in the industry. I didn't work for
anybody before that. I got I got close to the
Daily Show, I didn't get it. And then other than that,
I was just a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
No, And that's why that's why he gets the job.

Speaker 2 (32:23):
That's why I thought to give him the job not
only because he's talented, but because he's a nice person.
And I think that's what, like, you know, talent can
take you so far, but like it, I don't know,
I wouldn't. I wouldn't have hired someone who I thought
was more talented than Brian if they were more of
an ass, Like.

Speaker 1 (32:38):
He's just a good, good guy.

Speaker 3 (32:40):
So had you guys done any work together or were
you just friendly?

Speaker 1 (32:45):
What did you done? Had you done anything website?

Speaker 4 (32:47):
Was I was the host for you? Uh multiple times
at the Comedy Addict, right, Okay, I think it was
your first if I'm not mistaken. Is that where your
first headlining gig?

Speaker 1 (32:58):
Yeah it was.

Speaker 4 (32:58):
I hosted your first ever headlining and you had like
a special like memory of like, oh, well you were
the first person.

Speaker 2 (33:05):
Yeah you were so nice and we hung out there
backstage and stuff. Yeah you were just a Yeah, you
were so And I think it was this show that
we were doing because it was like Chris and I
and then we had we were just trying to fill
it with our friends, you know, like that's you have
these opportunities you just want to give and you know,
I remember hearing that story of your life and being like, oh,

(33:27):
this is so exciting to give someone who's so down
and out like a cool thing that other aside from
someone who's not going to appreciate it, Like you just
want people to appreciate things.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
Then you moved to l a given lest we.

Speaker 4 (33:43):
Left, and then you abandoned.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
To these events.

Speaker 2 (33:49):
Where did you find events to go to to make friends?
Because I think we have a lot of listeners. Who
would you know? And even me, I've moved to new
towns and sometimes you just don't have friends. How do
you make friends?

Speaker 4 (33:59):
Yeah, I mean when you were alone in a new town,
it's it's sheer desperation, which is looking back on it now,
I was like so stupid. All I had to do
was just go to open mics, you know, go to
the improv and I would have made I would have
made some friends. But it was just so disheartening for
me to start over on the open mic scene after
doing New York for whatever.

Speaker 2 (34:19):
If you could, you would scene. There's no way you
were going to do that. It just wasn't the right
thing for you at the time. It would have been
demoralizing in a different way than going to a lantern lighting.

Speaker 4 (34:30):
Yes, so I went on different apps. There's like there
was a bunch of different apps. There was meet up groups,
and I would just look at like the events of
the city and be like, maybe I'll meet someone. Literally,
I went to like a Chinese lantern lighting thing hard exhibit,
and I go there and I'm like, I wonder if
I'll talk to anybody while I'm here, and I'm just
looking at like beautiful.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
I had one friend who did it? Can you say that?
Can you say?

Speaker 5 (34:54):
Was there one person rat friend?

Speaker 4 (34:57):
I had my rat friend to me the other day
at breakfast.

Speaker 1 (35:01):
He was like, and I had one rat friend talking about.

Speaker 3 (35:06):
An actual rat?

Speaker 4 (35:07):
No? No, no, no, well that would be better actually
animal figurative rat. He's not really a rat he was.
I just like calling him a rat fan, because.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
Like each other is what my point was, Like each other,
You just it was out of necessity.

Speaker 4 (35:22):
To friendship, of convenience.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
And did he have a rat? Is am I like
remembering that wrong? Did he have a pet rat or something? No?

Speaker 4 (35:31):
No, he's just he just was a little weasely.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
And you you have been you would like not actively
not want to hang out with this person, but then
you would just would because.

Speaker 4 (35:43):
When you're so lonely, you have no options, And yeah,
I mean it's either that. And then I joined a
dodgeball league and I would just go. Nobody at the
dodgeball league wanted to be friends with me because I
wasn't uh dedicated enough to the craft of fucking the balls.
And I got pelted like crazy. I hurt my arm.

(36:04):
People would hit me in the face, they laugh at me,
they'd point, they go because people in La they are
obsessed with dodgeball. It's like pickleball. Now in Florida, It's yeah, no,
they are. They are intense. They can throw the ball
like fifty miles an hour. And I would just get
the crap beaten out of me and then we'd get
go get drinks after.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
Pilly admire you for just going to these things solo.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
It takes a lot.

Speaker 3 (36:26):
Of hard to make friends in adulthood, bravery to just
go to stuff alone.

Speaker 2 (36:31):
I'm trying to think of stuff I've gone to alone.
I know I've done it before. I'm not Taylor Swift parties,
Oh yeah, Taylor Swift stuff, even the Taylor Swift concert.
I mean I was meeting a busty there. But yeah,
and I'm going alone actually this Saturday, and in Houston,
I'm going one hundred percent alone.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
But that's that.

Speaker 2 (36:51):
I guess that's a similar thing, even though I'm going
to be entertained the whole time, so I don't really
have to talk to anyone. So it's like that fear
of oh, no one's good, but.

Speaker 4 (36:59):
Great for you. You're gonna have a cathartic experience that
would be much greater than if you're with someone else
you could do it with. You could have no qualms
about going nuts.

Speaker 1 (37:08):
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 4 (37:09):
I do.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
I wonder how it'll be.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
And then the next night I go with my mom
and we're front row, and so that's going to be
extremely special. And so I'm very excited about this weekend.
And we're also I'm flying to La tomorrow. I'm filming
a couple game shows, including Family Feud, and my family
is all coming out. And today we're going to a
fitting because we don't No one knows what to wear,

(37:34):
And of course I got a stylist for myself and
ask them, do you want a stylist? No, no, no,
And then two days before it's happening, they're like.

Speaker 1 (37:42):
I don't know what to wear. Nikki like, this isn't fair.

Speaker 2 (37:46):
I mean, it was exactly like that, but it's like
there's panic mode now, and so I go, okay, And
so we're all going to a fitting later today.

Speaker 1 (37:54):
Are you left to say which family? Which family? My family?

Speaker 4 (37:58):
I know?

Speaker 1 (37:59):
But like, is everyone like Lauren and Matt?

Speaker 2 (38:01):
Oh yeah, so so my mom, my dad and Lauren
and Matt are all going to be on it. I
just post a picture of his family at the taping,
so I'm like, yeah, then I'm allowed to say that
I'm gonna tape this, yes, Steve Harvey. And then we're
playing against another family, and I won't say who that is,
but it's a famous guy from a band where their
tongues are out all the time.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
Okay, so that'll be maybe. So you don't know that
a lot of bands do that?

Speaker 2 (38:26):
Yeah, And I bet the Killers one time were like
ah but yeah, so Anya, back to your anxieties. You
went through this list and then I made Matt say
all of his anxieties and that I said all of mine,
and I do feel like we got somewhere through it.
And then we played a question game where I was

(38:46):
just asking questions about I just pulled up like deep
questions to get to know each other, and we just
all were answering questions.

Speaker 3 (38:54):
Was so fun.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
It was so fun, and Anya was like, how did
you even come up with that? I'm like, I just go,
just go questions if you're ever bored and you want
to get to know people, because people don't like to
talk about real stuff, but if you're prompted with a question,
you kind of get into some some real stuff.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
I was wondering if you were asking the thirty three
questions that the New York Times was asking, or saying,
will help you fall in love?

Speaker 1 (39:17):
Right or no idea? I was kind of looking for
that at first, but I forgot the number.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
I knew it was like a specific number of questions. So, yeah,
there's thirty three questions. I guess that you should ask
your partner and then you stare deeply into each other's
eyes for like four uninterrupted minutes, and then you're supposed
to definitely fall in love with them. But did you
learn anything about Matt or about yourself during that question game?

Speaker 3 (39:38):
Yeah? I definitely. I was like shocked multiple times with
the stuff he was telling you, But as always, I
black out and I can't remember what it was now
that you ask, I know we were.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
I mean, it was a long day and then we
had two shows that night. And I will say I
was gifted by one of our besties with the Taylor
Swift Midnight's album that as.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
A signed.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
Uh picture of her inside of it. It's my favorite Wait,
well that's not it. It's my favorite picture of her.
I know she this this Midnight stuff has done the
best of any of her art stuff, but it's a
picture of her on the couch that I'm obsessed with,
and she signed it smell it.

Speaker 1 (40:17):
And but it was this really nice fan.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
I forget his name right now, but I've tagged him
on the photos on Instagram that I put this up on.
But he he and his I guess, I think his boyfriend.
Maybe his friend came up and were like and I
saw them holding this Midnight's album and they go, do
you have And I go no, and they go Taylor
Swift's autograph And my answer is, yes, I do have
Taylor's autograph, but I said no, and they go and

(40:44):
they thought I was saying no to her autograph, but
I met, like, I don't have this album, so I
said no, I don't and they go, well, now you do,
and so I just want to say to that fan,
I did lie to you unintentionally. I do have her autograph,
but I don't have this album, and I certainly don't
have her autograph this big, and I don't have it
on my favorite picture of her ever. All I have
it on is a bunch of Folklore CDs, and those
are kind of a diamond dozen because she did so

(41:05):
many of them. Even though I'm grateful for everyone who's
given me one of those, but this is a very
special gift. And I was also given a friendship bracelet
that's a good Girl on it because of the Good
Girl tour. I was given a collage with a really
nice message on the back. I was given a card.
It was such nice gifts, one slightly better than the rest,

(41:26):
but you know, I know they were I appreciate any
little trinket, any little card, any thing.

Speaker 3 (41:36):
They were so nice. I met them, those.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
Guys, Yeah, they were so cute.

Speaker 3 (41:40):
And there were so many cute tours that came to
the Merch Withootoo there, like asking me how to get
out of their own way and become better songwriters and
how to succeed in music and I was just like,
I don't.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
I think you just have.

Speaker 3 (41:53):
To write songs that you love to hear, and then
you just have to be a nice person and get
out in the world and like make relationships. Like you
guys are talking about it's so underrated to just like
pick up the phone when you're buying meats and be
nice to someone that you've been nice, like hang out
hung out with in the past, and like say yes

(42:13):
to this.

Speaker 1 (42:14):
Well.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
I like that thing of writing songs that you want
to hear or that some I read somewhere that's some
art is best when you think about what is not
in the world that I want to consume, What what
is something I need right now that hasn't been done?

Speaker 1 (42:29):
How can I make that?

Speaker 2 (42:30):
That's a great place to start, no matter what you're
you're doing. And I listen to you know who Rick
Ross is? Rick Rubin, not Rick Ross, Sorry, but yes,
Rick Ross is and also a music producer. But Rick Rubin,
I always get them confused. I wonder why and Rick Rubin.

Speaker 1 (42:50):
Legendary music producer, but he's kind of he doesn't you know.
All these videos are going around, like viral videos of
him saying like I don't play musical instrument.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
I don't know how to work a soundboard. I just
know I have taste, and artist trust me based on
my taste of what I like and what I don't like.
And he's not even a snob about his taste. I
kind of felt bad after listening to this interview with
him because she was asking about, like, does he have
better taste than other people? He's like, no, I don't
have better that. You can't you can't be You can't

(43:20):
say that a Rihanna album is better than a Beyonce album.
You can't compare the two. Rihanna is making a Rihanna
album and Beyonce is making a Beyonce album. Is Beyonce
making a better Rihanna album than Rihanna could make? No,
she's making a better It's apples to oranges. The idea
of any album being better than another one is ridiculous
because that artist couldn't have made that Rihanna album because

(43:42):
they're not Rihanna, so it's not even there. You wouldn't
want them to make a Rihanna album because it wouldn't
sound like them. And I liked it too, And I'm
not completely paraphrasing it right so the podcast is called
Honestly with Barry Weiss w E I S. S.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
Barry b A R. I. If you want to listen
to the Rick Rubin because it's all about creativity. It
was just the way he speaks is so soothing too.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
I mean, he has a great voice and he's just chill,
and I like the way he looks at creativity as
something that you can tap into. And he said, you know,
the best way to tap into it is to clear
the thoughts, and the best way to clear your thoughts
is meditation, like get closer to your real self. And

(44:27):
it goes back to it harkens back to the thing
I was talking about.

Speaker 1 (44:31):
I probably talked.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
About before the podcast because I talk about it all
the time because I'm learning it. My voice lessons is
like I'm He's always like, you're trying to sound like
Taylor Swift and I can't help it, Like I've just
I've only heard Taylor Swift sing these songs that I'm
trying to sing. I don't know another way to sing them.
It doesn't even make sense for me to sing them
in a different way. I don't know. I'm just following
what I know. And he's like, well, that's what it

(44:52):
would be good for you to cover a song that
you've never heard before, which I wouldn't want to do
that though, because I don't want I to cover songs
because I like the song already right, like, so it's
really hard to figure out how to sing it best
for me, And then that's going to be the best
not to sound exactly like Taylor Swift.

Speaker 1 (45:11):
And I think I've.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
Always known that, you know, like mimicking an artist is
not going to be the right way to go, but
I never I guess let it in that I could
be the only way to get good, because close to
good is Taylor Swift. Is not to ever sound like her.
It's to sound like the best version of me, which

(45:32):
might be a completely different voice, completely different skill set,
but whatever gets my soul to come out, whether it's
like garbled and like sounds terrible, sounds like you know,
a lawn mower going over some rocks, Like if that's
what's truly my soul and conveys the meaning behind the
feel the feeling that I'm trying to give you, and

(45:53):
you get that feeling from the song, then I've done
the job. So like your voice is just a tool
to get the feeling through. It doesn't matter if it
sounds pitch perfect or not, because we can all think
of Because she was talking, she goes, what's the difference
between a wedding singer who has the great greatest trained
vote like musically trained voice, like knows all how to

(46:16):
do every kind of sound, and the difference between someone
who and Adele? And he's like, well, Adele is able
to and sure there are wedding singers that are able
to do this, but Adele is able to convey a
feeling through her voice. And let's not even talk about Adele.
Let's talk about anyone who you really like that doesn't
have the greatest voice, perfection.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
Wise, and you like them and you don't know why.

Speaker 2 (46:38):
It's because they are able through their shitty voice to
give you the feeling that this song is meant to convey,
oh yeah, better than someone who could do it in
a really perfect way. And it allows you when you
hear that, it allows you to like, Okay, well, let
me like loosen up these rules I have for myself
to sound perfect, because that's actually impeding the message I

(46:59):
want to to convey.

Speaker 4 (47:00):
Yeah, And I think it's like Bob Dylan. I mean
Bob Dylan sounds like you know is He's like screeching
through a vent and yeah, somebody.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
It's always AM radio. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (47:16):
I was listening to a band over the weekend on
the radio and I was like, what is this? Like
it's it was this. I'm not going to say who
they are, but they're very big right now. Maybe you
won't know them, but I mentioned them to Matt and
he was like, these guys are like in the top
ten of Americano music or some I'll find out. I

(47:36):
forgot but anyway, her I was like, is this from
nineteen thirty five? Like her voice was like ah, and
I was just like hating it. But I listened to
the whole song and then I was like, I get it.
She's really conveying a feeling. I don't want to listen
to her this voice necessarily, but I'm getting this story.

Speaker 1 (47:55):
Yes, you got the feeling. You don't need that feeling
in your life. I think we're drawn to things because
we either that feeling resonates with us or we're void
of that feeling and we need to feel it.

Speaker 2 (48:06):
And it needs So you just weren't. You weren't in
the mood for that. There are some people's voices yeah
that really aren't for me. And maybe that's because they're
not doing a good job of achieving delivering the feeling.

Speaker 3 (48:18):
Or maybe it's a formula.

Speaker 7 (48:19):
Maybe what Anya was sensing is that because this song
is in the top ten or whatever, it is just
following a formula and it goes against what Anya was
saying previously about staying true to her own voice, what
reck Rubin was saying, what Nikki, you have said about
your own comedy performance and being authentic on stage. It's
like when you're not author and with what you were saying, Nikki,

(48:40):
like that is creativity when you can just be so
authentic and not care about outside influence and you put
that into the world and people receive it.

Speaker 2 (48:49):
Not giving people what you think they want because you
can't you can't possibly predict. You think you can because
you see what goes well on TikTok, you see what
you admire, people that you like, and you go if
I do that, I think that's why the mannerisms that
are you know, poisoning female stand up comedy of this
like kind of like these faces of like.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
What these little mugs after the joke.

Speaker 2 (49:14):
Those bug me not because they don't work or because
they're not funny.

Speaker 1 (49:19):
They seem insincere to me.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
If we come back to anything that bugs me about
stand up comedy, it's insincerity, and I think it's just
performative and I don't like it because it's something that
you had planned to do, which is not a problem.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
We all plan our.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
Sets, but it it comes from a place of I'm
gonna do this thing because I've seen it work for
other people, and that's what I don't like.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
And it's not that I don't like that they do it.
I don't like when I do it, and I'm projecting
onto them. So please don't write these people and say
I'm talking shit about you, because you'll be able to
start seeing this in every female comic, including myself. It's
you won't sub sing, it's it's it's everywhere these mugs.
After that they land their joke, then they.

Speaker 3 (49:57):
Go, oh yeah, why don't they look at it both
to the side, like when Amy does it or did
it or you know, continues to do it or whatever.
It's funny, but it's not the punchline. And with a
lot of these jokes I've seen the things you're talking about,
that's the punchline. So they're like set up, set up,
set up. This guy said this crazy thing to me,
and then this mug and then it's like big laugh

(50:17):
and then they move on to the next joke, whereas
Amy would be like mug, hmm okay, and then she
goes on to deliver the punchline or make it.

Speaker 2 (50:25):
You know, Amy's was a space for the audience to
laugh where she didn't have to talk. It was giving
her something to do for the laugh to come out,
but still giving them something. So as they're laughing, she's
making the face and you're right on you. I think
that although a lot of these girls do have great
punchlines and they are good comics, that's why it makes
me mad.

Speaker 1 (50:44):
I'm like, you don't need this shit.

Speaker 2 (50:46):
You're adding these like tags, and I do stuff all
the time that is so annoying in stand up and
stuff that I've done that I could roll my eyes at.
So these are probably younger comics, so I should be nicer.
But I'm just calling out things that i'm noticing that
annoy me, and I'm saying that I've done them before.
Please don't come after these girls don't say Nicki Glazer's
talking shit about you. I'm just calling out a thing

(51:08):
I'm noticing. I've done it before too. We all make
mistakes as artists. It is it's yeah, it's inherently not
funny itself, and it's I get doing it. If you're
doing crowd work, if someone says what their job is
and it's something weird, and you need a beat to
think about what you're gonna say next, because you need
to crowd work, you need a little bit of thinking space.

(51:30):
Generally a couple seconds a mug, A mug to the
left and the right buys you that. But if you're
if your actual act is that you should have a
plan already for what to do, and you can use
it once or twice.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
I don't mind it.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
But with every joke, I mean, I've saw a clip
recently and I counted ten times that this little face
was made and it's.

Speaker 3 (51:50):
Just creuch for sure. And maybe it's also a trend.
And that's annoying to me when when when you see
the trend throughout, like in music, when everybody's was for
a while they're doing what is that called? I forgot
the term for ah behad the queeze my baby voice,
like weird baby voice, but like not enunciating like queisme.

(52:15):
And then it stopped, like it's not as pervasive. And
then I was listening to like an older Taylor Swift
song from maybe like seven eight years ago, and she
was doing a lot of this like cool melodic thing.
Maybe it wasn't Taylor, but a lot of songs at
the time seven eight years ago, we're doing like tons
of like larpeggiated melodies. I'll think of examples and bring

(52:36):
them in. But that doesn't happen as much anymore. So
there are all these.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
Dramaturgically, it didn't work for you. What's the word that
I Meanturgically it didn't work for you. Okay, well we
will talk about more and uh after this, and we
we're gonna do reddit dump I think our first time
doing that with Brian and uh so stay here, we'll
be right by, all right, So let's get to reddit

(53:01):
dump before I forget.

Speaker 4 (53:03):
While you're looking up that reddit dump. One thing that
men do in songs is they go, uh oh like.

Speaker 3 (53:11):
That, yes was the thing I was thinking of, Oh
like that.

Speaker 4 (53:19):
To be done.

Speaker 2 (53:20):
Oh, there's also a trend where in pop songs there
was this it sounds like a group of guys and
an Alley going, hey, hey, that's even in a Taylor's
recent Tailor Shows song. And I like that she used
it because she's kind of like, I feel like she
has to know that that's being overused, but she was like,
let's throw it anyway.

Speaker 1 (53:37):
But yeah, if you start listening.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
There also is a YouTube video where I learned about that,
where it's like, if you listen to every pop song
from like twenty fifteen on.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
You hear hey, hey, I hate it's just like sounds
like a group of guys walking down the street like
in lockstep like Nazis.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
To me, it really yeah, it's not great. Okay, Reddit
dump makes me sick.

Speaker 1 (54:01):
This is your redit dumb all right.

Speaker 2 (54:05):
So this one is actually apropos because I'm about to
go do family Feud with my fan and we are
trying to prepare for it, and I've been playing family
Feud on my phone. I've been playing it with my parents.
We're not good at it. But the key to being
good at family Feud is not being good at the game.
The show is a comedy show, so it's being funny

(54:27):
saying funny answers, giving things for Steve Harvey to do
this new female comic thing, which is look to the left,
look to the right, look baffled like that is Steve
Harvey's like, you know, number one move. And the funniest
thing is when he's reacting to crazy answers. And this
was one that I sent to my whole family to say,
this is what I want out of you? Is this
kind of random shit? So this isn't like the I

(54:49):
don't know, the final round, you know, where they have
to like, you know, answer very quickly. And this is
what this guy said.

Speaker 7 (54:54):
Noah, hit it, man, I'm something a burglar would not
want to see when he breaks into a house.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
Naked grandma, What speak grandma? It was the second answer.
It was just like, uh, naked, What did you say?

Speaker 3 (55:13):
I didn't really say naked grandma?

Speaker 4 (55:16):
His face is yeah, na stretched it for that one.
They give you naked grandma as occupant.

Speaker 1 (55:22):
Yeah, yeah, just naked grandma.

Speaker 2 (55:24):
And I said Matt, because Matt is the one in
our family that can probably say the weirdest thing. My
mom actually is going to do the lightning round or
whatever it is. Because they tell you, like, who do
you want to do that for your family? So it's
gonna be lyrius, But that is That is the example
I gave, Like I need you guys to be this
random and this weird and this irreverent. Okay, let me

(55:47):
look at a fun word one. Okay, Oh, this one
I wanted to bring up because it was We've talked
about it on the podcast recently. Okay, this is dating
underscore advice is the subreddit? Is it too much to
bake the guy's favorite dessert for the second date. I
just had a very nice first date yesterday and we
already and he already asked me if I was free

(56:09):
to go out for dinner on Saturday. This girl is
twenty nine. He's thirty one. He was really nice and
sweet and a sweet guy. And he also insisted on
paying for our drinks, even though I kept offering as well.
Mistake then when he saw it was raining, to keep offering,
just offer once and then stop it. Then, when he
saw it was raining, he offered to walk to his
place that was closed. He offered to walk to his

(56:31):
place that was closed. We grabbed an umbrella and he
walked me home. I am the kind of person that
loves giving, and my main love languages are acts of
service and gifting. That doesn't mean, wait, you can't say
what your love language is the thing you like to do.
And I do want to also show that I appreciate him,
so I was thinking of baking him as favorite dessert
and this girl's from Canada because it's fav ret dessert

(56:54):
to give it to him on Saturday. I'm a bit scared, however,
and unsure as I don't want to come off as
too much any opinion opinions, thank you, and then oh oh.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
Let me just say that I am.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
I'm scrolling down to read the comments to be like,
surely they told this woman, do not.

Speaker 1 (57:11):
Do this disaster bad idea. You had a good day.

Speaker 2 (57:15):
No gifts for the guy he can't yet, don't.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
Literally.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
I was just texting with Spade this morning because we
had to do this Las Vegas interview when we were
both on Katla and it was really funny, but we
were talking about girls when they're like He's like, he
was talking about girls saying like not getting back to
him and being and just one girl wrote back like
he's like, hey, you want to go to dinner night
and she just wrote Coachella, and like we're talking and
he has a joke that says, and by the way,

(57:41):
Spade and I are going to be in Vegas next
Saturday at the Venetian.

Speaker 1 (57:45):
But he said that he has a bit.

Speaker 2 (57:47):
That I've heard before, but I want him to do
it again about how girls will say they're bad at texting,
and then he gets around them and they're like, like
the whole time they're they're like, I'm.

Speaker 1 (57:55):
Bad at texting. Sorry, they'll get back to you.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
And I was telling him about a friend I had
who convinced herself that the sky was in a train
accident and that maybe she needed to like me.

Speaker 1 (58:07):
I love it. So Anya went on a date with
the guy.

Speaker 3 (58:10):
It went well, which makes it more embarrassing.

Speaker 1 (58:16):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (58:16):
It's kind of like Franzi's thing of like getting that
the guy who got the job at the Daily Show.

Speaker 1 (58:20):
This person was really killing it at the time.

Speaker 2 (58:22):
They quite a fall from grace since then still killing
it because like cancel culture is not real.

Speaker 3 (58:28):
End up getting nominated for an Oscar I think for something.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
So Anya has a polite kiss on the cheek with
this guy like after the date. Then he heads off
she goes back down to the subway. They don't really
hear from each other. I think you probably send him
an email afterwards, just saying like this was before getting
to I do the book that changed everything for all
of us. And so then a few days later, there
was like an amtrak derailment, like I don't know, in

(58:54):
Connecticut or something, and she had heard he was going
to Connecticut.

Speaker 1 (58:57):
Like, yeah, he was filming there, and so she goes,
I think I want to reach out to see like
if he's okay, And I'm like, first of all, what
are you gonna do if he's like pinned underneath the
beverage cart, what are you going to do? First of all,
thank god Audio reached out this girl I went on
a date with five days ago. And then also Nikki.

Speaker 3 (59:18):
Go babe, you'll hear about it on the news.

Speaker 4 (59:24):
Definite.

Speaker 2 (59:27):
Yes, he's the type of famous that, yes, he would
absolutely be.

Speaker 1 (59:32):
It would be like, oh my god, this guy was killed.

Speaker 3 (59:33):
I just could his face that he was never gonna
text me again.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
Yes, So anyway, anyone, everyone in this comment section is like, dude,
if a girl bakes me my favorite dessert on the
second date, she's gonna be my girlfriend after that, because
she's clearly the one for me.

Speaker 1 (59:47):
These fucking sad losers are.

Speaker 2 (59:49):
Just imagining this girlfriend there is Sorry to call them
sad losers.

Speaker 1 (59:53):
I don't mean that.

Speaker 2 (59:53):
I just mean these guys don't know how they work psychologically.

Speaker 1 (59:57):
You are not or you're.

Speaker 2 (59:58):
Maybe uh the the female energy, which is not me
calling you a simple loser. It's me saying like, you
don't want a mess, you want a masculine energy woman,
because a masculine energy woman is gonna get gift the
shit out of you and you're gonna love it. But
most men are not. But all these men think they
would want that. That's the thing, Like you think that
you would want this? Yeah, you're Because then Spade said
the funniest thing I just got. I want to just

(01:00:20):
read it because he goes, oh he was talking about
I was. I told him the story about Anya with
the train. I didn't say Anya, but I told him
about the celebrity because it was like it was funny,
and he was like, oh my god, her saying I'm
worried about you. He goes any woman because he said
an example of a guy in his life who also
was like, I want to reach out to her, I'm
worried about her, and he goes, that is gonna make
her hate you so much more. There's nothing women hate

(01:00:42):
more than being worried about It's just so funny that
the only way to get a girl that Darnie doesn't
like you, to get her like you less, is to
say I'm worried about you and like what I care?

Speaker 3 (01:00:54):
And we're just like, ugh, yeah, I was gonna say,
read about the AMPTPR draft.

Speaker 1 (01:01:02):
Heard about the Amtrak thing? Are you okay?

Speaker 4 (01:01:05):
No?

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
Is it in your drafts? Is it in your drafts?

Speaker 3 (01:01:09):
She also is more embarrassing. He told me that he
had a little daughter. He told me that his daughter
was gluten free and had Celiac or some bullshit. And
in our stupid date. During our date, I had told him, Oh,
there's this really cool frozen yogurt. She was allergic to dairy.
I'm like, there's a fruit frozen yogurt place in New York.
It's in the Union Square. It's all fruit. And he

(01:01:31):
was like, Oh, really, that's really cool. I'd love to
take her there where he seemed a little interested after
the am trip. The real name where he lived and
I never wrote out to him. I was like, maybe
he doesn't have my number, and I'm looking really cute
today and I'm going to that place anyway. I spent
twenty minutes taking selfies of me holding this fruit froio,

(01:01:54):
and then I sent it to him and was like like,
maybe even without Nikki is dying, right, okay?

Speaker 2 (01:02:01):
Like I honestly, I am disassociating. I literally stopped listening
because I can't handle how embarrassing the system.

Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
We never rought me back. I sent the cutest selfie
of me with this.

Speaker 4 (01:02:12):
Fruit cup and I was like, oh, was that before
or after the train derailment?

Speaker 1 (01:02:17):
Oh? It was after because I talked her out of
the train derailment. And I go, just wait and.

Speaker 4 (01:02:24):
Since, be honest, what if he was in the train
derailment and he's dying and then he gets this picture
of you with the frozen yogurt, just.

Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
Reminding him of the daughter he's leaving behind as he
bleeds out, I've done this before to set like sexual
self like just like cute selfies, like is that that?

Speaker 5 (01:02:43):
Like?

Speaker 3 (01:02:43):
Remember the frozen yogurt?

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
Your daughter?

Speaker 3 (01:02:46):
Here's my tit with that, here's me rubbing my nipple
in this.

Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
I have never I mean, I hope to never have
to do this kind of shit again, where it's just
so desperate and sad. I mean I said something to
Chris over the weekend that really he didn't write back to,
and I was kind of like, what the fuck, Like
I put effort into it. So we watched the show alone,
you know, where people dropped in the wilderness and they
have to like fend for themselves. And there was this
one character that always would go hey bear every time

(01:03:13):
I saw a bear, Hey bear, because that's what you're
supposed to say to bears. I guess there's an a
Pargazzi joke about it too, but he would always go,
hey bear, Hey bear. His name's Colton. So I saw
a bike, you know, like a bike rental thing, you know,
like limescooters, but it was called hey bike, and so
I took a picture of the bike, and I was like,
and then I just put a picture of Colton next
to the bike picture, and was obviously it's just like

(01:03:33):
him going hey bike. And Chris never wrote back, and
I was just so embarre. And then last night I go,
why didn't you write back to that? And he was like,
I didn't understand it. I looked at it for so long.
I go, why is this mountain man next to a bike?
Like maybe it's a mountain bike and he's a mountain man.
I go, that's Colton from the show. And then he
kept going like yeah, I just didn't get it. I go, well, now,
will you acknowledge it now that it's very funny? And

(01:03:55):
he's like, yes, it was very good. But I'm like,
don't you ever let something like they're going good? Okay,
So back to this comment girls are writing or another
guy goes, if you did this for me, I'd want
to marry you.

Speaker 7 (01:04:05):
Lmao.

Speaker 1 (01:04:06):
Yes, do it in parentheses.

Speaker 2 (01:04:09):
A guy like me would immediately fall ahead over heels
for such a sweet thing. Another guy guy here, I
would appreciate it and find this incredibly sweet. It would
be weird if you brought like a random thing. But
presumably his favorite came up in conversations, So this is love.

Speaker 1 (01:04:22):
I think these are all bots.

Speaker 4 (01:04:23):
These yes want to bang her exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:04:28):
These are lonely, horny men that are just like, oh
my god, the way to my heart is through my stomach.
Like this kind of bullshit.

Speaker 2 (01:04:34):
Now, let me just see what she wrote back because
so she wrote back to one of these comments, and
I want to share it with you. She had a
little so she read all the comments, which I'm guessed
these are just the top ones. Are people most in
dating advice. It's very it's a positive flace on Reddit,
and they're always kind of like lifting people up because
it's so sad out there. So I think further beneath

(01:04:54):
there have to be some negative comments that say don't
do this. She goes, you guys are too kind. I
just went through all the comments and the feelings are mixed. However,
I guess that if it's not well received, he's not
the right person.

Speaker 1 (01:05:04):
I just don't want to spook him out. Okay. Then
someone said the right person doesn't run when spooked. She said,
fair enough. So what do you think? Noah, I want
to hear your thought on this, because you always have
just such mindful and like you've memorized the getting too.
I do book. You kind of know the rules, do
you think? Because the girls will use this argument quite
often and also to give advice to their friends, we

(01:05:26):
all say like, well, if he doesn't like it, then
he's not the right man for you. Where where do
you land? On that, like, where do you land on
not being who you truly are, which is to bake
a guy a cake on the second date, just like
Bliss did. She ended up getting second placed on the
show Love is Blind, but now she's married to him,
so it worked out for her in the end. After
Irena turned out to be a Russian snake.

Speaker 3 (01:05:47):
No need to say Russian in there.

Speaker 2 (01:05:49):
Last time I said Russian stake. I wanted to say
they had nothing to do with each other. I'm just
saying she's Russian and a snake, a sleepy Russian snake. Okay,
So where do you land Noah?

Speaker 7 (01:05:59):
Okay, I would tell her, do not bake anything until
you guys are in a relationship. That's like commitment level.

Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
Well what if she's like, but I this is so
who I am to bake a guy. I want a
guy who is going to accept a cake on a
first a second date. I want to be able to
bake a guy who I had a great connection with. Okay, well,
favorite thing. Here's that's who I am. Here's what I
think about dating and what I hope. Well, because you're
just saying what you think, you're in your I'm being

(01:06:28):
in my masculine right now, And I hope.

Speaker 1 (01:06:30):
He's not anywhere in the room because you should be
talking from I feel if he's overhearing this.

Speaker 7 (01:06:34):
Okay, I hope this is helpful when you're going out
on dates. Think of it as like collecting information. You're
collecting information about this person so that you can make
a wise decision down the road whether or not you
want to spend a lot of your time and openness
and vulnerability with this person. So right now you're just
kind of like in that phase of collecting information and

(01:06:55):
it's not you don't want to be so giving because
you're opening yourself up to getting walked all over. And
I think if that's a good advice for when you're dating,
when you're starting to make new friends. We've all been there.
We've shown our kindness and people interpreted it as weakness.

Speaker 1 (01:07:13):
So we're okay, just see it. We're setting cool, but.

Speaker 3 (01:07:18):
We're setting the tone. Also, this is for the ladies.
You're setting the tone for the relationship. So if you're
you will have so much time to bake if you
guys get married or you will have your life to
bake and be yourself, get really honest about your motives
really honest.

Speaker 1 (01:07:38):
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (01:07:39):
I think the motive here is he'll like me more
if I do This is not scrape for.

Speaker 1 (01:07:45):
It's not her being her. That's so it.

Speaker 4 (01:07:48):
And you got to remember at the beginning, you're trying
to attract each other. You're not in a relationship yet,
so you got to do things that will continue the
attraction because at that stage people could be dating that
you're in competition with all the other daters.

Speaker 3 (01:08:01):
That really knows this one thing she's doing. She's like,
I'm trying to attract him. Will this attract him? And
all the dudes are.

Speaker 4 (01:08:08):
Like attracting these dudes on Reddit.

Speaker 2 (01:08:12):
It is, but there they don't even know how much
they would be unattracted to it if it were actually happening,
if they knew that they had this woman on the
hook and that there wasn't any chase. She's not only
she's not only totally on board for you. This is
also by the way cake on the second date can
or baking him a dessert can also represent sex. Giving
him something that you put a lot of effort into

(01:08:32):
that is something that you give your someone that you
should love, like wait for the cake and wait for
the pussy until you're in love and until.

Speaker 3 (01:08:41):
He loves to him that you hope that you're in
you hope he likes you. And that's not what dating
is about. Like Noah said that in the beginning, he's
courting you. I think, I know that's an antiquated idea
and maybe no.

Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
But if you're the feminine energy in the relationship, which
you have to determine what you're going to be, If
you're masculine energy woman, you're courting him, probably right, wouldn't
you say?

Speaker 3 (01:09:04):
Yeah? But you are both gathering data about each other,
like Noah said, So he's going to gather about you, like, Oh,
she's very uh giving, and she's going to bake me
stuff and she's kind.

Speaker 2 (01:09:15):
Of trying to them in an energy man would like
a cake being baked for him, and that would be
a good move to do if you were the second date,
I think, well, I think what about a man doing
that for a woman, let's say, buying her a baking I.

Speaker 1 (01:09:28):
Wouldn't like that. That would be like two over the top.

Speaker 4 (01:09:31):
I've done that before. I haven't made the cake, but
I've done done early absolute disaster. What she should do
is she should buy all the ingredients for the cake,
and then she should bake the cake, and then she
should cancel the date and eat the cake, and then
the next day she should be like, oh, I ate
this cake and like that's my favorite dessert. And she's like, oh, really,
I didn't realize that's it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:50):
That's it.

Speaker 3 (01:09:51):
You want to know more masculine energy women, Nikki, Do
you think you are that?

Speaker 1 (01:09:57):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:09:58):
I do in many ways, but I also think that
I'm feminine energy in a relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:10:03):
In the bedroom, I think.

Speaker 7 (01:10:06):
He is masculine, but in a relationships.

Speaker 3 (01:10:08):
Susculine energy woman in a relationship wouldn't get her feelings
short about like not hearing from a guy or not
being cherished, not being wooed. And I don't know that woman.
I want to meet her. I would love to meet
like a truly mass My sister in law is definitely masculine.

Speaker 2 (01:10:23):
Energy and in a relationship too, Satie and I didn't
hear in a relationship as well, Like she's masculine energy
throughout the whole. Like in the romantic thing, I I
will say that I don't really respond to flowers and
stuff the way that I'm almost perf I appreciate them
because it means efforts.

Speaker 1 (01:10:43):
I guess it means they thought of me, but I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:10:47):
I sometimes but that don't think it was.

Speaker 7 (01:10:51):
Yeah, that's like a gift, like whether or not you
like receiving gifts.

Speaker 3 (01:10:54):
That's just like your love language. Or you just don't
like flower.

Speaker 1 (01:10:56):
You don't, You're not so are you? In your energy? Woman?
You're your sister in law.

Speaker 2 (01:11:00):
Would not need to hear like, would not need a
guy to text her back.

Speaker 7 (01:11:04):
She wouldn't need to have her feelings acknowledge like that
wouldn't be something that sets her off.

Speaker 1 (01:11:09):
But she would need like.

Speaker 7 (01:11:13):
To be respected and all of her work and stuff
like appreciated and all that.

Speaker 3 (01:11:19):
So maybe if she was into baking.

Speaker 1 (01:11:21):
Yeah, I'd get away with I don't care if Chris
respects my thoughts like because I just I really don't
because I know that he does.

Speaker 2 (01:11:27):
I know that he thinks I'm funny. I know that
he thinks I'm smart. He often says I'm smarter than him.
I get that. I'm solid in that. I don't even
need to hear that because I don't think I'm smarter
than him. But I I'm confident in my thoughts being like,
I don't I don't need that, but I do need
when I'm sad someone to be like, it's okay to
feel this way. Oh you're sad, like I do like that? Okay,

(01:11:50):
moving on. This is from those subreddit cool guides, and
this is how much musicians make from streams streaming payouts. Okay, Spotify,
what do you think you're you're making perse stream of
your songs? Anya?

Speaker 7 (01:12:04):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:12:04):
God, like nothing, It's like what like for one song?
Fifteen hundred streams is something? Isn't it like a dollar?
I don't even know. I really don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:12:13):
All right, Well, it is point zero zero four cents,
so in order to make a dollar, what is that? Brian?

Speaker 2 (01:12:22):
Are you good at math? Point zero zero four? So
that's gonna need too. It goes to eight cents, So
two streams would make you eight Sorry, with two streams
would make you one nearly one cent?

Speaker 1 (01:12:34):
Okay, three streams is going to make you two.

Speaker 4 (01:12:37):
Hundred and fifty streams makes you a dollar? Really, I
think so I just did.

Speaker 2 (01:12:42):
I'll say three streams make you one cent, so three
times that is one dollar or one hundred times, so
three hundred streams will make you a dollar. I final thought,
I encourage everyone today to stream on your Marina songs
three hundred times.

Speaker 1 (01:12:58):
That's like, I'll make it, give me just leave it
on loop.

Speaker 3 (01:13:03):
Yeah, that could work.

Speaker 1 (01:13:05):
Do people do that?

Speaker 3 (01:13:06):
I think?

Speaker 6 (01:13:06):
So?

Speaker 4 (01:13:07):
What if you did it? Anya? What if you just
had like several computers running all day long looping your
own music.

Speaker 1 (01:13:14):
By the end of the week, you can buy yourself
a Starbucks at all.

Speaker 3 (01:13:17):
Yes, I'm hoping for that. Honestly pays me more than
Spotify because I have points.

Speaker 1 (01:13:24):
It's so weird. I just wanted to.

Speaker 2 (01:13:26):
Like Taylor Swift, they've recently released the numbers of like
her streams like on Spotify every day they're being like,
you know, eighty billion plays or whatever, and you could
you can kind of figure out what they're making from
that and it'll make you sick. Okay, this is from
me I r L And it's just a tweet. It's
two tweets, actually, one person responding to the other. First
person says, being new at a job is so embarrassing

(01:13:49):
for no reason.

Speaker 1 (01:13:54):
You just don't know what you can Always their hands
are always like at their sides.

Speaker 4 (01:13:59):
Kind of I'm always over dressed whenever I have a
new job. I'm always wearing like a tuxedo in the
office and everyone's like, this is casual.

Speaker 1 (01:14:08):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (01:14:09):
And the girl responded said, someone said, it feels like
you're a new character on season five.

Speaker 1 (01:14:15):
And the great news is.

Speaker 2 (01:14:16):
Is that once you get once you learn the ropes,
and you're there for like a month and a half,
you're the fucking top dog. Like there's a great Like
I do envy and I miss that feeling of like
training someone new and being like, oh my god, I've
come so far. I used to be in this position
and not know where the aprons were, or where the

(01:14:37):
checks went, or how to write in a peta order
or whatever it was whenever a restaurant I was working.
It feels really good when you can do it and
not think about it and not have to worry about
every step. And like I would get such anxiety going
into work when I had first started a job, memorizing
the menu, like approaching the table, like I have to
say waitresses and waiters.

Speaker 1 (01:14:59):
That is a really like talk about stage fright.

Speaker 2 (01:15:03):
I think that is so much more scary than doing
open mic comedy. Like I don't think I've ever been
so nervous in my life as I was being a
waitress and having to be like, hey, guys, how are
you tonight? So we've got some deals on Sam Adams tonight.
If you guys are looking at a real thirsty also
our special tonight is like it's a lot.

Speaker 4 (01:15:22):
More desperate than trying to get laughs.

Speaker 1 (01:15:24):
Oh, it's so embarrassing and I used to get so
I can't even believe I did it, like even thinking
about it. So I just want to give a shout
out to everyone who's a waiter or waitress out there,
Like it is a performance that you don't get a
lot of credit for that most people could not do.
Most people would never work in the restaurant industry because
it would be too They just can't take that much.
I'm guessing Noah is not someone who could ever would

(01:15:46):
ever be a waitress.

Speaker 7 (01:15:47):
I was just gonna say, I have never been a
waitress or anything.

Speaker 1 (01:15:51):
That Is that a reason? Maybe because it is a
great job? And is that a reason because you want
to talk to the table.

Speaker 7 (01:15:56):
I always wanted to be like the kind of person
who could have that tub and do that job.

Speaker 2 (01:16:01):
But you know what, because I know that waiters and
waitresses are not treated great, and maybe you just feel
like it's just soul sucking and just such hellish work.
Have a little bit of pride in what you do
because it's so hard for most people to do that job.
It really is public speaking on a very small like

(01:16:22):
performing for four people at a four top like that
is that is way harder than performing for thousands of people.
Based on someone who performs with thousands of people, it's
way harder to perform for smaller amounts of people in
a room where you can see all their faces and
they're looking at you. It's hell and where your performance
is going to be either rewarded or not at the end,

(01:16:44):
Like I get paid the same amount no matter what.
And I know there are some fixed places that just
have fixed tips, but yeah, I just want to give
you my situation.

Speaker 4 (01:16:53):
Worse if you're a comedian, and that is, if you
do comedy at a restaurant, especially if they're not expecting common.

Speaker 1 (01:17:02):
That is.

Speaker 2 (01:17:04):
Man, there's this guy Kurt Ryan Comedy who does these
hilarious memes on Instagram, and whether or not you're a comedian,
especially if you're a comedian, you'll really appreciate them. I'm
just gonna read some of them now that it's on
my mind. Uh, Brian, you have to follow him because
it's just it's all like inside baseball comedy stuff, but
it's also.

Speaker 1 (01:17:23):
I think other people can appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:26):
There's a there's one guy that's like climbing a set
of stairs and his leg is super long to reach
the top step and he's on the bottom step, but
his leg looks extended, and it says.

Speaker 1 (01:17:36):
Open my comic is the guy is the guy?

Speaker 2 (01:17:38):
It says, like, open my comic on this guy's back,
And then each step has a different thing. It says
hard work, strong, joke writing, paying dues, being social and
building connections, message booker and harass him for spot like
all these.

Speaker 1 (01:17:49):
Things you have to do.

Speaker 2 (01:17:51):
Then there's one of there's people just like vomiting into
different like almost getty images of people like about to
vomit into toilets, and on the top of it just says,
when I'm on state, I like that. And then there's
one of like Winnie the Pooh and it's like his

(01:18:13):
face is calm and it says jokes.

Speaker 1 (01:18:14):
And then it's the one that's kind of like and
it says bits and then one of the ends, so
like it looks like a really deranged in bred who
it says little skits.

Speaker 2 (01:18:23):
That's just based on what people call what you do comedy.
Like when you start comedy, your aunt will be like,
how are your little bits doing?

Speaker 4 (01:18:30):
You know it's changing, it's changing, gen z TikTokers. There's
skits now, they're all skits. That's the cool thing to
say is y, yes, it's well. I couldn't believe it
when it was happening.

Speaker 1 (01:18:41):
Instead of saying bits like I'm working on this new skit.

Speaker 4 (01:18:44):
It skits now it's all skits out. If you're especially
if you're a social media person, it's like, I've got
these new skits I'm working on. I'm doing these skits
and that's cool. They don't know what a bit is.
I don't even think, oh.

Speaker 1 (01:18:56):
There's another one.

Speaker 2 (01:18:57):
It's like, uh, it's a guy with a face the
emoji of a guy going like oh, face palming. And
at the top it's like has little arrows after each
word it says I meet someone.

Speaker 1 (01:19:06):
Then the next arrow we talk.

Speaker 2 (01:19:07):
Next arrow they say, put that in your little skits
and the next thing is die inside. So it's just
like little things like this, and uh.

Speaker 4 (01:19:16):
Our classic ant thing is like have you ever tried
writing for snl oh? Like the same thing as little.

Speaker 2 (01:19:22):
Skits I mean and classically I mean, these are all
so tired for Brian and I because we've heard a
million times. But I don't know if everyone else knows
that we deal with this as like you know, obviously
your comedian tell me a joke, or like you should
hang out with me a little bit. You'll get a
lot of material lining it out with us. Please never
say any of these things to a comedian. You you might,
I wouldn't know it unless I was a comedian. I
would probably do the same thing to people. Wait, Anya,

(01:19:44):
didn't you recently tell someone like we had this disc
what happened?

Speaker 1 (01:19:48):
Do you remember those circumstances? Well?

Speaker 3 (01:19:50):
I was gonna say two things. One is, people will
sometimes come up to me and be like, well you
I have some jokes for Naki while you give them
to her. And the people are always like, I have
these lyrics, do you want them for your songs?

Speaker 1 (01:20:02):
I'm like, God, are you holding me?

Speaker 5 (01:20:04):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:20:05):
What happens all the time?

Speaker 4 (01:20:06):
You'd think people would understand, at least not lyrics.

Speaker 2 (01:20:09):
Well, you know what they don't because they're watching shows
like Daisy Jones in the Six.

Speaker 1 (01:20:13):
And I've got a problem with Daisy Jones in the six. Okay,
I am so sick. There's nothing special about the show
that is not exactly what happens on every other fucking
show or movie about music. It happened in A Star
is Born, where a woman writes some lyrics in her
little journal and she writes a song. Then a man
puts some guitar behind it, and suddenly he makes a

(01:20:33):
full song out of her little scribbly lyrics that she's
written down in a notebook that he shouldn't even be reading.
And then suddenly this woman is going to be a
famous singer now because this man helped. Like in A
Star is Born, she like tells Bradley Cooper like an
idea for a song, and then the next night he's
on stage and performs the entire song that he has
written like a bridge to, and then she comes out

(01:20:55):
and sings it and somehow knows it. It doesn't make
any fucking sense. Daisy Jones in the Sick sucks. If
you like it, you should probably stop listening to this
podcast because we have nothing in common. I will actually
tell me why you like it. Maybe he's trying to
sell me on it. We Chris and I watched the
first episode, and I said, should we do the second episode?
Just because I wanted to keep making fun of it
because it was so fucking.

Speaker 2 (01:21:15):
Bad and it was just every It's a show that
makes you that already thinks you care about the characters,
even though none of them are famous.

Speaker 1 (01:21:23):
I don't know any of them. I don't have nothing.

Speaker 2 (01:21:26):
Like sometimes a show you can almost care about a
character early because you know this actor, and you're like, oh,
I'm gonna be invested in this because none of these
people you recognize. There's nothing about them that is likable.
About any of them. You see them aged like twenty
years ahead. They look younger than they do in the
scene where they're young. The guy, the main guy, is

(01:21:46):
too thin.

Speaker 1 (01:21:46):
He looks like he should be on The Walking Dead
as not a person that's like survived, but one of
the Walkers. He looks he's too disturbingly corpsey. He keeps
looking like a corpse. To me, that's no shade. He's
a beautiful man now he's put on a little weight.
But I don't I I don't get the attraction. I
don't get holl He's like, Billy is the cool guy
around town. I hate that this woman who has never
once we haven't heard her sing except one time in

(01:22:08):
the shower, she goes to concerts. Oh, this is the
fable that we all convince ourselves about.

Speaker 2 (01:22:15):
This is what we want to believe about musicians, is
that if you like music enough, you can make it.
So this girl goes to shows and she's in the
audience and she's always just like feeling the music. And
then she meets these musicians that she's been going to
see and they're like, I've seen you in the crowd.
You're not there for the band members, you're there for
the music.

Speaker 1 (01:22:35):
And she's like, you get me. And then this girl
who has never sang is only scribbled some fucking lyrics
in a notebook and took piano lessons when she was
a kid, which we haven't seen any evidence of. She's
walking by a place and it says like, uh, it says.

Speaker 2 (01:22:48):
A loan piano, a lone piano or something. It says
two words like lone piano on this board. And she
walks in.

Speaker 1 (01:22:55):
She kind of looks in the window. It's like I
wish I could someday. I wonder if she's good. By
the end of the son, of course, she walks in
because her boyfriend has just told her that he's the
main guy and she's never gonna be nothing. And she
pushes this and says, I'm the main thing.

Speaker 2 (01:23:09):
I'm a star, and he goes, okay, WEIRDO, I've never
heard you sing, so this is weird that you suddenly
want to be a star.

Speaker 1 (01:23:15):
How am I supposed to glean that?

Speaker 2 (01:23:16):
I was trying to bring you into my songwriting process
because I do know that you're talented in writing, but
you've never sang before.

Speaker 1 (01:23:22):
So then she goes into this place, and of course
she goes to the.

Speaker 2 (01:23:24):
Mic, and she has a perfect voice, perfectly trained or
and plays with meano. It's so good, and I'm just
tired of it. That's not how anything works. It's giving
people false expectations. It's giving girls a dream that cannot
be realized.

Speaker 1 (01:23:38):
That way. It says nothing of any hard work. It
just shows if you like music enough, you can be
a musician. It's so bad. I need you to watch it.
I need to keep watching it.

Speaker 2 (01:23:48):
But I will say that Chris said to me he goes,
we're not watching episode two. He goes, this show is
so bad that if you told me you watched the
rest of the season and it was the best show
you had ever seen and it completely turned around, I.

Speaker 1 (01:23:58):
Still wouldn't watch it because it is. It is not good.

Speaker 2 (01:24:02):
There's no redemption after this first episode. Now, if you
like the show, I want to hear why, and I
hope it. I am open to it. I'm open to
why this is something you like.

Speaker 4 (01:24:12):
Anybody they like the show after that, they're insane.

Speaker 2 (01:24:16):
I mean, but some people like the sacram shit, and
I don't like some people like to be Oh, I
went Kirsten.

Speaker 3 (01:24:23):
Kirsten's like, here's my impression of J. C. Jones. Oh,
she said, And she's like, hey, guys, you want to
hear a story. Are you ready for it?

Speaker 1 (01:24:32):
I don't know if you all right?

Speaker 3 (01:24:34):
I'll tell you if you guys think you can handle it.

Speaker 1 (01:24:37):
Oh my god, I gotta keep watching it. I have
to keep watching it.

Speaker 4 (01:24:40):
Watch I haven't.

Speaker 1 (01:24:41):
It's like kind of yeah, this energy coming out of me.

Speaker 3 (01:24:44):
Feels sounds good to watch.

Speaker 4 (01:24:48):
I want to sign you a show or I want
to assign you a show or a movie. So that
you can just tell me how much it sucks. Like
Dungeons and Dragons, everybody seems to like and I watched it.
I could not stop laughing in the theater because I thought, part,
if it were so bad, I would love for you
to see that and give me your take.

Speaker 1 (01:25:03):
Let's start watching things we hate that will that people.
But it has to be things that people like that
we go, how are they liking this? Horrible Bosses for
Me was another one. I walked out of the theater.

Speaker 2 (01:25:13):
I don't understand how anyone, Oh, I have one lied
to that much about you?

Speaker 1 (01:25:18):
Everybody rad it was.

Speaker 2 (01:25:22):
That the preview for that looked good, but I didn't
believe that Anna Joy Taylor eats, so I wasn't able
to watch it.

Speaker 1 (01:25:28):
I was like, I'm this premise is already out of
the boiler alert.

Speaker 4 (01:25:33):
But the way that they solved the problem is, by
the way, did you remember that you liked cheeseburgers? That's
the how they solve the problem in the movie.

Speaker 1 (01:25:41):
I oh, I don't know. Okay, you've seen the boiler alert,
I spoiler alert.

Speaker 2 (01:25:45):
Okay, Well, I definitely am going to watch more Daisy
Jones than the Six because I just realized I need
more things to make fun of because.

Speaker 1 (01:25:50):
It's so different. Sorry, Okay, let's keep watching Daisy Jones
in the six Everyone. You need to watch the first
episode see if you agree with me, and if you
like the show, tell me what to like about it,
because I'm actually gonna try and I'm not gonna completely
write it off like I do most things, even though
I am in sense.

Speaker 2 (01:26:06):
And if you did like it, I still would be
friends with you. I didn't mean to say don't listen
to the podcast. I still like you.

Speaker 1 (01:26:10):
There's tons of things I like that you would hate.
I eat a Columbine book that I signed this weekend.
By the way, someone brought a Columbine book to the
Meet and greet, a tattered book called Columbine that I've
recommended by David Cullen, and I got to sign a
Columbine book. The rest of the people in the line
were deeply confused. Most people do not listen to the podcast,

(01:26:31):
had no idea why I was signing a book called Columbine.
But I did write in the book it was meant
to be a bombing love Nikki and so and I
stood for a while thinking like, what can I write
in this book anyway. Thank you guys so much for
listening to the podcasts. We'll be back tomorrow with Brian,
Anya and Noah. Don't Bika and just give Daisy Jones
one episode a chance.

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Nikki Glaser

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