#4 Inside Jokes

Nikki explains how much she loves that she technically got to joke with Will Ferrell. Andrew talks about a sting out in his nether region, they cover a sexy kiss in the headlines, introduce a new segment called The "Blankest" Thing I Ever Did and explain why movies need to try harder in the final thought.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nikki Glaser podcast. Nikki, Yeah here, I am, thank
you producer now uh and Arozona, Hey, guys, how are you?
Did I know? By the way, I'm good. I've gotten

(00:22):
some messages that uh this that that people are singing
this song all day long. I love that. I heard
that as well. Um, I've got We've received some listener
emails that I was going through last night, and I
really uh appreciated people writing in and saying how much
they enjoyed the episodes. And yeah, I mean like it's
it's a lot of emails to go through, and so

(00:43):
I don't know if I will go through the ball.
But we all have the password and and accounts so
we can all read them. And some people send in
ideas for us. Love love, love, and no criticism that
I saw, you know which, Uh, so far I've avoided
any criticism about the show, which is my favorite thing
to do. UM. I wanted to also say just not

(01:06):
only thank you as we're rounding out the week here
it's Thursday, between you and me, I have had a
great first week. I'm almost sad that I don't get
to do this show tomorrow and the next day and
the next day, which is a great sign for a
new job, you know that you you don't want the
weekend to come, uh, you know, for a first day,
first week on the job. People have seemed to just

(01:29):
accepted the podcast into their hearts already, and they're just enthusiasm.
Is just I feel it to you guys, so thank
you so much. And to those of you who are
apathetic and are just like, it's just a fucking podcast,
thank you as well, because it is just a fucking podcast,
you know, but it's it's really fun for me, and
and I'm enjoying all of it. And and I want

(01:50):
to say thank you to my Heart Radio and Big
Money Players, who is the podcast network we are on
that is headed by Will Ferrell, which allowed me afforded
me the chance to have a kind of interaction with
him through a press release. Right no, Uh, like I
I wrote a quote that being a part of Will
Ferrell's company, um and being asked to be a part

(02:13):
of Big Money Players was like uh, finally getting a
seat at the cool table in middle school in the cafeteria,
except this time I didn't have to uh smoke cigarettes
or you know, by worth of clothing from Delia's or something.
Like that, which was just uh in in uh. Andrew
saw that and goes, I don't know what Delia's is,
and I go, you don't have to know what it is.

(02:34):
I go, But the fact that you don't know what
it is when you read that, don't you just realize, like, oh,
that's that's a reference that some people get and I
don't get. You don't think I'm stupid for right when?
Because I sometimes question that when I make a reference
that I know only thirty percent of the population will get,
I expect the other uh seventy percent of the population

(02:54):
to just assume that's a joke. They don't understand because
it's a reference, not that I am making that I
don't make sense, you know what I mean? No, do
you know what I mean? Because sometimes Andrew goes, I
don't know what that is, and I go, but don't
you just assume you're out like you should know and
maybe you could google it and it would be funny
to you that this is a joke you're not in
on yet, as opposed to she just said a word
that isn't a word. Because I only know the world

(03:16):
from my perspective and don't consider that other people could
know things I don't know. Yeah, that happens to me
all the time because I'm really bad with deep references
and pop culture and sends up to me to look up.
So Delia's he goes, is that Chrystally, I'm like, why
would I in middle school be accepted to a table

(03:36):
if I smoked cigarettes and asked my mom to buy
me five dollars worth of clothes from Chris Delia? Why
would that make sense? Why would you know? Like, that's
not where you go with that took anyway. So that's
the statement I made. And then Will ferrell Um had
to also make a quote for our press release because
I'm part of his network, and he it referenced that

(03:58):
line do you have no a kid? Read to me?
I haven't. I read it once and I couldn't read
it again because I there are times when I meet
celebrities or have an interaction with the celebrity, I don't
want to like, I don't want to like see it again.
I just want to like know that it happened and like,
because if I analyze it, I'll poke holes in it.
And I just want to live in an experience of
the fact that I know that Will Ferrell was making

(04:20):
a joke off of the joke I made, and it
felt like I was doing comedy with him. So please
read it. Okay, We're thrilled to have the wildly talented
Nikki Glazer join us at the Big Money Players Network,
but in order to do so, she will have to
smoke cigarettes and purchase her wardrobe from Dealing with Spring collection.
Oh my god, I love it so much. First of all,

(04:41):
I totally did not read wildly talented when I read
that so fast, because I just read it so fast
because I was like, because I know what you know
this about me as someone who has made you have
made me, You made me a birthday video the first
year that we're friends. You've got people. So this is
and I almost this up last week and the worst gift,
But I didn't want to make you sad, because it's

(05:03):
not a worst gift. It's just it's just an interesting
example of something that I one would think I would
like and I don't like because people do this for
me all the time. You're not the only one, and
it is the greatest gift you can give someone. I
think one of the best birthday gifts that doesn't cost
any money, if you have any you can learn anything
skills to make this happen is to reach out to
all of their friends and have them say a birthday
message and then put it together in a video. I

(05:24):
think that's such a great idea and I just love it.
I love it even for myself. But when it is extended,
when is it? When it is extended to celebrities who
I don't have a personal relationship with, and they are
just asked that, like, you know, they're asked politely, like
could you make a birthday shout out for Nikki Glazer?
And they maybe have a vague understanding of who I am?

(05:45):
Or maybe they maybe they do know who I am
and you don't have to explain it. But the fact
that they had to be inconvenienced in any way to
acknowledge my existence when they didn't want to do it
on their own volition. And I know so many celebrities
are nice and just do things out of like they're
they're just like bad at saying no. And I'm just
projecting because I'm I used to be bad at saying
no to things I don't want to do. Now I'm

(06:06):
very good at it. Short story, that's a tangent and
I'll get back to this. Last night, the wardrobe woman
um that I work with on set, she's more. She's
like this just lovely, motherly, ethereal, perfect human being that
I'm so grateful to be able to have around me
while I'm here, because you can work with some real
turns when you just get randomly with people. She's so great,

(06:27):
and she I don't have a laundry. I don't have
laundry at the hotel. I don't have a washing machine
in this place. And so she offers to do my laundry,
which is not part of her job. This is my
normal clothes, and she will wash tenderly folds my underwear,
like you know, like I would send out for laundry
in New York. And last night she goes, I was
leaving set, and she goes, will you put your laundry
outside your door? I want to do it for you,
And I go, please, don't. Like it's this is twelve
o'clock at night, and I'm like, this is unnecessary. Julie.

(06:50):
She's like, I like doing laundry, and I was like, okay,
I believe you. And then she came to get my
laundry as I'm putting it out and I go, I'm sorry,
it's so much. This is like too much. You want
help carrying it back? She goes, I don't ask to
do things that I don't want to to and I go,
thank you for saying that, because she's like, you have
to stop being like, I'm sorry, and you don't have

(07:11):
to do this. If I didn't want to do it,
I wouldn't do it. And I was like, Julie, I'm
that same way as well, and I'm so glad that
there's someone else out there who has the same kind
of boundari as well. Where if I even if you
love me, you can tell me no you don't, I'm
not gonna love you less if you tell me no.
And she understands that, like she looks at for herself

(07:32):
before she looks out for people who she wants to
like her essentially, so for me, I think of celebrities
as being inconvenienced and then that they don't want to do.
I mean I even have problems asking celebrities to be
on these shows where they get pressed, let alone on
birthday video. So when someone has to So when you
gave me a video for my birthday, you had Seth
Rogan and Glenn Howarton and Ricky and Ricky's your veys.

(07:57):
Ricky I didn't mind as much because rick Why did
I find him as much? Because I know Ricky and
I feel like Ricky enjoyed that in a way, like
I feel like Ricky had fun with it, whereas the
others I was like, and Ricky's just like so, I
don't know why Ricky didn't bother me as much, but
the other ones I was like, oh no, Seth row
and Seth Rogan's pretty like yeah, sure, maybe Glenn Howard,

(08:20):
I know he there was just the thing that was like,
oh no, they think that I like asked for this
or like hinted at wanting this or this was somehow
and then and then and then my sent it. Yeah yeah,
except that when I set it up, I said, this
is this is going to be a surprise. She doesn't
know that I'm doing this, and I'm like almost a

(08:44):
little nervous. You assured me that you told that you
told that to those people, and then you and then
my assistant this year, uh, my my past assistant who
we just separate ways because I don't need assister right now.
She's great Grace Anne. She gave me a birthday video
this here and in the same thing, and I think,
I mean I I blacked out when I watched it

(09:04):
because I think I cried because I was so upset
about the people she got to do it. I was
like so like and and and seeing all my friends
and family, like my sister learned a TikTok dance for it.
I loved that, like those are my family, Like, yeah,
I've put them in a video of my friends, but
like celebrities. Even though it was so awesome that she
did it and organized this and anyone else would love
it it For me, it was my worst nightmare and

(09:26):
it but I got over it because my mom goes, Nikki,
the fact that you're crying right now is so ridiculous.
I was like, but I didn't. I didn't what these
people probably were like who is she? Then they're like
google me and they don't even like me and I
Conan did one, and my mom goes, Conan wouldn't do
this if he didn't want to, And I was like,
I don't believe that about Like I think Conan might

(09:46):
do things out of obligation. I don't trust people not
to just do like Paris. Hilton even admitted recently she
says yes two things when she doesn't really want to
do them. So I told her, now that I know
you do that I can't ask you to do things
because I always think that you're just doing it because
you feel obligated. Um. I will say though that in
speaking of gifts that I don't like, I did say
on our first episode that I hate flowers. I hate

(10:10):
receiving flowers, like I think it's a waste of people's money.
It's good to support the flower industry, and I'm glad
that those people are making so much money, and like
the mark the markup on flowers is ridiculous. But later
that day I received a call from the front desk
of the hotel that Um, the the executives at Big
Money Players had come together to send me flowers and

(10:33):
I got a beautiful arrangement of birds of paradise because
I'm in the Cayman Islands, came in islands. They also
sent Andrew a bushel, which he was so excited about,
like a masculine flower arrangement that he has never received flowers,
so that was great to I felt so bad because
I go how ironic that the day they didn't they
hadn't heard the first episode when they sent that either.
It wasn't like ha ha. First of all, I loved

(10:57):
this arrangement because the card was sweet, and the flowers
are like bird of paradise. They're not like they're not
dying yet. But I do want to say that I
appreciate this so much and I don't need and they
don't have ediable arrangements on this island probably so you
couldn't have done better than this. But in the future
of service, gift card will suffice for the amount that

(11:18):
you would spend on some flowers. But I'm just kidding.
It was it was so nice to receive the card
was so hard felt. That's what I love about flowers
is that card moment where you go who is this from?
In the anticipation and like and so thank you so
much for the flowers. Um. They obviously didn't go through
my agents, because my agents have have noticed that if
anyone was to semi flowers that they say she would

(11:39):
much prefer a gift card to these places in the
amount of that body, because I just I know that
companies have money to spend to send gifts like this,
like it's part of their budget. Why not spend it
on something that I'm gonna use. But the birds of
Paradise are killing it in this tropical land and it
actually really livens up this place. And and you know,
I don't lie, so I am telling the truth. I

(12:02):
love this Birds of Paradise that I received. And Andrew
was really touched by his bouquet as well. So thank
you so much to big money players. Thank you to
Will Ferrell for acknowledging my existence. And um, let's just
bring let's bring the big boy in. Why I don't
know I'm calling him a big boy. He went to
the gym already today. I already did a podcast you
guys have to check out when I'm on KFC Radio.

(12:23):
I just did a podcast with them, which they are
so fun. If you don't already listen, it's Kevin Clancy
and John Fidelberg and they are hilarious and honest, just
like if you like my vibe, you'll love them. It's
more of a bro eva because it's like barstool sports,
but they're not douches. They're really like emotion. Like John
Fidelberg is like the biggest swift ee and that's why
I love him. But I I confronted uh, the host Kevin,

(12:45):
because we were talking about relationships, why I don't have
one when I'm not in one, why I'm not having sex,
and I go, you know, it's not just me. I'm
not picky. I put myself out there and I get
rejected right just a guy drops off or I feel
a spark and then it's just not there. It's not
like everyone like looks at me like, oh my god,
anyone would die to be with you. And I'm like, well,
I put it out there and I get so I'm
not crazy, but maybe I am. So I go, Okay, Kevin,

(13:06):
I actually had a crush on you. What happened there?
I followed up, I texted you we were and I go,
what happened there? So tune into that. I don't know
when it's gonna come out, but probably pretty soon. KFC
Radio subscribed now, so you don't miss my episode when
it comes out, um, because I just confronted it because
I was like, this is actually interesting and I do
want an answer. And it's much easier for me to
confront difficult things when they're on air, uh than when

(13:28):
when I'm it's it's my fear of emotional intimacy. But no,
you're gonna have to hear it. You'll love it. No,
I can't wait because I was there for when you
had the crush on him, so I need the continuation
to this story. Yeah, because I had him into the
radio show when we're in serious initially because oh he

(13:48):
reached out to me, I think, And then I did
his podcast and I was just like, this guy is
like the throughout his show, I was just like always
kind of cute and like we had a good like meeting.
But I was like, oh he is really cute. My god,
he's really smart. He's like as he likes the same
kind of sex stuff that I do. Like I was like, well,
this is a no brainer. And then it quickly was
like and so my question was am I a bad

(14:11):
at flirting? Like? What's going on? I was so great
to get an opportunity to hear from someone who had
kind of I felt rejected me and what he sensed
on his end, So it was I had to follow
up though, so stick through the whole episode because we
get back to it at the end. I go, I
don't feel like I got an answer. It was pretty good. So, um, yeah,
I don't want to ruin it and tell you what happened,
but go listen to that and you'll find out. And

(14:32):
let's get Andrew in here and talk about how he
slept and and and get some headlines. Hey, Andrew Colin,
my roommate and best friend, how do you sleep last night?
I love good. I love coming in here like I
do because I feel like a relief pitcher in baseball

(14:54):
when they're like, bring him in, and I like, but
they know what's going on with the game. I have, no,
I don't. I didn't know what you were meaning by
that reference. I was just like I started tuning out
relief picture. I just like, that's like, to um, that's
too much jargon for me that I don't understand. I
know it's not jargon. It's like a very easily understandable thing.

(15:15):
But okay, so you know the game is going on,
and you like you're coming late to the party. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
And I just like, at least the picture knows what
the score is. I come in. I don't know what
the hell you just talked about. You might have just
said I had a small penis for ten minutes, so
you were listening again and it was twelve minutes a
minute a minute for every quarter. And it's okay, yeah,

(15:45):
I slept, I slept good. Uh. We got the vaccine
the first episode or the first the first episode of
the vaccine, the first I don't know, you understand what
he means. Go on, yes, so we got the vaccine yesterday.
And you know, you could say, it's in my mind. Whatever,
my shoulder was hurt, so you yet your shouldren was baky.

(16:08):
Thanks for the empathy. Like literally, it's like the ache
of a bruise, Like that's what you're feeling. And you're like,
you couldn't sleep because of a bruise. Like what do
you do when you get a bruise? I'm just saying,
I sleep on my side, so you can still when
you're sleeping. Sometimes things creep up a little bit stronger
because you're a sensitive boy. Boys are so sensitive. Noah,
I think women, I'm sorry men out there who are

(16:29):
like no, I can take pain, and I believe a
lot of you can because you were, you know, put
through pain probably as a child that stealed you and
made you stronger now. But women in general can tolerate pain.
So much more than men. And maybe that's just me
being a woman and wanting that to be the case,
but it just feels that way. Noah, do agree, Like
when boys are sick with the same thing that you're

(16:51):
sick with, it's always so much more of a dramatic production,
at least with the men in my life. That's right.
I think it's because we have to start with like
waxing and stuff or in life so pain is waxing
is one of the pain most painful things. That is
like so dumb that we do that we do for ourselves.
And also being hungover, I think is another pain we
can flipped on ourselves unnecessarily. And but no, I think

(17:13):
women it's childbirth. I think we're just like two. We
can We're born ready to have that kind of excursion.
Taken some pretty big ships with hemorrhoids, know, and I
know you've had fissures to anal fishers that were like
the most those are supposedly the most pository, lee the
most painful it was, and anal fisher if shout out
to experience that if you can't handle a little bruisy

(17:36):
bruise on, it wasn't my bruisy bruise. I'm just like
and you were like I had a bruise on my arm,
like that just would not be of note to anyone else. Like,
I just don't understand. You asked me how I slept
last night. I was answering, honestly, I had. I woke
up a couple of times because I rolled over on
my left side and I heard a little bit. I
just don't understand how you're going to age, because all

(17:59):
aging equals you're body hurting and aching all the time.
Like you's always aching. I can't lift, I can't do
curls because a muscle underneath a muscle is hurting. I
don't know I'm falling apart. I didn't want to make
you feel go into a spiral here. I'm just like
anal Fishers though you've been through anal Fishers are the

(18:19):
are worse than um. I can't even explain the feeling.
It feels like I like a fourteen thousand wasps are
stinging my asshole. At the same time, they made a plan,
They're like, hey, let's meet An Andrew's asshole around seven
am to have a sting fest, and and you cry.

(18:39):
I cried. I would I would ship and then I
would look in the mirror and essentially I would have
to bite down on a freaking I don't know, I think,
why did you have that to it? I was I
was with you with the pain of like you were like,
because I picture you on the toilet. The wasps are
meeting for the sting off and uh they have to

(19:00):
the way if that thousands of loss met at seven am,
they'd have to take turns. They can't at like sting
that at the same time, I feel like they'd be
in line. Yeah they weren't. Well, it was que outside
of your asshole. Okay, five at a time, five at
a time. Yeah, the worst pain you've ever felt consistently. No,
but I'm getting back. Don't skip over the mirror thing.

(19:20):
Why are you looking in the mirroring because I'm hot pain?
Do you think were you looking in the mirror like
like kind of watching yourself cry? Is that? Is that
what I'm it was, just like, I don't know. Sometimes
you look you look in the mirror for a lot
of reasons. I think back in the day, back in
the day when I when I was playing football, you
look in the mirror to get pumped up. You go
come on, don't be a fucking pussy. You got this.

(19:41):
Be a fucking man, Be the best you can be.
Don't let you vote yourself through the pain. Yeah, so
I would look in the mirror, I go, don't be
a pussy. Your asshole feels like it's getting stuck like loss. Yeah,
I hear that, okay, because I'm trying to when I
think of the worst pain I've ever felt, I mean
migraines with out of doubt, migraine in the in the

(20:02):
in the worst of a migraine is like where you
truly consider I mean, I've done awful damage to myself
trying to just cause another pain. That isn't that like
I I create a new pain so that that pain, Um,
not as much focus can be on that pain, because
what pain is is what you're focusing on. Really like,

(20:23):
it's like what you're feeling. So if you confuse your body,
you could actually not feel that pain is hard and
feel it somewhere else and and disperse it that so
it's not right on this point right behind your eye.
Now it's over on this side of your head too,
so it radiates and um, yeah, that's the worst pain.
It's like I just crying and puking because you're in

(20:44):
so much pain and like just honestly wanting to die
and thinking that if this doesn't go away, I'll have
to kill myself because this I can't live like this.
When did you first start getting migraine? When I got
an I U D and I didn't even make the connection.
I just kept the iu D in and then I
eventually got it removed because I I just wanted to
I I died, and um they yanked out and then

(21:08):
they stopped. Oh but no, but now you're getting them again. No,
now I get. I get. What I feel is like
the amount that I used to get before is nothing
Like I have one and once in a while because
they're hormonal, they're related to whatever hormone was pumping through
my bloodstream when I had that I U D progesterone. Possibly,
So when I around my period, I will get a

(21:29):
headache that will be close but not as severe as
and then I'll get one from While you're yelling, I
don't yell. I just kind of get really quiet and
want to just be like cry weep quietly in a
dark room. Is that a John Mayor's song Bump Bum

(21:51):
were just weeping quietly in a dark room. You were
the one that had a headache. I was the one
that didn't want to bother you. There's nothing that I
could do. We tried to put your feet in the
sink and put a bag of piece on your head.

(22:11):
We tried all these different remedies. I even told you
if I fucked you, maybe it'd go away. I heard
that organisms will sometimes make migrains go away, and so
I convinced you to fund me on your migraine. You're
going down, and I forgot that you going down on
me doesn't cause an orgasm. So my whole plan is
kind of blown apart right now. You go down, Okay,

(22:36):
So let's some get to That's a beautiful thank you.
Let's get to the news or whatever you deems the nest.
It's my favorite, I know it is you love your
own voice. No, it's you listen to yourself. You listen

(22:59):
to your podcast. Last night, though, I did listen to
us on puddles, and I was having a ball watching
our puddles that we literally I lived two nights ago.
I don't know why I needed to watch her conversation again,
but he was captivating, and I looked so pretty, like
I really killed my makeup, and I was proud of myself.
Sometimes you just look at yourself and you go, you
look great, and I just needed to. I was watching
myself and like having love for myself. I was like,

(23:20):
you're so pretty and you're so nice and sincere. Like
I saw myself like I loved myself and it was
like such a nice I just let that moment sink
instead of watching it being like why did you do that?
The whole time, I was like, that's so sweet. That's
a cute thing you said. Oh, you tried to make
a joke. There didn't really land like. It was just
you're also sitting next to me and that Tommy Bahamas,
so you're gonna look literally realized at forty minister, I

(23:42):
had not even looked at you once. I was just
look at each other. We don't look at each other. No, no, no,
I didn't you what I was watching. When I was
watching it, I mean, I don't know what to tell
you deep in him, I'm not looking that my baby green.
I'm blurring my face right now because I don't want
to actually make why look at me? Take just take

(24:02):
me in? Why are you weird about it. Take me in.
It's just eye contact. Prolonged eye contact for me is romantic.
And I don't want to do that with you. Why
because don't make a romantic though, But it's it's me.
Prolonged eye contact is romantic. That's what it means. So
I don't do it with people that I don't have
that vibe with. It feels weird. It feels like incest. Okay,

(24:25):
well you ready for the first story. Yeah, all right.
I hope you're having a great time out there. Guys.
Oh God, he always wishes you a great time before
he begins. That's his little that's my way to get
them on my side. We get in an argument. I
hope you have a great time, all right. Handwriting your
notes had more advantaged and in putting them digitally, you're

(24:46):
I picked this story because I know you've been writing
way more with handwriting these days. Yeah, you know. I
I write notes down with but I I don't go
back and look at those as much as the notes
on my phone because the notes of my phone are
is in my phone next to me, and notebooks I
have a hard time keeping track of Sometimes I'll write
like really emotional journal entries that are just like stream consciousness,

(25:08):
like stuff that if you read, I would be devastated
if you read. And then I'll hand you that notebook
to be like, hey, Andrew, will you write this list
that I'm thinking of? So like, I'm too willy nilly
with notebooks and I can't trust myself, but I love
a notebook and writing with a sharpie. Would you rather
a guy find a pussy picture of you that slade?

(25:28):
Then my ramblings in a notebook that I'm talking about
like an up close and your face is in it? Great? Yes,
I mean like that's fine. I I like my vagina.
It looks great. Don't tell me what you wrote in
your journal, but what makes you like what? Like let's
give like a generalization of like like it'll be like

(25:49):
I hate my Like I woke up today and I
felt fat, and I don't know why that is because
I'm not any different than I am. Yes, there's no
chance that yesterday I'm that different than I that yesterday
I didn't feel fat, Yet today I feel fat. There's
no way I gained enough weight from one day based
on what I ate to make me feel fat. So

(26:10):
I know that this isn't what I am, So what
else is going on? And then I'll be like, I'm
really scared about this thing later tonight. Uh, you know,
like I just talked about my feelings, like I just try.
I can't even do access it because stuff comes out
when you write it stream of consciouness, when you're writing
really messy and fast, that it's just like embarrassing, but
it's so on point. Like I read some old journals

(26:32):
of mine recently, from like years ago, where I would
just right, you know, I journal sporadically, so like a month,
I'll do like three times three days in a row,
and they'll skip a year and then go back, you know. Um,
So I read some stuff from four years ago and
it was spot on about all the changes I've implemented
in my life. I was begging for help back them
with them. It's just nice to see that the things

(26:52):
I'm addressing now we're actually problems back then that I
didn't even know I had. But we're just coming out
in journal entries. But I isn't aware, like, but it
was all there. It's like I need to start eating
skipping meals, Like skipping meals is ruining my life I
was like saying it and begging for help, but then
it took me four years to learn maybe don't skip meals. Then, like, well,

(27:14):
based off that study which was done in Tokyo, you
were probably like, um, handwriting stuff increases your brain activities.
Maybe you were able to figure that stuff out because
you were writing it down as absolutely saying it digitally.
I always wanted to convince myself that handwriting wasn't better
than typing, Like you can type journals, which it's still good,

(27:35):
but there's something about handwriting that actually does something different
than um typing. Well, it says it triggers your robust
brain activity, and in writing, my hands especially was stronger
neural encoding and memory retrieval. Cool. Yeah, I gotta I
gotta words, Yeah robust. I never write in journals, and

(27:56):
I think I should, or write down at all. Sometimes
I forget, I'm remember I went to write down. I
forgot how to write right, which is wild. But I
used to write in journals in high in middle school
I had to, and I remember my parents went through
the divorce and like my journal entries used to be
like perfectly legible and like thought out, and then my

(28:17):
parents started fighting and you would just see it would
like I would maybe sometimes I would just I'd had
to fill out two pages, so I would write the
same sentence over and over again, just be like the
system and it'd be like crooked, and like the handwriting
became like it looked like an anarchist. But looking upon
that later, I mean, you had no perspective on that

(28:39):
when you were doing it, but then in retrospect you're like, wow,
this said so much about my mental state and you
were writing the same sentence over and over, but you
still found out things about yourself that dude would write
like nice journal. And then like three months into my
parents divorce, it was just like Jonathan, I don't want
to say his name, whatever, this guy there is a
fat motherfucker on the bus anger when you just got angry, yeah,

(29:06):
and it was it's all dud. Yeah, but you know
I wouldn't be here if you know that journal probably
be somewhere better. Yeably like people go, yeah, my dysfunction
lend me to where um, it's like work. What could
you have done? Though, Like you don't even considered that.
But there's no free will, so the whatever the way
you are, you have no choice and you have no
choice where you go. Next, listen to Sam Harris's new

(29:27):
podcast on Making Sense called My Last Thoughts on three
free Will, and you will understand why we have no
free will. And if I'm blowing your mind right now,
you're like, what do you mean no free will? Yeah,
you don't have a choice about anything you do or
anything you think. And I know you're like, there's no way, Nikki,
that's blowing my mind. I used to think that too.
Go listen to Making Sense podcasts My Thoughts on free
Will And by the way, Sam Harris's podcast, which which
I love and I recommend all the time game Changer segment. Uh,

(29:51):
you can get it for free if you just right
into it. He has a paywall, but you can get
it for free if you just can't afford it, and
you just write to Sam Harris info at at sname
Harris dot org and just say I can't afford the podcast.
They'll give you code and you get to have the
whole podcast. And um, but you can get the first
forty minutes for free regardless. Anyway, that I really recommend

(30:11):
anyone listened to My My Final Thoughts on three free
Will the Making Sense podcast is two episodes ago. So
go on, Andrew, what's the couldn't helped? I couldn't help
you find him? You find him a little sexy? Oh yeah,
Sam Harris is so sexy. I'm not going to deny that.
But that's not why I like him. I like he's
sexy because I I just admire him so much. And

(30:32):
I don't know so many podcasts and that one really
has changed my life and my perspective. Um, he talks
about stuff like journaling. Okay, Um, Nikki wants to blow
Sam Harry want stop that? That is weird. No, don't
say that. I want him on this podcast. On. Yeah,
that is not one of the news stories. That's my journal.

(30:53):
Cut damn it, Andrew, don't leave it out. You wrote
the path, you wrote the WiFi password in it. Alright?
What no, no, no, Andrew. I think Andrew has a
good story. Okay, let's hear it. Sarah Gilbert who you know?
I know Sarah Gilbert? Yeah, um, we created a show

(31:13):
to get what I created a show for her production company.
While telling Drew Barrymore that she was her first girl
kiss on the set of Poison IVY, I loved this.
I saw this last night, Sarah Gilbert. No, but Sarah
Gilbert is a lesbian, and I just love the idea

(31:34):
of like, yet she had been on Roseanne and probably
kissed boys on that show because she was a straight
character on that show. But for her to have her
she said her she had her first girl kiss right,
same sex kiss was on screen. I love those They
practiced in the trailer beforehand, did really? But how old
were they? Then? I wonder, oh my god, this is
so hot. I mean, probably like sixteen or seventeen that

(31:57):
I'm just looking at a still from it. It's got
to be somewhere, and they're like, can I just tell
you that if you're probably anywhere between thirty five and
a forty five year old man. Poison IVY was seminal.
It was a movie that that in a movie called
blown Away with Nicole at cart Those are two movies
that if you're around that age, you definitely masturbated around

(32:19):
eleven eleven PM masturbated Darlene's first kiss. Yeah, Darlene is
like the least sexy name by the way, Oh well
yeah no, But if you were, if you were around
that age, those movies and what's the one where they
made out in the pool wild things. Yeah, so yeah,
I hear that. Yeah, I mean your first kiss was

(32:41):
a girl. Yeah, my first kiss was many girls like that.
I didn't kiss a boy until my first kiss was
cursed in because I thought I was gonna have my
first kiss with a boy and I wanted to practice,
and she was like, I was worried I wasn't gonna
be good. And later that night, I thought I was
going to kiss Doug Reece and I was nervous, and
she goes, I'll kiss you and tell you if you're
good or not, and so we made out and then um,
and then I didn't end up. Yeah, I didn't end

(33:03):
up kissing Doug that night. But then I got drunk
for the first time, and I wanted to kiss boys
so bad about scared of boys, and all my girlfriends
were like just drunk too, So we just all started
making out and it was just it wasn't like sexy though.
We were just like laughing, you know, but it was still. Yeah,
I made up with a lot of girls before, but
I haven't done it since, and not even close to
you did kiss your friend just a quick pick cursing again,

(33:25):
And I have been writing in my journal, so no,
I um for me, I love these stories of these
first kisses on set or like on camera, like these
child stars who had to have their first kisses, like
Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher their first kiss. That's Ashton
was the first kiss and now he's her husband. It's
so sweet. That is kind of sweet your first kiss

(33:46):
and not so much your husband. No, my yeah, my
first kiss with the boy, not the bust experience. My
first kiss fourth grade. Kissed a sixth grader, damn. And
I was on the bus and we were in the
back of the bus. Everyone was watching. It was like
an event. Yeah, and uh because I was so small
event and she was like the hottest sixth grader, like

(34:07):
she was sucking dope and uh, I fucking went in.
I didn't turn my head and I drilled noses and
it was so embarrassing and everyone was laughing at me,
like he didn't turn his head. What a fucking you
just oh so like instead of tilting your head to
make out and make for both noses, you just like
went the nose. And I mean it's the story of

(34:29):
my sex life ever since then. I mean that started.
It started me down to where you get you get
to like and you do pretty good. Like I feel
like you and I've seen you with women, and like
you tend to get the sixth grade the hottest sixth
grade girl, like over and over. Yeah, they always say
in sixth grade, but like that that the girls you

(34:50):
that slidened your dems and the girls that you I've
seen you get close to getting are like you're still
It's it's of that caliber of like you're the fourth
grade guy who's like the underdog, but like for some
reason they really like you and they're like the hot
girl in sixth grade. Yeah, I'll take that. I love it. Underdog.
I love being the underdog. Give me under their dog,
you know. Yeah, that's what I say. You're not. Yeah,

(35:12):
you're not gonna be on top anytime soon. Chrissie Teagan
quit Twitter because of negativity and leaves behind thirteen million followers.
I mean she'll be back, right, you can recover that stuff? No,
uh do you think you can recover I don't know
the laws, but that seems like a rash decision and
I think she did it over the fact that people

(35:34):
were giving her ship for selling something. Um yeah with
Chris Jenner, Yeah, Chris Jenner. She partnered with Chris Jenner
to to promote something and people were so furious about
it that she couldn't deal with the trolls anymore and
just was like, I'm gone, so weird how people turn
on you or like how bad? Like I think it's

(35:54):
a great, um, it's an interesting beginning to Like it
got me thinking last night, like what if people start
dropping off the social media? What if we go back
to not having access to people's daily life and like
what they're doing all the time, Like what if we
get what if people start like what if those things
go away? Like how cool would that be? But just

(36:17):
you can go away when you're on top. I don't
want to see people's Twitter or Instagram. I will it
ruins people for me? Oh yes, if you have a
crush and then you see someone, it's not even like
a crush lader, they're like friends to like where you
get to know someone in life and then you see
their social media and you just are like, oh god,

(36:40):
you're like not as cool as I want you to be.
Like you and there's just like too much, there's too
much room for air. And I put myself into that
category to There are times that I put out things
that I'm sure guys have been like or like girlfriends
that might have been like Nikki, this isn't a good look,
And it's just it's just a vulnerable space where you
sometimes can put out something and make a rash decision

(37:02):
and tweet something or you know, put something on your
story that's just an ugly side of you that is
so easy to come out because you have this outlet
that usually in real life you would have a um
there's a barrier between you and that knee jerk reaction
to put that out there for your friends to see
that side of you. But it's all it is now
is a pull up your story, post a picture, click

(37:23):
a button, and then it's out there for the next
twenty four hours. I just feel like if she has
you know, she's married to John Legend, she's made a
ship ton of money on her own, they probably have
a hundred million dollars, Like she doesn't need to be
called a dumb count every day. Like she just doesn't
need that now. Some people still need it because they're
still building their money. Like people don't reach their team. Know,

(37:45):
there's if you haven't noticed, no one's ever rich enough.
No one just gets rich and then stops. None of
these people, these people all have enough money to live
so well for themselves, well into the future until the
end of the world, like about eight years. How successful
would you have to be to get off social media completely?
I mean I would have to be really Like social

(38:07):
media for me fills a whole of like not feeling
like I'm having enough fun, Like it's fun for me.
I still get this enjoyment out of it, So I'd
have to have a fulfilling life otherwise it have to
not be about money. It have to be about like
I'm around people that I am constantly stimulated by, and
having is giving me that much stimulation, because that's what

(38:27):
this stuff is is just constantly like new things popping up.
And it's like, if I'm in a relationship, I filled
my life with enough of those things, which is almost
impossible to do. It's like speed dating, like social media
is like speed dating in real life. That's like the
only thing I equipped went to it. It's it kind
of makes you realize why people don't get in committed
relationships because in every other aspect of your life, you
can get whatever you want whatever food you want, whatever

(38:49):
entertainment you want, instantly, there is no more committing to
literally anything. The biggest commitment I have ever made is
this podcast. I realized the other day I've had a
contract over a year for anything in my life, and
it's certainly not a relationship has ever contract, Like until
you say I'm gonna get married, that's obviously you know,

(39:10):
being like forever. But that's what I'm scared of commitment,
I realized. But this this podcast, I'm not scared. Yeah,
well I was a little bit like starting I was like, wait,
is a kid? This is my life for that's so long?
Like even when I buy a five pack of Q Tips,
I'm like, this is a little you're committing to, like
living long enough to use these, that's kind of insane. Yeah,

(39:31):
Like I I that even I'm not joking you that
that seems like a joke, but it's not. When I
buy that many Q Tips, I just go, What're Yeah,
I just like I'm not going to get through all those,
Like that's a waste. It's interesting because like my whole life,
I've always like you know, where I went to college, where,
you know, whatever I've done with my I've never thought
it through, you know, even this podcast, I didn't really

(39:52):
think it through. But out of most things, I was like,
I did think before I moved to St. Louis to
do this. I did at least kind of give it
a little bit of thought. And we have long term goals.
My long term goal, I guess I didn't ask you
what they were. I just asked, do you have them? Yeah?
So what's the next news story? I'll tell you. Oh,

(40:17):
you know what our next one is. I here's a goal.
Here's the goal of yours realized. Once a week, we're
going to have a segment here on the show where
Andrew gets to do a little bit of his favorite
genre of news, sports news. So here's Andrew's weekly sports moment. So, okay,

(40:45):
get me into sports, all right. A fifteen seed during
March Madness, for the second time ever, has made the
Sweet sixteen a team called Oral Roberts, which was also
my ex girlfriend's nickname in college. Nice. Oh my god.
I bet you got so giddy and go and you
giggled to yourself while you were in the shower when

(41:07):
you have it, did you? I bet you that? Yeah?
I know the shampoo as a mic oh I guarantee
you were this year sweet sixteen. Okay, let's just get
into well you talk about fifteen seed means please, I
understand that's a terminology that I should know, but I
don't know it. So, so each bracket, there's four different
brackets one through sixteen. A fifteen beat a two, which

(41:31):
is just unheard of, right, and then they beat a seven,
which is just crazy. So like, okay, So so they're
they're at a sixteen places you could be there in
fifteenth place. They're like in the group of colleges that
are like the fifth Yes, they've made the top sixty
four teams, but they're in the bottom of the sixty
four got it? So a fifteen seed out of sixteen seeds,

(41:52):
so a bottom not a good team one of the
like in we're probably in the worst of the bats
that playing for March Madness beat someone in the top
two or five percent. This will give you an idea
of it. So ESPN does a thing where they where
they let people fill out a bracket fourteen million around,
like fourteen million brackets were filled out. Not one has

(42:14):
all the right teams right now? Well, no, something might
have had that right, doesn't have any So it's art
and that's never I mean, how beautiful that is in sports?
I mean that is pretty cool because it's like, what's
going on here? What did they attribute it to? Do
they have like a star player? Injuries on the teams?
They played? Good questions? My thought is okay, Also, what's

(42:36):
crazy about this March madness? Duke which you've heard of?
Obviously North Carolina, Kansas, and Kentucky are not in March madness?
Which is yeah wild? What you who? Like the only
thing that they care about is they didn't make this
the did my egg girlfriend from college? They didn't even

(42:58):
make it in the sixty four teams? Yeah, ku is
a U and duke they are? Is it because of COVID? Yeah,
they all got COVID. No no, no, no, no no,
that's actually a good question. They might have not have
practiced as much. And if you can't practice as much, okay,
so what do North Carolina? It's all there. It's called
one and done. So a lot of these kids don't

(43:19):
go to college for one year to the freshman year
and go to the pros. So then you're getting new
and you gotta refill it. And they got to be
so good that they could beat juniors and seniors which
have been practicing together for three or four years. So
now you're having uh, you know, Duke and those guys
having won. When was the last time Duke, Ku and

(43:40):
North Carolina? We're not in the suite in the march madness?
They could all of them together, I mean, I mean
even individually. Like do those schools sometimes go in and out?
I mean, I just feel like they're always in the
at least when you're making a bracket like the eight,
like the bottom, and I don't know, it's wild. It's
wild the viewer. And I thought the viewership would go down,
but it's actually it's doing well. Um well, now it's

(44:02):
going to be great because of this Oral Roberts and
this is this a dentistry school. I'm seriously, what where
is it where? I don't know it's I think it's
somewhere down below, if you know what I mean. Where
is it? No, I don't know, I really don't know.
I can't believe this is your news segment and you
have sumation knowledge, but you don't know where Oral Roberts is.
I can't believe how much you know about sports, Nikki.

(44:23):
This is blowing my mind. I went to Ku. So
I do know that March Madness. I'm very familiar and
I do enjoy March Madness. And and like you know,
making Brackett, I love a good bracket. I love a
good Taylor Swift song bracket. And and in my in
my song bracket, I will say that there was an
Oral Roberts for me, which was a song that not
many people like. Which which song do I love that

(44:45):
people don't? Oh? Fifteen for me? A lot of girls
that also love Taylor Swift for like, wow, fifteen beat
out style And for me, style is a U n C.
And I don't give us styles never. Style has been
my Oral Roberts for all along. And so five team
ended up winning my bracket and it was like Oral
Roberts taking home the final, uh, you know, the March

(45:05):
Madness Trophy. I got to go you gotta go back
on something. Okay, Kansas still is in the tournament. Okay, guys,
Kansas did reach the top sixty four. We had to recount.
They actually beat the Eastern Washington Eagles eighty four in
their most recent game. And I really just hijacked your

(45:28):
news segment. Okay, is there anything you want to add.
I'm just sad that I ruined my shot at the
Sports thing, the Kansas thing, but they're out of it.
I believe you can figure it out. I mean, I
feel like I had more information in this segment. I
really just based off of you googling and not being
able to read fast enough, and I can read your screen. Um, uh,
well we gotta move on, Andrew. Okay, but you'll have

(45:51):
a chance next week redeem yourself and really come in
with a lot of sports knowledge. And next week can
I can I challenge you as as a coach. I
want to challenge you. You You look in the mirror and
you talk to yourself before you give that swords segment,
and you you deliver in a way that will educate
me so I don't have to have too many follow
up questions and also in a way that will interest
me and also fulfill sports fans who might be listenings,

(46:13):
uh desires for sports news. All right, So our next
segment is a going to be one that we will
obviously ask for submissions from our listeners. This is a
little thing we like to call the blanket thing You've
ever done, And every month we're going to pick a

(46:34):
new blank and you're we're going to present ours and
then we're gonna ask for submissions from you guys to
send in your blankett thing and you're gonna try to
top ours, and we'll read it on the show and
if you can top the thing that we the blankest
thing we've done, um, we'll crown a winner at the
end of the month and we'll we'll switch it up
every month or so. So for this month, um, and

(46:56):
we'll do this once a week. My blanket for this month,
it's going to be the grossest thing you've ever done.
So this is the grossest thing you've ever done. We're
going to present ours now and then we will ask
you to submit your own at if you think they
can beat ours out. We're gonna do a March Madness
of grossest things you've ever done every month. The category

(47:17):
will change this month, the grossest thing you've ever done? Um,
And you can send the submissions to the Nicki Glaser
Podcast at gmail dot com. V Nikki Glaser Podcast at
gmail dot com. Uh, Andrew, do you want to kick
us off the grossest thing you've ever done? You know
I've done a lot of gross I mean, we came
up with this segment a while ago because we just
couldn't stop sharing gross things, and we were gonna make

(47:37):
it only about gross things and that would be like
the whole show. And I go, we gotta add other
things and not just gross things, because I don't think
I think people turn people off. We just can share
one at a time. You know, it's a little, it's
a lot. We're gross. Okay, UM, you know this story.
I think I had to go with it because I
can't think of anything grosser. I know a few stories

(47:58):
are probably going on in your mind, but I'm just
gonna tell you. I'm eleven years old. We all know
the story, I don't we just me and you. Um.
I walked into my parents bathroom. I came across an object.
I didn't know what it was. It seemed foreign, it
seemed alien like. There was hair on it. I don't
know where the hair came from, and there was there

(48:19):
was enough hair. It looked like an eighties hair band,
a little like hair like hair was like it fell
on the floor at a salon, or hair like. It
was actually implanted implanted hair, and there was a hole
in it. I didn't really know exactly it was like
a gooey dooey. It was. It kind of um looked

(48:40):
like it's like you know when you make pottery and
it falls apart, Okay, like a smushed clay, kind of smudge,
soft clay. And it turns out it was a pocket pussy.
I didn't know if it was my dad or my
mom's or the dog. Let's stop making jokes and just
tell it like it's real, because I know this is
a This is a bit you do. So I'm trying
to I don't want you to get into bit. I

(49:02):
have to do it like a bit. I haven't done one,
I know, but I'm just I want you to not
tell this as like but I'm telling it, but I'm okay, okay.
So it turns out you realize it. You realize you
realized later on in life it was a pocket pussy,
But at the time you're eleven, you didn't know what
that was. No, I had an idea. I didn't inkling

(49:22):
that it was a pussy because I don't know, maybe
I came across one in a magazine or something. At
so you knew what it was. You weren't like, what's this.
You knew what it was. I kind of knew what
it was. I really didn't know. I never heard of
your penis in it. If there's a whole, your dick's
going in it when you're eleven, really, I mean sure,
And but I couldn't fill it up. My cock really

(49:43):
wasn't big enough yet and I didn't come but it
was wet and it was disgusting. And um, that means
my dad probably just used it with lotion or maybe
it was his leftover. I mean, this is just I
want to apologize. Yeah, this isn't like the grossest thing
Andrew's and like, the grossest thing is that Andrew is

(50:03):
telling the story is that you didn't keep this to yourself.
That's so funny. First of all, I'm sharing with you guys,
and you guys seem to be making fun of He
tells the story on stage at like it's his closer
because it is true and it's insane, and it's so

(50:24):
funny that he admits. This is why I love Andrews
that he doesn't keep these things in and like and
why should he? This is so funny. It's so funny
that he was an a love year old kid who
found his father's pocket pussy which is a you know,
self masturbatory tool, and he used it and it was
and it was used you know, like everything about gross.

(50:44):
So he always closes on this joke, and the grown
from the audience is how I determine whether or not
I'm going to like them, because if they when they
go oh like, I could just tell they're very empathetic
and like emotional and and listening. Yes, And so I
always go out to this like you kind of leave
a weird taste in their mouth. And it's a fun

(51:05):
it's a fun atmosphere to walk out into as a
crowd because I used to do the same kind of
jokes where it was just like people go, oh, you like,
because it's just a good reaction. Yeah, you know, it's
like it's not laughter, but it's just you've just shocked
them enough. I think laughter after the note anyhow, But
can I can I tell you something My dad tried

(51:27):
to gas like me years later he heard that I
was talking about on podcasts and he claimed that he
never had a pocket pussy and then he said maybe
it was, you know, my mom's new boyfriend or whatever,
And I go, Dad, there's I remember like three things
for sure in my life and this is up there.
I mean, you remember you remember having sex with any
pocket pussy, let alone your own father, So you know, yeah,

(51:51):
that sucks that he couldn't just admit it. But maybe
he actually doesn't remember if he had one. But you
remember if you have a pocket pussy or I like
you just maybe is his like seventh best one, like
how you have? Yeah, yeah maybe but then he then
he would know that he had one at least and
that you could have found it. You know, that's true.
Maybe you know, maybe you knew it was I'm getting

(52:12):
close to my bar mitzvah. Maybe it wasn't like your
mom's hair clip or something like, you don't know it
had hair on it, it was wet. I don't know.
It could have been like a new loofa your mom had.
That's true, you know, like it maybe could have been.
You could have misinterpreted it with your eleven year old brain.
But the grossest thing you ever did. Um Okay, So

(52:33):
I know you know a bunch of gross things that
involve feces and like, you know, just like bodily fluids
and stuff. But this to me is a story that
signifies how like Jeremy, I am and like how I
don't like care about that that Most people would just
be like how could you do that? So I once
I was in a really bad place in my life.
I was living in New York, just moved there, living

(52:55):
in disgusting apartment with a girl who was like really
like a recluse or order. And the place was already dark.
It was just so gross. My room was disgusting. I
was blaming. I was smoking pot all the time, was
drinking a lot. I was just I was just gross.
I was in a bad place and I wasn't taking
care of myself. And I took out my contact one night,
and I didn't even cover the little holes that you

(53:19):
put the case. I didn't even close the case, which
I still don't do that a lot of times, Like
I don't cover the case, which is gross already. But
I didn't cover the case. I took out my context
put him in the thing. I probably put water in
them because I was always out of contact solution, just
like so just gross, not washing them not They were
probably had been in my eyes for over a month.
I took them out though at night. I was taking
care of myself in that way. I don't sleep in

(53:40):
your contact. It can cause you to get tumors. It's awful. Um,
So I took them out. The next day, I was
taking nail polish off and so I I was using
nail polish remover, and I left the cap off of
that also on my desk, just because I'm just sloppy
and messy. Later on, I was grabbing something and I
knocked over the nail posh room over, but it was

(54:00):
on a shitty desk that I got a keya that
I didn't care about, and so I was just like,
oh funk, I spilled it and I didn't care. Later on,
I put in my contacts and I go about my
damn on the train and I'm like, everything looks like cloudy,
Like this is so weird, like and my eyes were
kind of stinging, but that that happened when you like
wear your contacts too much. And I was like, so weird,

(54:20):
and things sort of looked cloudy. It looked like there
was like a hallal cart haze, you know when like
hallal carts like put off a bunch of smoke. It
looked like that all around the city. And I was
like it looked like September twelve. You know, like there's
just like dust in the air, and I was like
asking people like and trying to smell for smoke. It
was so weird and um. Eventually my eyes hurt so
much that I took them out, but then the fog

(54:42):
didn't go away. Because I was like, maybe something in
my contact. I took him out, it did not go away.
It kept. I was just like I cannot see at
this point. Then I go Then all of a sudden,
all of like the everything comes into place, and I
was like, I accidentally spill old nail posh remover acetone
into my context len case and my I put in

(55:05):
context that have acetone in them as the lubricant to
put in my eye, and I googled, oh do you
know how I realized this? I googled cloudy vision and
it said chemical burn and I was like, what, I
chemically burnt my eyes. My friend Tony Even was in
town of the time, visiting from l A, and he
was taking me out to dinner and I called him
like sobbing, and I was like, I'm going blind. I

(55:26):
just blinded myself because I'm so like gross, I'm just
like all my fluids are everywhere and just like like
I almost blinded myself because of how disgusting I am.
So although it's not this really disgusting, it's just like
that to me signifies and was like a real eye opening,
eye clouding experience for like me to be cleaner. Did

(55:49):
you go to your urgent care field? I cried and
I cried and I cried, and I was like, I'm
just blind, Like it's irreversible. Like I was just reading
all this stuff and I couldn't see hopital because I
was broke and I was drunk and I was just
and I'd come from a family who goes waited out
and so I never go to the hospital for things
unless I'm like actually dying. I've never preemptively taking care

(56:12):
of myself in that way. And I just eventually it
went away, Thank god. It lasted a couple of days.
It was terrible over Yeah, I was like when when
we were watching that movie that the sound of Glue Girl. Yeah,
I mean honestly, it was like that. But it was
just because I was gross and it felt like, God,

(56:33):
this is usually I'm I'm like, wow, I don't get
cold because I'm so gross because I'm constantly eating, like
I'm surprised that doesn't happen to women more. You have
to go through so many we were talking about how
many steps you have to do, Like you're going to
funk up a step next thing you know you're blind,
Like you have to do so. And if you mix
different serums together that have different you know, chemicals, they
can counteract with each other and um and burn your

(56:56):
face and like, I you know, I've I've gotten laser
uh stuffed done to my face that's burnt my face
and caused me immense pain and suffering. I mean, it's crazy.
All right, let's get into our final thought round out
the week. God, I can't believe this week, flew By.
This week has been one of the best weeks of
my life. This podcast has been incredible and just working

(57:17):
down here. It's beautiful out here, and god, it's awesome. Yeah,
I um, I agree with you. This has been I
am so happy too. I said at the top of
the show before you came in a relief picture that
I yeah, I'm just like loving this show. We we
just every time we get done with it, we're like
that was so fun. Even on Wednesday Tuesday when I

(57:39):
was like so nauseous so sick during the podcast, it's
like I still had the best time. That was such
a good show perfect. So really, show too is like
our mood might you know, we're always going to try
to be funny and everything, but we're you're going to
get some real yeah but something, but this will take
me out of it. And that's why I like, I

(58:00):
wanted to have this every day in my life because
it it's something I'm excited to do. So I'm I'm
I'm really grateful to everyone who's listened and rated and reviewed.
We have like five stars. We've been charting all over
the place thanks to you guys. Seriously, I know that's
like such a cliched thing to say, like thanks to
the fans, but I've been reading your comments and your
your emails and your d m s and and you're

(58:21):
posting your stories and it's just also nice you took
the time out to to write to us and say
what it means to like, it really means a lot,
So thank you. And I want to just say because
I talked about it yesterday on the podcast Final Thought.
The movie we watched Southern Night that I did not enjoy,
but it's probably me because It's rated on Rotten Tomatoes.
Um was Molly's game. Um it said Aaron Sorkin, uh

(58:44):
script and he directed it. And I love Aaron Sorkin's work.
I'm a big fan, and so I was excited about
this movie. I do. I took a lot, but this
movie was excruciating for me to get through. I want
to do abandon it. Ten minutes in and Andrew made
us watch the whole thing and he goes, I want
to see how it ends. I go pull up the
synopsis on Wikipedia, Like, why waste another hour and a

(59:08):
half of your life when you could just find out
what happens and not have to sit through all of
this tedious, uh superfluous dialogue that I know he's famous for.
Jessica Jessica Chesst what's her name? Was this the whole time?
And talked like this and I know that was the directing.

(59:30):
Her voice. I couldn't take it anymore by the end
of it. And she is gorgeous and such a good actress,
but it just was maybe it was meant to irritate me,
and the directing was so crazy that I literally go,
and I'm not someone who's like a film like I
don't know film, but I knew this was directing was
not good. It was it would do. It was a
script that could have been handled much better because Andrew

(59:52):
didn't know that directing like matters. I go this script.
I go. Because you said, oh, he did the Social Network,
I go he did not direct. Then that works amazing
because it's Aaron Sorkin writing it and David Fincher directing.
If David Fincher would have directed all his game, it
would be an Oscar contender. It was such a good script,
but the directing, the shots, the music, the mixing it

(01:00:15):
it seemed like a first time, which he's gonna get better.
I mean, I'm sure Fincher's first movie was shipped or
like confusing too. You don't just hit it out of
the ballpark on the first try. Sports the the uh,
I feel like sworkin how he was editing it and
how he right It's like, um, you know, like when
someone has done way too much cocaine and they come

(01:00:35):
up to you and tell you a story about nothing
and they're so it just jumps from here to there.
That's how his editing. Like his editing was like that
one scene was like fifty different shots for like a
four minute scene about poker, Like, I guess you have
to try to make poker seem interesting when you know
it's fictional, And the whole thing that's interesting about poker

(01:00:57):
or sports is that it's like not fiction, It's like
anything could happen. But you know that this is scripted. Yeah,
it's hard to It's been done before, and it could
have been done better. I love Aaron Sorkin again, huge fan.
I think he's I'm just couldn't love his writing more.
I'm sure he's going to get better as a director.
And this was the first attempt in everyone like deserves

(01:01:19):
to be not as great when they start, so like,
that's fine. I don't know if his first attempt was
his first like non documentary directing. I think that he
had done and it just I but reading Rotten, to
me it was I was infuriated that no one else
was felt the same way I did, and I thought
it was just so obvious. We were looking at it,
we were laughing so hard at how I mean, it

(01:01:40):
would have been a great mystery science theater for us
to watch and make fun of this movie. But do
you feel like this movie was curssed so much. I said,
like eighteen times eight times. In my mind, that's the
only kind of movie I want. It's like it doesn't
even have to be good. There's a certain tone to
it that's like, it's not too much, there's any like
five or six characters. I don't like a movie that

(01:02:02):
talks down to me and makes me feel like. People
make movies sometimes for really dumb people, And I think
we should challenge people. Like I was saying about an
inside joke. When I say Delia's, I know that only
thirty percent of people out there going to get that reference,
but I expect the other seventy percent to know that
they're just not in on the joke. Not that it's
a bad joke, right, But I feel like a lot
of directors and writers makes don't don't challenge their audience

(01:02:27):
to maybe, hey, that's a reference that I should maybe
look into so I can understand that and and and
appreciate this on a deeper level. Instead, they don't even
make the reference. They don't even take the chance to
make it more selective. They want to uh, they want
to appeal to such a broad audience that it becomes
so stupid and you are talked to like a kindergartener.
And that's when I get That's when I walk out

(01:02:47):
of Horrible Bosses fifteen minutes into it. That's when I
walk out of Dinner with Schmucks halfway through, because it
is a comedy that is written by people who are
very intelligent, and they are talking down to me, and
I don't appreciate it. Okay, But on the same same token,
if you try to do too many analogies or whatever
to something so you don't have to be over the

(01:03:07):
top to make it so like you know, obtuse and
I understand. They definitely can, but Veep does that very well.
They have specific references that you will miss half the jokes,
but you they make so many jokes that you don't
mind missing. Happy final word, gotta go. Thanks so much
for listening this week. We'll see you next week on

(01:03:29):
the Nicki Glazer Podcast. I love you all. I love
you all to keep happy out there.