#5 Swells!

Everyone's grateful to start the week but Nikki isn't sure why Andrew has been chewing on his hands. They talk about smells in life and in the news, hooking up with people pretending to be animals, Andrew's ideal boyfriend for Nikki and they also introduce a new segment called Yesterday I Learned.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I can dig it. Nicky Glazer podcast, Thicky Glazzer Podcast.
He's Nikki. Thank you no uh my producer in Arizona.

(00:20):
Oh guys, I miss you. It feels like forever since
we finished out last week, and what a week it was.
Thank you so much to everyone who listened to our
first week. Andrew and I seriously we're bummed out on
Saturday when we didn't have a podcast to do. So

(00:43):
I hope you're having as much fun as we are.
We're back for a week two, so excited Between you
and me. I am not sleeping very much, and I'm
okay with it. It's okay. I'm my skin doesn't look
as good as it does when I sleep a lot.
I um, I'm not really thinking as clearly. UM. I

(01:07):
think some people compare being um sleep like people have
done studies, people scientists. I think those are the ones
that do studies where where like people drive tired and
it's like the same or with like sleep deprivation, it's
the same as being drunk. And so I honestly feel

(01:28):
like I'm just drinking again. That's I feel drunk all
the time. A little bit that's not true, but kind of.
I also only have one contact in and sometimes I
just take one contact out just to feel a little
drunk because I it's been so long. That's also not true.
The other one in acid tone. Oh my god, we've
got so much feedback about that story. Really tell you

(01:48):
please sorry. Email the Nikki Glaser Podcast at gmail dot
com where people horrified and more people like you need
to do this. I just want everyone know it was
like ten or twelve years ago. So my eyes are fine,
But what did they say? A lot of people are
just grateful that you didn't go blind. Oh that's really sweet.
It's always it could happen at any moment, you know,
Like I watched the the that's a that's the movie

(02:11):
The Sound of Metal where the drummer loses his hearing. Guys,
appreciate the senses that you have. And to anyone who
is deaf out there, how are you listening to this
right now? I guess podcasts can be transcribed and there's
tons of transcription services, So shout out to everyone who's
reading this right now, who is death. I'm talking directly

(02:34):
to you. Um No, It's like I really it made
me appreciate my sight when that happened. Um, one of
my biggest fears of getting COVID was losing my sense
of smell or taste. I mean that that really was
my biggest fear with COVID, you know, aside from giving

(02:55):
it to someone, because I just I don't get the flu.
I've never out in the flu. I don't really get
sick that often. Knock on, knock on wood, knock on wood.
I'm not superstitious, except when that with that, well, I
guess I am, um, And so I wasn't really scared
of like dying from COVID, and I know maybe that's
in rational fear. Please don't write into the show and

(03:15):
tell me why I should be scared. I honestly tried
everything not to get it, but I just really didn't
want to lose my sense of spell or taste. And
people that lost it and it hasn't come back in
the right way or in a different way. That scared
me so much. Um. I love tasting things way too much,
and smell is also very important to me, even though

(03:38):
I don't like I just started wearing perfume like paras
Helton got me into perfume. Brag. I'm like friends with
her now or whatever. It's not a big deal. Um.
When I did a show with her that's coming out
at some point in the summer, I think, Um, back
in December, I went to Paris's house and shot a
little not a little thing, a long thing, and she

(04:00):
at one point in the middle, in between takes, she
like doused herself in this perfume and it smelled so
good and I was like, what is that and she
was like, it's my it's my new perfume. Um, objectify, No,
that's not what it's called. That's so funny. I literally
just thought I wasn't even trying to be funny. That
is what I thought it was called. Um, I forget
the name of it. Fuck, I wish I could go.

(04:22):
I'll find it between segments. So girls wondering. But the
thing was, I love that Parrishilton's wearing her own perfume,
that it's not the most expensive perfume, and you just
think that someone. I hate when celebrities make products or
endorsed products that they clearly do not wear themselves. And uh,

(04:42):
she's clearly not one of those people. Like Jennifer Aniston.
I did a joke about it on Conan. Jennifer Aniston
using a Veno products. I was like, she wouldn't wash
her asshole with a vino face wash, let alone put
it on her face. You know, like these people are
lying to you. Katie Perry and Halle Berry don't use
cover girl like wake up, you know. But Paris Aulton
really does use her own perfume and it smells so good.

(05:03):
So I she gave me a bunch of stuff and
I like wear it all the time. And the other
day a guy, um, we are like walking to set
and I was like, you smell fantastic. And I was
like it just like felt so good. You know. I
wasn't even anywhere close to him, and it just felt
so good. No one ever says that. You know, sometimes
I have a shampoo, I guess, and someone's really getting

(05:24):
in there. I never get smelled compliments, and it just
felt nice. Know what, do you wear a perfume? I
very rarely do I wear a perfume. I don't like
artificial sons. I just like regular bo um for yourself. Um,
I guess like you like bo for yourself? No, not
on me. I like the like muskiness of men. I

(05:45):
do like a light, flowery perfume on women. But just
when it's overbearing, it just makes me nauseous. Yes, I
I um, I believe. I talked about it with you
on our last show, but I agree with you. I
love perfume. I I just I question my own taste
so much that I can only wear perfume that other

(06:07):
women have deemed okay to wear because I don't trust that.
But now that I like myself more and I honestly
like I just am who I am, I've accepted a
lot more. If I like a smell, I don't care
if other girls don't, you know, Like, but I used
to just base everything base my smells and my outfits
and like everything off of like, oh she thinks it's cool,

(06:28):
I'll wear it or whatever. And now it's kind of
starts from within. But I, um, yeah, I love I
love that Paris Hilton. I'll get the fragrances to let
you know, because sometimes girls do need help. Sometimes we
don't know what smells good. And this one's like a
sexy good smell. I do know that. Um, there's one

(06:49):
there's one perfume that's very expensive that my friend Carlile Forrester,
who is like has the best taste in like sexy
things right, She's super sexy. She knows what turns men on.
Like everything she does turn spent on. She could like
fart and guys would get down on one knee to

(07:10):
not only propose, but get a whiff of that sweet,
sweet fart. It comes from an honest place. She's like
an honest sexy It doesn't seem like she's trying, you know. Yeah,
some people just are. Some women just are. She just
is and Bond fun. The Scent of Peace is the
name of it, and it's by Bond something. It's a

(07:31):
perfume that costs, like I think, I think I got
it for for a birthday because she was like I
can never afford it, but like, I love it so
much and I got it for and I I fucked
her after I did well. I had to suck the
girl at the testing counter because that's how hot this
this fragrances. I went down on her at the test encounter. Um,

(07:52):
because that's guys, go gaga for the scent to I
don't know why I haven't bought it, but I'm sticking
to my parents. And I think was banging on my door,
or maybe it's Andrew doing He's probably being on your
door to let you know he has a story in
his new segment coming up about smells. Oh my god,
no way, that's so um uh not ironic but um incidental. Yeah,

(08:19):
kiss Mett. I I don't know if it's that. I
want to just say though, that um one of my
listeners and my one of my new best friends. I
have a lot of best friends. Noah, you're one of them,
Andrews one of them. People always go you can have
a bunch of best friends. The word best, you know,
makes that impossible to have multiples, But I do. I
have top shelf best friends, and I add new ones

(08:40):
to it all the time, and you can be taken
off the shelf. But it's rare that that happens. And
I might not talk to you for a couple of
months or maybe even years, but you're still up there
wherever we talk, we can get right back at it.
And it happens instantly, almost instantly when I meet someone,
you know. When I met Andrew, it was within a
couple of minutes that he told me that he got

(09:01):
an AIDS test before he ever had sex because he
fingered a girl and he bites his fingernails, and that
to me someone who was that honest right out of
the gate. I was just like, I need you in
my life, Like that's what I need and UM, and
I'll send that to so many people I've met on
this show, the secret show that I can't talk about yet.

(09:22):
I am having the time of my life. I've made
so many friendships that maybe I'm delusional and I think
that they'll continue into the future after we wrap here
on the Cayman Islands. Um. Because there are a lot
of people on this show that do these things all
the time where they go on location and they just
work with different people, you know, like four times a

(09:43):
year they're on these big shows or movies, and you
like it's like summer camp, and then you all split
up and you don't see each other maybe again until
the next time. We're most likely for a couple of
years when you randomly get on the same show again.
And I don't I'm gonna try to keep up my
friendships because I feel like I've made the best ones,
especially with my hair and makeup team and my wardrobe team, UM,

(10:07):
because they're constantly with me. And one of them, UM,
I posted about on Instagram, Robin Diamond it is her
birthday today. She's my hair and makeup girl, and she
does both so well, even though usually you're either good
at one or the other, even if you have to
do them both. And she's just someone who's like so
nice and kind and funny, and just instantly I'm a

(10:28):
little bit gay for her. I gotta be honest, um,
I she's one of those people that exude sexiness too.
She makes me feel very comfortable. Last night she I
was in shoes last night, these uncomfortable shoes that it
looks so hot, like so worth it. I'm I'm one
of these women who like doesn't really understand why girls
wear heels until I put the mom and I'm like, okay,
so hot. I was in them standing for three hours

(10:52):
in place, one place, not walking around standing, which is
almost worse than walking three hours in these heels. Not
to mention, I had had two other shoots that day
in different heels, but these heels were especially brutal, and
my toes went not. My toes are numb today. But
this girl, when I finally was able to relax a
little bit, she was pulling my bunion and like torturing it,
which is all I've ever wanted was someone to just

(11:13):
twist it and yank it. And she loves feet. She
likes the smell of feet. She's like a foot freak.
I don't even get it. It's not even sexual thing.
She just loves feet. So I think I found my
life partner. Um it's her birthday today. She is very
special to me. Shout out to her. I also am
giving this as a present to her because I don't

(11:34):
have time to go actually shop for a present, and
I don't there's no like stores in town that I
know about, like Cayman's don't have. She knows all the
stores and what they have, and if she wanted it,
she would already have it. There's like it's seriously, You're
like in a resort here where it's like one shop. Um.
So I'm going to write her a nice note. That's
what I usually do for my friends on their birthdays,

(11:55):
as I write them like a long letter telling them
how I feel about them. Um, but without being said
like I yesterday was really you know, we're halfway through
this show. People are tired, people are feeling stressed at times.
People are feeling like, you know, like even though we're
having the best time, I'm having the best time of
my goddamn life, like the best. This is the best

(12:17):
time I've ever had. Last time I had this much
fun was Dancing with the Stars. Even though everyone knows
that was a very tumultuous time for me, I still
loved it so much. I love making a TV show
in this intense like bubble of a world. It's all
I want to do in life. I truly love it.
And but it's tensions were everyone was p ms and

(12:38):
yesterday in my in my little nest of women in
my room, and so I had all of us joined
hands in a trust circle. And it seems stupid, but
I'll let us, you know, like a prayer, including Andrew
to these women. And then Andrew about just how you know,
when we feel, like when we're angry about feeling like

(12:59):
we or people don't appreciate us, or people are mad
at us, or I didn't do this thing and they
think I did this thing, and all this stuff. It's like,
just know who you are, know your intentions. You cannot
control other people's. Please let it go, don't try to
change it, don't try to correct people, and let them
know the real you. You know, the real you I
know the real you. Let's just accept that in situations

(13:22):
that are high stress, fault and tension is going to
fall on other people because it's too hard to accept
it yourself. So people who aren't working on themselves, it
tends to go outward. Even people that are working on themselves,
you blame other people. You know. It's like, fuck, my
phone is broken and you like throw it and it's
like it's not about your phone, you know, like we
all do this. But I just had a good, nice
pep talk. And I mean, obviously I don't think it

(13:44):
did anything, but it was just so nice to be
with a group of people that I've only known less
than a month and we can all join hands and
say I love you and like hug and kiss and um,
and then like just all go down on each other
in a circle. And I don't know why I keep
saying that Andrew wasn't there for that part. Um. I
can't wait to get Andrew in here and talk to him.
He is rearing to go today, we both are. We

(14:08):
missed this so much. Noah, did you miss it? Of
course I did. I was so confused about what day
it was. I was just like lost. I was I
felt like I was spinning in a circle. I can't
believe people do a weekly podcast like I. I don't
want that kind of podcast, and I won't settle for
that kind of podcast. I need a daily podcast. And
we're back today. It's Monday. Andrew Collin is coming up next.

(14:30):
Can't wait? Stay here, I and or back. Andrew Collin
is here with us. Say Andrew, what's going on? Good morning?
Good morning? How do you sleep last night? Buddy? I
I've already talked to you this morning, but I did
not ask you how you slept, even though I wanted to.
I go listen, save it for the body. How did

(14:52):
you sleep? I slept, well, it was one of those sleeps.
It was a long day yesterday. I don't know if
you spoke about it, because I can come into the
dark day and I always feel, yeah, Andrew's working on
my show now. Yeah. So I helped right for you,
and then I also helped bring you tea or coffee
wrongly too, I might add incorrectly. You gave me a

(15:17):
black coffee yesterday with Stevia in it, and I was
just like, what the hell is you? Okay, First of all,
you you put Stevia in everything everything, How dare me exactly?
Stevia only in coffee with milk in it. I would
never have it with black with stevia. Stevia is a
thing that is uh only it's the best. Like, I

(15:39):
don't want things sweetened that are just like watery, and
black coffee's watery, so I need like a milk in
it to make it sweetened. Otherwise I just want black
coffee plain and simple. I mean, you know, now you
sound like I'm trying to you know, you sound like
a diva. People are going to People have written me
and said, you really mean to Andrew, and I'm like, learn,

(16:00):
you don't know how much better I've gotten. And a
little of his tongue in cheek, but that's because I'm
trying to tell him with my tongue in my cheek
to look leave the room. I chew my tongue cheek.
You chew your skin inside your mouth at all? Never once? No,

(16:20):
That's all I do. Unless I have like a loose
piece and I try to grab it. But I mean,
that's that hasn't happened for a while. You're what are
you chewing on? I don't know. There's some I don't
know what's inside my mouth, but I'm chewing it. You
have a lot of habits like that. Um, I've been
biting my nails like crazy, dude. It's like, and I'm
trying to break you of it. I don't. I just

(16:41):
don't know. I don't know the approach Noah and approaches.
I can handle it. I'm a grown man. I'm forty.
I don't need to be told every time I'm biting
my nails. You don't. But like my Okay, keep keep
talking your thing. It's your O C. D thing with me.
You like you put your things on the me and
so if I'm biting my nails, You're right, it's my
thing that I don't. You know what. I'm trying to

(17:03):
look out for you and I want you to look professional.
This is not a man. This picture that is very
embarrassing that you're showing Noah right now. Yes, this is
what you look like when you do it, Andrew, I'm
trying you need to see it. It's like, it's like
we need to we need to know what it looks like.
Sometimes we don't know what we look like when we're
doing our anxious tick. And I'm I'm I do it too,

(17:23):
man Like, I just want you to not be chewing
on your It just you know, gives, it makes it gives. Okay,
I'm not used to being a professional setting, and I
get it. If I'm chewing on my nails and I'm
looking like I'm eating my hand in his mouth, Noah,
I mean, did you see that picture? No, I don't
understand if I'm chewing on my nails, why my knuckles
are also in my mouth. That's what I'm wondering. It

(17:46):
looks like you're trying to eat your tires. I'm getting
so much anxiety from seeing that. What you say, I'm
getting so much anxiety. And that's what I'm saying it like,
it just feel like it projects someone that I know
you aren't. I mean, I know we all struggle with anxiety,
but it's as if you're constantly telling everyone in the
room that's with you that I don't feel like I

(18:07):
belong here and or I I am nervous about this.
It just I want you're someone who is so good
at what you do. I want you to project an
air of I belong here and I'm supposed to be here,
and this isn't making me nervous. I'm good enough, you know.
And I am asking you right now when you are
biting your hand, do you want me to just go

(18:28):
like gently, just like tap you and not make a
big deal of it, but just go like that. I
think I'm just in a in a situation where, like
I wasn't expecting to write on this show, or be involved,
or be in some kind of what's it called a
control room, So it's all very foreign to me. I'm
not in the control room with you, and so none
of the times I've called you out, I've been in

(18:49):
the control room. No. No, But I'm telling you why
that picture that we just saw it was from the
control room that was taken by one of the producers. Picture. Yes,
the picture. Now I'm starting to buy my nails because
I wonder where it's coming from, maybe someone correcting me
saying picture. I know, I'm I don't help. I'm very
aware that I probably like, don't bite your nails. Also,

(19:10):
don't say picture like a fucking idiot. I'm sorry I
criticize you so much. I really am just trying to
know I get it. I'm not I'm obviously to myself.
I don't like I'm tongue in cheeking right now. But
M to a point, but no, No, My point is like,
so I think I drink a lot of coffee to
stay up, and I'm kind of you know, you know,
I had something to complain about, but it's like, uh,

(19:32):
you asked how I slept. I was very tired, but
I don't want to say I'm tired because you're working
a thousand times harder than me on this show. But
you're also time might be going faster for you because
you're doing something. There is something to like waiting on
someone else to be performing on camera where it's like
what do I do, like with my crazy brain that

(19:54):
just needs to like do something, So then I just
start biting my nails and I can just get you
something else. I really think maybe a fidget spin or
just some kind of ball, like when you had that
stress ball for a while, you were just that Yeah,
God damn it. I knew you were gonna beat me
to it, so I just got to I was gonna
have a little bit of a longer intro to that joke,
but I knew you were on it, so I was like,

(20:14):
I gotta get it out. Oh man, No, but you
really um, I remember, I'm gonna get you something. I'm
gonna look into this because I do not think you
should be chewing your nails down anymore because it leads.
It's just it's not nice to your nails. I want
you to be nice to your body. I do the
same thing. Like you saw me picking my um. I
had a dry elbow and it had like skin on

(20:35):
it that was just so satisfying to pick off. And
Andrew was like stop, and I was like, and I
said to him, Andrew, I'm not done, and I would
let you know what I'm done, and I was able
to go. You can say that to meet you about
your nails, like I want this piece of skin. I
need to get it. I understand that urgency. Everyone listening
understands the urgency to like finish your anxiety. Uh you know,

(20:56):
I mean, I wonder when biting my nail started, Like everyone,
I'm sure how like a star point. It's probably like
my parents divorce or whatever, and it's a weird thing,
like where are you gonna be talking when they start
to get along finally again, when they get back together,
I'll stop biting my nails in the ground. There's a

(21:17):
strong chance but I Jesus, I mean there is a
strong chance because everyone dies and everyone does die, but
sooner don't. But anyway, so yeah, so uh it just
shows that we're like fucking and like I'm a human being.
I should be able to go, don't eat your own
like a dog. Yeah, when you do it, you really
don't know that you're doing it, like every time I

(21:40):
catch you you like, But but I relate to that
so much. There's so many nervous I used to pick
my skin on my face like I had on my
face and I would bleed. I would go on stage,
I couldn't help myself. Would be in the wings when
you go on stage, and there would be a piece
of skin on like a scab because I used to
have terrible skin because I wasn't eating enough and just

(22:00):
it was and I would pick it and it would
start bleeding and I would have blood plushing out of
my face as I walked on stage. It was like, hey, everyone, like,
I understand picking. And there are a lot of listeners
out there who have either trick it till a mania,
which is where you pull out your hair or you
uh pick that a wrestling match. Yeah, trick it till
a mania. Um, I don't even know anything about wrestling

(22:28):
to yeah, I know. I wanted to make like an
extended joke about it, like you know it's not real,
yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all it's all set up. Yeah.
I mean, we have no free will, so you're just
picking your face you don't have I mean I was
I used to pick my face, you know, I have

(22:49):
tons of just when I chug things out of anxiety,
I eat fast out of anxiety. If I was if
I saw a videotape of myself. I mean, sometimes I'm
on set, like on camera, and like when I do
to Tell the Truth that show on ABC, there will
be times I'm watching it and I'm like, Glazer, you're
on TV, Like my face will drop. There will be
this like natural nous that comes out where I'm like,

(23:10):
you forget you're on TV and you're doing something that's
like a nervous thing where I'm like either talking to
myself or like my eyes are darting around, and it's
like we all do these things that if we saw
we'd be like, oh my god, I look like that
when I'm doing that. So I just I just don't
want you to have to no on your skin. No,
I'm gonna try not to not look the first time
we met. If I never nod, I wouldn't be here

(23:31):
today because I nod when I was fifteen and I
fingered a girl and I thought I got aids from it,
so I got any So I guess in a way,
if I never nod, i'd never be here. So there's
a positive there no knowledge knowledge sleep. In the last minute,

(23:53):
did you did you sleep well? I did sleep well
because I was very I was exhausted. I'm also like, yeah, yeah,
that's it. I did not. I slept well when I
finally got to sleep. But um, I just have so
much adrenaline being here, just like making the show and
meeting all these people and just like wanting to like

(24:15):
I don't sleep. Sometimes I'm like, but there's better things
to do, Like there's there's hanging Like it's better to
hang out, and that mate leads me to losing my
voice because I'm just like, I just want to hang
out and talk. And I love hearing that from you
because you have said before like I just want to
get back to my sleep because what's happening in my
sleep is more exciting to what happened. Yeah, sleep for

(24:36):
me is like a what I do when I'm depressed.
I just want to go back into that world. Thanks
for pointing that out. That's a really good point. My
life now is better than you really do, because that's
an interesting thing. When I'm depressed, all I want to
do is sleep because it's an escape from the hell
that is waking hours of wanting to die every second,
or like wanting or of being feeling not good enough

(24:57):
and just not being able to escape it, and wanting
to have something like being able to chew off my
hand that could soothe me. And I just don't have
that anymore because my skin is so perfect, so there's
nothing to pick just kidding. I got his z it
um yesterday. Yeah what you thought? What I thought? It
was a cold look at that. That's a ZiT and
I got it. I get it. Shut up. Yesterday, my

(25:20):
makeup artis in front of everyone. I go, I got
I got my first blendish everyone. I was making a
joke and she goes, oh, it's happy's She was like, Nick,
it's definitely happy. She was joking, But she's like, I
didn't have a tone of joking. And I go can
you please, like say that's a joke, because I don't.
First of all, there's nothing wrong with having her bees,
but I do not have it, and I probably have

(25:41):
some version of it because I think I've had a
cold sore when I was like, you know, fifteen years ago,
I think I had no. I mean, yes, I had
stuck dicks before, but like, I don't. I've never had
a Herbie's up, right, But that being said, probably gonna
get it eventually, not scared of it. Whatever if you
have it, No, no, no judge mint. If I did
have Herbie's, I honestly would probably talk about and be like,

(26:03):
I'm having a Herbie's outbreak. I literally don't judge that.
But it wasn't, And so I was like, can you please,
because I'm trying to, you know, get laid, So I
don't want her screaming to the entire crew and everyone
that you know, I have herbies, even if it's as
a joke, because jokes we all know come from a place, Yeah, exactly.

(26:26):
Trigger mania, trickle tickle mania, tickle triggered mania. Um, alright,
let's get to the news. Let's do it. Are you
ready for it? Yeah? I'm ready? What are the headlines

(26:47):
this morning? Oh man, we got some great headlines. Yeah,
I'd love to share them with you if I could
just pull them up real quick. You know, I used
to go through the headlines that we'd compile and think
about and pick out the ones I wanted. And now
I'm really enjoying something that came from my laziness of
not wanting to not having time to look them over
and just allowing you to pick them has now led

(27:08):
to it's more fun for me to like find out stuff.
And I do read so much news that most of
the time I know the story. Also, there's such a
relief to hearing you say that, because a lot of
times I'm afraid that I'm picking the wrong thing, because
you are usually so um specific in particular what you
like to the point where it can be paralyzing for me.

(27:32):
Just uh gnaw on that hand and get through it.
Let's do it. I have nothing to not laugh. Okay, Well,
he is literally holding up his phone with two stomps
bleeding stumps. Dude, what if you literally lost both of
your arms in some kind of horrific car accident, what
would you start chewing on? Uh? I'm not flexible. Enough.

(27:53):
I have chewed. I have chewed on my toes before
when I was a kid. I uh, I bait my
big I love your honesty, Andrew, thank you so much
for always being you, but I did. I think you're welcome,
but I used to. But it's not. It doesn't bring
me to happiness. I think my senior just too far
away from my brain and it doesn't connect. Like my

(28:15):
hands too hard to get to I get it. I mean,
it's wild to bite your totes. I'll compare it to
being on top during sex. I can't enjoy it as
much because I'm doing too much work, whereas your hand
is right there. It's like being on bottom and it
just is. You can just get it easier, and you
can enjoy the taste of your hand better than you
can enjoy the taste of your foot, because if you're
eating your foot, you're like, actually, you're straining muscles that

(28:37):
oh for sort, for sure, especially with my hips. Um So,
so let's get into the news. The first story here.
I hope. First of all, I hope everyone's having a
great time out there. God, this this, I did this.
You trying to win them over before you do news,
which is not even like, what are you trying to what?
I hope everyone's having swells? Swells? What does that mean?

(29:05):
Oh my god, I hope you guys haven't swells out there,
boys and girls? And uh yeah, So the study finds
that smelling like an old person is a thing and
has nothing to do with your hygiene. That isn't that
reassuring for you to know? Well, it's funny because it
starts at forty that's what the study says that you have. Um, okay,

(29:25):
I mean I thought it was mothballs. I thought old
people just love mothballs. What are mothballs? Prevent months from
eating your clothing? I guess they make months like sickened.
And so it feels like a great depression like past situation. Yeah,
who's dealing with moss? I don't. I don't know, but

(29:47):
um yeah, that's that's so true. I don't know. All right,
So let me tell you a little bit about the smell.
Things that change it. Smell can be because of a
chemical compound called to not an anial. I don't last
because as a lady who likes a little I don't

(30:09):
want to hear about not anal. To nine anal isn't
water soluble, so can't be scrubbed off the skin when
you wash. It's caused by Omega's seven. Like I try,
but in my hands don't smell, but the rest of
my body sure does. It caused by Omega's seven. I

(30:31):
didn't even know when people smell. I do too. It
reminds me of my grandma and like her like rubbing
my back and laying on her lap and her drawing
like animals on my back and me trying to guess
what the animal is. Dude, I have the same memory
of my grandpa. He used to blow me. Oh my god,

(30:51):
an animal. You have to guess what kind of animal
he was blowing you as it was always a giraffe.
He was taller than me. He definitely didn't need on
that neck. No, it's short necked raff, a short nuck
to raff. Wouldn't even joke on my dick. Somebody has

(31:12):
a little child, You're like, is it a short neck wraff? Girl?
Your grandpa he's probably rolling in his in the deed
um Omega seven? Fat? Did you know it even goes
up to seven fatty acids breaking out on the skin
due to oxes? Oh wow, that I'm skipping over that

(31:38):
sentence too. There's a lot of sentences like yeah, so
what I'm waring is that I can say huge words,
I can't say any of these words. So yeah, so
your skin essentially as breaking down. And so it's just
an unavoidable smell, the old person smell. I Um, I
just I don't mind it, you know, like the things
that happened when you get older, when you really get

(31:59):
old older, you know, Like I was, the huge talking
point of my next special is going to be aging
as a woman, and how like being uh unfuckable is
an inevitability if you live long enough. There are lots
of inevitabilities. Everyone's trying to Always women especially are trying

(32:20):
to stay like attractive to men, to like because men
rule the world and them wanting to fuck you gives
you more power and freedom and safety and all the
things that we want as women. At least that's how
I see it. And so women want to stay attractive
to get love, and but it's inevitable you're going if
you live to be ninety, there's no way you're gonna
be ninety and be hot list. It doesn't mean you're

(32:45):
not going to fuck, but it just means that, like
most men will not desire your body, your expectations have
to be different the older you get you and and
the thing is, it just seems to be that way.
There are so few women that are elderly that you
think are trying to be someone other than themselves. You
just accepted eventually, which is such a godsend as you
do your weird old woman smell. And by the way,

(33:08):
if you want to avoid that old women smell. I
found the perfume that I was talking about, and it's
called Electrify by Paras Hilton. It's my favorite scent. It's
the only one I wear. Um. I thought it was
called Objectify, which I think is going to be my
scent when I finally release one, but it's called Electrified
by Bears Hulton. Just to follow up on that next story,
it is interesting just to go back to that point,

(33:29):
like when my mom got divorced from my dad and
she was like, fifty do you want If you're like
in kind of a smallish town, the only guys you
can date are like seventy that would date a fifty
year old point and six year old like I. My
pool also is like a decade older than me. It's
just the way it is. It just becomes that. I mean,

(33:49):
you're dating a girl is a decade younger than you,
decade and a half younger than you. Yeah, and I
mean my pool, my pool has only been bigger though
for some reason, I don't know what's going on. TikTok
couple gives a new meaning to puppy love. Jenna Phillips,
What does that meanetting better? Jenny? Jenna Phillips is a
puppy impersonator with over a hundred thousand TikTok followers. Her

(34:12):
boyfriend Lorenzo accepts her love language of being a puppy
and loving praise in this way, she loves to hear
your good girl and good job. The twenty one year
old has turned pretending to be a puppy and there
are main source of income through only fans and quitter
career as an optation. Okay, I love the story girl.
Do you do you? I love a girl that Okay,

(34:36):
I'm seeing a video of it right now. Noah, please
play it? Hold on, my app is up one second.
Do you think this set back? This is very hot?
Does this set back women know at all? No, it
actually empowers them. She's just she's being weird and she's
doing what she likes to do. He's putting a chain
around her neck. She is sitting in a dog bed talking.
She's very beautiful, and now she's doing an interview from

(34:58):
her dog bed in her cage. Said, women love this stuff.
I I, in particular a lot of the porn I
watched as women in cages with Leasha's on like exactly this.
There's nothing different about this except that he's actually she's
like maybe barking and stuff. But I really like men
and and good girl. I mean Carla Forrester, who I
name dropped before she gave me a joke because we

(35:20):
always talk about how when guys say good girl in bed,
which men if you're listening and a girl does something
that's I mean, I'm literally getting around right now thinking
about a guy saying good girl after you do something horrish.
It's the hottest thing ever. I can't I spelled I
spelled a zevia on it. And so I'm sitting on
a towel already. Um so yeah, right, um, but yeah,

(35:42):
the whole But Carlisle said, one time she was walking
down the street and she saw a guy walking his dog,
and after the dog took a ship, he said, good girl,
and she literally got aroused. And it was so funny
that it's a line in my act. Now, I she
gave that joke to me, because that's exactly it. I mean,
that's just taking the stuff I'm already into to the
next level. And I don't want to be treated like
a dog, but I do like being kind of like.

(36:04):
I think the slave kink is very hot, and um,
I'm not opposed to it. I think owning any thing,
like she owns the fact that she's a puppy. She's
not like yeah, but like, but there's there's power in
being submissive. I guess I wonder if she's like a

(36:24):
male dog or a female dog, Like does she lift
her leg or does she do the female squat? Yeah,
I haven't looked into it. I'm sure that's probably behind
the paywall. What would you think of a girl you
were dating was into something like this. I mean, I
did hook up with that girl from craigslist that act
as a cat. Oh my god, that is so pertinent

(36:44):
to this conversation. Please share that. Well, I met a
girl of craigslist. This is kind of before Tinder so
I didn't have many. My pool was small, Yeah that
pool you keep talking about, Yes, it was a smaller pool. UM.
And I met her, and like the casual encounters area,
I didn't know what she looked like. I showed up
and when I opened the door, she was dressed as

(37:05):
a cat. Did she warn you that that was going
to be the case? I had no idea. Uh did
you see a picture of her before I went in? Blind?
I was wild. I should have just jerked off. I
was so horny. It was a low point in my life.
I just lost all my money. I was just very sad.
So I went to look for love in all the
wrong places. And I went in and she was crawled.

(37:26):
She was on her knees already, and she was did
you laugh? I did you go? What is this? I mean, like,
what is um? I don't know. I just I wanted
to leave, but you know it was I wanted to
be nice too, in a way. I don't know. It's weird. Okay,
So did you have sex with her? She just blew me.

(37:46):
And when I went to um touch her cat vagina,
she pussy pussy, part pussy pussy. She said, wow, no,
you know she did it. No, no, but she was.
She didn't let me finger. You didn't go, why are
you wearing cattiers and acting like a cat? You didn't
like ask that. Care's so much more to unpack here,
but we've got to keep going. I am fascinated by

(38:09):
casual encounters when people just hook up, the hook up culture.
I've never done it where like you meet someone online,
you show up. I'm fascinated by like when you open
the door, do you go, do you just start making out?
Or do you like pretend to have small talk? Do
you like do you for a little bit? Do you
scratch me under ears? Do you have to like coax her?
Do you get some cat nip? Well we played with
a laser pointer for a while, okay, and yeah she

(38:29):
was having fun with that. You always bring that anyway
to point out their flaw areas before you bang them. Look,
someone's got to yeah, I mean, I honest, I know.
The thing is is like I'm not. It sucks when
someone's like, oh, I overdose from cocaine and then they're like, well, no,
I don't do coke that much. But like I didn't

(38:51):
find myself sucking a cat ever in my life, like
it was like, it was the bottom. Yeah, you've done
things for sex that are while. Then I think you
maybe have a compulsive sex urge sometimes to quell your anxieties. Yes, sure,
and so but I guess when I came very relatable.

(39:12):
Started talking about real estate after, but she was still
dressed as a cat. Yeah, she's looking for a new
scratching post. But I was in real estate then, yeah,
and so she was like, so you do real estate
and I was like, you're you're a cat. Like I
can't do deals with a cat. Um, I know how
you don't like cats. We have a stray cat on

(39:33):
the island outside in our because it reminds of real estate,
remind you of Well, this cat comes into our apartment
sometimes and Andrew freaks out and it's so gentle. I
just don't even understand your fear of it. But now
now it all makes sense. You would think it's feral.
I mean that the the cat has the eyes of
the devil, right all right next door. I hope everyone's

(39:55):
still doing great. Um, but wait, we have to get
to why do I care? Oh? I do I care?
Why do you care? Nikki? Wait, let's listen to the
new singer Oh, why do I care? Why do I care? Andrew,
what's the story for why do I care? We're gonna
figure out if you do or not. But Lady Gaga's
boyfriend Michael Polanski apparently sent her all the flowers in

(40:17):
Rome for her thirty fifth birthday. That seems like it
will impact climate change. He uprooted every flower. Yeah, every
single flower? Are you saying? Is that? So he sent
her a giant basket of flowers? Okay, that was a joke.
I thought he literally tried to get all the flowers,
and I mean the basket. She's hugging a giant basket
of flowers. There's a picture of her. Her butt looks amazing.

(40:39):
That's how she described it on Instagram. Oh got it? Okay,
thank you for clarifying that, Andrew, do a better job.
So she's hugging this thing of flowers. She has a
great But I'll tell you that I did research on
this guy, by the way, and it made me think
of you and like, what you're looking for in a
lover slash boyfriend? Whatever? Tell me what I'm looking for,

(41:02):
um slash dog owner. Uh, this guy who girl come
suck my penis just yeah, the only trick I know
is calm. Yeah, come by yourself with five different apparatus
is good girl. So uh, Michael Polanski works with Sean Parker,

(41:25):
who's from Facebook, the guy from Napster, remember yeah, the
one where Justin Timberlake plays him in a social network
and he sits across the table and he says, listen.
He says, like, what's what's the quote from that trailer?
Like A million dollars cool? You know, uh, A million dollars,

(41:46):
that's cool? What's cool? I forget that. You know what's cooler?
A billion dollars, billion dollars. By the way, shout out
to anyone who used to listen to my old podcast.
Is bringing we're bringing back for those of you don't know.
Is when something when someone does something to be cool

(42:07):
and they're trying to be cool, you say, very judgmentally, okay,
so go on. So Michael Blansky works with Shawn Parker.
He um he runs the cancer research charity. So he
made he gets paid millions of dollars to run a charity.
He was graduated from Harvard, so he's very smart. He's
outside the entertainment business. However, he's very looking for what

(42:29):
are you what do you know what I'm saying? And
then can I can I finish? He's on Instagram and
he only has two pictures up and they're both of
his nieces. That's it. He never gets tagged in photos.
He doesn't care about celebrity. Uh yeah, and she fell
for him, but he has a lot of money, so
and he cares about her any and he does everything

(42:50):
for her, like taking all the flowers out, so now
all the bees are dead in Rome. Yeah, um, okay,
I hear you. I don't know that I want. I
do want all the last parts of the thing. He
cares about her and all that stuff. But um, and
the rich part, I don't need that. But you know,

(43:10):
but the chart, the rich part, then they're not. He's
on your level. He doesn't care about your money, he
doesn't care about your success. Yeah, I mean I want
a guy who's not like broke. But like yeah, if
if I if I since the guy was with me
and I was paying for a lot of stuff, I
would not they would not work. There's just no way
that would even get in. I've never had I've never
been with some one who's mooching off me until now

(43:31):
with you. You're going to be richer than me someday.
I just know it. Oh god, um yeah, I mean
like I remember watching them the documentary what was the
one that everyone watched over the over quarantine about social dilemma,

(43:54):
and there were all these guys that were like, uh,
you know, whistleblowers for these social media companies about how
they're you know, harvesting our data and using it against us.
And I forget which friend I had, she goes, I
could totally see you. Oh, sere Lena, she goes, Nikki.
I was watching that because I was like I was
looking up these guys to see if they were single,
because some of them were like so hot and they're

(44:15):
like just so brave but also like so rich and
um yeah, but well not no, because a lot of
these guys through their high paying jobs under the bus
and there's so many guys that are so rich that
never never call out the bad behaviors that they're witnessing
every day to get rich because greed is so insatiable

(44:38):
and it's never enough billionaires, I'm serious, money is an addiction.
And these guys that put it all on the line
to be a whistle blower was so hot, So my
friend Selina goes, oh my god, I could totally see
you with a tech tech whistleblower and I love that.
That was like a new category of then. So if
any of you guys are out there, and by whistle blowers,
I mean lifeguards are referees. If you if you referee

(45:06):
that was witnessing behavior in corruption and you called it out,
you'd be a whistle blowing whistleblower. That's deep deep man.
All right, let's just I mean the Lady Gaga thing.
I guess it did matter to me because you're saying
that she's finally like she met a guy that has

(45:26):
nothing to do with the business and nothing to do
with the business helped cancer people. James, that's what you're saying.
I mean, I don't compete like that. I don't think
Matt James, who still has not looked at or responded
to my d M, definitely has seen that he received one.
So he's not interested. And um, and that's okay with me.

(45:47):
Can you blame him? No? I cannot. I'm wearing a
shirt let's say, bras suck, and I'm wearing a bra
with it that I know, I know I tried to.
I'm not gonna lie. I went to see if you
had a brawn because of the shirt, because of the
It's a great shirt I got from Balessa. Balssa is
a porn uh uh site that I love and it's

(46:08):
like really, it's like the Netflix of porn. And um,
they sent me a bunch of vibrators and also a
shirt that says bras suck and I love it. Um,
all right, let's we're going on there. It's time to
introduce a new segment on the Nicki Glazer Podcast. This
one is called Yesterday. I learned that is a common reddit.

(46:31):
I guess I first saw it on Reddit, but there's
a great red subreddit called Yesterday. I learned that just
presents like information that you can't believe you went your
whole life without knowing, or something very interesting that was
like sitting right in front of you the whole time,
and um, it's just worth noting. Um. So let me
say that this wasn't yesterday exactly, but on I believe

(46:51):
Friday night, I watched the first to thirty minutes of
the new Netflix documentary c Spiracy. Um number one. Everyone's saying,
why wasn't it called Conspiracy with s e A at
the end. And it's because my friend told me that, Um,

(47:11):
the either producers or the creator said that if I
name it conspiracy with S E A. When I say conspiracy,
I always have to say conspiracy S e A because
when you say it, it doesn't. So everyone's going like,
why would they name it? C spiracy? Which is terrible
is a bad name, So it's C spiracy. I watched it, Um,
I didn't want to, but it's one of those documentaries.

(47:32):
It's like someone goes, I said something about on Instagram
or whatever, and they go, why are you watching that
if you already or vegan? Like it's just just to reaffirm,
And I'm like, because it's teaching me new information to
further enforce my Like, once you're Christian, do you stop
going to church because you get it? Like you gotta
learn And that's a bad example obviously, but or maybe not,

(47:55):
but like you just you want more knowledge about the
things you already believe in. So I I learned a
lot and I had to turn it off. I mean, noh,
have you seen it. I don't even know what it's about.
Can I just tell you what I found out? Because
because a lot of people won't be able to watch
this because it really is so upsetting. Um, this guy
goes becomes obsessed with like the fact that there's so

(48:17):
much plastic in the sea. First of all, there's more
microplastics in the sea than there are stars in the
Milky Way at this point. And microplastics are what the
microscopic uh plastic pieces that Yes, that was solid work.

(48:37):
Uh So I learned that, you know, all these animals
are dying with just tons of plastic in them. It's
just disgusting and so upsetting. And I've contributed to it
myself by consuming plastic. It's just not good. So it
goes into this So let me just get through. The
people who have seen C. Spar C. You can fast
forward this part because you get it. And I've only

(48:58):
seen the first half hour. So what I found out
is this guy goes to investigate why whaling has now
become like whaling became globally illegal and banned in everyone
was about saving the whales. Then um people just started,
namely the Japanese started, um just secretly doing it and

(49:20):
see secretly Yeah, no, actually that one secretly see because
no wonder why no one, um they started doing it
and it's just more interesting than you think. So this
guy goes to this small town in Japan where it's

(49:42):
happening where every year, where every I don't know how often,
but they corral hundreds of dolphins into this cove type
area and they murder all these dolphins. And it was
just like, why are they doing this? Like there's no
dolphin meat industry, there's no um, there's no reason to
kill these dolphins. So here's what happens. First of all,

(50:03):
they kidnap baby dolphins. They're kidnapping baby dolphins because they
go for a hundred thousand dollars in the black market
to sell to disgusting aquariums in the US and worldwide,
never ever visit places that have dolphin or whale shows.
I know that it's something that our culture has embraced.
Even I wanted to be a c World trainer when
I was a kid. It is not and I know

(50:25):
these people care for animals, but it's contributing to you know,
it's like saying I eat like free range hens. Okay,
I know you do, but like you are projecting something
that other people who aren't going to go as far
as getting free range hens are still getna just get
regular eggs or whatever. So just don't support these places,
you guys. They they so they steal these baby dolphins

(50:48):
when they growl, and then they murder all the dolphins
that they don't want to steal. And they go, why
are they murdering the dolphins? What is the point of
murdering these dolphins? And it's because of blue fin tuna,
the most pricey fit on the market, which they also fish.
These Japanese fishermen are also over fishing, and so they
murder the dolphins so that they can then over fish

(51:09):
and blame the The blame the dolphins for eating their
fish that they're actually fishing, so they murder the they
over fish, and the amount of fish that they take
out of the ocean, they blame half of that or
however much on the dolphins that they're murdering. So they

(51:30):
see the dolphins are competition for in their escapegoat for
them to over fish this already endangered species. So please,
for the love of God, stop eating blue fin tuna
or any tuna. Please. I beg of you. I beg
of you. Stop eating this tuna at sushi restaurants that
is the most expensive thing on the plate on the

(51:51):
menu that you're just ordering. So the girl you're with
can fuck you later because she thinks you're so impressive
because you're ordering a twenty nine dollar roll. Okay, please
don't order it. Um, No one's hurting anyone with that.
But I mean, this is this is such and I
didn't didn't get any further because it just kept opening

(52:12):
up new things that were just so awful. They're seeing
these gentle creatures who are capable of so much. It's
just it's it's so hard to see them stabbed and murdered. Um.
And and these and these these boats come in and
they make a bunch of noise so that the dolphins

(52:33):
all have to like corral. It's just disgusting practices which
most of the animal you know, husbandry industry is sorry
to farmers who do it right. I know you're out there,
but I you know, most of it is not good.
And um and yeah, it's just like very very upsetting.
And that's what I learned. And I also learned last

(52:53):
week when we went to Stingray City, which is a
popular Caymanian destination towards trapped Stingray City, all the tours
dropped off. So these sting rays were getting fed so
much and relying on these people for food. Then the
sting rays started starving because in back in last March.
Now they go out there just to feed them. We
got to go out there because we're here on the island,

(53:14):
and we saw the sting rays. It was so much fun.
Talk about it later, but I learned that scallops are
often stingray wings that are whole punched, just sting rays
or whole punched. So when you eat scallops, a lot
of times you're not even eating scallops. And uh, just
the food industry is a goddamn lie. And I I

(53:34):
consume things that are not good for this planet. I
am not uh a saint here, but I really recommend
watching uh five minutes of c Spiracy to just, you know,
start thinking about it. Oh, that was a lot. I
just want people to know. No, I know, I just
I didn't. Yeah, I I mean, yeah, I love dolphins
so much, and they fuck for pleasure. I think they

(53:57):
also rape. That's the thing about them. Yeah, now that
you say that, talk all right, maybe don't watch it.
For the final thought, Andrew, let's get back to this
kiddiecat thing, casual encounters, tender hookups. I know many of
our listeners know the answer to this, and this doesn't
seem to confound people the way it does me. But
when you're meeting up with someone just have sex and

(54:18):
maybe you both know that, but you haven't talked about it,
how does it go where it's just about sacks? Like
a girl comes over? Had many of those, like an
Instagram girl who like, you know this is going to
be you've had hook ups come over? Like I hooked
up with a girl in Austin, Texas where she brought
over whiskey and a monster because I told her I

(54:38):
didn't drink. And we sat down. We started, we had
a small talk. I sat on the bed, she sat
on the chair by the desk. We talked about I
don't know everything, like oh wow, I came to your
show last night. It was so fun. You were great.
I really you know? Uh And I'm like, oh what
do you do? And and she's like, you say any

(55:00):
about me? I mean I was on the show too.
I feel like you just skipped over that part. Yeah. No,
we get to that during the sex and then like
she said something to me where she was like like
in this instance, she's like, well, I have I have
yoga in a in an hour, so like I don't
really want to talk to you, like I want to

(55:20):
start having sex. Like she kind of put it what
happens and I go, okay, well I guess we should
get to it. She's like yeah, and so then she
starts drinking. She has like a sip of of whiskey,
and then I have a sip of moan monster and
I don't even like monster that much, but I just
and then we just start having sex. And then she
never went can't just start having sex? Is there a kiss? First?
Does she come on to you? Do you go over

(55:43):
to her? Like what is the I don't want to
know the first she came and sat by the bed
and then yeah, you just lean in for a kiss?
Or like did you start touching each other first? Like
what is that? I think there's a little bit of
touching on the legs. And then she's like she's like,
all right, come on, I gotta get to you. Like
essentially like she like pushed and I was like okay,

(56:03):
and uh it was daytime sex, so that was different.
But yeah, and then you just get the kissing and
you don't even think. And it's like to consenting adults
just having a good time where it's just like it's
not even like a big thing. It's not it's just
like a transactional thing. I always whenever I have a
hook up or like or about that moment of like
when we're going to get to it, it's just that's

(56:25):
what's so interesting to me, is like who takes the
first move of like, and I usually am the one
to be like, do you want to like kiss me?
Like I I just gotta say, I just want to
get to it, like I don't. I just want to
give either permission or I guess when you're meeting up
with someone and it's already kind of understood that you're
gonna get right to fucking, it takes all that like
stupid guess work out of it where its no that

(56:47):
guess works so annoying. It's like, let's just like be
like adults and have sex like dolphins where they're just
like and I'm honestly every single time, well ever something
I've never been in a scenario where it's like we're
meeting up to sex unless it's someone I've already had
sex with, so that's you know, not the scenario, but
like if someone new and it's like we haven't decided

(57:08):
that that's the vibe yet. I always have to like
call it out, like very specifically, like either I like
you or will you kiss me? Like you know, I
used to have the old line of like we'd be
hanging out like a guy that just thinks he's being
friend zoned or whatever, and I'm like, oh my god,
I forgot to tell you something and he's like what,
and I'm like, I like you, and then it just
like makes it funny and kind of cuts through. I

(57:30):
likent like be blunt, like yeah, I I don't like
this whole thing of like, oh, she said she liked
my shirt. What's so hot is that touch? You know,
when you're like you like someone and you don't know
if they like you. So I mean, I've talked about
this extensively, but the guy is the best way to
know if a girl would like to be kissed and

(57:50):
it is okay to maybe be asked to be kissed
and likes you romantically is if you gently put your
arm next to hers or like a part of your
body that can be a flush surface, not just one
little point, but like at least like a two inch
area of like like arm or leg, and you make
it so like a piece of paper could maybe even
fit between your where your skin is touching, like but

(58:12):
it is touching like it but you could easily slide
through like barely touching. And if the girl doesn't move it,
she likes you. She keeps it there and you're both
like very aware it's touching. She leaves it there, that
means she likes you. If she moves it, it's the
best way to get that confirmation because you lose nothing
because it's such an innocuous touch that her rejection won't
make you feel like, oh my god, I just came

(58:33):
onto her. But it is an answer of like she's
not ready yet. And if she keeps it there and
doesn't move and makes a point not to move, then
it's it's a good sign, you know what. I want
to fuck you, dude, because I got yoga in an hour.
I think, I mean, that is really hot too, but
I think it's just that's not the kind of sex

(58:56):
I have, and I like a more, you know, I
just like I like that at tension And people sent
me such great ideas for um sexual. Keep your arm
next to my arm where we touch arms until it
gets weird. This I feel comfortable with you because we're
such good friends. Like you couldn't look at me in
the eye the other day. Well, I mean what intact

(59:19):
is different. I don't like eye contact with my friends,
but touching my friends like I can touch you like
I used to not want you because it wasn't our
friendship was solid and it was still like sometimes I'll
touch you on the shoulder and you go, don't do that,
and I'm like, because friend, I'm not trying. That was
the old me. Now I'm very comfortable like touching you
and like three days ago, I'm not joking you. It's

(59:41):
been within the last three days that I like and
fully embraced it. That feels sexual. He just touched me
on the shoulder. I don't like it, as is me
just testing you to be like, come on, just put
my dick in your mouth and just friends. No. The
last the last time I had a hook up, I
like the first time hook up it started with me going,

(01:00:05):
do you want to hold my hand? Like that? Innocent?
It's so it was so good and it was just
like the like that's just like, ah, that's admitting like
I want to be close to you, um, without taking
it too far. And it's just this, it's like you're
trying to relive your past of like, and I didn't
have any hookups in middle school of high school, and

(01:00:25):
so from whether or not I'm reliving it, I think
that's when love and romance is so thrilling and so intoxicating,
and so there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel like
a teenager again, No, not at all. I mean bold
hands and uh and dry hopping and have sex with
one of your and then writing your diary and your

(01:00:45):
mom reads it and ground two. Yeah, well my mom
never read my diary. I would like literally leave my
diaries open so my mom could read them and be like, Nick,
are you struggling with this thing? But she respected my
privacy too much and would never leave it. I'd like
leave it open on her bed and she'd be like,
I never read your diaries when I was cleaning your room.
So I'd be like, that's all I wanted you to do. Mom.

(01:01:05):
All right, guys, we gotta go. Thank you so much
for listening today. We'll be back tomorrow. UM, hopefully my
voice will be a little bit better. It didn't bother
you today, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Number?
When Phoebe on Friends, her voice got she got a cold,
and she was like she liked it her voice better.
Oh no, but you sound like Tom Watts waits Tom

(01:01:26):
Watts waiting. That is, you just said it sounded good.
And then was that a joke? That is the most insulted.
He slap like, he's like, you're a little raspier. All right,
we'll see you tomorrow. What was the thing we said before?
Swells swells, Baby Evan swells