#503 Clearing Up Rumors, The Middle & Brian At A Women's Book Event

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicki Glaser Podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Nicki Glaser pos.

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Here's Nikki. Hello, here, I am welcome to the show.
It's Nicki Glazer podcast here with Noah and Brian on
this beautiful Tuesday in January. You're listening on a Wednesday
or whenever you're listening.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Too, listening in a totally different month.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yeah, you might be like just going back through old
ones in a different year.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Yeah, it might be twenty twenty seven. What's it like?

Speaker 1 (00:34):
Is it still there? Are we still here?

Speaker 2 (00:37):
What would be going through someone's life that they'd be
jumping back like three years into the Nicki Glazer podcast.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
They're a completionist. Oh yeah, and they want to know everything.
Maybe they're doing a article about me. Maybe something tragic
happened to me, and they're writing a biography and they
want every little detail of my life and this would
be a great way to chronicle it.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
Wow, I am So what do you want to say
to that person?

Speaker 1 (01:00):
I just will say stop looking. I would say try
to get your hands, do not please, don't read any
journals you find. I was in a crazy state when
I was riding those and I tried to write in
hieroglyphics as I wrote in a wing ing way that
you would hear us ever, know, like I try to
like write so scribbly that like not even I could

(01:21):
because it's not about like having it be legible. It's
about just like getting the thoughts on paper in a yeah,
you know, so I try to make Yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Didn't think it killed herself because of bicycle bats.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
That could be I could see myself. Yeah. If if
we were all like there was no more electricity or
gas and so we all had to ride bikes and
had like bat wings on them, I would literally be
like I don't want to live anymore if I had
to ride a bike. Oh God, say everywhere I go.
Chris this weekend got uber eats and we were really lazy.

(01:57):
It's so cold in Saint Louis. It's like one degree
zero right now. It feels like negative eight. But and
it's been like this for days and days, and Chris
got uber eats this weekend from a place that is
like very close to us. It's kind of one of
those like embarrassing ones, but you know, that's what you
pay for, like the convenience of it. And they keep
sending people on bikes and they have to travel on

(02:18):
not bike friendly roads, which, by the way, the city
is not plowed at all, and there was a snowstorm
here three weeks ago and it's still and there. It
hasn't melted. So it's just like there are roads in
the city that are just pure ice. And this this
girl at like one in the morning is going to
pick up a pizza and she has to travel three
miles on bike down like real like almost on highways.

(02:40):
I'm not even joking you, and then she picks it
up and then has to travel like a block to
deliver it. Like it was just it's criminal. You should
be able to choose no, I don't want a bike messenger.
I don't want to subject anyone to that. And then
just like in La, you can choose that you don't
want the robot, because sometimes I would have the robot
deliver things. It says like it's just a little blox

(03:02):
you can check of, like opting out of automated delivery.
It's they phrase it in a way that's not like
it's not like I don't like robots because then they'll
turn on you. It's like I don't like we appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
For us and reviewed in the years to come. I mean,
if you say something derogatory about robots, now, you better
watch out because in fifteen years you're going to be
on a list.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
Think of all the times you screamed at your devices,
screamed at series, screamed at GPS, screamed at you know,
Alexa for like being like, uh huh, what can I
do for you, Brian, And you're just like, shut up,
I'm not talking to you. Like I hate when they
try to offer help and I'm not. I'm so mean
all my anger comes out towards machines.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
There's a corollary to this. There was a time when
in like the thirties when people were kind of just
like talking about communism and it like wasn't a big deal.
It was just like it was like a little offshoot
of political speech. Yeah, and people would talk about it
or they'd sign up for some list because of some newsletter,
and then low and behold, fifteen twenty years later, the

(04:03):
McCarthy trials happened, and anyone who did anything remotely related
to communism was all of a sudden sent to jail.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, Like if they if a girl just went to
a communist party like meeting to like learn about communism
or whatever because she had a crush on a guy
who was handing out flyers exactly. She would then be Yeah,
part of what what happened to you if you were
in the like, were you ex community? Were you you
were tried? Right?

Speaker 2 (04:27):
For a lot of people in Hollywood, they're excommunicated and
tried barns. Yeah, from the business that they would They
were not allowed to be in movies or make movies
or write anything anymore. And some people in extreme cases
were actually imprisoned.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
Dear god. Yeah, that's why everything I write about mister
T the other mister T is like, I'm just sarcastic
in all of it. I just go, cool, what a
cool thing, this guy's cool. I just say everything positive
so that I could always have.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
The sarcasm is I mean, you got to see some
of the Okay, So on the internet, there is a
lot of people that make jokes, right mm hmm. I've
been looking at these jokes and so many of the
comments people are people that just don't understand sarcast.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
People don't get it anymore.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
They don't get it. No, So that's what you're doing
is like saving you because they won't get it.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
They don't get it, and the people that do get it,
you know, like I'm not talking anyone. I'm not changing
anyone's mind by, you know, pointing out anything about him.
So to the people who get it, like it's just
it's nice, you know what. I'm not trying to change minds.
I'm trying to show support for my people who might
be out there feeling the same way. Like it's not
all about like I'm using my platform to be like

(05:42):
I'm gonna make a difference. I know, I'm not. I
don't care. I'm not trying to get people to like
suddenly wake up. It's too late for that. I'm just
trying to give some empathy to people who might be
feeling a certain way. And like, oh cool, okay, just
rewinding all of the Paris Agreement. Cool, what a cool
move of the drill, baby drill. That's a really cool

(06:02):
thing to scream into a microphone. That is so insane.

Speaker 2 (06:05):
That's pretty fun though, try it. I mean.

Speaker 1 (06:11):
It is catchy. Yeah. So, and I'm I'm I'm also
wearing sunglasses to day on the podcast because my eyes
are just like puffing out in a way I don't like.
And if Melania can wear hat and look like a
dick Tracy villain at the inauguration. I can do this.
I did call it out on my on my I
didn't call it out. It's just like, I don't even

(06:31):
blame her. The woman has definitely had work done. No
one can would ever deny that. I don't think I'm
sure they would. She's, you know, drank a lot of
water and gotten a lot of sleep late lately, I guess,
but she definitely that hat was a choice made at
the eleventh hour because the swelling wouldn't go down. Are
you kidding me?

Speaker 2 (06:50):
I thought that was like a Despicable Me promo.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
I realize that happened. So hilarious it was. It was definitely.
So I put on my story upper left her heart
because a bleth thoroplasty is called a breath and a
blethroplasty is an upper eyelid job or an upper blethorprasci
and so I wrote upper bleth her heart because those
who know no, And if you don't know, I'd hope

(07:12):
you google it. My mom was like, I didn't know
what that meant, and I'm like, so you just like
were like Nikki's stupid and just misspelled something like just
google bleath and then you'll know the joke. And she's like,
I didn't think about it that much and I don't
blame her anyway. So I just said, you know, obviously
Malania had an upper eye job and it's not healed yet.
Like I I'm gonna get one no no shade literal shade.

Speaker 2 (07:35):
Because your eyelids when you're like one, your eyelids be
wider open.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
They they you know, your eyelid skin is very thin,
and it gets baggier faster than everything else, and it
starts to like yeah, and so they just remove like
centimeters of skin so that your eyelids go back to
not looking not like you. They look like the way
the amount of skin you had before.

Speaker 2 (07:55):
You know, some people also just have really like they're
the opening is not like can't stay open, it's not
wide enough and.

Speaker 3 (08:03):
Like you need it likes yeah, because they will need
to see.

Speaker 2 (08:07):
Yeah, that's like.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
Getting a DVA septum, getting a nose job exactly exactly.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
I'm not going to out this person, but I don't
know if they want this public. But I do know
someone who got that. Yeah, I think maybe I did,
But I know someone who got it done and this
person loves it. It's great they can see again, what.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
Do you see how beautiful they look?

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (08:28):
What do you think about those articles that they put
out about like, uh, celebrities getting plastic surgery and just
like you know, like just kind of like presuming what
was done.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
Like were they were doctors like chime in and say,
oh yeah, there's this stuff on like social media or
just like articles and stuff. Yeah, because I saw one
about me that's a glow up. Did you see it?
That's why I'm bringing it up because it's so wrong.
Oh yeah, did they say I had surgery? They said
that you had I lift.

Speaker 3 (09:01):
But you've talked about it, and a couple of weeks
ago you were just saying, how like people in Hollywood
who get plastic surgery have too much time on their hands,
like you have no time for it.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
No, I haven't. I will. I'll tell you when I
get whatever surgery. I promise you there's nothing I will
do that I will not be honest about. I might
do it after the fact because I just don't want
people to like zero in on my recovery and like
track it like that's annoying. But I I'll definitely let
everyone know. I don't think there's any shame in it.
It's like getting your hair done, like I or died.

(09:32):
I don't, I don't care. So that I saw one
kind of pop up on my Explore page of like
look at the glow up, and it showed me from
my special Perfect, which I think I shot when I
was twenty nine or thirty and then now and then
it showed I think the the yeah, the golden globes
and quite a glow up. But I will say it's lasers.

(09:52):
It's botox, it's filler, and it's uh and that's it.

Speaker 2 (09:58):
That's it it these lasers.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
Yeah, I'm getting one done tomorrow. Actually, I'm getting the
Moxie b B l in my piece. I just have that.
You're gonna love it. How it was like five days
to a week of like your skin looking kind of
crazy Brazilian buttlers. That's what I thought. But my lady
Jen Jones at the Method in Jenny Jones at the Method,

(10:25):
that's where she is now. Yeah, she's show host.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Yes, she was on your face yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yeah, And so I used to have my One of
my first jokes was that I was going to get
I had a flat ass, and I looked into button
plants and they're really expensive, but breast and plants are
really cheap, So I'm just gonna get some tips put
in my ass. That was pretty good, but uh no, yeah,
it's it's called a Moxie BBL. That's the thing I'm

(10:56):
gonna do next week. I've never done it before. Before this,
I've done I've done the uh what's it called micro
needling where they like rub in your own blood that
they spin around in a machine where they get like
So I've done that, and then I've done Morpheus eight.
I've done like two times. I think you need to
do it like four or five to get the full effect,

(11:17):
but I just kind of like dropped off. I don't know.
I there's no rhyme or rhythm to anything I do.
All I know is that I just trust people who
recommend things, and this was the thing that she recommended.
There's another thing I'm gonna do that I forget the
name of, but I'll tell you what I do what
I get it. But the MAXYBBL is supposed to be
really good, but I need a week of recovery, so yeah,

(11:37):
I'm getting it. Tomorrow and then I'm not on the
road for a week. It's it's amazing that I have
time to do it, because usually I would I would not.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
But yeah, you've been on the road all month. No,
not at all, You've just been off. How's that meaning?

Speaker 1 (11:48):
Not good? You know what I have to say? Like
after the Golden Globes, I felt so sharp when it
came to joke writing. I was so zippy. I was
so quick, like even in conversation, I was just tag
and you know, like it if you work it, you
work it like I was. So I was so good
at joke writing. And I feel like I wish that
I would have had a like someone plan assignments for

(12:09):
me every day or something, just to keep that muscle going,
you know, like yeah, to keep that strength up. And
I think it's not lost. I mean there'll be muscle memory.
I gain stuff from working so hard on the Golden
Globes and being in those in that room with you guys,
and just learning so much and just having the bar
raised in terms of like if you want to be heard,
you gotta be funny, you know, like you gotta.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yeah, everything's a muscle. I mean you think, like, oh,
if I don't play guitar or piano, could you? Everyone
knows that you when you come back to it, you're
not as good. But it's the same thing is true
of writing, right, Like sitting down and writing, you have
to practice and do and then you get better at
it and you improve at it and as you practice it.

Speaker 1 (12:45):
I'm reading this book called You'll Be Rusty, called The Breakthrough. Wait,
what is it called? Let me look at it really quick,
and by the way, I'm reading a third of it.
You guys know, anatomy of a breakthrough, And it's about
feeling blocked creatively or whatever it is, in whatever you do.
And I'm right at the beginning of it where it's
kind of talking about all the studies that have been
done on people who get blocked and where motivation kind

(13:06):
of comes from. And they were doing this really interesting
thing about they actually did a study on comedians where
comedians think that once it gets we always just quit
once it gets tough. If we're in a creative endeavor,
you're working on a joke, you're working on a song,
you're working on a script. Like you work for a
few hours and then you're like at a block and
you're like you you would predict as a comedian, as

(13:28):
a writer that if you continued working three more hours
that the stuff you would come up in that three
hours after you've kind of already you're like, you got
all of it out right the first three hours, and
now you're like you've hit a wall. If you kept
going for three more hours, you would predict a downgrade
of the material, of the of the amount, and of
the substance of it. But you would be wrong that

(13:51):
studies show that the back end, after it's hard, you
actually generate more creative things and you create more of them.
And so there's this it's it's called the cliff paradox
or like something about the like something about the cliff
the creative uh, the illusion of the cliff where it's
like you think that once you reach the edge of

(14:13):
where it's easy, that there's going to be a drop off,
But it's an illusion, and there's actually much more to
be gained once it gets hard, and we use that
in all we can use that in all aspects of
our life. So I'm just getting the information right now
and then it's going to teach me how to like
break through those things. But I already use one thing
in a pilates class, because it was talking about how
no matter if you're a rat in a maze, or

(14:34):
if you're a person in running a race, or if
you're a girl in a pilates class, or if you're
doing something that is required, you know you're working towards
the golden globes. Whatever it is you, at the start
of it, you will work really diligently and really fast
and really efficiently. And then in the middle you will
slag and you will get bogged down, and you will
produce less good work and less work. And then in

(14:57):
the end, when you can see the finish, you will
ramp it up again and you will do better. You'll
run faster at the end of the race, and run
faster the beginning of the race. In the middle of
the race, you're going to be not good. And it
just for any type of activity, the middle always is
the worst spot for people, and they just do the worst.
And so to beat that, you're supposed to break up
everything into smaller pieces so that you're constantly at a

(15:19):
beginning and the end. So yesterday in Plate's class, I
just broke it all into five minutes and even That
was almost too much because I was like dying at
the third minute or whatever. I was just like, I
just need pretend that you get to quit after five
minutes in the class. It so you're just trying to
get to that five on the clock. Now you're just
trying to get to that ten. And it really made
it there was It wasn't like a miraculous thing, but

(15:41):
it did make it more interesting and surmountable for me
than just having that like, oh my god, when you're
at ten minutes in that class and you got to
get to fifty, it just seems like what's the what's
the point? It just it's forever. And sometimes I go,
don't look at the clock, thank you. See how long
you can go without looking at the clock. That's like
a way to trick my And then I look at
the clock. It's twelve minutes. It's like and I think

(16:03):
it's been you know, twenty two. So I'm learning things
from this. Is it going to you know, change the
way I do everything? I hope? So.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
But well, that exact thing happened on the Golden Globes.
Do you remember like three weeks in when we were like,
oh my god, we've got nothing. Everything we're writing is terrible,
Like everything is.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
Terrible, think of anything. We were out of Joe, we
were like, there's nothing else to be written about Wicked,
There's nothing.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
Were nothing, and we were literally like what who needs
to be hired? Like what did we do wrong here?
That we can't come up with anything at all? For
like a whole week we couldn't come up with anything.

Speaker 1 (16:37):
We were like, I was worried. There was a time
I was worried where I was like, I don't know,
I have the best people working for me possible, and
we aren't there, Like it's not this monologue is not popping.
And I thought that way about almost every kind of
endeavor I've had of where it's like you in the middle,
you just go, what is this? This is what is

(16:57):
gonna be horrible? And I just have to remember that
that's going to happen every single time. Yeah, you have
to fight through it.

Speaker 2 (17:05):
It's very rare that you get a really solid middle
and then like the beginning and ends are bad. No,
you start bad and then all of a sudden it's
amazing and it's bad again.

Speaker 1 (17:15):
Well, if you can always just imagine it being the end,
like I've talked about this a million times on the podcast.
I'm sorry, but it's the most interesting thing I've ever
heard in my life. So I'm so sorry, but everyone
just needs to remember it. When there was a woman
who had a brain accent, like an accident where a
part of her brain was injured, and it was a
part of her brain that was short term memory, so
her memories started over all the time, and after her accent,

(17:38):
she used to run races before this and she was fine.
And then after her accident where she lost her short
term memory, she was doing ultramarathons and winning them because
she wasn't she didn't know where she was in the race,
so she was always at the beginning of the race.
Where so it's all mental, Like your tiredness in the
middle of the race is because you know you're in
the middle. It's not because you actually are tired. I mean, yes,

(18:00):
it is, but it's because everything is mental. If you
can trick yourself into being like this is the beginning,
it's that that's such an important thing to remember because
it's we just think that we're tired because of how
long we've been going. We see that time on the
clock or we see how long we have left and
you can trick your brain into thinking things.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
Uh, I was proven by the original marathon, like you
can literally run yourself to death, Like there's no limit
to how much you can run. Yeah, like the original
guy who ran the marathon died at the end of it.
After but the Trojans were coming or whatever.

Speaker 1 (18:35):
They talk about in the book how this one girl
was finishing a marathon and she was like, you know,
I think you've probably seen the clip. We've all seen
it where she's approaching the finish line and her legs
just start wobbling out from under her. She's like leading,
you know, and then someone comes and helps her and
she's able to finish. But her body was fine. And
she said earlier they talk about her in it, and

(18:56):
they say earlier on in the race, she was like,
really forehead, she saw her dad and he was like,
you're first by this much, and she was like, oh
my god. And she's like, I don't need water. I'm fine.
It was a really hot day. She just wasn't feeling
and she was like, I just want to keep this lead.
So she didn't get water. As soon as her mind
saw the fucking finish line. Her body was like, we're done.
Like it almost like her mind. Her mind thought that

(19:20):
she was at the finish it did it wasn't smart
enough because it didn't have enough water and energy to go.
You still have to do more. It just thought it
was done, and so it collapsed. That's why people collapse
when they finished, right, It's because they're done. It's not
because that's when they were supposed to collapse.

Speaker 2 (19:36):
It's like when you have to take it dump. Well,
I was driving home and you're like, oh my god,
I could hold it in for ten years. Yes, yes,
and then all of a sudden, you're like around the
corner from your house and you shit your pants.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
This is why meditation is important, because that's where you
learn to control your thoughts and control your brain and
have a little bit more of like being able to
steer up there. Okay, we gotta go to break. I'll
be back after this. We'll be back. How is everyone's weekends?

Speaker 2 (20:04):
Well, I want to bring up this tweet because we
were talking about people not getting sarcasm, and there's this
amazing tweet. Over the weekend, people are watching the inauguration
and obviously a lot of people are making jokes about
it online Jinny Hogan. You heard her, Jenny Hogan. Yeah,
she's so funny.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
I subscribe to her sub stack.

Speaker 2 (20:23):
I think, yeah, so she's great. During the inauguration, she
tweets out, thank God Biden isn't alive to see this,
which is so funny, and because obviously he is alive
and it's a joke, it's.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
Oh my god, I can't even Okay.

Speaker 2 (20:41):
So then someone responds to this, I assume you mean Carter,
as in Jimmy Carr who just died recently. And then
she she responds to that, and I said I did
not please no comments, which is also hilarious. And then
the original person response to that, we'll turn off comments
if you don't want pushback. Otherwise people will keep pointing

(21:04):
out your stupidity.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yeah, and another person agrees with the dumb person and says,
she's a teacher. That explains the stupidity. What, yeah, like,
people are the people that are commenting on that are
agreeing with the dumb person who does not get the joke.

Speaker 1 (21:25):
But what is the argument that teachers are dumb?

Speaker 2 (21:28):
It's like, I mean, that's that.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
Dude.

Speaker 2 (21:32):
Ever since they started letting trans people teach you your
kids that all the Republicans think that teachers are evil.

Speaker 1 (21:39):
Oh dear god, it's the Yeah, it's a lot of
that online.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
It's like, how do you not get that joke? I mean,
the Republicans, out of all the people, have been making
the most jokes about how Biden is actually a weekend
at Bernie and then when they see one in the wild,
they go, what the fuck are you must mean Jimmy Carter.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
Oh god, how many people do you think Tim Dillon's
of Tim Dyllan's audience take him so seriously? This is
where it's like, oh god, that makes me nervous.

Speaker 2 (22:12):
Yeah, it's probably probably like twenty percent. Realistically, it's probably
like twenty percent of people who don't understand that. It's
that it's like a joke. Yeah, that it's well, it's
that it's exaggerate difference. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:26):
His his clip about the fires was so fucking insane.
See everything he's saying. Did you see the clip though,
where he's like doing the voice of the woman talking
about her house and like just like and then he's
you know, he's just talking about this. You have to
I can't. I literally can't repeat it because it's like

(22:47):
it scares me so much, of like the fallout, and
then he goes, this is probably the he's making fun
of this woman kind of, you know. And then he goes,
this is probably uh, the president of CIA's wife and they,
you know, just get an email You've been dropped, like
who cares? And then clip cuts out. It made me
laugh so hard, just like yeah, just he doesn't give

(23:10):
a fuck.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
He's crushing the fire, crushing. He's like the only one
that's able to make the fires funny. Later and he's
going around saying that his house burned down and that
his family is dead, which he's just telling people that
he also donated a lot of money to the to
the fire to eat.

Speaker 1 (23:27):
Of course he is the biggest heart. Yeah, yeah, it's God.
It's funny. Yeah, people don't get things. I'm still getting
hate about God and throwing God under the bus. And
I guess that that is still circulating.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
Still happening.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
Yeah, parts of the world.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
It really is gets a worldwide phenomenon. The only place
in the world where it's not happening is America.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
Yeah, they seem to be on board.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
Yeah, and maybe even Europe a joke. I think it's
literally just you know South America and Southeast Asia. I
mean it's it's it didn't really spread, like you know, Catholicism. Did.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
Did you watch a lot of football this weekend?

Speaker 2 (24:11):
I'm guessing oh, hell yeah, of course I did.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
I was watching my phone a lot next to football.
It was on a lot. There was so much football
this weekend.

Speaker 2 (24:21):
Yeah. Lots of playoff games, lots of really solid games.
There's also the College Football Championship.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
I watched that last night. Yes, yep, Oh god, you
want to Notre Dame to win.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
I just wanted Ohio State to lose. I hate Ohio State.
I think the Ohio State coach looks like he is
a mass murderer. I think the quarterback is a true bully.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
I've been wearing Mallenia's hat.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
Just go google it.

Speaker 2 (24:51):
Yeah, he's a true bully I think. I mean yeah,
And also I just I hate the stuff he does.
He Like there's one point where he like did a
running play and then looked at the sideline and like winked,
And I was like, this guy is pure evil, Like
he's pure crying after the game, no, because he loves

(25:11):
that coach he.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
Yeah, Well, Chris was commenting that he was making it
like these boys have been through hell and back because
they lost like one game, like they lost the game
to Michigan or something, and so like the whole story
now is like, but they've they've they've won a lot
of like, they've been to the playoffs a lot, like
they they were national champions not that long ago. And
it's like this, the whole narrative whenever someone wins something

(25:34):
has to be like, oh, they've been through hell. It's
like they've been through been through hell.

Speaker 2 (25:40):
Their perennial playoff contenders, they won the championship ten years
ago in Ohio State is like always has all the
best players except for maybe Alabama and Georgia, and they're
always in the top four. If there's there's no adversity
at all, have been through And here's the hell, Michigan,

(26:00):
the hell.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Was there a natural disaster on campus?

Speaker 2 (26:04):
Well they live in Columbus, Okay, well on Columbus trip.
So there was a Michigan defeated Ohio State back in
the regular season. It didn't matter. I mean it could
have I guess knocked them out of the Platford. It
was never going to end.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
I'm saying, when they've been through hell and back, like,
give me a fucking break.

Speaker 2 (26:21):
Well, so there's this. There is a tradition where if
you defeat a rival, an important rival on their home turf,
then you can take your team's flag and plant it
at midfield on the logo. That happens across college football
and many different Ohio that's right. So the Michigan players

(26:41):
defeat Ohio State a huge upset, and they're running the
flag out to plant it, and the Ohio State players
literally started fighting them, where a lot of them got
like uh penalties and suspension. This is after the game.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
Stupid. I think I'm back. I think I was there
for a year. I liked it for a year, and
I'm back to thinking it's a waste of everyone's time.

Speaker 2 (27:03):
And I don't like I just I don't because Ohio State.
Why that's what happened.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
No, I don't think it's that. It's just like, yeah,
I don't want men crying about men who have been
through hell, and it's just like I just I don't know.
It just all seems these guys are getting laid. Chris
las Night was like, isn't it weird that there's like
a baby that's gonna be born in nine months because
these guys won tonight. Like there's there's children that are
conceived tonight because of the happiness. Like I like when

(27:31):
teams are happy. Like I'm rooting for the Bills one
hundred percent because my friend, who is a depressed person,
loves the Bills, and I feel like it literally will
cure his depression if the Bills win. It's like, I've
never cared more about a team winning anything.

Speaker 2 (27:44):
Than I actually about the Bills.

Speaker 1 (27:47):
I think it's the whole city of Buffalo is suffering
with a depression that will be cured and they deserve it.
I want the Bills to win so bad I'm going
to the Super Bowls. They sin, they've they've sure they
can have it, but like are they It's you know.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
Well, they're like the evil villain of the league. Now,
nobody wants the Chiefs to the people in Kansas City.
You just don't want to see someone win that many times. Right,
They're going for a three peete, which is exciting in
and of itself.

Speaker 1 (28:17):
Done.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
Yeah, but it's just like when Tom Brady was on
the Patriots. It's just like I'm sick and tired of
them winning, and the way they win is so boring
every single time. It's just like a grind out. Like
they always win by like two or three points. Because
they do. It's like it's like you think, like they
know they could turn it on and like crush the team,
but they decide not to because they'd rather just make

(28:37):
it boring.

Speaker 1 (28:38):
I want to see my girl on the field kissing
her man. I'd like to see that. That's a fun picture.
It's a fun moment, So I like that. But yeah,
I my friend who has struggles with life, I would
like it's much more important for him to be happy
this year than Taylor Swift, who has a lot. I
will only want good things for her and Travis. But

(29:00):
I think they can weather this year more than my friend,
who needs the Bills to win desperately.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
If the Trees win the Super Bowl again, I believe, seriously,
Travis Kelsey might retire. I mean, how could you not
after winning three Super Bowls in a row. Where could
you go from? Their fourth doesn't even matter at that point.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
Okay, yeah, I mean, all I'm saying is I'm looking
forward to football season being over. You are going to
the super Bowl. You said, Yeah, I am going to
the super Bowl. I'm doing a thing that got me
an invite to the super Bowl. I can't say what
the thing is. I don't think not that well, you're
gonna be on bird Chraisier's skin. That's not the thing

(29:38):
that didn't get me an invite, But something else I'm
doing it got me an invite to it. So I'm going,
But I don't know what I'm gonna wear yet because
I don't know who's in it. And I'm making my
whole outfit based on like the team. So I'm hoping
that I get to borrow my depressed friend's clothing and
wear like an oversized cool jacket or something. But I
don't know what the weather will be in New Orleans anyway.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
Yeah, like a bill, Like anticipating that the Bills will
be there.

Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah, like I'm hoping the bill.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
Yeah that means they'd have to defeat the Chiefs next week.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
Yeah, I'm okay with that. I like I said, I
care about Travis's happiness. I love Patrick Mahomes, I love
his mom, Randy, I love I love the I love
Kansas City, I love Taylor. But they all. I just
care about this friend who really needs this right now.

(30:28):
I think it's the only thing that can lift him out.
They won the other night, and everyone who saw him
all weekend said he was the happiest they've ever seen him.
It literally can change lives. And I think that that
town needs it, and I love Buffalo and and they're
you know, are these the guys that like are the
Bills the ones that jump off of the top of
things onto tables or is the Eagles the Bills? Yeah,

(30:50):
they need this. They watch in the nineties in a row.
That's that's insane and unheard of. I can't believe I
didn't hear about it sooner than two nights ago when
just told me. Anyway, went to a game we went
to go watch at Chris's house last night, or at
Chris's brother's house, and my parents came over. Chris's parents

(31:11):
were there, kids were there, and my Chris's niece, Catherine
has become obsessed with my Gracie Abrams walked down the
hall viral video thing that I did on TikTok that
kind of became a trend, and she was playing it
and she was too scared to ask, so she had her.

(31:32):
She was whispering to her mom and her mom was like,
she wants to know if you will film one with her.
So we filmed one last night, like I did my
own trend with the whole family, and then all the
girls joined in. It was really fun and we ate
chili and we hung out and I my parents hadn't
watched any of the inauguration coverage, so I just kept
dropping little things to my dad. That was I kept

(31:53):
showing him the elon salute thing and like and just
having him like squirm in his chair because it was
not the it was not the setting to like get
upset about stuff, but I just kept giving him little nuggets.
Oh boy, Yes, and I and I needed someone to
get upset like I needed. I need a little bit
of like release yesterday of like someone's gonna get madder

(32:14):
than I am so that it takes some of your
ship away. So that was kind of fun. My parents
are adorable. I love them so much. And last night
I woke I did wake up last night because Goldie
had a bad dream and woke me up.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
She was like.

Speaker 1 (32:30):
And I like was like whoa And she was like
and I don't know what the fuck she was dreaming about.
But it was very traumatic and calmed down. Yeah, And
I was like, it was just he was giving his
heart to us. He said he was. He was. He
was throwing his heart up into the rafters at a
very sharp anger. That's yes, dude, he said. That's what

(32:50):
people are saying is that he was like, my heart
is with you, and then he threw his heart up
into the.

Speaker 2 (32:56):
Sky all the way up to the third.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
And so. But then I was awake and I couldn't
get back to sleep. For drum roll please, I had
existential dread. Oh hit me last night, you got dude.
I felt so bad for you. I like, not only
was I flooded with my own dread of dying and

(33:21):
my parents dying and my dog dying and everyone in
my life dying, and like how am I gonna deal
with that? Like I can't deal with my parents dying,
Like I should go hang out with my dad right now,
it's four o'clock in the morning, Like he's alive right now,
I have to go hang out with him. It was like,
truly I could not deal with it. But then I
was also burdened with your pain because I was like,
this is how people this how a lot of my
friends feel all the time. How do you deal? So

(33:45):
then I just started talking to myself and saying, it's okay, Nikki,
it's okay, Niki. It's like being my own mother, like
soothing myself, like I was a very help back to
sleep and saying it.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
Answer, yeah, that's like what I teach you to do,
and you just did it naturally.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
And I just was like, you're not, like you're not
allowed to think about those things, like it is you
you only you have to do a mantra of it's okay, Nikki.
So like you know, like when you're doing meditation and
you're supposed to focus on your breath and if you
drift off, you just focus back on your breath. I
was just like, anytime I drift off, I have to
focus back on It's okay, Niki, It's okay, Nicki, it's okay,
and like just being like really soothing and nice, and

(34:21):
then I was able to get back to sleep, but
good god, it was like so deeply uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:28):
I felt like I was high in eighth grade, you know,
like where you get high and you start like everyone's
gonna die. I'm gonna say like, oh, yes, dude, it
was horrible. I'm so sorry to anyone who goes through that.
I'm so glad it's gone today and that I you know,
resent my parents again and I'm totally taking the bath.
It's It's true, like I, you know, you wake up
in the middle of night and you're like, I have

(34:48):
to spend time with all the people that might be
gone someday. Like, how could I ever turn down hanging
out with my parents when there is it's certain that
they will be gone someday, I will be gone someday.
How do we? How do I go on?

Speaker 3 (35:00):
That is what my postpart of depression was. I just
kept thinking about how one day, I, you know, like
I won't be there for my daughter or you know,
like my my family's going to pass away and all that.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
It's really paralyzing. It's paralyzing because there's nothing you can
do about it, and you're like, everyone's just okay with this.
I think it just I mean, obviously no one's.

Speaker 2 (35:23):
Okay with it. The only people that are okay with
it are the same like okay with dying.

Speaker 1 (35:28):
You're saying, well, we have to be okay with it.
We have to go about our lives. I could if
I thought that was going to die soon.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
Yeah, well yeah, I mean I tire in to get fixed.
I don't understand when people say like, oh, yeah, I
don't mind dying. I don't. I think it'll be fine,
And I'm like, are you I don't think you understand
what that means.

Speaker 1 (35:49):
I'm okay with dying. I'm not okay with my parents
dying and me having to like go on, yeah, that's
where I'm like, I don't know if that's going to
be okay or siblings. No, there's just like most sorts
of things friends. And then I was like, you should, Nikki,
you should have a kid because this is that that
that will make it so you have someone that won't

(36:09):
die before you. And then I go, something could happen
to them. I'm not fucking inviting more of the ship
in my life, Like yeah, I'm that would add to
my anxiety of like what could happen, Like I can't,
I can't do So there was a moment of like,
I should have a baby because I want to alleviate
the pain of losing my parents and I want to
have something I care about just as much as my parents.

(36:30):
And then I was like, no, I can't because then
I what what if some that that was too scary?

Speaker 2 (36:35):
So that's creed. That's one of the scariest things. That
would just ruin your like you have in your act,
then that would ruin your entire life if something happened, like,
there's no go moving on from that. No, and that's
a big risk. I mean but anyway, that's yeah. So
look I have this. Uh speaking of people's parents. Ali's
dad is a subscriber to The Wall Street Journal. Uh huh,

(36:59):
and he's say this in print, Oh yeah, and sent it.

Speaker 1 (37:05):
Wait, I have one too, hold on, Oh my god,
you guys are so cute, so big on the Wall
Street Journal.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
Look at those eyes?

Speaker 1 (37:14):
Really they didn't know I make up on me for
that almost none. I was like, are you really going
to go minimal here? Yeah, they're blue as hell. Damn.
I look at a picture and I'm like, that's a woman.
Like do you ever look at yourself? Know what? And
You're like, I'm an I'm a woman, Like I'm forty.
Like that isn't like I'm not a girl anymore. Like

(37:35):
that's a woman who should have Like I.

Speaker 3 (37:38):
Wish I wish I photographed as well as you. You
are so photographic, honey.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
I want to let you know. Those were the one
that you had the New York Times that was probably
one hundred pictures taken, and the one you boiled up
that was probably a thousand. So those everyone remember that
it's one of thousands of pictures taken. When they end
up with a picture. Even I saw like Addison Ray
on Rolling Stone, I'm like, that's the best picture I've

(38:05):
ever seen. And I was like, just remember it was
a whole day of shooting and there's some really bad
ones of her. I'm sure probably not that funny, but
it's yeah, it was very exciting.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (38:16):
Face was everywhere I have recently because there's a more
recognizability factor going on, pour mois. I've been trying to
dress nicer when I leave the house. It's it is happening.
And then I saw someone at Starbucks the other day
and I wasn't dressed nice and I and she recognized
me and I apologize.

Speaker 3 (38:35):
I just read that on there's there's an interview on
Grammy dot com with Nikki where you tell a story.
I think you may tell that story for you, like
apologize when you meet people like at the airport or wherever,
and you're like, I'm sorry, I know that you expected.

Speaker 1 (38:48):
More of me. I always do because I just am like,
this is not okay. And even like the girls at
my pilates, Jim, they're so nice. They're like, you looked
so pretty at the you know, golden globes, and I'm like,
it was all my glamb team, honey, as you know,
look at me right now, like It's crazy how much
it can be, how dialed up you can also looked

(39:10):
stunning on Howard.

Speaker 3 (39:11):
I was just talking with one of my jiu jitsu
classmates yesterday, nice about that.

Speaker 1 (39:16):
And I was just really good lighting there. It was
so nice. And I had hair, you know, I had eyelashes.

Speaker 3 (39:24):
And but that green, I like that hunter green on you.
I think, oh, I think.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
It's a grey. I was wearing green gray on Howard start.
But I might have looked green on a screen. Wonderful.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
What did the person say at Starbucks that you put
you apologize.

Speaker 1 (39:38):
To she just goes cause I was getting up to
go to the bathroom and I was leaving my computer
and I just I always do this thing where I'm like,
will you but if someone comes and steals it, it's
not your like, I don't care, just don't chase them,
right Like, It's just that's literally what I go. I go,
will you? And I point out and I go, but
you don't have to, like it's not just do whatever

(39:58):
like it's there. And then, because it's really dumb to
put someone like in charge of your like, right you,
will you guard this for me? I'm always just like what, okay,
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
That's actually a pretty good idea for a movie is
someone says, can you watch my laptop for me? And
then they go to the bathroom at the coffee shop,
and then someone steals the laptop and the person feels
like it's their job to find that laptop and hunt.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
It seems like a curb episode where he's like, I
didn't even say that I would, you know, like he Larry,
I motioned for you to watch it. I have my
headphones that I didn't know, like that's such a curb thing. Yeah,
so I did that motion and the girl goes, wait,
are you are you Nicky Glazer? And I said yes,
Oh my god, I'm so sorry that this is who

(40:42):
I am because I was wearing like a my hair
was like five days unwashed. It was in a clip
that was like tangled, and like there's like a long
strand hanging out of it. I have to put up
my hair at a clip and there's one strand it's
all the way down my back and then the rest
is up like high on my head. It's like I
just don't look in mirrors that often. And she was

(41:04):
she was like, oh no, Like she was like, you know,
I've had the joke before. But I literally am almost
offended when I get recognized because of how trashy I
will love. But it may almost makes me feel good
because I'm like, oh, maybe there is a little sign
that I look that pretty outside of it, and then yeah,
that's It's so I've been trying to up the way
I look when I just go out because I feel

(41:26):
like people talk and I just don't want the rumor
to be like she was dressed disgustingly, like when I
go out to nice dinners or something like I've thrown
some makeup now, Like I just want to look a
little bit presentable.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
You never know, and someone's gonna be taking a picture
of you now right.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
I don't publication there are just certain places I go
to in Saint Louis where I feel people can be
like judgy, And that's why I had to get like
a nicer car, Like I wish I just didn't care
what people thought. But I just don't want people to
think they're better than me. Yeah, I think that some
people and because they have more money than me or

(42:04):
something like there's some areas in Saint Louis where like
you have to like look a certain way and dress
a certain way, or like sometimes I go to the
Starbucks in LaDue and I run in and out of
there so fast because I don't want anyone to see
what trash I am, because then they'll like whisper about
me at their Bible studies and say, oh, she was
actually wearing these converts that are like so dirty and

(42:27):
she has these really ill sitting jeans on and like
we don't even know why she's famous. Like I didn't
laugh at all. I didn't think it was funny at all.
She's never been funny. I think it's actually disgusting and
like they can act like they're better than me, Like
I know these conversations happen the girls. If you're offended
by this because you're like, I don't talk that way
about her, then you're not who I'm talking about. You're

(42:47):
cool and I like you, but you if you're Saint
Louis and you know who I'm talking about. The wird
you go to high school, people that can like try
to socio economically place you. That's the big thing in
Saint Louis is where you you. Everyone asked where you
went to high school so they can know how rich
your dad is.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
Oh, but now you're richer than their dad, So fuck them.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
I am. But I still dress like I'm not, though,
and that's what That's what matters. I would there are
times where I just want to let them all know that,
but I guess they could just go, well, I don't know.
I actually don't. I don't think I'm richer than them.
Some of them like their dad's own banks and shit,
like I can't even touch their wealth. But there was
I was gonna move into a house a couple I

(43:33):
would say, like six months ago or something. Yeah, and
we got really close. We were so excited about this place.
And I'm kind of glad it didn't happen because my mom,
my mom's friends, they meet people that are from this neighborhood,
and they all are like, Nikki almost moved into our neighborhood,
Nicki Kazer almost. They all know, and I'm like, how

(43:54):
did they even know? And so if I move into
a neighborhood, everyone's gonna be watching every little thing that
goes on in my house and whispering and oh, the
car has parked a certain way.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
Shrubs, But you know what, this also happens if it's
just moving into a neighborhood.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
Yeah, no, I know that, You're right. I'm not trying
to feel I'm not to move off the grid. I
want to live in like kind of wooded area where
people can't see in because I'm not ashamed of how
I live. I really I'm quite a mess and it's okay.
But I don't like people to collectively get together and
whisper and think they're better than me, or like try

(44:31):
to make themselves feel better about the fact that they're
not famous or whatever they're jealous of me about, even
though I don't think that's something to be jealous about.
And then they just like the fact that they all knew.
Why did Why do people know that? Why aren't you
allowed to move into a neighborhood and not have everyone
know who you are. Is that just not a thing
that exists anymore? I'm not I'm being serious.

Speaker 2 (44:53):
Every place that I've looked at, the story is always
the town is small and everybody talks no matter what.
Like even if you moved into Culver City, which is
like a small section of a larger place, But if
you want to go move into a place that like
literally is like a smaller city or town, then yeah,
people just gossip and bitch. There's a famous person who

(45:14):
lives in the town that I got married in Grand Lake. Yeah,
everybody fucking hates this guy. I mean, he is, like,
he does do some things I guess that are rude
and mean. But I was in there because I was
walking around because Ali and I were like, what would
it be like to live in Grand Lake? And then
we started talking to the townspeople about like what would
be like to live here? And every single person we

(45:36):
talked to brought up this famous guy and was like,
but this guy lives to they'd be like, we love it.
The winters are really cold, it's really not a great
place to know.

Speaker 1 (45:43):
Who is this guy?

Speaker 2 (45:44):
But this guy lives here too. And he's such a mislay,
you're not so far off. Actually, yeah, you'd probably look
it up.

Speaker 1 (45:52):
I don't do know, what do you is your neighborhood
like that like chattery about like a gossipy and you
guys get together and talk about who's doing what.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
I only recently because I've been going for walks and
I was gonna say, you have a dog, You're gonna
go for walks, so you're gonna be a lot.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
Of people wherever.

Speaker 3 (46:11):
So after living here for like four years and only
now have I met some of my neighbors, and particularly
one lady who told me the whole neighborhood shpiel about everybody.

Speaker 1 (46:23):
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (46:24):
But it wasn't like to gossipee except for about like
one couple and how they're like a remarried couple with
one kid and all that stuff. But you know, it
wasn't anything toxic.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
Yeah, okay, I mean, yeah, this is not gonna go
and you're you're in the public eye. It's it's inevitable.
Even I don't mind. I don't mind like making friends.
How long do you have to talk to people when
you run into them with when you're walking, Like if
you run out to someone and they're getting their mail
and you sit and you talk, like what's an average

(46:56):
amount of time? And then how do you get out
of it? And I'm not looking to not have conversations.
I like a conversation. I just it stresses me out
that you can't get out of it.

Speaker 2 (47:04):
Yeah, and also that like you have to walk your
dog like four times a day, and like, what are
you gonna have a conversation every single time you walk outside?
I mean that's when I'm like, I have I have
my methods to try to avoid those things. Well, what
I've been doing lately is I just carry Jack across
the street and down the block and make him pee
on that long because I don't because there's this vicinity,

(47:27):
there's this circle of this area right outside my house
where like I talk to this neighbor, I talk to
that neighbor. And it's just it was getting to be
like inefficient. I'd be out there for like twenty five
minutes talking to people and sometimes you just don't want
to talk at all. Yeah, And sometimes the other person
doesn't want to talk at all, But then you both
see each other and you feel obligated to have this
converse reluctant conversation. You don't want it, Melania's hat hate.

Speaker 1 (47:51):
I will say, living in an apartment complex, I never
talk to anyone. It's just something about living and that's
close of quarters that makes people totally anti social. It
almost like on an airplane, you know, we're all so
close to each other, yet we all agree not to talk.
And in an apartment building, I know some people and
we say hi, and we like nod at each other,
but there's not like long conversations going on. I don't

(48:12):
feel like there's any I never gossip about anyone. I'm
not like trying to suss out who's going where and
what's happening. And I don't feel like that energy is
being brought to me. And that's why I love an
apartment I love living amongst people but not being expected
to have podcasts with them.

Speaker 2 (48:27):
Right yeah, the hallway, No, yeah, exactly. I think that
the nod hello, and just the acknowledgment that I know you,
I'm happy to see you, we're not talking is amazing.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
I'm coming off as antisocial, but I promise you I'm not.
I just don't like being I grew up in a
house where my mom's always like, get that shit out
of our front, Nikki, clean that stuff up. People are
gonna think we're white trash, and just I would always
be like who cares? But I think it's seeped into
me that I'm deeply concerned about people thinking I'm white
trash or thinking that I'm trash based on like what

(49:00):
is on my lawn, like even Chrismas, Like you know,
if we move in one of these nice neighborhoods, we're
not gonna be able to park like the way we want,
Like you can't just park on the street, or you
can't have your friends. And I'm like, my friends are
gonna park on the fucking street. Who gives a shit.
I'm trying to be like what they're gonna like, rite
us up for it? Rite us up. I don't care, Like, oh,
they have to they have to move their car two

(49:20):
inches when they're driving by, like and why is that?
Or your Christmas lights have to be a certain color
like hoa stuff. Like all it says to me is
like we want to make this neighborhood look white.

Speaker 2 (49:32):
Even the Christmas lights have to be white.

Speaker 1 (49:34):
Like That's what I am disgusted by any kind of
rules that make it feel like we need to let
everyone know we're rich and white. And I that's what
That's why I don't like country clubs. I just feel
like there's just this vibe of like they're not saying
what I think they want to say, which is we
know what they want to say. But maybe that's just me.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I love that everyone.

(49:55):
I'm Saint Louis, all right, Uh, we're gonna go to break,
we'll be back a oh whatever.

Speaker 2 (50:03):
Last so I experienced the closed thing last night because
I went to Ali was doing a midnight book release
where we would go to the book shop in town
and she'd pick up the book. You know, there was
like a big event and this was like a surprise.
It's called Onyx Storm, which is the third book in

(50:23):
a series about dragon writers.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
So cool.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
Yeah, well, I this was a surprise to me and
to her. She kind of forgot that she had the tickets,
but she's like, oh, I got to go to the bookstore.
And it's this bookstore in Culver City called the Rip Bodice,
which is a romance bookstore and it's run by women,
owned by women, and all the books are for women,
and I'm like, yeah, I'll go with you to the thing.

(50:48):
It sounds fun. So we walked to town and I'm
wearing my usual stuff. I'm wearing my I had my
Golden Gloves shirts see Coda packs, my pop jacket which
is very colorable. Yeah, I had blue sweatshorts on my
fanny pack and a dinosaur hat. And I would go

(51:11):
to this event and I will never.

Speaker 1 (51:13):
Dressed sometimes like a toddler whose mom said, you decide
what you wear today.

Speaker 2 (51:17):
Honey, exactly exactly. Most of the time, I just don't care.
I just want to be comfortable, just comfortable. But this
one time, uh, we were there and I was literally
the only man there, and I felt like I am
not representing my gender.

Speaker 1 (51:33):
Well right right, No, I feel like you're out You're
outfit is a non threatening man. I feel like you
that is like you, you dressed the way as a
guy that would not hurt us.

Speaker 2 (51:45):
Yeah. And you know what's interesting because I was there
with my wife obviously, and I feel like a lot
of the ladies there were making eye contact with me,
and it was like a reverse bar where I'm like,
at this, it's like when you go to a gay bar.
Or something. It's like all of a sudden, like, okay.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
Was the irons had three seconds or more?

Speaker 2 (52:06):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (52:06):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
The eye contact was significant And sometimes I would say
something to Ali and then another girl would respond.

Speaker 1 (52:13):
Whoa, whoa ditation. Brian's sorry, but you're a very handsome man.
And I don't think you know that your skin is
that of a child's. I don't understand your skin texture.
We should be asking you what laser you get, right,
But you're an attractive guy, so that makes sense. And
you're tall and you were the only guy there.

Speaker 2 (52:34):
So if you want to meet women, yeah, go to
midnight book sales. I mean it's just packed with women.
Who and if you go there and you're like, maybe
this guy also likes onyx Storm, you're just like you're
oh my god. Can you imagine one of them meeting
with someone who actually reads books about dragons too?

Speaker 1 (52:54):
Yeah, you're not gonna have to wet your finger to
turn the page with your mouth. You just put your pants.

Speaker 2 (53:01):
Yeah, all these books are about that, to all these
books that they're reading, it's all about fucking.

Speaker 1 (53:06):
Even the dragons.

Speaker 2 (53:08):
There was a there was a trivia contest about the
book before I know exactly. It's a romance bookstore. There
was a trivia contest and one of the questions was, like,
finish this quote from the book. And the quote was like,
when we go into our first year, we lose our minds,

(53:28):
but when we go into our second year, we lose
our blank Oh and then you're And then they asked
the question. You were supposed to shout out the answer,
and I, as a joke shout out virginity, and the
the no I did and I'm sorry, that would be great.
The answer was humanity, which is actually pretty close. In
your second year, you lose your humanity, and I yell

(53:49):
out virginity and then this, uh, this girl behind me
says to me, I guess you didn't read the first
book because in the first year, that's when everyone loses
their virginity, and so she's joking around me about it. Whoa,
everyone's fucking the entire time all these books. I didn't
realize that when my wife is sitting on her bed
reading these books, it's like porn.

Speaker 1 (54:10):
Yes, yes we got into that stuff. I just watched porn.
But it can be really, really hot. This book got
Miranda July on all fours. I saw my dad was
reading it, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no,
that one that's crazy. Dad, Like it really made me
uncomfortable that he was reading this book that he's like, yoh,

(54:30):
I just picked up the library. I'm like, Dad, wait,
as a gad, have you gotten to any of the parts.
And he's like parts, Oh, I don't think it's so
been too crazy yet. And I'm like, just buckle up, baby,
because I don't even like, I don't like to know
that my dad knows that stuff.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
Sometimes that happens to my dad too, where my dad
and my and my wife have like read a similar
book or like the book, and I'm like, oh no,
I don't want them to have read the same books.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
Based on this final thought, speaking of parents and them
seeing things that you've seen, guess what I showed my
parents that they had not seen on Thursday night.

Speaker 2 (55:07):
Two Girls, One Cup.

Speaker 1 (55:10):
I'm great, No, my rom's currently reading it Whiplash Baby.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
Oh yeah, that's the Two Girls, One Cup.

Speaker 1 (55:19):
Of I can't get enough of that movie. I My
dad goes, you don't want to watch it again? You
watched it. You watched it last week for the first time,
And I was like, I do want to watch again?
So we watched it, and I was like, you're gonna
love it. They loved it. In fact, the next day
they both told me, we want to watch it again.
We want to watch it. They they were like they

(55:40):
got it. They were so into it. And so I
just want to give a shout out. And it's on
Netflix now.

Speaker 2 (55:44):
So and the end of that movie is kind of
pornographic and.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
Is it totally is so horny? Yeah, Oh my god,
I'm horny for JK. Simmons without question. What did I
watch this weekend that he was in? Oh, a Juror
number two on your recommended to me? It's on Max.
It's clinice Wood direct it. Ninety four year old clinice
Wood directed jur Number Juror The Rural Juror Number two. No,

(56:13):
it's the Juror Number two and it is Nicholas Holt
stars in it. I actually met him at Jimmy Kimmel.
He's a very nice man. We were doing it at
the same time. He stars in it. Jakie Simmons is
in it. Key for Sutherland, isn't it. Zoe Deutsch is
in it. The black guy from Reno nine one one

(56:35):
who I love I forget his name. I'm so sorry,
shout out he's in it. Who It's just like it's
packed with stars and it's it's about a guy who
is Yarbroo. Yeah, Cedric Yarborough. Oh my god, he's so funny.
So but he's really he's a dramatic role in this.
But but yeah, JK is up to his old tricks.

(56:55):
But I recommend watching Juror number two on you recommended it.
It was actually really good. It makes you go like, well,
what did I do? It's kind of crazy, and Clint
Eastwood has ninety four and directed this. I'm like, I
cannot believe a ninety four year old is working and
really long days on set. I think they probably were.
Was the craft service all oatmeal?

Speaker 2 (57:16):
No, it's probably Prunes. And he also there was like
fifteen years ago when he did the Republican National Convention
and talked to that empty.

Speaker 1 (57:26):
Chair, and when he did American Sniper and had a
baby doll instead of a baby. But he's an amazing director.
I mean, this was really well done.

Speaker 2 (57:34):
Yeah, but it's hard to believe that he can get
it done because of the chair thing.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
Real his daughter fifteen years.

Speaker 2 (57:39):
Ago he was senile, but he guess not. I guess
he's a bad choice.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
It was good, It was really good, and then we
watched a bunch of football. Oh, I wanted to call
back to Noah had asked you about if the girls
lingered for longer than three seconds on their ha.

Speaker 2 (57:53):
What does that mean.

Speaker 1 (57:54):
Well, we had a discussion on this on girls Chat
where Carlisle was ran into a celebrity we won't say who,
someone that I definitely ran into it the Golden Globes
and he lingered eye contact for like over five seconds
of like strong eye contact, and she was like, I
don't know what it was. And we were like, we
know because we read about how to flirt, and you're

(58:15):
supposed to hold eye contact for three seconds to let
someone know that you want to bang them and give
you a little smirk, a little smirk because you're not
supposed to be like, hey, I like you, because women
are supposed to be passive and let let guys know, like,
because guys always like, I don't know if I'm supposed
to like go up to her or not. And it's
like that's the way a woman can be aggressive without

(58:37):
saying anything and seeming it's like a passive aggressive way
of letting a guy know.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
I can averts her eyes a well.

Speaker 1 (58:47):
After a couple of seconds if she averts her eyes
and kind of like smiles.

Speaker 3 (58:50):
Women do that though, Like if if you catch a
woman making eye contact, I feel like we usually just
kind of like look away and we start like, oh.

Speaker 1 (58:58):
My god, he's looking at me, even though they think.

Speaker 3 (59:00):
You're cute or whatever. But the trick is you have
to hold that eye contact to be inviting. But the
guys don't question.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
H Historically, if I made eye contact with it, like
almost every single time, they like look away immediately, and
that's if that person was interested. I would never have
the courage to say anything to this exactly.

Speaker 1 (59:18):
Here's what you do. I think if you just if
you look again, though, and they're doing it again, then
it's like that because that's what I used to do.
Like I used to be kind of like, oh, I'm
too I'm too nervous to hold it. If I would
be into a guy, so I would just keep doing
like I would avert right away and then I would
do it again, and like I but man, is there,
I'm like getting like a little excited even thinking about

(59:40):
holding eye contact with a stranger across a room and
trying to like communicate that you're into them, but like
then actually act like you're not so fun. But you're
supposed to hold it for like three seconds, which is
a I mean it's one, two, three, Like that's a
long time to hold eye contact with someone. And I
started on one. So that was actually sure, they.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
Can make eye contact with my dog for that long.

Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
It's she won't allow it, and if she does, you
know what she wants. But Carlyle like was like yeah.
Carlyle was like, I don't know what this guy wants.
We were like, we know, get it, girl. She said
it was so awkward that she was like she was
saying goodbye to this person and then they he just
like lingered and looked that she had to be like,

(01:00:24):
all right, see you next time. She had to say
something else to like to like fill the space. And
we're like, oh my god. And I saw this guy
and I would not have thought he looked as good
as he did, but let me just say he looking good.

Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
Wow. And so is the scenario in which this is happening.
What's at work? Oh, okay, she's at work.

Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
And they were she's work and yeah she's working. Yeah, okay, yeah,
all right, very exciting.

Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
So is something going to happen here? Is there a
number exchanged?

Speaker 1 (01:00:54):
No, I don't think that's that's professional in her case.
But I think something the idea of something could have happened.
I think is an exciting.

Speaker 2 (01:01:02):
You should have written the number. Yeah, slipping a number
to a girl and then it's leaving is such a
good move because you don't have to put the pressure
on them to do anything.

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
Does the girl call you, because then that changes the
whole energy. Oh no, because it's well, a girl can
just like say hi, you know, so the reverse is good.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
The reverse is good. If a girl gives a guy
the number, then that's.

Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
That's so aggressive. No, I've done that so many times.
It's not worked.

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
I used to always do it because it's the easiest
thing to do, is just be like, here's my number
and then you just walk away like yeah, because I'm
so scared of like telling someone I like them, so
I would just I would just do that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:40):
And well, it works really well if you're talking to
a guy who maybe is afraid to make the first move.
Like that happened in my year of dating before it
became Neo from the Matrix. I was talking to this
girl at a bar and I was afraid to say, like, Hey,
I want to, you know, get your number, and then
I just kind of the conversations kind of ended and
I kind of walked and I just had the rest

(01:02:01):
of my night. And at the end of the night,
she came up to me and just slipped me a
receipt with her number on it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
Oh yeah, and is that Ali? No, just kidding, that's
so cute, though. Yeah, I did it. I think I
did it a couple of times where I gave my
number and I don't think it worked out. One time
I wrote it on a banana, like on the outside.
Well a guy I was. I was on a plane
and I, believe it or not, the flight attendant was

(01:02:27):
like a hot guy that was seemingly very straight.

Speaker 2 (01:02:30):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
Yeah, And he and I was vegan. I'm vegan, and
I was sitting in business and he offered me snacks
and I was like, I'm vegan, can't have anything. He's like,
we're gonna find something for you, and he went and
found me a banana and I didn't really want the banana,
but I wrote my number on the banana, and on
the way out, I was just like, here's my number,
and I gave it to him on the banana and

(01:02:53):
he said and he waited to call until it was
like about to rot, he said, And then we never
met up. But it was still a cute meat cute.

Speaker 2 (01:03:02):
Yeah, and sharpie on the banana.

Speaker 1 (01:03:04):
No, I wrote like like dug in like pen you know,
like wow, like on the banana skin, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah,
oh you know what. I think. I ate the banana
and literally gave him the peel. I was because I
thought it was funny to give him the trash and
be like, because he would think it was trash, and
I go, look at it closer. I think that's what
I did, because that's funnier than handing back the banana.

(01:03:24):
That's exactly what I. I gave him the trash and
I was like, look closely. And then I thought he
just didn't know what I said. And I was really
embarrassed for a few days because I was like, oh,
he thinks I just handed him traph I could.

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
Read it, and he's like, why did this crazy lady
just carve hieroglyphics for banana?

Speaker 1 (01:03:40):
Peel. Yeah, so that was kind of a fun thing.
I'm trying to think of other cute things I've done. Yeah,
I was trying to do like funny stuff, and that
doesn't go over well. It just doesn't work for women
to be.

Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
The now most men, most men don't want women to
be funny. They want them to be funny and and
or aggressive. It's the same thing I think when a
woman is funny to most manage as if you're being aggressive. Yes, yeah,
the same thing.

Speaker 3 (01:04:07):
Uh yeah, what a I like hyper like sexual texts?
Oh god, that's probably too aggressive too.

Speaker 1 (01:04:15):
I would think like a.

Speaker 2 (01:04:16):
Girl sending a guy hyper sexual texts?

Speaker 1 (01:04:18):
Yeah, like you know, oh second, I have one?

Speaker 2 (01:04:24):
What I have?

Speaker 1 (01:04:24):
Okay? So I was actually watching a movie recently where
this guy was in it that I like really was like,
it's I think, I don't want anyone to figure out
who this is because I wonder if I've like revealed
anything about it in past things, if some if my
archivist is listenings trying to come up with the data

(01:04:48):
of my life, but then nothing, ever, what happened with
this person? But anyway, I saw this guy's picture on
Instagram and I was like that's one of the hottest
people I've ever seen in my life. And I was like, oh,
what's his deal? And I went to his profile. This
is years and years ago and he's following me.

Speaker 2 (01:05:02):
Whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 (01:05:04):
And this was like, I'm not kidding you. This was
like ten years ago, so was way before anything. And
he he had been like a working actor for a while.
I never heard of him or seen him, but he
had been in some stuff. And so I went to
like message him to be like hot, you know, and
then he had messaged me before and I just missed
it and jackpot, you know, yes, okay, So and it

(01:05:28):
was probably like low thousands because he's an actor, you know,
he's stuff, but like not like big at that time,
not big stuff. He's done a lot of stuff now.

Speaker 2 (01:05:41):
Then yeah, so.

Speaker 1 (01:05:47):
We so then it was it was flirty, and so
we started like kind of like texting, and I was
in a different city than him. And then he took
it to not even a sexual place too fast, it
to like a romantic place too fast.

Speaker 2 (01:06:02):
I got turned to death. Yeah that's the equivalent. I mean,
that's a woman going too sexual is I think a
turn off to a lot of men because there are
certain men who are like, she's a slut, and there
are other men who like want you to be you know,
aloof And then for I think for guys, the worst
thing you can do is be too Actually, I think
it works for guys and girls to be too romantic,
too fast.

Speaker 1 (01:06:23):
Yeah, it was just too There was some talk that
was a little bit like the way you would talk
in a relationship, you know, like I will say exactly
what it was, but it was reminiscent of you're smoopy, No,
you're smoopy. You know that sein felt kind of baby talking, Yeah,
which would have been totally fine had it been like
an inside joke with us way into our relationship. But
it was just too It scared me, even though I

(01:06:47):
was like, I mean, it was one of the hottest
guys I've ever seen in my life and there's an
opportunity there, and I literally let it slip through my
fingers because I was like, I couldn't get over the
way it made me feel.

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
Yeah, well, it's his value. He's the you all of
a sudden, like, why does this guy want a relationship
so bad? Is he what's wrong with him?

Speaker 1 (01:07:04):
Well? Yeah, yeah, maybe, But it was also, yeah, it
felt like and I've thought about this before, just I
don't like when someone is operating with you on a
level that is too intimate when they haven't gotten to
know you. It seems insincere. It seems like a lot
of how a guy would probably be, like does she
do this with everyone with a girl? Sexual? Like what
makes me special? Like this guy doesn't even know me
enough to talk about that's.

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
A really good like maybe they're oh, okay, you've mentioned
Sunday snuggles before. Okay, yeah, I don't even that might
have been on the Not Safe podcast. You've mentioned Sundays,
it's been in my brain. Yeah, But yeah, I think
that's a sign of like a love bombing, where it's
like this person has moved too fast, they don't even
know who I am, and yet they're here, which means

(01:07:46):
that they're just as likely to change and become a cold,
frigid mob.

Speaker 1 (01:07:50):
Yeah, it was probably good of me to have my
cockles up. But this person remains a nice person in
my life and I like them and I would recommend
someone date them. So I don't think it was a
I don't think I dodged a bullet.

Speaker 2 (01:08:00):
By me met but so Simmons. He's still good.

Speaker 1 (01:08:04):
Oh yeah, but still day Jaki Simmons. I wish JK.
Simmons would roll into my DMS. I love him so much.
What a amazing And my mom was I could tell
it kind of horny for him. She was like, he's fit.

Speaker 2 (01:08:16):
He's oh, he's super fit. He's like, uh, like Jeff
Bezos a good Jeff Bezos.

Speaker 1 (01:08:24):
Yeah, yeah he is. There's even though he plays an
evil sometimes evil characters, there's a warmth to him.

Speaker 2 (01:08:30):
Yeah, every time he understands.

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
Yeah, it's so good. And just go watch Whiplash. For
the love of god, I'm not gonna stop talking about
it anytime soon. We're gonna be back on the podcast tomorrow.
Thank you guys so much for listening, uh to this
ramble fest. Love you so much. Don't be cu and bye,
see you tomorrow. The Nicky Glazer Podcast is a production
by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created

(01:08:55):
and hosted by me Nicky Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie.
Executive produced by Will fair raryl hans Sonny and Noah Avior.
Edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf Video Production Mark
Canton and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch
full episodes of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, follow
at Nikki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel

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