April 2, 2021 • 58 mins
Nikki addresses her IG stories that involve her legs and how a self tanner is giving her "bi" vibes. Andrew has some popping headlines and his weekly segment about sports. They discuss how to combat the voice in your head in Mental Health Moment and round out the show acknowledging that today's recording proves that they all work on themselves.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nikki. Here's Nicky here. I am you said it, Noah,
and and you're right, I'm I am here. How's it going, Noah? Good? Um.
I love saying of the day listening to Anya sing
(00:22):
My Name. That's a fun song. People are, people are
digging it. I love Anya on your marine and everyone.
I'm a subscriber to her Patreon, to her Patreon, I
am as well. It's she's just one of the She's
just it's so nice to have friends who are actually talented,
who you don't have to support, you know, blindly because
(00:44):
they're your friend. Um, I haven't talked to her in
so long though I've been Really you're really the only
person outside of this island who I've been talking to.
I'm completely terrible about keeping up with everyone in my
life outside of this work experience. UM, my family, my friends,
(01:04):
and uh, I'm always bad about that anyway, when I
like I'm not in the city of them, when I
like move from New York to l A, like I
have my New York friends and l A friends, and
like we just don't. I'm not good at catching up
on the phone every day. Um, and I'm super busy,
but yeah, I'm I miss I miss my friends, and
they're probably annoyed with me for not, you know, catching
(01:24):
up with them, but it just makes me realize I
can kind of as much as I'm like, oh my god,
I'm gonna miss this place so much and all these
people I've met, Like, I know in my heart that
I will be okay because I'm just always happy wherever
I am. I don't really long for things. So we'll see.
What were you going to ask me? I just had
(01:45):
to ask you right off the bat. I always I
always check your Instagram stories before we go on, and
I just I need to know what's going on with
your legs. You posted a photo looks like you're at
the guy in Collegist, but you're not right. So for
the show, I want to be tan because I'm in
a tropical location and spray tans. I pretty much am
(02:07):
on camera every day for this whole six weeks. And
with a spray tan, you get one on a Tuesday,
it's it's you wash it off on a Wednesday morning
and it's like ready to go, imperfect. It lasts you
till about Friday. If you're careful about showering and like
only washing your pits and your ass and your puss um.
(02:30):
But then by Saturday it's starting to schluff, and then
people go, we'll get a new spray tan. Well, there
are parts of your skin that are darker and parts
that are not, so the spray tan will now go onto.
Now you'll look like a another kind of horse, like
from the last episode where I couldn't name a type
of horse. But you know that that spotted horse that's
(02:50):
like white with like brown spots, Palomino. Possibly you look
like that, not a what a Roan horse? I don't
I've never heard of a Roan horse. I just remember
taking a genetics class and there was a Roan horse
that was really important because it blended jeans and it
was like strawberry blond. No, not like a Roan horse,
(03:12):
although that's what my voice sounds like. Is a Roan horse? Um?
I uh yeah, So I don't know. I'm just like
this this spray I just I can have no answers
about the spray tan. I literally asked airs Hilton. I go,
you're someone who's who if you're a girl that needs
me on camera Wednesday looking her best, and you also
need to keep be on camera Saturday looking your best?
(03:33):
What the what do you? And you can't get the
spray tan off because people go just wash it off,
scrub it off. No no, no, no no, these things
do not come off. They come off naturally when your
skin flakes off. So it's just like they fade a little.
But like, so what I've done is I let the
spray tan that I got initially just completely come off.
And now i'd use Sally Hansen um leg spray. You
(03:55):
can get it at any drug store, um, and I
just spray that and my makeup artist Robin just puts
it on for me. So every single day I have
to have her paint my legs and it's always just
like a and Andrew always takes a picture because it's
just he'll walk into the room and be like, this
is too funny. Like you you're laying down like like
(04:17):
you're in stirrups at the guy. Know and um, but
someone did write me and said, uh, it looks like
you are like you're this is I'm getting a couple
of people wrote me once said you I'm getting major
bi vibes from this, meaning like you might be gay
or a little bit gay. And then another one of
(04:38):
my like people that who I know said um oh
I go, I go living my best life or like
this is my the best my day's going grade and
says she was like getting your like lesbianism or something,
and so people are getting very gay vibes. I didn't
know that that was what I was putting out there
with these. I mean they are like kind of sexual
because my legs are displayed, but you know it's a
(04:58):
you know her side, true married woman that's doing it.
But I am getting a little bit, uh, feeling a
little by curious out here. I gotta be honest with you, no,
uh um. And that's not because of the leg thing.
But it was interesting to that people picked up on that.
Like I was just having a conversation the other night
with the ladies that were over for my party, and
(05:19):
we were talking about like some of them have just
hooked up with women for fun or just to try it,
and I was like, oh, I've never really done it,
and um, I don't know. I'm like and then I
was thinking about how much I don't want to get graphic,
but how much I I'm just I'm not opposed to it,
and I'm probably very open to it. I just want
(05:41):
to have, Like, I just want to see what it
would be like, because I do I don't believe that
I'm a lesbian, but I do believe that, uh, the
you could just be attracted to energies as as woo
woo as that sounds like, I don't know. There's a
lot of times I tell my girlfriends and I want
every girl who's the thing right now to think about this,
(06:03):
you know, like guys you've dated where you have Like
for me, I have a group of girlfriends. It's like
it's not easy to get into that club. Like you've
got to be a special cool person. Anyone who's listening
probably could get in because you're cool and you like
openness and you like honesty, and no, you're in that
cool group, like you've been to my like girl hangs
at the seller, the comedy seller where we might have
(06:24):
all my table like I couldn't. I'm like, um, I
make my own I'm like Barbara Walters with the view,
like I make a table of girls, but we actually
get along and will hate each other behind the scenes,
and a lot of times where we spend those times
talking about these guys that are like we're trying to
decipher their texts, or like if they like us as
much as we like them, and all this stuff. And
(06:45):
there was one time that at epiphany that was like
if I think, like as I was dealing with some
guy who's like truly worthless, you know, And I was like,
if he were a woman, Like if I just sad
my fingers and made him a woman, he would not
be allowed at this table as a friend like he
would he would suck. He his like his sense of humor,
(07:05):
the way he conducts himself, his his listening skills, he
wouldn't be allowed here. The only thing of value to
me from him is that he has a penis and
that he has this masculine energy that I like crave
the approval, and that his desire, you know. But him
as a person, he sucks. And so now I'm trying
(07:28):
to think of like this this idea of this like
energy of someone who's just like I want. Whoever I
end up with, I could stap my fingers and if
they were a girl, I'd still want to fuck them.
That me. That being said, I think I could suck
a girl if she had the energy of one of
these guys that I that actually deserves my attention and
and affection. Does this make sense? I could see that.
(07:50):
I could see that. Don't you think that girls put up?
And I think guys do too. Guys, this can definitely
apply to guys. I know so many cool guys that
I'm a part of their friend group, like Candian guys,
and then their girlfriends come around and it's just like
dud city. It's like, this girl has no personality. She sucks.
She's bringing the table down, didn't don't. I don't say that,
(08:11):
but she doesn't. I know that people like to keep
their friends and their boyfriends separate, but it should be
able to commingle without it feeling like this heaviness of
like I can't believe he's here. But you're someone who
likes to keep like you don't want your fiance to
be your best friend. He's my best friend. It's like
(08:31):
if you don't put that in your vows, you're somehow
like a bad woman, like you didn't find your best friend.
And it's like no, First of all, those are what
my listeners are called. And secondly, I like, what will you?
Will you elaborate on that? Yeah, he's only allowed to
be a best friend if he's listening to this podcast.
But and I've told him straight up, we're not going
(08:54):
to be best friends. We have to keep some kind
of separation because I just think once you get too
close and then your partner becomes everything, it's a lot
of expectations, there's gonna be a lot of resentments brewing.
You can't put that along one person. And I also
think it's good to be different people and then come
back to the relationship. And that's a that's an Esther
(09:16):
Parrel thing that we're both fans of. Yeses Esther perel
H the author of Mating in Captivity and amazing book.
By the way, the affair Book If You've been in
If You've cheated or been cheated on. This amazing book
that she wrote is their second book. But look into
our Esther Perel st H e R Parrel p e
(09:38):
R e L And then I think, um. And she
also has a podcast called where do We Start, where
you get to listen in on couples and where do
we begin? There? Where do we Where do we begin?
Where do we start? Where do we start? That's how
our podcast. Yeah, that's truly every day I'm like, where
do we start? Um? I'm like ten minutes from the
time I told you, and then another ten minutes after that.
(09:58):
I'm someone who it's just this thing pushes and pushes. Um.
I know we got to get to the part where
we bring in to Andrew. I just want to say
before he comes in, Andrew is my best friend, unquestionably. UM.
Any man who romantic in my life needs to understand
that needs Andrew. I told Andrew, like, I'm not going
(10:22):
to meet a guy and I'm gonna be so in
love and he's gonna be like, you can't be friends
with Andrew. I'm gonna choose that guy over Andrew. Like,
a requirement for me to be in a relationship with
you is you have to be fine with me having
a male friend who might be single and who I
might say I love you too, and hug and like
just like I do my girlfriends. And I just let
Andrew started like hugging me and touching me because I've
(10:44):
just always wanted to keep that boundary up and since
this podcast, and like like yesterday we got done I
think it was yesterday, Yeah, yesterday, we got done with
the podcast and we hugged. Oh yeah, after I said
my resentments and we had a long which we've never had.
I think maybe we hugged once after my special taping
(11:04):
and we both said I love you, and we've never
said like we know, we've said I love you before,
but like never like wholeheartedly. All I felt was like
real friend love. And you know, I've always been like
I don't want to let that him because I want
to have such a boundary there of like I don't
want him to hug me and then like feel something else,
you know, But that's so clear cut with us now.
It's just there's no question. Yes, we're way past that.
(11:26):
And and then we go to site yesterday and this boy,
God love him, acts of service all day long. Bravo
to Andrew Colin for listening to my needs that I
want as a friend, not even as a partner. This
is a love language as a friend, and like he
does love me, and I love him, and I want
to I want, I need to find out what his
(11:47):
friends love languages. Because he was getting me coffees all
day long yesterday stock in lacroise in my cooler. I mean,
he was a great, great friend, slash co writer, slash
assistant slash. I was trying to think of something a
joke on Slash and he was like slash from guns
(12:07):
into roses. Yes, okay, there we go. I remember Conan
used to say, like, go to Conan dot com slash
and they would have a picture of Slash his face.
So I kind of stole that from them. Okay, let's
bring in Andrew calling right up for this, Andrew, Welcome
to the show. How did you sleep, buddy? Feels like
(12:30):
a fever dream. I slept, Okay. I got a lot
of textas this morning at eight am? What do you
have your sound on? Sometimes I forget and it's the
worst mistake you can make in front you with something.
But it's other night when you went to bed early
after the party, I went upstairs and to check on you,
(12:52):
and you were sleeping bed and you're overhead light. All
the lights in your room were on full blast. And
then this is not an energy issue. This is me
wanting you to get the best sleep possible issue. All
your lights were on. Then I just figured he's not
ready to go to bed. I guess, but he's just
laying in bed. Go back downstairs, come back up when
I'm ready to go to bed. At like three, and
(13:12):
your lights are still on, buddy, So what the hell
is why? And I was telling this to Robbin yesterday,
my makeup artist, because we're talking about people with anxiety
who don't want to treat it, where you see people
are suffering, and you're like, this would literally be a
trip to the doctor and you would get on a
pill that would not change anything else about your life
except that you wouldn't have panic attacks every day. And
(13:33):
we go, why can't people just do it? And I'm like,
because people are so to improve their lives even slightly,
they won't make this simplest and and going to the
doctor and getting appointment and then going to get your prescription.
That's not all that simple as having such better sleep
by hitting a switch or by turning your phone on
silent or like for you, I said, I said, Andrew
(13:54):
is a prime example of this. And this is not
an attack. I just want to understand you seriously. I go,
if Andrew was eating a cheeseburger, let's say a hamburger.
What do you like on your hamburger, by the way,
cheese and then anything else cheese, catch up, mayonnaise, mustard, lattice, tomato. Yes, okay,
(14:18):
so this is this is what do you like on
your burger, whether it be a beef for or a
veggy type situation. Condiments wise, I like barbecue sauce and
like slow roasted onions. Okay, so here we go. So
let's say you're in this room and I have a
(14:39):
tray of two hamburgers that are perfectly cooked the way
you like them, with the perfectly button that you like them.
But across the way, and I'm talking probably two hundred
let's say a hundred feet away, in another room, across
the parking lot, let's say a half of football field away.
You have to walk no, no, no, no, not even
(14:59):
have a quarter of a football field a way, but
you'd have to go outside. There is a condiment bar
with ever anything that would make your hamburger better. And
you're really, really, really hungry, like the most hungry you've
ever been. Andrew I, he can say whatever he wants
to say right now. He would never take those extra
(15:20):
two minutes it would take to go get the condiments
and make his hamburger better. He would rather just eat
the hamburger less desirably because he's hungry. Now, Noah, what
would you do if you were the harder you even ask,
I'm not because the answer to it, you would never
You don't go that, you don't go the simplest step
to make something way better, like the way you first video.
(15:40):
First of all, can I at least what is this?
Just uh Korea Jesus Christ. But you're right, the right,
But I know you the light thing, I I agreed
that is a lot in my personality treat but the
lay I I really sleep with the light off, but
(16:01):
sometimes I'll sleep at the bathroom light on, which could
be annoying and not the best way to sleep. And
I sleep with my phone and my computer in my bed.
I understand, no, no, no, it's just turning your phone
on silent like these little things that would take too
usually click or you know, the light switched, like to
get out of bed and hit it. You're gonna get
so much better sleep that you don't even I know
(16:21):
you don't think it you will. But having a light on,
I think it's more my phone and my computer in
my bed in a twin bed that I'm sleeping in
night in a room and saying the computer and phone
is I'm saying is like you forgot to turn off?
We all forget to lights. If I'm laying in bed
and I'm so tired and my eyes are about to drop,
and I realized the light across the room is on,
(16:42):
and it's going to probably make the sleep that I'm
about to get less desirable because there's a light on,
and we are affected by light as human beings because
it replicates the you know, is the sun. Essentially, I
would get out of bed, no matter how tired it was,
to turn off that light so that the sleep I'm
about to get is better. You would not how many
times has your computer not been charge? That's what are
(17:05):
you talking about. That's different if I feel different, you
forget to do something that's important. No, it's not that
you forget. It's so you're in bed and you're dozing
off and you realize is so tired. I didn't even
realize the light. I didn't even see the light. But
I get what you're saying. Yes, you don't take the
extras up when you shoot a video that when I go,
you could edit that so that it looks so much
(17:26):
more appealing to the eye, like that. You think that
sometimes that like people are like, why would you get
a ring light? I'm not like trying to be a model.
It's like, because you are teaching a class on your
computer and your students, it will be more visually pleasing
to their eye if it's properly lighted there. It's not
that it's gonna make you hotter. Stop being cool like
you are too cool for don't care. You're not too
(17:47):
cool for a ring light. Make your better so so
that your students would look at you, not hotter you
just a brighter image is more attractive to the eye.
Can I ask you a question? When you ate pizza
roles and agle bites as a kid, did you microwave
or oven? Here's the difference? I don't. The difference to
me is nil. Who whoa it really is? I don't
(18:11):
have the difference. I never cared about the difference. Here's
the thing. But by the way, I'm a microwave guy.
Microwave is a three minute heat up for something, whereas
in the oven that would take thirty minutes. So that
is a lot different than crossing the room to switch
off a light or walking a quarter of a football
field to get some Catchup's talking about is taking care
(18:36):
of your future self? Like doing something right. He doesn't
take care of you in the future. Yes, he he
thinks of the present and he never thinks about what
like the grocery store trip. He goes to the grocery
store and he's full. He will get nothing because he's
only thinking about that moment. I don't need food. There's
no planning for you. I think it's because Andrew doesn't
(18:56):
really smoke weed, like I remember when I start looking weed.
I like, before i'd get high, I would be like, Okay,
when I'm going to be stone, I'm really gonna want
to eat ice cream and potato chips. So when I
go to the store now, so I have to deal
with it while I'm high. Kind of this This doesn't
check out either. No, I hear what you're saying. No,
(19:23):
but that being high and anticipating that you're gonna be
hungrier than usual is also the same as knowing you're
going to set and there's not going to be food
served and all the snacks are something you don't like,
and still going, I don't need to prepare for this.
I'll just wing it because I'm not hungry now, so
why would I be hungry in the future. It's almost
like you don't have empathy. For your future self. Sure,
and look I'm I'm I'm a simple guy. I'll eat
(19:46):
a cold pizza and I won't heat it up. But
I like cold pizza. I understand liking cold pizza. But
if something that took less than thirty seconds would improve
it by truly, like putting condiments on a burger, that
would take too many Yes, I'm trying to that, I
really am. I have. I have made leaps and bounds
from where I was. I would have an example. When
(20:07):
I was in college, my friends put antrovies under my
bed and it was design an ante bed for anything
with it. I just figured to improve your life instead
of the sheets, I'd flipped the bed. Or can share
something that I find, and this is something new to me.
I will not settle to eat things that are not
(20:30):
exactly what my body wants and craves in a dire circumstance. Yes,
when I'm not gonna have food for hours and it's
all that's available, yes I will eat whatever's on hand.
But if I can wait an hour to get something
that actually tastes delicious and that the nutrients it has
like the thing, I'm actually my body. I listen to
my body and I go, what are you wanting to eat?
You need protein, you need greens, and I know that
(20:51):
that's an hour away. I will rather wait than eat
something that is disappointing, And I think people so often
just eat whatever's in front of them when really asking
for an extra dressing. On the side. The other night,
I got a sty I was starving. All my everyone
ate the dinner that I paid for that no one
and everyone build out on Remember that one call back.
I got a salad and it was dry. They only
gave me one dressing and I wanted another, and it
(21:12):
was taking forever to get other dressing. And I could
have eaten the salad. It was half dressed, but it
would improve by about fifty with an extra dressing. So
I waited and waited and waited, and it was worth
it. It It was delicious, as opposed to me eating this
dry salad being fucking angry that it's dry. Look, I'm
with you. I wish I had that tree. When I
(21:33):
was like twelve, I was in Costa Rica. I ordered
a chicken burrito. It was frozen, the chicken was not cooked,
and I ate it because I one. I was hungry too.
I didn't want to be a nuisance to the family
that took me to Costa Rica. I just ate and
like it already had it had the beak on it.
Like I I just want everyone, including you, to take
(21:57):
care of yourself. It is not you're not a nuisance.
If you ask fructure dressing, you're not a nuisance. If
you pass on something that someone cooked and they get offended,
that's their fault for getting offended. It's not you don't
want to eat that. You don't have to eat everything
that's put in front of you. Just to be nice
or treat yourself well, listened to your needs and and
honor them. We gotta get to the news. Let's get there.
(22:19):
I'm excited some good stories today. Let's get to it
by stories. Oh really, I hope you're having fun out there.
The swells are kicking in Jesus Christ. Best friends do
(22:41):
appreciate this, by the way, having fun and swells. I'm
getting a lot of swells and having fun messages. Yeah,
every If you're just joining the show, which by the way,
you don't have to go back and listen to old episodes.
You can jump in whatever you want and get your
friends involved too with the show. Just tell them they
can join whenever they want. They don't have to, Like
you don't need to be caught up. We'll catch you
up on all the inside jokes every so often, but
(23:04):
we we like to say swells here. I don't even
know how it happens, so it doesn't matter for you too.
And we also every time Andrew gives the news, which
is our daily segment of you heard it here first,
because that's the thing Andrew says all the time, even
though it's literally like the eighteenth time you've probably heard it. Um,
Andrew will wish that you're having fun out there to
win over your trust so that his headlines go smoother
than they probably will. Let's get into real quick. I
(23:26):
got a message someone said, oh, I finally found out
about that shipping container thing, even though I saw the headlines,
but thanks for this story. I didn't know it had
dildos on it, that's not wasn't the one. And you
pronounced it Suez like swisz Swiss beats, and we thought
it was like in Han Doris. We're so stupid. We
(23:48):
thought Holland. We thought Amsterdam was in Holland, Denmark, Denmark,
and you thought no, no, no, I thought I did
get Danish right from Denmark. Danish people, oh god, were
and don't don't get it. Get your ship together, that's
what we want to say. Okay, the Netherlands. Get it together?
Are you and you've been to the Netherlands many times? No? No,
(24:11):
just one? All right, here we go story time. I'm
excited about you is that you bring up that story.
I literally every time we meet someone like, tell your story. Okay,
go on, let's get to news. He'll tell it at
some point. You guys, a phony bow talk doctor, drank
(24:32):
four loco, champagne, daring consultations. So so these fucking this guy,
Nelson Tarinn, who was practicing or attempting to practice medicine
without a medical license. The director to Sheriff's office. One
of the most bizarre cases. They set them up. They
(24:53):
went in there. The guy's drinking four loco and he's
giving bow talk that expired last year. So this guy,
I mean, this is not yeah, that's well, this guy's
this is like the guy that was going to court
when he was doing you know, he made a court
appearance on Zoom and he was like these arrogant doctors. Well,
(25:15):
the guy was in here's the thing. How how hard
is it you get botox? Yeah? You've got it in
some weird places that Orthodonis last time, no joke. I
was at my Orthodonis getting my invisilan probably not. It
was a Sunday and they were they were coming into
(25:36):
work just to get me my trays fitted and then
both these beautiful girls are over my head talking about, like,
you know, working on my teeth, and they go, when
do you want to get our botox? And I was like,
where do you guys go? I need St. Louis place
and they're like, we do it right here. And I
was like, I'm leaving for the Caymans. I haven't had
it in years, can you please? And they just, I mean,
how hard is It's? Very easy? It's like a vaccine.
(25:59):
It's not. I mean they definitely like they they're meticulous
about it. They make you scrunch up your face, and
they were arguing that. It was interesting to hear these
girls talk about each of their methods that they would
have used on my face, and then they like settled
on one because you usually just get one doctor and
they just do whatever they want to do, so it's
not always get two doctors. I think you weren't worried
that these people aren't even dentists. They do it themselves.
(26:22):
And they were so gorgeous, and their botox was so
subtle and perfect that I trusted them because they eached
to it to each other. So I go, yeah, I'll
trust these are saying that you would trust a hot
plastic surgeon of an ugly one. I mean, I've said
that in my special um I when I went to
go get um filler for the first time, the woman
came in and she looked like a shiny like cat,
(26:43):
or she looked like a shiny grinch or a newborn grinch,
and You're like, I need that. And I really tried
to back out of it. I was getting my lips
done and I said, I don't want to do this,
I'm too nervous, and then I just I felt uh
pressured to get it because it was it was clearly.
It's like when you are d m NG with a
guy who's account as private and you're like getting along
(27:04):
and then you go send a picture, and then then
they send a picture and you don't want to talk
to them anymore, and they know now they know it's
because they how they look, and so I went through
with the botox and I and I thought that guy
from M I d m Okay Rowling is great but
has some controversial quidditch I think. I think depends on
(27:27):
the surgery, like like getting a discount. Like my buddy
went to get his eyes done and the doctor gave
him like half off, And it's a wild surgery to
get a discount on Lasik. But botox, you could drink
four loco and shoot a couple of Listen, when comedians
aren't on stage and they drank, people are like, yeah,
(27:47):
it's like that guy's doing a job. I think it's
very unprofessional to get wasted on stage. I know that
some people it's like their thing. But I when I've
when I've been like high on stage before, I felt
guilty about it, like I was kind of a localing
my crowd. Well here's the thing, stand up. I would
say it's harder than shooting bo talks in your head. No,
totally different things. I mean no, because to get your
(28:09):
license to even do bot talks, you have to go
to a lot of this guy you just buy a
six pack and four like yeah, I mean I'm surprised
people are even still drinking for local. I thought that
was banned, let alone, you know, expired bow talks like
this guy shooting and then drinking four local. I just
want to say I got a lot of good feedback
on all of them, talk about plastic surgery and filler
(28:30):
and uh and I just thank you all for writing
in and sharing your stories about that too, and and
keep them coming all right, next story, I hope you're
still having a really fun time. Someone is thrown. I
was throwing ten feet off a roller coaster and suffered
serious injuries after landing on the track at the Tennessee
Theme Park. I don't know why I'm laughing. I don't
(28:51):
know either. I mean, it's this is wild. Okay. Did
you see the roller coaster? No? No, no, please? This
thing is made out of like a cabbage it like
like I don't I think they just let a tree
fall and they added a track on top of it.
My favorite coasters are just like old wooden beasts. Yeah,
(29:11):
but I don't trust them. They don't even I don't
even know if this thing had well, they've been they've
been around for a while. So in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, it's
called the mountain coaster. Uh, severely injured after flying out
of a cart and landing on what landing on tracks? Okay,
so let me look at this fucking roller coaster because
I love coasters, and I picked this story when I
(29:34):
saw the headline because I honestly I this is a
recurring dream for me. A recording nightmare is that I
fall out of roller coasters, Like I'm not strapped in
tight enough and I slip out and I'm hanging on
for dear life. It happens every time. I mean, it's
just like a common stress tream. I'm guessing it's a
common streuss stream because it recurs for me, like the
(29:54):
kind of like you know, when it's your final exam
and you are late for the class. Are you on
this coaster by yourself? No? Syntymes im with people and
helping you up when you when you're hanging No, And
you know, another dream I have a lot is in
the same vein as like I'm going really fast in
a car or alone on skis or something, and I
go over a jump and all of a sudden, I'm
(30:16):
like flung in the air so high that I'm definitely
going to die from Like it just went too high,
like I went to jump too high and I'm going
to die and then I never do. I have similar
stuff like that, But you like roller coasters like this
story remind me of like the shitty roller coasters are
like at the park at carnivals, like the zippers yea.
(30:36):
And this one is like legit, you guys. This is
in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Um, you travel of speeds up to
thirty five, which is not slow by any means. But
that's nuts that someone got flung from this. I mean
that is my worst fear, but that this isn't irrational fear.
Things are going to happen like this. But um, yeah,
I used to be terrified of roller coasters. I didn't
(30:58):
go in one until I was probably fourteen or fifteen,
and all of my friends did, and it was just
I was such a baby. I always make up the
excuses not to go to six Flags. I would miss
out on like you know, flirting with boys and going
on these trips, and it was all because I was
just terrified of these coasters. And then I went on one,
and I talked about this before, but I think, yeah,
(31:19):
I came on a roller coaster called the X factor
in Um, and yes I was, and how he got
one direction together? Um, no, it was. It's the best
roller coaster ever. It was so freaking hot, not hot,
but like it was hot, Like it was like it
made me feel so out of control in the similar
(31:42):
way of an orgasm. And after I got done, I
was just I was like, I think I couldn't even
verbalize it because I was so shocked. And then I
found out that that's a common thing that girls not
super common, but girls do come from like G four
stuff got to it first. Do you think how long
after the Mark Wahlberg scene from Fear or nothing to
(32:03):
do with that, but I do love getting fingered on
a roller coaster. It was the monologue to open my
show Not Safe with Thinky Glazer, was that I became
sexually awakened when I saw Fear and I saw her
get fingered on the roller coaster. It that was the
first time I felt like I should be alone right
now with this movie and not with my girlfriends, because
I am my body is making it. I feel like
(32:25):
I'm on a roller coaster. What is happening? The Wild
Horses is playing, She's on this roller coaster, She's getting
fingered and his hands moved. I mean, it's just it
still holds up as such a hot scene. And then
that he throws the dog's head through the doggie door
later on after he decapitated it. Yeah, I mean he
was a psycho, but girls were really turned on by that.
He It wasn't a psycho yet by the time that
(32:47):
he was fingering on a roller coaster, so I do, Wow,
you're really coming to defense for this guy. Yeah, I
think he was. He wasn't a good guy when he
before you finger I said, a little bad boy just
to him. But he wasn't, you know, decapitating your beloved pets.
Yet we saw it happening, all right. Next, Okay, so
is the guy Okay, he's going to use in critical condition.
He's gonna be okay. He oh he came to as
(33:09):
he landed on the track condition apparently. Fuck. I hope
he's okay. Everyone stays safe out there, but do not
make this. Do not let this scare you from riding
roller coasters. It's an irrational fear. It won't happen. Um
my fear of two lane highways going over thirty miles
per hour, uh next to each other like on Cayman traffic,
real fear. Actually people do get injured a lot. And
(33:32):
in Cayman Islands there's a lot of drunk driving. So
I don't like to go out and uh on Fridays
and Saturdays here in the Cayman's you've been dealing with
it really well there, I've been driving a ton and
you have him because the drive that we have is
so there's so few cars, it's so desolate. Al Right,
next headline, I hope you're still having fun. A woman
who went on her worst tender date ended up in
a river rescuing the date's dog while he was making
(33:55):
useless suggestions. I mean, this girl, I under stand that
you gotta do what you gotta do, but what happened here?
So this girl went on a on a date with
a guy that owned a boxer, uh, and they were
walking along dog fell into the river, and instead of
the guy helping and jumping down, he just stood there
(34:19):
and watched her while she jumped down and saved this
dog and brought it to safety from the dog. Now, right, like,
you get that if you save someone's dog, it then
becomes yours. I mean, part of me thinks maybe this
is a test this guy does to see if this
is she's the right one. You know, you do like
little tests test all the time. What was the last
(34:42):
test you did? I don't even want to say the
person failed. It might be listening. Um, it's not. These
tests aren't fair, and I actually disqualified this test because
the circumstance was not one in which this person could
really feel comfortable passing said tests. But um, I will
say that one of my tests. Wait, we're not gonna
find out what the test is. I just feel, well, okay,
(35:04):
the test is if I'm showing pictures, this is this
is this is so stupid, it's so embarrassing, know what
you you gotta let me know if you think this
is a good test to see if like this is
like this isn't this isn't a test as much it
is like I I'm going to require this in someone
I want to be with. When I am showing a
(35:28):
picture of myself at a younger age from the past TBT,
when like I'm you know, on our phone showing pictures,
If the guy doesn't show interest in what I looked
like as a young child, and like does the thing
where he takes the phone and he zooms in like
he wants to see your face closer, you know, like
on an old family photo, and be like, oh, I
want to see you in the past. We're not going
(35:50):
to make it. I'm I. I have been in too
many relationships where the guy doesn't really care about getting
to know me or like my history or my past.
And this isn't about ex boyfriend end like I want
you to know about my relationship history. This is about like, oh,
what you look like as a little girl. And I
know this stuff may seem trivial to people, but to me,
it's not. And I am interesting in the person I love.
(36:11):
If if I'm not interested in someone's baby pictures, which
I'm not a lot of times, this isn't just something
I'm but the guy I love, I hope I know
for a fact I will be interested in that, and
I would expect the same being my language dooming in
on my childhood pictures show when I had When I'm
showing pictures from my childhood or from high school or
(36:32):
just a young, much younger version of me that the
person doesn't show. Actually you show the picture and they
just go, uh, whatever you failed if you want to
go if you go, oh my god, look at you
just say something. I mean, I know these aren't actually interesting,
but and this isn't fake interest. I don't want someone
to fake it. I it's genuine. Like I just get disappointed.
I'm like, oh, this isn't my person. And I hate
(36:53):
the word my person, but that this person is not
going to be mine. That's just like a litmus test.
That just kind of, you know, one of the It
just it's a that is it just about you? Yes,
it shows that you're very self interested. You're not, but
you just don't care about me. You just don't love me.
You're not you don't have the potential to love me
if you're not interested in what I looked like as
(37:15):
a child. That's just that's how I feel about it.
By the way, I don't think this is the worst
tender date ever. This lady, I mean, she she went
in knee deep water and grabbed a dog. He didn't
do anything. When a guy reveals himself to be a
gigantic pussy, like a minute, Andrew, you didn't get the
facts straight. It's chest deep water. It wasn't okay, it
(37:36):
wasn't neck deep. Noah, it wasn't. She wasn't drowning chest
deep water. You don't do you know that you can
be swept away in ankle deep water by a rushing water. Okay,
but this wasn't rushing water. Was it rushing water? You
don't know? It wasn't rushing It could have been going
thirty like that coaster and you would have came. My
(37:57):
thing is that? Like? What your thing? There's no way
to spend this where this guy looks good. There's just
no way. I don't even try. It's like I'm just
saying that. I'm not saying the guy looks terrible, but
the worst date ever. I just don't think it's the
worst date ever. I think getting gnarrhea from the guy
from his dog would be worse. I mean, I'm not
someone who likes dates, really. I mean, I like it
(38:20):
once I've already liked the person we go out to something,
but like for getting to know you dates. I've always
said that, Like, I just like a simple Netflix and
save your dog from a drowning situation. That's what I like.
When a guy is like you up, you want to
come save my dog? So you think if this guy
saved the dog, he's getting laid If he's like, I
got it. I will tell you that one time I
(38:42):
was like about to break up with this dude. Yeah,
this is a test. This was over this fucking dude.
And then we left his house and we were going
to dinner, and I was like, I have to end
this so soon. And a pit bull was growling at me,
ready to attack. It got out of the yard. It
was the neighbor's yard and they abuse them, and this
this thing was ready to attack and it started running
(39:02):
to me and I grabbed my neck. I wrapped my
hand around my neck and I just fell into a
ball because I was ready to be attacked and want
to protect my neck, and the dog was running to attack,
and this guy just goes no, no, and just and
like fucking scared the dog enough that it stopped in
the tracks as it was ready to attack us and
backed away. And then we got inside safe and I
(39:26):
blew him so hard. It was the hottest thing. And
we lasted for another couple of hours. At least, well
you didn't see as an hour later he's feeding that
pit pull and they're best friend. All right, let's get
to your sports moment, friends. Heears Andrew's Weekly Sports moment. Okay,
(39:49):
detectives find cause of Tiger Woods crash, but won't reveal
exciting privacy concerns. Right. I got this alert today on
my phone that the details and they kept reading. I
go with, there's no details. What do you think it was? Well,
here's the thing. The more I read, the more they're
asking him if it's okay to release it, which they
(40:12):
don't usually do. I mean, he's obviously a person of power.
People want to find out that he was on drugs.
They want to find out he was sucked up. They
want to pile on to the millions of things so
they could do another documentary about how Tiger Woods, you know,
fun the girl in the in the sand trap or whatever. Yeah,
he's not hiding something if it's a muffler issue, what
(40:34):
do you know what I mean? Like the fact that's
not being released suggests maybe something. Yeah, well, I I
think the fact that it's not being released people think
they're covering up something. Leave Tiger alone. Right, it was
a single accident. He's the only one that got sucked up. Um, yeah,
I mean, you know the suv purely an accident, is
(40:55):
what the sheriff said. And people are believe him alone.
That document he felt so gross. You told me that
before I watched it, because you had watched it first.
And then I watched it and I learned so much.
The other day, I was telling cast members on the
show all about it. I was like, his high school
girlfriend was his true love. It wasn't just a high
school fling. They were meant to be. And but but
(41:15):
the thing that bugged me about the documentary was just
all the people that it said Tiger's friend. And I'm like, bitch,
not anymore, You're not. Tiger's never talking to anyone associated
with this thing. No, He's like, you know what, I
like it dirty. I like how you ruined me on
national TV. And it just makes me think I haven't
texted in a while. Yeah, if you watch that documentary,
(41:36):
there's this one girl and need the caddy. I think
the caddy deserves a second. I do too. He and
he was really kind the whole time. But still, Tiger's
never going to talk to that dude again, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.
You're dead to Tiger. You are if you were, if
you if you watch words at to Tiger, like anyone
who watched it is, He's not going to forgive you.
(41:57):
Tiger can cut you out of his life very very quickly.
We learned through that documentary was almost dead to Tiger. Yeah,
I mean truly, he chopped off a whole part of
his life because he wanted to be committed to golf
and to being the best, and so he definitely there
are people like that that are so committed to what
they care about that they can just slice you out.
(42:20):
And he's one of those people. And he never slices
unless it's his friends. All right, let's move on. Great,
great sports segment. By the way, thank you. I knew
you'd like that. I was fulfilled by that. It was
something that I cared about, something I kind of knew about,
something that you kind of knew about, as opposed to
last week when you treat nothing. I just give a
quick shout out to North Carolina and Kansas. I apologize.
(42:42):
I said you didn't even make March Madness. I got
my facts wrong. I apologize, and I apologized to Holland
in Netherlands. I'm sorry. Will you do that? Will you
do the ku chant? K you? Not you, but me?
And it's me not you. That's really better than what
it is. It's Rock Shock Jay Hawk. Okay, you I
(43:03):
think that's it. I went there. I really don't know.
I don't care about sports. Uh. No, we are going
to now get into our mental health moment. Yeah, we
got a gone going. So. I mean, I think a
lot of the podcast is talking about mental health issues.
(43:26):
And I don't know why I suddenly took on this
softer tone, but I feel like I should have it
throughout our mental health segment. Um, So, Andrew, let's talk
about our mental health today. What did you learn about
yourself this week or what could you share with our
listeners that is something you think would soothe them or
(43:50):
provide some kind of relief from the stress of everyday
human existence. Well, I'm glad you asked. Nikki. Uh the
other day, I was eating six pieces of pizza and
then I woke up and I was very hard on myself.
I've been very good about, you know, eating somewhat healthy
and working out, and I fell off hard. And then
(44:11):
I ate another seven slices the next day because we
had the two boxes in the fridge, and then this
morning I had two more pieces. And what I've learned, Nikki,
is that you have to be easy on yourself. And
if there's three pieces, if there's three pies in the fridge,
there's people starving other places. You eat the pizza, you
enjoy it. You like to talk me through that. Let's
(44:33):
not be funny about it, because I think this is
a very real thing. I'm being honest, said they're starving
people out there. I mean, like, that's all ridiculous. This
could be why I have a mental health issues. I mean,
it's you're wrong, Okay, I'm being serious. I ate the pizza.
I fell off hard. I had six slices. I was
in the moment. I didn't my anxiety was too high.
(44:55):
I didn't even realize I was fucking crushing these pizzas.
And a lot of times I wake up and it
was when I used to drink too and I get
really fucked up. It wasn't even about getting the funked up.
It was the next day of being so fucking hard
on myself for fucking up and for not being able
to uh to limit myself because I want attention for
(45:16):
for some fucking reason, in a bar from some random
guy with a face that too says we're best friends
for twenty minutes, like this was my whole life and
so I mean, seriously, yeah, and I just don't. I
don't want to like it was fucked up that I
did that and get sucked up. Then it's triplie funked
up the next day when I'm like, you're a piece
(45:37):
of ship, You're an idiot. Why would you do that
to yourself? Why? And then that started a whole spiral
that could last up to five days. You know. So
the pizza thing is a small you know, those highs
and lows aren't as big because I don't drink anymore,
but the pizza is the same kind of concept. The
next day I wake up, Why the fund did you
eat six slices you worked out for? Of course this
(46:01):
I love this. I love that you were gentle with yourself.
It is so hard to do. My favorite thing is
to be mean to myself. People always ask me why
I'm good at roast jokes, and it's because I've been
bullying myself my entire life. I am. My voice in
my head is truly one of the cruelest voices. It's yeah,
I've it's it's it's landed on you for sure, and
(46:23):
know it's true. I can be but I won't say
as mean things to you like mine more passive aggressive
to you. But for me, it's just like I try
to get myself to I I bully myself like a
you know, eighth grade girl trying to get a girl
to kill herself in her high school, just like I
really cyberboll w I'm trying to get me to kill myself.
But why do you do? I can't help it, But
(46:45):
now I can because now I know that this bullying, like,
I've done a lot of work on myself through different
things this year, and I don't talk to myself like
that like ever anymore. And and and it's a really
hard habit to break. It's not as easy as just
being like, don't talk to yourself like that, because listen,
that is compounding on it when you get mad at
yourself for being for talking bad to yourself. I guess
(47:08):
what that is. So here's the thing. When I catch
myself when I look in the mirror and it's a
bad face day, and I have the uh compulsory that
I say to myself because I look, I bags under
my eyes and my skin looks like saggy or whatever
it is, pale, splotchy, I go instead of going don't
talk bad to yourself. That's so mean. I go, that's
(47:28):
so funny that that was the first thing you thought
to say to yourself. That's so cute, Nikki, Like that's
your coping mechanism. That's adorable. I'm gentle even with the
reprimanding of my own head now when it comes to
the food stuff, which is like, yeah, just just have
have don't You don't have to be nice because nice,
this is funny. Try to find the humor in it.
Try to observe your uh, your voice in your head
(47:52):
when you have those moments, try to step back and
observe your voice. Like you're a scientist doing an experiment
and you're writing down notes about it without any judgment,
just like, oh, that's interesting. I did that. That's that's
so interesting that I said to myself. It's not bad,
it's not good, it's interesting. It's of note. So here's
the thing I did with food. I don't binge anymore.
(48:13):
I really have. I have not binged in um. It'll
be a year on April and I have not. Um.
I've eaten three meals a day since April two. And
because of that, and I used to binge every single
night in my life to starve all day and eat
about one really long extended meal a day. Um An,
(48:36):
what is it? But I now don't binge and I
have to get up every morning, even if I like
last a couple of nights ago, I ate a lot
at three in the morning. This wasn't a binge, but
I ate like a meal because I just didn't get
enough dinner and I didn't want to go to bed hungry.
I woke up five hours later, I still had breakfast.
I didn't even though I wasn't hungry for it, I
(48:57):
still had it because I don't get to skip a meal,
don't get to play those games with myself anymore. It's
not it's not it doesn't lead to happiness, so that
that's not me telling you you have to do that.
What I'm saying is the other night I ate a
little too much. Wasn't a binge, but I felt fuller
than I like to feel. And I used to eat
to the point where I would throw up, not because
of sticking a finger down my throat, because I was
(49:17):
so sick from eating. And this used to be every
single night. I would get to the point where I
was so sick I couldn't move my boyfriend, I couldn't
have sex. We used to call it t F t
F two full to fuck, but it was a funny thing.
But it was not funny. It was really terrible. And
every time I ate, I would eat to the point
where I would made myself sick. So the other night
I had a slight like I ate a little too
much and instead of going, oh my god, you broke
(49:41):
you fucked up for the first time ever, this is
a binge you um uh, how I can't believe you?
Why did you have to eat that extra half thing
of hummus? All these things? I just was like, well,
that's funny, all right, Well that's the well tomorrows a
noon day, and that was a little over the top,
and that's not just that's even if I'm telling you
(50:04):
my final thing on this, because I know so many
people struggle with this. I was you, I am you.
I continually have to stop myself from entering these phases.
Let's say you have a package of something you do
not want to eat, the full package of and you
start eating, and you guess you have a package that
you don't even want to open until later. You have
it for later but you go, you know what, I'm
gonna have one treat myself. You have one, then you
(50:26):
feel bad you had one. You you you were going
to save that, so you have to because you already
broke into it right too. Now it's like now the
anxiety you feel from having to when you weren't supposed
to have any and there's no reason for it, and
you're just eating anxiously and emotionally, and you're only eating
because you're anxious. You now are going to finish that bag,
not because you're anxious from when you ate the two cookies.
(50:49):
That anxiousness that finishes the rest of the bag is
from the fact that you ate the two cookies. Are
you hearing me out? So when you eat those two cookies,
forgive yourself for those two cookies. Do not have it
lead to more anxiety, which leads you to then devour
the bag because the bag is getting devoured only because
of the anxiety of those two cookies. Let it go.
Forgive yourself for making mistakes. It's okay. Everyone does it.
(51:13):
Everyone just Zell bunch In overeats. Everyone does it. And
that's your mental health moment for the day. Let's move
into final thoughts. Final thoughts. Um, I'm really glad we
got to record this podcast eighteen times today because of
recording issues. Um, this proof of that we all have
(51:34):
worked on ourselves, because it's the same thing, Like the
pod didn't record like four times, and we're just like
literally recorded twenty five minutes of stuff that that you'll
never hear, and we had internet issues that would not
like this podcast is supposed to be done an hour
and a half ago and it's still going. But that
is a perfect example because I that happened for a reason.
(51:58):
I hate I used to never understand this. Everything happens
for a reason. When something happens now that is like
so advantageous. My purse spills out in front of everyone,
there's trash all over the floor. I drop a glass
and it shatters and it sucks up everything. I'm I go.
I'm so glad that happened the way it happened, because
that was supposed to happen. I didn't want it to happen.
I'm not a bad person because it happened. It was
(52:19):
supposed to happen. And I'm glad we lost that stuff
because even when we lost that file and we had
so many funny jokes on there, so many that could
have changed our fucking lives and lead to like development deals. Truly,
I mean that could have been the case, but I
I guarantee you something happened because of that that would
have never happened with that, and I'm so grateful for that.
Like this conversation. In fact, I I love this conversation.
(52:42):
I think I think that, Um, there's so many times
in my life where like I failed or feel like
I failed, and it's like you're such a fucking failure
instead of being like like like you said, like that
laughing at the step. But you have to be present,
you have to be you waking up app. You can
(53:03):
get it for free by writing into support at waking
up dot com. Um, yeah that makes you more mindful,
but yeah, you not have to have mindfulness to stop
these things. I remember the first time I put it
into use of really letting things go and just knowing
that there's a reason for everything. It was before we
were going to our show in Philadelphia at Royersford, at
(53:24):
that outdoor ven you with Ari. Remember, we were on
the sidewalk before we got in the car, and I
got out kombucha and I dropped it and it shattered everywhere,
and I, you know, it was six It was like
a seven dollar kimbucha, maybe more. It was probably nine dollars.
I was out of Odega, and I was really thirsty
for it. I was treating myself to it because it
makes me feel a little buzzed and I don't drink
and it just gives me this. And I was just
(53:44):
excited to have it on my road trip. And I
remember I dropped it and everyone goes, oh, I could
go get you a new one, h And I just go,
I wasn't supposed to have that kombucha, like God or whatever.
I don't really I believe in God, but my version
of God, that wasn't supposed to go in my body.
And I'm fucking fine with it, and if it is
meant to be, I'll go get another. But I wasn't
(54:04):
compelled to. So it's just like, instead of, you know,
next time you're in traffic, like yesterday we or the
other day we were driving and the guy in front
of us, or or you were cognizant of the fact
that a guy was really on someone else's tail, and
I wanted to say I didn't do it. But I
wanted to say you in that moment, if someone's on
your tail, that doesn't just imagine they're not there. They're
(54:27):
being there. Is not affecting your life literally at all.
Maybe it's blocking your view behind you that you want
to see, but any more than that, it's not doing anything. Oh,
it's making me feel pressured to go faster. It's making
me feel like they're good. You're choosing to feel that way.
That the car has nothing to do with how you're feeling.
You No one makes you feel anyway. I'm so tired
(54:47):
of people saying they made me feel bad, they made
me feel scared. If you say that you're wrong, you
chose to take their actions and make them make you
feel that way. You're in control. And when so and
I think this is a nice story, and and it
like really like I I do think about this a lot.
(55:07):
So I thought I had bedbugs in my apartment, and
then I was dog sitting for you, so then I
was staying in your room. So I thought I gave
your bed bed bugs. But there was just one bed
bug and it was not even in my room where
I was, but I was walking or and this is
before Zoloft This is before I went to therapy. I
(55:28):
was walking around New York City thinking I'm gonna tell
her this, and it's gonna be the end of our friendship.
She's gonna fire me. How fucking wrong of me to
fucking put her at risk with these bed bugs because
you hear horror stories about do you lose friends if
you even say, like I, if you say the word
bed and bug and they're not even connected, Like I
(55:50):
got a bed this morning and I went outside and
I saw a bug on a leaf. Wre like, um,
I think we need to distance ourselves for about a
couple of months. And I and I called you, and
I was so scared to call you, and because this
was early in our friendship, and uh, you told me
to go go funk myself. I know. And then why
would that make you feel? You were so kind about it,
(56:11):
and you were like, yeah, if I get if I
if they show up, I'll deal with it. But until
they show up, I'm not gonna worry about it. Don't
stress about it. And you put yourself in my head
because you might feel similarly if you were in my shoes.
And so many times we don't fucking stop and be
like this person is already feeling horrible, and then this
(56:32):
could happen to me too, and to double up on
that person and to do that to me when I
caught my one of my one of my boy ex
boyfriends was going through my phone once and I caught
him going through my phone and and it was just
like such a breach of trust. And I remember he
felt so bad, and I go, you have a big
day at work. I promise you, this will not end us.
(56:55):
Please let it go. Just know that I am. We're
gonna have a talk about it, but it's not going
to be the end of us. Please just put this
out of your mind like it didn't happen today, because
that's what I would want for me. If I did
something I had a weakness of character and I got
caught for it, I would want someone to go, here's
the facts. It's not It's never gonna lead to me
breaking up with you. This might be a symptom of
something later down the road that leads to it, but
(57:16):
this tonight, I'm not gonna break up with you. Go
to work, be okay, be present, and we'll deal with
this later. Because it's just it's still gonna be there.
Nothing needs to happen right now, and so I just
hope people do that for the people in your life
today a little bit more. We gotta go. Thank you
so much for listening, Noah, thanks for letting us go
along today. I love you so much. Best friends. We'll
see you next week. Tell people about the podcast. We
(57:37):
are on the carousel on iTunes front front page, Carousel. Bitches,
we're here. We're on the radio everywhere. Yeah. If you
hear us on the radio and add for our show
on the radio, try to record it and put it
on your instagrator and tag us. We love to hear
from you. Thank you so much. You're our best friends.
We'll see you next week and have a good weekend.
The Nikki. Here's Nicky here. I am you said it, Noah,
and and you're right, I'm I am here. How's it going, Noah? Good? Um.
I love saying of the day listening to Anya sing
(00:22):
My Name. That's a fun song. People are, people are
digging it. I love Anya on your marine and everyone.
I'm a subscriber to her Patreon, to her Patreon, I
am as well. It's she's just one of the She's
just it's so nice to have friends who are actually talented,
who you don't have to support, you know, blindly because
(00:44):
they're your friend. Um, I haven't talked to her in
so long though I've been Really you're really the only
person outside of this island who I've been talking to.
I'm completely terrible about keeping up with everyone in my
life outside of this work experience. UM, my family, my friends,
(01:04):
and uh, I'm always bad about that anyway, when I
like I'm not in the city of them, when I
like move from New York to l A, like I
have my New York friends and l A friends, and
like we just don't. I'm not good at catching up
on the phone every day. Um, and I'm super busy,
but yeah, I'm I miss I miss my friends, and
they're probably annoyed with me for not, you know, catching
(01:24):
up with them, but it just makes me realize I
can kind of as much as I'm like, oh my god,
I'm gonna miss this place so much and all these
people I've met, Like, I know in my heart that
I will be okay because I'm just always happy wherever
I am. I don't really long for things. So we'll see.
What were you going to ask me? I just had
(01:45):
to ask you right off the bat. I always I
always check your Instagram stories before we go on, and
I just I need to know what's going on with
your legs. You posted a photo looks like you're at
the guy in Collegist, but you're not right. So for
the show, I want to be tan because I'm in
a tropical location and spray tans. I pretty much am
(02:07):
on camera every day for this whole six weeks. And
with a spray tan, you get one on a Tuesday,
it's it's you wash it off on a Wednesday morning
and it's like ready to go, imperfect. It lasts you
till about Friday. If you're careful about showering and like
only washing your pits and your ass and your puss um.
(02:30):
But then by Saturday it's starting to schluff, and then
people go, we'll get a new spray tan. Well, there
are parts of your skin that are darker and parts
that are not, so the spray tan will now go onto.
Now you'll look like a another kind of horse, like
from the last episode where I couldn't name a type
of horse. But you know that that spotted horse that's
(02:50):
like white with like brown spots, Palomino. Possibly you look
like that, not a what a Roan horse? I don't
I've never heard of a Roan horse. I just remember
taking a genetics class and there was a Roan horse
that was really important because it blended jeans and it
was like strawberry blond. No, not like a Roan horse,
(03:12):
although that's what my voice sounds like. Is a Roan horse? Um?
I uh yeah, So I don't know. I'm just like
this this spray I just I can have no answers
about the spray tan. I literally asked airs Hilton. I go,
you're someone who's who if you're a girl that needs
me on camera Wednesday looking her best, and you also
need to keep be on camera Saturday looking your best?
(03:33):
What the what do you? And you can't get the
spray tan off because people go just wash it off,
scrub it off. No no, no, no no, these things
do not come off. They come off naturally when your
skin flakes off. So it's just like they fade a little.
But like, so what I've done is I let the
spray tan that I got initially just completely come off.
And now i'd use Sally Hansen um leg spray. You
(03:55):
can get it at any drug store, um, and I
just spray that and my makeup artist Robin just puts
it on for me. So every single day I have
to have her paint my legs and it's always just
like a and Andrew always takes a picture because it's
just he'll walk into the room and be like, this
is too funny. Like you you're laying down like like
(04:17):
you're in stirrups at the guy. Know and um, but
someone did write me and said, uh, it looks like
you are like you're this is I'm getting a couple
of people wrote me once said you I'm getting major
bi vibes from this, meaning like you might be gay
or a little bit gay. And then another one of
(04:38):
my like people that who I know said um oh
I go, I go living my best life or like
this is my the best my day's going grade and
says she was like getting your like lesbianism or something,
and so people are getting very gay vibes. I didn't
know that that was what I was putting out there
with these. I mean they are like kind of sexual
because my legs are displayed, but you know it's a
(04:58):
you know her side, true married woman that's doing it.
But I am getting a little bit, uh, feeling a
little by curious out here. I gotta be honest with you, no,
uh um. And that's not because of the leg thing.
But it was interesting to that people picked up on that.
Like I was just having a conversation the other night
with the ladies that were over for my party, and
(05:19):
we were talking about like some of them have just
hooked up with women for fun or just to try it,
and I was like, oh, I've never really done it,
and um, I don't know. I'm like and then I
was thinking about how much I don't want to get graphic,
but how much I I'm just I'm not opposed to it,
and I'm probably very open to it. I just want
(05:41):
to have, Like, I just want to see what it
would be like, because I do I don't believe that
I'm a lesbian, but I do believe that, uh, the
you could just be attracted to energies as as woo
woo as that sounds like, I don't know. There's a
lot of times I tell my girlfriends and I want
every girl who's the thing right now to think about this,
(06:03):
you know, like guys you've dated where you have Like
for me, I have a group of girlfriends. It's like
it's not easy to get into that club. Like you've
got to be a special cool person. Anyone who's listening
probably could get in because you're cool and you like
openness and you like honesty, and no, you're in that
cool group, like you've been to my like girl hangs
at the seller, the comedy seller where we might have
(06:24):
all my table like I couldn't. I'm like, um, I
make my own I'm like Barbara Walters with the view,
like I make a table of girls, but we actually
get along and will hate each other behind the scenes,
and a lot of times where we spend those times
talking about these guys that are like we're trying to
decipher their texts, or like if they like us as
much as we like them, and all this stuff. And
(06:45):
there was one time that at epiphany that was like
if I think, like as I was dealing with some
guy who's like truly worthless, you know, And I was like,
if he were a woman, Like if I just sad
my fingers and made him a woman, he would not
be allowed at this table as a friend like he
would he would suck. He his like his sense of humor,
(07:05):
the way he conducts himself, his his listening skills, he
wouldn't be allowed here. The only thing of value to
me from him is that he has a penis and
that he has this masculine energy that I like crave
the approval, and that his desire, you know. But him
as a person, he sucks. And so now I'm trying
(07:28):
to think of like this this idea of this like
energy of someone who's just like I want. Whoever I
end up with, I could stap my fingers and if
they were a girl, I'd still want to fuck them.
That me. That being said, I think I could suck
a girl if she had the energy of one of
these guys that I that actually deserves my attention and
and affection. Does this make sense? I could see that.
(07:50):
I could see that. Don't you think that girls put up?
And I think guys do too. Guys, this can definitely
apply to guys. I know so many cool guys that
I'm a part of their friend group, like Candian guys,
and then their girlfriends come around and it's just like
dud city. It's like, this girl has no personality. She sucks.
She's bringing the table down, didn't don't. I don't say that,
(08:11):
but she doesn't. I know that people like to keep
their friends and their boyfriends separate, but it should be
able to commingle without it feeling like this heaviness of
like I can't believe he's here. But you're someone who
likes to keep like you don't want your fiance to
be your best friend. He's my best friend. It's like
(08:31):
if you don't put that in your vows, you're somehow
like a bad woman, like you didn't find your best friend.
And it's like no, First of all, those are what
my listeners are called. And secondly, I like, what will you?
Will you elaborate on that? Yeah, he's only allowed to
be a best friend if he's listening to this podcast.
But and I've told him straight up, we're not going
(08:54):
to be best friends. We have to keep some kind
of separation because I just think once you get too
close and then your partner becomes everything, it's a lot
of expectations, there's gonna be a lot of resentments brewing.
You can't put that along one person. And I also
think it's good to be different people and then come
back to the relationship. And that's a that's an Esther
(09:16):
Parrel thing that we're both fans of. Yeses Esther perel
H the author of Mating in Captivity and amazing book.
By the way, the affair Book If You've been in
If You've cheated or been cheated on. This amazing book
that she wrote is their second book. But look into
our Esther Perel st H e R Parrel p e
(09:38):
R e L And then I think, um. And she
also has a podcast called where do We Start, where
you get to listen in on couples and where do
we begin? There? Where do we Where do we begin?
Where do we start? Where do we start? That's how
our podcast. Yeah, that's truly every day I'm like, where
do we start? Um? I'm like ten minutes from the
time I told you, and then another ten minutes after that.
(09:58):
I'm someone who it's just this thing pushes and pushes. Um.
I know we got to get to the part where
we bring in to Andrew. I just want to say
before he comes in, Andrew is my best friend, unquestionably. UM.
Any man who romantic in my life needs to understand
that needs Andrew. I told Andrew, like, I'm not going
(10:22):
to meet a guy and I'm gonna be so in
love and he's gonna be like, you can't be friends
with Andrew. I'm gonna choose that guy over Andrew. Like,
a requirement for me to be in a relationship with
you is you have to be fine with me having
a male friend who might be single and who I
might say I love you too, and hug and like
just like I do my girlfriends. And I just let
Andrew started like hugging me and touching me because I've
(10:44):
just always wanted to keep that boundary up and since
this podcast, and like like yesterday we got done I
think it was yesterday, Yeah, yesterday, we got done with
the podcast and we hugged. Oh yeah, after I said
my resentments and we had a long which we've never had.
I think maybe we hugged once after my special taping
(11:04):
and we both said I love you, and we've never
said like we know, we've said I love you before,
but like never like wholeheartedly. All I felt was like
real friend love. And you know, I've always been like
I don't want to let that him because I want
to have such a boundary there of like I don't
want him to hug me and then like feel something else,
you know, But that's so clear cut with us now.
It's just there's no question. Yes, we're way past that.
(11:26):
And and then we go to site yesterday and this boy,
God love him, acts of service all day long. Bravo
to Andrew Colin for listening to my needs that I
want as a friend, not even as a partner. This
is a love language as a friend, and like he
does love me, and I love him, and I want
to I want, I need to find out what his
(11:47):
friends love languages. Because he was getting me coffees all
day long yesterday stock in lacroise in my cooler. I mean,
he was a great, great friend, slash co writer, slash
assistant slash. I was trying to think of something a
joke on Slash and he was like slash from guns
(12:07):
into roses. Yes, okay, there we go. I remember Conan
used to say, like, go to Conan dot com slash
and they would have a picture of Slash his face.
So I kind of stole that from them. Okay, let's
bring in Andrew calling right up for this, Andrew, Welcome
to the show. How did you sleep, buddy? Feels like
(12:30):
a fever dream. I slept, Okay. I got a lot
of textas this morning at eight am? What do you
have your sound on? Sometimes I forget and it's the
worst mistake you can make in front you with something.
But it's other night when you went to bed early
after the party, I went upstairs and to check on you,
(12:52):
and you were sleeping bed and you're overhead light. All
the lights in your room were on full blast. And
then this is not an energy issue. This is me
wanting you to get the best sleep possible issue. All
your lights were on. Then I just figured he's not
ready to go to bed. I guess, but he's just
laying in bed. Go back downstairs, come back up when
I'm ready to go to bed. At like three, and
(13:12):
your lights are still on, buddy, So what the hell
is why? And I was telling this to Robbin yesterday,
my makeup artist, because we're talking about people with anxiety
who don't want to treat it, where you see people
are suffering, and you're like, this would literally be a
trip to the doctor and you would get on a
pill that would not change anything else about your life
except that you wouldn't have panic attacks every day. And
(13:33):
we go, why can't people just do it? And I'm like,
because people are so to improve their lives even slightly,
they won't make this simplest and and going to the
doctor and getting appointment and then going to get your prescription.
That's not all that simple as having such better sleep
by hitting a switch or by turning your phone on
silent or like for you, I said, I said, Andrew
(13:54):
is a prime example of this. And this is not
an attack. I just want to understand you seriously. I go,
if Andrew was eating a cheeseburger, let's say a hamburger.
What do you like on your hamburger, by the way,
cheese and then anything else cheese, catch up, mayonnaise, mustard, lattice, tomato. Yes, okay,
(14:18):
so this is this is what do you like on
your burger, whether it be a beef for or a
veggy type situation. Condiments wise, I like barbecue sauce and
like slow roasted onions. Okay, so here we go. So
let's say you're in this room and I have a
(14:39):
tray of two hamburgers that are perfectly cooked the way
you like them, with the perfectly button that you like them.
But across the way, and I'm talking probably two hundred
let's say a hundred feet away, in another room, across
the parking lot, let's say a half of football field away.
You have to walk no, no, no, no, not even
(14:59):
have a quarter of a football field a way, but
you'd have to go outside. There is a condiment bar
with ever anything that would make your hamburger better. And
you're really, really, really hungry, like the most hungry you've
ever been. Andrew I, he can say whatever he wants
to say right now. He would never take those extra
(15:20):
two minutes it would take to go get the condiments
and make his hamburger better. He would rather just eat
the hamburger less desirably because he's hungry. Now, Noah, what
would you do if you were the harder you even ask,
I'm not because the answer to it, you would never
You don't go that, you don't go the simplest step
to make something way better, like the way you first video.
(15:40):
First of all, can I at least what is this?
Just uh Korea Jesus Christ. But you're right, the right,
But I know you the light thing, I I agreed
that is a lot in my personality treat but the
lay I I really sleep with the light off, but
(16:01):
sometimes I'll sleep at the bathroom light on, which could
be annoying and not the best way to sleep. And
I sleep with my phone and my computer in my bed.
I understand, no, no, no, it's just turning your phone
on silent like these little things that would take too
usually click or you know, the light switched, like to
get out of bed and hit it. You're gonna get
so much better sleep that you don't even I know
(16:21):
you don't think it you will. But having a light on,
I think it's more my phone and my computer in
my bed in a twin bed that I'm sleeping in
night in a room and saying the computer and phone
is I'm saying is like you forgot to turn off?
We all forget to lights. If I'm laying in bed
and I'm so tired and my eyes are about to drop,
and I realized the light across the room is on,
(16:42):
and it's going to probably make the sleep that I'm
about to get less desirable because there's a light on,
and we are affected by light as human beings because
it replicates the you know, is the sun. Essentially, I
would get out of bed, no matter how tired it was,
to turn off that light so that the sleep I'm
about to get is better. You would not how many
times has your computer not been charge? That's what are
(17:05):
you talking about. That's different if I feel different, you
forget to do something that's important. No, it's not that
you forget. It's so you're in bed and you're dozing
off and you realize is so tired. I didn't even
realize the light. I didn't even see the light. But
I get what you're saying. Yes, you don't take the
extras up when you shoot a video that when I go,
you could edit that so that it looks so much
(17:26):
more appealing to the eye, like that. You think that
sometimes that like people are like, why would you get
a ring light? I'm not like trying to be a model.
It's like, because you are teaching a class on your
computer and your students, it will be more visually pleasing
to their eye if it's properly lighted there. It's not
that it's gonna make you hotter. Stop being cool like
you are too cool for don't care. You're not too
(17:47):
cool for a ring light. Make your better so so
that your students would look at you, not hotter you
just a brighter image is more attractive to the eye.
Can I ask you a question? When you ate pizza
roles and agle bites as a kid, did you microwave
or oven? Here's the difference? I don't. The difference to
me is nil. Who whoa it really is? I don't
(18:11):
have the difference. I never cared about the difference. Here's
the thing. But by the way, I'm a microwave guy.
Microwave is a three minute heat up for something, whereas
in the oven that would take thirty minutes. So that
is a lot different than crossing the room to switch
off a light or walking a quarter of a football
field to get some Catchup's talking about is taking care
(18:36):
of your future self? Like doing something right. He doesn't
take care of you in the future. Yes, he he
thinks of the present and he never thinks about what
like the grocery store trip. He goes to the grocery
store and he's full. He will get nothing because he's
only thinking about that moment. I don't need food. There's
no planning for you. I think it's because Andrew doesn't
(18:56):
really smoke weed, like I remember when I start looking weed.
I like, before i'd get high, I would be like, Okay,
when I'm going to be stone, I'm really gonna want
to eat ice cream and potato chips. So when I
go to the store now, so I have to deal
with it while I'm high. Kind of this This doesn't
check out either. No, I hear what you're saying. No,
(19:23):
but that being high and anticipating that you're gonna be
hungrier than usual is also the same as knowing you're
going to set and there's not going to be food
served and all the snacks are something you don't like,
and still going, I don't need to prepare for this.
I'll just wing it because I'm not hungry now, so
why would I be hungry in the future. It's almost
like you don't have empathy. For your future self. Sure,
and look I'm I'm I'm a simple guy. I'll eat
(19:46):
a cold pizza and I won't heat it up. But
I like cold pizza. I understand liking cold pizza. But
if something that took less than thirty seconds would improve
it by truly, like putting condiments on a burger, that
would take too many Yes, I'm trying to that, I
really am. I have. I have made leaps and bounds
from where I was. I would have an example. When
(20:07):
I was in college, my friends put antrovies under my
bed and it was design an ante bed for anything
with it. I just figured to improve your life instead
of the sheets, I'd flipped the bed. Or can share
something that I find, and this is something new to me.
I will not settle to eat things that are not
(20:30):
exactly what my body wants and craves in a dire circumstance. Yes,
when I'm not gonna have food for hours and it's
all that's available, yes I will eat whatever's on hand.
But if I can wait an hour to get something
that actually tastes delicious and that the nutrients it has
like the thing, I'm actually my body. I listen to
my body and I go, what are you wanting to eat?
You need protein, you need greens, and I know that
(20:51):
that's an hour away. I will rather wait than eat
something that is disappointing, And I think people so often
just eat whatever's in front of them when really asking
for an extra dressing. On the side. The other night,
I got a sty I was starving. All my everyone
ate the dinner that I paid for that no one
and everyone build out on Remember that one call back.
I got a salad and it was dry. They only
gave me one dressing and I wanted another, and it
(21:12):
was taking forever to get other dressing. And I could
have eaten the salad. It was half dressed, but it
would improve by about fifty with an extra dressing. So
I waited and waited and waited, and it was worth
it. It It was delicious, as opposed to me eating this
dry salad being fucking angry that it's dry. Look, I'm
with you. I wish I had that tree. When I
(21:33):
was like twelve, I was in Costa Rica. I ordered
a chicken burrito. It was frozen, the chicken was not cooked,
and I ate it because I one. I was hungry too.
I didn't want to be a nuisance to the family
that took me to Costa Rica. I just ate and
like it already had it had the beak on it.
Like I I just want everyone, including you, to take
(21:57):
care of yourself. It is not you're not a nuisance.
If you ask fructure dressing, you're not a nuisance. If
you pass on something that someone cooked and they get offended,
that's their fault for getting offended. It's not you don't
want to eat that. You don't have to eat everything
that's put in front of you. Just to be nice
or treat yourself well, listened to your needs and and
honor them. We gotta get to the news. Let's get there.
(22:19):
I'm excited some good stories today. Let's get to it
by stories. Oh really, I hope you're having fun out there.
The swells are kicking in Jesus Christ. Best friends do
(22:41):
appreciate this, by the way, having fun and swells. I'm
getting a lot of swells and having fun messages. Yeah,
every If you're just joining the show, which by the way,
you don't have to go back and listen to old episodes.
You can jump in whatever you want and get your
friends involved too with the show. Just tell them they
can join whenever they want. They don't have to, Like
you don't need to be caught up. We'll catch you
up on all the inside jokes every so often, but
(23:04):
we we like to say swells here. I don't even
know how it happens, so it doesn't matter for you too.
And we also every time Andrew gives the news, which
is our daily segment of you heard it here first,
because that's the thing Andrew says all the time, even
though it's literally like the eighteenth time you've probably heard it. Um,
Andrew will wish that you're having fun out there to
win over your trust so that his headlines go smoother
than they probably will. Let's get into real quick. I
(23:26):
got a message someone said, oh, I finally found out
about that shipping container thing, even though I saw the headlines,
but thanks for this story. I didn't know it had
dildos on it, that's not wasn't the one. And you
pronounced it Suez like swisz Swiss beats, and we thought
it was like in Han Doris. We're so stupid. We
(23:48):
thought Holland. We thought Amsterdam was in Holland, Denmark, Denmark,
and you thought no, no, no, I thought I did
get Danish right from Denmark. Danish people, oh god, were
and don't don't get it. Get your ship together, that's
what we want to say. Okay, the Netherlands. Get it together?
Are you and you've been to the Netherlands many times? No? No,
(24:11):
just one? All right, here we go story time. I'm
excited about you is that you bring up that story.
I literally every time we meet someone like, tell your story. Okay,
go on, let's get to news. He'll tell it at
some point. You guys, a phony bow talk doctor, drank
(24:32):
four loco, champagne, daring consultations. So so these fucking this guy,
Nelson Tarinn, who was practicing or attempting to practice medicine
without a medical license. The director to Sheriff's office. One
of the most bizarre cases. They set them up. They
(24:53):
went in there. The guy's drinking four loco and he's
giving bow talk that expired last year. So this guy,
I mean, this is not yeah, that's well, this guy's
this is like the guy that was going to court
when he was doing you know, he made a court
appearance on Zoom and he was like these arrogant doctors. Well,
(25:15):
the guy was in here's the thing. How how hard
is it you get botox? Yeah? You've got it in
some weird places that Orthodonis last time, no joke. I
was at my Orthodonis getting my invisilan probably not. It
was a Sunday and they were they were coming into
(25:36):
work just to get me my trays fitted and then
both these beautiful girls are over my head talking about, like,
you know, working on my teeth, and they go, when
do you want to get our botox? And I was like,
where do you guys go? I need St. Louis place
and they're like, we do it right here. And I
was like, I'm leaving for the Caymans. I haven't had
it in years, can you please? And they just, I mean,
how hard is It's? Very easy? It's like a vaccine.
(25:59):
It's not. I mean they definitely like they they're meticulous
about it. They make you scrunch up your face, and
they were arguing that. It was interesting to hear these
girls talk about each of their methods that they would
have used on my face, and then they like settled
on one because you usually just get one doctor and
they just do whatever they want to do, so it's
not always get two doctors. I think you weren't worried
that these people aren't even dentists. They do it themselves.
(26:22):
And they were so gorgeous, and their botox was so
subtle and perfect that I trusted them because they eached
to it to each other. So I go, yeah, I'll
trust these are saying that you would trust a hot
plastic surgeon of an ugly one. I mean, I've said
that in my special um I when I went to
go get um filler for the first time, the woman
came in and she looked like a shiny like cat,
(26:43):
or she looked like a shiny grinch or a newborn grinch,
and You're like, I need that. And I really tried
to back out of it. I was getting my lips
done and I said, I don't want to do this,
I'm too nervous, and then I just I felt uh
pressured to get it because it was it was clearly.
It's like when you are d m NG with a
guy who's account as private and you're like getting along
(27:04):
and then you go send a picture, and then then
they send a picture and you don't want to talk
to them anymore, and they know now they know it's
because they how they look, and so I went through
with the botox and I and I thought that guy
from M I d m Okay Rowling is great but
has some controversial quidditch I think. I think depends on
(27:27):
the surgery, like like getting a discount. Like my buddy
went to get his eyes done and the doctor gave
him like half off, And it's a wild surgery to
get a discount on Lasik. But botox, you could drink
four loco and shoot a couple of Listen, when comedians
aren't on stage and they drank, people are like, yeah,
(27:47):
it's like that guy's doing a job. I think it's
very unprofessional to get wasted on stage. I know that
some people it's like their thing. But I when I've
when I've been like high on stage before, I felt
guilty about it, like I was kind of a localing
my crowd. Well here's the thing, stand up. I would
say it's harder than shooting bo talks in your head. No,
totally different things. I mean no, because to get your
(28:09):
license to even do bot talks, you have to go
to a lot of this guy you just buy a
six pack and four like yeah, I mean I'm surprised
people are even still drinking for local. I thought that
was banned, let alone, you know, expired bow talks like
this guy shooting and then drinking four local. I just
want to say I got a lot of good feedback
on all of them, talk about plastic surgery and filler
(28:30):
and uh and I just thank you all for writing
in and sharing your stories about that too, and and
keep them coming all right, next story, I hope you're
still having a really fun time. Someone is thrown. I
was throwing ten feet off a roller coaster and suffered
serious injuries after landing on the track at the Tennessee
Theme Park. I don't know why I'm laughing. I don't
(28:51):
know either. I mean, it's this is wild. Okay. Did
you see the roller coaster? No? No, no, please? This
thing is made out of like a cabbage it like
like I don't I think they just let a tree
fall and they added a track on top of it.
My favorite coasters are just like old wooden beasts. Yeah,
(29:11):
but I don't trust them. They don't even I don't
even know if this thing had well, they've been they've
been around for a while. So in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, it's
called the mountain coaster. Uh, severely injured after flying out
of a cart and landing on what landing on tracks? Okay,
so let me look at this fucking roller coaster because
I love coasters, and I picked this story when I
(29:34):
saw the headline because I honestly I this is a
recurring dream for me. A recording nightmare is that I
fall out of roller coasters, Like I'm not strapped in
tight enough and I slip out and I'm hanging on
for dear life. It happens every time. I mean, it's
just like a common stress tream. I'm guessing it's a
common streuss stream because it recurs for me, like the
(29:54):
kind of like you know, when it's your final exam
and you are late for the class. Are you on
this coaster by yourself? No? Syntymes im with people and
helping you up when you when you're hanging No, And
you know, another dream I have a lot is in
the same vein as like I'm going really fast in
a car or alone on skis or something, and I
go over a jump and all of a sudden, I'm
(30:16):
like flung in the air so high that I'm definitely
going to die from Like it just went too high,
like I went to jump too high and I'm going
to die and then I never do. I have similar
stuff like that, But you like roller coasters like this
story remind me of like the shitty roller coasters are
like at the park at carnivals, like the zippers yea.
(30:36):
And this one is like legit, you guys. This is
in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Um, you travel of speeds up to
thirty five, which is not slow by any means. But
that's nuts that someone got flung from this. I mean
that is my worst fear, but that this isn't irrational fear.
Things are going to happen like this. But um, yeah,
I used to be terrified of roller coasters. I didn't
(30:58):
go in one until I was probably fourteen or fifteen,
and all of my friends did, and it was just
I was such a baby. I always make up the
excuses not to go to six Flags. I would miss
out on like you know, flirting with boys and going
on these trips, and it was all because I was
just terrified of these coasters. And then I went on one,
and I talked about this before, but I think, yeah,
(31:19):
I came on a roller coaster called the X factor
in Um, and yes I was, and how he got
one direction together? Um, no, it was. It's the best
roller coaster ever. It was so freaking hot, not hot,
but like it was hot, Like it was like it
made me feel so out of control in the similar
(31:42):
way of an orgasm. And after I got done, I
was just I was like, I think I couldn't even
verbalize it because I was so shocked. And then I
found out that that's a common thing that girls not
super common, but girls do come from like G four
stuff got to it first. Do you think how long
after the Mark Wahlberg scene from Fear or nothing to
(32:03):
do with that, but I do love getting fingered on
a roller coaster. It was the monologue to open my
show Not Safe with Thinky Glazer, was that I became
sexually awakened when I saw Fear and I saw her
get fingered on the roller coaster. It that was the
first time I felt like I should be alone right
now with this movie and not with my girlfriends, because
I am my body is making it. I feel like
(32:25):
I'm on a roller coaster. What is happening? The Wild
Horses is playing, She's on this roller coaster, She's getting
fingered and his hands moved. I mean, it's just it
still holds up as such a hot scene. And then
that he throws the dog's head through the doggie door
later on after he decapitated it. Yeah, I mean he
was a psycho, but girls were really turned on by that.
He It wasn't a psycho yet by the time that
(32:47):
he was fingering on a roller coaster, so I do, Wow,
you're really coming to defense for this guy. Yeah, I
think he was. He wasn't a good guy when he
before you finger I said, a little bad boy just
to him. But he wasn't, you know, decapitating your beloved pets.
Yet we saw it happening, all right. Next, Okay, so
is the guy Okay, he's going to use in critical condition.
He's gonna be okay. He oh he came to as
(33:09):
he landed on the track condition apparently. Fuck. I hope
he's okay. Everyone stays safe out there, but do not
make this. Do not let this scare you from riding
roller coasters. It's an irrational fear. It won't happen. Um
my fear of two lane highways going over thirty miles
per hour, uh next to each other like on Cayman traffic,
real fear. Actually people do get injured a lot. And
(33:32):
in Cayman Islands there's a lot of drunk driving. So
I don't like to go out and uh on Fridays
and Saturdays here in the Cayman's you've been dealing with
it really well there, I've been driving a ton and
you have him because the drive that we have is
so there's so few cars, it's so desolate. Al Right,
next headline, I hope you're still having fun. A woman
who went on her worst tender date ended up in
a river rescuing the date's dog while he was making
(33:55):
useless suggestions. I mean, this girl, I under stand that
you gotta do what you gotta do, but what happened here?
So this girl went on a on a date with
a guy that owned a boxer, uh, and they were
walking along dog fell into the river, and instead of
the guy helping and jumping down, he just stood there
(34:19):
and watched her while she jumped down and saved this
dog and brought it to safety from the dog. Now, right, like,
you get that if you save someone's dog, it then
becomes yours. I mean, part of me thinks maybe this
is a test this guy does to see if this
is she's the right one. You know, you do like
little tests test all the time. What was the last
(34:42):
test you did? I don't even want to say the
person failed. It might be listening. Um, it's not. These
tests aren't fair, and I actually disqualified this test because
the circumstance was not one in which this person could
really feel comfortable passing said tests. But um, I will
say that one of my tests. Wait, we're not gonna
find out what the test is. I just feel, well, okay,
(35:04):
the test is if I'm showing pictures, this is this
is this is so stupid, it's so embarrassing, know what
you you gotta let me know if you think this
is a good test to see if like this is
like this isn't this isn't a test as much it
is like I I'm going to require this in someone
I want to be with. When I am showing a
(35:28):
picture of myself at a younger age from the past TBT,
when like I'm you know, on our phone showing pictures,
If the guy doesn't show interest in what I looked
like as a young child, and like does the thing
where he takes the phone and he zooms in like
he wants to see your face closer, you know, like
on an old family photo, and be like, oh, I
want to see you in the past. We're not going
(35:50):
to make it. I'm I. I have been in too
many relationships where the guy doesn't really care about getting
to know me or like my history or my past.
And this isn't about ex boyfriend end like I want
you to know about my relationship history. This is about like, oh,
what you look like as a little girl. And I
know this stuff may seem trivial to people, but to me,
it's not. And I am interesting in the person I love.
(36:11):
If if I'm not interested in someone's baby pictures, which
I'm not a lot of times, this isn't just something
I'm but the guy I love, I hope I know
for a fact I will be interested in that, and
I would expect the same being my language dooming in
on my childhood pictures show when I had When I'm
showing pictures from my childhood or from high school or
(36:32):
just a young, much younger version of me that the
person doesn't show. Actually you show the picture and they
just go, uh, whatever you failed if you want to
go if you go, oh my god, look at you
just say something. I mean, I know these aren't actually interesting,
but and this isn't fake interest. I don't want someone
to fake it. I it's genuine. Like I just get disappointed.
I'm like, oh, this isn't my person. And I hate
(36:53):
the word my person, but that this person is not
going to be mine. That's just like a litmus test.
That just kind of, you know, one of the It
just it's a that is it just about you? Yes,
it shows that you're very self interested. You're not, but
you just don't care about me. You just don't love me.
You're not you don't have the potential to love me
if you're not interested in what I looked like as
(37:15):
a child. That's just that's how I feel about it.
By the way, I don't think this is the worst
tender date ever. This lady, I mean, she she went
in knee deep water and grabbed a dog. He didn't
do anything. When a guy reveals himself to be a
gigantic pussy, like a minute, Andrew, you didn't get the
facts straight. It's chest deep water. It wasn't okay, it
(37:36):
wasn't neck deep. Noah, it wasn't. She wasn't drowning chest
deep water. You don't do you know that you can
be swept away in ankle deep water by a rushing water. Okay,
but this wasn't rushing water. Was it rushing water? You
don't know? It wasn't rushing It could have been going
thirty like that coaster and you would have came. My
(37:57):
thing is that? Like? What your thing? There's no way
to spend this where this guy looks good. There's just
no way. I don't even try. It's like I'm just
saying that. I'm not saying the guy looks terrible, but
the worst date ever. I just don't think it's the
worst date ever. I think getting gnarrhea from the guy
from his dog would be worse. I mean, I'm not
someone who likes dates, really. I mean, I like it
(38:20):
once I've already liked the person we go out to something,
but like for getting to know you dates. I've always
said that, Like, I just like a simple Netflix and
save your dog from a drowning situation. That's what I like.
When a guy is like you up, you want to
come save my dog? So you think if this guy
saved the dog, he's getting laid If he's like, I
got it. I will tell you that one time I
(38:42):
was like about to break up with this dude. Yeah,
this is a test. This was over this fucking dude.
And then we left his house and we were going
to dinner, and I was like, I have to end
this so soon. And a pit bull was growling at me,
ready to attack. It got out of the yard. It
was the neighbor's yard and they abuse them, and this
this thing was ready to attack and it started running
(39:02):
to me and I grabbed my neck. I wrapped my
hand around my neck and I just fell into a
ball because I was ready to be attacked and want
to protect my neck, and the dog was running to attack,
and this guy just goes no, no, and just and
like fucking scared the dog enough that it stopped in
the tracks as it was ready to attack us and
backed away. And then we got inside safe and I
(39:26):
blew him so hard. It was the hottest thing. And
we lasted for another couple of hours. At least, well
you didn't see as an hour later he's feeding that
pit pull and they're best friend. All right, let's get
to your sports moment, friends. Heears Andrew's Weekly Sports moment. Okay,
(39:49):
detectives find cause of Tiger Woods crash, but won't reveal
exciting privacy concerns. Right. I got this alert today on
my phone that the details and they kept reading. I
go with, there's no details. What do you think it was? Well,
here's the thing. The more I read, the more they're
asking him if it's okay to release it, which they
(40:12):
don't usually do. I mean, he's obviously a person of power.
People want to find out that he was on drugs.
They want to find out he was sucked up. They
want to pile on to the millions of things so
they could do another documentary about how Tiger Woods, you know,
fun the girl in the in the sand trap or whatever. Yeah,
he's not hiding something if it's a muffler issue, what
(40:34):
do you know what I mean? Like the fact that's
not being released suggests maybe something. Yeah, well, I I
think the fact that it's not being released people think
they're covering up something. Leave Tiger alone. Right, it was
a single accident. He's the only one that got sucked up. Um, yeah,
I mean, you know the suv purely an accident, is
(40:55):
what the sheriff said. And people are believe him alone.
That document he felt so gross. You told me that
before I watched it, because you had watched it first.
And then I watched it and I learned so much.
The other day, I was telling cast members on the
show all about it. I was like, his high school
girlfriend was his true love. It wasn't just a high
school fling. They were meant to be. And but but
(41:15):
the thing that bugged me about the documentary was just
all the people that it said Tiger's friend. And I'm like, bitch,
not anymore, You're not. Tiger's never talking to anyone associated
with this thing. No, He's like, you know what, I
like it dirty. I like how you ruined me on
national TV. And it just makes me think I haven't
texted in a while. Yeah, if you watch that documentary,
(41:36):
there's this one girl and need the caddy. I think
the caddy deserves a second. I do too. He and
he was really kind the whole time. But still, Tiger's
never going to talk to that dude again, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.
You're dead to Tiger. You are if you were, if
you if you watch words at to Tiger, like anyone
who watched it is, He's not going to forgive you.
(41:57):
Tiger can cut you out of his life very very quickly.
We learned through that documentary was almost dead to Tiger. Yeah,
I mean truly, he chopped off a whole part of
his life because he wanted to be committed to golf
and to being the best, and so he definitely there
are people like that that are so committed to what
they care about that they can just slice you out.
(42:20):
And he's one of those people. And he never slices
unless it's his friends. All right, let's move on. Great,
great sports segment. By the way, thank you. I knew
you'd like that. I was fulfilled by that. It was
something that I cared about, something I kind of knew about,
something that you kind of knew about, as opposed to
last week when you treat nothing. I just give a
quick shout out to North Carolina and Kansas. I apologize.
(42:42):
I said you didn't even make March Madness. I got
my facts wrong. I apologize, and I apologized to Holland
in Netherlands. I'm sorry. Will you do that? Will you
do the ku chant? K you? Not you, but me?
And it's me not you. That's really better than what
it is. It's Rock Shock Jay Hawk. Okay, you I
(43:03):
think that's it. I went there. I really don't know.
I don't care about sports. Uh. No, we are going
to now get into our mental health moment. Yeah, we
got a gone going. So. I mean, I think a
lot of the podcast is talking about mental health issues.
(43:26):
And I don't know why I suddenly took on this
softer tone, but I feel like I should have it
throughout our mental health segment. Um, So, Andrew, let's talk
about our mental health today. What did you learn about
yourself this week or what could you share with our
listeners that is something you think would soothe them or
(43:50):
provide some kind of relief from the stress of everyday
human existence. Well, I'm glad you asked. Nikki. Uh the
other day, I was eating six pieces of pizza and
then I woke up and I was very hard on myself.
I've been very good about, you know, eating somewhat healthy
and working out, and I fell off hard. And then
(44:11):
I ate another seven slices the next day because we
had the two boxes in the fridge, and then this
morning I had two more pieces. And what I've learned, Nikki,
is that you have to be easy on yourself. And
if there's three pieces, if there's three pies in the fridge,
there's people starving other places. You eat the pizza, you
enjoy it. You like to talk me through that. Let's
(44:33):
not be funny about it, because I think this is
a very real thing. I'm being honest, said they're starving
people out there. I mean, like, that's all ridiculous. This
could be why I have a mental health issues. I mean,
it's you're wrong, Okay, I'm being serious. I ate the pizza.
I fell off hard. I had six slices. I was
in the moment. I didn't my anxiety was too high.
(44:55):
I didn't even realize I was fucking crushing these pizzas.
And a lot of times I wake up and it
was when I used to drink too and I get
really fucked up. It wasn't even about getting the funked up.
It was the next day of being so fucking hard
on myself for fucking up and for not being able
to uh to limit myself because I want attention for
(45:16):
for some fucking reason, in a bar from some random
guy with a face that too says we're best friends
for twenty minutes, like this was my whole life and
so I mean, seriously, yeah, and I just don't. I
don't want to like it was fucked up that I
did that and get sucked up. Then it's triplie funked
up the next day when I'm like, you're a piece
(45:37):
of ship, You're an idiot. Why would you do that
to yourself? Why? And then that started a whole spiral
that could last up to five days. You know. So
the pizza thing is a small you know, those highs
and lows aren't as big because I don't drink anymore,
but the pizza is the same kind of concept. The
next day I wake up, Why the fund did you
eat six slices you worked out for? Of course this
(46:01):
I love this. I love that you were gentle with yourself.
It is so hard to do. My favorite thing is
to be mean to myself. People always ask me why
I'm good at roast jokes, and it's because I've been
bullying myself my entire life. I am. My voice in
my head is truly one of the cruelest voices. It's yeah,
I've it's it's it's landed on you for sure, and
(46:23):
know it's true. I can be but I won't say
as mean things to you like mine more passive aggressive
to you. But for me, it's just like I try
to get myself to I I bully myself like a
you know, eighth grade girl trying to get a girl
to kill herself in her high school, just like I
really cyberboll w I'm trying to get me to kill myself.
But why do you do? I can't help it, But
(46:45):
now I can because now I know that this bullying, like,
I've done a lot of work on myself through different
things this year, and I don't talk to myself like
that like ever anymore. And and and it's a really
hard habit to break. It's not as easy as just
being like, don't talk to yourself like that, because listen,
that is compounding on it when you get mad at
yourself for being for talking bad to yourself. I guess
(47:08):
what that is. So here's the thing. When I catch
myself when I look in the mirror and it's a
bad face day, and I have the uh compulsory that
I say to myself because I look, I bags under
my eyes and my skin looks like saggy or whatever
it is, pale, splotchy, I go instead of going don't
talk bad to yourself. That's so mean. I go, that's
(47:28):
so funny that that was the first thing you thought
to say to yourself. That's so cute, Nikki, Like that's
your coping mechanism. That's adorable. I'm gentle even with the
reprimanding of my own head now when it comes to
the food stuff, which is like, yeah, just just have
have don't You don't have to be nice because nice,
this is funny. Try to find the humor in it.
Try to observe your uh, your voice in your head
(47:52):
when you have those moments, try to step back and
observe your voice. Like you're a scientist doing an experiment
and you're writing down notes about it without any judgment,
just like, oh, that's interesting. I did that. That's that's
so interesting that I said to myself. It's not bad,
it's not good, it's interesting. It's of note. So here's
the thing I did with food. I don't binge anymore.
(48:13):
I really have. I have not binged in um. It'll
be a year on April and I have not. Um.
I've eaten three meals a day since April two. And
because of that, and I used to binge every single
night in my life to starve all day and eat
about one really long extended meal a day. Um An,
(48:36):
what is it? But I now don't binge and I
have to get up every morning, even if I like
last a couple of nights ago, I ate a lot
at three in the morning. This wasn't a binge, but
I ate like a meal because I just didn't get
enough dinner and I didn't want to go to bed hungry.
I woke up five hours later, I still had breakfast.
I didn't even though I wasn't hungry for it, I
(48:57):
still had it because I don't get to skip a meal,
don't get to play those games with myself anymore. It's
not it's not it doesn't lead to happiness, so that
that's not me telling you you have to do that.
What I'm saying is the other night I ate a
little too much. Wasn't a binge, but I felt fuller
than I like to feel. And I used to eat
to the point where I would throw up, not because
of sticking a finger down my throat, because I was
(49:17):
so sick from eating. And this used to be every
single night. I would get to the point where I
was so sick I couldn't move my boyfriend, I couldn't
have sex. We used to call it t F t
F two full to fuck, but it was a funny thing.
But it was not funny. It was really terrible. And
every time I ate, I would eat to the point
where I would made myself sick. So the other night
I had a slight like I ate a little too
much and instead of going, oh my god, you broke
(49:41):
you fucked up for the first time ever, this is
a binge you um uh, how I can't believe you?
Why did you have to eat that extra half thing
of hummus? All these things? I just was like, well,
that's funny, all right, Well that's the well tomorrows a
noon day, and that was a little over the top,
and that's not just that's even if I'm telling you
(50:04):
my final thing on this, because I know so many
people struggle with this. I was you, I am you.
I continually have to stop myself from entering these phases.
Let's say you have a package of something you do
not want to eat, the full package of and you
start eating, and you guess you have a package that
you don't even want to open until later. You have
it for later but you go, you know what, I'm
gonna have one treat myself. You have one, then you
(50:26):
feel bad you had one. You you you were going
to save that, so you have to because you already
broke into it right too. Now it's like now the
anxiety you feel from having to when you weren't supposed
to have any and there's no reason for it, and
you're just eating anxiously and emotionally, and you're only eating
because you're anxious. You now are going to finish that bag,
not because you're anxious from when you ate the two cookies.
(50:49):
That anxiousness that finishes the rest of the bag is
from the fact that you ate the two cookies. Are
you hearing me out? So when you eat those two cookies,
forgive yourself for those two cookies. Do not have it
lead to more anxiety, which leads you to then devour
the bag because the bag is getting devoured only because
of the anxiety of those two cookies. Let it go.
Forgive yourself for making mistakes. It's okay. Everyone does it.
(51:13):
Everyone just Zell bunch In overeats. Everyone does it. And
that's your mental health moment for the day. Let's move
into final thoughts. Final thoughts. Um, I'm really glad we
got to record this podcast eighteen times today because of
recording issues. Um, this proof of that we all have
(51:34):
worked on ourselves, because it's the same thing, Like the
pod didn't record like four times, and we're just like
literally recorded twenty five minutes of stuff that that you'll
never hear, and we had internet issues that would not
like this podcast is supposed to be done an hour
and a half ago and it's still going. But that
is a perfect example because I that happened for a reason.
(51:58):
I hate I used to never understand this. Everything happens
for a reason. When something happens now that is like
so advantageous. My purse spills out in front of everyone,
there's trash all over the floor. I drop a glass
and it shatters and it sucks up everything. I'm I go.
I'm so glad that happened the way it happened, because
that was supposed to happen. I didn't want it to happen.
I'm not a bad person because it happened. It was
(52:19):
supposed to happen. And I'm glad we lost that stuff
because even when we lost that file and we had
so many funny jokes on there, so many that could
have changed our fucking lives and lead to like development deals. Truly,
I mean that could have been the case, but I
I guarantee you something happened because of that that would
have never happened with that, and I'm so grateful for that.
Like this conversation. In fact, I I love this conversation.
(52:42):
I think I think that, Um, there's so many times
in my life where like I failed or feel like
I failed, and it's like you're such a fucking failure
instead of being like like like you said, like that
laughing at the step. But you have to be present,
you have to be you waking up app. You can
(53:03):
get it for free by writing into support at waking
up dot com. Um, yeah that makes you more mindful,
but yeah, you not have to have mindfulness to stop
these things. I remember the first time I put it
into use of really letting things go and just knowing
that there's a reason for everything. It was before we
were going to our show in Philadelphia at Royersford, at
(53:24):
that outdoor ven you with Ari. Remember, we were on
the sidewalk before we got in the car, and I
got out kombucha and I dropped it and it shattered everywhere,
and I, you know, it was six It was like
a seven dollar kimbucha, maybe more. It was probably nine dollars.
I was out of Odega, and I was really thirsty
for it. I was treating myself to it because it
makes me feel a little buzzed and I don't drink
and it just gives me this. And I was just
(53:44):
excited to have it on my road trip. And I
remember I dropped it and everyone goes, oh, I could
go get you a new one, h And I just go,
I wasn't supposed to have that kombucha, like God or whatever.
I don't really I believe in God, but my version
of God, that wasn't supposed to go in my body.
And I'm fucking fine with it, and if it is
meant to be, I'll go get another. But I wasn't
(54:04):
compelled to. So it's just like, instead of, you know,
next time you're in traffic, like yesterday we or the
other day we were driving and the guy in front
of us, or or you were cognizant of the fact
that a guy was really on someone else's tail, and
I wanted to say I didn't do it. But I
wanted to say you in that moment, if someone's on
your tail, that doesn't just imagine they're not there. They're
(54:27):
being there. Is not affecting your life literally at all.
Maybe it's blocking your view behind you that you want
to see, but any more than that, it's not doing anything. Oh,
it's making me feel pressured to go faster. It's making
me feel like they're good. You're choosing to feel that way.
That the car has nothing to do with how you're feeling.
You No one makes you feel anyway. I'm so tired
(54:47):
of people saying they made me feel bad, they made
me feel scared. If you say that you're wrong, you
chose to take their actions and make them make you
feel that way. You're in control. And when so and
I think this is a nice story, and and it
like really like I I do think about this a lot.
(55:07):
So I thought I had bedbugs in my apartment, and
then I was dog sitting for you, so then I
was staying in your room. So I thought I gave
your bed bed bugs. But there was just one bed
bug and it was not even in my room where
I was, but I was walking or and this is
before Zoloft This is before I went to therapy. I
(55:28):
was walking around New York City thinking I'm gonna tell
her this, and it's gonna be the end of our friendship.
She's gonna fire me. How fucking wrong of me to
fucking put her at risk with these bed bugs because
you hear horror stories about do you lose friends if
you even say, like I, if you say the word
bed and bug and they're not even connected, Like I
(55:50):
got a bed this morning and I went outside and
I saw a bug on a leaf. Wre like, um,
I think we need to distance ourselves for about a
couple of months. And I and I called you, and
I was so scared to call you, and because this
was early in our friendship, and uh, you told me
to go go funk myself. I know. And then why
would that make you feel? You were so kind about it,
(56:11):
and you were like, yeah, if I get if I
if they show up, I'll deal with it. But until
they show up, I'm not gonna worry about it. Don't
stress about it. And you put yourself in my head
because you might feel similarly if you were in my shoes.
And so many times we don't fucking stop and be
like this person is already feeling horrible, and then this
(56:32):
could happen to me too, and to double up on
that person and to do that to me when I
caught my one of my one of my boy ex
boyfriends was going through my phone once and I caught
him going through my phone and and it was just
like such a breach of trust. And I remember he
felt so bad, and I go, you have a big
day at work. I promise you, this will not end us.
(56:55):
Please let it go. Just know that I am. We're
gonna have a talk about it, but it's not going
to be the end of us. Please just put this
out of your mind like it didn't happen today, because
that's what I would want for me. If I did
something I had a weakness of character and I got
caught for it, I would want someone to go, here's
the facts. It's not It's never gonna lead to me
breaking up with you. This might be a symptom of
something later down the road that leads to it, but
(57:16):
this tonight, I'm not gonna break up with you. Go
to work, be okay, be present, and we'll deal with
this later. Because it's just it's still gonna be there.
Nothing needs to happen right now, and so I just
hope people do that for the people in your life
today a little bit more. We gotta go. Thank you
so much for listening, Noah, thanks for letting us go
along today. I love you so much. Best friends. We'll
see you next week. Tell people about the podcast. We
(57:37):
are on the carousel on iTunes front front page, Carousel. Bitches,
we're here. We're on the radio everywhere. Yeah. If you
hear us on the radio and add for our show
on the radio, try to record it and put it
on your instagrator and tag us. We love to hear
from you. Thank you so much. You're our best friends.
We'll see you next week and have a good weekend.
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