May 16, 2024 • 49 mins
Hey Besties (and New Besties)! We will be returning next week with new episodes. Enjoy this trip down memory lane when Nikki and Brian were at the Super Bowl! Be sure to rate and review the podcast and subscribe to our YouTube channel!
--
It's part two of our pre-Super Bowl podcasts from the iHeart and NFL stage. Things take a turn as both Nikki and Brian are recognized by their guests. Brian's shirt brings about a 'Jerry Maguire' moment with Rodney Thomas' agent, and Chris Long learns that the new sports broadcaster he thought looked like Nikki Glaser IS Nikki Glaser! Brian makes a move to catch Tyreek Hill. In the Final Thought, Nikki and Brian synthesize their experience while pinching themselves to make sure it's real.
*Besties, you won't need to love sports to love this episode! xoxo.
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Watch this episode on our YouTube channel: The Nikki Glaser Podcast
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Nikki's Tour Dates: nikkiglaser.com/tour
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Glaiser podcastser.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's the
Nicky Laser Podcast. I'm in Los Angeles. Uh still, I
am joined by three of my favorite people of all time.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Brian Franngie is here.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Hey, Brian, Hello, We're gonna we should clap for everybody,
just like they do on the Pat McAfee show.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Oh yeah, I just.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
That's why I'm wearing all this cold skiers. That's so fun,
all of you being on the Pat McAfee.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
It was so fun.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
We'll talk about it because it came out of nowhere,
and it only came out because I reached out to
you guys. And then Chris Convey is here, Welcome back. Yeah,
Chris conby everyone, and really that's a good, fun.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Fun And then Chris gets applause.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Yeah, it does feel good. And then Andrew Colin. Everyone
back to the show. Andrew Colin, welcome.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Back, good to be back. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
So I reached out to you guys because I was like,
I forget who said it to me. But oh, I
was at a podcast yesterday. We're here to help. Maybe
it was them. I forget who I apologized whoever told
me like, you need to like go hard in the
sports world. What do all the sports shows?
Speaker 1 (01:17):
I think it was.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Joe Jack Johnson, not Jack Johnson. What's his name over there,
Jake Johnson.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
So sorry, Jake.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I love you so much. I've never loved anyone more
than Jake Johnson. I've been talking about him all like,
I can't get over how great he is. But he
was like, you need to spin this into something bigger,
like you, you got to capitalize on this, get the
word out on all the sports shows. So I texted
all of you being like, what are the shows I
should do? And Pat McAfee show is the one? Number
one you guys each all of you said number one.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
I knew those guys would love you. Yeah, I mean
it was.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
It was so much fun and I just did it
and they had me on. You always know it's a
good segment when they have you planned before they go
it'll be a fifteen minute segment and then you're looking
and it's like, oh, it's been.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Thirty for over thirty minutes.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, it was awesome.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
I was sitting outside this building just like, uh, just
watching it on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Nice. Yeah, it was really fun. And and then you
buzzed in.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yeah, and that's the end of the story that I
have nothing more to say than you got in the building.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Walk up the stairs, two flights.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Okay, nice.
Speaker 5 (02:21):
You killed it, man, Yeah, you killed it on that.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
But you guys all helped me.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I mean, I was Brian texted me a slew of
things that I should talk about because you were a
fan of the show.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
And I mean, I love Pat McAfee, I love the cults.
I love Pat McAfee. I'm so proud that Pat McAfee
is like the number one sports analysts in the world
and he was a cult.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Oh he's so I mean, I just had that conversation
with him, and he was so fun and easy to
talk to.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
You were amazing on it. It was perfect. You set
the perfect tone. You told a bunch of jokes. They
were laughing, and it's perfect for that show, like they
have a bunch of you know, hockey analysts, and then
general manager. You you followed a general manager who also
was a fan of your by the way, Oh really yeah,
and the same team, the Bucks.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Well, I gotta come down Florida. Maybe that's my team too.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I got to pick a team, so that that. And
then Andrew this morning was texting me a ton of jokes.
We were like, maybe gonna roast Pat a little bit. Yeah,
you had some funny ones. I don't even want to
say him because I feel like I love Pat so much.
I know he did not ask for it, so we'll
we'll leave those out of there. But we had some
really good joke.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
He did not seem like he wanted to be roasting.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
No, and you know what, like some people, I'm the
same way, don't fucking ever. Anya still talks about a
day on tour like years ago where she was roasting you,
I guess Andrew, and she goes and Andrew's like, I'll
come back at you, and she was like, come back
at me. Let's see what you got. And Andrew said
something that like she can't I'm not even gonna say
what it was because she can't stop seeing it, and
(03:50):
it's like literally affected herself esteem for the rest of
her life.
Speaker 5 (03:53):
Yes, I wrote it month before.
Speaker 6 (03:57):
Every time Andrew sees somebody, he's like, well, if I
have to roast somebody, it was.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
It's because I was like the small little Jewish kid
on the bus that was always picked on. So I
had to. It was so easy to just be like jew,
you know, and then I couldn't. I didn't have anything,
like I had to like be creative.
Speaker 5 (04:12):
Right right.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
You can make fun of you for being Jewish, but
then for all the Protestants and stuff, you have to
come up with something about their personality.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
Exactly, do Bryant? I can't.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
My favorite, my favorite joke about being as a Jewish
person was Amy Schumer saying that they used to throw
pennies at her and call her, you know, jew and
throw pennies and then she'd go like what like screws McDuck,
like yes, like that is such a funny, but but yeah,
it's it's it's horrible to be roasted.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
I don't think anyone.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I would never I don't want it outside of that
kind of arena, Literally, I I don't.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I would never want it.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I don't want to know anything about myself that anyone
thinks is negative. It's it's when anyone starts a sentence
like can I be honest with you? Or like hey,
I've been thinking can you sit down? Like can we talk?
I don't want because it's that to me is like
there's some criticism coming your way and I literally can't
handle it.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
Yeah, but I don't mind looks like making it looks.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Really like because why because you can change it.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
No, I I'm the most self deprecating. I mean, I
think it's hilarious to make fun of looks. I think
when it starts to get like, there's who you are,
who you are and likely yeah, yeah, achievements or work
ethic or my mom didn't love me, you'll never be
as good as your brother.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Yes, know, you're right.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I think looks for me are so much worse. Obviously,
it's just like what you kind of get your worth from,
I guess, but I can get hit in other ways
as well. But it's yeah, it's it's not it's not fun,
and I'm glad I'm out of the woods on that
where it's like the jokes that were made, I'm just
like kind of over already, you know, you move on.
Speaker 5 (05:55):
Yeah, like the one about you being old, Like it's fun.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
It's a good joke though, Yeah, it was so fun. Yeah,
it was really. I saw it in the prompter to.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Like right before he said, you know, he said, he's
talking about Bill Belichick dating a young girl, and he's like,
you coach, you need to date someone more your age,
uh like Nicky. Like the way he delivered it was
great too. And I saw like NICKI coming up and
I go, here it comes. And you even saw his
rehearsal set, and you you were what a good what
a team player you are because you had some insider information.
(06:25):
You did not deflate the balls for me because you
knew that Gronk was gonna call me old, but you
just said, hey, I saw Gronk set. He does have
a joke about you that tends to address the fact
that your age is a number.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Like you said. You weren't even saying like old. You
were like, your age is a number that is higher
than other numbers. And I was like like, and I
only read.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
It after like, but it was I like that you
like kind of had his back and were kind of
supportive of the roast environment where I'm not supposed to
know anything and you do have to.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
I love playing fair. I hate cheating. I will.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
That's why it kind of surprised me reading about Tom
and even having Tom admit that he cheated kind of
or saying no, it wasn't any mission plau deniability totally
because he's that was so fun. He could just say
you because his joke was like the investigation that you
guys put on to find out if I had deflated
these balls or knew about it, was you spent twenty
million dollars, pay me to million million dollars, I'll tell
(07:17):
you I did it. So he could just say I
was saying I would. I would just lie and say
I did it for twenty million dollars. That is his deniability,
but it's also could be taken as he admitted it,
which was a very I loved that joke because it
told that line.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Of what is he admitting a mission?
Speaker 1 (07:34):
I think it. I think we all know it was
because we he definitely didn't know.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
J Simpsons, I did. That's what it was totally.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Also like deflating footballs, really, is that like such a
huge deal?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
I guess in the scheme of things it's not.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
But if everyone is cheating I did, I probably would
cheat if I'm just to be fair with everyone else.
Speaker 5 (07:54):
We all know what they say.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
If wait, hold on, I know it once again. If
you if you're a cheating, you're not trying.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Basically is that it.
Speaker 5 (08:02):
If you ain't cheating, you ain't try.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
You've heard that, right, Bob Dylan had some line like that, No,
he really did Bob Dylan out of line.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Like fuck the Jets.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
I think, yeah, yeah, he said Tom Brady killed Anon Hernandez.
I think that's what Bob Dylan said, and I remember
he was out of Yeah, yeah, that was a Bob
Dylan lyric of his new B side.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Well.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I just found out doing John Mullaney's UH Live show,
which I was a fan like. I started out the
week being like a fan of it, being like, man,
I wish i could do that show and it's so funny,
like it never a million years would I be on
the Pat McAfee show to promote my special Someday You'll
Die that's coming out on Saturday, last Saturday, because you're
hearing this the week after, but this is the week,
(08:46):
but we're taping it the week before. And then also
John Mullaney's show, I was not in. John knows of
me were friendly and he's not. There's nothing, no reason
I would not ever be on that show if it
was in a long run. But they're only doing six
episodes and I'm gonna be and they just wrote me
this morning being like John wants to have you on.
Speaker 6 (09:04):
We're not gonna harp on because I'm sure you don't
want to. You don't want to get go too far
into this. But Nicky is continued to be the toast
of the town through this whole week. Like, I'm sure
you guys, because everybody knows you guys are very close
to Nicky as well. I'm sure people are texting you
about how great Nicky was.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Not gain one single text.
Speaker 5 (09:21):
I texted Brian, She's overrated.
Speaker 6 (09:25):
I'm still getting things like pouring in being like I
just saw the roast.
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Nikki was the best.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
It's to the point where if you didn't text me
and you're like a friend of like, it's weird. It's
like nothing like that. There's no birth you can skip
my birthdays. People can forget my birthdays. They can forget
me getting if I get have a baby, if I
get married, if I have a special come out, like
I don't care, right, no, no, not like I wouldn't
do it now because the only reason I do it.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yeah, right, that was a good joke.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Was that was a great joke that I have the
I have the face of Tiffany Trump and the reproductive
system of Baron or something or something like that.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
And the hits of Trump is the tag we wrote
for it. Andrew did it.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
But uh, I now I really the only appeal to
having a baby, what part of the peal would be,
like this new identity you get to have, like I'm
a mom, like look like and and I do think
some moms do that, Like it's an identity of like
I need a thing going on and I maybe there's
a world in which that would have been interesting to
(10:24):
me at some point down the line.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
No interest.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Now I've I've summited Everest. I'm not gonna climb Killiman Jara.
You know what I mean, Like, I don't why would you?
I would never It's not even a consideration.
Speaker 6 (10:36):
Your new identity now is being on every single show
in podcast in America.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Yeah, that's just I've never been so beloved, Like, let
me just say this, I've never I've never had a
moment where everyone's just like happy for me, they like
me the la times.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
The headline was well done, Mickey.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
I've never had any kind of like am I like
make a wish kind of thing?
Speaker 5 (11:02):
Yeah? Hey, the best he's were in on this early
all you best.
Speaker 6 (11:04):
Totally I always thought that locky for Taylor Swift.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
I do feel like it's like that that article two
and the other times I'm like, I do feel like
I won the Super Bowl. I'm going to like the
parade like it kind of feels like that kind of
vibe in the air, and I'll it's gonna get annoying
of me talking about it at some point, but I
just I can't. I wish everyone could experience the love
that I'm feeling from people.
Speaker 6 (11:26):
You've been called the MVP, Yeah, which is kind of
amazing because that's a big deal in sports.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
That's the main deal. It's the biggest deal.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
And I didn't know it was the biggest deal until
I was talking to you about Hey, I'm going to
rank Tom Brady's achievements here, all of them, and you go, well,
MVPs first, and I go, really, being the MVP of
the Super Bowl would be the first, and You're like, yeah,
this's be it's up there. I'm like, I would just
think that's like, that's fine, that's good, but I'm winning
the super Bowl.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
He's a big team guy. I think you probably down
if you asked him, maybe if you if you went
into his heart and really found the truth. MVP would
be number one. Yeah, but winning the.
Speaker 6 (11:57):
Super Bowl it is well, MVP of the super Bowl
already implies that you've won the super.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Bowl is the same guy.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
But like all team people, I think at their core
are like they want like Tom Brady wants to be
Tom Bradley, of course, but he is a generous person.
But I think at your core you want to be
the center of it. I don't know, speaking as Tom Brady.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
We wouldn't know anything about it.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
This much praise, it could get to the point where
it starts to feel sarcastic, like can you just just
read well done Nikki Glazer and like italics, Yeah, that's what's.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Been kind of the respect.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Like I've never been someone people have been like you're
great and you work hard and like all these things,
and I've agreed with it. I've never thought I've deserved
anything more than that. I've never been like when is
my day gonna come?
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Ever?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
I really haven't, but it has arrived where I am
like the bell of the ball and cool people, the
cool comedy people like me and are like welcome, like
come hang with us, we do arenas and you are
going to do those soon too, Like gave you.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
A shout out on Flagrant.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
It's nice.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
It's nice to be Tim Welke. Tim Dillon welcomed me
to the top tier.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
He did didn't welcome me, but it felt like he's
up there and he's like he gave me a hand
and like pulled me up and he just said, you're
on the top tier now.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
It's it's a long time.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Like it was just a little but he acknowledged it.
And it's like it does feel like I just got
that like seven timers jacket arsenal or something.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Maybe you'll get the the farm now.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I want to get in these pedophile rings. Is that
in coming? Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Billionaire really yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
My friend's husband is a billionaire and he just got
back from Necker Island.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
Oh yeah, and I don't tell us what happened.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Isn't that the place where I've heard of this island?
It's where like he was there with Richard Branson and.
Speaker 4 (13:54):
Yes, yes it is the island.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Yeah, it's not good to own an island.
Speaker 5 (13:58):
You shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
After Epstein, don't we all think that island an island
no more?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Really?
Speaker 5 (14:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
See that's shady as well.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
Yeah, you feel like island today.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Really Wow, Well there's no nothing weird there.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Only mister Beast has an island.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Oh that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Yeah, I bet.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
I bet they're like buying remember when everyone's buying stars. Yeah,
I bet they're like that, Like there's just little dots
everywhere that you.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Yeah, and there's a limited number.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
And with the polar ice cap smelting, the rising, less islands.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Less islands, red skin yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Also with the income inequality, just more people can afford
to buy an island and less people can afford to
live on that island that they're going to buy.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah, who is going to run the island? Who's going
to change your sheets? Who's going to iron your sheets?
That's what rich people do. They have people iron their sheets.
That's something that I only had one time when I
was on a yacht and it felt totally stupid to
me to do.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
But I saw these women ironing sheets on a yacht.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Like it's just But I can't wait to be a
part of that now.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
And that's where my life is.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
So we'll come back to the show, but I am
going to be different. So we're gonna go on a break.
But I'm gett even gonna change in.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
The next five minutes after these commercials, So stay with us.
Speaker 5 (15:05):
We'll be back at the day.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
We're What are you Last night? What did we do?
Speaker 2 (15:20):
We went to dinner with Rachel. Rachel Finzein and I
went to dinner at Nobu and we show up and
we're both wearing the same blazer that we both got
from a Cynthia Rally show that we did. She had
like comedians on this New York Fashion Week show a
couple of years ago, and they like, let us go
to their showroom and pick out stuff, and Rachel and
I both picked out like this oversized pin and stripe blazer.
(15:41):
And last night we showed up at dinner and this
was like a year and a half ago, two years
ago that we did this, and we both were wearing
the same blazer, and it felt I've never felt more.
We were so happy to be wearing the same thing.
That's a really magical moment in a girl's life. To
best friends who would don'tee each other. We only see
each other five times a year.
Speaker 6 (15:59):
I was I was so happy that you guys went
to dinner. But I was really jealous because I've always said,
if I could you know when the people are like,
if you go to dinner with five people, who would
the five people be? And I would be like, I
want five Rachel Feinstein's.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah, well she there was. It was so fun.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
And then Andrew joined us about forty five minutes and
dropped in and yeah it was. She's so fucking funny.
Speaker 5 (16:18):
Yeah, she's the best.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
She really is, and.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
She's nice and she could like I was like, Rachel,
I really want to talk to you about like like
I want to go deep with you, like I want
to like I want to talk about everything. I go,
can you are you cool with Andrew Cumming? Like can
you get talk like that? And she's like, yeah, I
don't care, like she just she'll I like that. She
I like when people are like if I vouch for someone,
well she already knows you. But if I vouch for
someone like their a vault, you can be honest with them.
(16:41):
They'll be just as honest about their life that they
trust me and go, yeah, he can hear about my
marriage or my kids or my insecurities, but like whatever
it is.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
And she has a special coming out on Netflix.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Yeah maybe twenty first called big Guy. Big Guy one
of my favorite comedians of all time. Watch our specials.
Support female comedy. It's not even female comedy. It's like
the best. She's so fucking funny. But yeah, big Guy
on Netflix. I can't wait for even the trailer to
come out. I'm so excited.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
But yeah, we had a.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Netflix has amazing trailers too. I feel like sometimes the
trailers are better than the show really often.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Yeah, because I asked her, I go watch, let me
see your trailer, shees.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I don't think they do trailers.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Well, they do it on YouTube.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Yeah, oh okay. I think they just do clips and I go,
you have a trailer.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Well, I don't know how those No, I don't know
how the stand up specials go. But for regular shows,
they'll do a trailer about a week a month before,
a week before. Yeah, and they're almost half the time
they're better than the show. Like, the trailers are so good,
Like if I can just watch I used to go
to the gym and like on the screen there there
was a trailer channel. Sometimes you just watch movie trailers
while running. And if I could just watch Netflix trailers,
(17:45):
I could do a full workout.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Wow are they so? They're different than like movie trailers?
You feel like that you.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Would see it.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
They're similar, they're similar, but it just pumps you up
for the show, and the show could never live up
to the two because it's like highlights yeah and set.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
To a song.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Like all the cuts are hitting, like when the beat
kicks it like it's.
Speaker 6 (18:04):
There's some like non sequiturs where you're like, you know,
you're just doing kind of funny things and you're it
kind of draws you and you're like, what is she
doing here?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (18:11):
What's this direct?
Speaker 2 (18:12):
And a lot of I've gotten a lot of compliments
on the trailer actually from people from people who like
know what they're talking about.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
I was like, oh, that's so nice.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
But yeah, I mean I've uh one time, I've I've
talked about a million times. But my favorite movie is
the Social Network trailer. Yeah, it's the it's it's the greatest.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Oh no, no, no, it was. It's not that it's I'm.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
A creep oh yeah yeah.
Speaker 6 (18:38):
Then and it's like boys choir, yes, and it's scorse trailer.
Oh so good, And David Fincher was like, hey, who
can direct the trailer to my movie?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
It's oh my god, it's like a music and it's
weird that music videos aren't really getting like their short form,
like why why are they dead?
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Because there's nowhere to with them? It's just on.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Videos YouTube, but there's tons of places music video.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
There's nowhere to put video content anymore.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
There's where there's nowhere not to put video content.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
It can be any I.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
Feel like music is TikTok is just trailers for songs.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Oh really?
Speaker 5 (19:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (19:18):
Yeah, you're getting like tell.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Me, like what's going on there? And like what do
you spend your like what's your algorithm?
Speaker 4 (19:26):
I have golf, I have random people getting knocked out.
Speaker 5 (19:30):
On crime faces. I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Is there a genre of girls with amazing asses going
up to drive, like going up to drive? Yeah there are, Yeah,
they're always like these fit girls that like you just
look at.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Their still camera from behind while they're swinging and it's
really look at my swing, but it's really look at
my ass.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Yes, it couldn't be more clear to look at their
like it's just so I'm almost swing.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Isn't that good?
Speaker 5 (19:57):
Well they don't even have a club in there?
Speaker 1 (20:01):
What and so what out? Like what are you?
Speaker 4 (20:04):
There's some musicians that you wantn't know that I know,
are gonna blow up Jake Jill Maybe, oh yeah, Benson Boone,
this Benson Boone, so you Benson Benson Boone.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
When the song goes viral and it becomes trending on TikTok,
then that song becomes the number one song on Spotify.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
But people only will know.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Like these artists are saying that they'll go and they'll
play the show, and everyone shows up and they just
sing the one fifteen second part of the song that's
from the TikTok.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Yeah, that could happen.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
The song.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Yeah, they just repeat it seven times.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Sometimes a good thing is sometimes it digs into the
past and resurrects a song that we all loved, Like
it happened to Billy Joel with a couple of his songs.
And there was that song that just that just got played,
that was actually played at the Tom Brady Roast after party.
It would never have been played if it did not
trend on TikTok. It's I forgot the guy's name, but
it's a you want to know where I've been, I've
(20:57):
been trying to I can't.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Sing yeah, yeah, okay, don't so yeah no, I don't.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
Think Yeah, I know it's a white guy that everyone
used to think was black because his voice sounded so
much like a soul singer.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Know, it's so good.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
I have a song that is out now on Spotify
and iTunes or songs. It's coming out tonight, I think
as we're shooting this, but like it's out now when
people are listening to this.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
It's called Someday You'll Die. It's on Spotify. Besties know
about it.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
They've heard about it since the inception of it. They've
been awaiting it. There's no bestie listening right now to
the podcast who hasn't heard the song already, even you know,
I play it during my lives, so they're well aware.
So tell your friends, put it on your playlist, share
it with people. Tim this morning, Tim Convey, your brother
who wrote the song with me and helped produce or
it did produce. He sent me a lyric video that
(21:51):
was made, but it's using all it's really cool that
they did it, but it's using all like stock footage
for every line. So it's like I get a text,
I'm my best friend, and it's like a girl in
bed getting a text, and then it's like, but I
can't get out of bed, and she like can't get
out of bed, and it's like it's all stocks see
and say yes, and it just it feels like I
was like, can we just say this was made by
(22:12):
chat GBT, Like I don't want to say that I
paid anyone to do this because it's not good. It's
not like there's nothing artistic about but I appreciate that
it was made. But then there's also like, he goes,
what ideas do you have for a lyric video? Can
we still just use lyrics and maybe just put up
a picture? But the like the fonts or even like
live laugh love a little bit, like they try to
do funny things with the fonts, And I'm like, it
was a nice effort and I appreciate it, but I
(22:33):
don't and I don't know the answer to what a
lyric video should be. But my idea I think I'm
gonna shoot today is just me writing it and then
we just because I like watching people write with like
a cool marker like this is satisfied.
Speaker 5 (22:45):
You like walking through a field? I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I would do a still shot of me walking down
sunset singing the whole entire thing without without stopping.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
That's a good idea.
Speaker 5 (22:58):
Something like that.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
I mean, that's how those go to Hollywood Forever Cemetery
and walk through that.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Because someday you'll die.
Speaker 5 (23:05):
Yeh okay, they were on something.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Okay.
Speaker 6 (23:08):
Forrest Lawn, I went to Forest Lawn Cemetery. It was
like the most depressing thing I've ever listen to. This,
this is so bad, So I can't I shouldn't even
tell this. It's too bad down like so okay, I
tell you. It was right before Easter, and I kind
of like cemetery. So I was walking through and uh,
like I think, like anyway, walking through, and I'm just
(23:29):
like looking at at different like gravestones, and they were
decorated for Easter. So anything that was decorated for Easter.
I was like, Oh, these people, there's something current about this,
and I would be kind of curious, so I'd go along.
And I saw a gravestone of a kid that was
has been dead for forty years and it was decorated
with all of So somebody who's been coming for forty
(23:50):
years and decorating the gravestone and the kid was only
alive for six days.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
WHOA.
Speaker 5 (23:56):
So that person was going there at least every Easter
and putting like children decorations. It was like, yeah, it
was like touching.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Yeah, like absolutely, God's.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
Also the day that Jesus came back to life, right yeah,
but you so maybe it'll work.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
Yeah, you had to like do a double take reading that.
It just probably it just said like May eleven through
May seventeen.
Speaker 6 (24:17):
Yeah, it was like August like nineteen eighty two to
like August sixth, nineteen eighty. Yeah, it's like August eleventh,
nineteen eighty two. And you're like, oh my god.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Well I've been doing this joke on stage more in.
Speaker 5 (24:29):
Six days than you did in six minutes. You know,
it was close, it's closed. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I wonder for longer. Yeah, I wonder when I did Yeah,
well done, kid, well done, kiddy flowers.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
But uh no, I di I do this joke about
how people think their kid's gonna like we like, no
one really needs your kids, stop having them, and we
we get it. You think your kid's gonna cure cancer,
but it's more likely your kids will get cancer. And
I and I go, and that always doesn't do well
because people picture kids with cancer and that's sad. But
it is actually more likely that your kid, as a kid,
(25:02):
will get cancer. It's just statistics. Then cure cancer, it's
one hundred percent, it's infinitely, infinitely more likely. That's just true,
but it is offensive and it makes people sad. So
now I go, it's more likely that you're your kid's
not gonna cure cancer. It's probably gonna get cancer at
some point in its lifetime when it is an old person.
And then I go, because that's more palatable than saying
it they're getting cancer as a kid, isn't it. And
(25:22):
then that now gets a laugh because I'm calling out
like for some reason, both are true and both are sad,
but like it's just so much like I find them
very special. Uh No, that joke isn't in special, but
the version I'm telling now will probably be in the
next special because now it's working because I'm addressing the
thing that is uncomfortable about it and now making a
joke out of that.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
It's crazy because you're special.
Speaker 6 (25:43):
You had like an hour and forty five minutes a
material going in and so much of it got cut.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah it was it was too too much to take
too much things. But the next special, I'm approaching at
Rose style six minutes at a time.
Speaker 5 (26:00):
Oh, wow, on it all trailers. I love that trailers
love it.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Settleman. Sorry, Oh that's a guy I went to high school.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
I have got a lot of Edelmans in my wife,
and you're they're all gay, very common name, I think.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Actually Alex Edelman is bisexual.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
So he came out for his special.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Yes special, he's back. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (26:30):
Netflix wouldn't give him one unless he was interesting.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Do you think if you get kid cancer, though, and
you die, you get you're more like people will show
up for forty years? Would you rather have that? Or
die of cancer at an old age and and people
show up.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
For I don't care because I'm dead, so I'd like
to live longer.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Yeah, living longer is better.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Yeah, that'd be really sad if you just had to
wait by your grave after you died, all the time
waiting for people to come by, Like you're just sitting
there being like I hope someone stops by.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
I've never been to my grandparents grave.
Speaker 5 (27:00):
Thing.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
You should go. It actually feels nice to do it.
Speaker 5 (27:02):
I love going to I don't know where it is.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
Yeah, Actually, my one grandpa got buried in a cemetery
and apparently they just put more bodies. They them, they
stacked them up and we didn't like, it's no way
us spooning somebody forever.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
Yeah that's crazy, Well not really. I mean the the
their body biodegrades after like you know, eight years, well
they're bones, and that the bones are still lasts longer
yet longer.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yeah, sometimes there's mummified things like you see bones of
like the bones like people are sacrificed and they put
them in like a crazy like they're two people cradling
each other. I want to be buried, like in a
fetal like that would be cool to Like my bones
are like so they think something I was like bludgeoned
to death by someone, even though so in my casket
I'm like crumpled so that when aliens discover me, they go,
(27:52):
what happened on this bitch?
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (27:53):
I like that. I want to be like blowing myself myself.
Yeah yeah I could actually.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Because all of your muscle isn't stopping you, Like what's
stopping you from I guess your spine or is it
your fascia?
Speaker 5 (28:07):
My big enough?
Speaker 4 (28:10):
I mean, when it really comes down to it, enough, Yeah,
I just.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Can't someone who was able to touch their mouth to it.
There was some person I remember that.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Was like, well, there was like a rumor going around.
I forgot who it was where someone got a rib removed.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Who was We had a joke about it the other
day because I was going to talk about how Kim
Kardashian like took quite a beating that night. But then
the next night she was at the met Gallon. She
was wearing a corset that was so painful looking. I
mean literally, her waist was the size of her neck.
It was no difference that small, and we were talking
about like she had a rib removed, like Marilyn Manson,
she either wanted to fit in the dresser or she
wanted to suck. Marilyn Manson's like, removing your.
Speaker 4 (28:49):
Rib kind of makes sense because then they could like
bond over, you know, but.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
She would never because he's so white, was our joke.
He's the whitest white person makeup.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Yeah, oh that's true.
Speaker 5 (29:03):
Yeah I don't know. Yeah, he doesn't go full.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
But there are cemeteries all across this world that are
just like forgotten. Like you think there's some permanence in
being buried in a cemetery and there's like cemeteries from
the Civil War that are just covered up by a
mall or just unmarked graves everywhere. Like you really can't
step on a place on Earth where someone hasn't been
laid to rest.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Right, I mean it makes sense. There's so many more
dead people than they are alive people.
Speaker 6 (29:27):
Well, how do you like, Okay, when when it's all
over for Brian, what do you want to happen to
That's a great question.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Remains frozen and then resurrected the technology.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Yeah, we don't talk about Brian's death.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
It's not it's not a thing that happens now.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
My dad, though we've talked about this, he's interested in
a haunted forest. These are trees that have a little
sack underneath of them where you can put the body
in the sack so that it helps a tree grow,
and then the tree is the thing you go see
and not the gravestone. And in a bunch of trees
like this, it's they call it a haunted four.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Oh god, that's so gross to think of, like a
crumpled body like in a.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
Saxon your energy or whatever.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
You're Yeah, I don't mind being thrown into the ground.
Just no casket.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Like the worms get you quicker and you become part
of the earth. I like that better than being like
it's going to take billions of millennia to go through
the wood and the shellac on the wood and then
the like, it won't.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
Take billions of millennial you'll you'll biodegrade inside that coffin.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
I don't care what the fuck happens. I literally, I've
talked about this before. If you are someone who wants
to fuck dead people, I'll give my body to Necker Felix.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
I don't care if you fuck me.
Speaker 5 (30:37):
I don't care. Hey, what would be the difference?
Speaker 1 (30:41):
It doesn't I was gonna say the smell, but I
don't even know about that. When it happened, I think
I might be wetter. Involving fluid might be.
Speaker 5 (31:01):
Biggest special ever.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Oh my god, that's so funny.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
A plus plus clip it, clip it, Yes, that's clipped.
You're getting clipped, brother.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
But what do you want? What do you want to happen.
Speaker 6 (31:18):
To your bod strapped to a chair donated to the
military and shot at. Just give it to science. Science,
Just do whatever science wants to do. If it can,
like help a kid learn how to do surgery or
it doesn't.
Speaker 5 (31:35):
I don't care.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
Well, you can't choose that when you donate it to science,
you don't know where it's going to go. You might
wind up getting strapped to a thing and shot with
a missile.
Speaker 6 (31:42):
But like I said, I don't care. Yeah, it's like
whatever is useful.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
They might study nacophilia.
Speaker 5 (31:48):
I would like to be useful.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
They might do a study with me, want to corpses
and that might be science.
Speaker 5 (31:53):
Couldn't care less.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Yeah, I don't care either.
Speaker 5 (31:57):
That'll be used.
Speaker 6 (31:58):
But you know what I do, even though I feel
that way, Like in movies where people have to like
like recover the body from like a war field, I
always find that very moving.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Sure, yeah, and you know what, second thought on this,
I do like the idea of a ashes spreading thing,
Like I think that's very beautiful and I think that
I would want that gift for my family and friends
to like have a closure moment like that. And there's
just something about being lowered into the ground that is
so sad and being kept Like I would like a
(32:31):
place for them to go to like remember me and
visit because I think that is important, Like a gravestone
and maybe put a little bit of the ashes in that,
but then the rest of the ashes, I don't know
where you'd scatter it over the fucking Kia forum.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
I'll tell you that.
Speaker 5 (32:44):
Okay, where would you where would you want ashes? Right now?
Because you let's say you could do it like a
few places. What about Taylor.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Swists, Rhode Island Beach House Now I would say probably. God,
that's such a good question right now. Maybe like my
childhood home, like the like Cincinnati, Cincinnati, like the little
like in like the little wooded area on the side.
I think it's not even there, but like in the
front yard where I used to run around as a
(33:11):
little girl. Like I think that's I'm almost getting choked
up thinking about it, Like that's like a that seems nice,
even though I haven't been back there since I was six.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Yeah, what about it? Seems I don't know where were
scattering them? About?
Speaker 3 (33:24):
What are you doing up there?
Speaker 4 (33:25):
You can put my ashes, I think, inside a dildo
and give it to Burno, give her.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Not the plan.
Speaker 4 (33:31):
Yeah, finally I can have a red penis for something
like special to me. I hear up almost thinking about
about it. It's crazy, what money I've got everything like.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Your childhood home.
Speaker 5 (33:44):
Yeah. Remember I used to run around, cut that, clip it.
Speaker 4 (33:51):
I mean I don't know, clip it, cut cut it out,
burn it, running around.
Speaker 5 (33:58):
I'm dead autism. I think I have it. I yeah,
I don't know. I I get scared about cremation. I don't.
For some reason, I.
Speaker 4 (34:06):
Still think I could feel it.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Yeah, I'm crazier. You should be scared about getting lowered
into the ground too. Then it's really cold.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Oh.
Speaker 5 (34:12):
I had to do that for my grandpa.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Actually, that was the one I never you did go
one time.
Speaker 5 (34:17):
Just to dig it years before he died.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
Get up kill his watch.
Speaker 5 (34:23):
That was a present that I stole from my aunt.
She doesn't know she's deaf, so she really is like
clip it, clip it.
Speaker 4 (34:35):
Don't do captions, captions if anything, turn it down a little.
Speaker 5 (34:40):
You never know, so I.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Might just started hearing if it's loud enough.
Speaker 5 (34:47):
You really do know. She got a lot of money.
You know, she gets a lot of money. You never know. Science.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
I had to shovel in the Jewish religion. You have
to literally put the.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Dirty everyone takes.
Speaker 5 (34:58):
Ah.
Speaker 4 (34:59):
That was yeah, you know, just like hearing it hit
the cast.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
We all got to we send in the line and
each got to do a thing.
Speaker 5 (35:09):
Oh really, it was cool.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
It's a nice tradition. Yeah, you guys got some good ones.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
And then you also like let people you have like
what's the morning? Yeah, the morning, yeah, yeah, that's really
that's nice too.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
Brings you food for a week.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
It's like the.
Speaker 2 (35:24):
Paid leave for a postpartum, paid leave of like of death.
I feel like where it's like we take a little
bit more time to I don't know why it's I'm
comparing it to that, but some people like to give
you no time.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
They're just like, come back to work because child is
a huge death, death to your body.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Yes, yes, I do think that sometimes all the time,
but some people want it.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
It was funny my grandpa got buried and then my
grandma died like eight years later and got buried next
to him, and I could just imagine him being so pissed,
Oh my god that day, Like he's like, you know,
I'm banging Hooters girls in heaven and now Grandma Salma, Yeah,
I'm home movin.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Louis has a bit about that. I'm like, why are
you He's good. We've touched on a couple of things
and I'm like Louis has that bit too, Like I
always got.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
The bit about getting sucked as a body.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Yeah, like a medical student just gets an They just
put an f on you and just slide you down
a fucking shoes.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
Yeah, Grandma, they put an F plus on it. And
then there's the fucking the dead body. He's like, I
want my body to be like the Willy Wonka, like
someone comes out and you can come on my back
and pretend I am your father.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
Yes that I don't know that song. And until ticktock
brought it back.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yeah, well Timothy Shalloman brought back watch that chocolate.
Speaker 5 (36:46):
I don't have to get it.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
It's not good.
Speaker 5 (36:48):
Literally, I'm not even kidding.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
I felt the joke bubbling in you, and I had
to get it, Like I literally felt it physically, the
joke in your like stern them.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
That's so funny.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
I my grandma actually when so, my grandpa died probably
ten years before she did, and you know, for the
first five years, it was like, I can't wait to
see Grandpa like my husband again. And then she started
getting dogs, like she got senior dogs. They would just
give her dogs and then they would die and she
would and then at the end of her life, she
was like, I can't wait to see my dogs and
I would be I literally was like, what about Grandpa
(37:25):
And she was like, I'm good, Like I had a
really good time with him while he was here, Like
she was like he was kind of an asshole, like
kind of grumpy. She was constantly like catering to him,
and it was like, it's a different It was a
marriage of the forties, so like that's what it was.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
So she was like, no, I don't.
Speaker 5 (37:40):
Really want to have like one hundred kids together.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
They had so many, ten kids and five miscarriages. Nancy, Jimmy, Michael, Julie,
tom Or, Peggy, Chucky, Bobbies, Patty, Sally, Mom and Dad.
Speaker 5 (37:49):
Wow, Yeahgy that time I did it.
Speaker 6 (37:51):
Peggy, Yeah, your grandparents. It sounds like they all died
like many years apart. It sounds like they never even.
Speaker 5 (37:56):
Loved each other, because we all know that if they
love each other, they die with.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Oh yes, that's exact sign. Okay, we're gonna go to
break and come back with more after this. All right,
we're back in the final stages of the show.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
I don't know, Yeah it did quick.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
I gotta go do three more podcasts. Today, I'm doing
a comedy Bang Bang.
Speaker 5 (38:17):
This is wild.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
You're doing a tour of the world here. I can't imagine.
This week is so packed. You you usually when you
come to l A, you pack it with podcasts. You
try to make it was already packed. Already it was packed,
and now you're adding all this other It's like every
five minutes, it's a new podcast you have to go to.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
Yes, I got booked on Seth Myers, which was last week.
I'm doing that next week. And then the John Mlaney
thing just came through. But that's John Mulaney show is
going to be. There's no preparation for it. I don't
have to have a bit prepared. You just go out
and you just laugh. Sure, and that's that's the joy.
Speaker 5 (38:47):
I mean, you're gonna be so good on it too.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
Because I love the show. So it's nice to be
a fan of a show you're going into. I want
to watch Last Nights. But yeah. I saw Nate Pargazzi
the other night and he was like, I just got
done with the Milaniy thing. He's like, you know, you
just go out there. You just don't even know what's
gonna happen. There's really nothing you can do. And it
was just like it was like, Okay, that's just what
I need to hear. Is like I was when he
was saying that, I was like, oh, now I want
to do.
Speaker 5 (39:09):
It because it's just those situations.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Yes, I love no prep.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Yes, I like no reviewing, what we're gonna go over,
not having to hit our marks. Oh and then it's done.
I love that he said on his first show, like
the show is never going to find its groove. Yes,
so funny because that's it's such an insider term too.
Speaker 5 (39:27):
That happens with all these TV shows like you're like,
you know, Jimmy, TV shows.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Like like Nicky and Sarah Right, yeah, not safe. They
never felt they weren't allowed to last long enough to
find what they are.
Speaker 6 (39:40):
Like even you watch early Conan's and it took them
a little while to find their groove.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
And when they couldn't believe it lasted, Oh my god.
That I really recommend watching or listening to. Obviously, I
recommended Hot Ones Conan, which was amazing and one of
the best pieces of comedy ever. And then they had
that he has on Doctor Arroyo, his doctor from Hot
Ones on for a segment on his podcast, and it's
on YouTube. Just type in doctor Arroyo. It is so
(40:07):
it's so funny. It's just like the comments underneath, which
you know, comments helped me determine how I feel about it,
are like this is a twenty minute masterclass in improv.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
It's just it's really really good.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
Right on hot Ones.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
It was so subtle, just like the subtle.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
I was tricked. At the beginning. I was like, this
is this is it's a real doctor because he was
so not purposely funny seeming that I was like, maybe
this is a real guy who just doesn't know what
to say. Yeah, And obviously by the end of it.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
On the interview, he goes, you know, we just have
to talk about some of your practices that you established
during the hot Ones episode. People have questions, you know,
when you took my pulse, you seem to be choking
my neck, and he goes, I thought you wanted me
to actually take your pulse away.
Speaker 6 (40:50):
Nicky was like, you know what you like, we were
like going to sleep, and I was like, oh, Nicky's
probably asleep by now, and then.
Speaker 5 (40:55):
She just kept laughing, and for like fifteen.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Minutes, I can never do that, Like, I'm never like
cracking up the things I'm listening to as I'm going
to bed, but I couldn't. I was like gasping. There's
one where he goes, and then when you were checking
you had me stick on my tongue at one point
and checked my like tongue with the with the heart monitor,
and he said, yeah, well that's how we did it.
I needed to hear if there was any screaming going on,
(41:20):
like you're talking about that. He goes, and it was dead.
Your tongue was dead, so it was good. And he goes, well,
usually one would put that device on my chest to
hear my heartbeat. And he just goes, oh, the idea
of a heart It's just these subtle things that you're like,
where are you even going up?
Speaker 1 (41:37):
And that was so funny.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
It's really there's so many more moments that are just
so great to listen to.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
But what do you guys.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Got you're yourself now?
Speaker 2 (41:51):
I am a little bit, but it is it is. Uh,
it's a good it's it is a good week to
be me.
Speaker 5 (42:00):
Lazier.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
No, I thought you're gonna go third person. You might
get there.
Speaker 5 (42:06):
Nikki's feeling all right, Nikki.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
I thought Nikki's gotta finish up the show. Yeah, no,
I don't think I'll get to that. I uh, it
does feel good though, to you know. Kim Kardashian DMed
me yesterday.
Speaker 4 (42:20):
What it feels like the lottery for like every morning
You're like, what is gonna?
Speaker 1 (42:24):
I know?
Speaker 5 (42:24):
What did Kim say?
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Kim was so nice and wrote, I mean I could
read our conversation verbatim.
Speaker 5 (42:31):
I think I will, But aren't you not supposed to
do that? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (42:33):
But I just feel like, yeah, I won't. I won't.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
I did it last night on stage, but it wasn't
like a taping. But because she didn't say anything that
would be ever weird, like you just.
Speaker 5 (42:43):
Said how amazing you weren't how funny?
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Like if she would get offended by Like I was
thinking about this, I was like, maybe I shouldn't have
done that, And I go, well, if if she would
get offended by me reading that, Like she's got to
know that if she said something to me, I would
not do that with something that was not good, you know,
like she I hope she trusts me that I'm not
just reading this because she sent me something. It's like
I discerned that it was something that is readable, but
I do I knew that. I know that there is
a part of her that's probably like this pitch'll just
(43:07):
read anything I send her, which I would not do, Kim,
if you ever hear this.
Speaker 4 (43:10):
But yeah, I remember she wrote like Kanye had p Diddy, Yes, right,
and now when she wrote something like that something like that,
I can't remember exactly.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
She just said a great job, which she had.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
I mean, she had to like write a Nikki like
she had to type it in like I'm thinking about
like her like beautiful nails, clicking on it like typing nikki,
Oh is.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
It two k's or one?
Speaker 2 (43:31):
Like yeah, and then she had to go to it
and then she had to go to like mess like
it's like a lot of things that I was just like, oh.
And then she just wrote me a really nice message
saying congrats. And then I was like, no you Yeah,
I said, I was trying to make eye contact with
you the whole damn show because I wanted to tell
you you fucking killed and you like you were just
so impressive, and I said, which was no surprise because
(43:53):
of how elite your SNL monologue was but you really
killed it. And I'm and she was like, I don't
know how you do that. It's like it's it's low
key abuse or something like. She was like, it's abuse,
and I go, you do know how I did it
because you did it. I go, you did it too,
and you did it so well. And then she was
like she hearted that, and I just wrote like she
(44:14):
said something else, and I said, we are brave.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Exclamation mark, and she hearted it.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
So that was the end of it, right, But like, yeah,
but you know, ironic thing. The ironic thing is is
that so many times people call that family not talented,
like why are they famous? And I didn't even think
about that kind of notion about them, even though I
literally read jokes about Kim that were pitched to me
this week to maybe do that we're like addressing that
(44:38):
they don't have talent, and I literally wrote in that
like you are so talented, because that was talented to
be able to. First of all, whatever happened at the beginning,
which by the way, the boo I met someone who
knows who started it and they were starting.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
It as a joke.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Wow, and it caught fire like it just like it
was a gasoline over the crowd and a little bit
of both, because they were just ready to boot, Like
it could have been anyone that wasn't that is like
associated with.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
That kind of part of our pop culture.
Speaker 5 (45:06):
Sure were.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
They were booing like football teams and stuff too that
were anti Patriots.
Speaker 1 (45:10):
I thought it might be a swift rid.
Speaker 3 (45:12):
I booed Tom because he said fuck the cults. I
booed him. I was the only one booish, sure.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
Like that was the kind of night it was.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
It was boo heavy, but like she got fucked on
that boo and it was some comedian, some asshole comedian
that did it as a joke and didn't expect her
to catch on, and it wasn't because I thought it
was a swifty thing. Like I was like disappointed on
behalf of Swifties, for like, if that's what this is about.
But I think it was just got out of hand.
It was just people being jealous obviously of her fame
and her power and all the like.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
That was what it was. But for her to like not.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
Address it but kind of like look like a little
disappointed like that, she just handled it so well and
then she sat there the rest of the fucking show.
She went up like almost right after me. I think
there was one after me, and then she went up.
That's a long She sat there for two hours whenever.
A lot of people that made appearances in the crowd
left after their appearances. They didn't want to say the
whole show because they had other shit to do. Kim
Kardashians other shit to do. She had to go to
(46:01):
the Metcala the next day. She probably flew the Red Eye,
but she sat there and waited for Tom Brady's set,
and I thought that was really.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
Cool of her.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
You can think what you want about Kim, but in
order to get that famous, you need to have talent.
You can't get that famous. There's a lot of hot,
rich girls who are not as famous as Kim Kardashian,
and it's because they don't have the talent that she does.
It's just impossible to do.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
And just because the talent doesn't look like singing or
dancing or acting or whatever you think it does like
it is about sustaining a public image, captivating. It takes
hard work to look at interesting.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
Is a talent being yes, doing things like just not
making mistakes at public appearances, and you know planning and
your whole public image. Her whole job is to cultivate
a public image. Yes, and that's a talent and that.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
Comes from her.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
Yes, she might hire people to help her with her image,
but she's hiring those people. She's the taste maker at
the top. So I will never I'll always be in
her sight. That ass that like, no, I mean that
the body.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
Is insane, and that asked that that.
Speaker 5 (47:05):
But what's your public image? Mine? Guy to eats chicken
salad with his hands.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
And with that we have to go.
Speaker 5 (47:18):
Cultivated you so much. That happened before I would hope.
So my.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
Story, ever was when one day I got us tie food.
We were our hotel room. We only had one hotel room.
The other one wasn't clean yet, so we were just
hanging in the hotel room before.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
Night of shows.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
The ty Food arrives. There's no utensils. I go down
to go get some and I come back up and
he is using the ice tongs, which is as.
Speaker 5 (47:52):
Yeah, yeah, but it was just.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
It's a big but I always uses the coffee stirs,
use a shop stet and that really does work.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
But that was the next level and I loved it.
But yeah, hands. I've seen a lot.
Speaker 4 (48:05):
Yeah, tongs is a strong move because they're on there.
Speaker 5 (48:09):
I don't know. I guess they use them with ice.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
The huh tom Brady, Tom Brady, that's what we're calling you.
Speaker 1 (48:16):
Okay, gotta go. Don't be killing you guys. Check me out.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
I'm gonna be in Vegas this weekend with David Spade,
tons of torn Eidsnicky Glazer dot com. There's the song.
There's a special spread the word. I love you guys
so much, love you, busties. I'll never get big enough
for you. I promise a lot of besties have been like, please,
don't change, never forget us.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
I would never. I love you.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
Don't be calling and I would never just texting Kim
K right now?
Speaker 5 (48:39):
Yeah, KIMK who.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
You're my only best I love you guys. Okay, see
you
Speaker 1 (49:00):
Four
The Nicky Glaiser podcastser.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's the
Nicky Laser Podcast. I'm in Los Angeles. Uh still, I
am joined by three of my favorite people of all time.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Brian Franngie is here.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Hey, Brian, Hello, We're gonna we should clap for everybody,
just like they do on the Pat McAfee show.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Oh yeah, I just.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
That's why I'm wearing all this cold skiers. That's so fun,
all of you being on the Pat McAfee.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
It was so fun.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
We'll talk about it because it came out of nowhere,
and it only came out because I reached out to
you guys. And then Chris Convey is here, Welcome back. Yeah,
Chris conby everyone, and really that's a good, fun.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Fun And then Chris gets applause.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Yeah, it does feel good. And then Andrew Colin. Everyone
back to the show. Andrew Colin, welcome.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Back, good to be back. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
So I reached out to you guys because I was like,
I forget who said it to me. But oh, I
was at a podcast yesterday. We're here to help. Maybe
it was them. I forget who I apologized whoever told
me like, you need to like go hard in the
sports world. What do all the sports shows?
Speaker 1 (01:17):
I think it was.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Joe Jack Johnson, not Jack Johnson. What's his name over there,
Jake Johnson.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
So sorry, Jake.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I love you so much. I've never loved anyone more
than Jake Johnson. I've been talking about him all like,
I can't get over how great he is. But he
was like, you need to spin this into something bigger,
like you, you got to capitalize on this, get the
word out on all the sports shows. So I texted
all of you being like, what are the shows I
should do? And Pat McAfee show is the one? Number
one you guys each all of you said number one.
Speaker 5 (01:45):
I knew those guys would love you. Yeah, I mean
it was.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
It was so much fun and I just did it
and they had me on. You always know it's a
good segment when they have you planned before they go
it'll be a fifteen minute segment and then you're looking
and it's like, oh, it's been.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Thirty for over thirty minutes.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yeah, it was awesome.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
I was sitting outside this building just like, uh, just
watching it on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Nice. Yeah, it was really fun. And and then you
buzzed in.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yeah, and that's the end of the story that I
have nothing more to say than you got in the building.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Walk up the stairs, two flights.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Okay, nice.
Speaker 5 (02:21):
You killed it, man, Yeah, you killed it on that.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
But you guys all helped me.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I mean, I was Brian texted me a slew of
things that I should talk about because you were a
fan of the show.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
And I mean, I love Pat McAfee, I love the cults.
I love Pat McAfee. I'm so proud that Pat McAfee
is like the number one sports analysts in the world
and he was a cult.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Oh he's so I mean, I just had that conversation
with him, and he was so fun and easy to
talk to.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
You were amazing on it. It was perfect. You set
the perfect tone. You told a bunch of jokes. They
were laughing, and it's perfect for that show, like they
have a bunch of you know, hockey analysts, and then
general manager. You you followed a general manager who also
was a fan of your by the way, Oh really yeah,
and the same team, the Bucks.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Well, I gotta come down Florida. Maybe that's my team too.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I got to pick a team, so that that. And
then Andrew this morning was texting me a ton of jokes.
We were like, maybe gonna roast Pat a little bit. Yeah,
you had some funny ones. I don't even want to
say him because I feel like I love Pat so much.
I know he did not ask for it, so we'll
we'll leave those out of there. But we had some
really good joke.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
He did not seem like he wanted to be roasting.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
No, and you know what, like some people, I'm the
same way, don't fucking ever. Anya still talks about a
day on tour like years ago where she was roasting you,
I guess Andrew, and she goes and Andrew's like, I'll
come back at you, and she was like, come back
at me. Let's see what you got. And Andrew said
something that like she can't I'm not even gonna say
what it was because she can't stop seeing it, and
(03:50):
it's like literally affected herself esteem for the rest of
her life.
Speaker 5 (03:53):
Yes, I wrote it month before.
Speaker 6 (03:57):
Every time Andrew sees somebody, he's like, well, if I
have to roast somebody, it was.
Speaker 4 (04:01):
It's because I was like the small little Jewish kid
on the bus that was always picked on. So I
had to. It was so easy to just be like jew,
you know, and then I couldn't. I didn't have anything,
like I had to like be creative.
Speaker 5 (04:12):
Right right.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
You can make fun of you for being Jewish, but
then for all the Protestants and stuff, you have to
come up with something about their personality.
Speaker 5 (04:18):
Exactly, do Bryant? I can't.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
My favorite, my favorite joke about being as a Jewish
person was Amy Schumer saying that they used to throw
pennies at her and call her, you know, jew and
throw pennies and then she'd go like what like screws McDuck,
like yes, like that is such a funny, but but yeah,
it's it's it's horrible to be roasted.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
I don't think anyone.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I would never I don't want it outside of that
kind of arena, Literally, I I don't.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I would never want it.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
I don't want to know anything about myself that anyone
thinks is negative. It's it's when anyone starts a sentence
like can I be honest with you? Or like hey,
I've been thinking can you sit down? Like can we talk?
I don't want because it's that to me is like
there's some criticism coming your way and I literally can't
handle it.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
Yeah, but I don't mind looks like making it looks.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Really like because why because you can change it.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
No, I I'm the most self deprecating. I mean, I
think it's hilarious to make fun of looks. I think
when it starts to get like, there's who you are,
who you are and likely yeah, yeah, achievements or work
ethic or my mom didn't love me, you'll never be
as good as your brother.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Yes, know, you're right.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I think looks for me are so much worse. Obviously,
it's just like what you kind of get your worth from,
I guess, but I can get hit in other ways
as well. But it's yeah, it's it's not it's not fun,
and I'm glad I'm out of the woods on that
where it's like the jokes that were made, I'm just
like kind of over already, you know, you move on.
Speaker 5 (05:55):
Yeah, like the one about you being old, Like it's fun.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
It's a good joke though, Yeah, it was so fun. Yeah,
it was really. I saw it in the prompter to.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Like right before he said, you know, he said, he's
talking about Bill Belichick dating a young girl, and he's like,
you coach, you need to date someone more your age,
uh like Nicky. Like the way he delivered it was
great too. And I saw like NICKI coming up and
I go, here it comes. And you even saw his
rehearsal set, and you you were what a good what
a team player you are because you had some insider information.
(06:25):
You did not deflate the balls for me because you
knew that Gronk was gonna call me old, but you
just said, hey, I saw Gronk set. He does have
a joke about you that tends to address the fact
that your age is a number.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Like you said. You weren't even saying like old. You
were like, your age is a number that is higher
than other numbers. And I was like like, and I
only read.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
It after like, but it was I like that you
like kind of had his back and were kind of
supportive of the roast environment where I'm not supposed to
know anything and you do have to.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
I love playing fair. I hate cheating. I will.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
That's why it kind of surprised me reading about Tom
and even having Tom admit that he cheated kind of
or saying no, it wasn't any mission plau deniability totally
because he's that was so fun. He could just say
you because his joke was like the investigation that you
guys put on to find out if I had deflated
these balls or knew about it, was you spent twenty
million dollars, pay me to million million dollars, I'll tell
(07:17):
you I did it. So he could just say I
was saying I would. I would just lie and say
I did it for twenty million dollars. That is his deniability,
but it's also could be taken as he admitted it,
which was a very I loved that joke because it
told that line.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Of what is he admitting a mission?
Speaker 1 (07:34):
I think it. I think we all know it was
because we he definitely didn't know.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
J Simpsons, I did. That's what it was totally.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Also like deflating footballs, really, is that like such a
huge deal?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
I guess in the scheme of things it's not.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
But if everyone is cheating I did, I probably would
cheat if I'm just to be fair with everyone else.
Speaker 5 (07:54):
We all know what they say.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
If wait, hold on, I know it once again. If
you if you're a cheating, you're not trying.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Basically is that it.
Speaker 5 (08:02):
If you ain't cheating, you ain't try.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
You've heard that, right, Bob Dylan had some line like that, No,
he really did Bob Dylan out of line.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Like fuck the Jets.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
I think, yeah, yeah, he said Tom Brady killed Anon Hernandez.
I think that's what Bob Dylan said, and I remember
he was out of Yeah, yeah, that was a Bob
Dylan lyric of his new B side.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Well.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I just found out doing John Mullaney's UH Live show,
which I was a fan like. I started out the
week being like a fan of it, being like, man,
I wish i could do that show and it's so funny,
like it never a million years would I be on
the Pat McAfee show to promote my special Someday You'll
Die that's coming out on Saturday, last Saturday, because you're
hearing this the week after, but this is the week,
(08:46):
but we're taping it the week before. And then also
John Mullaney's show, I was not in. John knows of
me were friendly and he's not. There's nothing, no reason
I would not ever be on that show if it
was in a long run. But they're only doing six
episodes and I'm gonna be and they just wrote me
this morning being like John wants to have you on.
Speaker 6 (09:04):
We're not gonna harp on because I'm sure you don't
want to. You don't want to get go too far
into this. But Nicky is continued to be the toast
of the town through this whole week. Like, I'm sure
you guys, because everybody knows you guys are very close
to Nicky as well. I'm sure people are texting you
about how great Nicky was.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Not gain one single text.
Speaker 5 (09:21):
I texted Brian, She's overrated.
Speaker 6 (09:25):
I'm still getting things like pouring in being like I
just saw the roast.
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Nikki was the best.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
It's to the point where if you didn't text me
and you're like a friend of like, it's weird. It's
like nothing like that. There's no birth you can skip
my birthdays. People can forget my birthdays. They can forget
me getting if I get have a baby, if I
get married, if I have a special come out, like
I don't care, right, no, no, not like I wouldn't
do it now because the only reason I do it.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yeah, right, that was a good joke.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Was that was a great joke that I have the
I have the face of Tiffany Trump and the reproductive
system of Baron or something or something like that.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
And the hits of Trump is the tag we wrote
for it. Andrew did it.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
But uh, I now I really the only appeal to
having a baby, what part of the peal would be,
like this new identity you get to have, like I'm
a mom, like look like and and I do think
some moms do that, Like it's an identity of like
I need a thing going on and I maybe there's
a world in which that would have been interesting to
(10:24):
me at some point down the line.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
No interest.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Now I've I've summited Everest. I'm not gonna climb Killiman Jara.
You know what I mean, Like, I don't why would you?
I would never It's not even a consideration.
Speaker 6 (10:36):
Your new identity now is being on every single show
in podcast in America.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Yeah, that's just I've never been so beloved, Like, let
me just say this, I've never I've never had a
moment where everyone's just like happy for me, they like
me the la times.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
The headline was well done, Mickey.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
I've never had any kind of like am I like
make a wish kind of thing?
Speaker 5 (11:02):
Yeah? Hey, the best he's were in on this early
all you best.
Speaker 6 (11:04):
Totally I always thought that locky for Taylor Swift.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
I do feel like it's like that that article two
and the other times I'm like, I do feel like
I won the Super Bowl. I'm going to like the
parade like it kind of feels like that kind of
vibe in the air, and I'll it's gonna get annoying
of me talking about it at some point, but I
just I can't. I wish everyone could experience the love
that I'm feeling from people.
Speaker 6 (11:26):
You've been called the MVP, Yeah, which is kind of
amazing because that's a big deal in sports.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
That's the main deal. It's the biggest deal.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
And I didn't know it was the biggest deal until
I was talking to you about Hey, I'm going to
rank Tom Brady's achievements here, all of them, and you go, well,
MVPs first, and I go, really, being the MVP of
the Super Bowl would be the first, and You're like, yeah,
this's be it's up there. I'm like, I would just
think that's like, that's fine, that's good, but I'm winning
the super Bowl.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
He's a big team guy. I think you probably down
if you asked him, maybe if you if you went
into his heart and really found the truth. MVP would
be number one. Yeah, but winning the.
Speaker 6 (11:57):
Super Bowl it is well, MVP of the super Bowl
already implies that you've won the super.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Bowl is the same guy.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
But like all team people, I think at their core
are like they want like Tom Brady wants to be
Tom Bradley, of course, but he is a generous person.
But I think at your core you want to be
the center of it. I don't know, speaking as Tom Brady.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
We wouldn't know anything about it.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
This much praise, it could get to the point where
it starts to feel sarcastic, like can you just just
read well done Nikki Glazer and like italics, Yeah, that's what's.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Been kind of the respect.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Like I've never been someone people have been like you're
great and you work hard and like all these things,
and I've agreed with it. I've never thought I've deserved
anything more than that. I've never been like when is
my day gonna come?
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Ever?
Speaker 2 (12:44):
I really haven't, but it has arrived where I am
like the bell of the ball and cool people, the
cool comedy people like me and are like welcome, like
come hang with us, we do arenas and you are
going to do those soon too, Like gave you.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
A shout out on Flagrant.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
It's nice.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
It's nice to be Tim Welke. Tim Dillon welcomed me
to the top tier.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
He did didn't welcome me, but it felt like he's
up there and he's like he gave me a hand
and like pulled me up and he just said, you're
on the top tier now.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
It's it's a long time.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Like it was just a little but he acknowledged it.
And it's like it does feel like I just got
that like seven timers jacket arsenal or something.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Maybe you'll get the the farm now.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I want to get in these pedophile rings. Is that
in coming? Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Billionaire really yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
My friend's husband is a billionaire and he just got
back from Necker Island.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
Oh yeah, and I don't tell us what happened.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Isn't that the place where I've heard of this island?
It's where like he was there with Richard Branson and.
Speaker 4 (13:54):
Yes, yes it is the island.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Yeah, it's not good to own an island.
Speaker 5 (13:58):
You shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
After Epstein, don't we all think that island an island
no more?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Really?
Speaker 5 (14:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
See that's shady as well.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
Yeah, you feel like island today.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Really Wow, Well there's no nothing weird there.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Only mister Beast has an island.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Oh that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Yeah, I bet.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
I bet they're like buying remember when everyone's buying stars. Yeah,
I bet they're like that, Like there's just little dots
everywhere that you.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Yeah, and there's a limited number.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
And with the polar ice cap smelting, the rising, less islands.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Less islands, red skin yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Also with the income inequality, just more people can afford
to buy an island and less people can afford to
live on that island that they're going to buy.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah, who is going to run the island? Who's going
to change your sheets? Who's going to iron your sheets?
That's what rich people do. They have people iron their sheets.
That's something that I only had one time when I
was on a yacht and it felt totally stupid to
me to do.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
But I saw these women ironing sheets on a yacht.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Like it's just But I can't wait to be a
part of that now.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
And that's where my life is.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
So we'll come back to the show, but I am
going to be different. So we're gonna go on a break.
But I'm gett even gonna change in.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
The next five minutes after these commercials, So stay with us.
Speaker 5 (15:05):
We'll be back at the day.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
We're What are you Last night? What did we do?
Speaker 2 (15:20):
We went to dinner with Rachel. Rachel Finzein and I
went to dinner at Nobu and we show up and
we're both wearing the same blazer that we both got
from a Cynthia Rally show that we did. She had
like comedians on this New York Fashion Week show a
couple of years ago, and they like, let us go
to their showroom and pick out stuff, and Rachel and
I both picked out like this oversized pin and stripe blazer.
(15:41):
And last night we showed up at dinner and this
was like a year and a half ago, two years
ago that we did this, and we both were wearing
the same blazer, and it felt I've never felt more.
We were so happy to be wearing the same thing.
That's a really magical moment in a girl's life. To
best friends who would don'tee each other. We only see
each other five times a year.
Speaker 6 (15:59):
I was I was so happy that you guys went
to dinner. But I was really jealous because I've always said,
if I could you know when the people are like,
if you go to dinner with five people, who would
the five people be? And I would be like, I
want five Rachel Feinstein's.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah, well she there was. It was so fun.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
And then Andrew joined us about forty five minutes and
dropped in and yeah it was. She's so fucking funny.
Speaker 5 (16:18):
Yeah, she's the best.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
She really is, and.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
She's nice and she could like I was like, Rachel,
I really want to talk to you about like like
I want to go deep with you, like I want
to like I want to talk about everything. I go,
can you are you cool with Andrew Cumming? Like can
you get talk like that? And she's like, yeah, I
don't care, like she just she'll I like that. She
I like when people are like if I vouch for someone,
well she already knows you. But if I vouch for
someone like their a vault, you can be honest with them.
(16:41):
They'll be just as honest about their life that they
trust me and go, yeah, he can hear about my
marriage or my kids or my insecurities, but like whatever
it is.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
And she has a special coming out on Netflix.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Yeah maybe twenty first called big Guy. Big Guy one
of my favorite comedians of all time. Watch our specials.
Support female comedy. It's not even female comedy. It's like
the best. She's so fucking funny. But yeah, big Guy
on Netflix. I can't wait for even the trailer to
come out. I'm so excited.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
But yeah, we had a.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Netflix has amazing trailers too. I feel like sometimes the
trailers are better than the show really often.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Yeah, because I asked her, I go watch, let me
see your trailer, shees.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I don't think they do trailers.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Well, they do it on YouTube.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Yeah, oh okay. I think they just do clips and I go,
you have a trailer.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Well, I don't know how those No, I don't know
how the stand up specials go. But for regular shows,
they'll do a trailer about a week a month before,
a week before. Yeah, and they're almost half the time
they're better than the show. Like, the trailers are so good,
Like if I can just watch I used to go
to the gym and like on the screen there there
was a trailer channel. Sometimes you just watch movie trailers
while running. And if I could just watch Netflix trailers,
(17:45):
I could do a full workout.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Wow are they so? They're different than like movie trailers?
You feel like that you.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Would see it.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
They're similar, they're similar, but it just pumps you up
for the show, and the show could never live up
to the two because it's like highlights yeah and set.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
To a song.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Like all the cuts are hitting, like when the beat
kicks it like it's.
Speaker 6 (18:04):
There's some like non sequiturs where you're like, you know,
you're just doing kind of funny things and you're it
kind of draws you and you're like, what is she
doing here?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (18:11):
What's this direct?
Speaker 2 (18:12):
And a lot of I've gotten a lot of compliments
on the trailer actually from people from people who like
know what they're talking about.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
I was like, oh, that's so nice.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
But yeah, I mean I've uh one time, I've I've
talked about a million times. But my favorite movie is
the Social Network trailer. Yeah, it's the it's it's the greatest.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Oh no, no, no, it was. It's not that it's I'm.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
A creep oh yeah yeah.
Speaker 6 (18:38):
Then and it's like boys choir, yes, and it's scorse trailer.
Oh so good, And David Fincher was like, hey, who
can direct the trailer to my movie?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
It's oh my god, it's like a music and it's
weird that music videos aren't really getting like their short form,
like why why are they dead?
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Because there's nowhere to with them? It's just on.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Videos YouTube, but there's tons of places music video.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
There's nowhere to put video content anymore.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
There's where there's nowhere not to put video content.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
It can be any I.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
Feel like music is TikTok is just trailers for songs.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Oh really?
Speaker 5 (19:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (19:18):
Yeah, you're getting like tell.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Me, like what's going on there? And like what do
you spend your like what's your algorithm?
Speaker 4 (19:26):
I have golf, I have random people getting knocked out.
Speaker 5 (19:30):
On crime faces. I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Is there a genre of girls with amazing asses going
up to drive, like going up to drive? Yeah there are, Yeah,
they're always like these fit girls that like you just
look at.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Their still camera from behind while they're swinging and it's
really look at my swing, but it's really look at
my ass.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Yes, it couldn't be more clear to look at their
like it's just so I'm almost swing.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Isn't that good?
Speaker 5 (19:57):
Well they don't even have a club in there?
Speaker 1 (20:01):
What and so what out? Like what are you?
Speaker 4 (20:04):
There's some musicians that you wantn't know that I know,
are gonna blow up Jake Jill Maybe, oh yeah, Benson Boone,
this Benson Boone, so you Benson Benson Boone.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
When the song goes viral and it becomes trending on TikTok,
then that song becomes the number one song on Spotify.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
But people only will know.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Like these artists are saying that they'll go and they'll
play the show, and everyone shows up and they just
sing the one fifteen second part of the song that's
from the TikTok.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Yeah, that could happen.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
The song.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Yeah, they just repeat it seven times.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Sometimes a good thing is sometimes it digs into the
past and resurrects a song that we all loved, Like
it happened to Billy Joel with a couple of his songs.
And there was that song that just that just got played,
that was actually played at the Tom Brady Roast after party.
It would never have been played if it did not
trend on TikTok. It's I forgot the guy's name, but
it's a you want to know where I've been, I've
(20:57):
been trying to I can't.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Sing yeah, yeah, okay, don't so yeah no, I don't.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
Think Yeah, I know it's a white guy that everyone
used to think was black because his voice sounded so
much like a soul singer.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
Yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Know, it's so good.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
I have a song that is out now on Spotify
and iTunes or songs. It's coming out tonight, I think
as we're shooting this, but like it's out now when
people are listening to this.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
It's called Someday You'll Die. It's on Spotify. Besties know
about it.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
They've heard about it since the inception of it. They've
been awaiting it. There's no bestie listening right now to
the podcast who hasn't heard the song already, even you know,
I play it during my lives, so they're well aware.
So tell your friends, put it on your playlist, share
it with people. Tim this morning, Tim Convey, your brother
who wrote the song with me and helped produce or
it did produce. He sent me a lyric video that
(21:51):
was made, but it's using all it's really cool that
they did it, but it's using all like stock footage
for every line. So it's like I get a text,
I'm my best friend, and it's like a girl in
bed getting a text, and then it's like, but I
can't get out of bed, and she like can't get
out of bed, and it's like it's all stocks see
and say yes, and it just it feels like I
was like, can we just say this was made by
(22:12):
chat GBT, Like I don't want to say that I
paid anyone to do this because it's not good. It's
not like there's nothing artistic about but I appreciate that
it was made. But then there's also like, he goes,
what ideas do you have for a lyric video? Can
we still just use lyrics and maybe just put up
a picture? But the like the fonts or even like
live laugh love a little bit, like they try to
do funny things with the fonts, And I'm like, it
was a nice effort and I appreciate it, but I
(22:33):
don't and I don't know the answer to what a
lyric video should be. But my idea I think I'm
gonna shoot today is just me writing it and then
we just because I like watching people write with like
a cool marker like this is satisfied.
Speaker 5 (22:45):
You like walking through a field? I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I would do a still shot of me walking down
sunset singing the whole entire thing without without stopping.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
That's a good idea.
Speaker 5 (22:58):
Something like that.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
I mean, that's how those go to Hollywood Forever Cemetery
and walk through that.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Because someday you'll die.
Speaker 5 (23:05):
Yeh okay, they were on something.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Okay.
Speaker 6 (23:08):
Forrest Lawn, I went to Forest Lawn Cemetery. It was
like the most depressing thing I've ever listen to. This,
this is so bad, So I can't I shouldn't even
tell this. It's too bad down like so okay, I
tell you. It was right before Easter, and I kind
of like cemetery. So I was walking through and uh,
like I think, like anyway, walking through, and I'm just
(23:29):
like looking at at different like gravestones, and they were
decorated for Easter. So anything that was decorated for Easter.
I was like, Oh, these people, there's something current about this,
and I would be kind of curious, so I'd go along.
And I saw a gravestone of a kid that was
has been dead for forty years and it was decorated
with all of So somebody who's been coming for forty
(23:50):
years and decorating the gravestone and the kid was only
alive for six days.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
WHOA.
Speaker 5 (23:56):
So that person was going there at least every Easter
and putting like children decorations. It was like, yeah, it
was like touching.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Yeah, like absolutely, God's.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
Also the day that Jesus came back to life, right yeah,
but you so maybe it'll work.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
Yeah, you had to like do a double take reading that.
It just probably it just said like May eleven through
May seventeen.
Speaker 6 (24:17):
Yeah, it was like August like nineteen eighty two to
like August sixth, nineteen eighty. Yeah, it's like August eleventh,
nineteen eighty two. And you're like, oh my god.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Well I've been doing this joke on stage more in.
Speaker 5 (24:29):
Six days than you did in six minutes. You know,
it was close, it's closed. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I wonder for longer. Yeah, I wonder when I did Yeah,
well done, kid, well done, kiddy flowers.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
But uh no, I di I do this joke about
how people think their kid's gonna like we like, no
one really needs your kids, stop having them, and we
we get it. You think your kid's gonna cure cancer,
but it's more likely your kids will get cancer. And
I and I go, and that always doesn't do well
because people picture kids with cancer and that's sad. But
it is actually more likely that your kid, as a kid,
(25:02):
will get cancer. It's just statistics. Then cure cancer, it's
one hundred percent, it's infinitely, infinitely more likely. That's just true,
but it is offensive and it makes people sad. So
now I go, it's more likely that you're your kid's
not gonna cure cancer. It's probably gonna get cancer at
some point in its lifetime when it is an old person.
And then I go, because that's more palatable than saying
it they're getting cancer as a kid, isn't it. And
(25:22):
then that now gets a laugh because I'm calling out
like for some reason, both are true and both are sad,
but like it's just so much like I find them
very special. Uh No, that joke isn't in special, but
the version I'm telling now will probably be in the
next special because now it's working because I'm addressing the
thing that is uncomfortable about it and now making a
joke out of that.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
It's crazy because you're special.
Speaker 6 (25:43):
You had like an hour and forty five minutes a
material going in and so much of it got cut.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah it was it was too too much to take
too much things. But the next special, I'm approaching at
Rose style six minutes at a time.
Speaker 5 (26:00):
Oh, wow, on it all trailers. I love that trailers
love it.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Settleman. Sorry, Oh that's a guy I went to high school.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
I have got a lot of Edelmans in my wife,
and you're they're all gay, very common name, I think.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
Actually Alex Edelman is bisexual.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
So he came out for his special.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
Yes special, he's back. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (26:30):
Netflix wouldn't give him one unless he was interesting.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Do you think if you get kid cancer, though, and
you die, you get you're more like people will show
up for forty years? Would you rather have that? Or
die of cancer at an old age and and people
show up.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
For I don't care because I'm dead, so I'd like
to live longer.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Yeah, living longer is better.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Yeah, that'd be really sad if you just had to
wait by your grave after you died, all the time
waiting for people to come by, Like you're just sitting
there being like I hope someone stops by.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
I've never been to my grandparents grave.
Speaker 5 (27:00):
Thing.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
You should go. It actually feels nice to do it.
Speaker 5 (27:02):
I love going to I don't know where it is.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
Yeah, Actually, my one grandpa got buried in a cemetery
and apparently they just put more bodies. They them, they
stacked them up and we didn't like, it's no way
us spooning somebody forever.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
Yeah that's crazy, Well not really. I mean the the
their body biodegrades after like you know, eight years, well
they're bones, and that the bones are still lasts longer
yet longer.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yeah, sometimes there's mummified things like you see bones of
like the bones like people are sacrificed and they put
them in like a crazy like they're two people cradling
each other. I want to be buried, like in a
fetal like that would be cool to Like my bones
are like so they think something I was like bludgeoned
to death by someone, even though so in my casket
I'm like crumpled so that when aliens discover me, they go,
(27:52):
what happened on this bitch?
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (27:53):
I like that. I want to be like blowing myself myself.
Yeah yeah I could actually.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Because all of your muscle isn't stopping you, Like what's
stopping you from I guess your spine or is it
your fascia?
Speaker 5 (28:07):
My big enough?
Speaker 4 (28:10):
I mean, when it really comes down to it, enough, Yeah,
I just.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Can't someone who was able to touch their mouth to it.
There was some person I remember that.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Was like, well, there was like a rumor going around.
I forgot who it was where someone got a rib removed.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Who was We had a joke about it the other
day because I was going to talk about how Kim
Kardashian like took quite a beating that night. But then
the next night she was at the met Gallon. She
was wearing a corset that was so painful looking. I
mean literally, her waist was the size of her neck.
It was no difference that small, and we were talking
about like she had a rib removed, like Marilyn Manson,
she either wanted to fit in the dresser or she
wanted to suck. Marilyn Manson's like, removing your.
Speaker 4 (28:49):
Rib kind of makes sense because then they could like
bond over, you know, but.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
She would never because he's so white, was our joke.
He's the whitest white person makeup.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Yeah, oh that's true.
Speaker 5 (29:03):
Yeah I don't know. Yeah, he doesn't go full.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
But there are cemeteries all across this world that are
just like forgotten. Like you think there's some permanence in
being buried in a cemetery and there's like cemeteries from
the Civil War that are just covered up by a
mall or just unmarked graves everywhere. Like you really can't
step on a place on Earth where someone hasn't been
laid to rest.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Right, I mean it makes sense. There's so many more
dead people than they are alive people.
Speaker 6 (29:27):
Well, how do you like, Okay, when when it's all
over for Brian, what do you want to happen to
That's a great question.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
Remains frozen and then resurrected the technology.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Yeah, we don't talk about Brian's death.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
It's not it's not a thing that happens now.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
My dad, though we've talked about this, he's interested in
a haunted forest. These are trees that have a little
sack underneath of them where you can put the body
in the sack so that it helps a tree grow,
and then the tree is the thing you go see
and not the gravestone. And in a bunch of trees
like this, it's they call it a haunted four.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Oh god, that's so gross to think of, like a
crumpled body like in a.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
Saxon your energy or whatever.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
You're Yeah, I don't mind being thrown into the ground.
Just no casket.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Like the worms get you quicker and you become part
of the earth. I like that better than being like
it's going to take billions of millennia to go through
the wood and the shellac on the wood and then
the like, it won't.
Speaker 3 (30:23):
Take billions of millennial you'll you'll biodegrade inside that coffin.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
I don't care what the fuck happens. I literally, I've
talked about this before. If you are someone who wants
to fuck dead people, I'll give my body to Necker Felix.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
I don't care if you fuck me.
Speaker 5 (30:37):
I don't care. Hey, what would be the difference?
Speaker 1 (30:41):
It doesn't I was gonna say the smell, but I
don't even know about that. When it happened, I think
I might be wetter. Involving fluid might be.
Speaker 5 (31:01):
Biggest special ever.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Oh my god, that's so funny.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
A plus plus clip it, clip it, Yes, that's clipped.
You're getting clipped, brother.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
But what do you want? What do you want to happen.
Speaker 6 (31:18):
To your bod strapped to a chair donated to the
military and shot at. Just give it to science. Science,
Just do whatever science wants to do. If it can,
like help a kid learn how to do surgery or
it doesn't.
Speaker 5 (31:35):
I don't care.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
Well, you can't choose that when you donate it to science,
you don't know where it's going to go. You might
wind up getting strapped to a thing and shot with
a missile.
Speaker 6 (31:42):
But like I said, I don't care. Yeah, it's like
whatever is useful.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
They might study nacophilia.
Speaker 5 (31:48):
I would like to be useful.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
They might do a study with me, want to corpses
and that might be science.
Speaker 5 (31:53):
Couldn't care less.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Yeah, I don't care either.
Speaker 5 (31:57):
That'll be used.
Speaker 6 (31:58):
But you know what I do, even though I feel
that way, Like in movies where people have to like
like recover the body from like a war field, I
always find that very moving.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Sure, yeah, and you know what, second thought on this,
I do like the idea of a ashes spreading thing,
Like I think that's very beautiful and I think that
I would want that gift for my family and friends
to like have a closure moment like that. And there's
just something about being lowered into the ground that is
so sad and being kept Like I would like a
(32:31):
place for them to go to like remember me and
visit because I think that is important, Like a gravestone
and maybe put a little bit of the ashes in that,
but then the rest of the ashes, I don't know
where you'd scatter it over the fucking Kia forum.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
I'll tell you that.
Speaker 5 (32:44):
Okay, where would you where would you want ashes? Right now?
Because you let's say you could do it like a
few places. What about Taylor.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Swists, Rhode Island Beach House Now I would say probably. God,
that's such a good question right now. Maybe like my
childhood home, like the like Cincinnati, Cincinnati, like the little
like in like the little wooded area on the side.
I think it's not even there, but like in the
front yard where I used to run around as a
(33:11):
little girl. Like I think that's I'm almost getting choked
up thinking about it, Like that's like a that seems nice,
even though I haven't been back there since I was six.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Yeah, what about it? Seems I don't know where were
scattering them? About?
Speaker 3 (33:24):
What are you doing up there?
Speaker 4 (33:25):
You can put my ashes, I think, inside a dildo
and give it to Burno, give her.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Not the plan.
Speaker 4 (33:31):
Yeah, finally I can have a red penis for something
like special to me. I hear up almost thinking about
about it. It's crazy, what money I've got everything like.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Your childhood home.
Speaker 5 (33:44):
Yeah. Remember I used to run around, cut that, clip it.
Speaker 4 (33:51):
I mean I don't know, clip it, cut cut it out,
burn it, running around.
Speaker 5 (33:58):
I'm dead autism. I think I have it. I yeah,
I don't know. I I get scared about cremation. I don't.
For some reason, I.
Speaker 4 (34:06):
Still think I could feel it.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Yeah, I'm crazier. You should be scared about getting lowered
into the ground too. Then it's really cold.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Oh.
Speaker 5 (34:12):
I had to do that for my grandpa.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Actually, that was the one I never you did go
one time.
Speaker 5 (34:17):
Just to dig it years before he died.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
Get up kill his watch.
Speaker 5 (34:23):
That was a present that I stole from my aunt.
She doesn't know she's deaf, so she really is like
clip it, clip it.
Speaker 4 (34:35):
Don't do captions, captions if anything, turn it down a little.
Speaker 5 (34:40):
You never know, so I.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Might just started hearing if it's loud enough.
Speaker 5 (34:47):
You really do know. She got a lot of money.
You know, she gets a lot of money. You never know. Science.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
I had to shovel in the Jewish religion. You have
to literally put the.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Dirty everyone takes.
Speaker 5 (34:58):
Ah.
Speaker 4 (34:59):
That was yeah, you know, just like hearing it hit
the cast.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
We all got to we send in the line and
each got to do a thing.
Speaker 5 (35:09):
Oh really, it was cool.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
It's a nice tradition. Yeah, you guys got some good ones.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
And then you also like let people you have like
what's the morning? Yeah, the morning, yeah, yeah, that's really
that's nice too.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
Brings you food for a week.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
It's like the.
Speaker 2 (35:24):
Paid leave for a postpartum, paid leave of like of death.
I feel like where it's like we take a little
bit more time to I don't know why it's I'm
comparing it to that, but some people like to give
you no time.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
They're just like, come back to work because child is
a huge death, death to your body.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Yes, yes, I do think that sometimes all the time,
but some people want it.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
It was funny my grandpa got buried and then my
grandma died like eight years later and got buried next
to him, and I could just imagine him being so pissed,
Oh my god that day, Like he's like, you know,
I'm banging Hooters girls in heaven and now Grandma Salma, Yeah,
I'm home movin.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Louis has a bit about that. I'm like, why are
you He's good. We've touched on a couple of things
and I'm like Louis has that bit too, Like I
always got.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
The bit about getting sucked as a body.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Yeah, like a medical student just gets an They just
put an f on you and just slide you down
a fucking shoes.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
Yeah, Grandma, they put an F plus on it. And
then there's the fucking the dead body. He's like, I
want my body to be like the Willy Wonka, like
someone comes out and you can come on my back
and pretend I am your father.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
Yes that I don't know that song. And until ticktock
brought it back.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yeah, well Timothy Shalloman brought back watch that chocolate.
Speaker 5 (36:46):
I don't have to get it.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
It's not good.
Speaker 5 (36:48):
Literally, I'm not even kidding.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
I felt the joke bubbling in you, and I had
to get it, Like I literally felt it physically, the
joke in your like stern them.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
That's so funny.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
I my grandma actually when so, my grandpa died probably
ten years before she did, and you know, for the
first five years, it was like, I can't wait to
see Grandpa like my husband again. And then she started
getting dogs, like she got senior dogs. They would just
give her dogs and then they would die and she
would and then at the end of her life, she
was like, I can't wait to see my dogs and
I would be I literally was like, what about Grandpa
(37:25):
And she was like, I'm good, Like I had a
really good time with him while he was here, Like
she was like he was kind of an asshole, like
kind of grumpy. She was constantly like catering to him,
and it was like, it's a different It was a
marriage of the forties, so like that's what it was.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
So she was like, no, I don't.
Speaker 5 (37:40):
Really want to have like one hundred kids together.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
They had so many, ten kids and five miscarriages. Nancy, Jimmy, Michael, Julie,
tom Or, Peggy, Chucky, Bobbies, Patty, Sally, Mom and Dad.
Speaker 5 (37:49):
Wow, Yeahgy that time I did it.
Speaker 6 (37:51):
Peggy, Yeah, your grandparents. It sounds like they all died
like many years apart. It sounds like they never even.
Speaker 5 (37:56):
Loved each other, because we all know that if they
love each other, they die with.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Oh yes, that's exact sign. Okay, we're gonna go to
break and come back with more after this. All right,
we're back in the final stages of the show.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
I don't know, Yeah it did quick.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
I gotta go do three more podcasts. Today, I'm doing
a comedy Bang Bang.
Speaker 5 (38:17):
This is wild.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
You're doing a tour of the world here. I can't imagine.
This week is so packed. You you usually when you
come to l A, you pack it with podcasts. You
try to make it was already packed. Already it was packed,
and now you're adding all this other It's like every
five minutes, it's a new podcast you have to go to.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
Yes, I got booked on Seth Myers, which was last week.
I'm doing that next week. And then the John Mlaney
thing just came through. But that's John Mulaney show is
going to be. There's no preparation for it. I don't
have to have a bit prepared. You just go out
and you just laugh. Sure, and that's that's the joy.
Speaker 5 (38:47):
I mean, you're gonna be so good on it too.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
Because I love the show. So it's nice to be
a fan of a show you're going into. I want
to watch Last Nights. But yeah. I saw Nate Pargazzi
the other night and he was like, I just got
done with the Milaniy thing. He's like, you know, you
just go out there. You just don't even know what's
gonna happen. There's really nothing you can do. And it
was just like it was like, Okay, that's just what
I need to hear. Is like I was when he
was saying that, I was like, oh, now I want
to do.
Speaker 5 (39:09):
It because it's just those situations.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Yes, I love no prep.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Yes, I like no reviewing, what we're gonna go over,
not having to hit our marks. Oh and then it's done.
I love that he said on his first show, like
the show is never going to find its groove. Yes,
so funny because that's it's such an insider term too.
Speaker 5 (39:27):
That happens with all these TV shows like you're like,
you know, Jimmy, TV shows.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Like like Nicky and Sarah Right, yeah, not safe. They
never felt they weren't allowed to last long enough to
find what they are.
Speaker 6 (39:40):
Like even you watch early Conan's and it took them
a little while to find their groove.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
And when they couldn't believe it lasted, Oh my god.
That I really recommend watching or listening to. Obviously, I
recommended Hot Ones Conan, which was amazing and one of
the best pieces of comedy ever. And then they had
that he has on Doctor Arroyo, his doctor from Hot
Ones on for a segment on his podcast, and it's
on YouTube. Just type in doctor Arroyo. It is so
(40:07):
it's so funny. It's just like the comments underneath, which
you know, comments helped me determine how I feel about it,
are like this is a twenty minute masterclass in improv.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
It's just it's really really good.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
Right on hot Ones.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
It was so subtle, just like the subtle.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
I was tricked. At the beginning. I was like, this
is this is it's a real doctor because he was
so not purposely funny seeming that I was like, maybe
this is a real guy who just doesn't know what
to say. Yeah, And obviously by the end of it.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
On the interview, he goes, you know, we just have
to talk about some of your practices that you established
during the hot Ones episode. People have questions, you know,
when you took my pulse, you seem to be choking
my neck, and he goes, I thought you wanted me
to actually take your pulse away.
Speaker 6 (40:50):
Nicky was like, you know what you like, we were
like going to sleep, and I was like, oh, Nicky's
probably asleep by now, and then.
Speaker 5 (40:55):
She just kept laughing, and for like fifteen.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
Minutes, I can never do that, Like, I'm never like
cracking up the things I'm listening to as I'm going
to bed, but I couldn't. I was like gasping. There's
one where he goes, and then when you were checking
you had me stick on my tongue at one point
and checked my like tongue with the with the heart monitor,
and he said, yeah, well that's how we did it.
I needed to hear if there was any screaming going on,
(41:20):
like you're talking about that. He goes, and it was dead.
Your tongue was dead, so it was good. And he goes, well,
usually one would put that device on my chest to
hear my heartbeat. And he just goes, oh, the idea
of a heart It's just these subtle things that you're like,
where are you even going up?
Speaker 1 (41:37):
And that was so funny.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
It's really there's so many more moments that are just
so great to listen to.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
But what do you guys.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Got you're yourself now?
Speaker 2 (41:51):
I am a little bit, but it is it is. Uh,
it's a good it's it is a good week to
be me.
Speaker 5 (42:00):
Lazier.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
No, I thought you're gonna go third person. You might
get there.
Speaker 5 (42:06):
Nikki's feeling all right, Nikki.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
I thought Nikki's gotta finish up the show. Yeah, no,
I don't think I'll get to that. I uh, it
does feel good though, to you know. Kim Kardashian DMed
me yesterday.
Speaker 4 (42:20):
What it feels like the lottery for like every morning
You're like, what is gonna?
Speaker 1 (42:24):
I know?
Speaker 5 (42:24):
What did Kim say?
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Kim was so nice and wrote, I mean I could
read our conversation verbatim.
Speaker 5 (42:31):
I think I will, But aren't you not supposed to
do that? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (42:33):
But I just feel like, yeah, I won't. I won't.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
I did it last night on stage, but it wasn't
like a taping. But because she didn't say anything that
would be ever weird, like you just.
Speaker 5 (42:43):
Said how amazing you weren't how funny?
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Like if she would get offended by Like I was
thinking about this, I was like, maybe I shouldn't have
done that, And I go, well, if if she would
get offended by me reading that, Like she's got to
know that if she said something to me, I would
not do that with something that was not good, you know,
like she I hope she trusts me that I'm not
just reading this because she sent me something. It's like
I discerned that it was something that is readable, but
I do I knew that. I know that there is
a part of her that's probably like this pitch'll just
(43:07):
read anything I send her, which I would not do, Kim,
if you ever hear this.
Speaker 4 (43:10):
But yeah, I remember she wrote like Kanye had p Diddy, Yes, right,
and now when she wrote something like that something like that,
I can't remember exactly.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
She just said a great job, which she had.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
I mean, she had to like write a Nikki like
she had to type it in like I'm thinking about
like her like beautiful nails, clicking on it like typing nikki,
Oh is.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
It two k's or one?
Speaker 2 (43:31):
Like yeah, and then she had to go to it
and then she had to go to like mess like
it's like a lot of things that I was just like, oh.
And then she just wrote me a really nice message
saying congrats. And then I was like, no you Yeah,
I said, I was trying to make eye contact with
you the whole damn show because I wanted to tell
you you fucking killed and you like you were just
so impressive, and I said, which was no surprise because
(43:53):
of how elite your SNL monologue was but you really
killed it. And I'm and she was like, I don't
know how you do that. It's like it's it's low
key abuse or something like. She was like, it's abuse,
and I go, you do know how I did it
because you did it. I go, you did it too,
and you did it so well. And then she was
like she hearted that, and I just wrote like she
(44:14):
said something else, and I said, we are brave.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Exclamation mark, and she hearted it.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
So that was the end of it, right, But like, yeah,
but you know, ironic thing. The ironic thing is is
that so many times people call that family not talented,
like why are they famous? And I didn't even think
about that kind of notion about them, even though I
literally read jokes about Kim that were pitched to me
this week to maybe do that we're like addressing that
(44:38):
they don't have talent, and I literally wrote in that
like you are so talented, because that was talented to
be able to. First of all, whatever happened at the beginning,
which by the way, the boo I met someone who
knows who started it and they were starting.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
It as a joke.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Wow, and it caught fire like it just like it
was a gasoline over the crowd and a little bit
of both, because they were just ready to boot, Like
it could have been anyone that wasn't that is like
associated with.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
That kind of part of our pop culture.
Speaker 5 (45:06):
Sure were.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
They were booing like football teams and stuff too that
were anti Patriots.
Speaker 1 (45:10):
I thought it might be a swift rid.
Speaker 3 (45:12):
I booed Tom because he said fuck the cults. I
booed him. I was the only one booish, sure.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
Like that was the kind of night it was.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
It was boo heavy, but like she got fucked on
that boo and it was some comedian, some asshole comedian
that did it as a joke and didn't expect her
to catch on, and it wasn't because I thought it
was a swifty thing. Like I was like disappointed on
behalf of Swifties, for like, if that's what this is about.
But I think it was just got out of hand.
It was just people being jealous obviously of her fame
and her power and all the like.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
That was what it was. But for her to like not.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
Address it but kind of like look like a little
disappointed like that, she just handled it so well and
then she sat there the rest of the fucking show.
She went up like almost right after me. I think
there was one after me, and then she went up.
That's a long She sat there for two hours whenever.
A lot of people that made appearances in the crowd
left after their appearances. They didn't want to say the
whole show because they had other shit to do. Kim
Kardashians other shit to do. She had to go to
(46:01):
the Metcala the next day. She probably flew the Red Eye,
but she sat there and waited for Tom Brady's set,
and I thought that was really.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
Cool of her.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
You can think what you want about Kim, but in
order to get that famous, you need to have talent.
You can't get that famous. There's a lot of hot,
rich girls who are not as famous as Kim Kardashian,
and it's because they don't have the talent that she does.
It's just impossible to do.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
And just because the talent doesn't look like singing or
dancing or acting or whatever you think it does like
it is about sustaining a public image, captivating. It takes
hard work to look at interesting.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
Is a talent being yes, doing things like just not
making mistakes at public appearances, and you know planning and
your whole public image. Her whole job is to cultivate
a public image. Yes, and that's a talent and that.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
Comes from her.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
Yes, she might hire people to help her with her image,
but she's hiring those people. She's the taste maker at
the top. So I will never I'll always be in
her sight. That ass that like, no, I mean that
the body.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
Is insane, and that asked that that.
Speaker 5 (47:05):
But what's your public image? Mine? Guy to eats chicken
salad with his hands.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
And with that we have to go.
Speaker 5 (47:18):
Cultivated you so much. That happened before I would hope.
So my.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
Story, ever was when one day I got us tie food.
We were our hotel room. We only had one hotel room.
The other one wasn't clean yet, so we were just
hanging in the hotel room before.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
Night of shows.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
The ty Food arrives. There's no utensils. I go down
to go get some and I come back up and
he is using the ice tongs, which is as.
Speaker 5 (47:52):
Yeah, yeah, but it was just.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
It's a big but I always uses the coffee stirs,
use a shop stet and that really does work.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
But that was the next level and I loved it.
But yeah, hands. I've seen a lot.
Speaker 4 (48:05):
Yeah, tongs is a strong move because they're on there.
Speaker 5 (48:09):
I don't know. I guess they use them with ice.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
The huh tom Brady, Tom Brady, that's what we're calling you.
Speaker 1 (48:16):
Okay, gotta go. Don't be killing you guys. Check me out.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
I'm gonna be in Vegas this weekend with David Spade,
tons of torn Eidsnicky Glazer dot com. There's the song.
There's a special spread the word. I love you guys
so much, love you, busties. I'll never get big enough
for you. I promise a lot of besties have been like, please,
don't change, never forget us.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
I would never. I love you.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
Don't be calling and I would never just texting Kim
K right now?
Speaker 5 (48:39):
Yeah, KIMK who.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
You're my only best I love you guys. Okay, see
you
Speaker 1 (49:00):
Four
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