August 31, 2023 • 36 mins
Increasingly, those of us in our 20s are facing an exceeding pressure to be exceptional and have a million accomplishments and accolades under our belt. If we are not successful, what are we worth? Examples like the Forbes 30 under 30, the wunderkind phenomena and young success stories all make us feel like we're not achieving enough or are falling behind. Today we're going to break down exactly why we feel this way, using theories around self determination, observational learning and social comparison. We'll also examine how we can break away from our need to be defined by our successes using practices like mindfullness, examining our online persona and capturing delight to use our 20s to explore rather than excel. Listen now!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
(00:26):
Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever
you are in the world, it is great to have
you here. Back for another episode of the Psychology of
Your Twenties. Today, we are going to discuss an experience
that is becoming, I would say increasingly common in this generation,
and that is this pressure to be exceptional. I think
(00:50):
we all have those times where we've looked at the
people around us, or who we idolize, the people we
see on social media or in magazines, and really contemplate
whether we should be doing more, whether we're falling behind,
what our actual worth is if we are not highly
successful in our twenties. And I think it comes from
(01:12):
this very deep societal obsession with success and needing to
be the best, this very individualistic conception of happiness as
one that is defined by accolades and accomplishments and the
praise that we receive from other people. I think we're
not helped by feeling like a lot of those golden
(01:33):
children or examples of very young success stories are somewhat
really not only visible, but kind of thrown in our face,
kind of made to be a point that we're not
doing enough. You know, the Forbes thirty under thirty list,
all those young achievers, those young entrepreneurs, And what that
example can lead us to is a really deep sense
(01:56):
of dissatisfaction and low self worth, where we just feel
like we are not enough because we are not doing
as much as these people are. It's definitely a trap
that I have fallen into before, feeling like my twenties
are somehow a competition rather than time to just figure
(02:16):
things out. And I'm sure that I am not alone
in that experience. It has become a lot harder for
people in this generation to feel like what they do matters,
that they're doing enough, especially as things like college acceptances
become so much harder, and when we're applying for first
jobs where it feels like everyone has that coveted internship
(02:39):
or some startup that they founded when they were sixteen.
That's amazing, that's incredible for them. But we don't have
to be like those people to be happy. So how
do we kind of find peace and joy and fulfillment
amongst all of these influences. Well, today, that is exactly
what we are going to talk about, starting by breaking
(03:02):
down where this pressure to be exceptional has come from,
from social comparison, from social media, from successful sibling syndrome,
and so much more, but also the consequences of this
perspective and ideology for our mental health and our general wellbeing.
I also think that feeling like you need to do
(03:24):
something in particular or achieve something in particular to receive
external validation or to be seen as worthy is one
of the worst motivators we can encounter. And there are
so many theories in psychology that confirm this, that suggests
that when we actually enjoy something, and we actually love something,
(03:46):
even if society doesn't think it's as bright and shiny
and impressive, we're actually going to be a lot more
committed to it and enjoy it a lot more. We're
also going to discuss the ways that we can detec
hatch from this toxic mentality by finding delight, by redesigning
our conception of happiness and cutting ties with anything and
(04:09):
anyone who makes you feel like you need to be
doing more in order to be worthy. If this has
been your experience recently as a twenty something year old
or beyond, we are here to discuss all the psychology
behind this experience and also just sometimes highlight the beauty
of just being ordinary, of not needing you know, a
(04:32):
Nobel prize or acceptance to a Harvard you know or
Ivy League school to a be a worthy person, be
a happy person, and see be a good person. So
I think we better get into it without further ado.
Let us break down the psychology behind the need or
the pressure to be exceptional in our twenties. So, like said, recently,
(05:00):
I have identified this common experience that we are feeling
an increasing pressure to be absolutely exceptional or be the
best at something in our twenties, or at least have
something unique about us that makes us stand out from
the crowd. It always surprises me when I talk to
fellow twenty something year olds, where you know, a lot
(05:22):
of us are kind of reaching a certain fork in
the road where we're feeling very lost, feeling like we
need to make a lot of decisions. And at that point,
many of us are overwhelmed by this sense that one
of the choices we can make, or one of the
choices that we do make will leave us feeling really mediocre,
or leave us feeling like we should have done something else,
(05:43):
or that we should be doing more. That our lives
are kind of not meaningful unless we are being externally
recognized for something that other people perceive as brilliant or impressive.
And this is not about being the best version of
ourselves or recognizing that, you know, there are certain ambitions
we have, or that we are a work in progress. No,
(06:05):
it's this real distinct sense of failure that what are
our lives for if we are not succeeding? What are
we doing if we are not being praised for something
or other that we have achieved. Personally, I actually think
there's nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version
of yourself or having really, you know, incredible plans and
(06:27):
large goals. But I think the caveat is that this
can only be sustainable and actually prove, you know, very
fruitful when that ambition is derived from our internal values
and our internal goals, not some broader societal expectation or pressure.
But the fact that so many of us are feeling
(06:49):
that pressure from external sources is probably what's leading to
such a deep sense of failure and dissatisfaction in this generation.
You know, questions around and why am I not like
that other person? What am I missing? Should I be
working harder? Should I be making more money, stretching myself
even further? And recent studies have revealed that as many
(07:12):
as one in four of us feel like a failure
or feel like we are wasting our lives. And what
I find interesting about that is when you push people
further and really examine what they mean when they say
their lives are a waste, what we see is that
so many of these individuals were, you know, equating the
value of their life with really tangible success and really
(07:37):
tangible forms of recognition. And I think that's really what
the pressure to be extraordinary or exceptional is all about.
Being you know, quote unquote that person who has amazing grades,
who makes heaps of money, who has some side hustle
or passion that gets attention, having some kind of you know,
(07:58):
sporting accomplishment, running marathons on your days off, like just
being a highly successful and admired person, you know, essentially
just having it all together. And I don't know about you,
maybe you're different to me, But I have never met
someone like that in real life ever, Like I've never
met someone who has it all together, whose life is
(08:19):
absolutely perfect and who is you know, exceptionally brilliant and
at like the top of their field and has no
problems with that. That pressure to be exceptional has been
promoted across so many different avenues in our cultures, in
our lives, in the media, and often so implicitly that
we don't even recognize what a significant impact it has
(08:41):
had on our attitudes and our behaviors, and also our
ambitions or even sometimes the unrealistic expectations that we have
for our lives. So as people who are navigating early adulthood,
it now feels like, you know, figuring out who we
are is a competition based on accomplishments rather than trial
and error getting to have, you know, just a few
(09:03):
years where you just kind of fuck around and you
do nothing, where you actually kind of explore the world
and the contents of who you are without trying to
be impressive, without trying to achieve something. When I think
about the main culprit for me of this feeling, the
one that really gets me in such a rut, of
self criticism. It is Forbes thirty under thirty. And for
(09:25):
those of us who are not aware of what that is, well, firstly, congratulations,
please enjoy your peace for as long as you can.
But it's essentially this list that Forbes put out every
year of the most successful, impressive, accomplished people in their twenties,
you know, or under the age of thirty, across every discipline,
(09:46):
social media, sports, science, venture capital, whatever you can imagine.
And every single person on this list. Someone actually said
this to me the other day. Every single person on
this list is like the worst person you can meet
at a party, you know, especially if you're feeling bad
about yourself, because they are the golden children of the
twenty something year olds. They are the ones who have
(10:07):
ticked all of the boxes so far. I think it
all derives from our deeply kind of psychological and emotional
obsession with the wonder kind, you know, a person who
achieves great success at a relatively young age, and our
obsession with that occurs because it combines the true things
that society really admires the most, which are youth and success.
(10:33):
And we see these people on magazines, you know, we
see them starting up companies, TV, you know, on TV,
all across our for you pages, and for the everyday
person probably like you and I. I think the message
from all of this is very clear. It is not
okay to just be good anymore. You have to be
exceptional because if they can do it, you know, why
(10:56):
can't you? What does that say about your talent, about
your intelligence, about your ambition, your discipline, If you, as
a fellow twenty something year old someone in this decade
of your life, are not reaching the same heights as
these people who are essentially our peers. And when we
buy into that ideal or narrative, it can leave us
(11:18):
with such a diminished sense of self worth, negative self esteem,
it can push us to burn out feelings of worthlessness
as well, but also a really deep almost addiction or
need or reliance on social comparison, where we constantly are
examining the successes and the exceptionalism of others in thinking,
(11:41):
you know, what am I doing wrong here? What is
wrong with me? That I'm not at the same level
that they are. We know from a psychological perspective that
social comparison is a really important evolutionary instinct that has
evolved to help us evaluate our behavior and our performance
(12:02):
based on group norms, and really make sure that we
are staying in line with what the group expects of us.
But where previously a lot of that social comparison was
going to be limited to our close friends or our
classmates or family or co workers, now with the emergence
of the Internet, that kind of gives us like twenty
(12:25):
four hour access to compare ourselves to anyone in the
world at any time. It's provided I think, such an
unnatural insight into the lives of everyone and what they're doing,
what they're accomplishing, how exciting everything must be for them.
And when that constant stream of information is not contained
(12:46):
or we begin to find it difficult to decipher, you know,
truth from fiction, I think it's impossible to ever feel
like we're good enough in that environment. There was this
really fascinating article from the Michigan Post and I think
it put it really really well. You know, with the
ever present kind of manufactured realities of social media, there
(13:08):
are now endless opportunities for comparison. So every day we
are presented with people who are close to us in age,
who have and do more than us, people who lead
very glamorous lifestyles who are accomplished, and we don't really
have the awareness, I think, to really call ourselves out
and be like that is probably not the truth. Every
(13:30):
profile you see, every Instagram page, every TikTok that is
based on the establishment of a presentation of self or
a persona that only exists online, and that persona is
meant to be appealing, it's meant to be desirable, it's
meant to grab your attention, and it's also chosen with
(13:51):
a purpose. And I think it's interesting because we can
know that as much as much as we try, that
social media and reality are not aligned, but every single
one of us still does it. Every single one of
us still has this really curated, glossy, polished online persona.
You know, I have one. I feel kind of ashamed
(14:11):
to admit that. But the person I'm on you know,
who I am online is not the same as who
I am in person because of this pressure to give
into the need to curate my external presentation. And that
really also relates to how we represent our successes online
as well. You know the other thing I've begun to
(14:33):
notice maybe around last year that I think also has
some influence maybe less than social media as a whole
in general, but they really go hand in hand. Was
the trend of people being that girl or that person,
this trend of people showing us their fifteen hour days
in which every hour is incredibly productive and they eat
(14:56):
really well and they exercise every day and they make
ten thousand dollars of passive income or something like that,
and it looks really great, right like it, It gets
our attention, it looks really admirable, and it definitely is.
But how realistic is that? Really? How many twenty something
year olds or people in the world can actually live
(15:16):
that life sustainably? And even though we know that a
lot of it is probably fiction or really curated, it
really influences us in subtle ways. Even things like that
which feel negligible act as a social cue. So psychology
can really explain why that is why we find that
we take on this pressure to be exceptional in the
(15:40):
face of all these factors. One of these explanations is
around observational learning. So this theory emerged from a series
of pretty famous experiments conducted by the psychologist called Albert Bondura,
who watched how children tend to imitate the behaviors and
actions of people close to them. So we look to
(16:02):
others to teach us the way right, to show us
what we should be doing, what society expects, and then
we try to mimic it, or feel almost if we
can't mimic it, this intense sense of failure. So when
all of these cues from social media and our peers
are being absorbed, what this is really doing to us
(16:24):
is setting an example of how we think we should
behave influencing us to be like those people, to act
like them, to meet the apparent standard of being extraordinary.
And I think that's so problematic because obviously these expectations
that we are exposed to are not reality, and yet
we think they are, hence that pressure forming. I also
(16:47):
think it won't come as a surprise that this intrinsic
fear of being mediocre and a sense of failure is
a lot more common in high achievers, particularly people who
were very accomplished in high school or even at university.
I know a lot of us are actually like this.
You know, as children or teenagers, we worked really hard
(17:10):
to get good grades, to receive the praise of others.
You know, we absolutely thrived in those structured environments, and
we got awards and accolades, and with that a sense
of accomplishment. And then when we leave that small, contained environment,
we are suddenly really shocked by how many other people
(17:30):
out there might be just like us. Or we experience
failure for the first time, which is totally natural, but
it absolutely throws us for a loop, because who are
we without these successes, without this external validation. I think
overachievers are also much more susceptible to this broader narrative
(17:53):
and idolization around success because to some extent we've already
brought into it as an element of our identity. We
have been indoctrinated, and so we push ourselves to keep
being that version of us, which, by no surprise, leads
to really high rates of things like burnout and alienation
not just from ourselves but from others, and also our
(18:16):
deeper values and our deeper goals, because we've never actually
sat down and thought what actually makes me happy? Here,
it's all just about accomplishment, it's all just about getting
the best grades, being like this perfect version of us,
and not so much about really satisfying our internal needs
and our internal enjoyment of our lives. And then, of
(18:38):
course this is only exacerbated when we are actually exposed
to those really exceptional people, not just online but in
real life. If you are someone who has a sibling
or a family member who has just done like incredible things,
who is the family golden child, you will know the
feeling of constantly being compared to them, being told to
(19:00):
be more like them, or judging yourself based kind of
on the example that they've set. So I have a
sister who is this very very talented athlete. Shout out
to Ellie if she is listening to this, and I
really I love it a bit, as she is like
an incredible person and I think, though, despite the fact
that I'm not even one percent an athlete, I still
(19:23):
feel this need to be more like her in my pursuits.
And they've done research on this as well, and they've
found this term that I think sums it up perfectly.
I don't know where I heard this, but it is
like the perfect term for this. It's called successful sibling syndrome,
whereby we feel overshadowed and thus face incredible pressure to
(19:43):
be extraordinary in the presence of a sibling like this.
Family dynamics are so funny in that way because they
bring us so much joy and they really elevate our lives.
But into family comparison can also, as we've seen, lead
to a lot of bitterness and resis dent if one
child receives a lot of validation and the other child
(20:05):
or the other siblings are kind of left out. Okay, So,
now that we've examined the origins of this pressure to
the exceptional and fantastic and successful, particularly in our twenties,
what I really want to talk about are some of
the consequences and why seeking this external image of success
(20:25):
might not actually be totally effective or make us happier individuals,
but also how to reject the narrative and to really
see your twenties as a time to be exploring rather
than excelling. So all of that and so much more
after this shortbreak. No one likes feeling mediocre. No one
(20:52):
likes feeling like they are not meeting their own expectations
or not reaching their potential. But there's a distinction between
pursuing your best self and someone else's conception of what
your best self should be. Because is it really that
bad to not be special, you know, and to just
be happy with what makes you happy, even if society
(21:15):
doesn't really understand it. I think that takes just as
much courage and passion as putting everything into being a
young success story, of giving the image of perfection and accomplishment.
So much research has shown that when people experience an undue,
an abnormal amount of pressure to excel or to be
the best, there are some really serious consequences for our
(21:38):
mental health. And it also doesn't actually mean they will
be more successful, you know. Firstly, it creates a really
high level of self criticism where we aren't able to
really regulate our own feelings about ourselves and our own
self concept because we feel like our worth is based
on external standards rather than how we actually view ourselves internally.
(22:02):
And I know I mentioned it before, but another consequence
is burnout. It's such a you know, it's on such
a rise at the moment. There are so many people
who I know personally who say this, like, I'm so
burnt out. I'm trying so hard to be this like exceptional,
incredible person. I remember this time in my very early twenties,
when I was working two jobs. I was trying to
(22:25):
like write articles, trying to have original iteas make like
the frickin Dean's list at my university, and I could
just kind of feel like my body was giving out
on me. It's weird, but I just felt like I
could feel how tired I was like in my eyes,
and how much I was just pushing myself too hard,
(22:45):
and for what, you know, for someone else's passing admiration,
probably someone I didn't even know or didn't even know
that well, to appear a certain way, to have some
kind of reputation. And I really had to question, is
that momentary feeling of being admired or feeling accomplished worth
as much as I'm giving up that feeling of being
(23:06):
around my friends or of actually having time to enjoy
my life, is that going to be a better use
of my time? I guess the question you really need
to ask is is being hard on yourself worth it?
Is it really going to improve your life? Is that
success really going to be the one that is going
to make you happy? Or is it just going to
(23:29):
make it more difficult to really fully enjoy what you have.
I think that pressure, particularly in our twenties, can also
bring an overall sense of dissatisfaction with our life. This
is a really interesting point, because we really do have
the power to create our own definition of happiness. We
get to choose what our dream life looks like if
(23:51):
we are intentional with it, and we actually examine what
about our beliefs has been adopted from a societal idea
of happiness and what has come from our own desires. So,
you know, do you really want those accolades? Would that
seriously bring you deeper satisfaction and meaning? Or were you
just raised by parents who promoted perfectionism or were you
(24:13):
just raised in a society that says it is okay
to sacrifice all other elements of your life for success.
A really easy way to figure that out is when
you think about your dream life. What are the things
that you feel the need to justify and what are
the things that you include just because you know that
they're expected. You know, our emotional reaction to these different
(24:35):
things tells us a lot more about what we actually
feel when it comes to our choices and whether we're
content with them or not. There's also a really significant
reason why the external pressure to be exceptional actually doesn't
help us to be better people or to accomplish more So,
in psychology, there is this really interesting idea theory. It's
(24:59):
called self determined theory, and what it does is it
outlines how and why people are motivated to do certain things. Basically,
we can derive our motivation from what we call extrinsic
motivators or intrinsic motivators. So extrinsic motivators, they all kind
(25:20):
of come from beyond us. There're things like pressure from
other people, or the need to conform, or the coercion
or power of other people's opinions, and these motivators are
a lot less powerful at getting us to do something
or to maintain a certain behavior compared to intrinsic motivators.
(25:40):
And these derive from our genuine enjoyment in doing something,
our inherent interest and satisfaction with that activity. You know,
no one is telling you to do it. You just
want to do it because you find joy in it.
And I think it's very easy to see which of
these motivators is going to be more impactful, right, you know?
And also why pursuing certain ambitions or goals because we
(26:04):
think it will make someone else happy or make someone
else impressed. Not only is that going to leave us unfulfilled,
but we are also a lot less likely to put
in as much time and love and energy into those
outcomes and into those accomplishments compared to ones that we
internally are actually really passionate about. It's also worth reminding
(26:26):
you that on a planet of I think nine billion
people now, not everyone is going to be exceptional. You know.
Actually some people have to be ordinary. Most of us
will be ordinary, and you're in the company of billions
of others who feel completely content with that state of
their life. Also, I think even if we look to
(26:46):
those heroes that we have, you know, our idols, our
examples of success, I don't think anyone or any one
of them ever gets to the point of being like
this is it achieved it all and I'm happy. It's
such a myth that success brings greater fulfillment, you know,
(27:06):
the age old saying goes like the grass is always
greener on the other side. But also the goalposts keep moving.
Once you have that one thing you've always wanted, once
you have that accomplishment, once you have that award or
that sense of success, you are always going to want more.
And so I think a lot of people are never
fully satisfied. I actually read this really amazing quote, and
(27:29):
I'm not sure where it was, but if I remember it,
I'll put it in the show notes. But what it
said was that the world is divided into the people
who are privileged with being ordinary and those of us
who are damned by our desire to be remarkable. And
that court genuinely left me a little bit speechless. I
don't know why, but some younger part of me just
(27:51):
related to that so deeply, probably because in the past
I did always think that my worth was tied to
what I achieved, and then I had to be exceptional.
And yet I think at those times I'd never been
more miserable. So how do we reject this narrative the
wonder kind that girl Forbes thirty under thirty ideology? I
(28:14):
think firstly, the main issue we need to tackle or
manage is our social comparison, specifically the assumption that we
know what's going on in people's lives and that their
online persona is their real persona. Although social media I
think has really enabled us to see more opportunities and options,
(28:34):
like we said, it's also increased the spotlight on our
own insecurities and where we feel like we are falling behind.
Whatever that may be for you. And maybe I don't
need to say this, but just in case you haven't
heard it today, everything you see online is fake, like
literally everything, and I have an example of this from
my own life. I remember this point that I was
(28:56):
my saddest, my most unhappy version of myself. And I
also at the time was posting the most I ever
had to social media, and I would get comments and
dms from people being like, you are glowing, you look
so happy, and it was just so far from the truth.
When my podcast blew up last year was when I
(29:17):
think I was most miserable because I was so overwhelmed
by the expectations and the pressure and the visibility that
I just didn't really know how to move forward. And
I know that from the outside it probably looked like
I was accomplishing something really massive and I must be overjoyed,
but that was so far from the truth. That was
just so untrue. So I really think check yourself when
(29:38):
you begin looking at people's content or feeds or announcements
and you think that that means their life is perfect,
you know, remind yourself that you never know the full story. Secondly,
I would say avoid toxic media or even people that
make you feel like you're falling behind just because you're
not hitting the same milestones that they are advertising. Remember,
(29:59):
the are really influential social cues that will inform your
vision of happiness. So critique what version of a happy
life they are trying to sell you. Mainly that success
equals fulfillment and that you're only worth as much as
your output or your productivity. That's not true. Your life
goal can be to work a stable job and buy
(30:21):
a cute little house with a garden and watch hummingbirds
all day, and that is just as valid. You do
not need to have your fifteen minutes of fame. You
can give it to someone else and remind yourself that
you are still a work in progress. That is what
our twenties are all about. Figuring shit out, making mistakes,
making memories, not just acquiring accolades. And you know, just
(30:44):
because you're not in the same place as some random
friend you went to high school with doesn't mean you
won't get there if that's what you want, or that
you're a failure. You have time. You are taking your
time to give yourself the nuance and the dimension and
the experiences that a lot of people tend to skip over,
and those memories are just as important as more money
(31:07):
in your bank account or whatever. It is that this
vision of success is trying to subject you to having
ordinary experiences, maybe being ordinary. It doesn't stand in opposition
to having dreams or having a vision for your life.
You know, and considering the value in our everyday, average,
good enough lives really helps us reorientate out, you know,
(31:30):
reorientate ourselves back to what we actually desire. If you're
very content with what you have, you're never going to
feel like you need to be like someone else. There
was this really wonderful NPR article and it really put
it like this, and I think it was amazing. It
stated that, you know, we really need to focus on
finding our own interpretation of fulfillment instead of chasing that,
(31:54):
you know, that myth that there's always more that we
need to be doing, that every struggle, every failure is
going to define us. That every moment we don't know
what we're doing is signaling that we're behind. Because it
really is okay to not know right now. It's okay
(32:15):
to not be someone famous or be someone really successful.
You know, all kind of compiles those original thoughts and
you know those thoughts that we mentioned before. You can
have an ordinary life, you can have ordinary dreams, but
also you can have big dreams and still be on
your way to achieving them and finally find the joy
(32:35):
in everyday life. This really rests on some of the
foundational principles of mindfulness, which we talk about on the
show a lot, you know, having that gratitude and that
beginner's mindset to your life. One of my therapists once
told me that one of the easiest ways to feel
more content with what you have is to try and
(32:57):
find four things every day that bring you delight. You know,
the little girl on the train who is like holding
a flower that she found, or your favorite song that
is playing at the grocery store. The moment you happen
to walk in delight is such an overlooked emotion. I
don't even think any definition of it does it justice.
(33:19):
It just feels delightful, Like we know what that feels
like in our bones, and when we look for it, it
comes to you and it refocuses your brain away from
tangible achievements to actually just feeling happy to be here,
regardless of what others are doing, regardless of what society
is expecting from you, or what we praise people for.
(33:41):
You're just happy to be here. You're just doing your best.
You're figuring things out, and that is just as valid
and valuable and admirable as everyone else's achievements. Like someone
else's journey is not your journey. And not only do
we not know what's going on in their lives at
this moment, we also don't know how it's gonna turn out.
(34:02):
Like life has such a funny way of surprising us
and giving us what we think we want at the
strangest times. So it's okay to not be at that
point you thought you were gonna be right now. It's
okay to use your twenties for something other than success
and for something other than being exceptional. All Right, I
think that's all we have time for today. I really
(34:22):
hope you enjoy this quick run through overview of the
pressure to be exceptional in our twenties. I'm feeling it.
I'm sure a lot of us are. But like we said,
it's okay to just be kind of ordinary for a while.
It's okay to just enjoy what's going on in your
life because you like it, even if society doesn't understand
it as much. So thank you so much for listening
(34:45):
to today's episode. As always, if you are a frequent listener,
you know what I'm gonna ask. If you enjoyed this episode,
please feel free to leave a five star review on
Apple Podcasts, Spotify wherever you are listening right now and
follow along for the ride. Follow me on Instagram at
that Psychology podcast or at gemispeg if you want to
(35:08):
see some more personal content. Don't know why that made
it sound like it was really like our rated It's
just like pictures of dogs, like what I'm getting up
to in my life. But if you have an episode suggestion,
please send it over there. I love hearing about what's
going on in your lives and some of the experiences
that you know are actually quite common and that more
(35:28):
than one of you are definitely feeling. So I appreciate
you joining the community over there. We also have a
Patreon if you want to support me. It is just
me recording, writing, editing, posting these episodes, and it's a
lot of work, so I appreciate when you guys offer
your support, as small as that may be. So thank
you so much for listening to today's episode. As always,
(35:51):
we will be back next week with another one, so
I will see you then
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
(00:26):
Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever
you are in the world, it is great to have
you here. Back for another episode of the Psychology of
Your Twenties. Today, we are going to discuss an experience
that is becoming, I would say increasingly common in this generation,
and that is this pressure to be exceptional. I think
(00:50):
we all have those times where we've looked at the
people around us, or who we idolize, the people we
see on social media or in magazines, and really contemplate
whether we should be doing more, whether we're falling behind,
what our actual worth is if we are not highly
successful in our twenties. And I think it comes from
(01:12):
this very deep societal obsession with success and needing to
be the best, this very individualistic conception of happiness as
one that is defined by accolades and accomplishments and the
praise that we receive from other people. I think we're
not helped by feeling like a lot of those golden
(01:33):
children or examples of very young success stories are somewhat
really not only visible, but kind of thrown in our face,
kind of made to be a point that we're not
doing enough. You know, the Forbes thirty under thirty list,
all those young achievers, those young entrepreneurs, And what that
example can lead us to is a really deep sense
(01:56):
of dissatisfaction and low self worth, where we just feel
like we are not enough because we are not doing
as much as these people are. It's definitely a trap
that I have fallen into before, feeling like my twenties
are somehow a competition rather than time to just figure
(02:16):
things out. And I'm sure that I am not alone
in that experience. It has become a lot harder for
people in this generation to feel like what they do matters,
that they're doing enough, especially as things like college acceptances
become so much harder, and when we're applying for first
jobs where it feels like everyone has that coveted internship
(02:39):
or some startup that they founded when they were sixteen.
That's amazing, that's incredible for them. But we don't have
to be like those people to be happy. So how
do we kind of find peace and joy and fulfillment
amongst all of these influences. Well, today, that is exactly
what we are going to talk about, starting by breaking
(03:02):
down where this pressure to be exceptional has come from,
from social comparison, from social media, from successful sibling syndrome,
and so much more, but also the consequences of this
perspective and ideology for our mental health and our general wellbeing.
I also think that feeling like you need to do
(03:24):
something in particular or achieve something in particular to receive
external validation or to be seen as worthy is one
of the worst motivators we can encounter. And there are
so many theories in psychology that confirm this, that suggests
that when we actually enjoy something, and we actually love something,
(03:46):
even if society doesn't think it's as bright and shiny
and impressive, we're actually going to be a lot more
committed to it and enjoy it a lot more. We're
also going to discuss the ways that we can detec
hatch from this toxic mentality by finding delight, by redesigning
our conception of happiness and cutting ties with anything and
(04:09):
anyone who makes you feel like you need to be
doing more in order to be worthy. If this has
been your experience recently as a twenty something year old
or beyond, we are here to discuss all the psychology
behind this experience and also just sometimes highlight the beauty
of just being ordinary, of not needing you know, a
(04:32):
Nobel prize or acceptance to a Harvard you know or
Ivy League school to a be a worthy person, be
a happy person, and see be a good person. So
I think we better get into it without further ado.
Let us break down the psychology behind the need or
the pressure to be exceptional in our twenties. So, like said, recently,
(05:00):
I have identified this common experience that we are feeling
an increasing pressure to be absolutely exceptional or be the
best at something in our twenties, or at least have
something unique about us that makes us stand out from
the crowd. It always surprises me when I talk to
fellow twenty something year olds, where you know, a lot
(05:22):
of us are kind of reaching a certain fork in
the road where we're feeling very lost, feeling like we
need to make a lot of decisions. And at that point,
many of us are overwhelmed by this sense that one
of the choices we can make, or one of the
choices that we do make will leave us feeling really mediocre,
or leave us feeling like we should have done something else,
(05:43):
or that we should be doing more. That our lives
are kind of not meaningful unless we are being externally
recognized for something that other people perceive as brilliant or impressive.
And this is not about being the best version of
ourselves or recognizing that, you know, there are certain ambitions
we have, or that we are a work in progress. No,
(06:05):
it's this real distinct sense of failure that what are
our lives for if we are not succeeding? What are
we doing if we are not being praised for something
or other that we have achieved. Personally, I actually think
there's nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version
of yourself or having really, you know, incredible plans and
(06:27):
large goals. But I think the caveat is that this
can only be sustainable and actually prove, you know, very
fruitful when that ambition is derived from our internal values
and our internal goals, not some broader societal expectation or pressure.
But the fact that so many of us are feeling
(06:49):
that pressure from external sources is probably what's leading to
such a deep sense of failure and dissatisfaction in this generation.
You know, questions around and why am I not like
that other person? What am I missing? Should I be
working harder? Should I be making more money, stretching myself
even further? And recent studies have revealed that as many
(07:12):
as one in four of us feel like a failure
or feel like we are wasting our lives. And what
I find interesting about that is when you push people
further and really examine what they mean when they say
their lives are a waste, what we see is that
so many of these individuals were, you know, equating the
value of their life with really tangible success and really
(07:37):
tangible forms of recognition. And I think that's really what
the pressure to be extraordinary or exceptional is all about.
Being you know, quote unquote that person who has amazing grades,
who makes heaps of money, who has some side hustle
or passion that gets attention, having some kind of you know,
(07:58):
sporting accomplishment, running marathons on your days off, like just
being a highly successful and admired person, you know, essentially
just having it all together. And I don't know about you,
maybe you're different to me, But I have never met
someone like that in real life ever, Like I've never
met someone who has it all together, whose life is
(08:19):
absolutely perfect and who is you know, exceptionally brilliant and
at like the top of their field and has no
problems with that. That pressure to be exceptional has been
promoted across so many different avenues in our cultures, in
our lives, in the media, and often so implicitly that
we don't even recognize what a significant impact it has
(08:41):
had on our attitudes and our behaviors, and also our
ambitions or even sometimes the unrealistic expectations that we have
for our lives. So as people who are navigating early adulthood,
it now feels like, you know, figuring out who we
are is a competition based on accomplishments rather than trial
and error getting to have, you know, just a few
(09:03):
years where you just kind of fuck around and you
do nothing, where you actually kind of explore the world
and the contents of who you are without trying to
be impressive, without trying to achieve something. When I think
about the main culprit for me of this feeling, the
one that really gets me in such a rut, of
self criticism. It is Forbes thirty under thirty. And for
(09:25):
those of us who are not aware of what that is, well, firstly, congratulations,
please enjoy your peace for as long as you can.
But it's essentially this list that Forbes put out every
year of the most successful, impressive, accomplished people in their twenties,
you know, or under the age of thirty, across every discipline,
(09:46):
social media, sports, science, venture capital, whatever you can imagine.
And every single person on this list. Someone actually said
this to me the other day. Every single person on
this list is like the worst person you can meet
at a party, you know, especially if you're feeling bad
about yourself, because they are the golden children of the
twenty something year olds. They are the ones who have
(10:07):
ticked all of the boxes so far. I think it
all derives from our deeply kind of psychological and emotional
obsession with the wonder kind, you know, a person who
achieves great success at a relatively young age, and our
obsession with that occurs because it combines the true things
that society really admires the most, which are youth and success.
(10:33):
And we see these people on magazines, you know, we
see them starting up companies, TV, you know, on TV,
all across our for you pages, and for the everyday
person probably like you and I. I think the message
from all of this is very clear. It is not
okay to just be good anymore. You have to be
exceptional because if they can do it, you know, why
(10:56):
can't you? What does that say about your talent, about
your intelligence, about your ambition, your discipline, If you, as
a fellow twenty something year old someone in this decade
of your life, are not reaching the same heights as
these people who are essentially our peers. And when we
buy into that ideal or narrative, it can leave us
(11:18):
with such a diminished sense of self worth, negative self esteem,
it can push us to burn out feelings of worthlessness
as well, but also a really deep almost addiction or
need or reliance on social comparison, where we constantly are
examining the successes and the exceptionalism of others in thinking,
(11:41):
you know, what am I doing wrong here? What is
wrong with me? That I'm not at the same level
that they are. We know from a psychological perspective that
social comparison is a really important evolutionary instinct that has
evolved to help us evaluate our behavior and our performance
(12:02):
based on group norms, and really make sure that we
are staying in line with what the group expects of us.
But where previously a lot of that social comparison was
going to be limited to our close friends or our
classmates or family or co workers, now with the emergence
of the Internet, that kind of gives us like twenty
(12:25):
four hour access to compare ourselves to anyone in the
world at any time. It's provided I think, such an
unnatural insight into the lives of everyone and what they're doing,
what they're accomplishing, how exciting everything must be for them.
And when that constant stream of information is not contained
(12:46):
or we begin to find it difficult to decipher, you know,
truth from fiction, I think it's impossible to ever feel
like we're good enough in that environment. There was this
really fascinating article from the Michigan Post and I think
it put it really really well. You know, with the
ever present kind of manufactured realities of social media, there
(13:08):
are now endless opportunities for comparison. So every day we
are presented with people who are close to us in age,
who have and do more than us, people who lead
very glamorous lifestyles who are accomplished, and we don't really
have the awareness, I think, to really call ourselves out
and be like that is probably not the truth. Every
(13:30):
profile you see, every Instagram page, every TikTok that is
based on the establishment of a presentation of self or
a persona that only exists online, and that persona is
meant to be appealing, it's meant to be desirable, it's
meant to grab your attention, and it's also chosen with
(13:51):
a purpose. And I think it's interesting because we can
know that as much as much as we try, that
social media and reality are not aligned, but every single
one of us still does it. Every single one of
us still has this really curated, glossy, polished online persona.
You know, I have one. I feel kind of ashamed
(14:11):
to admit that. But the person I'm on you know,
who I am online is not the same as who
I am in person because of this pressure to give
into the need to curate my external presentation. And that
really also relates to how we represent our successes online
as well. You know the other thing I've begun to
(14:33):
notice maybe around last year that I think also has
some influence maybe less than social media as a whole
in general, but they really go hand in hand. Was
the trend of people being that girl or that person,
this trend of people showing us their fifteen hour days
in which every hour is incredibly productive and they eat
(14:56):
really well and they exercise every day and they make
ten thousand dollars of passive income or something like that,
and it looks really great, right like it, It gets
our attention, it looks really admirable, and it definitely is.
But how realistic is that? Really? How many twenty something
year olds or people in the world can actually live
(15:16):
that life sustainably? And even though we know that a
lot of it is probably fiction or really curated, it
really influences us in subtle ways. Even things like that
which feel negligible act as a social cue. So psychology
can really explain why that is why we find that
we take on this pressure to be exceptional in the
(15:40):
face of all these factors. One of these explanations is
around observational learning. So this theory emerged from a series
of pretty famous experiments conducted by the psychologist called Albert Bondura,
who watched how children tend to imitate the behaviors and
actions of people close to them. So we look to
(16:02):
others to teach us the way right, to show us
what we should be doing, what society expects, and then
we try to mimic it, or feel almost if we
can't mimic it, this intense sense of failure. So when
all of these cues from social media and our peers
are being absorbed, what this is really doing to us
(16:24):
is setting an example of how we think we should
behave influencing us to be like those people, to act
like them, to meet the apparent standard of being extraordinary.
And I think that's so problematic because obviously these expectations
that we are exposed to are not reality, and yet
we think they are, hence that pressure forming. I also
(16:47):
think it won't come as a surprise that this intrinsic
fear of being mediocre and a sense of failure is
a lot more common in high achievers, particularly people who
were very accomplished in high school or even at university.
I know a lot of us are actually like this.
You know, as children or teenagers, we worked really hard
(17:10):
to get good grades, to receive the praise of others.
You know, we absolutely thrived in those structured environments, and
we got awards and accolades, and with that a sense
of accomplishment. And then when we leave that small, contained environment,
we are suddenly really shocked by how many other people
(17:30):
out there might be just like us. Or we experience
failure for the first time, which is totally natural, but
it absolutely throws us for a loop, because who are
we without these successes, without this external validation. I think
overachievers are also much more susceptible to this broader narrative
(17:53):
and idolization around success because to some extent we've already
brought into it as an element of our identity. We
have been indoctrinated, and so we push ourselves to keep
being that version of us, which, by no surprise, leads
to really high rates of things like burnout and alienation
not just from ourselves but from others, and also our
(18:16):
deeper values and our deeper goals, because we've never actually
sat down and thought what actually makes me happy? Here,
it's all just about accomplishment, it's all just about getting
the best grades, being like this perfect version of us,
and not so much about really satisfying our internal needs
and our internal enjoyment of our lives. And then, of
(18:38):
course this is only exacerbated when we are actually exposed
to those really exceptional people, not just online but in
real life. If you are someone who has a sibling
or a family member who has just done like incredible things,
who is the family golden child, you will know the
feeling of constantly being compared to them, being told to
(19:00):
be more like them, or judging yourself based kind of
on the example that they've set. So I have a
sister who is this very very talented athlete. Shout out
to Ellie if she is listening to this, and I
really I love it a bit, as she is like
an incredible person and I think, though, despite the fact
that I'm not even one percent an athlete, I still
(19:23):
feel this need to be more like her in my pursuits.
And they've done research on this as well, and they've
found this term that I think sums it up perfectly.
I don't know where I heard this, but it is
like the perfect term for this. It's called successful sibling syndrome,
whereby we feel overshadowed and thus face incredible pressure to
(19:43):
be extraordinary in the presence of a sibling like this.
Family dynamics are so funny in that way because they
bring us so much joy and they really elevate our lives.
But into family comparison can also, as we've seen, lead
to a lot of bitterness and resis dent if one
child receives a lot of validation and the other child
(20:05):
or the other siblings are kind of left out. Okay, So,
now that we've examined the origins of this pressure to
the exceptional and fantastic and successful, particularly in our twenties,
what I really want to talk about are some of
the consequences and why seeking this external image of success
(20:25):
might not actually be totally effective or make us happier individuals,
but also how to reject the narrative and to really
see your twenties as a time to be exploring rather
than excelling. So all of that and so much more
after this shortbreak. No one likes feeling mediocre. No one
(20:52):
likes feeling like they are not meeting their own expectations
or not reaching their potential. But there's a distinction between
pursuing your best self and someone else's conception of what
your best self should be. Because is it really that
bad to not be special, you know, and to just
be happy with what makes you happy, even if society
(21:15):
doesn't really understand it. I think that takes just as
much courage and passion as putting everything into being a
young success story, of giving the image of perfection and accomplishment.
So much research has shown that when people experience an undue,
an abnormal amount of pressure to excel or to be
the best, there are some really serious consequences for our
(21:38):
mental health. And it also doesn't actually mean they will
be more successful, you know. Firstly, it creates a really
high level of self criticism where we aren't able to
really regulate our own feelings about ourselves and our own
self concept because we feel like our worth is based
on external standards rather than how we actually view ourselves internally.
(22:02):
And I know I mentioned it before, but another consequence
is burnout. It's such a you know, it's on such
a rise at the moment. There are so many people
who I know personally who say this, like, I'm so
burnt out. I'm trying so hard to be this like exceptional,
incredible person. I remember this time in my very early twenties,
when I was working two jobs. I was trying to
(22:25):
like write articles, trying to have original iteas make like
the frickin Dean's list at my university, and I could
just kind of feel like my body was giving out
on me. It's weird, but I just felt like I
could feel how tired I was like in my eyes,
and how much I was just pushing myself too hard,
(22:45):
and for what, you know, for someone else's passing admiration,
probably someone I didn't even know or didn't even know
that well, to appear a certain way, to have some
kind of reputation. And I really had to question, is
that momentary feeling of being admired or feeling accomplished worth
as much as I'm giving up that feeling of being
(23:06):
around my friends or of actually having time to enjoy
my life, is that going to be a better use
of my time? I guess the question you really need
to ask is is being hard on yourself worth it?
Is it really going to improve your life? Is that
success really going to be the one that is going
to make you happy? Or is it just going to
(23:29):
make it more difficult to really fully enjoy what you have.
I think that pressure, particularly in our twenties, can also
bring an overall sense of dissatisfaction with our life. This
is a really interesting point, because we really do have
the power to create our own definition of happiness. We
get to choose what our dream life looks like if
(23:51):
we are intentional with it, and we actually examine what
about our beliefs has been adopted from a societal idea
of happiness and what has come from our own desires. So,
you know, do you really want those accolades? Would that
seriously bring you deeper satisfaction and meaning? Or were you
just raised by parents who promoted perfectionism or were you
(24:13):
just raised in a society that says it is okay
to sacrifice all other elements of your life for success.
A really easy way to figure that out is when
you think about your dream life. What are the things
that you feel the need to justify and what are
the things that you include just because you know that
they're expected. You know, our emotional reaction to these different
(24:35):
things tells us a lot more about what we actually
feel when it comes to our choices and whether we're
content with them or not. There's also a really significant
reason why the external pressure to be exceptional actually doesn't
help us to be better people or to accomplish more So,
in psychology, there is this really interesting idea theory. It's
(24:59):
called self determined theory, and what it does is it
outlines how and why people are motivated to do certain things. Basically,
we can derive our motivation from what we call extrinsic
motivators or intrinsic motivators. So extrinsic motivators, they all kind
(25:20):
of come from beyond us. There're things like pressure from
other people, or the need to conform, or the coercion
or power of other people's opinions, and these motivators are
a lot less powerful at getting us to do something
or to maintain a certain behavior compared to intrinsic motivators.
(25:40):
And these derive from our genuine enjoyment in doing something,
our inherent interest and satisfaction with that activity. You know,
no one is telling you to do it. You just
want to do it because you find joy in it.
And I think it's very easy to see which of
these motivators is going to be more impactful, right, you know?
And also why pursuing certain ambitions or goals because we
(26:04):
think it will make someone else happy or make someone
else impressed. Not only is that going to leave us unfulfilled,
but we are also a lot less likely to put
in as much time and love and energy into those
outcomes and into those accomplishments compared to ones that we
internally are actually really passionate about. It's also worth reminding
(26:26):
you that on a planet of I think nine billion
people now, not everyone is going to be exceptional. You know.
Actually some people have to be ordinary. Most of us
will be ordinary, and you're in the company of billions
of others who feel completely content with that state of
their life. Also, I think even if we look to
(26:46):
those heroes that we have, you know, our idols, our
examples of success, I don't think anyone or any one
of them ever gets to the point of being like
this is it achieved it all and I'm happy. It's
such a myth that success brings greater fulfillment, you know,
(27:06):
the age old saying goes like the grass is always
greener on the other side. But also the goalposts keep moving.
Once you have that one thing you've always wanted, once
you have that accomplishment, once you have that award or
that sense of success, you are always going to want more.
And so I think a lot of people are never
fully satisfied. I actually read this really amazing quote, and
(27:29):
I'm not sure where it was, but if I remember it,
I'll put it in the show notes. But what it
said was that the world is divided into the people
who are privileged with being ordinary and those of us
who are damned by our desire to be remarkable. And
that court genuinely left me a little bit speechless. I
don't know why, but some younger part of me just
(27:51):
related to that so deeply, probably because in the past
I did always think that my worth was tied to
what I achieved, and then I had to be exceptional.
And yet I think at those times I'd never been
more miserable. So how do we reject this narrative the
wonder kind that girl Forbes thirty under thirty ideology? I
(28:14):
think firstly, the main issue we need to tackle or
manage is our social comparison, specifically the assumption that we
know what's going on in people's lives and that their
online persona is their real persona. Although social media I
think has really enabled us to see more opportunities and options,
(28:34):
like we said, it's also increased the spotlight on our
own insecurities and where we feel like we are falling behind.
Whatever that may be for you. And maybe I don't
need to say this, but just in case you haven't
heard it today, everything you see online is fake, like
literally everything, and I have an example of this from
my own life. I remember this point that I was
(28:56):
my saddest, my most unhappy version of myself. And I
also at the time was posting the most I ever
had to social media, and I would get comments and
dms from people being like, you are glowing, you look
so happy, and it was just so far from the truth.
When my podcast blew up last year was when I
(29:17):
think I was most miserable because I was so overwhelmed
by the expectations and the pressure and the visibility that
I just didn't really know how to move forward. And
I know that from the outside it probably looked like
I was accomplishing something really massive and I must be overjoyed,
but that was so far from the truth. That was
just so untrue. So I really think check yourself when
(29:38):
you begin looking at people's content or feeds or announcements
and you think that that means their life is perfect,
you know, remind yourself that you never know the full story. Secondly,
I would say avoid toxic media or even people that
make you feel like you're falling behind just because you're
not hitting the same milestones that they are advertising. Remember,
(29:59):
the are really influential social cues that will inform your
vision of happiness. So critique what version of a happy
life they are trying to sell you. Mainly that success
equals fulfillment and that you're only worth as much as
your output or your productivity. That's not true. Your life
goal can be to work a stable job and buy
(30:21):
a cute little house with a garden and watch hummingbirds
all day, and that is just as valid. You do
not need to have your fifteen minutes of fame. You
can give it to someone else and remind yourself that
you are still a work in progress. That is what
our twenties are all about. Figuring shit out, making mistakes,
making memories, not just acquiring accolades. And you know, just
(30:44):
because you're not in the same place as some random
friend you went to high school with doesn't mean you
won't get there if that's what you want, or that
you're a failure. You have time. You are taking your
time to give yourself the nuance and the dimension and
the experiences that a lot of people tend to skip over,
and those memories are just as important as more money
(31:07):
in your bank account or whatever. It is that this
vision of success is trying to subject you to having
ordinary experiences, maybe being ordinary. It doesn't stand in opposition
to having dreams or having a vision for your life.
You know, and considering the value in our everyday, average,
good enough lives really helps us reorientate out, you know,
(31:30):
reorientate ourselves back to what we actually desire. If you're
very content with what you have, you're never going to
feel like you need to be like someone else. There
was this really wonderful NPR article and it really put
it like this, and I think it was amazing. It
stated that, you know, we really need to focus on
finding our own interpretation of fulfillment instead of chasing that,
(31:54):
you know, that myth that there's always more that we
need to be doing, that every struggle, every failure is
going to define us. That every moment we don't know
what we're doing is signaling that we're behind. Because it
really is okay to not know right now. It's okay
(32:15):
to not be someone famous or be someone really successful.
You know, all kind of compiles those original thoughts and
you know those thoughts that we mentioned before. You can
have an ordinary life, you can have ordinary dreams, but
also you can have big dreams and still be on
your way to achieving them and finally find the joy
(32:35):
in everyday life. This really rests on some of the
foundational principles of mindfulness, which we talk about on the
show a lot, you know, having that gratitude and that
beginner's mindset to your life. One of my therapists once
told me that one of the easiest ways to feel
more content with what you have is to try and
(32:57):
find four things every day that bring you delight. You know,
the little girl on the train who is like holding
a flower that she found, or your favorite song that
is playing at the grocery store. The moment you happen
to walk in delight is such an overlooked emotion. I
don't even think any definition of it does it justice.
(33:19):
It just feels delightful, Like we know what that feels
like in our bones, and when we look for it, it
comes to you and it refocuses your brain away from
tangible achievements to actually just feeling happy to be here,
regardless of what others are doing, regardless of what society
is expecting from you, or what we praise people for.
(33:41):
You're just happy to be here. You're just doing your best.
You're figuring things out, and that is just as valid
and valuable and admirable as everyone else's achievements. Like someone
else's journey is not your journey. And not only do
we not know what's going on in their lives at
this moment, we also don't know how it's gonna turn out.
(34:02):
Like life has such a funny way of surprising us
and giving us what we think we want at the
strangest times. So it's okay to not be at that
point you thought you were gonna be right now. It's
okay to use your twenties for something other than success
and for something other than being exceptional. All Right, I
think that's all we have time for today. I really
(34:22):
hope you enjoy this quick run through overview of the
pressure to be exceptional in our twenties. I'm feeling it.
I'm sure a lot of us are. But like we said,
it's okay to just be kind of ordinary for a while.
It's okay to just enjoy what's going on in your
life because you like it, even if society doesn't understand
it as much. So thank you so much for listening
(34:45):
to today's episode. As always, if you are a frequent listener,
you know what I'm gonna ask. If you enjoyed this episode,
please feel free to leave a five star review on
Apple Podcasts, Spotify wherever you are listening right now and
follow along for the ride. Follow me on Instagram at
that Psychology podcast or at gemispeg if you want to
(35:08):
see some more personal content. Don't know why that made
it sound like it was really like our rated It's
just like pictures of dogs, like what I'm getting up
to in my life. But if you have an episode suggestion,
please send it over there. I love hearing about what's
going on in your lives and some of the experiences
that you know are actually quite common and that more
(35:28):
than one of you are definitely feeling. So I appreciate
you joining the community over there. We also have a
Patreon if you want to support me. It is just
me recording, writing, editing, posting these episodes, and it's a
lot of work, so I appreciate when you guys offer
your support, as small as that may be. So thank
you so much for listening to today's episode. As always,
(35:51):
we will be back next week with another one, so
I will see you then
Host
Jemma Sbeghen
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