March 27, 2024 • 38 mins
Special guest, Reginald Lewis, the soul-matcher, returns to work with two women in the latest R Spot episode. Iyanla welcomes a caller who constantly accepts less than she deserves, which results in repeating the same patterns. Then, the next caller is a woman who isn’t up front with her intentions when it comes to using dating apps.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
I am a yamla, your host, your guide, a teacher
for salm, and a soft place to fall for others.
And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until
I love myself enough to be able to share my
love with other people. Welcome to the r Spot, a
production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Blessings and greetings.
(00:39):
Welcome to the Art Spot. My guest today is Reginald
Lewis the Soul Matter, and he says that his life's
mission is to inspire, educate, empower and elevate humanity, helping
souls to heal and evolve through the infinite love and
wisdom of spirit so that they are way into their
(01:00):
full potential love. That's a big, big, big, tall order
if you just want to have a relationship. But Reginald
and I are talking about what makes that happen. He
works on the heart and I'm working on the mind.
So together we make a perfect match. I wonder if
he wants to marry me. No, just kidding, but I
(01:22):
do see an opening for a common question, and that
is what stands in the way of people really connecting
and finding the love they so desperately desire, Reginald, what
do you think.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
It takes time to meditate, to contemplate, to internalize. So
I call soul searching. I'm very big on soul searching.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
You know.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I always tell people, I said, I always ask people,
I said, have you done any soul searching in your life?
And what does that mean to you? Because you will
see that a lot of people they realize that they've
never really taken the time for themselves with themselves, you know,
they go by people are people are living on automatic
(02:08):
mold rather than manual mole. You know, they're living life
like machines, like WANs, you know, and letting everything else
influence them rather than them being in control, aware of
themselves and influing them influencing themselves, you know, and being aware.
Awareness is key. Awareness is everything. I'm big on that,
(02:30):
and that's how I approach my work through personal awareness.
How aware are you of yourself? Because I truly believe
that there is power and knowledge and self knowledge and
self awareness. So many people walk around with so much baggage,
so much drama, so much pain and hurt, not realizing
(02:51):
that they're walking around with this and that they are
living their life, acting upon their pain and their dramas, and.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Won't they attract somebody that can match that frequency, that
will match their pain, meaning that that person either has
the same pain or that person will intensify the pain
that they have.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Oh, most definitely. Yeah, because we're we're all energetic beings.
We're energetic beings. This is proven scientifically. You know that
we all have an electromagnetic field. You know, we emit
waves frequencies from our brain, from our heart, the strongest
being our heart. And if you are someone who's aware
(03:35):
of the law of attraction and how energy works, what
you put out you receive back.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
So wait a minute, right there, what you put out
you put back. A woman who believes she's self aware
or man an somebody who believes they're self aware, and
they meditate and they run eight crystals on their big
toe and their eyebrow, and they you know, they good person,
and they feed the pigeons and they love they mama.
But they keep attracting a partner that cheats. What's going
(04:04):
on with that person?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Well, I always say this, I say you can do
all these things. You can say all the affirmations you
want to say, You can do all the visualization that
you know, and all the praying, But the thing is
do you believe? What is it that you believe? Believe
is everything? Your mindset is everything because it begins with
(04:26):
the thought. That's the seed that influences everything. So you
can be doing all these external things trying to manifest
your partner, attract your partner, but the key is your
belief and in alignment with what it is that you're
seeking and desiring. Because if you are a person that
you have a drama or pain from your past, whether
it's the relationships through your family, and you have not
(04:50):
healed that, you have not dealt with that, there's a
part of you that is out of alignment and that
it's not agreement with your actions. You and your heart
is not in alignment with your actions, then nothing's going
to manifest the way that you wanted to manifest.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
You're not going to a person. You know, I've been
saying for the last couple of weeks months as I
work with people that women are over it. We're just
we're just over it. Women are over it with the
men and the craziness and the cheating and the whatever whatever.
So let's say you have a person, men or women,
because there's some men out there too that have been
(05:27):
run through the mouth and they're tired, they're hopeless, they're
just kind of fed up and they're just, you know,
forget it. I'll just be by myself. Thereby theirself because
they just don't want to give the relationship, the relationship
another try. They're just they're done with it. What does
(05:48):
that person do to open themselves up again to find
love again? What do they do when they're responding to
their experiences external to internal but that's that's how they feel.
What do they have to do?
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Yeah, So what you just described is resistance when they say,
you know what, enough is enough? I'm going to resist
in fact, because the truth is they want to be loved.
There's no doubt about that. Everyone wants to be loved,
you know. But they put up a wall because of
(06:25):
the love that they have experienced has led to hurt
and has led to pain, and so they're they're protecting themselves.
It's a protective mechanism, a defense mechanism. So to that
person that's gotten to that point, I first say, stop
blaming and focusing on the other person. I think a
(06:47):
lot of times it's so easy to put the blame
on other people you know, and say, oh, they did
this and that and blah blah blah, et cetera. But
I say, what have you done? What are you doing?
What accountability are you taking? Because that's the key part
(07:07):
that's missing. It's accountability. No want to take accountability. Everybody
wants to point fingers that that person he said, she said,
they did that.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
So to that person that's tired, hopeless, in resistance, set
up a wall to avoid being heard. Again, I hear
you saying that the first step is to look at
what they're doing. Okay, so you want to put this
to practice.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Oh yeah, I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Greeting's been loving and welcome to the R Spot. My
guest today is Reginald Lewis, and he is the sole matcher.
So he's going to help you find a match for
your soul.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
Thank you, thank you for your time today.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yeah. So what is it that you want Reginald to
help you with today?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (08:00):
So I'm calling because one of the biggest areas of
my life that I feel stuck in is my love life.
I'm looking for partnership, but I feel like I'm constantly
accepting less than what I desire. I feel very much stuck.
So my question is, how can I get completely completely
unstuck from past trauma beliefs so that I can attract
all that I desire in romantic relationships?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Oh my god, did you write that question down? I
can get complete?
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Yes, I had to on talking to mommy, Yamla. I
had to get it to get all right.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Well, you gotta talk to Reginald Lewis, go ahead, soul matchup.
You got that.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
So it's like you've been through past relationships, past traumas,
relationships that didn't quite work out, but you expected them
to work out. Correct.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Yes, I mean I've been through everything from abusive relationship
to just simply I make a list and none of
the boxes are checked, but I'm still entertaining. I'm still there,
and I know that a lot of it has to
do with past traumas, but I feel like I'm doing
some work to move past that. But I just still
feel like I still have the cooties emotionally.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah, that makes sense. Well, I feel like, like any
dramatic situation, you're going to carry it and it's going
to be very much so instilled in you, and it
takes a like dislodging, you know, it takes it takes work.
You're going to have to dig deep to those roots,
dig up those things, you know. And it sounds like
(09:31):
you said you started, so you're doing the work. So
when you say, hey, you're doing the work, what what
does that mean at this point for you? Doing the work?
Where where's the healing for you? The process of healing
for you right now?
Speaker 4 (09:47):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (09:48):
The process of healing is that I've gone through some
years of counseling. I identify with being like daddy wass daughter,
emotionally detached mother and so I so I struggle with
worthiness and value. So the work is centered around just
you know, developing like that I'm worthy for good because
(10:10):
I feel like good is like removed for me inherently.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
So are you currently as you're doing your work on yourself?
Are you talking to other people? Are you dating?
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Not anything to write home about. I feel like I
talk to people, but I don't. It's not anything like
I don't really go out. I don't really let it
go past like verbal stuff or maybe even flirting sometimes
because I'm literally scared of my ability to make a
(10:42):
good Joine, What do.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
You feel that you lack, that you do not trust
yourself and your own decision making.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
I don't want to be stuck on a story, but
I what comes up for me when you ask that
is that I haven't been affirmed throughout my life.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
With the big people.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
So I don't I don't inherently feel like I don't
have that developed muscle that like, yeah, I'm going out
in the world and I'm trusting my choices and I'm
walking around without you know, like even considering that you know,
my value is a thing. I feel like that part
of me is underdeveloped, and when I'm doing the work
as an adult, it just feels like there's a tather
(11:24):
going on in there. So I just feel like that's underdeveloped,
and that's that's lacking.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Let me talk to Reginald for a minute, so a
couple of things and she can just be a fly
on the wall. List does talk about it, okay, But
can she finds someone who acknowledges her worth and her
value before she does that for herself?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I say no, If you don't come to the fulalization yourself,
how can you expect someone else to come and to
see that fualization themselves. Because relationships are all that I
can mirrors their reflections. They're mirrors. Okay, So if you
don't trust yourself and you keep people at a distance,
(12:10):
guess what, They're not going to trust you and they're
going to remain at a distance.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
We'll talk about that right after this break. Welcome back
to the R spot. Let's pick up where we left off.
I heard her say that because she was never affirmed,
that her sense of value and sense of worth is underdeveloped.
(12:44):
So are there some concrete things she can do to
begin building that value and building that worth that can
then be recognized and acknowledged by somebody else. What are
some concrete things that she can do?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Begin to do things for yourself that make you feel good.
Things not because it's for someone else, you know, but
because it's for you. Meaning go out, get out, but
get out for you. Don't get out because it's like
I want to meet somebody for someone else. Get out
(13:19):
and do things for your personal enjoyment, for your personal satisfaction.
Because what I heard is that there was a lack
of confidence. That's I was going to say earlier. There's
a lack of confidence. You don't have the confidence enough
to say I trust myself. I trust my decisions, and
I trust the people that I allow to come into
(13:39):
my life or come into my space. And so you
have to allow yourself to become more acclimated with making practical,
small decisions and choices that you're confident in for yourself
to build your confidence.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
But you know what, Reginald, she raises a very common
theme that I hear from people. I've made so many
mistakes in the past. How can I trust that I
won't do it again? Does that sound familiar to you, beloved?
I cannot trust that I won't do it again? So
how does she get through that?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
You know, they're just saying do the same thing get
the same result, do something different get a different result.
Maybe looking at the patterns of those choices, those decisions
you know that you feel that work out the best
for you, and say, what were the decisions or choices
that I made then that kind of led to those
circumstances and situations, And what can I do now differently?
Speaker 3 (14:37):
So I definitely am trying to do more of that
where I'm reflecting so that I don't continue to make
the same voices.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Let me offer you this ancient Buddhist principle that says
nothing is permanent, nothing is personal, and nothing is perfect.
So when you look at your past relationships, know that
no relationship, not with the best in the world, it's
(15:05):
not permanent because eventually the person's gonna die or you're
gonna die. So nothing is permanent. So don't think that
any of your past relationships had to be permanent. They
were learning tools, they were proving grounds. So nothing is permanent,
nothing is personal, nothing is personal. People do what they
do based on who they are and the information that
(15:27):
they had. So you had some information back then that
you have updated so you can now function with current events.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Okay, you don't.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Have to worry about what was and it wasn't personal.
They didn't beat you up or betray you or deny
you because they were coming for you personally. That's just
what they do. And you didn't make the choices and
decisions that you made because you were personally trying to
be their doormat or personally trying to be their victim.
It won't personal. It was based on the information that
(15:58):
you had. And nothing is perfect, nothing, nothing and no one.
So you're never going to get it perfectly right. You're
never going to do it perfectly right. You do based
on who you are. Now. You're a woman who's acknowledged
your mistakes. You've gone, you've gotten some help, you're growing,
you're healing. I remember when I did a show with
(16:21):
a young man ace metaphor, and I said to him,
what would you tell women who are really wanting to
to date or find somebody? You know what? He said,
Get out of the house, he said, go out, just
as Richanoda's saying to you, go out, you know, and
go to places that men frequent, like the home depot. Okay,
(16:47):
get dressed up, put on your finest heels and your
fishnet stockings, and just walk the aisles of the home
or go to the mechanic shop say I need some help,
and then they'll say, well what do you need? I
don't know. I just don't know. Can you listen and
see if this sounds all right?
Speaker 3 (17:09):
You know, just be seen. I remember you saying that before.
You said something about like if you feel a little
uncomfortable around male energy energy, to just get around it.
Where even if you're not like trying to be straightforward
and like date someone that you could just get comfortable
around being around male energy.
Speaker 4 (17:29):
So I love that.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
I love those ideas.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
One of the things that you know, I tell women
all the time is speak to every man you see
with no attachment to his response. If you're in the
superman high, how are you be? Couldn't morning? How you
look at you?
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Just one?
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Just speak to every man you see, white, black, old, young, stake, gay,
It don't matter if it's a man. Just speak to him,
just you know, Sasha by and just say hi. That's
how you're going to build the confidence that Reginald is
talking about. And one of them will bite, you know,
one of them will or one of them won't, and
you just keep saying hi. Just high, no attachment. You know,
(18:06):
you're not trying to marry everything in the supermarket.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Or everything at the lose, you know. But I love that.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
You know.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
I want to say this as well, is that it's
okay to make mistakes.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Just don't marry them.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
But make a mistake, but learn from it, Learn that
from because that's what life is about, you know. And
another thing, too, which I feel is a conscious thing,
is the fear of rejection.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Let's talk about that. What is that? What is the
fear of being rejected? What? What? What is that, Reginald.
What do we tell ourselves about somebody rejecting us?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Most people have the fear of rejections, the fear of
being denied, being turned down, not being received. For most
people that means that they feel denied, They feel that
something is wrong with them. You know, they take it personal.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Nothing's personal nothing you know when people reject me, you
know what I say, Well, hell, that ain't the one
for me, because what I want is wanting me to
so buye, get out the way next, keep it moving. Yeah,
but that's huge, the fear of rejection. And I think
(19:25):
it's sometime because we want it or them, we think
they should want us. And then if it ain't for you,
it ain't for you. And if you force it, then
you really will be rejected or turned down or denied.
So we love it. Tell me something you know now
that you didn't know when you called, That.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
I need to go out to the whole depot of
the shit, that I that it's okay to make mistakes,
and that nothing is personal, perfect or permanent, and that
I should be willing to do something different because I
can't keep doing the same thing expecting a different result.
So thank you for.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
That, and and that your past missteps were really a
setup for what's possible. Now you know what you did before,
do something different, don't do that. If you didn't speak
up back, then speak up now. If you let little
things slide back, then don't let them slide now. If
you didn't ask for what you wanted back, then ask
(20:26):
for what you would. Just do it different, because life
gives you an endless supply of do overs. There is
an endless supply of do overts. You can do it
over and over and over until you get it. Listen,
you stay in touch and let me know how you're
making out. And thank you for writing your question. Now,
it was so precise and nice. All right, Okay, bye bye, Yeah, Reginald.
(20:54):
That thing, that rejection, then that really keeps people stuff.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
And so I feel that's a big thing with people,
is that fear of rejection and ego? Is that ego? Well,
I'm not going to say anything to that person. I'm
not going to put myself out there, you know. I'm
going to try to play the tough person, you know,
and I don't need anybody or all of that. Yeah, yeah,
(21:19):
you know.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
We got one more call of Reginald. I want to
try to get him in because I want everybody to
have a little piece of you. Welcome, beloved, thank you,
thank you, thank you for your patience. I want to
get you on with mister Reginald Lewis, the soul matcher,
so he can support you and moving forward in your
love life. Do you have a question, a concern, I issue,
(21:43):
a challenge you want to present to him today?
Speaker 4 (21:46):
Sure, So a little bit about myself. I'm twenty seven
years old. I live in the DC area, and I
have never been in any successful long term relationship. I've
always gotten into like.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Long term twenty seven.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
I know long year, long term, like over over a year.
I would say over a year.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Okay, all right, you could have a long relationship in
twenty seven. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry, yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:18):
No, no, it's okay. So yeah, So I'm just I'm
wondering my last relationship that ended at about a year,
that it didn't even quite make it to a year.
But that was four years ago, and I've been constantly,
like going to therapy, working on myself, getting my life together,
(22:39):
making sure that I'm able to do what I need
to do to take care of myself. Before I involve
myself to anybody else. So I'm basically wondering, is there
anything else that I need to do to prepare to
re enter the dating pool?
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Oh Lord, miss the matchmaker, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Okay, Well I would say this, you're doing the first
and most important thing, which is you're prioritizing yourself. Do
you want to get married? Are you? Are you looking
or are you just looking just to Okay, so that's
something that you desire. You would like to find someone
that is a potential marriage partner. Okay. Another question is
(23:18):
are you on any dating sites?
Speaker 4 (23:21):
I'm on all the dating apps.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Okay, I'm glad to ask that question. Okay, ye on
your dating are you clear? Are you intentional that I
seek marriage a marriage partner? I'm seeking a marriage partner.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
No, so I don't. I don't have it explicitly as.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
That you're still wasting time and you're wasting energy, right
because whoever is that you know you're you're dating or
you're talking to, they can't read your mind. And so
if you begin to date someone and you find out that,
oh they don't want to get married, you know, they
just want to just have fun whatever, you know they're
focusing on self, just want to, you know, have a
(24:03):
good time. It's because you wasn't clear and your intentions
and you did not express that, you didn't make that known.
Women particularly, they say I want to get married or
I want a lifelong partner and hits, but they never
write that and their profile.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not asking for what they want.
They're not asking.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
They're not asking, they're not being clear about what they want.
And they're wondering, well, how come I'm not meeting the
right person, the right individual because you haven't made it
clear exactly what you want and what you desire. Okay,
but if you're clear about what you want to desire,
then that person that reads your profile, if it's there
in straight bull print and they can read, they're either
(24:49):
going to say that's what I want as well, and
this is someone that I want to interact with because
we have a mutual interest and common purpose, or they're not.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
We'll talk about that when we come. Welcome back. I
am y, I'm learing this is the R spot. Here's
what my mother told me long time ago. How many
frogs must you kiss before you meet a prince? Because
if you ain't willing to kiss some frogs you may
(25:18):
never meet your prince. Are you willing to kiss a
few frogs on the day inside, Yeah, it's a frog,
you throw it back. You don't take that home right exactly?
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Yeah, I'm willing to kiss a few frogs. I have
a question about putting out my I know my personal
intentions is to get a marriage partner and be set
up with a lifelong partner. But I was told that
sometimes if you lead with your intentions, you might meet
(25:53):
somebody that is untruthful and just tell you that that's
their intentions as well, just to continue to play around
with you.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
I'm glad you brought that up.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
That's why I don't have that necessarily on my dating
profile and I don't lead with it on a date.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Well, this is the thing is if you don't want
to waste time and energy, like you said, you have
to be clear and you have to be direct about
what you want. You have to write that out and
either they're going to read it or not going to
read it. Now as far as you saying that that
person may be able to deceive you, this is where
you have to use your discernment. And this is another
(26:35):
key aspect that I feel a lot of people miss
ask questions to see where this person is or where
they're at, because there's no way that they're going to
be able to prolong something and deceive you. If you're
asking questions, if you're communicating, if you're getting to know
who this person is. And discernment comes from your soul,
(26:59):
True discernment comes from your soul, your ability to make
right judgment for yourself. What's right for you, what's beneficial
for you, what's good for you, what's good for your soul?
So people need to begin to ask themselves, is this
right for me? Is this in my highest and best
benefit for me? Does this feel right to me? Does
(27:19):
this feel good to me? Does this add to peace
in my life? Because I truly believe a relationship never
feel like a prison. That's if a relationship feels like
a prison, then that means there's all types of stuff
going on there that's not supposed to be going on.
There's control and raby a whole bunch of other things.
(27:41):
And relationships aren't about of control, they're about but.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
How how do you?
Speaker 3 (27:45):
How do you?
Speaker 1 (27:46):
What about the little hiccups? Because when you're learning somebody,
when you're growing into somebody. They will be missteps. So
how do you know it's a misstep and or or
this is not feeling good and I'm gonna throw this
relationship away. How do you make that? Is that what
discerned means exactly?
Speaker 2 (28:04):
There's a difference, for sure between a misstep. Like the
young lader said, it's okay to make mistakes. People make mistakes, Okay.
Now the question is if you make a mistake in
the relationship you're you're with someone, does that person forgive?
Are you forgiving of each other? Are you willing to
work and progress beyond that, learn from that and to
(28:24):
move on. It's different now someone is consistent and persistent
in the mistake and your discernment to say, oh that's
a red flag.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, And I would write that down
too and put that on my little piece of paper.
Pay attention to the red flags or the blue flags
or the green flags if it's a flag, pay pay
attention to the flags. That means the repetitive abuses, violations, missteps, stories,
pay attention to the flags. I put that down on
(28:55):
my thing, and not moving too fast and giving up
the huhah before they deserve that. See the hoohah, don't
give up the hoo hold on.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
So that's another question. How long do you hold on
to the who has.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Well? You know, I follow the ninety day rule, and
if I see anything between day one and ninety that
makes me a little suspicious, I'll move it up to
one twenty because they ain't gonna hang around for one
hundred and twenty days without the hu haa. You know,
they if they don't have good intentions. So hold on
to the hoho hah.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Okay, And if you're looking for a husband and a husband,
someone who's husband potential is looking for a wife someone
whose wife potential, they're going to get to know you.
You know, they're going to show interest in who you are. Okay, Yeah,
there's gonna be physical attraction there, of course. You know,
we're human beings. We have physical attraction and there's nothing
(29:53):
wrong with that. But like you said, do not move
forward too fast. Take your time. Take your time to
get to know this person. Get to know their background,
get to know their relationships with their family, with themselves,
what they desire, what their goals are, what their purpose is,
so that you can see whether the Remember earlier I
said core values. What are your core values? Do their
(30:16):
values align with your values?
Speaker 1 (30:19):
And you know you're a young woman. So one of
the things that I would say to you is, above all,
know what his relationship is like with his mother, because
that's going to tell you a lot. He's got to
be in either neutral relationship or good relationship with his mother.
And you don't want him to think you're lunchable. You
want him to think you're a full course meal. And
(30:41):
that takes time. You know, they have appetizer, and they
have the dreams, and they set the table and they
change the plate. You know that means take your time
and don't convince yourself that you know that you're lunchable.
Don't be desperate. You're twenty seven. You got to at
least another six years, so take your time and really
(31:03):
get clear as rich as a reginal as saying yes,
twenty seven, Yeah, that's good, that's good. Well thank you.
Tell me something you know now that you didn't know
when you called another.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
Okay, it's not that I didn't know it before, but
I think you all kind of dusted it off and
brought it to the forefront. For me, is using discernments, right,
So being a little bit, not judgmental, but being using
judgment as a form to really get to interrogate and
(31:36):
get to know somebody for who they truly are, versus
just taking what they say on the surface and rolling
with it, but actually getting down to the deeper levels
and understanding what their intentions are and seeing if their
answers align with what they told you before maybe thirty
(31:57):
days later, like are you saying the same thing or
are you always switching up your answers consistency.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you
can have what you want?
Speaker 4 (32:07):
I believe that everything success. I believe that success is
written for me absolutely.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
And what is it that you want when it comes
to a relationship. Let me hear you articulate what it
is that you want. What do you want?
Speaker 4 (32:22):
I want a caring partner, somebody that's loyal, and somebody
that value family. Those are the top three things that
I want.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Okay, Oh really, do you want him to have hand tea?
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Do you want his parts to be working?
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (32:37):
All?
Speaker 4 (32:38):
I want all. I want it to look like a
good package too, But yes, I do I do value that.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Okay, Well you know what you have.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Don't leave any don't leave.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
Anything the chance, you know, put it all out there,
hold all of that in your mind so that you
you know, because if you want six two mocha with
a bald head and a beard, you won't even entertain
five to seven latte with no teeth. You got to
(33:12):
be clear, You got to be clear. I'm real clear.
You know certain things are just a necessity for me. Well,
good luck to you. Twenty seven year old has never
had a serious relationship that lasted longer than a year.
You don't know how lucky you are, because there's some
twenty seven years old who could write a series of
(33:33):
horror stories based on their relationship. So good luck to you.
Hear what Reginald said and let me know and send
me an invitation to.
Speaker 4 (33:42):
The wed awesome. Yes, we'll do. Thanks to the both
of you.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Okay, bye, bye, fine Reginald. It has been just a joy.
It has been a joy. I want to tell you
what I got down from all of the people you
spoke to and all of the stuff that we did.
Get clear about who you are. Step number one, Be
clear about who you are from the inside out. Be
(34:09):
clear and intentional about what you want, and that includes
knowing your core values and what matters to you, be
willing to ask for what you want, you know, put
it out there. What else do our spots need to
know when it comes to really dating and looking for relationships?
(34:31):
What else?
Speaker 2 (34:31):
I think people go to relationship they feel a relationship
is supposed to fulfill all my needs. No, okay, a
relationship is not meant to fulfill all of your needs. Okay,
a relationship. From my experience, what I've learned personally as
well as through working with others, is that relationships are
about growth. Okay. Yeah, And you can fulfil yourself or
(34:58):
one can fulfill. You can only complete yourself. No one
can complete you. People can compliment you, people can support you,
but you only fulfill yourself.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
But but can I ask you a question? I want
to ask you a personal question. You don't have to
answer it if you don't want to, but I'm gonna
ask the question. Anyhow, you you who can see things
and angels into people's soul and stuff, you can have
a personal relationship with somebody.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
That's a great question. A lot of people ask me
that it is. I know anyone who I believe is
a very discerning person, very self aware individual. It's difficult
because unfortunately, it's not that there aren't other people's, other
self aware, conscious people in the world, but it's they're
(35:48):
not freely flowing in the world like everybody else.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
You know.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
It's like it's it's you have to you have to
have faith and kind of know, Okay, I'm not alone,
and that I will meet and connect with those people
at the right place at the right time. It takes
a certain faith and trust and higher power. And that's
how my life has always worked. I've never been one
to seek or to search for those relationships. I've always
(36:16):
been the type of person. You know, I'm going to
live my life and live my life to the best
capability of being the best version of myself being who
I am, and with being who I am, I am
going to attract those who are in alignment with who
I am, who see who I am and want to
connect with me.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
You know. But what happens when they come and they
connect and then you see they lit their wonderfulness, their
human wonderfulness. What do you do then?
Speaker 2 (36:43):
Well, you know the things We're all human, you know,
you know, no one's perfect, No one's perfect. I'm not perfect.
We're all human beings. We're all in this body for
we all have our flaws, we all have our things
that we need to work on, we need to grow on.
And the thing is, that's the thing is that you
have to be willing to set that person for who
they are and every aspect of who they are. And
(37:04):
that's how I approach my life. That's how I approach
my relationships in every aspect of my life, is that
I acknowledge the human aspect of them. But that's just
not you know, I'm on a mission right now, and
when I feel like that right person may come along,
they have to be a part of the mission or
not a boord.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
Reginald, Where can people find you if they want to
come and get their soul matched up?
Speaker 2 (37:27):
People can find me at my website at my sole
matchmaker dot com or Reginald Lawis dot com.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
And you also do intuitive readings, right if somebody just
wants to come in and you do coaching.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Yeah, so I do consulting. I do intu the readings, consulting,
life coaching, spiritual life coaching and counseling work as well as.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
The okay, okay, Reginald Lewis my maatchmaker dot com. Thank you, beloved,
it has been a joy. I hope that all of
you are spotors out there have gotten something that they
can use today, that they can use in their life.
Make those notes, get clear about who you are, be
(38:10):
intentional about what you want, know your values and what
matters to you. Ask for what you want, use the sermon,
and pay attention to the flags. Thank you, rich, Thank you,
I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
Pleasure in the.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Meantime, stay in peace, not in pieces, and I will
see you next time. Bye. The R Spot is a
production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more
podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
(38:51):
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
I am a yamla, your host, your guide, a teacher
for salm, and a soft place to fall for others.
And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until
I love myself enough to be able to share my
love with other people. Welcome to the r Spot, a
production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Blessings and greetings.
(00:39):
Welcome to the Art Spot. My guest today is Reginald
Lewis the Soul Matter, and he says that his life's
mission is to inspire, educate, empower and elevate humanity, helping
souls to heal and evolve through the infinite love and
wisdom of spirit so that they are way into their
(01:00):
full potential love. That's a big, big, big, tall order
if you just want to have a relationship. But Reginald
and I are talking about what makes that happen. He
works on the heart and I'm working on the mind.
So together we make a perfect match. I wonder if
he wants to marry me. No, just kidding, but I
(01:22):
do see an opening for a common question, and that
is what stands in the way of people really connecting
and finding the love they so desperately desire, Reginald, what
do you think.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
It takes time to meditate, to contemplate, to internalize. So
I call soul searching. I'm very big on soul searching.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
You know.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I always tell people, I said, I always ask people,
I said, have you done any soul searching in your life?
And what does that mean to you? Because you will
see that a lot of people they realize that they've
never really taken the time for themselves with themselves, you know,
they go by people are people are living on automatic
(02:08):
mold rather than manual mole. You know, they're living life
like machines, like WANs, you know, and letting everything else
influence them rather than them being in control, aware of
themselves and influing them influencing themselves, you know, and being aware.
Awareness is key. Awareness is everything. I'm big on that,
(02:30):
and that's how I approach my work through personal awareness.
How aware are you of yourself? Because I truly believe
that there is power and knowledge and self knowledge and
self awareness. So many people walk around with so much baggage,
so much drama, so much pain and hurt, not realizing
(02:51):
that they're walking around with this and that they are
living their life, acting upon their pain and their dramas, and.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Won't they attract somebody that can match that frequency, that
will match their pain, meaning that that person either has
the same pain or that person will intensify the pain
that they have.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Oh, most definitely. Yeah, because we're we're all energetic beings.
We're energetic beings. This is proven scientifically. You know that
we all have an electromagnetic field. You know, we emit
waves frequencies from our brain, from our heart, the strongest
being our heart. And if you are someone who's aware
(03:35):
of the law of attraction and how energy works, what
you put out you receive back.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
So wait a minute, right there, what you put out
you put back. A woman who believes she's self aware
or man an somebody who believes they're self aware, and
they meditate and they run eight crystals on their big
toe and their eyebrow, and they you know, they good person,
and they feed the pigeons and they love they mama.
But they keep attracting a partner that cheats. What's going
(04:04):
on with that person?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Well, I always say this, I say you can do
all these things. You can say all the affirmations you
want to say, You can do all the visualization that
you know, and all the praying, But the thing is
do you believe? What is it that you believe? Believe
is everything? Your mindset is everything because it begins with
(04:26):
the thought. That's the seed that influences everything. So you
can be doing all these external things trying to manifest
your partner, attract your partner, but the key is your
belief and in alignment with what it is that you're
seeking and desiring. Because if you are a person that
you have a drama or pain from your past, whether
it's the relationships through your family, and you have not
(04:50):
healed that, you have not dealt with that, there's a
part of you that is out of alignment and that
it's not agreement with your actions. You and your heart
is not in alignment with your actions, then nothing's going
to manifest the way that you wanted to manifest.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
You're not going to a person. You know, I've been
saying for the last couple of weeks months as I
work with people that women are over it. We're just
we're just over it. Women are over it with the
men and the craziness and the cheating and the whatever whatever.
So let's say you have a person, men or women,
because there's some men out there too that have been
(05:27):
run through the mouth and they're tired, they're hopeless, they're
just kind of fed up and they're just, you know,
forget it. I'll just be by myself. Thereby theirself because
they just don't want to give the relationship, the relationship
another try. They're just they're done with it. What does
(05:48):
that person do to open themselves up again to find
love again? What do they do when they're responding to
their experiences external to internal but that's that's how they feel.
What do they have to do?
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Yeah, So what you just described is resistance when they say,
you know what, enough is enough? I'm going to resist
in fact, because the truth is they want to be loved.
There's no doubt about that. Everyone wants to be loved,
you know. But they put up a wall because of
(06:25):
the love that they have experienced has led to hurt
and has led to pain, and so they're they're protecting themselves.
It's a protective mechanism, a defense mechanism. So to that
person that's gotten to that point, I first say, stop
blaming and focusing on the other person. I think a
(06:47):
lot of times it's so easy to put the blame
on other people you know, and say, oh, they did
this and that and blah blah blah, et cetera. But
I say, what have you done? What are you doing?
What accountability are you taking? Because that's the key part
(07:07):
that's missing. It's accountability. No want to take accountability. Everybody
wants to point fingers that that person he said, she said,
they did that.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
So to that person that's tired, hopeless, in resistance, set
up a wall to avoid being heard. Again, I hear
you saying that the first step is to look at
what they're doing. Okay, so you want to put this
to practice.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Oh yeah, I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Greeting's been loving and welcome to the R Spot. My
guest today is Reginald Lewis, and he is the sole matcher.
So he's going to help you find a match for
your soul.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
Thank you, thank you for your time today.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yeah. So what is it that you want Reginald to
help you with today?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (08:00):
So I'm calling because one of the biggest areas of
my life that I feel stuck in is my love life.
I'm looking for partnership, but I feel like I'm constantly
accepting less than what I desire. I feel very much stuck.
So my question is, how can I get completely completely
unstuck from past trauma beliefs so that I can attract
all that I desire in romantic relationships?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Oh my god, did you write that question down? I
can get complete?
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Yes, I had to on talking to mommy, Yamla. I
had to get it to get all right.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Well, you gotta talk to Reginald Lewis, go ahead, soul matchup.
You got that.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
So it's like you've been through past relationships, past traumas,
relationships that didn't quite work out, but you expected them
to work out. Correct.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Yes, I mean I've been through everything from abusive relationship
to just simply I make a list and none of
the boxes are checked, but I'm still entertaining. I'm still there,
and I know that a lot of it has to
do with past traumas, but I feel like I'm doing
some work to move past that. But I just still
feel like I still have the cooties emotionally.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah, that makes sense. Well, I feel like, like any
dramatic situation, you're going to carry it and it's going
to be very much so instilled in you, and it
takes a like dislodging, you know, it takes it takes work.
You're going to have to dig deep to those roots,
dig up those things, you know. And it sounds like
(09:31):
you said you started, so you're doing the work. So
when you say, hey, you're doing the work, what what
does that mean at this point for you? Doing the work?
Where where's the healing for you? The process of healing
for you right now?
Speaker 4 (09:47):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (09:48):
The process of healing is that I've gone through some
years of counseling. I identify with being like daddy wass daughter,
emotionally detached mother and so I so I struggle with
worthiness and value. So the work is centered around just
you know, developing like that I'm worthy for good because
(10:10):
I feel like good is like removed for me inherently.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
So are you currently as you're doing your work on yourself?
Are you talking to other people? Are you dating?
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Not anything to write home about. I feel like I
talk to people, but I don't. It's not anything like
I don't really go out. I don't really let it
go past like verbal stuff or maybe even flirting sometimes
because I'm literally scared of my ability to make a
(10:42):
good Joine, What do.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
You feel that you lack, that you do not trust
yourself and your own decision making.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
I don't want to be stuck on a story, but
I what comes up for me when you ask that
is that I haven't been affirmed throughout my life.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
With the big people.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
So I don't I don't inherently feel like I don't
have that developed muscle that like, yeah, I'm going out
in the world and I'm trusting my choices and I'm
walking around without you know, like even considering that you know,
my value is a thing. I feel like that part
of me is underdeveloped, and when I'm doing the work
as an adult, it just feels like there's a tather
(11:24):
going on in there. So I just feel like that's underdeveloped,
and that's that's lacking.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Let me talk to Reginald for a minute, so a
couple of things and she can just be a fly
on the wall. List does talk about it, okay, But
can she finds someone who acknowledges her worth and her
value before she does that for herself?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I say no, If you don't come to the fulalization yourself,
how can you expect someone else to come and to
see that fualization themselves. Because relationships are all that I
can mirrors their reflections. They're mirrors. Okay, So if you
don't trust yourself and you keep people at a distance,
(12:10):
guess what, They're not going to trust you and they're
going to remain at a distance.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
We'll talk about that right after this break. Welcome back
to the R spot. Let's pick up where we left off.
I heard her say that because she was never affirmed,
that her sense of value and sense of worth is underdeveloped.
(12:44):
So are there some concrete things she can do to
begin building that value and building that worth that can
then be recognized and acknowledged by somebody else. What are
some concrete things that she can do?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Begin to do things for yourself that make you feel good.
Things not because it's for someone else, you know, but
because it's for you. Meaning go out, get out, but
get out for you. Don't get out because it's like
I want to meet somebody for someone else. Get out
(13:19):
and do things for your personal enjoyment, for your personal satisfaction.
Because what I heard is that there was a lack
of confidence. That's I was going to say earlier. There's
a lack of confidence. You don't have the confidence enough
to say I trust myself. I trust my decisions, and
I trust the people that I allow to come into
(13:39):
my life or come into my space. And so you
have to allow yourself to become more acclimated with making practical,
small decisions and choices that you're confident in for yourself
to build your confidence.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
But you know what, Reginald, she raises a very common
theme that I hear from people. I've made so many
mistakes in the past. How can I trust that I
won't do it again? Does that sound familiar to you, beloved?
I cannot trust that I won't do it again? So
how does she get through that?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
You know, they're just saying do the same thing get
the same result, do something different get a different result.
Maybe looking at the patterns of those choices, those decisions
you know that you feel that work out the best
for you, and say, what were the decisions or choices
that I made then that kind of led to those
circumstances and situations, And what can I do now differently?
Speaker 3 (14:37):
So I definitely am trying to do more of that
where I'm reflecting so that I don't continue to make
the same voices.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Let me offer you this ancient Buddhist principle that says
nothing is permanent, nothing is personal, and nothing is perfect.
So when you look at your past relationships, know that
no relationship, not with the best in the world, it's
(15:05):
not permanent because eventually the person's gonna die or you're
gonna die. So nothing is permanent. So don't think that
any of your past relationships had to be permanent. They
were learning tools, they were proving grounds. So nothing is permanent,
nothing is personal, nothing is personal. People do what they
do based on who they are and the information that
(15:27):
they had. So you had some information back then that
you have updated so you can now function with current events.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Okay, you don't.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Have to worry about what was and it wasn't personal.
They didn't beat you up or betray you or deny
you because they were coming for you personally. That's just
what they do. And you didn't make the choices and
decisions that you made because you were personally trying to
be their doormat or personally trying to be their victim.
It won't personal. It was based on the information that
(15:58):
you had. And nothing is perfect, nothing, nothing and no one.
So you're never going to get it perfectly right. You're
never going to do it perfectly right. You do based
on who you are. Now. You're a woman who's acknowledged
your mistakes. You've gone, you've gotten some help, you're growing,
you're healing. I remember when I did a show with
(16:21):
a young man ace metaphor, and I said to him,
what would you tell women who are really wanting to
to date or find somebody? You know what? He said,
Get out of the house, he said, go out, just
as Richanoda's saying to you, go out, you know, and
go to places that men frequent, like the home depot. Okay,
(16:47):
get dressed up, put on your finest heels and your
fishnet stockings, and just walk the aisles of the home
or go to the mechanic shop say I need some help,
and then they'll say, well what do you need? I
don't know. I just don't know. Can you listen and
see if this sounds all right?
Speaker 3 (17:09):
You know, just be seen. I remember you saying that before.
You said something about like if you feel a little
uncomfortable around male energy energy, to just get around it.
Where even if you're not like trying to be straightforward
and like date someone that you could just get comfortable
around being around male energy.
Speaker 4 (17:29):
So I love that.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
I love those ideas.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
One of the things that you know, I tell women
all the time is speak to every man you see
with no attachment to his response. If you're in the
superman high, how are you be? Couldn't morning? How you
look at you?
Speaker 3 (17:44):
Just one?
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Just speak to every man you see, white, black, old, young, stake, gay,
It don't matter if it's a man. Just speak to him,
just you know, Sasha by and just say hi. That's
how you're going to build the confidence that Reginald is
talking about. And one of them will bite, you know,
one of them will or one of them won't, and
you just keep saying hi. Just high, no attachment. You know,
(18:06):
you're not trying to marry everything in the supermarket.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Or everything at the lose, you know. But I love that.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
You know.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
I want to say this as well, is that it's
okay to make mistakes.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Just don't marry them.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
But make a mistake, but learn from it, Learn that
from because that's what life is about, you know. And
another thing, too, which I feel is a conscious thing,
is the fear of rejection.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Let's talk about that. What is that? What is the
fear of being rejected? What? What? What is that, Reginald.
What do we tell ourselves about somebody rejecting us?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Most people have the fear of rejections, the fear of
being denied, being turned down, not being received. For most
people that means that they feel denied, They feel that
something is wrong with them. You know, they take it personal.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Nothing's personal nothing you know when people reject me, you
know what I say, Well, hell, that ain't the one
for me, because what I want is wanting me to
so buye, get out the way next, keep it moving. Yeah,
but that's huge, the fear of rejection. And I think
(19:25):
it's sometime because we want it or them, we think
they should want us. And then if it ain't for you,
it ain't for you. And if you force it, then
you really will be rejected or turned down or denied.
So we love it. Tell me something you know now
that you didn't know when you called, That.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
I need to go out to the whole depot of
the shit, that I that it's okay to make mistakes,
and that nothing is personal, perfect or permanent, and that
I should be willing to do something different because I
can't keep doing the same thing expecting a different result.
So thank you for.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
That, and and that your past missteps were really a
setup for what's possible. Now you know what you did before,
do something different, don't do that. If you didn't speak
up back, then speak up now. If you let little
things slide back, then don't let them slide now. If
you didn't ask for what you wanted back, then ask
(20:26):
for what you would. Just do it different, because life
gives you an endless supply of do overs. There is
an endless supply of do overts. You can do it
over and over and over until you get it. Listen,
you stay in touch and let me know how you're
making out. And thank you for writing your question. Now,
it was so precise and nice. All right, Okay, bye bye, Yeah, Reginald.
(20:54):
That thing, that rejection, then that really keeps people stuff.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
And so I feel that's a big thing with people,
is that fear of rejection and ego? Is that ego? Well,
I'm not going to say anything to that person. I'm
not going to put myself out there, you know. I'm
going to try to play the tough person, you know,
and I don't need anybody or all of that. Yeah, yeah,
(21:19):
you know.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
We got one more call of Reginald. I want to
try to get him in because I want everybody to
have a little piece of you. Welcome, beloved, thank you,
thank you, thank you for your patience. I want to
get you on with mister Reginald Lewis, the soul matcher,
so he can support you and moving forward in your
love life. Do you have a question, a concern, I issue,
(21:43):
a challenge you want to present to him today?
Speaker 4 (21:46):
Sure, So a little bit about myself. I'm twenty seven
years old. I live in the DC area, and I
have never been in any successful long term relationship. I've
always gotten into like.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Long term twenty seven.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
I know long year, long term, like over over a year.
I would say over a year.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Okay, all right, you could have a long relationship in
twenty seven. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry, yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:18):
No, no, it's okay. So yeah, So I'm just I'm
wondering my last relationship that ended at about a year,
that it didn't even quite make it to a year.
But that was four years ago, and I've been constantly,
like going to therapy, working on myself, getting my life together,
(22:39):
making sure that I'm able to do what I need
to do to take care of myself. Before I involve
myself to anybody else. So I'm basically wondering, is there
anything else that I need to do to prepare to
re enter the dating pool?
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Oh Lord, miss the matchmaker, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Okay, Well I would say this, you're doing the first
and most important thing, which is you're prioritizing yourself. Do
you want to get married? Are you? Are you looking
or are you just looking just to Okay, so that's
something that you desire. You would like to find someone
that is a potential marriage partner. Okay. Another question is
(23:18):
are you on any dating sites?
Speaker 4 (23:21):
I'm on all the dating apps.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Okay, I'm glad to ask that question. Okay, ye on
your dating are you clear? Are you intentional that I
seek marriage a marriage partner? I'm seeking a marriage partner.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
No, so I don't. I don't have it explicitly as.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
That you're still wasting time and you're wasting energy, right
because whoever is that you know you're you're dating or
you're talking to, they can't read your mind. And so
if you begin to date someone and you find out that,
oh they don't want to get married, you know, they
just want to just have fun whatever, you know they're
focusing on self, just want to, you know, have a
(24:03):
good time. It's because you wasn't clear and your intentions
and you did not express that, you didn't make that known.
Women particularly, they say I want to get married or
I want a lifelong partner and hits, but they never
write that and their profile.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not asking for what they want.
They're not asking.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
They're not asking, they're not being clear about what they want.
And they're wondering, well, how come I'm not meeting the
right person, the right individual because you haven't made it
clear exactly what you want and what you desire. Okay,
but if you're clear about what you want to desire,
then that person that reads your profile, if it's there
in straight bull print and they can read, they're either
(24:49):
going to say that's what I want as well, and
this is someone that I want to interact with because
we have a mutual interest and common purpose, or they're not.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
We'll talk about that when we come. Welcome back. I
am y, I'm learing this is the R spot. Here's
what my mother told me long time ago. How many
frogs must you kiss before you meet a prince? Because
if you ain't willing to kiss some frogs you may
(25:18):
never meet your prince. Are you willing to kiss a
few frogs on the day inside, Yeah, it's a frog,
you throw it back. You don't take that home right exactly?
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Yeah, I'm willing to kiss a few frogs. I have
a question about putting out my I know my personal
intentions is to get a marriage partner and be set
up with a lifelong partner. But I was told that
sometimes if you lead with your intentions, you might meet
(25:53):
somebody that is untruthful and just tell you that that's
their intentions as well, just to continue to play around
with you.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
I'm glad you brought that up.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
That's why I don't have that necessarily on my dating
profile and I don't lead with it on a date.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Well, this is the thing is if you don't want
to waste time and energy, like you said, you have
to be clear and you have to be direct about
what you want. You have to write that out and
either they're going to read it or not going to
read it. Now as far as you saying that that
person may be able to deceive you, this is where
you have to use your discernment. And this is another
(26:35):
key aspect that I feel a lot of people miss
ask questions to see where this person is or where
they're at, because there's no way that they're going to
be able to prolong something and deceive you. If you're
asking questions, if you're communicating, if you're getting to know
who this person is. And discernment comes from your soul,
(26:59):
True discernment comes from your soul, your ability to make
right judgment for yourself. What's right for you, what's beneficial
for you, what's good for you, what's good for your soul?
So people need to begin to ask themselves, is this
right for me? Is this in my highest and best
benefit for me? Does this feel right to me? Does
(27:19):
this feel good to me? Does this add to peace
in my life? Because I truly believe a relationship never
feel like a prison. That's if a relationship feels like
a prison, then that means there's all types of stuff
going on there that's not supposed to be going on.
There's control and raby a whole bunch of other things.
(27:41):
And relationships aren't about of control, they're about but.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
How how do you?
Speaker 3 (27:45):
How do you?
Speaker 1 (27:46):
What about the little hiccups? Because when you're learning somebody,
when you're growing into somebody. They will be missteps. So
how do you know it's a misstep and or or
this is not feeling good and I'm gonna throw this
relationship away. How do you make that? Is that what
discerned means exactly?
Speaker 2 (28:04):
There's a difference, for sure between a misstep. Like the
young lader said, it's okay to make mistakes. People make mistakes, Okay.
Now the question is if you make a mistake in
the relationship you're you're with someone, does that person forgive?
Are you forgiving of each other? Are you willing to
work and progress beyond that, learn from that and to
(28:24):
move on. It's different now someone is consistent and persistent
in the mistake and your discernment to say, oh that's
a red flag.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, And I would write that down
too and put that on my little piece of paper.
Pay attention to the red flags or the blue flags
or the green flags if it's a flag, pay pay
attention to the flags. That means the repetitive abuses, violations, missteps, stories,
pay attention to the flags. I put that down on
(28:55):
my thing, and not moving too fast and giving up
the huhah before they deserve that. See the hoohah, don't
give up the hoo hold on.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 4 (29:04):
So that's another question. How long do you hold on
to the who has.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Well? You know, I follow the ninety day rule, and
if I see anything between day one and ninety that
makes me a little suspicious, I'll move it up to
one twenty because they ain't gonna hang around for one
hundred and twenty days without the hu haa. You know,
they if they don't have good intentions. So hold on
to the hoho hah.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Okay, And if you're looking for a husband and a husband,
someone who's husband potential is looking for a wife someone
whose wife potential, they're going to get to know you.
You know, they're going to show interest in who you are. Okay, Yeah,
there's gonna be physical attraction there, of course. You know,
we're human beings. We have physical attraction and there's nothing
(29:53):
wrong with that. But like you said, do not move
forward too fast. Take your time. Take your time to
get to know this person. Get to know their background,
get to know their relationships with their family, with themselves,
what they desire, what their goals are, what their purpose is,
so that you can see whether the Remember earlier I
said core values. What are your core values? Do their
(30:16):
values align with your values?
Speaker 1 (30:19):
And you know you're a young woman. So one of
the things that I would say to you is, above all,
know what his relationship is like with his mother, because
that's going to tell you a lot. He's got to
be in either neutral relationship or good relationship with his mother.
And you don't want him to think you're lunchable. You
want him to think you're a full course meal. And
(30:41):
that takes time. You know, they have appetizer, and they
have the dreams, and they set the table and they
change the plate. You know that means take your time
and don't convince yourself that you know that you're lunchable.
Don't be desperate. You're twenty seven. You got to at
least another six years, so take your time and really
(31:03):
get clear as rich as a reginal as saying yes,
twenty seven, Yeah, that's good, that's good. Well thank you.
Tell me something you know now that you didn't know
when you called another.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
Okay, it's not that I didn't know it before, but
I think you all kind of dusted it off and
brought it to the forefront. For me, is using discernments, right,
So being a little bit, not judgmental, but being using
judgment as a form to really get to interrogate and
(31:36):
get to know somebody for who they truly are, versus
just taking what they say on the surface and rolling
with it, but actually getting down to the deeper levels
and understanding what their intentions are and seeing if their
answers align with what they told you before maybe thirty
(31:57):
days later, like are you saying the same thing or
are you always switching up your answers consistency.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you
can have what you want?
Speaker 4 (32:07):
I believe that everything success. I believe that success is
written for me absolutely.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
And what is it that you want when it comes
to a relationship. Let me hear you articulate what it
is that you want. What do you want?
Speaker 4 (32:22):
I want a caring partner, somebody that's loyal, and somebody
that value family. Those are the top three things that
I want.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Okay, Oh really, do you want him to have hand tea?
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Do you want his parts to be working?
Speaker 2 (32:37):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (32:37):
All?
Speaker 4 (32:38):
I want all. I want it to look like a
good package too, But yes, I do I do value that.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Okay, Well you know what you have.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Don't leave any don't leave.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
Anything the chance, you know, put it all out there,
hold all of that in your mind so that you
you know, because if you want six two mocha with
a bald head and a beard, you won't even entertain
five to seven latte with no teeth. You got to
(33:12):
be clear, You got to be clear. I'm real clear.
You know certain things are just a necessity for me. Well,
good luck to you. Twenty seven year old has never
had a serious relationship that lasted longer than a year.
You don't know how lucky you are, because there's some
twenty seven years old who could write a series of
(33:33):
horror stories based on their relationship. So good luck to you.
Hear what Reginald said and let me know and send
me an invitation to.
Speaker 4 (33:42):
The wed awesome. Yes, we'll do. Thanks to the both
of you.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Okay, bye, bye, fine Reginald. It has been just a joy.
It has been a joy. I want to tell you
what I got down from all of the people you
spoke to and all of the stuff that we did.
Get clear about who you are. Step number one, Be
clear about who you are from the inside out. Be
(34:09):
clear and intentional about what you want, and that includes
knowing your core values and what matters to you, be
willing to ask for what you want, you know, put
it out there. What else do our spots need to
know when it comes to really dating and looking for relationships?
(34:31):
What else?
Speaker 2 (34:31):
I think people go to relationship they feel a relationship
is supposed to fulfill all my needs. No, okay, a
relationship is not meant to fulfill all of your needs. Okay,
a relationship. From my experience, what I've learned personally as
well as through working with others, is that relationships are
about growth. Okay. Yeah, And you can fulfil yourself or
(34:58):
one can fulfill. You can only complete yourself. No one
can complete you. People can compliment you, people can support you,
but you only fulfill yourself.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
But but can I ask you a question? I want
to ask you a personal question. You don't have to
answer it if you don't want to, but I'm gonna
ask the question. Anyhow, you you who can see things
and angels into people's soul and stuff, you can have
a personal relationship with somebody.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
That's a great question. A lot of people ask me
that it is. I know anyone who I believe is
a very discerning person, very self aware individual. It's difficult
because unfortunately, it's not that there aren't other people's, other
self aware, conscious people in the world, but it's they're
(35:48):
not freely flowing in the world like everybody else.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
You know.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
It's like it's it's you have to you have to
have faith and kind of know, Okay, I'm not alone,
and that I will meet and connect with those people
at the right place at the right time. It takes
a certain faith and trust and higher power. And that's
how my life has always worked. I've never been one
to seek or to search for those relationships. I've always
(36:16):
been the type of person. You know, I'm going to
live my life and live my life to the best
capability of being the best version of myself being who
I am, and with being who I am, I am
going to attract those who are in alignment with who
I am, who see who I am and want to
connect with me.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
You know. But what happens when they come and they
connect and then you see they lit their wonderfulness, their
human wonderfulness. What do you do then?
Speaker 2 (36:43):
Well, you know the things We're all human, you know,
you know, no one's perfect, No one's perfect. I'm not perfect.
We're all human beings. We're all in this body for
we all have our flaws, we all have our things
that we need to work on, we need to grow on.
And the thing is, that's the thing is that you
have to be willing to set that person for who
they are and every aspect of who they are. And
(37:04):
that's how I approach my life. That's how I approach
my relationships in every aspect of my life, is that
I acknowledge the human aspect of them. But that's just
not you know, I'm on a mission right now, and
when I feel like that right person may come along,
they have to be a part of the mission or
not a boord.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
Reginald, Where can people find you if they want to
come and get their soul matched up?
Speaker 2 (37:27):
People can find me at my website at my sole
matchmaker dot com or Reginald Lawis dot com.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
And you also do intuitive readings, right if somebody just
wants to come in and you do coaching.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Yeah, so I do consulting. I do intu the readings, consulting,
life coaching, spiritual life coaching and counseling work as well as.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
The okay, okay, Reginald Lewis my maatchmaker dot com. Thank you, beloved,
it has been a joy. I hope that all of
you are spotors out there have gotten something that they
can use today, that they can use in their life.
Make those notes, get clear about who you are, be
(38:10):
intentional about what you want, know your values and what
matters to you. Ask for what you want, use the sermon,
and pay attention to the flags. Thank you, rich, Thank you,
I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
Pleasure in the.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Meantime, stay in peace, not in pieces, and I will
see you next time. Bye. The R Spot is a
production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more
podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
(38:51):
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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