October 8, 2025 • 45 mins
So much female rage that we had to split it into two episodes. Check out the second half of our interview with psychotherapist and best selling author Jennifer Cox ("Women Are Angry") as we discuss how "it all starts in childhood," that some of us need to call our moms c***s and why women get a greenlight to throw a tantrum.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Oh, I'm gonna put this on.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Oh why you want to hide that you're wearing.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
A crop tie because she's no, she's wearing a crop tie.
I'll tell everyone that I'm wearing a crop top. It's
not that, it's that I am so white that if
I wear white, you won't see me on camera.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
See, but you're lucky you can wear cardigans. I'm a
big cardigan lover and a sweater sweater lover. Look at
look at my armpit already, look at it.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
This is Erica, Erica, this is black.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I know you'll know it's so bad. This is me
all the time through this. It looks like I've done
a two days for Like what that means?
Speaker 1 (00:36):
You're healthy?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Does it? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Sweating is great.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Okay, we're on the Rage Pod.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Look, I'm here with Evar, here with Tara ericson.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Yep, we're here. We're doing We're doing the Rage Pod.
We're talking talking the juice.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Well, what I wanted to talk about really quick is
like I know that nails has come up before nails
that I've been painting my nails. Yes, wow podcasting, Yeah,
yeah you do that?
Speaker 4 (01:17):
Know?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Are you doing gels ever?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
You someone so then you just know that you're gonna
have twenty percent of your nail strength for six months after.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Is that what you do? Absolutely?
Speaker 4 (01:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yeah, because did you alls start to come off? I
start ripping that puppy off, and I go, if the
first layer of my nail comes off, I'm okay, so
be it.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Because I had gorgeous nails for three weeks.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Exactly. It's kind of unfortunate that you're doing jails now
because in a crisis situation, you can't just like paint
a gel on because you need the UV light. So
I feel that you might not be comfortable with gels, right,
because I long.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
A period of time because I'm just painting in public.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Always, like an important event comes up, you will be
found in a corner your nails.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Correct, correct, All right, we should move on. What else?
What else has happened to you recently? Yeah? Well it's
made you mad.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Love Island has happened to me this week, Erica.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
And it happened to you, Yes, it definitely happened to you.
Oh my, it turned on your television, It forced you
to watch it. It did and cause whatever this is, yes, okay, it.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Is an energy surge of life to watch twenty year
olds in bikinis and all the parts are out and
they're just trying to find love. You know. So that's
what's happened to me this week.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
What do you think the fascination is all about twenty
year olds with their parts out? Which, yeah, you said that,
trying to find love?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Okay. When they meet, there's a few people that connect, right,
they're like yes, yes, yes, yes yes. Then they kind
of couple up. It's day one, and then they send
in bombshells. And these bombshells are like two Hawk girls too,
new Hawk guys, and they're ready to f some stuff.
Speaker 5 (03:03):
Right.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Then they have played a kissing game and then they
go the girl has been with a guy for a day, right,
a girl goes to kiss him and then she's angry
about it. It's like they're married after it. I'm telling
you the drama.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
It's peak the drama that's completely organic and not produced
at all.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Definitely producer doing a good job. They're doing a good job.
Good job, But think about how much you'd have to
produce a twenty year old.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
You don't.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
They're drama. They're just filled with it.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Well I think later, yeah, we're gonna have a cunt
of the week because we always do.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yeah, we gotta.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
And you know who has our cunt of the week?
Good old friendy Wendy.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Oh, she's swinging in hot, swinging hot, she went rogue.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Won't tell us, okay, will not tell her, keeping keeping
the lips zipped. That's right in the moment, reacts.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Yeah, okay, we love that. I'm ready for it.
Speaker 6 (03:55):
No no, no, no, no no no no. You've reached the
rage hotline. Please leave us a message.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
What do we got?
Speaker 6 (04:03):
We got a voice memo this week and a text
and I'm going to start with the first voice memo variety.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
Hey guys, so twenty six. My name is Niki, and
my rage right now more like a frustration. My graduated
college pretty stuck. I don't know what to do with
my bachelor's degree, and I would like to know what
tips or some words of encouragement to to go in
(04:40):
and just something because right now it's not looking pretty nice.
So yeah, that's pretty much it.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
First of all, we totally see you. It's got to
be really hard to come out of school right now,
really hard. And like, just I think it's very important
to date people's feelings.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Like if you're like, oh, this.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Is a ship pile, it is. Yeah, but at the
same time we think there maybe there's some things in
our you know, very old age of experience that it
can shed a little bit of light. Sure, I think
number one, just know it's not always going to be
like this. That's a very important thing. When you're like
(05:23):
in the middle of that ship pile, it shall pass,
it shall pass, and it sounds like, oh, that's it,
but it's like no, it really it's it's good to
know that it's this isn't your new forever. But you know,
start poking around, seeing what you're interested in. Start to
start just just going into buildings and poking around.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
At first, I thought you meant on Facebook, but you.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Know, people still poking on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Listen. That was the last time I ever felt happy.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
That is the last time I ever felt assaulted. It's great,
but yeah, try to figure out what you like. And
it's okay if you don't know for sure. Right, Like
I feel like I've had seventy careers, yeah, not all
maybe a five point five of success.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Yeah, totally. I would say give yourself like a little room,
a little grace because like even though you're saying you
can't do a lot with your college degree, then go
and think about what honestly makes you happy. And even
if you're you're making you know, the lowest like ten
bucks an hour, which you're not gonna but minimum wage,
(06:34):
it's if you can make it work that way. I
think that happiness when you get even older, you're just like,
that's really all that matters. Just like it doesn't matter
if you if you're doing anything with your college degree.
I would just say that what will change your life
is to do things that actually give you a little
(06:54):
bit of joy or make you happy.
Speaker 5 (06:56):
Agree.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
And if look, if the thing that you find that
you're excited about is really hard to get into, like
I eat anything in this business, or you don't know
where to start and you do need to pay the bills,
maybe start by trying to figure out what kind of
a person you are, Like, are you someone that wants
to just be in that industry in whatever capacity It
(07:18):
might mean that you're working ten hour days, but at
least you're around the people that are seasoned. Or if
you're like, no, I want to take like a serving job,
or I want to take a customer service job, but
I know it's fewer hours and I'm not doing anything
but that job. But then I clock off and I
go get to dive into the thing that I am
passionate about, and I can figure out what the next
steps are for that.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
I was totally there in college too, Like it's it's
rough where you're like, what am I going to do?
It can feel debilitating, but I think because you're being
vulnerable with yourself, nicky enough to even just call in
and talk about your feelings, I think that gets you
ahead of a lot of other people. Well, keep it
(08:00):
walked in and they bury it and then they just
like wander around like not telling anyone. So I'm really
glad that you.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
And then they made a hip replacement at forty totally yeah,
or a heart replacement?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Why the hip? Why the hip?
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I feel like some people say a lot, but you know,
suppressed rage goes to the hip. Yeah, for a lot
of women to the hips.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yeah, So wait, does that mean that I'm gonna be
getting chunky around the hips?
Speaker 1 (08:29):
If I'm mad or if you're not, if you don't
let the mat out, you're gonna get tight. You're gonna
be tight, real tight, tight, tight keep it tight. Wow,
I want to keep it tight.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Okay, so no splits for me.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Huh, there was never splitz for me ever. But yeah, anyway, Nikki,
we feel you. I remember feeling like I was dropped
off a cliff when I graduated, and it will get better.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Freendy.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Wendy might have some great insights on this.
Speaker 6 (08:56):
I think also, if you want to take some action,
if you know, oh the field that you're interested in.
I really am a big believer of networking. Knowledge is power.
The way you get knowledge and information is by talking
to people. So figure out where that world is and
who's in that world and reach out, send emails, informational interviews,
(09:18):
but try and get out there and network to meet
people so you know what's going on. And it can
also feel like you're taking action to move things forward.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
There's plenty of ways that I think you can turn
whatever you majored into into something else and make that
work for you on your resume and be like, listen,
I did this, which means I'm good at all this
other shit too. Yep, So let's freaking go yep yep.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
Okay, So we got a text and this one cracked
me up because it was very specific.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Okay, let's do it.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Let's go.
Speaker 6 (09:50):
What bugs me that people spend so much of their
time obsessing about ridiculous Marvel superheroes or Star Wars characters,
distracting themse from reality, and devote no time to learning
the epic true story of the rise and fall of
the Byzantine Empire. It's a sign of our times when
(10:10):
someone can obsess about some stupid superhero that cannot relate
to the true story of Emperor Basil the seconds crushing
of Bulgaria or Emperor Justinian's turbulent marriage to Theodora.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Well, I finally feel seen what in the actual fun?
Speaker 5 (10:28):
I know?
Speaker 6 (10:29):
But I was like, well, I got to drop these
names into chatch ept and see what I find out.
Like I remember learning about the Byzantine Empire in high
school in world history. I do not shout out mister Williams,
but I don't really remember specific.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Are they the Huns? Like I know, I think so
I set up? No, I don't think so.
Speaker 6 (10:48):
This dude was just it's giving game of thrones, like
ruler shockingly brutal, awful Offul Offul, and then Emperor Justinian
ruled in fun five hundred and twenty seven to five
sixty five AD. But the real star of the show
is Theodora, which was his wife. Okay, so Theodora was
(11:09):
one of the most extraordinary empresses in history. And back
then during these times, women didn't have surnames. They were
just like Theodora Beyonce Madonna, So that was just.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
All who she was.
Speaker 6 (11:22):
So listen to what Theodora did. She banned force prostitution
and cracked down on human trafficking, created safehouses for former
sex workers. She gave women more divorce rights and protected
their dowries, strengthened laws against rape and sexual assault, expanded
property rights for women to inherit and own assets. She
(11:45):
supported religious minorities. She co ruled as Justinian's political equal,
and she saved his reign by refusing to flee during
the Neco riots. And then I went down the whole
rabbit hole of the Negro riots. It's a whole other thing.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Okay, Well, first of all, can she come back, right,
because like she did a lot more than we're doing now. Yeah,
like we need her.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
That was a lot.
Speaker 6 (12:08):
And she lived for her time. She lived to be
about forty eight years old, which is old for like all,
and they think she succumbed to cancer. But I was
just so impressed by all this stuff, and I really
kind of liked this text because I did go on
this whole journey of learning about her and because of
all of the stuff that she did back in her day.
(12:28):
I'm nominating Theodora as our cunt of the week.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Hell yeah, yes.
Speaker 6 (12:34):
And what does that stand for?
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Guys?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Take it away? Courageous, unapologetic, notorious woman.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
This lady. So you said she was advocating for assault
and rape protections, protections. Yes, and we are in some
states removing the word consent from sexual education. Why just
and this was what year? I'm not good with years.
I would be like, oh, there was this nineteen fifty
(13:07):
right when was the Byzantine Empire?
Speaker 6 (13:09):
This was during five twenty seven to five sixty five.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
A D definitely wouldn't go.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Okay, So when we say that we are regressing, we
have massively regressed for sure. This was in five twenty seven.
There was just three numbers, totally three numbers, wild right, wild?
I mean really, I'm serious. Can we somehow bring her back.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Bring her back from the dead?
Speaker 5 (13:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yeah, fuck some shit up?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
You know, we need to find the book from Left
for Dead, that movie where they go in the book
you say a thing, You're like, wow, and it brings
back the dead, and we'd bring her back. We'd get
a lot of zombies at the same time, but.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
She'd know what to do.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
I feel like she would take care of them, you know.
And then as long as we keep her solid, solid choice.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
I mean I feel like nowadays, like one of the
things that she did might get done in a period
of one hundred years, like one of these greade of
like ten things.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah, but she was killing it. Only had forty eight years.
She got to work.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah, she did.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Let's go girl.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
We had such a great conversation with Jennifer Cox, who
we call jay Cox. Not approved by her, not sanctioned
by her.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
No, not well, we still call her Jacox. She's like,
it's into it. She's so cool.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I think she'd be cool with it. She's the author
of Women Are Angry and also has her own podcast,
Women Are Mad. Yeah, and she's just great. She's smart,
she's funny, she's British. She has all the components of
what you want. Anyways, we had this great conversation with
Jay Cox. Yeah, we did, and it was so good
that we wanted to break it up into two parts.
And this is the second part of our interview. Let's
(14:49):
go talking about female rage.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
You know, I just have a question that I just
thought of now that you know, if if girls in
their teenage years, like if there was somewhat encouraged to
sort of be more rebel ish, if that could be
a way not saying like go out and drink and
do a bunch of coke and like do bad things
and get bad grapes. That's what you need to do.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
That's what we're telling you to do on this podcast.
Speaker 5 (15:22):
I'm saying that.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I'm saying, like if they if they had a chance
to rebel out. You know, when you do that is
sort of when you experience who you are at your
at your core, when you have a chance to just
get away from the family, from the guilt, from whatever,
and you're just like f this, I'm doing this instead
that I feel like that could be a possible way
to sort of deconstruct all of that, like the guilt
(15:46):
and the rage, and and I'm sure there's a way
to do that healthily and not not end up, you know,
like in a ditch because you drank too much. I'm saying,
there's there's probably a happy medium, like go have a drink,
maybe do this thing, maybe rebella a little against the
ideas of like I'm not gonna talk in this marriage
(16:07):
because I can't set him off, and I that makes
me so upset, Like that's something that I saw on
Mary at First Sight, and I know I keep up
I watch too much reality. I literally I wanted to
reach through the screen and strangle her because for me,
I'm like, she's like, I don't know what I'm gonna
(16:27):
say in this therapy session because I just we don't know.
I don't want to set him off, And I'm like,
set him off, shot him on fire?
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 2 (16:37):
I would be living like there is not a word
that I would not say to a person who is
making me feel uncomfortable. I just I would never. So
I'm I'm just so curious in seeing that girl on
TV that I'm like, girl, what can I do for
you to make you get the hell out of here
and understand that you saying what you actually feel and
(16:59):
that he's being do Sharama is okay to say?
Speaker 5 (17:03):
And I wonder if there is like a connection, as
you say, between the teen girl who can find this
rebellious place and like learn how learn kind of where
it is, you know, learn how to get there whatever
that looks like for her, and can somehow hang on
to that part of her self into the teen yge
(17:27):
right beyond the teaming into these kind of you know,
married ones, because I think these days as well, and
I do think it's possibly the same in the States
from what I've read since the pandemic, young teens and
kind of you know early whatever's twenty, things are not
(17:48):
going out as much. It's right, yeah, that and it's
definitely the case here.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
It's like the digital divide two. It's the isolation like oh,
and it's it's it's not the same connection.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
No, but it's.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Become so normalized, which I understand. You can't just like
we don't use buggies to get around anymore. I've accepted it.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I have a car.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
But at the same time, we do need to be
checking how this is affecting our you know, young girl's
development of their identity, of their strength, of their ability
to say what they want and to rage and to
do all of these things. So that is really interesting
that that's what you've been finding.
Speaker 5 (18:34):
Yeah, and I think it's really worrying. And I think,
you know, as you say, it's not necessarily about kind
of saying get out and get drunk and you know,
kind of do all the stuff that we did, because
I'm sure that that wasn't, you know, necessarily in our
best interests. But I think there does have to be
a something a bit more like that, a bit more
(18:55):
kind of ordinary unraveling and going too large and you know,
just sort of taking off those constraints. Yeah, what it
is to kind of go a bit too far, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
To like go against the grain, whether it be your
family or other people, you know, go against it and
have like that conviction.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Well, and then it's interesting, is like what if you
I have two year old twin girls. So your book
obviously resonated a lot with me, but uh you I
would be interested to know it's sort of in the reverse.
What have you just said, do whatever you want? And
then what do they rebel against? They've got to find something, right, Like,
(19:41):
is it like everyone needs something to rebel against? Yeah,
you know, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (19:46):
It's a good point. I don't know, because I feel like, look,
even if we do our utmost as parents to kind
of free them of the shiit that we had in
terms of the downstream conditioning, right right, they will still
(20:07):
get it. They'll still be getting it from oh yeah,
every single message they receive from movies, friends, you know,
people who's well, people in their lives whose parents aren't
doing that with them. So there'll be so many voices
still encouraging them along these kind of traditional lines. So
(20:27):
I think even if you the parent, are going just
do whatever you want, doever you want to be, and
take that to whichever extreme you feel, I think there's
still enough for them to kick again.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
So there's plenty of opportunities for them to feel suppressed,
just like you don't have to. Don't worry if you
don't actively do that, they'll have other options.
Speaker 4 (20:51):
Right yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
So I have a question for you. Do you think
that planning for like fuck off days that's what I
call them, Like I have a fuck off day, go
to Disneyland, I got a pass right, or we go
to Universal Studios. Is there a way that that helps, like,
because we know, like sure, if if you went boxing
or right, you could get it out or maybe a
rage room or something I'm warning if it's if if
(21:15):
there's any I guess stats or just good info about
like if you just take a day that's like for you, right,
how would that help?
Speaker 5 (21:27):
I think it would really help that. I think it's
kind of in a way, it feels like first aid
because it's what would be amazing would be to get
to a point, like all of us somehow where we
could take a moment, like where it wouldn't need to
be a full day because we're addressing the stuff that's
(21:49):
coming up for us, you know, in this kind of
rolling processing way, so that where you know, like you
said at the beginning, able to say it, able to
kind of have a conversation about it. And yet it's
something's kind of really like hitting the fan, just kind
of maybe step out for that one moment and let
all the rage pour out, you know, wherever you are
(22:10):
into a pillow, screaming, you know, in a car or
whatever it is, and then you come back in the
room because it hasn't aggregated up, you know, across days, weeks, months.
But I think because what we are dealing with on
mass is in general, a lifetime of aggregated fury for
most of us, then we probably do need to do
(22:34):
things at this point that are more kind of structured
and a bit longer length. So I mean, interestingly, someone
is coming over from San Diego. I don't know if
you know her actually rage her is the.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Oh yeah, yeah, yes, very I mean we've read about
all of that.
Speaker 5 (22:54):
It's awesome, Yes, Chrissy. So she's she's.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Gone across the pond to see you.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Yeah a so cool. Love that, so cool.
Speaker 5 (23:02):
I know, we're so excited. So this Saturday, we're going
to kind of set up like as she does in
the States with her kind of you know, padded sal Yeah.
Does she transports around and do it for the Brits.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
I love it. That's so great because it's sort of
like you're saying, like if we if we all had
an instance where it's like something happens and you could
go to your car and scream or like for me,
I'm like, yeah, turn the music up and you could
sing really loud that If you're not getting that out
on that's me. But let's freaking go that. If you
(23:40):
can't get that out, you know, on a daily basis,
it's gonna, it's gonna, it's gonna.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Build up, so it may resident yeah, it's it's we
all know when we haven't washed her hair for five days, so.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
So you need you need a good shower, you need
a good fuck off day to really clear it out.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
I also just I think that's I think that's really
makes sense, like the like, if we can get down
to the micro release on the daily, that's ideal. But
if that's not possible, we don't want to just throw
it all away and say, oh, we're just not going
to deal with our rage, like it might require more
dedicated days to just giving to yourself. I wanted to
(24:18):
just circle Oh my god again it's a drinking game
with the phrase circle back. And I hate it when
you were talking like, let's take a gen Z, which
is probably what is that now? That's like the older
team through through through the thirties.
Speaker 5 (24:35):
Yes, is it up to millennial?
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Am I right?
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Yes? Yes, I'm interested to know in what ways you've
seen that maybe things have gotten better for them, and
what ways maybe things haven't. And I think something that
I have noticed when sort of looking at the younger populations,
I think to your earlier point right about not going
(25:00):
out as much, I see a lot of rhetoric. I
see a lot of like talking and like there's posting,
and there's you know, we're we're messaging out into the
world this idea of what we want and who we are.
But is that translating in reality.
Speaker 5 (25:19):
I mean, that is such an interesting question. Someone asked
me this the other day actually, because it was in
light of that the Millie Bobby Brown Oh saying do
you remember she kind of said to camera she'd been
picked on by very.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
Oh, yes, it's yes, because they were saying that she
looked like eighty five or something.
Speaker 5 (25:39):
That's I was like that.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
She didn't say eighty five. That was just for that
was an exaggeration. Yes, that she's dressed like she is
not appropriately dressing for her age or along those lines exactly.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
They had a view, yeah, several views. Yeah, And this
journalist said, you know, do you think this is a
song that actually younger women are getting better at speaking
up and saying you can't say this to me and
I won't have this and this is you're being inappropriate
and that kind of thing. I sadly do not see
(26:15):
that translating out into the kind of real life population.
But maybe it takes time, and maybe you need to
see it modeled kind of all over the place, you know,
by your mother frankly, as well as by these celebrities
writing them down. You know, I do think we it's
(26:42):
really interesting with you know, I've got teenage kids. I
think about this a lot in terms of you know,
of course I think I'm doing a terrible job, just
like everyone else as a mother, because of the guilt,
because God forbid, I think I'm doing something like that. Well,
but I do. I am kind of sort of torn
(27:04):
in this place of how much let's say, kind of
helicoptering do you do, how much like oversee it, and
how much just leaving to their own devices? Like what
what will yield best outcome for them? Because the world
they're growing up in is a mess.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
It'shol it's awful, isn't it.
Speaker 5 (27:29):
So does that mean the best way of helping them
is kind of not protecting them, but sort of standing
by them, more intervening, more like being kind of more
active supports or is it better to just go? I mean,
I just don't get any of this, so off you
good luck is what I do. And you know it's
(27:52):
an experiment, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
I mean, we'll see, so I want to ask you, like, Okay,
so what if there's a person that says like, I
don't want to get rid of my rage because they
like it, They're used to it. It makes them feel safe,
They're used to the guilt and the suppressed anger, and
they identify it with it. Right, It's almost like, well,
(28:14):
this is my identity? How do I let it go?
Speaker 5 (28:17):
That's such a good question. I mean, I think we
have to look to the body, like if they're convinced that,
because the thing that I think most women feel that
I've met is I'm not angry. I'm not an angry person.
I'm really anxious or I cry a lot. You know,
(28:39):
that tends to be where they go more instinctively. And
so what I try to kind of gently do over
time is ask them to kind of think about where
they're keeping these feelings in their body, because often we've
pushed it down so far away from our mind and
(29:00):
our consciousness that it really is only sitting in these
parts of ourselves that you know, we might then call
something completely different, like you know, backache or wild brain
or you know, like exma or whatever it is. And
actually in getting people to kind of connect more of
(29:23):
their feelings. They're kind of you know, psychological version feelings
with their somatic body feelings. Actually it kind of you
don't have to do much by way of going Yeah,
I think we should look at the way that you
hold onto your you know, guilt, anxiety, anger, whatever form
(29:44):
she holds it in, because it kind of gets done automatically.
Just those conversations where you're starting to make associations between
do you think there is connection? You know, you've come
in here with a terrible like I don't know, shoulder
pain for the last six weeks, and also you know
(30:08):
your mom is expecting you to look after your dad
and take him to hospital appointments, you know, because she
doesn't want to.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Yeah, there's probably a connection.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
You know, in a way we glorify and romanticize stress,
but we don't with anger. And really, how different are
they in terms of like the impact they're not but stress? Right?
Stress is fine? Oh, you're working, you're doing stuff, like,
(30:42):
you're out there, you're productive. Anger you're a problem. Yeah, yeah,
especially for women because especially it's so unattractive. How do
you start, Like if you have a patient that comes
in and it's like, yeah, I just I don't get
I don't really get mad.
Speaker 5 (31:03):
I think you do probably have to go back there
because she's gonna keep circling back.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
We've got a runner and our guest is into it,
and we can call back.
Speaker 5 (31:16):
I think she would keep being so adamant that, you know,
if you try to kind of draw her attention to
anything more here and now in terms of stuff she
was saying, you know, even if she was being very
defensive about Oh no, but I love that person. I
(31:37):
love them to bits. Do you have that expression in
the States? Oh yes, I'm so susp I'm just oh,
you hate them?
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Then my mom's psychologist. So I have twin girls and
my mom's a psychologist. You know what that means. I'm fucked.
Speaker 5 (31:54):
Yeah, that's tough for you.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
So thank you. I feel like you probably understand that
on such a level. So I knew what I statements
were when I was like two, so you know, but
but saying that, like I feel like when you did
this thing, you know that is available and it's okay.
It doesn't mean that you're saying that this person is
terrible not but we're so often qualifying right as women,
(32:19):
you know, like okay, okay, okay, but I'm just gonna
say this thing, but it doesn't mean that you know, it's.
Speaker 5 (32:24):
Probably me and it's probably my problem, right, you know,
tell me, tell me now before I've even said to you, well,
I won this wrong.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
There's a whole qualifying pramble. Always.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
I wanted to ask real quick, like for different communication
styles which I've experienced, like between people, what would you
like recommend to ease that frustration to get past it?
Because you know how you can have two different like
just two different styles, and I'm like, what is what
helps with that?
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (32:59):
I was good say as a joke writing a letter
to your younger.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
I love it.
Speaker 5 (33:04):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Oh my god. I need to I need to journal
every day that I that I end up in conversation
with people where it's like you're not getting it and
just and so let me just talk to it just
real quick. I got to write it. I gotta write
my two year old self, five year old self.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Just remember read that and just know that whatever you say,
you're saying to a five year.
Speaker 5 (33:27):
Old Yeah, and you dare still say that right, right,
isn't it? It's actually pretty aggressive.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
It's like some of what we are trying to get
back to is what is innate to being a child? Like, yes, don't,
I don't want that. I don't, please, don't do that.
I'm mad. I'm yeah, I'm I mean that's the other
thing for women to not have rage be accessible to them.
(33:56):
My two year old girls, and they've been this way
for a what like they will have tantrums that didn't
just It's not like Ben and I are having tantrums
every minute of the day that they're just mimicking our behavior.
They are actually frustrated. Right, So then if girls aren't
supposed to get mad, where does that come from?
Speaker 5 (34:15):
You know, tantrums are seen in such a negative life
by us adults, and they all kind if they can
be embarrassing and inconvenient and all the rest of it.
But I'm thinking I actually wonder.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
If we should be encouraging them, especially right go go
go yell in that room, Yeah, hit that pillow, let's
get it out. I think that's important. I mean, so
we only got like five minutes left. We want to
make sure that people know where to find you, you know, shout,
shout out all your handles and also you know, any
last things that you got on your mind that you
(34:53):
want to tell us.
Speaker 5 (34:55):
I think do you know that last point about the tantrums.
I think we need to keep having tantrums. I think
we need to never stop. That's what I would say.
That's my last Well.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
I'm literally going to go home to Ben and just
say the one thing that I took away from this
is that I've been encouraged to have more tantrums.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
Look out LFT and.
Speaker 5 (35:15):
They should involve throwing things, smashing things, maybe a lot
of swearing, stamping feet.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Yeah, I have to say before before we close out,
one thing that's so cool that you share in your book.
Obviously your patients have signed off and allowing you to
share their stories. Some of the some of the strategies
to deal with their their rage are so interesting, like
(35:42):
the one like whether it is, you know, punching a pillow,
or like the one patient who took a wooden spoon
to coats. But some of it is like the one
woman who just needed to call her mother a cunt.
Speaker 5 (35:55):
All of that.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Yeah, Now, do you think that something that like she'll
need to do for her whole life or do you
think it was a period of time.
Speaker 5 (36:04):
I mean I was gonna say then I think we
should all be doing it, but I'm sure there are
some people out there that don't. Am I No, we
probably should all be doing that.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
I might just tell my kids to start calling me
a cunt early.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Start now, get it out right.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Yeah, ditch mommy, I'll still respond. I love that.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
Yeah, because we learned from the best.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
I'm going to get a call from daycare next week.
So I was calling everyone a cunt, but she was
doing it with a hug. Oh, she's hugging everyone and
then calling them a cunt at school.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
That's just because I'm on a podcast. We have come
to the week and it stands for courageous, unapologetic, notorious
tent of a woman.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
But also talk to Jennifer Cox.
Speaker 5 (36:54):
Yeah, I will vouch for her. Don't worry. I love
issuing letters.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
All right, give us, give us all your handles, tell
people where to find you.
Speaker 5 (37:05):
Okay. So main one is Instagram. That's Jennifer Cox's psychotherapist,
and obviously the Women Are Mad podcast, which has its
own Instagram, which is at Women are Mad. The book
is called Women Are Angry, Why Your Age is Hiding
and How to Let It Out. It's available I think
(37:28):
everywhere until it probably gets banned, which most books.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Take that as a compliment if that happens.
Speaker 5 (37:35):
If that happens, I will part of me will be
very thrilled.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Is the way social movement something that women can actively join?
Speaker 5 (37:43):
Yes, wonder so the best way is kind of if
you're on Instagram, sort of follow there and then other
instructions are available and kind of obvious once you're in.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Sounds like a speakeasy and I'm into it exactly.
Speaker 5 (37:58):
You sneak through the doors and then substat is what
would really active on that as well?
Speaker 2 (38:06):
You are literally the best, and everybody go by her book.
We love you, jen We'll talk to you, lady.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Great talking to you. Thank you so much.
Speaker 5 (38:14):
Bye, thank you, bye bye.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Well, turns out she is smart, maybe too smart to
be on this podcast.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
I'm just kidding. We're so intelligent. We're ten out of
ten Erica.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
I feel like if I took an IQ test it
would be so disappointingly low.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
I I'm I'm kind of with you, kind of with you.
Oh you kind thank you. I'm kind of kind of
with you.
Speaker 4 (38:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
No, But like Jennifer talk, she is lets you skip.
It doesn't explain well, I'm not gonna explain, why, explain why.
I'm just gonna We're gonna skip. We're gonna just say that.
Thanks to Jennifer for being on hereuse she's a badass.
She and I love that she answered all of our questions.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Go buy her book and Women are Angry, go follow
her on her podcast Women Are Mad.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Yeah, she's the best. Let's roll that Neon hippiad.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Either you're a teenager and you have too much oil,
or you're reaching menopause and all you want is oil
because you lose it as you age.
Speaker 7 (39:28):
Fun Yep, Finding skincare that works for you is a
tough thing, except that we found the unicorn Neon Hippie.
It has seven mushrooms, it hydrates, it's full of nutrients.
Speaker 2 (39:41):
Guess what You.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Get a discount on Neon Hippie for listening to our podcast,
the Rage Pod. Use the code rage for twenty five
percent off at neon hippie dot com.
Speaker 6 (39:53):
Do you have something that you want to rage about,
Call the hotline and tell us all about it at
two one three nine three five nine nine five. You
can leave us a voicemail or send us a text
and we'll share it on the pod at two on
three two nine, three five, nine ninety five.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
All right, guys, so what we want to know from
you is what is an acceptable form of rage expression? So,
like basically, what's an acceptable form of rage?
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Because I think the reason why we want to talk
about this is because I think we talk a lot
about how like women don't express their rage. Women don't,
you know, let themselves get mad. We're not. But then
when you're actually talking about how does that play out
in real life, that feels to me, it feels very hazy,
like okay, well that's okay, but that's not okay. And
(40:49):
I think the truth of it all is that we think,
maybe some people think that there is a sort of
universal language of societal norms that we're all okay with,
But I actually don't think that true because one person
can think this is like, hey, you're getting it out,
that's okay, and another person can say that's unacceptable from
anybody in any situation. Yeah, So I think it's actually
(41:13):
really gray, and we don't talk about those like the
micro expressions, like like the micro moments, the micro scenarios
of when people are dealing with their rage, right, And
so that's kind of what we would love to hear
from you all what you think is a good example
of you know, particularly women, because we again we all know,
(41:33):
we've talked about this at nauseam, that women are not
encouraged to first of all, have rage or express it.
But what do you think is you know, an okay
way to deal with your rage? Which and I'm not
even judging. I'm not even judging right now. I'm just like,
I'm very interested in how people view what is acceptable
(41:54):
in terms of how people handle their rage, because I
think we say a lot like you need to deal
with your rage. I don't think people really know what
that means.
Speaker 6 (42:02):
But also too, I think it's a matter of who
are you with and who are you with and do
you feel safe enough to lose your mind or are
you repressing it? Yeah, when we had to have the
house tinted for termites, and Sonny went up the chimney
Sonny's my cat, and we couldn't find Sonny, and the
guys were coming, and it was this whole, big, dramatic thing,
(42:24):
and I went to pick her up and she scratched
the fuck out of me, and I screamed and lost
it right into Brett, my landlord's face, and I was
so embarrassed and I felt so terrible. But at the
same time, I was like, he's also he's also a
really good friend, so I was also kind of safe.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
He's wonderful.
Speaker 6 (42:41):
I felt safe to kind of completely lose it.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Yeah, and he.
Speaker 6 (42:44):
Was like, it's all good. We're all losing it today,
we're all under stressed. But would I have done.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
That if it was someone else? You didn't have that
I didn't know.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
Yeah, So it's like there's that safety, and that brings
up like, can you give your own examples of like
boundaries that you wish you had set but you didn't.
And that's also for you guys, you know, leave a comment.
Is there a boundary that you wish you had set
prior with anyone or at any time that you had
not in life in general?
Speaker 1 (43:12):
I mean, like I got like a stupid one that
comes to mind.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Let's go. I feel very.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Strongly about this. I should have laid down the boundary
with our laundry. On pre treating, you've got to fucking pretreat.
Speaker 6 (43:27):
I'm a big pretreat.
Speaker 1 (43:28):
Thank you, Thank you for the people on the back.
If you've got a stain on your clothes. If you
don't pre treat it, don't come crying to mean, it's
not out.
Speaker 6 (43:40):
And you have to have patience with pretreating because sometimes
you gotta let it soak for a couple of days.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
I let it soak. You gotta let it lift.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Did you hear that tone?
Speaker 4 (43:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (43:48):
Sometimes you got it let it set. Yeah, that tone
resonated with my tone. Okay because of pre treating. Yeah,
because you know what, if somebody puts their stain clothes
in the laundry, it doesn't pre treat and it comes
out clean. I'm convinced that there's a little laundry gnome
in there in the machine pre treating it, or they
(44:10):
have the most fucking expensive washer in the world. And
either way, I'm not cool with it because they're probably
not paying the gnome and also they're getting rewarded for
bad behavior.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
End of story. Case closed. Tell us what you're not
going to burn out this week?
Speaker 4 (44:25):
With?
Speaker 6 (44:25):
What?
Speaker 1 (44:26):
Need I need to It's been a minute since I've
worked out, so I need to probably play some tennis, okay,
because I like that because I'm not on my phone.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Ninety minutes not on my phone and fucking tastic, no phone.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
Okay, that's what we got to do.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
And in doorphins that this is a combo. Yeah, focused
on the thing that you're doing, so you're present endorphins,
no phone.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
See, now that comes back to a boundary. I'm just
going to say this real quick, because I know we
got to.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Go that like Tennis in the Ah.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
I like that part. I like that part. But I'm
going to say in the present, if I get into
somebody's car and is whack ad do wild messy, oh God,
that's boundary for me. I want to get right out.
I want to get right out.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
I want to get why she's.
Speaker 6 (45:07):
Never been in my car ever, and I don't think
you've ever been in mine. It'll be a bad scene.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
It gets built up. I get that, and then I
clean it like it's not perfect. But when it gets
really bad, I'm just thinking, what's going on here?
Speaker 1 (45:21):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (45:21):
It makes me think of the Movie's Wrong Turn. And
they're cannibals, and they're really just their car, their car.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
I live with cannibals, so that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
That's all I had to do.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
Anyway, should we count do you want to count us out?
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (45:36):
Let's count it out.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
I forgot my pillow. I'm gonna scream it in my overalls. Ready,
let's go
Speaker 6 (45:42):
Breathe in two three,
Oh, I'm gonna put this on.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Oh why you want to hide that you're wearing.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
A crop tie because she's no, she's wearing a crop tie.
I'll tell everyone that I'm wearing a crop top. It's
not that, it's that I am so white that if
I wear white, you won't see me on camera.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
See, but you're lucky you can wear cardigans. I'm a
big cardigan lover and a sweater sweater lover. Look at
look at my armpit already, look at it.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
This is Erica, Erica, this is black.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I know you'll know it's so bad. This is me
all the time through this. It looks like I've done
a two days for Like what that means?
Speaker 1 (00:36):
You're healthy?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Does it? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Sweating is great.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Okay, we're on the Rage Pod.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Look, I'm here with Evar, here with Tara ericson.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Yep, we're here. We're doing We're doing the Rage Pod.
We're talking talking the juice.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Well, what I wanted to talk about really quick is
like I know that nails has come up before nails
that I've been painting my nails. Yes, wow podcasting, Yeah,
yeah you do that?
Speaker 4 (01:17):
Know?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Are you doing gels ever?
Speaker 4 (01:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
You someone so then you just know that you're gonna
have twenty percent of your nail strength for six months after.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Is that what you do? Absolutely?
Speaker 4 (01:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yeah, because did you alls start to come off? I
start ripping that puppy off, and I go, if the
first layer of my nail comes off, I'm okay, so
be it.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Because I had gorgeous nails for three weeks.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Exactly. It's kind of unfortunate that you're doing jails now
because in a crisis situation, you can't just like paint
a gel on because you need the UV light. So
I feel that you might not be comfortable with gels, right,
because I long.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
A period of time because I'm just painting in public.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Always, like an important event comes up, you will be
found in a corner your nails.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Correct, correct, All right, we should move on. What else?
What else has happened to you recently? Yeah? Well it's
made you mad.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Love Island has happened to me this week, Erica.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
And it happened to you, Yes, it definitely happened to you.
Oh my, it turned on your television, It forced you
to watch it. It did and cause whatever this is, yes, okay, it.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Is an energy surge of life to watch twenty year
olds in bikinis and all the parts are out and
they're just trying to find love. You know. So that's
what's happened to me this week.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
What do you think the fascination is all about twenty
year olds with their parts out? Which, yeah, you said that,
trying to find love?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Okay. When they meet, there's a few people that connect, right,
they're like yes, yes, yes, yes yes. Then they kind
of couple up. It's day one, and then they send
in bombshells. And these bombshells are like two Hawk girls too,
new Hawk guys, and they're ready to f some stuff.
Speaker 5 (03:03):
Right.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Then they have played a kissing game and then they
go the girl has been with a guy for a day, right,
a girl goes to kiss him and then she's angry
about it. It's like they're married after it. I'm telling
you the drama.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
It's peak the drama that's completely organic and not produced
at all.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Definitely producer doing a good job. They're doing a good job.
Good job, But think about how much you'd have to
produce a twenty year old.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
You don't.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
They're drama. They're just filled with it.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Well I think later, yeah, we're gonna have a cunt
of the week because we always do.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yeah, we gotta.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
And you know who has our cunt of the week?
Good old friendy Wendy.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Oh, she's swinging in hot, swinging hot, she went rogue.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Won't tell us, okay, will not tell her, keeping keeping
the lips zipped. That's right in the moment, reacts.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Yeah, okay, we love that. I'm ready for it.
Speaker 6 (03:55):
No no, no, no, no no no no. You've reached the
rage hotline. Please leave us a message.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
What do we got?
Speaker 6 (04:03):
We got a voice memo this week and a text
and I'm going to start with the first voice memo variety.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
Hey guys, so twenty six. My name is Niki, and
my rage right now more like a frustration. My graduated
college pretty stuck. I don't know what to do with
my bachelor's degree, and I would like to know what
tips or some words of encouragement to to go in
(04:40):
and just something because right now it's not looking pretty nice.
So yeah, that's pretty much it.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
First of all, we totally see you. It's got to
be really hard to come out of school right now,
really hard. And like, just I think it's very important
to date people's feelings.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Like if you're like, oh, this.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Is a ship pile, it is. Yeah, but at the
same time we think there maybe there's some things in
our you know, very old age of experience that it
can shed a little bit of light. Sure, I think
number one, just know it's not always going to be
like this. That's a very important thing. When you're like
(05:23):
in the middle of that ship pile, it shall pass,
it shall pass, and it sounds like, oh, that's it,
but it's like no, it really it's it's good to
know that it's this isn't your new forever. But you know,
start poking around, seeing what you're interested in. Start to
start just just going into buildings and poking around.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
At first, I thought you meant on Facebook, but you.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Know, people still poking on Facebook.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Listen. That was the last time I ever felt happy.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
That is the last time I ever felt assaulted. It's great,
but yeah, try to figure out what you like. And
it's okay if you don't know for sure. Right, Like
I feel like I've had seventy careers, yeah, not all
maybe a five point five of success.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Yeah, totally. I would say give yourself like a little room,
a little grace because like even though you're saying you
can't do a lot with your college degree, then go
and think about what honestly makes you happy. And even
if you're you're making you know, the lowest like ten
bucks an hour, which you're not gonna but minimum wage,
(06:34):
it's if you can make it work that way. I
think that happiness when you get even older, you're just like,
that's really all that matters. Just like it doesn't matter
if you if you're doing anything with your college degree.
I would just say that what will change your life
is to do things that actually give you a little
(06:54):
bit of joy or make you happy.
Speaker 5 (06:56):
Agree.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
And if look, if the thing that you find that
you're excited about is really hard to get into, like
I eat anything in this business, or you don't know
where to start and you do need to pay the bills,
maybe start by trying to figure out what kind of
a person you are, Like, are you someone that wants
to just be in that industry in whatever capacity It
(07:18):
might mean that you're working ten hour days, but at
least you're around the people that are seasoned. Or if
you're like, no, I want to take like a serving job,
or I want to take a customer service job, but
I know it's fewer hours and I'm not doing anything
but that job. But then I clock off and I
go get to dive into the thing that I am
passionate about, and I can figure out what the next
steps are for that.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
I was totally there in college too, Like it's it's
rough where you're like, what am I going to do?
It can feel debilitating, but I think because you're being
vulnerable with yourself, nicky enough to even just call in
and talk about your feelings, I think that gets you
ahead of a lot of other people. Well, keep it
(08:00):
walked in and they bury it and then they just
like wander around like not telling anyone. So I'm really
glad that you.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
And then they made a hip replacement at forty totally yeah,
or a heart replacement?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Why the hip? Why the hip?
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I feel like some people say a lot, but you know,
suppressed rage goes to the hip. Yeah, for a lot
of women to the hips.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yeah, So wait, does that mean that I'm gonna be
getting chunky around the hips?
Speaker 1 (08:29):
If I'm mad or if you're not, if you don't
let the mat out, you're gonna get tight. You're gonna
be tight, real tight, tight, tight keep it tight. Wow,
I want to keep it tight.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Okay, so no splits for me.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Huh, there was never splitz for me ever. But yeah, anyway, Nikki,
we feel you. I remember feeling like I was dropped
off a cliff when I graduated, and it will get better.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Freendy.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Wendy might have some great insights on this.
Speaker 6 (08:56):
I think also, if you want to take some action,
if you know, oh the field that you're interested in.
I really am a big believer of networking. Knowledge is power.
The way you get knowledge and information is by talking
to people. So figure out where that world is and
who's in that world and reach out, send emails, informational interviews,
(09:18):
but try and get out there and network to meet
people so you know what's going on. And it can
also feel like you're taking action to move things forward.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
There's plenty of ways that I think you can turn
whatever you majored into into something else and make that
work for you on your resume and be like, listen,
I did this, which means I'm good at all this
other shit too. Yep, So let's freaking go yep yep.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
Okay, So we got a text and this one cracked
me up because it was very specific.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Okay, let's do it.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Let's go.
Speaker 6 (09:50):
What bugs me that people spend so much of their
time obsessing about ridiculous Marvel superheroes or Star Wars characters,
distracting themse from reality, and devote no time to learning
the epic true story of the rise and fall of
the Byzantine Empire. It's a sign of our times when
(10:10):
someone can obsess about some stupid superhero that cannot relate
to the true story of Emperor Basil the seconds crushing
of Bulgaria or Emperor Justinian's turbulent marriage to Theodora.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Well, I finally feel seen what in the actual fun?
Speaker 5 (10:28):
I know?
Speaker 6 (10:29):
But I was like, well, I got to drop these
names into chatch ept and see what I find out.
Like I remember learning about the Byzantine Empire in high
school in world history. I do not shout out mister Williams,
but I don't really remember specific.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Are they the Huns? Like I know, I think so
I set up? No, I don't think so.
Speaker 6 (10:48):
This dude was just it's giving game of thrones, like
ruler shockingly brutal, awful Offul Offul, and then Emperor Justinian
ruled in fun five hundred and twenty seven to five
sixty five AD. But the real star of the show
is Theodora, which was his wife. Okay, so Theodora was
(11:09):
one of the most extraordinary empresses in history. And back
then during these times, women didn't have surnames. They were
just like Theodora Beyonce Madonna, So that was just.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
All who she was.
Speaker 6 (11:22):
So listen to what Theodora did. She banned force prostitution
and cracked down on human trafficking, created safehouses for former
sex workers. She gave women more divorce rights and protected
their dowries, strengthened laws against rape and sexual assault, expanded
property rights for women to inherit and own assets. She
(11:45):
supported religious minorities. She co ruled as Justinian's political equal,
and she saved his reign by refusing to flee during
the Neco riots. And then I went down the whole
rabbit hole of the Negro riots. It's a whole other thing.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Okay, Well, first of all, can she come back, right,
because like she did a lot more than we're doing now. Yeah,
like we need her.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
That was a lot.
Speaker 6 (12:08):
And she lived for her time. She lived to be
about forty eight years old, which is old for like all,
and they think she succumbed to cancer. But I was
just so impressed by all this stuff, and I really
kind of liked this text because I did go on
this whole journey of learning about her and because of
all of the stuff that she did back in her day.
(12:28):
I'm nominating Theodora as our cunt of the week.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Hell yeah, yes.
Speaker 6 (12:34):
And what does that stand for?
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Guys?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Take it away? Courageous, unapologetic, notorious woman.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
This lady. So you said she was advocating for assault
and rape protections, protections. Yes, and we are in some
states removing the word consent from sexual education. Why just
and this was what year? I'm not good with years.
I would be like, oh, there was this nineteen fifty
(13:07):
right when was the Byzantine Empire?
Speaker 6 (13:09):
This was during five twenty seven to five sixty five.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
A D definitely wouldn't go.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Okay, So when we say that we are regressing, we
have massively regressed for sure. This was in five twenty seven.
There was just three numbers, totally three numbers, wild right, wild?
I mean really, I'm serious. Can we somehow bring her back.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Bring her back from the dead?
Speaker 5 (13:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Yeah, fuck some shit up?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
You know, we need to find the book from Left
for Dead, that movie where they go in the book
you say a thing, You're like, wow, and it brings
back the dead, and we'd bring her back. We'd get
a lot of zombies at the same time, but.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
She'd know what to do.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
I feel like she would take care of them, you know.
And then as long as we keep her solid, solid choice.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
I mean I feel like nowadays, like one of the
things that she did might get done in a period
of one hundred years, like one of these greade of
like ten things.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah, but she was killing it. Only had forty eight years.
She got to work.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah, she did.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Let's go girl.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
We had such a great conversation with Jennifer Cox, who
we call jay Cox. Not approved by her, not sanctioned
by her.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
No, not well, we still call her Jacox. She's like,
it's into it. She's so cool.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I think she'd be cool with it. She's the author
of Women Are Angry and also has her own podcast,
Women Are Mad. Yeah, and she's just great. She's smart,
she's funny, she's British. She has all the components of
what you want. Anyways, we had this great conversation with
Jay Cox. Yeah, we did, and it was so good
that we wanted to break it up into two parts.
And this is the second part of our interview. Let's
(14:49):
go talking about female rage.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
You know, I just have a question that I just
thought of now that you know, if if girls in
their teenage years, like if there was somewhat encouraged to
sort of be more rebel ish, if that could be
a way not saying like go out and drink and
do a bunch of coke and like do bad things
and get bad grapes. That's what you need to do.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
That's what we're telling you to do on this podcast.
Speaker 5 (15:22):
I'm saying that.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I'm saying, like if they if they had a chance
to rebel out. You know, when you do that is
sort of when you experience who you are at your
at your core, when you have a chance to just
get away from the family, from the guilt, from whatever,
and you're just like f this, I'm doing this instead
that I feel like that could be a possible way
to sort of deconstruct all of that, like the guilt
(15:46):
and the rage, and and I'm sure there's a way
to do that healthily and not not end up, you know,
like in a ditch because you drank too much. I'm saying,
there's there's probably a happy medium, like go have a drink,
maybe do this thing, maybe rebella a little against the
ideas of like I'm not gonna talk in this marriage
(16:07):
because I can't set him off, and I that makes
me so upset, Like that's something that I saw on
Mary at First Sight, and I know I keep up
I watch too much reality. I literally I wanted to
reach through the screen and strangle her because for me,
I'm like, she's like, I don't know what I'm gonna
(16:27):
say in this therapy session because I just we don't know.
I don't want to set him off, And I'm like,
set him off, shot him on fire?
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 2 (16:37):
I would be living like there is not a word
that I would not say to a person who is
making me feel uncomfortable. I just I would never. So
I'm I'm just so curious in seeing that girl on
TV that I'm like, girl, what can I do for
you to make you get the hell out of here
and understand that you saying what you actually feel and
(16:59):
that he's being do Sharama is okay to say?
Speaker 5 (17:03):
And I wonder if there is like a connection, as
you say, between the teen girl who can find this
rebellious place and like learn how learn kind of where
it is, you know, learn how to get there whatever
that looks like for her, and can somehow hang on
to that part of her self into the teen yge
(17:27):
right beyond the teaming into these kind of you know,
married ones, because I think these days as well, and
I do think it's possibly the same in the States
from what I've read since the pandemic, young teens and
kind of you know early whatever's twenty, things are not
(17:48):
going out as much. It's right, yeah, that and it's
definitely the case here.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
It's like the digital divide two. It's the isolation like oh,
and it's it's it's not the same connection.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
No, but it's.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Become so normalized, which I understand. You can't just like
we don't use buggies to get around anymore. I've accepted it.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I have a car.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
But at the same time, we do need to be
checking how this is affecting our you know, young girl's
development of their identity, of their strength, of their ability
to say what they want and to rage and to
do all of these things. So that is really interesting
that that's what you've been finding.
Speaker 5 (18:34):
Yeah, and I think it's really worrying. And I think,
you know, as you say, it's not necessarily about kind
of saying get out and get drunk and you know,
kind of do all the stuff that we did, because
I'm sure that that wasn't, you know, necessarily in our
best interests. But I think there does have to be
a something a bit more like that, a bit more
(18:55):
kind of ordinary unraveling and going too large and you know,
just sort of taking off those constraints. Yeah, what it
is to kind of go a bit too far, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
To like go against the grain, whether it be your
family or other people, you know, go against it and
have like that conviction.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Well, and then it's interesting, is like what if you
I have two year old twin girls. So your book
obviously resonated a lot with me, but uh you I
would be interested to know it's sort of in the reverse.
What have you just said, do whatever you want? And
then what do they rebel against? They've got to find something, right, Like,
(19:41):
is it like everyone needs something to rebel against? Yeah,
you know, I don't know.
Speaker 5 (19:46):
It's a good point. I don't know, because I feel like, look,
even if we do our utmost as parents to kind
of free them of the shiit that we had in
terms of the downstream conditioning, right right, they will still
(20:07):
get it. They'll still be getting it from oh yeah,
every single message they receive from movies, friends, you know,
people who's well, people in their lives whose parents aren't
doing that with them. So there'll be so many voices
still encouraging them along these kind of traditional lines. So
(20:27):
I think even if you the parent, are going just
do whatever you want, doever you want to be, and
take that to whichever extreme you feel, I think there's
still enough for them to kick again.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
So there's plenty of opportunities for them to feel suppressed,
just like you don't have to. Don't worry if you
don't actively do that, they'll have other options.
Speaker 4 (20:51):
Right yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
So I have a question for you. Do you think
that planning for like fuck off days that's what I
call them, Like I have a fuck off day, go
to Disneyland, I got a pass right, or we go
to Universal Studios. Is there a way that that helps, like,
because we know, like sure, if if you went boxing
or right, you could get it out or maybe a
rage room or something I'm warning if it's if if
(21:15):
there's any I guess stats or just good info about
like if you just take a day that's like for you, right,
how would that help?
Speaker 5 (21:27):
I think it would really help that. I think it's
kind of in a way, it feels like first aid
because it's what would be amazing would be to get
to a point, like all of us somehow where we
could take a moment, like where it wouldn't need to
be a full day because we're addressing the stuff that's
(21:49):
coming up for us, you know, in this kind of
rolling processing way, so that where you know, like you
said at the beginning, able to say it, able to
kind of have a conversation about it. And yet it's
something's kind of really like hitting the fan, just kind
of maybe step out for that one moment and let
all the rage pour out, you know, wherever you are
(22:10):
into a pillow, screaming, you know, in a car or
whatever it is, and then you come back in the
room because it hasn't aggregated up, you know, across days, weeks, months.
But I think because what we are dealing with on
mass is in general, a lifetime of aggregated fury for
most of us, then we probably do need to do
(22:34):
things at this point that are more kind of structured
and a bit longer length. So I mean, interestingly, someone
is coming over from San Diego. I don't know if
you know her actually rage her is the.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
Oh yeah, yeah, yes, very I mean we've read about
all of that.
Speaker 5 (22:54):
It's awesome, Yes, Chrissy. So she's she's.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Gone across the pond to see you.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Yeah a so cool. Love that, so cool.
Speaker 5 (23:02):
I know, we're so excited. So this Saturday, we're going
to kind of set up like as she does in
the States with her kind of you know, padded sal Yeah.
Does she transports around and do it for the Brits.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
I love it. That's so great because it's sort of
like you're saying, like if we if we all had
an instance where it's like something happens and you could
go to your car and scream or like for me,
I'm like, yeah, turn the music up and you could
sing really loud that If you're not getting that out
on that's me. But let's freaking go that. If you
(23:40):
can't get that out, you know, on a daily basis,
it's gonna, it's gonna, it's gonna.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Build up, so it may resident yeah, it's it's we
all know when we haven't washed her hair for five days, so.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
So you need you need a good shower, you need
a good fuck off day to really clear it out.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
I also just I think that's I think that's really
makes sense, like the like, if we can get down
to the micro release on the daily, that's ideal. But
if that's not possible, we don't want to just throw
it all away and say, oh, we're just not going
to deal with our rage, like it might require more
dedicated days to just giving to yourself. I wanted to
(24:18):
just circle Oh my god again it's a drinking game
with the phrase circle back. And I hate it when
you were talking like, let's take a gen Z, which
is probably what is that now? That's like the older
team through through through the thirties.
Speaker 5 (24:35):
Yes, is it up to millennial?
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Am I right?
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Yes? Yes, I'm interested to know in what ways you've
seen that maybe things have gotten better for them, and
what ways maybe things haven't. And I think something that
I have noticed when sort of looking at the younger populations,
I think to your earlier point right about not going
(25:00):
out as much, I see a lot of rhetoric. I
see a lot of like talking and like there's posting,
and there's you know, we're we're messaging out into the
world this idea of what we want and who we are.
But is that translating in reality.
Speaker 5 (25:19):
I mean, that is such an interesting question. Someone asked
me this the other day actually, because it was in
light of that the Millie Bobby Brown Oh saying do
you remember she kind of said to camera she'd been
picked on by very.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
Oh, yes, it's yes, because they were saying that she
looked like eighty five or something.
Speaker 5 (25:39):
That's I was like that.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
She didn't say eighty five. That was just for that
was an exaggeration. Yes, that she's dressed like she is
not appropriately dressing for her age or along those lines exactly.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
They had a view, yeah, several views. Yeah, And this
journalist said, you know, do you think this is a
song that actually younger women are getting better at speaking
up and saying you can't say this to me and
I won't have this and this is you're being inappropriate
and that kind of thing. I sadly do not see
(26:15):
that translating out into the kind of real life population.
But maybe it takes time, and maybe you need to
see it modeled kind of all over the place, you know,
by your mother frankly, as well as by these celebrities
writing them down. You know, I do think we it's
(26:42):
really interesting with you know, I've got teenage kids. I
think about this a lot in terms of you know,
of course I think I'm doing a terrible job, just
like everyone else as a mother, because of the guilt,
because God forbid, I think I'm doing something like that. Well,
but I do. I am kind of sort of torn
(27:04):
in this place of how much let's say, kind of
helicoptering do you do, how much like oversee it, and
how much just leaving to their own devices? Like what
what will yield best outcome for them? Because the world
they're growing up in is a mess.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
It'shol it's awful, isn't it.
Speaker 5 (27:29):
So does that mean the best way of helping them
is kind of not protecting them, but sort of standing
by them, more intervening, more like being kind of more
active supports or is it better to just go? I mean,
I just don't get any of this, so off you
good luck is what I do. And you know it's
(27:52):
an experiment, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
I mean, we'll see, so I want to ask you, like, Okay,
so what if there's a person that says like, I
don't want to get rid of my rage because they
like it, They're used to it. It makes them feel safe,
They're used to the guilt and the suppressed anger, and
they identify it with it. Right, It's almost like, well,
(28:14):
this is my identity? How do I let it go?
Speaker 5 (28:17):
That's such a good question. I mean, I think we
have to look to the body, like if they're convinced that,
because the thing that I think most women feel that
I've met is I'm not angry. I'm not an angry person.
I'm really anxious or I cry a lot. You know,
(28:39):
that tends to be where they go more instinctively. And
so what I try to kind of gently do over
time is ask them to kind of think about where
they're keeping these feelings in their body, because often we've
pushed it down so far away from our mind and
(29:00):
our consciousness that it really is only sitting in these
parts of ourselves that you know, we might then call
something completely different, like you know, backache or wild brain
or you know, like exma or whatever it is. And
actually in getting people to kind of connect more of
(29:23):
their feelings. They're kind of you know, psychological version feelings
with their somatic body feelings. Actually it kind of you
don't have to do much by way of going Yeah,
I think we should look at the way that you
hold onto your you know, guilt, anxiety, anger, whatever form
(29:44):
she holds it in, because it kind of gets done automatically.
Just those conversations where you're starting to make associations between
do you think there is connection? You know, you've come
in here with a terrible like I don't know, shoulder
pain for the last six weeks, and also you know
(30:08):
your mom is expecting you to look after your dad
and take him to hospital appointments, you know, because she
doesn't want to.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Yeah, there's probably a connection.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
You know, in a way we glorify and romanticize stress,
but we don't with anger. And really, how different are
they in terms of like the impact they're not but stress? Right?
Stress is fine? Oh, you're working, you're doing stuff, like,
(30:42):
you're out there, you're productive. Anger you're a problem. Yeah, yeah,
especially for women because especially it's so unattractive. How do
you start, Like if you have a patient that comes
in and it's like, yeah, I just I don't get
I don't really get mad.
Speaker 5 (31:03):
I think you do probably have to go back there
because she's gonna keep circling back.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
We've got a runner and our guest is into it,
and we can call back.
Speaker 5 (31:16):
I think she would keep being so adamant that, you know,
if you try to kind of draw her attention to
anything more here and now in terms of stuff she
was saying, you know, even if she was being very
defensive about Oh no, but I love that person. I
(31:37):
love them to bits. Do you have that expression in
the States? Oh yes, I'm so susp I'm just oh,
you hate them?
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Then my mom's psychologist. So I have twin girls and
my mom's a psychologist. You know what that means. I'm fucked.
Speaker 5 (31:54):
Yeah, that's tough for you.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
So thank you. I feel like you probably understand that
on such a level. So I knew what I statements
were when I was like two, so you know, but
but saying that, like I feel like when you did
this thing, you know that is available and it's okay.
It doesn't mean that you're saying that this person is
terrible not but we're so often qualifying right as women,
(32:19):
you know, like okay, okay, okay, but I'm just gonna
say this thing, but it doesn't mean that you know, it's.
Speaker 5 (32:24):
Probably me and it's probably my problem, right, you know,
tell me, tell me now before I've even said to you, well,
I won this wrong.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
There's a whole qualifying pramble. Always.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
I wanted to ask real quick, like for different communication
styles which I've experienced, like between people, what would you
like recommend to ease that frustration to get past it?
Because you know how you can have two different like
just two different styles, and I'm like, what is what
helps with that?
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (32:59):
I was good say as a joke writing a letter
to your younger.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
I love it.
Speaker 5 (33:04):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Oh my god. I need to I need to journal
every day that I that I end up in conversation
with people where it's like you're not getting it and
just and so let me just talk to it just
real quick. I got to write it. I gotta write
my two year old self, five year old self.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Just remember read that and just know that whatever you say,
you're saying to a five year.
Speaker 5 (33:27):
Old Yeah, and you dare still say that right, right,
isn't it? It's actually pretty aggressive.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
It's like some of what we are trying to get
back to is what is innate to being a child? Like, yes, don't,
I don't want that. I don't, please, don't do that.
I'm mad. I'm yeah, I'm I mean that's the other
thing for women to not have rage be accessible to them.
(33:56):
My two year old girls, and they've been this way
for a what like they will have tantrums that didn't
just It's not like Ben and I are having tantrums
every minute of the day that they're just mimicking our behavior.
They are actually frustrated. Right, So then if girls aren't
supposed to get mad, where does that come from?
Speaker 5 (34:15):
You know, tantrums are seen in such a negative life
by us adults, and they all kind if they can
be embarrassing and inconvenient and all the rest of it.
But I'm thinking I actually wonder.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
If we should be encouraging them, especially right go go
go yell in that room, Yeah, hit that pillow, let's
get it out. I think that's important. I mean, so
we only got like five minutes left. We want to
make sure that people know where to find you, you know, shout,
shout out all your handles and also you know, any
last things that you got on your mind that you
(34:53):
want to tell us.
Speaker 5 (34:55):
I think do you know that last point about the tantrums.
I think we need to keep having tantrums. I think
we need to never stop. That's what I would say.
That's my last Well.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
I'm literally going to go home to Ben and just
say the one thing that I took away from this
is that I've been encouraged to have more tantrums.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
Look out LFT and.
Speaker 5 (35:15):
They should involve throwing things, smashing things, maybe a lot
of swearing, stamping feet.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Yeah, I have to say before before we close out,
one thing that's so cool that you share in your book.
Obviously your patients have signed off and allowing you to
share their stories. Some of the some of the strategies
to deal with their their rage are so interesting, like
(35:42):
the one like whether it is, you know, punching a pillow,
or like the one patient who took a wooden spoon
to coats. But some of it is like the one
woman who just needed to call her mother a cunt.
Speaker 5 (35:55):
All of that.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Yeah, Now, do you think that something that like she'll
need to do for her whole life or do you
think it was a period of time.
Speaker 5 (36:04):
I mean I was gonna say then I think we
should all be doing it, but I'm sure there are
some people out there that don't. Am I No, we
probably should all be doing that.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
I might just tell my kids to start calling me
a cunt early.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Start now, get it out right.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Yeah, ditch mommy, I'll still respond. I love that.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
Yeah, because we learned from the best.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
I'm going to get a call from daycare next week.
So I was calling everyone a cunt, but she was
doing it with a hug. Oh, she's hugging everyone and
then calling them a cunt at school.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
That's just because I'm on a podcast. We have come
to the week and it stands for courageous, unapologetic, notorious
tent of a woman.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
But also talk to Jennifer Cox.
Speaker 5 (36:54):
Yeah, I will vouch for her. Don't worry. I love
issuing letters.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
All right, give us, give us all your handles, tell
people where to find you.
Speaker 5 (37:05):
Okay. So main one is Instagram. That's Jennifer Cox's psychotherapist,
and obviously the Women Are Mad podcast, which has its
own Instagram, which is at Women are Mad. The book
is called Women Are Angry, Why Your Age is Hiding
and How to Let It Out. It's available I think
(37:28):
everywhere until it probably gets banned, which most books.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Take that as a compliment if that happens.
Speaker 5 (37:35):
If that happens, I will part of me will be
very thrilled.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Is the way social movement something that women can actively join?
Speaker 5 (37:43):
Yes, wonder so the best way is kind of if
you're on Instagram, sort of follow there and then other
instructions are available and kind of obvious once you're in.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Sounds like a speakeasy and I'm into it exactly.
Speaker 5 (37:58):
You sneak through the doors and then substat is what
would really active on that as well?
Speaker 2 (38:06):
You are literally the best, and everybody go by her book.
We love you, jen We'll talk to you, lady.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Great talking to you. Thank you so much.
Speaker 5 (38:14):
Bye, thank you, bye bye.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Well, turns out she is smart, maybe too smart to
be on this podcast.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
I'm just kidding. We're so intelligent. We're ten out of
ten Erica.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
I feel like if I took an IQ test it
would be so disappointingly low.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
I I'm I'm kind of with you, kind of with you.
Oh you kind thank you. I'm kind of kind of
with you.
Speaker 4 (38:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
No, But like Jennifer talk, she is lets you skip.
It doesn't explain well, I'm not gonna explain, why, explain why.
I'm just gonna We're gonna skip. We're gonna just say that.
Thanks to Jennifer for being on hereuse she's a badass.
She and I love that she answered all of our questions.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Go buy her book and Women are Angry, go follow
her on her podcast Women Are Mad.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Yeah, she's the best. Let's roll that Neon hippiad.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
Either you're a teenager and you have too much oil,
or you're reaching menopause and all you want is oil
because you lose it as you age.
Speaker 7 (39:28):
Fun Yep, Finding skincare that works for you is a
tough thing, except that we found the unicorn Neon Hippie.
It has seven mushrooms, it hydrates, it's full of nutrients.
Speaker 2 (39:41):
Guess what You.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Get a discount on Neon Hippie for listening to our podcast,
the Rage Pod. Use the code rage for twenty five
percent off at neon hippie dot com.
Speaker 6 (39:53):
Do you have something that you want to rage about,
Call the hotline and tell us all about it at
two one three nine three five nine nine five. You
can leave us a voicemail or send us a text
and we'll share it on the pod at two on
three two nine, three five, nine ninety five.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
All right, guys, so what we want to know from
you is what is an acceptable form of rage expression? So,
like basically, what's an acceptable form of rage?
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Because I think the reason why we want to talk
about this is because I think we talk a lot
about how like women don't express their rage. Women don't,
you know, let themselves get mad. We're not. But then
when you're actually talking about how does that play out
in real life, that feels to me, it feels very hazy,
like okay, well that's okay, but that's not okay. And
(40:49):
I think the truth of it all is that we think,
maybe some people think that there is a sort of
universal language of societal norms that we're all okay with,
But I actually don't think that true because one person
can think this is like, hey, you're getting it out,
that's okay, and another person can say that's unacceptable from
anybody in any situation. Yeah, So I think it's actually
(41:13):
really gray, and we don't talk about those like the
micro expressions, like like the micro moments, the micro scenarios
of when people are dealing with their rage, right, And
so that's kind of what we would love to hear
from you all what you think is a good example
of you know, particularly women, because we again we all know,
(41:33):
we've talked about this at nauseam, that women are not
encouraged to first of all, have rage or express it.
But what do you think is you know, an okay
way to deal with your rage? Which and I'm not
even judging. I'm not even judging right now. I'm just like,
I'm very interested in how people view what is acceptable
(41:54):
in terms of how people handle their rage, because I
think we say a lot like you need to deal
with your rage. I don't think people really know what
that means.
Speaker 6 (42:02):
But also too, I think it's a matter of who
are you with and who are you with and do
you feel safe enough to lose your mind or are
you repressing it? Yeah, when we had to have the
house tinted for termites, and Sonny went up the chimney
Sonny's my cat, and we couldn't find Sonny, and the
guys were coming, and it was this whole, big, dramatic thing,
(42:24):
and I went to pick her up and she scratched
the fuck out of me, and I screamed and lost
it right into Brett, my landlord's face, and I was
so embarrassed and I felt so terrible. But at the
same time, I was like, he's also he's also a
really good friend, so I was also kind of safe.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
He's wonderful.
Speaker 6 (42:41):
I felt safe to kind of completely lose it.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Yeah, and he.
Speaker 6 (42:44):
Was like, it's all good. We're all losing it today,
we're all under stressed. But would I have done.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
That if it was someone else? You didn't have that
I didn't know.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
Yeah, So it's like there's that safety, and that brings
up like, can you give your own examples of like
boundaries that you wish you had set but you didn't.
And that's also for you guys, you know, leave a comment.
Is there a boundary that you wish you had set
prior with anyone or at any time that you had
not in life in general?
Speaker 1 (43:12):
I mean, like I got like a stupid one that
comes to mind.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Let's go. I feel very.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Strongly about this. I should have laid down the boundary
with our laundry. On pre treating, you've got to fucking pretreat.
Speaker 6 (43:27):
I'm a big pretreat.
Speaker 1 (43:28):
Thank you, Thank you for the people on the back.
If you've got a stain on your clothes. If you
don't pre treat it, don't come crying to mean, it's
not out.
Speaker 6 (43:40):
And you have to have patience with pretreating because sometimes
you gotta let it soak for a couple of days.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
I let it soak. You gotta let it lift.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Did you hear that tone?
Speaker 4 (43:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (43:48):
Sometimes you got it let it set. Yeah, that tone
resonated with my tone. Okay because of pre treating. Yeah,
because you know what, if somebody puts their stain clothes
in the laundry, it doesn't pre treat and it comes
out clean. I'm convinced that there's a little laundry gnome
in there in the machine pre treating it, or they
(44:10):
have the most fucking expensive washer in the world. And
either way, I'm not cool with it because they're probably
not paying the gnome and also they're getting rewarded for
bad behavior.
Speaker 2 (44:21):
End of story. Case closed. Tell us what you're not
going to burn out this week?
Speaker 4 (44:25):
With?
Speaker 6 (44:25):
What?
Speaker 1 (44:26):
Need I need to It's been a minute since I've
worked out, so I need to probably play some tennis, okay,
because I like that because I'm not on my phone.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Ninety minutes not on my phone and fucking tastic, no phone.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
Okay, that's what we got to do.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
And in doorphins that this is a combo. Yeah, focused
on the thing that you're doing, so you're present endorphins,
no phone.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
See, now that comes back to a boundary. I'm just
going to say this real quick, because I know we
got to.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Go that like Tennis in the Ah.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
I like that part. I like that part. But I'm
going to say in the present, if I get into
somebody's car and is whack ad do wild messy, oh God,
that's boundary for me. I want to get right out.
I want to get right out.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
I want to get why she's.
Speaker 6 (45:07):
Never been in my car ever, and I don't think
you've ever been in mine. It'll be a bad scene.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
It gets built up. I get that, and then I
clean it like it's not perfect. But when it gets
really bad, I'm just thinking, what's going on here?
Speaker 1 (45:21):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (45:21):
It makes me think of the Movie's Wrong Turn. And
they're cannibals, and they're really just their car, their car.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
I live with cannibals, so that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
That's all I had to do.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
Anyway, should we count do you want to count us out?
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (45:36):
Let's count it out.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
I forgot my pillow. I'm gonna scream it in my overalls. Ready,
let's go
Speaker 6 (45:42):
Breathe in two three,
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com