September 17, 2025 • 40 mins
Why should we care about male loneliness? Because spoiler alert: it's not just a "him" problem. Loneliness doesn't care about your gender. Just like rage, it comes for all of us. In this episode, we seek a path toward herd immunity for the so-called "male loneliness epidemic" and gently (ok, not so gently) encourage men of a certain age to F.I.T.F.O. (Figure It The F*ck Out!)
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We're not rambling today. We're getting right into it because
we are on the good old Rage Pod. And look,
I'm with Ebar and Friendy Wendy over there. She's gonna
be popping in hard today. Today.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
She's got a lot of thoughts. I'm here on the
Rage Pod with the Tara Erickson. We're ready to get
into it. This is the pod where we raged against
the Serene and all of the things in between.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Speaking of the unserene, we're talking about how there's a
new call to action about how men are feeling left out. Okay,
the idea that some branding department marketing, they got a
whold of it and they labeled it the male loneliness.
It doesn't stop there, epidemic.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Some marketing executive it was like, that's it, that's the one.
Get it out there, start a hashtag, put it on
a T shirt, tell all of your male friends, make it.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Go viral bingo, and like, okay, there's men they're lonely. Okay,
So it's more than one. There's a you know, and
so it's an epidemic. Epidemic.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
So when I think of an epidemic that's giving typhoid,
it's giving it's given herpes. It's giving toxic positivity. You
know what it's giving. It's giving Marvel movies.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah, there's a lot of Marvel movies. So you got
to tell me what you've been up to this week.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Let's tell people what has happened this week. So my
kids had their first dental appointment.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Oh okay, And I was.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Like gearing up to come away with like trauma wound
both inside and outside, like I might have like a
scratched cornea. Like I was prepared for that because think
about we all fucking ate the dentist.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Absolutely, imagine putting toddlers through that.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yeah, and this is like how just sort of frenetic
my life has been. It was like one of the
most calming moments of my week because you get in
there and you lay down on the dentist chair and
then the baby, the toddler gets put on top.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
You get on top, and then the dentist works on him.
Well that happens later.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
This is just the chat with the hygienis. But there's
a screen on the ceiling. I didn't even care that
it was playing some bullshit like baby Shark. I didn't
even care. I just was I laid back. I had
a baby on my chest and we were just sitting there.
And then you turn and you have the baby like
on your lap, legs on your lap, baby's head is
(02:51):
on dentist lap. And then he goes in there checks
it out. I assumed they were gonna have eighteen thousand
CAVITIESO you done good? And I was like, this is great.
Their biggest meltdown is get put in the car seat.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Oh yeah, well that's life, baby. I'm gonna tell you
right now, this is not a surprise me. My dentist
has a screen on top, and he asked me what
do you want to watch? And I go, I say, well,
number one, give me the meds. And number two.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Wait a minute, Wait a minute, wait a minute. What
meds are you getting out there?
Speaker 1 (03:23):
They get they given to me. They give what nuts?
The ones that relax you. What's it called? I don't know,
alim yeah, probably, But they don't give me a full one.
They don't give me a full one. As I say,
I don't mess with that. I don't do the juice here.
But when I'm here, I'm doing the juice. And they go,
here's a half a one, and you relax. They put
a blanket on me, spray lavender. I am not joking.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
This sounds like Garden Variety teeth cleaning, Erica.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
You need it.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
We need a group on immediately.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah, we need to go for an outing. I mean
that sounds like a great time. Anyways, what's going on
with you?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Not much?
Speaker 4 (03:59):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I was thinking that Just this week, I was like, Dude,
as I've gotten older, I get less and less feelings.
I feel like, right now I'm down to one feeling.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Well, just Callium at the dentist's office.
Speaker 5 (04:09):
I get it.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, And I'm like, this is great, this is cool.
I'm like, I feel steady, neustrol. Maybe when I'm with
my cats they give me more emotions where I'm like,
you're so freaking cute. I want to eat you alive.
But other than that, it's it's sort of just like
it's odd because my aunt would always say it's gonna
get better. When you're older. You realize like.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
It's just everything is you.
Speaker 6 (04:35):
Yes, And and she's like, just trust me, you won't
be worried about much when you're older. It just all
goes away and you're more peaceful.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
And now I'm like, oh god, she's probably right. You
really get down to minimal feelings. So that's what I've
been going through. But also, I'm gonna tell you right now,
I got a cun of the week.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Okay, I'm very excited.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
She's a savage coqueen.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Hell yeah, so you got to stick around for want
my queen's to be savage.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Thank you for that. And you guys got to stick
around for it. That's just our little teaser right there.
You don't want to miss it. And for the new listeners,
kind of the Week stands for courageous, unapologetic, notorious ten
of the a lone. Next, we are going to dive
(05:28):
in to today's main convo, the male loneliness epidemic. Yeah
it was good, good.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
All right, So today we are talking about the male
loneliness epidemic. And my first reaction to hearing about is, oh,
is that a thing that feels very much like fetch
from mean girls. People are trying to make this happen.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Like like you were saying the other day, you were like,
loneliness isn't new.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
No, it's not new. It's been I mean since the
dawn of time.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Yeah, and it's like, no matter how old you are,
or like how you identify people are gonna be. They
feel more isolated now than they were like decade ago.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
God, everyone's so alone.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah, so like everyone's lonely. And according to like the
recent Pew research study, it's only sixteen Well, not only
there is sixteen percent of men who claim to be
lonely most and or all of the time, which is
not great, but in a non twist, no one's surprised
(06:40):
that so are fifteen percent of women.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
And actually, if you do the numbers, there's more women
than men. So it's really kind of like even I
don't even know what that number translates to, but it's
probably if you actually look at the numbers that that represents, it's.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Let's pretend we don't know math. It's only one percent.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
So one percent gets you an epidemic.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
So listen, I gotta ask, why is this non epidemic important.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
It's important to care about this as women in a
lot of different ways, without assigning responsibility on us to
fix it. We'll get into that later, but on one level,
we need to care about it because when men get
chronically lonely, they get sad and then they get angry.
Speaker 5 (07:32):
And angry.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Men will get violent and this is a real surprise,
but men get violent with women. So literally, women's survival
depend on us caring about this.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I agree, and like loneliness can turn people culty right,
they can get obsessed with the thing because they're thinking,
why do I feel this way? I've isolated myself. And
Andrew tanked.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Yeah, we like to call him Andrew Tank on the
on the rage pod, Andrew taint, Andrew tut god. Andrew
taint is like a would you rather option? So it
would you rather chew the gum off the bottom of
the seat of a subway? Or do have anything to
(08:19):
do with Andrew taint?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Yeah, we're going gum. Let's gum one hundred of the time. Well,
it's just not good for the men out there to
get that type of mindset, and it's also not good
for us to be surrounded by by people who think that,
because there is then it's increasing the anger and the
resentment coming towards us, if not other men who are
(08:41):
look better than this guy who may feel lonely. He
may feel like that guy's got everything and I have nothing,
But the taintness is gonna fuel him with fire. You know,
and I know that Friendy Wendy, she found out something
that she wants to talk about because there's also men
that are trying to combat this.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
There's Yeah, there are people out there that don't want
that to be. They don't want rapes publicists to be
the only marketer of the male perspective. And Freddie Wendy,
you found.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
I found a man named Rafael Gomez, and I found
him on a red pill podcast. We'll get into how
I found that later, but Rafael Gomez has a podcast
called Women on Men, and he is talking to women
about what they are looking for in a partner and
how men can be better partners, whether it's through interpersonal communication,
(09:40):
emotional intelligence, doing any type of work on themselves, propping
women up being a true partner, and kind of dispelling
all of this manisphere, red pill anti woman bullshit. And
it's really wonderful what he's doing. He's the only one
I found, but he is doing some good work out
(10:01):
there to help perpetuate some positivity between human relationships.
Speaker 7 (10:06):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I mean, I'm glad there's one.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I mean that's more than I thought.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Yeah, but we do like to see that there are
men one one man for now who is actually helping
with that in cell culture, because we actually just learned
a couple days ago what stacys and chads are, okay,
and they are what the in cell refers to as
(10:33):
sexually successful men and women. Whatever the fuck that means.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
See what is sexually successful means?
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yeah, where's the bar?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Where's the bar? It's also very hard to say it's
like a Sally Cells Seashell situation with you. But like
just the pure act, the roat act of having sex
doesn't mean it's a success, certainly not for the woman.
But like I guess just because it's very clear when
a man has come, that's that's all we care about.
That's the only form of sexual success.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Well, I'm looking at you right now, and if you're
a man who came and you're not worried about me,
you are unsuccessful in the sac one way entry to.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Not a callback after exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
That's what I was going to say. You're not getting
a second time.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
No you're not. But also men will be honest and
say that even if they ejaculate, that doesn't mean that
it's like great sex. I agree with you, right Like,
let's I'm not going to try to talk about the
male experience. Yeah, we don't know of ejaculation, but from
what I have.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Heard, I think there are two categories of men here.
I think there are the men that are in our
age group that I have less sympathy for because I'm like,
figure it the fuck out.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
We all did FFO fitfox FITFO.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
But then I do worry. I do worry, and I
am concerned for the younger general of boys, the ten eleven, twelve,
thirteen year old boys. I'm someone who raised a boy
he is now twenty one. I felt like I was
very cognizant of the values that I was going to
(12:15):
instill in him, and I know I succeeded in that
because I've raised a very empathetic, loving, caring.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Kid can confirm you really did so.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
I do think part of it is on awareness for
the parents and getting.
Speaker 8 (12:31):
Ahead of it.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
I wish that we cared about education in this country
because I wish that when you talk about the common
denominator amongst school shooters is them being.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Bullied, right right?
Speaker 3 (12:48):
So can we stop fucking bullying? And how do we
stop that? Do we stop? Is it human nature that
we can't stop? Or is there something that we can
do within the school system to teach empathy, to teach
interperson communication, to teach being a better human or is
that just a naive.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Feel I think you're all so tough. I mean, this
is a very multifaceted problem, right. We also, particularly in America,
we live in a gun happy, alpha happy capitalistic environment.
So one hundred percent we need to invest billions trillions
of dollars into education, both EQ and in other you know,
(13:27):
problem solving ways and confidence building ways.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And I also think just going back, like bullying is
a part of human nature, of our human experience. And
I think because I was bullied a lot, I remember
just not wanting to go to school in sixth grade,
and then like you know, the teachers would try to
help me out and have a meeting with the other kids,
and you're embarrassed, and you're like, these kids are gonna
(13:53):
lie right in front of this teacher's face because they're like,
we don't want to get in trouble, you know, and
the feeling of feeling isolated, like nobody likes you. The
thing is is when you are a teenager or you're
in middle school, that's just where your brain goes. We
can't really fix that. That's just how we were born
(14:14):
and how what the human experience is is is that
if you're in middle school, or you're a teenager, or
even in your twenties, you are going to be fighting
your brain by by thinking they all hate me, nobody
likes me. I don't know how to fix it. I'm
just gonna go away. And the hardest part is to
(14:34):
actually convince people that that's that's really not the case.
Most people are overly concerned about themselves and not necessarily you,
and if they are coming after you, it's it's a
it's a thing, it's a peer pressure. Bullying is like
peer pressure. If a crowd gets on you tells you
no good, they're all gonna jump on it and laugh
about it so that they feel cool. I just think
(14:57):
I don't think we can get rid of bullying.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
I do.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I always say it on you know, the Real Rejux
or wherever I'm at if people ask me about it,
is that you know, bullying made me who I am today,
and I just I always say, if you were bullied,
you turn out probably better as an adult, because you know,
what I'm not gonna do is ever bully people.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Ever, Yeah, I mean I think the problem is though
then we have like what we're talking about with the
MANI sphere, and when you look at mass shooters that like,
let's just call it out. I mean, how many we
can count on half of a hand the ones that
are women?
Speaker 5 (15:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (15:35):
Not a two.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Young men are looking at and saying like, oh, not
only do I feel this shitty and I feel this
lonely and I feel this isolated, but like, hey, that
guy did something about it.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
M M makes it a lot less scary.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
The barrier to thinking of doing something like that totally
am a lot more accessible. It's the same thing with suicide.
And we know that suicide rates among men are four
times as high as women. And like, honestly, some of
this is sorry guys, but this is like you have
a loneliness epidemic.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
This is because.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Equality feels like oppression when you've been privileged. Do you
think that women haven't been lonely? Do you think they haven't.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Felt left out?
Speaker 2 (16:20):
It's been like five minutes that women have gotten, you know,
a little bit ahead and a little bit ahead, and
you know graduation rates. Us saying this doesn't mean that
we are diminishing the feeling of loneliness. That is a
human condition. I think that there is a problem in
(16:42):
stressing that this is so uniquely male. This is a
human problem.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Now, our friend friend to wedding day, one of her
hobbies is actually rage baiting.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
She revealed this the other night.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, because we were talking about it in one of
our meetings where where me and Erka we drink our champagne.
She smokes weed. So let's just let's hand it off
to her and tell her.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
What this tell us about your rage baiting.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
It's something that I'm rage baiting myself. Let's be clear,
I'm not rage baiting other people. I my algorithm kicked me.
These Red Pill podcast guys, I'm not going to say
their name. I'm not even going to say the name
of the podcast because I do not want to give
them any airspace. But that is how I found Raphael Gomez.
(17:34):
And I'm just in such awe of what these guys
are spewing. Their hatred of women is astonishing, but it's
also fucking terrifying. And they're guys that are our age,
So you're just like, what so much so to the
point where I almost want to call bullshit and say
(17:54):
these guys are so full of shit. They're doing the
rage baiting to pull in the guy is that argue
lonely that are in cells pray on their insecurities because
I can't even imagine that they're believing what they're preaching,
but they maybe that's me being naive. And again, I
don't want to say their names. I don't want to
even point you to them, but some of the stuff
(18:14):
they said was just so fucking outrageous, and I find
myself looking for it on TikTok sometimes because I want
to see the people like Raphael that take these guys
to task and that fight these guys, and it's satisfying
in that way, kind of like it's satisfying when you
see Chris Hansen get the pedophile.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
To catch a predator, to catch a predator.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
It's like, you know, watching the scammer get the scammer,
like it feels good to see them be owned in
such a way. But I'm also watching it like a
train wreck because I cannot believe it's fucking real.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I don't on your point about you feeling naive, I
actually think that's not naive, because I bet there are
a lot of these guys that they're like, yeah, I
don't totally believe that, but I'm going to completely capitalize
and make a bunch of monet of vulnerable men's insecurity.
Some of these guys are just like, oh, like I
even think Alex Jones, who's a complete piece of hot garbage,
(19:09):
like doesn't actually think to the fullest extent what he's doing,
but he's literally making money off of dead children.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Yeah. I mean the influencers, they preach alpha, but they're
they're they're going for in insecure men. There's a huge
difference there, a big gap. He wouldn't be friends with
those people.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
That's the interesting part.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
What he's doing is he's monetizing off of.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Well, it's funny that you say that, because one of
the things I thought when I was listening to these
two guys, I was just like, who are their friends, Like,
who are they hanging out with? What are the relationships
like with the one of the guys is married, And
I was like, what is that all about? Like what
are their interpersonal relationships? Because they seem so hateful that
they're not doing anything to help, you know, to your point, Okay,
(19:55):
they're tapping into this audience of young men. But what
are you doing to make it better? What are you
doing to help? They don't care.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
They don't care, they don't care. This is about I mean,
this is about making money and also making their ego
feel really great. That's like really, I mean, that's why
I'm like, it's not naive, it's actually reality. It's a
little cynical, and I mean, I just think it is
the truth of it, and it's dangerous. It's dangerous because insecure,
vulnerable men looking for guidance that are turning to it
(20:25):
are believing it at complete face value, and then that
turns into destructive behavior to themselves and to people around them,
including women that are vulnerable, and to violent men like that.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Yeah, it's like a mantra, you know, when you have
a kid and you want to write, like you want
to tell them every day that they're beautiful, they're smart,
they're funny. They learn those things and they do carry
them throughout their life. When you're told that every single day.
And now if you're rage baiting and you're listening to
that guy he has a new video every day, your
mindset is absolutely going to flip to that. And that's
honestly why We're here because we want to talk about
(21:00):
basically what men can do, not because it's our responsibility,
which we will tag on later, but because we are
actually legitimately interested in progress. We do actually want to
see men succeed and like be happy because.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
We love men, We date men. We want them to
be better partners, we want them to be better humans.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Yeah, we are legitimately on their side because we want
them to be good. I mean I will just say
for me, which will probably tap and do later, especially
on a date. I mean, I'm still out there dating them.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
But like.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I want you to be good and happy and successful,
I'm not on your side. So anyway, we do have
a special guest joining us in this conversation. And get this.
He is a man, but he has thoughts on this
old male experience that we've been discussing.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
This week on the Rage Hotline. We're joined by one
of the five men we know. Three of them are gay,
one is someone's son, and this one is my partner
and the father of my gremlin twins. His name is
Ben Gonzalez. No no, no, no, no no no.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
You've reached the Rage Hotline. Please leave us a message.
Be okay, We've got an email from Joe that says,
on the male loneliness epidemic, it's nothing new. It's always
been here. We're not supposed to talk about anything, especially feelings.
That's weak and gay. I've been called both by my coworkers,
(22:33):
my dad, my mom. This is that's heartbreaking to me.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Now I'm forty and any type of friend I had
is gone, and I have no girlfriend. I just spend
my time alone in my room, just waiting for the
next day. Most of the time I just feel angry
or sad, But it is what it is. Nobody cares
about how you're really doing. It's just how we were
raised to be polite. Say hi, how are you good. Well,
that's great night seeing you by, and you move on. Period.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
I think you know it's unfortunate that you know, your
parents and everyone around you was calling you weak or
pussy for opening up and your feelings. But you're forty now,
and I would say fuck them. They didn't have the
right idea, and I would put a load on them
as to say, why you're locked in your bedroom and
(23:20):
afraid to talk to people, because we are here now
saying we are not those people, and we would happily
and are welcoming you for sending this in to say.
What I think needs to change is that instead of
you closing it off to just go this is me
now and I'm just I don't have a girlfriend and
(23:41):
I'm lonely. Something has to change, right, and that's going
to come from you.
Speaker 8 (23:46):
I don't think I have the perfect answer. Can I
talk to Joe?
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 8 (23:51):
Please, I'm sorry, Like, that's that's not cool. And like
the fact that you like are like remembering that all
these different people said this to you, Like you're you're
the smarter person. You're you have the burden of like
seeing them seeing you incorrectly and stuff and their weaknesses
and their fear, and that's a bummer. And if you're
(24:14):
alone right now, Like I don't know the answer, but
I would say I read this book recently, but basically, like,
start moving towards a path, not goals, but a path.
And like community is helpful, So go join into a sport.
Physical exercise is great. And if you don't want to
do a sport, then cool, Just walk around your neighborhood,
(24:36):
but join the community of like I don't know, chess club,
whatever it is. But don't expect to meet anybody there.
Just know that that's going to benefit you somehow, and
start putting together your life in these things that are good,
but don't necessarily think that any of those are going
to be the answer. Just start walking this better path
and that has been helping me. And that's all I got.
But I'm sorry that happened to you.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
We have some voicemails.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
Yeah, Hi, guys, just want to say how much I
love you both. Also, I saw your prompts on Instagram
about the male loneliness epidemic or so what's being called.
It is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard
in my entire life. And it is simply like a
(25:22):
way for men to be more openly misogynistic and in
their eyes, exkews rape and the maltreatment of women for
no apparent reason. Gotta be honest, the pretty much all
of the men in the world at this point are
(25:43):
just digging themselves bigger holes, and this is a testament
to it. And it's really unfortunate that some people have
to be grouped in with that because you know, it's
obviously not all men, but it's all men until there
are no men doing it anymore. So it's the sad
world we live in nowadays.
Speaker 7 (26:04):
But you know, I guess it is what it is.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Well, his collar speaks our love language.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
Yes, said he likes us.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Mentioned misogyny, hmm, said it's bullshit. What do you think, Ben?
What do you think about that that voicemail?
Speaker 8 (26:20):
I'm conflicted because part of me like, I'm I'm kind
of a rageful person. I mean I'm not, you know,
like I can't not I can't be, but like I
could absolutely be rageful around you, and then I wouldn't
be in a relationship with you. So I have to
keep it in check. It's a bummer. But I guess
what I'm saying is to what I respond very naturally
(26:45):
to what he's saying. I'm like, yeah, fuck them, But
I also don't think like that is helpful to them
to get things done. So I'm conflicted. I'm not saying
he's wrong. I'm just saying, like men are not allowed
to complain because we are the ones in charge, and
(27:05):
like if we're having problems with something like we need
to then focus on that and fix it.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Yeah, do you when you say that we're that men
are in charge? You see that in the sense of
what I'm getting from that is that men have had
so much power for so long. Yeah, so like that's
why they can't complain because part of the problem is
that men are in charge. When did we decide that
(27:32):
one part of humanity is less powerful than the other.
It's about a it's a paradigm shift where we actually
look at people as human beings. And I know that's
a weird idea.
Speaker 7 (27:46):
But I actually haven't tuned into the rich Hotline yet,
but I'm a huge fan of terror Erickson through the
Real Rejects. When I saw her male Loneliness Epidemic post
and I really wanted to drop a message. I don't
know if someone listens to this or something, but basically
something that I personally went through is I don't know
(28:08):
if it I don't know if I tied to mail loneliness,
but mental health awareness skyrocketed, thankfully. What happened to me
is I was encouraged to open up, and when I
finally did, I was laughed at for it despite being
asked to do so. I was asked about like my dreams,
and it got to a point where I even wanted
(28:28):
to shed a tear because finally I was opening up
and this is a family member. I was opening up too,
by the way, and they just they laughed at me
as if to say, that's stupid. And at that point
I just didn't want to open up to anyone ever again.
So something I think that affects people is that we
finally reached a point where we're encouraged open up, and
(28:49):
we do so, and we're ridiculed, and so now we
don't want to reach out to anyone again because we
finally let ourselves be vulnerable and once we once we
laid that out for others and it gets stepped on,
and we just don't want.
Speaker 5 (29:02):
To do it again. So a lot of us just
we just pull ourselves up somewhere instead and just unfortunately
swallow it all down. And I think that's something that
leads to my loneliness, and those feelings just get squashed
and now we don't we were invalidated, and now we're
scared to go.
Speaker 7 (29:19):
Through it again.
Speaker 5 (29:21):
And so yeah, that's that's just the take I wanted
to drop.
Speaker 7 (29:25):
Thank you for Thank you for allowing me to voice
that on the hotline, and I'll be two to get
to the next show.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Thank you all I just want to say, like, I
really love that voice mail, like you being open enough
to share that with us, that vulnerable side that happened
that you are you may be embarrassed about or feel
weird about. What I would just say is that you
know you've got to find your people and don't allow
that one stupid, apathetic, unemotional person ruin you and make
(29:58):
you hold away for the next thirty because they don't
know anything about emotions or being empathetic or talking to
someone or.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
I think something that you have touched upon and thank
you so much for calling in. Part of the human
experience is rejection, and I know it's really hard to
get back up after you've been rejected. I know it is,
but that's just part of life. So unfortunately, part of
(30:30):
that evolution is feeling that pain, knowing like, hey, I
got shut out, but I'm going to keep fighting and
you will just become stronger and you will find better
people in your life for it.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Wendy, did you have a thought? I do.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
I am very grateful that he was vulnerable enough to
say all that, and it breaks my heart to know
that he had that experience. But we are the Rage
Pod and this is where I get a little bit
of rage. Actually with a grown man, I feel different
to the young boys that are trying to find their
way and having a hard time. But for someone who's
(31:07):
a great grown man, okay, will you got to pick
yourself back up. You got to keep trying. You if
I shut my heart down every time I got it broken,
I would be locked away in a closet for the
rest of my days. You have got to persevere. You
can't just try it once and oh I got shut down.
You have to keep going. And there are other things
(31:28):
that you can do, whether it's mental health making, trying
to make friends elsewhere, find your community. But for a
grown man now to make this complaint, it fills me
with so much rage because the system was built for you,
by you fucking figure it out.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
I mean, can you imagine if women just gave up
that the first time they were silenced or interrupted or
shut up, they're just we'd never hear from us again,
like they would just buy like like four years old,
and then you'd never hear from women again.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Who would have died off. But we're not coming at
you specifically for that. I mean, ideally, what I think
you want to take away from this is that there
is more than that one person. Don't let that defind
your experience. We are here for you and glad you
reached out and like we are just saying freakin' get
up and get back to it, because I promise you
(32:23):
there are people out there who will welcome you. So
when when you're saying, fucking figure it out, that's what
we're getting to because I promise you there are people
out there who are for you. And when you get
out there and you're like I'm figuring it out, they're like, hey, man,
me too, Let's talk.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
You know, we have to we fitfoe ourselves like people,
you know, we say to ourselves, like, figure it the
fuck out. So this is again it's not like at
you specifically, but you're not alone, Like there's lots of
people that have had to deal with it. Either you're
a teenager and you have too much oil, or you're
reaching menopause and all you want is oil because if
(33:00):
you lose it as you age.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Fun Yelp. Finding skincare that works for you is a
tough thing, except that we found the unicorn Neon Hippie.
It has seven mushrooms, It hydrates it's full of nutrients.
Guess what you.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Get a discount on neon Hippie for listening to our podcast,
The Rage Pod. Use the code rage for twenty five
percent off at neon hippie dot com. I think it
is very important in how we talk about solving this problem.
And one of the things that I have seen happen
(33:37):
is that you hear people say, you know, it's on
It's on women to help men become more emotionally aware.
It's on mothers to raise their sons to be better men.
Fuck that, Ukay, Yes, it's on everybody.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
But guess what.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
Women have compassion by nature. I'm not worried about women
not having compassion. We all need to promote humanity. And
the moms, like the quote unquote moms that either A
got Trump elected or are you know, contributing to this
(34:19):
in cell culture. Guess what, they're just part of patriarchy.
That they are a victim of patriarchy. It's not excusing
their behavior, but to put all of the blame on
them is just furthering the problem.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Yeah, I'm with you on that. I mean, it's like
we're just dispelling the myth that it's it's not our
responsibility to fix it in by saying that it's like
the moms or the wives or the girlfriend's responsibility, that
really just creates a larger issue and it's not actually
tapping into what can actually make us progress and make
it better.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
I mean, do you think that when a woman, like
when a girl is born, when she comes out into
the world.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
That she's like, yes, please take a way all.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Of my rights, and I am here to serve the
men around me. No, it's because she's conditioned, right, He's
conditioned by the world around her to believe that she
isn't as important as men and that she needs to
think about their interests in everyone else's first.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Yeah, and blaming women really just ignores those structural issues
like the mental health stigma. We're talking about friendlessness, toxic masculinity, workoholism.
It's not about women changing. It's really about the men
not being taught how to really operate and have the
right tools to sort of get through life and be
(35:38):
a vulnerable guy and not let your one weird family
member from the nineteen twenties say you're a pussy and
let it affect you for the rest of your life.
Because we are here to say fuck them, and we're
honestly here for you. And I think with more listening
it's less fighting, you.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Know, saying less fighting, it allows you to connect. We
want you to connect, you know, we want you to connect.
We want you to love more. Maybe while you're at
it and abortion bands. But again just to reiterate, we're
not reject People are not rejecting you. They're rejecting behavior,
and so that means that you can change it. That's
like the exciting part of it. And it's sort of
(36:19):
like you know, when people go and perform on stage,
they forget the audiences that they're rooting for you. So
women are rooting for you. We are They're not like
stoked if they go on a date and you don't
ask a question and give them zero eye contact and
are essentially like a mannequin across like they're not they
don't win in that sage.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
No, we're not here for that. And honestly, the ultimate
respect is doing that, being curious, taking taking notes, like
getting out there, self care, figuring it out, making it better.
But also I want to lead us. That's going to
lead us into the kind of the weight, which a
reminder for the new listeners, is courageous, unapologetic, notorious, ten
kind of a person we're going to. There's plenty of pets, men,
(37:02):
they them so much people out there, a lot of
pets are ten out of tens that we're gonna talk about.
But I want to talk about the Kun of the week,
which I chose as Selene freaking Dion Hey no, now lit.
She is courageous and no, unapologetic. We all know she's
(37:22):
a singer, but listen nineteen ninety nine the at the
Oscar she wore a backwards tuxedo. Not because she loved it.
I mean she's a fashion risk taker. If you've ever
seen her show, I mean she goes wild, but it's
because she wanted people to talk. She wasn't like I
want them to talk badly or greatly about She just
likes the conversation. She likes it.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Bonnie Ray, do you get that reference.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Let's give them something to talk. Let's get I do
get it, which I love. And I also think the
notorious part of her is that she recorded my Heart
Will Go On in one tick. No, she hated ithut
it down. She hated it, shut it down.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
That's too good.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
One take baby and think about that song, how amazing
it was. And you know, I look at her and
she was born with you know, fourteen siblings, lived in
a house with one bedroom, one bathroom with all fourteen
of them. She is still close with them now. She
lost her brother and her husband within a couple of
days from each other. Weeks later, she was back at
(38:21):
the coliseum performing, getting to work and she is the
largest grossing artist that has ever performed in Vegas period. Damn,
that's Celindeon. She is is a Kund of the week.
But also it's not just because when she sings, I
feel something, Because when she sings, she gives her heart,
(38:42):
she gives her soul. You can feel in her body
she looks at you. I mean, I sab when I
see her life. It's not only because she has perfect pitch.
She has an octave that just the rain she can
go from her dynamics or like she can get really
quiet to belt your freaking heart out. But it's also
because she cares about people. And that's what you can
(39:03):
feel when you see her perform. She really does want
to hit you here and she talks about that and
she stays after her shows to thank her team personally,
and that's what I think makes her a cunt of
the week. So fricking Selene on. If you're not listening
to her. I know that's old school, and she has
dealed with stiffness syndrome. We are aware she's not singing
(39:25):
as much, but she is just she's a freaking best.
And if you don't know her, get with the program.
All right, we need to get the f out of here.
So let's have Wendy takes out.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Deep breath in you guys, one two, scream into your pillow.
Speaker 8 (39:42):
Wow, Chad feels like whitewashing.
Speaker 1 (39:51):
Don wands ha ha Okay,
We're not rambling today. We're getting right into it because
we are on the good old Rage Pod. And look,
I'm with Ebar and Friendy Wendy over there. She's gonna
be popping in hard today. Today.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
She's got a lot of thoughts. I'm here on the
Rage Pod with the Tara Erickson. We're ready to get
into it. This is the pod where we raged against
the Serene and all of the things in between.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Speaking of the unserene, we're talking about how there's a
new call to action about how men are feeling left out. Okay,
the idea that some branding department marketing, they got a
whold of it and they labeled it the male loneliness.
It doesn't stop there, epidemic.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Some marketing executive it was like, that's it, that's the one.
Get it out there, start a hashtag, put it on
a T shirt, tell all of your male friends, make it.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Go viral bingo, and like, okay, there's men they're lonely. Okay,
So it's more than one. There's a you know, and
so it's an epidemic. Epidemic.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
So when I think of an epidemic that's giving typhoid,
it's giving it's given herpes. It's giving toxic positivity. You
know what it's giving. It's giving Marvel movies.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah, there's a lot of Marvel movies. So you got
to tell me what you've been up to this week.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Let's tell people what has happened this week. So my
kids had their first dental appointment.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Oh okay, And I was.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Like gearing up to come away with like trauma wound
both inside and outside, like I might have like a
scratched cornea. Like I was prepared for that because think
about we all fucking ate the dentist.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Absolutely, imagine putting toddlers through that.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yeah, and this is like how just sort of frenetic
my life has been. It was like one of the
most calming moments of my week because you get in
there and you lay down on the dentist chair and
then the baby, the toddler gets put on top.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
You get on top, and then the dentist works on him.
Well that happens later.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
This is just the chat with the hygienis. But there's
a screen on the ceiling. I didn't even care that
it was playing some bullshit like baby Shark. I didn't
even care. I just was I laid back. I had
a baby on my chest and we were just sitting there.
And then you turn and you have the baby like
on your lap, legs on your lap, baby's head is
(02:51):
on dentist lap. And then he goes in there checks
it out. I assumed they were gonna have eighteen thousand
CAVITIESO you done good? And I was like, this is great.
Their biggest meltdown is get put in the car seat.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Oh yeah, well that's life, baby. I'm gonna tell you
right now, this is not a surprise me. My dentist
has a screen on top, and he asked me what
do you want to watch? And I go, I say, well,
number one, give me the meds. And number two.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Wait a minute, Wait a minute, wait a minute. What
meds are you getting out there?
Speaker 1 (03:23):
They get they given to me. They give what nuts?
The ones that relax you. What's it called? I don't know,
alim yeah, probably, But they don't give me a full one.
They don't give me a full one. As I say,
I don't mess with that. I don't do the juice here.
But when I'm here, I'm doing the juice. And they go,
here's a half a one, and you relax. They put
a blanket on me, spray lavender. I am not joking.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
This sounds like Garden Variety teeth cleaning, Erica.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
You need it.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
We need a group on immediately.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah, we need to go for an outing. I mean
that sounds like a great time. Anyways, what's going on
with you?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Not much?
Speaker 4 (03:59):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I was thinking that Just this week, I was like, Dude,
as I've gotten older, I get less and less feelings.
I feel like, right now I'm down to one feeling.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Well, just Callium at the dentist's office.
Speaker 5 (04:09):
I get it.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, And I'm like, this is great, this is cool.
I'm like, I feel steady, neustrol. Maybe when I'm with
my cats they give me more emotions where I'm like,
you're so freaking cute. I want to eat you alive.
But other than that, it's it's sort of just like
it's odd because my aunt would always say it's gonna
get better. When you're older. You realize like.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
It's just everything is you.
Speaker 6 (04:35):
Yes, And and she's like, just trust me, you won't
be worried about much when you're older. It just all
goes away and you're more peaceful.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
And now I'm like, oh god, she's probably right. You
really get down to minimal feelings. So that's what I've
been going through. But also, I'm gonna tell you right now,
I got a cun of the week.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Okay, I'm very excited.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
She's a savage coqueen.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Hell yeah, so you got to stick around for want
my queen's to be savage.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Thank you for that. And you guys got to stick
around for it. That's just our little teaser right there.
You don't want to miss it. And for the new listeners,
kind of the Week stands for courageous, unapologetic, notorious ten
of the a lone. Next, we are going to dive
(05:28):
in to today's main convo, the male loneliness epidemic. Yeah
it was good, good.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
All right, So today we are talking about the male
loneliness epidemic. And my first reaction to hearing about is, oh,
is that a thing that feels very much like fetch
from mean girls. People are trying to make this happen.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Like like you were saying the other day, you were like,
loneliness isn't new.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
No, it's not new. It's been I mean since the
dawn of time.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Yeah, and it's like, no matter how old you are,
or like how you identify people are gonna be. They
feel more isolated now than they were like decade ago.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
God, everyone's so alone.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah, so like everyone's lonely. And according to like the
recent Pew research study, it's only sixteen Well, not only
there is sixteen percent of men who claim to be
lonely most and or all of the time, which is
not great, but in a non twist, no one's surprised
(06:40):
that so are fifteen percent of women.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
And actually, if you do the numbers, there's more women
than men. So it's really kind of like even I
don't even know what that number translates to, but it's
probably if you actually look at the numbers that that represents, it's.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Let's pretend we don't know math. It's only one percent.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
So one percent gets you an epidemic.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
So listen, I gotta ask, why is this non epidemic important.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
It's important to care about this as women in a
lot of different ways, without assigning responsibility on us to
fix it. We'll get into that later, but on one level,
we need to care about it because when men get
chronically lonely, they get sad and then they get angry.
Speaker 5 (07:32):
And angry.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Men will get violent and this is a real surprise,
but men get violent with women. So literally, women's survival
depend on us caring about this.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I agree, and like loneliness can turn people culty right,
they can get obsessed with the thing because they're thinking,
why do I feel this way? I've isolated myself. And
Andrew tanked.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Yeah, we like to call him Andrew Tank on the
on the rage pod, Andrew taint, Andrew tut god. Andrew
taint is like a would you rather option? So it
would you rather chew the gum off the bottom of
the seat of a subway? Or do have anything to
(08:19):
do with Andrew taint?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Yeah, we're going gum. Let's gum one hundred of the time. Well,
it's just not good for the men out there to
get that type of mindset, and it's also not good
for us to be surrounded by by people who think that,
because there is then it's increasing the anger and the
resentment coming towards us, if not other men who are
(08:41):
look better than this guy who may feel lonely. He
may feel like that guy's got everything and I have nothing,
But the taintness is gonna fuel him with fire. You know,
and I know that Friendy Wendy, she found out something
that she wants to talk about because there's also men
that are trying to combat this.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
There's Yeah, there are people out there that don't want
that to be. They don't want rapes publicists to be
the only marketer of the male perspective. And Freddie Wendy,
you found.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
I found a man named Rafael Gomez, and I found
him on a red pill podcast. We'll get into how
I found that later, but Rafael Gomez has a podcast
called Women on Men, and he is talking to women
about what they are looking for in a partner and
how men can be better partners, whether it's through interpersonal communication,
(09:40):
emotional intelligence, doing any type of work on themselves, propping
women up being a true partner, and kind of dispelling
all of this manisphere, red pill anti woman bullshit. And
it's really wonderful what he's doing. He's the only one
I found, but he is doing some good work out
(10:01):
there to help perpetuate some positivity between human relationships.
Speaker 7 (10:06):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I mean, I'm glad there's one.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I mean that's more than I thought.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Yeah, but we do like to see that there are
men one one man for now who is actually helping
with that in cell culture, because we actually just learned
a couple days ago what stacys and chads are, okay,
and they are what the in cell refers to as
(10:33):
sexually successful men and women. Whatever the fuck that means.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
See what is sexually successful means?
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Yeah, where's the bar?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Where's the bar? It's also very hard to say it's
like a Sally Cells Seashell situation with you. But like
just the pure act, the roat act of having sex
doesn't mean it's a success, certainly not for the woman.
But like I guess just because it's very clear when
a man has come, that's that's all we care about.
That's the only form of sexual success.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Well, I'm looking at you right now, and if you're
a man who came and you're not worried about me,
you are unsuccessful in the sac one way entry to.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Not a callback after exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
That's what I was going to say. You're not getting
a second time.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
No you're not. But also men will be honest and
say that even if they ejaculate, that doesn't mean that
it's like great sex. I agree with you, right Like,
let's I'm not going to try to talk about the
male experience. Yeah, we don't know of ejaculation, but from
what I have.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Heard, I think there are two categories of men here.
I think there are the men that are in our
age group that I have less sympathy for because I'm like,
figure it the fuck out.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
We all did FFO fitfox FITFO.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
But then I do worry. I do worry, and I
am concerned for the younger general of boys, the ten eleven, twelve,
thirteen year old boys. I'm someone who raised a boy
he is now twenty one. I felt like I was
very cognizant of the values that I was going to
(12:15):
instill in him, and I know I succeeded in that
because I've raised a very empathetic, loving, caring.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Kid can confirm you really did so.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
I do think part of it is on awareness for
the parents and getting.
Speaker 8 (12:31):
Ahead of it.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
I wish that we cared about education in this country
because I wish that when you talk about the common
denominator amongst school shooters is them being.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Bullied, right right?
Speaker 3 (12:48):
So can we stop fucking bullying? And how do we
stop that? Do we stop? Is it human nature that
we can't stop? Or is there something that we can
do within the school system to teach empathy, to teach
interperson communication, to teach being a better human or is
that just a naive.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Feel I think you're all so tough. I mean, this
is a very multifaceted problem, right. We also, particularly in America,
we live in a gun happy, alpha happy capitalistic environment.
So one hundred percent we need to invest billions trillions
of dollars into education, both EQ and in other you know,
(13:27):
problem solving ways and confidence building ways.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And I also think just going back, like bullying is
a part of human nature, of our human experience. And
I think because I was bullied a lot, I remember
just not wanting to go to school in sixth grade,
and then like you know, the teachers would try to
help me out and have a meeting with the other kids,
and you're embarrassed, and you're like, these kids are gonna
(13:53):
lie right in front of this teacher's face because they're like,
we don't want to get in trouble, you know, and
the feeling of feeling isolated, like nobody likes you. The
thing is is when you are a teenager or you're
in middle school, that's just where your brain goes. We
can't really fix that. That's just how we were born
(14:14):
and how what the human experience is is is that
if you're in middle school, or you're a teenager, or
even in your twenties, you are going to be fighting
your brain by by thinking they all hate me, nobody
likes me. I don't know how to fix it. I'm
just gonna go away. And the hardest part is to
(14:34):
actually convince people that that's that's really not the case.
Most people are overly concerned about themselves and not necessarily you,
and if they are coming after you, it's it's a
it's a thing, it's a peer pressure. Bullying is like
peer pressure. If a crowd gets on you tells you
no good, they're all gonna jump on it and laugh
about it so that they feel cool. I just think
(14:57):
I don't think we can get rid of bullying.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
I do.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I always say it on you know, the Real Rejux
or wherever I'm at if people ask me about it,
is that you know, bullying made me who I am today,
and I just I always say, if you were bullied,
you turn out probably better as an adult, because you know,
what I'm not gonna do is ever bully people.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Ever, Yeah, I mean I think the problem is though
then we have like what we're talking about with the
MANI sphere, and when you look at mass shooters that like,
let's just call it out. I mean, how many we
can count on half of a hand the ones that
are women?
Speaker 5 (15:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (15:35):
Not a two.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Young men are looking at and saying like, oh, not
only do I feel this shitty and I feel this
lonely and I feel this isolated, but like, hey, that
guy did something about it.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
M M makes it a lot less scary.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
The barrier to thinking of doing something like that totally
am a lot more accessible. It's the same thing with suicide.
And we know that suicide rates among men are four
times as high as women. And like, honestly, some of
this is sorry guys, but this is like you have
a loneliness epidemic.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
This is because.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Equality feels like oppression when you've been privileged. Do you
think that women haven't been lonely? Do you think they haven't.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Felt left out?
Speaker 2 (16:20):
It's been like five minutes that women have gotten, you know,
a little bit ahead and a little bit ahead, and
you know graduation rates. Us saying this doesn't mean that
we are diminishing the feeling of loneliness. That is a
human condition. I think that there is a problem in
(16:42):
stressing that this is so uniquely male. This is a
human problem.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Now, our friend friend to wedding day, one of her
hobbies is actually rage baiting.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
She revealed this the other night.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, because we were talking about it in one of
our meetings where where me and Erka we drink our champagne.
She smokes weed. So let's just let's hand it off
to her and tell her.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
What this tell us about your rage baiting.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
It's something that I'm rage baiting myself. Let's be clear,
I'm not rage baiting other people. I my algorithm kicked me.
These Red Pill podcast guys, I'm not going to say
their name. I'm not even going to say the name
of the podcast because I do not want to give
them any airspace. But that is how I found Raphael Gomez.
(17:34):
And I'm just in such awe of what these guys
are spewing. Their hatred of women is astonishing, but it's
also fucking terrifying. And they're guys that are our age,
So you're just like, what so much so to the
point where I almost want to call bullshit and say
(17:54):
these guys are so full of shit. They're doing the
rage baiting to pull in the guy is that argue
lonely that are in cells pray on their insecurities because
I can't even imagine that they're believing what they're preaching,
but they maybe that's me being naive. And again, I
don't want to say their names. I don't want to
even point you to them, but some of the stuff
(18:14):
they said was just so fucking outrageous, and I find
myself looking for it on TikTok sometimes because I want
to see the people like Raphael that take these guys
to task and that fight these guys, and it's satisfying
in that way, kind of like it's satisfying when you
see Chris Hansen get the pedophile.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
To catch a predator, to catch a predator.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
It's like, you know, watching the scammer get the scammer,
like it feels good to see them be owned in
such a way. But I'm also watching it like a
train wreck because I cannot believe it's fucking real.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I don't on your point about you feeling naive, I
actually think that's not naive, because I bet there are
a lot of these guys that they're like, yeah, I
don't totally believe that, but I'm going to completely capitalize
and make a bunch of monet of vulnerable men's insecurity.
Some of these guys are just like, oh, like I
even think Alex Jones, who's a complete piece of hot garbage,
(19:09):
like doesn't actually think to the fullest extent what he's doing,
but he's literally making money off of dead children.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Yeah. I mean the influencers, they preach alpha, but they're
they're they're going for in insecure men. There's a huge
difference there, a big gap. He wouldn't be friends with
those people.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
That's the interesting part.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
What he's doing is he's monetizing off of.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Well, it's funny that you say that, because one of
the things I thought when I was listening to these
two guys, I was just like, who are their friends, Like,
who are they hanging out with? What are the relationships
like with the one of the guys is married, And
I was like, what is that all about? Like what
are their interpersonal relationships? Because they seem so hateful that
they're not doing anything to help, you know, to your point, Okay,
(19:55):
they're tapping into this audience of young men. But what
are you doing to make it better? What are you
doing to help? They don't care.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
They don't care, they don't care. This is about I mean,
this is about making money and also making their ego
feel really great. That's like really, I mean, that's why
I'm like, it's not naive, it's actually reality. It's a
little cynical, and I mean, I just think it is
the truth of it, and it's dangerous. It's dangerous because insecure,
vulnerable men looking for guidance that are turning to it
(20:25):
are believing it at complete face value, and then that
turns into destructive behavior to themselves and to people around them,
including women that are vulnerable, and to violent men like that.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Yeah, it's like a mantra, you know, when you have
a kid and you want to write, like you want
to tell them every day that they're beautiful, they're smart,
they're funny. They learn those things and they do carry
them throughout their life. When you're told that every single day.
And now if you're rage baiting and you're listening to
that guy he has a new video every day, your
mindset is absolutely going to flip to that. And that's
honestly why We're here because we want to talk about
(21:00):
basically what men can do, not because it's our responsibility,
which we will tag on later, but because we are
actually legitimately interested in progress. We do actually want to
see men succeed and like be happy because.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
We love men, We date men. We want them to
be better partners, we want them to be better humans.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Yeah, we are legitimately on their side because we want
them to be good. I mean I will just say
for me, which will probably tap and do later, especially
on a date. I mean, I'm still out there dating them.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
But like.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I want you to be good and happy and successful,
I'm not on your side. So anyway, we do have
a special guest joining us in this conversation. And get this.
He is a man, but he has thoughts on this
old male experience that we've been discussing.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
This week on the Rage Hotline. We're joined by one
of the five men we know. Three of them are gay,
one is someone's son, and this one is my partner
and the father of my gremlin twins. His name is
Ben Gonzalez. No no, no, no, no no no.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
You've reached the Rage Hotline. Please leave us a message.
Be okay, We've got an email from Joe that says,
on the male loneliness epidemic, it's nothing new. It's always
been here. We're not supposed to talk about anything, especially feelings.
That's weak and gay. I've been called both by my coworkers,
(22:33):
my dad, my mom. This is that's heartbreaking to me.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Now I'm forty and any type of friend I had
is gone, and I have no girlfriend. I just spend
my time alone in my room, just waiting for the
next day. Most of the time I just feel angry
or sad, But it is what it is. Nobody cares
about how you're really doing. It's just how we were
raised to be polite. Say hi, how are you good. Well,
that's great night seeing you by, and you move on. Period.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
I think you know it's unfortunate that you know, your
parents and everyone around you was calling you weak or
pussy for opening up and your feelings. But you're forty now,
and I would say fuck them. They didn't have the
right idea, and I would put a load on them
as to say, why you're locked in your bedroom and
(23:20):
afraid to talk to people, because we are here now
saying we are not those people, and we would happily
and are welcoming you for sending this in to say.
What I think needs to change is that instead of
you closing it off to just go this is me
now and I'm just I don't have a girlfriend and
(23:41):
I'm lonely. Something has to change, right, and that's going
to come from you.
Speaker 8 (23:46):
I don't think I have the perfect answer. Can I
talk to Joe?
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 8 (23:51):
Please, I'm sorry, Like, that's that's not cool. And like
the fact that you like are like remembering that all
these different people said this to you, Like you're you're
the smarter person. You're you have the burden of like
seeing them seeing you incorrectly and stuff and their weaknesses
and their fear, and that's a bummer. And if you're
(24:14):
alone right now, Like I don't know the answer, but
I would say I read this book recently, but basically, like,
start moving towards a path, not goals, but a path.
And like community is helpful, So go join into a sport.
Physical exercise is great. And if you don't want to
do a sport, then cool, Just walk around your neighborhood,
(24:36):
but join the community of like I don't know, chess club,
whatever it is. But don't expect to meet anybody there.
Just know that that's going to benefit you somehow, and
start putting together your life in these things that are good,
but don't necessarily think that any of those are going
to be the answer. Just start walking this better path
and that has been helping me. And that's all I got.
But I'm sorry that happened to you.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
We have some voicemails.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
Yeah, Hi, guys, just want to say how much I
love you both. Also, I saw your prompts on Instagram
about the male loneliness epidemic or so what's being called.
It is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard
in my entire life. And it is simply like a
(25:22):
way for men to be more openly misogynistic and in
their eyes, exkews rape and the maltreatment of women for
no apparent reason. Gotta be honest, the pretty much all
of the men in the world at this point are
(25:43):
just digging themselves bigger holes, and this is a testament
to it. And it's really unfortunate that some people have
to be grouped in with that because you know, it's
obviously not all men, but it's all men until there
are no men doing it anymore. So it's the sad
world we live in nowadays.
Speaker 7 (26:04):
But you know, I guess it is what it is.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
Well, his collar speaks our love language.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
Yes, said he likes us.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Mentioned misogyny, hmm, said it's bullshit. What do you think, Ben?
What do you think about that that voicemail?
Speaker 8 (26:20):
I'm conflicted because part of me like, I'm I'm kind
of a rageful person. I mean I'm not, you know,
like I can't not I can't be, but like I
could absolutely be rageful around you, and then I wouldn't
be in a relationship with you. So I have to
keep it in check. It's a bummer. But I guess
what I'm saying is to what I respond very naturally
(26:45):
to what he's saying. I'm like, yeah, fuck them, But
I also don't think like that is helpful to them
to get things done. So I'm conflicted. I'm not saying
he's wrong. I'm just saying, like men are not allowed
to complain because we are the ones in charge, and
(27:05):
like if we're having problems with something like we need
to then focus on that and fix it.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Yeah, do you when you say that we're that men
are in charge? You see that in the sense of
what I'm getting from that is that men have had
so much power for so long. Yeah, so like that's
why they can't complain because part of the problem is
that men are in charge. When did we decide that
(27:32):
one part of humanity is less powerful than the other.
It's about a it's a paradigm shift where we actually
look at people as human beings. And I know that's
a weird idea.
Speaker 7 (27:46):
But I actually haven't tuned into the rich Hotline yet,
but I'm a huge fan of terror Erickson through the
Real Rejects. When I saw her male Loneliness Epidemic post
and I really wanted to drop a message. I don't
know if someone listens to this or something, but basically
something that I personally went through is I don't know
(28:08):
if it I don't know if I tied to mail loneliness,
but mental health awareness skyrocketed, thankfully. What happened to me
is I was encouraged to open up, and when I
finally did, I was laughed at for it despite being
asked to do so. I was asked about like my dreams,
and it got to a point where I even wanted
(28:28):
to shed a tear because finally I was opening up
and this is a family member. I was opening up too,
by the way, and they just they laughed at me
as if to say, that's stupid. And at that point
I just didn't want to open up to anyone ever again.
So something I think that affects people is that we
finally reached a point where we're encouraged open up, and
(28:49):
we do so, and we're ridiculed, and so now we
don't want to reach out to anyone again because we
finally let ourselves be vulnerable and once we once we
laid that out for others and it gets stepped on,
and we just don't want.
Speaker 5 (29:02):
To do it again. So a lot of us just
we just pull ourselves up somewhere instead and just unfortunately
swallow it all down. And I think that's something that
leads to my loneliness, and those feelings just get squashed
and now we don't we were invalidated, and now we're
scared to go.
Speaker 7 (29:19):
Through it again.
Speaker 5 (29:21):
And so yeah, that's that's just the take I wanted
to drop.
Speaker 7 (29:25):
Thank you for Thank you for allowing me to voice
that on the hotline, and I'll be two to get
to the next show.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Thank you all I just want to say, like, I
really love that voice mail, like you being open enough
to share that with us, that vulnerable side that happened
that you are you may be embarrassed about or feel
weird about. What I would just say is that you
know you've got to find your people and don't allow
that one stupid, apathetic, unemotional person ruin you and make
(29:58):
you hold away for the next thirty because they don't
know anything about emotions or being empathetic or talking to
someone or.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
I think something that you have touched upon and thank
you so much for calling in. Part of the human
experience is rejection, and I know it's really hard to
get back up after you've been rejected. I know it is,
but that's just part of life. So unfortunately, part of
(30:30):
that evolution is feeling that pain, knowing like, hey, I
got shut out, but I'm going to keep fighting and
you will just become stronger and you will find better
people in your life for it.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Wendy, did you have a thought? I do.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
I am very grateful that he was vulnerable enough to
say all that, and it breaks my heart to know
that he had that experience. But we are the Rage
Pod and this is where I get a little bit
of rage. Actually with a grown man, I feel different
to the young boys that are trying to find their
way and having a hard time. But for someone who's
(31:07):
a great grown man, okay, will you got to pick
yourself back up. You got to keep trying. You if
I shut my heart down every time I got it broken,
I would be locked away in a closet for the
rest of my days. You have got to persevere. You
can't just try it once and oh I got shut down.
You have to keep going. And there are other things
(31:28):
that you can do, whether it's mental health making, trying
to make friends elsewhere, find your community. But for a
grown man now to make this complaint, it fills me
with so much rage because the system was built for you,
by you fucking figure it out.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
I mean, can you imagine if women just gave up
that the first time they were silenced or interrupted or
shut up, they're just we'd never hear from us again,
like they would just buy like like four years old,
and then you'd never hear from women again.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Who would have died off. But we're not coming at
you specifically for that. I mean, ideally, what I think
you want to take away from this is that there
is more than that one person. Don't let that defind
your experience. We are here for you and glad you
reached out and like we are just saying freakin' get
up and get back to it, because I promise you
(32:23):
there are people out there who will welcome you. So
when when you're saying, fucking figure it out, that's what
we're getting to because I promise you there are people
out there who are for you. And when you get
out there and you're like I'm figuring it out, they're like, hey, man,
me too, Let's talk.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
You know, we have to we fitfoe ourselves like people,
you know, we say to ourselves, like, figure it the
fuck out. So this is again it's not like at
you specifically, but you're not alone, Like there's lots of
people that have had to deal with it. Either you're
a teenager and you have too much oil, or you're
reaching menopause and all you want is oil because if
(33:00):
you lose it as you age.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Fun Yelp. Finding skincare that works for you is a
tough thing, except that we found the unicorn Neon Hippie.
It has seven mushrooms, It hydrates it's full of nutrients.
Guess what you.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Get a discount on neon Hippie for listening to our podcast,
The Rage Pod. Use the code rage for twenty five
percent off at neon hippie dot com. I think it
is very important in how we talk about solving this problem.
And one of the things that I have seen happen
(33:37):
is that you hear people say, you know, it's on
It's on women to help men become more emotionally aware.
It's on mothers to raise their sons to be better men.
Fuck that, Ukay, Yes, it's on everybody.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
But guess what.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
Women have compassion by nature. I'm not worried about women
not having compassion. We all need to promote humanity. And
the moms, like the quote unquote moms that either A
got Trump elected or are you know, contributing to this
(34:19):
in cell culture. Guess what, they're just part of patriarchy.
That they are a victim of patriarchy. It's not excusing
their behavior, but to put all of the blame on
them is just furthering the problem.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Yeah, I'm with you on that. I mean, it's like
we're just dispelling the myth that it's it's not our
responsibility to fix it in by saying that it's like
the moms or the wives or the girlfriend's responsibility, that
really just creates a larger issue and it's not actually
tapping into what can actually make us progress and make
it better.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
I mean, do you think that when a woman, like
when a girl is born, when she comes out into
the world.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
That she's like, yes, please take a way all.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Of my rights, and I am here to serve the
men around me. No, it's because she's conditioned, right, He's
conditioned by the world around her to believe that she
isn't as important as men and that she needs to
think about their interests in everyone else's first.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Yeah, and blaming women really just ignores those structural issues
like the mental health stigma. We're talking about friendlessness, toxic masculinity, workoholism.
It's not about women changing. It's really about the men
not being taught how to really operate and have the
right tools to sort of get through life and be
(35:38):
a vulnerable guy and not let your one weird family
member from the nineteen twenties say you're a pussy and
let it affect you for the rest of your life.
Because we are here to say fuck them, and we're
honestly here for you. And I think with more listening
it's less fighting, you.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Know, saying less fighting, it allows you to connect. We
want you to connect, you know, we want you to connect.
We want you to love more. Maybe while you're at
it and abortion bands. But again just to reiterate, we're
not reject People are not rejecting you. They're rejecting behavior,
and so that means that you can change it. That's
like the exciting part of it. And it's sort of
(36:19):
like you know, when people go and perform on stage,
they forget the audiences that they're rooting for you. So
women are rooting for you. We are They're not like
stoked if they go on a date and you don't
ask a question and give them zero eye contact and
are essentially like a mannequin across like they're not they
don't win in that sage.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
No, we're not here for that. And honestly, the ultimate
respect is doing that, being curious, taking taking notes, like
getting out there, self care, figuring it out, making it better.
But also I want to lead us. That's going to
lead us into the kind of the weight, which a
reminder for the new listeners, is courageous, unapologetic, notorious, ten
kind of a person we're going to. There's plenty of pets, men,
(37:02):
they them so much people out there, a lot of
pets are ten out of tens that we're gonna talk about.
But I want to talk about the Kun of the week,
which I chose as Selene freaking Dion Hey no, now lit.
She is courageous and no, unapologetic. We all know she's
(37:22):
a singer, but listen nineteen ninety nine the at the
Oscar she wore a backwards tuxedo. Not because she loved it.
I mean she's a fashion risk taker. If you've ever
seen her show, I mean she goes wild, but it's
because she wanted people to talk. She wasn't like I
want them to talk badly or greatly about She just
likes the conversation. She likes it.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
Bonnie Ray, do you get that reference.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Let's give them something to talk. Let's get I do
get it, which I love. And I also think the
notorious part of her is that she recorded my Heart
Will Go On in one tick. No, she hated ithut
it down. She hated it, shut it down.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
That's too good.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
One take baby and think about that song, how amazing
it was. And you know, I look at her and
she was born with you know, fourteen siblings, lived in
a house with one bedroom, one bathroom with all fourteen
of them. She is still close with them now. She
lost her brother and her husband within a couple of
days from each other. Weeks later, she was back at
(38:21):
the coliseum performing, getting to work and she is the
largest grossing artist that has ever performed in Vegas period. Damn,
that's Celindeon. She is is a Kund of the week.
But also it's not just because when she sings, I
feel something, Because when she sings, she gives her heart,
(38:42):
she gives her soul. You can feel in her body
she looks at you. I mean, I sab when I
see her life. It's not only because she has perfect pitch.
She has an octave that just the rain she can
go from her dynamics or like she can get really
quiet to belt your freaking heart out. But it's also
because she cares about people. And that's what you can
(39:03):
feel when you see her perform. She really does want
to hit you here and she talks about that and
she stays after her shows to thank her team personally,
and that's what I think makes her a cunt of
the week. So fricking Selene on. If you're not listening
to her. I know that's old school, and she has
dealed with stiffness syndrome. We are aware she's not singing
(39:25):
as much, but she is just she's a freaking best.
And if you don't know her, get with the program.
All right, we need to get the f out of here.
So let's have Wendy takes out.
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Deep breath in you guys, one two, scream into your pillow.
Speaker 8 (39:42):
Wow, Chad feels like whitewashing.
Speaker 1 (39:51):
Don wands ha ha Okay,
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com