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August 15, 2019 27 mins

Ron and Carolina get advice about how to navigate the dark web.


Ron Burgundy: Host, Writer, Executive Producer

Carolina Barlow: Co-Host, Writer, and Producer.

Producers: Whitney Hodack, Jack O'Brien, Miles Gray, and Nick Stumpf

Executive Producer: Mike Farah

Consulting Producer: Andrew Steele

Coordinating Producer: Colin MacDougall

Associate Producers: Anna Hossnieh and Sophie Lichterman

Writer: Jake Fogelnest

Production Coordinator: Hannah Jacobson

This episode was Engineered, Mixed and Edited by: Nick Stumpf

Music Clearance by Suzanne Coffman

Guest Expert: Richard Greenberg

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Who's that man talking in my Ron Burgundy? Hello, this
is Ron Burgundy and you guessed it. Welcome to the
Ron Burgundy Podcast. I am, of course, joined by Carolina. Carolina.

How are you? Um? I'm good? Actually think you great?
You look very pretty today. I'm just going to say
what really? Yes, you've literally never said anything complimentary about Hila.
I got eighteen hours of sleep last night, so I
feel very refreshed. Um. Today's show is is quite fascinating.

We are going to be talking about the Internet. And
the Internet, for those of you who don't know, was
originally created by the U. S. Military as a way
for members of our armed forces to trade baking recipes
with each other. M interesting since that first computer was
connected to another computer by Alexander Graham Bell all the

way back in two thousand four. The Internet has no
doubt revolutionized the way our world works today and changed
our daily lives. I like to call the Internet the
information super Highway. That's a phrase I invented myself last
night as I was preparing research for this podcast. I
had to do all the research myself because Carolina didn't

fax any notes to me like I asked her to.
I there are. There are so many things wrong with
what you just said. There's so many factual errors. I
just and you know what I did, fax you the
notes for today's show. You did, Yeah, well maybe I
was out of fax paper. Ron. You really need to
stop using that old fax machine that takes the curly

paper that rolls up the ink gets all over your fingers.
I've offered numerous times to get you something more modern. Hey,
if it ain't broke, don't fit it. But that that's
the point it is, it's very broken. Well, whatever the
point is, I think we can all agree on one thing.
The Internet is here to stay, right sure, yeah, I
will not going anywhere. However, it's never been more dangerous.

I don't like to contribute to the culture of fear,
but the Internet is truly terrifying right now. Look at
your children. They aren't safe, the elderly or at constant risk.
And if you're going to use the Internet, you must
take extreme caution. And that's why I'm so glad to
have our guests today. His name is Richard Greenberg, and

he's what's referred to as a cyber security expert, so
he knows all the ins and outs of the mercurial intranet.
It's going to be fascinating. It doesn't have to sound
so spooky to crack open his skull and figure out
what swimming around and there right, Yeah, I'll be a

basic interview. Crack that thing open with a ball peen
hammer and pull out all the goop. No, but I
mean metaphorically sure, it just sounds. On the other side
of this wall is Richard Greenberg. It's yeah, he's waiting
to just come to cyber security X. Let's make it

sound more warm and professional. Man, he knows it all.
We'll be right back with our cyber security expert right
after this commercial break, and welcome back to the Ron

Burgundy Podcast. Is Ron Burgundy and we are joined right
now by our cyber are security expert, uh, Richard Greenberg. Richard,
thank you for for joining us here on the podcast.
My pleasure. Thanks for inviting me. Richard. Can I call
you Dick? Do you go by Dick Greenberg? The last
person that did that had an unfortunate accident. Okay, but

you can call me whatever you are now, I'm gonna
call you Richard. I'm gonna I'm not gonna mess around
with that stuff. Um Let me just start off by saying,
what is a cyber security expert? For those listening, Well,
we all know that the hackers are looking to get
all of our data everywhere. Who are the hackers? Is
that a musical group? Well, there are good hackers and

bad hackers. We call them white hat and black hat.
Whoa okay, yeah, here we go. So the white hat
hackers are the guys that look for vulnerabilities to try
to help us identify where we're weak and what we
could fix. The black hat hackers, the criminals, are the
real ones who they want to get the good stuff.
They're in a Stonier, in Russia and China, in a
variety of different places, and they're trying to get our

data because it's monetized. Every piece of information, credit card
and social security, medical records has a value on the
doc market. So you're a cyber security expert. Um, do
you carry a badge and a gun? Nope, that would
be a physical security expert because it seems like you
should have a badge and a gun with you at

all times. You know, it's hard to shoot the internet.
That's the problem because you're dealing with cyber criminals, but
you're not seeing them. Yeah, they're kind of and we
call on in their in virtual space. Have you ever,
by chance met one of these cyber criminals and like
remembered their handle and been like, wait a minute, your
soccer girl. Yeah, you look familiar to me, soccer girl
twenty three. I haven't done that the other out there, though.

Let's talk about passwords. I know those are important, right, Um,
And of course I'm not talking about the old game
show password. I was actually up to host that show,
but but they went with a real lightweight instead. Um,
we don't need to get on that tangent. But I'm talking.
I'm talking about the passwords you use for security purposes. Now,

for myself, I just used the same password for everything
in my life. Is that the right thing to do?
Absolutely not. And as a matter of fact, tell me
what it is and let's discuss it. I'm happy to
It is eight oh oh eight five, which you know.
You know how I got that well, because if you

type that into a calculator and you turn it upside
down as spells boobs. Okay, so hilarious. Would you consider
that a safe password? It's easy to remember, right, that's it.
That's the good part. Yes, The bad part is that
the black hat hackers now share tools, and they have
ways where they can run scripts and computers and try thousands,

hundreds of thousands, if you will, password combinations, just random letters,
and they would crack your password in about three seconds. No,
I might take a minute, depends. Well I'll take that.
I'll take those chances. Yeah, so you're saying it's not
a safe password, not at all. And also you really
can't have the same password in all your accounts because

if one is broken, it's everything. It's curtains. As they say,
they have the keys to your city. And I said
it on the air here too. No, there's no way
that boobe could still work. You know what, it's locked in.
It's locked into the old noggin. So do you want
to take a minute and go change it? What would
beat some other good passwords? Well we don't want to

say those either, boobies. So one of the I can
give you some advice please to help formulate one. And
this is you know, blobes. Now what you could do
better than a password? Oh cheechee, those are just words,
so ron better than a password that means certain things.
Oh but Zoomba's I'm sorry, Richard. Go ahead, that's okay,

I'm sorry, Richard. I see he's focused. Five passwords, ready
to go? Okay, Yes, consider a pass phrase. So a
combination of words such as ron burgundy is super duper.
That's pretty long. Oh well maybe ron burgundy is super duper.
You might remember that. Yeah, sure, remember that. So that's

a combination of letters that would be hard for a
computer to crackers. There's so many digits. Somebody, and then
add some numbers on top of it. That would be good.
But make sure you can remember those numbers. So like
ron burgundy is super duper. Okay, there you go. I
think I got my new my new password. Okay, but
don't tell anybody. Okay, So don't use that one. That

was just an hypothetical exactly. Really don't use it. But
don't use it. I can't think of another good one.
I'll probably use that one. Let me ask you about
the dark web. What is the dark web. It's the
place where the black hat hackers operate. That's where they live. Yes,
they're they're there. They're deadly, and they want your stuff.

And you can buy illegal narcotics and weapons on the
dark web by anything you want. Really. Yeah, So hypothetically,
if I wanted to access the dark web, and by
let's say this is purely a hypothetical situation, qui ludes?
Would you, Richard, would you be able to show me

how to buy kuludes on the dark web? Qui lude
still for sale? I don't know greenies? Greenies are amphetamines?
Never mind, well they might replaced those with more effective drugs. Okay,
man demand, we'll cut this out of the podcast. Richard,
can you give me some qui ludes regardless of whether

it's with the Dark Web or not. Now that would
kind of compromise my position. I appreciate your honesty. Yeah,
I appreciate your honest but I can understand the sense
a lot of people in my statue would say, sure, Ron,
I'll get you whatever you want. Thank you. Okay, I'm sorry,
I can't help you, being a man of your word
and integrity. Um, so, okay, I'll just have to go
somewhere else. Hypothetically. So, I've heard all about the cyber bullying,

right and and to my understanding, it's when you when
you post something to the Internet and that that someone
doesn't like, and that person will actually drive over to
your house and punch you right in the face. Is
how do we protect ourselves against cyber bullies. Cyber bullies
act out of immaturity or insecurity, or variety of other

psychological things. It's the same thing in the real world. Um.
You know, when I was a kid, I got beat
up by a bully, and I'm sure are lots of
people listening had the same experience. It's no different. It's
only online. The problem with online it's one everybody can
hear it and see it, and it's forever. Can't withdraw
anything that's on the internet, So not just two or

three people standing around see or hear it. Everyone and
everyone's social network will see it. You know what else
is for forever? The diamond diamonds are forever. Let's move on,
Kay Jeweler's um robots, but they are friends, our enemies.

We'll just put it out there. So there's something called
AI artificial intelligence that are built in which makes robots
and other types of think for themselves more or less.
They learn and they adapt right, and so the future
is unknown what these can do? Uh. There there is
there's no use today really in cybersecurity. But I think

down the road they will be. So how do we
keep a lid on this? How do we make sure
that the robots, you know, don't John Connor us it's
a good question. That's more of a political question reference
to the movie Terminator. Yes, there are reports that Alex
says the Amazon tool we're laughing at their own and

basically scoffing at them. Is that something to worry about.
I had a girlfriend named Alexa. She used to laugh
at me. I'm sorry. I would tell her my secrets
and you know what I wanted from the supermarket, and
she would just laugh. That's Richard. Did you ever know

an Alexa your childhood? No, I haven't. I'm sorry for
your that's a story there. What were your secrets and
your supermarket suggestions? Well, I would just daydream around the
house and say, oh, I'd like three extra large T shirts, Um,
a dozen bananas, you know, some new sheets. Oh yeah.

It was probably an interesting couple. It was. We were
great to entrick party guests. And you know what her
password was? Movies On the weekends, Richard, I like to
mess around with my CB equipment. Um, you know, I
have one in my truck. Uh, and I just drive
around for hours talking to my pals. I've got the Muskrat, Howler,

dan Zoid, Gruving, Gary, all good buddies in my convoy.
And if if you're ever out on the road, my
handle is frog Penis. Uh. That's a long it's a long,
funny story. I don't have time to get into anyway.
Is my CB radio safe from hackers? CB is open
so anybody can get on it, but there's not a

whole lot you can do with it unless it's connected
to one of your networks internally, which is most likely
not the case. Some people are have actually done that.
But if send your truck or your vehicle, then it's
contained Roger that. Yeah, I'll tell you Richard. Sometimes I
can be a real ratchet, real ratchet John there. I'll
be talking to Claw Humper, buzz Ball and Dr Nathaniel

Fernald doing double nickels on the dimes and and hey, muskrat,
what's your twenty next thing? You know? I got some
Mama bear on my donkey. Okay, this is a cyber
security expert. He doesn't work with CB radios. And I've
told you before not everyone understands CBE radio LINGO. Come on, Carolina,
quit acting like a lot lizard. Okay, you teld me
that a lot lizard is CB radio lingle for prostitute,

and it is absolutely not okay to call me that.
It also doesn't make any sense in this context. Ten four.
That was out a line. I apologize, Richard gets it though.
Ten four, ten four. See, I'm just glad internet hackers
can't mess with my CB radio. That's that's a relief. Yeah,
but that is an open line of communications. So watch

what you say or not. Yeah. So I don't want
to get too political on this show, but as a
cyber security expert, would you know how to set up
something like stealing a presidential election in theory? Yes? Okay,
what about an election to a co op board? Because

I'm having a real hard time with my condo and
I could I could use some help. Well, maybe you
should talk to the people that might be a better approach. Yeah,
just saying is this a money question? Because I don't
mind kicking in some scratch my friend. No, that's all right,
condo board, if you're listening, we've got a black hat. Yeah,

I gott I just bought myself a new black hat.
There are times when I'm visiting certain websites. I'm gonna
get into this delicately. Let's just say of an erotic nature,
and all of a sudden, I'll get a million boxes
popping up on my screen. One time, I got so
frustrated I ended up throwing my computer out of the

window of my den and it landed on my neighbor's
bacat and she was pretty sore about it. Any solutions
to that problem, yeah, I get the really strong tempered
glass windows. I didn't even think of that. That's that's
a handy salute. Yeah. But the other thing you can
do also is, you know, be careful when you go

to the internet. There are certain applications you can download.
They're called sandboxes, where they isolate the rest of your
computer from where you're going on the internet. Some people
use them for banking that you could use them for
the areas you were discussing as well. It's it's it's
erotic art. I look at that's what that's honestly looking

at erotic art. Christie's auction house online pop ups. All right, Well,
he appreciates beautiful things in life. I guess Christie's a
spelled k R y s t y s x X
x um, let's talk about the terms and conditions that

we'll see. Uh, you know that we all have to
sign when we go on to a certain thing. Now,
I actually take the time to read every single word
and then I sent it to my lawyer and they
we go back and forth. He makes changes and and
it you know, it takes forever, but I think it's

worth it. Um. In general, do you think people should
be more careful with the terms and conditions on the Internet? Okay,
So I would advise that people not waste their time
with that, because basically all the internet providers are saying
is we might get your stuff and we're happy and
thank you, and we might sell it. And that's the
unfortunate part. Well, now now there is rules in the

European Union and they might come our way, which affords
all of us a bit more control of our own
personal data. So, but my attorney charges me hourly, So
when he's making all those changes and sending it back
to the side, they're not listening. They're not taking any
of it. I think they're filing it in the the
oval file cabinet. So you're saying it's a waste of time. Yeah, However,

as long as we're on this subjecting the notice as
we get when we download apps where they want access
to your camera, they want acces, those are the ones yes, no,
those are the ones you want to question and if
you have the ability, because some of the apps won't
work unless you say yes, others might and you can
say no, I just want to give you the access
to what you need. Well, then why are we using
all this mumbo jumbo if all they want to do

is collect our data because it's convenient and it's fun. Right,
It's a trade off. It is a it's a real
trade off. And now alex is listening to us, not
your girlfriend, but the computer label Richard. What's your first
memory with a computer? You know, were you a little

boy sitting in front of a computer and just saying, yep,
this is what I want to do with the rest
of my life. And I will lose my virginity or
I won't, it doesn't matter. I love computers. Now I
learned when there were main frames before the PCs. What's
the main frame? Main frame is a big old computer
taking up a huge space the large room. Oh like

the IBM mainframes? There you go, yes, right, do you
remember the old computer Commodore. Yes, the Commodore Commodore. Right,
those are coming back, right. I don't think you would
see those other than people with nostalgia just want to
have them around. And what do you think is past
the iPhone? So what do you think is the next? Oh,
that's a great question. Is it VR? Is it? What

is the next? Well, I don't know. I think at
some point people will elect to have the chip implanted.
Oh my god. Well, people are getting chips installed now
to protect themselves from kidnapping and a variety whether they
hit their political in the office and certain questionable countries,
the technologies there. I I paid for a chip to
be implanted because you got lost one time. Did it help? Well,

it turns out it was a hundred dollar poker chip. Um,
so it did nothing. The guy ripped me off. Yeah,
because now when you're lost, they still there's your lost.
Well also too, it's horribly infected. Find me note to self,
have poker chip removed removed from neck from neck. Thank you.

Steve Jobs. Pretty cool guy, right, Many people say yes.
Some people say he was a little bit too intense
tough to work with. He invented the Macintosh, the iPhone.
But a lot of people don't know this. He invented
Mr microphone. Do you remember that? It was a toy
microphone that you could hook up to your radio and

it would broadcast your voice. So very cool. Steve Jobs
a true pioneer. I don't think Steve Jobs invented the
Mr microphone. Well, whoever did gets my utmost respect the
inventor of Mr microphone? Is that how you got started
in in this? You know, I got started by just

hanging around outside of news stations. And that was back
in the day where you could just walk in and
you know, have a good head of hair and firm
handshake and get put on the air in a couple
of weeks. So it's really changed. Um, but thank you,
thank you for asking, Richard, have you ever invented anything? Uh? Now?

Just better ways to work more efficiently. I brought up
robots before, and I think I think you you had
some good insight to that. But I'd be remiss if
I didn't ask sex robots. How close are we? I
think they're there? WHOA, Well, I know where I can

find him. So maybe you don't need to get the
tempered glass after all. I'll just look them up on
Christie's hard Auction website. Anyway, Richard, I think we are
officially out of time. I'm officially out of questions here.
I can't thank you enough for joining our podcast. Thank
you for your your excellentes. Uh Caroline, I'm gonna give

you the keys to my truck and if you could
pull it up front, that would be terrific. But don't
touch my CB radio. Okay, do not get on there
and open your mouth. We will be an embarrassment in
front of my trucker buddies. Uh. Richard, thank you again
for coming on the Ron Burgundy Podcast. I think you've
informed a lot of people about how to be safe
out there. Definitely, don't forget change that password. Well, no,

I've already got it burned in my brain. What Ron
Burgundy is a super sexy guy or something like that.
We'll figure it out later, all right, We'll be right
back with a Ron Burgundy podcast after this, and we

are back Ron Burgundy podcast. Uh Carolina. Yeah, I kept
thinking what Richard said about the white hats and the
black hats. I mean, what would you rather be a
white hat or a black hat? A white hat, of course,
it's the person protecting our information, protecting our data. But

you're not intrigued a little bit about the dark internet
and a black hat. You have a lot of power,
a lot of prestige. No, that's sort of the question
between good and evil, right, Yeah, so I want to
be good? What do you want to be? I want
to be a white hat too. Okay, good, Okay, you

don't have to look at me like that. I'm just curious. No,
I'm just saying, though, black hat, no, white hat. Yes,
I want to be a white hat too. I wonder
if they're gray hats though, we're sort of like a
light charcoal gray hat. Beautiful, Yes, felt a feather in it,
a feather in it. It's like, is he or she

good or bad? Oh? The charcoal gray hat? You don't know? Well,
I can put that on the list of potential screenplays
that you asked me. Yes, perfect, thank you. Yeah, let's
get an outline going on that, got it? Because I'm
going to start writing Hollywood movies. We've we've talked about this.

That's my goal for this new season, and at some
point we will have a stage reading on the podcast
of my manuscript I've written. I can't wait for that.
We are going to do that. By the way. One
other thing about Richard, I mean, boy, he was not
happy when I when I asked him if I could
call him dick, and he said the last time he

called I mean, that was spooky, that was aggressive. They
were in a terrible accident. And did you notice, did you?
I didn't notice it until the end of the interview.
But he in his right hand, he put his hand
on top of the table and he had brass knuckles.

What does that mean? I mean, he had old fashioned
brass knuckles. Why would he's a cyber s I know
it makes no sense. Well, he might be a killer.
We don't know that. We cannot can't say that on air.
You're right, However, I did know if he were to
leap across the table and try to punch me with

the brass knuckles, I was going to cushion the blow
with your face. I don't But isn't that great? I
was already thinking ahead of time that I would use
you as a human shield because I would have gotten
pummeled and you would have been fine. But that's why
I respect you so much. You're selfless. White hat attitude prevails.

I don't know That's what I meant when I said
I want to be a white hat. So so are
you thinking you want to be a black hat? I
don't want to go down for a black hat. Luke,
I'm your father exactly. Remember what that was from Star Wars?
I couldn't remember Star Wars or Raiders in the Last Dark.

Doesn't matter. Let's follow up with Richard though, and Seapie
really can't give me some coludes? Okay, well, we'll catch
you next Thursday. On The Ron Burgundy Podcast. This is
Ron Burgundy saying, until next time, don't be a black hat.
The Ron Burgundy Podcast is a production of I Heart

Radio and Funnier Dat. I'm Ron Burgundy. The host, writer
and executive producer. Carolina Barlow is my co host, writer
and producer. Our producers are Jack O'Brien, Nick Stump, Miles Gray,
and Whitneoda. Our executive producer is Mike Farren. Our consulting
producer is Andrew Steele. Our coordinating producer is Colin mcdougland.

Our associate producers are Anna Hosnian and Sophie Lichterman. Our
writer is Jake Vogelness. Our production coordinator is Hannah Jacobson.
This episode was engineered, mixed, and edited by Nick Stuff.
Until next time, this is Ron Burgundy.
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