April 30, 2020 • 28 mins
Ron Burgundy's free MasterClass.
CREDITS:
Host, Writer, and Executive Producer: Ron Burgundy
Co-host, Writer and Producer: Carolina Barlow
Producer: Nick Stumpf
Talent Producer: Anna Hossnieh
Writers: Andrew Steele and Jake Fogelnest
Engineered, Mixed and Edited by Nick Stumpf
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Rom Barging podcast, It's Fun podcast, hits Him and now
podcast It's Hot Carolina. I'm just so you know, I
am on the phone right now. This is what I'm
(00:22):
doing over here. Yeah, just if you want to just
use one of the intros to the show that we've
already recorded, maybe one from the first season. I don't
think anyone will notice. We have a contractual obligation to
produced an entirely new episode every week. We can't. We
we've already started taping. You need to get off the phone.
We just need to. This happens to be a very
(00:42):
important call. I don't know what to tell you. They're
already recording there. Hey, look, just just make sure that
they edit this out. Okay, I'm dealing with it with
a very sensitive situation. By the way, did I tell
you that I lost Carlos what my pet aunt? I
let him out of his Mason jar and yeah, I
(01:07):
let him crawl on my face and he was tickling me,
and and now, for the life of me, I can't
find him. And we've talked about this before. It's one
of the excruciating elements of having a pet ant um.
It's it's you know, I adore Carlos and obviously Baxter
(01:31):
his family to me, but a pet ant is one
of the best pets I've ever had. Remember when you
thought Carlos was Lucy and Lucy was Carlos, and then
you realize, yep, I had been calling, oh my god,
Lucy Carlos and Carlos Lucy. That was so funny. That's
(01:55):
when I took them into the vet and I said,
you know, I opened up the the matchbox and I said,
Dr Schwartz, Carlos seems to have an ear infection. And
he was like, Carlos, I think you mean Lucy. I
think you mean Lucy because this is obviously a female aunt. Yeah,
and I'm like, oh my goodness, egg on your face.
(02:19):
And the ramifications of that are because that means we
had been celebrating Lucy's birthday on Carlos's birthday. And ah,
it's just the ripple effect, the financial ramifications because you
had put stuff in their account and joint accounts. We
(02:41):
had to separate those. But of course the most tragic
part of that day is when he said, by the way,
this is Lucy, and I go, okay, we had a laugh,
and he goes, However, we're gonna have to put Lucy down.
And that was because I didn't here from you for
a week. She had lime disease in her right antenna.
(03:04):
And then you know, you know, of course, how they
put an aunt down. Actually don't Did you just crush
it with your thumb? And I he just he kept
looking at me. He goes, are you ready? Are you
ready for this? And I go, well, you go. Some
people like to leave the room. And I'm like, before
I could say, he just crushed it with this thumb,
(03:26):
I just was off so angry at Dr Schwartz. There
has to be a more humane way. There has to
be and uh, I just said, Dr Schwartz. You He goes,
if I don't do it right away, people will beg
and beg, and you know, they'll drag it on forever,
and then you have an aunt who's living in pain.
I'm not happy. And we have to watch this lime
(03:48):
disease that's occurring in ants, the ant population. So anyway, now,
so now it's just Carlos. But now I can't find
they can't find him. So what do you do with
your time? You can't find Carlos. Baxter is busy. I've
put out treats all throughout the house. M little buckets
of horse radish with butter scotch that usually attracts him.
(04:16):
You'll you'll know him when you see him and give
him such a hug. Um. Anyway, I'm just I'm on hold.
So just why don't you just use one of the
intros from from season one? Well, I don't know what
to tell you. Contractually obligated to produce an entirely new
(04:36):
episode every week, and we've already started taping, so you
need to get off the phone. Yeah, but this happens
to be a very important call. We've been talking about
ants for the past five minutes, so I don't know
how important it could be. All right, Look, I'm doing
what's called hard bawling. Okay, it's a negotiating tactic. You're right,
(04:57):
I've just put them on hold for no reason. I mean,
I did want to tell you about Carlos. I know,
I'm sorry, but you know right now, I'm just letting
them sweat a little bit. So so watch and watch
and learn. And I'm sorry, I said, just Anne's like,
I know that they're your pets, and I know that
you care about I knew you knew not a big do. Okay,
(05:19):
watch this, watch this and learn. I'm gonna hardball. This
is called hard ball. I'm gonna take them off hold. Hello. Sorry,
sorry to put you on hold for so so long. There, sir,
that was Stephen Dorff calling. Yeah, so you can see
I have a lot of other offers to consider. What's that? Oh,
(05:42):
we're going to Dan Tana's. In fact, that's another thing
we could cover in the class. Yes, I've got a
lot of great ideas. No, I don't know when I
can be reached. Uh, just to wrap this up, you
you have counter bye. Bye. Okay, what was that call about?
(06:06):
I mean, please tell me if it wasn't about the show. No,
it was about something else. It has nothing to do
with welcoming everybody to another episode of the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Hello,
this is Ron Burgundy. We've got a great episode for you,
and and and Carolina. Did you notice how I just
nailed that intro and made it a segue at the
same time. It's it's called broadcast professionalism. Yeah. I have
(06:30):
to admit that was actually pretty seamless. Yep, and I
left enough space for the engineers to edit around it
for the listener. It will just sound like a high
energy regular opening to the show. Make sure to edit
out everything that was being recorded before. I'm sorry, I
just can't get my mind off of that phone call
and we can cut this out. Come on. Make up
(06:52):
your mind. Are we doing the intro to the show
or not? Why? Why are you creating all this post
production work? You were just you just seemed kind of
aggressive on that call, and I'm curious what you're working on.
I'm in the middle of putting together a deal to
one of those masterclass things. Okay, so there have you
seen those? That's the thing online where experts in their
(07:16):
field talk to you about their knowledge. Yes, exactly, and
then you forget you signed up for it, and your
credit card gets charged again and you're like, wow, what
did I do? Yeah, but they're really worth it. I
think they've gotten some incredible people to do those from
all walks of light. I know, I know Wolfgang Puck
teaching culinary art, Annie Leibowitz on photography, Howard Schultz from
(07:40):
Starbucks on business, and I think I think Marty did
one on filmmaking. Okay, can you please not do that.
I'm sorry to do what the thing where people call
Martin Scorsese Marty like they know him personally. I didn't
even know that was a thing with Marty. Stop calling
him Marty. I have the right to call him Marty. Okay,
that's what his friends call him. They call him Marty.
(08:02):
You're friends with Martin Scorsese, Okay, honestly not not best friends.
But when he calls me, I pick up the phone
and I answer Hello, and he says, Hey, it's Marty,
and then he usually starts talking really fast about some
old foreign film and I'm like, okay, Marty slowed down.
(08:22):
Good God. But I love that guy. He's a he's
actually probably listening. Shout out to Marty. If you're listening,
please tell Helen and the kids. I say, hello, Ron,
how do you know Martin Scorsese? Oh? Wow, you are
You are really taking me back now, Carolina, I guess.
I guess it had to be around the summer of
one because I was in New York at the time. Yeah,
(08:46):
that would be right. That's when Joe Strummer introduced me
to Marty. Wait, hold on, you knew Joe Strummer. Do
you know him? Yeah? He had a little band at
the time, The Oh the Smash or something. Clash, and
they were called the Clash. Yes, I know who Joe
Strummer is. I'm just surprised you do. Well. I knew
him well, nice guy, but he did screw me on
(09:08):
a news story one time. I I remember I was
doing a piece on how a venue called Bonds Casino
had oversold a bunch of concert tickets for Joe's goofy
punk band. They were a really good band, run they
were called the Clash. Anyway, I went down to the
venue looking for ryots and violence and a bunch of young,
dangerous punk rockers, kids with spiked hair throwing bricks around
(09:32):
and telling their parents to put it with a sun
don't shine. It was. It was going to be a
sizzler for the news that night. Me guess that's not
what happened. No, not at all. Good guests. Yeah, it
was all very peaceful and boring because Joe Strummer and
his band, which for some reason these weird kids wanted
to see, agreed to play extra shows for every kid
(09:53):
who bought a ticket, which was a stand up thing
to do. But if it were me, I would have said,
tough luck, punkers. You know, this is sort of a
legendary story in rock history. Well, it was a terrible
news story that night. I'm sorry. How did we get
on this topic? All right? You were questioning whether or
not I Ron Burgundy was close enough friends with Martin
(10:15):
Scorsese to call him Marty. I just find it a
little surprising that you were part of such a specific
moment in pop culture history. If you haven't figured it
out by now, Ron Burgundy is full of surprises. Okay,
And if you don't believe me, you can ask who Martin? Marty.
(10:37):
We can just record the intro to the show, please,
if we can just get that going, that master class
people will be calling back soon with their final offer. Actually,
we're running short on time and we want to get
the ads recorded. You ran out last time, so they're
suggesting we just do those first. Alright, alright, alright, fair enough,
Let's do an ad break and then I'll get a
(10:57):
little drunk, have some eggs, and we can get back
in the booth. Back here on the Run Burgundy Podcast.
Very excited to talk with our guest today, Lynda Evans.
We are going to talk about her work on the
television show Dynasty, and she has a few choice words
(11:21):
for her ex husband Yanni Um, wait, that's next week's episode. Run.
Oh well, what are we going to do for today's show?
Let me give the audience a free master class lesson.
Don't worry. We actually have a great guest one I
think you'll love. It's tarn Edgerton from Rocket Man. Wow.
Are you are you serious? Carolina? That's a big guest.
(11:43):
He's in the car now on his way of the studio. Oh,
that's fantastic. We're gonna talk to rocket Man. Wow. There's
so many questions for Taragon. Da mommy, Taron Edgerton? Wait,
aren't you guys friends? Didn't you help promote rocket Man?
Very good friends? Yes, I've we've mentioned Rocketman multiple times
here on the podcast. You know, just it. It's the
(12:07):
movie of the decade, Yeah, the millennium and uh and yes,
I was paid a side fee to occasionally mentioned rocket Man,
but we talked about no under the table payments this year.
Tarragon and I are become quite close. Wait, if you're
so close, why can't you pronounce his name? I'm just
I don't want to bug him, and I'm just I'm
(12:28):
embarrassed to um ask what the real pronunciation of his
name is. It's you can, I can tell you it's
Taron Edgerton. Okay, well, that's one of the things we
can dive into. I'll just say when we ass down,
I'll say, for our listeners, can you tell us how
you pronounce your name? I think he'll probably just say
(12:52):
it's Taron Edgerton, just so you know what to expect. Okay,
we'll see state. And you know I've seen Rocket Man
seventeen times. I legitimately enjoyed it. I didn't full musical, yes,
full on musical. Okay, before he gets here, I'll do
(13:12):
a quick distilled version of my master class for our listeners. Um,
this one's This one's on the house, folks, if you're listening. Actually, Carolina,
is there anyway we can we can send all of
our podcast listeners a bill for one thousand Uh you
know what? No, no, no, never mind, Okay that that
that would take. I don't know how we get people's addresses. Yeah,
(13:35):
so this one's on the house. I have to say,
I'm skeptical at the idea of you doing one of
these master class things. Why would you be skeptical? You know,
sometimes I think you and I are getting too close, Carolina.
Sometimes I think you forget your dog into round Burgundy.
I know I'm always painfully aware of who I'm talking to.
I can just picture your master class. I mean, you
(13:56):
really have had quite an interesting life. Your expertise as
newsman is invaluable. But that's that's kind of you to say.
But but no, I am not doing a masterclass about
any of that, nothing about me or my broadcasting career.
I'm sorry, I don't understand. That would be ridiculous that
those are trade secret scrolina. The amount of money they
(14:18):
would have to pay me to give up all that stuff,
I don't think I can count that high. Wait, if
you're not going to teach a master class about broadcasting,
what's the class about? What is this for giving a
home massage? A Ron Burgundy master class on giving a
home massage? Run? How are you going to fill out
(14:40):
whatever it is lessons on giving a home massage? Well,
first off, twenty lessons is very limiting. I think we're
going to need at least fifty lessons for me to
properly do a master class on the art of the
home massage. It can't be that complicated. Well, you've never
had the pleasure of receiving a home massage from ron Burg. Alright, Nick,
(15:02):
if you can give me my masterclass music, please? Thank you. Nick.
Folks at home, have you ever wanted to start a
massage business and be a traveling salesman. I don't blame you.
It makes sense you want to touch your neighbors and
get paid for it. But I think you need to
know a few things first, Carolina, how is it so far?
(15:24):
It's it's good, right, I don't know. I'm I'm I'm
still listening. I'll take that as a compliment. All right. Now,
some of you might say, hey, Ron, starting a home
massage service during the pandemic is a bad idea, And
to that I say, maybe, yes, you you might have
to go knock down some doors. And when I say
(15:44):
knocked down some doors, I mean literally knock those down.
You you break into some homes and you just walk
in with your arms up and you say, hey, I
mean no harm, but I need to come in and
give you a massage. And nine times out of ten
it doesn't work, and it can get kind of sticky, actually,
(16:05):
But one out of ten you meet a real crazy
person who let a trespasser give them a home massage
and then do you know what, you have a client,
that's called a client. Now, to be a good massus,
you need to know the names of all the human
(16:26):
body joints, muscle groups, ligaments, and body tissues. So so
you have your head, your face, your neck, um, then
moving down your your chest, bone, your your chest, chest,
upper back, grower back, uh, tummy Are you getting this? Yeah?
(16:50):
I know all these body parts. And always remember a
little guy that I use milk milk lemonade. Um, that's
helpful with massages, just to remind me what areas milk
milk elimonade. But then the dingles and the underwear zones
are off limits. All right, let's make that clear. We
run a classy joint. I have a motto for my
(17:12):
home massage business and it's you'll feel like you've got
a happy ending. Right it sounds suspicious. Now, one thing
is very important tipping. A lot of customers don't do it. Yeah,
I hate that. I hate bad tippers. It's so rude.
It's it's rude is the right word. It is extremely
(17:33):
rude because you're just a mom and pop you know business. Yeah,
you're counting on your tips. So what I do um
to head that off and you know it also eliminates embarrassment.
I include at added gratuity with every bill. You just
make people pay you tip. Yes, uh, it makes it
(17:53):
easier and I don't know why people don't do that more. Wait,
when is a tear and edge in getting here? Didn't
you say he was coming? Yeah, he's actually here, he's
in the waiting room. We should tell him to come in. Okay, great,
we have a little more time for my masterclass. Now.
(18:16):
Another thing I get a lot is people ringing on
my doorbell in the middle of the night saying, Ron,
what do you wear when you're giving a massage? And
I always tell them, good Heaven, just wear something that
you're comfortable in, you know. So for you Carolina, that
would probably be what cargo shorts, a piano key, necktie,
and I don't know, maybe a little fuzzy tangle hat. Okay,
(18:39):
what do you wear? Kashmir turtleneck? Alright, some nice wool pants,
comfortable shoes, that's important, and a ski mask so I
don't sweat on them. So what do you do if
someone hates your massage? Have you ever gotten about review? What?
Who told you to ask? That? Was it that? Lisa P?
For me. Help Lisa, if you're listing. I read what
(19:01):
you wrote in your Yelp review, and I just want
to set the record straight. I lit a match after
I took a near bathroom. It shouldn't have smelled that bad. Okay,
And if you can't in toilets anymore, well that's news
to me. Wait, that's a That's another thing I'd like
(19:22):
to share with my masterclass. You can in any toilet
you see, it's a client's toilet. Who cares take your time?
I bring a book in case I have to take it.
You can't make your client feel comfortable if you're uncomfortable.
Someone left you a yelped comments saying that you took
a in their bathroom. Yes, but she loved the massage,
(19:45):
loved it. It was still a five star review. I
don't think I would love one of your massages. I
have to be honest. Oh, you would be comfortable, but
you're you're never getting one though, never. I don't we
I don't want you to give me a home massage,
but why wouldn't you give me a homeless first? You
have a proper home massage. You need to have a
home and everyone here knows that you've been living out
(20:05):
of your car for the last month. What I have, no,
I live in my apartment. Wait, you're you're telling me
you're not homeless. I'm not. If I was, that would
be awful, and I feel for people in that situation,
I see right, So, so as an empathetic gesture, you
dress like a homeless person. You know what, Carolina, that's terrible.
What you're doing is called virtue signaling. Instead of spending
(20:28):
all that time and money to look like a homeless person,
why don't you actually give the money to the homeless first.
I'm wearing regular, normal, clean clothes. Also, when did you
learn about the concept of virtue signaling? If you must know?
Sia taught me about virtue signaling, and and I know
it when I see it. Um, she's my ex girlfriend.
(20:51):
I remember we were in love. Yes, we If you
thought I was homeless, why wouldn't you have wanted to
help me? You know, you got to pick yourself up
by your bootstraps, you know. Okay, had you told me
it was kind of an educated guess. But had you
as you said, Hey, Ron, by the way, I don't
(21:12):
know if you notice I'm homeless, I'd be like oh, Carolina,
let me give you a bag of carrots and some
coupon I have for a goodwill. I would have helped
you immediately in a positive impactful way. Hold on just
one second, can we let's just record the intro because
I am excited to talk with Tarragon Adam, Mom, I'm
(21:36):
just gonna call him rocket Man, and that way I
don't have to worry about it. Are we are? We rolling? Guess?
Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Ron
Burgundy Podcast. As always, I'm joined by Carolina, who glory
be to God, is not homeless, does not sleep in
her car. Today on the show, we talked to rocket
(21:59):
Man in Okay, okay, we got the intro. Uh, master
Class lawyers are calling back. Let me let me just
close this deal. This is wrong. Whoa hello, Marty? What
the hell? Man? How's it going? Hey? I'm I'm actually
taping my podcast right now. Do you mind if we
(22:21):
put you on the air? Okay, I understand, I won't.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't know why I asked.
I thought it might be fun. Yes, I've been talking
to the master Class people, I see, so that's their
final offer them. Gosh, Marty, I gotta ask you, as
(22:42):
a friend, do you think I should take it? Okay, Well,
it's not gonna be about any of that. It's just
it's gonna be about giving a home massage. I think
fifty lessons, Hey, one other thing while I have you.
It's cool that I call you Marty, right, Okay, thanks
(23:02):
for calling hey. Say hi to Helen you too, oh,
Martin Scorsese. Yes, And for the record, he said, of
course I can call him Marty. Um. But the Masterclass
people called him and said I was being difficult and
closing the deal. Okay, so are you going to do it?
(23:24):
I don't know. I have to sleep on it. I
think what I'll do is I'll head home, I'll call
up and get a home massage and really think it through.
It'd be a shame not to share my knowledge of
home massage through Masterclass. Um. I do want to get
paid what I'm worth, though, I mean, how far apart
(23:45):
are you and the Masterclass people on negotiations. Well, they
are offering me nothing and saying if I want to
record one, it will be on my dime, and and
I can't use their brand. So it's been tough, is Rocketman? Here.
(24:06):
We should really call him Taren. Okay, but about that,
we're running out of studio time. They need to set
up to record the next show, and Taren is waiting
for an uber outside. I'm sorry, So I'm not going
to talk to tarign at a mommy today about the
process of filming Rocketman. Sorry, not today. What are we
going to release as an episode? I talked to my
(24:27):
heart and they assured me they'll be able to put
something together. Oh so it'll be a rerun, Yeah, a
rerun probably. We just need you to record an outra
and we're done. Oh okay, okay, I'm just clearing my voice.
(24:54):
Yeah yeah, uh yeah. Well that's it. We'll see you
next time on the Run Burgundy Podcast with our guest
rocket Man from the movie rocket Man. As always, thanks
(25:15):
for listening to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Okay, I better
call the masterclass people. Back to what just I just
feel like I left it open ended and maybe I
can maybe I can think of another I don't know,
(25:36):
Maybe I should talk about my career and journalism, something that's,
you know, that I'm more known for. Even though I
feel like if I could teach a masterclass of home
massage I would start to get more known for home massage,
the art of home massage, than for anything I've done
in the journalism world. That's how confident I am in
(25:58):
my abilities as a as a the susy. That's where
my head is at. But you know what, maybe I
do this. Maybe I I'm just thinking a yeah, maybe
I do. Okay, Hey, master class, ho about if Ron
Burgundy talks about his life from Times and journalism and
how to be a journalist, and then I slip in
(26:20):
home massage. Lesson three? Yeah, lesson three. I just go
right to home massage and then a Trojan horse. Yes, ah,
thank you Caroline for helping we solve that and one
other thing. Yeah, just so we're clear, I will never
(26:42):
give you a homelessage. Okay, Okay, you will learn how
to give one if you pay for my master class,
but you'll you'll never have the pleasure of a Ron
Burgundy homelessage, you know what. Okay, I think it's just
it's professional. We don't want to blur the lot. Did
(27:02):
we did we go off the air? I'm I think
we're recording. Okay, you you weren't supposed to listen to
any of that. This is Ron Burgundy once again saying hey,
this is in England. Make sure you drive on the
right side of the road. Thank you. The Ron Burgundy
(27:31):
Podcast is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm Ron Burgundy.
The host, writer and executive producer Carolina Barlow is my
co host, writer and producer. Our producer is Nick Stunt.
Our talent coordinator is Anna Hosnyan writers are Andrew Steele
and Jake Vocalist. This episode was engineered, mixed and edited
(27:53):
by Nick Stunt. Until next time, This is Ron Burgundy.
All w
Rom Barging podcast, It's Fun podcast, hits Him and now
podcast It's Hot Carolina. I'm just so you know, I
am on the phone right now. This is what I'm
(00:22):
doing over here. Yeah, just if you want to just
use one of the intros to the show that we've
already recorded, maybe one from the first season. I don't
think anyone will notice. We have a contractual obligation to
produced an entirely new episode every week. We can't. We
we've already started taping. You need to get off the phone.
We just need to. This happens to be a very
(00:42):
important call. I don't know what to tell you. They're
already recording there. Hey, look, just just make sure that
they edit this out. Okay, I'm dealing with it with
a very sensitive situation. By the way, did I tell
you that I lost Carlos what my pet aunt? I
let him out of his Mason jar and yeah, I
(01:07):
let him crawl on my face and he was tickling me,
and and now, for the life of me, I can't
find him. And we've talked about this before. It's one
of the excruciating elements of having a pet ant um.
It's it's you know, I adore Carlos and obviously Baxter
(01:31):
his family to me, but a pet ant is one
of the best pets I've ever had. Remember when you
thought Carlos was Lucy and Lucy was Carlos, and then
you realize, yep, I had been calling, oh my god,
Lucy Carlos and Carlos Lucy. That was so funny. That's
(01:55):
when I took them into the vet and I said,
you know, I opened up the the matchbox and I said,
Dr Schwartz, Carlos seems to have an ear infection. And
he was like, Carlos, I think you mean Lucy. I
think you mean Lucy because this is obviously a female aunt. Yeah,
and I'm like, oh my goodness, egg on your face.
(02:19):
And the ramifications of that are because that means we
had been celebrating Lucy's birthday on Carlos's birthday. And ah,
it's just the ripple effect, the financial ramifications because you
had put stuff in their account and joint accounts. We
(02:41):
had to separate those. But of course the most tragic
part of that day is when he said, by the way,
this is Lucy, and I go, okay, we had a laugh,
and he goes, However, we're gonna have to put Lucy down.
And that was because I didn't here from you for
a week. She had lime disease in her right antenna.
(03:04):
And then you know, you know, of course, how they
put an aunt down. Actually don't Did you just crush
it with your thumb? And I he just he kept
looking at me. He goes, are you ready? Are you
ready for this? And I go, well, you go. Some
people like to leave the room. And I'm like, before
I could say, he just crushed it with this thumb,
(03:26):
I just was off so angry at Dr Schwartz. There
has to be a more humane way. There has to
be and uh, I just said, Dr Schwartz. You He goes,
if I don't do it right away, people will beg
and beg, and you know, they'll drag it on forever,
and then you have an aunt who's living in pain.
I'm not happy. And we have to watch this lime
(03:48):
disease that's occurring in ants, the ant population. So anyway, now,
so now it's just Carlos. But now I can't find
they can't find him. So what do you do with
your time? You can't find Carlos. Baxter is busy. I've
put out treats all throughout the house. M little buckets
of horse radish with butter scotch that usually attracts him.
(04:16):
You'll you'll know him when you see him and give
him such a hug. Um. Anyway, I'm just I'm on hold.
So just why don't you just use one of the
intros from from season one? Well, I don't know what
to tell you. Contractually obligated to produce an entirely new
(04:36):
episode every week, and we've already started taping, so you
need to get off the phone. Yeah, but this happens
to be a very important call. We've been talking about
ants for the past five minutes, so I don't know
how important it could be. All right, Look, I'm doing
what's called hard bawling. Okay, it's a negotiating tactic. You're right,
(04:57):
I've just put them on hold for no reason. I mean,
I did want to tell you about Carlos. I know,
I'm sorry, but you know right now, I'm just letting
them sweat a little bit. So so watch and watch
and learn. And I'm sorry, I said, just Anne's like,
I know that they're your pets, and I know that
you care about I knew you knew not a big do. Okay,
(05:19):
watch this, watch this and learn. I'm gonna hardball. This
is called hard ball. I'm gonna take them off hold. Hello. Sorry,
sorry to put you on hold for so so long. There, sir,
that was Stephen Dorff calling. Yeah, so you can see
I have a lot of other offers to consider. What's that? Oh,
(05:42):
we're going to Dan Tana's. In fact, that's another thing
we could cover in the class. Yes, I've got a
lot of great ideas. No, I don't know when I
can be reached. Uh, just to wrap this up, you
you have counter bye. Bye. Okay, what was that call about?
(06:06):
I mean, please tell me if it wasn't about the show. No,
it was about something else. It has nothing to do
with welcoming everybody to another episode of the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Hello,
this is Ron Burgundy. We've got a great episode for you,
and and and Carolina. Did you notice how I just
nailed that intro and made it a segue at the
same time. It's it's called broadcast professionalism. Yeah. I have
(06:30):
to admit that was actually pretty seamless. Yep, and I
left enough space for the engineers to edit around it
for the listener. It will just sound like a high
energy regular opening to the show. Make sure to edit
out everything that was being recorded before. I'm sorry, I
just can't get my mind off of that phone call
and we can cut this out. Come on. Make up
(06:52):
your mind. Are we doing the intro to the show
or not? Why? Why are you creating all this post
production work? You were just you just seemed kind of
aggressive on that call, and I'm curious what you're working on.
I'm in the middle of putting together a deal to
one of those masterclass things. Okay, so there have you
seen those? That's the thing online where experts in their
(07:16):
field talk to you about their knowledge. Yes, exactly, and
then you forget you signed up for it, and your
credit card gets charged again and you're like, wow, what
did I do? Yeah, but they're really worth it. I
think they've gotten some incredible people to do those from
all walks of light. I know, I know Wolfgang Puck
teaching culinary art, Annie Leibowitz on photography, Howard Schultz from
(07:40):
Starbucks on business, and I think I think Marty did
one on filmmaking. Okay, can you please not do that.
I'm sorry to do what the thing where people call
Martin Scorsese Marty like they know him personally. I didn't
even know that was a thing with Marty. Stop calling
him Marty. I have the right to call him Marty. Okay,
that's what his friends call him. They call him Marty.
(08:02):
You're friends with Martin Scorsese, Okay, honestly not not best friends.
But when he calls me, I pick up the phone
and I answer Hello, and he says, Hey, it's Marty,
and then he usually starts talking really fast about some
old foreign film and I'm like, okay, Marty slowed down.
(08:22):
Good God. But I love that guy. He's a he's
actually probably listening. Shout out to Marty. If you're listening,
please tell Helen and the kids. I say, hello, Ron,
how do you know Martin Scorsese? Oh? Wow, you are
You are really taking me back now, Carolina, I guess.
I guess it had to be around the summer of
one because I was in New York at the time. Yeah,
(08:46):
that would be right. That's when Joe Strummer introduced me
to Marty. Wait, hold on, you knew Joe Strummer. Do
you know him? Yeah? He had a little band at
the time, The Oh the Smash or something. Clash, and
they were called the Clash. Yes, I know who Joe
Strummer is. I'm just surprised you do. Well. I knew
him well, nice guy, but he did screw me on
(09:08):
a news story one time. I I remember I was
doing a piece on how a venue called Bonds Casino
had oversold a bunch of concert tickets for Joe's goofy
punk band. They were a really good band, run they
were called the Clash. Anyway, I went down to the
venue looking for ryots and violence and a bunch of young,
dangerous punk rockers, kids with spiked hair throwing bricks around
(09:32):
and telling their parents to put it with a sun
don't shine. It was. It was going to be a
sizzler for the news that night. Me guess that's not
what happened. No, not at all. Good guests. Yeah, it
was all very peaceful and boring because Joe Strummer and
his band, which for some reason these weird kids wanted
to see, agreed to play extra shows for every kid
(09:53):
who bought a ticket, which was a stand up thing
to do. But if it were me, I would have said,
tough luck, punkers. You know, this is sort of a
legendary story in rock history. Well, it was a terrible
news story that night. I'm sorry. How did we get
on this topic? All right? You were questioning whether or
not I Ron Burgundy was close enough friends with Martin
(10:15):
Scorsese to call him Marty. I just find it a
little surprising that you were part of such a specific
moment in pop culture history. If you haven't figured it
out by now, Ron Burgundy is full of surprises. Okay,
And if you don't believe me, you can ask who Martin? Marty.
(10:37):
We can just record the intro to the show, please,
if we can just get that going, that master class
people will be calling back soon with their final offer. Actually,
we're running short on time and we want to get
the ads recorded. You ran out last time, so they're
suggesting we just do those first. Alright, alright, alright, fair enough,
Let's do an ad break and then I'll get a
(10:57):
little drunk, have some eggs, and we can get back
in the booth. Back here on the Run Burgundy Podcast.
Very excited to talk with our guest today, Lynda Evans.
We are going to talk about her work on the
television show Dynasty, and she has a few choice words
(11:21):
for her ex husband Yanni Um, wait, that's next week's episode. Run.
Oh well, what are we going to do for today's show?
Let me give the audience a free master class lesson.
Don't worry. We actually have a great guest one I
think you'll love. It's tarn Edgerton from Rocket Man. Wow.
Are you are you serious? Carolina? That's a big guest.
(11:43):
He's in the car now on his way of the studio. Oh,
that's fantastic. We're gonna talk to rocket Man. Wow. There's
so many questions for Taragon. Da mommy, Taron Edgerton? Wait,
aren't you guys friends? Didn't you help promote rocket Man?
Very good friends? Yes, I've we've mentioned Rocketman multiple times
here on the podcast. You know, just it. It's the
(12:07):
movie of the decade, Yeah, the millennium and uh and yes,
I was paid a side fee to occasionally mentioned rocket Man,
but we talked about no under the table payments this year.
Tarragon and I are become quite close. Wait, if you're
so close, why can't you pronounce his name? I'm just
I don't want to bug him, and I'm just I'm
(12:28):
embarrassed to um ask what the real pronunciation of his
name is. It's you can, I can tell you it's
Taron Edgerton. Okay, well, that's one of the things we
can dive into. I'll just say when we ass down,
I'll say, for our listeners, can you tell us how
you pronounce your name? I think he'll probably just say
(12:52):
it's Taron Edgerton, just so you know what to expect. Okay,
we'll see state. And you know I've seen Rocket Man
seventeen times. I legitimately enjoyed it. I didn't full musical, yes,
full on musical. Okay, before he gets here, I'll do
(13:12):
a quick distilled version of my master class for our listeners. Um,
this one's This one's on the house, folks, if you're listening. Actually, Carolina,
is there anyway we can we can send all of
our podcast listeners a bill for one thousand Uh you
know what? No, no, no, never mind, Okay that that
that would take. I don't know how we get people's addresses. Yeah,
(13:35):
so this one's on the house. I have to say,
I'm skeptical at the idea of you doing one of
these master class things. Why would you be skeptical? You know,
sometimes I think you and I are getting too close, Carolina.
Sometimes I think you forget your dog into round Burgundy.
I know I'm always painfully aware of who I'm talking to.
I can just picture your master class. I mean, you
(13:56):
really have had quite an interesting life. Your expertise as
newsman is invaluable. But that's that's kind of you to say.
But but no, I am not doing a masterclass about
any of that, nothing about me or my broadcasting career.
I'm sorry, I don't understand. That would be ridiculous that
those are trade secret scrolina. The amount of money they
(14:18):
would have to pay me to give up all that stuff,
I don't think I can count that high. Wait, if
you're not going to teach a master class about broadcasting,
what's the class about? What is this for giving a
home massage? A Ron Burgundy master class on giving a
home massage? Run? How are you going to fill out
(14:40):
whatever it is lessons on giving a home massage? Well,
first off, twenty lessons is very limiting. I think we're
going to need at least fifty lessons for me to
properly do a master class on the art of the
home massage. It can't be that complicated. Well, you've never
had the pleasure of receiving a home massage from ron Burg. Alright, Nick,
(15:02):
if you can give me my masterclass music, please? Thank you. Nick.
Folks at home, have you ever wanted to start a
massage business and be a traveling salesman. I don't blame you.
It makes sense you want to touch your neighbors and
get paid for it. But I think you need to
know a few things first, Carolina, how is it so far?
(15:24):
It's it's good, right, I don't know. I'm I'm I'm
still listening. I'll take that as a compliment. All right. Now,
some of you might say, hey, Ron, starting a home
massage service during the pandemic is a bad idea, And
to that I say, maybe, yes, you you might have
to go knock down some doors. And when I say
(15:44):
knocked down some doors, I mean literally knock those down.
You you break into some homes and you just walk
in with your arms up and you say, hey, I
mean no harm, but I need to come in and
give you a massage. And nine times out of ten
it doesn't work, and it can get kind of sticky, actually,
(16:05):
But one out of ten you meet a real crazy
person who let a trespasser give them a home massage
and then do you know what, you have a client,
that's called a client. Now, to be a good massus,
you need to know the names of all the human
(16:26):
body joints, muscle groups, ligaments, and body tissues. So so
you have your head, your face, your neck, um, then
moving down your your chest, bone, your your chest, chest,
upper back, grower back, uh, tummy Are you getting this? Yeah?
(16:50):
I know all these body parts. And always remember a
little guy that I use milk milk lemonade. Um, that's
helpful with massages, just to remind me what areas milk
milk elimonade. But then the dingles and the underwear zones
are off limits. All right, let's make that clear. We
run a classy joint. I have a motto for my
(17:12):
home massage business and it's you'll feel like you've got
a happy ending. Right it sounds suspicious. Now, one thing
is very important tipping. A lot of customers don't do it. Yeah,
I hate that. I hate bad tippers. It's so rude.
It's it's rude is the right word. It is extremely
(17:33):
rude because you're just a mom and pop you know business. Yeah,
you're counting on your tips. So what I do um
to head that off and you know it also eliminates embarrassment.
I include at added gratuity with every bill. You just
make people pay you tip. Yes, uh, it makes it
(17:53):
easier and I don't know why people don't do that more. Wait,
when is a tear and edge in getting here? Didn't
you say he was coming? Yeah, he's actually here, he's
in the waiting room. We should tell him to come in. Okay, great,
we have a little more time for my masterclass. Now.
(18:16):
Another thing I get a lot is people ringing on
my doorbell in the middle of the night saying, Ron,
what do you wear when you're giving a massage? And
I always tell them, good Heaven, just wear something that
you're comfortable in, you know. So for you Carolina, that
would probably be what cargo shorts, a piano key, necktie,
and I don't know, maybe a little fuzzy tangle hat. Okay,
(18:39):
what do you wear? Kashmir turtleneck? Alright, some nice wool pants,
comfortable shoes, that's important, and a ski mask so I
don't sweat on them. So what do you do if
someone hates your massage? Have you ever gotten about review? What?
Who told you to ask? That? Was it that? Lisa P?
For me. Help Lisa, if you're listing. I read what
(19:01):
you wrote in your Yelp review, and I just want
to set the record straight. I lit a match after
I took a near bathroom. It shouldn't have smelled that bad. Okay,
And if you can't in toilets anymore, well that's news
to me. Wait, that's a That's another thing I'd like
(19:22):
to share with my masterclass. You can in any toilet
you see, it's a client's toilet. Who cares take your time?
I bring a book in case I have to take it.
You can't make your client feel comfortable if you're uncomfortable.
Someone left you a yelped comments saying that you took
a in their bathroom. Yes, but she loved the massage,
(19:45):
loved it. It was still a five star review. I
don't think I would love one of your massages. I
have to be honest. Oh, you would be comfortable, but
you're you're never getting one though, never. I don't we
I don't want you to give me a home massage,
but why wouldn't you give me a homeless first? You
have a proper home massage. You need to have a
home and everyone here knows that you've been living out
(20:05):
of your car for the last month. What I have, no,
I live in my apartment. Wait, you're you're telling me
you're not homeless. I'm not. If I was, that would
be awful, and I feel for people in that situation,
I see right, So, so as an empathetic gesture, you
dress like a homeless person. You know what, Carolina, that's terrible.
What you're doing is called virtue signaling. Instead of spending
(20:28):
all that time and money to look like a homeless person,
why don't you actually give the money to the homeless first.
I'm wearing regular, normal, clean clothes. Also, when did you
learn about the concept of virtue signaling? If you must know?
Sia taught me about virtue signaling, and and I know
it when I see it. Um, she's my ex girlfriend.
(20:51):
I remember we were in love. Yes, we If you
thought I was homeless, why wouldn't you have wanted to
help me? You know, you got to pick yourself up
by your bootstraps, you know. Okay, had you told me
it was kind of an educated guess. But had you
as you said, Hey, Ron, by the way, I don't
(21:12):
know if you notice I'm homeless, I'd be like oh, Carolina,
let me give you a bag of carrots and some
coupon I have for a goodwill. I would have helped
you immediately in a positive impactful way. Hold on just
one second, can we let's just record the intro because
I am excited to talk with Tarragon Adam, Mom, I'm
(21:36):
just gonna call him rocket Man, and that way I
don't have to worry about it. Are we are? We rolling? Guess?
Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Ron
Burgundy Podcast. As always, I'm joined by Carolina, who glory
be to God, is not homeless, does not sleep in
her car. Today on the show, we talked to rocket
(21:59):
Man in Okay, okay, we got the intro. Uh, master
Class lawyers are calling back. Let me let me just
close this deal. This is wrong. Whoa hello, Marty? What
the hell? Man? How's it going? Hey? I'm I'm actually
taping my podcast right now. Do you mind if we
(22:21):
put you on the air? Okay, I understand, I won't.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't know why I asked.
I thought it might be fun. Yes, I've been talking
to the master Class people, I see, so that's their
final offer them. Gosh, Marty, I gotta ask you, as
(22:42):
a friend, do you think I should take it? Okay, Well,
it's not gonna be about any of that. It's just
it's gonna be about giving a home massage. I think
fifty lessons, Hey, one other thing while I have you.
It's cool that I call you Marty, right, Okay, thanks
(23:02):
for calling hey. Say hi to Helen you too, oh,
Martin Scorsese. Yes, And for the record, he said, of
course I can call him Marty. Um. But the Masterclass
people called him and said I was being difficult and
closing the deal. Okay, so are you going to do it?
(23:24):
I don't know. I have to sleep on it. I
think what I'll do is I'll head home, I'll call
up and get a home massage and really think it through.
It'd be a shame not to share my knowledge of
home massage through Masterclass. Um. I do want to get
paid what I'm worth, though, I mean, how far apart
(23:45):
are you and the Masterclass people on negotiations. Well, they
are offering me nothing and saying if I want to
record one, it will be on my dime, and and
I can't use their brand. So it's been tough, is Rocketman? Here.
(24:06):
We should really call him Taren. Okay, but about that,
we're running out of studio time. They need to set
up to record the next show, and Taren is waiting
for an uber outside. I'm sorry, So I'm not going
to talk to tarign at a mommy today about the
process of filming Rocketman. Sorry, not today. What are we
going to release as an episode? I talked to my
(24:27):
heart and they assured me they'll be able to put
something together. Oh so it'll be a rerun, Yeah, a
rerun probably. We just need you to record an outra
and we're done. Oh okay, okay, I'm just clearing my voice.
(24:54):
Yeah yeah, uh yeah. Well that's it. We'll see you
next time on the Run Burgundy Podcast with our guest
rocket Man from the movie rocket Man. As always, thanks
(25:15):
for listening to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Okay, I better
call the masterclass people. Back to what just I just
feel like I left it open ended and maybe I
can maybe I can think of another I don't know,
(25:36):
Maybe I should talk about my career and journalism, something that's,
you know, that I'm more known for. Even though I
feel like if I could teach a masterclass of home
massage I would start to get more known for home massage,
the art of home massage, than for anything I've done
in the journalism world. That's how confident I am in
(25:58):
my abilities as a as a the susy. That's where
my head is at. But you know what, maybe I
do this. Maybe I I'm just thinking a yeah, maybe
I do. Okay, Hey, master class, ho about if Ron
Burgundy talks about his life from Times and journalism and
how to be a journalist, and then I slip in
(26:20):
home massage. Lesson three? Yeah, lesson three. I just go
right to home massage and then a Trojan horse. Yes, ah,
thank you Caroline for helping we solve that and one
other thing. Yeah, just so we're clear, I will never
(26:42):
give you a homelessage. Okay, Okay, you will learn how
to give one if you pay for my master class,
but you'll you'll never have the pleasure of a Ron
Burgundy homelessage, you know what. Okay, I think it's just
it's professional. We don't want to blur the lot. Did
(27:02):
we did we go off the air? I'm I think
we're recording. Okay, you you weren't supposed to listen to
any of that. This is Ron Burgundy once again saying hey,
this is in England. Make sure you drive on the
right side of the road. Thank you. The Ron Burgundy
(27:31):
Podcast is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm Ron Burgundy.
The host, writer and executive producer Carolina Barlow is my
co host, writer and producer. Our producer is Nick Stunt.
Our talent coordinator is Anna Hosnyan writers are Andrew Steele
and Jake Vocalist. This episode was engineered, mixed and edited
(27:53):
by Nick Stunt. Until next time, This is Ron Burgundy.
All w
Host
Will Ferrell
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