January 8, 2024 • 9 mins
Today's episode is about the stoic idea of focusing on what you can control when it comes to the end of relationships. Dramos combines lyrics from G-Eazy and a few quotes from Epictetus to remind us that we can't change how others feel about us after a breakup but we can control how we react.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Yes, Yes, I am Dramas and this is the Street
Stoic Podcast, bring to your daily dose of Tomlins Stoic
philosophy remix for the hip hop generation. We are combined
in ancient philosophy with lyrics are quotes from some of
the greatest who ever grace a microphone. Now, with that
in mind, let's get things started with your daily shot
of inspiration. Now today we are going to be covering
(00:43):
the stoic idea of focusing on what you can control.
And I was just going through a bunch of like
I don't know some of my favorite artists and records
and things like that while I was driving the other day,
and a couple of records have spoken to me that
you'll be hearing kind of this week, a final week
of this season of season two, and.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
One of the songs was from Gez.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
The track is called these Things Happened Too, and the
lyric that I pulled from it he says, X is
X me out. We ain't feeling the same. One of
them on national television dragging my name. Wish you could
have handled it up. I can't complain because you don't
get to choose how people react.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
To being in pain, And I love that last line.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
You don't get to choose how people react to being
in pain, And this is like the ultimate form of
acceptance that, no matter how frustrating it is. Right, he's
talking about his ex dragging him on national television telling
a side of the story that he doesn't agree with. Right,
And it's frustrating. But at the end of the day,
you can either allow yourself to get worked up by
this experience, get worked up by this person sharing their story,
(01:56):
or just accept that you're not going to be viewed
in the same.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Light that you view yourself. Right, They're going to have
their own side of the story.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
You have no control how others will handle a particular
situation or how they're going to express their own pain.
As he mentions, right, all of that is outside of
your control. And this leads to a few quotes that
I pulled from from Epictet as one of the stokes
that I think.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Is really important to kind of harp on.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
When we talk about this idea of allowing others to
just be and a few quotes that Epicteta says on
this topic. He says, the more you seek to control
external events, the less control you will have over your
own life. And Epitis also goes on to say you
have control over your own thoughts and actions, but not
(02:45):
over the thoughts and actions of others. And I think
this is obviously easier said than done, especially when we're
talking about something like a breakup or whatever, bad business deal,
whatever it might be like, and somebody has their own
sort of side of the story.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Right, say, there's three sides to every story.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Your side, their side, and somewhere in the middle is
the truth we all are going to have. Our experience
is colored by the lens which we see the world through. Right,
our own life experience is and neevitbly going to have
its effect on how we view situations throughout the course
of our lives, right, how we remember them, how we
judge them, you know. And the last thing that I
(03:22):
think to kind of put a period on this idea
of really just focusing on the things that you do
have power over, Epicitetis says, when you control your thoughts,
you control your destiny. When you are in control of
your thoughts and your emotions and you're not fighting losing
battles like the ones that come with trying to sit
(03:43):
there and change the minds of other people and get
inside their mind and predict what they're thinking, and this,
that and the third. Right, when you're able to stay
disciplined in what you actually control, that's when you hold
life in the palm of your hands.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Right.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Everything else is yourinquishing your power at the end of
the day, you know, and I get it. It's easier
said than done, right. I mean, I went through a breakup,
you know this this last year, right, and I've found
myself getting mad at that other person, right for maybe
the slander that they're talking, or even just sort of
thinking to myself how negatively I must be spoken about
(04:20):
in their household, to their loved ones, to their friends,
and all these things, right, and me thinking to myself,
just how untrue many of the stories and the narrative
that is being portrayed about me might be. But is
that really worth my time and energy. That's for them
to do. It's not in my control. It's not my
job to control how they think, right, And it's impossible
for me to do so. And more so, what I've
(04:41):
been trying to practice is having empathy for them because
they're dealing with pain, the pain of this situation.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
The best way they know how.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Maybe it's hurtful, maybe it is vengeful in ways, right,
and I'm allowed to be, you know, a bit upset
about that aspect of it. But again, this is just
somebody in pain dealing with it the way that they
see fit, the only way that they currently know how,
and that's not for me to correct.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
And that's what we have to sort of keep in mind.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
As frustrating, as angry as other people may make us,
we can't change the minds of others. We can't read
their minds. And any time we spend investing in trying
to do so, is us really short changing ourselves on
all that we could be doing to progress our lives
and create the life that we want to see. Right now,
(05:31):
we've heard from Geasy, we have heard from Epictitis on
this idea of focusing on what you can control. You've
heard some of my own story as well. Now let's
talk about how you can make it your mantra for today.
But first let's take a quick break and then we'll
be friendlin. So today we are talking about the stoic
(05:57):
idea of focusing on what you can control, and we
have heard the words of g Easy, We've heard for
one of the Stokes epetetis, you've heard for myself. Now
let's talk about how you can make it your mantra
for today, right. And I think the keyword that comes
to mind in a lot of scenario is that I
think we overcomplicate.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Is just acceptance. Right.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
You're not always going to be the good guy in
everybody's story, right, and that's not your job to try
to be.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
You can't control that, right.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Somebody is always going to have some sort of narrative
based upon the way that they see the world.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
And you can exhaust yourself.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
You can waste all your time and energy trying to
fight this uphill battle of convincing them to see things
a different way. But at the end of the day,
it's not up to you if they do or don't.
So why even give it any more energy than it
is necessary? And I think so many of us kind
of fall into this trap, right, because none of us
want to be the bad guy.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
None of us want to be the jerk. You know.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
We want to be spoken about the way we see ourselves, right.
We want to have what we believe are the facts,
you know out there in present. When a narrative is
being spoken about. But again, all of that is beyond
our control. At the end of the day, you.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Just have to accept it.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
And you trying to put energy towards having somebody see
things a certain way, or getting them back or holding
them accountable, whatever it is, that's only slowing down your
own healing journey, right, That's slowing you down from moving
forward with your life and getting to experience the next
potential relationship or getting to just experience this new chapter
(07:37):
of your life, right, getting to experience growth. You're only
slowing yourself down by trying to control things that are
well beyond our control. Right now, a recap all we've
been talking about today. I mean, you have a gezy
kind of really giving this personal experience about an X
going on national television and airing him out essentially right,
(07:58):
and he doesn't.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Agree with what she said.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
That seems like the worst case scenario I can think of, right, like,
literally makes my stomach turn. But even with this sort
of very exaggerated version of you know, somebody bad mouthing you,
he still arrives to the point of saying, I can't
complain because you don't get to choose how people react
to being in pain, and he's absolutely right, and trust me,
(08:25):
on a personal level, I know that this is incredibly difficult.
People say hurtful things, They go through extremes to get
back at you because they feel like they have been
you know, wronged in some sort of way. But again,
in the grand scheme of it, which is sort of
what we always are trying to talk about being far
more intentional with our lives.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
We have to pick and choose our battles. And I'm not.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
In control of why this person views our relationship the
way they do, why they're choosing to take the actions
they are, why they're choosing to say the things that
they're saying. Right, I can't sit there and you know,
defend myself every time they badmouth me to somebody. Right,
I have to just accept the fact that I might
be the villain in this person's story, and that's okay.
(09:07):
I have to move on with my life and continue
to write my own story because that's the only thing
that I'm in control of. And again, as we talk
about and for the last time this season, drive home,
focusing on what you're actually in control of and letting
go of anything else.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Now, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Checking out the Street Stoic Podcast your best to apply
these concepts into your everyday life and.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I'll catch you next time.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
The Street Stoke Podcast is a production of Iheart's Michael
Thura podcast Network
Yes, Yes, I am Dramas and this is the Street
Stoic Podcast, bring to your daily dose of Tomlins Stoic
philosophy remix for the hip hop generation. We are combined
in ancient philosophy with lyrics are quotes from some of
the greatest who ever grace a microphone. Now, with that
in mind, let's get things started with your daily shot
of inspiration. Now today we are going to be covering
(00:43):
the stoic idea of focusing on what you can control.
And I was just going through a bunch of like
I don't know some of my favorite artists and records
and things like that while I was driving the other day,
and a couple of records have spoken to me that
you'll be hearing kind of this week, a final week
of this season of season two, and.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
One of the songs was from Gez.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
The track is called these Things Happened Too, and the
lyric that I pulled from it he says, X is
X me out. We ain't feeling the same. One of
them on national television dragging my name. Wish you could
have handled it up. I can't complain because you don't
get to choose how people react.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
To being in pain, And I love that last line.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
You don't get to choose how people react to being
in pain, And this is like the ultimate form of
acceptance that, no matter how frustrating it is. Right, he's
talking about his ex dragging him on national television telling
a side of the story that he doesn't agree with. Right,
And it's frustrating. But at the end of the day,
you can either allow yourself to get worked up by
this experience, get worked up by this person sharing their story,
(01:56):
or just accept that you're not going to be viewed
in the same.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Light that you view yourself. Right, They're going to have
their own side of the story.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
You have no control how others will handle a particular
situation or how they're going to express their own pain.
As he mentions, right, all of that is outside of
your control. And this leads to a few quotes that
I pulled from from Epictet as one of the stokes
that I think.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Is really important to kind of harp on.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
When we talk about this idea of allowing others to
just be and a few quotes that Epicteta says on
this topic. He says, the more you seek to control
external events, the less control you will have over your
own life. And Epitis also goes on to say you
have control over your own thoughts and actions, but not
(02:45):
over the thoughts and actions of others. And I think
this is obviously easier said than done, especially when we're
talking about something like a breakup or whatever, bad business deal,
whatever it might be like, and somebody has their own
sort of side of the story.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Right, say, there's three sides to every story.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Your side, their side, and somewhere in the middle is
the truth we all are going to have. Our experience
is colored by the lens which we see the world through. Right,
our own life experience is and neevitbly going to have
its effect on how we view situations throughout the course
of our lives, right, how we remember them, how we
judge them, you know. And the last thing that I
(03:22):
think to kind of put a period on this idea
of really just focusing on the things that you do
have power over, Epicitetis says, when you control your thoughts,
you control your destiny. When you are in control of
your thoughts and your emotions and you're not fighting losing
battles like the ones that come with trying to sit
(03:43):
there and change the minds of other people and get
inside their mind and predict what they're thinking, and this,
that and the third. Right, when you're able to stay
disciplined in what you actually control, that's when you hold
life in the palm of your hands.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Right.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Everything else is yourinquishing your power at the end of
the day, you know, and I get it. It's easier
said than done, right. I mean, I went through a breakup,
you know this this last year, right, and I've found
myself getting mad at that other person, right for maybe
the slander that they're talking, or even just sort of
thinking to myself how negatively I must be spoken about
(04:20):
in their household, to their loved ones, to their friends,
and all these things, right, and me thinking to myself,
just how untrue many of the stories and the narrative
that is being portrayed about me might be. But is
that really worth my time and energy. That's for them
to do. It's not in my control. It's not my
job to control how they think, right, And it's impossible
for me to do so. And more so, what I've
(04:41):
been trying to practice is having empathy for them because
they're dealing with pain, the pain of this situation.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
The best way they know how.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Maybe it's hurtful, maybe it is vengeful in ways, right,
and I'm allowed to be, you know, a bit upset
about that aspect of it. But again, this is just
somebody in pain dealing with it the way that they
see fit, the only way that they currently know how,
and that's not for me to correct.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
And that's what we have to sort of keep in mind.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
As frustrating, as angry as other people may make us,
we can't change the minds of others. We can't read
their minds. And any time we spend investing in trying
to do so, is us really short changing ourselves on
all that we could be doing to progress our lives
and create the life that we want to see. Right now,
(05:31):
we've heard from Geasy, we have heard from Epictitis on
this idea of focusing on what you can control. You've
heard some of my own story as well. Now let's
talk about how you can make it your mantra for today.
But first let's take a quick break and then we'll
be friendlin. So today we are talking about the stoic
(05:57):
idea of focusing on what you can control, and we
have heard the words of g Easy, We've heard for
one of the Stokes epetetis, you've heard for myself. Now
let's talk about how you can make it your mantra
for today, right. And I think the keyword that comes
to mind in a lot of scenario is that I
think we overcomplicate.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Is just acceptance. Right.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
You're not always going to be the good guy in
everybody's story, right, and that's not your job to try
to be.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
You can't control that, right.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Somebody is always going to have some sort of narrative
based upon the way that they see the world.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
And you can exhaust yourself.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
You can waste all your time and energy trying to
fight this uphill battle of convincing them to see things
a different way. But at the end of the day,
it's not up to you if they do or don't.
So why even give it any more energy than it
is necessary? And I think so many of us kind
of fall into this trap, right, because none of us
want to be the bad guy.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
None of us want to be the jerk. You know.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
We want to be spoken about the way we see ourselves, right.
We want to have what we believe are the facts,
you know out there in present. When a narrative is
being spoken about. But again, all of that is beyond
our control. At the end of the day, you.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Just have to accept it.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
And you trying to put energy towards having somebody see
things a certain way, or getting them back or holding
them accountable, whatever it is, that's only slowing down your
own healing journey, right, That's slowing you down from moving
forward with your life and getting to experience the next
potential relationship or getting to just experience this new chapter
(07:37):
of your life, right, getting to experience growth. You're only
slowing yourself down by trying to control things that are
well beyond our control. Right now, a recap all we've
been talking about today. I mean, you have a gezy
kind of really giving this personal experience about an X
going on national television and airing him out essentially right,
(07:58):
and he doesn't.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Agree with what she said.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
That seems like the worst case scenario I can think of, right, like,
literally makes my stomach turn. But even with this sort
of very exaggerated version of you know, somebody bad mouthing you,
he still arrives to the point of saying, I can't
complain because you don't get to choose how people react
to being in pain, and he's absolutely right, and trust me,
(08:25):
on a personal level, I know that this is incredibly difficult.
People say hurtful things, They go through extremes to get
back at you because they feel like they have been
you know, wronged in some sort of way. But again,
in the grand scheme of it, which is sort of
what we always are trying to talk about being far
more intentional with our lives.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
We have to pick and choose our battles. And I'm not.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
In control of why this person views our relationship the
way they do, why they're choosing to take the actions
they are, why they're choosing to say the things that
they're saying. Right, I can't sit there and you know,
defend myself every time they badmouth me to somebody. Right,
I have to just accept the fact that I might
be the villain in this person's story, and that's okay.
(09:07):
I have to move on with my life and continue
to write my own story because that's the only thing
that I'm in control of. And again, as we talk
about and for the last time this season, drive home,
focusing on what you're actually in control of and letting
go of anything else.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Now, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Checking out the Street Stoic Podcast your best to apply
these concepts into your everyday life and.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I'll catch you next time.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
The Street Stoke Podcast is a production of Iheart's Michael
Thura podcast Network
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