July 20, 2022 • 37 mins
In this episode of the Super Secret Bestie Club, the Besties talk about boundaries. What they are and how to respect them or else... Get in here!
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, what is this. It looks like a boundary. I
guess I could just cross right over this boundary. That's
my boundary. Oh it just it looked like like it
was just a line drawn in the sand. It didn't know. Well,
maybe it is. But let's talk about this. Okay, get
(00:21):
any here. My name is Curly and I'm Maya, and
welcome to the Super Secret Club Podcast, a super secret
club where we talk about super secret things secret more time.
In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendships, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets. Welcome. You always started,
(00:52):
I want to start it. You always go well, well
well and in my eye, in my head and rolling
my eyes, the eyes litter in my head. Oh my god.
We ad to another. I'm doing it. We'll go to
(01:12):
another episode of the Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. I'm
Maya and this is Curly and today's episode you don't
get to talk yet please And today's episode. Today's episode,
we're talking about boundaries. What are boundaries in Spanish? Like?
How do you translate it? Yeah, how do you translate that?
August by the way, sidebar, if you ever hear on
(01:37):
our podcast me like stirring or clinking and clanking. My
little drinking is because I always am drinking coffee, if
you know me, and I I am more sinking coffee blood
and you're a vampire blood meet this. By the way,
August is our super amazing sound engineer Slash, one of
our producers as well. He helps us get this show
together together. It's also has a new baby kitten. Um
(02:04):
what's the name that might be a boundary to that?
We're crossing it anyways, umy, we're talking about today, we're
talking about boundaries, right And according to um the dictionary
dot com, the definition of boundaries is it's a line
(02:27):
that marks the limits of an area or a dividing line,
or it's a limit of a subject or sphere of activity.
What does that mean to you? To me, that means like,
I mean limits, limits are like that's off limits, can't
go there. I'm not you know, subject or sphere, sphere
(02:49):
of activity. Yeah, that's kind of like whoa, that's where
we don't go you know when Yeah, in in Lion
King where he's like everything the like touches. You could
do the voice better, Simba, everything the light touches. What
is then except for shadow lands? Except for the shadow lands. Right,
(03:12):
it's what it's called the shadow lands. The shadow lands
are are to me, like the boundary that like, don't
cross uncle over there, what about you? Yeah, I feel
like for me, boundaries are kind of like the instruction
manual for like the individual, right, like kind of like hmm,
(03:33):
this is what I like, this is what I don't like,
this is what I'm comfortable with, this is what I'm
not comfortable with. And for me, it gets kind of
sticky sometimes because they're usually rooted in like deep trauma, right,
like triggers activations, like different things, Like boundaries aren't necessarily
(03:53):
like oh this is cute. This is like no, when
you touch, like when you pinch my back fat, you
remind me of all of my fat, So like it
sets different things. So it's a boundary, right yeah, no touching. Yeah,
Like in my SIMS and Paying sims for, um, she
doesn't like to be touched, like the cork of hers
(04:14):
and she actually feels better when she's not being touched
because she's a celebrity. I'm a global superstar and SIMS
for I didn't want to say it, but I'm like,
am I'm a famous actress and my name in there
is Maita and oh my god, I forgot to tell you. Okay,
you know how I accidentally got married. Accidentally got married
(04:35):
sims And just because it says like planned wedding, it's
not getting married, it's just this planned wedding, so it's
playing the wedding. And I got married. It was a
whole thing. I divorced him. It was so sad. It
was genuinely I almost started crying. It was so sad.
He was on the phone together and you were like,
this is so sad, and then you were like, anyway,
(04:56):
get out of my house. Just no, no, no no, just wait.
It's sad. It's more sad now because he died yesterday
and we were we were together, we were we were
like in a partnership with boyfriend girlfriend and then I
(05:16):
was playing because my brother is staying with me, and
I go he died. He's like, who died? I'm like
my boyfriend. He's like what, I'm like my boyfriend and
Simps died. I just got a call that said that
he died. Oh my, I literally almost spit up my
I was so sad yesterday. I basically no, I didn't
(05:39):
kill him. You basically killed him of a broken heart. No, no, no, no,
we got back together. I got back together and I
just got a phone call. I was on set filming
my alien movie and it was it was a space
cadet and he They're like, I just want to let
you know that he died. So that's the boundary when
I'm talking about it anymore. We're not gonna diet money. Well,
you traumatize the man and you kill him. I didn't
(06:01):
get him. Well, what are like some of off the
top of your head, like, what are some of your
own boundaries that you can think of? Don't talk about
my boyfriend like that? R I p vassel vasselo okay,
um boundaries to me, I mean, it took me a
while to even recognize what they are because I have
(06:22):
felt like I've always been like villainized or made fun
of whenever I have set a boundary, and it's always
been met with like you're too sensitive, Oh my god,
you got offended about you know about that, I can't
joke with you anymore, or like things like that. So
it honestly made me scared to put up a boundary
(06:44):
in every single part of relationships, platonic, romantic, family like
So now I feel like I've done a lot of therapy. Um,
and I feel boundaries are good, Like boundaries are healthy.
(07:09):
To go back to what you were just saying about
how people would make you feel like you were bad
or you were sensitive for having a boundary. That's something
that I feel like our families sometimes will do to
us to like growing up, like oh, like I remember,
you know, God bless her, I love you, I love
you that. I have a picture of her next to
my Wae and I talked every day. Um. She used
to call me right like a cry baby basically because
(07:32):
I was really sensitive. And they were like, oh, he
doesn't know how to take a joke. Or they'll say
things like, um, and this could be true too, but
like oh you can dish it, but you can't take it,
which is true. I mean I have a hard time
taking a lot of things, to be honest. Um, but well,
you know, nothing, a little a little bit of spit
and loop camp boundary not what I was thinking. Um,
(07:59):
but yeah, I think like you know people you know
that kind of goes into um, the guilt aspect of it. Right,
Like for me, for example, a lot of my boundaries
they fluctuate. I always say that something that might not
I might not be comfortable with. Right now, I'll be comfortable, comfortable,
How do you it's everything, want to slow down? Comfortable comfortable? Well,
(08:25):
why is it comfortable? If it's comfortable, don't don't do
that to me right now? Comfortable comfortable, comfortable. I mean, look,
I had one thing with one of my ex boyfriends
where bless him, I love him, good energy all around,
(08:46):
but like he would come and like after a long
day of work, he would want to rest his head
on my lap, which is a beautiful thing to do.
It is what you should be able to do with
your partner, Like I just want to like breast on
you and lay on you. And I was like yeah,
I was like I and I had to be like hey,
(09:07):
like I had a long day at work. Um, can
you ask me before you're going to just like put
your the weight of your head. I have a question though,
if it was the person you're dating now and they
did that, would you be okay with it? Well? I
mean that brings up another question to write that do
(09:28):
your boundaries change based off of who the person is? Right? Like?
Do you there are certain people who I love when
they hugged me they love when they touched me, and
I don't feel any sort of way. There are other
people that when people when they touched me, even if
they set their head on my shoulder, I'm counting the
seconds that their head is on my shoulder, right, versus
somebody else that you're like like, has somebody ever put
(09:50):
their head on your shoulder? You know? Oh that guy? Yeah,
that guy who put his head on my shoulder? And
I was like, disgusting. We're in a first date. You
try to hold my hand and it was not we
were not giving out those vibes yet, Like it was
so very much acquaintance mode, not even friend acquaintance mode.
(10:11):
Do not put your head on my fucking chillern Yeah,
I mean, look, okay, sidebar. Have you ever and this
goes to change? I mean this change with everybody. Have
you ever put your head on a friend's shoulder? Right,
let's least meet you. Let's say I put my head
on your shoulder and then you put your head on
top of my head. Do you start to think like
(10:34):
when do I move my head? I should move my head?
Yeah right, and I'm like my next hurting. It's so
you're right that boundaries do change my person because um,
I was with our friend Ryan Graham. Were at the
Palm Springs Short Film Festival, which okay, our film, there's
a little plug. Our film Kill Me Daddy by Claudia
(10:56):
Rostrepo Um wrote and directed, and me and a couple
other people who are like my dear friends are in
it and they got picked to be in the pomps too. Anyway,
um uh, Ryan Graham, our friend, was there to support
and we were sitting together in the theater and we
were having so much fun just like I don't know,
(11:19):
I was just vibing with him. I love him so much,
and I put my head on his shoulder and I
was like, I love sitting next to you. And he
goes on he put his head like on my head,
and it was like, oh my god, I love sitting
next to you. That is fine for me. Like you
know when you get a little like gutting you also
and you're like, I love that's fine because like we're
(11:39):
friends and we're like very you know, affectionate. But if
I do not know you and you just automatically do that,
like that is crossing a hard boundary. I would never
do that to anyone else, Like that I don't feel
comfortable with because I don't know their boundaries. I mean,
it's really interesting to you because there is a really
big stigma I think typically with women, fans, women people
(12:03):
who identify as women, like people of color, sometimes, like
stating boundaries can often be seen as kind of like
an act of violence almost, or like an app towards them,
or like they can be seen as aggressive. I feel,
where like jez Maya calms down, nobody meant it that way,
you know what I mean. It's like, yeah, I think
it can be associated with also like uh, whiteness a
(12:25):
little bit, just like therapy was back in the day,
Like a lot of these terms that I would like
bring back to my cousins would be like that's that's
some white ship. And I'm like, why does mental health
and therapy have to be like exclusive to one exactly?
So like it starts early, like why does it have
to be white? Why it is like why do these
(12:47):
terms that can also be about healing have to be
something that's white and that they don't include people like us,
Like it's a human thing, but it kind of you know,
bleeds into other aspects, like at work when there's a
man who's talking to you a certain type of and
because you've been shamed into discussing boundaries, you won't tell
them straight up Hey, I'm not comfortable with that joke,
(13:07):
or even like with somebody who, um, you know, something small,
like somebody who comes over and puts their shoes on
your sofa, like I am like, you're like, oh, I
really like them. I don't want to like set that boundary.
I don't want to be like, heyefortable, Yeah, can you
take your shoes off of my I mean, you know,
everybody has these different things. I have been getting better
(13:30):
and better, um, and I have learned that through therapy.
I love when my therapist is like, good job, Like,
oh my god, that's such a good one, Like, um,
you know that's like. Somebody asked me a question one
time that was kind of problematic, and it was it
was a question on the monetary success of people in
(13:50):
my life that I love, and I was about to
answer and then I thank them to rank them. And
it made me so uncomfortable to even think of my
friends in terms of monetary value, um, because I don't
think of them in that way at all. I think
of them of like who feeds me the most you know,
(14:12):
um or who tells me that I'm pretty, But like
I um in that moment, I took a step back
very quickly, and I was like, I'm not comfortable answering
that question. I'm not comfortable doing that. And it's just
a quick boundary, and it's just a thing of like
it can be anything if you take a step back
when you were faced with something that makes you uncomfortable
(14:33):
and you're like, you know what, I'm actually not comfortable
with that. And I feel like doing that is self love.
It is a direct respect to you. And if you
don't set those boundaries and let things fester, it is
a disrespect. So do you feel like you're good with boundaries? No?
(14:55):
Not thing said, nor not thing said. I'm still learning.
I'm not the best. I'm not the best at setting
them because I'm very you know me, I am very
forgiving and I'm very forgetful. So like if you'll be like,
don't you remember so and so this, even I'm like,
you're right, they did say that to me, Like I
will tend to forget all these things and let people
(15:17):
in immediately. So I'm not the best at setting them
and keeping them. I also get a little apprehensive sometimes
in terms of you know, and this is also something
I've gotten better with an age. But I remember one
of my best friends, Crystal, who is a big listener
the podcast how does That Hey, She taught me a
boundary early on we were kids when she was really
sad about something like just and I was like, get
(15:39):
over it, Oh my god, like who cares? Just get
over it? And she was just like, hey, like, I
want to be sad. Let me be sad. I want
to be in my emotions. Let me get through them.
We were young too, like not that even for like
in our late teens, right, And I just thought like, oh,
that's so different that she actually wants to feel her
emotions and she actually wants to work her way through it.
(16:01):
And her boundary was with me shutting the funk up
and not like trying to shake it off for you know. Um.
But that also is a hard thing for me to
to just be able to do that. But like, what
about you, do you think you're good at them? I
think I've I'm getting better. I'm learning all the time
how to be better with communicating things and not feel
(16:23):
like guilty about it or feel like I'm too much
or being too sensitive, like especially in relationships, like I
truly feel like the more you set those boundaries and
the more you express what you need, the quicker you'll
figure out if this person is down for you or not.
Are willing to like accept the terms and then also
(16:47):
are you willing to accept those terms as well for them? Um,
because I used to be so scared of that because
I didn't want to lose them. But it's better to
like lose them than to stay with somebody who constantly
makes you feel like you're disrespecting yourself by not getting
what you need emotionally, like so now with friendships and stuff,
(17:09):
I had like an incident a couple of weeks ago
where I was joking around about my boundaries when something
was like making me upset and the other person couldn't
figure out that it was joking or not, like like
I had. UM. I think Ben was the one who
was like, well, I couldn't really tell, Like we couldn't
really tell if you're joking or not if you're serious,
(17:31):
And I was like, oh, you're right, like I was
being jokey about it because they didn't want to be
like a Debbie downer or that person that's like, oh,
she's no fun. So I feel like I'm getting better
at them, but I need to be more clear in
stating them and why and accept and know that like
the other person will love me anyway, and if they don't,
(17:54):
then we're not aligned in those things. Absolutely. I also
think that for me, boundaries have to do with a
lot of internal work, like why is this affecting me
so deeply? Like what does it mean? Is this like
a boundary that is rooted in self respect or is
it rooted in like a trauma? How do you figure out?
Because I think that there's a lot of talk for me,
at least right now, there's a lot to talk about trauma, activations, triggers,
(18:18):
and but there's not a lot of talk in terms
of like healing. Right, what does healing look like? Is
it a destination? Is it an ongoing thing? Is it
something that like um, people even should want to do, right?
Like sometimes it's like, well, maybe you don't want to
heal what I did here recently and I think I
said this to you maya as well? Is um? I
(18:39):
saw on opera Oprah Stuperslunday they were talking to this
woman and she was saying that if it begins to
feel like a betrayal to yourself, then that's how you
know that you should like set something like break up,
like like kind of like big up, take up more rooms.
So in terms of like the betrayal of the self,
(19:00):
how are you just making sure that as a unit
you were taking care of your inner peace, your physical body,
your mental health as a full person and taking accountability.
And but I feel like if the boundary is a boundary,
I'm not going to question like is this your trauma
or is this like something like figure that out later
(19:21):
messages like that is your work to do. Like I
just know on my end that I'm not like I'm
you know, I'm not about to cross that well, like
for example, right now, like the guy that i'm that
were like dating and we're kind of moving into more
serious territory right Like I have a habit of when
I'm playing with my friends, I'm like bitch. Like I'll
(19:43):
say bitch a lot, right And he actually was like, Hey,
I'm not comfortable with you calling me bitch, because he
was saying that he felt like he was like a
gateway to us calling each other out of our names,
and he's like, I just don't ever want us to
get to the point where we're not calling each other
um our names or things that are kind of derogatory,
(20:03):
like I want to stay in that. And I was like,
oh my god, I love that so much, Like I
think that's fantastic because yeah, I would never want to
call anybody out of their names in a place of anger,
even if it's playful like that. And then all night
I kept going bitch, bitch and he was like, hey,
like I you know, and I go, you know what, um,
(20:24):
and this is you know. I was thinking about like
how do you communicate through boundaries sometimes, like how do
you go you know what? I'm working on it. I
just I might slip up and I'm working on it,
but I want you to know that. UM. What did
I say to him? I was like, I want you
to know that I care and I hear you, and
I understand what you're saying and I agree with you. Um,
(20:44):
it's something that I'm going to work on for you.
But I don't want to, like, I don't need to
feel like I'm just regarding your boundary. And so even
having discussions going deeper and giving people the space to
feel that. I think it's also important as well. Um,
I do want to say like cultural culturally as well,
Like I will say that sometimes you feel guilty like
my family, for example, like I was joking with you,
(21:05):
is like my parents didn't care about crossing the border illegally,
like they don't care about the spiritual border that I
have set up with them either, Like they don't care.
They're clearly comed with different generations. They don't give a funk.
They're like, why are you mad? My dad? Is a
time to be like why are you depressed? Do you
see all the good things that are happening that, Like
he'll just like nothing like anything that You're like, hey,
I just need some space, like why you should be
(21:27):
with your family? Like there's no space in that way,
And you do tend to feel and sometimes to be honest,
I am a little thingful because I have that, because
I also to will sometimes be like you know, I
wake up and I think what I wake up in
the space of gratitude, right, like the first thing that
I did make up in gratitude, which is what I
think my parents are trying to say when they're trying
(21:47):
to overset the boundary of me being like I just
need to be like alone or something. They're like, I
think what they need to say is be grateful and
then do whatever. Um. But there's definitely, like we had
mentioned before, like a cultural difference and a generational difference
as well when it comes to these boundaries. Yeah, I
think just with the access of or accessibility of these
(22:08):
terms and these practices, um, it just hasn't been accessible
to us, especially my family, Like they had no idea
about any of this stuff and had no idea what
they were doing. Now that like my mom is in therapy,
I'm in therapy. My brothers in therapy were able to
like work on ourselves and come back to each other
and talk about these moments that were really hard for us.
(22:30):
And like I sat boundaries with um my mom all
the time, where I'm like, and I sat boundaries with
my brother too. Like sometimes he'll just message me and
like trauma dump and I have to be like, can
you please? I know this is see even be trying
to edit myself, but I'm like, can you please ask
if I have space for this because I don't know
if I press the audio thing and it and it
(22:53):
starts talking about some discovery he made with his therapists
in our childhood. I always will have a different view
of our childhood than he does, so it could triguer
me in a different way that I'm not ready for. Yeah,
I do that with you too. Yeah you always. You
always asked me, and I feel like, yeah, I feel
like I need to get better at asking. Sometimes I
(23:14):
always will call you and be like hey, because my
my drama is usually about like boys and like love,
and I feel like I'm always like, do you have
space to hear about boys at seven thirty in the morning,
And you're like yeah, I'm like, are you sure, because
they're going to get you usually get really mad for me.
I get mad for you. I get very protective of
my friends because I'm like, not these people trying to
(23:37):
steal my friends. Like I just put up my fist.
But yeah, it's I think it's beautiful that I'm fortunate
that my brother and my mom have access to this now,
and like so many people have access to it, like
just with the Latin x in therapy UM database, like
where they have just access to a bunch of different
(23:59):
therapist That's how my brother found a therapist on like
a sliding scale. So I think it's it's cool that
these different generations, even my brother being a different generation,
like we're able to fine tune things and learn what
these mean because it, honestly, I feel like it is
truly nourishing for ourselves when we're able to say that
(24:23):
is not that. Like even my therapist will be like,
when somebody comes at you and says, you abandoned me,
you did this, you did that, I'm able to say,
that's your story, that is not my story, that is
your view of me, that's not that's not me. I'm
sorry you feel that way, Like we're not aligned by
(24:43):
I'm talking about a very specific situation. I think you're
talking about a specific person versus like when someone is
telling you, hey, this is how I feel. So you
feel that way, but it's in a way that's like
I was constantly like taking accountability for myself and this
person and took accountability and then completely switched it up
and was like, actually, no, you did this. I'm still
(25:06):
mad about this. I'm like, I'm sorry that you still
view it this way, Like I'm genuinely sorry that you
feel hurt. Do you want two of my boundaries that
I are that I tell people, um, don't make fund
the way that they look or my outfits like, I
hate it so much. I hate it. So when people
tell me like, oh my god, you look Johnathon, like,
(25:27):
I have never heard anybody make a good reference. And
I tell you this all the time. I have never
heard anybody be like, wow, your outfit is giving me
like and I used the same example all the time,
like your outfit is giving me Jian Galliano in the
early two thou springs on a collection of no One
maybe my friend Paduga, but no one. Most people go like,
(25:48):
you look like the little kid from Elf, Like where
what do you think that that was a compliment to me?
Shut up and keep it moving. The second thing I
hate when people do is when people talk about my intelligence,
because you know how my brain is, Like you know,
most people who interact with me know that my brain
is like going a thousand miles an hour, Which is
why people have to tell me slow down when you talk,
(26:10):
because when I talk really fast, like that's how my
brain is. And sometimes that can be misconstrued for like um,
like being flighty, right, being like somebody who is like
not smart. And so when anybody insults my intelligence in
any sort of way. I get so uppy, I get
so mad because I put a boundary on those things.
(26:32):
I'll tell them straight up. I'm like, hey, you can,
we can play, we can talk ship, but don't call
me dumb. Don't make any sort of joke insinuating that
I'm not intelligent, and don't talk about my beauty. Don't
talk about like the way that I look like that.
I'm literally in therapy. I was working with like a coach,
a life coach on it because I truly genuinely had
my own trauma, my own triggers about feeling attractive. So
(26:56):
I'm telling people and by the way, I had people
who were like your two. So today I just like,
I'm walking on exhells with you, and I'm like, I
feel like the appropriate response of that when somebody tells
you that about their own boundaries is because I love
you so much, I am willing to figure out how
I can be mindful of your triggers and your traumas
and like not hurt you. Hurting you as my last intention, right,
(27:19):
So like, if I'm telling you, just don't tell me.
Don't make fun of my outfit? What like, what's it
to you to be like, well you're too senta. That
really um okay, So how do you how do you
be okay with the boundary that's been set with you?
In terms of people giving me boundaries. I think I'm
(27:39):
really comfortable with myself to be like you know what, yeah,
thank you for that. Absolutely. I can totally be more
mindful about that with you. It doesn't trigger anything in
my own and me to be honest to be like, what,
they're too sensitive. I could be like, they're two sensitive
and they're not my type of people and that's fine,
but you're like, yeah, I had to tell somebody that.
I'm like, I'm not the to answer the demographic for
(28:01):
those kinds of jokes. I'm not like period, And I'm like,
if you think that I'm sensitive or weak because of that,
that's your thing. Like, but I don't like when like
my boundaries are definitely like when I say I don't
want to do something like, don't try to convince me,
don't try to like you know, be like, oh, come on,
(28:22):
Like if I'm dead set sure on it, that's just
it me. On the other hand, I'm very easily convinced.
All you have to do is ask me three times
and I'm like, okay, fine, I'm like beetlejuice. Yeah, but
I feel like I have to remind you, like tell
me no. You're like I did tell you know, but
sometimes you'll be like, but I did, and I'm like,
(28:45):
but the boundary wasn't super clear. It something also like
a joke. This is what I mean. I'm not I'm
still learning. I'm very I'm very easily like people be like,
do you want to go for a walk? I don't.
Do you want to go for a walk? Come on?
I don't, come on, let's go for a walk. Fine,
wear my shoes. When somebody sets a boundary with me,
(29:05):
I have worked on not taking a personal because it's
never really personal. Um everyone is really honestly in their heads.
And also like you can't just assume you know people's
limits and I can't assume that they know my limits.
So assuming is the worst with everything. It's like a
(29:30):
killer for all intimacy, for friendships, for relationships because you
were just assuming that they X, Y and Z, and
which is like it's not good because we don't know everyone.
I feel like I can't assume a lot of things
with you because even though we're so close. I don't
want to do that because we're changing constantly every day.
(29:52):
Don't take it personally. Yes, I agree with you. We
don't take it personally. And sometimes it is personal. Sometimes
it is. No anybody else can hugged me, but I
don't want you to hug me. That's my boundary with you. Yes,
but they don't need to know. At the same time,
it's like, if somebody is giving you the instruction manual
on how they would like to be treated in the
relationship and the unique relationship what they have with you
(30:14):
that they have with you, then take it. Then use
it like thank you so much. I appreciate you so much.
Thank you for carring enough about this relationship to give
me this. And if it doesn't match up at the
end of the day, you're right, keeping moving, keep it going,
and it's okay if like don't say, like the other
day this was fine and now it's not, like yes,
actually the other day. Actually the other day it wasn't
(30:36):
fine and now it's and it's still not fine. Like
let people let period. Thank you so much. Welcome to
(30:58):
the Zodiac portion of the podcast. Who is the best
with boundaries, Which sign and who sucks at them. I
think a lot of times we have to look at
the Mercury possibly and Mars because that has to do
with communication. And I think healthy people, no matter what
sign you are, will have set healthy boundaries and know
(31:19):
how to follow healthy boundaries placed upon them. However, in
saying that, I think Capricorns are the worst. They set
hard boundaries immediately that you're like, oh shit, okay, um,
(31:40):
but they can't they I mean, and I feel like
we're talking about a very specific Capricorn because I have
other friends that are Capricorns, and but I feel like
they have a hard time accepting other people's boundaries. But
(32:01):
also I feel like virgos also have a hard time
setting bound boundaries or listening to other people's boundaries. Think
that virgos were just like I'm like the night, I
feel like I'm like the nice parents, Like I'm like, okay, fine,
you want to go with your friends, Okay, fine, don't
(32:21):
tell your dad to make sure you're home before I living,
you know what I mean? Like, I'm that like the
virgos that I've been with romantically, um, like have been
accepting of boundaries, but also not only will take that
boundary but file it deep in their brain and fester
on it later. Like I wonder when they started thinking
(32:43):
about this boundary? Have they always started thinking about this?
Have I always done this? Like? Do they like me
less because of this? Or do they like me more?
Like and for me, I will also do that. Honestly,
I think Pisces are a little problematic with it too.
I think they will push path past boundaries and see
how far they can push um and not have any boundaries.
(33:06):
Like scorpios as well, Sure get in there. The boundaries
are very like no, what are you talking about? Like
scorpious in my head always have a cigarette in their hand,
in their mouth like a boundaries at the sunk up
like they who else? Like tourists, Oh my god, touristes
are so good in my opinion with boundaries, Like tourists
(33:27):
are so solid with their stuff, like unless unless a
tourist is in love. A tourist in love, they just
throw everything out the door and they're just like, I
don't know, like what happens to they don't give They're
like whatever I'm going to give it, I'm gonna get
the tourist cigarette carries are perfect per um. What I'm
(33:50):
trying to think about how to word this. Aries can aries,
boundaries can change a lot. Yeah, and so there's areas
like it's very much the what you're saying earlier, you
were fine yesterday, how did the which is also very
aquarious to not fine today? Aquarious? I'm like, what are
(34:10):
you talking about? You were? You've made that joke yesterday
yourself and we all laughed about it. Now you hate it.
What do you mean it's okay when I say it
about myself. So, yes, that is a boundary. I guess
that concluded is zodiac section today. In conclusion, all fire
signs are perfect and beautiful and as they've burned down
(34:33):
all the boundaries and don't care about them, well, my
in conclusion, how do we feel about boundaries? Boundaries are beautiful,
Boundaries are great. Boundaries are the greatest. It's good to
have and if you have it and it's good, then
it's good. And when you have it, thank you. I
feel like I agree, boundaries are amazing. Boundaries should be
(34:54):
a road map for everybody involved, for you, your friends,
for the people that you love. It's also good one
for you, like how you're recognizing yourself, your own reflection
that's yes. I wanted to like remind that, like, yes,
don't get boundary have like crazy and be like don't
do that, don't do that, don't like don't use it
as like a weapon or like you're triggering me or
(35:18):
you're activating me like that stuff. This is a very
sacred like when I'm setting a boundary, it is, like
you said, because I love you and I want this
friendship relationship to be good and I want to feel
like my best self and give you my best self
just as I want you to be your best self.
And the only way I can do that is by
(35:41):
creating like a safe space. And I'm not just gonna
like throughout these boundaries, like like what like like what,
I'm not just going to throw off these boundaries. I
like what I disappear into the universe. Al Right, you guys,
(36:04):
Well my wheking people find on social media. You could
find me at my the moment m A y A
in the moment on all social media platforms. What do
you can find me at the Curly v Show, vis
in Velaskias, on TikTok and Instagram. Make sure to hit
uself on our social media to let us know what
you want to hear next on the Super Secret Festi
(36:25):
Club Podcast. It is a mouthful link wind sir, and
like what thank you so much for? Remember people, let remember,
let people let and like when this could be merch? Okay,
(36:46):
it doesn't not make sense. It's a good way to
make sure to hit that subscribe button to hear more
episodes every single week. The Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast
is a production of Sono in partnership with iHeart Radio's
Michael to Podcast Network. For more podcasts from I Heart,
(37:09):
visit the i Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows.
Hey, what is this. It looks like a boundary. I
guess I could just cross right over this boundary. That's
my boundary. Oh it just it looked like like it
was just a line drawn in the sand. It didn't know. Well,
maybe it is. But let's talk about this. Okay, get
(00:21):
any here. My name is Curly and I'm Maya, and
welcome to the Super Secret Club Podcast, a super secret
club where we talk about super secret things secret more time.
In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendships, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets. Welcome. You always started,
(00:52):
I want to start it. You always go well, well
well and in my eye, in my head and rolling
my eyes, the eyes litter in my head. Oh my god.
We ad to another. I'm doing it. We'll go to
(01:12):
another episode of the Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. I'm
Maya and this is Curly and today's episode you don't
get to talk yet please And today's episode. Today's episode,
we're talking about boundaries. What are boundaries in Spanish? Like?
How do you translate it? Yeah, how do you translate that?
August by the way, sidebar, if you ever hear on
(01:37):
our podcast me like stirring or clinking and clanking. My
little drinking is because I always am drinking coffee, if
you know me, and I I am more sinking coffee blood
and you're a vampire blood meet this. By the way,
August is our super amazing sound engineer Slash, one of
our producers as well. He helps us get this show
together together. It's also has a new baby kitten. Um
(02:04):
what's the name that might be a boundary to that?
We're crossing it anyways, umy, we're talking about today, we're
talking about boundaries, right And according to um the dictionary
dot com, the definition of boundaries is it's a line
(02:27):
that marks the limits of an area or a dividing line,
or it's a limit of a subject or sphere of activity.
What does that mean to you? To me, that means like,
I mean limits, limits are like that's off limits, can't
go there. I'm not you know, subject or sphere, sphere
(02:49):
of activity. Yeah, that's kind of like whoa, that's where
we don't go you know when Yeah, in in Lion
King where he's like everything the like touches. You could
do the voice better, Simba, everything the light touches. What
is then except for shadow lands? Except for the shadow lands. Right,
(03:12):
it's what it's called the shadow lands. The shadow lands
are are to me, like the boundary that like, don't
cross uncle over there, what about you? Yeah, I feel
like for me, boundaries are kind of like the instruction
manual for like the individual, right, like kind of like hmm,
(03:33):
this is what I like, this is what I don't like,
this is what I'm comfortable with, this is what I'm
not comfortable with. And for me, it gets kind of
sticky sometimes because they're usually rooted in like deep trauma, right,
like triggers activations, like different things, Like boundaries aren't necessarily
(03:53):
like oh this is cute. This is like no, when
you touch, like when you pinch my back fat, you
remind me of all of my fat, So like it
sets different things. So it's a boundary, right yeah, no touching. Yeah,
Like in my SIMS and Paying sims for, um, she
doesn't like to be touched, like the cork of hers
(04:14):
and she actually feels better when she's not being touched
because she's a celebrity. I'm a global superstar and SIMS
for I didn't want to say it, but I'm like,
am I'm a famous actress and my name in there
is Maita and oh my god, I forgot to tell you. Okay,
you know how I accidentally got married. Accidentally got married
(04:35):
sims And just because it says like planned wedding, it's
not getting married, it's just this planned wedding, so it's
playing the wedding. And I got married. It was a
whole thing. I divorced him. It was so sad. It
was genuinely I almost started crying. It was so sad.
He was on the phone together and you were like,
this is so sad, and then you were like, anyway,
(04:56):
get out of my house. Just no, no, no no, just wait.
It's sad. It's more sad now because he died yesterday
and we were we were together, we were we were
like in a partnership with boyfriend girlfriend and then I
(05:16):
was playing because my brother is staying with me, and
I go he died. He's like, who died? I'm like
my boyfriend. He's like what, I'm like my boyfriend and
Simps died. I just got a call that said that
he died. Oh my, I literally almost spit up my
I was so sad yesterday. I basically no, I didn't
(05:39):
kill him. You basically killed him of a broken heart. No, no, no, no,
we got back together. I got back together and I
just got a phone call. I was on set filming
my alien movie and it was it was a space
cadet and he They're like, I just want to let
you know that he died. So that's the boundary when
I'm talking about it anymore. We're not gonna diet money. Well,
you traumatize the man and you kill him. I didn't
(06:01):
get him. Well, what are like some of off the
top of your head, like, what are some of your
own boundaries that you can think of? Don't talk about
my boyfriend like that? R I p vassel vasselo okay,
um boundaries to me, I mean, it took me a
while to even recognize what they are because I have
(06:22):
felt like I've always been like villainized or made fun
of whenever I have set a boundary, and it's always
been met with like you're too sensitive, Oh my god,
you got offended about you know about that, I can't
joke with you anymore, or like things like that. So
it honestly made me scared to put up a boundary
(06:44):
in every single part of relationships, platonic, romantic, family like
So now I feel like I've done a lot of therapy. Um,
and I feel boundaries are good, Like boundaries are healthy.
(07:09):
To go back to what you were just saying about
how people would make you feel like you were bad
or you were sensitive for having a boundary. That's something
that I feel like our families sometimes will do to
us to like growing up, like oh, like I remember,
you know, God bless her, I love you, I love
you that. I have a picture of her next to
my Wae and I talked every day. Um. She used
to call me right like a cry baby basically because
(07:32):
I was really sensitive. And they were like, oh, he
doesn't know how to take a joke. Or they'll say
things like, um, and this could be true too, but
like oh you can dish it, but you can't take it,
which is true. I mean I have a hard time
taking a lot of things, to be honest. Um, but well,
you know, nothing, a little a little bit of spit
and loop camp boundary not what I was thinking. Um,
(07:59):
but yeah, I think like you know people you know
that kind of goes into um, the guilt aspect of it. Right,
Like for me, for example, a lot of my boundaries
they fluctuate. I always say that something that might not
I might not be comfortable with. Right now, I'll be comfortable, comfortable,
How do you it's everything, want to slow down? Comfortable comfortable? Well,
(08:25):
why is it comfortable? If it's comfortable, don't don't do
that to me right now? Comfortable comfortable, comfortable. I mean, look,
I had one thing with one of my ex boyfriends
where bless him, I love him, good energy all around,
(08:46):
but like he would come and like after a long
day of work, he would want to rest his head
on my lap, which is a beautiful thing to do.
It is what you should be able to do with
your partner, Like I just want to like breast on
you and lay on you. And I was like yeah,
I was like I and I had to be like hey,
(09:07):
like I had a long day at work. Um, can
you ask me before you're going to just like put
your the weight of your head. I have a question though,
if it was the person you're dating now and they
did that, would you be okay with it? Well? I
mean that brings up another question to write that do
(09:28):
your boundaries change based off of who the person is? Right? Like?
Do you there are certain people who I love when
they hugged me they love when they touched me, and
I don't feel any sort of way. There are other
people that when people when they touched me, even if
they set their head on my shoulder, I'm counting the
seconds that their head is on my shoulder, right, versus
somebody else that you're like like, has somebody ever put
(09:50):
their head on your shoulder? You know? Oh that guy? Yeah,
that guy who put his head on my shoulder? And
I was like, disgusting. We're in a first date. You
try to hold my hand and it was not we
were not giving out those vibes yet, Like it was
so very much acquaintance mode, not even friend acquaintance mode.
(10:11):
Do not put your head on my fucking chillern Yeah,
I mean, look, okay, sidebar. Have you ever and this
goes to change? I mean this change with everybody. Have
you ever put your head on a friend's shoulder? Right,
let's least meet you. Let's say I put my head
on your shoulder and then you put your head on
top of my head. Do you start to think like
(10:34):
when do I move my head? I should move my head?
Yeah right, and I'm like my next hurting. It's so
you're right that boundaries do change my person because um,
I was with our friend Ryan Graham. Were at the
Palm Springs Short Film Festival, which okay, our film, there's
a little plug. Our film Kill Me Daddy by Claudia
(10:56):
Rostrepo Um wrote and directed, and me and a couple
other people who are like my dear friends are in
it and they got picked to be in the pomps too. Anyway,
um uh, Ryan Graham, our friend, was there to support
and we were sitting together in the theater and we
were having so much fun just like I don't know,
(11:19):
I was just vibing with him. I love him so much,
and I put my head on his shoulder and I
was like, I love sitting next to you. And he
goes on he put his head like on my head,
and it was like, oh my god, I love sitting
next to you. That is fine for me. Like you
know when you get a little like gutting you also
and you're like, I love that's fine because like we're
(11:39):
friends and we're like very you know, affectionate. But if
I do not know you and you just automatically do that,
like that is crossing a hard boundary. I would never
do that to anyone else, Like that I don't feel
comfortable with because I don't know their boundaries. I mean,
it's really interesting to you because there is a really
big stigma I think typically with women, fans, women people
(12:03):
who identify as women, like people of color, sometimes, like
stating boundaries can often be seen as kind of like
an act of violence almost, or like an app towards them,
or like they can be seen as aggressive. I feel,
where like jez Maya calms down, nobody meant it that way,
you know what I mean. It's like, yeah, I think
it can be associated with also like uh, whiteness a
(12:25):
little bit, just like therapy was back in the day,
Like a lot of these terms that I would like
bring back to my cousins would be like that's that's
some white ship. And I'm like, why does mental health
and therapy have to be like exclusive to one exactly?
So like it starts early, like why does it have
to be white? Why it is like why do these
(12:47):
terms that can also be about healing have to be
something that's white and that they don't include people like us,
Like it's a human thing, but it kind of you know,
bleeds into other aspects, like at work when there's a
man who's talking to you a certain type of and
because you've been shamed into discussing boundaries, you won't tell
them straight up Hey, I'm not comfortable with that joke,
(13:07):
or even like with somebody who, um, you know, something small,
like somebody who comes over and puts their shoes on
your sofa, like I am like, you're like, oh, I
really like them. I don't want to like set that boundary.
I don't want to be like, heyefortable, Yeah, can you
take your shoes off of my I mean, you know,
everybody has these different things. I have been getting better
(13:30):
and better, um, and I have learned that through therapy.
I love when my therapist is like, good job, Like,
oh my god, that's such a good one, Like, um,
you know that's like. Somebody asked me a question one
time that was kind of problematic, and it was it
was a question on the monetary success of people in
(13:50):
my life that I love, and I was about to
answer and then I thank them to rank them. And
it made me so uncomfortable to even think of my
friends in terms of monetary value, um, because I don't
think of them in that way at all. I think
of them of like who feeds me the most you know,
(14:12):
um or who tells me that I'm pretty, But like
I um in that moment, I took a step back
very quickly, and I was like, I'm not comfortable answering
that question. I'm not comfortable doing that. And it's just
a quick boundary, and it's just a thing of like
it can be anything if you take a step back
when you were faced with something that makes you uncomfortable
(14:33):
and you're like, you know what, I'm actually not comfortable
with that. And I feel like doing that is self love.
It is a direct respect to you. And if you
don't set those boundaries and let things fester, it is
a disrespect. So do you feel like you're good with boundaries? No?
(14:55):
Not thing said, nor not thing said. I'm still learning.
I'm not the best. I'm not the best at setting
them because I'm very you know me, I am very
forgiving and I'm very forgetful. So like if you'll be like,
don't you remember so and so this, even I'm like,
you're right, they did say that to me, Like I
will tend to forget all these things and let people
(15:17):
in immediately. So I'm not the best at setting them
and keeping them. I also get a little apprehensive sometimes
in terms of you know, and this is also something
I've gotten better with an age. But I remember one
of my best friends, Crystal, who is a big listener
the podcast how does That Hey, She taught me a
boundary early on we were kids when she was really
sad about something like just and I was like, get
(15:39):
over it, Oh my god, like who cares? Just get
over it? And she was just like, hey, like, I
want to be sad. Let me be sad. I want
to be in my emotions. Let me get through them.
We were young too, like not that even for like
in our late teens, right, And I just thought like, oh,
that's so different that she actually wants to feel her
emotions and she actually wants to work her way through it.
(16:01):
And her boundary was with me shutting the funk up
and not like trying to shake it off for you know. Um.
But that also is a hard thing for me to
to just be able to do that. But like, what
about you, do you think you're good at them? I
think I've I'm getting better. I'm learning all the time
how to be better with communicating things and not feel
(16:23):
like guilty about it or feel like I'm too much
or being too sensitive, like especially in relationships, like I
truly feel like the more you set those boundaries and
the more you express what you need, the quicker you'll
figure out if this person is down for you or not.
Are willing to like accept the terms and then also
(16:47):
are you willing to accept those terms as well for them? Um,
because I used to be so scared of that because
I didn't want to lose them. But it's better to
like lose them than to stay with somebody who constantly
makes you feel like you're disrespecting yourself by not getting
what you need emotionally, like so now with friendships and stuff,
(17:09):
I had like an incident a couple of weeks ago
where I was joking around about my boundaries when something
was like making me upset and the other person couldn't
figure out that it was joking or not, like like
I had. UM. I think Ben was the one who
was like, well, I couldn't really tell, Like we couldn't
really tell if you're joking or not if you're serious,
(17:31):
And I was like, oh, you're right, like I was
being jokey about it because they didn't want to be
like a Debbie downer or that person that's like, oh,
she's no fun. So I feel like I'm getting better
at them, but I need to be more clear in
stating them and why and accept and know that like
the other person will love me anyway, and if they don't,
(17:54):
then we're not aligned in those things. Absolutely. I also
think that for me, boundaries have to do with a
lot of internal work, like why is this affecting me
so deeply? Like what does it mean? Is this like
a boundary that is rooted in self respect or is
it rooted in like a trauma? How do you figure out?
Because I think that there's a lot of talk for me,
at least right now, there's a lot to talk about trauma, activations, triggers,
(18:18):
and but there's not a lot of talk in terms
of like healing. Right, what does healing look like? Is
it a destination? Is it an ongoing thing? Is it
something that like um, people even should want to do, right?
Like sometimes it's like, well, maybe you don't want to
heal what I did here recently and I think I
said this to you maya as well? Is um? I
(18:39):
saw on opera Oprah Stuperslunday they were talking to this
woman and she was saying that if it begins to
feel like a betrayal to yourself, then that's how you
know that you should like set something like break up,
like like kind of like big up, take up more rooms.
So in terms of like the betrayal of the self,
(19:00):
how are you just making sure that as a unit
you were taking care of your inner peace, your physical body,
your mental health as a full person and taking accountability.
And but I feel like if the boundary is a boundary,
I'm not going to question like is this your trauma
or is this like something like figure that out later
(19:21):
messages like that is your work to do. Like I
just know on my end that I'm not like I'm
you know, I'm not about to cross that well, like
for example, right now, like the guy that i'm that
were like dating and we're kind of moving into more
serious territory right Like I have a habit of when
I'm playing with my friends, I'm like bitch. Like I'll
(19:43):
say bitch a lot, right And he actually was like, Hey,
I'm not comfortable with you calling me bitch, because he
was saying that he felt like he was like a
gateway to us calling each other out of our names,
and he's like, I just don't ever want us to
get to the point where we're not calling each other
um our names or things that are kind of derogatory,
(20:03):
like I want to stay in that. And I was like,
oh my god, I love that so much, Like I
think that's fantastic because yeah, I would never want to
call anybody out of their names in a place of anger,
even if it's playful like that. And then all night
I kept going bitch, bitch and he was like, hey,
like I you know, and I go, you know what, um,
(20:24):
and this is you know. I was thinking about like
how do you communicate through boundaries sometimes, like how do
you go you know what? I'm working on it. I
just I might slip up and I'm working on it,
but I want you to know that. UM. What did
I say to him? I was like, I want you
to know that I care and I hear you, and
I understand what you're saying and I agree with you. Um,
(20:44):
it's something that I'm going to work on for you.
But I don't want to, like, I don't need to
feel like I'm just regarding your boundary. And so even
having discussions going deeper and giving people the space to
feel that. I think it's also important as well. Um,
I do want to say like cultural culturally as well,
Like I will say that sometimes you feel guilty like
my family, for example, like I was joking with you,
(21:05):
is like my parents didn't care about crossing the border illegally,
like they don't care about the spiritual border that I
have set up with them either, Like they don't care.
They're clearly comed with different generations. They don't give a funk.
They're like, why are you mad? My dad? Is a
time to be like why are you depressed? Do you
see all the good things that are happening that, Like
he'll just like nothing like anything that You're like, hey,
I just need some space, like why you should be
(21:27):
with your family? Like there's no space in that way,
And you do tend to feel and sometimes to be honest,
I am a little thingful because I have that, because
I also to will sometimes be like you know, I
wake up and I think what I wake up in
the space of gratitude, right, like the first thing that
I did make up in gratitude, which is what I
think my parents are trying to say when they're trying
(21:47):
to overset the boundary of me being like I just
need to be like alone or something. They're like, I
think what they need to say is be grateful and
then do whatever. Um. But there's definitely, like we had
mentioned before, like a cultural difference and a generational difference
as well when it comes to these boundaries. Yeah, I
think just with the access of or accessibility of these
(22:08):
terms and these practices, um, it just hasn't been accessible
to us, especially my family, Like they had no idea
about any of this stuff and had no idea what
they were doing. Now that like my mom is in therapy,
I'm in therapy. My brothers in therapy were able to
like work on ourselves and come back to each other
and talk about these moments that were really hard for us.
(22:30):
And like I sat boundaries with um my mom all
the time, where I'm like, and I sat boundaries with
my brother too. Like sometimes he'll just message me and
like trauma dump and I have to be like, can
you please? I know this is see even be trying
to edit myself, but I'm like, can you please ask
if I have space for this because I don't know
if I press the audio thing and it and it
(22:53):
starts talking about some discovery he made with his therapists
in our childhood. I always will have a different view
of our childhood than he does, so it could triguer
me in a different way that I'm not ready for. Yeah,
I do that with you too. Yeah you always. You
always asked me, and I feel like, yeah, I feel
like I need to get better at asking. Sometimes I
(23:14):
always will call you and be like hey, because my
my drama is usually about like boys and like love,
and I feel like I'm always like, do you have
space to hear about boys at seven thirty in the morning,
And you're like yeah, I'm like, are you sure, because
they're going to get you usually get really mad for me.
I get mad for you. I get very protective of
my friends because I'm like, not these people trying to
(23:37):
steal my friends. Like I just put up my fist.
But yeah, it's I think it's beautiful that I'm fortunate
that my brother and my mom have access to this now,
and like so many people have access to it, like
just with the Latin x in therapy UM database, like
where they have just access to a bunch of different
(23:59):
therapist That's how my brother found a therapist on like
a sliding scale. So I think it's it's cool that
these different generations, even my brother being a different generation,
like we're able to fine tune things and learn what
these mean because it, honestly, I feel like it is
truly nourishing for ourselves when we're able to say that
(24:23):
is not that. Like even my therapist will be like,
when somebody comes at you and says, you abandoned me,
you did this, you did that, I'm able to say,
that's your story, that is not my story, that is
your view of me, that's not that's not me. I'm
sorry you feel that way, Like we're not aligned by
(24:43):
I'm talking about a very specific situation. I think you're
talking about a specific person versus like when someone is
telling you, hey, this is how I feel. So you
feel that way, but it's in a way that's like
I was constantly like taking accountability for myself and this
person and took accountability and then completely switched it up
and was like, actually, no, you did this. I'm still
(25:06):
mad about this. I'm like, I'm sorry that you still
view it this way, Like I'm genuinely sorry that you
feel hurt. Do you want two of my boundaries that
I are that I tell people, um, don't make fund
the way that they look or my outfits like, I
hate it so much. I hate it. So when people
tell me like, oh my god, you look Johnathon, like,
(25:27):
I have never heard anybody make a good reference. And
I tell you this all the time. I have never
heard anybody be like, wow, your outfit is giving me
like and I used the same example all the time,
like your outfit is giving me Jian Galliano in the
early two thou springs on a collection of no One
maybe my friend Paduga, but no one. Most people go like,
(25:48):
you look like the little kid from Elf, Like where
what do you think that that was a compliment to me?
Shut up and keep it moving. The second thing I
hate when people do is when people talk about my intelligence,
because you know how my brain is, Like you know,
most people who interact with me know that my brain
is like going a thousand miles an hour, Which is
why people have to tell me slow down when you talk,
(26:10):
because when I talk really fast, like that's how my
brain is. And sometimes that can be misconstrued for like um,
like being flighty, right, being like somebody who is like
not smart. And so when anybody insults my intelligence in
any sort of way. I get so uppy, I get
so mad because I put a boundary on those things.
(26:32):
I'll tell them straight up. I'm like, hey, you can,
we can play, we can talk ship, but don't call
me dumb. Don't make any sort of joke insinuating that
I'm not intelligent, and don't talk about my beauty. Don't
talk about like the way that I look like that.
I'm literally in therapy. I was working with like a coach,
a life coach on it because I truly genuinely had
my own trauma, my own triggers about feeling attractive. So
(26:56):
I'm telling people and by the way, I had people
who were like your two. So today I just like,
I'm walking on exhells with you, and I'm like, I
feel like the appropriate response of that when somebody tells
you that about their own boundaries is because I love
you so much, I am willing to figure out how
I can be mindful of your triggers and your traumas
and like not hurt you. Hurting you as my last intention, right,
(27:19):
So like, if I'm telling you, just don't tell me.
Don't make fun of my outfit? What like, what's it
to you to be like, well you're too senta. That
really um okay, So how do you how do you
be okay with the boundary that's been set with you?
In terms of people giving me boundaries. I think I'm
(27:39):
really comfortable with myself to be like you know what, yeah,
thank you for that. Absolutely. I can totally be more
mindful about that with you. It doesn't trigger anything in
my own and me to be honest to be like, what,
they're too sensitive. I could be like, they're two sensitive
and they're not my type of people and that's fine,
but you're like, yeah, I had to tell somebody that.
I'm like, I'm not the to answer the demographic for
(28:01):
those kinds of jokes. I'm not like period, And I'm like,
if you think that I'm sensitive or weak because of that,
that's your thing. Like, but I don't like when like
my boundaries are definitely like when I say I don't
want to do something like, don't try to convince me,
don't try to like you know, be like, oh, come on,
(28:22):
Like if I'm dead set sure on it, that's just
it me. On the other hand, I'm very easily convinced.
All you have to do is ask me three times
and I'm like, okay, fine, I'm like beetlejuice. Yeah, but
I feel like I have to remind you, like tell
me no. You're like I did tell you know, but
sometimes you'll be like, but I did, and I'm like,
(28:45):
but the boundary wasn't super clear. It something also like
a joke. This is what I mean. I'm not I'm
still learning. I'm very I'm very easily like people be like,
do you want to go for a walk? I don't.
Do you want to go for a walk? Come on?
I don't, come on, let's go for a walk. Fine,
wear my shoes. When somebody sets a boundary with me,
(29:05):
I have worked on not taking a personal because it's
never really personal. Um everyone is really honestly in their heads.
And also like you can't just assume you know people's
limits and I can't assume that they know my limits.
So assuming is the worst with everything. It's like a
(29:30):
killer for all intimacy, for friendships, for relationships because you
were just assuming that they X, Y and Z, and
which is like it's not good because we don't know everyone.
I feel like I can't assume a lot of things
with you because even though we're so close. I don't
want to do that because we're changing constantly every day.
(29:52):
Don't take it personally. Yes, I agree with you. We
don't take it personally. And sometimes it is personal. Sometimes
it is. No anybody else can hugged me, but I
don't want you to hug me. That's my boundary with you. Yes,
but they don't need to know. At the same time,
it's like, if somebody is giving you the instruction manual
on how they would like to be treated in the
relationship and the unique relationship what they have with you
(30:14):
that they have with you, then take it. Then use
it like thank you so much. I appreciate you so much.
Thank you for carring enough about this relationship to give
me this. And if it doesn't match up at the
end of the day, you're right, keeping moving, keep it going,
and it's okay if like don't say, like the other
day this was fine and now it's not, like yes,
actually the other day. Actually the other day it wasn't
(30:36):
fine and now it's and it's still not fine. Like
let people let period. Thank you so much. Welcome to
(30:58):
the Zodiac portion of the podcast. Who is the best
with boundaries, Which sign and who sucks at them. I
think a lot of times we have to look at
the Mercury possibly and Mars because that has to do
with communication. And I think healthy people, no matter what
sign you are, will have set healthy boundaries and know
(31:19):
how to follow healthy boundaries placed upon them. However, in
saying that, I think Capricorns are the worst. They set
hard boundaries immediately that you're like, oh shit, okay, um,
(31:40):
but they can't they I mean, and I feel like
we're talking about a very specific Capricorn because I have
other friends that are Capricorns, and but I feel like
they have a hard time accepting other people's boundaries. But
(32:01):
also I feel like virgos also have a hard time
setting bound boundaries or listening to other people's boundaries. Think
that virgos were just like I'm like the night, I
feel like I'm like the nice parents, Like I'm like, okay, fine,
you want to go with your friends, Okay, fine, don't
(32:21):
tell your dad to make sure you're home before I living,
you know what I mean? Like, I'm that like the
virgos that I've been with romantically, um, like have been
accepting of boundaries, but also not only will take that
boundary but file it deep in their brain and fester
on it later. Like I wonder when they started thinking
(32:43):
about this boundary? Have they always started thinking about this?
Have I always done this? Like? Do they like me
less because of this? Or do they like me more?
Like and for me, I will also do that. Honestly,
I think Pisces are a little problematic with it too.
I think they will push path past boundaries and see
how far they can push um and not have any boundaries.
(33:06):
Like scorpios as well, Sure get in there. The boundaries
are very like no, what are you talking about? Like
scorpious in my head always have a cigarette in their hand,
in their mouth like a boundaries at the sunk up
like they who else? Like tourists, Oh my god, touristes
are so good in my opinion with boundaries, Like tourists
(33:27):
are so solid with their stuff, like unless unless a
tourist is in love. A tourist in love, they just
throw everything out the door and they're just like, I
don't know, like what happens to they don't give They're
like whatever I'm going to give it, I'm gonna get
the tourist cigarette carries are perfect per um. What I'm
(33:50):
trying to think about how to word this. Aries can aries,
boundaries can change a lot. Yeah, and so there's areas
like it's very much the what you're saying earlier, you
were fine yesterday, how did the which is also very
aquarious to not fine today? Aquarious? I'm like, what are
(34:10):
you talking about? You were? You've made that joke yesterday
yourself and we all laughed about it. Now you hate it.
What do you mean it's okay when I say it
about myself. So, yes, that is a boundary. I guess
that concluded is zodiac section today. In conclusion, all fire
signs are perfect and beautiful and as they've burned down
(34:33):
all the boundaries and don't care about them, well, my
in conclusion, how do we feel about boundaries? Boundaries are beautiful,
Boundaries are great. Boundaries are the greatest. It's good to
have and if you have it and it's good, then
it's good. And when you have it, thank you. I
feel like I agree, boundaries are amazing. Boundaries should be
(34:54):
a road map for everybody involved, for you, your friends,
for the people that you love. It's also good one
for you, like how you're recognizing yourself, your own reflection
that's yes. I wanted to like remind that, like, yes,
don't get boundary have like crazy and be like don't
do that, don't do that, don't like don't use it
as like a weapon or like you're triggering me or
(35:18):
you're activating me like that stuff. This is a very
sacred like when I'm setting a boundary, it is, like
you said, because I love you and I want this
friendship relationship to be good and I want to feel
like my best self and give you my best self
just as I want you to be your best self.
And the only way I can do that is by
(35:41):
creating like a safe space. And I'm not just gonna
like throughout these boundaries, like like what like like what,
I'm not just going to throw off these boundaries. I
like what I disappear into the universe. Al Right, you guys,
(36:04):
Well my wheking people find on social media. You could
find me at my the moment m A y A
in the moment on all social media platforms. What do
you can find me at the Curly v Show, vis
in Velaskias, on TikTok and Instagram. Make sure to hit
uself on our social media to let us know what
you want to hear next on the Super Secret Festi
(36:25):
Club Podcast. It is a mouthful link wind sir, and
like what thank you so much for? Remember people, let remember,
let people let and like when this could be merch? Okay,
(36:46):
it doesn't not make sense. It's a good way to
make sure to hit that subscribe button to hear more
episodes every single week. The Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast
is a production of Sono in partnership with iHeart Radio's
Michael to Podcast Network. For more podcasts from I Heart,
(37:09):
visit the i Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
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