December 8, 2021 • 30 mins
On this episode Curly and Maya discuss breakups, the painful but necessary steps to take when a relationship has to end and the best ways to do it. Our besties leave their hearts exposed.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, what are you doing here? Yeah? What's the password?
What you're bringing up with us? No, I wear my
own ass, what have my own asks? My name is
Grily and I'm Maya and Welcome to the Super Secret
Best Clubs Podcast, a super secret club where we talk
about super secret things, super secret, more time secret. In
(00:25):
each episode, we'll talk about love, friendships, heartbreaks, men, and
of course our favorite secrets. Welcome to the superst Cub podcast.
Today we're talking about what breakups. Talk about breakups, Yes,
(00:51):
because they're a fun topic. Raise your hand if you
love breakups. Oh my, I think they're just so relatable
and we've all done it or I mean, listen. I'm
really happy that we're talking about all these general relationship
topics because I have always felt very lost with these
(01:16):
romantic life moments and I don't know how to deal
with them. I'll talk about them with my friends, but
sometimes you just want to get like a different opinion.
So hopefully, hopefully you're enjoying the podcast so far and
are getting some we're dropping some gems. Okay, we're dropping
some gems for you. Look, break up suck, break up,
(01:39):
but also they can be an experience where they are
super liberating, Like what's the what is the thing like
when something ends, something begans. Oh it's Madonna, something is
ending and something began. We need to do a compilation
episode where it's all the songs you've ever sung on
this podcast. Side note, when I first started working with Curly,
(02:00):
I have sat next to Curly throughout my entire career
at BuzzFeed. Okay and uh. I used to write down
and tally all of the songs he would sing a day,
and it was a lot, a lot. I remember in
the second grade my teacher I had a parent teacher
conference with my parents and was like, your son talks
(02:22):
a lot and he sings a lot. But you know what,
it's another form of like language, and I appreciate it.
But yeah, breakups are they could go either way, Like
sometimes they feel like nothing and you're like, okay anyway,
and sometimes they feel devastuding, devastating. I recently just went
(02:45):
through a breakup myself, like a few months ago. It's
been probably the hardest breakup I've ever had to do
in my life, to the point where people could ask
me about it and I'm like, oh my gosh, that
was very drum in the way of like not dramatic negative,
but like you would cry so much. No no no
(03:07):
no no no no no no mind, never mind. I mean,
but it's a good thing where you're like, look, it's
a part of life. It happens, and sometimes when you're
in it, you're like, will I ever not feel this way?
It was kind of like a mutual thing. None of
neither one of us was kind of like the one
that did it or the one that kind of broke
(03:28):
up with the other one. Um, at least the way
that I choose to see it, but like it didn't
take away from it, and it still hurts. I did
that thing where you cry on the bathroom floor. Oh yeah,
you're like, mouth open, like, who is so good to
cry on? I don't know what is that? A song? Um?
(03:49):
Crying on the floor my bathroom? Oh I didn't know that.
Gerina says, what you're doing crying on the kitchen floor?
Oh it's the kitchen floor? I oh? Um, not the same?
What about you? Like? But I will say, this is
the most epistated breakup I've ever had. But what about you? Yes? Um,
there's different categories of breakups, And I didn't write this
(04:11):
down in our notes, but I'm going to try to
break them down. There's the complete surprise where it hits
you out of nowhere, thank god. There is the mutual one.
There's the clean breaks. There is the on and off
again breakup. There's like the month long breakup, you know
(04:31):
where you just had a three Yeah. I had that
with my first love where it was like, oh man,
it was like that entire year. Basically it was like
I love you, but we can't be together, but maybe
we can just like cuttle one last time. And then
it's like I can't be with you, but maybe we
can cut a one one. Yeah. But I am a
(04:55):
not a cleaner, but I used to be. And I
think I've explained this in another episode that I linger.
Another category of breakups is really good, by the way, Yeah,
I just like thought of them. I actually can't think
of anymore. Oh, they're really good. And like another one
is um because you have the clean cut one, clean break,
the surprise, like the bomb. Can I be honest though,
(05:19):
with some of the ones, like when they're like that
came out of nowhere? I always like did it though?
Because I feel like, you know, yeah, and the breakups
that I have had. I'm going to be really honest.
I know it's the excess episode. Um if it's gone up,
and I was just very angry. I'm not the best
with breakups, Like I want to take full accountability for that,
(05:42):
okay we're doing it or being broken up with for
doing it. And this is also a question that I
want to ask you too. Are you usually the one
to break up with the person or you the breaking Um,
I've never been broken up with. Oh my god, privleg
pretty privle. Well you never named broken, did you guys?
(06:05):
Hear that? Wow? But I've been cheated on a lot,
and then we broke we we broke up from there.
But it wasn't like they ever had the balls to
come up to me and be like, I think we
should end this. Um, what about you? Uh, it's been
a little mixture of both. You know, how many we
(06:26):
can I ask you think how many boyfriends you've had?
It's it's that's a value personal question. It's weird because
I can't really answer this question straight up. But like
you know, when you've been with somebody a couple of
months and you're like, yeah, they're my boyfriend, but we
(06:48):
haven't really situation ships. It's hard because I guess I've
had like threee four and those that's a span over
since kindergarten. Maybe I count the ones in kindergarten. You're
a deep dealer and you feel emotions and you get
(07:09):
you know, you feel really deep. Yeah, And I have
always been the one to typically break up with them
because not because I'm like, oh, you know what this
is when it's course, because I was scared and I
didn't want to be the one to be like broken
up with, so I kind of throw it out on
the table, like I surprised them, and I like, it's
(07:30):
so embarrassing. I have stopped doing this. And although I
have said in the past that my exploit friends are
x is in general are wack as bitches, I don't
take that back, even though I couldn't sleep last night
because I'm like, you're a bad person for saying that publicly.
I love that you call them that. I really it's
(07:50):
just because they just were very like no effort with
a lot of like where our relationship was going. I
was the one who had to like kind of spearhead everything.
And maybe that's taking too much control. Like there's a
lot of things you can unpacked from that. But basically
every single time my anxiety has like bubbled up, I've
(08:11):
been like, I just need to talk to them and
just ask them, like have the conversation, and it's always
resulted in us breaking up because they always say, I
just can't give you that, And I'm like, what if
I didn't do that? What if I didn't ask them
the status of our relationship would we have still been together?
But to be honest, I'm happy that you do. I
think the other thing and if the situation, ship needs
(08:33):
to end because of that. And that's the thing too
with breakups, right, like sometimes it's like they have to happen.
I have to happen for the betterment of your own
spirit and your own soul. Yeah, I noticed it was
a pattern. It's half and half right. I don't regret
having those conversations because I was checking in and they
eventually told me what I wanted to know, which was
(08:57):
like what how they felt about me in the relationship
and they didn't see it going anywhere, So I got
my answer. On the other hand, I remember talking to
this is like the recent guy that I was with
in like last year, Sagittarius. He's still cute. I would
still love to make out with you. Woo. If you're listening,
I said it, um, he's the one who I made
(09:19):
out with in uh during Shrek to Um. Anyway, he
was like, you know, I called him. I was like,
what's the status whatever, and he was like, shouldn't we
have this conversation in person? Inside I was like, yes,
that is mature. And then I was like, well, I mean,
why does it matter. He's like okay, But I feel
like I should have had those conversations in person because
(09:41):
it was my anxiety speaking. So half I don't regret it,
but the other half I'm like, you know what, I
could have lead with a different purpose rather than my anxiety. Yeah.
I also think would like breakups to be honest, like
there's going to be a level of anxiety all the time.
There's going to be a level of like regret regret.
I think it's the hardest one on all parts, like
(10:02):
did I waste my time? Did I hurt somebody? Oh
my god? Did I make the right decision? But I
think that resting and kind of really unders trying to
understand that you're exactly where you're meant to be. You
made the choices that you were meant to like take.
I think that's the place that you want to get
to write. When have you felt that it's time? It time?
(10:35):
Do you know where that's from? No, it's just time.
It's Riffici in the Lion King. How do I hit
the lead on you at all? There's you can't delete me.
I'm like, I'm indestructible, you know what. I just have
this conversation with another friend who had ended things with
(10:57):
their partner, and she was like, my body knew before
I did. Oh yeah, you know you guys, your body knows,
your spirit knows before you do. And so for me,
the best example I can give is I was dating
this guy for like four months or whatever, and I
was so depressed. I was so sad because I wasn't
(11:17):
getting what This just sounds very like I wasn't getting
what I wanted, but my needs weren't being met at Yeah.
I was going above and beyond to make sure that
he felt seen and heard and loved and supported. And
I had like a big shoot that I was really
excited for. It was my first time directing a big
project and you know you and all these people messaged
(11:39):
me in the morning, you know, you're going to do
great today whatever, and he didn't and the absence of
him and it's not even um, you should support me
on that part. I was really nervous, like you should
just know. But I had had this conversation with him before.
I don't feel supported by you in that way. I'm
always making sure like going above and beyond right. So
(11:59):
because didn't do that, he also forgot to like he
totally like stood me up like we were supposed to FaceTime.
I was out of town and he forgot and umful,
but you know, everything was like he apologized for it,
but he never really made up for it. It was
very like therapy language, to be honest though, Like I'm
very like the type person where I forget things like
(12:21):
that too, and I'm like, funk I forgot or I'm
very forgetful. I'm kind of like you know, like when
I'm communicative about it. But yeah, when we have conversations
about those things, it really bothers me when x y
Z or I would really love it if x y
Z and You're like, oh, I totally get it, and
we learned next time, you know, like you do the
same thing to me. I'm like, Okay, I know that
because I care about our friendship. Are you crying? No?
(12:44):
I realized that, like I was saying, yeah, and I
like a little baby about I love when people yawn
and they're trying to hide it because they're the faces
of the make but basically your body nor before you do.
But it's also like, I know when it's time to
have that conversation when my needs are not being met
(13:07):
and I'm going above and beyond. And that's also like,
what does that say about me? That I will go
above and beyond and take crumbs? You know what about you?
I have this thing where Okay, have you seen the
movie Practical Magic? Yes, okay, So if you haven't seen
the movie Practical Magic, it stars to my favorite people,
Sandra and Nicole Kidman. It's a movie about Buduas in
the nineties and they basically are cursed they can't fall
(13:28):
in love. But every time they fall in love, um,
the man always dies. And the way that they know
that the man's about to die is they can hear
this beetle right, and it's like this little beetle, I like,
will be dating somebody and I'm like, oh my god,
this is so good. And then I'll hear like and
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no no no,
I want this one to work. And you know what,
I hear a juicy ft. I don't have those. I
(13:52):
don't know what you're talking about. Well, I don't have
a big butt, so they're not really juicy. They're very
like bland. They're like sugar free parts. Yeah, and I
base sickly no, and I feel it and I fight
it and I'm just like, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't,
please please. And the thing is, you know, me, like virgos,
we kind of pick things apart. So I'll be like, oh,
I would like somebody, but oh is that how they
chew their food? Like? And I'll start immediately like when
(14:14):
I did somebody, I'm like, oh my god, there's so sweet.
And we'll go to like the restaurant and I'll see
how much they tip and I'm like, are they a
two dollar tipper? And knowing that they make money, you know,
or little things like you know, oh my god, is
that where they put their shoes? Or do they think
it's appropriate to talk to talk to somebody that way?
Like you're a little critical? Oh not a little I'm critical. Yeah,
(14:36):
I was just giving you a little little thing there.
You're just a little critical. I'm a lot of critical. Um,
But I think that that's when it's kind of the
beginning of the end. And the way that I always
say is like little things, they're little cracks, right, but
little cracks on a ship can build and let the
water leak in and they can sink things that I
thought were going to be super good. You know how
(14:58):
I am with breakups already. I want to say friends,
like we didn't work out as I had a really
good mentor in my early twenties that was like, you
got to look at it like a business currently, you
just didn't work in business. He was from New York, Like,
you just didn't work in business. It doesn't mean that
they're a bad person. And it kind of really stuck
with me this whole time. So I'm very much like, um,
it's fine, like if we don't work out as a boyfriend,
but I don't really believe in irreconcilable, in reconcile differences.
(15:22):
What is that I did not remember today? I said
ramically twice and you go, it's chrammatically. I'm like, just
so you know. But also I I did not foresee
that irreconcilable was a hard word, irreconcilable, reconcilable, So I
don't have that. Sometimes I feel like things can be
reconcilable because of the way that it ended or because
(15:44):
of what happened. Um, and that's okay too. Like if
you're like here treating me like shit, I'm out, I'm
not doing that, Like, that's great too. When it's a
bad breakup, it can lead to I reconcilable differences. Basically,
have you ever had like a really bad breakup. Yeah,
and it's it's that one that it was like the
breakup took like months until they got another girlfriend. And
(16:06):
you know what, even when they did get a girlfriend,
they were still hitting me up. Oh my god a
insert fire alarm sound or sirens news breaking news here heard.
I was such an asshole because he would message me
like I'm moving to California and I'm like okay, and
(16:29):
he's like, yeah, I'm moving with my new girlfriend. I
just thought to let you know, like he look, I
think he got off on making me feel like ship Okay,
So I give credit to myself and only me. Okay,
because when I when we broke up, I was devastated.
I'm way better now, but I was very young, I
(16:49):
think maybe eighteen, and I developed an eating disorder where
I just I wouldn't eat and I got really really skinny.
I got really depressed, and my parents were really afraid
for me, and my my parents literally had to nurse
me back to health. I like I was in the
hospital for like dehydration, like it was. That was bad
(17:11):
because it was he was very toxic and I didn't
know any better, and my parents were devastated because they
didn't know how to deal with this. And I had
been a good kid throughout my entire life except for
like eighteen to like twenty when I met this guy,
and um, he's the one who tried to come back
ten years later, like literally last December. It was like
you're the one. I just know it. I'm like, so
(17:33):
you had to have a baby and get married into
more Oh my god, yeahs trash. Um, Yeah, it was
so bad. But you know, that was one of the
worst because I didn't know any better, and I felt
so bad that I put my family through that, and
(17:54):
um that I put I know, but it's like we
had had peace up until then, and I had to
forgive myself over the years because of that. That was
the worst. And uh, when I broke up with him,
you know, my parents were like, you need to do
something to heal your heart. So I ended up singing
love songs for a year on YouTube, and then I
(18:16):
sang customized love songs on fiber dot com for five dollars,
ended up singing over two hundred. It gained like national
news and I was booked on all these local news
shows singing love songs for the hosts. And that's kind
of how I got my start was on national television
because one of the producers who ended up booking me
on there was Macy who used to work at BuzzFeed,
(18:38):
and then later on like a couple of years later,
she asked if I wanted to be on Beedle Life.
So he always had told me something like you had
me to thank for that or because of me, and
I go, you know what, No, I'm the one who
made all those songs clarious. Yeah. Yeah. He was very
(18:58):
weird with it, and so I give myself credit, like
he was just a character in that, but I overcame it.
But that was one of the biggest explosive ones that
I've ever had, because it literally attacked my mental health
and my physical health. How did you end it with him?
You know what? Those It was so weird because it
(19:19):
was through text um he was ignoring me, and uh.
I was like, you know what, you seem like you're
not into this. Maybe we should just take a break.
He's like, yeah, I agree, And then and then I
was like, no, no, no, I don't want to break
up with you. I'm so sorry. I just these are
the things that I need. He's like, no, you know what,
I'm not good enough for you, Like your parents don't
(19:42):
like me, Like you're going to go off because I
was I was about to go off to college, like
to a s U and Tempe, which was like thirty
minutes away but not that much. He goes, You're just
going to go off to college and forget about me.
I cannot even do you know? Have you ever like
floster t after you've eaten something a lot and like
there's like a weird kind of funk when like you
flust the back of your teeth. If that smell was
(20:04):
a person, it would be him. Yeah. I am just
so repulsed by him and hearing all these different things,
the manipulation, which is really just a sign of his
own trauma. And I hope that he gets help, and
Jesus well he hasn't now because remember the last time
he was, like in December when I told you, like
you saw all those text messages he was sending me
poems that he had written, and I'm like, how many
(20:26):
girls have you sent this to? Page? Just change your name?
Because you know what, because I looked at his baby
Mama's profile and he wrote the same poem in one
of her comments on her pictures. This chief is hot.
I didn't know I was about to spill this. Sorry, sorry,
I just took this over. Yeah, condolences to everyone out there. Yeah, disgusting. Disgusting. Um.
(20:57):
Speaking of breaking up through texts, though I did that one,
I don't think that it was the best thing to do.
And I didn't realize that breaking up via tex and
breaking up via phone was actually considered, was actually frowned upon.
But I also feel like, welcome to the twenties, honey,
Like that's what we uh, that's how people are going
to do it these days. I think that, you know,
with the dawn of digital media, like you're going to
(21:19):
break up in different ways. Do you think that that's
a bad way to break up though? Nowadays? Yes? Really
because I'm very impulsive and both of those times that
I did that, I was very impulsive and was not
thinking it through. But everything had to happen the way
it did. I just think that. I mean, it depends
on the situation, right, Like if you can't see each
(21:41):
other cool, I don't think I can do it in person.
I think sometimes you kind of can't write. Like for me,
I feel like it hurts me a lot to see
people in pain. I cry. I will literally be like Okay, fine,
I'll stay Like because I don't want to break up
with them, you need to break up with someone in
person to get over that. No, No, Yeah I have.
And that's what I'm saying, Like I have broken up
with people in person and I have stayed in it
(22:02):
longer because I saw the pain in their face and
I was like, I would much rather give this another
go than see this pain. Yeah, I mean everything is
different for everyone, Like, no one way of doing things
is like the right way. Um. I want to know
from you before we go onto our segment. What is
(22:23):
your advice to get over a breakup. Oh my god,
I think that to get over a breakup. And we
say this all the time. My baby yourself, what do
you call it? Baby needs? You call it something? My
one of my best friends Ben, he says baby checks,
like you have to do little baby checks on you.
Do you have water? Did you eat? Just to like,
if you're feeling a little uncomfy or sad or whatever,
(22:45):
make sure those things are taking care of. Shout out
to Bed for coming up with that, because I think
that that's the best thing, like babying yourself. Like what
do you want to eat? What do you want to do? Um?
Do you want to just watch TV today? Do you
want to be lazy? Do you want to wear something cozy?
Do we just want to be naked? Do you want
to masturbate all day? Do you want to like? Um,
(23:07):
there's a lot of different things. That's one thing. The
other step is stepping your bussy game up, you know,
Like that's really helped me, like work on yourself whatever
that means. How what's the space in between like breaking
up and then going to your space? It's hard, Like
this one was really hard because it was like in
different ways, right, I remember I was just so broken
(23:28):
that I went to my mom's house and my mom
was like building legos for my nephews, the babies, and
I just sat there with her, just a broken and
I know, I know, I already, I know you're crying.
I sat there and it was fine, it was great,
you know, like, and that's what I needed to do
(23:48):
to heal. But on the flip, I was like on
tender right away. Okay, let's you know. The way to
get over one man is to get under another fast forward.
I have yet to get under a man. I've been
in a lot of days, but I haven't like actually
had sex or engaged with anybody. So it's definitely sometimes
you don't get over it. Sometimes it's still hurts, and
(24:09):
it's a thing that just um. I think it gets better,
like most pain, Like you have days where some days
are good and some days suck. But I think that
at the end of the day, that focusing on yourself
and trying to better yourself in every capacity of the
word will be the light at the end of the tunnel.
(24:31):
I thought you were going to be the first one
to cry in the podcast. I did. I did cry.
I forgot when it was x's or something. Yeah, I
was like angry, crying. Okay, welcome to the astrology portion
(24:54):
of the podcast. I wanted to ask this question. I'm
trying to, you know, not say the same thing that
we've said every episode about virgo and aries, but episode
which sign is the hardest to break up with? Oh
my god? Look, most of my boyfriends have been cancers,
(25:14):
and um, so for me to the cancers, because cancers
they if you want to experience love, like real love
data cancer, Oh you know, be with the cancer. What
about you high sees? Oh my god, Oh my god.
I have to tell this story on this podcast sometime soon,
remember cast boy, Yes, okay, So I broke up with
(25:36):
this guy. I said this in the ghosting episode, and
I even gave an example of what I said to him.
He kept checking in with me after I had closed
the door. It's like I not only closed the screen door,
I closed the main door. I like turned on the
electric gates like fence gates and everyone, and then even
(26:01):
beyond that the gate to get into the gates, I
had locked it. He thought, hey, I can't see the signs,
so I can't read, so I can't see the sign
and checked in with me over and over and over again.
I mean, he just would not get that. So I
ended it with him, and then he's like, it's all right,
I'm used to disappointment. And then a month later, Hey,
(26:25):
how's it going. And then a month later, Hey, just
checking in. I'm like, in what way did you feel
like there was an opportunity for us to speak again?
Like I did not say I wanted to be friends.
I had a clean break, but it was so Pisces
(26:46):
are very hard to break up with because they are
very sloppy. I say this with a lot of love
because I have a lot of Pisces in my chart,
so I'm speaking from experience for myself, but they linger
a lot and versus cancers are like big and mushy.
Pisces are like uh, snails, you know when they leave
(27:08):
like a little trail. I've always picture like Pisces people
kind of being a little bit heavier with the water
energy and a little bit more like Yeah, it's it's
like a slosh or like a sluppy sluppy, a slushy
slur almost it's slurpy and slushy. What's the difference between
the slushy and slurpy. I don't know. I thought they were.
(27:32):
I think they are. They leave some residue behind. And
I have been that person where I've been like, hey, like,
do not tell me you want to be friends, because
I will try. Would you ever date or would you
ever go back to somebody broke up with? I would, yes, yes,
But it it depends on how much they have evolved. Absolutely,
(27:57):
of course, it depends yes, yes, and no. Yeah, because
you come back into my life and you're a flat earther,
it's no. Oh wow, it's a hard no. It's a
big no. Well that was the astrology portion. Can't You're
the first one I said it? You guys, I'm sorry
he's a little low co today. Okay. To recap, look,
(28:20):
break ups happened. They happen all the time. Sometimes they hurt.
Sometimes you feel like you never get to the end
of it. Sometimes you feel like you never get to
the other side. Clearly, I'm so emotional about it, but
I do believe that there are more people in the
world to connect to and love and whatever is meant
to be will be yes. And I think if you
are going through a breakup right now, please take it easy.
(28:41):
And if you're having those feelings that you want to
text them or talk to them again. Definitely listen to
our ex episode as well. Yeah, listen to the ex episode.
I don't even remember the ex episode. We'll listen to it,
um and take care of yourself. We love you so much.
We will never break up with you. Yes, you are
(29:01):
so loved. We love you. Thank you guys so much
for listening to this episode. Please let us know on
social media what you want to hear from us next.
Hit us up Curly Where can they find you on
social media? You can find me on Instagram and TikTok
at the Curly V Show, B with the Victor What
About You? You can find me on all social media
(29:22):
platforms at Maya and The Moment m A y A
in the Moment. Okay, we're just kidding. We're not gonna
bring up with you. Hopefully you're just kidding that you're
not gonna bring up with us. Stay with us. Please
get out of our tree house, Get out. The Super
Secret Bestie Club podcast is a production of Sono in
(29:43):
partnership with iHeart Radios Michael Podcast Network. For more podcasts
from my Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Hey, what are you doing here? Yeah? What's the password?
What you're bringing up with us? No, I wear my
own ass, what have my own asks? My name is
Grily and I'm Maya and Welcome to the Super Secret
Best Clubs Podcast, a super secret club where we talk
about super secret things, super secret, more time secret. In
(00:25):
each episode, we'll talk about love, friendships, heartbreaks, men, and
of course our favorite secrets. Welcome to the superst Cub podcast.
Today we're talking about what breakups. Talk about breakups, Yes,
(00:51):
because they're a fun topic. Raise your hand if you
love breakups. Oh my, I think they're just so relatable
and we've all done it or I mean, listen. I'm
really happy that we're talking about all these general relationship
topics because I have always felt very lost with these
(01:16):
romantic life moments and I don't know how to deal
with them. I'll talk about them with my friends, but
sometimes you just want to get like a different opinion.
So hopefully, hopefully you're enjoying the podcast so far and
are getting some we're dropping some gems. Okay, we're dropping
some gems for you. Look, break up suck, break up,
(01:39):
but also they can be an experience where they are
super liberating, Like what's the what is the thing like
when something ends, something begans. Oh it's Madonna, something is
ending and something began. We need to do a compilation
episode where it's all the songs you've ever sung on
this podcast. Side note, when I first started working with Curly,
(02:00):
I have sat next to Curly throughout my entire career
at BuzzFeed. Okay and uh. I used to write down
and tally all of the songs he would sing a day,
and it was a lot, a lot. I remember in
the second grade my teacher I had a parent teacher
conference with my parents and was like, your son talks
(02:22):
a lot and he sings a lot. But you know what,
it's another form of like language, and I appreciate it.
But yeah, breakups are they could go either way, Like
sometimes they feel like nothing and you're like, okay anyway,
and sometimes they feel devastuding, devastating. I recently just went
(02:45):
through a breakup myself, like a few months ago. It's
been probably the hardest breakup I've ever had to do
in my life, to the point where people could ask
me about it and I'm like, oh my gosh, that
was very drum in the way of like not dramatic negative,
but like you would cry so much. No no no
(03:07):
no no no no no no mind, never mind. I mean,
but it's a good thing where you're like, look, it's
a part of life. It happens, and sometimes when you're
in it, you're like, will I ever not feel this way?
It was kind of like a mutual thing. None of
neither one of us was kind of like the one
that did it or the one that kind of broke
(03:28):
up with the other one. Um, at least the way
that I choose to see it, but like it didn't
take away from it, and it still hurts. I did
that thing where you cry on the bathroom floor. Oh yeah,
you're like, mouth open, like, who is so good to
cry on? I don't know what is that? A song? Um?
(03:49):
Crying on the floor my bathroom? Oh I didn't know that.
Gerina says, what you're doing crying on the kitchen floor?
Oh it's the kitchen floor? I oh? Um, not the same?
What about you? Like? But I will say, this is
the most epistated breakup I've ever had. But what about you? Yes? Um,
there's different categories of breakups, And I didn't write this
(04:11):
down in our notes, but I'm going to try to
break them down. There's the complete surprise where it hits
you out of nowhere, thank god. There is the mutual one.
There's the clean breaks. There is the on and off
again breakup. There's like the month long breakup, you know
(04:31):
where you just had a three Yeah. I had that
with my first love where it was like, oh man,
it was like that entire year. Basically it was like
I love you, but we can't be together, but maybe
we can just like cuttle one last time. And then
it's like I can't be with you, but maybe we
can cut a one one. Yeah. But I am a
(04:55):
not a cleaner, but I used to be. And I
think I've explained this in another episode that I linger.
Another category of breakups is really good, by the way, Yeah,
I just like thought of them. I actually can't think
of anymore. Oh, they're really good. And like another one
is um because you have the clean cut one, clean break,
the surprise, like the bomb. Can I be honest though,
(05:19):
with some of the ones, like when they're like that
came out of nowhere? I always like did it though?
Because I feel like, you know, yeah, and the breakups
that I have had. I'm going to be really honest.
I know it's the excess episode. Um if it's gone up,
and I was just very angry. I'm not the best
with breakups, Like I want to take full accountability for that,
(05:42):
okay we're doing it or being broken up with for
doing it. And this is also a question that I
want to ask you too. Are you usually the one
to break up with the person or you the breaking Um,
I've never been broken up with. Oh my god, privleg
pretty privle. Well you never named broken, did you guys?
(06:05):
Hear that? Wow? But I've been cheated on a lot,
and then we broke we we broke up from there.
But it wasn't like they ever had the balls to
come up to me and be like, I think we
should end this. Um, what about you? Uh, it's been
a little mixture of both. You know, how many we
(06:26):
can I ask you think how many boyfriends you've had?
It's it's that's a value personal question. It's weird because
I can't really answer this question straight up. But like
you know, when you've been with somebody a couple of
months and you're like, yeah, they're my boyfriend, but we
(06:48):
haven't really situation ships. It's hard because I guess I've
had like threee four and those that's a span over
since kindergarten. Maybe I count the ones in kindergarten. You're
a deep dealer and you feel emotions and you get
(07:09):
you know, you feel really deep. Yeah, And I have
always been the one to typically break up with them
because not because I'm like, oh, you know what this
is when it's course, because I was scared and I
didn't want to be the one to be like broken
up with, so I kind of throw it out on
the table, like I surprised them, and I like, it's
(07:30):
so embarrassing. I have stopped doing this. And although I
have said in the past that my exploit friends are
x is in general are wack as bitches, I don't
take that back, even though I couldn't sleep last night
because I'm like, you're a bad person for saying that publicly.
I love that you call them that. I really it's
(07:50):
just because they just were very like no effort with
a lot of like where our relationship was going. I
was the one who had to like kind of spearhead everything.
And maybe that's taking too much control. Like there's a
lot of things you can unpacked from that. But basically
every single time my anxiety has like bubbled up, I've
(08:11):
been like, I just need to talk to them and
just ask them, like have the conversation, and it's always
resulted in us breaking up because they always say, I
just can't give you that, And I'm like, what if
I didn't do that? What if I didn't ask them
the status of our relationship would we have still been together?
But to be honest, I'm happy that you do. I
think the other thing and if the situation, ship needs
(08:33):
to end because of that. And that's the thing too
with breakups, right, like sometimes it's like they have to happen.
I have to happen for the betterment of your own
spirit and your own soul. Yeah, I noticed it was
a pattern. It's half and half right. I don't regret
having those conversations because I was checking in and they
eventually told me what I wanted to know, which was
(08:57):
like what how they felt about me in the relationship
and they didn't see it going anywhere, So I got
my answer. On the other hand, I remember talking to
this is like the recent guy that I was with
in like last year, Sagittarius. He's still cute. I would
still love to make out with you. Woo. If you're listening,
I said it, um, he's the one who I made
(09:19):
out with in uh during Shrek to Um. Anyway, he
was like, you know, I called him. I was like,
what's the status whatever, and he was like, shouldn't we
have this conversation in person? Inside I was like, yes,
that is mature. And then I was like, well, I mean,
why does it matter. He's like okay, But I feel
like I should have had those conversations in person because
(09:41):
it was my anxiety speaking. So half I don't regret it,
but the other half I'm like, you know what, I
could have lead with a different purpose rather than my anxiety. Yeah.
I also think would like breakups to be honest, like
there's going to be a level of anxiety all the time.
There's going to be a level of like regret regret.
I think it's the hardest one on all parts, like
(10:02):
did I waste my time? Did I hurt somebody? Oh
my god? Did I make the right decision? But I
think that resting and kind of really unders trying to
understand that you're exactly where you're meant to be. You
made the choices that you were meant to like take.
I think that's the place that you want to get
to write. When have you felt that it's time? It time?
(10:35):
Do you know where that's from? No, it's just time.
It's Riffici in the Lion King. How do I hit
the lead on you at all? There's you can't delete me.
I'm like, I'm indestructible, you know what. I just have
this conversation with another friend who had ended things with
(10:57):
their partner, and she was like, my body knew before
I did. Oh yeah, you know you guys, your body knows,
your spirit knows before you do. And so for me,
the best example I can give is I was dating
this guy for like four months or whatever, and I
was so depressed. I was so sad because I wasn't
(11:17):
getting what This just sounds very like I wasn't getting
what I wanted, but my needs weren't being met at Yeah.
I was going above and beyond to make sure that
he felt seen and heard and loved and supported. And
I had like a big shoot that I was really
excited for. It was my first time directing a big
project and you know you and all these people messaged
(11:39):
me in the morning, you know, you're going to do
great today whatever, and he didn't and the absence of
him and it's not even um, you should support me
on that part. I was really nervous, like you should
just know. But I had had this conversation with him before.
I don't feel supported by you in that way. I'm
always making sure like going above and beyond right. So
(11:59):
because didn't do that, he also forgot to like he
totally like stood me up like we were supposed to FaceTime.
I was out of town and he forgot and umful,
but you know, everything was like he apologized for it,
but he never really made up for it. It was
very like therapy language, to be honest though, Like I'm
very like the type person where I forget things like
(12:21):
that too, and I'm like, funk I forgot or I'm
very forgetful. I'm kind of like you know, like when
I'm communicative about it. But yeah, when we have conversations
about those things, it really bothers me when x y
Z or I would really love it if x y
Z and You're like, oh, I totally get it, and
we learned next time, you know, like you do the
same thing to me. I'm like, Okay, I know that
because I care about our friendship. Are you crying? No?
(12:44):
I realized that, like I was saying, yeah, and I
like a little baby about I love when people yawn
and they're trying to hide it because they're the faces
of the make but basically your body nor before you do.
But it's also like, I know when it's time to
have that conversation when my needs are not being met
(13:07):
and I'm going above and beyond. And that's also like,
what does that say about me? That I will go
above and beyond and take crumbs? You know what about you?
I have this thing where Okay, have you seen the
movie Practical Magic? Yes, okay, So if you haven't seen
the movie Practical Magic, it stars to my favorite people,
Sandra and Nicole Kidman. It's a movie about Buduas in
the nineties and they basically are cursed they can't fall
(13:28):
in love. But every time they fall in love, um,
the man always dies. And the way that they know
that the man's about to die is they can hear
this beetle right, and it's like this little beetle, I like,
will be dating somebody and I'm like, oh my god,
this is so good. And then I'll hear like and
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no no no,
I want this one to work. And you know what,
I hear a juicy ft. I don't have those. I
(13:52):
don't know what you're talking about. Well, I don't have
a big butt, so they're not really juicy. They're very
like bland. They're like sugar free parts. Yeah, and I
base sickly no, and I feel it and I fight
it and I'm just like, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't,
please please. And the thing is, you know, me, like virgos,
we kind of pick things apart. So I'll be like, oh,
I would like somebody, but oh is that how they
chew their food? Like? And I'll start immediately like when
(14:14):
I did somebody, I'm like, oh my god, there's so sweet.
And we'll go to like the restaurant and I'll see
how much they tip and I'm like, are they a
two dollar tipper? And knowing that they make money, you know,
or little things like you know, oh my god, is
that where they put their shoes? Or do they think
it's appropriate to talk to talk to somebody that way?
Like you're a little critical? Oh not a little I'm critical. Yeah,
(14:36):
I was just giving you a little little thing there.
You're just a little critical. I'm a lot of critical. Um,
But I think that that's when it's kind of the
beginning of the end. And the way that I always
say is like little things, they're little cracks, right, but
little cracks on a ship can build and let the
water leak in and they can sink things that I
thought were going to be super good. You know how
(14:58):
I am with breakups already. I want to say friends,
like we didn't work out as I had a really
good mentor in my early twenties that was like, you
got to look at it like a business currently, you
just didn't work in business. He was from New York, Like,
you just didn't work in business. It doesn't mean that
they're a bad person. And it kind of really stuck
with me this whole time. So I'm very much like, um,
it's fine, like if we don't work out as a boyfriend,
but I don't really believe in irreconcilable, in reconcile differences.
(15:22):
What is that I did not remember today? I said
ramically twice and you go, it's chrammatically. I'm like, just
so you know. But also I I did not foresee
that irreconcilable was a hard word, irreconcilable, reconcilable, So I
don't have that. Sometimes I feel like things can be
reconcilable because of the way that it ended or because
(15:44):
of what happened. Um, and that's okay too. Like if
you're like here treating me like shit, I'm out, I'm
not doing that, Like, that's great too. When it's a
bad breakup, it can lead to I reconcilable differences. Basically,
have you ever had like a really bad breakup. Yeah,
and it's it's that one that it was like the
breakup took like months until they got another girlfriend. And
(16:06):
you know what, even when they did get a girlfriend,
they were still hitting me up. Oh my god a
insert fire alarm sound or sirens news breaking news here heard.
I was such an asshole because he would message me
like I'm moving to California and I'm like okay, and
(16:29):
he's like, yeah, I'm moving with my new girlfriend. I
just thought to let you know, like he look, I
think he got off on making me feel like ship Okay,
So I give credit to myself and only me. Okay,
because when I when we broke up, I was devastated.
I'm way better now, but I was very young, I
(16:49):
think maybe eighteen, and I developed an eating disorder where
I just I wouldn't eat and I got really really skinny.
I got really depressed, and my parents were really afraid
for me, and my my parents literally had to nurse
me back to health. I like I was in the
hospital for like dehydration, like it was. That was bad
(17:11):
because it was he was very toxic and I didn't
know any better, and my parents were devastated because they
didn't know how to deal with this. And I had
been a good kid throughout my entire life except for
like eighteen to like twenty when I met this guy,
and um, he's the one who tried to come back
ten years later, like literally last December. It was like
you're the one. I just know it. I'm like, so
(17:33):
you had to have a baby and get married into
more Oh my god, yeahs trash. Um, Yeah, it was
so bad. But you know, that was one of the
worst because I didn't know any better, and I felt
so bad that I put my family through that, and
(17:54):
um that I put I know, but it's like we
had had peace up until then, and I had to
forgive myself over the years because of that. That was
the worst. And uh, when I broke up with him,
you know, my parents were like, you need to do
something to heal your heart. So I ended up singing
love songs for a year on YouTube, and then I
(18:16):
sang customized love songs on fiber dot com for five dollars,
ended up singing over two hundred. It gained like national
news and I was booked on all these local news
shows singing love songs for the hosts. And that's kind
of how I got my start was on national television
because one of the producers who ended up booking me
on there was Macy who used to work at BuzzFeed,
(18:38):
and then later on like a couple of years later,
she asked if I wanted to be on Beedle Life.
So he always had told me something like you had
me to thank for that or because of me, and
I go, you know what, No, I'm the one who
made all those songs clarious. Yeah. Yeah. He was very
(18:58):
weird with it, and so I give myself credit, like
he was just a character in that, but I overcame it.
But that was one of the biggest explosive ones that
I've ever had, because it literally attacked my mental health
and my physical health. How did you end it with him?
You know what? Those It was so weird because it
(19:19):
was through text um he was ignoring me, and uh.
I was like, you know what, you seem like you're
not into this. Maybe we should just take a break.
He's like, yeah, I agree, And then and then I
was like, no, no, no, I don't want to break
up with you. I'm so sorry. I just these are
the things that I need. He's like, no, you know what,
I'm not good enough for you, Like your parents don't
(19:42):
like me, Like you're going to go off because I
was I was about to go off to college, like
to a s U and Tempe, which was like thirty
minutes away but not that much. He goes, You're just
going to go off to college and forget about me.
I cannot even do you know? Have you ever like
floster t after you've eaten something a lot and like
there's like a weird kind of funk when like you
flust the back of your teeth. If that smell was
(20:04):
a person, it would be him. Yeah. I am just
so repulsed by him and hearing all these different things,
the manipulation, which is really just a sign of his
own trauma. And I hope that he gets help, and
Jesus well he hasn't now because remember the last time
he was, like in December when I told you, like
you saw all those text messages he was sending me
poems that he had written, and I'm like, how many
(20:26):
girls have you sent this to? Page? Just change your name?
Because you know what, because I looked at his baby
Mama's profile and he wrote the same poem in one
of her comments on her pictures. This chief is hot.
I didn't know I was about to spill this. Sorry, sorry,
I just took this over. Yeah, condolences to everyone out there. Yeah, disgusting. Disgusting. Um.
(20:57):
Speaking of breaking up through texts, though I did that one,
I don't think that it was the best thing to do.
And I didn't realize that breaking up via tex and
breaking up via phone was actually considered, was actually frowned upon.
But I also feel like, welcome to the twenties, honey,
Like that's what we uh, that's how people are going
to do it these days. I think that, you know,
with the dawn of digital media, like you're going to
(21:19):
break up in different ways. Do you think that that's
a bad way to break up though? Nowadays? Yes? Really
because I'm very impulsive and both of those times that
I did that, I was very impulsive and was not
thinking it through. But everything had to happen the way
it did. I just think that. I mean, it depends
on the situation, right, Like if you can't see each
(21:41):
other cool, I don't think I can do it in person.
I think sometimes you kind of can't write. Like for me,
I feel like it hurts me a lot to see
people in pain. I cry. I will literally be like Okay, fine,
I'll stay Like because I don't want to break up
with them, you need to break up with someone in
person to get over that. No, No, Yeah I have.
And that's what I'm saying, Like I have broken up
with people in person and I have stayed in it
(22:02):
longer because I saw the pain in their face and
I was like, I would much rather give this another
go than see this pain. Yeah, I mean everything is
different for everyone, Like, no one way of doing things
is like the right way. Um. I want to know
from you before we go onto our segment. What is
(22:23):
your advice to get over a breakup. Oh my god,
I think that to get over a breakup. And we
say this all the time. My baby yourself, what do
you call it? Baby needs? You call it something? My
one of my best friends Ben, he says baby checks,
like you have to do little baby checks on you.
Do you have water? Did you eat? Just to like,
if you're feeling a little uncomfy or sad or whatever,
(22:45):
make sure those things are taking care of. Shout out
to Bed for coming up with that, because I think
that that's the best thing, like babying yourself. Like what
do you want to eat? What do you want to do? Um?
Do you want to just watch TV today? Do you
want to be lazy? Do you want to wear something cozy?
Do we just want to be naked? Do you want
to masturbate all day? Do you want to like? Um,
(23:07):
there's a lot of different things. That's one thing. The
other step is stepping your bussy game up, you know,
Like that's really helped me, like work on yourself whatever
that means. How what's the space in between like breaking
up and then going to your space? It's hard, Like
this one was really hard because it was like in
different ways, right, I remember I was just so broken
(23:28):
that I went to my mom's house and my mom
was like building legos for my nephews, the babies, and
I just sat there with her, just a broken and
I know, I know, I already, I know you're crying.
I sat there and it was fine, it was great,
you know, like, and that's what I needed to do
(23:48):
to heal. But on the flip, I was like on
tender right away. Okay, let's you know. The way to
get over one man is to get under another fast forward.
I have yet to get under a man. I've been
in a lot of days, but I haven't like actually
had sex or engaged with anybody. So it's definitely sometimes
you don't get over it. Sometimes it's still hurts, and
(24:09):
it's a thing that just um. I think it gets better,
like most pain, Like you have days where some days
are good and some days suck. But I think that
at the end of the day, that focusing on yourself
and trying to better yourself in every capacity of the
word will be the light at the end of the tunnel.
(24:31):
I thought you were going to be the first one
to cry in the podcast. I did. I did cry.
I forgot when it was x's or something. Yeah, I
was like angry, crying. Okay, welcome to the astrology portion
(24:54):
of the podcast. I wanted to ask this question. I'm
trying to, you know, not say the same thing that
we've said every episode about virgo and aries, but episode
which sign is the hardest to break up with? Oh
my god? Look, most of my boyfriends have been cancers,
(25:14):
and um, so for me to the cancers, because cancers
they if you want to experience love, like real love
data cancer, Oh you know, be with the cancer. What
about you high sees? Oh my god, Oh my god.
I have to tell this story on this podcast sometime soon,
remember cast boy, Yes, okay, So I broke up with
(25:36):
this guy. I said this in the ghosting episode, and
I even gave an example of what I said to him.
He kept checking in with me after I had closed
the door. It's like I not only closed the screen door,
I closed the main door. I like turned on the
electric gates like fence gates and everyone, and then even
(26:01):
beyond that the gate to get into the gates, I
had locked it. He thought, hey, I can't see the signs,
so I can't read, so I can't see the sign
and checked in with me over and over and over again.
I mean, he just would not get that. So I
ended it with him, and then he's like, it's all right,
I'm used to disappointment. And then a month later, Hey,
(26:25):
how's it going. And then a month later, Hey, just
checking in. I'm like, in what way did you feel
like there was an opportunity for us to speak again?
Like I did not say I wanted to be friends.
I had a clean break, but it was so Pisces
(26:46):
are very hard to break up with because they are
very sloppy. I say this with a lot of love
because I have a lot of Pisces in my chart,
so I'm speaking from experience for myself, but they linger
a lot and versus cancers are like big and mushy.
Pisces are like uh, snails, you know when they leave
(27:08):
like a little trail. I've always picture like Pisces people
kind of being a little bit heavier with the water
energy and a little bit more like Yeah, it's it's
like a slosh or like a sluppy sluppy, a slushy
slur almost it's slurpy and slushy. What's the difference between
the slushy and slurpy. I don't know. I thought they were.
(27:32):
I think they are. They leave some residue behind. And
I have been that person where I've been like, hey, like,
do not tell me you want to be friends, because
I will try. Would you ever date or would you
ever go back to somebody broke up with? I would, yes, yes,
But it it depends on how much they have evolved. Absolutely,
(27:57):
of course, it depends yes, yes, and no. Yeah, because
you come back into my life and you're a flat earther,
it's no. Oh wow, it's a hard no. It's a
big no. Well that was the astrology portion. Can't You're
the first one I said it? You guys, I'm sorry
he's a little low co today. Okay. To recap, look,
(28:20):
break ups happened. They happen all the time. Sometimes they hurt.
Sometimes you feel like you never get to the end
of it. Sometimes you feel like you never get to
the other side. Clearly, I'm so emotional about it, but
I do believe that there are more people in the
world to connect to and love and whatever is meant
to be will be yes. And I think if you
are going through a breakup right now, please take it easy.
(28:41):
And if you're having those feelings that you want to
text them or talk to them again. Definitely listen to
our ex episode as well. Yeah, listen to the ex episode.
I don't even remember the ex episode. We'll listen to it,
um and take care of yourself. We love you so much.
We will never break up with you. Yes, you are
(29:01):
so loved. We love you. Thank you guys so much
for listening to this episode. Please let us know on
social media what you want to hear from us next.
Hit us up Curly Where can they find you on
social media? You can find me on Instagram and TikTok
at the Curly V Show, B with the Victor What
About You? You can find me on all social media
(29:22):
platforms at Maya and The Moment m A y A
in the Moment. Okay, we're just kidding. We're not gonna
bring up with you. Hopefully you're just kidding that you're
not gonna bring up with us. Stay with us. Please
get out of our tree house, Get out. The Super
Secret Bestie Club podcast is a production of Sono in
(29:43):
partnership with iHeart Radios Michael Podcast Network. For more podcasts
from my Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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