April 26, 2023 • 38 mins
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes! Is it possible to change? On this week's episode, Curly recalls when his mom told him "los hombres nunca cambian!" AKA "men NEVER change"... Is that true? Can people truly better themselves? Can they... worsen themselves? Curly and Maya ponder this, one of the vast universe's many important and pressing questions.
Maya Murillo and Curly Velazquez are the hosts of the Super Secret Bestie Club with production support by Josie Meléndez and Augusto Martinez of Sonoro Media. If you want to support the podcast, please rate and review our show here.
Follow Maya Murillo on Instagram and Twitter @mayainthemoment
Follow Curly Velazquez on Instagram and TikTok @thecurlyvshow and on Twitter @CurlyVee
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, welcome back to the Super Secret Past Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Yeah, we've done a lot of renovations since you were
last year. We added a DJ booth and a dance floor.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Pool and we're an actual club, like we serve alcohol.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Yeah, but it's still just us in here and you
get in here. My name is Curly and I'm Maya,
and welcome to the super Secret Bestly Cloud Podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
A super secret club where we talk about super secret things. Yeah,
like secrets that are super that's when it is.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
In each episode we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Well well, woo oh my, here we are, new year,
knew me, knew me, knew you literally, new phone who.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Is literally new phone too. And I did just get
a little bit of a little filler touch up here
and there, so literally new face, new me.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
You see, I never tell.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I can't tell you.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I can't you.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Can't tell. You can't tell because it was a lie.
This is natural, Maya was a joke. I just made
it up. This is Jesus filled and Jesus doctor Yubino
in Beverly Hills go talking about check her out and
him out well, which that brings us to the topic
(01:27):
of evolution changing. This came up because my mom the
other day we were talking about men, and my mom said,
Yo sombres Gambian and that means men never change. So
my mom just said that, you know, She's like, look,
whoever you meet now, whoever you're dating, like the things
that they show you, now, that's who you're gonna marry,
(01:47):
That's who you're gonna end up being with. So just
either you like it and you're okay with them, but
that's it. But when we brought it up, it kind
of stirred up a little bit of a conversation because it's,
you know, there is a thing of like, wait, number one,
can people change? And number two? Who is more open
to change? Is it more fan people? Is it more
(02:08):
masculine people? What? What does it mean?
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I changed every five seconds. I changed from the last
episode that we did, which was like a couple of
minutes ago.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Am I completely different?
Speaker 2 (02:20):
No?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I'm a completely different person.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah. I mean, look, I changed my name since we
what's your name now? And Helica, you know what I
started calling you in my head, Maya Marillo. That's not
my name, Maya Marello. That's not my name Gracias.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Because I was on the phone with Curly and I
got a delivery and he goes Maya Marillo and I
was like Murio and then he's like, oh, sorry, Gracia
gave me my package.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
That's what I'm not Italian, Maya Marella Mario. I don't
know why, but no, like since we've last hung out,
really has changed. Maya's big one is she's now officially
a ghoster. I officially I am. You heard it here first.
(03:10):
If you're looking for a new cast made on the
ghost Ride and Haunted Mansion at Disneyland, here you go.
You have your new star ghosts here. Put her on
a little spinny wheel, send her around the roller coaster
thing because she's officially ghosted several people at this point,
and welcome to the club.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Are you having fun? Is this fun for you?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Picturing you on the roller coaster spinning around, you know,
and they like show you at the end, you're there's
like a ghost next to you in the mirror. It's you.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Well, you know what, maybe I've ghosted one person, yes.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
One that no, several at this pol I don't remember.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Because you don't because they're not because they.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Were exactly where they're gone, forgot who they were one
like two or three, I think, and then my and
as far as changing for myself, I this is hard
for me to admit, but I've officially decided to be
(04:11):
nicer to capricorns.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
You heard it here first on this podcast.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
And I'm dragging the taurus is this year. That's right,
but this y'all deserve it. I've learned a lot about you.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
One nice thing about a capricorn right now.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Okay, to be honest, Capricorns, Like all of season one,
I went really hard on capricorns. But to be honest,
I actually really do love capricorns. Like I think that
they're really cool. They're dedicated to you. They will are
fierce in their way to protect you. When they love you,
they will go over and beyond for you. I can't
say this that wasn't me. I really do love capricorns.
(04:51):
I've never I know a lot of Capricorns who are
really good and most Capricorns that I are really good
friends of mine in life, healthy ones. When I've been
like hey, like you're being a little or try a
different way, They'll be like oh, they become more aware,
like they want to change they're actually very aware of
the fact that they can be a little too blunt
and they are working on it.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
That's a healed and evolved Capricorn. The capricorns that the
capricorn that we experienced was not and scarredest for life.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yes, but you know, here we are a new year,
knew me, new Poe, new tattoos, new uh, lips in
my end and no, I'm stillkidding. These are the same
ones we see.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Curly, just try to kiss me right now if you're listening.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
But you know that kind of on the real though,
it prompted a real question of like can people actually change?
Like do you think that people can change? Hmmm?
Speaker 1 (05:45):
I don't I thought, but you know, that was a
huge therapy lesson that I learned, like these past couple
of weeks, is that people are all going to change
if they want to change for themselves. Yeah, I think
(06:05):
changing for another person is just temporary and it's not
going to last.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Oh. Absolutely. There's actually, like, you know, data that I
pulled up and found that research shows that people actually
only have success in changing when they want to do
it for themselves.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yeah, but I feel like I change and I can change. Yeah,
but I don't know about other people.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Well, like for me, for example, right, like I, from
the age of fifteen to twenty seven was a drinker.
You know. I loved to drink. I smoked a lot
of weed. I loved cocaine, and I loved molly. And
there were a lot of people, and by a lot
of people, I mean my mom, who was like, yo, oh,
I'm so sorry about stories for you.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I'm like your past life about you being a drug addict.
No I sleep last night. I remember I had that
dream about a scorpion.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Yeah it's me. Oh no. But my mom used to
be like, I think you have a problem, and I'd
be like, you don't get it. Like gay people, we
love to drink. We drink from Monday, and which is
like you honestly, go to a gay bar any day
of the week, you'll find a great deal. Like gay
people know this much. They know that they can sell
you more alcohol if you get drunk, and if it's
seven dollars a fucking cup, you'll pay for it and
(07:17):
you'll keep going. At least that's how it used to
be when I was But like, you know, I had
to make a conscious decision for me and myself and
basically the rest of my life that I needed to change.
And I think that who I am today versus who
I was at this point almost eight years ago are
like vastly different. The other thing too, by the way,
is like I started to think of different things that
(07:40):
you know, there is a conversation about people do change
as they get older. Right, your brain's developed differently. I
think men develop at like a certain age of like
what thirty six, thirty five? That's my age. So I
was like, it's like when your food is ready in
the microwave and you're like waiting and it's like, like,
my brain is finally, do.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
You feel like you're cooked?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Yeah? Like, way my brain. I feel like the difference
between my brain now and the difference between my brain
ten years ago like so different.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
I just finished my Saturn return, so that's right. I
feel that too a little bit where I'm like, Okay.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
We did it, which is also about change. Now. Then
what your Saturn return is?
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Your Saturn return is like probably the I mean, it's subjective,
but it's probably the most transformative season of your life.
It's from like twenty six or twenty seven to thirty
thirty one and it's like the degree of what of
what Saturn is in your chart? So mine was like
(08:41):
at the twenty fifth degree and now Saturn is in
the twenty sixth degree, so I'm only one degree out.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Sorry, fake one.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
You asked me, You asked me.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I love it. My brain just you started talking about degrees,
and it was like degrees.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Yeah, because that's it's like, how do you know if
you're in it?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I don't know science, okay, yeah, but that is about
change as well. But the other thing too, is like
the things that people like data shows, right, because I
started to do more research about it, and it actually
shows that people can change when they're self aware of
their issue, like I have a problem, I need to
(09:23):
do something about it. They receive support, so others are like, actually,
I've been there too, I know what that's like. Da
da da, And then they become intentional about their behavior.
So like you know, one of the things that I
had a nun friend, Sistu Una, and she would say
that when you apologize to somebody, an apology is not
(09:44):
like I'm sorry. An apology is like I will do better,
and I will show you in my actions that I'm
doing better. But you know, it does take a lot
of time. I think it takes a lot of time
and habits and do you have you ever dated somebody
and you're like, oh, I think they can change. I'm
gonna like stick it out and see what happens.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Yeah, and they don't. They get worse. Really think, Yeah,
I've been with somebody who like got worse over time,
and then and then we broke up. And then ten
years later he was like, it's you. It's always been you.
We're gonna get back together. I'm like, surely he's changed.
He changed, he got worse. Wow, like bad. I'm like,
(10:23):
how did you go the complete opposite way they thought
you were going to go? Like everything, like head to toe.
He looked like the actual person that he was on
the inside.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Oh my god. Yeah, he started to show Sometimes that happens.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
It does, it'll manifest, it'll show up. Yeah, But I
know change is really hard.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Because people, Oh wait, I just want can I say
this one note really fast? I forgot there's a note
that I wanted to say that this is changing. We're
talking about somebody, Uh, let's call them an average individual,
not necessarily somebody who's dealing with like severe mental health
things or or different things that might hinder that change, right,
Because if you're dealing with severe anxiety or depression and
(11:06):
you would like to change, it does present different challenges
in the way that you would like to see progress.
So don't be so hard on yourself. If that's kind
of like where you're at. This is for somebody who
is just like me, Like I'm a lazy Koala and
I just basically want to snack all day long.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Don't thiss Koala is like that. I mean, that's real
fucked up.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
I love Cola. I describe myself as a Koala. But yeah,
we were saying, like, do you feel like that you've
experienced that people change? I feel since you kind of
already answered that question.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Why did we we literally, would.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
You like to answer again? Have you found I remember
what I said? You said that the guy got worse.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Oh yeah, he got worse. In general? Do I think
people can change? I want to say yes, I believe
that people can because I had a situation, like a
couple of weeks ago, where I felt like I was
covering up for somebody and like being like, oh, yeah,
we can go over to so and so's house, and
like do X, Y and Z knowing that they actually
(12:05):
needed to contact this person to do that, but instead
I was doing that for them because I wanted them
to see, like, oh, this is what you like, lead
by example, and you can't do that because they need
to do that on their own, like I can't, and
it puts more stress on me where then, and that's
where I need to change, where I need to just
like let it go and let people be people like
(12:28):
if that if they're not they don't want to do that,
they don't want to do it.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
What's that word when like you want somebody to change
what you're being, Like you're being not the initiator, not
the enabler, you're enabling. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
I would big big enablers sometimes and I wouldn't even
notice that I was doing it because really, is it
serving them or is it serving me to not be
like to have that discomfort. But I do think that
people can change. But a lot of the people that
I've I've like, like, I hope I don't I don't
have enemies, but I hope some people that I've had
(13:03):
falling outs with, like I really hope that they do
change and that they can be a better person. Whatever,
we can come back together and be friends again. Yeah,
but I don't know how likely that is.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I think that, like for me, I have seen a
lot of change. I've seen like people who were once
homophobic engage with me after a while and be like, wow,
I used to have a whole different idea of what
queerness meant and would it look like. You know, I've
seen my own dad, who went from being like a
marine misogynistic man who was problematic, grow into an older
(13:39):
man who is trying his hardest to be the best
version of him. But I think that like even with him,
like when he was younger, I remember he would drop
the F word a lot, like the derogatory term for
uh gay people. And I think once I came out,
he became aware that he needed to change because he
needed to be the example of what he wanted to
(14:00):
see in the world. So, you know, my dad now
is in his sixties, he still has a lot of
work to do, like a lot of Latino men, masculine
people have a lot of work to do.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
And that's because he wanted to change. You wanted to change,
And same with I think Guttiel too. Remember in the
beginning of Like Well, we were at BETTLEI like, and
there was a lot of things that were like I
don't know, remember that he would say, like joking leaks
he was a comedian. He's a comedian, and that would
be a little bit like problematic. And then you guys
(14:33):
would educate him and tell him about like, you know,
how how that saying that what that you know makes
people feel? And he was like, oh shit, and he changed.
Like now I feel like he's had like the biggest
I think all of us all together, like individually, like
we've seen such big change because we've allowed ourselves to
(14:56):
like push our egos away and just list into the
other side of the story, yeah, and collect information and
be like it's all about how it makes people feel
like other people feel.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I think it starts with your own insight, like starting
to look at yourself and being like, how is my
behavior affecting others? Am I toxic? Is this thing that
I'm doing? Like, you know, if I don't show up
on time for somebody and I'm always late, how does
that make this other individual feel? It makes them feel
like I don't care about their time, It makes them
feel like I don't care about their emotions and so
(15:31):
you know, I want to make a conscious effort to
show up on time so that I can show you
that I actually care.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
I think that's the biggest like propeller for change is
that is, like, how are my actions, like what kind
of reactions are they they bringing up for this person
that I love?
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Yeah, how have you changed? You think?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I feel like I'm changing constantly, Like constantly. I think
through this new therapist, she's like a holistic counselor that
I have. I feel like I've changed so much. I
think with the first therapist that I had when I
first started doing therapy, and like a couple of years ago,
I used to be a brat. Just I mean, I'm
(16:24):
still a rat. I used to be worse. I used
to be way worse. Like I was thinking about something
that I said in front of people the other day
and I said this thing like years ago before therapy,
and I was like, it was a really mean thing
to say about this other person. And one of my
(16:45):
friends had to pull me aside and be like, that
was really fucked up that you just said that right
now about the lister. I don't want to say it.
I don't want to say I don't want to say.
It was just one of those things. It was really bad.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Wow, so you're like a horrible person.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Yeah I was. I really feel like I was. And
I like that my friend really gave me like tough love,
and I basically I think I shared somebody else's private
information with other people. Oh yeah, really deep fucked up shit.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
What does Oprah always say that My Angela always to
say is like when you know better, you do better.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Yeah. And I also knew that I was doing that
because this person was like always copying my style on
like the Internet and was like this is like a long, long, long,
long long time ago, and I felt like like talking
shit or like do you know? And so after that,
I was like, oh, that's not good. And then like
had other discussions with some friends that were like this
(17:48):
is kind of how you make me feel and I'm like,
oh my god, like you know. And so I think
that was like just growing up and moving to La
from Phoenix. Like Phoenix's it's a big town, but it's
also like a small town. You're not really exposed to
a lot of different people or changes. And when I
got to La, I was like I cannot be acting
(18:09):
like that around here, Like I can't.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
None of that Phoenix drama. Now you La drama.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
But it's like La is such a place where, I mean,
there's just so many people who are working on themselves.
I don't like when people say like, oh, Eli's a
bad place or it's so whatever. It's like, no, it's
like who are you attracting in your life? So I
really feel like I've changed, like my friend groups, I've
(18:38):
changed who I attract like around me, And I think
just the biggest thing I think I've changed is like
my mindset. And that's so powerful because I've stopped being
like self deprecating, yeah you know, and I stop surrounding
myself with people who are self deprecating.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
So yeah, I feel like people are always constantly changing,
whether it's what you want around you, it's the way
that you dress. If you're not changing, by the way,
if you're not evolving, if you're not moving, change your lipstick,
do something, try your shoes on, Like you're not living, like.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
You're settling, compromise.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Basically, like the only change, the only consistency in this
universe has changed, right, And so it's like you have
to keep moving. I have a lot of scorpio in
my chart, and so transformation for me is something that
is super important. I get excited whenever I get really
depressed or sad about something, I start to think about
what my transformations will look like, you know, I start
to think about what am I going to do? Like
(19:33):
right now, Like my hair is starting to go super
silver and I used to dyet all the time, and
now I'm like, I'm kind of excited to see what
I'm going to look like. Good. Like you know earlier
you were like, use your hair blonde. I'm like, that's
kind of my natural streaks coming through, Like that's my
natural color that I had as a younger person.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
But how how have you changed?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Oh my god, how have I not changed? I think
from me not caring to be the center of attention party.
I used to want to be like described as the
wild child and like fun and da da da da.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
When I think about you, like you've had a whole
other life, like several lives. Yeah, like that, I'm like
whoa yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
And like even now, like when I go to events,
like I kind of want to be like in the corner.
I'm more comfortable having like one on one conversations. Even
in my content I used to go from being more
like kind of like like playing this like Scooby Shaggy
character almost, but that's not how I really am in
real life. I'm very like I can be that, but
(20:37):
I'm very insightful, I think, and I'm more like moody.
I'm kind of more like an emotional, insightful human that
wants to talk about life and stuff. And then on
top of that too, I think that just in the
way that I moved through the world, I think has
changed a lot more in terms of how I was
before I liked you.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
You too, I think, like the coolest thing about our
friendship and just about like us in general, is that
we we have changed, yeah, like for the friendship and
for each other, knowing that it'll actually help in relationships
and in other relationships like romantic or not.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yeah, you know, I think it's really cool too when
you have good relationships in your life and you can
kind of change for and with each other, it kind
of sets precedent and it kind of acts as like
a not a rulebook or like a floor plan if
you will, for other relationships. Like, hey, like you have
no idea how many times I have used things that
we have learned together on in other relationships, you know
(21:41):
what I mean, Like, you know when we have like, hey,
sensy vibes, we have sensivibes with each other. If you're
a first time listener, sensi vibes is we give each
other like a forecast of our emotions for the day.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
So that feeling sensitive.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Yeah, like we're feeling sensitive, squishy squishy vibes. Like we'll
do pedestals like hey, like because of where I place
you in my life, your commentary mean a lot more
to me. They hurt me a little bit more because
I placed you on a pedestal. And then the like
can I tell you something? Can I call you in
on something? And like even with one of my other vessies, Chris,
(22:13):
Like Chris has a thing with his friends and his family.
He calls it truth booth.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Truth booth.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yeah, they call it truth booth, you know, like in
reality shows. I think that's what he means. You know,
reality shows where they'll bring you in and you have
to talk directing professional. So I think they call it
truth booth. So when he and I say truth booth,
it means like no judgment just and I use that
all the time with other people, like can I truth
booth you for a quick second? You know I will
(22:38):
say though too, because I love data, because I like
to go look at different things. There have been like
a lot of studies as well in terms of I
was trying to figure out, like can people change? Right?
People can change when it comes to addiction. There's certain
types of ways. There's a lot of different studies that
show that people can change. In the nineteen seventies, they
did a study for people who are smoking cigarettes. There's
(22:58):
a whole thing called like the five Ages of Change.
But in terms of I started to look at like
back to my mom's comment about loss nuka gamia and
men never change. I started to be like, is that true.
There's no data. I couldn't find any studies that necessarily
focused on who can change better men or women. But
I did start to get a little creative with how
(23:20):
I could find it. So I was like, who is
more stubborn? And I found that there was a study
that showed that men or people who have high testascerone levels,
it's harder for them to change because the more testosterone
you have, the harder it is for you to admit
when you're wrong. So I think that for me, I
(23:42):
kind of put it hand in hand with if you
have trouble admitting that you're wrong, you might have trouble
with accepting commentary on how you might need to change
a little bit and how you need to change. And
then in another study it showed that what's the word
that I was looking for, Oh my god, there's a
word that here.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
I put it up here.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It's no, I'm looking for the one that it was. Uh,
it was the one about women that they're more what
is the word that I used, It's like not agreeable,
They're more open to change, they're more compromisation. I think, well,
(24:27):
there's another study that shows that women basically were more
emotionally intelligent, and what that's was showing and more fem
people I guess we can say is that it showed
that they were more prone to kind of changing in
situations that needed to be changed. They were a little
bit more willing to work together and collaborate. So even
(24:48):
though there's not necessarily data that shows that people can change,
I was kind of like, well, if men are stopped
to sevetw adm' that they're wrong, but women or fems
are more open to kind of working together. That kind
of tells me that maybe men are a little harder
to change in their ways. Yep. But I also, you know,
I don't want to just be like.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
I mean, I've seen it, and I think that's why
we're so surprised when men do change, you know, when
we're like.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Whoa, yeah, I think so too. I always feel like
I'm like, oh my god, like come on, like.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
I know it's because they will literally like settle. We
were just talking about it today, like they will settle.
Oh yeah, they'll settle. And I'm just like that.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
My favorite savement of the day is my opinion, like,
if you want to date a little mouse, date a
little mouse.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
If you want to date a mouse, go ahead, Like
I'm a rat, I'm ready, ratituee. I want a five
star restaurant in Paris.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
The other thing to consider too is age. Of course,
people will definitely age out of different things. My favorite
people in the whole wide world, and you will see
this a lot of people who used to be a
little bit more hood and you can see them now
in like their work environment, Like my sister growing up
was definitely a little bit more hood and now she's
super professional, her accent comes out, She's like, what do
you mean? Look, but she's talking about work. I like,
(26:15):
she's like like a big manager where she's at. So
it's really cute to see that too. But I think
that age definitely plays a big part. So if you're
looking to change, be kind on yourself, work on it.
It is possible. And if you're not looking to change,
get with it. Everybody's waiting and leave people alone.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
What do you do when you want to change? But
what do you do when you want to What do
you do when you want to change?
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Oh my god, I have a whole thing that I do,
and I, as you know, I, once I set my
mind to it, I buckled down really hard.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
You get very you hyper fixate.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I think, yeah, like if I'm like this is what
I want to do, I just like go in and
I get obsessed with it and then I kind of
make it happen.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
It takes me a while, like I to first have
the thought of like, huh, I don't like what is
happening right now, I really don't like it. Okay, this
is bad, and then I'll have like a meltdown. And
then after the meltdown. I'll be like, Okay, this needs
to change, and I'll have that thought for like a
week or two until I'm like what can I do
(27:15):
to change? Because usually before I would be like starting tomorrow,
like if it was like health, I'm like I'm not
eating anything sugary or anything at all and like really
limit myself and that would make me go crazy. And
versus now, I'm like take it slow, like what do
we want to do? And so for me, I think
I'm like very slow to get there, but I will
(27:40):
do it for sure.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah. Also, you just described that thing that I saw
you about earlier at the five steps. I think there's
another one too. I don't know if there's like the
seven steps of the five steps, but that's literally like
the steps, Like step one is like you have the
thought of like I'm not happy.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yes, And I think for me, like with how I'm
changing now, like I'm just becoming making better choices with
like food or just moving and that make me feel good,
and better choices as in like what that means to me,
not necessarily like you know what that means to society,
(28:14):
but better choices to me is like I know, I
feel so much better if I I know that I
worked out because I'm moving my body, or that I
like didn't binge on something. But still I'm not gonna
limit myself. Like I worked out yesterday and then me
and Joyce had wings and we pick I picked out
all I really, I like, had some chicken tenders and
(28:35):
some wings and some barbecue or like ranch fries, like
and and that's it, you know, and and that's okay.
So I think another thing of change that I'm also
doing is like allowing myself to go very very very
slow with like this health thing. And you know, I
don't know. Every day is different.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
So for me, it's like change is practice. It's like
every day, choose to change what it is that you
want to change. Sometimes we go back, we relapse, like,
but it's not really a destination. It's like a body
of work almost where you can look back and be like, no,
I have shown I've done like twenty six paintings of
this change already, like and I've changed my style. Now
(29:17):
I've done forty of like this next generation of me,
so like you could always revert back to your first
stellar painting. But it really is just a practice every day,
and I find that for me and my sobriety for
me and accepting myself more and more. It's really I
choose myself every single day. And now for the best
(29:51):
segment of the show, the Zodiac Zodiac Zodiac section. Welcome
to the Zodiac section where we talk about this and
Scott and we tell you all about your life.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
And we talk shit. Yeah, which side which signything changes
the most?
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Scorpio, that's like the sign that people know. Scorpios they
transform the death They are like the death card. They
are the constant transformation. They like, that's why they like
to reflect on stuff, because they will go home and
sit and think about life. Like Scorpios are so insightful
(30:30):
and just so like you know, they're on it. So
the Scorpios, for sure.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I would say Sagittarius or Aries.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I feel like Sagittarius and Aries are more like a
change of scenery.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Yeah, yeah, but that's all.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
We need to change a lot of self.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
No, we will still do that. Fuck you your scorpio
ass both of you have scorp a placement.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Geminis would change because they're different person than they were
at eight a m. Than they were at noon to.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Then they were at eight five.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Yeah, am Joyce, uh one of our besties who is
a Gemini. Literally I'll be hanging with her in private
and then I'm like, well, let's go to this restaurant
or this dinner, and then we'll get to the dinner restaurant,
like who are you? Who is I hanging out with that? Home?
Who's this person?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
But we still love her, You love all virtues, her.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Hat, her hat, her big.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Doesn't exist, her Pandora, yeah, Sagittarius and aries. But change
of scenery is exactly what we need. Who do you
think is the hardest sign?
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Oh my God, make change? Who do you think, Virgo?
He thinks, well, all the Earth signs are very hard
to make change.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
There, Virgo, because they're stuck in their head that they
don't even like they know that they need to make
the change, or they do and it's like very small.
And then I don't know, do you think that like
I have that thing that I'm hard to change? No,
I think because you have a lot of Scorpio in
you that know. I think you know when it's time
to change, and you will do it. But other people
(32:10):
who have maybe like water and they're big three or
like earth more earth, Earth is hard or air like
I think. I think it's really difficult for them.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
I've had a lot of recent experience with tauruses, and
tauruses are very very stubborn.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
And they will not and if they change secretly, if
they change for another person, you will never hear it.
They will never tell you ever.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
I saw this like meme of tauruses that are like
it's like Taurus, like I'm cool, calm and collected, and
then it says like chorus when you disagree with them,
and they're just all angry and mad and like my
mom put him, like when my mom is wrong about
something and I call her out. I don't know how
to say English better like her better like her uh
(32:58):
selina Laka, Like her face gets like swollen, like she
cannot admit that, but like like she looks like what's
the girl from Willy Wonka who turns into like the
little plum or she looks like a little like Violet,
she looks like a lemon drop baby, or she looks
like a little cabbage batch doll, Like she cannot admit
(33:19):
like it is like like she's gonna fart out of
raisin diamond instead of telling you that maybe you were.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Right, which or what would you say? Well, what would
you change about your sign?
Speaker 2 (33:31):
What would I change about Virgos?
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I'll tell you.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
I was just kidding. I honestly, you know what. I've
told you this before too. I hate having conversations with
Burgos because they have an opinion on everything, and I'm like,
shut up, stop fucking talking. You have an opinion on
everything that doesn't require to unfortune, but you're kind of like, uh,
(33:56):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
I like that though, and like when they have opinions
about stuff, I'd like to tell me I don't have
an opinion about anything.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
What about as? What do you think?
Speaker 1 (34:07):
I think the impulsiveness? And I'm a march Arie, so
I have a lot of influence with Pisces. I'm like
a couple of days into I would say, like five
days into four or five days into airy season, so
I can only speak to like my softness but also
(34:28):
roughness of Aris. But I also have an Aris moon
that is like twenty ninth degree, very very aries, almost
Taurius talking about well, maybe if you you would like it,
if if you knew what it's meant.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
I have to like bake something from my Trader Joe's,
and they're like, what degree is the degree?
Speaker 1 (34:45):
It's the more it is, the heavier it is, and
the less.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
So like it's like an oven when you're if it's.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Twenty nine and then the thirty is Taurus. It's like
and it's if it's right, you can finish what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
I thought we were talking about baking.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Oh yeah, I would change, like just like the impulsiveness
of aries and just like how I like but I
like that we get mad, like I've been aries moon.
When I get mad, I get mad, but then it
goes away. I saw. I don't I don't know. I
don't stay there for long.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
To change about the areas ask the we didn't ask
the eventual self sabotaging.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Oh I know. And and I had a Melissa who's
like Melissa Stars Astrology. She read my chart and she
was like, you have a tendency this year, especially to
self sabotage, so watch out for that. Do you think
I do that?
Speaker 2 (35:50):
I know so many I do that. Yes, I know
a lot of Aris that are like brilliant, brilliant, and
they are worse than like the Virgo, like a virgo virgos,
I feel like will be like, I don't know if
I'm gonna do that. Pisces are the same way. I
don't know, Like they overthink shit and you're like, just
fucking release the single, release the.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
You're eph my god, I know.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
But I feel like that's son. But I feel like
aries they have something good and then they don't and
then they're like dead.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
I don't like this slander And that concludes the zodiac section.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Sad thing they're gonna keep think they okay, look in
full it is absolutely possible to change. If you're in
the process of looking to change, understand that it is
a practice that is not always going to be. It's
not always going to be and it's not going to
look the way that you want it to look. And
take it easy. So be kind to yourself, be tender
to yourself. It's not a destination. You don't get somewhere
(36:48):
and go. It's really the journey. If you're with somebody
expecting them to change, make sure that you're putting yourself first.
Don't expect people to change for you. It's not healthy
to do that and to wait around.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
But change, you can change, make it change. Oh yeah,
I agree, make a change.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Make things break. That's what they play at our club,
The Darkness. This is Kelly Clarkson name make it Kelly Clerks.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Thank you everyone for listening to another episode of The
Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. Carlitos, how can they Okay?
Speaker 2 (37:42):
I always think they're saying radios socialists, the Curly v Show.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
You can find me at Maya in the Moment, m
A y A in the Moment on all social media
platforms and hit us up on a social media to
let us know what else you want to listen to?
What do you want to hear from us on the
club on podcasts?
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Also, sorry, but I remember back in the day you
would write in people's in earbooks never change, Oh well
the toxic.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Oh one time this girl wrote You're such a sweaty
and then sweetie sweetye. Alrighty okay bye. Make sure to
hit that subscribe button to hear more episodes every single week.
(38:37):
The Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast is a production of
Sonodo in partnership with iHeartRadio's Michael podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Hey, welcome back to the Super Secret Past Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Yeah, we've done a lot of renovations since you were
last year. We added a DJ booth and a dance floor.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Pool and we're an actual club, like we serve alcohol.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Yeah, but it's still just us in here and you
get in here. My name is Curly and I'm Maya,
and welcome to the super Secret Bestly Cloud Podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
A super secret club where we talk about super secret things. Yeah,
like secrets that are super that's when it is.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
In each episode we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Well well, woo oh my, here we are, new year,
knew me, knew me, knew you literally, new phone who.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Is literally new phone too. And I did just get
a little bit of a little filler touch up here
and there, so literally new face, new me.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
You see, I never tell.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
I can't tell you.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I can't you.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Can't tell. You can't tell because it was a lie.
This is natural, Maya was a joke. I just made
it up. This is Jesus filled and Jesus doctor Yubino
in Beverly Hills go talking about check her out and
him out well, which that brings us to the topic
(01:27):
of evolution changing. This came up because my mom the
other day we were talking about men, and my mom said,
Yo sombres Gambian and that means men never change. So
my mom just said that, you know, She's like, look,
whoever you meet now, whoever you're dating, like the things
that they show you, now, that's who you're gonna marry,
(01:47):
That's who you're gonna end up being with. So just
either you like it and you're okay with them, but
that's it. But when we brought it up, it kind
of stirred up a little bit of a conversation because it's,
you know, there is a thing of like, wait, number one,
can people change? And number two? Who is more open
to change? Is it more fan people? Is it more
(02:08):
masculine people? What? What does it mean?
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I changed every five seconds. I changed from the last
episode that we did, which was like a couple of
minutes ago.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Am I completely different?
Speaker 2 (02:20):
No?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I'm a completely different person.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah. I mean, look, I changed my name since we
what's your name now? And Helica, you know what I
started calling you in my head, Maya Marillo. That's not
my name, Maya Marello. That's not my name Gracias.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Because I was on the phone with Curly and I
got a delivery and he goes Maya Marillo and I
was like Murio and then he's like, oh, sorry, Gracia
gave me my package.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
That's what I'm not Italian, Maya Marella Mario. I don't
know why, but no, like since we've last hung out,
really has changed. Maya's big one is she's now officially
a ghoster. I officially I am. You heard it here first.
(03:10):
If you're looking for a new cast made on the
ghost Ride and Haunted Mansion at Disneyland, here you go.
You have your new star ghosts here. Put her on
a little spinny wheel, send her around the roller coaster
thing because she's officially ghosted several people at this point,
and welcome to the club.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Are you having fun? Is this fun for you?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Picturing you on the roller coaster spinning around, you know,
and they like show you at the end, you're there's
like a ghost next to you in the mirror. It's you.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Well, you know what, maybe I've ghosted one person, yes.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
One that no, several at this pol I don't remember.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Because you don't because they're not because they.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Were exactly where they're gone, forgot who they were one
like two or three, I think, and then my and
as far as changing for myself, I this is hard
for me to admit, but I've officially decided to be
(04:11):
nicer to capricorns.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
You heard it here first on this podcast.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
And I'm dragging the taurus is this year. That's right,
but this y'all deserve it. I've learned a lot about you.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
One nice thing about a capricorn right now.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Okay, to be honest, Capricorns, Like all of season one,
I went really hard on capricorns. But to be honest,
I actually really do love capricorns. Like I think that
they're really cool. They're dedicated to you. They will are
fierce in their way to protect you. When they love you,
they will go over and beyond for you. I can't
say this that wasn't me. I really do love capricorns.
(04:51):
I've never I know a lot of Capricorns who are
really good and most Capricorns that I are really good
friends of mine in life, healthy ones. When I've been
like hey, like you're being a little or try a
different way, They'll be like oh, they become more aware,
like they want to change they're actually very aware of
the fact that they can be a little too blunt
and they are working on it.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
That's a healed and evolved Capricorn. The capricorns that the
capricorn that we experienced was not and scarredest for life.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yes, but you know, here we are a new year,
knew me, new Poe, new tattoos, new uh, lips in
my end and no, I'm stillkidding. These are the same
ones we see.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Curly, just try to kiss me right now if you're listening.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
But you know that kind of on the real though,
it prompted a real question of like can people actually change?
Like do you think that people can change? Hmmm?
Speaker 1 (05:45):
I don't I thought, but you know, that was a
huge therapy lesson that I learned, like these past couple
of weeks, is that people are all going to change
if they want to change for themselves. Yeah, I think
(06:05):
changing for another person is just temporary and it's not
going to last.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Oh. Absolutely. There's actually, like, you know, data that I
pulled up and found that research shows that people actually
only have success in changing when they want to do
it for themselves.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yeah, but I feel like I change and I can change. Yeah,
but I don't know about other people.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Well, like for me, for example, right, like I, from
the age of fifteen to twenty seven was a drinker.
You know. I loved to drink. I smoked a lot
of weed. I loved cocaine, and I loved molly. And
there were a lot of people, and by a lot
of people, I mean my mom, who was like, yo, oh,
I'm so sorry about stories for you.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
I'm like your past life about you being a drug addict.
No I sleep last night. I remember I had that
dream about a scorpion.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Yeah it's me. Oh no. But my mom used to
be like, I think you have a problem, and I'd
be like, you don't get it. Like gay people, we
love to drink. We drink from Monday, and which is
like you honestly, go to a gay bar any day
of the week, you'll find a great deal. Like gay
people know this much. They know that they can sell
you more alcohol if you get drunk, and if it's
seven dollars a fucking cup, you'll pay for it and
(07:17):
you'll keep going. At least that's how it used to
be when I was But like, you know, I had
to make a conscious decision for me and myself and
basically the rest of my life that I needed to change.
And I think that who I am today versus who
I was at this point almost eight years ago are
like vastly different. The other thing too, by the way,
is like I started to think of different things that
(07:40):
you know, there is a conversation about people do change
as they get older. Right, your brain's developed differently. I
think men develop at like a certain age of like
what thirty six, thirty five? That's my age. So I
was like, it's like when your food is ready in
the microwave and you're like waiting and it's like, like,
my brain is finally, do.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
You feel like you're cooked?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Yeah? Like, way my brain. I feel like the difference
between my brain now and the difference between my brain
ten years ago like so different.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
I just finished my Saturn return, so that's right. I
feel that too a little bit where I'm like, Okay.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
We did it, which is also about change. Now. Then
what your Saturn return is?
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Your Saturn return is like probably the I mean, it's subjective,
but it's probably the most transformative season of your life.
It's from like twenty six or twenty seven to thirty
thirty one and it's like the degree of what of
what Saturn is in your chart? So mine was like
(08:41):
at the twenty fifth degree and now Saturn is in
the twenty sixth degree, so I'm only one degree out.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Sorry, fake one.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
You asked me, You asked me.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I love it. My brain just you started talking about degrees,
and it was like degrees.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Yeah, because that's it's like, how do you know if
you're in it?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I don't know science, okay, yeah, but that is about
change as well. But the other thing too, is like
the things that people like data shows, right, because I
started to do more research about it, and it actually
shows that people can change when they're self aware of
their issue, like I have a problem, I need to
(09:23):
do something about it. They receive support, so others are like, actually,
I've been there too, I know what that's like. Da
da da, And then they become intentional about their behavior.
So like you know, one of the things that I
had a nun friend, Sistu Una, and she would say
that when you apologize to somebody, an apology is not
(09:44):
like I'm sorry. An apology is like I will do better,
and I will show you in my actions that I'm
doing better. But you know, it does take a lot
of time. I think it takes a lot of time
and habits and do you have you ever dated somebody
and you're like, oh, I think they can change. I'm
gonna like stick it out and see what happens.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Yeah, and they don't. They get worse. Really think, Yeah,
I've been with somebody who like got worse over time,
and then and then we broke up. And then ten
years later he was like, it's you. It's always been you.
We're gonna get back together. I'm like, surely he's changed.
He changed, he got worse. Wow, like bad. I'm like,
(10:23):
how did you go the complete opposite way they thought
you were going to go? Like everything, like head to toe.
He looked like the actual person that he was on
the inside.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Oh my god. Yeah, he started to show Sometimes that happens.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
It does, it'll manifest, it'll show up. Yeah, But I
know change is really hard.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Because people, Oh wait, I just want can I say
this one note really fast? I forgot there's a note
that I wanted to say that this is changing. We're
talking about somebody, Uh, let's call them an average individual,
not necessarily somebody who's dealing with like severe mental health
things or or different things that might hinder that change, right,
Because if you're dealing with severe anxiety or depression and
(11:06):
you would like to change, it does present different challenges
in the way that you would like to see progress.
So don't be so hard on yourself. If that's kind
of like where you're at. This is for somebody who
is just like me, Like I'm a lazy Koala and
I just basically want to snack all day long.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Don't thiss Koala is like that. I mean, that's real
fucked up.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
I love Cola. I describe myself as a Koala. But yeah,
we were saying, like, do you feel like that you've
experienced that people change? I feel since you kind of
already answered that question.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Why did we we literally, would.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
You like to answer again? Have you found I remember
what I said? You said that the guy got worse.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Oh yeah, he got worse. In general? Do I think
people can change? I want to say yes, I believe
that people can because I had a situation, like a
couple of weeks ago, where I felt like I was
covering up for somebody and like being like, oh, yeah,
we can go over to so and so's house, and
like do X, Y and Z knowing that they actually
(12:05):
needed to contact this person to do that, but instead
I was doing that for them because I wanted them
to see, like, oh, this is what you like, lead
by example, and you can't do that because they need
to do that on their own, like I can't, and
it puts more stress on me where then, and that's
where I need to change, where I need to just
like let it go and let people be people like
(12:28):
if that if they're not they don't want to do that,
they don't want to do it.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
What's that word when like you want somebody to change
what you're being, Like you're being not the initiator, not
the enabler, you're enabling. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
I would big big enablers sometimes and I wouldn't even
notice that I was doing it because really, is it
serving them or is it serving me to not be
like to have that discomfort. But I do think that
people can change. But a lot of the people that
I've I've like, like, I hope I don't I don't
have enemies, but I hope some people that I've had
(13:03):
falling outs with, like I really hope that they do
change and that they can be a better person. Whatever,
we can come back together and be friends again. Yeah,
but I don't know how likely that is.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I think that, like for me, I have seen a
lot of change. I've seen like people who were once
homophobic engage with me after a while and be like, wow,
I used to have a whole different idea of what
queerness meant and would it look like. You know, I've
seen my own dad, who went from being like a
marine misogynistic man who was problematic, grow into an older
(13:39):
man who is trying his hardest to be the best
version of him. But I think that like even with him,
like when he was younger, I remember he would drop
the F word a lot, like the derogatory term for
uh gay people. And I think once I came out,
he became aware that he needed to change because he
needed to be the example of what he wanted to
(14:00):
see in the world. So, you know, my dad now
is in his sixties, he still has a lot of
work to do, like a lot of Latino men, masculine
people have a lot of work to do.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
And that's because he wanted to change. You wanted to change,
And same with I think Guttiel too. Remember in the
beginning of Like Well, we were at BETTLEI like, and
there was a lot of things that were like I
don't know, remember that he would say, like joking leaks
he was a comedian. He's a comedian, and that would
be a little bit like problematic. And then you guys
(14:33):
would educate him and tell him about like, you know,
how how that saying that what that you know makes
people feel? And he was like, oh shit, and he changed.
Like now I feel like he's had like the biggest
I think all of us all together, like individually, like
we've seen such big change because we've allowed ourselves to
(14:56):
like push our egos away and just list into the
other side of the story, yeah, and collect information and
be like it's all about how it makes people feel
like other people feel.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I think it starts with your own insight, like starting
to look at yourself and being like, how is my
behavior affecting others? Am I toxic? Is this thing that
I'm doing? Like, you know, if I don't show up
on time for somebody and I'm always late, how does
that make this other individual feel? It makes them feel
like I don't care about their time, It makes them
feel like I don't care about their emotions and so
(15:31):
you know, I want to make a conscious effort to
show up on time so that I can show you
that I actually care.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
I think that's the biggest like propeller for change is
that is, like, how are my actions, like what kind
of reactions are they they bringing up for this person
that I love?
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Yeah, how have you changed? You think?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I feel like I'm changing constantly, Like constantly. I think
through this new therapist, she's like a holistic counselor that
I have. I feel like I've changed so much. I
think with the first therapist that I had when I
first started doing therapy, and like a couple of years ago,
I used to be a brat. Just I mean, I'm
(16:24):
still a rat. I used to be worse. I used
to be way worse. Like I was thinking about something
that I said in front of people the other day
and I said this thing like years ago before therapy,
and I was like, it was a really mean thing
to say about this other person. And one of my
(16:45):
friends had to pull me aside and be like, that
was really fucked up that you just said that right
now about the lister. I don't want to say it.
I don't want to say I don't want to say.
It was just one of those things. It was really bad.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Wow, so you're like a horrible person.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Yeah I was. I really feel like I was. And
I like that my friend really gave me like tough love,
and I basically I think I shared somebody else's private
information with other people. Oh yeah, really deep fucked up shit.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
What does Oprah always say that My Angela always to
say is like when you know better, you do better.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Yeah. And I also knew that I was doing that
because this person was like always copying my style on
like the Internet and was like this is like a long, long, long,
long long time ago, and I felt like like talking
shit or like do you know? And so after that,
I was like, oh, that's not good. And then like
had other discussions with some friends that were like this
(17:48):
is kind of how you make me feel and I'm like,
oh my god, like you know. And so I think
that was like just growing up and moving to La
from Phoenix. Like Phoenix's it's a big town, but it's
also like a small town. You're not really exposed to
a lot of different people or changes. And when I
got to La, I was like I cannot be acting
(18:09):
like that around here, Like I can't.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
None of that Phoenix drama. Now you La drama.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
But it's like La is such a place where, I mean,
there's just so many people who are working on themselves.
I don't like when people say like, oh, Eli's a
bad place or it's so whatever. It's like, no, it's
like who are you attracting in your life? So I
really feel like I've changed, like my friend groups, I've
(18:38):
changed who I attract like around me, And I think
just the biggest thing I think I've changed is like
my mindset. And that's so powerful because I've stopped being
like self deprecating, yeah you know, and I stop surrounding
myself with people who are self deprecating.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
So yeah, I feel like people are always constantly changing,
whether it's what you want around you, it's the way
that you dress. If you're not changing, by the way,
if you're not evolving, if you're not moving, change your lipstick,
do something, try your shoes on, Like you're not living, like.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
You're settling, compromise.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Basically, like the only change, the only consistency in this
universe has changed, right, And so it's like you have
to keep moving. I have a lot of scorpio in
my chart, and so transformation for me is something that
is super important. I get excited whenever I get really
depressed or sad about something, I start to think about
what my transformations will look like, you know, I start
to think about what am I going to do? Like
(19:33):
right now, Like my hair is starting to go super
silver and I used to dyet all the time, and
now I'm like, I'm kind of excited to see what
I'm going to look like. Good. Like you know earlier
you were like, use your hair blonde. I'm like, that's
kind of my natural streaks coming through, Like that's my
natural color that I had as a younger person.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
But how how have you changed?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Oh my god, how have I not changed? I think
from me not caring to be the center of attention party.
I used to want to be like described as the
wild child and like fun and da da da da.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
When I think about you, like you've had a whole
other life, like several lives. Yeah, like that, I'm like
whoa yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
And like even now, like when I go to events,
like I kind of want to be like in the corner.
I'm more comfortable having like one on one conversations. Even
in my content I used to go from being more
like kind of like like playing this like Scooby Shaggy
character almost, but that's not how I really am in
real life. I'm very like I can be that, but
(20:37):
I'm very insightful, I think, and I'm more like moody.
I'm kind of more like an emotional, insightful human that
wants to talk about life and stuff. And then on
top of that too, I think that just in the
way that I moved through the world, I think has
changed a lot more in terms of how I was
before I liked you.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
You too, I think, like the coolest thing about our
friendship and just about like us in general, is that
we we have changed, yeah, like for the friendship and
for each other, knowing that it'll actually help in relationships
and in other relationships like romantic or not.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yeah, you know, I think it's really cool too when
you have good relationships in your life and you can
kind of change for and with each other, it kind
of sets precedent and it kind of acts as like
a not a rulebook or like a floor plan if
you will, for other relationships. Like, hey, like you have
no idea how many times I have used things that
we have learned together on in other relationships, you know
(21:41):
what I mean, Like, you know when we have like, hey,
sensy vibes, we have sensivibes with each other. If you're
a first time listener, sensi vibes is we give each
other like a forecast of our emotions for the day.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
So that feeling sensitive.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Yeah, like we're feeling sensitive, squishy squishy vibes. Like we'll
do pedestals like hey, like because of where I place
you in my life, your commentary mean a lot more
to me. They hurt me a little bit more because
I placed you on a pedestal. And then the like
can I tell you something? Can I call you in
on something? And like even with one of my other vessies, Chris,
(22:13):
Like Chris has a thing with his friends and his family.
He calls it truth booth.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Truth booth.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yeah, they call it truth booth, you know, like in
reality shows. I think that's what he means. You know,
reality shows where they'll bring you in and you have
to talk directing professional. So I think they call it
truth booth. So when he and I say truth booth,
it means like no judgment just and I use that
all the time with other people, like can I truth
booth you for a quick second? You know I will
(22:38):
say though too, because I love data, because I like
to go look at different things. There have been like
a lot of studies as well in terms of I
was trying to figure out, like can people change? Right?
People can change when it comes to addiction. There's certain
types of ways. There's a lot of different studies that
show that people can change. In the nineteen seventies, they
did a study for people who are smoking cigarettes. There's
(22:58):
a whole thing called like the five Ages of Change.
But in terms of I started to look at like
back to my mom's comment about loss nuka gamia and
men never change. I started to be like, is that true.
There's no data. I couldn't find any studies that necessarily
focused on who can change better men or women. But
I did start to get a little creative with how
(23:20):
I could find it. So I was like, who is
more stubborn? And I found that there was a study
that showed that men or people who have high testascerone levels,
it's harder for them to change because the more testosterone
you have, the harder it is for you to admit
when you're wrong. So I think that for me, I
(23:42):
kind of put it hand in hand with if you
have trouble admitting that you're wrong, you might have trouble
with accepting commentary on how you might need to change
a little bit and how you need to change. And
then in another study it showed that what's the word
that I was looking for, Oh my god, there's a
word that here.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
I put it up here.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It's no, I'm looking for the one that it was. Uh,
it was the one about women that they're more what
is the word that I used, It's like not agreeable,
They're more open to change, they're more compromisation. I think, well,
(24:27):
there's another study that shows that women basically were more
emotionally intelligent, and what that's was showing and more fem
people I guess we can say is that it showed
that they were more prone to kind of changing in
situations that needed to be changed. They were a little
bit more willing to work together and collaborate. So even
(24:48):
though there's not necessarily data that shows that people can change,
I was kind of like, well, if men are stopped
to sevetw adm' that they're wrong, but women or fems
are more open to kind of working together. That kind
of tells me that maybe men are a little harder
to change in their ways. Yep. But I also, you know,
I don't want to just be like.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
I mean, I've seen it, and I think that's why
we're so surprised when men do change, you know, when
we're like.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Whoa, yeah, I think so too. I always feel like
I'm like, oh my god, like come on, like.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
I know it's because they will literally like settle. We
were just talking about it today, like they will settle.
Oh yeah, they'll settle. And I'm just like that.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
My favorite savement of the day is my opinion, like,
if you want to date a little mouse, date a
little mouse.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
If you want to date a mouse, go ahead, Like
I'm a rat, I'm ready, ratituee. I want a five
star restaurant in Paris.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
The other thing to consider too is age. Of course,
people will definitely age out of different things. My favorite
people in the whole wide world, and you will see
this a lot of people who used to be a
little bit more hood and you can see them now
in like their work environment, Like my sister growing up
was definitely a little bit more hood and now she's
super professional, her accent comes out, She's like, what do
you mean? Look, but she's talking about work. I like,
(26:15):
she's like like a big manager where she's at. So
it's really cute to see that too. But I think
that age definitely plays a big part. So if you're
looking to change, be kind on yourself, work on it.
It is possible. And if you're not looking to change,
get with it. Everybody's waiting and leave people alone.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
What do you do when you want to change? But
what do you do when you want to What do
you do when you want to change?
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Oh my god, I have a whole thing that I do,
and I, as you know, I, once I set my
mind to it, I buckled down really hard.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
You get very you hyper fixate.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I think, yeah, like if I'm like this is what
I want to do, I just like go in and
I get obsessed with it and then I kind of
make it happen.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
It takes me a while, like I to first have
the thought of like, huh, I don't like what is
happening right now, I really don't like it. Okay, this
is bad, and then I'll have like a meltdown. And
then after the meltdown. I'll be like, Okay, this needs
to change, and I'll have that thought for like a
week or two until I'm like what can I do
(27:15):
to change? Because usually before I would be like starting tomorrow,
like if it was like health, I'm like I'm not
eating anything sugary or anything at all and like really
limit myself and that would make me go crazy. And
versus now, I'm like take it slow, like what do
we want to do? And so for me, I think
I'm like very slow to get there, but I will
(27:40):
do it for sure.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah. Also, you just described that thing that I saw
you about earlier at the five steps. I think there's
another one too. I don't know if there's like the
seven steps of the five steps, but that's literally like
the steps, Like step one is like you have the
thought of like I'm not happy.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yes, And I think for me, like with how I'm
changing now, like I'm just becoming making better choices with
like food or just moving and that make me feel good,
and better choices as in like what that means to me,
not necessarily like you know what that means to society,
(28:14):
but better choices to me is like I know, I
feel so much better if I I know that I
worked out because I'm moving my body, or that I
like didn't binge on something. But still I'm not gonna
limit myself. Like I worked out yesterday and then me
and Joyce had wings and we pick I picked out
all I really, I like, had some chicken tenders and
(28:35):
some wings and some barbecue or like ranch fries, like
and and that's it, you know, and and that's okay.
So I think another thing of change that I'm also
doing is like allowing myself to go very very very
slow with like this health thing. And you know, I
don't know. Every day is different.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
So for me, it's like change is practice. It's like
every day, choose to change what it is that you
want to change. Sometimes we go back, we relapse, like,
but it's not really a destination. It's like a body
of work almost where you can look back and be like, no,
I have shown I've done like twenty six paintings of
this change already, like and I've changed my style. Now
(29:17):
I've done forty of like this next generation of me,
so like you could always revert back to your first
stellar painting. But it really is just a practice every day,
and I find that for me and my sobriety for
me and accepting myself more and more. It's really I
choose myself every single day. And now for the best
(29:51):
segment of the show, the Zodiac Zodiac Zodiac section. Welcome
to the Zodiac section where we talk about this and
Scott and we tell you all about your life.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
And we talk shit. Yeah, which side which signything changes
the most?
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Scorpio, that's like the sign that people know. Scorpios they
transform the death They are like the death card. They
are the constant transformation. They like, that's why they like
to reflect on stuff, because they will go home and
sit and think about life. Like Scorpios are so insightful
(30:30):
and just so like you know, they're on it. So
the Scorpios, for sure.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I would say Sagittarius or Aries.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I feel like Sagittarius and Aries are more like a
change of scenery.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Yeah, yeah, but that's all.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
We need to change a lot of self.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
No, we will still do that. Fuck you your scorpio
ass both of you have scorp a placement.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Geminis would change because they're different person than they were
at eight a m. Than they were at noon to.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Then they were at eight five.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Yeah, am Joyce, uh one of our besties who is
a Gemini. Literally I'll be hanging with her in private
and then I'm like, well, let's go to this restaurant
or this dinner, and then we'll get to the dinner restaurant,
like who are you? Who is I hanging out with that? Home?
Who's this person?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
But we still love her, You love all virtues, her.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Hat, her hat, her big.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Doesn't exist, her Pandora, yeah, Sagittarius and aries. But change
of scenery is exactly what we need. Who do you
think is the hardest sign?
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Oh my God, make change? Who do you think, Virgo?
He thinks, well, all the Earth signs are very hard
to make change.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
There, Virgo, because they're stuck in their head that they
don't even like they know that they need to make
the change, or they do and it's like very small.
And then I don't know, do you think that like
I have that thing that I'm hard to change? No,
I think because you have a lot of Scorpio in
you that know. I think you know when it's time
to change, and you will do it. But other people
(32:10):
who have maybe like water and they're big three or
like earth more earth, Earth is hard or air like
I think. I think it's really difficult for them.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
I've had a lot of recent experience with tauruses, and
tauruses are very very stubborn.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
And they will not and if they change secretly, if
they change for another person, you will never hear it.
They will never tell you ever.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
I saw this like meme of tauruses that are like
it's like Taurus, like I'm cool, calm and collected, and
then it says like chorus when you disagree with them,
and they're just all angry and mad and like my
mom put him, like when my mom is wrong about
something and I call her out. I don't know how
to say English better like her better like her uh
(32:58):
selina Laka, Like her face gets like swollen, like she
cannot admit that, but like like she looks like what's
the girl from Willy Wonka who turns into like the
little plum or she looks like a little like Violet,
she looks like a lemon drop baby, or she looks
like a little cabbage batch doll, Like she cannot admit
(33:19):
like it is like like she's gonna fart out of
raisin diamond instead of telling you that maybe you were.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Right, which or what would you say? Well, what would
you change about your sign?
Speaker 2 (33:31):
What would I change about Virgos?
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I'll tell you.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
I was just kidding. I honestly, you know what. I've
told you this before too. I hate having conversations with
Burgos because they have an opinion on everything, and I'm like,
shut up, stop fucking talking. You have an opinion on
everything that doesn't require to unfortune, but you're kind of like, uh,
(33:56):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
I like that though, and like when they have opinions
about stuff, I'd like to tell me I don't have
an opinion about anything.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
What about as? What do you think?
Speaker 1 (34:07):
I think the impulsiveness? And I'm a march Arie, so
I have a lot of influence with Pisces. I'm like
a couple of days into I would say, like five
days into four or five days into airy season, so
I can only speak to like my softness but also
(34:28):
roughness of Aris. But I also have an Aris moon
that is like twenty ninth degree, very very aries, almost
Taurius talking about well, maybe if you you would like it,
if if you knew what it's meant.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
I have to like bake something from my Trader Joe's,
and they're like, what degree is the degree?
Speaker 1 (34:45):
It's the more it is, the heavier it is, and
the less.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
So like it's like an oven when you're if it's.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Twenty nine and then the thirty is Taurus. It's like
and it's if it's right, you can finish what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
I thought we were talking about baking.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Oh yeah, I would change, like just like the impulsiveness
of aries and just like how I like but I
like that we get mad, like I've been aries moon.
When I get mad, I get mad, but then it
goes away. I saw. I don't I don't know. I
don't stay there for long.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
To change about the areas ask the we didn't ask
the eventual self sabotaging.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Oh I know. And and I had a Melissa who's
like Melissa Stars Astrology. She read my chart and she
was like, you have a tendency this year, especially to
self sabotage, so watch out for that. Do you think
I do that?
Speaker 2 (35:50):
I know so many I do that. Yes, I know
a lot of Aris that are like brilliant, brilliant, and
they are worse than like the Virgo, like a virgo virgos,
I feel like will be like, I don't know if
I'm gonna do that. Pisces are the same way. I
don't know, Like they overthink shit and you're like, just
fucking release the single, release the.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
You're eph my god, I know.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
But I feel like that's son. But I feel like
aries they have something good and then they don't and
then they're like dead.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
I don't like this slander And that concludes the zodiac section.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Sad thing they're gonna keep think they okay, look in
full it is absolutely possible to change. If you're in
the process of looking to change, understand that it is
a practice that is not always going to be. It's
not always going to be and it's not going to
look the way that you want it to look. And
take it easy. So be kind to yourself, be tender
to yourself. It's not a destination. You don't get somewhere
(36:48):
and go. It's really the journey. If you're with somebody
expecting them to change, make sure that you're putting yourself first.
Don't expect people to change for you. It's not healthy
to do that and to wait around.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
But change, you can change, make it change. Oh yeah,
I agree, make a change.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Make things break. That's what they play at our club,
The Darkness. This is Kelly Clarkson name make it Kelly Clerks.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Thank you everyone for listening to another episode of The
Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. Carlitos, how can they Okay?
Speaker 2 (37:42):
I always think they're saying radios socialists, the Curly v Show.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
You can find me at Maya in the Moment, m
A y A in the Moment on all social media
platforms and hit us up on a social media to
let us know what else you want to listen to?
What do you want to hear from us on the
club on podcasts?
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Also, sorry, but I remember back in the day you
would write in people's in earbooks never change, Oh well
the toxic.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Oh one time this girl wrote You're such a sweaty
and then sweetie sweetye. Alrighty okay bye. Make sure to
hit that subscribe button to hear more episodes every single week.
(38:37):
The Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast is a production of
Sonodo in partnership with iHeartRadio's Michael podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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