February 21, 2024 • 51 mins
Does cheating ever pay off? Whether it's sneaking a peek at someone else's test paper or straying from the relationship path, our hosts leave no stone unturned in this episode!
Maya Murillo and Curly Velásquez are the hosts of the Super Secret Bestie Club with production support by Karina Riveroll of Sonoro Media in partnership with iHeart Radio's My Cultura Podcast network. If you want to support the podcast, please rate and review our show!
Follow Maya Murillo on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok @mayainthemoment
Follow Curly Velásquez on Instagram and TikTok @thecurlyvshow and on Twitter @CurlyVee
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, who is he my friend? He's gay exactly?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
And what am I chopped liver?
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Have you even had chopped liver?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I have?
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Actually it's delicious. Oh call it a day.
Speaker 4 (00:14):
Well, my name is Curly and I'm Maya and welcome
to the super Secret Pesti Cloud podcast.
Speaker 5 (00:25):
A super secret club where we talk about super secret things.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah, like secrets that are super That's what it is.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Get in here.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
Welcome to another episode of the super Secret bestI Club Podcast.
I did I've had like this one person, this's only
even one person contacted me on two different social media
platforms telling me that they missed the old intro of
us being like say super secret, super secret. So I
just want to give a shout out to you for
(01:05):
contacting me on my Instagram, d ms and consistently on
my TikTok lives.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
That was such a funny intro.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
They were like secret, I miss when you say super secret.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Let's do it?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Uh see super secret, super secret? There you go, there
you go?
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yeah, now now we go secrets that are super or
what do we say?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
That's that's it.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yeah, they were.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
They were definitely like they wanted me to and they
were like, I just want to let you know if
you like hello, like did you read my DM.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I'm like, yes, I did read it. I will give
the feedback to Curly and our producer engineer.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
That's like when I used to say dick, I used
to go duck duck, and now it's just a friendly.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Now it's just a thing.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
So we've got a juicy, juicey episode for you all today.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
It is a cheating cheaters.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
Lying, cheating cheaters. So first of all, how's your spirit.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Cheta cheaated? Good?
Speaker 3 (02:26):
My spirit has been like up and down, you know,
but it's been mostly good. I would say every time
I go into like a weird space or something that
like kicks me right back up, like it'll work out,
It'll be good, this will be fine, it's okay. And
then you know, I think lately, yesterday we had a
conversation about just letting go, like truly just in life,
(02:47):
like I'm so tired of what job, not what job,
but I'm so tired of like in entertainment, like what
gig is coming next? I'm so tired of Am I
going to meet the right man of it. I'm like,
I don't care, bro, I just had half a burrito
half a bot that hit the gympire later. But it's
they're both vegan, so I'm fine because I'm vegan now.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Oh sall alarms.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
And you know when I commit to something, I commit.
So week two of being vegan, how's your spirit?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
My spirit is good.
Speaker 5 (03:19):
I I really did resonate with like the letting go
conversation too, because I'm like, you know what, there's only
so much control we have in this world. We have
none except for like, you know, the obvious certain things
of this world like bills and stuff and whatever.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
But everything else, I'm really like, let me.
Speaker 5 (03:39):
I'm gonna let the universe, god whoever is like has
planned out my life. I'm gonna let them surprise me
a little bit. I'm not gonna hold on too tight too,
like I should get this done or I should do this.
Like I'm just gonna keep going where my I'm just
gonna keep going like spiritually led you know, like yeah, yeah,
so and I know it. You know, my intuition has
(04:02):
never led me astray ever, So I'm.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Just taking a breather. Let's all just take a breather.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
I think that one of the things that I'm telling
myself right now is I'm just kind of annoyed because
you know, our Bitter Bitch episode came out and I
was re listening to it again and there's the thing
where they go, oh yeah, so and so I just
saw this thing online was like Kylie became a billionaire
because she had Kylie Cosmetics, And I'm like, well, yeah,
she had Chris Jenners, her mom who had you know,
you think.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Of all these things where your like yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
But also and not to make excuses, but I'm like, no,
I've never been lazy in my life. No, I've never
just sat on my ass and done nothing like like,
there's just certain things that just have to fall into place,
and so I'm just like I'm gonna let the universe
let things fall into place. It's not like I've never
been like looking for love or going out or trying
(04:53):
or trying with anything.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I'm like, I'm a hole tight.
Speaker 5 (04:57):
I think our main purpose on this earth is we're
humans having a spiritual or spirits, spirits having a human experience,
Like we gotta be a little human sometimes, you know,
and absolutely pay close attention to you know, when we're
spiritually led to something and not hold so tight.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
So but you know we're gonna take all that good
juju stuff away.
Speaker 5 (05:22):
We're gonna talk about good old hardcore cheating.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Yeah that's right.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
I have an icebreaker question. Have you ever cheated in school?
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Cheated in school? No, I wasn't much of a cheater,
because I'm sure I did. But I wasn't much of
a cheater because I told you that I would always
I was always like the person that the teacher would
look at a lot, like I was the only gay kid.
I had a big head, big hair. I just would
get in trouble for like, I always got caught.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
So I never cheated. I just wasn't.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Then I also just felt like I don't care. I'm
not gonna do that. What about you?
Speaker 5 (05:56):
Also side note, like there's something like spiritual about having
big heads.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Huh. We both have giant heads.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Yeah, we were talking about that. Jarina says that that's
the mark of the devil for success, like if you
have a large head.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
We have, I have a giant head.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
I have a giant head.
Speaker 5 (06:12):
Yeah, yes, I have cheated in school. Girl talking about
it was not because I mean it. I seriously had
a learning deficit one hundred percent undiagnosed ADHD and undiagnosed
dyslexy at the time, like major to where there was
(06:34):
a lot of things like it was very hard for
me to read, very hard for me to like and
I would tell my parents this, but they didn't know
what to do.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Like math class.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
I would stay any math teacher that I had each year.
I would stay after school every day to learn with them.
So I tried really hard. But in the end, girl,
I just had a cheat off of my neighbor. You
know what I'm saying, like really and yes, because I
couldn't get it. It was out of survival. I tried so hard,
(07:03):
but not all the time, just certain times when I could.
And in AP classes, anyone who's been an AP they
have a cheating ring, okay, Like they have last year's
tests for sale.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Last year's.
Speaker 5 (07:18):
People were selling journals, like we'd have to pick a
book or no, we'd have to write journals, like entries
on the books we were currently reading. People were selling journals.
I never bought one, but I would. I would say
like can I look at your journal? And they'd be like, yeah,
can I look at yours. Yeah, for sure, we did
what we had to do. High school school was the one.
(07:42):
It was a couple of the worst years of my life. Okay,
mentally I know, I just knew that I was meant
to be doing this, which has nothing to do there's
no math involved. Yeah, anyway, the past story. I wanted
to talk about my past story, and then we'll get
into the the meat of it, sorry, not meat, the
(08:03):
the vegan meat of it.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
The impossible meat of it, the tofu of it all.
Speaker 5 (08:13):
So like my orchestra director, I was an orchestra for
my entire school career, and he would I asked him
for like a pass because I was going to be
late to like class, and so he would sign the
pass with the signature, but did put the date or
the time. So I would keep reusing that pass every
(08:36):
morning when I would be late for school. And one
morning my chemistry teacher was like, I'm just going to
keep this, like thank you for this late past, and
I was like, no, yeah, you should definitely keep that
because it doesn't even have a data or a time.
Like He's so fucking dumb. He didn't put a data
like you could just keep reading. I wouldn't keep reusing it.
But I'm just saying I would keeping that ship.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
It could be an addiction, I could.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Is it my fault or is it?
Speaker 5 (09:02):
Like you talk about school, there was nothing valuable I
learned in school for my teachers.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
I learned it myself by scheming.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
But yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
What was that Oprah thing where she's like, were you silenced?
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Were you silent? Or were you silenced?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
She's like, that makes no sense giving the note?
Speaker 5 (09:26):
Yeah, you know, And they would never suspect me at
all because I was so quiet. I kept my own
I had big ears, I heard everything, big eyes, I
see everything.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
But one thing about me is I'm not opening my mouth.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
I feel like I kind of look mischievous, like I
feel like I have a look of like I'm up
to something.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
And usually I was, you know, but no, like.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Not for nothing.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I was just talking not for nothing.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
I mean I was talking to Joys the other day
about the different ways that the girls would heat and
like my friends, like they would write the answer there
is on their thighs and then lift their skirts up,
or they would write and a yeah, or they would
write in a little note between there and keep it
between their legs and you know, open their legs and
look at it. You know, Joyce said they would write
(10:14):
it on the inside of the paper of a water bottle.
Speaker 5 (10:17):
Wow, isn't this genius?
Speaker 1 (10:22):
This is genius?
Speaker 5 (10:24):
Like yeah, absolutely, this is this is peak intelligence, Like
fuck your fucking like like a a plus, Like how
do you cheat on a tech that is crafty?
Speaker 3 (10:37):
Cheating though at the topic they're talking about today is
actually like talking about like cheating on people relationship. Yeah,
And I feel like that is a whole other different ballgame.
And it came up because we were talking about how
I thought you were gonna you were talking about how
you felt like.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
A lot of.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Black women in particular were being snubbed at the Grammys,
and I have seen that and I agree, But I
thought you were going to say a lot of powerful
black women have been cheated on. And my brain was
like a lot of powerful women have been cheated on.
And I started to think about Beyonce halle Berry like
almost like a lot of other celebrities who are black
(11:22):
men cheated on? Yeah, Sandra Bullock, like all these people
have been cheated on. And I was like, is that wild?
How so many successful people have been cheated on, like
who's safe out there? We were like, and then we
got into the conversation of well, let's talk about it.
What and you know what, I guess we can set
(11:42):
off with how do you It depends on how you
define cheating, Like how what do you think cheating is?
Speaker 1 (11:48):
I don't know, what about you?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Oh my god, Oh my god, I.
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Don't know, man, because emotional cheating is like, if I
define it, it's like if you're talking to somebody online
that you are attracted to, if you're leaving comments like
that they're attractive and you're my boyfriend, that's fucked up,
you know, if you are. I think, like some people say,
confiding in your coworker, like who like your female coworker, Like.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
That could be emotional cheating. But I think that's fine.
Speaker 5 (12:23):
I think physical cheating obviously, but I think it's it's there.
There's different categories, So what about you?
Speaker 2 (12:30):
I agree?
Speaker 3 (12:31):
I think kat Lazzo, who was another really great Latina
creative that we came up with in the game, said
so many years ago. She said, cheating is defined to
the couple the individual, and as a couple, they have
to decide together what they think cheating is.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
For me.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
For example, you know a guy leave my boyfriend leaving
comments on a first trap instagrammer like.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Flames, I don't, I don't care.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
You know, if he were to write me or check
your DMS, I'd be like, Flames mean to.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Call me check your DMS?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
You know, like I feel like for me, they don't.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
For me, I'm like what because I leave flames all
the time, right, Like, I'd be like, I don't know
their relationship. They could be friends, so we would have
to define it for ourselves.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I think that for me. I also, I think that my.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Definition of cheating has changed as I've gotten older, like
you know, as a teenager, as somebody in my twenties,
and now as a full fledged adult, like as somebody
who calls myself an adult, a man, a grown ass man,
a grown as adult, Like, cheating now means something different
for me than it did ten years ago. So for me,
(13:43):
it's like, I think it's more up to the person.
Is there emotionally cheating if you're checking in and you're
talking to this guy, do your work, husband, and you
guys do stuff? Yeah, I think so, like is it
cheating if you're texting? If they're calling you. Yeah, it's
a bit weird some things, Oh, don't.
Speaker 5 (13:59):
Be called, don't be calling my partner and night talking
about some workshit very good.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
But but I will say that, you know, I don't know,
like shit.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, it's situational. It's like situational. Yeah. Have you ever
been cheated on?
Speaker 2 (14:17):
I have?
Speaker 3 (14:17):
I have been, And like most things in life, I
have been both the victim and a victimizer, right like
I have also cheated before, and I've cheated on.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
I've been cheated on.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Actually, a lot of my boyfriends in my twenties cheated
on me, if I'm honest with you, but I'm not,
and I always tell you that too. I'm like, I'm
not sure if that's just something people in their twenties do.
I don't know if that's just a gay thing. I'm
still cool with them now in my thirties because I'm like,
I don't care if you cheated on me when we
were twenty two, What the fuck? I look better than
the guy you cheated on me with, and I look
better than your current partner.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
So why am I tripping? You know? Oh shit, no,
teno shade.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Keep it keep it in in that Vegan tea. I
wasn't talking about you if you're listening or your new partner,
or we are.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Talking about you if you are listening.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Vegan tea.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I said, that's some good vegan tea right there. Keep
the vegan tea.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Yeah, you're right. What about you, like, how do you like,
have you ever been cheated? Oh? You said that you
don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
I don't know because I feel like with some of
the guys that you've told me about, they just even
though they just.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Sound like cheatish to me, they sound s gummy.
Speaker 5 (15:31):
Because I was telling you. One guy was like, well,
technically I never cheated on you. Like so quick, I'm like,
that means you did cheat.
Speaker 6 (15:40):
Bro.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
Like, if you have to say technically I never cheated
on you, that means you have your own defined like cheating,
Like you have your.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Own definitions of cheating. Basically they're different from mine that
I was unaware of.
Speaker 5 (15:55):
But he definitely would, like I think like he would.
This was at the time when Facebook was really popular,
and you remember when we used to see everybody's activity
on Facebook, like it would pop up. I would see
him comment on, so my entire family would see him
comment on a bunch of girls profiles and pictures.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
And they would be like Maya, and I'm like, ah,
he's just friendly.
Speaker 5 (16:24):
Like he would add so many random girls, so many
and he's like, well, I'm not cheating, I'm not cheating.
I'm like, then, why do you need to add these people?
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Why?
Speaker 1 (16:36):
I was so in love that I was just like whatever, haha.
But obviously he would also gaslight me too and be
like I've known them.
Speaker 5 (16:45):
He would lie, he'd be like, oh, I know them,
they're a friend of a friend and I was just
checking up on them. I'm like, you were checking up
on them by like telling them that they're cute and
their picture, Like that's that's comforting them, Like you don't
like shit like.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
That, making a yike space right now like yikes. Like.
Speaker 5 (17:03):
Definitely, social media can blur the lines a lot, but
I think it has made cheaters and even maybe non
cheaters become cheaters for sure, because it's technically not right cheating.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
I think it's blurred the lines in so many ways.
I think that it kind of allows you to do
things in the shadows and the darkened ways that you
wouldn't do before. I also think that you know, thinking
about your situation right now. When I ask you, how
did that make you feel? It kind of goes into
like that's an important question to ask yourself if you're
in a relationship, like well, how does that make you feel?
(17:53):
How does it make you feel? And if it doesn't
make you feel comfortable, that's okay to have that conversation.
But it's definitely important to have that conversation before you're like, no,
he cheated on me, Like you need to talk about
those things and you need to discuss what your boundaries
are in the relationship, is what I would say. But
I think that that's such an important place to start at,
like well, yeah, how does that make you feel that
(18:14):
somebody is like, you know, leaving comments or someone's calling
your man?
Speaker 2 (18:18):
At this time, I was.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Thinking about how I got cheated on by who I
was so in love with is just so like young teenager.
I was like an la young Latino kid. He was
a valley kid from he like carried a.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Gat, he had like a gun.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
He was like buff and sexy, and I was like,
oh my god, my man has a gun, you know, Like,
and I found out that he cheated on me because
he two things. I would do this thing where I
would say. I would text him when I knew he
was out and I would go who was that? And
(18:59):
he would be like, what do you mean? I'm like
the guy you.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Just kiss who was that? The guy who was touching you?
Who was that?
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Did you actually see them?
Speaker 2 (19:10):
No, I'd be at home. I'd be on my fan.
The other one that I would do is like I
found out that he cheated.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Because wait, what did he say? What did he say?
Speaker 3 (19:21):
He was like, that was just my friend and I
was like, okay, what was that kissing your friends? The
other way that I found out was because he would
change his back In the day, we had sidekicks and
he had aim aa what instant message on there and
we could have an away message so people couldn't you know,
(19:42):
bother us, and his away message would always kind of
be in like dedication to me, and he would block
me and change the name to another guy's name. And
I had a friend who was like, hey, I noticed
that your boyfriend is like it was something like that,
and so he sent me basically like the exact wording
(20:04):
of what he was changing his status to and he
was like he would be like to my baby, Curly,
I love you forever and always my number one, would
block me and then would change it and be like
to my baby Maya forever, always my number one, well,
and then would block you.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
You know, I love him now. We're really good friends.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
He's super amazing and he has a great partner who's
also amazing.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Man.
Speaker 5 (20:33):
He should have been on the podcast I Ask A Cheaters.
Speaker 6 (20:39):
Not.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
I will say the other way that I found out
that my other boyfriend after him was cheating was that
if you have my mom always says okay, Gwentren right, like,
if you want to go look for something, you're going
to find something. But if you go into your significant
other's phone and if you type in you know, at
the very top of the text messages where it says search,
(21:02):
if you just type in babe, type in anything like babe.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
I go to my phone.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Am I cheating on myself?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Yeah? I deserve it?
Speaker 3 (21:12):
But gene Jeen, like anything dirty that you want to
find out, just type in the search bar. It'll populate
all the times that you know this person has used anything.
Don't look for a name, don't look for like, oh,
that's his best friends? Is he going to call Peter
his best friend?
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Babe?
Speaker 3 (21:27):
Because it could be Cassandra in accounting, or you just
type in your name.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
I always just type in my name.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
You could type in your name, I mean not always. Yeah,
just you know, be a little be a little slick
about it. I don't know how Instagram. I think Instagram
you can do the same thing too, Like if you
can get into their inbox and you type in yeah
search if I type in babe, let's see, I think
it'll show my.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Gosh, this is like put some spy music.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
It'll give you.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
I'm in I've packed the main system.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Yeah, it'll give you the messages. You can do it on.
You can do it on uh.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
You know what.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
There's this girl that I watch and she goes live
every night. Her I don't know how to pronounce her name.
It's like XO j A s.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
J A xo jazz No no, no.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Yeah jazz, Oh yeah xo jazz. I thought it was
like something else.
Speaker 5 (22:33):
She catches cheaters live every night on TikTok Live XO
j A s O one.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
So basically, these girls will give.
Speaker 5 (22:44):
Her a number to call and she'll be like Hi,
She'll call them or text them first with the picture,
and then she'll call them and be like hi, like
and they're like.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
What who is this?
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (22:56):
This is this is Jasmine? You don't remember me? No?
Speaker 5 (23:01):
Oh is this Leo? No it's not Leo. Oh well
I just sent you a picture. Sorry I thought I
thought you were Leo from Tinder. I got the number wrong.
And then you see if the guy is like, oh wait,
hold up, you're kind of cute, like what's up, or
they're like yeah, no, no worries, no problem. But it's
she has like a cheater board, so she goes. She
goes live every night. It's so freaking good. I watch
(23:22):
it like when I'm like editing or I'm like playing
my video games or whatever.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
So she makes it.
Speaker 5 (23:28):
She makes a living off of that too, off off
of the numbers.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
So have we ever cheated? Have you ever cheated?
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Well?
Speaker 3 (23:38):
This is kind of a hard one for me, right,
because it requires accountability, and it requires kind of like
a facing of myself in terms of things that I'm
not necessarily proud of.
Speaker 6 (23:47):
Right.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
And I said to you earlier that at some point
in my life I was in a space where I
didn't know how to define cheating. And this is honestly right,
Like I always thought that cheating was like having an affair.
I didn't understand cheating as being like a text or
emotionally cheating or hooking up. And so when I was younger,
(24:09):
there was a situation, there was a time where that happened,
and I truly just like, you know, if you were
to ask me why I did it, I can totally
be honest with you and tell you that I think
that it felt like when you do it, it almost
feels like the man side of you, the hormone side
(24:30):
of you, like all those ugly parts of you that
are like, oh, I just it doesn't mean anything. I
just want to get off and go, Like that's what
that was, right, Because the person that I was with,
and this was a while ago, right, but the person
that I was with was like had no idea and
I just and I still wanted I liked being with them,
(24:51):
but there was just a part of me that couldn't
say no to the adrenaline of somebody wanting me and
hooking up with me. And so I feel like it.
You know, now again that I'm older, my hair is silver,
I'm like boring. I would just wear gray and white
all the time, Like I can look back at my
life and go, oh, yeah, that was just a really
(25:12):
damaged individual that just was so deep in their own
shit that they believed their own bullshit.
Speaker 5 (25:21):
Wow, that felt like a true Hollywood story. This is
what I want to ask too. This has been on
my heart, and I asked TikTok, But I said it
in the way that's like hypothetical. I said, I'm collecting
answers for the podcast, which I am. So there is
a situation many years ago before therapy as well, where
(25:42):
I was like dating someone. We were exclusive, and it
was towards the end of the situationship. It went on
like way longer than it should have because we had
already had like the conversation of like what are we
or what are we? We know and it just kind
of flatlined. And so I went to this event and
I met this guy who made me, who gave me
(26:05):
kind of more feelings and not that he was like
interested in me, but I felt like, I know, they
say you shouldn't get addicted to like the spark, but
I felt kind of a spark. That was an indication
that I was, like, I've never felt that spark in
any of the months that I've been with this person
that I'm in an exclusive situationship with.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
So I like gave this.
Speaker 5 (26:29):
Guy my number and like flirted a little bit and
he gave me his number. Nothing happened after that, but
just that act of me giving my number to him
and like it made me later feel like I need
to have a conversation with this guy that I'm exclusive
with who obviously doesn't want to be my boyfriend but
(26:53):
like wants to still be exclusive and just date only me,
you know, So, like, is that cheating we weren't in
a relationship.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Yeah, I'd wait. You said that you asked people on
your TikTok with they thought, they.
Speaker 5 (27:07):
Think it's very mixed, and I posted it, I want
to say, like fifty five minutes ago. Let me refresh,
and it has like thirty nine comments. Somebody said nope,
because he should have made it clear that you were
in a relationship. Someone else was like, it's not cheating,
You're not You're not exclusively in a relationship. Just stay
(27:30):
open and honest with the other person. No, but if
person A is not fulfilling what you want, move on.
But then other people are like, yes, if you decide
to hide it from him, I.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Don't know, girl.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
What I will say is that I was in a
nine month situationship that dead ended, met someone new a
week later, have not looked back once.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
I think if something can be.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
Classified as a situationship, it will always have to give
a way, give way to a relationship with exclusivity. Future
commitment are just talking points, but nothing has been promised.
Then it's not cheating, but honesty with the situation ship
partner is first priority.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
I don't think I ever told him. I think we
broke up later. I think we broke up later.
Speaker 5 (28:18):
Yeah, we broke up later because I was like, listen,
I'm I mean, I don't think I told no. I
don't think I told him, but I it just spiritually
and in my heart, I was like, I felt so
much passion with this guy, like we just had it
was just a conversation, you know, and I felt more like,
(28:40):
you know, more for him than I did being with
this guy. And maybe maybe that guy just had sparks.
Maybe it was just like you know, passion that would
burn out, and maybe this guy was like a slow burn,
you know.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
But either way, I was like, there was something missing,
So is that being faithful?
Speaker 5 (29:00):
And I also recognize that that is like that would
happen to me, I would be so sad, I would
be devastated. But that would also prompt a conversation, like
there's obviously something like we're not in a relationship, yeah officially,
and yet you seem like you want to be out
there in the streets, so go I release you.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
I almost feel like it would be I don't think
that you that would be something that would need to
be communicated, Like if you're exclusive and you're just giving
somebody your phone number like it's and if you're still
trying to figure out your own emotions towards this other person,
I don't think that it warrants a conversation because it
could be like, oh, yeah, I had a little crush,
but I really like the guy that I'm talking to, right,
or like if you run into this guy again and
(29:42):
you're like, yike, because I almost left my the my
thing because right, you know, so I just feel like you.
I think that it doesn't warrant that too. However, if
it does blow go into something more, I definitely think
that the first person deserves to know what's happening. Yeah,
and it will of course be hurtful if it was
(30:04):
you on the other end. But it's like, what is
it called? Like nothing Like nothing is lost really like
you just kind of count your losses and keep it moving.
Speaker 5 (30:14):
It was a you know, what it was was that
I was feeling more desired by everyone else than my
own partner that I was sleeping with, you know, every
single weekend. Like I felt I felt like this person
didn't desire me at all, like or was too afraid
(30:36):
to fully desire me or something. So I felt like, well,
this person's giving me attention.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
You know, I was so young. I was so young,
I was so naive.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Well, definitely broke up those other person people do that. Yeah,
I know, I think a lot of people do that.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
I think a lot of people go, oh, this person
is seeing me, this person, you know, is bringing something
different than the other person does. There's that whole like
I think it was like a Tyler Perry movie or
something like The eighty twenty or something where you might
be with an eighty someone who gives you eighty percent
of everything that you want, and you meet somebody else
who fulfills the twenty that the other person does, right,
(31:14):
and so you're all happy, You're all excited, and then
you leave, You leave the eighty for the twenty, but
then you realize that the twenty can only give you
the twenty, and they're not giving you the eighty. They're
not giving you the other stuff. So I don't think
that you're alone necessarily and feeling like you weren't being fulfilled,
because I think that that was also a part of
me too about why I did it too. I think
that like I was like, why am I so sexually
(31:37):
charged in this way with this other individual that I wasn't,
you know, with the relationship that I was in.
Speaker 5 (31:44):
It felt like I was already in like an old
school marriage where our kids had went off to college
and now we're empty nesters and there is no you know,
and I wasn't even married to this full or in
an actual serious relationship.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Oh already you know.
Speaker 5 (32:02):
So But yeah, I think definitely like that other person
deserves to know immediately, like if you're having these feelings.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
For sure, what would you do if you found out that, like,
you know, we are where we are now, I am,
I'm with somebody that I bring around, I'm in a
committed relationship. You love them, You're like, oh my god,
this is your person, and I'm like, I cheated, would you?
Speaker 2 (32:30):
What would you do?
Speaker 5 (32:32):
I mean, I think I would be very disappointed, for sure,
and I would express that I my loyalty is to
my best friend first. You know, I don't think I
would tell your partner because I don't know him like that.
It's not for me to say anything unless we were
(32:52):
super super super close, if unless they were my friend.
But even then, I'm like, that's not my thing to say.
That's for you to say. That's your work to do.
That's not my work. But I would try to support
you anyway I could. But I would be very disappointed.
And but you know, like we all make mistakes, Like
(33:14):
it's it's definitely something that's like what's I would meet.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
I would be.
Speaker 5 (33:20):
More concerned for, like where you are in your mental
health versus like putting a lot of judgment because it's
it's clearly like a.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Cry for help.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Yeah, I'm very lucky to have people like that in
my life. To be honest, I have you, Schanty. A
lot of people in my life are very good at
being like no curly like and I listen, you know,
and like we're very open with each other being like
I don't think so. I think I would also do
the same with you. I think I would be upset.
(33:49):
I would almost feel I think betrayed too. I feel
like I would be like, we have both been talking
about how we want to find a good person, and
here you are with a good person and you're gonna
like fuck it up for who?
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Like do that? For what?
Speaker 3 (34:05):
But what about on the flip if you find yourself
in a situation where you find out that somebody is
cheating on you know, your best friend, or you're.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Like if I.
Speaker 5 (34:16):
Found out that he was cheating on you and I
was the first one to discover it, Oh, I would
tell him, you have less than five minutes to call
this man. That's very generous. That's very very generous of me.
You have now it's now I'm taking up more minutes.
Now it's three minutes. Yeah, Like, you have less than
(34:39):
three minutes to call him and tell him otherwise.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
I mean, I got that motherfucker on speed dial.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
So what Yeah, you know what I would do, And
I don't know if this is the best thing.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
I would call your mom.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Why.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
I think I would call your mom first and be
like Katy, Chica, Okay, this is what's happening?
Speaker 6 (34:59):
What are we going to do?
Speaker 5 (35:17):
Do not under any circumstance unless I'm dying, bleeding out,
not even then, do not call my mother.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Because she is a Pisces.
Speaker 5 (35:28):
Moon and she will react erratically and she will not.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Be very helpful at all.
Speaker 5 (35:35):
Trust me, I think debriefing. If I'm in a coma,
you can call her.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
I feel like I would call your mom because I
feel like I'd be like I would call any of
my friend's mom you know me, I'd like to have
open communication with people's moms.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Yeah, you guys have your own friendship.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:55):
I feel like it'd be like, this is going to
hit her really hard. This is going to hit whoever
I'm wor really hard. What can we do? What is
our plan of attack or the acts?
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Because do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Like that would be my conversation of like, okay, are
we going to offer. We're gonna have to tag teammate
and check. We're gonna have to see like who they're
gonna stay with. I can go over and I'll be
there today. You should consider coming out, Like I.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Think if there's anything like that, I would just go home.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
I would just know what I'm saying, right, So, like
I would be like, are you guys? Should I tell
her that you guys already have a ticket ready for her?
Should I tell her like, like, Okay.
Speaker 5 (36:33):
I would have already booked my own fucking flight at
this point, you know, there's no need to call.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
I would have booked.
Speaker 5 (36:39):
I would have been home, My apartment would be empty,
Like you wouldn't see me three months later.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
Yeah, I'm very like for me, I just feel like
it would depend. Like I remember when I found out
that one of my boyfriends slept with we were broken up,
but he slept with a friend of mine. I could
feel this was the first time I ever felt myself
have like that panic, like the.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
The ugliness, the true betrayal.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Because that's the other part of it too, Right, if
we're going to talk about cheating, like that feeling that
you get when you get cheated on, it's just so ugly.
It just feels like the rug was pulled from underneath you.
It feels like somebody punched you in the gut. The anxiety,
the blood levels going up, and it's just it's kind
of like in my own home, the person that you
(37:28):
trust the most would do this to me, the person
that I gave so much of myself too, like I felt.
I remember feeling my blood boil, like just like I
was out of it. I think that in doing that,
you know, I would try to protect my friend in
telling you if I knew, not you, like you're my
(37:50):
best friend. But if I would tell somebody else like
or family, I think I would be like, I know
the feeling come sitting next to me, breathe. I would
have all those things ready, like read it's fine now
if you were the cheater, like I said, I feel
like i'd be like because I told you that. It
came up with my mom and her sisters. My mom
had there's four sisters and they have a brother, and
(38:12):
the sisters were talking.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
About what they would do.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
And my uncle is in a very happy, committed relationship,
but they were talking about what they would do if
they found out that he was cheating. And half of
the sisters were like, we don't care if he's our brother,
Like we're going to fucking tell the girl, like fuck that,
and the other sisters were like, he's our brother, we
have to protect him. What do you mean, Like that's
(38:36):
our that's our brother, that's not our place.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
And so I thought that that was so interesting because
I don't know that I would do. I don't know
that I would if it was my sister or some
of that. I don't. My sister's my girl, that's my
ride or die. I would not.
Speaker 3 (38:52):
You know, my sister could like clock someone in the face,
she could do a drive by sock in the face,
and I would.
Speaker 5 (38:56):
Be like, that's different, because you know that's probably just
you know, you know, that's probably justifying.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
We could drive by somebody her arm out the window
and I'd be like, I don't do nothing.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
I didn't see anything, Officer, Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 5 (39:15):
I don't think I would protect I mean will I
think I would just stay out of it. There's been
some definitely like cheating in my family from my grandmother,
like my grandma's husband, my tata.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Who was I told you, like.
Speaker 5 (39:32):
He would pick us up like once in a blue
moon after like mass or something, and I would see
a McDonald's bag of like toys at the floor, and.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
I go thought, though, what are these toys? He's like me,
how those are yours?
Speaker 2 (39:48):
Me?
Speaker 1 (39:48):
How you let those the last time I pick you up?
Speaker 5 (39:51):
Remember, you don't remember you were so excited from And
I was like, no, that I don't think that was me.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
No, it was Mica.
Speaker 5 (40:00):
Ah huh, yes, And what I'm like, he was the
first man who taught me what gaslighting is.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
My daughta and my dumbass.
Speaker 5 (40:11):
Brother Like, sorry, bro, he was like, oh, yeah, I
remember those toys. Yeah, those are probably mine.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
But like, don't you feel like that's the ultimate bribe
for a kid though, being like this is your plate,
that would be question.
Speaker 5 (40:24):
You can't bribe me with some McDonald's toys. You can't
bribe me with some McDonald's toys.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
Yeah, but back in the day those McDonald's toys were
five years.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
They were, but not the kind that I wanted.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Okay, Like I don't care about hot wheels.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
I'm rock demographic, thought that what the fuck now?
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Beating babies on the other hand, oh thank you quiet.
Speaker 5 (40:45):
But he cheated on my nanny for years, and he
had a whole other family. He had a whole other
family with kids who were my age and my brother's age.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
So for every grand kid, I'd be like, you're cheating
on gladys and I.
Speaker 5 (41:00):
Want to you know, and then like for yeah, it
just was it was wild. But yeah, my my nanny,
it was like a big, big deal in the family
and it disrupted everything. And so I think my family
is very has very very like high standards and opinions
(41:22):
when it comes to being faithful and cheating and stuff.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
So I mean, dang, what a whack ass grandfather.
Speaker 5 (41:31):
He's still alive to fuck you, Paul, Yeah, yeah, he's
a pastor.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Now he's a pastor. Now he's a pastor. Now keep
that in, keep that in hope you hear this.
Speaker 2 (41:47):
That'sandpa right, No, oh.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
He's the Morio side.
Speaker 5 (41:52):
He So, my my grandmother got pregnant at sixteen, had
my dad and that's my last name was supposed to
be Luhan, but then my dad got adopted by this man.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
And the rest is history, her history. That's it. Keep
that in.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
The rest is herstory.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
Well, it sounds like you clearly are holding on to
something still.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Have you because he was whack ass bitch.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Do you feel like.
Speaker 3 (42:25):
Do you feel like, I'm sure he's an older man,
even older man. Now do you think that once a cheater,
always a cheater and can you forgive people like that?
Speaker 5 (42:36):
Okay, here's the real real is that he had some
we suspect you had some severe mental issues after he
got out of the war. Out of I think he
was in Vietnam, you know, he changed, he was in
dealing some serious drugs like all this stuff, and you know,
just straight up cheated on my grandmother and left her
(42:58):
with nothing, with nothing, you know, and it chose this
holier literally literally holier than thou attitude.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Literally his own mother and his family don't even fuck
with him.
Speaker 5 (43:11):
So it's like, I'm not like whatever, I'm more mad
for my nanny that you did that to my grandmother,
Like you don't mean shit to me, you know what
I'm saying, Like I am more so like I'm very
loyal in that way. I don't really feel I know,
it sounds like it that I'm holding it in my
body and maybe a little bit and I'll release it,
(43:35):
but you know, I don't know if I I don't
know if I can forgive him. My nanny still I
don't know if she forgives him. Yeah, tbh, because that
was brutal.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
I feel like, you know, I'm pretty.
Speaker 3 (43:49):
It really depends, right, Like the people that have cheated
on me, we were young, and I you know, I
have a joke that I always said, if you cheat
before you're twenty five, like, who gives a shit? Like,
just get your shit together and be better as you get.
So a lot of the guys that cheated on me
before twenty five, I'm very like, I don't care. You
guys are all grown men, we're all in our thirties,
we're all like in a certain place, but with somebody
(44:10):
like your grandma who has kids, right, who has the family?
Who you feel like, this is supposed to be my partner.
And no, you not only betrayed me, you betrayed us.
You betrayed the unit. You know, Like I don't know
that that would be as easy for me to forgive.
But I don't know that that would be because I
also feel like it's only betrayal. But you robbed us,
(44:33):
you know, like you stole something from us, You stole
the dreams, the family unit, like you destroyed this, you
abandon us, You betrayed us. And so I feel like
when it comes to forgiveness, it's up to everyone, right,
they can decide how they want, how they want to
move forward, what's better for their healing. I think that
there are some people who don't deserve that right.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Like he doesn't.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
There's some people who are.
Speaker 3 (44:57):
Just scom and you're like, actually, I don't feel you
deserve my forgiveness. I'm not holding on to it. I'm
not sitting here thinking like, I hope you right, but.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
I hope that. But I do think like, but fuck you,
but fuck you. Yeah, but I don't forgive you, but
fuck you.
Speaker 3 (45:12):
Look, if it were me as as much as it
means to me to be married, to have a partner,
to have my children, if we have gotten to the
point where I have said I do and we are doing,
and we have our home, and you go out and
you cheat, that would.
Speaker 5 (45:29):
Just start a new family when you have grandchildren. Yeah,
when you're six five six grandchildren, that's come on, come on.
Speaker 3 (45:38):
So I don't know that I would be able to forgive.
I think i'd be like, you know, I hope that
God and whatever whatever you believe, and I hope that
it handles and I hope that karma.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
Bucks that asshole. That's right. I hope it stings, the
good kind of sting. Well ready for this zodiac section?
Speaker 5 (46:00):
Yes, welcome to the zodiac section of the podcast.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
Who's the Cheater of the Zodiac.
Speaker 5 (46:18):
Ices but I maybe cancers.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
I feel like Aris could definitely. I think Aris venus.
I am a high vibration aris venus, so not can't
be me, but like, we'll let.
Speaker 5 (46:34):
Me explain aries venus so and minus retrograde. When you
have aris and venus, it's detriment, which means that it
does not like to be there. It is harder to
find love because you want.
Speaker 1 (46:47):
The next best thing. You want somebody who is like,
oh can I get better? Oh maybe I can get better?
Or I'm bored.
Speaker 5 (46:54):
It's the I'm bored thing, so they just keep going
to the next person. So I think some Aris venus
who are maybe low vibrating tend to have that a
little bit.
Speaker 3 (47:06):
I feel like with me, fire signs will be more
like they will leave you for somebody else. But I
don't see them doing it behind your back. I feel
like fire signs.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
They'll do it in front of your back.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Yeah, yes, Hi, I'm bored, I have to go. I
feel like.
Speaker 5 (47:21):
They'll literally make out with someone and be like, didn't
I just tell you that I don't want to. Sorry,
I got my actions mixed up. Yeah I was supposed
to tell you and then make out, but I made
out and so I'm telling you, but you just saw right.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
We're good, right.
Speaker 3 (47:35):
I feel like Water Signs will cheat and like because
they feel like you're not giving them enough, Like they'll
be like, well, I feel like you weren't doing this
and doing that, so I feel justified in me cheating.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
Which is a very low vibrational thing.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
I think Earth Signs would cheat if you like again,
like I feel like an Earth sign which cheat if
you were like unfulfilling in a way that was like
it looks like you're building a better nest over there,
you know what I mean? Like, hold up, you guys
got all the premium channels and the streamers to their house.
Speaker 5 (48:10):
And that's why they're smart, and they don't make it official.
That's why they keep it at a situationship so they
can be like, well, is it really cheating if I
were not together?
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Are you talking about my ex boyfriend? Ok?
Speaker 1 (48:29):
Whoa, that's you, that's all you. I was talking about mine?
Speaker 5 (48:36):
But oh well, well wait, who's the cheater that who's
the one who always gets cheated on?
Speaker 1 (48:46):
Like, who's so oblivious? Who's so too in love?
Speaker 2 (48:49):
Oh? Me the virgo? No me, I'm the virgo. It's
me and Beyonce getting cheated on.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
Out hairdes Sorry.
Speaker 2 (49:02):
It's fine, I'm still curly, she still be so whatever.
Speaker 5 (49:10):
That concludes the astrology portion, Carly, how do you plead, Maya?
Speaker 1 (49:19):
You know cheaters are gonna cheat, play think play again
in a dynamic and there's none of them numbers.
Speaker 5 (49:32):
Cheaters are gonna cheat, yes, for sure, But I think
it's all about communication. If you are feeling some type
of way where you feel unfilled, unfulfilled by both by
that person that you're dating, like, talk to them, tell them,
don't go off and go try something new special, especially
(49:52):
if you guys are like together together even exclusive.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
Just have a conversation exactly.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (49:57):
I would say to the cheater, if you're cheating and
listening to this, stop it your nasty stop cheating and
settle down and get your shit together.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
A little cheater, I.
Speaker 3 (50:08):
Would say, you know, grow up, tell people what you want,
get your shit together. If you don't want to be
in a city relationship, or if you want to be
out there getting your gudle lick or doing whatever, like,
do it, but don't waste people's times. Don't play with
people's emotions. Human beings are a whole ass human beings
that deserve to be what do we all want? We
want to be seen, appreciated and respected, and you're cheating
(50:29):
on them is not fulfilling any of those needs. Now,
if you're being cheated on, you know or you're worried
about it, and you cannot control things that are out
of your control, so try not to stress too hard
about it. If somebody cheats, that has more to do
with them than it has to do with you. Unless
you're not sucking dick, than suck dick and eat pussy,
because then that could be a problem. You should be
(50:51):
You should put your partner in your mouth at some point.
Oh and so Maya.
Speaker 5 (50:57):
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of
the Super Secret Best Club podcast Curly.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
How can you find you? On social media?
Speaker 3 (51:03):
You can find me at the Curly New Show on
Instagram and TikTok by.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
Where can people find you?
Speaker 5 (51:08):
You can find me at Maya in the Moment, m
a Ya in the Moments, anywhere where you scroll and listen.
If you're one of our exes listening to this and
you get your feelings hurt, that's on you. Why are
you checking for us and I know you're listening all
the way to the end.
Speaker 2 (51:25):
Yeah for listenerious to the end. Do you miss us?
You should? You should?
Speaker 1 (51:31):
You sure should. Bye.
Speaker 5 (51:34):
Make sure to hit that subscribe button to hear more
episodes every single week. The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast
is a production of Sonodo in partnership with iHeartRadio's Michael
Tha podcast Network.
Speaker 3 (51:46):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Hey, who is he my friend? He's gay exactly?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
And what am I chopped liver?
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Have you even had chopped liver?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I have?
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Actually it's delicious. Oh call it a day.
Speaker 4 (00:14):
Well, my name is Curly and I'm Maya and welcome
to the super Secret Pesti Cloud podcast.
Speaker 5 (00:25):
A super secret club where we talk about super secret things.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah, like secrets that are super That's what it is.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Get in here.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
Welcome to another episode of the super Secret bestI Club Podcast.
I did I've had like this one person, this's only
even one person contacted me on two different social media
platforms telling me that they missed the old intro of
us being like say super secret, super secret. So I
just want to give a shout out to you for
(01:05):
contacting me on my Instagram, d ms and consistently on
my TikTok lives.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
That was such a funny intro.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
They were like secret, I miss when you say super secret.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Let's do it?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Uh see super secret, super secret? There you go, there
you go?
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yeah, now now we go secrets that are super or
what do we say?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
That's that's it.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yeah, they were.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
They were definitely like they wanted me to and they
were like, I just want to let you know if
you like hello, like did you read my DM.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I'm like, yes, I did read it. I will give
the feedback to Curly and our producer engineer.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
That's like when I used to say dick, I used
to go duck duck, and now it's just a friendly.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Now it's just a thing.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
So we've got a juicy, juicey episode for you all today.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
It is a cheating cheaters.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
Lying, cheating cheaters. So first of all, how's your spirit.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Cheta cheaated? Good?
Speaker 3 (02:26):
My spirit has been like up and down, you know,
but it's been mostly good. I would say every time
I go into like a weird space or something that
like kicks me right back up, like it'll work out,
It'll be good, this will be fine, it's okay. And
then you know, I think lately, yesterday we had a
conversation about just letting go, like truly just in life,
(02:47):
like I'm so tired of what job, not what job,
but I'm so tired of like in entertainment, like what
gig is coming next? I'm so tired of Am I
going to meet the right man of it. I'm like,
I don't care, bro, I just had half a burrito
half a bot that hit the gympire later. But it's
they're both vegan, so I'm fine because I'm vegan now.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Oh sall alarms.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
And you know when I commit to something, I commit.
So week two of being vegan, how's your spirit?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
My spirit is good.
Speaker 5 (03:19):
I I really did resonate with like the letting go
conversation too, because I'm like, you know what, there's only
so much control we have in this world. We have
none except for like, you know, the obvious certain things
of this world like bills and stuff and whatever.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
But everything else, I'm really like, let me.
Speaker 5 (03:39):
I'm gonna let the universe, god whoever is like has
planned out my life. I'm gonna let them surprise me
a little bit. I'm not gonna hold on too tight too,
like I should get this done or I should do this.
Like I'm just gonna keep going where my I'm just
gonna keep going like spiritually led you know, like yeah, yeah,
so and I know it. You know, my intuition has
(04:02):
never led me astray ever, So I'm.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Just taking a breather. Let's all just take a breather.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
I think that one of the things that I'm telling
myself right now is I'm just kind of annoyed because
you know, our Bitter Bitch episode came out and I
was re listening to it again and there's the thing
where they go, oh yeah, so and so I just
saw this thing online was like Kylie became a billionaire
because she had Kylie Cosmetics, And I'm like, well, yeah,
she had Chris Jenners, her mom who had you know,
you think.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Of all these things where your like yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
But also and not to make excuses, but I'm like, no,
I've never been lazy in my life. No, I've never
just sat on my ass and done nothing like like,
there's just certain things that just have to fall into place,
and so I'm just like I'm gonna let the universe
let things fall into place. It's not like I've never
been like looking for love or going out or trying
(04:53):
or trying with anything.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I'm like, I'm a hole tight.
Speaker 5 (04:57):
I think our main purpose on this earth is we're
humans having a spiritual or spirits, spirits having a human experience,
Like we gotta be a little human sometimes, you know,
and absolutely pay close attention to you know, when we're
spiritually led to something and not hold so tight.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
So but you know we're gonna take all that good
juju stuff away.
Speaker 5 (05:22):
We're gonna talk about good old hardcore cheating.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Yeah that's right.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
I have an icebreaker question. Have you ever cheated in school?
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Cheated in school? No, I wasn't much of a cheater,
because I'm sure I did. But I wasn't much of
a cheater because I told you that I would always
I was always like the person that the teacher would
look at a lot, like I was the only gay kid.
I had a big head, big hair. I just would
get in trouble for like, I always got caught.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
So I never cheated. I just wasn't.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Then I also just felt like I don't care. I'm
not gonna do that. What about you?
Speaker 5 (05:56):
Also side note, like there's something like spiritual about having
big heads.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Huh. We both have giant heads.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Yeah, we were talking about that. Jarina says that that's
the mark of the devil for success, like if you
have a large head.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
We have, I have a giant head.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
I have a giant head.
Speaker 5 (06:12):
Yeah, yes, I have cheated in school. Girl talking about
it was not because I mean it. I seriously had
a learning deficit one hundred percent undiagnosed ADHD and undiagnosed
dyslexy at the time, like major to where there was
(06:34):
a lot of things like it was very hard for
me to read, very hard for me to like and
I would tell my parents this, but they didn't know
what to do.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Like math class.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
I would stay any math teacher that I had each year.
I would stay after school every day to learn with them.
So I tried really hard. But in the end, girl,
I just had a cheat off of my neighbor. You
know what I'm saying, like really and yes, because I
couldn't get it. It was out of survival. I tried so hard,
(07:03):
but not all the time, just certain times when I could.
And in AP classes, anyone who's been an AP they
have a cheating ring, okay, Like they have last year's
tests for sale.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Last year's.
Speaker 5 (07:18):
People were selling journals, like we'd have to pick a
book or no, we'd have to write journals, like entries
on the books we were currently reading. People were selling journals.
I never bought one, but I would. I would say
like can I look at your journal? And they'd be like, yeah,
can I look at yours. Yeah, for sure, we did
what we had to do. High school school was the one.
(07:42):
It was a couple of the worst years of my life. Okay,
mentally I know, I just knew that I was meant
to be doing this, which has nothing to do there's
no math involved. Yeah, anyway, the past story. I wanted
to talk about my past story, and then we'll get
into the the meat of it, sorry, not meat, the
(08:03):
the vegan meat of it.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
The impossible meat of it, the tofu of it all.
Speaker 5 (08:13):
So like my orchestra director, I was an orchestra for
my entire school career, and he would I asked him
for like a pass because I was going to be
late to like class, and so he would sign the
pass with the signature, but did put the date or
the time. So I would keep reusing that pass every
(08:36):
morning when I would be late for school. And one
morning my chemistry teacher was like, I'm just going to
keep this, like thank you for this late past, and
I was like, no, yeah, you should definitely keep that
because it doesn't even have a data or a time.
Like He's so fucking dumb. He didn't put a data
like you could just keep reading. I wouldn't keep reusing it.
But I'm just saying I would keeping that ship.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
It could be an addiction, I could.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Is it my fault or is it?
Speaker 5 (09:02):
Like you talk about school, there was nothing valuable I
learned in school for my teachers.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
I learned it myself by scheming.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
But yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
What was that Oprah thing where she's like, were you silenced?
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Were you silent? Or were you silenced?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
She's like, that makes no sense giving the note?
Speaker 5 (09:26):
Yeah, you know, And they would never suspect me at
all because I was so quiet. I kept my own
I had big ears, I heard everything, big eyes, I
see everything.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
But one thing about me is I'm not opening my mouth.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
I feel like I kind of look mischievous, like I
feel like I have a look of like I'm up
to something.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
And usually I was, you know, but no, like.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Not for nothing.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I was just talking not for nothing.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
I mean I was talking to Joys the other day
about the different ways that the girls would heat and
like my friends, like they would write the answer there
is on their thighs and then lift their skirts up,
or they would write and a yeah, or they would
write in a little note between there and keep it
between their legs and you know, open their legs and
look at it. You know, Joyce said they would write
(10:14):
it on the inside of the paper of a water bottle.
Speaker 5 (10:17):
Wow, isn't this genius?
Speaker 1 (10:22):
This is genius?
Speaker 5 (10:24):
Like yeah, absolutely, this is this is peak intelligence, Like
fuck your fucking like like a a plus, Like how
do you cheat on a tech that is crafty?
Speaker 3 (10:37):
Cheating though at the topic they're talking about today is
actually like talking about like cheating on people relationship. Yeah,
And I feel like that is a whole other different ballgame.
And it came up because we were talking about how
I thought you were gonna you were talking about how
you felt like.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
A lot of.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Black women in particular were being snubbed at the Grammys,
and I have seen that and I agree, But I
thought you were going to say a lot of powerful
black women have been cheated on. And my brain was
like a lot of powerful women have been cheated on.
And I started to think about Beyonce halle Berry like
almost like a lot of other celebrities who are black
(11:22):
men cheated on? Yeah, Sandra Bullock, like all these people
have been cheated on. And I was like, is that wild?
How so many successful people have been cheated on, like
who's safe out there? We were like, and then we
got into the conversation of well, let's talk about it.
What and you know what, I guess we can set
(11:42):
off with how do you It depends on how you
define cheating, Like how what do you think cheating is?
Speaker 1 (11:48):
I don't know, what about you?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Oh my god, Oh my god, I.
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Don't know, man, because emotional cheating is like, if I
define it, it's like if you're talking to somebody online
that you are attracted to, if you're leaving comments like
that they're attractive and you're my boyfriend, that's fucked up,
you know, if you are. I think, like some people say,
confiding in your coworker, like who like your female coworker, Like.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
That could be emotional cheating. But I think that's fine.
Speaker 5 (12:23):
I think physical cheating obviously, but I think it's it's there.
There's different categories, So what about you?
Speaker 2 (12:30):
I agree?
Speaker 3 (12:31):
I think kat Lazzo, who was another really great Latina
creative that we came up with in the game, said
so many years ago. She said, cheating is defined to
the couple the individual, and as a couple, they have
to decide together what they think cheating is.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
For me.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
For example, you know a guy leave my boyfriend leaving
comments on a first trap instagrammer like.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Flames, I don't, I don't care.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
You know, if he were to write me or check
your DMS, I'd be like, Flames mean to.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Call me check your DMS?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
You know, like I feel like for me, they don't.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
For me, I'm like what because I leave flames all
the time, right, Like, I'd be like, I don't know
their relationship. They could be friends, so we would have
to define it for ourselves.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I think that for me. I also, I think that my.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Definition of cheating has changed as I've gotten older, like
you know, as a teenager, as somebody in my twenties,
and now as a full fledged adult, like as somebody
who calls myself an adult, a man, a grown ass man,
a grown as adult, Like, cheating now means something different
for me than it did ten years ago. So for me,
(13:43):
it's like, I think it's more up to the person.
Is there emotionally cheating if you're checking in and you're
talking to this guy, do your work, husband, and you
guys do stuff? Yeah, I think so, like is it
cheating if you're texting? If they're calling you. Yeah, it's
a bit weird some things, Oh, don't.
Speaker 5 (13:59):
Be called, don't be calling my partner and night talking
about some workshit very good.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
But but I will say that, you know, I don't know,
like shit.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah, it's situational. It's like situational. Yeah. Have you ever
been cheated on?
Speaker 2 (14:17):
I have?
Speaker 3 (14:17):
I have been, And like most things in life, I
have been both the victim and a victimizer, right like
I have also cheated before, and I've cheated on.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
I've been cheated on.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Actually, a lot of my boyfriends in my twenties cheated
on me, if I'm honest with you, but I'm not,
and I always tell you that too. I'm like, I'm
not sure if that's just something people in their twenties do.
I don't know if that's just a gay thing. I'm
still cool with them now in my thirties because I'm like,
I don't care if you cheated on me when we
were twenty two, What the fuck? I look better than
the guy you cheated on me with, and I look
better than your current partner.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
So why am I tripping? You know? Oh shit, no,
teno shade.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Keep it keep it in in that Vegan tea. I
wasn't talking about you if you're listening or your new partner,
or we are.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Talking about you if you are listening.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Vegan tea.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I said, that's some good vegan tea right there. Keep
the vegan tea.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Yeah, you're right. What about you, like, how do you like,
have you ever been cheated? Oh? You said that you
don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
I don't know because I feel like with some of
the guys that you've told me about, they just even
though they just.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Sound like cheatish to me, they sound s gummy.
Speaker 5 (15:31):
Because I was telling you. One guy was like, well,
technically I never cheated on you. Like so quick, I'm like,
that means you did cheat.
Speaker 6 (15:40):
Bro.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
Like, if you have to say technically I never cheated
on you, that means you have your own defined like cheating,
Like you have your.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Own definitions of cheating. Basically they're different from mine that
I was unaware of.
Speaker 5 (15:55):
But he definitely would, like I think like he would.
This was at the time when Facebook was really popular,
and you remember when we used to see everybody's activity
on Facebook, like it would pop up. I would see
him comment on, so my entire family would see him
comment on a bunch of girls profiles and pictures.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
And they would be like Maya, and I'm like, ah,
he's just friendly.
Speaker 5 (16:24):
Like he would add so many random girls, so many
and he's like, well, I'm not cheating, I'm not cheating.
I'm like, then, why do you need to add these people?
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Why?
Speaker 1 (16:36):
I was so in love that I was just like whatever, haha.
But obviously he would also gaslight me too and be
like I've known them.
Speaker 5 (16:45):
He would lie, he'd be like, oh, I know them,
they're a friend of a friend and I was just
checking up on them. I'm like, you were checking up
on them by like telling them that they're cute and
their picture, Like that's that's comforting them, Like you don't
like shit like.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
That, making a yike space right now like yikes. Like.
Speaker 5 (17:03):
Definitely, social media can blur the lines a lot, but
I think it has made cheaters and even maybe non
cheaters become cheaters for sure, because it's technically not right cheating.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
I think it's blurred the lines in so many ways.
I think that it kind of allows you to do
things in the shadows and the darkened ways that you
wouldn't do before. I also think that you know, thinking
about your situation right now. When I ask you, how
did that make you feel? It kind of goes into
like that's an important question to ask yourself if you're
in a relationship, like well, how does that make you feel?
(17:53):
How does it make you feel? And if it doesn't
make you feel comfortable, that's okay to have that conversation.
But it's definitely important to have that conversation before you're like, no,
he cheated on me, Like you need to talk about
those things and you need to discuss what your boundaries
are in the relationship, is what I would say. But
I think that that's such an important place to start at,
like well, yeah, how does that make you feel that
(18:14):
somebody is like, you know, leaving comments or someone's calling
your man?
Speaker 2 (18:18):
At this time, I was.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Thinking about how I got cheated on by who I
was so in love with is just so like young teenager.
I was like an la young Latino kid. He was
a valley kid from he like carried a.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Gat, he had like a gun.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
He was like buff and sexy, and I was like,
oh my god, my man has a gun, you know, Like,
and I found out that he cheated on me because
he two things. I would do this thing where I
would say. I would text him when I knew he
was out and I would go who was that? And
(18:59):
he would be like, what do you mean? I'm like
the guy you.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Just kiss who was that? The guy who was touching you?
Who was that?
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Did you actually see them?
Speaker 2 (19:10):
No, I'd be at home. I'd be on my fan.
The other one that I would do is like I
found out that he cheated.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Because wait, what did he say? What did he say?
Speaker 3 (19:21):
He was like, that was just my friend and I
was like, okay, what was that kissing your friends? The
other way that I found out was because he would
change his back In the day, we had sidekicks and
he had aim aa what instant message on there and
we could have an away message so people couldn't you know,
(19:42):
bother us, and his away message would always kind of
be in like dedication to me, and he would block
me and change the name to another guy's name. And
I had a friend who was like, hey, I noticed
that your boyfriend is like it was something like that,
and so he sent me basically like the exact wording
(20:04):
of what he was changing his status to and he
was like he would be like to my baby, Curly,
I love you forever and always my number one, would
block me and then would change it and be like
to my baby Maya forever, always my number one, well,
and then would block you.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
You know, I love him now. We're really good friends.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
He's super amazing and he has a great partner who's
also amazing.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Man.
Speaker 5 (20:33):
He should have been on the podcast I Ask A Cheaters.
Speaker 6 (20:39):
Not.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
I will say the other way that I found out
that my other boyfriend after him was cheating was that
if you have my mom always says okay, Gwentren right, like,
if you want to go look for something, you're going
to find something. But if you go into your significant
other's phone and if you type in you know, at
the very top of the text messages where it says search,
(21:02):
if you just type in babe, type in anything like babe.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
I go to my phone.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Am I cheating on myself?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Yeah? I deserve it?
Speaker 3 (21:12):
But gene Jeen, like anything dirty that you want to
find out, just type in the search bar. It'll populate
all the times that you know this person has used anything.
Don't look for a name, don't look for like, oh,
that's his best friends? Is he going to call Peter
his best friend?
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Babe?
Speaker 3 (21:27):
Because it could be Cassandra in accounting, or you just
type in your name.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
I always just type in my name.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
You could type in your name, I mean not always. Yeah,
just you know, be a little be a little slick
about it. I don't know how Instagram. I think Instagram
you can do the same thing too, Like if you
can get into their inbox and you type in yeah
search if I type in babe, let's see, I think
it'll show my.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Gosh, this is like put some spy music.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
It'll give you.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
I'm in I've packed the main system.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Yeah, it'll give you the messages. You can do it on.
You can do it on uh.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
You know what.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
There's this girl that I watch and she goes live
every night. Her I don't know how to pronounce her name.
It's like XO j A s.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
J A xo jazz No no, no.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Yeah jazz, Oh yeah xo jazz. I thought it was
like something else.
Speaker 5 (22:33):
She catches cheaters live every night on TikTok Live XO
j A s O one.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
So basically, these girls will give.
Speaker 5 (22:44):
Her a number to call and she'll be like Hi,
She'll call them or text them first with the picture,
and then she'll call them and be like hi, like
and they're like.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
What who is this?
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (22:56):
This is this is Jasmine? You don't remember me? No?
Speaker 5 (23:01):
Oh is this Leo? No it's not Leo. Oh well
I just sent you a picture. Sorry I thought I
thought you were Leo from Tinder. I got the number wrong.
And then you see if the guy is like, oh wait,
hold up, you're kind of cute, like what's up, or
they're like yeah, no, no worries, no problem. But it's
she has like a cheater board, so she goes. She
goes live every night. It's so freaking good. I watch
(23:22):
it like when I'm like editing or I'm like playing
my video games or whatever.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
So she makes it.
Speaker 5 (23:28):
She makes a living off of that too, off off
of the numbers.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
So have we ever cheated? Have you ever cheated?
Speaker 2 (23:38):
Well?
Speaker 3 (23:38):
This is kind of a hard one for me, right,
because it requires accountability, and it requires kind of like
a facing of myself in terms of things that I'm
not necessarily proud of.
Speaker 6 (23:47):
Right.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
And I said to you earlier that at some point
in my life I was in a space where I
didn't know how to define cheating. And this is honestly right,
Like I always thought that cheating was like having an affair.
I didn't understand cheating as being like a text or
emotionally cheating or hooking up. And so when I was younger,
(24:09):
there was a situation, there was a time where that happened,
and I truly just like, you know, if you were
to ask me why I did it, I can totally
be honest with you and tell you that I think
that it felt like when you do it, it almost
feels like the man side of you, the hormone side
(24:30):
of you, like all those ugly parts of you that
are like, oh, I just it doesn't mean anything. I
just want to get off and go, Like that's what
that was, right, Because the person that I was with,
and this was a while ago, right, but the person
that I was with was like had no idea and
I just and I still wanted I liked being with them,
(24:51):
but there was just a part of me that couldn't
say no to the adrenaline of somebody wanting me and
hooking up with me. And so I feel like it.
You know, now again that I'm older, my hair is silver,
I'm like boring. I would just wear gray and white
all the time, Like I can look back at my
life and go, oh, yeah, that was just a really
(25:12):
damaged individual that just was so deep in their own
shit that they believed their own bullshit.
Speaker 5 (25:21):
Wow, that felt like a true Hollywood story. This is
what I want to ask too. This has been on
my heart, and I asked TikTok, But I said it
in the way that's like hypothetical. I said, I'm collecting
answers for the podcast, which I am. So there is
a situation many years ago before therapy as well, where
(25:42):
I was like dating someone. We were exclusive, and it
was towards the end of the situationship. It went on
like way longer than it should have because we had
already had like the conversation of like what are we
or what are we? We know and it just kind
of flatlined. And so I went to this event and
I met this guy who made me, who gave me
(26:05):
kind of more feelings and not that he was like
interested in me, but I felt like, I know, they
say you shouldn't get addicted to like the spark, but
I felt kind of a spark. That was an indication
that I was, like, I've never felt that spark in
any of the months that I've been with this person
that I'm in an exclusive situationship with.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
So I like gave this.
Speaker 5 (26:29):
Guy my number and like flirted a little bit and
he gave me his number. Nothing happened after that, but
just that act of me giving my number to him
and like it made me later feel like I need
to have a conversation with this guy that I'm exclusive
with who obviously doesn't want to be my boyfriend but
(26:53):
like wants to still be exclusive and just date only me,
you know, So, like, is that cheating we weren't in
a relationship.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Yeah, I'd wait. You said that you asked people on
your TikTok with they thought, they.
Speaker 5 (27:07):
Think it's very mixed, and I posted it, I want
to say, like fifty five minutes ago. Let me refresh,
and it has like thirty nine comments. Somebody said nope,
because he should have made it clear that you were
in a relationship. Someone else was like, it's not cheating,
You're not You're not exclusively in a relationship. Just stay
(27:30):
open and honest with the other person. No, but if
person A is not fulfilling what you want, move on.
But then other people are like, yes, if you decide
to hide it from him, I.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Don't know, girl.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
What I will say is that I was in a
nine month situationship that dead ended, met someone new a
week later, have not looked back once.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
I think if something can be.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
Classified as a situationship, it will always have to give
a way, give way to a relationship with exclusivity. Future
commitment are just talking points, but nothing has been promised.
Then it's not cheating, but honesty with the situation ship
partner is first priority.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
I don't think I ever told him. I think we
broke up later. I think we broke up later.
Speaker 5 (28:18):
Yeah, we broke up later because I was like, listen,
I'm I mean, I don't think I told no. I
don't think I told him, but I it just spiritually
and in my heart, I was like, I felt so
much passion with this guy, like we just had it
was just a conversation, you know, and I felt more like,
(28:40):
you know, more for him than I did being with
this guy. And maybe maybe that guy just had sparks.
Maybe it was just like you know, passion that would
burn out, and maybe this guy was like a slow burn,
you know.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
But either way, I was like, there was something missing,
So is that being faithful?
Speaker 5 (29:00):
And I also recognize that that is like that would
happen to me, I would be so sad, I would
be devastated. But that would also prompt a conversation, like
there's obviously something like we're not in a relationship, yeah officially,
and yet you seem like you want to be out
there in the streets, so go I release you.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
I almost feel like it would be I don't think
that you that would be something that would need to
be communicated, Like if you're exclusive and you're just giving
somebody your phone number like it's and if you're still
trying to figure out your own emotions towards this other person,
I don't think that it warrants a conversation because it
could be like, oh, yeah, I had a little crush,
but I really like the guy that I'm talking to, right,
or like if you run into this guy again and
(29:42):
you're like, yike, because I almost left my the my
thing because right, you know, so I just feel like you.
I think that it doesn't warrant that too. However, if
it does blow go into something more, I definitely think
that the first person deserves to know what's happening. Yeah,
and it will of course be hurtful if it was
(30:04):
you on the other end. But it's like, what is
it called? Like nothing Like nothing is lost really like
you just kind of count your losses and keep it moving.
Speaker 5 (30:14):
It was a you know, what it was was that
I was feeling more desired by everyone else than my
own partner that I was sleeping with, you know, every
single weekend. Like I felt I felt like this person
didn't desire me at all, like or was too afraid
(30:36):
to fully desire me or something. So I felt like, well,
this person's giving me attention.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
You know, I was so young. I was so young,
I was so naive.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Well, definitely broke up those other person people do that. Yeah,
I know, I think a lot of people do that.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
I think a lot of people go, oh, this person
is seeing me, this person, you know, is bringing something
different than the other person does. There's that whole like
I think it was like a Tyler Perry movie or
something like The eighty twenty or something where you might
be with an eighty someone who gives you eighty percent
of everything that you want, and you meet somebody else
who fulfills the twenty that the other person does, right,
(31:14):
and so you're all happy, You're all excited, and then
you leave, You leave the eighty for the twenty, but
then you realize that the twenty can only give you
the twenty, and they're not giving you the eighty. They're
not giving you the other stuff. So I don't think
that you're alone necessarily and feeling like you weren't being fulfilled,
because I think that that was also a part of
me too about why I did it too. I think
that like I was like, why am I so sexually
(31:37):
charged in this way with this other individual that I wasn't,
you know, with the relationship that I was in.
Speaker 5 (31:44):
It felt like I was already in like an old
school marriage where our kids had went off to college
and now we're empty nesters and there is no you know,
and I wasn't even married to this full or in
an actual serious relationship.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Oh already you know.
Speaker 5 (32:02):
So But yeah, I think definitely like that other person
deserves to know immediately, like if you're having these feelings.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
For sure, what would you do if you found out that, like,
you know, we are where we are now, I am,
I'm with somebody that I bring around, I'm in a
committed relationship. You love them, You're like, oh my god,
this is your person, and I'm like, I cheated, would you?
Speaker 2 (32:30):
What would you do?
Speaker 5 (32:32):
I mean, I think I would be very disappointed, for sure,
and I would express that I my loyalty is to
my best friend first. You know, I don't think I
would tell your partner because I don't know him like that.
It's not for me to say anything unless we were
(32:52):
super super super close, if unless they were my friend.
But even then, I'm like, that's not my thing to say.
That's for you to say. That's your work to do.
That's not my work. But I would try to support
you anyway I could. But I would be very disappointed.
And but you know, like we all make mistakes, Like
(33:14):
it's it's definitely something that's like what's I would meet.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
I would be.
Speaker 5 (33:20):
More concerned for, like where you are in your mental
health versus like putting a lot of judgment because it's
it's clearly like a.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Cry for help.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Yeah, I'm very lucky to have people like that in
my life. To be honest, I have you, Schanty. A
lot of people in my life are very good at
being like no curly like and I listen, you know,
and like we're very open with each other being like
I don't think so. I think I would also do
the same with you. I think I would be upset.
(33:49):
I would almost feel I think betrayed too. I feel
like I would be like, we have both been talking
about how we want to find a good person, and
here you are with a good person and you're gonna
like fuck it up for who?
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Like do that? For what?
Speaker 3 (34:05):
But what about on the flip if you find yourself
in a situation where you find out that somebody is
cheating on you know, your best friend, or you're.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Like if I.
Speaker 5 (34:16):
Found out that he was cheating on you and I
was the first one to discover it, Oh, I would
tell him, you have less than five minutes to call
this man. That's very generous. That's very very generous of me.
You have now it's now I'm taking up more minutes.
Now it's three minutes. Yeah, Like, you have less than
(34:39):
three minutes to call him and tell him otherwise.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
I mean, I got that motherfucker on speed dial.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
So what Yeah, you know what I would do, And
I don't know if this is the best thing.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
I would call your mom.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Why.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
I think I would call your mom first and be
like Katy, Chica, Okay, this is what's happening?
Speaker 6 (34:59):
What are we going to do?
Speaker 5 (35:17):
Do not under any circumstance unless I'm dying, bleeding out,
not even then, do not call my mother.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Because she is a Pisces.
Speaker 5 (35:28):
Moon and she will react erratically and she will not.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Be very helpful at all.
Speaker 5 (35:35):
Trust me, I think debriefing. If I'm in a coma,
you can call her.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
I feel like I would call your mom because I
feel like I'd be like I would call any of
my friend's mom you know me, I'd like to have
open communication with people's moms.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Yeah, you guys have your own friendship.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:55):
I feel like it'd be like, this is going to
hit her really hard. This is going to hit whoever
I'm wor really hard. What can we do? What is
our plan of attack or the acts?
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Because do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Like that would be my conversation of like, okay, are
we going to offer. We're gonna have to tag teammate
and check. We're gonna have to see like who they're
gonna stay with. I can go over and I'll be
there today. You should consider coming out, Like I.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Think if there's anything like that, I would just go home.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
I would just know what I'm saying, right, So, like
I would be like, are you guys? Should I tell
her that you guys already have a ticket ready for her?
Should I tell her like, like, Okay.
Speaker 5 (36:33):
I would have already booked my own fucking flight at
this point, you know, there's no need to call.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
I would have booked.
Speaker 5 (36:39):
I would have been home, My apartment would be empty,
Like you wouldn't see me three months later.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
Yeah, I'm very like for me, I just feel like
it would depend. Like I remember when I found out
that one of my boyfriends slept with we were broken up,
but he slept with a friend of mine. I could
feel this was the first time I ever felt myself
have like that panic, like the.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
The ugliness, the true betrayal.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Because that's the other part of it too, Right, if
we're going to talk about cheating, like that feeling that
you get when you get cheated on, it's just so ugly.
It just feels like the rug was pulled from underneath you.
It feels like somebody punched you in the gut. The anxiety,
the blood levels going up, and it's just it's kind
of like in my own home, the person that you
(37:28):
trust the most would do this to me, the person
that I gave so much of myself too, like I felt.
I remember feeling my blood boil, like just like I
was out of it. I think that in doing that,
you know, I would try to protect my friend in
telling you if I knew, not you, like you're my
(37:50):
best friend. But if I would tell somebody else like
or family, I think I would be like, I know
the feeling come sitting next to me, breathe. I would
have all those things ready, like read it's fine now
if you were the cheater, like I said, I feel
like i'd be like because I told you that. It
came up with my mom and her sisters. My mom
had there's four sisters and they have a brother, and
(38:12):
the sisters were talking.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
About what they would do.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
And my uncle is in a very happy, committed relationship,
but they were talking about what they would do if
they found out that he was cheating. And half of
the sisters were like, we don't care if he's our brother,
Like we're going to fucking tell the girl, like fuck that,
and the other sisters were like, he's our brother, we
have to protect him. What do you mean, Like that's
(38:36):
our that's our brother, that's not our place.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
And so I thought that that was so interesting because
I don't know that I would do. I don't know
that I would if it was my sister or some
of that. I don't. My sister's my girl, that's my
ride or die. I would not.
Speaker 3 (38:52):
You know, my sister could like clock someone in the face,
she could do a drive by sock in the face,
and I would.
Speaker 5 (38:56):
Be like, that's different, because you know that's probably just
you know, you know, that's probably justifying.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
We could drive by somebody her arm out the window
and I'd be like, I don't do nothing.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
I didn't see anything, Officer, Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 5 (39:15):
I don't think I would protect I mean will I
think I would just stay out of it. There's been
some definitely like cheating in my family from my grandmother,
like my grandma's husband, my tata.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Who was I told you, like.
Speaker 5 (39:32):
He would pick us up like once in a blue
moon after like mass or something, and I would see
a McDonald's bag of like toys at the floor, and.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
I go thought, though, what are these toys? He's like me,
how those are yours?
Speaker 2 (39:48):
Me?
Speaker 1 (39:48):
How you let those the last time I pick you up?
Speaker 5 (39:51):
Remember, you don't remember you were so excited from And
I was like, no, that I don't think that was me.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
No, it was Mica.
Speaker 5 (40:00):
Ah huh, yes, And what I'm like, he was the
first man who taught me what gaslighting is.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
My daughta and my dumbass.
Speaker 5 (40:11):
Brother Like, sorry, bro, he was like, oh, yeah, I
remember those toys. Yeah, those are probably mine.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
But like, don't you feel like that's the ultimate bribe
for a kid though, being like this is your plate,
that would be question.
Speaker 5 (40:24):
You can't bribe me with some McDonald's toys. You can't
bribe me with some McDonald's toys.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
Yeah, but back in the day those McDonald's toys were
five years.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
They were, but not the kind that I wanted.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Okay, Like I don't care about hot wheels.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
I'm rock demographic, thought that what the fuck now?
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Beating babies on the other hand, oh thank you quiet.
Speaker 5 (40:45):
But he cheated on my nanny for years, and he
had a whole other family. He had a whole other
family with kids who were my age and my brother's age.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
So for every grand kid, I'd be like, you're cheating
on gladys and I.
Speaker 5 (41:00):
Want to you know, and then like for yeah, it
just was it was wild. But yeah, my my nanny,
it was like a big, big deal in the family
and it disrupted everything. And so I think my family
is very has very very like high standards and opinions
(41:22):
when it comes to being faithful and cheating and stuff.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
So I mean, dang, what a whack ass grandfather.
Speaker 5 (41:31):
He's still alive to fuck you, Paul, Yeah, yeah, he's
a pastor.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Now he's a pastor. Now he's a pastor. Now keep
that in, keep that in hope you hear this.
Speaker 2 (41:47):
That'sandpa right, No, oh.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
He's the Morio side.
Speaker 5 (41:52):
He So, my my grandmother got pregnant at sixteen, had
my dad and that's my last name was supposed to
be Luhan, but then my dad got adopted by this man.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
And the rest is history, her history. That's it. Keep
that in.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
The rest is herstory.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
Well, it sounds like you clearly are holding on to
something still.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Have you because he was whack ass bitch.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Do you feel like.
Speaker 3 (42:25):
Do you feel like, I'm sure he's an older man,
even older man. Now do you think that once a cheater,
always a cheater and can you forgive people like that?
Speaker 5 (42:36):
Okay, here's the real real is that he had some
we suspect you had some severe mental issues after he
got out of the war. Out of I think he
was in Vietnam, you know, he changed, he was in
dealing some serious drugs like all this stuff, and you know,
just straight up cheated on my grandmother and left her
(42:58):
with nothing, with nothing, you know, and it chose this
holier literally literally holier than thou attitude.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Literally his own mother and his family don't even fuck
with him.
Speaker 5 (43:11):
So it's like, I'm not like whatever, I'm more mad
for my nanny that you did that to my grandmother,
Like you don't mean shit to me, you know what
I'm saying, Like I am more so like I'm very
loyal in that way. I don't really feel I know,
it sounds like it that I'm holding it in my
body and maybe a little bit and I'll release it,
(43:35):
but you know, I don't know if I I don't
know if I can forgive him. My nanny still I
don't know if she forgives him. Yeah, tbh, because that
was brutal.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
I feel like, you know, I'm pretty.
Speaker 3 (43:49):
It really depends, right, Like the people that have cheated
on me, we were young, and I you know, I
have a joke that I always said, if you cheat
before you're twenty five, like, who gives a shit? Like,
just get your shit together and be better as you get.
So a lot of the guys that cheated on me
before twenty five, I'm very like, I don't care. You
guys are all grown men, we're all in our thirties,
we're all like in a certain place, but with somebody
(44:10):
like your grandma who has kids, right, who has the family?
Who you feel like, this is supposed to be my partner.
And no, you not only betrayed me, you betrayed us.
You betrayed the unit. You know, Like I don't know
that that would be as easy for me to forgive.
But I don't know that that would be because I
also feel like it's only betrayal. But you robbed us,
(44:33):
you know, like you stole something from us, You stole
the dreams, the family unit, like you destroyed this, you
abandon us, You betrayed us. And so I feel like
when it comes to forgiveness, it's up to everyone, right,
they can decide how they want, how they want to
move forward, what's better for their healing. I think that
there are some people who don't deserve that right.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Like he doesn't.
Speaker 2 (44:56):
There's some people who are.
Speaker 3 (44:57):
Just scom and you're like, actually, I don't feel you
deserve my forgiveness. I'm not holding on to it. I'm
not sitting here thinking like, I hope you right, but.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
I hope that. But I do think like, but fuck you,
but fuck you. Yeah, but I don't forgive you, but
fuck you.
Speaker 3 (45:12):
Look, if it were me as as much as it
means to me to be married, to have a partner,
to have my children, if we have gotten to the
point where I have said I do and we are doing,
and we have our home, and you go out and
you cheat, that would.
Speaker 5 (45:29):
Just start a new family when you have grandchildren. Yeah,
when you're six five six grandchildren, that's come on, come on.
Speaker 3 (45:38):
So I don't know that I would be able to forgive.
I think i'd be like, you know, I hope that
God and whatever whatever you believe, and I hope that
it handles and I hope that karma.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
Bucks that asshole. That's right. I hope it stings, the
good kind of sting. Well ready for this zodiac section?
Speaker 5 (46:00):
Yes, welcome to the zodiac section of the podcast.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
Who's the Cheater of the Zodiac.
Speaker 5 (46:18):
Ices but I maybe cancers.
Speaker 1 (46:23):
I feel like Aris could definitely. I think Aris venus.
I am a high vibration aris venus, so not can't
be me, but like, we'll let.
Speaker 5 (46:34):
Me explain aries venus so and minus retrograde. When you
have aris and venus, it's detriment, which means that it
does not like to be there. It is harder to
find love because you want.
Speaker 1 (46:47):
The next best thing. You want somebody who is like,
oh can I get better? Oh maybe I can get better?
Or I'm bored.
Speaker 5 (46:54):
It's the I'm bored thing, so they just keep going
to the next person. So I think some Aris venus
who are maybe low vibrating tend to have that a
little bit.
Speaker 3 (47:06):
I feel like with me, fire signs will be more
like they will leave you for somebody else. But I
don't see them doing it behind your back. I feel
like fire signs.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
They'll do it in front of your back.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Yeah, yes, Hi, I'm bored, I have to go. I
feel like.
Speaker 5 (47:21):
They'll literally make out with someone and be like, didn't
I just tell you that I don't want to. Sorry,
I got my actions mixed up. Yeah I was supposed
to tell you and then make out, but I made
out and so I'm telling you, but you just saw right.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
We're good, right.
Speaker 3 (47:35):
I feel like Water Signs will cheat and like because
they feel like you're not giving them enough, Like they'll
be like, well, I feel like you weren't doing this
and doing that, so I feel justified in me cheating.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
Which is a very low vibrational thing.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
I think Earth Signs would cheat if you like again,
like I feel like an Earth sign which cheat if
you were like unfulfilling in a way that was like
it looks like you're building a better nest over there,
you know what I mean? Like, hold up, you guys
got all the premium channels and the streamers to their house.
Speaker 5 (48:10):
And that's why they're smart, and they don't make it official.
That's why they keep it at a situationship so they
can be like, well, is it really cheating if I
were not together?
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Are you talking about my ex boyfriend? Ok?
Speaker 1 (48:29):
Whoa, that's you, that's all you. I was talking about mine?
Speaker 5 (48:36):
But oh well, well wait, who's the cheater that who's
the one who always gets cheated on?
Speaker 1 (48:46):
Like, who's so oblivious? Who's so too in love?
Speaker 2 (48:49):
Oh? Me the virgo? No me, I'm the virgo. It's
me and Beyonce getting cheated on.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
Out hairdes Sorry.
Speaker 2 (49:02):
It's fine, I'm still curly, she still be so whatever.
Speaker 5 (49:10):
That concludes the astrology portion, Carly, how do you plead, Maya?
Speaker 1 (49:19):
You know cheaters are gonna cheat, play think play again
in a dynamic and there's none of them numbers.
Speaker 5 (49:32):
Cheaters are gonna cheat, yes, for sure, But I think
it's all about communication. If you are feeling some type
of way where you feel unfilled, unfulfilled by both by
that person that you're dating, like, talk to them, tell them,
don't go off and go try something new special, especially
(49:52):
if you guys are like together together even exclusive.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
Just have a conversation exactly.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (49:57):
I would say to the cheater, if you're cheating and
listening to this, stop it your nasty stop cheating and
settle down and get your shit together.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
A little cheater, I.
Speaker 3 (50:08):
Would say, you know, grow up, tell people what you want,
get your shit together. If you don't want to be
in a city relationship, or if you want to be
out there getting your gudle lick or doing whatever, like,
do it, but don't waste people's times. Don't play with
people's emotions. Human beings are a whole ass human beings
that deserve to be what do we all want? We
want to be seen, appreciated and respected, and you're cheating
(50:29):
on them is not fulfilling any of those needs. Now,
if you're being cheated on, you know or you're worried
about it, and you cannot control things that are out
of your control, so try not to stress too hard
about it. If somebody cheats, that has more to do
with them than it has to do with you. Unless
you're not sucking dick, than suck dick and eat pussy,
because then that could be a problem. You should be
(50:51):
You should put your partner in your mouth at some point.
Oh and so Maya.
Speaker 5 (50:57):
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of
the Super Secret Best Club podcast Curly.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
How can you find you? On social media?
Speaker 3 (51:03):
You can find me at the Curly New Show on
Instagram and TikTok by.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
Where can people find you?
Speaker 5 (51:08):
You can find me at Maya in the Moment, m
a Ya in the Moments, anywhere where you scroll and listen.
If you're one of our exes listening to this and
you get your feelings hurt, that's on you. Why are
you checking for us and I know you're listening all
the way to the end.
Speaker 2 (51:25):
Yeah for listenerious to the end. Do you miss us?
You should? You should?
Speaker 1 (51:31):
You sure should. Bye.
Speaker 5 (51:34):
Make sure to hit that subscribe button to hear more
episodes every single week. The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast
is a production of Sonodo in partnership with iHeartRadio's Michael
Tha podcast Network.
Speaker 3 (51:46):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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