November 3, 2021 • 28 mins
On this episode Curly and Maya discuss exes, when we should keep in touch, and when they should become 'somebody we used to know.'
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, what are you doing in here? What you're about
to text your eggs? Do it? My name is Grily
and I'm Maya and welcome to the Super Secret Best
Club Podcast, a super secret club where we talk about
super secret things, super secret more time. In each episode,
we'll talk about love, friendships, heartbreaks, men, and of course
(00:24):
our favorite secrets. Well, well, well, welcome to another episode
of Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. We have different opinions.
I love this topic so much. I don't Okay, we're
we're gonna be talking about x IS. I love talking
(00:45):
about x IS. I have the entity of disgusting. I'm
not happy about it. I would like for them to
have all worked out. But here we are, Yeah, and
I just don't want anything to do with them like
that is my newfound ideology is stay the funk away
from me, and I'm the opposite. I'm like, hey, where
are you going? Yeah? No, Before we get started, I
(01:09):
do want to say that a lot of my opinions
are rooted in people leaving relationships that just didn't work
out and you're just not for each other. They're not
rooted in me leaving toxic relationships or feeling like they
were abusive. Yeah, we're not encouraging you to stay or
talk to your toxic X. Okay, you are dealing with
somebody who is abusive or toxic in any sort of
(01:30):
way in your life. Get away. You don't love yourself,
love yourself enough to leave and call us and we'll
take care of We'll slice a bit. No, we can't.
I don't think we can. We don't condone violence. We
will troll them on social media. I don't think we
can well Karate Chapman. So okay, picture this, curly, everyone listening,
(01:56):
picture this. You just broke up. Oh, so you take
a couple of weeks and decompress whatever, and maybe you're
doing fine. Where are you with your X? Are you
friends with them? Or are you automatically done? Oh my god,
I look as you know. I believe that X is
(02:20):
share a part of you that nobody else in your
life will understand that time, that at that time they
become your best friend. You do have any together. You've
seen their ugly. I had a Moco on my beard
one time. My boyfriend walked in and was like, what
is that in your beard? It was a giant Mocho
on tire. You had it one time. I can recall
(02:41):
you having some money. You never told me anyways, so
he came in. I've seen their ugly. You've seen like
if they have stinky dicks, You're like, you got a
stinky dick, Like you know each other different. They have
been inside of you or you have been inside of them,
so like even those things like they are a wealth
of information. So for me, when suddenly you have to
pretend like they don't exist, or suddenly you can't talk
(03:02):
to them anymore, I'm like, oh, okay, what about you.
I know it's really sad, honestly, Like I it sucks
because you build your little life together and you hope
that it's going to last, and then when it doesn't
work out, you're like, what do I do with this
person who is now a stranger? You know what? It
(03:24):
reminds me of. No, you're just the money. When I
used to I love that song? Remember that song? I
hate that song. I can't even deal. Every time I
would come on, I'm like, that song brought me Kimbra,
which is my favorite artists. Wow, I like Kimbra before that. Okay,
but you were saying that you want nothing to do
with them. I want absolutely nothing to do with them
(03:47):
now because before I used to be like, you know what,
it might be healthy to learn how to be civil
with each other because we have like you said, oh
you like build this life, like you have this whole
thing with them. You share intimate moments with them, and
they know your soul right like for that, for whatever
your soul is in that moment. Because now I'm like,
(04:08):
if we dated, no we didn't. That's how I am now.
If we dated, no, we didn't. If you're listening to
this and you're an ex of mine, no you're not.
But what is that rooted in? Is that reading that
they were horrible, that they were toxic rooted in you
gave me crumbs. I thought you were going to say,
you gave me chlamydia. No, you know what, I'm very
(04:33):
I have a lot of saliva by my mouth. You're
salivating omidia. I know a lot of people have chlamydia.
That people in my life lamdia. Shout out to chlamydia.
We're not. Just thought I was gonna say it, and
I wasn't. I thought the story was going to go
one way, and it went very viva chlamydia. So yeah,
(04:54):
I just you know, what Because I have worked on
myself so much, I don't want you to see how
good I'm doing, because I want you to know that
I absolutely don't want you on my ride because I've
had inklings that like some people just want to be
close to you and be in your life for like
proximity and for clout or for like energy. A lot
(05:16):
of people are energy vampires and just want to say
that they're associated with you no matter if you have
clout or not. Like, if you're a really cool person,
people are gonna want to be around you, and you
have to make sure that you can know if those
other people are giving you like it's a it's a
balanced equal exchange. And with Xes, I have tried to
(05:38):
stay friends with every single one of them, and every
single time I have broken my own heart over and
over again. But I guess what I understand is how
are you breaking your heart over and over again? Like
are you expecting something by staying them? So is it
my fault? Also? You know what, that's debatable, probably not absolutely,
(05:59):
And that's the thing too, write because I think that
if you are still in a place where you want
to like have something with them, where you want to
fix things and you want to maybe try again. That's
I believe that the opposite of love is not hate.
The opposite of love is indifference and being like whatever,
I don't care, Like you're a new growferendor whatever. We'll
live it up, enjoy. That's where you want to get
(06:20):
when you break up with somebody. You want to get
to the point where you're like, yeah, whatever, you got
a new girlfriend. You're gonna new boyfriend cool, Because honestly,
the way that I see it is they will never
be me. I want to I want them to check
up on me, even though we've unfollowed each other, and
to see that like, oh, I purposely did not want
you in my life because I just don't want you
(06:40):
in my life. See but okay, So like for me,
when people see me, I want you to see me
look at how thick and juicy I got, Like look
how great I'm doing. And you're new whoever you're dating,
they might be more attractive than me and beautiful, but
they don't have this personality. No one's never more beautiful
than you. Sometimes you're the beautiful, like a trull, who's
my pretty princess? Anything that's an inside joke inside jog
(07:09):
which I feel like I just want to be a
little When you first told me that, Curly was like,
I just feel like I'm a little lady and that's
stuck in my friend, and I said, you know what
you are, my little lady. Oh my god. But look
and then you know and sometimes it's like you gotta
work on your own bag and your own and my bag.
(07:31):
I don't mean your money. I mean like your whole
spirit and everything that you are. So when you move
in the world, seeing them kind of take off with
somebody else, is it doesn't mean anything. You're like, whatever,
I'm probably the best that you're ever going to do.
I'm the best that you've done so far. No one
compared to me before and no one compared to me after.
So we've already revealed whatever. I wasn't going to say
(07:51):
this on the podcast, like maybe in the past, me
wanting to be friends with my ex means that I
was hoping you wanted something, that I wanted something. And
the reason why I would break my heart over and
over is because I would throw out tests. Any of
my exes can see that except for one um none
(08:14):
because no one of them, because no one, this one.
You know what, I'm starting from scratch, Okay, deleting all
of the turn Okay, yes, but I don't want to
hold any space for them because it's done. It's over,
and that is how I need to heal and how
(08:35):
I get over things, and that has worked for me
in the past. I have held on. I would hold on.
It took me years to get over one person that
I dated for three months. That's not healthy for me.
You know, I get really sad about that, right because
I have had some ex boyfriends. I have every single
boyfriend that I have had, and when I was in
the relationship, when it is out of it, I love them.
(08:58):
I love them. We have gotten to the point where
I said I love you, and to me, love is
it's huge, it's unconditional, it is I love you. I
might not like what you're about and so I love
you from afar, but I never stop loving them and
really wanting to see them thrive and grow. Right. So
Neil Degrassi, he's an American astro physicist, planetary scientists, author,
(09:21):
and science communicator. Look him up. He's amazing. So basically
he was saying that he doesn't believe in the act
of cremation. Right, he doesn't believe in the act of
creation because he says, how do you take from the
earth your entire life and then when you die? You
could just you could give your body back to the
earth and give the nutrients back. But you you decide
to get cremated, Like, who is that helping? You're like
(09:43):
taking yourself out of the circle of life. Like he
thinks that it's selfish. Right, So for me, I compare
that to somebody that you have shared a life experience with,
who is a wealth and a well of information? Wait, okay, wait,
so having a well of infor nation, having all of
these things about, like how you can be better, how
(10:03):
you can continue to grow into your next relationship. Give
me notes, honey, like what's the exit interview? Tell me
what you thought, tell me what you hated, tell me
what you love so I can be better and do better.
So when you cremate the relationship that never existed, I
can talk to Eddie my exes and be like, look,
I'm gonna tell you this one thing. You tend to
get really stubborn and you get in your head when
(10:24):
it comes to ship. Don't do that to your new man.
Don't do that, Like that's sucked up. I know you.
I one time talked to one of my ex boyfriend's
new boyfriends. I was like, yeah, girl, I feel you
and I take your side all the time. When your
boyfriend tells me he got so bad, he's like, my
boyfriend tells you ship, I'm like, no, he wasn't. This
is why we're so good together. Curly, sometimes I have
(10:58):
a hard edge and a very rigid and which is
hard for people to understand because I know my persona
is like I'm soft and vulnerable and I cry. But
sometimes I can have very like intense moments and I
feel like I just had one right now talking about
X is yes, thank you, um, but I agree on
(11:22):
almost like honoring what that relationship was in that person
and grateful and appreciative of the time that you spent
together and morning after when the relationship and the person
like I did that. I've done that with all of
my exes, and I do that through song. I write
a lot of songs and just music, and I make
(11:43):
videos comedy stuff to like heal. But I've noticed although
that works, me honoring those relationships have worked and they
felt good. I still found myself wanting to go back
and wanting to change their mind which was not good,
and change their change their mind is in like they
(12:03):
messed up. I had this fantasy that like they're going
to be like, you know what, I messed up, Like
we're going to kind of fall in love again by
just being friends. Yes, that was my whole. It's usually mutual.
It's me. It's always me being like, so it's going
on here, what's what's happening? Yeah, And usually, honestly, I'm
(12:28):
going to be very very very frank on this. A
lot of my exes were whack ass bitches because I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm like thinking about all this. None of
them would say how they felt even down to that conversation.
They were so like just shy about it or they
(12:52):
could not give me an answer, so you know, there's
no communication. And to me, I'm like, that's lame because
I deserve more. Feel like I'm gonna cry, oh my god. No,
it's lame to me, Oh my god, is not that
you're gonna cry, oh my god? That you call them
black as pitch? Because I need to be softer in
this episode, I end up calling them black guess pitches.
(13:15):
But what I'm saying is that like they were really
lame for not sticking up for like the relationship, but
also saying I'm having this feeling that I'm kind of
saying this more as friends. Whatever I had to literally
was like pulling teeth with all of my exes. If
you don't want to be with me, let's talk about it.
It wasn't until like the last breakup that I had
(13:37):
was like, you know, I was last year and we
just weren't. I don't know what happened. I mean that
was but he was really fun because we made out
during Shrek two and he was probably the best person
to kiss ever in my entire life. Have you Shrek too? Yes?
Of course you have to watch it again. We don't
even have the plot line face. Shrek two is almost
(14:01):
like an icebreaker make out to Shrek two because you
guys will laugh and giggle and then like make out
and then laughing, giggle and make out. So what I'm
trying to say, it's like, what I'm trying to say
is like a lot of the breakup process was me
pulling teeth because I knew something was wrong and they
wouldn't say anything about it until one of my exes
(14:21):
would say, I just can't give you that after like
a long time of me and not to interrupt you,
but it's just super fris like sometimes people don't know
what they want in the moment, Well tell me tell
me that. I'm also not making excesis for them, because
I also do think that people can have whack ass boyfriends.
But you know what, I honor and appreciate all of them,
and I'm grateful that we had that time together. But
(14:43):
you know, it took me a lot to realize that
person did not deserve your time, like they did not
deserve for you to cry when they would like your
pictures on Instagram or Twitter. See, I couldn't feel like
I like all my ex boyfriends. They were all whack
ass boyfriend I think I'm saying, let me rephrase that.
I'm saying they were whacked because of the breakup process,
(15:06):
because they were unable to to just tell me what
they were thinking and what they wanted for the relationship,
even though I don't know is fine because we could
say let's take a break, like let's chill, but they
couldn't say anything. And then also I was whacked too,
I'm going to call myself a whack as I've been
a Wait, yes, I've been a horrible X. Also because
(15:30):
I would test them and be like, I wonder if
I post this picture, want if I text them? I
wonder if I said this, what would they do? What
would they say? And that's just not helpful to the
healing process. Well, I mean, it's also kind of like
that whole thing where like when you go to a
party and you know you're going to run into them,
you want to look good, you want to look sexy.
It's very normal to kind of be like the look
(15:51):
I still have that. I have that all the time.
I want to look good. I want to make sure
that my exes look at me and go damn. I
had one X tell me one time I love him.
He is in Mexico. He was like, oh damn, Like
I shouldn't have cheated on you and we were kids,
and I'm like, we were kids. Don't worry. I got
money in the bank. I am in my thirties. I
am happy all over the place with this episode twenties thinking,
(16:19):
I feel very sad for and this is where it
might cry crying come. We took these many episodes for
me to cry. I feel sad for my past self
because I put myself through so much. Um it would
have been helpful for them, but whatever, we're responsible for ourselves.
Point blank. Period. Did you just have crying? Yes, well,
(16:41):
the tears are falling down. But I'm like, I'm trying
not to come off as like a foxica or like
I'm a hater, but like i feel like I'm the
toxic one because I'm like whatever. But what I'm saying
is like I try to have friendships with them and
it hurt me in the end, and they never would
try to have a friend ship with me. Never, they
(17:02):
never tried to text me, so it made me always
like and I feel like they liked that. I honestly
feel like they liked that. I still wanted them. So
for me, the best thing that I've had to do
is unfollowed block them because guess what, I was friends
with one of them and I saw his new girlfriend
or whoever his friend look at my stories and this
(17:24):
girl didn't follow me. See but that's delicious, that's the pettiness.
And so after that, I unfollowed him off of everything
and then her account was how did I know that
that was his girlfriend. I will never tell my secrets,
but let's just say it's a small world. That's some tea,
you guys, that's some tea. I mean, look, I'm not
(17:46):
going to argue with you that the goal would forever
be to get to the point where your exes look
at you and go, damn, that's the whole point. That's
where you want to get, not that we want to
get to you, but it shouldn't be your mission if
they don't get there. Whatever. I always say that, like
the best thing to do is work on yourself. When
you work on yourself, people will always look back at
you and be like, oh damn. Because even me, like
(18:07):
I feel better now that I've gone to therapy, and
I know that I've been toxic to some of these men.
I haven't always been the victim. I've been the victimizer
as well. But because I work on myself, and it
doesn't mean that I do like my push ups every day,
it means that I like them. Talk to my life coach,
and I talked to my therapist about those things too. Yeah,
I'm in a weird place in my life with love
(18:30):
where I'm kind of taking a note on how I
like my responsibility in that relationship, and there's and how
can I be a better person and partner and how
can I heal and look out for myself after? And
what I have found is that a clean break disconnecting
(18:51):
is good because I feel like I had an addictive
personality with those things, wondering if they're gonna see the
picture I posted or like the tweet, and then he
would pull me in more so. And that's something I
worked through in therapy. I don't need to be so
hostile about it. I am human. I feel like I
(19:11):
came in with guns of blazing. I love it. Don't
take it back. I love it. I think that's going
to resonate with a lot of people. Resonate with you
screaming in your car right now and bang on your
steering wheel or if you're in the complicated Humans are complicated.
And the other things too, is everybody has their own
boundaries for where they exist in the world. I might
(19:31):
meet somebody next year that I fall in love with,
and ten years later, I'm like, I'm sorry, I can't.
I just love you too much. It hurts me too much.
And that's okay, because if that's what my spirit needs
to hit delete, hit block, restrict, hit whatever, do that
thing on Instagram when you can make them unfollow you
and you can stop being friends and they don't even know.
Like great. Sometimes I think I always want to be
(19:52):
and maybe this is like internal misogyny, like I want
to be um an angel and have peace and grace
for every and has come into my life and has left.
But sometimes with this situation, I'm like, get the funk
away from me. I'm over, I'm done, and that's what
helps me heal everything else. I'm a soft baby. We'll
do what works for you. I have one ex boyfriend who,
(20:13):
like we broke up ten plus years ago, he just
decided to become friends. I have other explory friends I
want nothing to do with me, and that's okay, But
in my heart, I know that I love them. I
know that I will always hold them close and I
will be like I'm here whenever you want to talk,
because the way that I see it, to be honest
with me, it is a business transaction that didn't work out.
(20:34):
And people are like, it's not business, it's love. It
is business business. Like I'm like, I want a partner
and I can love you and honor you and do
my best and grow with you and really put myself
through the ringer as a human to make this work out.
The fact that it didn't work out, it doesn't make
me shitty. It doesn't make you shitty. And then of
course if you hit me, or you were mean to me,
or you were toxic, then yes it makes you shitty.
(20:54):
Go work on yourself. If it just it is doesn't
look the way that we wanted it to look, then
go with God, Go and go away from me with God.
They die, Yeah, and I'm out. You know, you have
helped me so much throughout the years that I've known
you with me having to heal with my exes, especially
(21:17):
the virgo ones. And I appreciate you so much because
it's a balanced exchange. I can listen to you and
learn and then vice versa. And especially in this situation
with x IS, I'm like, can I be friends with them? Nope?
What about like ex boyfriend sex? Okay, let's go to
(21:47):
our astrology section of the podcast, So curly what Okay?
Oh my god, Yes, I'm excited. Yeah. I don't even
know how to ask this question. That my ex boyfriends
have been cancers all of that virgos into cancers, all
of them. What I didn't know cancers. I love cancers
so much. They're just such sweet. They're just great, Like
(22:09):
for somebody who's working on trying to be a better person,
cancers are all right, I got this, let's do it together.
And I'm so thankful. I'm really thankful. But howard cancer xes,
Oh oh man, that's a hard that's a tough point.
Cancer exes hate me. They want me to die because
they're like, damn, we did all this together, we did
all this work. I hope you fall off the face
(22:31):
of the earth, you know. And I'm like, it's my
virgo exes that are more like, yeah, okay, you're still hot.
Yeah I think you're so hot too. Well, good luck,
good luck. Really, my virgo exes have been like cut dry,
can't give you that by We can still be friends, Yeah, sure,
supportive because I'm the nice guy, But it's all for
their ego. Honestly, I truly believe that's just me being
(22:54):
jaded about virgos. But then also remember this weekend I
met a virgo. Oh my god, we met the sweetest guy,
so sweet. I was like immediately tried by him, and
he asked for her phone number, and we were like
what we signed? He said, we were like screamed. I
screamed too, and I almost jumped off the building. I've
kind of ghosted him. We were on the roof. Anyway,
(23:20):
when you're thinking about astrology and a person and exs like,
you have to really think about their entire chart instead
of just like one sign. So I look at their
Venus sign and their moon sign to kind of guide
me and tell me how they're going to just a
little bit, like how how they're going to react on
all this stuff. I had a boyfriend that was Venus
(23:42):
and Pisces too much. It was too much, but it
was also just enough because during our time together he
made me feel so loved and appreciated and just like
lovey dovey all that stuff, which I love. When we
broke up, he was very dripping, soggy. Oh god, I'm
(24:07):
going to get drag to that one. I don't think.
I just don't like the energy that I'm giving out.
I think we should make marriage, to be honest, I'm
just very conscious about the energy and I don't I
don't like to. You know, they're people, and we had
great times together, but also were Yeah, they were whack
when it came to like the having to break up
because they just wouldn't say anything. And a lot of
(24:28):
that has to do with virgos, Like you know, I thought, man,
virgos are going to be so easy to break up.
They're going to tell me why, and this this one
just could not. But you know, we're gonna have an
episode about breakup, so I'm not gonna go to in
depth about that. But the Aquarius who had a venus pisces,
he was very soggy after the breakup, and like he
(24:50):
was a very soggy X And I mean that as
in like, okay, well I still want to be in
your life and I really like you yeah anything, Yeah,
So it just wasn't and for him I had to
be like closed door note like blocked on everything, sucking
saggy has bitch with a zaggy as Okay, too far. Well, okay,
(25:16):
that's the astrology. Portion have to do is roll it
into a tip, like you know when you get toilet
paper and you stick it in your nose. Anyway, well,
let's do our recap of the episode curly in full. Please,
if you have a toxic X or a toxic person
in your life. Feel free to go and it's fine
(25:37):
to go away. It is fine to find yourself. Even more,
this is your life and not a life for anybody else.
But on the side, if you can get to a
point where you can live within the indifference and the
ambivalence of having a relationship with somebody and truly be
happy for somebody and be like, I don't hate you,
I'm not mad at you. I'm happy that you have
moved on, not m a stay, lack a spit your
(26:00):
wack as. Okay, we're gonna drop kick you in the
neck and cut you in the eyebrow. Well, okay, anyway
for me, listen, I just want to say I've I'm like,
I've healed me calling them. Know. What I'm saying is
(26:23):
that I'm still trying to heal the past me that
was hurt by those conversations and their lack of initiative
or effort in communication. Okay, that's what I'm angry about,
but I don't hold that in me. I'm just like,
I have to have the mentality of you don't deserve
to be in my space anymore, because it's over, it's done.
(26:46):
If I continue to be friends with you, that it's
going to click into my like addictive personality. And that's
my issue and that's something I'm working through. I'm on
team block. You're a whack ass bitch. Bitch, bitch bitch
out said, Oh I love it. I loved it. I
live for it. I think whack ass bitches are out
(27:06):
there in their real I just feel like I haven't
dated any way. Really, I mean they really were, and
maybe I was too, Like maybe we weren't compatible, but obviously, no,
we weren't compatible because I wasn't a whack as bitch.
But whatever. Thank you everyone so much for listening to
this episode. Please let us know what you think and
if you have any other suggestions for future episodes by
(27:27):
hitting us up on our social media curly how can
they find you? Find me on Instagram at the Curly
b Show. That's b as in Victoria. Oh and on
TikTok what about you? You can find me at Maya
in the Moment, m A y A in the moment
on every social media platform. Don't be a whack ass bitch. Also, wait,
are they going to text him? Are they not going
(27:47):
to text him? Oh? Did you get they've been texting.
You guys have been texting or excess during this entire episode,
right wait wait, so should they text or not? No? No, no, no,
no no no no, I don't think center. The Super
Secret Bestie Club Podcast is a production of Sono in
partnership with iHeart Radios Michael to Podcast Network. For more
(28:11):
podcasts from I Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app,
Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Hey, what are you doing in here? What you're about
to text your eggs? Do it? My name is Grily
and I'm Maya and welcome to the Super Secret Best
Club Podcast, a super secret club where we talk about
super secret things, super secret more time. In each episode,
we'll talk about love, friendships, heartbreaks, men, and of course
(00:24):
our favorite secrets. Well, well, well, welcome to another episode
of Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. We have different opinions.
I love this topic so much. I don't Okay, we're
we're gonna be talking about x IS. I love talking
(00:45):
about x IS. I have the entity of disgusting. I'm
not happy about it. I would like for them to
have all worked out. But here we are, Yeah, and
I just don't want anything to do with them like
that is my newfound ideology is stay the funk away
from me, and I'm the opposite. I'm like, hey, where
are you going? Yeah? No, Before we get started, I
(01:09):
do want to say that a lot of my opinions
are rooted in people leaving relationships that just didn't work
out and you're just not for each other. They're not
rooted in me leaving toxic relationships or feeling like they
were abusive. Yeah, we're not encouraging you to stay or
talk to your toxic X. Okay, you are dealing with
somebody who is abusive or toxic in any sort of
(01:30):
way in your life. Get away. You don't love yourself,
love yourself enough to leave and call us and we'll
take care of We'll slice a bit. No, we can't.
I don't think we can. We don't condone violence. We
will troll them on social media. I don't think we
can well Karate Chapman. So okay, picture this, curly, everyone listening,
(01:56):
picture this. You just broke up. Oh, so you take
a couple of weeks and decompress whatever, and maybe you're
doing fine. Where are you with your X? Are you
friends with them? Or are you automatically done? Oh my god,
I look as you know. I believe that X is
(02:20):
share a part of you that nobody else in your
life will understand that time, that at that time they
become your best friend. You do have any together. You've
seen their ugly. I had a Moco on my beard
one time. My boyfriend walked in and was like, what
is that in your beard? It was a giant Mocho
on tire. You had it one time. I can recall
(02:41):
you having some money. You never told me anyways, so
he came in. I've seen their ugly. You've seen like
if they have stinky dicks, You're like, you got a
stinky dick, Like you know each other different. They have
been inside of you or you have been inside of them,
so like even those things like they are a wealth
of information. So for me, when suddenly you have to
pretend like they don't exist, or suddenly you can't talk
(03:02):
to them anymore, I'm like, oh, okay, what about you.
I know it's really sad, honestly, Like I it sucks
because you build your little life together and you hope
that it's going to last, and then when it doesn't
work out, you're like, what do I do with this
person who is now a stranger? You know what? It
(03:24):
reminds me of. No, you're just the money. When I
used to I love that song? Remember that song? I
hate that song. I can't even deal. Every time I
would come on, I'm like, that song brought me Kimbra,
which is my favorite artists. Wow, I like Kimbra before that. Okay,
but you were saying that you want nothing to do
with them. I want absolutely nothing to do with them
(03:47):
now because before I used to be like, you know what,
it might be healthy to learn how to be civil
with each other because we have like you said, oh
you like build this life, like you have this whole
thing with them. You share intimate moments with them, and
they know your soul right like for that, for whatever
your soul is in that moment. Because now I'm like,
(04:08):
if we dated, no we didn't. That's how I am now.
If we dated, no, we didn't. If you're listening to
this and you're an ex of mine, no you're not.
But what is that rooted in? Is that reading that
they were horrible, that they were toxic rooted in you
gave me crumbs. I thought you were going to say,
you gave me chlamydia. No, you know what, I'm very
(04:33):
I have a lot of saliva by my mouth. You're
salivating omidia. I know a lot of people have chlamydia.
That people in my life lamdia. Shout out to chlamydia.
We're not. Just thought I was gonna say it, and
I wasn't. I thought the story was going to go
one way, and it went very viva chlamydia. So yeah,
(04:54):
I just you know, what Because I have worked on
myself so much, I don't want you to see how
good I'm doing, because I want you to know that
I absolutely don't want you on my ride because I've
had inklings that like some people just want to be
close to you and be in your life for like
proximity and for clout or for like energy. A lot
(05:16):
of people are energy vampires and just want to say
that they're associated with you no matter if you have
clout or not. Like, if you're a really cool person,
people are gonna want to be around you, and you
have to make sure that you can know if those
other people are giving you like it's a it's a
balanced equal exchange. And with Xes, I have tried to
(05:38):
stay friends with every single one of them, and every
single time I have broken my own heart over and
over again. But I guess what I understand is how
are you breaking your heart over and over again? Like
are you expecting something by staying them? So is it
my fault? Also? You know what, that's debatable, probably not absolutely,
(05:59):
And that's the thing too, write because I think that
if you are still in a place where you want
to like have something with them, where you want to
fix things and you want to maybe try again. That's
I believe that the opposite of love is not hate.
The opposite of love is indifference and being like whatever,
I don't care, Like you're a new growferendor whatever. We'll
live it up, enjoy. That's where you want to get
(06:20):
when you break up with somebody. You want to get
to the point where you're like, yeah, whatever, you got
a new girlfriend. You're gonna new boyfriend cool, Because honestly,
the way that I see it is they will never
be me. I want to I want them to check
up on me, even though we've unfollowed each other, and
to see that like, oh, I purposely did not want
you in my life because I just don't want you
(06:40):
in my life. See but okay, So like for me,
when people see me, I want you to see me
look at how thick and juicy I got, Like look
how great I'm doing. And you're new whoever you're dating,
they might be more attractive than me and beautiful, but
they don't have this personality. No one's never more beautiful
than you. Sometimes you're the beautiful, like a trull, who's
my pretty princess? Anything that's an inside joke inside jog
(07:09):
which I feel like I just want to be a
little When you first told me that, Curly was like,
I just feel like I'm a little lady and that's
stuck in my friend, and I said, you know what
you are, my little lady. Oh my god. But look
and then you know and sometimes it's like you gotta
work on your own bag and your own and my bag.
(07:31):
I don't mean your money. I mean like your whole
spirit and everything that you are. So when you move
in the world, seeing them kind of take off with
somebody else, is it doesn't mean anything. You're like, whatever,
I'm probably the best that you're ever going to do.
I'm the best that you've done so far. No one
compared to me before and no one compared to me after.
So we've already revealed whatever. I wasn't going to say
(07:51):
this on the podcast, like maybe in the past, me
wanting to be friends with my ex means that I
was hoping you wanted something, that I wanted something. And
the reason why I would break my heart over and
over is because I would throw out tests. Any of
my exes can see that except for one um none
(08:14):
because no one of them, because no one, this one.
You know what, I'm starting from scratch, Okay, deleting all
of the turn Okay, yes, but I don't want to
hold any space for them because it's done. It's over,
and that is how I need to heal and how
(08:35):
I get over things, and that has worked for me
in the past. I have held on. I would hold on.
It took me years to get over one person that
I dated for three months. That's not healthy for me.
You know, I get really sad about that, right because
I have had some ex boyfriends. I have every single
boyfriend that I have had, and when I was in
the relationship, when it is out of it, I love them.
(08:58):
I love them. We have gotten to the point where
I said I love you, and to me, love is
it's huge, it's unconditional, it is I love you. I
might not like what you're about and so I love
you from afar, but I never stop loving them and
really wanting to see them thrive and grow. Right. So
Neil Degrassi, he's an American astro physicist, planetary scientists, author,
(09:21):
and science communicator. Look him up. He's amazing. So basically
he was saying that he doesn't believe in the act
of cremation. Right, he doesn't believe in the act of
creation because he says, how do you take from the
earth your entire life and then when you die? You
could just you could give your body back to the
earth and give the nutrients back. But you you decide
to get cremated, Like, who is that helping? You're like
(09:43):
taking yourself out of the circle of life. Like he
thinks that it's selfish. Right, So for me, I compare
that to somebody that you have shared a life experience with,
who is a wealth and a well of information? Wait, okay, wait,
so having a well of infor nation, having all of
these things about, like how you can be better, how
(10:03):
you can continue to grow into your next relationship. Give
me notes, honey, like what's the exit interview? Tell me
what you thought, tell me what you hated, tell me
what you love so I can be better and do better.
So when you cremate the relationship that never existed, I
can talk to Eddie my exes and be like, look,
I'm gonna tell you this one thing. You tend to
get really stubborn and you get in your head when
(10:24):
it comes to ship. Don't do that to your new man.
Don't do that, Like that's sucked up. I know you.
I one time talked to one of my ex boyfriend's
new boyfriends. I was like, yeah, girl, I feel you
and I take your side all the time. When your
boyfriend tells me he got so bad, he's like, my
boyfriend tells you ship, I'm like, no, he wasn't. This
is why we're so good together. Curly, sometimes I have
(10:58):
a hard edge and a very rigid and which is
hard for people to understand because I know my persona
is like I'm soft and vulnerable and I cry. But
sometimes I can have very like intense moments and I
feel like I just had one right now talking about
X is yes, thank you, um, but I agree on
(11:22):
almost like honoring what that relationship was in that person
and grateful and appreciative of the time that you spent
together and morning after when the relationship and the person
like I did that. I've done that with all of
my exes, and I do that through song. I write
a lot of songs and just music, and I make
(11:43):
videos comedy stuff to like heal. But I've noticed although
that works, me honoring those relationships have worked and they
felt good. I still found myself wanting to go back
and wanting to change their mind which was not good,
and change their change their mind is in like they
(12:03):
messed up. I had this fantasy that like they're going
to be like, you know what, I messed up, Like
we're going to kind of fall in love again by
just being friends. Yes, that was my whole. It's usually mutual.
It's me. It's always me being like, so it's going
on here, what's what's happening? Yeah, And usually, honestly, I'm
(12:28):
going to be very very very frank on this. A
lot of my exes were whack ass bitches because I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm like thinking about all this. None of
them would say how they felt even down to that conversation.
They were so like just shy about it or they
(12:52):
could not give me an answer, so you know, there's
no communication. And to me, I'm like, that's lame because
I deserve more. Feel like I'm gonna cry, oh my god. No,
it's lame to me, Oh my god, is not that
you're gonna cry, oh my god? That you call them
black as pitch? Because I need to be softer in
this episode, I end up calling them black guess pitches.
(13:15):
But what I'm saying is that like they were really
lame for not sticking up for like the relationship, but
also saying I'm having this feeling that I'm kind of
saying this more as friends. Whatever I had to literally
was like pulling teeth with all of my exes. If
you don't want to be with me, let's talk about it.
It wasn't until like the last breakup that I had
(13:37):
was like, you know, I was last year and we
just weren't. I don't know what happened. I mean that
was but he was really fun because we made out
during Shrek two and he was probably the best person
to kiss ever in my entire life. Have you Shrek too? Yes?
Of course you have to watch it again. We don't
even have the plot line face. Shrek two is almost
(14:01):
like an icebreaker make out to Shrek two because you
guys will laugh and giggle and then like make out
and then laughing, giggle and make out. So what I'm
trying to say, it's like, what I'm trying to say
is like a lot of the breakup process was me
pulling teeth because I knew something was wrong and they
wouldn't say anything about it until one of my exes
(14:21):
would say, I just can't give you that after like
a long time of me and not to interrupt you,
but it's just super fris like sometimes people don't know
what they want in the moment, Well tell me tell
me that. I'm also not making excesis for them, because
I also do think that people can have whack ass boyfriends.
But you know what, I honor and appreciate all of them,
and I'm grateful that we had that time together. But
(14:43):
you know, it took me a lot to realize that
person did not deserve your time, like they did not
deserve for you to cry when they would like your
pictures on Instagram or Twitter. See, I couldn't feel like
I like all my ex boyfriends. They were all whack
ass boyfriend I think I'm saying, let me rephrase that.
I'm saying they were whacked because of the breakup process,
(15:06):
because they were unable to to just tell me what
they were thinking and what they wanted for the relationship,
even though I don't know is fine because we could
say let's take a break, like let's chill, but they
couldn't say anything. And then also I was whacked too,
I'm going to call myself a whack as I've been
a Wait, yes, I've been a horrible X. Also because
(15:30):
I would test them and be like, I wonder if
I post this picture, want if I text them? I
wonder if I said this, what would they do? What
would they say? And that's just not helpful to the
healing process. Well, I mean, it's also kind of like
that whole thing where like when you go to a
party and you know you're going to run into them,
you want to look good, you want to look sexy.
It's very normal to kind of be like the look
(15:51):
I still have that. I have that all the time.
I want to look good. I want to make sure
that my exes look at me and go damn. I
had one X tell me one time I love him.
He is in Mexico. He was like, oh damn, Like
I shouldn't have cheated on you and we were kids,
and I'm like, we were kids. Don't worry. I got
money in the bank. I am in my thirties. I
am happy all over the place with this episode twenties thinking,
(16:19):
I feel very sad for and this is where it
might cry crying come. We took these many episodes for
me to cry. I feel sad for my past self
because I put myself through so much. Um it would
have been helpful for them, but whatever, we're responsible for ourselves.
Point blank. Period. Did you just have crying? Yes, well,
(16:41):
the tears are falling down. But I'm like, I'm trying
not to come off as like a foxica or like
I'm a hater, but like i feel like I'm the
toxic one because I'm like whatever. But what I'm saying
is like I try to have friendships with them and
it hurt me in the end, and they never would
try to have a friend ship with me. Never, they
(17:02):
never tried to text me, so it made me always
like and I feel like they liked that. I honestly
feel like they liked that. I still wanted them. So
for me, the best thing that I've had to do
is unfollowed block them because guess what, I was friends
with one of them and I saw his new girlfriend
or whoever his friend look at my stories and this
(17:24):
girl didn't follow me. See but that's delicious, that's the pettiness.
And so after that, I unfollowed him off of everything
and then her account was how did I know that
that was his girlfriend. I will never tell my secrets,
but let's just say it's a small world. That's some tea,
you guys, that's some tea. I mean, look, I'm not
(17:46):
going to argue with you that the goal would forever
be to get to the point where your exes look
at you and go, damn, that's the whole point. That's
where you want to get, not that we want to
get to you, but it shouldn't be your mission if
they don't get there. Whatever. I always say that, like
the best thing to do is work on yourself. When
you work on yourself, people will always look back at
you and be like, oh damn. Because even me, like
(18:07):
I feel better now that I've gone to therapy, and
I know that I've been toxic to some of these men.
I haven't always been the victim. I've been the victimizer
as well. But because I work on myself, and it
doesn't mean that I do like my push ups every day,
it means that I like them. Talk to my life coach,
and I talked to my therapist about those things too. Yeah,
I'm in a weird place in my life with love
(18:30):
where I'm kind of taking a note on how I
like my responsibility in that relationship, and there's and how
can I be a better person and partner and how
can I heal and look out for myself after? And
what I have found is that a clean break disconnecting
(18:51):
is good because I feel like I had an addictive
personality with those things, wondering if they're gonna see the
picture I posted or like the tweet, and then he
would pull me in more so. And that's something I
worked through in therapy. I don't need to be so
hostile about it. I am human. I feel like I
(19:11):
came in with guns of blazing. I love it. Don't
take it back. I love it. I think that's going
to resonate with a lot of people. Resonate with you
screaming in your car right now and bang on your
steering wheel or if you're in the complicated Humans are complicated.
And the other things too, is everybody has their own
boundaries for where they exist in the world. I might
(19:31):
meet somebody next year that I fall in love with,
and ten years later, I'm like, I'm sorry, I can't.
I just love you too much. It hurts me too much.
And that's okay, because if that's what my spirit needs
to hit delete, hit block, restrict, hit whatever, do that
thing on Instagram when you can make them unfollow you
and you can stop being friends and they don't even know.
Like great. Sometimes I think I always want to be
(19:52):
and maybe this is like internal misogyny, like I want
to be um an angel and have peace and grace
for every and has come into my life and has left.
But sometimes with this situation, I'm like, get the funk
away from me. I'm over, I'm done, and that's what
helps me heal everything else. I'm a soft baby. We'll
do what works for you. I have one ex boyfriend who,
(20:13):
like we broke up ten plus years ago, he just
decided to become friends. I have other explory friends I
want nothing to do with me, and that's okay, But
in my heart, I know that I love them. I
know that I will always hold them close and I
will be like I'm here whenever you want to talk,
because the way that I see it, to be honest
with me, it is a business transaction that didn't work out.
(20:34):
And people are like, it's not business, it's love. It
is business business. Like I'm like, I want a partner
and I can love you and honor you and do
my best and grow with you and really put myself
through the ringer as a human to make this work out.
The fact that it didn't work out, it doesn't make
me shitty. It doesn't make you shitty. And then of
course if you hit me, or you were mean to me,
or you were toxic, then yes it makes you shitty.
(20:54):
Go work on yourself. If it just it is doesn't
look the way that we wanted it to look, then
go with God, Go and go away from me with God.
They die, Yeah, and I'm out. You know, you have
helped me so much throughout the years that I've known
you with me having to heal with my exes, especially
(21:17):
the virgo ones. And I appreciate you so much because
it's a balanced exchange. I can listen to you and
learn and then vice versa. And especially in this situation
with x IS, I'm like, can I be friends with them? Nope?
What about like ex boyfriend sex? Okay, let's go to
(21:47):
our astrology section of the podcast, So curly what Okay?
Oh my god, Yes, I'm excited. Yeah. I don't even
know how to ask this question. That my ex boyfriends
have been cancers all of that virgos into cancers, all
of them. What I didn't know cancers. I love cancers
so much. They're just such sweet. They're just great, Like
(22:09):
for somebody who's working on trying to be a better person,
cancers are all right, I got this, let's do it together.
And I'm so thankful. I'm really thankful. But howard cancer xes,
Oh oh man, that's a hard that's a tough point.
Cancer exes hate me. They want me to die because
they're like, damn, we did all this together, we did
all this work. I hope you fall off the face
(22:31):
of the earth, you know. And I'm like, it's my
virgo exes that are more like, yeah, okay, you're still hot.
Yeah I think you're so hot too. Well, good luck,
good luck. Really, my virgo exes have been like cut dry,
can't give you that by We can still be friends, Yeah, sure,
supportive because I'm the nice guy, But it's all for
their ego. Honestly, I truly believe that's just me being
(22:54):
jaded about virgos. But then also remember this weekend I
met a virgo. Oh my god, we met the sweetest guy,
so sweet. I was like immediately tried by him, and
he asked for her phone number, and we were like
what we signed? He said, we were like screamed. I
screamed too, and I almost jumped off the building. I've
kind of ghosted him. We were on the roof. Anyway,
(23:20):
when you're thinking about astrology and a person and exs like,
you have to really think about their entire chart instead
of just like one sign. So I look at their
Venus sign and their moon sign to kind of guide
me and tell me how they're going to just a
little bit, like how how they're going to react on
all this stuff. I had a boyfriend that was Venus
(23:42):
and Pisces too much. It was too much, but it
was also just enough because during our time together he
made me feel so loved and appreciated and just like
lovey dovey all that stuff, which I love. When we
broke up, he was very dripping, soggy. Oh god, I'm
(24:07):
going to get drag to that one. I don't think.
I just don't like the energy that I'm giving out.
I think we should make marriage, to be honest, I'm
just very conscious about the energy and I don't I
don't like to. You know, they're people, and we had
great times together, but also were Yeah, they were whack
when it came to like the having to break up
because they just wouldn't say anything. And a lot of
(24:28):
that has to do with virgos, Like you know, I thought, man,
virgos are going to be so easy to break up.
They're going to tell me why, and this this one
just could not. But you know, we're gonna have an
episode about breakup, so I'm not gonna go to in
depth about that. But the Aquarius who had a venus pisces,
he was very soggy after the breakup, and like he
(24:50):
was a very soggy X And I mean that as
in like, okay, well I still want to be in
your life and I really like you yeah anything, Yeah,
So it just wasn't and for him I had to
be like closed door note like blocked on everything, sucking
saggy has bitch with a zaggy as Okay, too far. Well, okay,
(25:16):
that's the astrology. Portion have to do is roll it
into a tip, like you know when you get toilet
paper and you stick it in your nose. Anyway, well,
let's do our recap of the episode curly in full. Please,
if you have a toxic X or a toxic person
in your life. Feel free to go and it's fine
(25:37):
to go away. It is fine to find yourself. Even more,
this is your life and not a life for anybody else.
But on the side, if you can get to a
point where you can live within the indifference and the
ambivalence of having a relationship with somebody and truly be
happy for somebody and be like, I don't hate you,
I'm not mad at you. I'm happy that you have
moved on, not m a stay, lack a spit your
(26:00):
wack as. Okay, we're gonna drop kick you in the
neck and cut you in the eyebrow. Well, okay, anyway
for me, listen, I just want to say I've I'm like,
I've healed me calling them. Know. What I'm saying is
(26:23):
that I'm still trying to heal the past me that
was hurt by those conversations and their lack of initiative
or effort in communication. Okay, that's what I'm angry about,
but I don't hold that in me. I'm just like,
I have to have the mentality of you don't deserve
to be in my space anymore, because it's over, it's done.
(26:46):
If I continue to be friends with you, that it's
going to click into my like addictive personality. And that's
my issue and that's something I'm working through. I'm on
team block. You're a whack ass bitch. Bitch, bitch bitch
out said, Oh I love it. I loved it. I
live for it. I think whack ass bitches are out
(27:06):
there in their real I just feel like I haven't
dated any way. Really, I mean they really were, and
maybe I was too, Like maybe we weren't compatible, but obviously, no,
we weren't compatible because I wasn't a whack as bitch.
But whatever. Thank you everyone so much for listening to
this episode. Please let us know what you think and
if you have any other suggestions for future episodes by
(27:27):
hitting us up on our social media curly how can
they find you? Find me on Instagram at the Curly
b Show. That's b as in Victoria. Oh and on
TikTok what about you? You can find me at Maya
in the Moment, m A y A in the moment
on every social media platform. Don't be a whack ass bitch. Also, wait,
are they going to text him? Are they not going
(27:47):
to text him? Oh? Did you get they've been texting.
You guys have been texting or excess during this entire episode,
right wait wait, so should they text or not? No? No, no, no,
no no no no, I don't think center. The Super
Secret Bestie Club Podcast is a production of Sono in
partnership with iHeart Radios Michael to Podcast Network. For more
(28:11):
podcasts from I Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app,
Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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