October 20, 2021 • 22 mins
Curly and Maya keep the conversation going. This time it's about breaking up with friends, and how to navigate the tricky waters of ending friendships when they have run their course.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh wow, look who's back? You like what just side? Oh?
You like what your heardd? Okay, well what's the password?
What do you think we deserve an oscar for our podcast?
You think I'm hotter than Maya? What my name is? Curly?
(00:22):
And I'm Maya And Welcome to the Super Secret Best
Club podcast, a super secret club where we talk about
super secret things, super secret, more time secret. In each episode,
we'll talk about love, friendships, heart breaks, men, and of
course our favorite secrets. Today's topic kind of sad. Sorry
(00:49):
to bring you down a little bit. We're going to
be talking about what curly friendship breakups kind of sad,
kind of empowering, but yeah, and kind of not talked about,
right mm So have you ever experienced a friendship breakup? Yes?
I have. Friendship breakups are very difficult, but also not
(01:09):
talked about a lot. In my personal experience, I have
had several friendship breakups, you know, growing up as a
teenage preteen girl and having a lot of emotions. I
remember having a lot of fights with my friends and
we would just kind of drift apart. Now as an adult,
I've had definitely a couple of friendship breakups where they've
(01:32):
just kind of we all grown each other or they
crossed the boundary. What about you. I'm kind of a
people pleaser, so it's really hard for me to like
let people go and very like, nope, you funk with me,
You're stuck with me for life. But I have experienced, um,
maybe one really powerful or maybe two really big friendship breakups.
(01:54):
They think about them all the time. They are parts
of me that are still kind of they hurt because
are kind of like, you know, there's all these different
things that run through your mind, like could we have
done better? Or you're mad at them, where you feel betrayed,
or there's like this anger um like that you feel
against them, right, or that maybe like an anger that
you feel against yourself. Yeah, I don't feel like friend
(02:17):
breakups are normalized. I feel like, like you said, a
lot of people are people pleasers and feel like, especially
if they're family or like a family friend, like you
have to be friends with them even though they could
be an extremely toxic person. So in this episode, we
kind of want to break down and normalize friend breakups
and how they can be empowering like you said, and
(02:42):
also they're just a part of life and platonic love
is just as important as romantic love, and I think
that's what we kind of need to realize and we
can heal better. Yeah. Um. One of my favorite poems,
and I don't really have it on hand, is by Yes.
She talks about how you know you have your buddy
(03:02):
that you kind of like spend so much time with,
the one that everybody kind of makes fun of you about, like, oh,
their lovers, So they hang out together a lot, and
you see it with het people, you see it with
queer people. It's just like your friend that you just
like love and they see you, they see your ugly,
they see your everything, and so you really form this
bond with them, not really expecting that it might end
(03:25):
at some point. But sometimes it's totally okay. UM. It
can be both empowering UM and sad to kind of
recognize that the relationship has kind of reached its ending
point and now you're like, get out of here, busta,
it's time for me to keep growing and keep moving,
get out of a scrap kid. But also, Willow ways
(03:50):
love you. I would never in a million good Do
you think it's more painful than losing a partner? Um?
I would. I would put them both up there. I
think that you know, they can both exist together and
both be painful. I think that with boyfriends at least
(04:11):
and lovers, there's always like a chance that you will
find another partner, you will find another um person. But
I also think that to the core of every boyfriend
or girlfriend or or person that you date, they kind
of become your best friend, right, So it's all kind
of like linked to one another where you're just like, yeah,
you're sad to lose it. What about you? What do
(04:33):
you think I think they are because, like we've mentioned,
you share very intimate parts of you, Like I tell
you about my period, which I love to learn about. Yes,
I you know, update you all the time like you
care for Yes, well I do. I'm always because that's
also just I don't have a period, So I'm like wow,
(04:53):
like that like that. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's drunkard junk.
That's so wow, you are on fire today. I'm having
another one of those moments where I'm like, definitely ful
and don't find me. I love you. I love you
in your period? Okay, thank you? Um? Yeah, Like we
(05:17):
share intimate things and photos and videos. The good moments
and the bad moments. I've shown you my ugly Like
yesterday I had an ugly moment and I know you
were like, girl, Yeah. And that's the things too, Like
you're kind of willing to put up with more with
people that you are friends with best friends with, um,
(05:38):
you know, because if your man does it, you're kind
of like walk out the door, like you're not going
to deal with that. You're right, it does make it
super painful again when you do get to that point.
So when you're feeling a little bad about being friends
with somebody or they've crossed the boundary, like, what are
some red flags to you that kind of signify, oh,
(05:59):
this this isn't making me feel good or hmmm. I
think that red flags will always be up to the
individual to decide what's a red flag for them, And
I also feel like they will change. UM. I always
say that there's never a right answer, and the answer
always changes. So I always feel like one day this
might be a boundary for you, in a red flag
(06:19):
for you, and the next day it's it's not, um,
and that's okay. And I know that sounds kind of crazy,
but it's really not. It's like a it's like a
nuanced thing. Um. But I think that when a friendship
becomes more toxic, more heavy, when people don't celebrate your winds,
when people want to hold you down, when people can
understand that humans grow and they change, um, and they're
(06:43):
not willing to kind of change with you. Um, you
know you kind of it's kind of time to back away.
I feel like I feel like a lot of people
are seeing it right now with like politics and the
vaccine and like, oh, well, you don't believe this or
you believe this, like you're you're like I'm out of here.
It all boils down to how are you being a
(07:06):
good citizen of this world and how are you caring
about other people? Because that kind of reflects in our friendship.
And for me, red flags are like when I create
a boundary and I need some space and they disrespect
that space by getting mad at it, or like getting
mad at the length of time or anything like that.
(07:27):
That's how I know, Oh, you think you deserve access
to me all the time, and you're afraid of distance
or space And that's not my problem. I cannot comfort
your anxieties all the time. Talk to your therapists about that.
Like I'm here to support and love you. And so
when I feel kind of suffocated in the friendship and
(07:49):
I feel like we're both not being our best selves,
that's when I feel like having a talk. We're taking
some space and reevaluating things, allowing well to grow and
know that people can change, but also kind of like, Okay,
I forgive you this time. If you do it next time,
or if this becomes a pattern, this is an issue
(08:11):
and we can't do this, you know. I think once
it becomes a pattern, it becomes dangerous. And that's like
any relationship, and it's up to you to really decide
and take a step back, like this is, you know,
not healthy for me, it's not healthy for both of us.
It's not healthy for my mental health. Like you can
also love someone and set them free. My favorite person
in other areas is my Angelo, who you're named after,
(08:34):
and she would always say like love liberates, like love,
you know, love will say like I would love to
hold you in my arms, I'd like to have you
next to me, but I can't have that now, so
I love you go. And I think that that kind
of can go into friendships as well, where you're like
loved you. In the seventh grade, you were popping, you
were rocking, you, you were cool. Now is an adult
you're kind of a little question noble. In Jesus love
(08:58):
and in his grace and in the universe is love.
You are great, but you're clicy, as the friends say,
clicly um problematic and problematic and you know, and so
it's like, maybe it's time Early is really showing up
for you guys today to say telu ta ta, Oh
(09:25):
my god, you're so funny today today, just today, I
feel like you're actually really good at this manute that
I'm not. I'm, as we discussed before, a fat or outer.
(09:47):
I am a orbiter. I'm not really the type of
person to be like, let's have a come to Jesus conversation.
We can and I will and I will always be
willing to do that, and I will love to do that,
but I'm just not that's not my go to to be, Like,
I'm not comfortable with the s friendship anymore. But I
feel like you're a very vocal person, So like, what
do you think that you would say and what would
you do? I would first consult with my therapist. I
(10:08):
think as we're talking about this episode. We're not professionals,
by the way, Like, please talk to a professional about
your feelings and you know, kind of work with them
and what is right for you. So I have actually
talked to my therapist about this, like a lot of
times when I've had uncomfortable situations with a friend, just
to kind of get I mean, because I feel like
(10:30):
I've been gas lit my entire life. It's not funny,
but sometimes am unable to make those decisions or like
am I tripping? Or like are they were they mean?
Was that mean? Like was that should I do? I
have the right to be mad? Is my anger valid?
So I would definitely collect all the data you can
(10:51):
how it makes you feel, and then kind of decide
are you going to have a conversation and what is
that conversation going to be, and what do you want
at the end of it? Do you want to bring
to light some of the things that made you uncomfortable
that they did, And of course with that, you also
have to take accountability for the hurt you may have
(11:12):
caused as well. And I think that's important on both
sides because then both sides feel heard and then you
can kind of assess from there. And it's hard. It's
so difficult because you don't want to hurt the person,
but you also respect yourself and you respect the other person,
(11:32):
and sometimes it just comes down to, like, you know what,
we probably are not our best selves with each other
right now. That's powerful. Maybe in a couple of months, Yes, yes,
let's take a friend break because you have said that
you had a friend break up and then it came back,
and I've had one too. Back in the day, I
(11:54):
had a big friend break up with one of my
best friends. And we were teenage years and we were
friends all through high school and then college, and then
we kind of, you know, she just kind of stopped
talking to me. And when we met up again in
my later years, she told me all of these things
of how I was making her feel. And I had
(12:16):
no idea because of course, when you're teenagers, you don't
know how to communicate with each other. And then I
told her, and we're friends again, and it feels stronger
and and it feels like we have evolved. So there
are chances that that could happen. Yes, And some people
are very like leave it in the past. My parents
are very much like an access the next for a reason.
(12:38):
And you know, one of my excess was like you
got to let people live without you. And I'm very
much like I see us as like you know, one
of the same energy, created all by the same universe.
And I can understand why you may have reacted to
me and I may have reacted to you in a
different time in our life. Um. And so I was
very lucky with like one of my best sees like
growing up, like we broke up in kind of like
(12:58):
the beginning of my sobriety journey, um and in the
beginning of their kind of journey of going being an
independent individual in the world. And I think that we
were recognizing that we were having trauma responses to one
another and we just couldn't get to a compromisation because
I think a part of the conversation too, is getting
to a point where you can come together, hold yourself
(13:19):
accountable the way that you said before, holding the other
person accountable for what it is that they did, gaslighting
and whatever they want to do, because people will absolutely
gas let you and you have to really stand in
your yes. But this is what suged, what was sugared
in me. But we absolutely got to a really cool
point where we um like thankfully kind of went through
(13:40):
very similar journeys in the time that we didn't talk,
or we learned language like trauma response, we learned language
like accountability, we learned different things where we were like, um,
now we're coming together as adults. I apologize, I see
you again, and yes, we broke up. And it was
so funny because what we did while we were broken up,
by the way, is we would always imagine and send
(14:00):
each other love. I told her like I would think
about her all the time, and even though I would
be angry, I would send her love and kindness, and
I would listen to music and cry and just like, oh,
just all the love in the world. I would write
her letters, um that I missed her. She was angry
with me for a very long time, just so angry,
and then she said that something clicked where she started
(14:21):
to also just send me love. We actually used to
have dreams with one another where we would be like,
remember when we weren't friends, and so now it's weird
because now it's real life, and we will talk on
the phone and be like, remember when we were in friends.
That's a perfect segue into this next section, which is closure.
There are many different ways to have closure, and sometimes
(14:43):
there's different like avenues and directions you can go towards.
Because for me, I was a huge closure person where
I needed them to say what they did wrong. I
needed them to be sorry in order for me to heal,
and sometimes a lot of the time you don't get that,
and then your healing process is stalled because of you
(15:04):
because you want all of these things, like you are
owed to this, and honestly, we are not owed anything.
You know, nobody owes us anything. We're just living on
this earth doing our thing, and stuff happens. So for me,
closure had to really come with I'm not going to
get this from this person because they are not in
the space where they can see the hurt. They can't
(15:27):
see it, So why am I going to run around
in circles being so sad and angry Because it's energy
at the end of the day that we're keeping, like
all of this anger and hurt from them. It's I
feel it in my space and you can definitely feel
it every single time you see their name pop up
or see pictures. And I think we've kind of learned
(15:49):
to heal through this way and it's sending them love
if you pray, like praying for them and saying like
you know, because for me in my situations, like those
people are hurt and they're just hurt people hurting other people.
And although I've done everything I could do, I have
to leave it alone, and I have to leave it
at that, you know, and they can go around and
(16:10):
tell other people that I'm a bad person or whatever
create this whole narrative. But I know my story and
my narrative and that I really did everything that I
could and I have to sit with that and let
it go. Yes, And I think that that's super hard.
And I don't think that I really understood the words
like give it to God, give it to the universe
(16:31):
until very recently in my life where literally like even
as a mantra, I just I'm trying to I just
like you take it, take the wheel universe, like that's you,
that's you, that's you, this you, And kind of practicing
that and putting that into practice in my everyday life
has really helped me a lot. And kind of giving
those relationships and those friendships and kind of like, um,
I don't want to call them failed relationships, but kind
(16:53):
of like relationships that have gone in a different direction
and that I'm not happy about or sad about. I
have to really just give it to the universe and
be like it's okay. Um, maybe one day will heal,
maybe we won't. Um. But again, in the words of
the Great, I love you, but go you know, And
(17:22):
now it's time for the astrology portion astrology again. My
top three or my big three are Pisces rising, Aries,
Moon and Sun, Mercury cancer. No, no, Mercury, Mercury, Pisces,
Mars cancer. It's so funny every time Mina says, and
(17:44):
now from my top three, and then she ends up
telling you six of her placements because in my Jupiter.
And also, like you said, top three, right to mention
my venus. Maybe this is also aries. Well, this is
important for those who are really into astrology, like if
we're talking about conflict, like Mercury is communication, Mars is conflict. Yes, um,
(18:07):
it's good to just give people the rundown. Yes, absolutely,
I agree. I am. Actually the only thing I know
is my maybe top I know my top three and
maybe my Vanus. But I'm a virgo double scorpio, and
my venus is in ergo as well. Beautiful, So my
butth hole is always tight? Okay, well yeah, I would
agree on that that's a good thing, and agree on
(18:31):
that my butt hole alone. Okay, So best sodiac signs
to have your back during difficult times. This is kind
of like a grab bag because it definitely depends on
all of their placements. But if we're just talking general
of our experiences, what would you say, curly wow, waited
through the um bestiac signs to have your back during
(18:54):
difficult times. I find that I feel like I am
always in love with area, like I'm super kind of biased.
I like a lot of the most beautiful people in
my life who have taught me to kind of not
only be okay with the emotion and the passion behind
whatever I'm dealing with, but also the uh, the swiftness
(19:16):
of being like but let's keep going, let's keep traild
basing Aries and Pisces. Pisces are like just they got
they have the knowledge that you're like, thank you, Pisces,
You're welcome. I'm glad that you gave the recognition I deserve.
You do you do for me? Honestly, I would have
(19:39):
to say Aries also and Pisces, but to have your back,
like we're talking about loyalty. Yeah, like any fire sign
Sagittarius for me, they have my back and they understand.
And they're also like like I love the care free
energy of like it doesn't matter, like it is not
(19:59):
as intense as it seems, like not gaslighting me, but
just kind of like, I know it feels very heavy
right now, but it won't matter soon. They allow me
to just let it go. And Virgos are also like
I just I love how virgos are able to process
whatever situation I just told them about, like a friend breakup,
(20:20):
and they're able to immediately spit out like a plan
or like, oh I understand, like this is what it
sounds like their X, Y and Z like very matter
of fact. Yes, I agree. I also always say that
if you're looking for someone that can slice and dice
and kill for you, that's probably your Scorpio and your
Capricorn friends. Yeah, and then they'll slice and dice for you,
loyal Scorpio and a Capricorn, they'll fucking like they some
(20:45):
tires and man, if they don't like you, they don't
like you, and it's okay. I'm sending love and peace
and love and sparkles. Yes absolutely also cancers shouts at
the cancers still hug you and love you when maybe,
oh I love that. Well. That concludes the astrology portion
(21:05):
of this podcast. What do we learned today? We learned
that cut off everyone you know and burn it all down,
burning spoken like a true aries. We learned that it
is okay to not have closure and sometimes you just
outgrow people and that is okay as well. And just
(21:28):
to have compassion for those who are still on their
own healing journey and if they want to come back,
they can come back, but make sure that they learned
what they need to learn. Okay, yes, absolutely, I feel
like much like the Great Drag Queen Coco Peru said
that in order for your rose bush to grow big
and strong, you have to prune it, and sometimes that
(21:50):
means pruning some people from your life that you can
be a strong rose bush. What's that? The word bush
is kind of dirty always no matter what you're using
it for bush bush bush. This is a Coco Peru
stand podcast, I guess live for Coco Queen Coco crew.
And also it is inevitable, it will happen. There is
nothing wrong with it. You will grow, you will keep growing,
(22:13):
and you can find me on every single social media
platform at Maya in the moment, m A, y A
in the moment. Alrighty Maya, how do you believe? I'll
believe little. Please listen to the next episode of where podcast.
Yes and come back, and thank you so much for
hanging with us at the Super Secret Bestie Club. And
please hit us up on social media to suggest other
(22:33):
topics and just talk to us. Please. Yes, this is
our club. We want you to be a part of it.
We want you to join in. Let's shut it up.
The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast is a production of
Sono in partnership with I Heart Radios Michael podcast Network.
For more podcasts from my Heart, visit the I Heart
Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
(22:54):
favorite shows.
Oh wow, look who's back? You like what just side? Oh?
You like what your heardd? Okay, well what's the password?
What do you think we deserve an oscar for our podcast?
You think I'm hotter than Maya? What my name is? Curly?
(00:22):
And I'm Maya And Welcome to the Super Secret Best
Club podcast, a super secret club where we talk about
super secret things, super secret, more time secret. In each episode,
we'll talk about love, friendships, heart breaks, men, and of
course our favorite secrets. Today's topic kind of sad. Sorry
(00:49):
to bring you down a little bit. We're going to
be talking about what curly friendship breakups kind of sad,
kind of empowering, but yeah, and kind of not talked about,
right mm So have you ever experienced a friendship breakup? Yes?
I have. Friendship breakups are very difficult, but also not
(01:09):
talked about a lot. In my personal experience, I have
had several friendship breakups, you know, growing up as a
teenage preteen girl and having a lot of emotions. I
remember having a lot of fights with my friends and
we would just kind of drift apart. Now as an adult,
I've had definitely a couple of friendship breakups where they've
(01:32):
just kind of we all grown each other or they
crossed the boundary. What about you. I'm kind of a
people pleaser, so it's really hard for me to like
let people go and very like, nope, you funk with me,
You're stuck with me for life. But I have experienced, um,
maybe one really powerful or maybe two really big friendship breakups.
(01:54):
They think about them all the time. They are parts
of me that are still kind of they hurt because
are kind of like, you know, there's all these different
things that run through your mind, like could we have
done better? Or you're mad at them, where you feel betrayed,
or there's like this anger um like that you feel
against them, right, or that maybe like an anger that
you feel against yourself. Yeah, I don't feel like friend
(02:17):
breakups are normalized. I feel like, like you said, a
lot of people are people pleasers and feel like, especially
if they're family or like a family friend, like you
have to be friends with them even though they could
be an extremely toxic person. So in this episode, we
kind of want to break down and normalize friend breakups
and how they can be empowering like you said, and
(02:42):
also they're just a part of life and platonic love
is just as important as romantic love, and I think
that's what we kind of need to realize and we
can heal better. Yeah. Um. One of my favorite poems,
and I don't really have it on hand, is by Yes.
She talks about how you know you have your buddy
(03:02):
that you kind of like spend so much time with,
the one that everybody kind of makes fun of you about, like, oh,
their lovers, So they hang out together a lot, and
you see it with het people, you see it with
queer people. It's just like your friend that you just
like love and they see you, they see your ugly,
they see your everything, and so you really form this
bond with them, not really expecting that it might end
(03:25):
at some point. But sometimes it's totally okay. UM. It
can be both empowering UM and sad to kind of
recognize that the relationship has kind of reached its ending
point and now you're like, get out of here, busta,
it's time for me to keep growing and keep moving,
get out of a scrap kid. But also, Willow ways
(03:50):
love you. I would never in a million good Do
you think it's more painful than losing a partner? Um?
I would. I would put them both up there. I
think that you know, they can both exist together and
both be painful. I think that with boyfriends at least
(04:11):
and lovers, there's always like a chance that you will
find another partner, you will find another um person. But
I also think that to the core of every boyfriend
or girlfriend or or person that you date, they kind
of become your best friend, right, So it's all kind
of like linked to one another where you're just like, yeah,
you're sad to lose it. What about you? What do
(04:33):
you think I think they are because, like we've mentioned,
you share very intimate parts of you, Like I tell
you about my period, which I love to learn about. Yes,
I you know, update you all the time like you
care for Yes, well I do. I'm always because that's
also just I don't have a period, So I'm like wow,
(04:53):
like that like that. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's drunkard junk.
That's so wow, you are on fire today. I'm having
another one of those moments where I'm like, definitely ful
and don't find me. I love you. I love you
in your period? Okay, thank you? Um? Yeah, Like we
(05:17):
share intimate things and photos and videos. The good moments
and the bad moments. I've shown you my ugly Like
yesterday I had an ugly moment and I know you
were like, girl, Yeah. And that's the things too, Like
you're kind of willing to put up with more with
people that you are friends with best friends with, um,
(05:38):
you know, because if your man does it, you're kind
of like walk out the door, like you're not going
to deal with that. You're right, it does make it
super painful again when you do get to that point.
So when you're feeling a little bad about being friends
with somebody or they've crossed the boundary, like, what are
some red flags to you that kind of signify, oh,
(05:59):
this this isn't making me feel good or hmmm. I
think that red flags will always be up to the
individual to decide what's a red flag for them, And
I also feel like they will change. UM. I always
say that there's never a right answer, and the answer
always changes. So I always feel like one day this
might be a boundary for you, in a red flag
(06:19):
for you, and the next day it's it's not, um,
and that's okay. And I know that sounds kind of crazy,
but it's really not. It's like a it's like a
nuanced thing. Um. But I think that when a friendship
becomes more toxic, more heavy, when people don't celebrate your winds,
when people want to hold you down, when people can
understand that humans grow and they change, um, and they're
(06:43):
not willing to kind of change with you. Um, you
know you kind of it's kind of time to back away.
I feel like I feel like a lot of people
are seeing it right now with like politics and the
vaccine and like, oh, well, you don't believe this or
you believe this, like you're you're like I'm out of here.
It all boils down to how are you being a
(07:06):
good citizen of this world and how are you caring
about other people? Because that kind of reflects in our friendship.
And for me, red flags are like when I create
a boundary and I need some space and they disrespect
that space by getting mad at it, or like getting
mad at the length of time or anything like that.
(07:27):
That's how I know, Oh, you think you deserve access
to me all the time, and you're afraid of distance
or space And that's not my problem. I cannot comfort
your anxieties all the time. Talk to your therapists about that.
Like I'm here to support and love you. And so
when I feel kind of suffocated in the friendship and
(07:49):
I feel like we're both not being our best selves,
that's when I feel like having a talk. We're taking
some space and reevaluating things, allowing well to grow and
know that people can change, but also kind of like, Okay,
I forgive you this time. If you do it next time,
or if this becomes a pattern, this is an issue
(08:11):
and we can't do this, you know. I think once
it becomes a pattern, it becomes dangerous. And that's like
any relationship, and it's up to you to really decide
and take a step back, like this is, you know,
not healthy for me, it's not healthy for both of us.
It's not healthy for my mental health. Like you can
also love someone and set them free. My favorite person
in other areas is my Angelo, who you're named after,
(08:34):
and she would always say like love liberates, like love,
you know, love will say like I would love to
hold you in my arms, I'd like to have you
next to me, but I can't have that now, so
I love you go. And I think that that kind
of can go into friendships as well, where you're like
loved you. In the seventh grade, you were popping, you
were rocking, you, you were cool. Now is an adult
you're kind of a little question noble. In Jesus love
(08:58):
and in his grace and in the universe is love.
You are great, but you're clicy, as the friends say,
clicly um problematic and problematic and you know, and so
it's like, maybe it's time Early is really showing up
for you guys today to say telu ta ta, Oh
(09:25):
my god, you're so funny today today, just today, I
feel like you're actually really good at this manute that
I'm not. I'm, as we discussed before, a fat or outer.
(09:47):
I am a orbiter. I'm not really the type of
person to be like, let's have a come to Jesus conversation.
We can and I will and I will always be
willing to do that, and I will love to do that,
but I'm just not that's not my go to to be, Like,
I'm not comfortable with the s friendship anymore. But I
feel like you're a very vocal person, So like, what
do you think that you would say and what would
you do? I would first consult with my therapist. I
(10:08):
think as we're talking about this episode. We're not professionals,
by the way, Like, please talk to a professional about
your feelings and you know, kind of work with them
and what is right for you. So I have actually
talked to my therapist about this, like a lot of
times when I've had uncomfortable situations with a friend, just
to kind of get I mean, because I feel like
(10:30):
I've been gas lit my entire life. It's not funny,
but sometimes am unable to make those decisions or like
am I tripping? Or like are they were they mean?
Was that mean? Like was that should I do? I
have the right to be mad? Is my anger valid?
So I would definitely collect all the data you can
(10:51):
how it makes you feel, and then kind of decide
are you going to have a conversation and what is
that conversation going to be, and what do you want
at the end of it? Do you want to bring
to light some of the things that made you uncomfortable
that they did, And of course with that, you also
have to take accountability for the hurt you may have
(11:12):
caused as well. And I think that's important on both
sides because then both sides feel heard and then you
can kind of assess from there. And it's hard. It's
so difficult because you don't want to hurt the person,
but you also respect yourself and you respect the other person,
(11:32):
and sometimes it just comes down to, like, you know what,
we probably are not our best selves with each other
right now. That's powerful. Maybe in a couple of months, Yes, yes,
let's take a friend break because you have said that
you had a friend break up and then it came back,
and I've had one too. Back in the day, I
(11:54):
had a big friend break up with one of my
best friends. And we were teenage years and we were
friends all through high school and then college, and then
we kind of, you know, she just kind of stopped
talking to me. And when we met up again in
my later years, she told me all of these things
of how I was making her feel. And I had
(12:16):
no idea because of course, when you're teenagers, you don't
know how to communicate with each other. And then I
told her, and we're friends again, and it feels stronger
and and it feels like we have evolved. So there
are chances that that could happen. Yes, And some people
are very like leave it in the past. My parents
are very much like an access the next for a reason.
(12:38):
And you know, one of my excess was like you
got to let people live without you. And I'm very
much like I see us as like you know, one
of the same energy, created all by the same universe.
And I can understand why you may have reacted to
me and I may have reacted to you in a
different time in our life. Um. And so I was
very lucky with like one of my best sees like
growing up, like we broke up in kind of like
(12:58):
the beginning of my sobriety journey, um and in the
beginning of their kind of journey of going being an
independent individual in the world. And I think that we
were recognizing that we were having trauma responses to one
another and we just couldn't get to a compromisation because
I think a part of the conversation too, is getting
to a point where you can come together, hold yourself
(13:19):
accountable the way that you said before, holding the other
person accountable for what it is that they did, gaslighting
and whatever they want to do, because people will absolutely
gas let you and you have to really stand in
your yes. But this is what suged, what was sugared
in me. But we absolutely got to a really cool
point where we um like thankfully kind of went through
(13:40):
very similar journeys in the time that we didn't talk,
or we learned language like trauma response, we learned language
like accountability, we learned different things where we were like, um,
now we're coming together as adults. I apologize, I see
you again, and yes, we broke up. And it was
so funny because what we did while we were broken up,
by the way, is we would always imagine and send
(14:00):
each other love. I told her like I would think
about her all the time, and even though I would
be angry, I would send her love and kindness, and
I would listen to music and cry and just like, oh,
just all the love in the world. I would write
her letters, um that I missed her. She was angry
with me for a very long time, just so angry,
and then she said that something clicked where she started
(14:21):
to also just send me love. We actually used to
have dreams with one another where we would be like,
remember when we weren't friends, and so now it's weird
because now it's real life, and we will talk on
the phone and be like, remember when we were in friends.
That's a perfect segue into this next section, which is closure.
There are many different ways to have closure, and sometimes
(14:43):
there's different like avenues and directions you can go towards.
Because for me, I was a huge closure person where
I needed them to say what they did wrong. I
needed them to be sorry in order for me to heal,
and sometimes a lot of the time you don't get that,
and then your healing process is stalled because of you
(15:04):
because you want all of these things, like you are
owed to this, and honestly, we are not owed anything.
You know, nobody owes us anything. We're just living on
this earth doing our thing, and stuff happens. So for me,
closure had to really come with I'm not going to
get this from this person because they are not in
the space where they can see the hurt. They can't
(15:27):
see it, So why am I going to run around
in circles being so sad and angry Because it's energy
at the end of the day that we're keeping, like
all of this anger and hurt from them. It's I
feel it in my space and you can definitely feel
it every single time you see their name pop up
or see pictures. And I think we've kind of learned
(15:49):
to heal through this way and it's sending them love
if you pray, like praying for them and saying like
you know, because for me in my situations, like those
people are hurt and they're just hurt people hurting other people.
And although I've done everything I could do, I have
to leave it alone, and I have to leave it
at that, you know, and they can go around and
(16:10):
tell other people that I'm a bad person or whatever
create this whole narrative. But I know my story and
my narrative and that I really did everything that I
could and I have to sit with that and let
it go. Yes, And I think that that's super hard.
And I don't think that I really understood the words
like give it to God, give it to the universe
(16:31):
until very recently in my life where literally like even
as a mantra, I just I'm trying to I just
like you take it, take the wheel universe, like that's you,
that's you, that's you, this you, And kind of practicing
that and putting that into practice in my everyday life
has really helped me a lot. And kind of giving
those relationships and those friendships and kind of like, um,
I don't want to call them failed relationships, but kind
(16:53):
of like relationships that have gone in a different direction
and that I'm not happy about or sad about. I
have to really just give it to the universe and
be like it's okay. Um, maybe one day will heal,
maybe we won't. Um. But again, in the words of
the Great, I love you, but go you know, And
(17:22):
now it's time for the astrology portion astrology again. My
top three or my big three are Pisces rising, Aries,
Moon and Sun, Mercury cancer. No, no, Mercury, Mercury, Pisces,
Mars cancer. It's so funny every time Mina says, and
(17:44):
now from my top three, and then she ends up
telling you six of her placements because in my Jupiter.
And also, like you said, top three, right to mention
my venus. Maybe this is also aries. Well, this is
important for those who are really into astrology, like if
we're talking about conflict, like Mercury is communication, Mars is conflict. Yes, um,
(18:07):
it's good to just give people the rundown. Yes, absolutely,
I agree. I am. Actually the only thing I know
is my maybe top I know my top three and
maybe my Vanus. But I'm a virgo double scorpio, and
my venus is in ergo as well. Beautiful, So my
butth hole is always tight? Okay, well yeah, I would
agree on that that's a good thing, and agree on
(18:31):
that my butt hole alone. Okay, So best sodiac signs
to have your back during difficult times. This is kind
of like a grab bag because it definitely depends on
all of their placements. But if we're just talking general
of our experiences, what would you say, curly wow, waited
through the um bestiac signs to have your back during
(18:54):
difficult times. I find that I feel like I am
always in love with area, like I'm super kind of biased.
I like a lot of the most beautiful people in
my life who have taught me to kind of not
only be okay with the emotion and the passion behind
whatever I'm dealing with, but also the uh, the swiftness
(19:16):
of being like but let's keep going, let's keep traild
basing Aries and Pisces. Pisces are like just they got
they have the knowledge that you're like, thank you, Pisces,
You're welcome. I'm glad that you gave the recognition I deserve.
You do you do for me? Honestly, I would have
(19:39):
to say Aries also and Pisces, but to have your back,
like we're talking about loyalty. Yeah, like any fire sign
Sagittarius for me, they have my back and they understand.
And they're also like like I love the care free
energy of like it doesn't matter, like it is not
(19:59):
as intense as it seems, like not gaslighting me, but
just kind of like, I know it feels very heavy
right now, but it won't matter soon. They allow me
to just let it go. And Virgos are also like
I just I love how virgos are able to process
whatever situation I just told them about, like a friend breakup,
(20:20):
and they're able to immediately spit out like a plan
or like, oh I understand, like this is what it
sounds like their X, Y and Z like very matter
of fact. Yes, I agree. I also always say that
if you're looking for someone that can slice and dice
and kill for you, that's probably your Scorpio and your
Capricorn friends. Yeah, and then they'll slice and dice for you,
loyal Scorpio and a Capricorn, they'll fucking like they some
(20:45):
tires and man, if they don't like you, they don't
like you, and it's okay. I'm sending love and peace
and love and sparkles. Yes absolutely also cancers shouts at
the cancers still hug you and love you when maybe,
oh I love that. Well. That concludes the astrology portion
(21:05):
of this podcast. What do we learned today? We learned
that cut off everyone you know and burn it all down,
burning spoken like a true aries. We learned that it
is okay to not have closure and sometimes you just
outgrow people and that is okay as well. And just
(21:28):
to have compassion for those who are still on their
own healing journey and if they want to come back,
they can come back, but make sure that they learned
what they need to learn. Okay, yes, absolutely, I feel
like much like the Great Drag Queen Coco Peru said
that in order for your rose bush to grow big
and strong, you have to prune it, and sometimes that
(21:50):
means pruning some people from your life that you can
be a strong rose bush. What's that? The word bush
is kind of dirty always no matter what you're using
it for bush bush bush. This is a Coco Peru
stand podcast, I guess live for Coco Queen Coco crew.
And also it is inevitable, it will happen. There is
nothing wrong with it. You will grow, you will keep growing,
(22:13):
and you can find me on every single social media
platform at Maya in the moment, m A, y A
in the moment. Alrighty Maya, how do you believe? I'll
believe little. Please listen to the next episode of where podcast.
Yes and come back, and thank you so much for
hanging with us at the Super Secret Bestie Club. And
please hit us up on social media to suggest other
(22:33):
topics and just talk to us. Please. Yes, this is
our club. We want you to be a part of it.
We want you to join in. Let's shut it up.
The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast is a production of
Sono in partnership with I Heart Radios Michael podcast Network.
For more podcasts from my Heart, visit the I Heart
Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
(22:54):
favorite shows.
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