May 10, 2023 • 39 mins
Have you ever been discriminated against for being single? Well, you're in luck! Because you're entitled to some sweet, sweet emotional compensation courtesy of the Besties. Welcome to Singletown! This episode is for the girls, gays, and theys that don't know if they have high standards or if they're just being picky. This is for those who are wondering if they should buy everything in pairs of twos to manifest a partner. For those afraid of vulnerability...... Anyways, get in here!
Maya Murillo and Curly Velazquez are the hosts of the Super Secret Bestie Club with production support by Josie Meléndez and Augusto Martinez of Sonoro Media. If you want to support the podcast, please rate and review our show here.
Follow Maya Murillo on Instagram and Twitter @mayainthemoment
Follow Curly Velazquez on Instagram and TikTok @thecurlyvshow and on Twitter @CurlyVee
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, what are you doing here? Is it just you?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Why? Because I'm single? No, I just was asking this
is because I've been single for a long time.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
I was just wondering if we because I'm single. I
just wanted to know if we should put two plates
on her.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Because I don't have any one in my Are you
calling me alone? Are you discriminating? Are you discriminating against
me because I'm single?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
All right, well, just get in here, Get in here.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
My name is Curly and I'm Maya.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
And welcome to the Super Secret Bestie Club podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
A super secret club where we talk about super secret things. Yeah,
like secrets that are super that's when it is.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
In each episode we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets. Well, Maya, today is
another special episode.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Don't start appropriating my culture, please, your culture of being single? Singleton, USA, Singleton,
the mayor of Singleton. And who's that she's that's Maya?
Still single?
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Yep?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
How has it been? No? One knows, legend she's actually
never had a relationship before. No, really, I think one
time she's been in sess with the same person for
four years and they weren't even together together.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
That's that person. The bitch whoever said that, who ever
said that?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Wow, I love that you basically like gave us roasted myself. You.
We just went into the true psyche of Maya.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
If this is if we're talking to our people, I'm
going to give our people the most raw, vulnerable side
of me.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Yeah, this is gonna be a little more Mara.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
We're talking about being single, chronically single. Yes, I have
been single for a very long time. But it's hard
because situationships have become way more popular they I was
first in situationships before they even became situationships. Like the
label that's how like prehistoric.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I am, but you're not. You're very young.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I love dinosaurs, though I would love to be prehistoric.
It's a compliment.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Okay, so you're talking about being single for a very
long time.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Yeah, I have dated a lot of people who are
the opposite though, who are like serial monogamous, monogamanimous daters,
relationship just back to back to back to back to back.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Which also in like, that's not living to me either.
There has to be a healthy balance. I think of
both for sure.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Oh yeah, but as an expert single person, it's you.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Know, why do you think that you're single?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I hate that question?
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Why I hate the question? Why do you hate? That question?
Is like near my face right now.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Because it's it's just like it's like, especially when you're
dating someone, they're like, why are you single?
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I think that's a great question on my first date though,
to ask somebody why do you think? Why are you?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I can tell why you're single? I go into my defensive.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Basically, what you're doing? Answer why?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I think because I'm working on myself. Okay, no, yeah,
I think I've mentioned this before in other episodes, but
I went into like a little hermit mode after I
like started dating someone at the beginning of twenty twenty one,
and I was like, you know what, this doesn't feel right.
I don't feel good. So I like worked on myself,
(03:55):
got a new therapist and changed.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
A lot, and have youd therapists.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
We talked about yesterday.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
What does she say?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
She said that I am afraid to get a vulnerable
like I'm emotionally unavailable a little bit. The thing that
my kryptonite, the thing that I hate that I've dated.
I've dated unavailable people before, and I'm that person right now.
I'm like, how does it feel you villain? Now you're
(04:26):
the villain of this story. Wow, I know it feels
so weird.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
I think so too that I think that sometimes when
I'm when I meet other people who are, like, have
been single for a very long time, I do sometimes
go between thinking about are they just picky? Are they
just holding out? Or are they finding reasons to not
let somebody in?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
But we talked about that too, But we talked about
how she's like, I'm sensing a lot of like self
judgment when you're talking about like your love life, because
sometimes I would feel like growing up, my parents would
say that I was very picky, like you're so picky,
You're so judgmental. And my therapist was like, are you
(05:07):
or do you just have standards? Like are those just
your standards? And they're just they just look different to
your parents. I know what you would say about me, well,
I don't go out.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Well. I also think that there's an interesting question too,
because what is the difference between being picky and standards? Right, Like,
how do you even begin to dissect that as well?
Like I, for example, when I'm single, When I was
single and I was going out on a lot of dates,
I would get turned off by you know, we talked
about our x in season one. I would get like, oh,
I don't like the way that that man choose or
(05:38):
I don't like the way that that man is like
carrying himself in this restaurant right now. Like I'm like,
I'd rather be single than hang out with somebody who
makes me crunge. But am I being picky or am
I are those what was the other words?
Speaker 2 (05:50):
It doesn't matter judgmental nor standards.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Standards.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Yeah, it doesn't matter though if you if they didn't
you didn't reel in the fish, if they didn't rule
you in and you're flopping away. Yeah, and you don't
even like the taste of the bait.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Yeah, it's okay, you're not flopping away, lizen.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I've been doing a lot of fishing and dream my belly.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
But like I do think sometimes, like there were a
lot of incredible men that I was like, oh no,
they were actually really good man sexy, sweet like adult people.
I just didn't I didn't like.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I just was like, no, and that's that's fine. Like
I don't I want to like erase picky as a word.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
What's the longest relationship that you've ever been in.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I hate this question.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
And then we did think we were going to get back.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Well, when I was nineteen, I dated somebody. We were
boyfriend and girlfriend on and off for like a year,
and then broke up and then we're on and off
for like a minute. So I've had a lot of
on and offs, but an actual relationship. I would say
that when I was nineteen years old, it was like
(07:02):
ten years ago.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Does it scare you?
Speaker 2 (07:04):
It does a little bit, because I'm so used to
just myself. I was even thinking, like this morning, I
was waking up because the way I sleep, and probably,
like you haven't noticed this, because you're like an little
baby angel when you sleep, Like when we travel, he
goes into like a he goes into this little pod
and like nothing kind of like bothers him. Yeah, and
(07:27):
he will literally sleep like an angel, like with his
hands tucked underneath his chin.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah, that's really how I sleep. I have to either
sleep with my hands cross over my.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Chest, yeah, like a dead person in Vampire.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Or exactly, or like underneath my cheek like like a
little chair up. But it's interesting because it's mostly with
the blood circulation in my hands, Like if I don't
sleep like that. I wake up in my hands are
kind of numb.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I toss and turn all night, all night long, like
left side, right side, left side, right side, Like it's
it's that's like comfortable to me because I'm like hmm,
but I'm like, I can't imagine a partner being in
that bed also and being like what the fuck girl?
Like your pick aside? You know, I would hate that,
(08:09):
Like I think about those things I think about like
my own mess that I have, Like what I'm working
on now is like you know, hairs of twos, like
two hearts, too hearts. Well, it's like a known thing,
and even my therapist says it too. Is that to
attract like more love into your life, you have to
get hairs, like you know, if you get candles, get
(08:32):
two candles, if you get like you know, artwork like
two hearts, two hearts, like two of everything. So it's
just like in your ingrained in your brain, and I
have been doing that, but I'm like, I don't need
two of this, And my brain's like you're gonna be
a single forever if you don't get it, Like.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Okay, I guess look at it now. You made me
think I'm like, damn, I only about one candle tonight.
I'm like I should have gotten.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Well, You're cursed forever. But it's it's like I feel
like I'm in recovery mode to like open myself up
more because I'm a different person. I really like who
I am right now.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
I wanted to say too that a lot of times
I feel like people stay single because they want to
work on themselves. They want to be just right for
the individual that they're going to be with, And I
think that that's important to a certain degree. Like, yes,
you should be working on yourself. You should be doing
a lot of things, but a lot of those things
that you learn are better in practice up against another
human being. Number one. Two. By the way, the thing
(09:31):
that you mentioned about the bed and tossing and turning there,
I don't know if you're up to date with bed technology,
but there's a thing called like a king sized bed
or a California still.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Like, I'm like, not a small batique girl.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
I'm like, no one is thinking that no one's going
to be like, but like there's technology. Have you seen
those commercials where they pet like a glass of wine
on the bed and then there's somebody jumping next to
it and they don't. But I'm saying, and.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I think in terms of, so I have to get
a kingside bed, king size bed.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Sometimes, look, whenever I talk about like, there's some things
that even with the individual that I'm in love with
right now, like things that I'm kind of like, I
don't know, like I'm willing to overlook them and kind
of be like, let's work on it together because I
care about you so much. I want to work on
those things. But if he were to be like I
can't get with you or I can't do anything until
(10:28):
I figure that out, I would be like, damn, you're
gonna miss out on somebody really good who's right here
in front of you. You know. So it's definitely something
I think to keep in mind. For those of you
who are afraid to kind of dive into that, I
will say, well, maybe vulnerability, but I will say too that,
like I started to realize that I've been talking to
(10:50):
a lot more people who I'm slightly older than you,
a little bit older, little smid older, but I talk
to a lot of like your kind of age group,
and a lot of times I've heard it it's kind
of common that like I've been single or I haven't
been in like a long term relationship. So I started
to do research in terms of what was the case
like millennial versus gen z And there are a lot
(11:13):
more people who are a lot more comfortable being single
right now, and there are there's less of a cultural
push in terms of needing to be with a partner
because there's a lot more data that exists that shows
that single people are actually fairly happy, Like they don't
live less happier lives than somebody who's in a relationship,
(11:35):
and they also can be full and whole, complete people
in their single theom By the way, when I read
you facts, I don't do that thing where you have
to go look for three credible sources. I just find
something to prove my point and then I just read
it to you guys on here. But this thing of
Statista dot com is what I'm gonna call it, is
that in twenty twenty two, there was a pull that
(11:56):
was taking that thirty seven point eighty nine million single
people led a households in the United States, and from
the previous year it had gone up from thirty six
point five million, So in one year it went up
roughly like one point something million, And so that means
that there are progressive, really more single people that are
(12:19):
alive and well and thriving.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
As as am. I I am one of those people.
So I guess we get in the podcast now.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
I will say this the other day, because you don't
have a little by the way, I started to include
more information in our podcast because this is kind of
what I do for fun, Like I like to read
a lot of things. And as mutching this interview on
CNN that was talking about this study of happiness and
people who and what is happiness and all these different things,
and one of the things that they were talking about
is that, oh okay, So they started with then at
(13:01):
some ivy League school and they've been doing it for
eighty plus years and they have followed these men from
that time to their death and now their family and
who they've married and their children, and they check in
with their health and they check all these different things
every five years, and they found what they believe is
the secret to happiness, according to the study, and the
(13:22):
secret is is that no matter what kind of level
of success these people have had, the happiness is rooted
in the nurturing of their relationships. So that can be
whether they are with a loved one, family, friendships, or
a significant other. The way that they nurture, in the
way that they are in contact with those people truly
(13:43):
decides how happy you are at the end of your life.
So not to there was another stay to that. Single
people are genuinely not their pretty level with people in
a relationship too, So it's not to take away from.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
So you're just as happy as just as happy, absolutely
so don't even.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Don't even but in saying, if you want to live
to be older, you should get a friend or a
hobby or both.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Do I not have those right now? Are you not
my friend? Can I not do those things with you?
Speaker 1 (14:19):
You can't?
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Actually, are you breaking up with me right now?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Oh my god, I'm the way that you broke up
with I've been. Oh I've been Garcia.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
There's a million I've in Garcia. So good luck finding
that one.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Anyway.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
So one of the things I had been working on
while I was like not dating and not dating as
in like I was still on the apps, but I
wasn't really like I would not go on dates. I
would shift my point of view to appreciate platonic love
a little bit more, and I really fell in love
(14:59):
with all my friends. And one of the things to
practice also is when you're manifesting and visualizing your future
partner or like journaling or whatever, you think of a
friendship that gives you that makes you feel that like love, Yeah,
and that makes you feel safe or happy and all
that stuff, and you just kind of like, you know,
(15:21):
you just kind of take that and put it into
your manifestation because you felt that before. And that's like
one of the biggest things to like help manifest So
I've been like, I don't have anyone in my life
like that.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
So yeah, and especially no wrong way I think, I
think there's no wrong way to like exist, Like if
you're single and you're happy, wonderful, like you can find
love and soulmates and other relationships in your life, like
you were saying. And then the other thing that I
saw too is that they were saying that sometimes it's
also okay. There are a lot of people who have
lived full lives that have been in a multitude of
(15:56):
short term relationships that are actually just as fulfilling as
you know, smaller long term relationships.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Yeah, It's very complicated because even just people asking me, like,
when's the last relationship you've had, I'm like, it's hard
because they've been like three months and then done. But
in those three months, so much has happened that it
feels like very long, and it feels almost more impactful
than like the year thing that I had back in
the day. And that gets confusing because I think as
(16:28):
single people were constantly like judging ourselves up against like
societal norms and Hollywood's depiction of what romance is and
what it should be, what it should feel like, how
long it should be, and like in reality and especially
in spirituality, like we're able to create our own reality,
(16:49):
and like I've started to throw all that shit out
of the window. I'm like, no, I'm creating my own timeline,
my own definition of like what being single right now
means to me. Yeah, because I put so much pressure
on myself. Like not only do our family members do
that as well, like but sometimes our friends and just
(17:11):
like TikTok, we'll like watch all these things, we'll consume
all these things and feel bad about ourselves, but we're
also like doing it to ourselves, and no one can
talk shit about us as bad as we can do
that to ourselves.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yeah, And I think it's also cool because we do
live in a time where I think for so long
women were and still till this day, women are expected
to be, particularly with women like married, looking for a man,
looking for this, having kids, and there's so much extra pressure.
So I think you kind of setting the tone of
being like I'm making my own timeline is really like
(17:44):
revolutionary and kind of punk rock at the same time.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
That's because of the women I know who are in
their thirties right now, who are like thirty five, They're like, Maya,
I'm telling you I had kids at thirty four, and
it was You're fine, You're gonna be fine, yeah, like
because I want to have But I'm just like I
thought back in the day that I was like, oh,
when I'm twenty five, I'm going to like meet the
person who was supposed to meet. Yeah, and then we're
(18:08):
gonna have kids, and then you know, by thirty, I'm
gonna like like thirty is kind of like okay, peaceful
and great, and I'm like, holy shit, like I'm not
even I mean, I'll be thirty next month. Yeah, but
I'm I'm like, damn, like we still got to look,
we gotta do that. I want to finish.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I feelure on that too, Like I'm thirty five and
if only my longest relationship was three years And I saw,
you know, I've seen research on love and things like that,
and they were saying that three years is kind of
the mark where the initial love high phase fades out,
and so that's when you kind of start to you know,
(18:47):
do all those things. So I get it. But do
you want to be in a relationship I think.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
They do or whatever? I guess what do you think
it would be like?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
And yeah, what do you imagine relationship to be?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Like, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Do you want to know? Should I tell you? It is?
To me, it's like having a best friend that you
get to make out with and hang out with with,
You get to you see all their ugly, like you
see their mocos, you see like you you know, you
walk in and you see that they forgot to flush
(19:30):
their little gakitas away, Like you see all the ugly,
not only the physical but the emotional stuff too, Like
you see all their traumas. They trigger all your traumas. Yes,
you are sometimes suffocated. Sometimes you feel like you're uh
(19:50):
not whole. You feel like you're losing parts of yourself.
You feel like you're kind of being meshed into this
one being and you're fighting to hold on to everything
that you've worked so hard to create. But there's also
like the fun stuff and healthy one where you're like
you have the laughs, you have, the cuddles, you have
like of course, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
I feel like I know all of Like that's all
very much like you know, the awareness. I think it's
just like how who would I be in that relationship
as this person right now is like And I'm just
also like when is it going to be like a
deal breaker for something or when is it just like
(20:30):
a pet peeve? Like those are the little things and
I'm like what if it? Like I keep tastrophizing and
like future thinking before I've even met anyone. I'm like, like,
what if they don't like my artwork on the wall?
What if they don't like the artwork on my wall?
But also if they don't like the artwork.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
And they don't like the artwork on your wall, like
that's okay, Like that's that's another thing too, is that
when you go out and you discover people that you
are going to fall in love with, Like they're not
supposed to like everything about you. They're not going to
they're a full ass that.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Everything that is possibly about me you don't like. You
don't like everything.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
There's this really cool philosopher I think his name is
like Alan something he does like the School of Life
on YouTube, and he has this really amazing talk about
love and it's called why you will Inevitably Marry the
Wrong person or something like that, and it's really cool
because he was talking about how in love like you
think like compatibility, and you meet somebody you're like, oh
(21:28):
my god, we're getting along so well and you're sharing
tender moments and I'm sharing tender moments and oh this
is so good. And then he gives the example of
like you guys are at a restaurant and you guys
are sharing so much and open information and everything, and
you're honest and you're open, and you're at a restaurant
and this like a server comes by and your significant
other goes, you know, when I have a sexual fantasy
(21:50):
of having a threesome and you are like, excuse me,
And now you're upset because they're sharing this santas fantasy,
and now they're not who you thought they were, and
now you're spiraling and you're.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Thinking because it's like your own fantasy thing she created exactly.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
But it doesn't take away from all the other stuff
that he wants to or she or they want to
have a threesome. It's just kind of like this, this
twist and turn. But when you are in it and
you are in love, like, that's kind of your taking
it as And by the way, he says that sometimes
it's okay to keep things to yourself. He also says
that when you're in love and in a relationship, like
you don't have to tell them everything. You don't have
(22:28):
to tell your significant other that you want to fuck
the server, which but tell me if you're dating me,
tell me so that I can trip the server in,
lock them in the kitchens that they don't come out
for the rest of the evening. L I know that
(22:51):
for me when I'm single, I kind of get. We
were just talking about too, because my mom was talking
about how when we die. She's like, when we die,
I'm want to be buried with you, and I'm like why,
and she's like, so that you're because you know, I
don't want you to be alone. I'm like, do you
think I'm going to die single and alone? Like that?
I want to be buried with my mom for an eternity,
Like what is the what do you think is going
to happen? But that is a real fear of mine
(23:11):
when I'm single? Like, am I worthy? This the second
time that Maya has like yawned? This is the first
time episode one.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Because you're co opting, You're co opting my experience about me.
Do you think you're not single?
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Do you think that you get worried about being single?
Does it scare you?
Speaker 2 (23:32):
No?
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Could you see yourself being in a fraidy old lady
a little bitty yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I honestly like last year when I went to travel
around Europe, I'm like, man, this will be kind of
cool to do by myself for the rest of my life,
you know.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
But we also had that one time where you had
a past live progression and they told you were an
old man that died alone and the forest.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
And that my wife died in childbirth and the baby
died too.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Also two sidebar. I found this really cool. I called
gen thirty dot com and they offer really cool information
about what it's like to be a thirty year old
that's never dated. They talk about like societal pressure where
to find potential partners, like is it harder to meet
people in your thirties? And actually it is, Like I
read a little bit about it too, and they were
saying that people as you get older get set in
(24:19):
their ways, and the social groups that you're hanging out
with gets smaller, so the pools around you also get smaller.
So it does get harder to date as you get older.
There's just not as many available times to meet other people,
like unless you're like in college or something.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I don't go out a lot, and I think that's
a majority of the reason why. But even when I
do go out, like no one he's game, you know
what I'm saying. Yeah, I think people don't have game anymore.
I think that's it. It's not me.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Do you think you have a game?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
I do?
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Don't touch me and I'm kidding. You didn't ask for
my consent, creeper.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
I don't need to. I don't need to.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
She just got more aggressive when they did. By the way,
talk sisity over here, but also too, they do talk
about on this website about how it's not a bad
thing to be uh single.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Basically, I love it. I really do love it, and
I refuse to feel bad about it. I was feeling
bad yesterday and today just because it's like, you know,
love season. Because when I was nineteen, like my parents
wanted me to get over a breakup. So she's like,
give love out. So I started to do like those
(25:37):
I made those five dollars customized love songs for couples. Yeah,
and I you know, ended up doing over two hundred
and it got like public recognition and all this stuff,
which like actually that's the thing that led me to BuzzFeed.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, but I felt.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Like shit doing it because I was so sad. So
I was giving. I was singing my heart out all
these love songs to these couples who are in love.
And I actually say one for Macy and her her
husband and I think her parents. I had a formula
I would just like there's but basically like yeah, like
(26:17):
now Valentine's Day, I'm like, I still have yet to
get a love song for myself. You know, I've sang
love songs everyone.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
So this is that here's a love song to myself.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Well, yeah, I did remember I did that like that
loves I did a I am beautiful, I am ah
here you go yan and about my art and my music,
which I say that I'm an injured artist and there
you go.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
But no, I kind of feel like shit, you know,
I've never but I refuse. What I'm saying, sorry, is
that I refuse to feel that way. I don't want
to feel that way, but.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I do want to say too, like being single, right,
it's not a bad thing. So what advice would you
give to someone who's single but all of their friends
are taken?
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Like I said before, I refuse to feel bad about
being single, Like, yes, feel your emotions like I'm gonna
be a little sad girl. But like, I think it's
important to not use romantic love as like the only
love in the world. You know, It's like platonic love
(27:31):
with your family, with your friends is important. Also, if
you know that you're gonna be feeling some type of way, like,
do something for yourself that is something that something that
couples can't do. Yeah, I like that, you know something
that like I don't know, just do something very special
(27:51):
that makes you feel like, oh my god, that was
so much fun. You know, or like do some manifesting
or but either way, you know what I'm gonna do
today because I feel sad, I feel like a little
down today. Don't touch me.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
I'm rubbing her back. I'm rubbing the.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
No think you can keep you can keep rubbing my
back if you want.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
No.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Oh, okay, yeah I would. I would do something that
makes you feel loved. I'm going to take another edible
and I'm going to play some Dreamlight Valley and create
my world and do a little manifesting and you know, karaoke.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Yeah. I think my advice if you are the single
friend in the group, I know it's hard. I know
it's tough. That was me for a very long time.
I hung out with predominantly straight people for most of
my life, and I always felt like not only was
I single, but I felt unworthy and I felt unattractive.
So I know that it's like a lot to deal with.
(28:57):
But like working on yourself, I think I love the
idea of taking your stuff on a day and doing
fun things. I think that that's a really good idea.
And know that if it's something that you're happy being single, like,
don't let today make you feel otherwise don't let it
mind fuck you. And if you're not happy and you're
looking for something, then like it'll come, Like know that
it'll come, Like if you wanted to come, it'll come,
(29:20):
and sometimes on your face. Anyways, what advice would you
give to someone in their late twenties and early thirties
that's never been with a partner romantically or sexually.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
You know when you're gonna be ready for that, like
really trust when you feel ready to do all that stuff.
It's a lot, and I don't think you should be
pressured into Like I haven't had sex yet, so I'm
just gonna do it with the random person. Like that's fine.
If it does, it means nothing to you.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yeah, that used to be my advice when I was younger,
just anyone. I was just when I was younger in
my twenties because I lost my virginity when I was drinking.
So I would be like, just get drunk and just
lose whoever who cares, Like just pop it out, get
it over with, Like who cares? Jerry? Yeah, like just
pop it out.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
And then pop it in. Yeah. I think trust your intuition,
like you know when the right time is and don't
let anybody like pressure you. It's so dumb. Peer pressure
is dumb. Yeah, and everyone's projecting anyway.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
The humans have peer pressured each other since the beginning
of time. Also to masturbating is fine, Like.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Okay, there's this app called quinn our producers. Oh my gosh,
you're a dirty girl. Dirty girl. There's spicy audios. Yeah,
they're like ranges from any scenario you want. Boyfriend coming
home from work, he just did the dishes and everything.
(30:49):
Hey babe, just do the dishes and he's queen tonight.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
Oh my god, Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Some of the voices I'm like, I have notes. Some
of them are like like don't call me angel. Don't
call me angel or princess. You know. Yeah, yeah, like
invest in alternative ways to help yourself do the do.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yeah, there are plenty of sex toys that are super exciting.
I don't think you should feel bad if you're in
your late twenties in your early thirties. There are other
ways to work out parts of who you are with
other friendships, other sorts of relationships, short term situationships, long
term situationships. There's no wrong way to do it. The
only way the only right way is your in this
(31:35):
instance your way.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Welcome to the zodiac section of the podcast.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Well, oh my god, wait, okay, today I was watching
this speaking of the stars. I was watching this really
cool Ted talk today from an astronomer, and she was
talking about how everything else, all the components that you
can find in your body, you can find in stars. Right,
And we've always talked about this as well, but she
was saying that when stars die, the energy that it
(32:10):
creates atoms that are made out of iron, They create
iron basically, and iron is in your blood and it's
actually what makes your blood red. And so even down
to the color of your blood, you have things that
make up the stars and all the things that make
up the calcium in your teeth, like all these different
(32:31):
parts of you are from the stars. So when we
tell you about your life in the zodiac section.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
It's really real.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
I can take it seriously.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Take it seriously. You read an article from an astronomer
of NASA. So you think we're gonna lie to you
on live TV right now?
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Yeah, it's actually really good. It's on YouTube.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
It's a Ted talk and it's.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Called watched it. Yeah, I watched it. It's called something
like we are actually dead stars or something like that,
but it's really amazing, super dope. Yeah, well, my witch
sign do you think would be chronically single?
Speaker 2 (33:08):
I think I would say Sagittarius, really vegetarious, maybe a
little bit of Aries and maybe some Geminis.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
That's so funny. I was going to say Earth signs
are probably Earth signs are so stubborn, They're really stubborn.
I'm a Virgo, and you know Virgos are very stubborn. Tauruses, Capricorn,
Aquarius also well, I think maybe for different reasons, I
think Aquarius would be Aquarius. Libras Sagittarius maybe would be
(33:41):
chronically single because you can't get the just sit the chill.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Libras are fine, you think so? Yes, I feel like.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
I've heard a lot about Libra men being like toxic
and that they can't pick and choose, like do you
want to be with me or not?
Speaker 2 (33:55):
They eventually and it's not you.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Oh I think this Aquarus or like I'm gonna go
over here, and.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Yeah, they're too focused on like that shiny thing over there,
but that they know, they know that they're actively ignoring
you for a reason, and they need something to distract you.
And guess who put that shiny thing there?
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Sagittarius, yeahs is like or is here like, oh, I'm
going to go and find love in Paris and they're
like in Paris and they're like, I'm going to go
to Mexico and you're like, do you just find them
at your local mall?
Speaker 2 (34:26):
And it's not chronically single as in like they're single
for a bad reason. It's just I think these signs
are occupied, preoccupied, like just with other things that maybe
matter more. So it's like if you really want to
hold them down, like I feel like with aries, it's
hard to like to hold us down, you have to
really be like I want to be with you really Yeah,
(34:52):
but I'm like, okay, I guess he wants to be
with me.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Not sure. I feel like as are like eh, And
then they turn on their fire and they run fire signs.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Like chase me, chase me.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
We're too picky. We're like, I don't know. Tauruses like, uh,
they probably oh there's they're chronically single because they're too stubborn.
They're like, you know, and I know that's I know
that that is a stereotype. But I am telling you
it's real and it's crazy. Who else do you think
(35:22):
would be chronically single?
Speaker 2 (35:25):
I think that's it.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Scorpios.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
No, No, Scorpios are fine.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Scorpios are too busy plotting their revenge or seducing you.
Which signs should stay single? Toxic asses, virgos scorpio should
stay single, or produced a scorpio. Look, I'm as a
virgo double scorpio. If you date me, I'm gonna rock
(35:52):
your world. And you're welcome, but.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
I'm scared the entire time you are.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
But I will not only rock you mental mind, I
will rock your physical mind too. Ow ow.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
And that concludes the zodiac portion of the podcast.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Gross, well, maya, how do you plead?
Speaker 2 (36:19):
The way IM plean is please the please let the
relationship gods find me and grab me. And I don't know.
I'm okay, I'm good right now. I'm like yeah, honestly,
like I'm I the whole thing. I think what I
want chronically single people to to take away from this
(36:39):
is like, no more calling it chronically single, like taking
out the chronically because it's not a condition. We're not broken.
We're working on. Is there it's a reason, there's a
reason why we're single right now, and it's not because
like we're unworthy or undeserving or not enough or ugly
or some people yeah it's because they're ugly, but I'm
(37:01):
just kidding.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Wow, there's ugly people on the inside.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
And that's what I was talking about. Thank you for
bringing that up.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
What the thing that I wanted to say too is, yeah,
I think that if you're single, trust in the process,
Trust that you know whatever your process is right now.
If you are single for healthy reasons where you're just like, no,
I just want to be me and I'm okay, i
just got out of a relationship, or I'm wanting to
discover myself like I think it's cool. But also, don't
let that become like your crutch. Don't let that become
(37:34):
like your wall or something that keeps you from experiencing
like another human being, because I will say that a
happy medium of both is so much fun. Being alone
learning about yourself, finding out what you hate and what
you love is just as amazing as discovering those things
(37:55):
with other people and being like a mirror to each
other and growing. So wherever you are in your process,
you're doing great, sweetie. And what who said that.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of
the Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. Curly, How can people
find you on social media?
Speaker 1 (38:21):
You can find me at the Curly v show, Vias
and Victor on Instagram and what are you? Maya?
Speaker 2 (38:27):
You can find me at my in the moment, m
a ya in the moment. Love you so much, We
love you and you know what. You always have to
have the last word, and you know what, Love you. Bye.
Make sure to hit that subscribe button to hear more
(38:48):
episodes every single week. The Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast
is a production of Sonodo in partnership with iHeartRadio's Micaeo
Thua podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
For more podcasts from iHeart, is it the iHeartRadio app,
Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,
Hey, what are you doing here? Is it just you?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Why? Because I'm single? No, I just was asking this
is because I've been single for a long time.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
I was just wondering if we because I'm single. I
just wanted to know if we should put two plates
on her.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Because I don't have any one in my Are you
calling me alone? Are you discriminating? Are you discriminating against
me because I'm single?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
All right, well, just get in here, Get in here.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
My name is Curly and I'm Maya.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
And welcome to the Super Secret Bestie Club podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
A super secret club where we talk about super secret things. Yeah,
like secrets that are super that's when it is.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
In each episode we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets. Well, Maya, today is
another special episode.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Don't start appropriating my culture, please, your culture of being single? Singleton, USA, Singleton,
the mayor of Singleton. And who's that she's that's Maya?
Still single?
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Yep?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
How has it been? No? One knows, legend she's actually
never had a relationship before. No, really, I think one
time she's been in sess with the same person for
four years and they weren't even together together.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
That's that person. The bitch whoever said that, who ever
said that?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Wow, I love that you basically like gave us roasted myself. You.
We just went into the true psyche of Maya.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
If this is if we're talking to our people, I'm
going to give our people the most raw, vulnerable side
of me.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Yeah, this is gonna be a little more Mara.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
We're talking about being single, chronically single. Yes, I have
been single for a very long time. But it's hard
because situationships have become way more popular they I was
first in situationships before they even became situationships. Like the
label that's how like prehistoric.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I am, but you're not. You're very young.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I love dinosaurs, though I would love to be prehistoric.
It's a compliment.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Okay, so you're talking about being single for a very
long time.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Yeah, I have dated a lot of people who are
the opposite though, who are like serial monogamous, monogamanimous daters,
relationship just back to back to back to back to back.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Which also in like, that's not living to me either.
There has to be a healthy balance. I think of
both for sure.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Oh yeah, but as an expert single person, it's you.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Know, why do you think that you're single?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I hate that question?
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Why I hate the question? Why do you hate? That question?
Is like near my face right now.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Because it's it's just like it's like, especially when you're
dating someone, they're like, why are you single?
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I think that's a great question on my first date though,
to ask somebody why do you think? Why are you?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I can tell why you're single? I go into my defensive.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Basically, what you're doing? Answer why?
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I think because I'm working on myself. Okay, no, yeah,
I think I've mentioned this before in other episodes, but
I went into like a little hermit mode after I
like started dating someone at the beginning of twenty twenty one,
and I was like, you know what, this doesn't feel right.
I don't feel good. So I like worked on myself,
(03:55):
got a new therapist and changed.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
A lot, and have youd therapists.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
We talked about yesterday.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
What does she say?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
She said that I am afraid to get a vulnerable
like I'm emotionally unavailable a little bit. The thing that
my kryptonite, the thing that I hate that I've dated.
I've dated unavailable people before, and I'm that person right now.
I'm like, how does it feel you villain? Now you're
(04:26):
the villain of this story. Wow, I know it feels
so weird.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
I think so too that I think that sometimes when
I'm when I meet other people who are, like, have
been single for a very long time, I do sometimes
go between thinking about are they just picky? Are they
just holding out? Or are they finding reasons to not
let somebody in?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
But we talked about that too, But we talked about
how she's like, I'm sensing a lot of like self
judgment when you're talking about like your love life, because
sometimes I would feel like growing up, my parents would
say that I was very picky, like you're so picky,
You're so judgmental. And my therapist was like, are you
(05:07):
or do you just have standards? Like are those just
your standards? And they're just they just look different to
your parents. I know what you would say about me, well,
I don't go out.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Well. I also think that there's an interesting question too,
because what is the difference between being picky and standards? Right, Like,
how do you even begin to dissect that as well?
Like I, for example, when I'm single, When I was
single and I was going out on a lot of dates,
I would get turned off by you know, we talked
about our x in season one. I would get like, oh,
I don't like the way that that man choose or
(05:38):
I don't like the way that that man is like
carrying himself in this restaurant right now. Like I'm like,
I'd rather be single than hang out with somebody who
makes me crunge. But am I being picky or am
I are those what was the other words?
Speaker 2 (05:50):
It doesn't matter judgmental nor standards.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Standards.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Yeah, it doesn't matter though if you if they didn't
you didn't reel in the fish, if they didn't rule
you in and you're flopping away. Yeah, and you don't
even like the taste of the bait.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Yeah, it's okay, you're not flopping away, lizen.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I've been doing a lot of fishing and dream my belly.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
But like I do think sometimes, like there were a
lot of incredible men that I was like, oh no,
they were actually really good man sexy, sweet like adult people.
I just didn't I didn't like.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I just was like, no, and that's that's fine. Like
I don't I want to like erase picky as a word.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
What's the longest relationship that you've ever been in.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I hate this question.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
And then we did think we were going to get back.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Well, when I was nineteen, I dated somebody. We were
boyfriend and girlfriend on and off for like a year,
and then broke up and then we're on and off
for like a minute. So I've had a lot of
on and offs, but an actual relationship. I would say
that when I was nineteen years old, it was like
(07:02):
ten years ago.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Does it scare you?
Speaker 2 (07:04):
It does a little bit, because I'm so used to
just myself. I was even thinking, like this morning, I
was waking up because the way I sleep, and probably,
like you haven't noticed this, because you're like an little
baby angel when you sleep, Like when we travel, he
goes into like a he goes into this little pod
and like nothing kind of like bothers him. Yeah, and
(07:27):
he will literally sleep like an angel, like with his
hands tucked underneath his chin.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah, that's really how I sleep. I have to either
sleep with my hands cross over my.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Chest, yeah, like a dead person in Vampire.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Or exactly, or like underneath my cheek like like a
little chair up. But it's interesting because it's mostly with
the blood circulation in my hands, Like if I don't
sleep like that. I wake up in my hands are
kind of numb.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I toss and turn all night, all night long, like
left side, right side, left side, right side, Like it's
it's that's like comfortable to me because I'm like hmm,
but I'm like, I can't imagine a partner being in
that bed also and being like what the fuck girl?
Like your pick aside? You know, I would hate that,
(08:09):
Like I think about those things I think about like
my own mess that I have, Like what I'm working
on now is like you know, hairs of twos, like
two hearts, too hearts. Well, it's like a known thing,
and even my therapist says it too. Is that to
attract like more love into your life, you have to
get hairs, like you know, if you get candles, get
(08:32):
two candles, if you get like you know, artwork like
two hearts, two hearts, like two of everything. So it's
just like in your ingrained in your brain, and I
have been doing that, but I'm like, I don't need
two of this, And my brain's like you're gonna be
a single forever if you don't get it, Like.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Okay, I guess look at it now. You made me
think I'm like, damn, I only about one candle tonight.
I'm like I should have gotten.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Well, You're cursed forever. But it's it's like I feel
like I'm in recovery mode to like open myself up
more because I'm a different person. I really like who
I am right now.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
I wanted to say too that a lot of times
I feel like people stay single because they want to
work on themselves. They want to be just right for
the individual that they're going to be with, And I
think that that's important to a certain degree. Like, yes,
you should be working on yourself. You should be doing
a lot of things, but a lot of those things
that you learn are better in practice up against another
human being. Number one. Two. By the way, the thing
(09:31):
that you mentioned about the bed and tossing and turning there,
I don't know if you're up to date with bed technology,
but there's a thing called like a king sized bed
or a California still.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Like, I'm like, not a small batique girl.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
I'm like, no one is thinking that no one's going
to be like, but like there's technology. Have you seen
those commercials where they pet like a glass of wine
on the bed and then there's somebody jumping next to
it and they don't. But I'm saying, and.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I think in terms of, so I have to get
a kingside bed, king size bed.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Sometimes, look, whenever I talk about like, there's some things
that even with the individual that I'm in love with
right now, like things that I'm kind of like, I
don't know, like I'm willing to overlook them and kind
of be like, let's work on it together because I
care about you so much. I want to work on
those things. But if he were to be like I
can't get with you or I can't do anything until
(10:28):
I figure that out, I would be like, damn, you're
gonna miss out on somebody really good who's right here
in front of you. You know. So it's definitely something
I think to keep in mind. For those of you
who are afraid to kind of dive into that, I
will say, well, maybe vulnerability, but I will say too that,
like I started to realize that I've been talking to
(10:50):
a lot more people who I'm slightly older than you,
a little bit older, little smid older, but I talk
to a lot of like your kind of age group,
and a lot of times I've heard it it's kind
of common that like I've been single or I haven't
been in like a long term relationship. So I started
to do research in terms of what was the case
like millennial versus gen z And there are a lot
(11:13):
more people who are a lot more comfortable being single
right now, and there are there's less of a cultural
push in terms of needing to be with a partner
because there's a lot more data that exists that shows
that single people are actually fairly happy, Like they don't
live less happier lives than somebody who's in a relationship,
(11:35):
and they also can be full and whole, complete people
in their single theom By the way, when I read
you facts, I don't do that thing where you have
to go look for three credible sources. I just find
something to prove my point and then I just read
it to you guys on here. But this thing of
Statista dot com is what I'm gonna call it, is
that in twenty twenty two, there was a pull that
(11:56):
was taking that thirty seven point eighty nine million single
people led a households in the United States, and from
the previous year it had gone up from thirty six
point five million, So in one year it went up
roughly like one point something million, And so that means
that there are progressive, really more single people that are
(12:19):
alive and well and thriving.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
As as am. I I am one of those people.
So I guess we get in the podcast now.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
I will say this the other day, because you don't
have a little by the way, I started to include
more information in our podcast because this is kind of
what I do for fun, Like I like to read
a lot of things. And as mutching this interview on
CNN that was talking about this study of happiness and
people who and what is happiness and all these different things,
and one of the things that they were talking about
is that, oh okay, So they started with then at
(13:01):
some ivy League school and they've been doing it for
eighty plus years and they have followed these men from
that time to their death and now their family and
who they've married and their children, and they check in
with their health and they check all these different things
every five years, and they found what they believe is
the secret to happiness, according to the study, and the
(13:22):
secret is is that no matter what kind of level
of success these people have had, the happiness is rooted
in the nurturing of their relationships. So that can be
whether they are with a loved one, family, friendships, or
a significant other. The way that they nurture, in the
way that they are in contact with those people truly
(13:43):
decides how happy you are at the end of your life.
So not to there was another stay to that. Single
people are genuinely not their pretty level with people in
a relationship too, So it's not to take away from.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
So you're just as happy as just as happy, absolutely
so don't even.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Don't even but in saying, if you want to live
to be older, you should get a friend or a
hobby or both.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Do I not have those right now? Are you not
my friend? Can I not do those things with you?
Speaker 1 (14:19):
You can't?
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Actually, are you breaking up with me right now?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Oh my god, I'm the way that you broke up
with I've been. Oh I've been Garcia.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
There's a million I've in Garcia. So good luck finding
that one.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Anyway.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
So one of the things I had been working on
while I was like not dating and not dating as
in like I was still on the apps, but I
wasn't really like I would not go on dates. I
would shift my point of view to appreciate platonic love
a little bit more, and I really fell in love
(14:59):
with all my friends. And one of the things to
practice also is when you're manifesting and visualizing your future
partner or like journaling or whatever, you think of a
friendship that gives you that makes you feel that like love, Yeah,
and that makes you feel safe or happy and all
that stuff, and you just kind of like, you know,
(15:21):
you just kind of take that and put it into
your manifestation because you felt that before. And that's like
one of the biggest things to like help manifest So
I've been like, I don't have anyone in my life
like that.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
So yeah, and especially no wrong way I think, I
think there's no wrong way to like exist, Like if
you're single and you're happy, wonderful, like you can find
love and soulmates and other relationships in your life, like
you were saying. And then the other thing that I
saw too is that they were saying that sometimes it's
also okay. There are a lot of people who have
lived full lives that have been in a multitude of
(15:56):
short term relationships that are actually just as fulfilling as
you know, smaller long term relationships.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Yeah, It's very complicated because even just people asking me, like,
when's the last relationship you've had, I'm like, it's hard
because they've been like three months and then done. But
in those three months, so much has happened that it
feels like very long, and it feels almost more impactful
than like the year thing that I had back in
the day. And that gets confusing because I think as
(16:28):
single people were constantly like judging ourselves up against like
societal norms and Hollywood's depiction of what romance is and
what it should be, what it should feel like, how
long it should be, and like in reality and especially
in spirituality, like we're able to create our own reality,
(16:49):
and like I've started to throw all that shit out
of the window. I'm like, no, I'm creating my own timeline,
my own definition of like what being single right now
means to me. Yeah, because I put so much pressure
on myself. Like not only do our family members do
that as well, like but sometimes our friends and just
(17:11):
like TikTok, we'll like watch all these things, we'll consume
all these things and feel bad about ourselves, but we're
also like doing it to ourselves, and no one can
talk shit about us as bad as we can do
that to ourselves.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yeah, And I think it's also cool because we do
live in a time where I think for so long
women were and still till this day, women are expected
to be, particularly with women like married, looking for a man,
looking for this, having kids, and there's so much extra pressure.
So I think you kind of setting the tone of
being like I'm making my own timeline is really like
(17:44):
revolutionary and kind of punk rock at the same time.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
That's because of the women I know who are in
their thirties right now, who are like thirty five, They're like, Maya,
I'm telling you I had kids at thirty four, and
it was You're fine, You're gonna be fine, yeah, like
because I want to have But I'm just like I
thought back in the day that I was like, oh,
when I'm twenty five, I'm going to like meet the
person who was supposed to meet. Yeah, and then we're
(18:08):
gonna have kids, and then you know, by thirty, I'm
gonna like like thirty is kind of like okay, peaceful
and great, and I'm like, holy shit, like I'm not
even I mean, I'll be thirty next month. Yeah, but
I'm I'm like, damn, like we still got to look,
we gotta do that. I want to finish.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I feelure on that too, Like I'm thirty five and
if only my longest relationship was three years And I saw,
you know, I've seen research on love and things like that,
and they were saying that three years is kind of
the mark where the initial love high phase fades out,
and so that's when you kind of start to you know,
(18:47):
do all those things. So I get it. But do
you want to be in a relationship I think.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
They do or whatever? I guess what do you think
it would be like?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
And yeah, what do you imagine relationship to be?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Like, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Do you want to know? Should I tell you? It is?
To me, it's like having a best friend that you
get to make out with and hang out with with,
You get to you see all their ugly, like you
see their mocos, you see like you you know, you
walk in and you see that they forgot to flush
(19:30):
their little gakitas away, Like you see all the ugly,
not only the physical but the emotional stuff too, Like
you see all their traumas. They trigger all your traumas. Yes,
you are sometimes suffocated. Sometimes you feel like you're uh
(19:50):
not whole. You feel like you're losing parts of yourself.
You feel like you're kind of being meshed into this
one being and you're fighting to hold on to everything
that you've worked so hard to create. But there's also
like the fun stuff and healthy one where you're like
you have the laughs, you have, the cuddles, you have
like of course, yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
I feel like I know all of Like that's all
very much like you know, the awareness. I think it's
just like how who would I be in that relationship
as this person right now is like And I'm just
also like when is it going to be like a
deal breaker for something or when is it just like
(20:30):
a pet peeve? Like those are the little things and
I'm like what if it? Like I keep tastrophizing and
like future thinking before I've even met anyone. I'm like, like,
what if they don't like my artwork on the wall?
What if they don't like the artwork on my wall?
But also if they don't like the artwork.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
And they don't like the artwork on your wall, like
that's okay, Like that's that's another thing too, is that
when you go out and you discover people that you
are going to fall in love with, Like they're not
supposed to like everything about you. They're not going to
they're a full ass that.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Everything that is possibly about me you don't like. You
don't like everything.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
There's this really cool philosopher I think his name is
like Alan something he does like the School of Life
on YouTube, and he has this really amazing talk about
love and it's called why you will Inevitably Marry the
Wrong person or something like that, and it's really cool
because he was talking about how in love like you
think like compatibility, and you meet somebody you're like, oh
(21:28):
my god, we're getting along so well and you're sharing
tender moments and I'm sharing tender moments and oh this
is so good. And then he gives the example of
like you guys are at a restaurant and you guys
are sharing so much and open information and everything, and
you're honest and you're open, and you're at a restaurant
and this like a server comes by and your significant
other goes, you know, when I have a sexual fantasy
(21:50):
of having a threesome and you are like, excuse me,
And now you're upset because they're sharing this santas fantasy,
and now they're not who you thought they were, and
now you're spiraling and you're.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Thinking because it's like your own fantasy thing she created exactly.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
But it doesn't take away from all the other stuff
that he wants to or she or they want to
have a threesome. It's just kind of like this, this
twist and turn. But when you are in it and
you are in love, like, that's kind of your taking
it as And by the way, he says that sometimes
it's okay to keep things to yourself. He also says
that when you're in love and in a relationship, like
you don't have to tell them everything. You don't have
(22:28):
to tell your significant other that you want to fuck
the server, which but tell me if you're dating me,
tell me so that I can trip the server in,
lock them in the kitchens that they don't come out
for the rest of the evening. L I know that
(22:51):
for me when I'm single, I kind of get. We
were just talking about too, because my mom was talking
about how when we die. She's like, when we die,
I'm want to be buried with you, and I'm like why,
and she's like, so that you're because you know, I
don't want you to be alone. I'm like, do you
think I'm going to die single and alone? Like that?
I want to be buried with my mom for an eternity,
Like what is the what do you think is going
to happen? But that is a real fear of mine
(23:11):
when I'm single? Like, am I worthy? This the second
time that Maya has like yawned? This is the first
time episode one.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Because you're co opting, You're co opting my experience about me.
Do you think you're not single?
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Do you think that you get worried about being single?
Does it scare you?
Speaker 2 (23:32):
No?
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Could you see yourself being in a fraidy old lady
a little bitty yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I honestly like last year when I went to travel
around Europe, I'm like, man, this will be kind of
cool to do by myself for the rest of my life,
you know.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
But we also had that one time where you had
a past live progression and they told you were an
old man that died alone and the forest.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
And that my wife died in childbirth and the baby
died too.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Also two sidebar. I found this really cool. I called
gen thirty dot com and they offer really cool information
about what it's like to be a thirty year old
that's never dated. They talk about like societal pressure where
to find potential partners, like is it harder to meet
people in your thirties? And actually it is, Like I
read a little bit about it too, and they were
saying that people as you get older get set in
(24:19):
their ways, and the social groups that you're hanging out
with gets smaller, so the pools around you also get smaller.
So it does get harder to date as you get older.
There's just not as many available times to meet other people,
like unless you're like in college or something.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I don't go out a lot, and I think that's
a majority of the reason why. But even when I
do go out, like no one he's game, you know
what I'm saying. Yeah, I think people don't have game anymore.
I think that's it. It's not me.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Do you think you have a game?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
I do?
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Don't touch me and I'm kidding. You didn't ask for
my consent, creeper.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
I don't need to. I don't need to.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
She just got more aggressive when they did. By the way,
talk sisity over here, but also too, they do talk
about on this website about how it's not a bad
thing to be uh single.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Basically, I love it. I really do love it, and
I refuse to feel bad about it. I was feeling
bad yesterday and today just because it's like, you know,
love season. Because when I was nineteen, like my parents
wanted me to get over a breakup. So she's like,
give love out. So I started to do like those
(25:37):
I made those five dollars customized love songs for couples. Yeah,
and I you know, ended up doing over two hundred
and it got like public recognition and all this stuff,
which like actually that's the thing that led me to BuzzFeed.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, but I felt.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Like shit doing it because I was so sad. So
I was giving. I was singing my heart out all
these love songs to these couples who are in love.
And I actually say one for Macy and her her
husband and I think her parents. I had a formula
I would just like there's but basically like yeah, like
(26:17):
now Valentine's Day, I'm like, I still have yet to
get a love song for myself. You know, I've sang
love songs everyone.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
So this is that here's a love song to myself.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Well, yeah, I did remember I did that like that
loves I did a I am beautiful, I am ah
here you go yan and about my art and my music,
which I say that I'm an injured artist and there
you go.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
But no, I kind of feel like shit, you know,
I've never but I refuse. What I'm saying, sorry, is
that I refuse to feel that way. I don't want
to feel that way, but.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I do want to say too, like being single, right,
it's not a bad thing. So what advice would you
give to someone who's single but all of their friends
are taken?
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Like I said before, I refuse to feel bad about
being single, Like, yes, feel your emotions like I'm gonna
be a little sad girl. But like, I think it's
important to not use romantic love as like the only
love in the world. You know, It's like platonic love
(27:31):
with your family, with your friends is important. Also, if
you know that you're gonna be feeling some type of way, like,
do something for yourself that is something that something that
couples can't do. Yeah, I like that, you know something
that like I don't know, just do something very special
(27:51):
that makes you feel like, oh my god, that was
so much fun. You know, or like do some manifesting
or but either way, you know what I'm gonna do
today because I feel sad, I feel like a little
down today. Don't touch me.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
I'm rubbing her back. I'm rubbing the.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
No think you can keep you can keep rubbing my
back if you want.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
No.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Oh, okay, yeah I would. I would do something that
makes you feel loved. I'm going to take another edible
and I'm going to play some Dreamlight Valley and create
my world and do a little manifesting and you know, karaoke.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Yeah. I think my advice if you are the single
friend in the group, I know it's hard. I know
it's tough. That was me for a very long time.
I hung out with predominantly straight people for most of
my life, and I always felt like not only was
I single, but I felt unworthy and I felt unattractive.
So I know that it's like a lot to deal with.
(28:57):
But like working on yourself, I think I love the
idea of taking your stuff on a day and doing
fun things. I think that that's a really good idea.
And know that if it's something that you're happy being single, like,
don't let today make you feel otherwise don't let it
mind fuck you. And if you're not happy and you're
looking for something, then like it'll come, Like know that
it'll come, Like if you wanted to come, it'll come,
(29:20):
and sometimes on your face. Anyways, what advice would you
give to someone in their late twenties and early thirties
that's never been with a partner romantically or sexually.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
You know when you're gonna be ready for that, like
really trust when you feel ready to do all that stuff.
It's a lot, and I don't think you should be
pressured into Like I haven't had sex yet, so I'm
just gonna do it with the random person. Like that's fine.
If it does, it means nothing to you.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yeah, that used to be my advice when I was younger,
just anyone. I was just when I was younger in
my twenties because I lost my virginity when I was drinking.
So I would be like, just get drunk and just
lose whoever who cares, Like just pop it out, get
it over with, Like who cares? Jerry? Yeah, like just
pop it out.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
And then pop it in. Yeah. I think trust your intuition,
like you know when the right time is and don't
let anybody like pressure you. It's so dumb. Peer pressure
is dumb. Yeah, and everyone's projecting anyway.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
The humans have peer pressured each other since the beginning
of time. Also to masturbating is fine, Like.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Okay, there's this app called quinn our producers. Oh my gosh,
you're a dirty girl. Dirty girl. There's spicy audios. Yeah,
they're like ranges from any scenario you want. Boyfriend coming
home from work, he just did the dishes and everything.
(30:49):
Hey babe, just do the dishes and he's queen tonight.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
Oh my god, Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Some of the voices I'm like, I have notes. Some
of them are like like don't call me angel. Don't
call me angel or princess. You know. Yeah, yeah, like
invest in alternative ways to help yourself do the do.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yeah, there are plenty of sex toys that are super exciting.
I don't think you should feel bad if you're in
your late twenties in your early thirties. There are other
ways to work out parts of who you are with
other friendships, other sorts of relationships, short term situationships, long
term situationships. There's no wrong way to do it. The
only way the only right way is your in this
(31:35):
instance your way.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Welcome to the zodiac section of the podcast.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Well, oh my god, wait, okay, today I was watching
this speaking of the stars. I was watching this really
cool Ted talk today from an astronomer, and she was
talking about how everything else, all the components that you
can find in your body, you can find in stars. Right,
And we've always talked about this as well, but she
was saying that when stars die, the energy that it
(32:10):
creates atoms that are made out of iron, They create
iron basically, and iron is in your blood and it's
actually what makes your blood red. And so even down
to the color of your blood, you have things that
make up the stars and all the things that make
up the calcium in your teeth, like all these different
(32:31):
parts of you are from the stars. So when we
tell you about your life in the zodiac section.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
It's really real.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
I can take it seriously.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Take it seriously. You read an article from an astronomer
of NASA. So you think we're gonna lie to you
on live TV right now?
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Yeah, it's actually really good. It's on YouTube.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
It's a Ted talk and it's.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Called watched it. Yeah, I watched it. It's called something
like we are actually dead stars or something like that,
but it's really amazing, super dope. Yeah, well, my witch
sign do you think would be chronically single?
Speaker 2 (33:08):
I think I would say Sagittarius, really vegetarious, maybe a
little bit of Aries and maybe some Geminis.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
That's so funny. I was going to say Earth signs
are probably Earth signs are so stubborn, They're really stubborn.
I'm a Virgo, and you know Virgos are very stubborn. Tauruses, Capricorn,
Aquarius also well, I think maybe for different reasons, I
think Aquarius would be Aquarius. Libras Sagittarius maybe would be
(33:41):
chronically single because you can't get the just sit the chill.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Libras are fine, you think so? Yes, I feel like.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
I've heard a lot about Libra men being like toxic
and that they can't pick and choose, like do you
want to be with me or not?
Speaker 2 (33:55):
They eventually and it's not you.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Oh I think this Aquarus or like I'm gonna go
over here, and.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Yeah, they're too focused on like that shiny thing over there,
but that they know, they know that they're actively ignoring
you for a reason, and they need something to distract you.
And guess who put that shiny thing there?
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Sagittarius, yeahs is like or is here like, oh, I'm
going to go and find love in Paris and they're
like in Paris and they're like, I'm going to go
to Mexico and you're like, do you just find them
at your local mall?
Speaker 2 (34:26):
And it's not chronically single as in like they're single
for a bad reason. It's just I think these signs
are occupied, preoccupied, like just with other things that maybe
matter more. So it's like if you really want to
hold them down, like I feel like with aries, it's
hard to like to hold us down, you have to
really be like I want to be with you really Yeah,
(34:52):
but I'm like, okay, I guess he wants to be
with me.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Not sure. I feel like as are like eh, And
then they turn on their fire and they run fire signs.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Like chase me, chase me.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
We're too picky. We're like, I don't know. Tauruses like, uh,
they probably oh there's they're chronically single because they're too stubborn.
They're like, you know, and I know that's I know
that that is a stereotype. But I am telling you
it's real and it's crazy. Who else do you think
(35:22):
would be chronically single?
Speaker 2 (35:25):
I think that's it.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Scorpios.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
No, No, Scorpios are fine.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Scorpios are too busy plotting their revenge or seducing you.
Which signs should stay single? Toxic asses, virgos scorpio should
stay single, or produced a scorpio. Look, I'm as a
virgo double scorpio. If you date me, I'm gonna rock
(35:52):
your world. And you're welcome, but.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
I'm scared the entire time you are.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
But I will not only rock you mental mind, I
will rock your physical mind too. Ow ow.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
And that concludes the zodiac portion of the podcast.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Gross, well, maya, how do you plead?
Speaker 2 (36:19):
The way IM plean is please the please let the
relationship gods find me and grab me. And I don't know.
I'm okay, I'm good right now. I'm like yeah, honestly,
like I'm I the whole thing. I think what I
want chronically single people to to take away from this
(36:39):
is like, no more calling it chronically single, like taking
out the chronically because it's not a condition. We're not broken.
We're working on. Is there it's a reason, there's a
reason why we're single right now, and it's not because
like we're unworthy or undeserving or not enough or ugly
or some people yeah it's because they're ugly, but I'm
(37:01):
just kidding.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Wow, there's ugly people on the inside.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
And that's what I was talking about. Thank you for
bringing that up.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
What the thing that I wanted to say too is, yeah,
I think that if you're single, trust in the process,
Trust that you know whatever your process is right now.
If you are single for healthy reasons where you're just like, no,
I just want to be me and I'm okay, i
just got out of a relationship, or I'm wanting to
discover myself like I think it's cool. But also, don't
let that become like your crutch. Don't let that become
(37:34):
like your wall or something that keeps you from experiencing
like another human being, because I will say that a
happy medium of both is so much fun. Being alone
learning about yourself, finding out what you hate and what
you love is just as amazing as discovering those things
(37:55):
with other people and being like a mirror to each
other and growing. So wherever you are in your process,
you're doing great, sweetie. And what who said that.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of
the Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast. Curly, How can people
find you on social media?
Speaker 1 (38:21):
You can find me at the Curly v show, Vias
and Victor on Instagram and what are you? Maya?
Speaker 2 (38:27):
You can find me at my in the moment, m
a ya in the moment. Love you so much, We
love you and you know what. You always have to
have the last word, and you know what, Love you. Bye.
Make sure to hit that subscribe button to hear more
(38:48):
episodes every single week. The Super Secret Bestie Club Podcast
is a production of Sonodo in partnership with iHeartRadio's Micaeo
Thua podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
For more podcasts from iHeart, is it the iHeartRadio app,
Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,
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