Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Okay, what are you doing here? What's the password? What
our beauty should be determined by how we feel about
ourselves and not. Society is constantly changing student and realistic
ideas of how people should look at right, all right,
get in here. My name is Gurly and I'm Maya,
(00:22):
and welcome to Super Secret Bestie Club podcast, A super
secret club where we talk about super secret things, say
super secret, more time secret. In each episode, we'll talk
about love, friendships, heartbreaks, then and of course our favorite secrets.
We're getting so good at that. Okay, well, do you
(00:44):
want to introduce today's topic? This is just a trigger warning.
We are going to be talking about body image issues,
weight gain, everything to do about self image according to
our body. Just wanted to let you know we're talking
about body image. Bodies. Body bodies are beautiful, bodies are
bodies exist. So why are we talking about this today?
(01:06):
May Well, A lot of our conversations have to do
with ourselves, right no, no, no, no, no no, no no no.
We talk about our image a lot because we're living
in our bodies. Right. I fully believe that we're spiritual
(01:28):
beings having a human experience, and this is like the
body that we're in and we're such fragile humans and
there's just so many things that we have to do
to stay alive. And with that, it's like, you know,
we talk about how we feel all the time in
our bodies, and that is always like determined by society
(01:49):
and all this stuff. So basically it's just we talk
about it a lot. Yeah, I feel like today and
just if you're alive in general, since forever, I think
talking about body, what it looks like, how it bels,
how it moves, how it dances, is always like a
topic and it kind of always determines your mood and
how you feel about yourself. It determines how people treat
you in the world. It determines so much, so it
(02:12):
makes sense that it would be something that people obsess
with um and and what people obsess over. We talk
about these things where I will have moments of where
I spiral because I become so obsessed about, oh my god,
this or that. And I think that it can start
very small. It could be like I found my first
gray It can be like it can be so many
(02:34):
different things that we just obsess over, or like another
stretch mark and you're like, oh, all right, here we go,
I'll find stretch marks all the time and just feel like,
all right, something's happen in my body. Yes, And I
also do want to be mindful of a conversation of
people who are like, what is it called the ablest
(02:54):
able is um? Like, I also want to be mindful
of people of all body types. And yeah, we're definitely
just talking about our experiences, which we're able bodied, right,
we are. Experiences are going to be very different than others.
So basically we're going to be discussing body image based
on our own limited experiences that we have had in
(03:16):
our own bodies. And we don't want to speak for everybody.
We just want to speak with our own basically our
own experiences. Yeah, because it can get a little sticky,
you know, it can get really sticky, and a good
baddy gets really sticky. I don't know what you mean,
and I never want to know what you mean, all right.
(03:39):
So here's the thing. People have had obsessions with bodies
since the beginning of time. I was reading and we
were doing some research, Like you know, in ancient Greece,
people cared more about what a man looked like, what
his physique look like. If you were a woman and
you presented a certain type of way, if you were
well fed and your skin was looking good, it was
almost like a reflection on how well your man was
(04:02):
doing at home. In the twenties, women would bind their
chest down so that they could look more like they
had a flat chest. And even discussing pre colonial era
in Mesoamerica, there are tribes that would tint their teeth
black or red as a sign of beauty and fertility. Um.
(04:22):
And you know it's interesting because nowadays, what are we doing?
We're all like, how do we white in our teeth?
More like, how do I make this look so freaking white?
Yellow them up? Oh my god, I like, all, I'm
just kidding on time, I got my teeth bleach, remember
that one time one time? And we were even talking
(04:43):
about like foot binding. How foot binding you know, and
if you don't know what it is, definitely go check
it out. But you know, small feet were seen as
a sign of beauty. That's what I don't have small feet.
I know. We wear the same side shoe, going to
hold your hand? Okay, So stereotype changes by generations definitely,
(05:05):
as you just you know what you sell, like a
historian right now. You know, I like love reading facts.
I'm like full of random facts. But you're right, like,
and here's the thing too, Like, even in the lights
and the time that we've been alive, we've seen trends
like the low rise gene versus the highwaystic gene, the
thin eyebrow versus the full eyebrow, and even bringing in
(05:25):
hips and shape, Like you have a story about how
you saw that transition in your own life and your
youth well, on the topic of body image and generational
changes with just it's just so weird. I'm like, who
is out there telling society, um, what's in fashion today? Uh?
Petite people and only petite people send it out. And
(05:50):
so growing up that was the norm was very petite,
low rise, like, no belly, fat, like nothing, and you know,
as like a growing girl, I as soon as I
hit puberty, I got a butt, a waste like hips,
thighs like, I was very curvy. So I spent a
(06:11):
good half of my life not liking my body because
of what was being shown to me. And then it
shifted to oh no, we like curby, Oh no, we
like full figured, Oh no, we like you, yes, coke
bottle shaped people, Yes, we like you. So that it
was like kind of a mind funk for me to
be like, my body is tolerable to oh, my body
(06:33):
celebrated and overly sexualized. So I never got the chance
to process all that stuff. And then I was like, wait,
I can determine how I feel about my body. Also,
it's not cool that only curvy, full figured, coke shaped
bottled people are accepted in the whole body positivity movement,
(06:56):
which is toxic in itself, like open it up to everyone,
but also like who cares? Like who is saying these things?
I want to know who is saying these things, and
I want to grab them and I want to sit
them down and say listen to me, listen to me,
sit up, and then I'm going to do a whole
(07:16):
musical on why they suck o. God. I feel like
a lot of people still go through that where it's
like now if they're a bigger person or even their petite,
they feel horrible about their bodies, like because of whoever
is saying this is how it should be. It stems
from clothing companies, fashion industry, like all this stuff. It's
(07:37):
just a lot to handle. And then when you're alone,
with your body. You have all of these different thoughts
and are they really your thoughts? Are the opinions and
others and society? Yeah, I feel like for me, we
always talk about I have kind of like a little
bit of two different things going on. For the longest time,
until I was eighteen years old, I truly thought that
(07:58):
I was a girl, and I thought that I was
going to develop into a woman. And when it didn't
happen and my boys started to change and my all
these different things started to happen, I was like, whoa,
and so I have on top of being a kid
that you know, would eat, um, would binge eat, and
kind of eat all my emotions. I started to gain
(08:18):
weight really fast and quickly. I think by twelve years
old I was at a solid to twenty and so
I've always had body dysmorphia and gender dysmorphia and what
I needed to look like within my idea of gender
in like said body, you know, so it was kind
of like I liked my curves essentially because it made
(08:39):
me feel more feminine. Um, but I also was like,
oh man, I don't look like other girls and I
don't look like other boys. I always talked about when
I turned eighteen. I basically feel like I feel like
when McCauley Culkin realizes that he's by himself in the
house and home alone and he's like, I'm all alone.
I feel like I'm like the Stems spirit with certain
(09:01):
body parts that I'm like wants I can be standing up,
you know, and I feel like I can go p
on everything. And so I feel like I get to
just for one life live in this body. And I
always tell you, like, you know, so we don't do
that way, but um, it is an interesting thing that
I have to deal with on the daily. I mean therapy.
I still have to figure it out of like how
can I as an adult feel comfortable in my body?
(09:25):
It's an ongoing process. Yeah, and that's what we always
talk about, is like every single day. It's different for us.
I think it's taken a lot of research and therapy
(09:49):
to come across what is actually like appearance versus health.
A lot of people in my d m s will say,
oh my god, what a you do to work out?
Do you use a waste trainer? Like all these things
like how can I look like you? How can I?
And I'm like, first of all, but don't you have
the thing where if somebody googles your name, I think
(10:10):
I have google her name first loss. It's like Maya
weight loss. Yeah, it's like okay, by as dinner first
please like. But it's like people think that I like
wear a waste trainer and work out and do all
these things. I have been eating so horribly lately. And
(10:31):
that's not to say like I can eat so horribly
and looking it's good. Like it's not to say that,
it's to say, literally, health and appearance is so different,
and you don't know what people are going through and
if they're healthy or not. But if you just want
to look like somebody look like yourself, like be the
best version of yourself. And it's also a little bit
(10:53):
triggering to me because I'm like, I don't want people
to look at me or anybody else and be like
I suck because I don't have a coke shaped bottle body.
I remember feeling like that. I remember being like like
I suck because I can't wear You can wear anything
you want, but like when I was little, like I
wanted to wear those low rise jeans but a little
(11:16):
like my Bonsita, she was like hey girl, and like yeah.
I can still wear that nowadays and not care, but
back then it was such a devastating thing. Sounds cute.
Mine was like, hello, no, she's so cute, holding her
right now. Can I just tell you, like a quick story.
So when we were younger, just like my childhood bestie
that I'm so besti's with as an adult, she was
(11:37):
like a thicker girl and she did not care, like
she would go out in crop tops, her cute little
bantita hanging out and I looked at her and I
was like, oh my god, I want to be like her.
And I went to school and let my banza out.
I love that. We need more people. The kids were like, whoa,
(11:59):
but that is such a great example of representation and
not giving a fuck. Like you know who really was
a game changer for me was Jazz Jasmine. Yeah, she's
on BuzzFeed and she's also just an amazing advocate for
UM all things like body image and just like mental
(12:19):
health and fashion and just being fierce, like seeing her
just own it and literally saying who gives a funk?
Like I remember one time she told me that. It
was like, oh, yeah, yeah, who cares? Who cares? I
do want to say one more thing as well before
we move on. I wanted to say, um, we know
so many people who eat poorly and look great like
(12:41):
the ultimate like Selena quote, like oh, I just have
a medium pizza all to myself and I love Coca
Cola like great, because if I were to do that,
I would retain so much water, having so much salt
in my body, I would gain all the way in
the world. My genetics are just we want to hold
onto everything. My body is like retaining everything. It's like
what okay? And also my body is like no, we're
(13:05):
not letting any know what I love about you. I
love that you just commit to things. I love that
I say jump and you just do it. There's just
no like what now, I'm like, oh no. And the
other thing too, is I want to say, like, look,
having experienced a lot of people, uh sexually, I would say,
and different bodies. There are different skin types. Some are
(13:27):
really tight and thick, some are really soft and thin, hair, eyebrows, teeth, everything, Like,
there's so many variations of everything that makes up the body,
and there's like no one way to exist. A lot
of it is genetically. We were talking about your figure
it's yes, my mom has this body shape and my
dad does and we're all talk except for my brother.
(13:49):
I love you is so cute. You know what, can't
we just take a moment. Curly wants to date my
brother so bad, and I will not have it. I
will not have it. My brother is engaged and it's
not in an open relationship anyways. Anyway, genetics, you know,
(14:12):
it's like it's genetic. It's a losing battle trying to
look like anybody else. Because I know this is so
cliche to say, but like being yourself is the most
important thing, but I know it's easier said than done
because there's so many things being thrown at us, like
body image and the internet. It's very hard. Like we
(14:34):
also being on the internet and dealing with a lot
of other people and seeing what's happening. We deal with
a lot of haters and people who think that they
can comment on the way that we look. And I
feel like you kind of get it a lot more.
I mean, not surprisingly at all. For me. The only
thing that I get is like you were funnier when
you were chubby, or we missed we missed fat Curly
(14:56):
or but and that can be triggering as well. But
I feel like you get a lot of heat. I
get a lot. It's it's so random because I'll get
men worshiping me and saying nasty, disgusting things in my
d ms. If you look at my Instagram, I have
my d ms turned off. I don't look at them,
(15:16):
don't send me anything. Every time I'm on live, they
say disgusting things to me, and other people are like,
you should be flattered, you should be flattered. It's like
I'm not because it's weird, and they thirst follow and
I love to just block them because I'm not going
to be that for you. It's just weird. Especially when
I was talking about before my body type went from
(15:37):
oh no, we don't you're not celebrated to then boom,
there's j Lo Selena over sexualized and then okay, that's
where we're at, and my brain is like, wait, we
haven't caught up yet. You know, I've worked on this
a lot throughout the years, so I'm definitely in a
better place now. Thank you to therapy. And I also
(15:57):
just want to reiterate, please go to therapy because it's uh.
Find an affordable therapist. They're out there. YEA and the
Internet is so weird because people just will say, oh
my god, have you gotten skinnier, and no, I haven't.
They will just like ask me questions, very personal questions.
I'm not your friend, I'm not your sister or your
(16:19):
mom to where you can just ask me these things
because it's very triggering. Yeah, I feel like the safest
thing would be just you look great, period, You look fantastic,
beaut and they lived happily ever after. You know. I
will say that with some people who I know, who
I know something like we're on our grind and I'm
(16:39):
just like, oh, I'm working so hard to like look
at some type of way or think whatever. I know,
if I'm like, oh, hey, by the way, like oh
look at that tone and look at this like, I
will say that, and actually we were talking about this before.
I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum where I
feel like I was never validated for my looks like
at all, Like nobody was ever like whoa or like
(17:00):
for me. I'm I love to be validated in that way.
So when people are like you, look, oh my god,
are you like getting thick? Girl, you're getting juicy? Are
you getting a little smaller? Like I am like, but
see like you communicating that is like a green light.
So and also I do want to say when we
said this before, as a masculine presenting person, it is
(17:21):
so different for me than it is a fem a
woman identifying person, because you have to deal with that
your whole life, like as a kid. So I do
want to just say that that I understand the difference. Yeah,
And I also just want to acknowledge to that, like
we're all learning and growing and it's just like social media,
(17:41):
and I don't want to I don't want it to
be like, don't give me a compliment ever, that's disgusting.
Don't celebrate my body ever. When I was just like
nobody is celebrated my body. I think like the fems
know what I'm talking about, and YouTube we kind of
know when it's like kind of like gross. You know
when it's gross, and you know when it's like you
I get a lot of gross, okay, but I also
(18:04):
get a lot of celebration from the fems who are
you know, have the same body type, because like I'm
still afraid to wear shorts and like short skirts, but
like I'll see somebody else wear those and I'll be like, Okay,
let me try to do this. So that's my own
little thing. And so I love when people share their
own personal stories where they're like thank you for showing
(18:26):
your body or like even doing dancing in this way
because it's I understand that it's an exchange on the internet,
like we're all here to help out, but it's also
just trying to filter out the gross and triggering things.
I will say for me on the record, objectify me,
leave me comments, tell me what you be as filthy
with me as possible. It is poetry to my ear.
(18:49):
The stickier the better, all right anyway, But okay, because
of that, you know a lot of people there's so
many apps. People are using filters on Instagram, and they're
using all these different things like to modify the way
that they look on social media, even down to actual
body modifications, which I am a huge fan and proponent
(19:11):
of if you need to do it for the sake
of making yourself feel better. Um, you know, you see
b b L s everywhere. Now. I saw that TikTok
of there's like an airport and there was a bunch
of people who had gotten b b L s um
and I'm just for me. I'm kind of like it's
not on me to tell anyone what's right or wrong.
(19:31):
If that's truly what they want to do, then that's
what they wanted to do. Like, I'm not living in
their body. It's not for me to be like, what
what kind of message are you are you sending to people?
It's like the message I can send to people is
just by being authentically myself. I feel like for me,
like you know, to kind of affirm my own body,
Like I've gotten a lot of procedures done if you
know me personally. It's something that I talked about. Actually,
(19:54):
don't put it on social media because they don't want
to trigger people or make people feel like it's something
that you have to get to. It was something that
I wanted to do for me, but I recognize that
it is rooted, and so I'm in therapy about it.
I recognize that it's rooted in my own need and
desire to fit a certain type of image that I
(20:15):
have of myself and a pressure that is a societal pressure.
Um and you kind of see that in every sort
of aspect. And by the way, if you ever see
me in public and you want to talk to me
about it in public. I'm private. We can talk about
it and I won't go into details here. Um. But
there are a lot of like psychological consequences to delving
into these things, like delving into seeing yourself with a
(20:39):
filter only on Instagram, constantly using face two and constantly
using like face app, getting surgeries. Like when do you
look at yourself and go, this is who I am
and in this moment, I accept it and I am beautiful? Yeah,
being your friend and you being comfortable to talk about
(20:59):
your procedures, it's like not on me to be like
what you're gonna do, what you're gonna do? Why? But
I'm also like, why do you want to do this
for what? Okay? Cool? You know, Like it's it's just
like on the other side of that stuff, it's it's
just not for anyone to put their opinions. But I
do yes agree with the therapy part. Yeah. Absolutely. When
(21:22):
it comes to body stuff, it can turn into obsessions.
It can trigger a lot of different things. For example,
we used to do like weight loss videos, and I
think that's maybe where the weight loss things started on
Google Search, because we were even doing that. We used
to be involved in these weight loss transformation videos that
were very popular back in the day and still are,
(21:44):
but I even produced a couple, and I have to
say I regret that experience, just because you are opening
up the entire world the Internet, to have an opinion
about something that is so sensitive to you. And literally
(22:05):
I definitely have um an eating disorder and I like
emotionally all that stuff. And it was shown to me
through the editing of those videos that I was like,
I have a problem, and now I'm gonna release this video,
and then I did like two more and without getting
therapy for that problem, because the internet sometimes rewards you
(22:29):
the more you are vulnerable and shocking and you cry.
And I think I got caught up in that a
little bit, and it honestly backfired and made my disorder
and dysmorphia and body image all that stuff way worse
because of the comments, because people were judging about the
(22:51):
way I processed my unhealed open wound, literally bleeding out
in front of them, me crying because I couldn't do
like a workout, or because of the food. We went
from eating whatever we want to macro diets. And I
love like Mel, who fiit? Girl? Mel? Who she was
(23:12):
just such an angel during that entire process. Honestly, such
a guiding light throughout that whole experience, the extremes of
going from eating whatever you want to just like limiting
yourself to having to to weigh your food, and then
I like did it again in like another video and
then another video, and after all of that, I'm like,
(23:34):
you know what, I can't do this anymore. Like I
don't want to give anybody anything else that has to
do with my personal experience because unless it's healed with
a therapist. I regret those videos. But it's also like
a journey too. It's a journey, and I don't regret
the people who sent me their messages that we're saying, like,
thank you so much for posting this because it helped me.
(23:55):
I don't regret all that stuff that it helped the
people that it needed to help. But as far as
seeing the comments, oh you're still fat, or oh you're
still this, or you're still that, is not helpful, you know.
So I do definitely regret those videos. But yeah, part
of the thing too that I feel like we've learned
from doing that kind of content or kind of the
(24:17):
back and forth of everything. My favorite word to be honest,
and I have to like do a whole talk on
this is the word fluctuation, because I feel like understanding
the fluctuation in the universe, in the world as the
universal law gives you the grace to kind of allow
your body to do that, to kind of fluctuate. Sometimes
(24:38):
I sit and I watch my plants, right and I know,
I'm like, oh, I gotta water my plants. I'm like,
they're looking a little map and then I give them
water and they're like they're looking like tight and firm
and big, And I'm like, oh my god, that's so funny.
My body does the same thing. When I don't feed it,
I'm like getting a little smaller, and then when I
give it, I'm like looking tighten. It's a thing that
I have to If I'm not mad at my plants,
why would I be mad at my body for really
(25:00):
doing what is normal for it to do. Yeah, And
I have to honor it in whatever version I'm in
at the moment. I have to honor the version of
me that I am currently. Yeah, I think that's a
big thing, Like in a big takeaway, I definitely want
people to get out of this is that we need
to work on accepting and loving ourselves in the way
(25:24):
we are currently right now, in the moment, in the present.
We have to really fight for ourselves to accept that
this is who we are and not accepted like, oh,
I'm accepting this, but embrace and have compassion for ourselves.
And we don't need to punish ourselves. You know. It's
like our bodies were fragile humans and we need to
(25:47):
treat ourselves with just the same respect and kindness that
you would give another person. And I think, like, be
so kind to yourself understanding, take a step back, like
my and I really do a lot of like when
do we eat more? What's happening to us emotionally? When
are we eating less? When are we exercising? When are
we the hardest on ourselves? What does it have to
(26:08):
do and how does that have to do with outside
sources doing that to us? And what is us? I
think meditating is really great, just sitting with yourself and processing,
filtering all the thoughts you have and literally I count
like which ones are my own narratives and which ones
are false narratives? Which ones are determined by something I
saw on social media and which ones aren't, Like what
(26:31):
is actually a call for help and to cry for help?
And what is actually just something that has nothing to
do with me that somebody said because they're unhealed, you know,
or they haven't worked through any of their issues, so
they're projecting. So it's like dropping into your body and
like I will hold my buncy the even when I
get like stretch marks and stuff. It's no longer a
(26:53):
thing of panicking or oh my god, I'm getting weight.
It's just like my body is doing something, you know,
and like it's fine cellulite, stretch marks, all that stuff.
We have bodies, we have skin, like it's gonna do something.
We're not all like smooth filtered people. And I think
acknowledging that part is really important. Yes, And I feel
(27:17):
like we can go on and talk about this topic
wherever we might actually have to do a part too.
It's now time for our astrology section. Okay, we're gonna
(27:39):
give a little a little fact because I have been
studying astrology a little bit and this is just basic
knowledge and I don't want any astrologists to come for me.
This is just basic. I'm not going into any of
their astrology is. So it's complicated, but your first house
in your birth chart represent sense self and image and
(28:03):
I did some research my Pisces and Pisces rising and
it all connects to your body as well. It's all
about like your self image and just like your face,
your features. People with Pisces risings have very distinct eyes.
Billie Eilish, Whitney Houston and me. Your rising is actually
(28:25):
probably a little more important than your son. Everyone's like,
what is he? Oh, he's a leo, UM, but they're
talking about their sun shign. You should really start to
go off of like your big three, like your rising,
Moon and Sun. So your rising is kind of where
everything was rising when you were born, Like it stretches
across the horizon. It's the thing that astrologers use to
(28:49):
read your entire chart because it kind of stretches over everything.
So it's really important. It's also like how you show
up to people when you first meet them. It's all
so like how you were as a child. You're rising
is also kind of the way that people perceive you
when you walk into the room as well. It's kind
of like the mask almost that you wear. Is like
(29:10):
my understanding of it, Um and mine happens to be
a Scorpio moon, which is amazing. I'm sorry and my rise. Sorry,
so my rising is Scorpio and my moon is Scorpio.
But um of my placement. Yes, I was saying because
in the first house, you have your Scorpio moon in
the first house, which to me represents that any sort
(29:33):
of emotion, angry, sad, whatever, washes over you, you see
it in your face immediately, and that's represented because it's
in your first house. It's like the house of self,
like your emotions are tied directly to yourself. So my
so my suggestion for this little astrology segment is look
(29:54):
at your first house, like, what is what's in there? Yeah?
And then it's no. I will say also to that,
what's really interesting. It'll tell you like, are you obsessed
with transformation with beauty like my scorpio. I am obsessed
with transformation. I'm obsessive beauty. I love this topic. Yeah,
our charts will literally tell us everything about us that
we already know. But it's just kind of confirmation. I
(30:16):
hope people can understand that. Shout out to all the
Pisces and the Scorpios out there. I guess that concludes
are astrology sections. Alrighty mane, So tell me what are
your takeaways for this episode? Do you move? How do
you plead? Like this? Please don't please, don't judge your money.
My takeaway is to listen to yourself and honor your body,
(30:42):
respect it, filter out everything that is not yours, and
release old narratives that are not yours. Also, but also
you know, just give give your little your buncita hug. Yes,
And my takeaway is that you will have great days,
you will have bad days. You will have days where
you feel beautiful, You'll have days where you feel ugly.
(31:02):
The only constant in the universe is that things are
constantly changing is that it's change. So some days you're
gonna feel good, some days you're gonna fel bad. Some
people are gonna think you're beautiful, some people are gonna
think you're sticky. It doesn't matter at the end of
the day, Like, how do you practice, because that's the
best thing, practice being kind to yourself, and that's the
best thing that you can do. You're not always going
(31:24):
to feel it, but when you do give yourself some love,
you gotta ride the way, ride the way well, curly,
How can people find you on social media? I'm so
glad that you asked, Maya. Sometimes I want to call
you Maya, Maya Lou. I don't know why, Malo. You
can find me on social media on TikTok and Instagram,
(31:45):
at the Curly b Show and let's be as in
Victor and you can find me at Maya in the Moment,
m A y e in the moment on every single
social media platform. Don't forget to blow us up on
our social media is also to recommend few future episodes
and just thoughts about the showmtally and like I've been
seeing on every episode, Pheiel, free to slide into my
(32:07):
d m s. I'm single, I'm ready. I am looking
for somebody who is okay. I love you guys, Bye,
I love you. Tell me beautiful, tell me everything you
are pretty. Vincens Super Secret Bestie Club podcast is a
production of Sono in partnership with iHeart Radios Michael Podcast Network.
(32:27):
For more podcasts from my Heart, visit the I Heart
Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.