June 5, 2024 • 52 mins
In this episode our duo will spill the tea on the types of ex-lovers that have "graced" their lives, from the "Ghost That Disappears From The Face Of The Earth" to the "Lover-to-friend." But also, we'll find out which one you are!
Maya Murillo and Curly Velásquez are the hosts of the Super Secret Bestie Club with production support by Karina Riveroll a.k.a "K Bot" of Sonoro Media in partnership with iHeart Radio's My Cultura Podcast network. If you want to support the podcast, please rate and review our show!
Follow Maya Murillo on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok @mayainthemoment
Follow Curly Velásquez on Instagram and TikTok @thecurlyvshow and on Twitter @CurlyVee
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Me, me, me, me, me me. Somewhere after high school
when we first.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Met, we make out in your mustang.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
To Radio Ahead, and on my eighteenth birthday we got
that ching tattoo.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
One that got away. Wow, it's so crazy.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
It's how we got Miss Piggy. And on the show,
you miss Piggy, thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Give it up, Miss Piggy.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
You're lovely.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Oh kurmy, where are you going?
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Oh Piggy, let's go ohe mess it up.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Okay. My name is Curly and I'm Maya and welcome
to the Super Secret Psty Club Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
A super secret club where we talked about super secret things.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yeah, like secrets that are super that's when it is.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
In each episode we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreace, men,
and of course our favorite secrets. Get in here.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Welcome back to another episode of this Secret Vesty Club Podcast.
We're so happy that you're here, So happy you're back.
Little disclaimer for this episode, it's all about exes. We
had an episode before talking about x's, but this is different. Okay,
this one, we're gonna go down the different categories of xes. Okay, right, Curly.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
There's different types. Apparently there's like, yeah, what were we
gonna say.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
But before we get into it, how's your spirit?
Speaker 2 (01:43):
My spirit is great. I am feeling so good. I
did wake up with like a tinge of anxiety this morning,
but as the day goes on, like and they get
my caffeine and me, I'm like, oh, things are really good.
I have a lot of moments lately where I'm just
so thankful, where I'm like, oh my god, I'm just
so happy to be alive. Like just as often as
you can just be like, you know what, universe, universe,
(02:06):
universe you did? Great, kid, kid, kid kid, and then
just keep your keep going on with your day. What what?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Who are? Or are you? That's my favorite thing to do.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
You're really good at it.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
It's actually really fun.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
My spirit is good. I'm still at my parents' house.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
We had a whole fiasco about like thinking my mom
was going to get a root canal and then she
didn't and then she did. But you'll hear that on
another episode. But I feel good.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
I feel super ready to jump into this.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
I'm really excited for this episode because I really really
love two. I think we both love to break down,
like are past and ex'es and kind of like categorize
them in a way so that we can help heal
and maybe like reflect and understand their side understand ourselves more.
(03:09):
So this is that's the intention. And also I want
you guys listening to be able to maybe think of
an X and.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
See, oh do they fit in this or this? Where
do I fit?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Where do you fit in? Yeah? Yeah, I mean, look,
I didn't even realize that there were different types of exes,
Like I was likemers, but there's so many different categories
that like the Internet has really created for what types
of exes exist out there and kind of like maybe
not how to navigate them, but kind of how to
deal with them. Who are you? And yeah, we'll even
(03:40):
talk about that too, like how do you navigate all
these different types of x's. So let's get started introducing
fund of applause the xes.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Yeah, which one is your ex?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
You know what? I kind of have this thing that
I do. I think in a lot of like portraits,
portraiture a lot, and I do this thing where I
imagine all my exes like sitting together like in one
photo and wow, I like, you know how like in
back in America's Next Top Model Day, like one of
the girls would just disappear, right, It would just be like, yeah,
(04:22):
so mine appear so yeah, I have like a a
slow fade into this portrait. Like I'll be like, I
don't want to add somebody into this portrait of like
ex boyfriends, but alas there they are. Thank you for
the lessons of tutelouge. You know, it's like a portrait
that I keep over over my toilet.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Wow, and you look at it? How many times a
day do you look at it?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Probably every day?
Speaker 3 (04:46):
And I'm just like, look at look at what you're
missed out on as you're taking a ship.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Or pay or pay.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
You know what.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
I love when people say shitter, get off the pot, shater,
get off the pot, shouter.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Get off the pot. Yeah that's the best. Okay. So
the first one that we have listed is like the
still in love X, the X that is still like
thinking that things might you know, happen for you. The
X like still is out there.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Yeah you can tell that they're still obviously in love
with you. And we pulled all of these from Google,
so these are from like various AI or blogs that
define these different type of x's.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
So the still in love X is we.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
All know them. I've totally been the still in love
X for probably I would say a majority of my
twenties for sure, up until I was like, no, I'm
good like this because you realize at a certain point,
am I really still in love? Or am I just
attached to this person in a way that serves my ego?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I feel like I don't have like this. I'm never
like the still in love ex. I'm still like I
have feelings there, there's still emotions there, but to me,
like still being in love kind of implies that you
have hope and that you are broken over this and
that you're not necessarily happy or content with where it's at.
So the still being in love, to me, I'm like,
(06:24):
I don't really have that. I turn into like a
little like red blood cell. Like the minute that I
get hurt, I'm like I have to start rebuilding, Like
I have to start like fixing the wound, Like what
am I doing to get over this pain? How am
I healing? Like I think of relationships as almost like
a room or like a house that you're in together
with somebody, and I feel like once they've left the
(06:45):
room or once they've left that house, like I don't
want to be alone in these four walls, these full
lonely walls have changed Beyonce. But yeah, like, I don't
think that I've ever been the one that's still in love,
but I've certainly experiencedeople who are so.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
According to the Good Men Project, I don't know what
this is, but this is where we're pulling some of
the excess from it, says the circumstances of the breakup
might have been foggy and impersonal, like maybe it was
the right person, wrong time type of thing, or maybe
one of you is about to leave for college or
a big trip or move across the country and you
(07:23):
don't want to hold each other back. This one can hurt,
especially as the feelings linger.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Did you have that I? You know what was you
know it's crazy, is.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
That we wouldn't even go to college.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
No, here's the thing is the first year that I
did go to college, I was going to move to
like live on campus at ASU tenp. I don't think
I really wanted to because it was just going to
be crazy and expensive. But my boyfriend at the time
was like very anxious and was like, you're going to
forget about me, You're going to have this big life
without me and I part of the reason why I
(08:02):
stayed home because I saved a lot of money and
the other campus was five minutes away. But a big
part of it was like, oh, I don't want to
leave him. I don't want to, Like I don't want to,
I don't want to do that. I don't want to
do long long distance. Yeah it was like thirty minutes away.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
But I remember that being kind of a thing. You know,
it didn't work out anyway, but it's kind.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Of hard, Like I think that when it comes to
the still and love ex I have seen people treat
this X as a fallback. I have seen people treat
this still love X as a parachute, like when things
don't work out with new partners, they go back to
that one. And it's kind of this weird thing where
you have to really put up boundaries with people that
are still in love with you, Like, you know, I
(08:47):
would be lying if I said that I didn't have
a situation like that in my life, And I have
to also put up clear boundaries with like there was
love there, there is still love there, the type of
love that you might be looking for, expecting it doesn't
live here anymore. There might be some like hiccups in
terms of like accidentally crossing boundaries, but there is that
(09:10):
won't be there. And for the sake of your own heart,
for the sake of my heart, like please like find
some closure in that, like you know, put it in
a jar, bury it somewhere.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
The next one is the quick healer x where they
the other person is super quick to heal or you know,
it's like a clean break. It's the one where you're like, well,
this didn't work out, okay, yeah, mutual okay bye, or no, no,
maybe it's like not mutual. And they I've definitely experienced
this where probably with every single mostly every single person
(09:45):
I've dated, where they just have been like, oh yeah, sorry, bye,
and then they're with somebody the next month, or I
see them back on the dating apps, or like I
hear them on a podcast talking about how they're dating
again and like all this stuff, and meanwhile, I I'm
like listening to uh, you know, Bonniever for the fifty
(10:06):
thousand time in the corner of my room, Like how
you say something Bonniever, bonnieb Yeah, this whole time, Bonnie.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
I've been saying bonne Iver.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
The thing with that too is like people heal in
different ways, right, Like I can honestly tell you that
my relationships, whenever I break up, like I am in
a lot of pain, I do hurt deeply. I do
more and I do grieve very hard, nights of crying,
times where I've locked myself in the bathroom just to
cry on the bathroom floor. You have heard me on
this podcast cry over relationships being over. But I do
(10:44):
get on the apps immediately. I do try to go
out into the world like and meet new people. I'm
very open with, Like you know, I'm not necessarily ready
to get into new relationships, but part of my healing
process is remembering that, like it didn't work out, and
that doesn't make me a bad person, it doesn't make
them a bad person. Because most of my relationships just
they don't end because of bad things. They just end,
(11:06):
you know, because they just didn't work out. And that's okay.
And so I think getting out there talking about it
is not necessarily quick healing, but it's quick to get
into the process of healing. Right. So, like if you
do see your eggs or whatever, like with another person
right away or on a dating app right away, it
doesn't always necessarily mean, at least in my opinion, that they're.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Over you right right, oh oh oh.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
You know so it's like the one way.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
The quick healer one is uh, I think it directly
attacks your ego, right because you're kind of like, well,
we all have different feelings about how important that relationship was,
and so I'm like, I'm going to mourn this relationship.
I'm going to be super sad. I'm going to go
silent because it was whatever. And then if the other
(12:00):
person doesn't reflect that and they're more so like looking
like they're fine, that can definitely trigger the other person
to be like, wow, so they didn't care, they didn't
give a shit about.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Me or this relationship. They hated this shit.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
It is like the thing that sends me freaking spiraling.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
But but that's.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Why people do it. That's why people do it, right, Like,
what do we always say? I always tell people when
you break up with someone, oh, you better post on
your incest stories every single day.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
There is definitely like one break up where I definitely
was like putting on my little outfits. I look freaking cute.
I was like popping and popping like all over the place,
like you know, just but I wasn't on dating apps.
I wasn't dating anyone. I was just kind of like, well, fine,
then I'm.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Just gonna be the most beautiful person in the world.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
That's the only thing I can control, which is eyrol.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
But like, you're healthy, that's a healthy response. I would say,
what you should do is sit in it, grieve in it,
heal recovered for the next person. You shouldn't be looking
for a rebound. But I think that me and my
shadow self were like I do essentially want to find
a way to run, to run away from the pain, right,
So is that necessarily a healed individual? Like you know,
(13:16):
I can tell you that with not my most recent relationship,
but the one before we broke up and that week
I was on the apps. But that one was devastating
to me. I fell into a depression because I was
just so like damn, we were so close to like be,
It was so close to being what I was wanting,
like for the rest of my life to be, and
(13:38):
we just couldn't do it. We couldn't figure it out.
The next one is the friend, So it may have
been rough for a little while post breakup, but you
two managed to work things out and you're better friends.
Now you're better friends than ever. Now that's me. I
am friends with all of my exes except for the
last two, and I'm friends with a lot of people
that I also had situationships with, Like I'm like it,
(14:00):
it didn't work out, Like I don't. Who gives a
shit like it didn't work out, Like I'm over it.
You're over it, And you know what's really been really beautiful.
I will say this is that becoming friends with people
who have known you, and I always say, with people
who have known you in ways that are more intimate
than other relationships in your life have been so healing.
(14:21):
As I've gotten older, I had one situationship. He's one
of my best friends, shout out AJ. We dated and
we were very young in our early twenties, and now
we're in our mid thirties and we're besties. He said
to me one day, because I was kind of going
through it, he was like, curly, I promise you that
I have never ever since we dated, I never met
(14:41):
anyone who's like you like I have never since then,
it's been over a decade, and I never met anyone
who was like you, and I held on to that.
I still hold on to that that. I'm like, wow, like,
thank you for giving me that, because in moments where
you feel like you're not enough, or you're sad about
this heartbreak, or you're you're feeling unworthy of a relationship,
having somebody who has experienced you in that way give
(15:02):
you that gift of being like you were, like the
diamond in the raugh like you are. It's been such
as a whatever year is amount of years and I
have yet to find somebody who is like you, Like,
what a blessing to do that?
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Mmmm, that's beautiful really, that sounds so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Whenever you read me like these text messages earlier that
I'm like, oh my god, those are beautiful.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Well so for me.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
I I'm only friends with one ex right, And even
when I do want to text out of like you know,
thinking of them for a non like for a platonic reason,
it's like I have to prep myself to text them, huh,
(15:50):
Like there's like I feel like texting them, like I
just want to ask them this question about this, and
you know, it takes me a while to actually do it.
And then when I do it. I feel like I
go through this whole thing where I'm like, they're gonna
think I want to get back together with them, They're
gonna think.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Whatever, blah blah blah blah, and.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
It freaks me out. So I'm not sure if I,
I mean, we're friends. It's not like I'm I mean,
I've blocked this person so many different times and I'm like,
you know, I.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Can't do it again.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Yeah, so we're friends, and I genuinely miss them as
a friend too, But it just makes me feel a
little bit weird because I feel like I used to
be in that place of wanting so much more from
them and like pining after them and everything, and now
that I'm not in that space, I feel like, oh,
(16:34):
like I hope they don't think that I'm that like
cuckoo anymore.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Yeah. Yeah, that's the other things too, where you kind of,
you know, get stuck in your head about like what
are they going to think if you hit them up
when you're wanting to be friends, Because yeah, you do
miss the friendship, you miss that bond that brought you
together in the first place, right, Like, but to me,
that's to me if any if you hitting somebody up
and them thinking like, ugh, she still wants me. Like
(17:16):
if you're that person that thinks that way, like I
almost feel like you're you're you're the weird one, Like
they're the weird one, you know, Like I don't think
of my ex hitting me up, me being like still
got it, Like I'm like, oh my god, what's up?
How are you have you been?
Speaker 3 (17:32):
But it's there's still a little bit, a little bit
that goes through your mind like oh, you know, because
I've had We'll get to it later, but I've had
other exes that just have been gone done, the one
that got away my favorite one.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
My dog is backing in the background in confirmation. Do
you think that do you have one that you feel
like is the one that got away?
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Do I have one that's the one that got away?
I think a couple of years ago I would say yes,
but now I would say no because I'm like, if
it if they were the one they wanted to get away,
you know, like they wanted to get away, they didn't
want to stay, So why am I gonna Like, I
(18:19):
think the one that got away is kind of like,
you know, you fucked up, the other person fucked up
and I'm the one that got away. Like, so I've
definitely been that for other people. And I read you
those text messages before. Yeah, should I read a little bit?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
When wait, let me see.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Also sorry, if you can hear my dog Petter patter
in the back, it's three o'clock and that's mail time
in LA and she's saying hard to help autronomous system
mail them.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
So this is, uh, there's something else somewhere else he
had said, like, yeah, you were the one that got away,
But these text messages, that's like he said something really sweet.
This is when we were like, this was my first
he came back after like ten years and well, actually
this is like twenty sixteen, so this was probably like
(19:08):
four years later that he said this, and then he
said it again like in twenty twenty. But he was
just like I would cower and hide from things like that,
especially when it come to you, because in my mind,
because he said he said something sweet complimented me, in
my mind, it felt like it was a constant reminder
that I wasn't good enough for you, and that insecurity
(19:29):
fed at my brain. One last time, I want to
say I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It took so long for
me to learn lessons and for hurting you. I didn't
realize all that mattered was that you loved me and
I loved you. And reading that part when I first
got this, I was sabbing. I broke down because that
(19:50):
was the whole thing that I was trying to get
him to see. Was like we were very young, and
I was like at the very beginning of my career,
but like it was revving up, and he was it's
just like you're gonna leave me, You're gonna become this
big star. He was afraid of being left behind. Yeah,
And I'm like, I don't give a fuck about that shit,
because I love you, like I'm so in love with you,
(20:11):
Like you know, this is like I'm in it for
the we're young, we're nineteen, but I'm like, I don't
give a fuck, Like I don't care, you know. And
and so for him to acknowledge that was like all
all that mattered was that you loved me and I
loved you.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
You know, That's like the biggest thing.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
And then he just goes on to say, like, you know,
I had to go through it to realize how foolish
I've been, Like uh, you know, just stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Later on, he was.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
Like, yeah, you're always going to be the one that
got away, Like You're always gonna be I'm always gonna
be wishing that I had kids with you, that I
got married with you.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
He's like, that's what That's what it'll be for the
rest of my life.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
I'm like, well, yeah, yeah, I do kind of feel
like that comes when exactly what he said, when you
kind of realize that your own insecurity, your own like
youre was still learning, you were still somebody that wasn't
ready for that, and but the fact that like that
kind of held you back from having a really beautiful,
great relationship. I think that's when the little voice is
(21:16):
in your head so to kind of take over, like damn,
I really fucked up. So like for me, I don't
necessarily have the one that got away. I certainly have
the one that I wish I was better for, you know,
like I do wish that, like I that individual in
particular had met this version of me, you know, like yeah,
like wohend things have been a little different had they
(21:37):
met this version of me now, I know, yeah, like
learning all the lessons that he was saying to me,
back then, you know, like learning, like you know there was.
I used to have a habit that every time I
would fight with the significant other, I would be like,
why don't we just break up?
Speaker 3 (21:51):
Then?
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Like why are we together? If that's how you feel,
why are we together? And he would be like, why
is it that every time that we fight you think
that we need to break up? Like it's normal for
us to fight. We are going to fight, that is normal.
We are just making up. You don't every time you
threaten a breakup. It makes me feel uneasy, and it
makes me feel uneasy in this relationship. And I couldn't
understand what he was saying until another partner did that
(22:13):
to me, and I would be like, right in that thing,
I'm like, oh shit, Like I didn't know. My whole
thing was like I was a runner and I just
needed to run.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
You you said that to me before in one of
our friend fights, and I was like, maybe we should
just take a friend break or something.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
You're like, how come you always.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Want to run? I'm like, cause she's a runner, she's
a track star.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Yeah yeah, Well here's the thing. I know how to
do that in friendships, right because I actually don't run
in friendships. In friendships, I've had the same best friends
in my life since i was eight years old. So
to me, when we fight, are we bicker, like it's
almost like a joke, Like I'm like, I know we're
gonna make up. Like it's it's like I'll talk to
you when you cool off. Like I don't have that
sense of like this is the end of a friendship,
right Like even with friends that I didn't talk to
(22:58):
for years, you know, I've rekindled and we love each
other so deeply and I still consider them lifetime best friends.
Right So, but when it's a relationship, it's crazy. But
like I feel like the one that got away. I
don't know that I'm that for anybody because I'm not
necessarily the way that.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
I see And every time you say that, I'm like, girl,
I do know this much.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I do know that there will never I am very
much my own person what I bring to the table
in terms of who I'm dating. When you date me,
you will get a mixture of somebody who is insightful,
somebody who is kind, somebody who is fun, playful, Sorry,
my dog is trying to kill the male. Somebody who
(23:43):
Chloe Chloe it's fine. She gets like like she turns
this like a little Piranha, like just destroying the male
and you're like, girl. So I feel like that's what
I rest on. I don't necessarily worry about being the
one that got away. My ego sometimes does want to
be the one that got away, but I feel that
(24:05):
for the most part, I do feel like I might
not be the one that got away, but I certainly
am the one that was the fun one. I'm the
silly boyfriend, and you're gonna miss the silly boyfriend for sure.
Next category, the one you burned. This one don't really
understand that much because the way that I took it
versus the one that the way that they describe it.
(24:26):
They describe it as the one that you're kind of
embarrassed of, the one that you're like.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Hmm really.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
But there's some people that are like, oh my god,
I can't believe I dated him, Like.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
That's yeah, yeah, hand nurse guy, remember hand doctor.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Guy, hand doctor guy.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Yeah, the guy who took off my cast, he took
off other.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Things, you know, yeah, yeah, and that I wish that
never happened.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Really, wait, can you tell that story again? The cast
guy like super fast clip mills.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
Well, yeah, so basically broke my hands when to go
get a cast, got the cast, and then when you
go to get your you have to get your cast changed,
so they have to cut it off. So the front
desk nurse guy took off my cast and.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
He was I felt some vibes. He was just very cute.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
I took a video of like him taking off my cast.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
He was so gentle.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
And then the last day that I was there to
get my cast off, he was there and I think
I said something to him like oh, like you're really
cute or something or whatever, flirted and then he texted
me he found my number through my files, which is
a hip of violation I heard, and he asked me out,
(25:39):
and I was like, oh my god. Yes. So we
went out for like a couple of dates and hooked up.
And but in his mind he was like, oh, we're
gonna be together because we hooked up, and I was
just like, no, we're just hooking up, like but he
was just like he texted me the next day like
I miss you.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Can I see you again?
Speaker 3 (25:59):
You know?
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I mean.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
He wanted he want Yeah, he wanted to have babies
with me.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
And I was like no, he just was like would
say all these.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
Problematic things after the deed was done, and I was
just like, bro, what did I do?
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Yeah, what did I do?
Speaker 3 (26:21):
And it was I'm just I think he had a
car bed. He was obsessed with cars. He still will,
still lived.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
With his parents. Nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
But when you have that and you have a car bed,
that's that's something. I just you had a car bed,
a car bed, you really love cars? Red flag, But
I was thinking the one you burned is in like
the one that you burned, Like that's why I took it.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
I took it as like by the way, I hope
that I'm never the other one. I hope that nobody's
embarrassed of like dating me, and I'm certainly not embarrassed
of any relationship that I've ever been in. Like I'm
always I'm proud of all of them. I think they're
all fantastic humans, whether or not like we get alonger
I don't agree with how they live their day to day.
I'm like that which made the flee in the mountain
(27:11):
and the stars also made me and also made them,
you know what I mean, Like higher power mind people
are embarrassed.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
To me, I do.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
I don't think that anybody would be embarrassed of you.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
I feel like people. I feel like people would be
embarrassed that they had dated me, for sure.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
I feel like with you, they'd be like, oh my god, yeah,
I totally dated her, like what you dated her? Yeah,
I dated her. Oh my god. I feel like one
X of mine, I think he might be like, I
can't believe. I don't even know what that was. I
don't even know what those years of my life were,
but I feel like that X is who I thought.
(27:46):
I feel like I burned him in the sense of
like I could have been better to him, Like I
could have been a more healed individual in that. And
you know, and I always say I always tell people,
but then again, I guess there's blame to share.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Like none of any event, yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Exactly, exactly, none of it seems to matter any mo.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
I feel like in my younger days, I definitely dropped
like this guy described it, like, you dropped me like
a saga potatoes, A saga potatoes, Oh.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
A saga potatoes. I was like, not a sag.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
A sack of potatoes, And I was like whatever, And
then I dated like this other guy and then this
other guy like Karma, Dude, Karma, I.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Dropped you like a saga potatoes.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
He dropped me like a sack of potatoes. Saga potatoes,
Saga potatoes, potatoes.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Those potatoes have a sag card.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
That's really the beauty I think of life. I think that, Like,
you know, what's so funny is I looked up the
other day in the bathroom and I started to think
about how I treated people and then how I was treated,
and I was like, I thought of that. Jo Livnt
the song where she was like what does she say?
She says like Lomeresco and what she says Lomeresco like
(29:10):
I deserve it? Oh and I yeah, yeah, yeah, what
does she say is propblic. So I had this moment
where I looked up at life and I go Lomereesco
and I started laughing to myself and I was like,
(29:34):
I absolutely deserve that, and I thank you for the lesson.
Let's keep it moving, thank you for that. I deserve.
I deserved all of that, you know, And so I
feel like, you know, the burn to me is the
X that you could have done better by, you could
have done.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Right by The next one is the analyzer, the X
that needs to understand every aspect of the breakup and
wants to reha hash it all.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
That is me.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
That's me. I'm literally pointing to myself like my signs
are jiggling and jenaline like vegas sign vegas neon lights
signs over me. That's me. I'm the analyzer. Wait, can
we ask kbot if she's any of these? Kbot, are
you any of these? The one that heals quickly and
(30:22):
just disappears from the face of the earth.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
That sounds like a Gemini.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Wow, is that Gemini behavior behavior? Wait? Kbot, you're a Gemini?
Are you actually in pain? Is this how you heal?
Or are you really over it? That's how I heal. Oh,
so are your genuine? So you're hurt, but you just
go out And sometimes I don't care. kVA said, that's
(30:49):
how I heal, and sometimes I don't.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Care, like a robot would say.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Like a Gemini robot would say.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Would say, yeah, I definitely need to know, Like it's
the whole closure thing, the need for closure. I feel
like I'm like I've gotten that talk with an X,
like later later on, but I feel like there's still
one ex that I would really love to just be like,
(31:18):
what was that?
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Kid?
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Just tell me from your side, Like what was that?
Speaker 1 (31:23):
I just need to.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
Know, Like now I'm curious, Like now I just need
to fill in some blanks.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yeah, I'm the same way too.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Well.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
The thing is with me is I like data. I
like data, and I love life lessons. I just feel
like I'm I feel like I'm not here to necessarily
work or to do a lot of different things that
humans feel. I feel like I'm here to collect data
a lot of times. So like even recently, I had
a lifetime Bessie that I haven't talked to in a
long time, and he told me about this one instance
(31:51):
that I really disappointed him and hurt him in our
relationship as best friends, and that I took it in
as data. How do I apply that to future stuff,
future relationships my best friends? Now, you know? How do
I continue to show up in a way that is
authentic to me? But also like I'm more aware? Right,
So like when I analyze these relationships and I want
to know, tell me all the good, but tell me
(32:13):
all the bad. Tell me in the ways in which
like I was fun for you and you had a
good time, but tell me the ways that I was
like toxic and so that I can just be better.
Like I also want like a play by play, like
exactly what you said? How did you see this? How
did you Because sometimes you hear it from them in
terms of like how they saw it, like the demise
(32:34):
or the breakup of the relationship, and you're like what what,
Like that's how you remember this happening.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
The entire thing is that we have different perspectives. No
matter what, every single person is going to react and
intake a situation in a completely different way based on
their emotional tool kit, based on their insecurities, their assumptions.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
So like that's why I would I mean, that's something.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
That I really have come to have an acceptance for,
is that you are going to feel the way you feel.
And yes, that's valid, but like me, and then the
other person also deserves some validity for the way things
happen in the way they see it. It gets muddy
(33:28):
when it comes down to like I didn't say that,
you know, I didn't say that, or I didn't say
you took it like this, but I meant it like this.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Yeah, I think it also gets muddy. Nanny. It also
gets muddy when like they don't acknowledge your side, you know, yeah,
(34:01):
there's like, oh my name on you, which I've also
experienced where they blame me for it being ruined, Like
it's you, You're stubborn, You're the one. It's like, absolutely,
I can totally be a stubborn person. I'm a virgo, right, Like,
I can absolutely jump to conclusions with certain things. I'm
very sensitive. I'm an extremely sensitive human human being. I'm
(34:22):
a double scorpio. So like, yeah, but I think that
once people put it all on you, that's when it
becomes toxic again. And it's just like it's not even
worth going back to analyze anything because we didn't agree
on things then and we certainly don't agree on things now.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
So the next one is the ghost no Facebook, no Instagram,
on Twitter. This person just fell off the face of
the earth, face of the planet after you broke up.
You know what's crazy is I have mentioned this before,
but I really feel like almost every person that I've
like been with or whatever, they have a heavy social
(34:59):
media presence where they're tweeting all the time, they're posting
all the time, they're watching my stories they're liking, they're
doing all the stuff. When we break up, like, yes,
they obviously will meet or I don't think they've ever
blocked me, but they themselves will stop posting content or
will stop all together posting like after me, And it
(35:21):
makes me kind of feel like, damn, did I exhaust
them that much that they're like, bitch, I don't even
want to exist in this internet world where you're at
Like I'd rather live in the real life world where
you're not, which is because I am so like all
over the internet.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah, yeah, they don't want to be in the mix
with you. I've never really like experienced that. Actually, maybe
I've been blocked before, which I'm okay with. We all
have to heal in our own ways. I did have
one ex who he doesn't post at all, but he
never really posted and we were together anyways, so like
he wasn't like really big into social media anyways. It Yeah,
(36:00):
I've never experienced that before, where they're like ghosting, I
will say, and spirit game, keep it up, keep it up,
keep it up, keep it up, keep it up. I
don't run into any of my exes and like even
when I've like I've only run into one once and
I think that it was meant to happen. But like
a lot of my exes, I just have never seen
(36:21):
they either move far away from me or they don't
and they live near me. And I feel like somebody
said it to us the other day, right, what didn't
they say, like, oh, that's the spirit protecting you. Remember
we were talking and they were like somebody said it.
They were like, oh, that's spirit protecting you and protecting them.
Like you, guys just don't see each other and that's
and so maybe that's another way of that too, that
you just don't see each other in the digital space either.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
And like going off of that too, they also have
like the show off X or the ex that you
show off or that they show you off. I wanted
to touch on this a little bit because one of
my exes told me, like every single person they have
been with after me, he would catch them watching my videos.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
They didn't know that I was.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
Necessarily like an ex until he was like he would say, yeah,
I dated her and would talk shit about me to
these girls. And then I even would see like my
ex's new girlfriend watching my stories. I would always see
their new girlfriends watching my stories and I would be like,
(37:29):
are you saying something or what or it's like one
of those things where I was telling you this earlier
that like they're probably, yeah, she comes back every like year,
so this is her. She's going to be in my
life because she's a little cuckoo.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
And if I don't answer her, I don't think they
go that far.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
I feel like for you, they'd be like, oh, that's
my friend and we talk occasionally. We have like a
cordial relationship. I feel like, like I told you, I'm like,
I don't think it would go that far, unless you know,
I imagine them sitting in bed and your video pops up
and they look over and they're like I dated that
girl or something you know, right, or.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
Because I mean I was in like that commercial. I'm
always like on these like branded things, you know what
I'm saying, Like, I'm I just I understand if people
get overwhelmed and over it, just get exhausted of me. Like,
and I know that has a lot to do with
my own insecurities, with how I feel about myself right now.
But this guy would talk shit about me. And that
(38:25):
transitions into the next one.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Which is the Grouchy X.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
This ex might express their grouchiness or being a jackass
in a variety of ways. Maybe they're constantly trash talking
you to their friends, even your friends after the breakup.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Have you ever had a trash talking X.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Yes, And I've also been I have been the trash
talking ex.
Speaker 3 (38:47):
I have been the trash talk Yes, I know trash
talks on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
We are the I apologize them. I've apologize to them though, So.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
I feel like my am I am I trash talking
if I'm being honest with my experience, Like, uh not, really,
I do know that, you know, Uh, I'm sure. I'm
sure that people have trash talk to me. Like I'm
just so sure of it. And it's okay, it's fine,
it's normal. It's the way that sometimes we need to
(39:18):
talk about things to heal from them, right, So we
have to be like, oh yeah, like they were so annoying,
but in the background, you're like, but I do miss
our cuddles, you know, like, oh my god, they're like
the worst person. They were so annoying, Like, you know,
I have one partner who only talked about politics all
the time, and I'm like, ugh, there was like it
was so hard to talk to them, they only wanted
to talk about politics, but on the flip, I miss
(39:39):
their opinion on things that that were a little harder
for me to understand, like politics, right, or like certain
things like how to navigate certain things, because they were
just so smart. So it's like both can exist at
the same time. I believe that if you're shit talking
in next unless they were terrible, terrible people, Like, no,
that was a terrible person, they were toxic. I'm not
(40:01):
sure that you're grouchy. You're just kind of like saying the.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Truth, like expressing yourself.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
Yeah, me being like that person sucked is not me
being like grouchy. I'm just being like, no, they fucking suck,
period period. And it's okay. People do that. I suck too,
because I'm like, oh, yeah, that's okay, but probably did.
I probably did suck, you know, like, and I was
good at it. Okay. So the last one is the soccer.
(40:29):
I have had a soccer Oh you uh. They actually
it kind of was a little scary when it was happening.
I actually didn't come home for a long time. I
was too afraid to be in my own apartment because
I just was scared that this person was there. They
threatened to leak things about me on the internet. Not
(40:51):
even about me, but just like intimate photos or videos
that we had together. They hit up. They were hitting
you up, they were hitting our friends up. They were
hitting a lot of people up in terms of like
trying to get into communication with me. I refused to
block them because I didn't want to upset them, and
(41:12):
it turns out that it was connected to mental health stuff.
So I've then like forgiven them and we're actually pretty
cool now. But I think that the soccer X like
it is real. It is something that is out there.
If it's something that's annoying, you know, I'm sorry that
it's happening to you. And if it's something that's dangerous,
please like use your community, don't be afraid to report things.
(41:34):
I didn't know that it's hard. It's easier so than done,
because I know that there's a lot of laws that
don't protect people. But you know, my sister had one
and they got a whole as refurning order. So you know,
it's kind of like a thing where it does exist,
and this is where x's become toxic and not fun,
(41:57):
you know. So I feel like overall. Oh, I hope
that people can recognize that relationships are really meant to
mirror parts of yourself, right, like how do you grow?
How do you help them grow? And sometimes you don't
stick it out for too long. Sometimes it ends just
as quickly as it started. I feel like if I
(42:19):
have taken anything from all of my exes, truly, it
has always been the gift they have. Each and every
single one of them has opened me up just a
smidge more truly. Oh that's not and I'm not talking
about my couter. I mean like soul wise, right, like
(42:42):
they've opened me up, like in a lot of different
ways who I am today truly because I've healed. I like,
I love this version of me. Thank God for all
of them. And so I think back to that portrait
that I mentioned earlier, and they have been truly some
of my best teachers, and I thank them. And if
(43:05):
I'm honest, one honest with you and the listeners and myself,
I love them. I will always love them and my
love once I get I read saw this thing somewhere
that said, like, when you receive my love, it's yours,
It's yours forever, So take it with you and go.
You know, so I'm like, I love them like this,
(43:27):
give it to.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
Me and that tooles.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
I love Like how different we are truly?
Speaker 3 (43:37):
You just went on this beautiful, beautiful poetic like Joe,
I love it.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
I love it, And I'm like, yeah, well that's great.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Well I would take it back, like.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
I will take a dump on their front lawn if
I could.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
No, they're not.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
They don't deserve that. They don't I don't deserve my goka.
Yeah plus one, No, I would say the same. I think, like,
I think I learned so much from at least like
the exes that were able to give me a little
bit of vulnerability. Give that back to me, because I
(44:15):
deserve that I deserved at like at least some answers
or an apology or something that was like that made
me feel that I wasn't fucking crazy, you know. And
I feel like I get that I got that way
later after the fact. But yeah, there's there's like hold on.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
Garbage truck.
Speaker 3 (44:40):
I think the biggest lesson that I learned from like
one of these exes is that like they have always
validated me, They've always made me feel safe in my emotions,
have always made me feel seen and heard and understood
and have taken accountability. And I've never experienced that before.
(45:01):
It's always been toxic, you know. So that made me
be like, Okay, that's respect. They are treating you with respect,
so you should also treat people with respect as well
and not have to freaking trash talk them, you know,
because you got hurt.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Yeah, what do you think is the lesson that they
have taken from us?
Speaker 3 (45:20):
I think I've always been a disruptor in many different
ways of like just like a burst of like energy
that that can exhaust but also enrich and like inspire.
I think I like a like a you know that
confetti gun popper thing, Yeah, kind of like I'm kind
(45:43):
of like that where you're like, like it's a little
noisy at first, You're like, oh, but then when they
call all the confetti comes down. You're like, then you
got cleaned up. You're like, how do I I don't.
Speaker 2 (45:59):
Know, there's literal and confetti on everything.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Yeah, that's what you signed up for.
Speaker 3 (46:04):
I don't know what.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:06):
And I've also been very open and honest and vulnerable
and raw with these people and have always really tried
to make them feel loved or feel beautiful or feel
like desired because I really truly meant that, you know,
So I hope that they felt loved and seen and
heard and at the very least a little stressed out.
(46:30):
It's good to have your men stressed out a little bit.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Yeah, I feel like for me, I think that I
hope that they would leave. I feel like I'm like
a little chocolate mushroom. Okay, you know, like or like
a mushroom chocolate, A mushroom chocolate, a chocolate mushroom. I
feel like I'm kind of like, I ask you to
be introspective of yourself when you're with me, because I'm
constantly asking myself many questions. I hope that they also
(46:57):
learned that they can do that and that it's okay
to question and parts of themselves in order to keep
growing and keeping the best version of who they want
to be. And now for the astrology section section which
(47:22):
sign makes the best X? You already know what I'm
going to say.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
What I would have to agree when I was talking
about like making me feel understood and seen like that
was that Virgo that for sure I think could could
have empathy and could understand and wasn't just like, well,
(47:49):
I don't know what, like what do you want me
to do? I don't know, Like, you know, was very
much like I'm sorry you're hurting, or I'm sorry this
and that.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 3 (47:59):
And that's the one I'm still kind of friends with now, yeah, yeah,
which is I'm.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Very grateful for that.
Speaker 3 (48:04):
Like I feel like I've i've like been such a
little bad girl, you know, like I've been a bad friend.
But like you know, and they have too, but it's
one of those things where it's like, well they've just
been so kind and nice.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
So yeah, I feel like is it fake? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (48:23):
You can't tell I think it's fake. I don't think
it's fake. I think that for me, like I look
at you, I look at my axes and people who
have done me wrong in a certain type of way,
and all I'm looking for is like the acknowledgment of
shared blame. That's what I'm looking for. So if we
can get to that space and you go oh curly
like I'm so sorry, like I was really fucked up,
I also am like I'm and you can ask any
of my acceses. I am so quick to be like
(48:44):
it wasn't just you. I also was really fucked up,
Like I also was still learning a lot of parts
about myself, and it wasn't just you.
Speaker 3 (48:52):
And I feel like it's because you ur girls are
already processing so quick so fast about yourselves. You already
know what the issue is before they even bring it
up or before it's even happened. You are almost anticipating
it to happen, yeah, instead of instead of avoiding it,
or you're avoiding it by anticipating it by not doing
(49:12):
anything about it. I feel like that's the Achilles heel,
like in my experience where it's like, well, you know
you have the tendency to do this or not do this,
why don't you just do it?
Speaker 2 (49:24):
Yeah? Yeah. My also thing is just like at least
for me, I'm kind of like it happened five years ago.
That was something that happened four years ago, Like right, okay,
Like I'm my friend Miiche says this really beautiful thing,
like if you needed a sign to know that I'm okay,
take this as a sign and know that I'm okay.
And so that's usually like whenever I've had any X
(49:47):
or any people in my life come back and be like,
you know this happened and I've grown. I'm like, if
you needed a sign to know that I'm okay, I'm okay,
and I still love you, and I also love your
new boyfriend. And I hope that you apply with you
learned with me with that new love.
Speaker 3 (50:02):
I would put my name in the hat. I would
say aries Also, it's a great X.
Speaker 2 (50:07):
Because listenestrology session.
Speaker 3 (50:12):
And we always keep you on your toes. You never
know when you know, you always don't going to come
back like a boomerang. But you don't know when you
don't know how I.
Speaker 2 (50:23):
Mean, I don't know. I've never like my aries X
is very like.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
Beautiful, talented.
Speaker 2 (50:32):
He's still the same. He's still wanting to argue with me,
and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
That's our love, that's part of our love language.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
Oh well, baby girl, take a shower, take a cold shower,
and we'll still argue.
Speaker 3 (50:45):
That that fuels are argument and that concludes the astrology portion.
Speaker 2 (50:51):
Yeah, podcast, well, Maya. As always, it's been a Pledger
discussing our exes.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
We love talking about.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
This, sending about sending out love and healing. My number
one thing, my number one one of my exes is
growth and healing. It's good karma, and we just know
that growth and healing doesn't always come easy. So, Maya,
how do you plead?
Speaker 3 (51:17):
Love you or don't love you?
Speaker 2 (51:19):
Hate?
Speaker 1 (51:20):
Listen?
Speaker 3 (51:21):
If anyone any one of them are listening to this,
you're literally obsessed with us.
Speaker 2 (51:27):
Wow, thank you so much. How do I puy it?
Just growth and healing? That's how I plead?
Speaker 3 (51:35):
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of
The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast Curly?
Speaker 1 (51:40):
How can they find you? On social media?
Speaker 2 (51:41):
You can find me. You can find Clearly on No,
that's very Mickey mouse.
Speaker 1 (51:45):
That sounds but keep going.
Speaker 2 (51:46):
You can find Curly on the ship. You can find
Curly on Instagram, at the Curly v Show or tick Talk. Whoa, oh, Maya,
where can people find you?
Speaker 1 (52:00):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (52:00):
You can find me at mine in the moment, m A,
y a, in the moment, anywhere on the internet.
Speaker 1 (52:05):
Who's gonna do my current? The problem? You can find me?
Speaker 2 (52:11):
What a?
Speaker 1 (52:11):
You know I can't do it?
Speaker 2 (52:12):
You can find you can find I have to get way,
It's like storm. Okay, there, maya. You know I can't
do it? Okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (52:22):
Yeah that was okay.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
Bye.
Speaker 3 (52:32):
Make sure to hit that subscribe button to hear more
episodes every single week. The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast
is a production of Sonodo in partnership with iHeartRadio's Michael
podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (52:44):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Me, me, me, me, me me. Somewhere after high school
when we first.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Met, we make out in your mustang.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
To Radio Ahead, and on my eighteenth birthday we got
that ching tattoo.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
One that got away. Wow, it's so crazy.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
It's how we got Miss Piggy. And on the show,
you miss Piggy, thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Give it up, Miss Piggy.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
You're lovely.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Oh kurmy, where are you going?
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Oh Piggy, let's go ohe mess it up.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Okay. My name is Curly and I'm Maya and welcome
to the Super Secret Psty Club Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
A super secret club where we talked about super secret things.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yeah, like secrets that are super that's when it is.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
In each episode we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreace, men,
and of course our favorite secrets. Get in here.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Welcome back to another episode of this Secret Vesty Club Podcast.
We're so happy that you're here, So happy you're back.
Little disclaimer for this episode, it's all about exes. We
had an episode before talking about x's, but this is different. Okay,
this one, we're gonna go down the different categories of xes. Okay, right, Curly.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
There's different types. Apparently there's like, yeah, what were we
gonna say.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
But before we get into it, how's your spirit?
Speaker 2 (01:43):
My spirit is great. I am feeling so good. I
did wake up with like a tinge of anxiety this morning,
but as the day goes on, like and they get
my caffeine and me, I'm like, oh, things are really good.
I have a lot of moments lately where I'm just
so thankful, where I'm like, oh my god, I'm just
so happy to be alive. Like just as often as
you can just be like, you know what, universe, universe,
(02:06):
universe you did? Great, kid, kid, kid kid, and then
just keep your keep going on with your day. What what?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Who are? Or are you? That's my favorite thing to do.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
You're really good at it.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
It's actually really fun.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
My spirit is good. I'm still at my parents' house.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
We had a whole fiasco about like thinking my mom
was going to get a root canal and then she
didn't and then she did. But you'll hear that on
another episode. But I feel good.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
I feel super ready to jump into this.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
I'm really excited for this episode because I really really
love two. I think we both love to break down,
like are past and ex'es and kind of like categorize
them in a way so that we can help heal
and maybe like reflect and understand their side understand ourselves more.
(03:09):
So this is that's the intention. And also I want
you guys listening to be able to maybe think of
an X and.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
See, oh do they fit in this or this? Where
do I fit?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Where do you fit in? Yeah? Yeah, I mean, look,
I didn't even realize that there were different types of exes,
Like I was likemers, but there's so many different categories
that like the Internet has really created for what types
of exes exist out there and kind of like maybe
not how to navigate them, but kind of how to
deal with them. Who are you? And yeah, we'll even
(03:40):
talk about that too, like how do you navigate all
these different types of x's. So let's get started introducing
fund of applause the xes.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Yeah, which one is your ex?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
You know what? I kind of have this thing that
I do. I think in a lot of like portraits,
portraiture a lot, and I do this thing where I
imagine all my exes like sitting together like in one
photo and wow, I like, you know how like in
back in America's Next Top Model Day, like one of
the girls would just disappear, right, It would just be like, yeah,
(04:22):
so mine appear so yeah, I have like a a
slow fade into this portrait. Like I'll be like, I
don't want to add somebody into this portrait of like
ex boyfriends, but alas there they are. Thank you for
the lessons of tutelouge. You know, it's like a portrait
that I keep over over my toilet.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Wow, and you look at it? How many times a
day do you look at it?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Probably every day?
Speaker 3 (04:46):
And I'm just like, look at look at what you're
missed out on as you're taking a ship.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Or pay or pay.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
You know what.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
I love when people say shitter, get off the pot, shater,
get off the pot, shouter.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Get off the pot. Yeah that's the best. Okay. So
the first one that we have listed is like the
still in love X, the X that is still like
thinking that things might you know, happen for you. The
X like still is out there.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Yeah you can tell that they're still obviously in love
with you. And we pulled all of these from Google,
so these are from like various AI or blogs that
define these different type of x's.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
So the still in love X is we.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
All know them. I've totally been the still in love
X for probably I would say a majority of my
twenties for sure, up until I was like, no, I'm
good like this because you realize at a certain point,
am I really still in love? Or am I just
attached to this person in a way that serves my ego?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I feel like I don't have like this. I'm never
like the still in love ex. I'm still like I
have feelings there, there's still emotions there, but to me,
like still being in love kind of implies that you
have hope and that you are broken over this and
that you're not necessarily happy or content with where it's at.
So the still being in love, to me, I'm like,
(06:24):
I don't really have that. I turn into like a
little like red blood cell. Like the minute that I
get hurt, I'm like I have to start rebuilding, Like
I have to start like fixing the wound, Like what
am I doing to get over this pain? How am
I healing? Like I think of relationships as almost like
a room or like a house that you're in together
with somebody, and I feel like once they've left the
(06:45):
room or once they've left that house, like I don't
want to be alone in these four walls, these full
lonely walls have changed Beyonce. But yeah, like, I don't
think that I've ever been the one that's still in love,
but I've certainly experiencedeople who are so.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
According to the Good Men Project, I don't know what
this is, but this is where we're pulling some of
the excess from it, says the circumstances of the breakup
might have been foggy and impersonal, like maybe it was
the right person, wrong time type of thing, or maybe
one of you is about to leave for college or
a big trip or move across the country and you
(07:23):
don't want to hold each other back. This one can hurt,
especially as the feelings linger.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Did you have that I? You know what was you
know it's crazy, is.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
That we wouldn't even go to college.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
No, here's the thing is the first year that I
did go to college, I was going to move to
like live on campus at ASU tenp. I don't think
I really wanted to because it was just going to
be crazy and expensive. But my boyfriend at the time
was like very anxious and was like, you're going to
forget about me, You're going to have this big life
without me and I part of the reason why I
(08:02):
stayed home because I saved a lot of money and
the other campus was five minutes away. But a big
part of it was like, oh, I don't want to
leave him. I don't want to, Like I don't want to,
I don't want to do that. I don't want to
do long long distance. Yeah it was like thirty minutes away.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
But I remember that being kind of a thing. You know,
it didn't work out anyway, but it's kind.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Of hard, Like I think that when it comes to
the still and love ex I have seen people treat
this X as a fallback. I have seen people treat
this still love X as a parachute, like when things
don't work out with new partners, they go back to
that one. And it's kind of this weird thing where
you have to really put up boundaries with people that
are still in love with you, Like, you know, I
(08:47):
would be lying if I said that I didn't have
a situation like that in my life, And I have
to also put up clear boundaries with like there was
love there, there is still love there, the type of
love that you might be looking for, expecting it doesn't
live here anymore. There might be some like hiccups in
terms of like accidentally crossing boundaries, but there is that
(09:10):
won't be there. And for the sake of your own heart,
for the sake of my heart, like please like find
some closure in that, like you know, put it in
a jar, bury it somewhere.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
The next one is the quick healer x where they
the other person is super quick to heal or you know,
it's like a clean break. It's the one where you're like, well,
this didn't work out, okay, yeah, mutual okay bye, or no, no,
maybe it's like not mutual. And they I've definitely experienced
this where probably with every single mostly every single person
(09:45):
I've dated, where they just have been like, oh yeah, sorry, bye,
and then they're with somebody the next month, or I
see them back on the dating apps, or like I
hear them on a podcast talking about how they're dating
again and like all this stuff, and meanwhile, I I'm
like listening to uh, you know, Bonniever for the fifty
(10:06):
thousand time in the corner of my room, Like how
you say something Bonniever, bonnieb Yeah, this whole time, Bonnie.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
I've been saying bonne Iver.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
The thing with that too is like people heal in
different ways, right, Like I can honestly tell you that
my relationships, whenever I break up, like I am in
a lot of pain, I do hurt deeply. I do
more and I do grieve very hard, nights of crying,
times where I've locked myself in the bathroom just to
cry on the bathroom floor. You have heard me on
this podcast cry over relationships being over. But I do
(10:44):
get on the apps immediately. I do try to go
out into the world like and meet new people. I'm
very open with, Like you know, I'm not necessarily ready
to get into new relationships, but part of my healing
process is remembering that, like it didn't work out, and
that doesn't make me a bad person, it doesn't make
them a bad person. Because most of my relationships just
they don't end because of bad things. They just end,
(11:06):
you know, because they just didn't work out. And that's okay.
And so I think getting out there talking about it
is not necessarily quick healing, but it's quick to get
into the process of healing. Right. So, like if you
do see your eggs or whatever, like with another person
right away or on a dating app right away, it
doesn't always necessarily mean, at least in my opinion, that they're.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Over you right right, oh oh oh.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
You know so it's like the one way.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
The quick healer one is uh, I think it directly
attacks your ego, right because you're kind of like, well,
we all have different feelings about how important that relationship was,
and so I'm like, I'm going to mourn this relationship.
I'm going to be super sad. I'm going to go
silent because it was whatever. And then if the other
(12:00):
person doesn't reflect that and they're more so like looking
like they're fine, that can definitely trigger the other person
to be like, wow, so they didn't care, they didn't
give a shit about.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Me or this relationship. They hated this shit.
Speaker 3 (12:13):
It is like the thing that sends me freaking spiraling.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
But but that's.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Why people do it. That's why people do it, right, Like,
what do we always say? I always tell people when
you break up with someone, oh, you better post on
your incest stories every single day.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
There is definitely like one break up where I definitely
was like putting on my little outfits. I look freaking cute.
I was like popping and popping like all over the place,
like you know, just but I wasn't on dating apps.
I wasn't dating anyone. I was just kind of like, well, fine,
then I'm.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Just gonna be the most beautiful person in the world.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
That's the only thing I can control, which is eyrol.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
But like, you're healthy, that's a healthy response. I would say,
what you should do is sit in it, grieve in it,
heal recovered for the next person. You shouldn't be looking
for a rebound. But I think that me and my
shadow self were like I do essentially want to find
a way to run, to run away from the pain, right,
So is that necessarily a healed individual? Like you know,
(13:16):
I can tell you that with not my most recent relationship,
but the one before we broke up and that week
I was on the apps. But that one was devastating
to me. I fell into a depression because I was
just so like damn, we were so close to like be,
It was so close to being what I was wanting,
like for the rest of my life to be, and
(13:38):
we just couldn't do it. We couldn't figure it out.
The next one is the friend, So it may have
been rough for a little while post breakup, but you
two managed to work things out and you're better friends.
Now you're better friends than ever. Now that's me. I
am friends with all of my exes except for the
last two, and I'm friends with a lot of people
that I also had situationships with, Like I'm like it,
(14:00):
it didn't work out, Like I don't. Who gives a
shit like it didn't work out, Like I'm over it.
You're over it, And you know what's really been really beautiful.
I will say this is that becoming friends with people
who have known you, and I always say, with people
who have known you in ways that are more intimate
than other relationships in your life have been so healing.
(14:21):
As I've gotten older, I had one situationship. He's one
of my best friends, shout out AJ. We dated and
we were very young in our early twenties, and now
we're in our mid thirties and we're besties. He said
to me one day, because I was kind of going
through it, he was like, curly, I promise you that
I have never ever since we dated, I never met
(14:41):
anyone who's like you like I have never since then,
it's been over a decade, and I never met anyone
who was like you, and I held on to that.
I still hold on to that that. I'm like, wow, like,
thank you for giving me that, because in moments where
you feel like you're not enough, or you're sad about
this heartbreak, or you're you're feeling unworthy of a relationship,
having somebody who has experienced you in that way give
(15:02):
you that gift of being like you were, like the
diamond in the raugh like you are. It's been such
as a whatever year is amount of years and I
have yet to find somebody who is like you, Like,
what a blessing to do that?
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Mmmm, that's beautiful really, that sounds so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Whenever you read me like these text messages earlier that
I'm like, oh my god, those are beautiful.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Well so for me.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
I I'm only friends with one ex right, And even
when I do want to text out of like you know,
thinking of them for a non like for a platonic reason,
it's like I have to prep myself to text them, huh,
(15:50):
Like there's like I feel like texting them, like I
just want to ask them this question about this, and
you know, it takes me a while to actually do it.
And then when I do it. I feel like I
go through this whole thing where I'm like, they're gonna
think I want to get back together with them, They're
gonna think.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Whatever, blah blah blah blah, and.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
It freaks me out. So I'm not sure if I,
I mean, we're friends. It's not like I'm I mean,
I've blocked this person so many different times and I'm like,
you know, I.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Can't do it again.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Yeah, so we're friends, and I genuinely miss them as
a friend too, But it just makes me feel a
little bit weird because I feel like I used to
be in that place of wanting so much more from
them and like pining after them and everything, and now
that I'm not in that space, I feel like, oh,
(16:34):
like I hope they don't think that I'm that like
cuckoo anymore.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Yeah. Yeah, that's the other things too, where you kind of,
you know, get stuck in your head about like what
are they going to think if you hit them up
when you're wanting to be friends, Because yeah, you do
miss the friendship, you miss that bond that brought you
together in the first place, right, Like, but to me,
that's to me if any if you hitting somebody up
and them thinking like, ugh, she still wants me. Like
(17:16):
if you're that person that thinks that way, like I
almost feel like you're you're you're the weird one, Like
they're the weird one, you know, Like I don't think
of my ex hitting me up, me being like still
got it, Like I'm like, oh my god, what's up?
How are you have you been?
Speaker 3 (17:32):
But it's there's still a little bit, a little bit
that goes through your mind like oh, you know, because
I've had We'll get to it later, but I've had
other exes that just have been gone done, the one
that got away my favorite one.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
My dog is backing in the background in confirmation. Do
you think that do you have one that you feel
like is the one that got away?
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Do I have one that's the one that got away?
I think a couple of years ago I would say yes,
but now I would say no because I'm like, if
it if they were the one they wanted to get away,
you know, like they wanted to get away, they didn't
want to stay, So why am I gonna Like, I
(18:19):
think the one that got away is kind of like,
you know, you fucked up, the other person fucked up
and I'm the one that got away. Like, so I've
definitely been that for other people. And I read you
those text messages before. Yeah, should I read a little bit?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:34):
When wait, let me see.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Also sorry, if you can hear my dog Petter patter
in the back, it's three o'clock and that's mail time
in LA and she's saying hard to help autronomous system
mail them.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
So this is, uh, there's something else somewhere else he
had said, like, yeah, you were the one that got away,
But these text messages, that's like he said something really sweet.
This is when we were like, this was my first
he came back after like ten years and well, actually
this is like twenty sixteen, so this was probably like
(19:08):
four years later that he said this, and then he
said it again like in twenty twenty. But he was
just like I would cower and hide from things like that,
especially when it come to you, because in my mind,
because he said he said something sweet complimented me, in
my mind, it felt like it was a constant reminder
that I wasn't good enough for you, and that insecurity
(19:29):
fed at my brain. One last time, I want to
say I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It took so long for
me to learn lessons and for hurting you. I didn't
realize all that mattered was that you loved me and
I loved you. And reading that part when I first
got this, I was sabbing. I broke down because that
(19:50):
was the whole thing that I was trying to get
him to see. Was like we were very young, and
I was like at the very beginning of my career,
but like it was revving up, and he was it's
just like you're gonna leave me, You're gonna become this
big star. He was afraid of being left behind. Yeah,
And I'm like, I don't give a fuck about that shit,
because I love you, like I'm so in love with you,
(20:11):
Like you know, this is like I'm in it for
the we're young, we're nineteen, but I'm like, I don't
give a fuck, Like I don't care, you know. And
and so for him to acknowledge that was like all
all that mattered was that you loved me and I
loved you.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
You know, That's like the biggest thing.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
And then he just goes on to say, like, you know,
I had to go through it to realize how foolish
I've been, Like uh, you know, just stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Later on, he was.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
Like, yeah, you're always going to be the one that
got away, Like You're always gonna be I'm always gonna
be wishing that I had kids with you, that I
got married with you.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
He's like, that's what That's what it'll be for the
rest of my life.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
I'm like, well, yeah, yeah, I do kind of feel
like that comes when exactly what he said, when you
kind of realize that your own insecurity, your own like
youre was still learning, you were still somebody that wasn't
ready for that, and but the fact that like that
kind of held you back from having a really beautiful,
great relationship. I think that's when the little voice is
(21:16):
in your head so to kind of take over, like damn,
I really fucked up. So like for me, I don't
necessarily have the one that got away. I certainly have
the one that I wish I was better for, you know,
like I do wish that, like I that individual in
particular had met this version of me, you know, like yeah,
like wohend things have been a little different had they
(21:37):
met this version of me now, I know, yeah, like
learning all the lessons that he was saying to me,
back then, you know, like learning, like you know there was.
I used to have a habit that every time I
would fight with the significant other, I would be like,
why don't we just break up?
Speaker 3 (21:51):
Then?
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Like why are we together? If that's how you feel,
why are we together? And he would be like, why
is it that every time that we fight you think
that we need to break up? Like it's normal for
us to fight. We are going to fight, that is normal.
We are just making up. You don't every time you
threaten a breakup. It makes me feel uneasy, and it
makes me feel uneasy in this relationship. And I couldn't
understand what he was saying until another partner did that
(22:13):
to me, and I would be like, right in that thing,
I'm like, oh shit, Like I didn't know. My whole
thing was like I was a runner and I just
needed to run.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
You you said that to me before in one of
our friend fights, and I was like, maybe we should
just take a friend break or something.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
You're like, how come you always.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Want to run? I'm like, cause she's a runner, she's
a track star.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Yeah yeah, Well here's the thing. I know how to
do that in friendships, right because I actually don't run
in friendships. In friendships, I've had the same best friends
in my life since i was eight years old. So
to me, when we fight, are we bicker, like it's
almost like a joke, Like I'm like, I know we're
gonna make up. Like it's it's like I'll talk to
you when you cool off. Like I don't have that
sense of like this is the end of a friendship,
right Like even with friends that I didn't talk to
(22:58):
for years, you know, I've rekindled and we love each
other so deeply and I still consider them lifetime best friends.
Right So, but when it's a relationship, it's crazy. But
like I feel like the one that got away. I
don't know that I'm that for anybody because I'm not
necessarily the way that.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
I see And every time you say that, I'm like, girl,
I do know this much.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I do know that there will never I am very
much my own person what I bring to the table
in terms of who I'm dating. When you date me,
you will get a mixture of somebody who is insightful,
somebody who is kind, somebody who is fun, playful, Sorry,
my dog is trying to kill the male. Somebody who
(23:43):
Chloe Chloe it's fine. She gets like like she turns
this like a little Piranha, like just destroying the male
and you're like, girl. So I feel like that's what
I rest on. I don't necessarily worry about being the
one that got away. My ego sometimes does want to
be the one that got away, but I feel that
(24:05):
for the most part, I do feel like I might
not be the one that got away, but I certainly
am the one that was the fun one. I'm the
silly boyfriend, and you're gonna miss the silly boyfriend for sure.
Next category, the one you burned. This one don't really
understand that much because the way that I took it
versus the one that the way that they describe it.
(24:26):
They describe it as the one that you're kind of
embarrassed of, the one that you're like.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Hmm really.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
But there's some people that are like, oh my god,
I can't believe I dated him, Like.
Speaker 3 (24:33):
That's yeah, yeah, hand nurse guy, remember hand doctor.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Guy, hand doctor guy.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Yeah, the guy who took off my cast, he took
off other.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Things, you know, yeah, yeah, and that I wish that
never happened.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Really, wait, can you tell that story again? The cast
guy like super fast clip mills.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
Well, yeah, so basically broke my hands when to go
get a cast, got the cast, and then when you
go to get your you have to get your cast changed,
so they have to cut it off. So the front
desk nurse guy took off my cast and.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
He was I felt some vibes. He was just very cute.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
I took a video of like him taking off my cast.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
He was so gentle.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
And then the last day that I was there to
get my cast off, he was there and I think
I said something to him like oh, like you're really
cute or something or whatever, flirted and then he texted
me he found my number through my files, which is
a hip of violation I heard, and he asked me out,
(25:39):
and I was like, oh my god. Yes. So we
went out for like a couple of dates and hooked up.
And but in his mind he was like, oh, we're
gonna be together because we hooked up, and I was
just like, no, we're just hooking up, like but he
was just like he texted me the next day like
I miss you.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Can I see you again?
Speaker 3 (25:59):
You know?
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I mean.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
He wanted he want Yeah, he wanted to have babies
with me.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
And I was like no, he just was like would
say all these.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
Problematic things after the deed was done, and I was
just like, bro, what did I do?
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Yeah, what did I do?
Speaker 3 (26:21):
And it was I'm just I think he had a
car bed. He was obsessed with cars. He still will,
still lived.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
With his parents. Nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
But when you have that and you have a car bed,
that's that's something. I just you had a car bed,
a car bed, you really love cars? Red flag, But
I was thinking the one you burned is in like
the one that you burned, Like that's why I took it.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
I took it as like by the way, I hope
that I'm never the other one. I hope that nobody's
embarrassed of like dating me, and I'm certainly not embarrassed
of any relationship that I've ever been in. Like I'm
always I'm proud of all of them. I think they're
all fantastic humans, whether or not like we get alonger
I don't agree with how they live their day to day.
I'm like that which made the flee in the mountain
(27:11):
and the stars also made me and also made them,
you know what I mean, Like higher power mind people
are embarrassed.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
To me, I do.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
I don't think that anybody would be embarrassed of you.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
I feel like people. I feel like people would be
embarrassed that they had dated me, for sure.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
I feel like with you, they'd be like, oh my god, yeah,
I totally dated her, like what you dated her? Yeah,
I dated her. Oh my god. I feel like one
X of mine, I think he might be like, I
can't believe. I don't even know what that was. I
don't even know what those years of my life were,
but I feel like that X is who I thought.
(27:46):
I feel like I burned him in the sense of
like I could have been better to him, Like I
could have been a more healed individual in that. And
you know, and I always say I always tell people,
but then again, I guess there's blame to share.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Like none of any event, yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Exactly, exactly, none of it seems to matter any mo.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
I feel like in my younger days, I definitely dropped
like this guy described it, like, you dropped me like
a saga potatoes, A saga potatoes, Oh.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
A saga potatoes. I was like, not a sag.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
A sack of potatoes, And I was like whatever, And
then I dated like this other guy and then this
other guy like Karma, Dude, Karma, I.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Dropped you like a saga potatoes.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
He dropped me like a sack of potatoes. Saga potatoes,
Saga potatoes, potatoes.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Those potatoes have a sag card.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
That's really the beauty I think of life. I think that, Like,
you know, what's so funny is I looked up the
other day in the bathroom and I started to think
about how I treated people and then how I was treated,
and I was like, I thought of that. Jo Livnt
the song where she was like what does she say?
She says like Lomeresco and what she says Lomeresco like
(29:10):
I deserve it? Oh and I yeah, yeah, yeah, what
does she say is propblic. So I had this moment
where I looked up at life and I go Lomereesco
and I started laughing to myself and I was like,
(29:34):
I absolutely deserve that, and I thank you for the lesson.
Let's keep it moving, thank you for that. I deserve.
I deserved all of that, you know, And so I
feel like, you know, the burn to me is the
X that you could have done better by, you could
have done.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Right by The next one is the analyzer, the X
that needs to understand every aspect of the breakup and
wants to reha hash it all.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
That is me.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
That's me. I'm literally pointing to myself like my signs
are jiggling and jenaline like vegas sign vegas neon lights
signs over me. That's me. I'm the analyzer. Wait, can
we ask kbot if she's any of these? Kbot, are
you any of these? The one that heals quickly and
(30:22):
just disappears from the face of the earth.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
That sounds like a Gemini.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Wow, is that Gemini behavior behavior? Wait? Kbot, you're a Gemini?
Are you actually in pain? Is this how you heal?
Or are you really over it? That's how I heal. Oh,
so are your genuine? So you're hurt, but you just
go out And sometimes I don't care. kVA said, that's
(30:49):
how I heal, and sometimes I don't.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Care, like a robot would say.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Like a Gemini robot would say.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Would say, yeah, I definitely need to know, Like it's
the whole closure thing, the need for closure. I feel
like I'm like I've gotten that talk with an X,
like later later on, but I feel like there's still
one ex that I would really love to just be like,
(31:18):
what was that?
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Kid?
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Just tell me from your side, Like what was that?
Speaker 1 (31:23):
I just need to.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
Know, Like now I'm curious, Like now I just need
to fill in some blanks.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yeah, I'm the same way too.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Well.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
The thing is with me is I like data. I
like data, and I love life lessons. I just feel
like I'm I feel like I'm not here to necessarily
work or to do a lot of different things that
humans feel. I feel like I'm here to collect data
a lot of times. So like even recently, I had
a lifetime Bessie that I haven't talked to in a
long time, and he told me about this one instance
(31:51):
that I really disappointed him and hurt him in our
relationship as best friends, and that I took it in
as data. How do I apply that to future stuff,
future relationships my best friends? Now, you know? How do
I continue to show up in a way that is
authentic to me? But also like I'm more aware? Right,
So like when I analyze these relationships and I want
to know, tell me all the good, but tell me
(32:13):
all the bad. Tell me in the ways in which
like I was fun for you and you had a
good time, but tell me the ways that I was
like toxic and so that I can just be better.
Like I also want like a play by play, like
exactly what you said? How did you see this? How
did you Because sometimes you hear it from them in
terms of like how they saw it, like the demise
(32:34):
or the breakup of the relationship, and you're like what what,
Like that's how you remember this happening.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
The entire thing is that we have different perspectives. No
matter what, every single person is going to react and
intake a situation in a completely different way based on
their emotional tool kit, based on their insecurities, their assumptions.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
So like that's why I would I mean, that's something.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
That I really have come to have an acceptance for,
is that you are going to feel the way you feel.
And yes, that's valid, but like me, and then the
other person also deserves some validity for the way things
happen in the way they see it. It gets muddy
(33:28):
when it comes down to like I didn't say that,
you know, I didn't say that, or I didn't say
you took it like this, but I meant it like this.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
Yeah, I think it also gets muddy. Nanny. It also
gets muddy when like they don't acknowledge your side, you know, yeah,
(34:01):
there's like, oh my name on you, which I've also
experienced where they blame me for it being ruined, Like
it's you, You're stubborn, You're the one. It's like, absolutely,
I can totally be a stubborn person. I'm a virgo, right, Like,
I can absolutely jump to conclusions with certain things. I'm
very sensitive. I'm an extremely sensitive human human being. I'm
(34:22):
a double scorpio. So like, yeah, but I think that
once people put it all on you, that's when it
becomes toxic again. And it's just like it's not even
worth going back to analyze anything because we didn't agree
on things then and we certainly don't agree on things now.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
So the next one is the ghost no Facebook, no Instagram,
on Twitter. This person just fell off the face of
the earth, face of the planet after you broke up.
You know what's crazy is I have mentioned this before,
but I really feel like almost every person that I've
like been with or whatever, they have a heavy social
(34:59):
media presence where they're tweeting all the time, they're posting
all the time, they're watching my stories they're liking, they're
doing all the stuff. When we break up, like, yes,
they obviously will meet or I don't think they've ever
blocked me, but they themselves will stop posting content or
will stop all together posting like after me, And it
(35:21):
makes me kind of feel like, damn, did I exhaust
them that much that they're like, bitch, I don't even
want to exist in this internet world where you're at
Like I'd rather live in the real life world where
you're not, which is because I am so like all
over the internet.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah, yeah, they don't want to be in the mix
with you. I've never really like experienced that. Actually, maybe
I've been blocked before, which I'm okay with. We all
have to heal in our own ways. I did have
one ex who he doesn't post at all, but he
never really posted and we were together anyways, so like
he wasn't like really big into social media anyways. It Yeah,
(36:00):
I've never experienced that before, where they're like ghosting, I
will say, and spirit game, keep it up, keep it up,
keep it up, keep it up, keep it up. I
don't run into any of my exes and like even
when I've like I've only run into one once and
I think that it was meant to happen. But like
a lot of my exes, I just have never seen
(36:21):
they either move far away from me or they don't
and they live near me. And I feel like somebody
said it to us the other day, right, what didn't
they say, like, oh, that's the spirit protecting you. Remember
we were talking and they were like somebody said it.
They were like, oh, that's spirit protecting you and protecting them.
Like you, guys just don't see each other and that's
and so maybe that's another way of that too, that
you just don't see each other in the digital space either.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
And like going off of that too, they also have
like the show off X or the ex that you
show off or that they show you off. I wanted
to touch on this a little bit because one of
my exes told me, like every single person they have
been with after me, he would catch them watching my videos.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
They didn't know that I was.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
Necessarily like an ex until he was like he would say, yeah,
I dated her and would talk shit about me to
these girls. And then I even would see like my
ex's new girlfriend watching my stories. I would always see
their new girlfriends watching my stories and I would be like,
(37:29):
are you saying something or what or it's like one
of those things where I was telling you this earlier
that like they're probably, yeah, she comes back every like year,
so this is her. She's going to be in my
life because she's a little cuckoo.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
And if I don't answer her, I don't think they
go that far.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
I feel like for you, they'd be like, oh, that's
my friend and we talk occasionally. We have like a
cordial relationship. I feel like, like I told you, I'm like,
I don't think it would go that far, unless you know,
I imagine them sitting in bed and your video pops up
and they look over and they're like I dated that
girl or something you know, right, or.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
Because I mean I was in like that commercial. I'm
always like on these like branded things, you know what
I'm saying, Like, I'm I just I understand if people
get overwhelmed and over it, just get exhausted of me. Like,
and I know that has a lot to do with
my own insecurities, with how I feel about myself right now.
But this guy would talk shit about me. And that
(38:25):
transitions into the next one.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Which is the Grouchy X.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
This ex might express their grouchiness or being a jackass
in a variety of ways. Maybe they're constantly trash talking
you to their friends, even your friends after the breakup.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Have you ever had a trash talking X.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Yes, And I've also been I have been the trash
talking ex.
Speaker 3 (38:47):
I have been the trash talk Yes, I know trash
talks on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
We are the I apologize them. I've apologize to them though, So.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
I feel like my am I am I trash talking
if I'm being honest with my experience, Like, uh not, really,
I do know that, you know, Uh, I'm sure. I'm
sure that people have trash talk to me. Like I'm
just so sure of it. And it's okay, it's fine,
it's normal. It's the way that sometimes we need to
(39:18):
talk about things to heal from them, right, So we
have to be like, oh yeah, like they were so annoying,
but in the background, you're like, but I do miss
our cuddles, you know, like, oh my god, they're like
the worst person. They were so annoying, Like, you know,
I have one partner who only talked about politics all
the time, and I'm like, ugh, there was like it
was so hard to talk to them, they only wanted
to talk about politics, but on the flip, I miss
(39:39):
their opinion on things that that were a little harder
for me to understand, like politics, right, or like certain
things like how to navigate certain things, because they were
just so smart. So it's like both can exist at
the same time. I believe that if you're shit talking
in next unless they were terrible, terrible people, Like, no,
that was a terrible person, they were toxic. I'm not
(40:01):
sure that you're grouchy. You're just kind of like saying the.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Truth, like expressing yourself.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
Yeah, me being like that person sucked is not me
being like grouchy. I'm just being like, no, they fucking suck,
period period. And it's okay. People do that. I suck too,
because I'm like, oh, yeah, that's okay, but probably did.
I probably did suck, you know, like, and I was
good at it. Okay. So the last one is the soccer.
(40:29):
I have had a soccer Oh you uh. They actually
it kind of was a little scary when it was happening.
I actually didn't come home for a long time. I
was too afraid to be in my own apartment because
I just was scared that this person was there. They
threatened to leak things about me on the internet. Not
(40:51):
even about me, but just like intimate photos or videos
that we had together. They hit up. They were hitting
you up, they were hitting our friends up. They were
hitting a lot of people up in terms of like
trying to get into communication with me. I refused to
block them because I didn't want to upset them, and
(41:12):
it turns out that it was connected to mental health stuff.
So I've then like forgiven them and we're actually pretty
cool now. But I think that the soccer X like
it is real. It is something that is out there.
If it's something that's annoying, you know, I'm sorry that
it's happening to you. And if it's something that's dangerous,
please like use your community, don't be afraid to report things.
(41:34):
I didn't know that it's hard. It's easier so than done,
because I know that there's a lot of laws that
don't protect people. But you know, my sister had one
and they got a whole as refurning order. So you know,
it's kind of like a thing where it does exist,
and this is where x's become toxic and not fun,
(41:57):
you know. So I feel like overall. Oh, I hope
that people can recognize that relationships are really meant to
mirror parts of yourself, right, like how do you grow?
How do you help them grow? And sometimes you don't
stick it out for too long. Sometimes it ends just
as quickly as it started. I feel like if I
(42:19):
have taken anything from all of my exes, truly, it
has always been the gift they have. Each and every
single one of them has opened me up just a
smidge more truly. Oh that's not and I'm not talking
about my couter. I mean like soul wise, right, like
(42:42):
they've opened me up, like in a lot of different
ways who I am today truly because I've healed. I like,
I love this version of me. Thank God for all
of them. And so I think back to that portrait
that I mentioned earlier, and they have been truly some
of my best teachers, and I thank them. And if
(43:05):
I'm honest, one honest with you and the listeners and myself,
I love them. I will always love them and my
love once I get I read saw this thing somewhere
that said, like, when you receive my love, it's yours,
It's yours forever, So take it with you and go.
You know, so I'm like, I love them like this,
(43:27):
give it to.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
Me and that tooles.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
I love Like how different we are truly?
Speaker 3 (43:37):
You just went on this beautiful, beautiful poetic like Joe,
I love it.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
I love it, And I'm like, yeah, well that's great.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
Well I would take it back, like.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
I will take a dump on their front lawn if
I could.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
No, they're not.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
They don't deserve that. They don't I don't deserve my goka.
Yeah plus one, No, I would say the same. I think, like,
I think I learned so much from at least like
the exes that were able to give me a little
bit of vulnerability. Give that back to me, because I
(44:15):
deserve that I deserved at like at least some answers
or an apology or something that was like that made
me feel that I wasn't fucking crazy, you know. And
I feel like I get that I got that way
later after the fact. But yeah, there's there's like hold on.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
Garbage truck.
Speaker 3 (44:40):
I think the biggest lesson that I learned from like
one of these exes is that like they have always
validated me, They've always made me feel safe in my emotions,
have always made me feel seen and heard and understood
and have taken accountability. And I've never experienced that before.
(45:01):
It's always been toxic, you know. So that made me
be like, Okay, that's respect. They are treating you with respect,
so you should also treat people with respect as well
and not have to freaking trash talk them, you know,
because you got hurt.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Yeah, what do you think is the lesson that they
have taken from us?
Speaker 3 (45:20):
I think I've always been a disruptor in many different
ways of like just like a burst of like energy
that that can exhaust but also enrich and like inspire.
I think I like a like a you know that
confetti gun popper thing, Yeah, kind of like I'm kind
(45:43):
of like that where you're like, like it's a little
noisy at first, You're like, oh, but then when they
call all the confetti comes down. You're like, then you
got cleaned up. You're like, how do I I don't.
Speaker 2 (45:59):
Know, there's literal and confetti on everything.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Yeah, that's what you signed up for.
Speaker 3 (46:04):
I don't know what.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:06):
And I've also been very open and honest and vulnerable
and raw with these people and have always really tried
to make them feel loved or feel beautiful or feel
like desired because I really truly meant that, you know,
So I hope that they felt loved and seen and
heard and at the very least a little stressed out.
(46:30):
It's good to have your men stressed out a little bit.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Yeah, I feel like for me, I think that I
hope that they would leave. I feel like I'm like
a little chocolate mushroom. Okay, you know, like or like
a mushroom chocolate, A mushroom chocolate, a chocolate mushroom. I
feel like I'm kind of like, I ask you to
be introspective of yourself when you're with me, because I'm
constantly asking myself many questions. I hope that they also
(46:57):
learned that they can do that and that it's okay
to question and parts of themselves in order to keep
growing and keeping the best version of who they want
to be. And now for the astrology section section which
(47:22):
sign makes the best X? You already know what I'm
going to say.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
What I would have to agree when I was talking
about like making me feel understood and seen like that
was that Virgo that for sure I think could could
have empathy and could understand and wasn't just like, well,
(47:49):
I don't know what, like what do you want me
to do? I don't know, Like, you know, was very
much like I'm sorry you're hurting, or I'm sorry this
and that.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 3 (47:59):
And that's the one I'm still kind of friends with now, yeah, yeah,
which is I'm.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Very grateful for that.
Speaker 3 (48:04):
Like I feel like I've i've like been such a
little bad girl, you know, like I've been a bad friend.
But like you know, and they have too, but it's
one of those things where it's like, well they've just
been so kind and nice.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
So yeah, I feel like is it fake? I don't know.
Speaker 2 (48:23):
You can't tell I think it's fake. I don't think
it's fake. I think that for me, like I look
at you, I look at my axes and people who
have done me wrong in a certain type of way,
and all I'm looking for is like the acknowledgment of
shared blame. That's what I'm looking for. So if we
can get to that space and you go oh curly
like I'm so sorry, like I was really fucked up,
I also am like I'm and you can ask any
of my acceses. I am so quick to be like
(48:44):
it wasn't just you. I also was really fucked up,
Like I also was still learning a lot of parts
about myself, and it wasn't just you.
Speaker 3 (48:52):
And I feel like it's because you ur girls are
already processing so quick so fast about yourselves. You already
know what the issue is before they even bring it
up or before it's even happened. You are almost anticipating
it to happen, yeah, instead of instead of avoiding it,
or you're avoiding it by anticipating it by not doing
(49:12):
anything about it. I feel like that's the Achilles heel,
like in my experience where it's like, well, you know
you have the tendency to do this or not do this,
why don't you just do it?
Speaker 2 (49:24):
Yeah? Yeah. My also thing is just like at least
for me, I'm kind of like it happened five years ago.
That was something that happened four years ago, Like right, okay,
Like I'm my friend Miiche says this really beautiful thing,
like if you needed a sign to know that I'm okay,
take this as a sign and know that I'm okay.
And so that's usually like whenever I've had any X
(49:47):
or any people in my life come back and be like,
you know this happened and I've grown. I'm like, if
you needed a sign to know that I'm okay, I'm okay,
and I still love you, and I also love your
new boyfriend. And I hope that you apply with you
learned with me with that new love.
Speaker 3 (50:02):
I would put my name in the hat. I would
say aries Also, it's a great X.
Speaker 2 (50:07):
Because listenestrology session.
Speaker 3 (50:12):
And we always keep you on your toes. You never
know when you know, you always don't going to come
back like a boomerang. But you don't know when you
don't know how I.
Speaker 2 (50:23):
Mean, I don't know. I've never like my aries X
is very like.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
Beautiful, talented.
Speaker 2 (50:32):
He's still the same. He's still wanting to argue with me,
and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
That's our love, that's part of our love language.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
Oh well, baby girl, take a shower, take a cold shower,
and we'll still argue.
Speaker 3 (50:45):
That that fuels are argument and that concludes the astrology portion.
Speaker 2 (50:51):
Yeah, podcast, well, Maya. As always, it's been a Pledger
discussing our exes.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
We love talking about.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
This, sending about sending out love and healing. My number
one thing, my number one one of my exes is
growth and healing. It's good karma, and we just know
that growth and healing doesn't always come easy. So, Maya,
how do you plead?
Speaker 3 (51:17):
Love you or don't love you?
Speaker 2 (51:19):
Hate?
Speaker 1 (51:20):
Listen?
Speaker 3 (51:21):
If anyone any one of them are listening to this,
you're literally obsessed with us.
Speaker 2 (51:27):
Wow, thank you so much. How do I puy it?
Just growth and healing? That's how I plead?
Speaker 3 (51:35):
Thank you so much for listening to another episode of
The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast Curly?
Speaker 1 (51:40):
How can they find you? On social media?
Speaker 2 (51:41):
You can find me. You can find Clearly on No,
that's very Mickey mouse.
Speaker 1 (51:45):
That sounds but keep going.
Speaker 2 (51:46):
You can find Curly on the ship. You can find
Curly on Instagram, at the Curly v Show or tick Talk. Whoa, oh, Maya,
where can people find you?
Speaker 1 (52:00):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (52:00):
You can find me at mine in the moment, m A,
y a, in the moment, anywhere on the internet.
Speaker 1 (52:05):
Who's gonna do my current? The problem? You can find me?
Speaker 2 (52:11):
What a?
Speaker 1 (52:11):
You know I can't do it?
Speaker 2 (52:12):
You can find you can find I have to get way,
It's like storm. Okay, there, maya. You know I can't
do it? Okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (52:22):
Yeah that was okay.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
Bye.
Speaker 3 (52:32):
Make sure to hit that subscribe button to hear more
episodes every single week. The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast
is a production of Sonodo in partnership with iHeartRadio's Michael
podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (52:44):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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