January 5, 2022 • 32 mins
On this episode Curly and Maya discuss "ghosting" and ending a relationship without saying goodbye. When is it ok to ghost? How does it feel to get ghosted? What is proper ghosting etiquette?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, what are you doing here? I'm a ghost. It's me.
I'm ghosting you and not texting you back, which might
mess up your psychological process. Brain, your brain, It's fine.
I haven't avoided attachment, so anyway, get in here. My
(00:23):
name is Curly and I'm Maya and welcome to the
Super Secret Best Clubs Podcast, a super secret club where
we talk about super secret things, super secret more time.
In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendships, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets. Here we are again
(00:48):
with another episode of the Super Secret bestI Club. And
in this episode we're gonna be talking about something a
little paranormal, a little spooky. Today we're gonna be talking
about ghosting, as in, uh, what is it her? Wow?
I'm so glad you asked, Yeah, you would be glad.
According to Urban Dictionary, ghosting is when a person cuts
off all communication with their friends or the person they're
(01:10):
dating with zero warning or notice beforehand. You'll mostly see
them avoiding friends, phone calls, social media, and avoiding them
in public. For example, I haven't seen Tom in three
I think he may be ghosting me. And according to
Psychology Today dot com, they actually think that ghosting's they say,
it's passive aggressive, it's self protective at the expense of
(01:32):
other people's feelings, and it's hard to stop. People who
are ghosted become more likely to do the same to
someone else. Okay, can we just be real for a second.
We already did this episode, but three times the sound
was bad. Um, it was like our first time around. Uh.
(01:55):
And at first, yes, at first I was very anti ghosting.
I still am. In the original episode, Maya was very anti.
She was like, I can't believe I'm doing this episode
with my arch nemesis over here. You're still my arch nemesis,
ghost Steve Versus like a ghost it or a ghoster.
You're a ghoster. I'm a ghosting. Yeah. And I was
(02:16):
like Maya, like, ghosting has been around since like the
caveman days. Like literally, I was like, somebody walk out
of their cave and be like, oh ship and they
would crawl back into the darkness to avoid people. My
whole thing is like, that's just avoiding them, that's not ghosting.
No ghosting. I still stand by because Okay, there's different levels, right, yes, Okay, Now,
(02:39):
by the way, I was talking about different levels because
when we recorded this episode, it was very that I
was a bad person. Maybe I dipped my tone and
the ghosting pool and I liked and yea. Since the
original recording of this episode, Maya has gone from like
where to like whoa whoa? Whoa? Whoa? Whoa whoa? How
(03:00):
many people have you ghosted? My sencenitional recording of this
episode hundreds? Nar You know Australian people say toes. Sorry,
it's just a quirky, random moment. I want to know, Curly.
I want you to tell the people out here, are
you a ghoster? Look as a healthy individual in society,
(03:24):
I have been both ghosted and it's part of being
like a normal adult. Have you what about you? Never
in my life? Sir? Never, never in my life? My
little lady, So she's a liar at a ghost, she's
(03:48):
winnings at this. Okay, okay, are we just going to
go into why I did it? Yeah? I mean, look, okay,
go ahead. Wait, you're going to talk about the levels. Well,
are you a ghost? Sir? Yes? And no. Recently I
have seen I have seen the magical ways of ghosting
and see how they could work in my favor. Gotta
(04:11):
say I liked a little bit, but originally, and I
still stand by this. I think it is so messed up.
I think that it messes with your brain because I've
always been ghosted. They just like don't text me back
or answer, And I'm like, excuse me, excuse me. I
know you're there. I see you watching my stories. It's
(04:35):
like those people who don't answer your text messages and
watch your stories and why you why do you do that?
And I was going to say that, I'm like, maya,
you know what I feel like different, You know when
somebody says like, oh, yeah, we hooked up, like you
never know what that means, Like what does hooked that mean?
Everybody has a different definition of like hooked up for me, Like,
(04:57):
I've noticed a lot of people have a different definition
of like what ghosting means? What constitutes ghosting? Is it
like a time? Is it an amount of time that
you have spent either conversing via text via phone? Is
it an amount of time via like? Is it an
amount of time that you have spent together in person?
Like what constitutes ghosting? Because I feel like for me,
(05:20):
ghosting is like you've had a reasonable amount of time
spent with each other and then suddenly it just stops. Right.
But here's the thing with me, is like I continue
to be ghosted. I actually, oh my god, actually was
ghosted by an actor in a in a huge blockbuster film.
It's out right now. Oh he ghosted me. You never
(05:40):
told hold up, you never told me about this. So
in this movie, it's a huge Um, it's a really
big movie. Right now. Um, we had like spoken, we
were texting each other, and then we had our first
phone call and we had a conversation. And then after
that he we like didn't talk. He like stopped talking
to me. Some people might say he ghosted me. I'm
(06:02):
just like I don't. I don't really care enough to
give him that title. I don't really care, Like like whatever,
he got busy, I got busy, Like who cares? And
then there are other people who like you know that
you go on a date with and you go on
on one day and it just wasn't there. But that's
when you should not ghost. I mean I don't know. Okay, okay,
(06:23):
so what do you think? What do you think it
becomes ghosting? So listen, it takes a deep breath. Everybody
just calmed down right now, Okay, and everyone's feeling very
anxious right now, trying to think of at the times
that they were ghosted. Just me, okay, um, I think, yes,
it's the amount of time. But also it's different when
(06:45):
you're on a dating app versus you've got their number,
you've hung out a couple of times. You guys are
actually like texting and it's like fun and great and
you think it's going good, and then they just stopped texting.
So like I had that thing and it was like
in June or something, or before I forgot it was
like earlier in the year. And of course another Gemini.
(07:09):
We're talking and we made plans to hang out and
he ghosted me the day before we were supposed to
hang out and the day of and that. See, but
that's to me, that's more like flaking. That's not like ghosting.
He ghosted, but he didn't tell you that he couldn't go.
He did not tell me until I was like, hey, ful,
(07:31):
are we hanging out or not? Like what the freaking
head hole, you know, and he was like, hey, sorry, yeah,
I just found out I had to fly to Oregon.
And I'm like, yeah, fucking right, then buy me a
plane ticket, you know. What I just realized right now
that I did that to a guy once. He we
had made plans to hang out and the day of
(07:51):
he was like, what time do you want to meet?
And I had forgotten, and you know, we didn't do it.
And I was like, funk, I'm so sorry, Like but
it was and ghosting him. I just genuinely forgot. Okay,
but I'm sure you were very apologetic. Yeah, I guess
I could have been more apologetic, but oh my god,
I am My kid is crawling. I mean, look, the
(08:13):
whole thing for me is like I always go back
to what are you working with within yourself? What are
you bringing to the table? Sometimes it's the table. I
always say that if I if I pop up tomorrow,
put that on my grave, but then on my tombstone,
like sometimes like know what you bring to the table.
This whole model a you're doing is on your graves,
your grave because it's like, look this other this guy
(08:35):
recently came back into my life and he's like, oh,
I'm sorry that I like ghosted you the first time.
And I was like, honestly, I'm so busy that I
just thought you were busy, Like I don't know, so
perspective or perception. I get confused by those two words too.
I was like, yeah, perspective, it was like perception, perspective, perspective,
let's go to perspective. Okay. So I do not like
(08:57):
ghosting because it messes with your mind, like it I
saw on TikTok from like a legit therapist, because you
know there's therapists on TikTok who said that, um people
have PTSD. I say that very lightly from dating due
to ghosting, and I totally believe that because I definitely do.
(09:19):
It makes your brain so crazy. It makes me like,
oh my gosh, it makes me like like what did
I do wrong? Did I say something like And this
was like very much the uh the time when I
wasn't in therapy to figure out, like I'm not doing anything.
It is completely on them, as in like they're just
(09:42):
not into it and that's just how they are and
maybe it's just whatever, and maybe if I did do something.
I will never know if I did. But I think
you just said it too, like this was before you
were in therapy, so basically a K. This is before
you decided to take things into your own hands and
like deal with the accountability, because my whole thing is
like that's I can agree that that that yes, you
(10:02):
have PTSD and and or like I'll say that lightly,
yes you get traumatized by these things, but like where's
the conversation about like accountability for me and that you know,
like for me, yes, it can absolutely activate and traumatize
and trigger people because of their own abandonment issues, because
of other stuff. Like it's like when do you start
(10:23):
to do the work for yourself and be like honestly,
like if that motherfucker doesn't like bomb mass, If people
don't know a good thing when they see it, which
oftentimes they don't, that's on them them. Go Okay, So
(10:46):
I do not condone ghosting unless yes, there are some
moments when you need to ghost. Um, but when the
moments that you know that you should not ghost, uh,
I think are when and you've had a date or
two and I don't know, have just created some sort
(11:06):
of connection and you need to let them down and
just close the door. I had read that text message
to you, remember Curly in the last episode of this
one that we had to redo recording, and it basically
broke down like, hey, I don't see a future with
you like I don't think we're aligned or I don't.
(11:28):
I don't say I don't think. I say we are
not aligned in certain things, and I cannot give you
what you're asking for, point blank period, like done. And
this guy kept coming back and kept saying like hi,
And I'm like did that? Did my message not work? See?
I don't know. I feel like the text message like
that for me is actually more traumatizing, right because I
(11:51):
suddenly would start to think that something was wrong with me,
Like if a guy sent me a whole as progress
support like no it's and said here's why I don't
like you. I'm just saying because that he was like, hey,
I had a really great time last night and I didn't.
It was horrible. I found out he was racist. Do
you know what? Okay, wait, I do want to say
that maybe for some fems telling men like you have
(12:16):
to do that, Like I think it's all going to
be circumstance and nuance, right because sometimes men like they
don't get it, so you have to really lay it
out for them. You really have to be like a
girl or like dude, bro, like calm down, calm it down,
shut it up, take it out. Of this house. I
don't want it anymore, you know, like it's you have
to spell it out for them. But for me, for example,
(12:37):
like I can read social cues really well. If you
don't answer my text message the first time, I'm going
to assume that, like maybe you're busy. I'll bump it.
That happens to me if you don't answer the second time,
and even the third, I'm like okay, like they're not interested. Oh.
I will say, there's one guy who, like I have
texted him twenty five times, and I'll be like, just
(12:58):
like be honest with me, and he's like, no, no, no,
it's not that Like I'm just really busy, and I'm
like okay, um okay, and then he'll do it again,
and so like it took me a while to be
like because that is also like that guy that I
was talking to who I let down. That is also
his lack of taking accountability and awareness that like, okay,
(13:21):
she doesn't like this is what I'm doing instead of
ghosting you sir, which maybe I should have done in
that case, I changed. I changed my mind on that.
I mean, I think he would have done any anything
regardless to try to like I don't know. So I get.
I get when ghosting is good. Yeah, I mean it's
(13:41):
all gonna be like. It can be good, it can
be bad, it can be talkic, it can be everything,
just like everything else. So I actually became a ghost
because my very first experience in the queer community dating
in the community. Um, I was ghosted and I didn't
understand why I had been chatting with this guy on
my Space, which dates me a little bit. Um, if
(14:03):
you're out there, you got some fucking nerve. Nerve. Also,
we're coming to get to are you ready to have
date number two? After? No? Well, I just want to
see how he's aged hopefully. Well anyways, um you Okay,
So we have an amazing conversation. We also um the
first date, we went to city Walk here in Universal City,
(14:26):
classic classics. By the way, Pepper has delicious food. They
have large portions. Anyway, Okay, So we go to city
Walk and I show up in super low skinny jeans
because it was the early two Um, a tight tight
(14:46):
hard T shirt, huge curly hair, and furry boots. Um
yes I said that furry boots. But for I wouldn't
have ghosted you. Um, that's not what you said the
last four times we recorded, because like change my mind,
and I like I would have ghosted you before, but
now I wouldn't. I'm gonna change woman now curly anyway.
(15:07):
So this person goes to me and I remember like
it was like my Space days and I could still
see him posting and my Space days back in the day,
underneath your photo there would be like a little red
or green. There would be a little green dot and
it would say online now and it was like, oh
my god. Or he would post things and I'm like,
he's like not dead, he is um like not just
(15:30):
fucking with me. And I thought like, oh, this is
the law of the land. This is what people do.
This is what everybody does. And I started to do it.
I feel like I'm a little bit nicer because I
do what we used to call back in the day
a fade out um. And I will gradually be like
like you're a j I will home or simpson myself
into the bush and just like not participation, more of
(15:54):
like a roller off the cliff. I'll roll down the hill.
What does that mean? We're roll down the hill. But
they see you roll down the hill and away from them.
But I'm keeping eye contact with them the entire time
and rolling down Just the visual of you, like squatting
and rolling down the hill with your big eyes so good.
(16:16):
But yeah, I mean that's like, honestly, I'm like, you
know what, it's that whole thing that's also kind of
like problematic to you to be like, well, I did it,
so you gotta do it too. And that's how I
feel I ghosted someone. I feel like I'm admitting to
like a murder. Why are you clabbing? Welcome, Welcome to
(16:36):
the don But you know, okay, he's not going to
be listening to this at all. We were at a
cool fashion show thing and um, we met this guy
right curly, Oh my god, okay you're telling that story. Okay, yes,
we met this guy and he was you you explain, Okay,
(16:59):
So we get invited to this fashion party, right and
suddenly this those guys, like this other guy was like, okay,
come to the v I P Party. You're gonna go
to the VP party. It's only come to the root.
So mine are like, we're going to be a fairy
to suhol. We are not those people. We are like,
we are like, let's go eat and try somewhere. So whatever,
We go to this v I P. Party. We go
up this elevator which was guarded by security. It's like
(17:23):
three more security. We have a friend who's like, I'm
here with Mayan Curly, Like we're trying to play the
part because we're like, we're not at the part, but
we're trying to fight. Are we at the part? But whatever,
So we get in there. No one is there, no one.
I haven't said up anything. There's nothing. There's like a
keyboard stand and about to put up like instruments or something.
(17:45):
There was nothing, but we look good, look and behold
this guy and his friend come talk to us and
our friends. And we meet this guy and I see
for myself. I was so charmed by him, Like I
was like, oh my god. Like he's swaggy, he's cute,
he's handsome, he's laughing at all of our jokes. He's like.
(18:08):
And the thing is, he was like with a lot
of straight dudes, like I feel like sometimes a lot
of straight dudes want to make it about them, like yeah, yeah,
I do this, blah blah blah blah. Look I'm so cool.
But he wanted to know about us, and he was
very talkative and very chatty, talked about Yeah. We he
was laughing the whole time, and I liked him. Yeah,
and he was a virgo, and he's a virgo of course,
so this never happens to me When he ansked for
(18:32):
my number, and you know, I was like, okay, cool,
and so we were like texting, and then it just
kind of got stale a little bit and we followed.
We all three followed each other on Instagram, and I
didn't really like his posts, honestly, and we were a
little I don't know, it just didn't hit for me.
(18:53):
I was also very very very very very busy, like
my parents were coming into town and I was just
like doing all these things and had these events and whatever.
So I just I didn't have enough interest to continue. Um,
so I ghosted, I feel like, and then followed him
his post like a little like like he what he
(19:16):
didn't show us in person. He seemed very sweet, very gentle,
and the post were kind of like very like woman
doesn't give it up like that kind of a post,
like very misogynistic a little bit, and yes, and then
maya like I was like, well did you hit him up?
Like this was before by the way, before I was like, oh,
and you go, but you kind of ghosted him like
(19:38):
early on I did because I knew he was that
type of person already, Like I already knew it, and
I was like, I'm good. And then the other person
I ghosted was just somebody off a tender. That doesn't count.
I really, if it's on a dating app and you
have not moved to text messages, it goes to doesn't
(20:00):
it doesn't, it doesn't doesn't exist. It doesn't count. It
doesn't count. So did I? I only ghosted one? Thank
you very very much your reason for ghosting him. I
will not explain. I do not put me on blast
on this podcast. Do not put me on blast. I
will never I will take that to my grave. You
have to, because if you want to know what it is,
(20:22):
you will never know. You will never know. It's not
anything bad. By the way, we weren't like making fun
of him or anything, but it was still really interesting. Look,
I will ghost people because like they had horrible posture.
I'm like, nope, Oh my god, can you imagine dating
when it was five five and I'm five nine? Oh
(20:43):
my god, we're really yeah, we're really giving you like
our inside. That's why I'm like almost six ft. I'm
tall girl. Do you know what they say about short
(21:05):
guys they have big diggers. Wait. Also besides that, besides that,
it just had very like Ikey energy where he was like, oh,
I don't know where I'm at in my life and
I don't know what I don't know, like and I'm like,
(21:26):
I know, I know what I'm doing, and I'm like
I just don't, you know. But also so look, I
think the infull for me, it's like it goes back
to humanity, right, like take the social cues. What are
you doing at the end of the day, Like what
are you doing in your life to really work on
you so that when somebody can't see you for who
(21:48):
you are, they don't understand your greatness. You've already moved
on you already don't care, You're like whatever, Like it's
your loss, Like, don't sit there and dwell because someone's
not texting you, like reciprocate that energy. The quicker, the
faster that you can reciprocate that energy of being indifferent,
like the faster that sometimes they come back and then
or you get over it, like like don't think too
(22:10):
hard into it. Yeah, I agree with that. I would
definitely break my own heart and make myself feel so
sad because I'm like, what did I do? Like? Was
I boring? I shouldn't have said this? Or I shouldn't
have sent my Instagram? I shouldn't have told them this
or that. It's like, no, there's no, there's nothing you
did wrong. You did everything by because you're having a
(22:30):
conversation with them, and if they don't like something, they
have every right to not talk to you anymore. And
you guys are not together. Just says like if you
don't like them, you're allowed to not like. People are
allowed to not like you. Like, Yes, but I feel
like also too side bar because like this is such
a different opinion than what my had in the original one. Yes,
(22:51):
because I've changed. This is what happens when you grow,
like after a certain amount of time with somebody, Like
I think that being open and also you might not
have to tell people have that come to Jesus conversation.
If you're open from day one, if from day one, like, look,
I'm not looking for anything, I'm actually don't. I don't
want a boyfriend. That's why that's what I always do
(23:11):
I'm like, I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want
to funk. I'm not here to funk. I just want
to hang. But you know, it's like, because I've started
dating more, I've started talking to more people, so I've
been getting a little bit I understand now because before
I wasn't I was dating, but I was like it
was like here and there, And now that I'm like
talking to people a little bit more and more, a
(23:32):
little by little, I'm realizing all these things. So that's
why my opinion changed. You guys have no idea what
we're talking about because you've never heard the episode. But
I was very admit about anti ghosting. Yes, the other
thing too, like to be honest, like if you've been
dating for like several times, like if you not, if
you've gone on like several days, or if you've done
(23:52):
like a lot of things together, like then maybe yeah,
like you do owe somebody a little bit of an explanation.
Did you did your foot on purpose? What if I
wanted to play foot seas with you? Right now? I
just felt like this foot like such my foot, and
then um, but like yeah, like I think that sometimes
(24:13):
you do. Oh the communication I will always be honest
with guys that I'm dating. I've had several men be like,
what are what are we? What's happening? And I'm like, look,
this is how I feel. It doesn't take away from
how amazing you are. It doesn't take away from how
amazing they are. It doesn't mean that you suck, or
you're not funny, or you're not worthy. I think that
it truly goes back to the frequency of wherever people
(24:36):
are at in their lives. And now for the astrology portion, well,
maya here we are again discussing who do we think
(24:58):
would be like the worst a ghosting? Like, who do
we think which signs that's who? Okay, wait, that's who
we think it's ghosted the most? But both do you
think that they try to? Oh my god, I feel
like ghosted left and right? They do, but when they
try to ghost it's more of like they're trying to
(25:20):
be friends with them and then they end up being like, oh,
I'm actually in love with you still really Yeah, I'm
only saying that because I have a heavy chart with
a lot of pisces in it. What about virgos? Do
you think virgos get like virgos are the ghoster. I
think virgos are the ghostie and ghoster because some of
them will do what I did, which was like have
(25:43):
a very meaningful and sentimental and strict to the point
text message that is letting you know they don't want
to be with you anymore. And then they will also
maybe just be ghosted because because they are too afraid
to say what they want. Not a dig at anyone. Oh,
(26:08):
I'm very afraid to say what I want. No, no, you,
I'm not talking about you. I'm just talking about im.
I guess the frog. Oh my god, you gotta ghost hermit.
It's fine, but like I feel like for me, I
could ghosted the most by fire signs. Like fire signs
are so like probably deserved it, probably, I think fire signs.
(26:33):
I always say that they think that I'm going to
like they're like a little flame, a little candle in
the wind, and they think that I'm gonna nothing out
because I want to hug him and love him, and
I'm like, fire signs and take your own head out
of your own ass, Like I'm not trying to get
at you. I'm not trying to marry you. I'm just
trying to Yes, you are Okay, maybe yeah, you are,
you're trying to get pregnant. They're just so hot and
(26:57):
you just say, okay, we're intoxicating. What about um, Like,
what's another side? What about Okay? What about libras? I
feel like I don't know anything about libra's. Libra's are
the most indecisive people I've ever met in my entire life.
(27:20):
And they're the most decisive, are they? Well, every sign
can be toxic. Toxic libras can't. The ones that I
have decided, I've decided, the ones that I have come
across romantically. UM, I had one asked me out on
a date and then uh, he was like yeah, maybe
(27:41):
like we could go for some drinks after the pandemic
is over. And the pandemic is not over obviously, but
you know, there's there are things you can do both vaccinated.
And he just never kind of hit me up at
B again. And he was like once super obsessed with me,
watching all my stories, like message g me, all this stuff,
and then it was nothing and it was like, what changed,
(28:05):
what happened? What do you think changed? What do you
think happened? I don't know. I think I don't know.
And that's the thing is like, it's like, Okay, you're
showing me the side of you, and then now you're not.
So the indecisiveness, I just I just can't. But they
are beautiful people, see, But like I have ghosted people
who just because I didn't like their dad jokes. I'm like,
(28:28):
WHOA do you like my dad jokes? Do not see
myself being with somebody for thirty more years? Who makes
dad jokes like that? Like my dad jokes? Anyway, you
don't really make dad jokes. You make fun jokes. I
don't want to consider your jokes dad jokes. Okay, Okay,
(28:49):
well that concludes the astrology section. Uh do you want
me to recap it in conclusion? Okay? In the past,
I really thought ghosting is horrible and bad. And yes,
every I think everything on this earth can has its
bad sides, toxic sides, and also it's a reasonable and
(29:12):
the logistical sides. Okay, Um, I've seen I've seen the
dark and the light. Okay, I've seen them both. And
let's just say I'm a little bad girl now and
my thing has always been. Look, there are so many
other things in this world to worry about, then whether
a guy is going to answer your text message or not, like,
get into the space where you are so happy with
(29:32):
yourself and so content with yourself that it doesn't matter
if you text you back, like whatever, fuck it. You
know what my experience has been. All the guys who
haven't texted me back have not aged well, they have
been like toxic in their own way there and by
age that can mean like physically, mentally, um, spirituality. Yeah,
it's like, huh, I'm so happy that like I don't
(29:54):
have to that. I yeah, I'm sorry that the universe
like hit me. And so I think that like trust
the journey of wherever your life is going to take you,
like especially with love and stuff like that. The other
thing too, as I do want to say get over. Yeah,
I agree with that. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I
(30:21):
think because I just I will still freaking so be
so mad at you if you ghost, I will, but
I'll also be like, but why that makes sense? Okay?
I mean, look, if that Hollywood blockbuster actors listening to
this and he still wants to rekindle, Um, you're hot,
(30:43):
I don't need your money, and that's the end of
this episode, all right, Okay, So thank you guys so
much for listening to another episode of The Super Super
And if you guys have any suggest questions on what
we should talk about on another episode of The Super
(31:03):
Secret Best Club Podcast. That was so satisfying to say,
please hit us up on our social media Yes, and
also let us know too, Let us know what you
think about this topic. If you totally disagree with us,
let us know. Um, we are so open to having
people disagree with us, and we want to know what
you think about ghosting. So Maya, where can people find
(31:24):
you on social media? You can find me at Mine
the Moment, m A y A in the Moment on
all social media platforms. What about you? You can find
me on Instagram and TikTok at the Curly b Show.
Be Asn't Victor anyway, Maya, that was a good episode, right, Yeah, Hey,
may just ghosted you. Goodbye. Make sure to hit that
(31:51):
subscribe button to hear more episodes every single week. The
Super Secret bestI Club Podcast is a production of So
Noal in partnership with The Heart Radio Michael podcast Network.
For more podcasts from My Heart, visit the I Heart
Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows, h
Hey, what are you doing here? I'm a ghost. It's me.
I'm ghosting you and not texting you back, which might
mess up your psychological process. Brain, your brain, It's fine.
I haven't avoided attachment, so anyway, get in here. My
(00:23):
name is Curly and I'm Maya and welcome to the
Super Secret Best Clubs Podcast, a super secret club where
we talk about super secret things, super secret more time.
In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendships, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets. Here we are again
(00:48):
with another episode of the Super Secret bestI Club. And
in this episode we're gonna be talking about something a
little paranormal, a little spooky. Today we're gonna be talking
about ghosting, as in, uh, what is it her? Wow?
I'm so glad you asked, Yeah, you would be glad.
According to Urban Dictionary, ghosting is when a person cuts
off all communication with their friends or the person they're
(01:10):
dating with zero warning or notice beforehand. You'll mostly see
them avoiding friends, phone calls, social media, and avoiding them
in public. For example, I haven't seen Tom in three
I think he may be ghosting me. And according to
Psychology Today dot com, they actually think that ghosting's they say,
it's passive aggressive, it's self protective at the expense of
(01:32):
other people's feelings, and it's hard to stop. People who
are ghosted become more likely to do the same to
someone else. Okay, can we just be real for a second.
We already did this episode, but three times the sound
was bad. Um, it was like our first time around. Uh.
(01:55):
And at first, yes, at first I was very anti ghosting.
I still am. In the original episode, Maya was very anti.
She was like, I can't believe I'm doing this episode
with my arch nemesis over here. You're still my arch nemesis,
ghost Steve Versus like a ghost it or a ghoster.
You're a ghoster. I'm a ghosting. Yeah. And I was
(02:16):
like Maya, like, ghosting has been around since like the
caveman days. Like literally, I was like, somebody walk out
of their cave and be like, oh ship and they
would crawl back into the darkness to avoid people. My
whole thing is like, that's just avoiding them, that's not ghosting.
No ghosting. I still stand by because Okay, there's different levels, right, yes, Okay, Now,
(02:39):
by the way, I was talking about different levels because
when we recorded this episode, it was very that I
was a bad person. Maybe I dipped my tone and
the ghosting pool and I liked and yea. Since the
original recording of this episode, Maya has gone from like
where to like whoa whoa? Whoa? Whoa? Whoa whoa? How
(03:00):
many people have you ghosted? My sencenitional recording of this
episode hundreds? Nar You know Australian people say toes. Sorry,
it's just a quirky, random moment. I want to know, Curly.
I want you to tell the people out here, are
you a ghoster? Look as a healthy individual in society,
(03:24):
I have been both ghosted and it's part of being
like a normal adult. Have you what about you? Never
in my life? Sir? Never, never in my life? My
little lady, So she's a liar at a ghost, she's
(03:48):
winnings at this. Okay, okay, are we just going to
go into why I did it? Yeah? I mean, look, okay,
go ahead. Wait, you're going to talk about the levels. Well,
are you a ghost? Sir? Yes? And no. Recently I
have seen I have seen the magical ways of ghosting
and see how they could work in my favor. Gotta
(04:11):
say I liked a little bit, but originally, and I
still stand by this. I think it is so messed up.
I think that it messes with your brain because I've
always been ghosted. They just like don't text me back
or answer, And I'm like, excuse me, excuse me. I
know you're there. I see you watching my stories. It's
(04:35):
like those people who don't answer your text messages and
watch your stories and why you why do you do that?
And I was going to say that, I'm like, maya,
you know what I feel like different, You know when
somebody says like, oh, yeah, we hooked up, like you
never know what that means, Like what does hooked that mean?
Everybody has a different definition of like hooked up for me, Like,
(04:57):
I've noticed a lot of people have a different definition
of like what ghosting means? What constitutes ghosting? Is it
like a time? Is it an amount of time that
you have spent either conversing via text via phone? Is
it an amount of time via like? Is it an
amount of time that you have spent together in person?
Like what constitutes ghosting? Because I feel like for me,
(05:20):
ghosting is like you've had a reasonable amount of time
spent with each other and then suddenly it just stops. Right.
But here's the thing with me, is like I continue
to be ghosted. I actually, oh my god, actually was
ghosted by an actor in a in a huge blockbuster film.
It's out right now. Oh he ghosted me. You never
(05:40):
told hold up, you never told me about this. So
in this movie, it's a huge Um, it's a really
big movie. Right now. Um, we had like spoken, we
were texting each other, and then we had our first
phone call and we had a conversation. And then after
that he we like didn't talk. He like stopped talking
to me. Some people might say he ghosted me. I'm
(06:02):
just like I don't. I don't really care enough to
give him that title. I don't really care, Like like whatever,
he got busy, I got busy, Like who cares? And
then there are other people who like you know that
you go on a date with and you go on
on one day and it just wasn't there. But that's
when you should not ghost. I mean I don't know. Okay, okay,
(06:23):
so what do you think? What do you think it
becomes ghosting? So listen, it takes a deep breath. Everybody
just calmed down right now, Okay, and everyone's feeling very
anxious right now, trying to think of at the times
that they were ghosted. Just me, okay, um, I think, yes,
it's the amount of time. But also it's different when
(06:45):
you're on a dating app versus you've got their number,
you've hung out a couple of times. You guys are
actually like texting and it's like fun and great and
you think it's going good, and then they just stopped texting.
So like I had that thing and it was like
in June or something, or before I forgot it was
like earlier in the year. And of course another Gemini.
(07:09):
We're talking and we made plans to hang out and
he ghosted me the day before we were supposed to
hang out and the day of and that. See, but
that's to me, that's more like flaking. That's not like ghosting.
He ghosted, but he didn't tell you that he couldn't go.
He did not tell me until I was like, hey, ful,
(07:31):
are we hanging out or not? Like what the freaking
head hole, you know, and he was like, hey, sorry, yeah,
I just found out I had to fly to Oregon.
And I'm like, yeah, fucking right, then buy me a
plane ticket, you know. What I just realized right now
that I did that to a guy once. He we
had made plans to hang out and the day of
(07:51):
he was like, what time do you want to meet?
And I had forgotten, and you know, we didn't do it.
And I was like, funk, I'm so sorry, Like but
it was and ghosting him. I just genuinely forgot. Okay,
but I'm sure you were very apologetic. Yeah, I guess
I could have been more apologetic, but oh my god,
I am My kid is crawling. I mean, look, the
(08:13):
whole thing for me is like I always go back
to what are you working with within yourself? What are
you bringing to the table? Sometimes it's the table. I
always say that if I if I pop up tomorrow,
put that on my grave, but then on my tombstone,
like sometimes like know what you bring to the table.
This whole model a you're doing is on your graves,
your grave because it's like, look this other this guy
(08:35):
recently came back into my life and he's like, oh,
I'm sorry that I like ghosted you the first time.
And I was like, honestly, I'm so busy that I
just thought you were busy, Like I don't know, so
perspective or perception. I get confused by those two words too.
I was like, yeah, perspective, it was like perception, perspective, perspective,
let's go to perspective. Okay. So I do not like
(08:57):
ghosting because it messes with your mind, like it I
saw on TikTok from like a legit therapist, because you
know there's therapists on TikTok who said that, um people
have PTSD. I say that very lightly from dating due
to ghosting, and I totally believe that because I definitely do.
(09:19):
It makes your brain so crazy. It makes me like,
oh my gosh, it makes me like like what did
I do wrong? Did I say something like And this
was like very much the uh the time when I
wasn't in therapy to figure out, like I'm not doing anything.
It is completely on them, as in like they're just
(09:42):
not into it and that's just how they are and
maybe it's just whatever, and maybe if I did do something.
I will never know if I did. But I think
you just said it too, like this was before you
were in therapy, so basically a K. This is before
you decided to take things into your own hands and
like deal with the accountability, because my whole thing is
like that's I can agree that that that yes, you
(10:02):
have PTSD and and or like I'll say that lightly,
yes you get traumatized by these things, but like where's
the conversation about like accountability for me and that you know,
like for me, yes, it can absolutely activate and traumatize
and trigger people because of their own abandonment issues, because
of other stuff. Like it's like when do you start
(10:23):
to do the work for yourself and be like honestly,
like if that motherfucker doesn't like bomb mass, If people
don't know a good thing when they see it, which
oftentimes they don't, that's on them them. Go Okay, So
(10:46):
I do not condone ghosting unless yes, there are some
moments when you need to ghost. Um, but when the
moments that you know that you should not ghost, uh,
I think are when and you've had a date or
two and I don't know, have just created some sort
(11:06):
of connection and you need to let them down and
just close the door. I had read that text message
to you, remember Curly in the last episode of this
one that we had to redo recording, and it basically
broke down like, hey, I don't see a future with
you like I don't think we're aligned or I don't.
(11:28):
I don't say I don't think. I say we are
not aligned in certain things, and I cannot give you
what you're asking for, point blank period, like done. And
this guy kept coming back and kept saying like hi,
And I'm like did that? Did my message not work? See?
I don't know. I feel like the text message like
that for me is actually more traumatizing, right because I
(11:51):
suddenly would start to think that something was wrong with me,
Like if a guy sent me a whole as progress
support like no it's and said here's why I don't
like you. I'm just saying because that he was like, hey,
I had a really great time last night and I didn't.
It was horrible. I found out he was racist. Do
you know what? Okay, wait, I do want to say
that maybe for some fems telling men like you have
(12:16):
to do that, Like I think it's all going to
be circumstance and nuance, right because sometimes men like they
don't get it, so you have to really lay it
out for them. You really have to be like a
girl or like dude, bro, like calm down, calm it down,
shut it up, take it out. Of this house. I
don't want it anymore, you know, like it's you have
to spell it out for them. But for me, for example,
(12:37):
like I can read social cues really well. If you
don't answer my text message the first time, I'm going
to assume that, like maybe you're busy. I'll bump it.
That happens to me if you don't answer the second time,
and even the third, I'm like okay, like they're not interested. Oh.
I will say, there's one guy who, like I have
texted him twenty five times, and I'll be like, just
(12:58):
like be honest with me, and he's like, no, no, no,
it's not that Like I'm just really busy, and I'm
like okay, um okay, and then he'll do it again,
and so like it took me a while to be
like because that is also like that guy that I
was talking to who I let down. That is also
his lack of taking accountability and awareness that like, okay,
(13:21):
she doesn't like this is what I'm doing instead of
ghosting you sir, which maybe I should have done in
that case, I changed. I changed my mind on that.
I mean, I think he would have done any anything
regardless to try to like I don't know. So I get.
I get when ghosting is good. Yeah, I mean it's
(13:41):
all gonna be like. It can be good, it can
be bad, it can be talkic, it can be everything,
just like everything else. So I actually became a ghost
because my very first experience in the queer community dating
in the community. Um, I was ghosted and I didn't
understand why I had been chatting with this guy on
my Space, which dates me a little bit. Um, if
(14:03):
you're out there, you got some fucking nerve. Nerve. Also,
we're coming to get to are you ready to have
date number two? After? No? Well, I just want to
see how he's aged hopefully. Well anyways, um you Okay,
So we have an amazing conversation. We also um the
first date, we went to city Walk here in Universal City,
(14:26):
classic classics. By the way, Pepper has delicious food. They
have large portions. Anyway, Okay, So we go to city
Walk and I show up in super low skinny jeans
because it was the early two Um, a tight tight
(14:46):
hard T shirt, huge curly hair, and furry boots. Um
yes I said that furry boots. But for I wouldn't
have ghosted you. Um, that's not what you said the
last four times we recorded, because like change my mind,
and I like I would have ghosted you before, but
now I wouldn't. I'm gonna change woman now curly anyway.
(15:07):
So this person goes to me and I remember like
it was like my Space days and I could still
see him posting and my Space days back in the day,
underneath your photo there would be like a little red
or green. There would be a little green dot and
it would say online now and it was like, oh
my god. Or he would post things and I'm like,
he's like not dead, he is um like not just
(15:30):
fucking with me. And I thought like, oh, this is
the law of the land. This is what people do.
This is what everybody does. And I started to do it.
I feel like I'm a little bit nicer because I
do what we used to call back in the day
a fade out um. And I will gradually be like
like you're a j I will home or simpson myself
into the bush and just like not participation, more of
(15:54):
like a roller off the cliff. I'll roll down the hill.
What does that mean? We're roll down the hill. But
they see you roll down the hill and away from them.
But I'm keeping eye contact with them the entire time
and rolling down Just the visual of you, like squatting
and rolling down the hill with your big eyes so good.
(16:16):
But yeah, I mean that's like, honestly, I'm like, you
know what, it's that whole thing that's also kind of
like problematic to you to be like, well, I did it,
so you gotta do it too. And that's how I
feel I ghosted someone. I feel like I'm admitting to
like a murder. Why are you clabbing? Welcome, Welcome to
(16:36):
the don But you know, okay, he's not going to
be listening to this at all. We were at a
cool fashion show thing and um, we met this guy
right curly, Oh my god, okay you're telling that story. Okay, yes,
we met this guy and he was you you explain, Okay,
(16:59):
So we get invited to this fashion party, right and
suddenly this those guys, like this other guy was like, okay,
come to the v I P Party. You're gonna go
to the VP party. It's only come to the root.
So mine are like, we're going to be a fairy
to suhol. We are not those people. We are like,
we are like, let's go eat and try somewhere. So whatever,
We go to this v I P. Party. We go
up this elevator which was guarded by security. It's like
(17:23):
three more security. We have a friend who's like, I'm
here with Mayan Curly, Like we're trying to play the
part because we're like, we're not at the part, but
we're trying to fight. Are we at the part? But whatever,
So we get in there. No one is there, no one.
I haven't said up anything. There's nothing. There's like a
keyboard stand and about to put up like instruments or something.
(17:45):
There was nothing, but we look good, look and behold
this guy and his friend come talk to us and
our friends. And we meet this guy and I see
for myself. I was so charmed by him, Like I
was like, oh my god. Like he's swaggy, he's cute,
he's handsome, he's laughing at all of our jokes. He's like.
(18:08):
And the thing is, he was like with a lot
of straight dudes, like I feel like sometimes a lot
of straight dudes want to make it about them, like yeah, yeah,
I do this, blah blah blah blah. Look I'm so cool.
But he wanted to know about us, and he was
very talkative and very chatty, talked about Yeah. We he
was laughing the whole time, and I liked him. Yeah,
and he was a virgo, and he's a virgo of course,
so this never happens to me When he ansked for
(18:32):
my number, and you know, I was like, okay, cool,
and so we were like texting, and then it just
kind of got stale a little bit and we followed.
We all three followed each other on Instagram, and I
didn't really like his posts, honestly, and we were a
little I don't know, it just didn't hit for me.
(18:53):
I was also very very very very very busy, like
my parents were coming into town and I was just
like doing all these things and had these events and whatever.
So I just I didn't have enough interest to continue. Um,
so I ghosted, I feel like, and then followed him
his post like a little like like he what he
(19:16):
didn't show us in person. He seemed very sweet, very gentle,
and the post were kind of like very like woman
doesn't give it up like that kind of a post,
like very misogynistic a little bit, and yes, and then
maya like I was like, well did you hit him up?
Like this was before by the way, before I was like, oh,
and you go, but you kind of ghosted him like
(19:38):
early on I did because I knew he was that
type of person already, Like I already knew it, and
I was like, I'm good. And then the other person
I ghosted was just somebody off a tender. That doesn't count.
I really, if it's on a dating app and you
have not moved to text messages, it goes to doesn't
(20:00):
it doesn't, it doesn't doesn't exist. It doesn't count. It
doesn't count. So did I? I only ghosted one? Thank
you very very much your reason for ghosting him. I
will not explain. I do not put me on blast
on this podcast. Do not put me on blast. I
will never I will take that to my grave. You
have to, because if you want to know what it is,
(20:22):
you will never know. You will never know. It's not
anything bad. By the way, we weren't like making fun
of him or anything, but it was still really interesting. Look,
I will ghost people because like they had horrible posture.
I'm like, nope, Oh my god, can you imagine dating
when it was five five and I'm five nine? Oh
(20:43):
my god, we're really yeah, we're really giving you like
our inside. That's why I'm like almost six ft. I'm
tall girl. Do you know what they say about short
(21:05):
guys they have big diggers. Wait. Also besides that, besides that,
it just had very like Ikey energy where he was like, oh,
I don't know where I'm at in my life and
I don't know what I don't know, like and I'm like,
(21:26):
I know, I know what I'm doing, and I'm like
I just don't, you know. But also so look, I
think the infull for me, it's like it goes back
to humanity, right, like take the social cues. What are
you doing at the end of the day, Like what
are you doing in your life to really work on
you so that when somebody can't see you for who
(21:48):
you are, they don't understand your greatness. You've already moved
on you already don't care, You're like whatever, Like it's
your loss, Like, don't sit there and dwell because someone's
not texting you, like reciprocate that energy. The quicker, the
faster that you can reciprocate that energy of being indifferent,
like the faster that sometimes they come back and then
or you get over it, like like don't think too
(22:10):
hard into it. Yeah, I agree with that. I would
definitely break my own heart and make myself feel so
sad because I'm like, what did I do? Like? Was
I boring? I shouldn't have said this? Or I shouldn't
have sent my Instagram? I shouldn't have told them this
or that. It's like, no, there's no, there's nothing you
did wrong. You did everything by because you're having a
(22:30):
conversation with them, and if they don't like something, they
have every right to not talk to you anymore. And
you guys are not together. Just says like if you
don't like them, you're allowed to not like. People are
allowed to not like you. Like, Yes, but I feel
like also too side bar because like this is such
a different opinion than what my had in the original one. Yes,
(22:51):
because I've changed. This is what happens when you grow,
like after a certain amount of time with somebody, Like
I think that being open and also you might not
have to tell people have that come to Jesus conversation.
If you're open from day one, if from day one, like, look,
I'm not looking for anything, I'm actually don't. I don't
want a boyfriend. That's why that's what I always do
(23:11):
I'm like, I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want
to funk. I'm not here to funk. I just want
to hang. But you know, it's like, because I've started
dating more, I've started talking to more people, so I've
been getting a little bit I understand now because before
I wasn't I was dating, but I was like it
was like here and there, And now that I'm like
talking to people a little bit more and more, a
(23:32):
little by little, I'm realizing all these things. So that's
why my opinion changed. You guys have no idea what
we're talking about because you've never heard the episode. But
I was very admit about anti ghosting. Yes, the other
thing too, like to be honest, like if you've been
dating for like several times, like if you not, if
you've gone on like several days, or if you've done
(23:52):
like a lot of things together, like then maybe yeah,
like you do owe somebody a little bit of an explanation.
Did you did your foot on purpose? What if I
wanted to play foot seas with you? Right now? I
just felt like this foot like such my foot, and
then um, but like yeah, like I think that sometimes
(24:13):
you do. Oh the communication I will always be honest
with guys that I'm dating. I've had several men be like,
what are what are we? What's happening? And I'm like, look,
this is how I feel. It doesn't take away from
how amazing you are. It doesn't take away from how
amazing they are. It doesn't mean that you suck, or
you're not funny, or you're not worthy. I think that
it truly goes back to the frequency of wherever people
(24:36):
are at in their lives. And now for the astrology portion, well,
maya here we are again discussing who do we think
(24:58):
would be like the worst a ghosting? Like, who do
we think which signs that's who? Okay, wait, that's who
we think it's ghosted the most? But both do you
think that they try to? Oh my god, I feel
like ghosted left and right? They do, but when they
try to ghost it's more of like they're trying to
(25:20):
be friends with them and then they end up being like, oh,
I'm actually in love with you still really Yeah, I'm
only saying that because I have a heavy chart with
a lot of pisces in it. What about virgos? Do
you think virgos get like virgos are the ghoster. I
think virgos are the ghostie and ghoster because some of
them will do what I did, which was like have
(25:43):
a very meaningful and sentimental and strict to the point
text message that is letting you know they don't want
to be with you anymore. And then they will also
maybe just be ghosted because because they are too afraid
to say what they want. Not a dig at anyone. Oh,
(26:08):
I'm very afraid to say what I want. No, no, you,
I'm not talking about you. I'm just talking about im.
I guess the frog. Oh my god, you gotta ghost hermit.
It's fine, but like I feel like for me, I
could ghosted the most by fire signs. Like fire signs
are so like probably deserved it, probably, I think fire signs.
(26:33):
I always say that they think that I'm going to
like they're like a little flame, a little candle in
the wind, and they think that I'm gonna nothing out
because I want to hug him and love him, and
I'm like, fire signs and take your own head out
of your own ass, Like I'm not trying to get
at you. I'm not trying to marry you. I'm just
trying to Yes, you are Okay, maybe yeah, you are,
you're trying to get pregnant. They're just so hot and
(26:57):
you just say, okay, we're intoxicating. What about um, Like,
what's another side? What about Okay? What about libras? I
feel like I don't know anything about libra's. Libra's are
the most indecisive people I've ever met in my entire life.
(27:20):
And they're the most decisive, are they? Well, every sign
can be toxic. Toxic libras can't. The ones that I
have decided, I've decided, the ones that I have come
across romantically. UM, I had one asked me out on
a date and then uh, he was like yeah, maybe
(27:41):
like we could go for some drinks after the pandemic
is over. And the pandemic is not over obviously, but
you know, there's there are things you can do both vaccinated.
And he just never kind of hit me up at
B again. And he was like once super obsessed with me,
watching all my stories, like message g me, all this stuff,
and then it was nothing and it was like, what changed,
(28:05):
what happened? What do you think changed? What do you
think happened? I don't know. I think I don't know.
And that's the thing is like, it's like, Okay, you're
showing me the side of you, and then now you're not.
So the indecisiveness, I just I just can't. But they
are beautiful people, see, But like I have ghosted people
who just because I didn't like their dad jokes. I'm like,
(28:28):
WHOA do you like my dad jokes? Do not see
myself being with somebody for thirty more years? Who makes
dad jokes like that? Like my dad jokes? Anyway, you
don't really make dad jokes. You make fun jokes. I
don't want to consider your jokes dad jokes. Okay, Okay,
(28:49):
well that concludes the astrology section. Uh do you want
me to recap it in conclusion? Okay? In the past,
I really thought ghosting is horrible and bad. And yes,
every I think everything on this earth can has its
bad sides, toxic sides, and also it's a reasonable and
(29:12):
the logistical sides. Okay, Um, I've seen I've seen the
dark and the light. Okay, I've seen them both. And
let's just say I'm a little bad girl now and
my thing has always been. Look, there are so many
other things in this world to worry about, then whether
a guy is going to answer your text message or not, like,
get into the space where you are so happy with
(29:32):
yourself and so content with yourself that it doesn't matter
if you text you back, like whatever, fuck it. You
know what my experience has been. All the guys who
haven't texted me back have not aged well, they have
been like toxic in their own way there and by
age that can mean like physically, mentally, um, spirituality. Yeah,
it's like, huh, I'm so happy that like I don't
(29:54):
have to that. I yeah, I'm sorry that the universe
like hit me. And so I think that like trust
the journey of wherever your life is going to take you,
like especially with love and stuff like that. The other
thing too, as I do want to say get over. Yeah,
I agree with that. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I
(30:21):
think because I just I will still freaking so be
so mad at you if you ghost, I will, but
I'll also be like, but why that makes sense? Okay?
I mean, look, if that Hollywood blockbuster actors listening to
this and he still wants to rekindle, Um, you're hot,
(30:43):
I don't need your money, and that's the end of
this episode, all right, Okay, So thank you guys so
much for listening to another episode of The Super Super
And if you guys have any suggest questions on what
we should talk about on another episode of The Super
(31:03):
Secret Best Club Podcast. That was so satisfying to say,
please hit us up on our social media Yes, and
also let us know too, Let us know what you
think about this topic. If you totally disagree with us,
let us know. Um, we are so open to having
people disagree with us, and we want to know what
you think about ghosting. So Maya, where can people find
(31:24):
you on social media? You can find me at Mine
the Moment, m A y A in the Moment on
all social media platforms. What about you? You can find
me on Instagram and TikTok at the Curly b Show.
Be Asn't Victor anyway, Maya, that was a good episode, right, Yeah, Hey,
may just ghosted you. Goodbye. Make sure to hit that
(31:51):
subscribe button to hear more episodes every single week. The
Super Secret bestI Club Podcast is a production of So
Noal in partnership with The Heart Radio Michael podcast Network.
For more podcasts from My Heart, visit the I Heart
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