Stan the Stud

This week we meet Stan. Stan’s an old-timer, living out the tail end. But he still remembers the glory days. When he was full of the usual piss and vinegar. Stan longs for one more rodeo. His wife long deceased, Stan would like one final conquest before the call comes in from his Maker.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the ten Minute Storyteller. That's me Bill Simpson,
your host, narrator, and author. We hear at the ten
minute Storyteller endeavor to entertain you with tall tales or
rendered swiftly and with the utmost empathy. We pledge to

(00:25):
pack as much entertainment, emotion, and exploration into the human
condition as ten minutes will permit. Mini novels on steroids.
This week we meet stan stan He's an old timer

(00:46):
living out the tail end, but he still remembers the
glory days when he was full of the usual piss
and vinegar. Stan longs for one more rodeo his wife,
long deceased. Stan would like one final conquest before the
call comes in from his maker. Stan the stud. Stanley

(01:15):
is ninety four. He still gets a heart on almost
every day. These heart ons don't last long. A few
seconds maybe, if he's lucky, half a minute, but always
long enough to catch Stanley's attention, remind him of his
virile youth, and most of all, make him wonder if

(01:36):
he still possesses the jiz to get the job done.
It's been so damn long since Stanley had sex. Oh god,
gotta be years. I mean Ruth's been dead. What six
year seven nine tough to remember, A hell of a
long time any way, you want to shake it. And

(01:57):
it's not like they were copulating with any great vigor
before she croped the cancer, of course, and the heart condition,
and before the health problems that decade or so, when
they barely spoke to one another, let alone hit the
rack and hat at it. But get Ruth in the
right mood. Oh, she was a moody little girl, that one.

(02:20):
And mix in just the right amount of vodka Spitzer
and Ruth could let her permed hair down, even get
a little wild like that, like that time up in
the rented lake house up in the Adirondacks, forty years
after the tussle, and it still puts a smile on
Stanley's face. Why Stanley wonders, looking out the window at

(02:45):
the employee parking lot and the dreary winter landscape. Didn't
we fuck like that every dang day, or at least
once a week, once a month, would have done the trick?
Oh hell, muttered Stanley. The goddamn passed. Stanley lives at
the old Fogi's home, tranquil Acres. Oh Christ, how he

(03:09):
hates that name makes him want a puke. Tranquil Acres
sh ge it every time he says it or even
thinks it. Stanley wants to punch the guy who thought
it up right in the old kisser, Walk up to
the jackass and say, tranquil Acres. You think old age

(03:29):
is about tranquility, Damn bro Come on, It's about being
pissed off and full of regrets and confusion and rock
hard turds you can't pass and the urethra choked off
by a prostrate the size of a fucking softball. Ain't
nothing tranquil about it, nothing, nothing at all. Oh yeah,

(03:51):
it would be sweet to punch that face. It's been
decades since Stanley landed a punch. Seven decades at least.
Back during his army days, he was a bit of
a brawler. Loves to tell the goals around the dinner
table and during bridge tournaments about the fistfights and wrestling
matches he got in as a kid. Always booze involved,

(04:15):
always always booze, and usually some good looking dame. The
ladies widows all make fun of Stanley, call him names
like killer and tough Guy and stan the Hammer, but
back in their lonely little rooms with their knitting and
Downton Abbey reruns. They pine for Stanley. They dream of skinny,

(04:38):
little wrinkled Stanley with his last few strands of gray hair,
knocking on their door late at night, slipping into the
room with the bottle of burgundy, and slipping between the sheets.
Stanley is, after all, one of the very few men
on the unit, and just about the only one who

(04:59):
still has his marbles other than crazy ned Turner, who
grows more unfiltered every day. Stanley blurts out a lot
of nonsense also, but at least he's amusing and kind
of cute, and the girls claim he still has his teeth.
Stanley has proposed to several of the ladies, Hey, whatever

(05:23):
it takes, he tells them, whatever it takes to get
you into the sack. So far, none of the ladies
have accepted his proposal. They don't think he's serious. They
think he's just kidding around. They think he's a bag
of a wind like hell, I am, I'm a serious suitor. Well. Finally,

(05:44):
Agnes eighty nine tells Stanley she'll sleep with him, but
no way is she marrying him or any other man
for that matter. I was married to Bert for over
sixty years and I will never ever make that mistake again.
Stand and Agnes do some necking and cuddling in anticipation

(06:05):
of the big event, and by the time the big
event rolls around, just about all the ladies on the
unit have wind of what's going to happen. In Agnes
Brown's deluxe suite at the end of the third floor hallway,
it's all the ladies talk about. They even lay wagers

(06:25):
as to whether Stanley will be able to perform. By
the close of betting, it's three to two against both
Agnes and Stanley. Come prepared. Agnes has taken a variety
of botanical supplements and applied a dab of topical enhancement

(06:46):
cream to her poon. She also has the tube of
cream on the bedside stand just in case, and in
the drawer of the stand in the event of an
emergency a tube of ky jelly the old standby. When
her hubby Burt was still kicking and stan well, he

(07:08):
may well have gone overboard. This is his big chance
and no way does he want to blow it. So
not only did he take one hundred milligrams of viagra,
the highest prescribed dosage, but just to be sure, he
threw back twenty milligrams of sealis. Stan The stud enters

(07:32):
Agnes is sweet, with enough heart on med in his
system to give a two thousand pound black rhino an erection.
They drink a little wine, cozy up on the couch,
do a little smooching and caressing, and finally, after turning
off all the lights and plunging the room into complete darkness,

(07:54):
Agnes leads Stanley over to the bed. Are you nervous,
ask sir? Of course, yeah, a little sure? Are you
not me? Not? Stan Whitlock he is, though he's plenty nervous.
Not only does he want to satisfy Agnes, but he
knows about the wagers. It'll absolutely kill him to be

(08:17):
the laughing stock of tranquil Acres. They disrobe in the
darkness and slip between the sheets, and the second Stanley's
slightly erect penis encounters Agnes's thigh, it springs to life
like a tulip bulb after a long cold winter, A

(08:38):
dangerous projectile to be sure, filled with both firmness and girth.
Agnes touches it and with some alarm declares, oh my,
it takes some time and plenty of patience and a
couple more applications of enhancement cream, but eventually Agnes and

(08:58):
Stanley achieved coitus, with stan on top and Agnes below.
Agnes is happy to have accepted all that Stanley had
to offer with only a bit of discomfort and now
no pain at all, even a little sparkle of pleasure.
She hugs and kisses him on the mouth and throws

(09:20):
in a few late moans, just the way she used
to do with Bert, and after a few minutes of grinding,
she feigns a nice little orgasm, which always led quickly
to Bert finishing up and rolling off. But this doesn't happen, No,
stan He's just getting warmed up the guy. He's really

(09:41):
going to town. So to move things along, Agnes fakes
a noisier and more dramatic orgasm, and poor Stanley he
wants to come, he really does. He's getting tired, he
wants to finish up, give Agnes a break. But that erection,
the damn thing has a mind of its own, a

(10:02):
life of its own. It's like some alien life form
that has attached itself to his body. Stanley pumps and
pumps heaves and moans, he uses every last ounce of
strength and breath left in his little, old, weasoned body,
and finally, finally, finally, Oh God, Agnes, Oh God, here

(10:23):
it comes, hear it, and glory be the day Stanley comes.
The longest and most intense orgasm of Stanley's long life,
and a moment later before he has a chance to
relax and roll off and ask Agnes if she had
a good time, Stanley's overworked heart gives out and Stanley

(10:46):
expires in Agnes's arms. The perfect way to go, and
Agnes well. She lives another thirteen years to the ripe
old age of one hundred and ten. She never, for
a moment forgets her one night's stand with Stanley. In fact,

(11:07):
practically every day for all those years she tells someone
at tranquil Acres about her role in the hay with
Stanley the Stud. Thanks for listening to this original audio

(11:30):
presentation of stan the Stud narrated by the author. If
you enjoyed today's story, please take a few seconds to rate, review,
and subscribe to this podcast, and then go to Thomas
William Simpson dot com for additional information about the author
and to view his extensive canon. The Ten Minute Storyteller

(11:53):
is produced by Andrew Pligleisi and Josh Klani and is
part of the Elvis Duran podcast Network in partnership with
iHeart Productions. Until next time, this is Bill Simpson, your
ten Minute Storyteller,