July 17, 2025 • 10 mins
This week we meet Joey. Joey’s in a bit of a pickle, got himself stuck in the jar with the lid screwed on tight, and he’s not at all sure how to extricate himself.
It was all fun and good times for a while, well, for a very short while, but now, not so much. Just a lotta stress and three snot-nosed kids.
Take a listen to learn how the human race guarantees its survival through procreation.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the ten Minute Storyteller. That's me Bill Simpson,
your host, narrator, and author. We hear at the ten
minute Storyteller endeavor to entertain you with tall tales or
rendered swiftly and with the utmost empathy. We pledge to
(00:25):
pack as much entertainment, emotion, and exploration into the human
condition as ten minutes will permit mini novels on steroids.
This week we meet Joey. Joey is in a bit
of a pickle, got himself stuck in the jar with
(00:48):
the lids screwed on tight, and he's not at all
sure how to extricate himself. It was all fun and
good times for a while, well for a very short while,
but now not so much. Just a lot of stress
and three snot nosed kids. So take a listen and
(01:09):
learn how the human race guarantees its survival through procreation.
The stupid shit men do? Where to start? Where to
begin this tale of domestic woe. Joey thinks he might
(01:30):
just be the dumbest sum bitch to ever walk the earth.
Beyond stupid, a complete imbecile, dumber than a goddamn hamster.
Look at those stupid hamsters. Running around and around and
around on their stupid wheel. Look at them, chasing nothing
but their own stupid tales. That's me, thinks Joey, stretched
(01:51):
out on the sofa with his rotten head cold, surrounded
by a bunch of sick, sniveling kids. That's me, running
on a stupid fucking wheel. He was a happily married
guy once, you know, reasonably happy, as happy as any
guy deserves to be. I mean, no guy is perfectly
(02:11):
happy being married. It's a job, after all, a twenty
four to seven job with a few benefits and a
whole lot of bullshit. But if you're gonna have a wife,
Becky was the best, very well put together and definitely
knew right from wrong, in from out, night from day,
Good old Becky shit, always calm, always, unless, of course,
(02:36):
Joey did something to piss her off, which he did
quite often. But they were very comfy with each other
peas in a pod. They knew how to put up
with each other's moods and character flaws, and of course
they reared up those three kids together, no small chore
(02:56):
and incredible emotional and financial feat. Although truth is and
Joey knows it. Becky carried most of the load. And
then no sooner did the youngest graduate from high school
than dumb ass Joey had a fling with the first
girl who threw a smile his way. Happened right down
(03:19):
the street at the local bistro, some sweet young thing
not even thirty, with big blue eyes and a thing
for older men. Joey hung around after his buds went
home to their wives, chatted her up. They went out
to his truck and made out like a couple high
school kids right there in the parking lot, and his
truck practically disrobed and had at it right there on
(03:43):
the big bench seat. But they did hold off until
the following afternoon at her apartment up in the hills,
where Joey knew no one and no one would recognize
Joey's Ford lightning. Well, that fling led to an affair,
and every day Joey assured himself he was just sewing
(04:05):
his oats, just reassuring himself that he was still a man,
that he still had it sex with Becky after all, Well,
it had become you know, routine, repetitive humdrum. Sometimes he
couldn't even perform, couldn't even get it up. No trouble
getting it up for this sweet young thing, no trouble
at all. Who kept reminding him, by the way, this
(04:29):
sweet young thing, that she wanted more and more of
his attention, She demanded more and more of his time.
And Becky, well, she grew suspicious all those trips to
the gym, sometimes twice a day when he used to
go maybe once a week, And Joey lied about it, lied,
(04:49):
told her he was getting in shape for a tough mutter. Oh,
he lied and lied and lied, told more lies than
the United States Senator, and then told more lies to
cover up his initial lies. Hold so many lies he
couldn't keep them straight. And then the sweet young thing
eventually gave Joey the ultimatum, leave your wife and marry
(05:11):
me or worth through Now I think we can all agree,
Joey right then, and there should have said audios, honey, Cyonara.
Of course he should have done that. Any idiot could
have figured that out. But the sex, the sex, oh
my god, the crazy, reckless, sweaty sex. And then next thing,
(05:35):
you know, the sweet young thing god herself prego on
purpose or by accident, that depends who you ask. Well,
Becky divorced. Joey took him to the cleaners, took the house,
the cars, everything, plus four grand a month support four forever,
plus three kids in their late teens and early twenties
(05:59):
who thought their father was a complete douchebag and vowed
to never have anything to do with him ever again.
And suddenly, just like that, a snap of a finger,
it's seven years later, Joey just had his fifty fifth
birthday in attendance his sweet no longer sweet young thing.
(06:22):
There three kids, ages six, four, and two, and his
new in laws who are only a few years older
than Joey. They don't even have Medicare yet. And look
at old Joey now, just a few days after his
depressing birthday, bash on the couch with a rotten head cold,
his six year old brought home from fucking kindergarten headache, cough, congestion,
(06:48):
blowing his nose four thousand times a day, You poor thing,
Joey's second wife said this morning, without a trace of
empathy as she headed out the door. All three kids
are sick too, Croop pink eye, maybe fucking COVID. Who
knows Joey doesn't know Joey doesn't know Dick anymore, just
(07:09):
knows he's screwed up the wazoo. Three sick kids to
take care of all day and probably tomorrow and the
day after two, plus the dog and the cat and
those damn hamsters. Look at the idiots running in circles,
spinning in their wheels. Jesus, only one not here. This
(07:29):
is no longer sweet young thing. She went back to
work a year or so ago. Pharmaceutical sales spends at
least a couple nights a week on the road, probably
getting hammered by some young buck in some Hampton inn
out in Harrisburg. Yeah, I can just imagine it, all things.
Poor old Joey, Well, Joey gets up three times a
(07:52):
night to pee, what with his urethra pinched almost closed
by his prostrate the size of a goddamned cantelope. Can't
get a decent erection anymore either, unless he takes a big,
fat blue pill. Twice in the last year, he has
secretly begged Becky to take him back he has can
you believe that? And she just laughs in his face,
(08:13):
laughs and laughs. And their kids they don't even talk
to him ever, not even a happy birthday dad. He's
two year old with the croup. Coughs so long and
with such force that she finally pukes right on the sofa,
right on Joey's feet. The two older kids laugh. They
laugh and laugh and laugh, and Joey, well, he very
(08:36):
nearly flips out. If not for the heavy dose of
prozacs swimming through his system, he likely would have lost
his shit after cleaning up the puke. Yeah, he makes
fewd you know, maybe I don't should and maybe I shouldn't.
I don't know. But then he calls Becky and he
asks her to come over. He tells her he just
(08:57):
wants to sit on the sofa like they used to do,
watch some bad Netflix movie and talk about their kids,
and gossip about their friends and neighbors, maybe rub each
other's sore feet and achy necks. Becky says, nobody made
you do it, Joey. Nobody made you pull your pants
down and your pecker out. Nobody held a gun to
(09:18):
your head. I'm gonna put a gun to my head back.
I'm gonna blow my brains out, all right, Joey, You've
always been so dramatic. Always mountains out of mole hills.
Always you at the center of the universe, Joey, Now
get off your lazy ass and get those kids something
to eat. I can hear their stomachs growling from here. Hey,
(09:50):
thanks for listening to this original audio presentation of that
stupid shit men do, narrated by the author. If you
enjoyed today's story, please take a few seconds to rate, review,
and subscribe to this podcast, and then go to Thomas
William Simpson dot com for additional information about the author
(10:10):
and to view his extensive canon. The Ten Minute Storyteller
is produced by Andrew Pliglisi and Josh klani and as
part of the Elvis Durand Podcast Network in partnership with
iHeart Productions. Until next time, this is Bill Simpson, your
ten Minute Storyteller,
Welcome to the ten Minute Storyteller. That's me Bill Simpson,
your host, narrator, and author. We hear at the ten
minute Storyteller endeavor to entertain you with tall tales or
rendered swiftly and with the utmost empathy. We pledge to
(00:25):
pack as much entertainment, emotion, and exploration into the human
condition as ten minutes will permit mini novels on steroids.
This week we meet Joey. Joey is in a bit
of a pickle, got himself stuck in the jar with
(00:48):
the lids screwed on tight, and he's not at all
sure how to extricate himself. It was all fun and
good times for a while, well for a very short while,
but now not so much. Just a lot of stress
and three snot nosed kids. So take a listen and
(01:09):
learn how the human race guarantees its survival through procreation.
The stupid shit men do? Where to start? Where to
begin this tale of domestic woe. Joey thinks he might
(01:30):
just be the dumbest sum bitch to ever walk the earth.
Beyond stupid, a complete imbecile, dumber than a goddamn hamster.
Look at those stupid hamsters. Running around and around and
around on their stupid wheel. Look at them, chasing nothing
but their own stupid tales. That's me, thinks Joey, stretched
(01:51):
out on the sofa with his rotten head cold, surrounded
by a bunch of sick, sniveling kids. That's me, running
on a stupid fucking wheel. He was a happily married
guy once, you know, reasonably happy, as happy as any
guy deserves to be. I mean, no guy is perfectly
(02:11):
happy being married. It's a job, after all, a twenty
four to seven job with a few benefits and a
whole lot of bullshit. But if you're gonna have a wife,
Becky was the best, very well put together and definitely
knew right from wrong, in from out, night from day,
Good old Becky shit, always calm, always, unless, of course,
(02:36):
Joey did something to piss her off, which he did
quite often. But they were very comfy with each other
peas in a pod. They knew how to put up
with each other's moods and character flaws, and of course
they reared up those three kids together, no small chore
(02:56):
and incredible emotional and financial feat. Although truth is and
Joey knows it. Becky carried most of the load. And
then no sooner did the youngest graduate from high school
than dumb ass Joey had a fling with the first
girl who threw a smile his way. Happened right down
(03:19):
the street at the local bistro, some sweet young thing
not even thirty, with big blue eyes and a thing
for older men. Joey hung around after his buds went
home to their wives, chatted her up. They went out
to his truck and made out like a couple high
school kids right there in the parking lot, and his
truck practically disrobed and had at it right there on
(03:43):
the big bench seat. But they did hold off until
the following afternoon at her apartment up in the hills,
where Joey knew no one and no one would recognize
Joey's Ford lightning. Well, that fling led to an affair,
and every day Joey assured himself he was just sewing
(04:05):
his oats, just reassuring himself that he was still a man,
that he still had it sex with Becky after all, Well,
it had become you know, routine, repetitive humdrum. Sometimes he
couldn't even perform, couldn't even get it up. No trouble
getting it up for this sweet young thing, no trouble
at all. Who kept reminding him, by the way, this
(04:29):
sweet young thing, that she wanted more and more of
his attention, She demanded more and more of his time.
And Becky, well, she grew suspicious all those trips to
the gym, sometimes twice a day when he used to
go maybe once a week, And Joey lied about it, lied,
(04:49):
told her he was getting in shape for a tough mutter. Oh,
he lied and lied and lied, told more lies than
the United States Senator, and then told more lies to
cover up his initial lies. Hold so many lies he
couldn't keep them straight. And then the sweet young thing
eventually gave Joey the ultimatum, leave your wife and marry
(05:11):
me or worth through Now I think we can all agree,
Joey right then, and there should have said audios, honey, Cyonara.
Of course he should have done that. Any idiot could
have figured that out. But the sex, the sex, oh
my god, the crazy, reckless, sweaty sex. And then next thing,
(05:35):
you know, the sweet young thing god herself prego on
purpose or by accident, that depends who you ask. Well,
Becky divorced. Joey took him to the cleaners, took the house,
the cars, everything, plus four grand a month support four forever,
plus three kids in their late teens and early twenties
(05:59):
who thought their father was a complete douchebag and vowed
to never have anything to do with him ever again.
And suddenly, just like that, a snap of a finger,
it's seven years later, Joey just had his fifty fifth
birthday in attendance his sweet no longer sweet young thing.
(06:22):
There three kids, ages six, four, and two, and his
new in laws who are only a few years older
than Joey. They don't even have Medicare yet. And look
at old Joey now, just a few days after his
depressing birthday, bash on the couch with a rotten head cold,
his six year old brought home from fucking kindergarten headache, cough, congestion,
(06:48):
blowing his nose four thousand times a day, You poor thing,
Joey's second wife said this morning, without a trace of
empathy as she headed out the door. All three kids
are sick too, Croop pink eye, maybe fucking COVID. Who
knows Joey doesn't know Joey doesn't know Dick anymore, just
(07:09):
knows he's screwed up the wazoo. Three sick kids to
take care of all day and probably tomorrow and the
day after two, plus the dog and the cat and
those damn hamsters. Look at the idiots running in circles,
spinning in their wheels. Jesus, only one not here. This
(07:29):
is no longer sweet young thing. She went back to
work a year or so ago. Pharmaceutical sales spends at
least a couple nights a week on the road, probably
getting hammered by some young buck in some Hampton inn
out in Harrisburg. Yeah, I can just imagine it, all things.
Poor old Joey, Well, Joey gets up three times a
(07:52):
night to pee, what with his urethra pinched almost closed
by his prostrate the size of a goddamned cantelope. Can't
get a decent erection anymore either, unless he takes a big,
fat blue pill. Twice in the last year, he has
secretly begged Becky to take him back he has can
you believe that? And she just laughs in his face,
(08:13):
laughs and laughs. And their kids they don't even talk
to him ever, not even a happy birthday dad. He's
two year old with the croup. Coughs so long and
with such force that she finally pukes right on the sofa,
right on Joey's feet. The two older kids laugh. They
laugh and laugh and laugh, and Joey, well, he very
(08:36):
nearly flips out. If not for the heavy dose of
prozacs swimming through his system, he likely would have lost
his shit after cleaning up the puke. Yeah, he makes
fewd you know, maybe I don't should and maybe I shouldn't.
I don't know. But then he calls Becky and he
asks her to come over. He tells her he just
(08:57):
wants to sit on the sofa like they used to do,
watch some bad Netflix movie and talk about their kids,
and gossip about their friends and neighbors, maybe rub each
other's sore feet and achy necks. Becky says, nobody made
you do it, Joey. Nobody made you pull your pants
down and your pecker out. Nobody held a gun to
(09:18):
your head. I'm gonna put a gun to my head back.
I'm gonna blow my brains out, all right, Joey, You've
always been so dramatic. Always mountains out of mole hills.
Always you at the center of the universe, Joey, Now
get off your lazy ass and get those kids something
to eat. I can hear their stomachs growling from here. Hey,
(09:50):
thanks for listening to this original audio presentation of that
stupid shit men do, narrated by the author. If you
enjoyed today's story, please take a few seconds to rate, review,
and subscribe to this podcast, and then go to Thomas
William Simpson dot com for additional information about the author
(10:10):
and to view his extensive canon. The Ten Minute Storyteller
is produced by Andrew Pliglisi and Josh klani and as
part of the Elvis Durand Podcast Network in partnership with
iHeart Productions. Until next time, this is Bill Simpson, your
ten Minute Storyteller,
Host
Bill Simpson
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