June 11, 2020 • 22 mins
A Nashville-based singer-songwriter reimagines her live performances, and celebrates the little things with her 10-year-old, who has autism.
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
I'm Danny Shapiro and this is the Way We Live Now.
Today is day nine three since purses started to look
like foreign objects, and day forty three of this podcast.
I've been thinking a lot about my musician friends. Just
before COVID nineteen hit, I had done a live event
with the amazing singer songwriter Alison Moorer. It was a
(00:29):
kind of event I hope we'll all be able to
do and to attend someday, A crowded theater, people sitting
shoulder to shoulder, all of us together having a shared experience.
Since mid March, Allison has been home in Nashville with
her husband, musician Hayes Carl, and the two of them
have been touring in an altogether different way, live streaming
(00:52):
from their book filled home. Alison, thank you so much
for talking to me about the Way We Live Now.
Thank you Daddy, and thank you for doing this. I've
really enjoyed listening to these episodes and it's a much
(01:14):
needed discussion. Where are you right now? Describe in sensory
detail your surroundings for me. I am at my home
in Nashville, Tennessee. I am at this moment, sitting in
(01:34):
the front room of my home, which is my favorite
room of my home. While I call it the front room,
I call it the library, which sounds so fancy, and
I embarrassed myself a little bit every time I call
it that. It's just the room where all the books are.
And uh, maybe it's because I've always had a bit
(01:57):
of a fantasy about being a librarian that I call
it that I like being surrounded by books, and um,
this room is where the record player is and all
the vinyl is, so it is. Um, it's a decompression
zone for me. I like to wake up in the
(02:17):
morning and come in this room first thing with a
cup of coffee and sit with my thoughts and light
of candle and do what I call my spirit writing,
which is I try to do a page of a
day of what I feel. Um. And uh, Nashville's beautiful
at this at this time, we're having unseasonably cool weather.
(02:40):
Um it is. Everything's a very green and blooming, and
I've worked really hard on the garden this year. I've
had time to do it. So everything is blooming and
we have lettuce growing and there's some tomatoes popping out,
and cucumbers and peppers and all my herbs and the
(03:01):
mint is taking over UM the sun. Our Our home
is ninety years old and UM has the original windows,
which are which makes it difficult to keep this house
warm and cool. But I'm really hesitant to replace them
(03:21):
because they're so beautiful and they make me feel good
when I look through them, except for the dirt. I
love my home. I love being in my home. I'm
not sure I've ever been as attached to it as
I am at present, because this is the first time
I have not left it in two months. Over two months. Yeah,
(03:43):
that's the same way. I feel the same sense of
you know, my home is a place that I'm really inhabiting.
I think a lot of us are feeling that way.
Yet it feels like I'm getting to know my home
no way that I haven't known it before. UM. So
you know, this is where we have been. We have
(04:06):
not spent a night away from this house, UM, hardly
any time at all away from this house in about
two and a half months. So the dogs are very happy,
and I also feel like my my son is UM
happy and UH, and we seem happy to be home.
(04:26):
I think that we're very concerned about not being able
to work. UM My husband is a musician as well,
and we both um, you know, feel the absence of
the travel and the shows and the the interactions. That's
(04:47):
something I really wanted to talk to you about because
you know, you and your husband, Um, the musician Hayes Carl,
we're touring and are often both separately and together. You
tour a lot, you are working, performing recording, but performing musicians,
and you were touring when COVID hit. I mean, was
(05:10):
there a moment for you where it was sort of
brought home for you and you had the sense of, oh,
we're going home and we're staying there. Yeah. Um, we
were actually touring together and that had never happened before.
We barely finished our tour. We did luckily finish it.
(05:33):
You know, normally when we're doing um, you know, neither
one of us are super famous. We play small rooms.
We play you know, probably the biggest room that either
of us can play on our own it is probably
you know, seven people. So we were playing small rooms
and and because of that we're able to interact with
(05:54):
the audience in a way that is very personal. You know.
We both like to go out um after the show
and have a meet and greet or it's something we've
even started doing before the show, is have UM a
meet and greet with people who want to meet us
or have things signed or or whatever it is. So
we had been doing a lot of shaking hands and
(06:16):
then we realized three or four days before the tour ended,
you know, we really don't need to be doing that anymore.
So we stopped doing that UM and just said, you know,
for the safety of everyone, we're not going to come
out after the show or or do any of those things.
So UM it just sort of set in slowly. But
then UM our last show was in Minneapolis, and we
(06:40):
flew home the following day to Nashville. We thought, well,
it looks like we're home now. Hayes had another tour
booked and was due to go out to do some
other shows the following week, and the first show was
in Seattle, so he went at and went out there,
(07:02):
but the show was very weird and it was sparsely attended,
and then the rest of the shows were canceled, so
then he flew home and that was it. So, you know,
the good news is is we've been able to connect
with our audiences through live streaming and that's a real blessing.
(07:25):
I've been watching and listening um and following along on
social media with both of you as you've been doing that,
and it was funny because as you were describing your
book filled front room, I was like, I knew that room.
I've never I've never been to your house, but yet
I have visited you virtually because you've been doing really
(07:48):
regularly these live streaming concerts on Instagram and Facebook, and
they're really wonderful. Thank you. Also, I remember that at
the beginning, in the first few weeks, when we were all,
you know, those of us who were home, we're kind
(08:08):
of reeling and you know what to do, you know
how to be. That's when I decided to start this podcast.
I thought, I have to do something to help in
the ways that I can. And I saw that you
started posting these playlists and I started capturing them all,
like half of my Spotify list or Alison Morrier playlist
(08:30):
of you know, Monday songs and Tuesday songs and Wednesday songs,
and they're just really really wonderful. Where are you now
as you think about the way that you're getting your
music out there and also is it working in terms
of I don't mean spiritually and creatively, but is it
(08:51):
an effective way of sort of piving during this time. Well,
here's something that's interesting to me. I feel instead of
kimed in by it, I feel in a way unleashed
by it because I've been able to come up with
ways to be more creative in how I approach music
(09:16):
and how I perform music um than I did before.
And and maybe it's because you know, with a regular
show it feels so much more formal, and it is
there's more pressure. It's people buy a ticket, They've made plans,
they've gotten babysitters, they are spending their money, they're driving
(09:40):
there or however they get there or whatever whatever. You know,
They're making this whole evening out of it. I think,
because well, it's just you know how you do if
if you plan something and people buy a ticket, well,
then I'm going to show up with everything, all of
my ducks in a row. I'm gonna have a set list,
I'm gonna know exactly what I'm gonn to do, and
(10:01):
I'm going to get on stage and I'm going to
do it to the best of my ability. Now that's
not to say that I that I UM don't allow
for life to happen within that experience. But I think
the difference is playing from library, I feel freer. I
can bring other parts of myself to the table. I
(10:23):
have all of my instruments here. I can pick up
any guitar that I want to at any time. UM,
I can play the piano if I want to. And
if I'm going out on the road, well, I can
only take one guitar or maximum to guitars. Right, So
that's a difference. And and that for whatever reason, whether
it's a real thing or or whether it's just a
(10:43):
psychological thing, it can feel confining a little bit. So Okay,
this is my instrument, and these are the songs I'm doing,
and this is the show I'm doing, and I'm going
to show up and do this with um the live
streams I've I've just decided to have fun with it
and say, okay, well, for this show, I'm gonna let
my audience picked the songs and send me suggestions, and
(11:05):
then from those suggestions, I'm gonna pick you know this,
many of them that I would consider doing. I'm going
to cut them into little strips of paper and put
them in a hat. And draw out him. You know,
that's you know, I could never do that and um
in a touring situation, or I'm gonna do all piano songs,
or I'm gonna decide on a Thursday, you know what,
(11:26):
on Sunday morning, I'm gonna do an eleven o'clock show,
and it's gonna be all uplifting, spiritual, happy, joyful in
whatever way music. I've just decided to approach it that way,
and I have just loved it. It's just not the
same animal. No, it's not. It's it's well, it's interesting too,
(11:47):
because it's what you're talking about in part is I
think the absence of that need for polish, that very disciplined,
very persona driven performance that you know, I think one
of the layers of this time. You know, it's such
a heartbreaking, difficult time, but there are also are bits
(12:11):
of beauty in it. And one of those bits of
beauty that I see is the way we're all being
rubbed raw by life. You know, You're absolutely right, and
I love that you use the words rubbed raw because
I think that's how everyone feels. I know that's how
I feel. I remember, you know, saying to you you
(12:33):
know I can't quit crying. Yeah, I can't quit crying.
And it's not something I can even put my finger
on all the time, Like, why why am I crying?
I'm okay, my husband's okay, my child's okay, my family
is okay, my friends for the most part, are okay.
Why am I crying? I think it's a collective sense
(12:55):
of pain, yes, and that of the weight of it
and what to do with the weight of it. I
think so many of us are feeling. And now, of
course we're having this conversation in the wake of the
death of George Floyd and the you know, explosion of
(13:18):
heartache and outrage and education and disbelief. I could just
keep on going with words the question of how to
hold the pain of the world as a human being,
as an artist, as as a citizen, and make meaning
(13:42):
out of it, find meaning in it, do something about it.
I think these are all like, we're so alive to
all that right now. I think you're absolutely right. And um,
I think that we have not listened. I think that
we have not And I know, as as as a
white person, I might have thought I listened, but I
(14:05):
have not heard. Yeah, I'm I'm guilty. How do we
have a conversation and at the same time be turning
our assumptions and ideas about ourselves kind of inside out
to understand and listen much more deeply, because that's what's
(14:27):
called for. Well, I think, I think that your word
is the key listening. Stop talking and listen and allow
the voices of experience, allow the real voices of this
movement to come forward. So I want to end by
(14:49):
asking you what's bringing you a sense of hope right now?
During these times I mentioned that I'm working on a
second book right now, another memoir based on my experience
raising my son, John Henry, who was now ten. John
(15:12):
Henry has level three autism and he is non verbal.
He attends a school in New York City, UM, where
I lived until recently with him. He has been living
with his father, who lives in New York City this
school year, and our agreement was that he would come
to me in the summer and we would do his
(15:34):
home program, just like we did last summer. I was
not prepared for him to come early, so um middle
of March, his father and he left New York and
they came to Tennessee, where his father also has a home,
and so all of a sudden, I had I had
(15:55):
John Henry way earlier than I thought. I thought I
was going to have all this time to work on
this book and I would have it mostly wrapped up
by the time he arrived, which was supposed to be
the middle of May. Well, you know, pandemically speaking, that
got right, so uh, you know, I had to sort
of shuffle and get used to the idea of say, oh, okay, well,
(16:18):
I'm gonna have to restructure my days because not only
was he with me, we were doing homeschool sessions over
zoom with his teachers in New York. So we were
doing sessions all day long, throughout the day, and you know,
when you're doing that, you kind of can't do anything else.
So even my five o'clock wake up time wasn't getting
(16:40):
the job done. And finally I just surrendered, as you
do as you have to, and I just went with
it and said, okay, well, this is not going to
go according to my plan. I'm gonna be right here
and I'm gonna be as present with my child and
get him through this as well as I can. I'm
(17:01):
not gonna worry about getting me through this. I'm gonna
worry about getting him through this. I'm gonna worry about
getting my husband through this. I'm gonna worry about getting
my family through this, because that's what I'm here to do.
What gives me hope and joy is being able to
connect with my son in a way, especially during that
(17:21):
time when I was doing the teaching. And you know,
the good news is when he was diagnosed with autism
right before he was two years old, I was trained
and in UM how to do his therapies. Because you
have to embed therapeutic techniques in your daily life with
everything you do in order to facilitate communication constantly. So
(17:43):
that's how we live. That's what we do. For instance,
if John Henry goes to the freezer and he wants popsicle,
he pulls out the freezer drawer and he gets a
popsicle and he'll bring it to me. Well, what I
do that This is an example of what I do now.
I hand the popsicle back to and asked him to
tell me what he wants to do with it. So
(18:04):
he makes the sign for eat, gives it back to me,
and then I give it back to him and I say, okay,
we're going to practice opening the package, and they're all
these so many little things are embedded in just this
sort of one minute long thing. We practice opening the package,
he makes the sign for help, and then we have
(18:24):
worked our way up to him opening the package, getting
the popsicle out of the package, and then taking his
wrapper to the trash and throwing it away. That took weeks,
and we celebrate every progression. And I think about a
(18:44):
month ago, I'm not even sure you knew where the
trash can was, and now he takes his wrapper to
the trash can. So for us in this house, that's
a big moment. Those things bring me so much to
boy because I see my child growing and progressing, and
he is safe and he is here, and I see
(19:07):
his beautiful blue eyes and I don't think he's ever
been happier because his people are in one spot. And
that is a big wake up call for me. That
brings me joy to know that he feels safe and secure.
So I'm just trying to concentrate on that. We got
(19:30):
a new dog who, um and we thought was a
black lab mostly uh, you know, we rescued her from
a from one of the rescue places in them. We
thought she was a black black lab. Well, she grew
very rapidly and I kept looking at her feet and
(19:52):
I thought, gosh, you know this, I'm not sure this
dog is a is a laboratory retriever. So my husband
got the DNA tests and send it away and sure
enough she's great day and only black. So that's kind
of funny. Um, that's going to be quite a presence
(20:15):
in your in your home, you know. And our other
dog is a Chihuahua jack Russell mix, so they're a pair.
And and otherwise just you know, taking pride in my
home and taking care of it and cooking a good
meal and making a pretty piece of writing, or being
(20:41):
able to do a show and make other people feel
less alone and uplifted. Those are the things that are
keeping me grounded. And I am truly kind of a wreck.
And as I said, I can't even really figure out
why specifically, other than to say I just feel on
(21:07):
a level that is normally not so intense because of
the motion. I think, yes, because there's not the motion,
there's more of the failing. Maybe. Well, that is a
beautiful place to end this really beautiful conversation. I am
so grateful that you're in the world, and that you
(21:32):
took the time to share this with me and with
all of us today. Thank you. I'm so grateful that
you are in the world and your work is beautiful
and it is important. And I guess what we have
to remember is, even though it's hard to see it
as that right now, it is it is. Every voice
(21:55):
yes counts. So thank you so much. Thanks take thanks
for listening to The Way We Live Now. Tell us
the way you're living now. We want to hear call
us on. You might want to get a pen for
this nine O nine one three eight that's nine O
(22:19):
nine seven eight nine nine five and record your story
and we might just use it on the pod. Also,
you can join our Facebook group at facebook dot com
slash groups slash the Way We Live Now Pod. We
are creating a community here and we would love for
you to join us. You can find me on Instagram
(22:39):
at Danny Ryder. The Way We Live Now is a
production of I Heart Radio. It's produced by a Low Brulante.
Bethan Macaluso is executive producer. Special thanks to Tristan McNeil
and Tyler Klang. For more podcasts from My Heart Radio,
visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you get your podcasts.
I'm Danny Shapiro and this is the Way We Live Now.
Today is day nine three since purses started to look
like foreign objects, and day forty three of this podcast.
I've been thinking a lot about my musician friends. Just
before COVID nineteen hit, I had done a live event
with the amazing singer songwriter Alison Moorer. It was a
(00:29):
kind of event I hope we'll all be able to
do and to attend someday, A crowded theater, people sitting
shoulder to shoulder, all of us together having a shared experience.
Since mid March, Allison has been home in Nashville with
her husband, musician Hayes Carl, and the two of them
have been touring in an altogether different way, live streaming
(00:52):
from their book filled home. Alison, thank you so much
for talking to me about the Way We Live Now.
Thank you Daddy, and thank you for doing this. I've
really enjoyed listening to these episodes and it's a much
(01:14):
needed discussion. Where are you right now? Describe in sensory
detail your surroundings for me. I am at my home
in Nashville, Tennessee. I am at this moment, sitting in
(01:34):
the front room of my home, which is my favorite
room of my home. While I call it the front room,
I call it the library, which sounds so fancy, and
I embarrassed myself a little bit every time I call
it that. It's just the room where all the books are.
And uh, maybe it's because I've always had a bit
(01:57):
of a fantasy about being a librarian that I call
it that I like being surrounded by books, and um,
this room is where the record player is and all
the vinyl is, so it is. Um, it's a decompression
zone for me. I like to wake up in the
(02:17):
morning and come in this room first thing with a
cup of coffee and sit with my thoughts and light
of candle and do what I call my spirit writing,
which is I try to do a page of a
day of what I feel. Um. And uh, Nashville's beautiful
at this at this time, we're having unseasonably cool weather.
(02:40):
Um it is. Everything's a very green and blooming, and
I've worked really hard on the garden this year. I've
had time to do it. So everything is blooming and
we have lettuce growing and there's some tomatoes popping out,
and cucumbers and peppers and all my herbs and the
(03:01):
mint is taking over UM the sun. Our Our home
is ninety years old and UM has the original windows,
which are which makes it difficult to keep this house
warm and cool. But I'm really hesitant to replace them
(03:21):
because they're so beautiful and they make me feel good
when I look through them, except for the dirt. I
love my home. I love being in my home. I'm
not sure I've ever been as attached to it as
I am at present, because this is the first time
I have not left it in two months. Over two months. Yeah,
(03:43):
that's the same way. I feel the same sense of
you know, my home is a place that I'm really inhabiting.
I think a lot of us are feeling that way.
Yet it feels like I'm getting to know my home
no way that I haven't known it before. UM. So
you know, this is where we have been. We have
(04:06):
not spent a night away from this house, UM, hardly
any time at all away from this house in about
two and a half months. So the dogs are very happy,
and I also feel like my my son is UM
happy and UH, and we seem happy to be home.
(04:26):
I think that we're very concerned about not being able
to work. UM My husband is a musician as well,
and we both um, you know, feel the absence of
the travel and the shows and the the interactions. That's
(04:47):
something I really wanted to talk to you about because
you know, you and your husband, Um, the musician Hayes Carl,
we're touring and are often both separately and together. You
tour a lot, you are working, performing recording, but performing musicians,
and you were touring when COVID hit. I mean, was
(05:10):
there a moment for you where it was sort of
brought home for you and you had the sense of, oh,
we're going home and we're staying there. Yeah. Um, we
were actually touring together and that had never happened before.
We barely finished our tour. We did luckily finish it.
(05:33):
You know, normally when we're doing um, you know, neither
one of us are super famous. We play small rooms.
We play you know, probably the biggest room that either
of us can play on our own it is probably
you know, seven people. So we were playing small rooms
and and because of that we're able to interact with
(05:54):
the audience in a way that is very personal. You know.
We both like to go out um after the show
and have a meet and greet or it's something we've
even started doing before the show, is have UM a
meet and greet with people who want to meet us
or have things signed or or whatever it is. So
we had been doing a lot of shaking hands and
(06:16):
then we realized three or four days before the tour ended,
you know, we really don't need to be doing that anymore.
So we stopped doing that UM and just said, you know,
for the safety of everyone, we're not going to come
out after the show or or do any of those things.
So UM it just sort of set in slowly. But
then UM our last show was in Minneapolis, and we
(06:40):
flew home the following day to Nashville. We thought, well,
it looks like we're home now. Hayes had another tour
booked and was due to go out to do some
other shows the following week, and the first show was
in Seattle, so he went at and went out there,
(07:02):
but the show was very weird and it was sparsely attended,
and then the rest of the shows were canceled, so
then he flew home and that was it. So, you know,
the good news is is we've been able to connect
with our audiences through live streaming and that's a real blessing.
(07:25):
I've been watching and listening um and following along on
social media with both of you as you've been doing that,
and it was funny because as you were describing your
book filled front room, I was like, I knew that room.
I've never I've never been to your house, but yet
I have visited you virtually because you've been doing really
(07:48):
regularly these live streaming concerts on Instagram and Facebook, and
they're really wonderful. Thank you. Also, I remember that at
the beginning, in the first few weeks, when we were all,
you know, those of us who were home, we're kind
(08:08):
of reeling and you know what to do, you know
how to be. That's when I decided to start this podcast.
I thought, I have to do something to help in
the ways that I can. And I saw that you
started posting these playlists and I started capturing them all,
like half of my Spotify list or Alison Morrier playlist
(08:30):
of you know, Monday songs and Tuesday songs and Wednesday songs,
and they're just really really wonderful. Where are you now
as you think about the way that you're getting your
music out there and also is it working in terms
of I don't mean spiritually and creatively, but is it
(08:51):
an effective way of sort of piving during this time. Well,
here's something that's interesting to me. I feel instead of
kimed in by it, I feel in a way unleashed
by it because I've been able to come up with
ways to be more creative in how I approach music
(09:16):
and how I perform music um than I did before.
And and maybe it's because you know, with a regular
show it feels so much more formal, and it is
there's more pressure. It's people buy a ticket, They've made plans,
they've gotten babysitters, they are spending their money, they're driving
(09:40):
there or however they get there or whatever whatever. You know,
They're making this whole evening out of it. I think,
because well, it's just you know how you do if
if you plan something and people buy a ticket, well,
then I'm going to show up with everything, all of
my ducks in a row. I'm gonna have a set list,
I'm gonna know exactly what I'm gonn to do, and
(10:01):
I'm going to get on stage and I'm going to
do it to the best of my ability. Now that's
not to say that I that I UM don't allow
for life to happen within that experience. But I think
the difference is playing from library, I feel freer. I
can bring other parts of myself to the table. I
(10:23):
have all of my instruments here. I can pick up
any guitar that I want to at any time. UM,
I can play the piano if I want to. And
if I'm going out on the road, well, I can
only take one guitar or maximum to guitars. Right, So
that's a difference. And and that for whatever reason, whether
it's a real thing or or whether it's just a
(10:43):
psychological thing, it can feel confining a little bit. So Okay,
this is my instrument, and these are the songs I'm doing,
and this is the show I'm doing, and I'm going
to show up and do this with um the live
streams I've I've just decided to have fun with it
and say, okay, well, for this show, I'm gonna let
my audience picked the songs and send me suggestions, and
(11:05):
then from those suggestions, I'm gonna pick you know this,
many of them that I would consider doing. I'm going
to cut them into little strips of paper and put
them in a hat. And draw out him. You know,
that's you know, I could never do that and um
in a touring situation, or I'm gonna do all piano songs,
or I'm gonna decide on a Thursday, you know what,
(11:26):
on Sunday morning, I'm gonna do an eleven o'clock show,
and it's gonna be all uplifting, spiritual, happy, joyful in
whatever way music. I've just decided to approach it that way,
and I have just loved it. It's just not the
same animal. No, it's not. It's it's well, it's interesting too,
(11:47):
because it's what you're talking about in part is I
think the absence of that need for polish, that very disciplined,
very persona driven performance that you know, I think one
of the layers of this time. You know, it's such
a heartbreaking, difficult time, but there are also are bits
(12:11):
of beauty in it. And one of those bits of
beauty that I see is the way we're all being
rubbed raw by life. You know, You're absolutely right, and
I love that you use the words rubbed raw because
I think that's how everyone feels. I know that's how
I feel. I remember, you know, saying to you you
(12:33):
know I can't quit crying. Yeah, I can't quit crying.
And it's not something I can even put my finger
on all the time, Like, why why am I crying?
I'm okay, my husband's okay, my child's okay, my family
is okay, my friends for the most part, are okay.
Why am I crying? I think it's a collective sense
(12:55):
of pain, yes, and that of the weight of it
and what to do with the weight of it. I
think so many of us are feeling. And now, of
course we're having this conversation in the wake of the
death of George Floyd and the you know, explosion of
(13:18):
heartache and outrage and education and disbelief. I could just
keep on going with words the question of how to
hold the pain of the world as a human being,
as an artist, as as a citizen, and make meaning
(13:42):
out of it, find meaning in it, do something about it.
I think these are all like, we're so alive to
all that right now. I think you're absolutely right. And um,
I think that we have not listened. I think that
we have not And I know, as as as a
white person, I might have thought I listened, but I
(14:05):
have not heard. Yeah, I'm I'm guilty. How do we
have a conversation and at the same time be turning
our assumptions and ideas about ourselves kind of inside out
to understand and listen much more deeply, because that's what's
(14:27):
called for. Well, I think, I think that your word
is the key listening. Stop talking and listen and allow
the voices of experience, allow the real voices of this
movement to come forward. So I want to end by
(14:49):
asking you what's bringing you a sense of hope right now?
During these times I mentioned that I'm working on a
second book right now, another memoir based on my experience
raising my son, John Henry, who was now ten. John
(15:12):
Henry has level three autism and he is non verbal.
He attends a school in New York City, UM, where
I lived until recently with him. He has been living
with his father, who lives in New York City this
school year, and our agreement was that he would come
to me in the summer and we would do his
(15:34):
home program, just like we did last summer. I was
not prepared for him to come early, so um middle
of March, his father and he left New York and
they came to Tennessee, where his father also has a home,
and so all of a sudden, I had I had
(15:55):
John Henry way earlier than I thought. I thought I
was going to have all this time to work on
this book and I would have it mostly wrapped up
by the time he arrived, which was supposed to be
the middle of May. Well, you know, pandemically speaking, that
got right, so uh, you know, I had to sort
of shuffle and get used to the idea of say, oh, okay, well,
(16:18):
I'm gonna have to restructure my days because not only
was he with me, we were doing homeschool sessions over
zoom with his teachers in New York. So we were
doing sessions all day long, throughout the day, and you know,
when you're doing that, you kind of can't do anything else.
So even my five o'clock wake up time wasn't getting
(16:40):
the job done. And finally I just surrendered, as you
do as you have to, and I just went with
it and said, okay, well, this is not going to
go according to my plan. I'm gonna be right here
and I'm gonna be as present with my child and
get him through this as well as I can. I'm
(17:01):
not gonna worry about getting me through this. I'm gonna
worry about getting him through this. I'm gonna worry about
getting my husband through this. I'm gonna worry about getting
my family through this, because that's what I'm here to do.
What gives me hope and joy is being able to
connect with my son in a way, especially during that
(17:21):
time when I was doing the teaching. And you know,
the good news is when he was diagnosed with autism
right before he was two years old, I was trained
and in UM how to do his therapies. Because you
have to embed therapeutic techniques in your daily life with
everything you do in order to facilitate communication constantly. So
(17:43):
that's how we live. That's what we do. For instance,
if John Henry goes to the freezer and he wants popsicle,
he pulls out the freezer drawer and he gets a
popsicle and he'll bring it to me. Well, what I
do that This is an example of what I do now.
I hand the popsicle back to and asked him to
tell me what he wants to do with it. So
(18:04):
he makes the sign for eat, gives it back to me,
and then I give it back to him and I say, okay,
we're going to practice opening the package, and they're all
these so many little things are embedded in just this
sort of one minute long thing. We practice opening the package,
he makes the sign for help, and then we have
(18:24):
worked our way up to him opening the package, getting
the popsicle out of the package, and then taking his
wrapper to the trash and throwing it away. That took weeks,
and we celebrate every progression. And I think about a
(18:44):
month ago, I'm not even sure you knew where the
trash can was, and now he takes his wrapper to
the trash can. So for us in this house, that's
a big moment. Those things bring me so much to
boy because I see my child growing and progressing, and
he is safe and he is here, and I see
(19:07):
his beautiful blue eyes and I don't think he's ever
been happier because his people are in one spot. And
that is a big wake up call for me. That
brings me joy to know that he feels safe and secure.
So I'm just trying to concentrate on that. We got
(19:30):
a new dog who, um and we thought was a
black lab mostly uh, you know, we rescued her from
a from one of the rescue places in them. We
thought she was a black black lab. Well, she grew
very rapidly and I kept looking at her feet and
(19:52):
I thought, gosh, you know this, I'm not sure this
dog is a is a laboratory retriever. So my husband
got the DNA tests and send it away and sure
enough she's great day and only black. So that's kind
of funny. Um, that's going to be quite a presence
(20:15):
in your in your home, you know. And our other
dog is a Chihuahua jack Russell mix, so they're a pair.
And and otherwise just you know, taking pride in my
home and taking care of it and cooking a good
meal and making a pretty piece of writing, or being
(20:41):
able to do a show and make other people feel
less alone and uplifted. Those are the things that are
keeping me grounded. And I am truly kind of a wreck.
And as I said, I can't even really figure out
why specifically, other than to say I just feel on
(21:07):
a level that is normally not so intense because of
the motion. I think, yes, because there's not the motion,
there's more of the failing. Maybe. Well, that is a
beautiful place to end this really beautiful conversation. I am
so grateful that you're in the world, and that you
(21:32):
took the time to share this with me and with
all of us today. Thank you. I'm so grateful that
you are in the world and your work is beautiful
and it is important. And I guess what we have
to remember is, even though it's hard to see it
as that right now, it is it is. Every voice
(21:55):
yes counts. So thank you so much. Thanks take thanks
for listening to The Way We Live Now. Tell us
the way you're living now. We want to hear call
us on. You might want to get a pen for
this nine O nine one three eight that's nine O
(22:19):
nine seven eight nine nine five and record your story
and we might just use it on the pod. Also,
you can join our Facebook group at facebook dot com
slash groups slash the Way We Live Now Pod. We
are creating a community here and we would love for
you to join us. You can find me on Instagram
(22:39):
at Danny Ryder. The Way We Live Now is a
production of I Heart Radio. It's produced by a Low Brulante.
Bethan Macaluso is executive producer. Special thanks to Tristan McNeil
and Tyler Klang. For more podcasts from My Heart Radio,
visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you get your podcasts.
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