Session 364: 10 Truths to Make Your Life a Little Easier

Happy Juneteenth y’all and happy almost first day of summer. I hope this episode finds you enjoying a bit of a slower pace and plotting on some ways to enjoy the sunshine. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about some of the ways that we get in our own way and some of the things we do to make our lives more difficult than they need to be and wanted to share some of my thoughts with you. This list is in no way exhaustive and you know I’d love to hear what you would add. Tag us in a post @therapyforblackgirls or use the hashtag #TBGInSession to share your thoughts. 

About the Podcast

The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.

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Executive Producers: Dennison Bradford & Maya Cole Howard

Producer: Ellice Ellis

Production Assistant: Zariah Taylor

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:11):
Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly
conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small
decisions we can make to become the best possible versions
of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford,
a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

(00:32):
to find a therapist in your area, visit our website
at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you
love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is
not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with
a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much

(00:57):
for joining me for session three sixty four of the
Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our
conversation after a word from our sponsors. Why do friendship
breakups sometimes hurt more than romantic ones? How do I
make friends in a new city? Is it true that

(01:17):
women can't actually be good friends to one another? I'm
exploring all of these questions and so much more in
my book, Sisterhood Heels, now available.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
In paperback at your local independent bookstore or at sisterhood
Heels dot com. Grab a copy for you and your girls,
and let's talk about it. This July, Therapy for Black
Girls is bringing our yearly Minority Mental Health Month celebration
in person to Atlanta, Georgia. Join us Thursday, July eighteenth

(01:48):
and Friday, July nineteenth as we shine a light on
mental health professionals and all those who dedicated their careers
to holding space for others. Our inaugural Holding Space for
Healers Therapists summits. We'll gather some of our favorite voices
in the field for workshops, seminars, and opportunities to connect.
You don't want to miss this, so secure your ticket

(02:09):
to wellness by visiting Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash Healers.
Happy Juneteenth, y'all, and happy almost first day of summer.
I hope this episode finds you enjoying a bit of
a slower pace and plotting on some ways to enjoy

(02:30):
the sunshine. I've been thinking a lot recently about some
of the ways that we get in our own way,
some of the things we do to make our lives
more difficult than they need to be, and wanted to
share some of my thoughts with you. So this list
is in no way exhaustive, and you know I'd love
to hear what you would add, but here are ten

(02:52):
truths for you to consider that just might make your
life a little easier. Number one, most people are not
thinking about you as much as you think they are.
It's not uncommon to get all up in our heads
about what we think other people are thinking about what
we look like, how we talk, what we're doing. But

(03:15):
the truth is that most people are not paying as
much attention to us as our minds would lead us
to believe. This preoccupation with how others feel about us
can keep us from making decisions that are aligned with
our true desires and can get in the way of
us asserting our needs. And remember, just because someone may
think a thing about you doesn't make it true. Number two.

(03:41):
Beating yourself up about a mistake you made doesn't erase
the mistake. You likely made the best decision you could
at the time with the information you had. Sometimes things
turn out as we expected, and sometimes, sadly, they don't.
It's okay to give yourself time to grieve the results
you expected, and when you're ready, take what is to

(04:03):
be learned from the mistake and figure out how to
do things differently the next time. Number three, if you
say you want something, you have to make space for it.
If you want to spend more time with family and friends,
you might not be able to be on every committee
at the church. If you're interested in getting that master's degree,

(04:25):
you're probably gonna need to open up a browser and
do a little bit of research. Be honest with yourself
about both your desires and your capacity. Don't work against
yourself by saying you want something but then not actually
clearing the space or doing the work to allow that
thing to happen. And if it's not, now, that's okay.

(04:48):
Just be honest with yourself. Number four, It's never too
late to say what you wish you would have said.
So you had big plans to finally say something to
your sister out how she's super critical of you, but
she left Sunday dinner last week without you saying a word.
Or maybe your coworker talked over you in the staff

(05:09):
meeting for the third time this month and you wanted
to call attention to it, but you didn't. It's not
too late. We often feel like there is only one
moment for us to share how we feel about something,
when the truth is that it's okay to share your
feelings at any point. If you miss the last opportunity,

(05:30):
create a new one. Create a new opportunity to share
with your sister how her comments make you feel, or
to let your coworker know that you actually weren't done
talking yet. Number five. Relationships that only thrive when you
are playing small are not relationships that are worth your time.

(05:52):
Everything's all good when you're available every time they're in
a crisis and when you're showing up to celebrate them,
But when when you ask for your needs to be
met or achieve a great thing in your life, it's crickets.
This is likely not a relationship that is a healthy
one for you. While we don't want to keep scores

(06:13):
in relationships, they should be reciprocal and they should not
leave you feeling as though your wins are not important,
or that your needs are always secondary to theirs. Number six,
you already have everything you need to achieve the things
you desire. You don't actually need another webinar or another

(06:36):
coach to go after the thing you've been wanting. Start
with the knowledge you have and the resources available to
you now to take the first step. Though we may
not want to admit it, sometimes our quest for knowledge
and constant need to research is really just self sabotaged

(06:57):
dressed up in acute outfit. Release yourself from the expectation
of perfection and just start. It's okay for the first
draft to be infinitely less polished than your final draft.
Number seven, Being awkward is better than being silent. Sometimes

(07:22):
we make situations harder for ourselves by trying to avoid
the awkwardness instead of just putting the awkwardness on the table.
For example, let's say you've moved to a new town
recently and there's a sister who seems pretty cool in
your dance class. You'd love to try to hang out
with her after class, but you're not sure if she'd

(07:43):
be open to it, and it feels really awkward to
even ask. What might it be like to go up
to her after the next class and say, Hey, this
is awkward, but I'm new to town and still trying to
connect with people here. Would you be open to grabbing
lunch after class next week? Now, there is a chance

(08:04):
that she could say absolutely not, but she might also say,
of course, I'd love to take you to my favorite
Mexican restaurant in the area and show you around. You
just never know if you don't ask, so ask, even
if it's awkward. Number eight, Asking for help is not

(08:27):
a sign of weakness, even if you've been made to
feel bad for asking, Even when someone told you that
you should be able to figure it out on your own,
even when someone said they were not interested in helping,
you are still worthy of assistance. And I really want

(08:49):
you to get more comfortable asking for more help. The
answer is to so many questions, you have the resources
to help you solve that thing you been struggling with,
maybe right on the other side of that email or
text message that you are afraid to send. It's okay
not to have all the answers, but don't be afraid

(09:13):
to ask someone who actually might have them. Number nine,
Be mindful of whether you are creating issues where none
existed before. Has your book given you reason to be
suspicious whenever there's a notification on their phone? Or is
that a holdover from your previous relationship. Did your best

(09:37):
friend not text you back because they're mad at you,
or did she fall asleep before she could respond. Sometimes
we respond to people in our life currently and it
has absolutely nothing to do with anything they've done, but
perhaps more to do with how others have treated us
in the past. Sometimes, when chaos intension has been a

(09:59):
starting place for relationships, we will unconsciously create it because
it's familiar. Be intentional about dealing with people as they are,
not as someone in your past was. And number ten.
You deserve to laugh and have joy even when things
are difficult. It can be hard to stay connected to

(10:23):
levity when it feels like there's so many awful things
happening around us, but our reserve of joy is what
allows us to get through the tough times. Watch the
funny movie Frolic with your friends, play your favorite songs,
and hold on to joy whenever you can find it.

(10:44):
What would you add to this list? Are there patterns
you've recognized in your own life that you think would
be helpful for others to be aware of. Share your
thoughts with us on social media using the hashtag tvg
and session, or at us in a post on either
end Insta Graham or TikTok. We're therapy for black girls
in both places, and don't forget to text two of

(11:06):
your girls right now and share this episode with them.
If you're looking for a therapist in your area, check
out our therapist directory at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com
slash directory. And if you want to continue digging into
this topic or just be in community with other sisters,
come on over and join us in the Sister Circle.
It's our cozy corner of the Internet designed just for

(11:28):
black women. You can join us at community dot Therapy
for blackgirls dot com. This episode was produced by Elise
Ellis and Zaria Taylor. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford.
Thank y'all so much for joining me again this week.
I look forward to continuing this conversation with you all
real soon. Take it care.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
What's