Session 436: The Sibling Sit-Down w/ Skylar Marshai & Sunlyn Chiraya

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly
conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small
decisions we can make to become the best possible versions
of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor joy Hard and Bradford,
a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

(00:32):
to find a therapist in your area, visit our website
at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you
love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is
not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with
a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much

(00:57):
for joining me for session four thirty six of the
Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our
conversation after a word from our sponsors. Welcome back to
another episode of our Siblings Sit Down series. I hope

(01:18):
you've been enjoying it so far. We've answered questions about siblings,
broken down various sibling dynamics, so it's only right that
we now sit down to chat with some actual siblings.
This week, I'm excited to welcome Skyler Marshe and Sunland Shariah,
a sister duo finding new ways to learn and love
each other. We discuss the evolution of their relationship, the

(01:40):
relationship with the rest of their siblings, explore how they
resolve conflict, and get into what it really means to
grow alongside someone who's seen every version of you, from
childhood memories to creative projects. Skyler and Sunland open up
about the joys and challenges of sisterhood, how communication has
transformed their bond, and what they've learned about giving each

(02:01):
other grace. If something resonates with you while enjoying our conversation,
please share with us on social media using the hashtag
tpg in session, or join us over in our Patreon
channel To talk more about the episode. You can join
us at community dot therapy for Blackgirls dot com. Here's
our conversation. Well, I am so excited today to be

(02:25):
joined by Sunlon and Skyler. Thank you so much for
joining me today.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
Thank you for having us feel we're gonna say a
lot of the same things at the same.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
Time, already already with the sibling energy we love to
see it. So Sunln, please introduce yourself for people who
may not be aware of who you are.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
Hi, everybody, my name is Sulon Shariah. I'm a comic
creowner or DJ. I almost sad student, but I just
finished my masters two weeks ago, so recent administration graduate.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
Yeah, most was Howard from Howard.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Let me lead with that, And what about you, Skyler?

Speaker 2 (03:06):
I'm Skyler Marche. I am a content creator as well
also a storyteller, dreamer. I like to lead with those
because that's kind of what what motivates me and inspires
me to work at all, because I don't dream work,
but I do love to dream. And I also do
creative strategy, so I work with brands who are eager
to be more inclusive to audiences, and we're kind of
working across platforms when it comes to storytelling and helping

(03:29):
smaller black brands communicate their ethos. So a bunch of
myriad of things. But and then more recently, I've been
doing a lot of creative direction, trying to break into it,
and been working with someone to do a series called
Set where I do creative direction and she DJs and
we've kind of brought those two worlds together. So this
is very full circle for us to now be doing

(03:49):
this together too.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
I love that. I love that. So tell me a
little bit about your upbringing. Where did you grow up,
what does the sibling set look like in your household?

Speaker 2 (04:00):
Well, we grew up in Atlanta, Georgia. Well, actually not
Atlanta proper. We grew up in Stockbridge, Georgia, and then
Conyer's and all over. But our siblings, semin will support me. Here.
There's four girls and a boy, right, yeah, okay, there's
so many of us running around. I'm the oldest. I'm
twenty eight. Someone is twenty.

Speaker 3 (04:21):
Twenty four, are young twenty two.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
I struggle. I struggle.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
So Lani is sixteen, and then the baby who's not
a baby anymore.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
Summer she's thirteen, she's teener, and now she's still grown.
Now we're older, she's a teenager. Now it's five of us,
and so it's a little unit that we have all together.
We grew up in the same area more or less,
and because we have these difference in ages, like I
then went to college, I came to New York. Someon's
in BC, and then the rest of our siblings are

(04:52):
back home in Atlanta. But yeah, I mean, we grew
up with family being a really big part of our lives.
And I think as siblings we were naturally I think
we had our moments I was saying before we started
that someone says I bullied her when we were younger.
I don't recall. I always remember being obsessed with her.
I don't meant to write.

Speaker 3 (05:09):
A passage thing, you know, like the older sister, younger sister.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
You're annoying, You're annoyed.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure, but now I'm obsessed.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yeah, it turned around. It turned around, and I think,
like our mom was so big on us leaning on
each other. I mean, even with our dad. It was
the opposite of maybe what other siblings are used to,
where it's like you're snitching on each other or trying
to see who can get who in trouble. Our dad
told us, as we snitched on somebody, all of us
got in trouble. So we kind of been together at
a very young age and leaned into each other. And

(05:39):
then as we've gotten older, I think we chose each
other in a different way where you know, we were
thrown together at first, and now we were like banding
together because we truly love each other, and I think
we get along really, really well. So yeah, that's kind
of like a little bit of the background.

Speaker 1 (05:53):
I love that. I love this so Skyla you were
the big sister of the group, it sounds like, and
so of course you're recollect of that as an adult
is very different than it sounds like. Brayvie was the
actuality of it. As you know a child, what do
you remember about like being the oldest sibling in such
a large sibling set.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
It's so interesting how people talk about how they get
different parents. They end up interacting with their parents in
a completely different way. And I'd say that as we've
gotten older, I realized that, like my parents were very well,
not super strict, but pretty strict with me, and because
they were learning and it was their first time with me,
as it was my first time with them, you know,
in life, we were all figuring it out together. And
I think that with sun Lynn and Gregory and some

(06:33):
are in Lannie, it just felt that they were also
kind of my kids too, because I was a little
bit older someone and I have about four or five
years between us, and so when she was born, I
just remember being so protected in my mind of her,
and I think we dealt with a lot of childhood
traumas growing up that I was trying my hardest to
separate them from or distance them from that I think

(06:53):
I was a little bit more aware of that they
weren't as aware of, and I was trying to make
sure to. I kind of fell into this protector role
very quick with them, which is why it's so funny
that I also had time to be ignored with someone.
But I think, like when we were allowed to the sisters,
it came up. But yeah, I think that that me
being an older sister is a big part of who
I am now, sometimes to my detriment, but it is

(07:13):
so much of the you know, the reason that I
love as hard as I do, and I'd take them
as seriously like the relationship I have in the role
I play in their life as seriously as I do,
because I think that I saw how impressionable I was
at a really young age, and I wanted to make
sure that, you know, as I've gotten older, I've kind
of created a space for them to walk into that
feels like a soft place to land. But I think

(07:35):
with my parents, yeah, it was it was a learning curve.
I think they were much more laxed with someone than
probably me, and I love that because I think that
it allows someone to stretch her legs a little bit
more whereas I was I think, very serious from a
very young age because of all the rules I was
up against. I mean, my mom is an immigrant from Barbados,
and then my dad comes from also a pretty strict background,

(07:57):
my stepdad as well, So yeah, it was it was
a big difference from how our youngest sibling, Summer is
living now. She has so much agency in the household
versus where I think I was kind of just trying
to play by the rules, and then someone came along
and broke all the rules too, because she saw it
was too many. There's too many rules, and she was
over it. So something.

Speaker 1 (08:16):
What do you remember about your experience because you weren't
the oldest, but in some ways, like after Skylar was
out of the house, and you probably did step into
that oldest sister role for your younger siblings. So what
is your recollection of your growing up in the house.

Speaker 3 (08:29):
It's always been tricky being in the middle because I'm
Lily right in the middle. Like there's like two three
younger two three order if you count our step siblings.
It was hard trying not to like bump heads too
much with my younger siblings because I have to remind
myself like they're looking up to you. You have to
be like the bigger person in some situations.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
And I was tricky.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
Because like I'm a little stubborn, like I'll argue them down.
Even when Summer was as far as she could talk,
we would we would go at it. But I'm like, Okay,
let me be serious, because like I have to like
them in a way, I have to be I'm like,
all right, I do remember I took a lot of
notes from how Skyler handled a lot of things, Like

(09:11):
she said she was protecting us from a lot, and
in the moment, I didn't really realize it, but like
hindsight now looking back, I'm like, you.

Speaker 2 (09:17):
Know we were paying we bowling.

Speaker 3 (09:19):
A lot, like what she Yeah, because why I'm be
doing that every night? But now I know, like she
was doing things for a reason, And I understand, Like
I said, the big sister younger sister trope, we're like
the younger sisters getting on the older sister. There, she
was carrying a lot, so for b to b pesky,
I guess I understand like why we would bump heads.

(09:40):
But for the most part, I feel like I did
have like a pretty decent childhood. I think Skyler helped
a lot in that, and like protecting us from a
lot we're too young to understand or really be like
disposed to.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
So from what I remember, things were pretty good. I
love that pre.

Speaker 1 (09:59):
And you I have mentioned that as adults, right, Like,
of course, there's the experience of growing up and kind
of feeling like, Okay, I have to be into this
person because they're my sibling. But I do think it
is a very conscious choice to say I still want
to spend time with my sibling as an adult. What
kinds of things do you feel like your parents did
to really make it so that you do feel interested in,
like excited to spend time with one another as adults.

Speaker 3 (10:20):
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you know something, but I don't
know if they did anything specifically, Like I genuinely feel
like it's a conscious decision on our own that we
want to hang out with each other.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
I don't think they ever really like set.

Speaker 3 (10:31):
Up things where we would be spending time with each other.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
It's like we lived together, so like, yeah, I think,
I mean, there's that term if you're a living room
kid or a bedroom kid, and I think we were
definitely living room kids. I mean, my mom brought so
much warmth to the house, and she was always sorting
things out, like she wanted to do game days, or
we would go outside and drum out on trampoline and
play in the pool. And I think and I saw
our dad was such a kid as well in his heart,
So I think they created a space that sparked a

(10:57):
lot of joy for us. And then I think that
it was just a shared kind of communal space that
they created and we leaned into each other there. I
think that we had our own friends in relationship we
were trying to build and lean into that. I think
that we weren't as aware of the ways in which
we were together a lot. And then I think once
we weren't able to be which is hot it goes

(11:18):
you don't know until you don't. You look back and
you reflect on it. But now that we're further away
or we can't be together all the time, we are like,
oh my gosh, there's so many moments that we wish
we leaned into. And there are so many videos from
our childhood that show us singing together and playing together,
and we had I think our dad encouraged so much
daydreaming in our childhood for us to lean into together.

(11:38):
I can't say if it was intentional, but I think
that naturally it was the kind of culmination of those efforts,
and we kind of, you know, are super appreciative of
it now because it's kind of led us to where
we are today.

Speaker 1 (11:49):
Is Yeah, something? Is there a personality trade about Skyler
that you feel like you have seen from childhood and
it still shows up in who she is as an adult?

Speaker 3 (12:00):
Oh my gosh, yes, How where would I use? But
I'm gonna say it all the time I've told her before.
I guess I'll say like dependency, Like people can depend
on her, Like if anybody needs some kind of advice,
they will go to her. And I remember that from
when I was in like middle school and I'm getting
picked up from school by my mom and scholars in

(12:21):
the passenger seat and she's like, yeah, my friend asked
me what to do about it and genuinely had good
advice to give.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
At like teen years old, I'm in.

Speaker 3 (12:29):
The back seat, like how does she know all these things?
Like how did she stays for so many different people
in so many different situations? And to this day, that's
still something that I think she's really like strong in thanks.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
You see you seem so far about that, Skyler.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
Yeah, I don't know. Again, being a big sister is
a big part of my personality, and so I'm like,
you love me, but I know she does. I know
she does. I literally love. I love my siblings so
much so anytime that they give me any kind of praise,
I'm like, really, And I think that's why it doesn't stick,
you know, and it's always a surprise. But I think
that's so cool that she thinks that because I never
actually thought that of myself. I know that I love

(13:07):
to be there for the people I love, but it's
so cool that that's something that she called out. I'm
not sure gonna say how like type A I can be.
So that made me no need to get crazy ez.
So what about you, Skyler?

Speaker 1 (13:26):
Is there a personality trade from something that you feel
like you've seen through childhood and who she is as
an adult.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
Absolutely, it's just been so cool to see the pieces
of someone that have like inspired me to be the
woman I am now. And a big one of those
pieces is like the agency she has over her life.
Like Sunland is the main character in her story and
she wears it so beautifully, Like she will walk into
a room and it's hers, and she will pick up

(13:53):
a project and she is so good at it. I
think that, like we talk a lot, how many side
quests she has in her life, Like she'll just pay
up a hobby or a passion or a friend who
you know she ran into on the street, and like
make an entire new world out of it. And I
think that's been pretty consistent from the time were owned,
where she was just like so loud and took up

(14:15):
so much space in a way that I was often
timid to so, I think because I was like, no,
they are rules and I need to follow them. We
used to make front of her being our habitual line stepper,
like she'd see the line, she walk over it. She
likes to know where it is, but she walks over it.
I'll see the line and I'm right there by it.
And so I think that inspired me beyond what I
could have thought, whichause now as an adult, I realized, Okay,

(14:37):
well I'm an adult. I get to make the rules,
and I don't have to be so boxed in, and
I don't have to be so serious. I can be
a little bit more fluid, and I think some fluidity
has been consistent from the time she was super, super young,
and I think she just came and kicking and screaming
in a way that I have always admired.

Speaker 1 (14:55):
What's it like to hear that something I haven't heard?

Speaker 2 (14:58):
Habitual line stuffer in so long?

Speaker 3 (15:00):
Bring back memory, because our parents did used to call
me that, Like I remember pretty often when I would
be getting in trouble for something, they would be like,
and you knew where the line was.

Speaker 2 (15:10):
And you cross it. But it's a beautiful day. You're
used it.

Speaker 3 (15:14):
Oh, you can't put me in a box, right, exactly.
Love that I gotta figure out what's outside of the
box at all time.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
Fayler, several times you have talked specifically about your dad
and kind of encouraging daydreaming, and it feels like it
is not a surprise that both of you are like
very big creatives, right and kind of just.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
Feel free to play.

Speaker 1 (15:36):
And can you talk more about like the daydreaming and
how you feel like that has shown up now in
your adult life.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
Yeah, for sure. I think that one of the things
I loved a lot about our childhood was our parents
allowed us to get bored and to just be bored
for a long time, and I think in the boredom
we created so much. Also, like we weren't big TV.
I mean, we did have the we when we were
a little bit older, but I think we didn't have
a lot of technology. So we were creating worlds often

(16:02):
to stay awake, to stay like engaged, and so I
think that I mean, whether it was our dad making
like sock cuppets out of his hand or us coming
up like creating a stage and you know, our parents'
bedroom and doing an entire performance. I think we did
a whole YouTube video to Seelow Green and we had
to put on a show. I think they've always encouraged,

(16:23):
especially when it comes to like the arts. I was
in theater. I also did hip hop and jazz. Someone
and I did that let together, and whenever we aspire
to express ourselves, that was encouraged. And I think the
ability to create without boundaries completely like created my RELI
or said, the foundation for my relationship with creation. Now

(16:43):
where when I came to New York to go to
Parsons for fashion design, I didn't really know what a
feeling was because my dad didn't really He never articulated
that until I think I got to college and I
was like, oh wait. I think that was when I
was like, my blackness is I'm feeling it more because
we were up in a community where we were surrounded
by black people and it was very warm and welcoming,

(17:03):
and it wasn't until I was in different spaces that
I felt the difference of that, And so I think
that it created it. It was it was good and bad,
like it was a slap in the face, like, oh,
the world is here, and now I need to kind
of contend with it, and rather than having my head
into clouds, I also need to have my feet firmly
planted so I can be aware. But then also it
allowed me to move in a way where I wasn't
as constricted, I think, and I think that that's shown

(17:25):
up with not only the ways that someone and I
have perceived the world as black women, but then also
how we've taken on creative endeavors. I worked in fashion
and now I'm doing contact creation and creative strategy. Someone
is now picked up DJing and I mean honestly, anything
she puts her mind to, she's hair, makeup, beauty, like
all the things. And so I think our dad and

(17:46):
our mom instilled so much of that in us to
dream as big as possible all the time. If you
went in here, you can win out there. And so
much of the world we were creating existed in our
heads first before we saw them manifested.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
What about you, someone, any kind of distinct memories that
you feel like really have contributed to you becoming the
creative person that you are.

Speaker 3 (18:06):
Yeah, I will say they did give us a lot
of space to get creative. Like I know with birthdays,
they would be like, here, we're gonna give y'all twenty
dollars for your mom's birthday. Figure out what you're gonna do,
and we would stretch that twenty dollars. Ye, a candle,
a lotion. We're setting up a spa for her. Skylar
had us creating like restaurants in our house with a

(18:26):
full menu. We will wearing suits like a little bow
and tie and everything, making dinner.

Speaker 2 (18:32):
She was cookie.

Speaker 3 (18:32):
We were serving our mom for like Mother's Day. It
was never a dull moment, honestly, like when she said
we had time to get bored, it was never for long,
Like we would always figure out something to do and
then like even if it's me go and hang out
with our younger brother, who's obviously a boy.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
He's different, he plays different.

Speaker 3 (18:48):
I'm playing with race cars and bay blades, and we're still.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
Just having a great time. Like I don't know.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
They gave us a lot of freedom to figure things out,
while also I think my dad did try to and
still like plan a lot of little seeds for me,
for like navigating the real world outside of like the
imaginary and the whimsie that we had in the house,
like I'm a cancer. And he would always be very
specific in telling me, like you're at crab you have
a hard outside and a soft inside. Don't let anybody

(19:15):
get to your soft inside because some people will try
to push your buttons and.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
Get to you. And he would like, you know, he drop.

Speaker 3 (19:21):
Some gems here and there, so like, you know, encourage
us to be creative, but also like keep your guard
up and know that like, yeah, you can be creative
and having fun at home.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
But in the real world things might be a little
bit different.

Speaker 3 (19:34):
They've a lot of things that contributed to how like
creative and silly we are, Like even holidays. To this day,
my mom will decorate work and home for any holiday, Halloween,
there's pumpkins, there's scarecrows all over the house, outside the
house Christmas, Loki, you can't tell me today that Santa
is not real, because Santa was.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
We can put a lot of effort into Santa.

Speaker 3 (19:57):
Little cookies, and while we were sleeping, they would write
us a letter from Santa and it would be like oh, Sumons,
Like Becky, we're so proud of you.

Speaker 2 (20:04):
Here's your gifts from Sant And we're like, oh my god.

Speaker 3 (20:07):
And he loved our cookies. Like we had so much
of an imaginative childhood, So I can definitely contribute to
how our mind like there's no limit to the things
that we could think of and create.

Speaker 2 (20:21):
Yeah, and I think our mom also instilled in us
so much of how she lives her life is in
kind of service to others in a really beautiful way.
She gives so much of herself and lends herself to
different communities and spaces and the people she loves. And
so every time that we were creating or doing something
with intention, I think we naturally picked up from our mother. Okay,
how can this lend itself to someone else? Or how

(20:43):
can this pour back into someone else? And even to
this day, when I create something, she's asking me, have
you given back to the community, or is there a
way that you can use this to pour into someone
or can someone see themselves in this in a beautiful way.
I think she always challenges me to push it a
little bit further and to be as giving as a
possibly can. And I think that in the work that
we've done we've tried to be reflective as well in

(21:04):
that way too, because our mother was such a big
part of our joys as children, and we realized as
we got older it's her selflessness that showed up so
much in those moments that I think we've tried to
take with us as well.

Speaker 1 (21:15):
Yeah, more from our conversation after the break something. Can
you think of any moment or experience in particular that
you feel like really deep into your relationship with Skyler.

Speaker 3 (21:34):
I think it was honestly, after she went to college
and I was feeling not neglected, but there was like
the pressure of like our parents being like, you need
to be more like your sister because now like you're
the head hunchhol basically she's at school, you're the oldest
sibling in the house. So I think going through that
and like leaning on her like I can't be you,

(21:55):
and she's like, well, duh, Like I know.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
That, but you're you and that's just as good.

Speaker 3 (21:59):
Through that, I think we got a lot closer, And
like me looking at her for advice to give to
my younger siblings, and I was like, what fifteen when
you left fifteen sixties, what am I supposed to do
to lead these kids? So I think, yeah, just being
realistic with her, I've always been very honest and open
with her about like what I'm capable of, what I
can it can't do, and she would always feel that
space and like help me navigate whatever the situation was.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
Skyler, any moment or experience for you that you think
really deepened your relationship.

Speaker 2 (22:27):
I'm so glad that you kind of pushed back against that.
We're so different. So when she told us that she
was being compared to me, I said, how we're so good, Like,
there's no way we're the opposite side. We're on the
same coin, opposite side, So it was just no way.
And I think that by doing that, she spread her
wings in such a beautiful way to the point that
in us being same coin, opposite sides, we do but
heads because we can see the world in a very

(22:49):
different way sometimes and often it'll a line, but then
sometimes it doesn't. And I think the first time in
my adulthood that I felt super close to someone was
going to be had a huge argument in Japan. I
didn't know if you knew it, I knew it.

Speaker 3 (23:02):
We had a huge argument.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
It was so raw because it was so emotional, and
we just were like laying a lot. Oh, we had
to take meet. But I think that after we you know,
were upset, and we let the feelings settle. The next
day I went to her and I was like, at
the end of the day, I choose you when I'm
always going to choose you, and I just want us
to learn how to love each other better. And I
think that moment was so important for us because we
knew we were choosing each other as adults. But I

(23:26):
think in those moments of contention, when things aren't sweet,
you're like, Okay, you're my person, and this is an
endless love just because we're up against this thing. We're
up against this thing. And I think we think about
that when it comes to relationships with partners, but with
your siblings as well. When these issues arid and we
have to join forces to attack it and understand how
to get back on the same page. And I think
both of us in that moment we were angry and

(23:48):
upset because we were hurt, and we were trying to
hide our cards and being hurt, like, oh, you've hurt
my feelings. But I think in us kind of putting
it all out there and say, oh, you've hurt my feelings,
how can I few it better for you? And I
told her that moment, I was like, at the end
of the day, I'm always going to choose to be
a better big sister to you. I'm never going to
not choose you. So even if you're angry or hur
you can be angry or hurt and it might not

(24:09):
look pretty, but I'll be here and vice versa. I
know that she'll always choose me and my imperfections. And
I think saying it out loud was a huge shift
for our relationship because I think we've always been really
open with each other because we're siblings. But I think
it's a bit different when you start to choose each
other as friends as well. Like it felt like a
shift in our relationship where now someone has become one
of my best friends that I've brought in even closer,

(24:33):
and you know, started to build this relationship with as
I have the other women in my life who were
not my blood. So yeah, that was such a huge moment.
Also because I can as an Aquarius, I tend to
be a little bit withdrawn when I'm hurt, and I
also struggle with conflict in some circumstances, and I've had
to learn that things can be a little bit uglier
and I don't have to present as okay and people
will still choose me. And I know someone has always

(24:55):
chosen me, even before I was aware of those things.
So yeah, I think that moment was a huge one
for us, and it didn't feel good at first, but
then it felt really good after prepared, our repair had
gotten significantly better in our older age, I'd say.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
So suddenly, it sounds like you knew this Japan fight
was gonna come up in this conversation somehow. Is there
anything that you feel like you want to talk about
related to that experience and how it kind of has
shaped your relationship with one another?

Speaker 3 (25:20):
Like it's not funny obviously, Like we were actually arguing
in like tensions are high, but like, looking back on it,
I'm like, oh my god, Like a lot of it
was like just miscommunication and misunderstanding kind of how we
are showing up differently as adults, like we might react
to things differently when we were younger, and she was
just I think, taking things personally that I didn't want

(25:42):
to be taken personally, like it was my first time
in Japan. She loved Japan, She's been there a million times,
and she was just trying so hard to make sure
that I was having a good time and then introverted me.
I could have a great time and I'm just sitting
there chilling. So she's kind of like freaking out, like,
oh she's not having fun, and I'm like.

Speaker 2 (25:57):
Calm down, like, guess I have it. It's just like
it was explodrivious. I was over stimulating her. She was like, girl, please, sorry,
I care so much, and I'm like what.

Speaker 3 (26:10):
It was?

Speaker 2 (26:10):
Literally, it was one of those moments where like things
from our younger self showed up in the conversation. We
let them get a few little comments off, but then
we both had to sit them down and go, Okay, well,
how can our present day self show up and protect
those younger selves and bring their concerns to the forefront.
But it definitely was just a matter of me being

(26:30):
overbearing and then someone being overstimulated and us not knowing
how to communicate our expectations to each other. And I
think now we know, okay, well, how can we be
more mindful of those things in order to honor each
other's space, because both of us were weren't kind of
doing that in that moment, and I think it was
such a Yeah, it was. It was beautiful and it
was also silly. It is silly when you don't know

(26:52):
how to communicate. Honestly, I say it all the time.
But I've been in therapy and couples therapy for about
six years now, and if I could be in therapy
with every in my life, I would because we all
just communicate so different. And it's such a beautiful thing
when you can find the common ground and you're not
seeking to change each other, but just find a different
means of getting from A to B with each other.

(27:13):
And that was definitely we learned it the hard way,
but it was a beautiful way to figure it out,
I think.

Speaker 1 (27:19):
And you know, upon reflection, right hindsight, we can talk
about it. But in hindsight, yeah, I love how you
describe that, Skylar, because as you were talking, I could
definitely hear like, oh, this is a shift in them,
like having this relationship as sisters and as like young
people to these are like grown women now figuring out
how to relate to one another beyond just sisters, right

(27:39):
Like this is like a friend, This is somebody who
you know is very close to me, And so it
definitely sounds like this was a turning point in figuring
out like, Okay, how are we relating to one another
as grown ups now? And like what does this look
like to be very intentional about how we talk with
one another? Are there other things that you feel like
have come up as is you have kind of grown
into adulthood that you realize, oh, we have to do

(28:00):
these things differently now as adults and think about things differently.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
I would say easily and only quick to answer because
I was talking toy and brother about this recently. But
when we talk about like breaking generational curses, we say
it and it sounds good, but it's really obviously hard
work and you cannot break one until you endure it,
until you feel it and address it. And face it.

(28:24):
And when it comes to us, I think there were
so many things that were instilled in us because again
our parents first time at life, and mistakes were made
as it goes, or the way that it impacted us
hurt us in some ways and helped us. And I
think we've had to learn how to undo a lot
of the things we were given in a really delicate way.
And one of those things is just saying quiet part

(28:45):
out loud. Like I think that we came up in
a household where joy was at the forefront and dreaming
and fun, but then also hard conversations were not as
easily had. And that's fun when it's fun, but then
when you need to express yourself on a deeper level
and you want your feelings addressed and you want to
be raw, it is sticky and it feels a little
bit uncomfortable. And we've had to learn how to do

(29:06):
that with each other. I was telling our brother, like,
we can't just say we you know, we're each other's
favorites and we love each other and we do anything
for each other and then not say the hard things
to each other or say the quiet parts out loud,
even if it you know, hurts each other's feelings, and
then how can we do that intentionally and mindfully where
we're still holding space for each other and being really protective,
but then making sure that we're not curating this relationship

(29:29):
and kind of leaning into where we knew as children.
And so I think that's something that we've all had
to contend with. Is similar to what I think about
when it comes to our relationships with our parents. I
think that you get to know your parent as a
parent and almost like a hero, and there's like they're
perfect and there's nothing wrong, and like you just think
the world of them growing up in a lot of ways,
until you're older and you're a little bit more your

(29:50):
brain self, you are a little bit more developed, and
then you're like, okay, all right, and you have to
get to know your parent as an adult and they
have to get to know you as an adult. And
I think a lot of things are taken for granted
in that relationship. And I think that our mother has
done such a beautiful job in getting to know us
as adults that we've now done that for each other
where we were like, Okay, well I knew who you
were as a child, but I realized with someone and

(30:12):
Gregory AND's that I cannot keep them in that Like
someone said, they can't be kept in a box, and
I cannot keep them in that box. They've experienced life
without me, and so I have to also honor that
and be curious as to what that is so that
I can create space for the entirety of who they
are and not just seeing someone as my sister. This

(30:34):
is what it is. She is so much more than
my sister, and so on and so forth. So I
think that's something that we've has been a recurring theme
in our adulthood now for sure. Funny, I don't know
if you if you know anything, I think.

Speaker 3 (30:48):
I think it's definitely like a lot of just communication. Obviously,
like we don't live together anymore. It was a lot
easier to keep up with each other and like he
tabs on each other when we were in the same house,
and now we have to make more of a conscious
eff to like reach out and like have hard conversations.
Like I feel like the first one we have kind
of as a unit with our younger brother Gregory, was
at scholar's apartment in New.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
York, like maybe two years ago, two three.

Speaker 3 (31:11):
And I know, like personally me and I feel like
for Gregory as well, we're not the ones to initiate
the hard conversations, but like, once it starts like we're open,
looks like we'll get into it, but Skylar will initiate.
But I think her way of like not trying to
take power of the situation was making it a game.
She had the card game We're not really strangers, and

(31:34):
so we played that and we're getting deep for the
first time with our younger brother. We're talking about anxiety
and trauma's because like her and I talk about it
all the time, but that was the first time that
he put in his two cents and we're like, wow,
like you're not just sur nonchalant, little brother, was real cool,
Like you were like understanding the things we were going
through too. So I feel like, just like having those conversations,

(31:55):
spending a lot of time with each other, because the
conversations easily happened when we're together. I think just like
spending time together like makes it easier for us to
have these conversations, continue to get to know each other
because we're all still growing, Like even though we feel
like we're we're grown and we're adults, which we are,
like you know, we're dynamic people, were constantly changing.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
Humans are complex people.

Speaker 3 (32:15):
So I feel like we have to make that effort
to consciously get to know each other like continuously, and
like I know, Skylar said into me by not like
encouraging me heavily to start therapy for a long time.
I was like, you know, I know what my childhood
traumas are. I know what's wrong, but like obviously you

(32:35):
don't know like without bias, like having somebody sit you
down and like walk you through things and help you
to like figure out different ways to react to things
because I know personally, if something runs me the wrong way,
I'm seeing red and like I have tunnel vision on
the issue, and I was trying to work on that.
So like Skylar sponsored my therapy for I want to say,

(32:55):
what like three years. She was paying for all my appointments, and.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
I was like, should I just like once a month
because that's expensive. She's like, no, you go weekly, and
when you feel like you don't need anymore, then maybe
do bi weekly.

Speaker 3 (33:07):
But she she was paying for it and like checking
in like, so, hey.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
How's therapy you still doing?

Speaker 3 (33:13):
Right?

Speaker 2 (33:13):
Like I didn't get the invlace last week.

Speaker 3 (33:16):
What's going I think, just you know, like we all
show that we really care about each other, even though
initially it might have just been like can I like yeah,
I love my sister. It's like, okay, yeah you can
love you sister.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
What are you doing to prove it? Loky, Like you
could say it all day? But how are you showing
up for each other?

Speaker 3 (33:31):
And I think we're all making better efforts at actually
showing up for each other in ways like that.

Speaker 2 (33:36):
Yeah, in the ways we communicate and don't because I
think sometimes I'll make assumptions and i'd really try to
pair it back and just be like okay. Even with
a therapy thing, I was like, is this too overbearing?
I know therapy is not the answer to all things.
You can be in therapy and don't not do the
work like it's so layered. But I think because it
had shifted my life in such a beautiful way, I
wanted to offer that space for her, and then once

(33:58):
the space was offered, it was up to her to
move and shake however she wanted to within it. And
then I was like, okay, girl, don't be over like,
don't ask every week just like, let her come to
you and if she wants to share, that's fine, and.

Speaker 3 (34:06):
She doesn't, Okay, just like levels that with myself.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
But I do think that now we're like, okay, well,
what can I give my siblings that they ask for
and then also for in the things that I notice
in their adulthood that they may need a shoulder to
cry on or a space to be free in and
like breathe a little bit easier, and can I create
those faith? And they've done the same for me on
countless occasion. So it's been a beautiful kind of learning
experience together, I think.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
And you all have taken your relationship an even step
further by working together. Right, So you mentioned earlier that
you have at least one project called set together. How
has your relationship as sisters changed in now having this
professional relationship together?

Speaker 3 (34:51):
Maybe you have a better way to put it in
the words me personally, I don't know. I feel like
because we've always played together, it's not much of a ship.

Speaker 2 (34:59):
I know.

Speaker 3 (35:00):
Well, I'll say Skylar takes a lot more of the
initiative when it comes to set, Like she's booking the studio,
she's making the set design. I just go in there
and I play in my little music like that.

Speaker 2 (35:12):
So I'm just I'm just.

Speaker 3 (35:13):
Having fun and like it's just a fun way to
like express ourselves and like show people our talents, like
you know, her set design, my music taste.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
I guess yeah, I.

Speaker 3 (35:23):
Think, and hearing from a lot of people, specifically other
sisters that are like reaching out to us like, oh
my gosh, just really spoke to me.

Speaker 2 (35:30):
I love sisterhood.

Speaker 3 (35:31):
Sisterhood is everything, and then we're like, you know what, yeah,
yeah that really is like a big part of our lives.
But you know, maybe scholar has more.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
I mean, well, we yeah, we work together probably a
bunch of different ways. I think the first time we
worked together for real was when we shared a bedroom
and we had to learn how to delegate and communicate
and deal with each other's things. But I think now
the beautiful thing about it so far as that set
is really new and so yes, we've just been able
to play. Both of us have full time jobs and

(36:06):
passions that we are pouring into weekly, and so this
has become an outlet for us to do something on
our own terms that's super flexible and there's no expectations.
I think we'll probably who knows, come up on stuff,
more stuff when maybe things get more serious, like we
start to bring partners in, or maybe when our audience

(36:27):
gets a little bit bigger. But right now it's really
been a testament of our love for each other, or
like a space where we can kind of work together
in this way where it's like a lot of give
and take. And I think that, yeah, we play to
our strengths when it comes to set. So and I
was just explaining this the other day, but it's like
someone and I stick to our corners. Like when we

(36:47):
first dreamt it up, there was a lot of collaboration,
but then it's like, okay, well, you have great music tastes,
and you know what storytelling looks like when it comes
to a set, and you know how to get people
from A to B when it comes to the sonic
structure of things. And then for me, it was creative design.
So how are we seeing this manifest and how are
we telling this story beyond the music? And I think
by being in our corners in that way, we've not

(37:10):
crossed over into territory too much to where we've bumped heads.
I think that there is a lot of respect for
either side to where when I hear something this sum's done,
I'm like, oh, this could be smoother, what could you do?
She'll either take it or she's like, yeah, no, I
don't know. This is what it is, Like we're going
to roll with it. And then I'm like all right,
and I kind of let her do her thing. I
think the beautiful thing is like it's not perfect. And

(37:33):
I'm also trying to release the desire for perfection with
the things that I create, because a lot of what
I do now is on this platform that's seen by
a lot of people. And as a creator, you know
that when you begin, it's fun to make mistakes, but
when you're like further along, it gets a lot harder
and you have to let that humility come in again
and be intentional about how you're creating something new and

(37:56):
going into new territory. And you might fall And I
think that because there's so much love in it, falling short,
it's still like, okay, well I'm doing with my sister,
so like, what's the worst that could happen? Or if
me and my sister A love it great, like we
could be the only subscribers. And I think there's really
no end goal, Like even when we drummed it up,
we were just like I was just like, hey, I
want to do creative direction more and I love your

(38:18):
work and how can like, I want to use my
platform to amplify your work? Are you interested? And she
was like absolutely, can we do it like this? And
that was it. There wasn't like where do you see
it in five years? Which I think is great because
so much of the other stuff we do we have
to think, we have to be very forward thinking, and
this is fun to just do for us and our
relationship and for our personal archive and then if it

(38:40):
becomes something it does and if it doesn't, it was
so beautiful. I think.

Speaker 1 (38:45):
So this may be a part of your cancer kind
of habitual aligned stuff for a personality, son Lynn, but
I would imagine that you know, it could be difficult
to like do work with your big sister and say like, no,
actually I want it to be this way, right, especially
some who we it sounds like so organized and like
has very clear ideas. What has allowed you to kind
of stay focused on your vision for you know, what

(39:08):
your part of set should look like in opposition to
maybe what Skylar ease.

Speaker 3 (39:14):
Hmm, maybe it's just the headstrong in me starting to
come out. But like, I also do respect Skylar a lot,
So when she does, like have constructive criticism, I'm never
taking it personally. It's like I might think something sounds good,
and obviously music everything is subjective essentially in art, so
I'm like, Okay, maybe it sounded good to me, and

(39:35):
I need a second opinion. So I know, I feel
like I take everything kind of with a grain of salt.
Like I'm like, Yomi, see if I can adjust whatever
the issue is. But like, for the most part, if
she thinks to something other sound right, I'm like, Okay.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
She'll look at it, and she'll say, all right, I'll
look at it.

Speaker 3 (39:52):
Yeah, I do respect her, and I know that she's
had like a lot more time and experience in the
creative field. So I do like take everything that she
says with her criticisms. I take it and I analyze it.
I'm like, if I can't fix it, I will. If not,
then yeah, we're just gonna have to roll with it.
Because but it's like we literally recording it on the spot.

(40:13):
It's not like I'm recording it after we do the
whole set. So it's like some.

Speaker 2 (40:17):
Stuff just just can't be fixed.

Speaker 3 (40:19):
So I'm like, but you know, I'm not one of
those people who has to be perfect, Like you know,
I good enough is good enough for me a lot
of the times, Like I feel like I'm like one
step under perfectionist. Like I'll get as close as I
feel like as possible, and I'm fine with that.

Speaker 2 (40:35):
But yeah, I mean I think it's been really fun.

Speaker 3 (40:37):
I was a little nervous initially because I take like
Skyler and her work personally and a lot of people
will try to like get close to me, to get
close to her, So I was a little scared initially,
like working with her, is that gonna make this worse?
Like people like, oh, they have this set together, let
me ask something if I could put this part or

(40:58):
contribute this because I know it'll be on Skylar's platform,
Like like I don't know, but you know, I feel
like it is a fifty to fifty thing. Like literally
I'm the music, she's the visuals. So I feel like
it's definitely just like it's mutually beneficial for the both
of us, and it's been.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
Fun so far. Yeah, I mean we've had a time
and I think someone said it perfectly, like she's not
scared of imperfection. And because I have her a different
relationship with trying to have things sorted and to make
sure things look beautiful. I think that that's one of
my strengths. But then it's been something that hurt me
in the past because then I take things personally when

(41:35):
they aren't all together and there's so much beauty and imperfection.
So someone then teaches me, Okay, well we can just
do this. We can do it scared, and we can
do it imperfect and we can do it without knowing
all the things and it will still be great, because
it's a difference between doing something and not And I
think that when you're, you know, pursuing something in the
creative industry like or any creative field like a lot

(41:56):
of people are aspiring to do the things, but then
we'll get in their own way, but because it's not perfect.
And so this was one of those things that we
thought of it and then maybe two weeks later we
did it. And that is very rare for me. I
tend to sit on things because I want to make
sure they're just so. But it's been teaching me so much,
and I think someone's ability to see something. I'm like,
oh my god. I think even with the first one,

(42:17):
I was like, someone, this isn't and we could have
done this, and she was like, girl, let's just get
it out there, like who cares? And no one noticed
it and no one does. But if you're in your
own head.

Speaker 3 (42:25):
So but even still, like with the imperfections, I think
that's great because moving forward, I know I noticed it
from recording the last episode. You can see the growth
on both parts that like you can see elements changing
throughout each recording. Like from the first video, I was
so scared. I had my little baby board. I just
started DJing last year, like literally a year ago in October,

(42:46):
and I'm like.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
Who I want to be?

Speaker 3 (42:48):
Put it on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
It's so permanent.

Speaker 3 (42:51):
Yeah, as are moving along, I'm obviously getting more comfortable.
I've upgraded my board, Like things are getting smoother. We
have like a better run of show, like we know
how things are gonna play out. So I think like
even with the imperfections, it's like so what, like, yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
It inspires people I think are somewhere yeah, exactly up
and not trying to cover it up. Like I just
started like, yeah, I'm gonna mess up. That's just and
that's for any creator if you look at their archive
and you go back to the beginning. I mean still
you know, like I think, but that's such a beautiful
testament to humanity seeing the growth in the process over time.
You cannot begin at perfection and you may not ever

(43:29):
reach it, so like you have to kind of throw
it out altogether. But I completely agree. It's been a
great chronicle of our growth, even over the last three
sets that we've done, I mean, the two that we
have been in the third that's coming soon. Nice.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
Nice, more from our conversation after the break, you know, suddenly,
as you were talking, it reminded me of these TikTok
videos where it's like a partner pair or or like
a sibling pair, and like one sibling is the one

(44:02):
who is afraid to say, like, hey, I actually don't
like this dish, and like the younger sister comes out
of though and like talk to me, I talk that
kind of thing. And it made me think of that
because Scola, you mentioned like I don't really like conflict,
and so it feels like something you are the one
who is sometimes maybe sticking up for your big sister.
It feels like if you know, bullying maybe happens online
or can you say a little a.

Speaker 2 (44:24):
Little bit more about that dynamic. Oh that is so funny.

Speaker 3 (44:28):
I think it's actually insane because growing up I was
always an introvert and she was an extrovert. But I
think it's just like a protection thing over your siblings,
Like if somebody is mean to her, she might not
say something about it. I love will I love he's
even still being an introvert. It's just like I think
it's again like something that our mom instilled in us,

(44:50):
like wanting to give back and be there for other people.
If I know that somebody is hurt by something and
they won't speak up for themselves, who am I to
not be an advocate and like sick up for them?
So I think that that's that's such of the dynamic. Like, yeah,
I don't know if it's because I'm also a middle child,
and like the middle child is typically like the more
like confrontational, I guess, but like Skyler's better with words.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
She might not like the confrontation.

Speaker 3 (45:16):
But if I can read you down, but she'll get
into it, she'll fill in the blanks where I can't.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
That's definitely the dynamic for sure. Like I'll speak up
before she does, and she's like, I don't know, maybe
I'm doing too much. Now you're not doing that well,
it's turning up. That's so funny, doctor Jordan, that she
said that because you just read someone in our port
like that's literally our whole thing.

Speaker 1 (45:38):
She's so, Oh my goodness, that's so funny. I love that.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
I love that so sudden.

Speaker 1 (45:44):
What about your relationship with Skyler do you feel like
you hold on to most when you are wanting to
feel comforted or grounded.

Speaker 3 (45:51):
I think the fact that she's like never judged me
for anything that I've done, and I've done some crazy
things and she's never some some crazy things, just found
the way to support me, even if it's not telling
me that I was right obviously, like she'll still find
a way to make me feel better about the situation
and know how to move better if it were to

(46:13):
happen again. So I think just like the space that
she's created for me to always show up as myself
and not feeling me to hold back is like one
of the most important parts of our relationship. Like I
could literally talk to her about anything, and like it's
not really.

Speaker 2 (46:28):
An uncomfortable conversation.

Speaker 3 (46:29):
It's just like this is just how we talk, like
we can about anything.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
At any time, any place.

Speaker 1 (46:34):
What about you, Skyler, what about your relationship with something?
Did you hold on to you?

Speaker 2 (46:38):
I'm so smiling. I just love talking about sister stuff.
I would say, oh, there's so so much. I think, oh, yeah,
there's a very long list. But I would say one
of the two things that come to mind is just
someone's it's kind of one, but just her ability to
be so fearless, actually just two things. Fearless in that

(46:59):
she walks world with so much of herself at the forefront,
and it's so unapologetic and so proud that I take
so much of that, and it just seeps into me
all the time, Like her confidence is insane. And sometimes
I'm just like and it's so crazy. Because I'm on
social media petre a little bit more and so then
I'm perceived a lot more. But often when you're perceived more,

(47:21):
you are given a lot of opinions and it's like, well,
you have to make sure you pursue them and decide
about how you feel about yourself. And I had started
on social media and started building a platform before I
started doing that work, so I had to kind of
take a like look at it and make sure that
I was slowing things down and deciding for myself how
I felt. But She's never had to let anyone else
but her decide how she feels. And that's what I

(47:43):
love so so much about her. She is just so
sure of herself in all the ways that I think
count because we all have our own insecurities, but she
sees herself so clearly to me, and I think it's
allowed me to see myself clearly as well, because we're
so similar in a lot of ways. And then oftentimes
she'll call things out in me that I don't even

(48:03):
see them make me feel like, wow, you see that
in me? That makes me feel so good, so I
would say that. But then also her ability to be
so soft. I know she talks about being a cancer,
and yeah, I guess it does track her sensitivity. She
is so sensitive in a way. I think I'm maybe
more extroverted in my sensitivity, Like everyone knows I'm sensitive
all the time about anything, but someone is very intentional

(48:24):
in her sensitivity and very quiet about it. It is
so elegant in the way it shows. It's beautiful in
the way that she shows up with her softer parts,
like she holds them in a really protective way and
communicates them in a beautiful way. And I think it's
allowed me to be a little bit more protective of
my parts in that same way, and to hold space

(48:47):
for myself in a way that's like, Okay, yes, it's
not everyone can get access to this, because I tend
to be a little bit open with everybody, and I've
been hurt because of it, as one is and one does.
But with someone I think that, and I'm sure she's
had her own like hurdles to jump over by being
a little bit more protective, but I think it's been
done in such a way that then the people who
are close to her hold parts of her in a

(49:09):
really beautiful way and know the value of the parts
of her that they're holding because she was like, hey,
not everyone has access to this, so I think and
even me like, I've had to learn how to love
her properly to have access to those parts because she's
so protective of them. So yes, both of those things,
but the louder, fearless part. But then also the softer,
quiet side that I think she just does so well

(49:30):
and so beautifully that I've learned so much from.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
So you both have also talked about this beautiful moment
you both have talked about. I don't know if your
parents were aware of this. I'm sure they were in
naming you this whole Sun Sky metaphor as a metaphor
for your relationship. Can you talk about that suddenly and
how you feel like that has played out, especially in adulthood.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
Hmm.

Speaker 3 (49:53):
You asking me all the time like they're like, why
did your parents name you that? I'm like, oh, my
Alma was just doing like the nature thing, like there's yeah.
And even our half sister, Lannie, her middle name is
heaven and Hawaiian, so it's like even our stepmam was
following suit.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
Like God, think that our.

Speaker 3 (50:11):
Family's just very like we're like down to earth, grounded,
so naming us after like parts of the world sculpted
like how we show up today, Like I feel like
we're both pretty bubbly and outgoing people, but like what
choice do you.

Speaker 2 (50:26):
Have with names like sun and sky?

Speaker 3 (50:28):
Imaginable right all the time, because like I bartend, people
will be like, oh, what's your name again?

Speaker 2 (50:38):
I'm like, Sonny, Oh my god, it makes so much sense.
Like you're so nice. I'm like, well, like what if
I wasn't?

Speaker 3 (50:47):
But I feel like because I don't know, well, I
guess because of our names, we have a good give
and take, Like we're night and day. We're similar in
a lot of ways but different in a lot of
ways too, and we both are just like we're very
under standing of that. And like Schaller said, learning how
to love each other the way that each other wants
it is important because you might think that you're showing

(51:08):
up for somebody and you're just showing up the way
that you would want someone to show up for you.

Speaker 2 (51:12):
But that's not the way that everybody risky its love.

Speaker 3 (51:15):
So I think that's been an important part of our journey,
is like acknowledging that and learning how to show up
for each other.

Speaker 2 (51:20):
Yeah, because I could. I tend to be a little
bit of a helicopter older sibling, where I at the beginning,
that's like I was like, let me handle everything so
that nothing is unhandled, and Somelin and Gregory and then
our younger siblings as they've gotten older, they have stepped
into adulthood so beautifully that it's like, well, girl, you
can't do all the things in advance because they'll never
get to learn how to do it. And I think,

(51:41):
especially with Sunlin, I was thinking about this a little
bit deeply because we did a campaign recently where we
were reflecting on our names a lot, and there's just, yeah,
so much balance in our relationship we are when we
talk about like our relationships as siblings, and we talk
about like Somelin Gregory and for instance, someone and I
are on opposite ends of the spectrum in a lot

(52:03):
of the ways that we look at the world and
the ways that we navigate the world, but we work
in parallel with each other. And I think our mom
did her big one and that it's so telling of
who she is to have not put too much thought
into it. She was like, yeah, it made me feel
good and it just felt right. And now we're doing
all this reflecting now our moms like whatever brings joy,
and now we're like, oh, there's other things. But I think, yeah,

(52:26):
that's one of the bigger ways that is shown up
is we have had to be super mindful of Okay, well,
what space am I taking up? And how can I
take up space in my own way while also be
mindful of my sibling and how they're taking up space
and what they need. And I think that was one
of the biggest wake up calls as we've gotten odors
being again curious and identifying what it is our siblings

(52:47):
need of us and how we can speak to those
things in really specific ways, and knowing that someone can't
read my mind and vice versa, so we've had to
like communicate the things out loud so that we can
show it better for each other. But we talked about
it all the time. When like a day isn't going
great and I tell something, she used to get on
her zoom and get the sun out so we can
like turn things up, She's like, Okay, everything's handled. Skyward's

(53:10):
got things going like it's definitely It's definitely shown up
in a bunch of ways in our adulthood. I'd say,
I love bit.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
It has been so much fun to get to know
you more and to hear more about your beautiful relationship.
Thank y'all so much for sharing so transparently with us.
Please let us know where we can stay connected with
you and hear more about set and all the exciting
things you have going on Sunland. Do you have a
website and any social media channels you'd like to share?

Speaker 3 (53:37):
Yeah, so my I feel like my main platform right
now is Instagram. My Instagram is Sunland Sharia s U
n L y n c h I R A y A,
And my website is in the bio there it's speakons
dot ai slash Sunland Sharia and that also has like
all my DJing events for anything upcoming, primarily in DC
in New York. But then our YouTube is at set

(53:59):
dot com sessions and then Skyler can go ahead.

Speaker 2 (54:03):
Yeah, that was gonna be the first plug with set Sessions.
We're hoping to contribute to it more intentionally and consistently.
And then I'm Skylar Marche on all platforms so Instagram,
TikTok and occasionally on my partner's YouTube, but he's total
tany over there, but I pop in there and do
some work there too, But yeah, those are those are
all of them. Thanks for having us, doctor Joy. This
has been so so nice, he was telling so like,

(54:25):
we just were so excited to do this. Thanks love that.
I love that.

Speaker 1 (54:29):
I love that y'all spent some time with us today.
Thank you so much. I'm so glad Skyler and Something
We're able to join me for today's conversation. To learn
more about them and their work, be sure to visit
the show notes at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash
session for thirty six and don't forget to text this

(54:49):
episode to two of your girls right now and tell
them to check it out. Did you know that you
could leave us a voicemail with your questions or suggestions
for the podcast.

Speaker 2 (54:58):
If you have.

Speaker 1 (54:59):
Movies or books you'd like us to review, or have
thoughts about topics you'd like us to discuss. Drop us
a message at mimo dot fm slash Therapy for Black
Girls and let us know what's on your mind. We
just might feature it on the podcast. If you're looking
for a therapist in your area, visit our therapist directory
at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory. Don't forget

(55:19):
to follow us over on Instagram at Therapy for Black
Girls and come on over and join us in our
Patreon channel at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash Patreon
for exclusive updates, behind the scenes content, and much more.
This episode was produced by Alise Ellis Inde Chubou and
Tyree Rush. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all

(55:40):
so much for joining me again this week. I look
forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon.
Take good care,

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Host

Dr. Joy Harden Bradford

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Session 436: The Sibling Sit-Down w/ Skylar Marshai & Sunlyn Chiraya