January 29, 2025 • 70 mins
Hello I am reading viewer mail. Email topics include whether or not porn is cheating, trying to be less annoying, pig jizz, getting ur gf stolen by a guy from Xbox live, and a bunch of other stuff. I am a gecko. I think I left the window open.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, Welcome to get mail. It is a thing where
I read mail as a gecko, and I am assuming
that if you're listening to this show that you know
who I am, or if you don't, that's okay, I'll
fill you in. I'm a guy, and we have one
(00:23):
thing in common if you're listening to this, is that
we're both not dead. How amazing is that? How amazing
is it that we're both not dead? You know? I mean,
I what's this? Hold on? Let me google this real quick?
How many of the people who ever lived are dead? Okay? Okay,
(00:47):
so if we add the number? Okay, all right, look,
I gotta I got it right here. Okay, ninety four
percent of all people who have ever lived are dead.
This is from Google, which is uh, you know, is smart. Uh.
And that means that for every one person alive today,
(01:10):
there are fourteen people who are dead. Not saying that
that one person killed those fourteen people, but just as
a statistic, So, I mean, there's basically that means that
there's a what's six to over ten? How do we okay,
what's one hundred divided by six? I'm trying to simplify
this fraction. There's like a Okay, wait whatever, there's something
(01:33):
like a one in sixteen chance that you're you're that
you're alive, and you're alive. You're part of the six percent.
You're part of the lucky six percent of folks that
are that are still got some time. Ninety four percent
of all people have no time, and they're dead forever.
(01:56):
They're never coming back. If you die, if you were
like a guy or a girl in the year seventeen
not even seventeen hundred. Let's go back further, if you
were a guy or a girl in the year thirteen hundred,
if you were a guy and the girl a million
years ago. I don't know when humans came into being,
(02:18):
but whatever, some people they died like three thousand years
ago and that was it. And we ain't heard a
sound from those people in three thousand years. And I
wouldn't hold out a hope because the people that died
three thousand years ago, they're not coming back. They were alive.
The amount of time that they were alive compared to
(02:39):
the amount of time that they'll be dead is so minischool.
And in this very moment that you're listening to this
fucking podcast, you're part of the you're living the tiny
little speck of existence that you're ever gonna live, and
then you're gonna be dead forever. And I don't know
that's cool. Welcome to gek mail. My name is Lyle,
(03:05):
and I'm gonna read male from people who have emailed me.
I cannot read male from people who have not emailed
me because there's no male to read. So let's do
this and then and we also exist at the same
time as one another, which is kind of insane when
you think about it. We're the six percent. We're all
(03:28):
the six percent. We're all the six percent. All right,
how do they know that? Demo demographers estimate that around
one hundred and seventeen billion people have ever lived on Earth.
This number is calculated by making assumptions about population size
throughout history and applying birth rates to each pyramid period.
(03:52):
That's fucking stupid. All right, let's keep going. Let's or
I guess let's start all right. This is from Louis
subject line horn a controversial opinion. All right, Hello, I
would like to remain anonymous. Please, I'm writing to you
hoping that you can give me a second opinion on
(04:13):
this matter that has been weighing heavily on my relationship
with my boyfriend lately. I am especially curious about your opinion,
as you are a man and have openly said on
the show that you do indulge in watching porn as well.
I really got to remember that people actually listen to
this podcast, so that when I say things people can
(04:35):
hear them. I gotta, I gotta keep that in mind.
But I mean, yeah, I watch I watch porn. Sure,
I'm trying to watch it less I'm trying to watch
I don't. I actively. It's kind of like how people
will hit me up and be like, hey, I want
your opinion on this weed thing, because you smoke weed
every day, and I'm like, look, I have I do
these things, but I don't like it, and the perfect
version of my life.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
I don't watch porn. But anyway, okay, all right. My
controversial opinion is that porn is that porn is cheating.
I have a few different points to make here. The
argument my boyfriend made is that it does not count
because it's not real. It's just a video okay, that
(05:16):
is in fact a real woman. Why are these women
in the porn industry seen as objects? And not real women.
For perspective, if the woman was in the room with
him and he was simply watching her and getting off
to it, would that be considered cheating? Why is it
different because it's a video. What if a woman sent
him a video of herself and he used this to
(05:37):
get off would that be considered okay because it is
a video and quote not real. Secondly, he asked me, well,
wouldn't you rather me watch porn than cheat on you?
That's a stupid thing to say. This was a huge
issue for me. This makes me feel like I am
being given an ultimatum. Let my boyfriend jack off to
(05:58):
other women or get cheated on. Cool. I've surfed read
it quite a bit on the topic, just to get
some outside opinion, and a lot of men have this standpoint.
Why should women have to fear being cheated on because
they do not feel comfortable allowing their significant other to
watch porn? Lastly, and most importantly, porn desensitizes the brain.
(06:21):
There are all caps many studies on this. If you
are allowing yourself to look at other women lustfully and
satisfy your sexual needs, where is the line the intimacy
of sex is lost? Before I get a bunch of
hate for being insecure or possessive. Let me just say
that everyone has their own boundaries and preferences, and this
(06:43):
is just my own. I do not feel comfortable with it.
I love my boyfriend, but if it continues to be
an issue, I have no problem breaking off the relationship
and finding someone who has similar morals and will respect
my boundaries. I could go on and on here, but
I am really trying to keep this short and sweet.
Thanks in advance to really enjoy the show. Much love. Okay,
first of all, look, I mean look, I mean, look,
(07:05):
you don't even tell you this because you said it yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Look, it's a free country, it's a you're a free
human being. You're you're if if if you don't want
your significant other to watch porn, if that's the the
fucking u fence you're putting up, I mean, god damn,
Like you know you have the whether or not it's
insecure or possessive. Is I you know, I'm less in
(07:31):
It doesn't really matter, like you can if that's what
you want, If that's the boundary you want to set,
then God bless you the whole thing of I I
do I do think saying would you rather I would
rather watch? Would you rather be? Watch porn? Or cheat
on you? It's kind of stupid, like those are the
(07:51):
two options. But I mean, look, man, it's pretty easy.
It's like, look, if you don't like your boyfriend watching porn,
and your boyfriend don't watch stop, want to stop watching porn?
Fucking go go go go find a go to Utah.
All right, find a nice Mormon gentleman, and uh, you know,
(08:15):
tell him that if he watches porn, God will strike
him down and use that fear to uh you know,
get him to do what you want. No, uh yeah, yeah, uh,
find find a nice uh Mormon gentleman, and uh you know,
you guys, go be happy together and and don't watch
(08:36):
porn and live your life. Yeah, okay, let's keep going.
Oh look at this. I love this one. This is
from Emily. Subject line how do I Stop being annoying?
What a great subject line for an email. Hello GEK,
(08:56):
my name is Emily. I recently have become very self away,
and it's become a curse and a blessing. Although I
feel like I've become a better person because of it,
I also feel like I'm so aware of how much
I talk that I'm spiraling, that I have been that
one annoying person my whole life, and I don't know
how to control it. My nearest resolution was to talk less,
but so far I have failed. I'm conflicted with the
(09:18):
fact that I should not have to change who I am.
I recently spent two hours ranting to my parents about
my job, and afterwards I felt this immense sense of
guilt because I feel like I annoyed them the whole time.
Just looking for thought, Thanks gek, Emily. Wow, what a
great email. What a great email. I want to take
a second to collect my thoughts on this. First of all,
(09:41):
I just I really believe this. I believe this in
my soul, deeply. I really believe this. I'm gonna say
this listen. First of all, being annoying is not that bad.
I just want you to know, Emily, even if you are,
and I'm not gonna I don't know you. I don't
know if you're annoying or not. Even if you're annoying,
(10:02):
it's not that bad. Like I swear on my life,
you know what. I know that, like, being annoying is
not commonly seen as a actively positive trait. But uh,
it's it's not that bad. Being annoying and kind of
sucking and like being irritating is not that bad. You
could be There's way worse things you could be than annoying.
(10:24):
You could be fucking uh, you could be uh nasty,
you can be mean, you can be cold, you can
be harsh, you can be so many other things besides
just annoying. So just first of all, being annoying to
(10:45):
me is it's a neutral thing. It's not actively bad. Okay.
The second thing is, so, uh you're try I think
there's something there's it's you're bringing up a very interesting
conflict that a lot of people, myself included have, which
are okay, Uh, convention, I don't know. Modern wisdom says
(11:11):
to be yourself Jesus, just unabashedly be yourself, be who
you are, and you'll attract the right people. And you'll
the people that you turn away will it doesn't matter
because they weren't the right fit for your life anyway.
That's what modern wisdom tells you and I and.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I I believe that to a degree, although as I
get older and as I have more life experience, I
continue to I check back in on that belief and
I'm like, oh, maybe I should cut my fucking hair,
you know something like that. Right, So, I think it's
probably somewhere in between. It's like, look, you don't want
(11:52):
to like kill off the essence of who you are
to fit into society.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
But if you make the conscious choice where you're like,
you know what, Like like, I actually love the way
you're coming at this, You're like, you know what, look
like you're laying it out on the table. You're being
very logical. You're like, look, I have identified that I
am a little annoying, and I'm going to make and
I would like to fit in better into society because
I have decided that that will make me happier, that
(12:20):
will improve my life being less annoying. Therefore, I am
going to make a conscious effort to be less annoying.
I think that's fair. I think there's a lot I
think like accepting yourself and trying to change yourself. There's
a yin and yang to it. And I wouldn't I
don't want to blind I wouldn't blindly follow either the
(12:41):
conventional wisdom of be yourself versus step in line. You
got to find a nice little in between, right, But
this is this email. This is from a person who's
decided that they're annoying and wants to change. And I'm well, okay,
I know you're conflicted that you should not have to change.
(13:02):
Uh sorry, I don't know if you said that you well,
actually know I'm lying you. Okay, your new year's resolution,
it says here, my new year's resolution was to talk less. Okay,
So you made an active effort to be less annoying,
which I respect. I respect. I think I think it's
good to yeah, work on yourself here, but but just
(13:24):
with like with like talking too much. I mean, look, Emily,
here's the talk as much as you want. But I
think if you're having a conversation with somebody, you want
to be to some degree, you want to be conscious
of them to some degree of course, and uh, you know,
(13:46):
just make sure you're in your conversations you're having a
give and take, you know that, because nobody, I guess
nobody wants to be like talked at in their interactions.
They want a little bit of like like, go ahead
and rant for an hour, but then after that you're done,
be like but what you know, how was your day.
What's going on with you? You are right? Was everything? Okay?
A really beautiful relationship is two people each taking turns
(14:09):
ranting at each other for two hours. So you know,
don't feel don't don't don't feel guilty, don't feel shamed
about being annoying. It's I swear on my life. There's
so much worse things you could be than be annoying.
But yeah, I don't. I don't know. I that was
my That was more of an analysis than it was advice,
(14:30):
which is good because I like analysises are Okay, you
said I'm looking for thought. That's great. I feel like
I didn't give Okay, you didn't say you're looking for advice.
You said you were looking for thought, and I feel
like I gave that. Okay, Now I'm being a little annoying, which,
by the way, as I've established, is fine. Let's keep going,
(14:52):
all right. This is from Marcella subject line working at
best Buy a free experience. Hi, Lyle, I feel like
I need to get this story off my chest. I
worked at best Buy for two years twenty twenty one
to twenty twenty three. I started as seasonal and then
became a full time Verizon rep. I started noticing odd
(15:15):
things around the building. One morning, I walk in and
my manager is giving someone else a BackRub, not realizing
I was in there. Flash forward a few months later,
a new guy starts up front. He seems normal until
he drops his phone on the floor and I go
to pick it up and his lock screen is presumably
him and his friends at a furry convention. So what off?
(15:38):
All right? Hold on? Kind of fuck this person who
wrote this email? All right, hold on, hold on. I
cannot hold this news in any longer. And I go
to tell my other coworkers, and dude, okay, hold on.
The person who wrote this email bothers the shit out
of me, okay, because you're being a little bit of
a prick. And here's the thing. Okay, so what all right?
(16:03):
So you saw your friend by the way, here's the thing.
I just I'm not.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
I do.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
We've talked about this on this fucking show a billion times,
but I'll just just to say it again. I I don't.
I don't think that I am uh in any I
am not in any way, shape or form associated with
the furry subculture. It's its own thing. However, as a
(16:32):
pure like from a purely logistical standpoint and symbolic standpoint.
I am undeniably an adult man who regularly wears an
animal costume. I am undeniably that I don't think that
that makes me a furry, but I do think and
endows me with the responsibility to defend furries because I,
(16:59):
like I said, I am, I am a man who
dresses up regularly in a in an animal costume. So
I'm gonna I'm gonna go on a limb. I'm gonna
defend this man, and I'm gonna say that I think
it was I think it's a little fucked up that
you saw that this guy was having a good time
with his homies at the at the at the dress
(17:21):
up like a wolf and fuck each other party. Sounds
like either having a good time and you're out you're
out here trying to tell Also, you're like telling your
other coworkers like it's a secret. It's on his fucking
phone anyway, all right, I cannot hold this news in
any longer, and I go to tell my other coworkers
and find out in fact that I am the outlier
(17:42):
the whole time. Fifty percent, not exaggerating of the staff
was in the furry community, and thirty percent she wrote
this in all caps participated in sexual activities with one another.
Sounds awesome. I nearly quit, but a last I stayed
employed at the best Buy. You know what, I fucking dude,
(18:02):
fuck the person who wrote this email. Okay, you okay,
this guy. These people they work at best Buy all day,
like most of their life is just getting screamed at
by the insane people who are still shopping. I get
the only people who are still going in person to
buy stuff at best Buy are like old insane people.
(18:25):
And these motherfuckers, Okay, they're working retail at the best Buy.
They're getting yelled at every day. Their lives are are sucking.
And you know what, the you know, the one thing
that makes them happy, Marcella. You know the one thing
that makes them happy is wearing a horse costume and
(18:46):
getting fucked in the ass. And I think that's awesome.
I think that's beautiful. I'll let them have it, Marcella.
What are you doing here? Why? Why is this such
a big deal? All right? Hold on, I nearly quit. Last,
I stayed employed at the best Buy. A furry scuffle
broke out in the warehouse one day when one of
the alpha furres okay, now you're getting sucked into it too.
(19:09):
When one of the alpha furres, who was in a
thrupple with a guy and a girl also working at
best Buy had found out that, in fact, he was
just getting cheated on the whole time, he ran out
of the store, into the parking lot and moved to Texas.
In three days, they had to pull employees from other
stores because almost half of our staff went out of
town all caps for the Furry Convention. I I okay,
(19:35):
hold on, hold on, holo, I have a new thing.
By the way, hold on. I sorry. I drank a
lot of coffee before I started recording this. I'm gonna
calm down for a second. I want to apologize, okay,
the person who wrote this email, Marcella. I want to
apologize to Marcella. I want to apologize to Marcella. I said,
I said fuck them, I said some choice things about them.
I want to apologize because as I'm getting deeper into
(19:59):
this email, I'm coming up with a new theory. I'm
coming up with a new theory, and the theory that
I'm coming up with is making me sad. My theory
is that the person who wrote this email is secretly,
(20:23):
unconsciously really upset that she was not invited to go
to the Furry Convention. I genuinely believe that because look,
this person. They also they worked at best Buy and
they worked at Verizon, and they I don't know if
they have a lot of friends. I don't know if
(20:47):
they're up. So I just I just like, I think
they're seeing their coworkers having so much fun having sex
with each other in dog costumes, and they kind of
wish that they had something like that, and they don't,
and so they are just upset and they're they're taking
(21:10):
it out in this email. And so Marcella, listen, I
just want you to know, like you can look, find
your own version of a free convention. Go do Go.
I don't know, I don't know who you are. I
don't know anything about you, but uh, I don't know.
Go find something to do instead of getting pissed off
at other people. All right, Okay? Then then she wrote
(21:33):
that's all I have to share. Do not go into
best Buy. I'm not kidding. It is a cult. Do
not get sucked in. Oh I'm going to best Buy
and I'm getting sucked in. Baby, if you know what
I mean. All right, that was gross, Let's keep going. Uh,
all right? This is from Shay random fat. They wrote,
(21:54):
don't read my email on stream. I kind of want
to read it. And why would you send me an
email and tell me not to read it on stream?
Why would you send me I kind of want to
read this on stream, just despite this person. Why would
they send me an email to not read it on stream?
(22:14):
All right? Anyway? Sorry, I don't know why. I'm sorry.
I think when I think, when I drink too much coffee,
I just go off the rails so little too much?
All right. This is from an Oscar subject line I'm
obsessed with my ex. Hello, mister lyle Chan, my name
is Oscar. I've texted my ex again after six months
(22:39):
of getting over her lately missing her quite often, and
decided to come up with a master plan to make
us fall in love again. Okay, all right, okay, even
though she's talking and falling in love with someone else.
Oh okay, all right. Ah, Jesus christis is gonna make
(23:05):
me really sad. I had to talk with her about
us getting together again, reminding her how we promised each
other that in the end when we're older, we will
get back together. When we broke it off back then,
those months ago, she agreed how we can get together
only if things don't work out with them together. She agreed, Okay, okay,
(23:25):
I'm trying to this person has a little some grammatical
errors in this email, but I'm gonna try to interpret
them and translate it. She agreed that we can get
back together only if things don't work out with her
and the guy that she's talking to. Now for me
to decide and rather be alone and work on myself,
dying waiting for her, missing every moment, clinging to her,
(23:46):
still patiently waiting for her to be complete with this guy. Also,
we agreed to have sex too, while they are trying
to get together and still in the talking stage, pose
planning to make the sex to benefit to make her
love me and gain feelings back. Okay, this person called
(24:09):
me is this person is this person Japanese? Because if oh, well,
okay ask her. Okay, I'm just trying to figure out
if English is this person's first language or nots because
they called me lyle chan uh okay okay, no, by
the way, hold on by, I just I just hold on.
(24:30):
I just want to Okay, I was making I was
not making fun of but I was. I was. I
think I made a rude comment about this person's grammatical errors.
Did not realize that they were not a native English speaker.
I apologize for that. Okay. If you're not a native
English speaker, please keep emailing me. I promise I will
not make funny your English. I genuinely apologize about that. Okay.
(24:53):
Planning to make the sex to benefit her, love me
and gain feelings back, plus more on that of other
ideas about not just about it being sex. Anyways, I
have a massive plan written out on my iPhone notes
on how to get her back and sabotage him. Is
this a pure obsession of boredom or some super evil
(25:15):
mastermind plan? Okay, holy shit, Oscar, uh ah, Jesus christ Man,
this is this. This is a phone call, Oscar. This
is this is an Oscar. Oscar, Let's talk on the phone.
I will. I will talk on the phone with you, Oscar.
I will. I don't I don't know where you're originally from,
(25:37):
but I will front the money, uh for the long
distance call for this so that we can talk. So
I I don't know. Send me another email with your
phone number and we can we got to talk about
this because you need I don't. By the way, hold on,
it shouldn't be me, it should be a therapist. But
you need to be talked off the ledge, I think,
(26:00):
because this is this is insane. I like, I'm also
kind of curious because like if you also, I'm like
very curious how old you are, because if you're like nineteen,
I kind of I understand this email a little bit more.
But if you're like thirty seven, would you or you
or if you're like thirty seven, you might be I don't,
(26:20):
I don't. I don't know, Oscar, I don't know. I'm
I'm god, I'm on so much coffee right now. I'm
do you have other people in your life who you've
talked to about this? Because you need to be talked
off the ledge like a pronto, because this is this
is wild. If if this is true, Yeah, this is wild.
(26:42):
If this is true, you gotta yeah, you you you don't.
You don't want to be like I don't know, this
is yeah, this is kind of wild, Oscar. You don't
want to be doing any of this. This is gonna
kill you, Oscar. I don't. Yeah, send me, send me,
(27:03):
send me your phone number, and we can well, I
want to this is a phone call. This is I can't.
I don't know. I I don't think I can respond today.
This is because here's the thing. I could sit here
and I could respond to this email. But I'm just
gonna say the same things that everyone's already thinking. But
like I need, I gotta know what's going on in
your life with this one. Oh, okay, you sent me
(27:26):
your Okay, all right, Oscar sent all right, Oscar sent
me their phone numbers. Should I call hold on? Should
I call this person? Okay, I'm gonna call this person,
but just okay, I'm gonna call this person. But just
so that everyone knows, I just want to let everyone know, Uh,
this is like a this is a rare thing. So
don't if you're if you send an email into this show,
(27:47):
don't include your phone number because I don't. I don't.
I'm not gonna normally do this. I just just in
this this someone in the chat just wrote this sets
a standard going forward, and I just want everyone to
know that it apps absolutely does not. I just personally,
in this moment, really want to talk to this guy.
(28:10):
So I'm gonna call him, but normally I would normally normally,
I I do this email segment because I don't feel
like because I want to take a break from phone
calls and I want to just like kinda read the emails,
but just for some for just right now. So the
oscars email kind of spoke to me, and I want
to talk to him. So I'm gonna try to call him.
All right, let's see if he answers. Give me one sec. Hello, yo, Oscar,
(28:37):
what's up? How you doing it?
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Fine?
Speaker 1 (28:42):
You know?
Speaker 3 (28:44):
Taking the day? About time?
Speaker 1 (28:46):
Okay, all right, I'm now okay. I feel less bad
about making fun of the grammatical errors in your Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
No, it's okay, okay, okay, no, it's okay, okay, Well
all right, so Oscar, look look I read your email.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Everyone heard your email, like what is this? How true?
Is this?
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Yeah? Very true? Actually? Okay, well yeah no, this, uh,
this message just happened, like well, me texting her and everything.
My god, no, I texted her like maybe like like
maybe like four days ago, already has five days ago,
and it's just been you know, I just haven't had
(29:35):
any you know, it's been stressful, you know, all that
with finals. I guess I've just got me, you know,
I guess too. I don't know, I would say, just
I just really texted and just like at that moment,
I just I was like, fuck, I missed it and
all that, but like, you know, it was just yeah,
I don't know. It's like, yeah, I'm just I'm just saying.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
How how how how? How how old are you? Oscar?
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Nineteen?
Speaker 1 (30:03):
You're nineteen? Okay, I guessed it correctly, you were on nineteen. Yeah, okay,
all right, I'm significantly less freaked out by this email
now that I know that you're nineteen.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Yeah, I know when you're saying thirty, I was like, okay,
I don't know about all that, but you know.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
But yeah, okay, no, okay, I'm significantly less freaked out
by this email. Yeah, okay, Oscar. Uh, I mean listen, man,
do you do you do you want? Do you understand?
I guess what's like kind of crazy about this email?
Speaker 3 (30:36):
Uh? Like how elaborate the plant is? I guess you know, yeah,
like I've been always thinking it too.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Yeah, I mean, having like an elaborate plan to sabotage
your ex's relationship.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Honestly Honestly, I wasn't too really not serious about that,
but like it's like somewhat like I don't know because
like this is like, yeah, I don't know if that's
good or not, because I am self aware about that
those sep of things, and I think like damn, like
because usually at this point or like I'm just thinking
like okay, Oscar, you need to slow down because there
(31:12):
is no way you're going to be doing all that
because like literally could be something like so like messed
up and you're like what and it just freaks me out.
It freaks myself out, and honestly, okay, yeah, well.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I look, you know, okay, I'm okay, you know what.
I'm I'm glad that we talked. This is the first
time and maybe the maybe the very last time I
ever do this in a GAK mail. I just for
some reason your email spoke to me. I wanted to
call you to make sure you weren't like you see
you seem like you are still in touch with the earth,
(31:48):
which is good.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
Okay, why don't you what are you in school to do?
Why don't you like I don't know, man, what in
school to do?
Speaker 3 (32:02):
I am really into psychology, like it is the only
no I know, it's not well yeah, like the obvious there,
yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Hello, I'm here, I'm here. Okay, well okay, look I
don't I don't. Maybe I think I think I've I
think I've made this into two big of a whole thing.
But uh, Oscar, why don't you leave? When you leave?
Speaker 3 (32:32):
You know?
Speaker 1 (32:33):
When do you when you go? Do? Like, I don't know,
It's just it's just like like writing writing in your
notes app about how you master plan to sabotage your
ex's new relationship is a truly horrible use of time. Uh.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
I think honestly, I've been kind of bored, so you know,
and this this, this callback, this come to me now
about how we're gonna get together and all that, you know,
it just it just made me feel like, you know,
like I fell out of Like I felt really numb afterwards.
(33:12):
So like I just thought, like, you know, like why,
like you know, I can never have that feeling back,
So like I'm just thinking it can only be heard.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
What do you mean you can what do you mean
you can never have that feeling back?
Speaker 3 (33:24):
I don't know, It's just like, well, she's like really,
you know, she's like really different, like she's like special.
She's like like how what she went through and everything
like that. You know, it's like it's it really like
traumatized me to a point where like I, you know,
like I want her to be my momly love and
I can like really see your future and I have
like planned out already.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Okay, uh uh Oscar, can I can? I can? I
give you a little bit of hope and then and
then I'm gonna hang up on you and continue reading emails.
Is that cool? Of course? Of course, of course.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
I don't want to hold up the.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
No no, no, no, You're you're all good, Oscar. I just
I just want you to know something.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
I remember.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Okay, you're you're only nineteen years old, Oscar, and I
assume holds this girl. We will how old is this girl? Also? Nineteen?
Speaker 3 (34:19):
She's my age?
Speaker 1 (34:21):
Okay, I just ask, Oscar. You will meet so many
more people. Now, I'm not even gonna say women. I'm
people you meet. You will meet so many more people
and do so many more things with your life that
(34:43):
you won't even you can't even you literally can't even
imagine the scope of what your life could be like
in the future. So I I I guess I would
just encourage you to be thinking about the abundant possibilities.
I'm like eight years older than you, and I'm I'm
(35:05):
still I'm over here like trying to remember that life
has abundant, infinite possibilities, you know what I mean. So
I just you know, I hope, dear Christ, that you
stop having such a scarcity mindset about your life and
realize that the world is abundantly full of life, experience
(35:29):
and and cool people for you to meet. Okay, I
just I hope, I I hope, I hope you recognize that. Now.
I'm I I wish you well, Oscar. I'm gonna get
back to I feel disgusted that I just gave you
a motivational speech. I'm trying to lay off the motivational speeches,
(35:53):
but I wish I wish you good luck, Oscar.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
God, okay you all right? No, yeah, I know if
I exaggerating, but no, yeah, thank you?
Speaker 1 (36:04):
All right, take care, Oscar, Bye bye bye. Oscar's an
Oscar's a good guy. He has he He's definitely not
an English major, but he's a good guy. All right,
Let's keep reading emails. All right, I mean, I'm gonna
read the chat. Does the chat have anything to say? Uh?
Gek trying to not give advice slash motivational speeches equals
(36:26):
mission impossible. That was a great speech. Don't hate it,
I know, I just hate speech. I hate like I
would like. I think if anyone ever took what I
just said and like put like black and white video
of a guy running and then like sad music underneath it,
I I think I would commit suppuku. What's that? What
(36:49):
is it called suppuku? Am I saying that? Right? Soupucu? Yeah? Yeah,
that's what I would do if someone did that. All right?
Someone said, uh, okay, what someone said? What draws the
line between a speech and just talking? That was a speech?
Someone said sudoku. No, I'm not trying to say sudoku. Okay, anyway,
(37:12):
let's keep going. Let's keep doing it. I'm never doing
that again. By the way, I not there's another thing
to do with Oscar, but I'm never doing that again.
So don't include your phone number in these emails. Okay,
Let's keep going. Um who I like this? All right?
This is from Joni, subject line, I got chased by
(37:32):
a bear. Hey gek. I got chased by a black
bear in the summer, and now every time I walk
the route where I was chased, I relive each terrifying
step I took as I ran away. I live in
constant fear while walking slash running that a black bear
will jump out of the bush and eat me. I
got lucky that my sister heard me screaming bloody murder.
(37:53):
Otherwise the bear probably would have mauled me. I may
or may not have pissed my pants in fear. Anyway,
I would still choose a bear over a man any day.
You should. I have a movie that you should watch, Joni.
You should. Have you ever seen The Revenant? Have you
ever seen The Revenant?
Speaker 2 (38:10):
Go?
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Watch the rev Go? I mean, actually, you know, I
don't even watch The Revenant, but like, you don't have
to watch The Revenant. Just call on YouTube and search
Revenant bear attack scene. It's just a It's Leonardo DiCaprio
screaming and crying for like five minutes while he gets
mauled by a bear. I got it. I was watching
(38:31):
that on YouTube with my friend and I got into
an argument with him because I I have this theory
now it's not a theory, but it's just an argument
and it's like a half serious argument. But I think
acting is really really easy. I think that, Like I
think becoming an actor extremely hard. Like I think because
(38:51):
like be like Leo, Okay, all right, I'm gonna like
really start some shit right now, because like getting to
the point leone Leonardo DiCaprio is at like in his
career extremely difficult. Becoming an actor one of the hardest
things you could do. But like actually like doing the
(39:18):
acting extremely easy, at least for like film and TV.
I think for like like if like being like a
theater actress or actor is difficult, but like I kind
of I was kind of watching that scene of Leonardo
DiCaprio getting mauled by a bear and The Revenant, and
I was the whole time, I was kind of thinking,
I think I could do this. We got an argument
and he was like, no, you couldn't. You like he's
(39:40):
a well trained actor, and it's like, I really think
I could. Then we put on Lincoln and uh he
we like would watch Lincoln like all like a scene
from YouTube, and I would like try to reenact it.
I'm like, I kind of think I could do Lincoln.
I kind of not. I mean, yeah, I kind of
think I could be a better actor than Daniel da Lewis. Like,
(40:01):
I think I can do it. I don't like, I
just and whatever. I'm willing to be proven wrong, but like,
I think it's really easy. And you should watch The
Revenant and maybe if I get the budget, I'll remake
The Revenant with me, just to prove that I also
could do that. All right, just keep going, Okay, what's
(40:27):
the chat? I have to say? The chat says it
looks easier than it is. I did acting for a year.
You were, I don't know, you were probably bad at it.
Speaker 3 (40:37):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
This is from the person who wrote the email. After
I got chased, I had dreams about being held at
gunpoint by the bear. That sounds way more scary if
you find it, because I feel like most bears in
most bears in popular culture are I think, depicted as friendly.
(41:00):
But if the bear was like and also it's more,
it's worse because I usually, if a bear is chasing you,
wants to eat you, and it's like unconsciously malicious, But
a bear pointing a gun at you is very consciously malicious.
All Right, This is from be subject line fumbly to
(41:20):
fumble ur hey gek. I'm in a predicament. I'm usually
being chronically fumbled, but recently I believe I have become
the fumbler, and I think I have made a grave mistake. Okay,
when you say I've been being chronically fumbled, that means
like guys are trying to like court you and failing.
(41:45):
Is that what that means? I'm still friends with the
boy I fumbled, and I fear I may now have
feelings for him. I told him after three dates we
shouldn't pursue a relationship, but I found myself missing him.
I think I've made a mistake. I told him that
right now I would like to get to know each
other as friends. I think I was overwhelmed and scared,
(42:05):
turning into the very person I despise. I don't know
what my next move should be. We are trying to
hang out again sometimes sometime soon. Thank you for your time,
lyle uh oh god, I don't really know. I mean,
I guess hang out with the guy again, and if
you like him, then keep hanging out with him. Should I?
(42:29):
I don't know. If I don't think I have anything
more to say than that, I think if you like
this guy, then keep hanging out with him. That's it.
That's all I have to say about this email. Let's
keep going, all right? This from Stacy, subject line I
want a lot of boyfriends, and then in all caps,
they wrote plzzzzz, hey GEK. I need to stay as
(42:52):
anonymous as possible, so you can call me whatever comes
to mind. I'm twenty four female. I'm emailing you to
admit a deep desire slash fantasy that I have. I
want to have like three boyfriends, but not like three
separate relationships with them. I want all of us to
(43:13):
mutually be in love and share it within each other
and cuddle together like a bunch of kittens and do
group activities and travel places and stick together. Yeah it
sounds great that I know. I know. Listen, here's the thing.
Plenty of people have used their first and last names
(43:34):
to admit much more embarrassing desires. I think wanting three
because everyone, I think not everyone, but like you know,
I think love is a commonly desired thing, So who
the fuck wouldn't want to have three boyfriends. The ideal
setup would be just me and three other men that
(43:55):
are a bit submissive and need me to care for
them in way. Okay, you want like three, you want
like pets, you want you want to be like a
cat lady, but you can fuck the cats. Is kind
of what I'm getting from this. I know I'll probably
never get this in my real life, but I think
(44:16):
about it a lot. I had a dream a night
ago where I was walking walking up to a beautiful
house after work and realized it was my house. When
I walked in, there was three guys waiting for me,
and we shared a group hug and all cuddled on
the couch and watched a show and it was just perfection.
Let me know if you have any thoughts, comments, or concerns.
(44:37):
I need to know if I'm weird or something for
having these desires. Love you gek No, I don't, By
the way, I just want you to know, Like, listen,
here's the thing. I forget what fake name I gave you, Stacy.
Here's the thing's Stacy. If I just I really genuinely,
(44:59):
I don't know you, and I don't know who you
are and what steps maybe you've taken to fulfill this fantasy.
But I kin't the thing what you're describing sounds doable.
You want a polyocule. You want to create a pollocule
where you have three men who are financially dependent upon you.
(45:24):
It sounds and need you to like feed them and
take care of them. You could easily find this. You
could easily find this. I don't. I don't know what
kind of uh you know, money you're pulling in right now, right,
I don't know if.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
You have.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
You want like three like sugar boyfriend, people who like
you know, I guess are are metaphorically sucking on your
teats and.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
Uh uh.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
You know the reliant upon you? You want three pets that
are men. You can find that. Yeah, I'm sure you
have a in today's economy. Again, I don't, I don't
know what you're pulling in. But in today's economy, this
is what you've described from the opposite point, like from
a guy's perspective, is not a whole. It's not a
tough sell. I think you could do it, you know.
(46:19):
I just that's all I want you to know, is
uh if if I'm the first person to tell you
that this isn't that Not only is this not crazy,
I actually think it's achievable, and I hope you find
it because I think I think this sounds like a
you know, this is a Craigslist dad that that can
easily be achieved for you. I think someone in the
(46:46):
chat said, I don't think the economy should play into this.
The economy absolutely plays into this. This is this is
a this is a woman who wants like three live
in boyfriends who she takes care of. And you know,
look in this economy, that's that's that's expensive. In this economy,
(47:09):
that's expensive. Uh. Yeah. A bunch of people, just a
bunch of people in this in the twitch chat are
saying that this is normal. Well not that it's normal,
but it's you know, that is doable anyway. Oh, this
one I want to read. Okay, all right, this is
from m K subject line, pig jizz is my job,
(47:33):
Dear therapy Gecko. I never thought I'd grow up to
be the person who intercepts pig penises for a living,
But here we are. My job collecting pig jizz. Why
because someone has to ensure the future generation of pigs
is brought into this world via the magic of artificial insemination.
It's like match dot Com for pigs, except I'm the
(47:54):
unlucky third wheel picture this. I love the way this
By the way, I just I know I so. I
know a lot of the times I rag on people's
grammar in emails, But whoever wrote this like, I'm having
so much fun reading this. The way this person writes
is beautiful. I just got to give them props for
that picture this. I work in a setup that looks
(48:17):
suspiciously like the pit at an oil change place, except
instead of cars, I'm dealing with six hundred to one
thousand pound bores. Jesus, these behemoths have to mount a
device we lovingly refer to as the dummy, and as
soon as they're ready for action, I swoop in. Now
(48:38):
here's where it gets wild. These bores sometimes sport equipment
that would make a garden hose jealous. We're talking up
to two feet long. My job is to gently guide
said horse said pigcock They didn't write pigcock, but into
(48:59):
a collection up and then let nature take its course.
Once the deed is done, I analyze the sample under
a microscope to check for fertility rates, because even in
the pig world, quality control is important. You're messing with
hog hoog. Thankfully, this only takes up about two hours
(49:20):
of my day. Okay, oh you said, Okay, the rest
of the time I get to do more traditional farm work. Okay,
I thought this person four hour worked weeked themselves with pigges.
I thought this person was doing they I thought they
were like New Rich you know, I'm taking my time
(49:42):
back and just you know, I'm starting a piggez business
that starts two hours a day. I thought they were
doing that kind of vibe. But the rest of the time,
I get to do more traditional farm work like fixing equipment,
feeding animals, and questioning my life choices. Yeah, I'm sure.
I'm sure you have a lot of time to do that.
I thought this might bring a smile to your face
or at least make you reconsider any career moves involving livestock.
(50:05):
If this story makes it onto the podcast, I hope
it provides your listeners with a mix of laughter, awe,
and a touch of secondhand discomfort. That's the end of
the email. I've never I this is one of my
favorite people I think I've interacted with doing this show.
(50:27):
Even though we didn't talk on the phone, and even
though they didn't even give me their name, I just
I love the way this person writes. I love the
pride they take in their job and the poetry they
use to describe it. There's a beauty. Whoever, I don't
know who wrote this email, but whoever. And then and
then at the end they're like, I really hope my
(50:48):
Pigges story gave you a mix of laughter, awe, and
a touch of secondhand discomfort. This is a beautiful person
who wrote this email. You know what, There's an Abraham
Lincoln quote. Ah, this is Oh, this is a good
chance for me to prove that I'm a better actor
than Daniel d Lewis. There's an Abraham Lincoln quote. It
(51:10):
goes like this, whatever you are, be a good one. Ah,
that was bad one, Charlie. Whatever you are, be a
good one. He had like a he had a kind
of a crappy voice. All right, whatever, fuck Daniel Lewis.
All right, whatever you are being good on This person
(51:33):
is a great Pigges Pigjacker offer. They take pride in it,
they describe it with such passion and beauty, and they
make me, they make me feel joyful for the future
of our country. All right, let's see here. Okay, okay,
(51:55):
all right. This is kind of a longer email than
I would usually like to read, but the subject line
is just calling me, so I'm gonna read it anyway,
and we're gonna read. I'm gonna try, right, I'm gonna
try to read the I'm gonna take us through this
entire email. Again. This is longer. Usually I try not
to read ones that are longer than two barographs, but
this one is I'm feeling good about reading the whole thing. Okay, uh,
(52:20):
this is from Reggie. Subject line someone I met on
Xbox stole my girlfriend of four years, hey gek. In
the early COVID days, I reconnected with one of my
best childhood friends over Xbox and we just chat and
play games from time to time. I now live on
the opposite end of the world from where I grew up,
(52:41):
so it was really nice to reconnect with an old
friend like that. At some stage, one of his friends
from university started joining us in our Xbox parties, and
it was great. The three of us got on really well,
and we're hanging out on Xbox together fairly frequently. This
continued for probably the better part of two years, and
it often be times we're be just me and this
other guy I was introduced to. We became mates. It
(53:03):
was nice. One day, this guy said he was coming
on a holiday to the country I live in, and
because we'd known each other for a few years at
this point, I said he should fly down to my city.
I'll take a long weekend off work and he can
stay in my house. That's exactly what he did, and
truth be told, it was great. We got along well.
We had a very busy weekend, doing as much as possible,
and we even threw a house party at our place.
(53:25):
The long weekend comes and goes, and he flies back
to the city he was holidaying in, and then shortly
after flies back to the other side of the world.
Maybe two weeks after he'd left, my ex came to
me visibly upset and saying she didn't think things were
going to work between us. She then told me that
she had developed feelings for the guy that came to
(53:47):
stay with us for four days. Fucking the hell, Oh
my god, that is brutal Jesus. There were honestly no
signs of this when he was with us, and except
for maybe one brief two hour period in the busy
weekend where I just wanted to watch some TV for
a bit, and the two of them were downstairs chatting.
(54:08):
There were a couple of times where I had noticed
they'd start speaking in very hushed tones. Oh God, but
I honestly thought nothing of it. I'd later find out
from mutual friends that apparently this was some sort of
magical conversation between them. After a week or so of
back and forth figuring out if the relationship was salvagable,
we confirmed that the relationship was over. Within three months
(54:31):
of the relationship ending, I found out from another mutual
friend that this guy had packed up his entire life
and moved over to this side of the world to
live with my ex in her mom's house. This guy
had never had a girlfriend before, and then he moved
across the entire world for his first ever girlfriend. He
never gave me any sort of explanation when I asked
(54:52):
him for one at the time of the breakup. Blocked
both me and my childhood friend from all of social media,
and to this day continues to live my old life
with my ex, raising the dog that I got her,
and at times it feels like someone has stolen my
old skin. Ultimately, it was a blessing in disguise, though
(55:15):
I'm a lot happier now than I'm out of that
relationship and can see that her and I weren't meant
to be together. Love you and see you the next
time you come to my city. From Reggie. Oscar, are
you listen, Oscar? Did you hear all of this? Oscar?
I need to forward this email to Oscar? Because because
(55:38):
because this guy, Because Oscar just like he broke up
with his girlfriend and she started seeing someone new. But
this fucking guy, this fucking guy, Reggie is one of
these I fucking hear stories from people doing this show
that just really reinforced to me the idea that so
(55:59):
much of life is about perspective, and it gives me
hope in my own life, because, uh, you know, I
try to fucking be, you know, a smart and have
good perspective of things, but my judgment, you know, I
just get. I'm a human. I get we all just
get clouded, and we all just get frustrated and angry
(56:21):
and pissed off, and it's sad and depressed. And here's
this fucking story of a miserably depressing thing happening to
this guy. It's funny, don't get me wrong. It's very funny,
but it's miserable. This is sad. You know, it's harsh,
it's tough, and motherfucker ends the email with it was
a blessing in disguise, And I'm a lot happier now
(56:43):
and I realized that we were. It's just I don't know,
I just I really like this dude's This guy's gonna
live a good life for the rest of the guy
who wrote this email, he just had a terrifying bad
thing happened to him, and he's happier. He's just this
guy's gonna live a good life no matter what. So Oscar,
(57:03):
who I talked to earlier, read this guy's fucking email
or or listen to me say it. I guess I
don't know, but you know, how do I want to
hook I want to hook this guy up with Oscar?
Where's Where's where's this guy at? Where's Oscar? Listen this Oscar?
You you this guy should be your fucking h I know,
(57:24):
I know you said you're not Japanese, but this guy
should be your SEMPI Reggie, he I think, I think,
I think he has a lot of life advice that
he could give you all right, Damn, that was quite Uh,
that was quite a story, someone in the chat says.
Someone in the chat said, that was a real crash
(57:44):
out moment. It was right, it was I was. I mean,
that's like a horror fucking thing. That sounds horrible, and
this guy's fucking takes it in stride. It's pretty impressive.
Although it's pretty impressive, although FIFA is never going to
(58:04):
be the same for him no matter what. All Right,
this is from Delina. Life advice, don't ever move I
wonder if the person. I wonder if that guy was
a higher prestige than he was in call of duty
and maybe that's why I'm maybe that's why his girl
(58:25):
was into him. Okay, No, we're on the next email now.
Life advice, don't ever move in with a possible neuro
divergent friend together. Okay, I'll entertain this, Hey, Lyle, you
can call me Dealina. My friend and I moved in
last year, and it's been a nightmare for me because
I got to know her better. Once you live together,
(58:45):
you see the person from a whole different light. I
figure she is too clinging, and I despair about it.
It is hard for me to stand my ground and
form boundaries. I am a people pleaser. She expects me
to do everything together with her. We work nine to
five and then go to the gym together, do grocery
shopping together, cook together, eat together. A month ago, I
(59:06):
told her that I want more privacy and live more
on my own without her being constantly around me. She
then cried and had a breakdown, saying that not doing
everything all the time together is the equivalent of not
being friends. She also can't do anything on her own.
I feel like a caretaker. For example, just because I
ironed her clothes one day as a sign of appreciation,
(59:28):
she kept asking me when I'll iron her clothes again.
Now that she adapts to not being around me all
the time and being mothered by me all the time,
she still finds new ways to sneak herself into my
life by asking what are we doing on the weekend,
what are we cooking on the weekend, and so on.
The good thing is I learned about saying no, but
it's very very hard for me. I fear she might
(59:51):
be neuro divergent because she has trouble communicating, which makes
it hard for her to find friends. She can't read
social caire use. For example, when I was so over
stimulated by her being around me, I ran into my
room and cried because my brain was so fried. I
am an introvert, so being around people drains my energy.
She then came and knocked on my door to ask
(01:00:13):
me when we're cooking dinner together again. I don't know
if I should talk about it with her and how
I should tell her that me and other friends think
she might be on the spectrum. I can imagine it
could come off as effective. Okay, let's okay. I want
to hold I want to separate two things here because
like I just okay, I like look, I want to
(01:00:36):
be uh, I want to be I want to be
fair here. I want to be fair here about something. Look,
not everyone is neurodiversient. Some people are just are just
a little clinging and annoying, you know what I mean.
I don't, I don't we Look, I don't think it's
fair to pin this on all neuro divergent people. I
(01:00:57):
just thrown that out there. I don't think it's fair
to to pin this on all neurodivergent people. Okay, just
throwing that out there. We're gonna put that aside, Okay,
and then we're just gonna go directly into your specific
thing happening. First of all, your problem is not whether
or not to tell this person that you think they're autistic.
(01:01:20):
That's not your problem. That's not the issue here. I
mean that, fuck, dude, I look, yes, this person sounds
like they're very annoying and have no boundaries. Absolutely, what
do you do? Fucking I think you gotta leave. I
(01:01:41):
think you gotta get out of there. I don't know how, though,
I mean, do you have like a what's the least
situation going on here? What's the what's uh, what's the
least thing? You know? I mean, you just move out
if you can sublet it. Although it's although, although although
(01:02:06):
it's funny. You know what's funny? Is anyone anytime you
like sublet to deal with roommate issues. It's like it's
like trying to It's like it's like having cancer and
the only way to get rid of it is to
give it to someone else. That's mean, I don't want
to refer to this person as cancer. That's mean I
don't want to do that, but I guess I already did.
(01:02:27):
I don't know. Maybe this that's the thing I really,
I'm so optimistic because i'd like to believe that this girl,
uhh who like is having a hard time like setting boundaries.
I'd like to believe that there's some like like like
like I'm thinking of this I'm thinking of this girl
(01:02:48):
as like a puzzle piece, and she's like kind of
a fucked up puzzle piece, and she's just got to
find another fucked up looking puzzle piece that somehow magically
perfectly fit it's into all the little curves and edges
of her fucked up puzzle piece. I'd like to believe
that the world works that way. I really would so hopefully.
(01:03:10):
I don't know. Maybe this person define somebody else to
live this kind of a life with, who enjoys it,
who maybe is equally uh, I don't know, I I
I equally off. Maybe I don't know. I don't know.
But no, I don't think that you and your other
(01:03:31):
friends should tell this person that that they're on the spectrum.
I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think
you're particularly you know, I don't think that's a good idea.
But uh yeah, I mean, I don't know, try to
get out of there. I don't know. What the least
situation looks like. But all right, do do uh Okay,
(01:03:58):
I'm gonna read one more. I'm gonna read one more
and then I gotta get out of here. I'm gonna
read one more. Let's see okay, uh oh okay, this
part this is from a guy named Steven. And sometimes
on Gmail you can have a little profile picture, and
this guy's profile picture is Pablo from The Backyardigans with
(01:04:20):
the little hat. It's really cute subject line. I had
surgery on my penis. Howdy call me Stephen. Recently, there's
been a trend on the podcast of people talking about
horrible things happening to their penis. I would like to
contribute to make half of the audience uncomfortable. You know
(01:04:43):
what's funny is I was at a table of people.
I was like, I was. I was at a table
of folks and the recently and it was it was me, uh,
three three guys and one lady, and I was talking
about like, I was talking about the podcast, and they
(01:05:05):
were like, what's one of the craziest things you've heard
on the podcast? Like that's something people ask me a lot,
and I don't know. I don't have like a go
to story when people ask me that. But it was
just after the most It was like just after I
recorded the most recent episode, and I told them the
story about the lady shoving tic TACs into a guy's
(01:05:28):
pee hole and crunching on them, and all the men
to the table like like shrieked, and the one lady
was like, I'm confused. I don't know why that would hurt.
But I don't know. I don't know if that's I guess. Okay,
I would like to contribute to make half the audience uncomfortable.
I have three older brothers and we all had the
(01:05:50):
same biological issue. The whole of the penis was too small,
so when we peed, it sprayed all over. Think of
covering a running hose. Think of covering half a running
hose with your thumb. Okay, that makes sense. All of
my brothers got a surgery where they increased the size
(01:06:11):
of the hole with an incision. This happened when they
were all young, around two to three, but I got
the surgery at twelve since I was much more conscious
about what the procedure entailed. I had horrible dread the
months leading up to the surgery. That sounds awful. The
dread was actually much much worse than the procedure, But
(01:06:34):
I still have to live with a vivid memory of
an older doctor rubbing ointment on my penis as uncle
Grandpa was on the hospital's TV, was on the hospital
rooms TV. The weeks after were hell and I'll spare
the details, but now I have an amazing powerful stream.
(01:07:01):
And that, folks, was gak mail. That was gak mail.
I don't know. Do I have anything else to say
about this? No, I think that email speaks for itself.
That was gak mail. Folks. Uh, thank you all for
being here? Anything else? Do I have anything else? Oh?
I'm doing a fucking I live I'm I believe I'm
(01:07:23):
I'm in Tokyo right now, and I'm doing a live
show here in Tokyo, Japan. I am doing a live
show here in Tokyo, Japan. I don't have a fucking
I I. We're switching around the date as I recording
this right now. I don't have a date, but it'll
be like the last week of February or some shit
(01:07:45):
I want. I want to plug it in this podcast.
I don't have the full date. Look if you want
to come, uh and you're hearing this right now, at
a point where I don't have a date, just send
an email to therapy geckomail dot com, just being like, Hey,
I live in Tokyo and I want to come to
the show, and whenever I have the I'll just hand
email you the link to the ticket link to the show.
(01:08:10):
So whatever, if you live in Tokyo right now and
you want to come to my GETO show, then I'll
just you just send an email that you want to
come to Therapy Gecko mail at gmail dot com, and
I'll just whenever I have the link, I'll send you
the fucking thing. Also, if you want me to read
your email as part if you if you know, aside
(01:08:33):
from everything I just said, if you want me to
read your email on the next get mail, send me
an email therapy Gecko mail at gmail dot com. And
also I do this kind of like randomly and sporadically,
so sometimes you know, you can send me an email
and I'll record like three episodes and then I'll go
back and read like two month old emails that I
(01:08:53):
haven't read. So go ahead and send any emails that
you want me to read to therapy get go Mail
at gmail dot com. Thank you all for listening to
my podcast. Thank you all for everything that the thing
is tech, thank you all for all things and uh
(01:09:18):
yeah I don't know, do I yeah? Okay, well this
is the end of the podcast. So you know, nothing
I say has to be good because I already we
already did a whole podcast. This is just a bonus.
This is nothing, all right. Well oh yes, oh I
(01:09:38):
forgot about that. Oh yeah, we're oh yeah, just we
were one. We're the six percent. We're the six percent
of people that are still alive. If you're listening to this,
congratulations on being one of the six percent of people
that are alive. And uh, you know, enjoy it, do
something with it. I guess, all right, thank you, Bye bye.
Speaker 3 (01:10:01):
Ne. Rep Ken goes on the line taking your phone
calls every night.
Speaker 1 (01:10:06):
The repin Can goes to on his eye, just teaching
you how to live your life. But he's not really
an expert.
Hello, Welcome to get mail. It is a thing where
I read mail as a gecko, and I am assuming
that if you're listening to this show that you know
who I am, or if you don't, that's okay, I'll
fill you in. I'm a guy, and we have one
(00:23):
thing in common if you're listening to this, is that
we're both not dead. How amazing is that? How amazing
is it that we're both not dead? You know? I mean,
I what's this? Hold on? Let me google this real quick?
How many of the people who ever lived are dead? Okay? Okay,
(00:47):
so if we add the number? Okay, all right, look,
I gotta I got it right here. Okay, ninety four
percent of all people who have ever lived are dead.
This is from Google, which is uh, you know, is smart. Uh.
And that means that for every one person alive today,
(01:10):
there are fourteen people who are dead. Not saying that
that one person killed those fourteen people, but just as
a statistic, So, I mean, there's basically that means that
there's a what's six to over ten? How do we okay,
what's one hundred divided by six? I'm trying to simplify
this fraction. There's like a Okay, wait whatever, there's something
(01:33):
like a one in sixteen chance that you're you're that
you're alive, and you're alive. You're part of the six percent.
You're part of the lucky six percent of folks that
are that are still got some time. Ninety four percent
of all people have no time, and they're dead forever.
(01:56):
They're never coming back. If you die, if you were
like a guy or a girl in the year seventeen
not even seventeen hundred. Let's go back further, if you
were a guy or a girl in the year thirteen hundred,
if you were a guy and the girl a million
years ago. I don't know when humans came into being,
(02:18):
but whatever, some people they died like three thousand years
ago and that was it. And we ain't heard a
sound from those people in three thousand years. And I
wouldn't hold out a hope because the people that died
three thousand years ago, they're not coming back. They were alive.
The amount of time that they were alive compared to
(02:39):
the amount of time that they'll be dead is so minischool.
And in this very moment that you're listening to this
fucking podcast, you're part of the you're living the tiny
little speck of existence that you're ever gonna live, and
then you're gonna be dead forever. And I don't know
that's cool. Welcome to gek mail. My name is Lyle,
(03:05):
and I'm gonna read male from people who have emailed me.
I cannot read male from people who have not emailed
me because there's no male to read. So let's do
this and then and we also exist at the same
time as one another, which is kind of insane when
you think about it. We're the six percent. We're all
(03:28):
the six percent. We're all the six percent. All right,
how do they know that? Demo demographers estimate that around
one hundred and seventeen billion people have ever lived on Earth.
This number is calculated by making assumptions about population size
throughout history and applying birth rates to each pyramid period.
(03:52):
That's fucking stupid. All right, let's keep going. Let's or
I guess let's start all right. This is from Louis
subject line horn a controversial opinion. All right, Hello, I
would like to remain anonymous. Please, I'm writing to you
hoping that you can give me a second opinion on
(04:13):
this matter that has been weighing heavily on my relationship
with my boyfriend lately. I am especially curious about your opinion,
as you are a man and have openly said on
the show that you do indulge in watching porn as well.
I really got to remember that people actually listen to
this podcast, so that when I say things people can
(04:35):
hear them. I gotta, I gotta keep that in mind.
But I mean, yeah, I watch I watch porn. Sure,
I'm trying to watch it less I'm trying to watch
I don't. I actively. It's kind of like how people
will hit me up and be like, hey, I want
your opinion on this weed thing, because you smoke weed
every day, and I'm like, look, I have I do
these things, but I don't like it, and the perfect
version of my life.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
I don't watch porn. But anyway, okay, all right. My
controversial opinion is that porn is that porn is cheating.
I have a few different points to make here. The
argument my boyfriend made is that it does not count
because it's not real. It's just a video okay, that
(05:16):
is in fact a real woman. Why are these women
in the porn industry seen as objects? And not real women.
For perspective, if the woman was in the room with
him and he was simply watching her and getting off
to it, would that be considered cheating? Why is it
different because it's a video. What if a woman sent
him a video of herself and he used this to
(05:37):
get off would that be considered okay because it is
a video and quote not real. Secondly, he asked me, well,
wouldn't you rather me watch porn than cheat on you?
That's a stupid thing to say. This was a huge
issue for me. This makes me feel like I am
being given an ultimatum. Let my boyfriend jack off to
(05:58):
other women or get cheated on. Cool. I've surfed read
it quite a bit on the topic, just to get
some outside opinion, and a lot of men have this standpoint.
Why should women have to fear being cheated on because
they do not feel comfortable allowing their significant other to
watch porn? Lastly, and most importantly, porn desensitizes the brain.
(06:21):
There are all caps many studies on this. If you
are allowing yourself to look at other women lustfully and
satisfy your sexual needs, where is the line the intimacy
of sex is lost? Before I get a bunch of
hate for being insecure or possessive. Let me just say
that everyone has their own boundaries and preferences, and this
(06:43):
is just my own. I do not feel comfortable with it.
I love my boyfriend, but if it continues to be
an issue, I have no problem breaking off the relationship
and finding someone who has similar morals and will respect
my boundaries. I could go on and on here, but
I am really trying to keep this short and sweet.
Thanks in advance to really enjoy the show. Much love. Okay,
first of all, look, I mean look, I mean, look,
(07:05):
you don't even tell you this because you said it yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Look, it's a free country, it's a you're a free
human being. You're you're if if if you don't want
your significant other to watch porn, if that's the the
fucking u fence you're putting up, I mean, god damn,
Like you know you have the whether or not it's
insecure or possessive. Is I you know, I'm less in
(07:31):
It doesn't really matter, like you can if that's what
you want, If that's the boundary you want to set,
then God bless you the whole thing of I I
do I do think saying would you rather I would
rather watch? Would you rather be? Watch porn? Or cheat
on you? It's kind of stupid, like those are the
(07:51):
two options. But I mean, look, man, it's pretty easy.
It's like, look, if you don't like your boyfriend watching porn,
and your boyfriend don't watch stop, want to stop watching porn?
Fucking go go go go find a go to Utah.
All right, find a nice Mormon gentleman, and uh, you know,
(08:15):
tell him that if he watches porn, God will strike
him down and use that fear to uh you know,
get him to do what you want. No, uh yeah, yeah, uh,
find find a nice uh Mormon gentleman, and uh you know,
you guys, go be happy together and and don't watch
(08:36):
porn and live your life. Yeah, okay, let's keep going.
Oh look at this. I love this one. This is
from Emily. Subject line how do I Stop being annoying?
What a great subject line for an email. Hello GEK,
(08:56):
my name is Emily. I recently have become very self away,
and it's become a curse and a blessing. Although I
feel like I've become a better person because of it,
I also feel like I'm so aware of how much
I talk that I'm spiraling, that I have been that
one annoying person my whole life, and I don't know
how to control it. My nearest resolution was to talk less,
but so far I have failed. I'm conflicted with the
(09:18):
fact that I should not have to change who I am.
I recently spent two hours ranting to my parents about
my job, and afterwards I felt this immense sense of
guilt because I feel like I annoyed them the whole time.
Just looking for thought, Thanks gek, Emily. Wow, what a
great email. What a great email. I want to take
a second to collect my thoughts on this. First of all,
(09:41):
I just I really believe this. I believe this in
my soul, deeply. I really believe this. I'm gonna say
this listen. First of all, being annoying is not that bad.
I just want you to know, Emily, even if you are,
and I'm not gonna I don't know you. I don't
know if you're annoying or not. Even if you're annoying,
(10:02):
it's not that bad. Like I swear on my life,
you know what. I know that, like, being annoying is
not commonly seen as a actively positive trait. But uh,
it's it's not that bad. Being annoying and kind of
sucking and like being irritating is not that bad. You
could be There's way worse things you could be than annoying.
(10:24):
You could be fucking uh, you could be uh nasty,
you can be mean, you can be cold, you can
be harsh, you can be so many other things besides
just annoying. So just first of all, being annoying to
(10:45):
me is it's a neutral thing. It's not actively bad. Okay.
The second thing is, so, uh you're try I think
there's something there's it's you're bringing up a very interesting
conflict that a lot of people, myself included have, which
are okay, Uh, convention, I don't know. Modern wisdom says
(11:11):
to be yourself Jesus, just unabashedly be yourself, be who
you are, and you'll attract the right people. And you'll
the people that you turn away will it doesn't matter
because they weren't the right fit for your life anyway.
That's what modern wisdom tells you and I and.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I I believe that to a degree, although as I
get older and as I have more life experience, I
continue to I check back in on that belief and
I'm like, oh, maybe I should cut my fucking hair,
you know something like that. Right, So, I think it's
probably somewhere in between. It's like, look, you don't want
(11:52):
to like kill off the essence of who you are
to fit into society.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
But if you make the conscious choice where you're like,
you know what, Like like, I actually love the way
you're coming at this, You're like, you know what, look
like you're laying it out on the table. You're being
very logical. You're like, look, I have identified that I
am a little annoying, and I'm going to make and
I would like to fit in better into society because
I have decided that that will make me happier, that
(12:20):
will improve my life being less annoying. Therefore, I am
going to make a conscious effort to be less annoying.
I think that's fair. I think there's a lot I
think like accepting yourself and trying to change yourself. There's
a yin and yang to it. And I wouldn't I
don't want to blind I wouldn't blindly follow either the
(12:41):
conventional wisdom of be yourself versus step in line. You
got to find a nice little in between, right, But
this is this email. This is from a person who's
decided that they're annoying and wants to change. And I'm well, okay,
I know you're conflicted that you should not have to change.
(13:02):
Uh sorry, I don't know if you said that you well,
actually know I'm lying you. Okay, your new year's resolution,
it says here, my new year's resolution was to talk less. Okay,
So you made an active effort to be less annoying,
which I respect. I respect. I think I think it's
good to yeah, work on yourself here, but but just
(13:24):
with like with like talking too much. I mean, look, Emily,
here's the talk as much as you want. But I
think if you're having a conversation with somebody, you want
to be to some degree, you want to be conscious
of them to some degree of course, and uh, you know,
(13:46):
just make sure you're in your conversations you're having a
give and take, you know that, because nobody, I guess
nobody wants to be like talked at in their interactions.
They want a little bit of like like, go ahead
and rant for an hour, but then after that you're done,
be like but what you know, how was your day.
What's going on with you? You are right? Was everything? Okay?
A really beautiful relationship is two people each taking turns
(14:09):
ranting at each other for two hours. So you know,
don't feel don't don't don't feel guilty, don't feel shamed
about being annoying. It's I swear on my life. There's
so much worse things you could be than be annoying.
But yeah, I don't. I don't know. I that was
my That was more of an analysis than it was advice,
(14:30):
which is good because I like analysises are Okay, you
said I'm looking for thought. That's great. I feel like
I didn't give Okay, you didn't say you're looking for advice.
You said you were looking for thought, and I feel
like I gave that. Okay, Now I'm being a little annoying, which,
by the way, as I've established, is fine. Let's keep going,
(14:52):
all right. This is from Marcella subject line working at
best Buy a free experience. Hi, Lyle, I feel like
I need to get this story off my chest. I
worked at best Buy for two years twenty twenty one
to twenty twenty three. I started as seasonal and then
became a full time Verizon rep. I started noticing odd
(15:15):
things around the building. One morning, I walk in and
my manager is giving someone else a BackRub, not realizing
I was in there. Flash forward a few months later,
a new guy starts up front. He seems normal until
he drops his phone on the floor and I go
to pick it up and his lock screen is presumably
him and his friends at a furry convention. So what off?
(15:38):
All right? Hold on? Kind of fuck this person who
wrote this email? All right, hold on, hold on. I
cannot hold this news in any longer. And I go
to tell my other coworkers, and dude, okay, hold on.
The person who wrote this email bothers the shit out
of me, okay, because you're being a little bit of
a prick. And here's the thing. Okay, so what all right?
(16:03):
So you saw your friend by the way, here's the thing.
I just I'm not.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
I do.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
We've talked about this on this fucking show a billion times,
but I'll just just to say it again. I I don't.
I don't think that I am uh in any I
am not in any way, shape or form associated with
the furry subculture. It's its own thing. However, as a
(16:32):
pure like from a purely logistical standpoint and symbolic standpoint.
I am undeniably an adult man who regularly wears an
animal costume. I am undeniably that I don't think that
that makes me a furry, but I do think and
endows me with the responsibility to defend furries because I,
(16:59):
like I said, I am, I am a man who
dresses up regularly in a in an animal costume. So
I'm gonna I'm gonna go on a limb. I'm gonna
defend this man, and I'm gonna say that I think
it was I think it's a little fucked up that
you saw that this guy was having a good time
with his homies at the at the at the dress
(17:21):
up like a wolf and fuck each other party. Sounds
like either having a good time and you're out you're
out here trying to tell Also, you're like telling your
other coworkers like it's a secret. It's on his fucking
phone anyway, all right, I cannot hold this news in
any longer, and I go to tell my other coworkers
and find out in fact that I am the outlier
(17:42):
the whole time. Fifty percent, not exaggerating of the staff
was in the furry community, and thirty percent she wrote
this in all caps participated in sexual activities with one another.
Sounds awesome. I nearly quit, but a last I stayed
employed at the best Buy. You know what, I fucking dude,
(18:02):
fuck the person who wrote this email. Okay, you okay,
this guy. These people they work at best Buy all day,
like most of their life is just getting screamed at
by the insane people who are still shopping. I get
the only people who are still going in person to
buy stuff at best Buy are like old insane people.
(18:25):
And these motherfuckers, Okay, they're working retail at the best Buy.
They're getting yelled at every day. Their lives are are sucking.
And you know what, the you know, the one thing
that makes them happy, Marcella. You know the one thing
that makes them happy is wearing a horse costume and
(18:46):
getting fucked in the ass. And I think that's awesome.
I think that's beautiful. I'll let them have it, Marcella.
What are you doing here? Why? Why is this such
a big deal? All right? Hold on, I nearly quit. Last,
I stayed employed at the best Buy. A furry scuffle
broke out in the warehouse one day when one of
the alpha furres okay, now you're getting sucked into it too.
(19:09):
When one of the alpha furres, who was in a
thrupple with a guy and a girl also working at
best Buy had found out that, in fact, he was
just getting cheated on the whole time, he ran out
of the store, into the parking lot and moved to Texas.
In three days, they had to pull employees from other
stores because almost half of our staff went out of
town all caps for the Furry Convention. I I okay,
(19:35):
hold on, hold on, holo, I have a new thing.
By the way, hold on. I sorry. I drank a
lot of coffee before I started recording this. I'm gonna
calm down for a second. I want to apologize, okay,
the person who wrote this email, Marcella. I want to
apologize to Marcella. I want to apologize to Marcella. I said,
I said fuck them, I said some choice things about them.
I want to apologize because as I'm getting deeper into
(19:59):
this email, I'm coming up with a new theory. I'm
coming up with a new theory, and the theory that
I'm coming up with is making me sad. My theory
is that the person who wrote this email is secretly,
(20:23):
unconsciously really upset that she was not invited to go
to the Furry Convention. I genuinely believe that because look,
this person. They also they worked at best Buy and
they worked at Verizon, and they I don't know if
they have a lot of friends. I don't know if
(20:47):
they're up. So I just I just like, I think
they're seeing their coworkers having so much fun having sex
with each other in dog costumes, and they kind of
wish that they had something like that, and they don't,
and so they are just upset and they're they're taking
(21:10):
it out in this email. And so Marcella, listen, I
just want you to know, like you can look, find
your own version of a free convention. Go do Go.
I don't know, I don't know who you are. I
don't know anything about you, but uh, I don't know.
Go find something to do instead of getting pissed off
at other people. All right, Okay? Then then she wrote
(21:33):
that's all I have to share. Do not go into
best Buy. I'm not kidding. It is a cult. Do
not get sucked in. Oh I'm going to best Buy
and I'm getting sucked in. Baby, if you know what
I mean. All right, that was gross, Let's keep going. Uh,
all right? This is from Shay random fat. They wrote,
(21:54):
don't read my email on stream. I kind of want
to read it. And why would you send me an
email and tell me not to read it on stream?
Why would you send me I kind of want to
read this on stream, just despite this person. Why would
they send me an email to not read it on stream?
(22:14):
All right? Anyway? Sorry, I don't know why. I'm sorry.
I think when I think, when I drink too much coffee,
I just go off the rails so little too much?
All right. This is from an Oscar subject line I'm
obsessed with my ex. Hello, mister lyle Chan, my name
is Oscar. I've texted my ex again after six months
(22:39):
of getting over her lately missing her quite often, and
decided to come up with a master plan to make
us fall in love again. Okay, all right, okay, even
though she's talking and falling in love with someone else.
Oh okay, all right. Ah, Jesus christis is gonna make
(23:05):
me really sad. I had to talk with her about
us getting together again, reminding her how we promised each
other that in the end when we're older, we will
get back together. When we broke it off back then,
those months ago, she agreed how we can get together
only if things don't work out with them together. She agreed, Okay, okay,
(23:25):
I'm trying to this person has a little some grammatical
errors in this email, but I'm gonna try to interpret
them and translate it. She agreed that we can get
back together only if things don't work out with her
and the guy that she's talking to. Now for me
to decide and rather be alone and work on myself,
dying waiting for her, missing every moment, clinging to her,
(23:46):
still patiently waiting for her to be complete with this guy. Also,
we agreed to have sex too, while they are trying
to get together and still in the talking stage, pose
planning to make the sex to benefit to make her
love me and gain feelings back. Okay, this person called
(24:09):
me is this person is this person Japanese? Because if oh, well,
okay ask her. Okay, I'm just trying to figure out
if English is this person's first language or nots because
they called me lyle chan uh okay okay, no, by
the way, hold on by, I just I just hold on.
(24:30):
I just want to Okay, I was making I was
not making fun of but I was. I was. I
think I made a rude comment about this person's grammatical errors.
Did not realize that they were not a native English speaker.
I apologize for that. Okay. If you're not a native
English speaker, please keep emailing me. I promise I will
not make funny your English. I genuinely apologize about that. Okay.
(24:53):
Planning to make the sex to benefit her, love me
and gain feelings back, plus more on that of other
ideas about not just about it being sex. Anyways, I
have a massive plan written out on my iPhone notes
on how to get her back and sabotage him. Is
this a pure obsession of boredom or some super evil
(25:15):
mastermind plan? Okay, holy shit, Oscar, uh ah, Jesus christ Man,
this is this. This is a phone call, Oscar. This
is this is an Oscar. Oscar, Let's talk on the phone.
I will. I will talk on the phone with you, Oscar.
I will. I don't I don't know where you're originally from,
(25:37):
but I will front the money, uh for the long
distance call for this so that we can talk. So
I I don't know. Send me another email with your
phone number and we can we got to talk about
this because you need I don't. By the way, hold on,
it shouldn't be me, it should be a therapist. But
you need to be talked off the ledge, I think,
(26:00):
because this is this is insane. I like, I'm also
kind of curious because like if you also, I'm like
very curious how old you are, because if you're like nineteen,
I kind of I understand this email a little bit more.
But if you're like thirty seven, would you or you
or if you're like thirty seven, you might be I don't,
(26:20):
I don't. I don't know, Oscar, I don't know. I'm
I'm god, I'm on so much coffee right now. I'm
do you have other people in your life who you've
talked to about this? Because you need to be talked
off the ledge like a pronto, because this is this
is wild. If if this is true, Yeah, this is wild.
(26:42):
If this is true, you gotta yeah, you you you don't.
You don't want to be like I don't know, this
is yeah, this is kind of wild, Oscar. You don't
want to be doing any of this. This is gonna
kill you, Oscar. I don't. Yeah, send me, send me,
(27:03):
send me your phone number, and we can well, I
want to this is a phone call. This is I can't.
I don't know. I I don't think I can respond today.
This is because here's the thing. I could sit here
and I could respond to this email. But I'm just
gonna say the same things that everyone's already thinking. But
like I need, I gotta know what's going on in
your life with this one. Oh, okay, you sent me
(27:26):
your Okay, all right, Oscar sent all right, Oscar sent
me their phone numbers. Should I call hold on? Should
I call this person? Okay, I'm gonna call this person,
but just okay, I'm gonna call this person. But just
so that everyone knows, I just want to let everyone know, Uh,
this is like a this is a rare thing. So
don't if you're if you send an email into this show,
(27:47):
don't include your phone number because I don't. I don't.
I'm not gonna normally do this. I just just in
this this someone in the chat just wrote this sets
a standard going forward, and I just want everyone to
know that it apps absolutely does not. I just personally,
in this moment, really want to talk to this guy.
(28:10):
So I'm gonna call him, but normally I would normally normally,
I I do this email segment because I don't feel
like because I want to take a break from phone
calls and I want to just like kinda read the emails,
but just for some for just right now. So the
oscars email kind of spoke to me, and I want
to talk to him. So I'm gonna try to call him.
All right, let's see if he answers. Give me one sec. Hello, yo, Oscar,
(28:37):
what's up? How you doing it?
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Fine?
Speaker 1 (28:42):
You know?
Speaker 3 (28:44):
Taking the day? About time?
Speaker 1 (28:46):
Okay, all right, I'm now okay. I feel less bad
about making fun of the grammatical errors in your Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
No, it's okay, okay, okay, no, it's okay, okay, Well
all right, so Oscar, look look I read your email.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Everyone heard your email, like what is this? How true?
Is this?
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Yeah? Very true? Actually? Okay, well yeah no, this, uh,
this message just happened, like well, me texting her and everything.
My god, no, I texted her like maybe like like
maybe like four days ago, already has five days ago,
and it's just been you know, I just haven't had
(29:35):
any you know, it's been stressful, you know, all that
with finals. I guess I've just got me, you know,
I guess too. I don't know, I would say, just
I just really texted and just like at that moment,
I just I was like, fuck, I missed it and
all that, but like, you know, it was just yeah,
I don't know. It's like, yeah, I'm just I'm just saying.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
How how how how? How how old are you? Oscar?
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Nineteen?
Speaker 1 (30:03):
You're nineteen? Okay, I guessed it correctly, you were on nineteen. Yeah, okay,
all right, I'm significantly less freaked out by this email
now that I know that you're nineteen.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Yeah, I know when you're saying thirty, I was like, okay,
I don't know about all that, but you know.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
But yeah, okay, no, okay, I'm significantly less freaked out
by this email. Yeah, okay, Oscar. Uh, I mean listen, man,
do you do you do you want? Do you understand?
I guess what's like kind of crazy about this email?
Speaker 3 (30:36):
Uh? Like how elaborate the plant is? I guess you know, yeah,
like I've been always thinking it too.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Yeah, I mean, having like an elaborate plan to sabotage
your ex's relationship.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Honestly Honestly, I wasn't too really not serious about that,
but like it's like somewhat like I don't know because
like this is like, yeah, I don't know if that's
good or not, because I am self aware about that
those sep of things, and I think like damn, like
because usually at this point or like I'm just thinking
like okay, Oscar, you need to slow down because there
(31:12):
is no way you're going to be doing all that
because like literally could be something like so like messed
up and you're like what and it just freaks me out.
It freaks myself out, and honestly, okay, yeah, well.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I look, you know, okay, I'm okay, you know what.
I'm I'm glad that we talked. This is the first
time and maybe the maybe the very last time I
ever do this in a GAK mail. I just for
some reason your email spoke to me. I wanted to
call you to make sure you weren't like you see
you seem like you are still in touch with the earth,
(31:48):
which is good.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
Okay, why don't you what are you in school to do?
Why don't you like I don't know, man, what in
school to do?
Speaker 3 (32:02):
I am really into psychology, like it is the only
no I know, it's not well yeah, like the obvious there,
yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Hello, I'm here, I'm here. Okay, well okay, look I
don't I don't. Maybe I think I think I've I
think I've made this into two big of a whole thing.
But uh, Oscar, why don't you leave? When you leave?
Speaker 3 (32:32):
You know?
Speaker 1 (32:33):
When do you when you go? Do? Like, I don't know,
It's just it's just like like writing writing in your
notes app about how you master plan to sabotage your
ex's new relationship is a truly horrible use of time. Uh.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
I think honestly, I've been kind of bored, so you know,
and this this, this callback, this come to me now
about how we're gonna get together and all that, you know,
it just it just made me feel like, you know,
like I fell out of Like I felt really numb afterwards.
(33:12):
So like I just thought, like, you know, like why,
like you know, I can never have that feeling back,
So like I'm just thinking it can only be heard.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
What do you mean you can what do you mean
you can never have that feeling back?
Speaker 3 (33:24):
I don't know, It's just like, well, she's like really,
you know, she's like really different, like she's like special.
She's like like how what she went through and everything
like that. You know, it's like it's it really like
traumatized me to a point where like I, you know,
like I want her to be my momly love and
I can like really see your future and I have
like planned out already.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Okay, uh uh Oscar, can I can? I can? I
give you a little bit of hope and then and
then I'm gonna hang up on you and continue reading emails.
Is that cool? Of course? Of course, of course.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
I don't want to hold up the.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
No no, no, no, You're you're all good, Oscar. I just
I just want you to know something.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
I remember.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Okay, you're you're only nineteen years old, Oscar, and I
assume holds this girl. We will how old is this girl? Also? Nineteen?
Speaker 3 (34:19):
She's my age?
Speaker 1 (34:21):
Okay, I just ask, Oscar. You will meet so many
more people. Now, I'm not even gonna say women. I'm
people you meet. You will meet so many more people
and do so many more things with your life that
(34:43):
you won't even you can't even you literally can't even
imagine the scope of what your life could be like
in the future. So I I I guess I would
just encourage you to be thinking about the abundant possibilities.
I'm like eight years older than you, and I'm I'm
(35:05):
still I'm over here like trying to remember that life
has abundant, infinite possibilities, you know what I mean. So
I just you know, I hope, dear Christ, that you
stop having such a scarcity mindset about your life and
realize that the world is abundantly full of life, experience
(35:29):
and and cool people for you to meet. Okay, I
just I hope, I I hope, I hope you recognize that. Now.
I'm I I wish you well, Oscar. I'm gonna get
back to I feel disgusted that I just gave you
a motivational speech. I'm trying to lay off the motivational speeches,
(35:53):
but I wish I wish you good luck, Oscar.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
God, okay you all right? No, yeah, I know if
I exaggerating, but no, yeah, thank you?
Speaker 1 (36:04):
All right, take care, Oscar, Bye bye bye. Oscar's an
Oscar's a good guy. He has he He's definitely not
an English major, but he's a good guy. All right,
Let's keep reading emails. All right, I mean, I'm gonna
read the chat. Does the chat have anything to say? Uh?
Gek trying to not give advice slash motivational speeches equals
(36:26):
mission impossible. That was a great speech. Don't hate it,
I know, I just hate speech. I hate like I
would like. I think if anyone ever took what I
just said and like put like black and white video
of a guy running and then like sad music underneath it,
I I think I would commit suppuku. What's that? What
(36:49):
is it called suppuku? Am I saying that? Right? Soupucu? Yeah? Yeah,
that's what I would do if someone did that. All right?
Someone said, uh, okay, what someone said? What draws the
line between a speech and just talking? That was a speech?
Someone said sudoku. No, I'm not trying to say sudoku. Okay, anyway,
(37:12):
let's keep going. Let's keep doing it. I'm never doing
that again. By the way, I not there's another thing
to do with Oscar, but I'm never doing that again.
So don't include your phone number in these emails. Okay,
Let's keep going. Um who I like this? All right?
This is from Joni, subject line, I got chased by
(37:32):
a bear. Hey gek. I got chased by a black
bear in the summer, and now every time I walk
the route where I was chased, I relive each terrifying
step I took as I ran away. I live in
constant fear while walking slash running that a black bear
will jump out of the bush and eat me. I
got lucky that my sister heard me screaming bloody murder.
(37:53):
Otherwise the bear probably would have mauled me. I may
or may not have pissed my pants in fear. Anyway,
I would still choose a bear over a man any day.
You should. I have a movie that you should watch, Joni.
You should. Have you ever seen The Revenant? Have you
ever seen The Revenant?
Speaker 2 (38:10):
Go?
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Watch the rev Go? I mean, actually, you know, I
don't even watch The Revenant, but like, you don't have
to watch The Revenant. Just call on YouTube and search
Revenant bear attack scene. It's just a It's Leonardo DiCaprio
screaming and crying for like five minutes while he gets
mauled by a bear. I got it. I was watching
(38:31):
that on YouTube with my friend and I got into
an argument with him because I I have this theory
now it's not a theory, but it's just an argument
and it's like a half serious argument. But I think
acting is really really easy. I think that, Like I
think becoming an actor extremely hard. Like I think because
(38:51):
like be like Leo, Okay, all right, I'm gonna like
really start some shit right now, because like getting to
the point leone Leonardo DiCaprio is at like in his
career extremely difficult. Becoming an actor one of the hardest
things you could do. But like actually like doing the
(39:18):
acting extremely easy, at least for like film and TV.
I think for like like if like being like a
theater actress or actor is difficult, but like I kind
of I was kind of watching that scene of Leonardo
DiCaprio getting mauled by a bear and The Revenant, and
I was the whole time, I was kind of thinking,
I think I could do this. We got an argument
and he was like, no, you couldn't. You like he's
(39:40):
a well trained actor, and it's like, I really think
I could. Then we put on Lincoln and uh he
we like would watch Lincoln like all like a scene
from YouTube, and I would like try to reenact it.
I'm like, I kind of think I could do Lincoln.
I kind of not. I mean, yeah, I kind of
think I could be a better actor than Daniel da Lewis. Like,
(40:01):
I think I can do it. I don't like, I
just and whatever. I'm willing to be proven wrong, but like,
I think it's really easy. And you should watch The
Revenant and maybe if I get the budget, I'll remake
The Revenant with me, just to prove that I also
could do that. All right, just keep going, Okay, what's
(40:27):
the chat? I have to say? The chat says it
looks easier than it is. I did acting for a year.
You were, I don't know, you were probably bad at it.
Speaker 3 (40:37):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
This is from the person who wrote the email. After
I got chased, I had dreams about being held at
gunpoint by the bear. That sounds way more scary if
you find it, because I feel like most bears in
most bears in popular culture are I think, depicted as friendly.
(41:00):
But if the bear was like and also it's more,
it's worse because I usually, if a bear is chasing you,
wants to eat you, and it's like unconsciously malicious, But
a bear pointing a gun at you is very consciously malicious.
All Right, This is from be subject line fumbly to
(41:20):
fumble ur hey gek. I'm in a predicament. I'm usually
being chronically fumbled, but recently I believe I have become
the fumbler, and I think I have made a grave mistake. Okay,
when you say I've been being chronically fumbled, that means
like guys are trying to like court you and failing.
(41:45):
Is that what that means? I'm still friends with the
boy I fumbled, and I fear I may now have
feelings for him. I told him after three dates we
shouldn't pursue a relationship, but I found myself missing him.
I think I've made a mistake. I told him that
right now I would like to get to know each
other as friends. I think I was overwhelmed and scared,
(42:05):
turning into the very person I despise. I don't know
what my next move should be. We are trying to
hang out again sometimes sometime soon. Thank you for your time,
lyle uh oh god, I don't really know. I mean,
I guess hang out with the guy again, and if
you like him, then keep hanging out with him. Should I?
(42:29):
I don't know. If I don't think I have anything
more to say than that, I think if you like
this guy, then keep hanging out with him. That's it.
That's all I have to say about this email. Let's
keep going, all right? This from Stacy, subject line I
want a lot of boyfriends, and then in all caps,
they wrote plzzzzz, hey GEK. I need to stay as
(42:52):
anonymous as possible, so you can call me whatever comes
to mind. I'm twenty four female. I'm emailing you to
admit a deep desire slash fantasy that I have. I
want to have like three boyfriends, but not like three
separate relationships with them. I want all of us to
(43:13):
mutually be in love and share it within each other
and cuddle together like a bunch of kittens and do
group activities and travel places and stick together. Yeah it
sounds great that I know. I know. Listen, here's the thing.
Plenty of people have used their first and last names
(43:34):
to admit much more embarrassing desires. I think wanting three
because everyone, I think not everyone, but like you know,
I think love is a commonly desired thing, So who
the fuck wouldn't want to have three boyfriends. The ideal
setup would be just me and three other men that
(43:55):
are a bit submissive and need me to care for
them in way. Okay, you want like three, you want
like pets, you want you want to be like a
cat lady, but you can fuck the cats. Is kind
of what I'm getting from this. I know I'll probably
never get this in my real life, but I think
(44:16):
about it a lot. I had a dream a night
ago where I was walking walking up to a beautiful
house after work and realized it was my house. When
I walked in, there was three guys waiting for me,
and we shared a group hug and all cuddled on
the couch and watched a show and it was just perfection.
Let me know if you have any thoughts, comments, or concerns.
(44:37):
I need to know if I'm weird or something for
having these desires. Love you gek No, I don't, By
the way, I just want you to know, Like, listen,
here's the thing. I forget what fake name I gave you, Stacy.
Here's the thing's Stacy. If I just I really genuinely,
(44:59):
I don't know you, and I don't know who you
are and what steps maybe you've taken to fulfill this fantasy.
But I kin't the thing what you're describing sounds doable.
You want a polyocule. You want to create a pollocule
where you have three men who are financially dependent upon you.
(45:24):
It sounds and need you to like feed them and
take care of them. You could easily find this. You
could easily find this. I don't. I don't know what
kind of uh you know, money you're pulling in right now, right,
I don't know if.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
You have.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
You want like three like sugar boyfriend, people who like
you know, I guess are are metaphorically sucking on your
teats and.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
Uh uh.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
You know the reliant upon you? You want three pets that
are men. You can find that. Yeah, I'm sure you
have a in today's economy. Again, I don't, I don't
know what you're pulling in. But in today's economy, this
is what you've described from the opposite point, like from
a guy's perspective, is not a whole. It's not a
tough sell. I think you could do it, you know.
(46:19):
I just that's all I want you to know, is
uh if if I'm the first person to tell you
that this isn't that Not only is this not crazy,
I actually think it's achievable, and I hope you find
it because I think I think this sounds like a
you know, this is a Craigslist dad that that can
easily be achieved for you. I think someone in the
(46:46):
chat said, I don't think the economy should play into this.
The economy absolutely plays into this. This is this is
a this is a woman who wants like three live
in boyfriends who she takes care of. And you know,
look in this economy, that's that's that's expensive. In this economy,
(47:09):
that's expensive. Uh. Yeah. A bunch of people, just a
bunch of people in this in the twitch chat are
saying that this is normal. Well not that it's normal,
but it's you know, that is doable anyway. Oh, this
one I want to read. Okay, all right, this is
from m K subject line, pig jizz is my job,
(47:33):
Dear therapy Gecko. I never thought I'd grow up to
be the person who intercepts pig penises for a living,
But here we are. My job collecting pig jizz. Why
because someone has to ensure the future generation of pigs
is brought into this world via the magic of artificial insemination.
It's like match dot Com for pigs, except I'm the
(47:54):
unlucky third wheel picture this. I love the way this
By the way, I just I know I so. I
know a lot of the times I rag on people's
grammar in emails, But whoever wrote this like, I'm having
so much fun reading this. The way this person writes
is beautiful. I just got to give them props for
that picture this. I work in a setup that looks
(48:17):
suspiciously like the pit at an oil change place, except
instead of cars, I'm dealing with six hundred to one
thousand pound bores. Jesus, these behemoths have to mount a
device we lovingly refer to as the dummy, and as
soon as they're ready for action, I swoop in. Now
(48:38):
here's where it gets wild. These bores sometimes sport equipment
that would make a garden hose jealous. We're talking up
to two feet long. My job is to gently guide
said horse said pigcock They didn't write pigcock, but into
(48:59):
a collection up and then let nature take its course.
Once the deed is done, I analyze the sample under
a microscope to check for fertility rates, because even in
the pig world, quality control is important. You're messing with
hog hoog. Thankfully, this only takes up about two hours
(49:20):
of my day. Okay, oh you said, Okay, the rest
of the time I get to do more traditional farm work. Okay,
I thought this person four hour worked weeked themselves with pigges.
I thought this person was doing they I thought they
were like New Rich you know, I'm taking my time
(49:42):
back and just you know, I'm starting a piggez business
that starts two hours a day. I thought they were
doing that kind of vibe. But the rest of the time,
I get to do more traditional farm work like fixing equipment,
feeding animals, and questioning my life choices. Yeah, I'm sure.
I'm sure you have a lot of time to do that.
I thought this might bring a smile to your face
or at least make you reconsider any career moves involving livestock.
(50:05):
If this story makes it onto the podcast, I hope
it provides your listeners with a mix of laughter, awe,
and a touch of secondhand discomfort. That's the end of
the email. I've never I this is one of my
favorite people I think I've interacted with doing this show.
(50:27):
Even though we didn't talk on the phone, and even
though they didn't even give me their name, I just
I love the way this person writes. I love the
pride they take in their job and the poetry they
use to describe it. There's a beauty. Whoever, I don't
know who wrote this email, but whoever. And then and
then at the end they're like, I really hope my
(50:48):
Pigges story gave you a mix of laughter, awe, and
a touch of secondhand discomfort. This is a beautiful person
who wrote this email. You know what, There's an Abraham
Lincoln quote. Ah, this is Oh, this is a good
chance for me to prove that I'm a better actor
than Daniel d Lewis. There's an Abraham Lincoln quote. It
(51:10):
goes like this, whatever you are, be a good one. Ah,
that was bad one, Charlie. Whatever you are, be a
good one. He had like a he had a kind
of a crappy voice. All right, whatever, fuck Daniel Lewis.
All right, whatever you are being good on This person
(51:33):
is a great Pigges Pigjacker offer. They take pride in it,
they describe it with such passion and beauty, and they
make me, they make me feel joyful for the future
of our country. All right, let's see here. Okay, okay,
(51:55):
all right. This is kind of a longer email than
I would usually like to read, but the subject line
is just calling me, so I'm gonna read it anyway,
and we're gonna read. I'm gonna try, right, I'm gonna
try to read the I'm gonna take us through this
entire email. Again. This is longer. Usually I try not
to read ones that are longer than two barographs, but
this one is I'm feeling good about reading the whole thing. Okay, uh,
(52:20):
this is from Reggie. Subject line someone I met on
Xbox stole my girlfriend of four years, hey gek. In
the early COVID days, I reconnected with one of my
best childhood friends over Xbox and we just chat and
play games from time to time. I now live on
the opposite end of the world from where I grew up,
(52:41):
so it was really nice to reconnect with an old
friend like that. At some stage, one of his friends
from university started joining us in our Xbox parties, and
it was great. The three of us got on really well,
and we're hanging out on Xbox together fairly frequently. This
continued for probably the better part of two years, and
it often be times we're be just me and this
other guy I was introduced to. We became mates. It
(53:03):
was nice. One day, this guy said he was coming
on a holiday to the country I live in, and
because we'd known each other for a few years at
this point, I said he should fly down to my city.
I'll take a long weekend off work and he can
stay in my house. That's exactly what he did, and
truth be told, it was great. We got along well.
We had a very busy weekend, doing as much as possible,
and we even threw a house party at our place.
(53:25):
The long weekend comes and goes, and he flies back
to the city he was holidaying in, and then shortly
after flies back to the other side of the world.
Maybe two weeks after he'd left, my ex came to
me visibly upset and saying she didn't think things were
going to work between us. She then told me that
she had developed feelings for the guy that came to
(53:47):
stay with us for four days. Fucking the hell, Oh
my god, that is brutal Jesus. There were honestly no
signs of this when he was with us, and except
for maybe one brief two hour period in the busy
weekend where I just wanted to watch some TV for
a bit, and the two of them were downstairs chatting.
(54:08):
There were a couple of times where I had noticed
they'd start speaking in very hushed tones. Oh God, but
I honestly thought nothing of it. I'd later find out
from mutual friends that apparently this was some sort of
magical conversation between them. After a week or so of
back and forth figuring out if the relationship was salvagable,
we confirmed that the relationship was over. Within three months
(54:31):
of the relationship ending, I found out from another mutual
friend that this guy had packed up his entire life
and moved over to this side of the world to
live with my ex in her mom's house. This guy
had never had a girlfriend before, and then he moved
across the entire world for his first ever girlfriend. He
never gave me any sort of explanation when I asked
(54:52):
him for one at the time of the breakup. Blocked
both me and my childhood friend from all of social media,
and to this day continues to live my old life
with my ex, raising the dog that I got her,
and at times it feels like someone has stolen my
old skin. Ultimately, it was a blessing in disguise, though
(55:15):
I'm a lot happier now than I'm out of that
relationship and can see that her and I weren't meant
to be together. Love you and see you the next
time you come to my city. From Reggie. Oscar, are
you listen, Oscar? Did you hear all of this? Oscar?
I need to forward this email to Oscar? Because because
(55:38):
because this guy, Because Oscar just like he broke up
with his girlfriend and she started seeing someone new. But
this fucking guy, this fucking guy, Reggie is one of
these I fucking hear stories from people doing this show
that just really reinforced to me the idea that so
(55:59):
much of life is about perspective, and it gives me
hope in my own life, because, uh, you know, I
try to fucking be, you know, a smart and have
good perspective of things, but my judgment, you know, I
just get. I'm a human. I get we all just
get clouded, and we all just get frustrated and angry
(56:21):
and pissed off, and it's sad and depressed. And here's
this fucking story of a miserably depressing thing happening to
this guy. It's funny, don't get me wrong. It's very funny,
but it's miserable. This is sad. You know, it's harsh,
it's tough, and motherfucker ends the email with it was
a blessing in disguise, And I'm a lot happier now
(56:43):
and I realized that we were. It's just I don't know,
I just I really like this dude's This guy's gonna
live a good life for the rest of the guy
who wrote this email, he just had a terrifying bad
thing happened to him, and he's happier. He's just this
guy's gonna live a good life no matter what. So Oscar,
(57:03):
who I talked to earlier, read this guy's fucking email
or or listen to me say it. I guess I
don't know, but you know, how do I want to
hook I want to hook this guy up with Oscar?
Where's Where's where's this guy at? Where's Oscar? Listen this Oscar?
You you this guy should be your fucking h I know,
(57:24):
I know you said you're not Japanese, but this guy
should be your SEMPI Reggie, he I think, I think,
I think he has a lot of life advice that
he could give you all right, Damn, that was quite Uh,
that was quite a story, someone in the chat says.
Someone in the chat said, that was a real crash
(57:44):
out moment. It was right, it was I was. I mean,
that's like a horror fucking thing. That sounds horrible, and
this guy's fucking takes it in stride. It's pretty impressive.
Although it's pretty impressive, although FIFA is never going to
(58:04):
be the same for him no matter what. All Right,
this is from Delina. Life advice, don't ever move I
wonder if the person. I wonder if that guy was
a higher prestige than he was in call of duty
and maybe that's why I'm maybe that's why his girl
(58:25):
was into him. Okay, No, we're on the next email now.
Life advice, don't ever move in with a possible neuro
divergent friend together. Okay, I'll entertain this, Hey, Lyle, you
can call me Dealina. My friend and I moved in
last year, and it's been a nightmare for me because
I got to know her better. Once you live together,
(58:45):
you see the person from a whole different light. I
figure she is too clinging, and I despair about it.
It is hard for me to stand my ground and
form boundaries. I am a people pleaser. She expects me
to do everything together with her. We work nine to
five and then go to the gym together, do grocery
shopping together, cook together, eat together. A month ago, I
(59:06):
told her that I want more privacy and live more
on my own without her being constantly around me. She
then cried and had a breakdown, saying that not doing
everything all the time together is the equivalent of not
being friends. She also can't do anything on her own.
I feel like a caretaker. For example, just because I
ironed her clothes one day as a sign of appreciation,
(59:28):
she kept asking me when I'll iron her clothes again.
Now that she adapts to not being around me all
the time and being mothered by me all the time,
she still finds new ways to sneak herself into my
life by asking what are we doing on the weekend,
what are we cooking on the weekend, and so on.
The good thing is I learned about saying no, but
it's very very hard for me. I fear she might
(59:51):
be neuro divergent because she has trouble communicating, which makes
it hard for her to find friends. She can't read
social caire use. For example, when I was so over
stimulated by her being around me, I ran into my
room and cried because my brain was so fried. I
am an introvert, so being around people drains my energy.
She then came and knocked on my door to ask
(01:00:13):
me when we're cooking dinner together again. I don't know
if I should talk about it with her and how
I should tell her that me and other friends think
she might be on the spectrum. I can imagine it
could come off as effective. Okay, let's okay. I want
to hold I want to separate two things here because
like I just okay, I like look, I want to
(01:00:36):
be uh, I want to be I want to be
fair here. I want to be fair here about something. Look,
not everyone is neurodiversient. Some people are just are just
a little clinging and annoying, you know what I mean.
I don't, I don't we Look, I don't think it's
fair to pin this on all neuro divergent people. I
(01:00:57):
just thrown that out there. I don't think it's fair
to to pin this on all neurodivergent people. Okay, just
throwing that out there. We're gonna put that aside, Okay,
and then we're just gonna go directly into your specific
thing happening. First of all, your problem is not whether
or not to tell this person that you think they're autistic.
(01:01:20):
That's not your problem. That's not the issue here. I
mean that, fuck, dude, I look, yes, this person sounds
like they're very annoying and have no boundaries. Absolutely, what
do you do? Fucking I think you gotta leave. I
(01:01:41):
think you gotta get out of there. I don't know how, though,
I mean, do you have like a what's the least
situation going on here? What's the what's uh, what's the
least thing? You know? I mean, you just move out
if you can sublet it. Although it's although, although although
(01:02:06):
it's funny. You know what's funny? Is anyone anytime you
like sublet to deal with roommate issues. It's like it's
like trying to It's like it's like having cancer and
the only way to get rid of it is to
give it to someone else. That's mean, I don't want
to refer to this person as cancer. That's mean I
don't want to do that, but I guess I already did.
(01:02:27):
I don't know. Maybe this that's the thing I really,
I'm so optimistic because i'd like to believe that this girl,
uhh who like is having a hard time like setting boundaries.
I'd like to believe that there's some like like like
like I'm thinking of this I'm thinking of this girl
(01:02:48):
as like a puzzle piece, and she's like kind of
a fucked up puzzle piece, and she's just got to
find another fucked up looking puzzle piece that somehow magically
perfectly fit it's into all the little curves and edges
of her fucked up puzzle piece. I'd like to believe
that the world works that way. I really would so hopefully.
(01:03:10):
I don't know. Maybe this person define somebody else to
live this kind of a life with, who enjoys it,
who maybe is equally uh, I don't know, I I
I equally off. Maybe I don't know. I don't know.
But no, I don't think that you and your other
(01:03:31):
friends should tell this person that that they're on the spectrum.
I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think
you're particularly you know, I don't think that's a good idea.
But uh yeah, I mean, I don't know, try to
get out of there. I don't know. What the least
situation looks like. But all right, do do uh Okay,
(01:03:58):
I'm gonna read one more. I'm gonna read one more
and then I gotta get out of here. I'm gonna
read one more. Let's see okay, uh oh okay, this
part this is from a guy named Steven. And sometimes
on Gmail you can have a little profile picture, and
this guy's profile picture is Pablo from The Backyardigans with
(01:04:20):
the little hat. It's really cute subject line. I had
surgery on my penis. Howdy call me Stephen. Recently, there's
been a trend on the podcast of people talking about
horrible things happening to their penis. I would like to
contribute to make half of the audience uncomfortable. You know
(01:04:43):
what's funny is I was at a table of people.
I was like, I was. I was at a table
of folks and the recently and it was it was me, uh,
three three guys and one lady, and I was talking
about like, I was talking about the podcast, and they
(01:05:05):
were like, what's one of the craziest things you've heard
on the podcast? Like that's something people ask me a lot,
and I don't know. I don't have like a go
to story when people ask me that. But it was
just after the most It was like just after I
recorded the most recent episode, and I told them the
story about the lady shoving tic TACs into a guy's
(01:05:28):
pee hole and crunching on them, and all the men
to the table like like shrieked, and the one lady
was like, I'm confused. I don't know why that would hurt.
But I don't know. I don't know if that's I guess. Okay,
I would like to contribute to make half the audience uncomfortable.
I have three older brothers and we all had the
(01:05:50):
same biological issue. The whole of the penis was too small,
so when we peed, it sprayed all over. Think of
covering a running hose. Think of covering half a running
hose with your thumb. Okay, that makes sense. All of
my brothers got a surgery where they increased the size
(01:06:11):
of the hole with an incision. This happened when they
were all young, around two to three, but I got
the surgery at twelve since I was much more conscious
about what the procedure entailed. I had horrible dread the
months leading up to the surgery. That sounds awful. The
dread was actually much much worse than the procedure, But
(01:06:34):
I still have to live with a vivid memory of
an older doctor rubbing ointment on my penis as uncle
Grandpa was on the hospital's TV, was on the hospital
rooms TV. The weeks after were hell and I'll spare
the details, but now I have an amazing powerful stream.
(01:07:01):
And that, folks, was gak mail. That was gak mail.
I don't know. Do I have anything else to say
about this? No, I think that email speaks for itself.
That was gak mail. Folks. Uh, thank you all for
being here? Anything else? Do I have anything else? Oh?
I'm doing a fucking I live I'm I believe I'm
(01:07:23):
I'm in Tokyo right now, and I'm doing a live
show here in Tokyo, Japan. I am doing a live
show here in Tokyo, Japan. I don't have a fucking
I I. We're switching around the date as I recording
this right now. I don't have a date, but it'll
be like the last week of February or some shit
(01:07:45):
I want. I want to plug it in this podcast.
I don't have the full date. Look if you want
to come, uh and you're hearing this right now, at
a point where I don't have a date, just send
an email to therapy geckomail dot com, just being like, Hey,
I live in Tokyo and I want to come to
the show, and whenever I have the I'll just hand
email you the link to the ticket link to the show.
(01:08:10):
So whatever, if you live in Tokyo right now and
you want to come to my GETO show, then I'll
just you just send an email that you want to
come to Therapy Gecko mail at gmail dot com, and
I'll just whenever I have the link, I'll send you
the fucking thing. Also, if you want me to read
your email as part if you if you know, aside
(01:08:33):
from everything I just said, if you want me to
read your email on the next get mail, send me
an email therapy Gecko mail at gmail dot com. And
also I do this kind of like randomly and sporadically,
so sometimes you know, you can send me an email
and I'll record like three episodes and then I'll go
back and read like two month old emails that I
(01:08:53):
haven't read. So go ahead and send any emails that
you want me to read to therapy get go Mail
at gmail dot com. Thank you all for listening to
my podcast. Thank you all for everything that the thing
is tech, thank you all for all things and uh
(01:09:18):
yeah I don't know, do I yeah? Okay, well this
is the end of the podcast. So you know, nothing
I say has to be good because I already we
already did a whole podcast. This is just a bonus.
This is nothing, all right. Well oh yes, oh I
(01:09:38):
forgot about that. Oh yeah, we're oh yeah, just we
were one. We're the six percent. We're the six percent
of people that are still alive. If you're listening to this,
congratulations on being one of the six percent of people
that are alive. And uh, you know, enjoy it, do
something with it. I guess, all right, thank you, Bye bye.
Speaker 3 (01:10:01):
Ne. Rep Ken goes on the line taking your phone
calls every night.
Speaker 1 (01:10:06):
The repin Can goes to on his eye, just teaching
you how to live your life. But he's not really
an expert.
Host
Lyle Drescher
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