GECKMAIL: THE FLESHLIGHT UPDATE

In this episode I sit in a room alone and talk to myself for like 90 minutes reading viewer emails and ranting. Those email topics include ayahuasca, fleshlights, scams, trees, crazy dreams, the elderly. Other things too. Viewer mail baby!!!!! Viewer mail!!!!!!

Time to murder a table. I am a gecko.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, how's it going. This is gek Mail. This is
a segment that I do sometimes on the podcast where
instead of talking to callers on the phone, I just
read emails. And I am currently coming at you from

(00:20):
a windowless hotel room in Tijuana, Mexico. I just finished
I'm down here filming a video. I don't know if
you guys saw I made this video a month ago
or I guess. I filmed it back in February of
me walking with my boy Jason, who I met through

(00:41):
this podcast through Japan, and I talked about depression, I
talked about having an existential crisis, a lot of that stuff,
and I really enjoyed that format of video. So I
am currently down here in Tijuana filming with someone else

(01:03):
who I met through this podcast, and we're making a
video together and that's exciting to me. And so yeah,
I feel great. I feel revitalized. I feel I've been
trying to find a way to kind of like evolve

(01:23):
the show in some way because it's been it's been like,
you know, five years now that I've been being a
Gecko and doing this podcast, and I really like this format.
So I'm excited for you guys to see this video
that I'm gonna make. I just shot it and we're
gonna I'm gonna take some time to edit it. But anyway, whatever,

(01:45):
that's what's going on with me. That's what's going on
with me as far as this podcast episode goes. It's
gonna be me reading viewer mail. I made an Instagram
story yesterday asking people to say me mail with whatever,
and so I'm gonna now read some of that viewer

(02:10):
mail for the next hour, perhaps even more, And hopefully
this provides you with some form of distraction as you
either fold laundry or drive a car, or do any
other things that you would do, or maybe you just
maybe I don't know how you do podcasts. Maybe you don't.

(02:31):
Maybe you just sit in a chair and listen to
your podcast without doing a second thing. But whatever it
is that you're doing while you're doing this, I hope
that this is a good this works for you as
a second thing to be doing. Okay, all right, let's
just start reading emails here, all right. First email, This
is from Joel. Subject line thoughts on your GTA six

(02:56):
existential dread rant from Joel. Hello, Lyle Joel. Here, he
wrote his full name by the way he wrote Joel,
and then his last name. But and he wrote, he
gave me his first and last name in both the
subject line and in the email itself. But I don't
think I'm gonna read it aloud, because there's no reason

(03:20):
to do that. Okay, all right, Joel here, I just
finished listening to your Gecko Male episode where you mentioned
how excited you are for Grand Theft Auto six this
is true, and how you were in middle school when
the trailer for GTA five came out. I think it's
really interesting to reflect on those points in our lives
when we're super excited for something versus how we actually
feel once it finally happens. If I could go back

(03:43):
to my twelve year old self playing San Andreas and
show him all the amazing things you could do in
GTA five, how great it looks, all the crazy stuff
you can pull off, he'd be blown away. But now
that I am in my late twenties or thirties, Now
that I'm in my late twenties or thirties, okay, all right,

(04:04):
that makes sense. Now that I'm in my late twenties,
I barely care. Hmm. It's like, look, how cool this is?
And yet you just don't feel it anymore. Hopefully that
doesn't happen to you a year from now when GCA
six comes out. Sorry to be a bit of a bummer,
but I guess that's just how life is sometimes. Huh.

(04:26):
Just a few thoughts from me, Joel. And then he
wrote again his first and last name, and then he writes, PS,
please keep my name anonymous. Why would you write your
first and last name? Here's the thing. I get it.
If you send an email and you just Google just
has your first and last name in the in the
fucking thing, but you wrote your first and last We're

(04:48):
keeping Joel. Joel's anonymous enough, I think, But why would
you write your first and last name in this in
this subject line, and then twice in the body of
the email if you wanted to be anonymous. Sorry, I
don't know why I'm coming at you, Joel. I don't
mean to come at you. I'm bummed that you don't care.

(05:12):
I mean, I'm bummed that you don't care. I don't know.
I don't know what your life is is like. I mean,
it's not that big of a deal. If you don't care,
it's fine. I have games like that. By the way
I used to be. I I remember I used to
I was really obsessed with Kingdom Hearts when I was
a boy, when I was at twelve and I I

(05:35):
was so, so so excited for Kingdom Hearts three. And
then it didn't come out for like seven years or
eight years or I don't even know. And I by
the time it came out, I didn't give a shit
at all. And there's been there's been stuff like that
where I just didn't care. But this I care. I
care about grand theft auto. I'm actually while actually while
I'm like on planes and shit in Tijuana. Yeah, I'm

(05:57):
just in a window. I'm just in a hotel room.
I did. We did a bunch of fun stuff to
film the video, but after that, I just kind of
sat in the hotel room playing San Andreas the Definitive
Edition on my switch and that's been pretty great. But yeah,
I don't think that I actually don't think. I know
that you're saying this is a bummer, but I don't

(06:18):
think that this is that much of a bummer. You know,
it makes sense right when you're a kid, because I remember, yeah,
I remember being when I was a kid, video games
were all I cared about. They were the scope of
my life, you know. I was like, yeah, I was
twelve years old and my my the main narrative of

(06:40):
my existence was I'm so excited for for like Portal
two and Super Smash Brothers Brawl. And then you get
older and your life expands. It's a good thing. It's
a good thing. I really care. I'm really excited. I
really care about Grand Theft Auto six. But you know,

(07:02):
you get older and you want you want You're like, oh,
grand Theft, thought was six is cool, But it would
also be nice to have a wife and kids, you
know what I mean, or to have a career. You know,
that's good. It's good. It's good. I think it's I
enjoy that I still care about video games, like they're
a fun hobby. But I think if if all, if

(07:25):
if all I cared about in my late twenties or
thirties was video games, I think that would be more
of a bummer, you know what I mean. Like, it's
good to care about other stuff. It's like, look, how
cool it's what is he saying all the greatest stuff?
I don't know if Joel, I don't know, Joel, don't
I don't know. I don't take this as depressing. I

(07:47):
don't take this as depressing. I think it's natural to
care about stuff aside from just video games. But dude,
I was thinking when I was playing, because I'm playing
San Andres right now, and I'm like, damn, this looks
like total shit compared to even Grantraft Little four. I
don't know why I've turned I don't know why I've

(08:09):
turned this into like IGN presents therapy, getto But I
do like video games, all right. This one comes from Vinnie,
subject line do ayahuasca. He says, if you feel it's
calling you, trust your intentions. We are all God. Consciousness

(08:30):
is God. Death is incredibly easy. Living life is difficult,
but that's what makes it special. We're here to leave
our impact better than we found it so we can
upgrade in our next life. You've already done so much
positively impactful that I hope you're being a friend to yourself.
Thank you, Vinnie. That's really nice of you to say,

(08:50):
And based on how fortunate you are in this life,
it's very likely your previous life followed this advice. Be well, Vinnie,
Thank you man. This was a sweet email. This is
really nice. I don't want to do ayahuasca. I used
to think I wanted to do ayahuasca, and now I don't.
And here's why it is, because, well, yeah, I've been

(09:13):
talking about a lot on the podcast about like existential bullshit,
and I feel like, let's see, it's June. For basically
all of February, March, April, and half of May, so
about three and a half months. My con is constant
existential thoughts. And I was thinking a lot about this

(09:34):
shit about like we are all God and consciousness of
God and all that stuff. And it's in a lot
of that when like thinking about death and shit, A
lot of that was scary. But the past few weeks
I'm thinking about it. I'm still thinking about it, but
not from like a I'm scared of it, from like

(09:55):
a like it's interesting to think about place. But I
don't want to do ayahuasca. Man, there's no I I
I feel like, you gotta you gotta keep you gotta
keep one foot on the earth. You know, you know
what I mean, You really got to keep one foot
on the earth or else you're going to just go

(10:16):
fucking completely insane. I get you, though, on the whole
we are all God conscious death is easy. Living life
is difficult. That is true. Death is easier than life.
You don't have to do anything if you're dead. You
don't have to you don't have to go to work,
you don't have to talk to anyone, you don't have

(10:37):
to go grocery shopping. It's true. I was I was
thinking about this. Forgive me if I've talked about this
on the podcast before, but I was on when I
was depressed, and I was on Wikipedia one night, and I, God,
I feel like I've told the story before. I'm not

(10:58):
gonna do it anyway. I was depressed. I was on Wikipedia,
and I was on a Wikipedia page for this movement
called anti natalism that was like like a like a
philosophical idea that it is that it is unethical to
have children because you're bringing consciousness into existence without its permission,

(11:22):
and then like consciousness is suffering and shit. And while
I was depressed, I was reading that and I was like,
that's true, dude, consciousness is consciousness is is depressing. And
then but that's a that's a that's it. That's it's
some shit you have when you're depressed, you know. I
was walking around, uh, in in Tijuana a little bit

(11:43):
yesterday and I was just I just watched these two people.
They must have been, like I don't know, they were young.
They must have been like twenty or something. There's just
this couple. They were just holding hands and one had
like a drink in the like I had like a
fucking like a tear or something. And I was like,
this is that. I was like, this is nice, This

(12:04):
is good. This is life is fine. Life is fine.
Life is good. You expek bring you know, you bring
a kid into the world, and uh yeah, sure there's
plenty of ship to be uh depressed about. But you know,
hopefully one day you have a kid and they get

(12:27):
to drink some tea and hold a lady's hand and
walk down the street, and you know, it's pretty good.
That's worth it. That's worth it. So I don't know
what was I what was the point of this rant
that I'm going on right now. But yeah, it's true,

(12:48):
death is easy, but but you should do it. You
should do life. You should do it. You should do life.
You should opt out. I don't. I don't. Uh yeah,
I've thought I again the past three months, going insane.
I was like I was like, I want to opt out.
I want to you know, you know what I mean.
You know when I opt out, opt in, give it

(13:08):
a shot. You know. This is all I'm I'm I
drank too much coffee. This is all pointless rambling. But
this is I'm just speaking of my own thoughts. But
I don't want to do ayahuasca because I don't want
to be too I don't want to be too connected
to the universe in like crazy psychedelic ways. You can

(13:29):
be connected to the universe by going on a by
by drinking a glass of water and walking down the street,
you know, cod I don't want to. I don't want
to be too conscious. I don't want to get up
to some crazy level of whatever, whatever crazy level of
consciousness that ayahuasca is supposed to give you. I don't
want that. That sounds that sounds burdensome. I enjoy, uh,

(13:51):
I even enjoy being pissed off now that truly, like
after having a I've been thinking about, like after having
like a weird existential crisis, I actually enjoy now because
like the total opposite of consciousness is like, uh, when
you're like pissed off about something stupid, you know, what

(14:12):
I mean, Like, like if you're like, if you're at
a restaurant and you order coke and they only have
pepsi and you're like pissed off about it, You're doing
so great, you know what I mean. You're you're so
deeply connected to reality. Every time I find myself like
like I'm driving whatever, If I'm driving a car and
someone like uh cuts me off or something, and I'm

(14:35):
like pissed off, I'm like, oh shit, I'm that was
That's so oh crap, this is a background noise. Who cares?
All right, there's so what was I saying anything. I'm like,
every time I get pissed off about something stupid, I'm like, oh,
this is great. I missed this. I missed that. You're
so you're connected to reality in that moment that you're
just pissed off that someone cut you off in traffic.

(14:59):
You know. Okay, all right, let's keep going. I don't
know what I'm talking about. Here we go, all right?
This is from Subha subject line love is the point
of living? Right? What if I never love? Hello, my
dear friend Lyle. Ever since I can remember, I've thought

(15:19):
love was the whole point of life. Whenever I went
through a tough time, I would think, once I find
someone who truly loves me, all of this will be
worth it. And it's not like I thought highly of
myself or even felt like I deserved love. I was
a brown girl growing up in the South and Midwest

(15:40):
who couldn't understand how other girls could dream about their
wedding day, because how were they so sure someone would
ever love them enough to marry them. Hold on one second, Brandon,
I'm seeing if I I think my external microphone is
connected to this thing. Okay, it looks like it did.
Hold me, I'm gonna check real quick. Okay, hold on, Bradon,

(16:02):
I'm gonna make it another Wait. Actually, I don't even
need do I need to do that? Okay, hold I'm
gonna make it. I'm gonna start a new recording. Okay,
all right, all right, let's hear into this. But through
times full of suicidal ideations, academic failures, and difficult familiar relationships,

(16:23):
I would dream of a love that would make it
all worth it. My first real love was complicated and
tense and honestly traumatic, and feeling that love did not
make me feel any more lovable, which was odd to me.
I'm still heavily emotionally attached to this person, but I
know I will get over them with time. It hurts

(16:44):
right now, but it's not unbearable. I just can't imagine
myself being in a relationship where I feel like I'm
actually worth the other person's love and affection. I know
people say you should love yourself and not seek external
validation from a significant other, but there's love you can
feel from another person that will never come from yourself

(17:05):
and makes you feel whole. Imagine someone deciding to live
with you through all your mundane moments. That's beautiful. How
do I get over feeling unlovable? The self racism and
learned feelings of hatred toward myself is so hard to undo.
Sorry for being so negative. Appreciate your work and I

(17:25):
hope you know your loved and listeners, I hope you
know your loved as well, And give me a second
to think about this, because I'm actually gonna try. I'm
really going to try to like pull from like a
little bit of my own experiences or thoughts with this shit,
because I have Okay, so in my I think I

(17:50):
think back like a lot on like my my in
my personal life, right I go through I've always gone
through I think like cycles. Well, like, I've had so
many cycles in my life where I'm just like, the
only fucking thing that I care about is finding a girlfriend.

(18:11):
It's like finding like all like you write everything you're saying, right,
like finding love, finding someone to have it like your
mandane moments with and I've gone through. I've got it's
it's for for me personally, it's been very cyclical where
I'm like, I need to find another person to complete me.
And and when I am in that cycle, you cannot

(18:31):
convince me otherwise. You know. I've been in cycles where
I'm like, there is no like you're fucking saying, there
is no external there is no like thing that can
come from me that will match the peace, uh and
the serenity of like of like love, in of like

(18:54):
romantic love. I mean that's why, I mean, that's why
every fucking song on the planet Earth was written about
this ship, you know, and I think it would be
and I don't know. By the way, just so you know,
I don't have advice on this, but this is just
I'm just gonna ponder it. I don't have advice This

(19:14):
is not advice. This is just you bring you bring
up in interesting life conundrum and I'm thinking about my
personal experience and I'm pondering it with you right now.
So I don't have advice. But this is just my ponders,
you know how fun? What was I saying? Cycles? Yes,

(19:35):
I've been thereugh cycles, And then I've also emerged from
those cycles feeling the opposite way, where I'm like, hey,
you know what, I'm just gonna truly enjoy life. And
this is this is this is again, this is coming
from a I have genuinely felt, well on, I have
to sneeze. I have to sneeze. Let's keep this in.

(20:00):
This is important. Fuck hold on, fuck okay, all right,
we're keeping that in. What is it that I have
gone through cycles in my life where I genuinely felt
unconvinced you could not convince me otherwise that life was
worth living if you didn't have a significant other, you know,

(20:25):
And then I've I don't know how, but I've just just,
through time or whatever, just emerged from that into a
mode of existing where I'm like, you know, that would
be cool. It is undeniably a unique feeling and a

(20:47):
powerful feeling and a you know, important part of life.
Like you can't deny that, yes, no, because it bothers you, right,
bothers you when people are like, oh, you should love
yourself and this and that and the other thing. Because
when you're like in this email, when you're like, there's
nothing that compares to that, it's true. You're right that

(21:11):
there is that that kind of love and that kind
of thing. That's a that's a one of one experience,
undeniably so undeniably. So I think I think it's a
I think it's a lie to tell people that it's not.
But that doesn't mean that if you don't have it

(21:38):
right fucking now, that your life has to be ship,
you know what I mean. And also, and you've probably
I'm sure you've been told this a billion times, whoever
wrote this email. It's paradoxical, right, because the more you

(21:59):
chase after it, the more people can people can smell desperation.
The more you you chase after that, the more that
it eludes you. That's a classic. It's a total classic.
And then you get into this uh contradictory state of

(22:20):
being where you want something so badly and everyone's telling
you that the only way to get this thing that
you want is to not want it, and then you
don't want it, and then it's easy. It's it's it's
a difficult thing to manage. Although I again, thinking back,

(22:42):
I'm just just from my own life when I've been
in the cycle of like, oh, all all that matters
in life is having a is having a girlfriend and
having this kind of love I have, Like I keep
I keep a journal. I keep a journal of like
my thoughts and feelings and stuff. And I've I look

(23:04):
back at some journals that I've written from those periods
of time where I was in that cycle where I
thought that that was all that mattered, and I was
and I was reading thoughts that I had during those cycles,
and I was like and I was like, this, fuck it.
Hold on my second, there's there's some background noise. We

(23:24):
can keep this, we can keep this in. Yeah, I forgot.
I was in a hotel. Am I'm probably screaming. I
don't think there's any I don't know if there's that
many other people staying at this hotel, So maybe it's okay.
It's also in the middle of the day, but I
guess that doesn't make it Okay, I don't think I'm screaming.
I'm talking loudly. Maybe I'm screaming a little bit. Was

(23:46):
I gonna say, Oh, yes, Okay. So I keep a
journal and I've written, I've read, I've reread like journal
entries that I've made from that time, and I've been
like this, and I've been like, this guy is not
healthy enough to even be in what he wants. You

(24:07):
know what I'm saying. I'm like you, I'm I'm really
like I've been in again, like healthier states of mind
where I'm not in the in the state of mind
where I'm like, oh, this is all that matters, and
I'm kind of like I just like life. I'm just
feeling peaceful and happy on my own. And when I'm
in that state, I'll read journal entries that I wrote

(24:27):
when I wasn't in that state, when I was like,
you know, obsessed with finding a relationship, and I'll be like, dude,
this is this is and I'm like it's and it'll
I'll just see so clearly that what everyone says about
how you need to not want it for it to

(24:49):
come to you or for you to even be you know,
truly eligible for it. It's true. This is true. So
I don't know what to do with that information. I
don't know what kind of advice is to be gleaned
from that observation. But yeah, how do you get out

(25:12):
of that cycle and into more of the cycle of like, oh,
I really genuinely feel peaceful on my own and also
the whole like I feel like it's a thing of like,
you know what, feeling peaceful on your own, and then
still you still have to make an effort. You know,

(25:33):
you still got to, like fucking you know, go on
the dating apps or or go out to things and
talk to people. But if you do it from a
healthy place where you are, where you genuine you're not
not bullshitting yourself, because we all can bullshit ourselves and
be like, I don't care what happens. I don't care
what happens to this day. I don't care if this
date goes well. But you're kind of lying to your

(25:55):
brain a little bit. You kind of do hope it
goes well when when you feel like you're at a
mental point where you're like, I genuinely am okay with
however this turns out, I'm genuinely doing shit just to
meet people. That kind of is when I think things

(26:15):
pop into place a little bit more, or even if
it's not when things like pop into place a little
bit more, it's at least when things are like, you know,
healthy enough such that if they do, it's not crazy,
you know. I don't know if this rant makes any sense,
but I just I feel I've been I know what

(26:38):
this feels like, and I've been in cycles of feeling it,
in cycles of not and these are just kind of
my observations from the cycles. So whatever, Okay, So what
does it actually send this email? How do I get
over feeling unlovable? Uh? How do you get over feeling

(26:59):
on loveable? I mean? Building self esteem? How does one
build self esteem? Again, I don't know if I have advice.
I'm just thinking about my own life and times when
I've had self esteem and times when I haven't self esteem.
And again, for me, self esteem has been very it

(27:21):
has been a very cyclical thing at times in my
life where I've had a lot of self esteem and
the times in my life where I have had very
very very very low self esteem. And I've and I've
been in one cycle and when I when I'm in
the cycle. I'm like, I don't recognize it as a cycle.
I recognize it as, oh, this is forever, you know.

(27:46):
But looking back, I'm like, what what? What? What moves
me from one part of the cycle to another. I
wish I had an answer to that, but I don't.
In this very moment, I don't have a better answer
to that other than medication and achieving things. Achieving things

(28:12):
is good, but I guess it's achieving the right kind
of things. Like feel like things that make you feel competent,
you know, I feel anytime I feel like when I
feel as though I am providing evidence to myself through

(28:34):
competent actions that I am getting smarter, or I am
like being more confident being being more competent, I feel
more confident. Like you need you need to provide yourself
with data. You need to like provide yourself with data,
you know. I don't think you can like meditate yourself
into self esteem, although maybe you can. I don't. I'm

(28:55):
just I'm just speaking from my own personal experience. Maybe
you can meditate yourself into self esteem? You can't. Yeah
you can, I think you I think you can. I
think you can. I think you can. For some people,
you know, I don't know. Everyone's fucking different. Some people
need like, uh like empirical external evidence for themselves that

(29:19):
they are a competent, worthy human being. And I'm definitely
a little at least at least fifty percent of a
person like that. And then the other fifty percent is
you meditate yourself into being like I. I the fact
that I exist as a human being gives me inherent value.

(29:40):
Again for me, it's a yin yang thing. Those things
work together. But yeah, I hope this was I hope
this rant made sense. This. I like this email. This
gave me a lot to kind of think about. But also,
I don't know how old is this person I'm trying
to It doesn't really, it doesn't really say in this message. Right,

(30:04):
there's it because there's another thing of the times of
academic failures. Okay, I guess you're fairly young, because there's
another thing of like, yes, being I think being in
a healthy, loving relationship. No doubt, everyone's different, but I

(30:25):
think most people would probably say that that's that's better
than being alone. I think people are kind of probably
bullshitting if they say it's not, But at least for them,
I don't know, all this stuff is very personal. But
just because you can't, just because you recognize that it
does help make you whole and it is a big

(30:48):
life thing and you don't have it, that doesn't have
to make you feel like shit, because you can just
be like, look, I don't have this right now. It's
not a part of my life right now, and that's fine,
but it doesn't You don't have to condemn just because
it's not part of your life right now. It doesn't
mean you have to condemn yourself to being unlovable for
the rest of your life, you know. All right, let's

(31:11):
keep going. I hope you're doing okay. Oh they signed
their email Molly. I hope you're doing all right, Molly, okay,
all right. This is from uh Brianna. Subject line am
I crazy. Ooh it's an exciting subject line. Hi gek,

(31:36):
you can give me a name. So to make a
long story short, I traveled through the US for about
three months January through April, just exploring and visiting national parks,
and then I went back to Canada to seek healthcare
and just ended up staying in Canada and going back

(31:57):
to the seasonal work I usually do. Due to some circumstances.
I ended up being depressed for the whole month I
was back. I decided I wanted to leave, packed my car,
which is built to live out of, and left. The
next day, I quit the job I had and headed
for the border. I tried to enter through Detroit. They
took me aside, questioned me, took my finger. What the fuck?

(32:21):
They took your finger? That has to be a typo,
and searched my car. They sent me back to Canada.
I entered the next day after showing them a ton
of paperwork that proves ties to Canada. Kind of a
crazy experience because Canada and the US have a tourism
agreement for their citizens. Anyway, I'm crossing the border from

(32:45):
Montana into Alberta today in search of work somewhere in
Banef for the summer. This was a pretty impulsive and
spontaneous decision, but it doesn't make sense to stay somewhere.
I'm unhappy. I've had so many people ask how I
can travel and do what I want. There are no
rules to life. We all have free will and can

(33:05):
do whatever our hearts desire. I'm not following a conventional lifestyle,
and I'm not sure I ever will. For context, I'm
nineteen and graduated a year ago. I crave new experiences
and adventures. I'm so content being an uneducated hippie. Living
life to the fullest is what makes you rich, not

(33:27):
that degree or six figure job. To anyone who wants
to get out there, just to do it, it's scary
to take the leap, but regret is scarier. You only
live once. Brianna. Uh interesting, Okay, Well, I have a
few thoughts about this, right because I think, no offense

(33:51):
to Brianna, but I think like going, okay, going like
full if you like going full send, we all have
free will, and you know, get out there and whatever.
Whatever to me is it's a little ignorant in the sense,

(34:12):
no offense to Brianna. But I'm just gonna I'm just
gonna speak from myself because I actually I do agree
with a lot of this ship. But also also it
also costs money to exist on the earth. And so
I remember there there's this like viral Instagram post that

(34:33):
this this lady made. I don't know if you guys
have seen it, where she's like she's like in a
on a beach in Thailand and she's like, what is.
She say she's and she's like panning the camera around
and she's like, this could be you on a Thursday.
All you have to do is book a flight. What

(34:54):
are you doing? You have free will? All you have
to do is book a flight. And that that that
clip goes ill because everyone fucking what's the word? What's
the word? When it's a TikTok, everyone stitches it. Everyone
stitches it with them being like, you know how the
flights cost money? You know, it's not you can't just

(35:17):
you can. There's there's a lot of like okay, saying like, uh,
get out there, do whatever you want. You have free will.
Come there is an asterix. There's an asterix on It
doesn't make it not true, doesn't mean we should throw
out the whole sentiment. In fact, it's actually I think

(35:38):
it's a good sentiment, but it does come with an asterix,
you know. So it's like, I don't know, I'm trying
to think what I what I actually want to say
about this. I'm cure I'd like to talk to this
person because I'm curious, like how do they do it?
You know? My understanding of this how this person does

(36:01):
it is okay, Well, Okay, so she so she's I
think this person is Canadian, right, They're born in Canada,
so they're free health care. That's pretty cool. And then
they do seasonal work. So my understanding of how it
logistically works with this person is she probably spends three

(36:26):
months doing her seasonal shit and saving and then and
I don't know how she saves, right, Like there's a
lot of I like, what's in the asterisk of this
because I do I think, because usually I think it
is both. I think it is simultaneously ignorant to be like,

(36:53):
go out and travel and do whatever you want, as
well as it being ignorant to say you can't do
this because of X, Y and Z, Right, Like, there's
a middle ground where we can go like, Okay, here's
a logistic way that you can figure out how to
do this shit, right, And so I'm trying to figure

(37:14):
out how the logistics work for this person. She probably
does like some kind of seasonal work and it saves
up a bunch of money. I don't know if she
saves the money. I don't know where she sleeps right
while she's doing the work. I don't know what she
eats while she's doing the work. Maybe she lives with
her folks. Maybe she lives with her folks while she's
in Canada. Maybe she lives with fucking six roommates or

(37:37):
something like that and just saves up all the money
and then uses it to travel through the US for
three months. And then because she's in Canada, she got
health care. She figured it out, she had, you know,
she was she You know, you're born, and you get

(38:00):
certain you have certain nice things that come with your
life if you're lucky, like you know, being in a
place that is free healthcare or having parents that can
let you stay at their place, and you figure it out.
So I don't know, I get there's there's something in between.

(38:20):
I don't like this. I don't like the people make
it like a in either or right, Like the people
are the people on the one side of the of
the Instagram thing where that lady is like, hey, just
book a flight. You know this could be you on
Thursday in Thailand. Right, It's like there's an asterisk there,

(38:43):
and then on the other some people stitching at being
like you cannot do anything because everything is unbearably expensive
and there's no possible way to do any of this.
Ship there's an asterisk there too. Right, It's like we
can get logistical on how to do cool shit. But yeah,

(39:03):
I don't know. Yeah, I'm curious for how this person
does it. But yeah, I would reorient I would. I
would reframe this person's message and I would go I
agree that living life to the fullest is what makes
you rich. That's what she said. I agree that there

(39:26):
there is How would I reframe this? Get out there
and just do it? Like I guess, I would reframe
it as like, fully assess whatever your situation is and
then use whatever resources are at your disposal, i e.

(39:50):
The Internet, i e. Living with more roommates, i e.
Whatever whatever it is is man to like figure it out.
And a lot of this shit, I do think there
are a lot of people who want to do things
that they've decided they can't that if they prodded a
little bit, are are figure outable. But yeah, I don't know.

(40:19):
I don't know what's going on in Canada. That's crazy,
that's cool. You have free healthcare. All right, let's keep going. Okay,
This is from Isaac subject line hands free for Life.
Isaac says, Hello, I was on your show once when
you had a therapist that wore glasses on. I forgot

(40:40):
his name. He was cool, though, what is that a
I think he's talking about doctor Dre, not doctor not
fucking doctor Dre, doctor Drew. Anyways, I wanted to give
you an update since I had taken your advice to
buy a fleshlight. This is what happens when you do
a podcast for five years. Just somebody says, you get
an email. You get an email from a guy who's like, hey,

(41:02):
remember three years ago you told me to buy a
flash light, And I'm like, I don't remember that, but
I'm like, what else? What else have I said that
I don't even fucking remember. Well, good, I'm glad you
bought the flesh light. I've never tried. I've actually never
used a real fleshlight. I've used a what I call

(41:26):
it a maguiver flesh light. It's when you take a
pringles can. I've talked about this before, I'll do it again.
So you take a pringles can and a rubber glove
and two sponges and you use that to do a
homemade mcgiverd fleshlight. But I've never actually tried the real thing. Okay.
I wanted to give you an update since I had
taken your advice to buy a flesh light, and I'm

(41:47):
doing much better now. I have a lot of wisdom
for anyone that may be in my position currently. What
is your position that you have a flashlight? What is
this email? Bullet points A high Q, A sneeze of
knowledge if you will be on the shiny Okay, I

(42:11):
don't think this person understood. I don't think this person
understood the point of the email. That's okay, who cares?
Who gives a shit? I hope you. I hope you're
enjoying your flesh light, Isaac. Good luck, good luck, sir.
I hope, I hope. Yeah, I hope you're enjoying your flashlight.

(42:31):
Thank you, Isaac, thank you, thank you for sending me
this email. All right, this is from Jacob, subject line
Exchange in Baltimore. Hi, Lyle, hope you're doing well. I'm
a student from the UK about to do an exchange
semester at MICA in Baltimore. I know you grew up

(42:54):
there and was wondering if you had any advice slash
tips for a living there for four months and if
you have any favorite spots to check out I'd love
to hear thanks and have a lovely day. All right.
Who's ready for the Who's ready for the to get
to get super niche here? Who's ready to learn about

(43:14):
the great city of Baltimore and Maryland. Uh, Mike is sick.
You have a great time. Mike is a cool place.
I've never been there, but I I when you drive
into Baltimore, you like see the outside of it, and
it's the cool. It's like a cool, artsy place. You're
definitely gonna yeah. Oh and you're also I don't know

(43:36):
something about like being at like Micah and you have
like a British accent. Yeah, everyone's gonna love you. Yeah,
you're gonna you're gonna have a great time. Go to
go to go to some fucking crusty punk shows in basements.
I don't know if that's so. I don't know much
about like the Baltimore scene, but I know that there

(43:56):
are there's a lot of like, uh, punk shows at
bars for like ten bucks and shit like that. Go
check that shut out. Uh. There's a museum I love
in Baltimore, shout out to the American Visionary Art Museum.
It's it's a lot of like uh, crazy art from

(44:17):
sort of like fringe artists who who who weren't like
famous or anything. They're just like living on the street
and ship. Check that out. Anything else is Baltimore, I
don't know. It's a cool place. Yeah, go go go

(44:38):
go to some I'm gonna go to some of those
house shows if that's if that still exists. Okay, all right.
This is from a bridgid subject line A weed farm
and a dream. Hello, Lyle, thank you so much for
opening up your email line to us writers. I'm also
a speaker, but have never been lucky enough to be

(45:00):
connected to you. During one of my many calls into
the show, I writer in. I don't know why this.
I don't know why I'm getting tripped up by this,
but thank you. Okay. I've been listening to the show
since twenty twenty one, and the situation I was in
when I started tuning in was quite unique. In November
twenty twenty one, I was twenty three. I just dropped

(45:21):
everything in Massachusetts to live for three months on a
weed farm in Trinity, California, Trinity County, California. I was
low key scammed into going by a friend of a
friend that claimed I would make ten thousand dollars in
five weeks from trimming cannabis. You don't get out. Here's
here's the thing. Don't feel bad about you don't get

(45:42):
You don't get out of life for free, especially if
you're like if you're a schemer, and I myself when
I was, when I was young and still today a
big schemer, where I'm like, how do I how do
I how do I fucking like know, uh not have
to work a real job? You know, when you're when

(46:05):
you're tinkering around, you get, you get ski you get
when you're when you're in big like, oh my god,
I'm going to have to work a real job. And
I don't want to do that. You start scheming, you're
you get, you get scammed, You get scammed into shit
like this. So there was no there was no shame
in that. The unfortunate reality is I definitely lost more

(46:25):
money than I made. I probably spent upwards of six
thousand dollars living in San Francisco for three weeks and
doing my coast to coast road trip. When all was
said and done at the farm, I made around five
thousand dollars between trimming and annual work and hourly work.
I don't regret it, but I also wouldn't recommend it
to anyone personally. I was really lucky to have a
solid support system in this endeavor that I could go

(46:47):
back to my apartment in Massachusetts when the season was over,
and therapy Gecko was most of what I listened to
while trimming. It brought us smile to my face, my
face when all I was looking at or white walls
and massive amounts of wee for ten to twelve hours
a day. Uh. Pros of living on a weed farm
unlimited weed. Air is fresh and beautiful. Cons of living

(47:10):
on a weed farm unlimited weed definitely isolating. Gotta sleep
in your car, the sink bucket, no days off, twelve
hour days, and did I mention isolating? I love you, Lyle,
thanks so much for your attention and care best Bridget,
Thank you, Bridget. It's very sweet of you to say, yeah, no,

(47:31):
look here's the thing we've all again. Like I was
just saying, when you're when you're when you're trying to
not when your options are like all right, cool, I
could go work at some fucking thing and make some
fucking whatever, you know, and then your friend is like, Hey,
you can make ten dollars in five weeks trimming cannabis.

(47:53):
Of course you're gonna be like, that sounds right. Of course,
why would you not be like, why would you question that?
Sometimes you don't want to ask questions because you just
want it to be real. So of course you're gonna
go and do that. So, yeah, you're not getting out
of if you're if you're a schemer, if you're if

(48:14):
you're scheming around trying to figure out how to not
have to fucking be a real human being, you're you're
gonna get nicked every now and then by by somebody
else who's who's scheming. So you know, charge it to
the game, as they say, Uh okay. This is from Nicholas. Hello, Lyle,

(48:38):
my name is Nick. I recently turned nineteen. I've noticed
how your mood during your recent podcast episodes have has
seemingly fluctuated from being depressed to perhaps being more content
with being depressed. As you've said many times, you've been
thinking of life very deeply and existentially as of recent
which I very much relate to a strong sense of

(49:00):
introspection and existentialism in these past few weeks. Typically this
is accompanied by a strong negative feeling, But this time
I feel more content with it. I don't know how
to feel about that. I guess I feel good that
I'm starting to accept that life is what it is,
that most of it simply consists of grueling obstacles to overcome.

(49:21):
You've impacted me so much mentally over the past four
years with how honest and expressive you've been about how
you've been feeling and what you believe. It's really inspiring
and it's made me gain a more realistic and understanding
mindset that I quite enjoyed. Thank you, Nicholas. I like
how the YouTube video you. I liked the YouTube video
you posted the other day about your crisis in Japan.
You should do more of those. That's why I am
in a windowless room in Tijuana. Here's a Minecraft building

(49:45):
of you. Oh shit, that's awesome. Look at that. Look
at that. Okay you're not gonna be able to see
this in the audio version, but for the video folks,
check that shit out. That's pretty cool. Okay. Where what
was I gonna say about this person? Bro? You're nineteen. Man,

(50:06):
You've started to accept that life is what it is,
that it simply consists of grueling obstacles to overcome. Oh fuck,
I want to go on a motivational ramp, but I
also don't because I don't know this person's life. I
don't know what. I don't know what. I don't know
what ignorance will will be woven into my my fucking
stupid rant. But I don't know. Man, I hope you

(50:30):
fucking I hope you open your mind to the potential
that life is more than just grueling obstacles to overcome
or or I don't know. I don't know if it's
it's already just then I'm like, is that ignorant? My
being ignorant? I don't know. I hope your life gets better.
I don't know. Is this I don't know. You sent

(50:50):
me a fucking giant Minecraft gecko. That's life. You know
this is really good? Actually, I'm like, actually looking at
this sometimes life is playing Minecraft's That's good, right, God
damn keep chucking Nicholas. Okay, this is from Brennan. Hey, Lyle,

(51:17):
thanks for being the voice that keeps me company on
my commute. You had a soothing presence to stressful workdays.
Thank you. I wanted to know if you ever tried
going to Nintendo themed groups to find friends or more
than friends parentheses, if you know what I mean, and
if there are such groups near you. Also, what is

(51:38):
your favorite food slash snack when you're high? Oh crap,
I don't know if that okay? All right? I hope
to visit New York again soon and I'll be on
the lookout for Gecko man Farewell Gek Nintendo themed groups.
I have never I don't know if. I don't know

(51:58):
if that exists. I don't know if that exists. Wait, actually,
hold on, I'm a total idiot. I go to Nintendo groups.
I wait, I'm actually a total idiot. I actually go
to Nintendo themed groups all the time because I play
competitive Super Smash Bros. Melee, which is a Nintendo It's

(52:20):
so funny. I was looking at your email, like what
the fuck is a Nintendo themed group, and then now
I'm like, oh, that's been a part of my life
for like eleven years. Now go into fucking smash tournaments. Yeah, bro,
go to some Smash Bros Tournaments. I mean, I'm a
big melee guy, but uh, and the melee scene is
not as big in as like Ultimate But yeah, dude,

(52:44):
go to go to some ultimate tournaments, have some fun.
That is a huge way that people make friends, right,
because what is friendship really? You know, It's just like
the reason why we make less friends as we get
older is because friendship is just like shoving. Friendship is
just fucking repeated interactions with the same people, and when

(53:06):
you are an adult, you have less of that as
you did when you were in college and high school.
So look, man, if you go to a fucking ultimate
tournament once a week for several weeks, you'll probably start
seeing the same people and making friends. And yeah, I

(53:27):
don't know. Maybe then I don't I don't know what
your game is. Maybe you could start a fucking circle
where you guys all go to your each other's animal
crossing islands. What is your favorite food slash snack when
you're high Lately it's an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's,
or like a or like a dollar slice of pizza

(53:47):
that hit rocks. Okay, okay, all right. This is from
a Trinity subject line post relationship guilt. Hey, GEK, my
boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months,
but I constantly grapple with the guilt of my past
relationship with his best friend and coworker. We dated for

(54:11):
three years and ultimately his best friend broke up with
me over four years ago. While I have no feelings
for his best friend and I'm wholeheartedly committed to my
boyfriend and believe we should have been together all along,
I can't help but feel I made a mistake and
I feel guilty that I dated as best friend. My
boyfriend has never once made me feel bad for this

(54:33):
or blames me. What do I do to get over
this feeling of guilt and that it will prevent us
from getting more serious down the road? Ooh interesting? I
mean I got a couple. Okay, So all right, so
you dated this guy's friend before you dated him, I'm

(54:55):
gonna guess that you guys were all kind of in
the same circle and group and whatnot, and that's how
you know your current boyfriend and your ex boyfriend who's
the friend of blah blah blah. I mean, dude, did
this guy you're his first? Of all? Okay, his friend
broke up with you, right, here's his friend broke up

(55:18):
with you four years ago, and you started dating this
get your current boyfriend only six months ago. Listen, Trinity, this,
I I don't here's the thing, Trindy, if it because okay,
if you were dating his best friend, right and then

(55:39):
you broke up with him to be with his friend,
I could see why you would feel guilty about that.
I could see why, you know, you could that would
make you feel bad. But like this is that's this
is a little bit not that like the timeline for this.

(55:59):
I feel like you don't need to be guilty about it.
I mean, god, damn you guys, you guys fucking is
he still friends with the dude? I don't know. This
just seems like this just seems like the game. You know,
this just seems like how it came out. This by
the by that when I said this seems like the game.
It just is like this, this is what happened. You know,

(56:20):
this is the game of life, right, I mean, why
you guys fucking broke up four years ago? It was
three and a half. It had been three and a
half years since his friend broke up with you. I
think I think, I think you're in the clear if
you and his friend have a connection. It's like I

(56:46):
think you're fine, dude. I mean again, it would be
it would be a different situation. If if you broke
up with the friend and then immediately you started dating,
you started dating your current boyfriend, that makes a lot
of sense. I you know, get why you would feel guilty,
but like the timeline with this, I don't think. I don't.
I don't see why you're letting this prevent you from

(57:10):
getting more serious down the road, you know. I mean,
three and a half years is a pretty fucking long
time since you dated his friend. Are you guys all
I have more questions about this. I'm curing. Are you
guys all in a in like a like a friend group? Still? Yeah,

(57:33):
I think I've at least at least in my opinion,
I think the timeline of this absolves you from guilt.
I mean, but also especially because like if he broke
up with you. Yeah, I don't, I don't. I think
you're over thinking this. Trinity Okay, this is from Sean
subject line Trees experience time differently. Hello from New Zealand, Gek.

(57:59):
I was out in the bush with my mates and
we were talking about the universe and things, as you do.
I brought up how trees experience time differently compared to us,
like from our perspective, the trees are growing very slowly,
yet to the trees, they're shooting up fast and their
roots are wiggling around underground like tentacle arms. We see

(58:20):
them as really slow, yet they see us going fast.
One of my bros said, trees aren't conscious beings, therefore
they don't have a concept of time, so you're wrong,
And we argued for like ten minutes about it, and
it got nowhere. Is this just a bunch of yapping
or is there solidity to this? I'm keen to hear
your thoughts. Ps. I wear the full gecko suit during sex. Okay,

(58:44):
I'm gonna reread this cause I'm trying to understand what
your position is on this. Okay, so you're bringing Okay,
so you're saying the trees experience time differently, and your
boys like, trees aren't conscious beings, therefore they don't have
a concept of time, so you're wrong. What is my
opinion on this? I'm gonna I'm actually I feel there's

(59:05):
probably some motherfucker who like can scientifically explain whether or
not trees are conscious. But you know what, what what good?
What good is is arguing with the boys when you
try to bring science into it. All science does is
make arguing with the boys not fun. So let's keep
science out of this one. Huh, are tree? I agree

(59:28):
with your homide. I think trees aren't conscious. I don't
think trees have a concept of time. I think human
being this is, this is this is like human beings
are conscious. We have we have like our own uh
privileges of consciousness as humans that trees don't have. I mean,

(59:51):
some could call them privileges, some could call them curses whatever,
who cares. But you know, like humans are, we're half
we're half consciousness and we're half just doing and existing
and being animal shit and just like you know, doing
our homeostasis. Like I think it's an inherently human thing

(01:00:12):
to have the self awareness that we get older. I
don't think that like animals and trees and shit even
know that they're growing or getting older. They just do it.
And you don't have to know that you're doing something
to do it. Of course, So I don't think trees
are conscious. I don't think they have a concept of time.
I believe that your boy is correct, Like trees don't

(01:00:33):
know that they're gonna die, and they don't know they're
getting older in the way the humans do. What's it
like a New Zealand? Is it real? Are you guys
having this conversation in like the fuck? Are you guys
in the Shire? You know all the Lord of the
Rings movies were made in New Zealand. Are you guys
having this conversation in the Shire? That's pretty cool? All right,

(01:00:54):
let's see, all right? This is from Billy, subject line
cancer saved my life. Hi, Gek, I'm writing you this
email the night before I go into surgery. I am
twenty seven years old and fighting cancer. I never thought
this would come up at this point in my life.

(01:01:17):
I'm not sure if ironic or funny is the right word,
but four years ago I was in and out of
hospitals for suicide attempts. Now that my mind wants to live,
my body is fighting itself. You know what, I actually, Billy,
I completely under I completely understand what you're saying. I
completely fucking understand what you're saying. And I understand why

(01:01:40):
you think it's funny and ironic, right, because yeah, when
your mind that is so that is so fascinating. I'm
extremely sorry to hear this, but that is fascinating. Right, dude.
I'd noticed this myself after like, I don't know, get
getting over wanting to die is like once your once

(01:02:03):
your brain is like, oh shit, I life is I
ask you. You know I like life. This is good?
You know it is it? I see? It is funny
that now your body is like, well, too fucking bad.
You know. Let's see your body is fighting itself to say,
I've come a long way since then. As an understatement,

(01:02:24):
gratitude and living in the moment are two things I
have strengthened tremendously throughout this journey. I've never been more
thankful for everything I have and have been able to experience.
While the physical pain is tough at times, I truly
believe this experience has opened my eyes to a more
enriching life. So many small worries I no longer have,
and living in the moment has unlocked so many beautiful

(01:02:47):
views I've overlooked in the past. Thank you for all
you do. Best wishes, Internet Deco. Man, mm bro, I
hope you're all right, Billy, I really do. I hope
you're doing okay. But yeah, I know what you mean.
I know what you mean. As to why, as to everything,
you're saying as to why he feels like ironic and

(01:03:08):
in a weird one. I'm like, yeah, man, I get it,
I get it, I get it. I get why once
you're kind of faced with like some real shit, a
lot of the small stuff no longer no longer phases you. Hmm.

(01:03:31):
Thanks for sharing your experience with us. Billy all right.
This is from Kate, subject line the Taco Bell Crunch
rap Supremacy. Hey gek, when are you coming back to Seattle?
I have no idea, but eventually I hope this email
finds you as I would like to discuss something that
I am very passionate about, Taco Bell. I have always

(01:03:52):
loved Taco Bell growing up, and now, as a twenty
five year old with full autonomy and subsequently left to
be responsible of my own executive functioning, I make the
choice to eat Taco Bell all the time. I eat
Taco Bell a minimum of twice a week. I get
emails about upcoming sales, new releases, and even have the app.

(01:04:13):
I'm honestly kind of disgusted at how much I'm into
Taco Bell. If I continue to eat Taco Bell the
way I do now, I will no longer be able
to leave my house without a crane within the next
five years. However, as it stands, I am not crane
bound and continue to push past the endlessness of limitations,
explore new opportunities, and experiment with the food items at

(01:04:37):
Taco Bell. Within my exploration, I have discovered a very
underrated hidden gem on the menu, and I feel it
is my obligation to share that with you all. I
promise this is not sponsored, but I want to hear this.
I want to hear this, ladies, gentlemen, and the rest
of the geckos across the Internet, the most underappreciated menu
item at Taco Bell is the black Bean Crunch Wraps Supreme.

(01:05:01):
Hold on, what is the Black being crunch Rap Supreme.
I'm gonna google this real quick. Black Bean crunch Rap Supreme.
Here's the thing, bro, if I go to Taco Bell there,
I'm not gonna get anything without any meat in it.
I'm not gonna get any vegetarian items. Okay, so this
is yeah, this is a fully vegetarian Yeah. I mean,

(01:05:23):
look cool for you if that's your thing. But like,
if I'm going to Taco Bell, there's no way I'm
consuming anything without meat. In it. Okay, the black Being
crunch Wrap Supreme is ten times. But this is back
to the email. The black Being crunch Wrap Supreme is
ten times better than the beef, than the beef or

(01:05:45):
any other meat or protein substitute in the crunch wrap. Okay,
So this person is trying to argue to me that
even as this person I assume as a meat eater,
there's no way you're not. This person's not a vegan
or a fucking vegetarian. You don't get this into the
taco bell as a vegetarian or a vegan. Okay, So
I'm gonna assume this is a regular. This is a
meat eater that is attempting to argue that the meatless

(01:06:09):
black Bean crunch Wrap Supreme is better than the crunch
wrap with meat in it. And I'm gonna be open
minded and I'm gonna read this argument. Okay, that is
a hill I am willing to die on over a
thousand times. If you haven't tried it, I beg you
to do so as soon as you can. I'm not
sold on this this. I don't believe this. The flavor
combination when the black beans and nacho cheese mix the

(01:06:31):
crunchiness of the tostado, the crispiness of the lattice, the
freshness of the tomatoes, I promise is not an ad
the creaminess of the creaminess of the sour cream wrapped
up in the softly grilled flower tortilla. Not even God
himself could cultivate such a divine experience. Okay, Kate, here's
the thing. You haven't yet attempted to explain why it's

(01:06:52):
better because everything that you've explained is still present in
the chicken crunch rap. So why is the black version bet?
Why is this better without chicken? I know that there
are many things that are discussed on this platform, including
the food at Taco Bell, but that's honestly not enough.
We need to have even more discussions about Taco Bell
than we already do. Okay, this hold on. Not enough

(01:07:16):
people understand that the black Bean crunch Wrap Supreme holds
supremacy over any other crunch rap. Okay, all right, that's
pretty much the end of the email. This pretty listen, Kate,
you gotta give me some I don't. I'm not. This
email doesn't compel me to try it because there's nothing

(01:07:37):
in here that's telling me that the black beans are
going to be better than the chicken. I don't I
was gonna, you know, I don't even want to give you.
I don't want to even give you lip service and
tell you that I'm gonna try it, because I'm probably not.
I'm probably just gonna next time I go there, I'm
gonna just this is making me kind of hungry for
like an actual crunch wrap with like chicken in it,
and shit. Yeah, bro, I'm also gonna have to I'm

(01:07:58):
also gonna need a mean to take me out of
my house pretty soon. I'm yeah. I've mentioned I was
here in Tijuana and this morning I was like, this
morning I was I was like, should I get like
an authentic whatever the fuck? And I'm like, no, I
don't care. I'm gonna go to Carls Junior. And so

(01:08:20):
I went and I got a breakfast burrito. It was great,
but I was also like, I'm eating too much fast food.
I gotta, I gotta, I gotta stop doing that, all right, Okay,
this is from jeffano Yuki, subject line, I had a

(01:08:41):
dream of being downgraded. Hey, Lyle, nice to finally write
something to you, because trying to call you is difficult
for some reason in my country I am from Lithuania.
I have a story. I had this dream of like
being in a dark void or room or something, and
suddenly whisp started to get louder, and I heard one

(01:09:02):
voice talking about and comparing all the close ones I know,
like from the family and relatives, and then more voices
show up, and eventually they start talking about me. It
was faint, but I clearly remember the whispers in the
dream telling me that I'm worthless and a disgrace to
the family, basically downgrading me. And that got me thinking,

(01:09:25):
did my thoughts and feelings translate to a dream because
I have low self esteem? Or this could even be
deeper of past relatives or family members from the dead
coming to visit me in my dreams and expressing disappointment
in me because two or because one or two weeks
before this dream my grandpa passed away from a heart attack.

(01:09:49):
I'm probably overthinking too much about it, but I wanted
to share this experience to you and hopefully you give
some thoughts about this. Most people I've talked to have
said it's basically my low self esteem evolving in my dreams. Also,
Gecko and Lithuanian is geck on us. Thank you for
sharing that. I yeah, I think dream I don't. I'm

(01:10:11):
I'm not a law a believer in I mean, at
this point, I'm like fairly agnostic about all things because
I I just the older I get, the more I
realize I don't fucking know anything and that the universe
is completely beyond me. So I'm fairly agnostic towards a
lot of shit. But I'm not super I don't. I'm

(01:10:35):
not super big into like people from the I don't think.
I don't think at least. Again, I'm fairly agnostic, But
I don't think at least that people from the dead
come to visit us in our dreams. That's less believable
to me. I absolutely believe that you know, fears and

(01:10:57):
low self esteem and feelings, whether subconscious or unconscious, whether
whether conscious or unconscious, absolutely manifest in our dreams. Like
that makes sense. So yeah, this probably could be just
like a fear that's manifesting in your dream. I believe
if it makes you feel in a better I believe

(01:11:18):
that that's probably much more likely. That's way more likely
than it is that like your grandpa is visiting you
to tell you that you suck. And by the way,
imagine if he was doing that, right, I mean, you know,
I'd have to imagine being dead is because when you're dead,
you're resting, right. Why would you want to disturb your

(01:11:42):
own sleep? Why would you want to disturb a very comfortable,
disturbing sleep to tell your grandson that he sucks? You know,
I don't think he's doing that. I think he's probably chilling.
So anyway, I mean, yeah, that's my thought about that.
What's it like in Lithuania? Where the hell is Lithuania?

(01:12:03):
I'm looking this up. I've never I haven't been to
any of like Eastern Europe, like Estonia or Poland or
any of that shit. It's mainly like Western that could
be cool. Maybe I'll go to Lithuania for absolutely no reason.
For Latvia is interesting? What's going on in Latvia? All right? Okay?

(01:12:28):
This is from El Barto, subject line Sissyphus to do list. Hello, Ghek.
I am a senior in college, living a good life,
and I've been achieving things that I've been working on
for years. I have an internship in quantitative finance. I
have people that love me and appreciate me, and yet
I keep finding myself feeling like I should be doing

(01:12:49):
more that, or I jumped straight into planning and working
on the next thing without even finishing the things in
front of me, without even noticing. I guess the best
way to describe this state is some weird multitasking Sissyphus
conundrum type shit. And I just can't or have forgotten
how to turn my brain off. It's mentally and physically

(01:13:10):
impossible for me to sit and just be. The weight
of reality is too nauseating, and the feeling of I
need to be doing something goes bonkers. Not looking for anything,
just wanted to share gek on brother, I'm glad you're
not looking any for anything, but I old by the

(01:13:31):
way I have. Me and I have good friends we
have who have like that I need to be doing
something feeling is a a permanent hard It's hardwired into Uh,
I'm just gonna talk about myself. It's hardwired into my existence,

(01:13:56):
like hardwired the whole I need to be doing something thing,
and I've had it forever. I've had it since I
I middle school or whatever. It's the reason why I
was able to ever do any of the shit that
I ever did in my life, and recently I have
discovered because after like talking to friends who have that

(01:14:19):
same shit and talking to my dad who has that shit,
is it's adhd, you know, like there's a word for it.
I thought though I didn't realize there was a word
for it. I didn't realize I thought that that was
just how I was, or that's like the human condition
or whatever. And maybe I'm not here to fucking diagnose you,

(01:14:39):
and I don't fucking you know, I don't even know
this is a problem for you. But again, I'm just
talking about this is just my own personal now, I'm
not here to this. I'm not talking I'm you know,
I'm not even this is not about your situation. This
is just I'm relating to youth or my own thing.
And for me, like and this is recently, bro this
is like within like the last month, I've been like, oh,

(01:15:02):
this feeling that I thought was just a weird amorphous
part of like my existence has a name and people
talk about it, you know, and people like kinda kind
of like, uh, you know, they they they work on
it through through medications and through fucking strategies and ship

(01:15:25):
and and again for me, uh, the ADHD thing of
I always need to be doing something. It is a
when unchecked, uh, for for me and for for my
friends that I've talked to have this ship a curse
when unchecked, when undealt with a curse, dude, just a curse.

(01:15:47):
Fucks up every aspect of your life. Executive functioning makes you,
makes you live in a shit put you having like
trash and clothes all over the floor, and like you know,
can't hold down a relationship, can't hold down a job.
Like It's just like, it's a fucking curse, right when

(01:16:10):
when calculated, strategized, tamed, it's a fucking blessing, dude, right
because the whole I need to be doing something thing.
It pushes you into positive places. It makes you want
to get more out of life. It makes you wanna,

(01:16:31):
you know, do shit and live a better life, and
it leads you to cool places. And the process I'm
just talking about myself still, the process for me of
like raining it in so that it's not a detriment,

(01:16:51):
so that you're not hating yourself all the time because
you're not doing stuff. What does that process look like
for me? I don't know. It's a lot of like
fine tuning routines and a lot of going to fucking
hold on, I have a sneeze. Fuck, I have to sneeze,
but the sneeze isn't coming. Hold on, it's coming. It's

(01:17:13):
better to be here. It's on its way. Okay. The
process for me looked like, I mean, you guys know,
I won't shut the fuck up about vibe ance. That
shit is great whatever, at least for me when I
discovered that, Like, oh, when I discovered that this uh yeah,

(01:17:34):
the whole I need to be doing something thing is like, uh,
it's a thing, you know, It's not just a weird
thing that is a unique part of my own uh
firmware as a human being. I was like, oh shit,
this is interesting. I can like tame this. I don't
know if that has anything to do with your life,

(01:17:54):
but I don't know. That's just that's just my I'm
not looking for anything either, I just want I also
just wanted to subject line working at a retirement home
made me hate old people. Hello, gek, I just want

(01:18:14):
to vent about working at a retirement home. Oh sorry,
there's a hiccup. Working at one has not made me
see old people. They put this person put people in
quotation marks. This person. Working at one has not made
me see old people in a good light, due to
me realizing, for the most part they are useless old

(01:18:35):
and I have a sneeze coming. I'm gonna sneeze again.
Should I leave this one in because I feel like
i've I feel like I've interrupted the podcast with a
lot of sneezes. I'm gonna I'll leave it in. Fuck
it's gone, all right, all right, fuck it, We'll leave
that in. Who cares? Let it? Let it. Imperfection is fine,
It's imperfection is fine. Okay, back to this person who

(01:18:56):
hates people. Uh. Working on one is not me see
old people in a good light, due to me realizing,
for the most part they're useless. Again. Quotitions people who
are detrimental to the society. They are a part of
Jesus Christ. Okay. It bothers me a lot that we

(01:19:16):
let them stay in positions of power when their point
of view comes from the seventies and eighties. It would
be better if they weren't the nastiest again. Quotation marks
people in both sense of the word. All in all,
working here has made me come to two conclusions. One

(01:19:36):
past a certain age, people shouldn't be allowed to get
life extending care. Two, I'd never want to be like
those people who are just too selfish to let go.
I know this is a very bad point of view
to have, but it's how I feel interesting. Past a
certain age people shouldn't be allowed to get life extending care.

(01:20:00):
What age? What? What? What age? Aiden? Is it? Like?
I guess in your in your universe, is it like, Okay,
once you're ninety, you did it? You know? At what age? Yeah?
At what age does the hospital go and you know
what you're what do we at? What age does the

(01:20:22):
hospital look at you and go? What are we doing here?
You know? What? What are we doing here? Yeah? Ninety?
I don't know. This person probably thinks it's seventy. This
person's probably like, look after seventy, you're on your own.

(01:20:43):
I like this, this is interesting. This person's like I
want to be like those I never I don't want
to be those people who are too selfish to let go.
I don't know why this is making me laugh. Just
this person, this person being pissed off is making me
laugh a lot, because yeah, this person's looking at it
and as like a ninety year old, and they're like,

(01:21:05):
just die already. Why are you you? Why do you?
Why do you? Why are you so? Why do you
love yourself so much that you need to like, let
it go, let your You're holding on to important carbon
that could be used for soil. You know, you borrow you,

(01:21:25):
your boy. All of our all of our bodies are
on loan. All of our bodies are on loan. You know,
I get it. Yeah, at ninety it's like, you know,
let yourself go back into the soil. You can't hold
it to you can't you can't hoard it forever. Yeah,
I get where you're coming from. Aiden. I mean, I

(01:21:51):
don't think we should kill all the old people. I
assume I feel like you want. I feel like you
wanted to email me saying that you think we should
kill all the old people. I don't think we should
kill all the old people. I don't think we should
do that. I don't think I think that's an ethical dilemma.

(01:22:11):
I don't even know if it's a dilemma. I don't
think there's a lot of people who think we should
kill all the old people. But I do understand from
this person's I do understand why this person like they're
working at the retirement home at this like ninety year old,
and they're like, just let it go. You did it,
there's nothing, you got no other Although actually I will

(01:22:34):
say this, I will say this, what's this? Somebody somebody
recommended this book to me. I didn't. I didn't read it,
but I researched the author. This is what I do
now when people recommend, oh, I have a new hold
on it, staring at the sun book. Oh, I have
a new I have a new unpopular opinion. I shouldn't

(01:22:58):
even say this because it's it's very stupid and I'm
half joking when I say it, and I might look
back at this years from now and be like, that
was a really stupid thing to say. But okay, here's
the thing. All books, not like all books, but like
books about like ideas, you know, books like self help

(01:23:22):
books and like books that have thesises to them. You
can kind of get the same idea by just reading
the thesis as you can by reading the whole ass book.
So like, somebody recommended this book to me, and I
just like read about the book itself and about the

(01:23:45):
author instead of like reading the actual book. That's how
that's lately how I read books, which is maybe kind
of stupid, but I think it's like, I think it's
a life hack. I think it's a pro tool anyway.
All right, So yeah, this book I got recommended Staring
at the Sun by Irvin Yallom, and I was researching

(01:24:10):
this dude, Ervin Yallom. He's like a psychiatrist who does
existential psychiatry. Yeah, but I was talking a lot about
existential shit. A few people recommended me this book. Anyway,
I promise this relates to what we were talking about. Okay,
So this guy, Irvin Yalloam, he's still alive ninety three
years old, and he got married to his current wife

(01:24:35):
in twenty twenty four. This motherfucker got married at the
age of ninety two, so he's kicking. He's doing it,
So that is possible. You can, in fact get still
do life things at the age of ninety two. Who

(01:24:56):
else is who else is old and doing shit? I
don't know. Look at Bernie Sanders, Dude, that guy's fucking
eighty three years old. He went on stage at Coachella
to talk about a bunch of shit. So I don't
know old people they're still doing stuff. Eighty three is
a jump. Ninety is a pretty big jump from eighty three.

(01:25:16):
I'll say that, but no, I don't. I don't think
we should kill all the old people. Aiden, I don't hear. Okay,
you know what. I'm with you on this, Aiden, I
don't think we should kill all the old people. But
I do think you should just I do. But I
do think at some point you should just die. I

(01:25:39):
think at some point you should just die. I think,
you know, if you're like a hundred, like you know,
those people who live like live to like like in
their hundreds, I don't know, maybe I'll you know what
I want to re I'm gonna rewatch this when I'm
like if I if I'm if if I'm honored enough,

(01:26:02):
if I'm privileged enough to make it to the age
of one hundred, I want to rewatch this, and I
want to be like this guy had no idea what
I had no idea at that time, at twenty seven,
what it would feel like to be one hundred, because
I'll if I make it to one hundred, I'll probably
if you can. If you make it to one hundred

(01:26:22):
in the first place, you probably were fighting the whole time.
You probably were present and actually living your life the
whole Time'll still be clinging to it, right because you
could be seventy one and be like, I'm done, let's
just let's just fucking we did it pretty good. I mean, fuck,

(01:26:46):
you can feel you can feel like that way, you
can feel away at twenty three, you know. But yeah,
I don't think we should kill all the old people.
Why don't you? I don't know. Maybe should we kill
all that should be kill all the No, we shouldn't

(01:27:07):
kill the old people. I don't think we should do that.
But I do think at some point you just got it,
you just gotta do it. At some point you just
gotta die. If you're like one hundred and eleven, that's
that's too much. Although I don't know who cares, I
don't give it. You know what, Actually, actually, Hall, I
take back everything I just said. I take back a

(01:27:28):
hundred except the killing the old people. Think. I don't
think we should do that. I remain in that, But
everything else I said I take it back. I think
if you live to one hundred and eleven, you probably
worked relatively hard to do that. I think you should
be able to keep I think you should be able
to keep your body. You should be able to keep
your body as long as I take everything back. I
don't think you should die. I think you should. I

(01:27:48):
think you should be able to keep your body as
long as you can, and then at a certain point
gracefully return it to the earth. But keep it as
long as you can. You know what we got. We
got enough carbon to do shit. Maybe I don't know.
I don't know anything. I'm insane. All right, there we go.

(01:28:09):
That was the last email I'm gonna read. I think
that's it. I think any I think attempting to read
any more emails is a bad idea. So I I'm
gonna go. What am I gonna go do? I'm gonna go.
I might go to sleep, I might do that. I

(01:28:31):
might go eat something. I'm gonna do one of those
two things. Thank you for listening to gek mail. I'm
I'm very excited for you guys to see this ti
Wana video. It's gonna take me like a little bit.
I don't know exactly how long it's gonna take me
to edit, but I'm very excited about it. I feel
like it's gonna be the main ship that I want
to focus on. For for you know, indefinitely is like

(01:28:54):
making this type of video. I think it's a cool
a cool format. I'm interested in it, and I'm gonna
keep doing this kind of ship. Thank you all very
much for listening to this pot if you guys. Thank
you guys so very much for listening to this podcast
over the years, because if you hadn't been listening to
this podcast, I would not be in a position where
I could make, uh, make cool videos and do ship

(01:29:18):
like this. So thank you guys. I appreciate it. And
do I have anything else to anything else to say? No,
I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go either eat something or
go to sleep. Okay, bye everyone, Thank you for listening
to the podcast. Bye bye again. Goes on the line
taking your phone calls every night. Dever goes to and

(01:29:39):
try's teaching you aloud in the memorial line, not really
ex