“I CAN DO MORE PUSH UPS THAN YOU”

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, Welcome. How's it going. My name is Lyle. I'm
a gecko. We're in New York City. It is a
Saturday night at I want to say nine pm ish
at night. I am here in Washington Square Park. It
is a park in Manhattan on the earth. There's a
lot of people around. And I ate a pint of

(00:22):
ice cream this afternoon at three pm.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
And let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
When you get high and you eat a pint of
ice cream at three pm, your day is fucked. I
got high, I ate a pint of ice cream. I
took a nap. I woke up at seven pm. Do
you know how You know how it feels when you
get high, you eat a pine ice cream, you wake
up at seven pm after a four hour nap, You
feel as though the day is lost. You feel as
though it cannot be redeemed. So I thought to myself,

(00:50):
how do I redeem this day? How do I make
it so that this was somewhat of a productive time. Oh,
I know, I'll go to the park and I'll talk
to people as a lizard.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
And let me tell you, the day is one.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
So if you're listening to this and it's seven pm
and you just woke up from a nap after getting
high and eating ice cream. Just so you know, you
can revive the rest of your day. If I can
do it, you can do it. Okay, all right, I
don't know. The day might still suck. Let's see, let's
talk to some people as a gecko.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
Hi.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
Hi, Hi, what's your name? My name is Paulina, Paulina.
Nice to meet you.

Speaker 4 (01:23):
Nice to meet you too.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
How's life, Paulina?

Speaker 5 (01:25):
Life has been okay? I don't know, it's been kind
of medium right now.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Honestly, is it usually medium or is it? What's it
like usually?

Speaker 5 (01:32):
Like usually I feel like it's a little bit of
a higher point, But like right now I'm going.

Speaker 4 (01:37):
Through a little bit of a.

Speaker 5 (01:39):
Calmer section of my life. I guess I could say
because like before, I don't know, with like being younger
and like being single and everything like that, you have
a lot of more freedoms and you do a lot
of more crazy shit. Okay, but like now I'm married, wha, Yeah, No,
I'm married, and I like have an entirely different, like
kind of outlook on life. I guess you could say,
because like I have a husband now I have like

(02:02):
a stable person that I could come home to.

Speaker 4 (02:04):
And I mean, I'm.

Speaker 5 (02:06):
Not working right now, but like usually I'd be working
fucking seven days out of the week, like just tiring
myself out, stressing myself out. At one point last year,
I was working so much that I started losing the hair.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
Holy shit, Yeah, because I.

Speaker 4 (02:19):
Was stressing so much.

Speaker 5 (02:20):
And it's like, especially like in New York, I don't know,
the working the stress of working and like having to
keep up and like having to thrive.

Speaker 4 (02:30):
Like here, you can't be without money, you know what
I mean?

Speaker 2 (02:33):
And yeah, it is a very hustle, hustle based, very very.

Speaker 4 (02:36):
Very hustle based environment.

Speaker 5 (02:38):
And it's just like I don't know, I used to
work so hard just to like be able to make
my rent, be able to like make a living, and
like be doing all the crazy shit that I used
to do, like going to the bars, going to the clubs,
paying for my friends and stuff like that. But like
now I have like calm down and like there's just
one person to like share that with.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
You know what, So when did you get married? How
long ago?

Speaker 4 (03:01):
I got married in March March twenty fourth.

Speaker 5 (03:04):
It was a rainy day and and my culture is
like a good sign whenever you get married in the rain,
because then whenever you tie the knot, you can't untie.

Speaker 4 (03:12):
I'm not when it's wet.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Oh. I was gonna ask you, where are you from?

Speaker 4 (03:16):
I'm from Russia. Oh okay, yeah, but I'm from Russia.

Speaker 5 (03:20):
I moved to America like about eleven years ago. Cool,
and I'm first I came to New York and I'm
from New York. I came to Texas, from Texas to
Los Angeles, and from Los Angeles to New York again.

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Where did you meet your husband?

Speaker 1 (03:32):
I met my husband here here. I think you mete
him at one of the bars or clubs.

Speaker 4 (03:37):
I met him at Washington Square Park.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
Oh really?

Speaker 4 (03:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (03:41):
How did that work?

Speaker 4 (03:42):
Oh? My gosh.

Speaker 5 (03:43):
It was actually a little bit of a crazy story
because I was.

Speaker 4 (03:47):
With my boyfriend at that time.

Speaker 5 (03:50):
And we were all hanging around the same group, and
so my now husband he used to like come over
there and try to like sneak me away and stuff
like that, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no,
I'm in a relationship. I'm in a relationship. And I
swore that he was a red flag. And then afterwards
I ended up breaking up with my ex and we
ended up getting I like gave myself a couple of

(04:12):
months to like recover because it was a little bit
of a it was a crazy situation.

Speaker 4 (04:16):
He was like thirty.

Speaker 5 (04:17):
I was like nineteen at the time, and I thought that.

Speaker 4 (04:22):
Older men were like more mature.

Speaker 5 (04:24):
I thought that they would be able to, like not
only financially help but like mentally as well, like kind
of be able to like guide me and not be like.

Speaker 4 (04:33):
As immature as I was sure.

Speaker 5 (04:35):
But it turns out that he was more mature than me.
So I was like, no, I don't really.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
This is your ex that you're talking about.

Speaker 5 (04:41):
Yeah, my ex that I'm talking about. And then I
met my husband, which he's twenty three, and I realized
that he was more mature than a thirty year old man.
Like he was working, he was doing his thing, he
was taking care of stuff, like he was helping.

Speaker 4 (04:55):
His mom everything like that.

Speaker 5 (04:57):
And then it's like whenever I came into his life,
he was doing that like time spy for me, and
I was like, oh my god, like it does like
an age like a thirty year old doesn't mean that.

Speaker 4 (05:09):
It's like he's more mature.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
So are you? So you went for working like seven
days a week. Yeah too. Now is he like bringing
home the nut for everyone?

Speaker 4 (05:17):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (05:18):
Okay, what's he do? How does he bring on the nut?

Speaker 5 (05:20):
He's a construction worker as well as he does photography
on the side, and he like does photography for like parties.
He does photography for skating videography as well. And then
I'm like his little assistant sometimes, you know, so you
work with him, Hey, I kind of work with him
and I like edit his videos, I help him out
with the posting, I help him out with his scheduling

(05:42):
everything like that, because he like being a construction worker.
He's like freelance right now, and he like goes all
around the place in New York. But and so it's
like really hard to build a schedule around that.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
But me the amazing Paulina, I get, so, how long
were you guys dating before you got married?

Speaker 5 (06:02):
We okay, honestly, our relationship moved really quick. We've known
each other for like two years. We've been together for
ten months.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
Now. Did you get married in Russia or here?

Speaker 4 (06:14):
We got married here? No, no, no, no, we did
not get married in Russia. We got married here.

Speaker 5 (06:18):
And I met him two years ago and then we
ended up getting together like next the year after that,
and like two months after I broke up with my ex,
we ended up getting together. We made things official in November,
we got engaged in February, and then we got married
in March.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
So you said that now is a calm time.

Speaker 4 (06:41):
Yeah, now it's a calm time.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
Now miss the crazy times at.

Speaker 4 (06:47):
Times, if I'm being honest, Yes I do.

Speaker 5 (06:51):
Because I was able to say, like, I did everything
for myself type of thing, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (06:56):
Sure I was.

Speaker 5 (06:59):
I could call myself a dependent. I could like tell
people that like yeah I did this, like I own
this place, or like I rent this place, I paid
for this, I paid for that.

Speaker 4 (07:08):
But like now.

Speaker 5 (07:10):
It's nice because my husband takes care of me and
I don't. And it's like it's not even he doesn't
even like put me in the position of like, oh
I'm paying for this, I'm paying for this.

Speaker 4 (07:19):
No, it's not even that.

Speaker 5 (07:20):
It's just because I feel like it's my own personal ego,
you know what I mean. That takes me to that
place sometime because it's just like, man if I was single,
I'd still be doing this, this and this, but like
now I can't like.

Speaker 2 (07:32):
So, when did you move to New York from Russia.

Speaker 4 (07:36):
To New York from Russia? And I moved eleven years ago.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, okay, you mentioned that. Why did you come to
New York.

Speaker 5 (07:41):
My mom got married to my stepfather and he's an
American and so they fell in love everything like that.
He was their English tutor, and so she ended up
moving over here, and my dad didn't really know because
like the immigration stuff was like really really off at
that time for some reason, and it was really expensive

(08:01):
to get papers, and so we lived in New York
for a little bit because it's a blue.

Speaker 4 (08:06):
State, you know what I mean, and.

Speaker 5 (08:11):
Easier, Yeah, it's definitely easier to not get deported. And
then once once we had all our papers figured out
and everything like that, we moved on to Texas and
then Texas.

Speaker 4 (08:22):
From Moscow to New York is like a little bit
of a culture shock.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
I'm sure it is. They tell me what the culture
shock felt like.

Speaker 4 (08:30):
The culture shock. Honestly, it wasn't even from Moscow to
New York.

Speaker 5 (08:33):
The culture shock was really from the point of me
like not being able to speak English properly whenever I
came here, and it was like really hard because I
went to like a predominantly like American.

Speaker 2 (08:45):
School and they used to like how.

Speaker 4 (08:49):
I was ten.

Speaker 5 (08:49):
Years old, ten years old whenever I came here and
people I don't know, like kids are menaces, Like yeah,
all that time, they used to call me like a
commed whar, like I'm a communist, go back to my
country everything like that. Yeah, I kind of advanced years old,
say I'm saying, but like kids are menaces nowadays, bro,

(09:12):
Like I remember all of those times, like whenever my
fellow ten year olds were just like you need to
go back to your own country, blah blah blah blah blah.
You're your country is the one that started the Cold
War with us everything like that.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
Like what so I gotta ask you that is it?
Is it like weird being Russian now?

Speaker 4 (09:28):
Honestly?

Speaker 5 (09:29):
Yeah, honestly yeah, with like everything going on in the world,
like with the Russian Ukraine War everything like that, it's
it's a hard time being like Russian or like calling
yourself Russian.

Speaker 4 (09:45):
But like I'm mixed. My grandma's Ukrainian.

Speaker 5 (09:51):
I was born in Russia and I grew up speaking Ukrainian,
but like I ended up just losing it over time.

Speaker 1 (10:00):
Do people in Russia do they like Putin? Like does
anyone like him? Or do they all not like him?

Speaker 4 (10:05):
I feel like it's media manipulation.

Speaker 5 (10:08):
Whenever people are like saying like, oh, no, Putin this,
Putin that, but he's I feel like people know that
he's not a good leader. They know that he has
gotten to like he's gotten to the top of power,
and now he doesn't want to like get it away,
you know.

Speaker 2 (10:25):
What I mean.

Speaker 1 (10:25):
You don't have like a like a weird uncle or
something who's like, no, I think he's a cool guy,
Like how you know.

Speaker 4 (10:30):
I bet I do.

Speaker 5 (10:32):
I feel like whenever I visited Russia last time, which
was the last time I visited was in twenty nineteen,
and there was times of whenever my dad, my stepdad
was like talking to my mom's friends and they were like, no,
Putin is awesome, Putin is great. And then the war
started happening and they were like, oh, it's not early.

Speaker 4 (10:50):
How it's playing out to.

Speaker 5 (10:51):
Be Like he's not that, he's not that good of
a leader anymore. Like in the past, I don't know,
in the nineties or in the early two thousands, whenever
he was in the president run everything like that. Maybe
he was good, maybe he was doing good for the country,
but now the power has definitely gotten to the top
of his head and it's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
So back to your personal life, yea, uh do you like,
what do you hope for the future for yourself?

Speaker 4 (11:16):
I want to start a family.

Speaker 5 (11:19):
I really I've been dreaming of being a mom, like
ever since I was little, and I feel like starting
a family, especially being married, is the next step. It's
just it's just really hard with like the economic position
everything like that, everything that's going on in the world
right now, Like it's.

Speaker 4 (11:36):
It's hard putting a kid into that.

Speaker 5 (11:38):
But then at the same time, I feel like I'd
be able to make a life for that child that
nobody else would, you know what I mean that, yeah,
it wouldn't matter with anything.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
It's hard.

Speaker 1 (11:47):
It's weird to like, you know, I mean, it's hard
to be like optimistic about the future. That's a little
bout like, uh, you know, by the time I'm like,
if I have a kid, when I'm like say, like
thirty seven or whatever, like in ten years, yeah, then
by the time that my kid is like eighteen, I'm
ready to go to college.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
I'll be like fifty fucking five.

Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah, who knows what the world is gonna look like
there might like I'm worried about like there being like
no economic opportunities, Yeah for my kid, because even like you,
like being eighteen, going to college now is so different
than it is like twenty eight years ago for our parents. Yeah,
you know, like it's it's worrisome that you have like
gen Z. I feel like has gen Z and Jenop

(12:28):
I have like I would assume maybe I'm just talking shit,
but it seems as though they have much less economic opportunities.

Speaker 5 (12:35):
Yeah, yeah, no, I definitely agree with that. And it's
like the fact I don't know now college isn't really
like we're at least guaranteed, It's not, it's not guaranteed anymore.
Like it's definitely if you have like a dream to
go to college, like you can you can do everything
in your power to like go into college and stuff
like that. I was just talking about that to my

(12:55):
friends today. I worked at Chipotle before, and I had
people that had masked degrees, bachelor's degrees that were working
and like serving food to people. And it's just like
you spent all that time, you spent all that money
and you're still working amid as what I mean.

Speaker 4 (13:13):
Yeah, it's a it's a terrible bummer.

Speaker 5 (13:15):
And it's like now people that like have business degrees
or something like that, they're they're even dropping that and
they're starting to do content creating or they're starting to cook,
like they're starting to make their own restaurants or something
like that. They don't even use their degree and what's
really what they got it initially for, you know what
I mean? And like I went to college for a

(13:36):
couple of semesters and it was, honestly, like I feel
like it was even more stress than working whenever I
was working here, because like.

Speaker 2 (13:47):
Was it more stressful than working at Chipotle?

Speaker 1 (13:50):
I feel like that, Yeah, yeah, because I'm very genuine
I'm surprised to hear that.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
Look, working at Chipotle looks very stressful.

Speaker 4 (13:58):
It's it is, honestly is.

Speaker 5 (14:00):
And like I used to I used to do everything,
Like I used to be in prep team.

Speaker 4 (14:04):
I used to be the hostess.

Speaker 5 (14:06):
Like the cashier, and I used to be the one
rolling your burritos, you know what I mean. And it
was like we had to worry about every little thing.
We had to worry about having the right amount of
food prepped, and it wasn't the regular amount of people
every single day, you know. So it's like we had
to get the amount of food prep correctly, we had
to roll everything correctly.

Speaker 4 (14:25):
We couldn't really waste anything. And it was just.

Speaker 5 (14:28):
I don't know, and then balancing that on top of
school with like having to get your assignments in time,
so have to get good grades to come out with
a good GPA to keep your scholarship or if I
don't know, if you're like paying for it.

Speaker 4 (14:43):
It's so hard. It's ridiculously hard.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
I feel like having a job like that is good
training to be a mom, because being a.

Speaker 2 (14:52):
Mom is also like.

Speaker 6 (14:54):
It.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
It's like you can't like college, like you can fuck around, yeah,
you know, if you work at like Chipotle or whatever,
you can't just like like be on your phone the
whole time.

Speaker 2 (15:04):
You gotta like roll burritos. You got things you gotta do. Ship.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah, you have a kid, you gotta came in your
phone all the time or rest child will die. You
kind of do have to roll the kid a little bit.
You gotta roll the kids. You gotta change a diaper.
I like, like when you're like like the logistical mechanics
of of changing a diaper are kind of seemed to
be similar to rolling a burrito. You know, you're you're
moving things through their hands and you know, doing this
and that thing. Yeah, Paula, Pauline, Paulina, Paulina, Yeah, well Pauline, Okay,

(15:34):
I want to ask you this before we go, because
you came up to me, uh, before I settle this
crap up, and you were like, I've been present for
a lot of your other Gecko sessions and I've always
wanted to get on one.

Speaker 2 (15:44):
Have we cover?

Speaker 1 (15:45):
Is there anything else that we didn't cover that you
want to make sure we cover before we go?

Speaker 4 (15:50):
I feel like this is exactly what I've been yearning for.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
My entire life, right Uh, Paula, anything else you want
to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Speaker 5 (15:59):
Be happy, be optimistic. Life is great despite everything that's
going on. You create your own shit.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
Honestly, Thank you, paul By, have a go, and thank
you for talking to a gecko.

Speaker 3 (16:08):
How many is mullah?

Speaker 2 (16:09):
Mullah? Like money?

Speaker 4 (16:11):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (16:11):
What's that? Mullah? How's life? How's it going? What are
you doing in the park tonight?

Speaker 3 (16:16):
Right now? I'm just really spending time with my boyfriend,
my friends, just getting my mind off of stuff because
I've been trying to look for a job, fishing up
school and just I'm going a bit stressed. So I'm
here to take off a little bit away from the day.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
See, I'm like tempted to ask you what you're stressed about,
but the whole thing of going to the park is
to not talk about it. So would you like to
not talk about what you're stressed about? I can talk
about it, Okay, what he's stressed about.

Speaker 3 (16:45):
Well, it's just like in my life, I feel like
there's a lot of people coming to me and trying
to distract me from what I'm really supposed to do.
Like I'm really trying to get into like law and stuff,
and I feel really discredit and discouraged by people around

(17:08):
me based on how I look and where I'm from
because growing up in like kind of a poorer area,
it's not really expected from people. So I wanted to
really like do that, but it gets discouraged. So I've
been dealing with a lot of like setbacks when it
comes to even getting work because it's that automatic, Oh

(17:32):
how much do you make? Where do you live at
in ethnicity questions so much harder.

Speaker 1 (17:38):
So when you say that, like the people around you
are discouraging you from what you actually want to do.
Like is this like your friends or your family or
like just like random people that you talk to.

Speaker 3 (17:49):
I say, some of my friends and family. Yeah, Like, Okay,
A better way to describe it is more like a
lot of my passions and stuff I've came to my
family about they tend to put me down about it
and be like, that's not really something you can do,
and like they just kind of pushed me down and say,

(18:11):
my mom.

Speaker 2 (18:11):
Do you do? You have people in your life who
are the opposite.

Speaker 3 (18:15):
So yeah, and I try to focus spending time with
them for sure.

Speaker 1 (18:19):
Okay, can I I'm very curious what are the like
the people in your life when they tell you that
you can't do things?

Speaker 2 (18:26):
What are the reasons they give you for why you
can't do things?

Speaker 6 (18:29):
Well?

Speaker 3 (18:31):
Uh, you can tell like, I'm kind of alternative. I
grew up a bit like I didn't grow up with
many good connections and is like kind of not used

(18:53):
to getting far. That's a better way to describe it.

Speaker 2 (18:55):
So what kind of law do you want to practice?

Speaker 3 (18:58):
What about criminal justice speaker. I have a lot of
disdain towards how the police system is going right now
and how it's just really like affecting people.

Speaker 4 (19:17):
How like.

Speaker 3 (19:24):
The political landscape of stuff is really strong right now,
and like I'm really upset about like all the stuff
going on in the world. For sure.

Speaker 1 (19:34):
Have you been studying law or going to like undergrad
or anything like that.

Speaker 3 (19:41):
I have been doing law classes, yes, And it's something
that inspire me more, especially seeing the effects on like
certain like based on political things, how it affects the
policing in the city. And I want to do more
to kind of help with that, like especially with the

(20:03):
things like immigration or uh like the issues with all
other stuff, because I know I have a family who
have friends and like girlfriends who are actually getting issues
with immigration and stuff, even people I know. So I

(20:24):
want to make a difference in that.

Speaker 2 (20:27):
Did you grow up in New York?

Speaker 3 (20:28):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (20:29):
What part of New York you grew up in?

Speaker 3 (20:30):
Lower East Side? B?

Speaker 2 (20:32):
Cool? Cool? Did you go to high school here?

Speaker 3 (20:34):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (20:35):
When did your like interest in law begin? Was it
kind of around that time or has it been been.

Speaker 3 (20:41):
Yeah, I feel like it was. I actually feel like
I first started getting interested in it, like when I
was younger, but I changed my kind of outlook to
law after I saw how like teaching and counseling. Was
it really profitable?

Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, that's part of the well you want to do
criminal justice, right, Yes?

Speaker 2 (21:03):
Would you ever be like a public defender? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (21:06):
I wanted to kind of do that, But at the
same time, it's like you got to defend the worst
people as a public defender because.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
They can't choose your.

Speaker 4 (21:15):
So like I could get like the.

Speaker 3 (21:16):
Best person in America, or I could get like the
fucking devil, right right, You really don't know.

Speaker 1 (21:23):
Right, I always I always kind of wonder that, like
how public defenders have to like reconcile and like, because
like there's certain situations where it's like, you know they
did it, you know. So it's like if you're a
public defender and you gotta defend them even though you
know they did it. I guess there's a thing of like, Okay,
I know they did it, but I do believe in
like due process under the law, So like I will
defend not necessarily the truth or not whether or not

(21:47):
they did this crime, but I will defend their right
to the due process of the law.

Speaker 3 (21:52):
I feel like being a lawyer, the mindset has to
go first for the bag because morality doesn't really exist.

Speaker 1 (22:01):
Do you that's so interesting? Okay, so you you want
to be like a lawyer going for the bag.

Speaker 3 (22:06):
Well, I mean, like, if I'm a public defender, then
I'm gonna work for the bag and then I'm gonna
get in my own thing.

Speaker 1 (22:11):
I feel like public defender I think is like the
very not bag boy.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
Ok.

Speaker 3 (22:16):
If you're losing cases, then you're definitely not getting a bag.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
Okay, morality is not real.

Speaker 3 (22:21):
Not in public defense.

Speaker 4 (22:23):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
I thought we're talking like philosophically, because.

Speaker 3 (22:25):
There are actually yeah, I think in philosophically yeah too.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
Well, yeah, because there's it's like, do you know what,
like there's a lot of people who do believe there
is no such thing as like objective morality. Yeah, it's
a thing that we are subjectively deciding as both as
individuals and as a collective.

Speaker 3 (22:41):
Yeah, it's kind of like we pick and choose what
is right and wrong based on what we want to do.
Like even with certain people, they'll be like like, for example,
with religion, if you were to take out one verse.
Some people would be like, yes, you need to follow this,
but some people be like, no, that's not good to
if you do this, and it's like radicals. So yeah,

(23:06):
I forgot what I was saying.

Speaker 2 (23:07):
It's okay, Well, you know, I do think about it.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
I do think about it sometimes because like, look like
in the animal world, they are just killing each other
all the time. They're just killing and there's no like, uh,
like the lion is not like, oh, is it like
wrong to viciously murder this zebra? But also I do
the same thing. You know, I go to Chick fil A,
I eat a delicious chicken sandwich. I inadvertently killed another

(23:32):
living thing by eating it.

Speaker 3 (23:35):
And uh, that's how I feel when I eat shrimp.
I'm allergic to selfish.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
Do you eat shrimp if you're allergic to selfish?

Speaker 3 (23:42):
Because like hear me out, Okay, sure, the popeye is shrimp,
popcorn shrimp, poporn popeyees popcorn shrimp, Yes, popcorn shrimp. It's amazing,
it's beautiful, but it hurts, but it's worth it.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
What do you mean, Oh, it hurts because it like, okay.

Speaker 3 (23:58):
But might squeeze up, it'll my eyes with water. But
the taste is beautiful. So I feel like, at the
end of the day, it's about the the joys of life,
not the pain. Pain is beauty.

Speaker 2 (24:09):
I'm okay, I'm trying.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
I want to dive more into this allegory of Popeyes
popcorn shrimp.

Speaker 3 (24:16):
Yes, now we're talking about it.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
Even though you're allergic. Yes, as an allegory to life. Yes,
I feel like sometimes you're allergic to life exactly, but
you just got to keep living it.

Speaker 3 (24:26):
And this is definitely one of the things I feel
like I'm discouraged from. My boyfriend will tell me all
the time not to eat it because I'm allergic and
it'll fuck up my health. But I'm like, dude, it
tastes good, and like I feel like I'm being diverted
from true happiness.

Speaker 2 (24:38):
I gotta be honest with you.

Speaker 1 (24:39):
In like most of the other situations you've brought up
where people were discouraging you from things, I would tell
you to not listen to them, this one, I would
maybe consider listening to your boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
But what if I don't want to, or at least
a doctor or some shit.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
But how many more popcorn shrimp you got in you
before you go into anaphylactic shot.

Speaker 3 (24:57):
I feel like, what's more important longevity or happiness?

Speaker 2 (25:02):
You know what, eat all the popcorn trip you want.

Speaker 3 (25:04):
If that's the case, I have smoked at least five
blunts every day with perfect.

Speaker 2 (25:09):
Viable every day for the.

Speaker 3 (25:11):
Last two years minimum. So I feel like I may
or may not be man.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
Do you like getting high or is it very fun? Okay?

Speaker 3 (25:21):
It brings like it brings peace to my life. I
feel like all the things are edible for us. It's
kind of hitting, but uh, I feel like it helps
me really see things for how they are calmly, because
I feel like we're all very angry people and we

(25:43):
all get mad at.

Speaker 2 (25:44):
You get less angry when you're stunted.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
Yeah, I feel like I'm way less angry, especially when
I do want to get popcorns frimped and then my
boyfriend discourages me from it.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
I'm not angry on the popcorn trip. I didn't.

Speaker 1 (25:56):
I actually known. I go to Popeye semi frequently. I
don't think that I've never seen they have popcorn shrimp.

Speaker 3 (26:01):
It is one hundred percent there, I know for fact. Okay,
I love the Popeyees popcorn shrimp.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
Well, I'm gonna try to wrap up this podcast as
soon as possible so I can go to Popeyes afterwards.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
You should This is not sponsored by pop Us. What's
your name?

Speaker 1 (26:14):
Mulla?

Speaker 2 (26:15):
Yes, Mulla? Good luck on your dreams and hopes in life.

Speaker 3 (26:18):
Yes, I really know what I was talking about. I
can't lie, but I really love Popeyes podcast, Shrimp. I'm
voting for Popey's.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
Is there anything else you want to say to the
people of the computer before we go?

Speaker 3 (26:27):
Uh? Save the wildlife?

Speaker 4 (26:29):
I love geckos.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
Thank you? Mulla?

Speaker 4 (26:31):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (26:31):
Hello?

Speaker 3 (26:32):
Hey?

Speaker 2 (26:32):
What's your name?

Speaker 4 (26:33):
Veda?

Speaker 2 (26:34):
Veda?

Speaker 4 (26:34):
What's what's your name?

Speaker 2 (26:35):
Lyle? What's up? Veda? Has life?

Speaker 7 (26:39):
Life is good. I just moved here. I'm going to
school here. It's a big change.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
What are you studying?

Speaker 4 (26:45):
Psychology?

Speaker 2 (26:46):
Psychology?

Speaker 4 (26:47):
Wait? Wait wait, how's your life?

Speaker 2 (26:49):
How's my life?

Speaker 4 (26:50):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (26:51):
No one ever asked how my life is?

Speaker 4 (26:52):
Why not?

Speaker 1 (26:53):
No, that's that's not sure at all. People ask me
how my life is a lot, and I don't and
I deflect.

Speaker 4 (26:58):
You don't like talking about yourself?

Speaker 2 (27:00):
I like talking about myself sometimes.

Speaker 4 (27:01):
Is this why you do this to talk about other people?

Speaker 2 (27:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (27:04):
Sometimes I do do this to talk about other people.
It's fun to talk about other.

Speaker 4 (27:07):
People you don't like talking about yourself.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
I do like talking about myself.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
I'd be completely utterly lying if I said I didn't
like talking to myself by myself, I talk about myself
a fair amount on this show.

Speaker 2 (27:15):
I think, how am I doing well?

Speaker 1 (27:18):
I mentioned at the beginning of this that I I
had like a big plan for today. I was gonna
like edit a bunch of stuff. I was gonna get
a bunch of stuff done. It was gonna be really productive.
And then my friend texted me and he's like, Yo,
there's a block party outside.

Speaker 2 (27:34):
Of our house. And I was like, do you live here?
I live in New York, Yeah, in Brooklyn, Okay.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
And I was like, all right, I'll go to this
block party because that sounds fun. And then I made
a mistake that I've made many I make the same
You know what's so annoying cause I make the same
mistake all the time. I quit smoking weed for like
three days. It was awesome three days, and I got
high during the day, which is bad because if you

(28:03):
do that, if you if I get sewn during the
day at this blog party, the rest of the day
is fucking fucked. I'm fucked. I'm fucked. And so I
got sown during the day, and then I went home.
I took a long nap and then it was seven pm.
You ever take a nap at four pm and you
wake up at seven?

Speaker 7 (28:17):
Yeah, And then and then you wake up and you
feel like really anxious because you're like confused as fuck,
and like it's like that end of the day and
like you feel like what the.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
Fuckp Yes, yes, exactly exactly, And so I go And
so I was in that state and I was like,
all right, there's no way I'm gonna be able to
like sit alone on a computer.

Speaker 4 (28:33):
Wait, what about that? Did you eat ice cream?

Speaker 6 (28:35):
Did?

Speaker 1 (28:36):
I tried to gracefully skip over that, but yes, I
did also eat ice cream.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
Get the uh verun Ver? What's your name?

Speaker 4 (28:43):
It's like think of Darth Vader Beda.

Speaker 1 (28:45):
Beta Beta Beda they have normally, I'm a Ben and
Jerry's guy Hoggan Das. Hogan Das just came out with
black and white cookie.

Speaker 4 (28:56):
Ice cream black and white cookie.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
I just promise I'm not sponsored by Popeyes or Hoggin DAWs.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
I wish I was.

Speaker 4 (29:02):
Yeah, maybe you should be. Maybe I should keep advertising for.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
Food Hoggin DAWs black and white cookie ice cream, vanilla
bean ice cream.

Speaker 2 (29:10):
They put swirls I got. Yeah, this is the second
time I've gotten it. It is great.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
And here's what I always do. I eat like pretty
much all of it, except for like.

Speaker 4 (29:21):
Wait, what size is this?

Speaker 2 (29:23):
It's like a pint.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
Okay, I eat pretty much all of it, and then
I save one bite and then I was like and
then I throw it away, and I'm like, well, at
least I need the whole thing.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
Do you ever do that?

Speaker 7 (29:32):
Yeah, all the time, save the last and then throw
it away and makes me feel better.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
So four PM, I got a whole pint of ice
cream in me. I'm knocked out, knock out, three hours,
wake up, confuse, sweaty, feeling like what the this is?

Speaker 2 (29:46):
You know?

Speaker 1 (29:47):
What am I gonna do with my life? And then
I was like, all right, I can't. I have to
save this day.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
Somehow.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
I'm not gonna be able to sit alone on my
computer and do stuff, but I do. I think I
could summon the energy to go to the park and
talk to people, because I like, I like doing this.

Speaker 2 (30:02):
This is fun.

Speaker 7 (30:03):
No, no, same, I the whole entire day I got
really anxious.

Speaker 4 (30:08):
In the beginning of the day. No listen.

Speaker 7 (30:11):
So first I needed to get my pants, my jeans
like hemmed and like altered. So I like looked up
this place and I knew it was going to be
expensive when I had to go to the tenth floor
for it. So I go up the time floor and
I'm thinking, like, I mean, how much do you expect
it to be to like hem your pants or like

(30:31):
you know, shorten it or like alter it.

Speaker 1 (30:34):
If you asked me to define what hemming is, I
don't know if I I.

Speaker 7 (30:38):
Mean, like it's just like when they shorten like I said, okay,
tailor or yeah yeah, or like they like make it
a little bit tighter.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
Like how how how much you think it is? Where
did you get it done in Manhattan?

Speaker 2 (30:52):
Yeah? I don't know. I just moved to her on
the tenth floor.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
Okay, the tenth floor of a building to get your
gene Thames one hundred and fifty dollars, dude?

Speaker 2 (31:03):
Literally was it one hundred exactly?

Speaker 7 (31:06):
Well, like she said it was like one fifty to
one seven, Like that was like one of the numbers
she gave me depending on like what she wanted to do.

Speaker 4 (31:12):
But like When I heard that, I was like, I.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
Made to buy a new pair of pants.

Speaker 7 (31:17):
At that point, She's just, oh, I had to get
the dad jeans like the thrift store and they were
like good, the design was good, so I just needed
to get them tighter. But she said that, and I
was like, my whole body was like super tense up.
And I like, I walked all the way here and
I'm like, I'm not fucking no, I'm not. They wanted
like an arm and leg for to ham my freaking jeans.

(31:38):
I thought it was gonna be.

Speaker 4 (31:39):
Like ten bucks.

Speaker 2 (31:40):
Oh, welcome to Manhattan.

Speaker 4 (31:41):
No, literally, where did you move from Florida?

Speaker 2 (31:43):
Florida?

Speaker 1 (31:44):
Oh, welcome to Manhattan. Yeah, Florida is like, we're in Florida?

Speaker 5 (31:48):
Or did?

Speaker 7 (31:49):
I was in undergrad before so I was in Orlando
for like five years. But before that, I grew up
in like Fort Lauderdale area.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
So why'd you move to New York for my n yu?
Oh cool? Okay?

Speaker 1 (32:02):
So, uh, Florida is everything that we assume about it?

Speaker 2 (32:09):
Correct?

Speaker 4 (32:10):
What do you assume about it?

Speaker 1 (32:13):
I assume a lot of people there are kind of crazy,
like you know, I mean here. Uh that's a good point. Well,
you know, like Florida man culture.

Speaker 7 (32:22):
I mean yeah, like the people the driving there, like
you know, they say, like, oh Florida like horrible drivers.
I guess, but I thought people in Florida are pretty cool.

Speaker 2 (32:34):
Are you like excited to be here in New York?

Speaker 7 (32:37):
No, definitely, I really like it here because nobody gives
a funk about what you do.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
Like do people in Florida give a fuck about what
you do?

Speaker 7 (32:45):
I mean, I guess more in the way we're like
if you walk out here and you dance or like
show or where whatever you want, like nobody blinks, Like no,
like nobody cares with God because I can just do
whatever I want, and like nobody remembers your name, nobody cares.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
About you, and nobody cares about you all you could
scream at the top of your lizard I am wearing
a list and I'm wearing a I I uh yeah,
nobody cares about you here.

Speaker 2 (33:17):
It's great.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
I mean you could be like I could here's the thing,
Like I could see right here, I could lay face
down along the ground. Yeah, for an infinite amount of
time before anyone gave a ship, which is as which
is a little sad, but uh, but true, you I
could scream as loud as I want, nobody would care.

Speaker 2 (33:38):
You can.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
New York's a great place to cry. I don't know
if you've cried in public yet, And did anyone bother you?

Speaker 2 (33:46):
No.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
I I was with my friend the other night and
we saw a lady crying in public, and my friend
was like, should I go over and like say something?

Speaker 2 (33:57):
I feel bad? I was like, which, which is not
some theory?

Speaker 1 (34:00):
Oh, but I mean I'm curious what you think, because
I feel like, uh, if I'm a lady crying in public,
I probably want to be left alone, as.

Speaker 4 (34:09):
Was your friend of guy.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yeah, okay, well.

Speaker 1 (34:12):
Okay, So if you're crying in public and like like
someone came up to you, would you want that or
would you want to be like a.

Speaker 7 (34:18):
Honestly, it depends on the state you're in. If you're
like really really stressed out, someone coming up to you
probably would get you even more aggravated. But if you're
in a little bit of an open state where you're okay,
like you'd actually wish someone was here for you because like,
I don't know anyone here that could have been like
a nice thing for me, Like I don't have any
friends here. I don't have my family here. So I

(34:39):
was crying in here the other day, and if somebody
came up to me and asked, I'd probably be like,
that's nice.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
Like can I ask you what you were crying about?

Speaker 7 (34:53):
Yeah, honestly, it was just tears of joy, actually, but
like I think it was mixed with bitter sweet. It
was because like I was feeling a little bit kind
of sad, or like I had like a little insecure moment,
like we all have insecure moments. And but right after,
like right before I could even sink into the funk
of that insecure moment, the waiter of the restaurant I

(35:16):
was at gave me a rose, like he was like here.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
Like, oh, you're crying at a restaurant.

Speaker 7 (35:22):
No, no, no, no, I cried after tears of joy because
I felt like God sees me.

Speaker 4 (35:27):
I was like, that was really a nice I think.

Speaker 7 (35:30):
I mean, I don't know what your concept of God is,
but I don't really think God is like a man
in the sky or like a just a ball of energy.
I think it like has a personal relationship with me
and is like I think God is love.

Speaker 4 (35:42):
I think any like loving gone.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
Do you believe that God is something like external that like,
like there's an external thing that's keeping an eye on you.

Speaker 4 (35:49):
I think God is within us.

Speaker 2 (35:50):
Oh yeah, yeah, I think God is with them.

Speaker 7 (35:53):
And I think that any experience that has like love
in it, warmth in it, authentic city in it, I
believe like that's God working through people and working like
orchestrating events to.

Speaker 4 (36:06):
Make you feel seen.

Speaker 7 (36:08):
So to me, when I was like feeling sad and
then that waiter gave me a rose, I was like,
what the fuck, Like I feel so seen and I
just walked and I cried.

Speaker 4 (36:20):
It just made me feel better.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
I maybe, okay, maybe I'm not.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
Convinced on the idea that there's an external or even
like an internal God that is orchestrating events.

Speaker 2 (36:31):
In your life.

Speaker 4 (36:32):
You think things are just coincidences every totally.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
I think everything.

Speaker 1 (36:35):
But but but I believe that because we live in
an inherently meaningless world and God is within us, we
as God are free to attribute meaning to whatever we want,
and that meaning is completely valid because we're God. And
because if nothing is valid, we get to discide what's valid.
So if you want to create some whatever narrative you

(36:57):
create in your brain about your life and about the
world you as god, that narrative is correct, that's valid,
you know, I mean?

Speaker 7 (37:04):
And also because like neuroscientifically, your brain is going to
go out of its way to prove.

Speaker 4 (37:09):
Your narratives that you live on.

Speaker 5 (37:11):
Yes.

Speaker 7 (37:11):
Sure, So whatever you believe to be true, or whatever
your perception is of life, your brain will scope it
out or it will see everything in life and make
that meaning.

Speaker 4 (37:25):
It reflects back whatever you think.

Speaker 1 (37:27):
Yeah, you study psychology. Yeah, how long have you been
studying psychology?

Speaker 7 (37:32):
So I did my undergrad in it, which was like
four years, but everything was online because of COVID, So
I don't think I got to learn as much as
people would have. It wasn't in COVID.

Speaker 1 (37:45):
This has a scientific basis to it, right, the idea that,
like what you like, the narratives you craft in your
own brain end up having some effect on your external reality.

Speaker 4 (37:55):
No, it's some.

Speaker 7 (37:55):
It's like your either your whole entire external reality is
filter through your inner world.

Speaker 1 (38:01):
Like it makes you got I'm the god. I'm God
of my own externality exactly.

Speaker 4 (38:07):
Yeah, yeah, definitely you could see it that way.

Speaker 2 (38:09):
So what do you want to do with psychology?

Speaker 7 (38:12):
I want to be a speaker, writer, and I don't
know advice therapist.

Speaker 4 (38:18):
I guess I work one on one.

Speaker 7 (38:19):
I just want to I want to discover some really
crazy shit we haven't discovered in psychology and.

Speaker 4 (38:25):
Then use that to help people.

Speaker 7 (38:30):
Heal because I feel like there's so much brokenness and
I'm like, and there's a we have found out a lot,
but I'm like, there has to be something else we
don't know because everyone is still really really depressed. Her like,
maybe I can explain an idea in a way that
nobody has before.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
So what you just said everyone is I want we
want to discover something new because everyone is still really depressed.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
We kind of know why everyone's really.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
Depressed, don't anything well, because I mean a lot of
reasons like, uh, economic turmoil and over use of technology
and dopamine loops.

Speaker 2 (39:10):
And less recent dopamine loops. Uh what do I know
about dopamine loops? Probably I know.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
I know about them only through anecdotal experience, not nothing
to know. You probably have significantly as in one hundred
percent more text.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
This isn't a test.

Speaker 4 (39:30):
I just wanted to know.

Speaker 7 (39:31):
I just was like doing some research about it last night,
and I like realized.

Speaker 4 (39:36):
You know how people tell you like, oh, like.

Speaker 7 (39:37):
Just get off your phone and enjoy the present moment.
Like why is everyone like addicted to like weed on
your phone?

Speaker 4 (39:43):
Like be in real life. It's not as easy as.

Speaker 7 (39:46):
They say it is because chemically, your receptors, everyone's receptors
are fucking shocked.

Speaker 4 (39:50):
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 7 (39:51):
So if you wake up and you go on your phone,
if you every time you're stressed out you like grab
your joint, If every time you're upset you eat food,
your receptors are getting your receptors become more sensitive to
that dopamine. But it's high reward with really low efforts. Yeah,
So anytime you do something that is higher effort with

(40:15):
low reward, maybe like a scale, like a puzzle or meditating,
like your your receptors aren't picking up on that dopamine.
It literally chemically does not feel good to you anymore.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:27):
Yeah, so our receptors can they be tell us veda,
Can our receptors be restored to us?

Speaker 4 (40:36):
Definitely?

Speaker 7 (40:36):
Yeah, it's you basically are just gonna have to dial
down your usage of whatever vice you're kind of addicted
to that's giving you too much high reward with really
low effort and then what go ahead and then replace
it with something else which is gonna feel uncomfortable obviously.

Speaker 2 (40:59):
Are you in any different mean loops? Do you have
any vices?

Speaker 7 (41:02):
No, I recently, I mean I'm sure I do, but
they're I really try to. I have replaced them with
healthier things because I recently quit alcohol, weed, and nicotine
and coffee just because like.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
I got with coffee.

Speaker 7 (41:19):
Yeah, yeah, well no, because like you're a nervous system.
Everyone's nervous system is really sensitive. So every time you
feel that like jitteriness, like sometimes it could be from
insecurity or sometimes it can be from coffee. And I
want to be able to know if it's because I'm
insecure or like if I'm having an insecure moment, if
I'm having like a wound come up. And it's harder

(41:41):
to tell if I'm drinking coffee because now my nervous
system is like feeling jittery from that food. I still
drink macha and like tea.

Speaker 2 (41:52):
But I just stopped.

Speaker 7 (41:54):
I just stopped coffee just because I want to be
able to track my body a little bit more accurately.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
Was it difficult to quit all those did you quit
all three of that once.

Speaker 4 (42:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (42:04):
Hard.

Speaker 4 (42:07):
I honestly just had a really.

Speaker 7 (42:12):
I experienced ego death, and through that I was able
to quit because I wanted to try really hard to
be able to retain everything I felt, and I thought
if I did it scientifically, I could do it. And
that was just one of the ways that I found that.

Speaker 4 (42:35):
I could kind of keep a healthier state.

Speaker 7 (42:39):
But this is it sounds crazy, Okay, Well, so that's why, like,
I don't like to compare my experience to other people,
because if I didn't go through that, I would it
would have been way harder.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
What did your ego death look like?

Speaker 7 (42:55):
Honestly, dude, it's too personal and I haven't been wanting
to talk about it.

Speaker 4 (43:00):
One day, I'm going to write a book on it.

Speaker 7 (43:03):
But yeah, I just thought I might as well share
that it's been. Like, it was so intense that I, like,
I didn't share it with anyone because.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
I when did this happen?

Speaker 6 (43:14):
March?

Speaker 4 (43:15):
At the end of March?

Speaker 2 (43:17):
How do you define an egos?

Speaker 5 (43:18):
There?

Speaker 7 (43:19):
When you lose all concept of self and separation, you
have no I lost concept of time, and it was
it was scary at first because I didn't understand what
was happening. Yeah, and then I it became honestly like surreal,

(43:44):
and it was the best feeling. It's what made me
believe in God, honestly. Like that is why I am
so passionate about like love and like God with him,
because before that I had so much resentment towards religion
and like because I grew up really Christian, Like my
mom was super strict about it, but I had so

(44:05):
much like Gill and like fear based religion, Like I
just I hated it. I grew very resemful, and I
like just stopped caring about it for a while, like
for honestly most.

Speaker 4 (44:18):
Of my college years.

Speaker 7 (44:19):
And then after this, like my brain fucking exploded and
like I never went back.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
So it's interesting that you say that your ego death
was a beautiful thing, because I had an ego death
back in February that led to like existential depression because
like once once I realized just how much I don't matter.
Like that's how I kind of feel like the ego
death is it led me to a bit of a

(44:48):
state of nihilism, which I've I've been able to overcome,
you know, But the ego death was a very unplayed.
It made me feel like I was like at a
kne Brothers movie, you know what I mean. Like I'm like,
uh oh, what the fuck this is? Like what an
insane cosmic predicament I've never actually thought about?

Speaker 3 (45:05):
You know?

Speaker 7 (45:05):
Yeah, No, I see that a lot of people have
different experiences with it, like I. So that's what I'm
trying to do research on, is like what ego death
actually is and how many people actually go through it
because there has to be different definitions for the different
types of experiences.

Speaker 2 (45:23):
And you had a specific experience.

Speaker 7 (45:25):
I had the most, Like It's like, dude, I had
the most insane fucking experience in my fucking life.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
So you want to discover I was back to like
the studying of psychological concepts. Yeah, you want to discover
something that we have not discovered before.

Speaker 4 (45:42):
Yeah, I want to.

Speaker 7 (45:44):
I have this thing where like I get really angry
seeing the same things all the time, like seeing the
same advice being given all the time, and I get.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
What is the advice you see given all the time?

Speaker 7 (45:57):
It's just like repetitive things like oh, like you know,
your inner world reflects your outer world, like things we've
already talked.

Speaker 4 (46:05):
About or like get off your phone, like meditate, like
and I get.

Speaker 7 (46:10):
It those things like how but like maybe it needs
to be explained in a way or like I need
to find I just don't want to say the same
things like.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
I and and by the way, fully fully supportive of
your vision to discover a new thing, But don't I
feel like the answer probably lies not within like the
the answer if there is an answer, but like wouldn't
he wouldn't the answer if there was one, not lie
in the discovery of new information, but in the application

(46:39):
of the information we already have.

Speaker 7 (46:42):
Yeah, so I'm not saying that everything I know is
based upon the research we've already we already have, Like
without it, we would we would not be able to.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
So what is that?

Speaker 1 (46:51):
What is there that I'm so fascinated by what you
what you mean by you want to discover something new?

Speaker 2 (46:55):
What is there new to discover?

Speaker 4 (46:59):
There's so much new to discover, Like.

Speaker 7 (47:03):
There are so many things today that people like twenty
years ago never even knew, like all neuroscience research or
psychological research, like it's it's keeps growing and growing, and
I and I know it seems like we probably already
know everything.

Speaker 4 (47:18):
But I refuse to believe that, like, I don't know,
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (47:20):
I don't think, I don't I don't think we already
know everything.

Speaker 4 (47:23):
I just I don't know.

Speaker 7 (47:25):
I have a big fixation on like inventing something like
I don't I don't know. I just hate saying the
same shit everyone already knows. I just want to discover
something that nobody's ever talked about. And I like psychology,
so I'm like, okay, it'll be in psychology because I'm
obsessed with psychology.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
Would you ever be a therapist?

Speaker 4 (47:41):
Not Like when I.

Speaker 7 (47:43):
Think of a therapist, I think of like a really
boring person who doesn't like their job and is doing
this because they wanted a fast agree.

Speaker 4 (47:51):
So I'm sure it's not always like that.

Speaker 7 (47:54):
But like when I think of a therapist, I think
of like, I just think of that like a person
who's not as passionate.

Speaker 4 (47:58):
So I want to be.

Speaker 7 (48:01):
A researcher, but use my research also do one on
one work with people.

Speaker 4 (48:08):
So I guess, yeah, that's a therapist.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
But what you want to do be a researcher, You
want to be like a coach and well, and I.

Speaker 4 (48:13):
Want to be a speaker.

Speaker 7 (48:15):
I want to be a public speaker, and I guess
what a coach, public speaker, a writer, just all of that,
anything that has to do with talking and sharing. But
in regards to psychology, so I don't really care about labels.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
I support the vision data.

Speaker 4 (48:30):
Yeah, what do you want to do?

Speaker 1 (48:36):
I've wanted to do the same thing for like six years,
which is travel around the world and talk to people.

Speaker 4 (48:45):
Nice.

Speaker 1 (48:45):
So I actually I do think a lot like what
would I do with my life? I could do anything,
And it's.

Speaker 4 (48:52):
Like everyone should think like that, all.

Speaker 1 (48:55):
You know, travel the world and talk to people. So
I guess that's what I'm doing right now. And uh,
you know, host like events.

Speaker 4 (49:04):
Is it as you thought it would be?

Speaker 1 (49:08):
Is it as fulfilling as STU thought it would be? No,
nothing as ever as fulfilling as you think it's gonna be.

Speaker 7 (49:12):
You think, yeah, or maybe you just haven't enjoyed any
of it.

Speaker 1 (49:17):
Well, it's actually hold on, is it a feeling as
thought it's gonna be? I enjoy I'm enjoying this right now.
I'm enjoying it is fulfilling. Yes, it is fulfilling. It's
a feeling. But you always think that like the things
that you always think that when you achieve your dreams,
it's gonna ascend you into something beyond your set whatever.
But you're still you're never you never escape your life.

(49:37):
Yeah you know what that makes sense?

Speaker 7 (49:39):
Yeah, well it's because you think it's gonna bring you
some sense of security or something.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
Because you think it's gonna bring some sense of security.

Speaker 1 (49:45):
But I'm slowly realizing every year I get older and
every dream I accomplish, that security does not exist.

Speaker 7 (49:54):
Are you sure that you just haven't reached it on
your own?

Speaker 1 (49:58):
We're gonna die, se there's no such thing as security.
We're gonna We're gonna die and we a We're gonna
die and then be.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
We live in an unpredictable, chaotic worlds.

Speaker 1 (50:11):
There's no there's no security ever and so therefore all
you all there is is the present moment. Yeah, and
so security is kind of a bit of a myth.

Speaker 4 (50:23):
No, so let me rephrase.

Speaker 7 (50:25):
When I think of security, I think of the feeling
of wholeness, like you're calling, like without any of this.

Speaker 4 (50:32):
And that's the thing.

Speaker 7 (50:33):
People are thinking that their achievements or their promotion or
their partner is gonna give them that feeling of wholeness,
that security, feeling like Okay, now I feel good, But
it never gives them that because it's never gonna be outside,
it's gonna be Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
I felt well, I feel whole. Sometimes I don't think
feeling whole for me is.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
Not a uh one and done.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
Oh I feel whole now, Like I like, like I
didn't feel like I was when I was at this
block party thing smoking weed today. I felt something was off.
I felt a lack. Yeah, I was like, I'm not,
I don't I feel like I'm off in some way, yeah,
or like I like I'll be like out of the
thing or doing something. I have moments in my life

(51:15):
where I feel a strong sense of a lack and
I feel a strong whatever the opposite of hole is.
And then I was like, I was just on the
subway one morning and I was like and I had
a moment of wholeness where I was like, I feel
my life is great. My life is exactly how I
ever wanted it to be. I live in New York.

(51:38):
I do I have a cool thing. I do as
a get go. I have friends, Like I mean, like,
everything is great. I have no need for anything. This
is great. I have moments of wholeness. But wholeness is
not like a I am now whole forever. It's a
thing you have to constantly get in touch.

Speaker 7 (51:56):
Yeah, of course you don't think you can feel a
hole when you're sad too, though.

Speaker 1 (52:02):
Uh yeah, sometimes when I feel sad and depressed. Uh,
I guess I feel whole in the sense of like
I've accepted that this is just just happens.

Speaker 2 (52:09):
This is just part of that.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
Yeah, you know, because there's no security, and so when
you think that, oh, eventually I'm going to arrive, it's
some version of my life that is completely devoid of problems,
completely devoid of sadness, completely devoid of anything which I
have often and still a little bit too believe I
will one day achieve, which is good.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
It's good to have that. It's good. It's good to
want things. It's good, like the lack is good.

Speaker 1 (52:34):
It motivates you to want to keep doing stuff, because
if I just felt whole and amazing all the time,
I never try to do anything.

Speaker 7 (52:41):
You know, So you think you can only want to
do things whenever you feel like sad or insecure about
not getting there.

Speaker 2 (52:46):
It's I don't think I can. I don't.

Speaker 1 (52:48):
I don't think I only can. But it's a damn
good motivator, is it not.

Speaker 7 (52:53):
You don't think like you could feel motivated if you
already were secure in yourself, like just out of like
pure interest like that I want to do that?

Speaker 2 (53:01):
Yeah, no, I can. Okay, I think so.

Speaker 1 (53:04):
I think I a little bit of that, And then
sometimes I'm like, then sometimes I'll chase things out of
I'll chase things.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
I've had time in my life.

Speaker 1 (53:13):
Where I felt like I was chasing things out of security,
and then times I felt like I was chasing things
out of insecurity.

Speaker 2 (53:18):
Yeah, have you ever chased?

Speaker 1 (53:19):
Do you ever chase? Like in your life? Do you
only chase out of insecurity?

Speaker 2 (53:23):
At least? Sorry, do you only chase out of security?

Speaker 6 (53:26):
Well?

Speaker 4 (53:26):
I mean it's not.

Speaker 7 (53:27):
Like a choice I can consciously make all the time.
But like I think, for most of my life and
if everyone were honest with themselves, a lot of their
driving factors of wanting to get somewhere is because they
want to prove something to themselves or prove something to
other people, or not because they genuinely find Maybe it's
like half and half like you said, but I realized

(53:47):
that I don't want to do things to feel better
about myself. I want to do it because I actually
like it, And then feeling better about myself is gonna.

Speaker 2 (53:55):
Have to come.

Speaker 7 (53:56):
Well, yes, but also like true secure and yourself can calm,
like without the job, without like the friends, with the
accomplishments I.

Speaker 2 (54:09):
Think about.

Speaker 1 (54:09):
I think about this all the time, and I used
to believe. And it's a very stoic. But the's a
lot of stoicism I think you're talking about.

Speaker 4 (54:24):
Yeah, I think I'm very stoic.

Speaker 2 (54:26):
I guess I have in my life been very stoic too.

Speaker 4 (54:29):
But you said, now you're a nihilist, right.

Speaker 1 (54:31):
No, I won't. I don't identify with any of this.
I'm just I'm a gecko.

Speaker 4 (54:34):
Oh I forgot.

Speaker 2 (54:36):
I'm just a gecko.

Speaker 1 (54:37):
But I've thought a lot about the idea of like
could I live a life where I talked to my
sister about I said this to my sister once. It
just makes fun of me about it, but I said
to my sister once, Uh, I'd love to live a
life where I had no money, no friends, uh, no accomplishments,
and I was naked on a beach and I felt

(54:59):
happy and then like I'm but she didn't understand when
I met by that I don't And so now she's like, wow,
do you remember when you told me that you want
to not have any friends? I was like, you know what,
I'm but got it, and I said that and that's
what I you know, that's what like, that's that's the
dream of a life of only intrinsic happiness.

Speaker 2 (55:20):
But that's well, that's unrealistic.

Speaker 1 (55:22):
I think a lot of life. I just think you're
bullshitting yourself if you think that you can, like, you know,
only live a life of completely intrinsic happiness.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
You need other people, You need the world, well you do.

Speaker 4 (55:38):
Well, science, that's not what that means. It means that.

Speaker 7 (55:42):
You don't need them to feel happy. You do need them,
like socially, when I say happy, I mean like you
don't need it to feel secure in yourself, But scientifically, yeah,
you need to talk to people like we are social creatures. Yes,
you need like a home and you need money to live.

Speaker 4 (55:59):
But what I mean is that.

Speaker 7 (56:02):
If you didn't have your fan base, if you didn't
have this, if you didn't have your.

Speaker 4 (56:07):
Accomplishments, who do you believe you are?

Speaker 5 (56:10):
Like?

Speaker 7 (56:11):
Can you still like feel complete and whole without every
external thing, Like that's the question, and like that's what
I'm trying to practice, is like feeling like I don't
need I don't need anything exterior to keep myself secure
in myself.

Speaker 2 (56:29):
You're in school now, right, Yeah?

Speaker 1 (56:31):
If the school said to you you're banned from school,
you can never study psychology ever again because you like
a youied.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
You failed your test, and I think that a school.
How would that?

Speaker 1 (56:43):
Or are your friends right, your friends, well, okay, all
your friends back home? If they if all your friends
were like, hey, we don't want to talk to you anymore,
and your parents died, you have a little bit of
you have any money but in your bank account? Yeah,
if it all went to zero and all these things
happened to once and you have clothes in your words?

Speaker 2 (57:05):
Are that you like that?

Speaker 1 (57:06):
You're getting hem's you know, if everything went away. You're
telling me right now that that you're telling me that
wouldn't suck. No, you're telling me, after all that you
could still be like still feel secure and secure, not
not still, but you're telling me that you wouldn't feel
like how would you have?

Speaker 5 (57:23):
No?

Speaker 1 (57:24):
I'm sorry, I want I will I'll a phrase that question,
how would you feel?

Speaker 7 (57:27):
So there's a I think there's like different definitions here.
You can feel secure in who you are while still
having sad moments in life. Your life, there's always gonna
be painful moments like yeah, family's gonna die.

Speaker 4 (57:41):
Yeah, if I got kids out of school, that would suck.

Speaker 7 (57:42):
I would still feel sad, but I wouldn't make it
mean anything about my worth is basically what I'm saying,
like understanding that you're always worthy and to always believe
in yourself no matter how many people are watching, no
matter how many friends you have, or no matter if
that school accepts you, Like if the school didn't accept me,
if nobody wanted to be my friend, if I didn't

(58:03):
have money or any status, I should still know that
I am worthy and I should still like myself. It's
not contingent upon if you accept me.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
If that makes sense, that makes a lot of sense.
And that makes a lot of.

Speaker 1 (58:17):
Sense, and I buy that that makes a lot of sense. Uveda,
Is there anything else you want to say to the
people of the computer.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
Before we go?

Speaker 4 (58:30):
Choose love over fear?

Speaker 2 (58:33):
Thank you, Ada, good luck with your your your journeys.

Speaker 4 (58:37):
Thank you so much for letting me speak.

Speaker 2 (58:38):
Of course, see Venam, have a seat. What's your name?

Speaker 8 (58:43):
Cameron?

Speaker 2 (58:44):
Ammo, Cameron, Cameron, what's up? Cameron? Did you Cameron? Cameron?
Are you here? Just now?

Speaker 1 (58:51):
For that whole conversation, I did not hear Oh you
didn't hear any of it or heard like maybe twenty
percent of That's okay, we can we can. We can
be in our own conversation.

Speaker 8 (59:00):
I heard some stuff about like Ego Duff.

Speaker 2 (59:02):
We did talk about Ego Dad.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
We talked about uh, we talked about a lot of stuff.
But you know what that was that interview? And this
is this one? And how is your night at the
park going?

Speaker 8 (59:14):
Is just getting started?

Speaker 2 (59:15):
What are you gonna do later?

Speaker 8 (59:17):
I have no idea.

Speaker 1 (59:18):
You have no idea, but you know you're gonna do something.
You know that the eving's just getting started? Yeah, how
do you know that? The but it's like what it's what?

Speaker 2 (59:27):
What? What time is it right now?

Speaker 1 (59:28):
It's like ten something?

Speaker 8 (59:32):
This is your is your girlfriend? Oh no, all right,
that's my parole officer. He makes sure I don't like
get into any trouble. Okay, do you uh do you
normally get into trouble? Yeah, what do you get into?
What kind of trouble do you get into? I don't
think I'm allowed to say it on camera.

Speaker 1 (59:50):
You don't have to you don't have to do anything.
What do you do for fun?

Speaker 8 (59:56):
For fun? I'm also not saying that on camera.

Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
We're gonna I'm gonna keep going until we get to
something that you can say on camera.

Speaker 2 (01:00:06):
Okay, what is your relationship like with your parents?

Speaker 8 (01:00:16):
My mom's really nice and with my dad, I hope
he's not watching. It is weird, Like he's very inconsistent,
very strange, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
How long has that been happening.

Speaker 8 (01:00:31):
I want to say since like nine ten. It's like
as you grow up, you kind of see the cracks
and you're like, it's still my dad, but it's kind
of horrible as a human being. He does some bad things.
So I'm just I don't get it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
Do you guys still talk?

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 8 (01:00:50):
Well we live in the same house. Yeah, but it's
like some days he's tolerable to be around it. Other
days it's like I'm doing everything my power to stay
away from him. Like right now, I don't want to
go home because I don't want to see him. He's
not really, it's someone you want to talk to.

Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
But your mom is nice?

Speaker 8 (01:01:07):
Yes, really nice?

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
What is nice about your mom?

Speaker 8 (01:01:12):
Even though she has like a New Yorker attitude, like
normally you know how we are, we don't like talking
to people, we keep it pushing, She's still really kind.
If you approach her the right way, she'll always find
like something nice in people. She told me to always
be kind of respectful things like that. She's just a
really nice lady. Even if she wasn't my mom, I would.

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
Say that, do you have any siblings?

Speaker 8 (01:01:37):
I have a sister. You have a sister, Yeah, a
younger sister.

Speaker 2 (01:01:40):
What's her deal?

Speaker 8 (01:01:44):
She's just a teenage girl. That's all I'm gonna say.

Speaker 2 (01:01:46):
Do you guys have a good relationship?

Speaker 8 (01:01:48):
Yeah? She shook me be annoying from time to time,
But yeah, do.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
You go to school in the city.

Speaker 8 (01:01:55):
I go to LaGuardia Community College that's in Long Island City.

Speaker 2 (01:01:59):
Cool? How's school done? Get me the fuck out at her?
Out of what?

Speaker 4 (01:02:05):
Wait?

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
Where's here is that at a school?

Speaker 8 (01:02:08):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
Okay, I thought you meant. I thought you were like,
I can't handle this interview. These are too much. How's
school going is too hot seat of a question. What
was I gonna say?

Speaker 8 (01:02:18):
Uh? Why do you hate school? I went into it
way too early. I should have taken maybe a year
to think about what I want to do. But I'm
more dead set on something else rather than what I'm
pursuing in school.

Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
And what are you pursuing in school?

Speaker 8 (01:02:35):
Paralegal studies?

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
Okay, that's It's like the other lady you wanted to
be a lawyer.

Speaker 8 (01:02:39):
She wanted to be a full lawyer. I'm just what
I am to a lawyer is like what a nurse
is to a doctor. Not doing really anything?

Speaker 2 (01:02:46):
Is that? Is that your vibe? Is that what you
want to be? A paralegal?

Speaker 8 (01:02:48):
No?

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
What do you want to be? Oh?

Speaker 8 (01:02:51):
I want to join the fire department. That's something I
really care about.

Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
Okay, wait, so what's preventing you from joining the fire department? Oh?

Speaker 8 (01:02:56):
Not from really. I already took the test, but it's
like a long process. So even though I took the
written test, I still got to do the physical, then
psychiatric and whatnot. That's gonna take a while.

Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
Do you think you're going to do well on the
psychiatric and the physical?

Speaker 8 (01:03:13):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:03:14):
Yes, it's funny that it took you a second to think.

Speaker 1 (01:03:19):
About it, probably better than the written than the written Yeah,
what is involved in the written firefighter test?

Speaker 8 (01:03:26):
It is just like basic english and math questions. But
like the day of when I took it, I only
got maybe four hours of sleep because I was stressed out.

Speaker 2 (01:03:34):
Oh no, really, do you you seem like.

Speaker 1 (01:03:38):
I mean, I don't know you very well. We've only
been talking for a little bit, but you seem like
a low stress guy.

Speaker 8 (01:03:46):
Or is that just like probably what it looks like
on the surface, but like it's like up and down.

Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
Okay, what stresses you out the most in life?

Speaker 8 (01:03:55):
Myself?

Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
Why do you stress yourself out?

Speaker 1 (01:03:58):
Oh?

Speaker 8 (01:04:03):
I'm gonna skip that one. Huh, I'm skip that one.

Speaker 1 (01:04:05):
Okay, Yeah, that's okay. I'm trying to think if I
have any I feel like I you know this, I
gotta say. This isn't meant to be like a therapy session.
It just ends up being that for most of these
interviews we can do, we don't have we can talk
about random ass ship.

Speaker 8 (01:04:21):
I can see why it ends up like that because
like when you meet someone like one time, it's easy
just to say things like that. Total It's like I
would say, but like, I'm surrounded by people, so it's
like kind of more like ooh, I don't want to
say that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
Yeah, well it's weird because we're around a circle of people.

Speaker 1 (01:04:38):
But I feel very uh, this is very chi This
feels very chill, Like I just feel like I'm just
looking at you.

Speaker 2 (01:04:44):
I feel like we're just talking. But you know, all
of my like inherent.

Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
Curiosities are probably about like, uh, therapy questions.

Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
Somebody's asking you something.

Speaker 1 (01:05:02):
Oh, so do you want to talk about anything that's
not therapy ish?

Speaker 8 (01:05:07):
I want to ask what makes you want to do this?
I know you probably get that a lot, but like,
this is my first time seeing you. What makes you
want to do this?

Speaker 1 (01:05:13):
I mean it's a fun thing to do, is you
know you get to hang out with random people?

Speaker 8 (01:05:18):
How do the idea come about? Like why a gecko?
In particular?

Speaker 2 (01:05:21):
Do you believe you can be anything you want.

Speaker 8 (01:05:24):
If you try hard enough? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:05:27):
Why not be a get go?

Speaker 8 (01:05:31):
I feel like in an alternate university probably shows like
a rat because if it's New York City, much better.

Speaker 1 (01:05:36):
There is another guy who does well, he doesn't really
do this, but he does stress up as a rat.

Speaker 2 (01:05:42):
Nice? What do you want to be when you grow
up the firefighter?

Speaker 8 (01:05:45):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:05:46):
What do you say to that it's appealing to you
about the firefighter life?

Speaker 8 (01:05:49):
Well, for one, it's not as high stress as do
you think You're not always going to go into a
burning building. But I like the aspect that it's kind
of like military because you have a brotherhood with you
without actually doing, you know, questionable stuff like the military.
You're just saving people, helping them out and maybe someone's
like having a panic attack, someone who needs medical help,

(01:06:10):
or just someone in a burning building. That's a lot
better than like going overseas and doing some crazy stuff.
I'd rather do that.

Speaker 2 (01:06:20):
Who is this person that keeps talking to This is
your friend?

Speaker 8 (01:06:23):
This is my close friend. I met him, he goes
by him. I met him in June and we have
been hanging out constantly ever since.

Speaker 2 (01:06:32):
You guys meet.

Speaker 8 (01:06:34):
It was a friend thing. So basically the whole day
we had people rotating in and out. I had taken
like a little faery thing around the city, and I
took a trip to Brooklyn with my friends and we're
eating at the restaurant. He shows up, and the whole
time I'm thinking I'm gonna meet this person one time
in my life and now he's one of my close friends.

(01:06:56):
I don't know how it happened.

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
What do you do? Like, do you have any hobbies?

Speaker 6 (01:07:00):
Yes?

Speaker 8 (01:07:00):
Uh, working out?

Speaker 2 (01:07:02):
I like to.

Speaker 8 (01:07:05):
Honestly, I love walking just everywhere too, everywhere.

Speaker 2 (01:07:08):
That's my favorite thing about New York because you can
just walk everywhere. It's fucking sick.

Speaker 8 (01:07:13):
It's really stimulating.

Speaker 2 (01:07:14):
You go to the gym, you said, what do you bench? Oh? Sick,
That's that's awesome.

Speaker 8 (01:07:20):
It's nice. My friend he keeps passing me because he's like,
if you keep going more, you can do more than that.
And I'm just like, I already hit two twenty five.
This is why I clock out.

Speaker 2 (01:07:29):
What squat?

Speaker 8 (01:07:30):
I do? Not squat? I do hot squat. Yeah. It's
annoying though, because like.

Speaker 2 (01:07:35):
Do you do you?

Speaker 8 (01:07:37):
What are you?

Speaker 2 (01:07:37):
What's your overhead press?

Speaker 8 (01:07:39):
I don't overhead pros, but you just bench.

Speaker 1 (01:07:43):
For shoulders? Been talking about overhead Like I just do
cable stuff. Oh okay, yeah that's cool. Where do you
go to the gym?

Speaker 5 (01:07:50):
Uh?

Speaker 8 (01:07:50):
This is gym called retro fitness, Like not too far
from my house, sick, that's where I go.

Speaker 2 (01:07:55):
Is it a nice gym?

Speaker 8 (01:07:58):
Oh, it gives the job done. Like, yeah, I won't
complain about the conditions if I can get big.

Speaker 2 (01:08:04):
Yeah, yeah, dude, I don't know this.

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
You can get you can like get a pretty damn
good workout, uh, just like around the house, like if
like I sometimes like if I don't have like equipment,
I'll just curl a chair, you know, like grab a
chair by like the legs.

Speaker 8 (01:08:21):
You know, you can just get it hit right now,
do calisent X.

Speaker 1 (01:08:25):
But thanks to push I want to push up seething.
You can do I want to say twenty twenty twenty
clean ones.

Speaker 8 (01:08:32):
I'll say that.

Speaker 1 (01:08:33):
Okay, that's pretty good, like twenty right now, right now
in front of you. No, no, no, no, wait, what do
I mean? No, No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean right now.
What I meant was that was me subliminally being like,
I want to I want to see you do push ups,
but I'm not gonna do that because this is an
audio podcast, and I think us doing a push up

(01:08:53):
contest it would look funny for the video, but it
would be it wouldn't make a lot of sense.

Speaker 2 (01:08:58):
Oka for the audio.

Speaker 8 (01:09:00):
That's wrong.

Speaker 1 (01:09:01):
We could do one, all right, Yeah, we'll do one Okay, Brandon,
we're gonna cut this. Well, you can leave this part
in me telling it. Brandon, who edits this podcast, shout
at to Brandon. We'll leave this in, but Brandon will
cut out from the video. From the audio version of this,
We're gonna cut out the push up contest, but in

(01:09:22):
the video version, will keep it in. But also this
speech mentioning that we're gonna cut it out of the
of the audio version, but keep it in the video version.

Speaker 2 (01:09:30):
We'll keep that in.

Speaker 8 (01:09:31):
Well do all right?

Speaker 2 (01:09:31):
Okay, so yeah, let's do you want to do some
push ups together? Yeah? Okay, all right, I see how
many we can do. How made you get.

Speaker 8 (01:09:39):
Who said thirty five?

Speaker 2 (01:09:40):
I think thirty five? Okay, I got twenty five, so
you win gigs. That's pretty good.

Speaker 1 (01:09:46):
Oh thanks, that was I felt like that was pretty
My max that I've ever done in the world was
thirty but I can only do twenty five.

Speaker 2 (01:09:55):
I feel good about that.

Speaker 6 (01:09:56):
How do you do?

Speaker 2 (01:09:56):
You feel good? Isn't that a good?

Speaker 5 (01:09:58):
Well?

Speaker 2 (01:09:58):
You just did a whole long con say about dopamine.
I got it. It's really nice. It feels good to
do push ups.

Speaker 8 (01:10:05):
I'm coming off the high.

Speaker 5 (01:10:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:10:08):
Oh man, Okay, what do you uh, what do you
want to say to the people now that you like
now that you feel good from doing from they feel
high from push ups?

Speaker 2 (01:10:18):
Huh oh wait wait wait what do you what do
you what do you want to say to the people?

Speaker 8 (01:10:23):
Uh? You should talk to your friends more. They're really
nice people. That's included.

Speaker 2 (01:10:30):
What's your name again, man, Cameron? Cameron?

Speaker 1 (01:10:34):
I go? Oh wait, I guess I already did the
what do you want to? But do you have any
final things you want to say to the people the
computer before we go?

Speaker 8 (01:10:42):
Don't shut yourself off. Always talk to your friends when
you get the chance.

Speaker 1 (01:10:46):
Please please, Cameron, thank you very much for talking to
a g echo. I feel like I could have done more. No,
I couldn't have. Twenty five was good.

Speaker 2 (01:10:58):
Hello. What's your name? Sir?

Speaker 6 (01:11:01):
Saren?

Speaker 2 (01:11:01):
Saraed? Yeah, Sared?

Speaker 1 (01:11:04):
What's up? Sarad has life? It's it's okay, Sarah, your favorite?

Speaker 2 (01:11:09):
Just hold the mic up? Yeah, sorry, Sarah, Sarad, Sarad?
What's sar?

Speaker 6 (01:11:14):
Saren?

Speaker 2 (01:11:15):
Sorry? One more time? Saren?

Speaker 1 (01:11:18):
S e r.

Speaker 2 (01:11:21):
Oh, Saren? Okay like Saren dipity yeah, there we go,
all right, Saren? What's up? Sarah, Saren, have you been
how long have you been hanging out here for watching
the scrap?

Speaker 1 (01:11:30):
Oh?

Speaker 6 (01:11:30):
Well we were here saying setup if that's what you means.

Speaker 2 (01:11:32):
Oh yeah, okay, cool, all right, So bring us home, Saren.
What do we learn?

Speaker 4 (01:11:38):
Oh? Well, not gonna lie.

Speaker 6 (01:11:39):
Has been kind of hard to hear you oldest music,
oldest people. It's very overstimulating. I've noticed you got the
social worker not thing going.

Speaker 2 (01:11:45):
On, social worker nod thing? Oh what's the social worker
nod thing?

Speaker 4 (01:11:49):
Like the what you call it?

Speaker 6 (01:11:51):
The affirmative active listening.

Speaker 2 (01:11:53):
Yes, I do have an annoying active listening nod.

Speaker 1 (01:11:58):
There was some re on Instagram that was like, pov
your friend is an active listener and it was like
a clearly like very like annoyingly active listener person. And
my friend sent it in like our group chat and
it was like lyle when he goes therapy Gecko mode
on you, and I was like, damn.

Speaker 2 (01:12:16):
That sucks.

Speaker 6 (01:12:17):
Do you have a social work background?

Speaker 2 (01:12:19):
No, no, Dad, I don't have.

Speaker 1 (01:12:20):
A social work background. I'm just I'm just curious about
the world and shit makes sense.

Speaker 2 (01:12:26):
Na Ya, So who are you?

Speaker 6 (01:12:28):
That's a great question. I've been trying to figure that
out because I've been asking my entire life. So I'm
slowly trying to like bring myself to like actualize who
I am, what I like, what I want to do
with my life, all these different things.

Speaker 2 (01:12:39):
What's the process of figuring that out?

Speaker 6 (01:12:42):
Well, we haven't started it yet, not totality.

Speaker 2 (01:12:44):
Okay, but he was thinking about it.

Speaker 5 (01:12:46):
No.

Speaker 6 (01:12:46):
Yeah, the only reason I haven't started it is because
I'm still in school. Like, what's I'm done with school though,
then we can start to like completely deconstruct my routine
that I have that's keeping everything in place. Sure, that's
just how I see it, because my routine is what's
keeping me stable. Yeah, and what's there's No, you don't
want to uh yeah, nine until I'm done with school.

Speaker 2 (01:13:05):
Okay, when you done with school?

Speaker 6 (01:13:07):
Uh? Next it should be next, Joan, honestly.

Speaker 1 (01:13:09):
Next one June next year. Okay, so you've got about
a year before you have to deconstruct yourself. Yeah that's
pretty good. Yeah, that's enjoy this year. Once you start
deconstructing yourself, it's uh, I don't know. It's it's like
opening a bunch of Pokemon cards. You might get fucking
groud on. You might get a douce.

Speaker 6 (01:13:26):
Okay, I mean I don't know those characters, so well.

Speaker 2 (01:13:30):
That's okay, it's Jen three, I think. But anyway, what
do you go to school for.

Speaker 6 (01:13:35):
I'm in social work school.

Speaker 2 (01:13:36):
Actually, oh you are okay, cool, very cool. Okay, so
you also have a social work nod?

Speaker 4 (01:13:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:13:41):
Yeah. No, I'm gonna start taking more pride in my
uh in my work nod.

Speaker 5 (01:13:48):
No.

Speaker 6 (01:13:48):
Yeah, I mean it's fun. I love my classmates. Some
of the teachers are very interesting. It's great, it's very nice.
Would I recommend going through it this young?

Speaker 3 (01:13:57):
No?

Speaker 6 (01:13:59):
Oh, because I'm so like my classmates are anywhere from
like twenty five and up. Most of them are twenty
five and up. Some of them are closer to my age.
But it's I feel very uh separated from everybody because of.

Speaker 2 (01:14:11):
It, because of the age gap.

Speaker 6 (01:14:13):
Yeah, because of the age gap. And they have a
lot more life experience and stuff, like I grew up
very sheltered and shit, So like it makes sense. I'm
like just trying to go into it and like figure
it out, get it done, get it over with, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:14:26):
M yeah, hmmmmmmmm mm hmm. What's the ultimate goal? Is
it to be a therapist?

Speaker 4 (01:14:33):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:14:34):
That could be cool. Yeah, that could be cool. Do
you have a therapist?

Speaker 6 (01:14:38):
I do currently, Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:14:39):
What do you like about your current therapists that you
want to take into you?

Speaker 6 (01:14:42):
I'm looking for a new therapist, a new therapist.

Speaker 2 (01:14:44):
Oh wait, I'm sorry, is that what you said?

Speaker 5 (01:14:45):
No?

Speaker 1 (01:14:46):
Okay, Oh you're looking at a new therapist. Yeah, okay,
Why or why do you not like the therapist you have?

Speaker 4 (01:14:51):
I feel like the.

Speaker 6 (01:14:54):
Well, unfortunately, because she's white and I'm black, there's this
what is it called? She doesn't have the level of
cold tru a competency. I feel like she should.

Speaker 2 (01:15:02):
Oh interesting, Yeah, so like.

Speaker 6 (01:15:05):
Percent all of my experiences are completely surrounded because like
by being black. Yeah, I'm black, I'm queer, like all
these different things. I'm autistic. Like that's how my view
of the world is. She can't really understand that because
it's mostly informed. It's because of how people see me. Now,
I'm perceived. I'm always perceived as a threat.

Speaker 1 (01:15:23):
See, I've always wondered, like in my own therapy search,
I'm like, do I want somebody who like, do I
want another white guy? Or do I want somebody who's
very different from me that can like have a different perspective.

Speaker 6 (01:15:38):
That's all up to you. I just know that, like,
I would rather have somebody black and queer.

Speaker 2 (01:15:43):
Yeah, Now have you had a black therapist before?

Speaker 6 (01:15:45):
I've had a black therapist absolutely, and now I have
a queer therapist. So I'm like, maybe a mix of
the two would be very nice because I'm also black
and queer.

Speaker 1 (01:15:52):
So yeah, so uh uh, because I think you can
do that, right. You can go on the psychology today
and like, yeah, hit the checkboxes.

Speaker 6 (01:16:00):
Yeah yeah, yeah, I've done stuff like that. But like
the stuff that I'm looking for is highly specific, okay,
like trauma informed and like ADHD and like PTSD, all
these different things, and therefore it very much limits. And
then those people that have those things are not black.

Speaker 1 (01:16:16):
So yeah, okay, wait, but like trauma informed or like
has had trauma trauma informed?

Speaker 6 (01:16:22):
So like how to deal with that, how to process it,
how to sit with your emotions?

Speaker 1 (01:16:25):
Do you trying to find a black queer trauma informs
yeah therapists?

Speaker 6 (01:16:30):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:16:31):
Is that is that that hard like to find?

Speaker 6 (01:16:34):
I mean shockingly yes?

Speaker 2 (01:16:36):
Okay, I guess it's good that you're trying to become one.

Speaker 6 (01:16:39):
No, yeah, yeah, I feel I literally did my grad essay,
like my interests essay for this, I did it about
like representation and the lack of representation in the field
and stuff because only what I think, less than fifteen
percent a therapists are black and then less than four
percent are queer, and there's no overlap in those two
right now, I didn't do the overlap. I didn't look
it up, so I'm assuming it's a lot smaller.

Speaker 1 (01:17:00):
What kinds of things are you learning in psychology social
work school?

Speaker 2 (01:17:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (01:17:06):
Well, what do you mean because we have different types
of classes?

Speaker 2 (01:17:09):
Do you go to school today?

Speaker 4 (01:17:10):
School?

Speaker 6 (01:17:11):
Let me know we're on breaks though?

Speaker 2 (01:17:12):
Oh wait, well it's Saturday. Are you on break pace
it's Saturday? Or are you on bak business of the
summer summer? What was the last thing was? What was
your biggest takeaway from last semester?

Speaker 3 (01:17:23):
Honestly?

Speaker 6 (01:17:24):
How does that boundaries with people who try to take
advantage of free labor? Oh, because we have our internship
so like, for instance, I was in a school and
so because I was working with the guidance office and
I was basically I'm sorry, this is so much my school.
The social work school placed me at an agency, and
that agency placed me out of high school to do

(01:17:47):
social work, yeah, to like help the kids, the students
and whatnot, which I loved. I loved being there, but
there was just so many people involved in me trying
to do regular stuff like call out. I was just like,
I can't do this. And then they wanted us to
stay in so the end of ne but that was
what the school wanted. My school said, no, you can
only stay until like you've done your four hundred and
fifty hours because after that you don't have like the

(01:18:08):
school's not liable for anything that happens. So now it's
a back and forth between them and I'm in the
middle of it, just trying to help my students. My
mental health is a wreck. How can I help them
if I can't help myself. That doesn't make any sense.
And I'm not gonna be any benefits to my students
if I can't figure out what I need.

Speaker 2 (01:18:22):
Oh yeah, of course.

Speaker 8 (01:18:23):
No.

Speaker 1 (01:18:23):
Yeah, if you if you're showing up less than your
full self, yeah yeah, You're not gonna be a benefit exactly.

Speaker 6 (01:18:29):
And I didn't want to like put that all my
kids because I know how they are or worry rather
and like I love seeing them growing all that, but
I had to make sure they understood that, like, it's
just a lot of stuff going on, and specifically because
they had their own stuff going on. You don't always
have to just sit there and take it.

Speaker 2 (01:18:45):
Sure, Yeah, you.

Speaker 6 (01:18:46):
Can actually say something and like say what you got
to say, do what you got to do respectfully. There's
a position of authority and all that.

Speaker 1 (01:18:53):
So yeah, I'm trying to think of any any other
any other questions. Okay, So yes, so you you back
to saying that in a year you're going to deconstruct yourself.

Speaker 6 (01:19:09):
Yes, what is that?

Speaker 2 (01:19:11):
What's the first step of deconstructing yourself?

Speaker 6 (01:19:13):
Honestly, just getting rid of like this. I've been a
school minds Higher Life on twenty two, then a school
mind High Life went straight through. So what to do
without the school being there?

Speaker 2 (01:19:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:19:23):
Once the struct Oh yeah, I mean, oh, that's a
perfect time to deconstruct yourself because once structure, I mean
that literally is what you're doing. Once the structure is deed. Yeah, externally,
you can d the structure. Internal it's just spooky, but
yeah interesting, yeah, kind of like your own version of
ego death.

Speaker 6 (01:19:42):
Oh yeah, pretty much. I think it'd be really cool.

Speaker 2 (01:19:45):
Saren. Yeah, Sarah's Le's talking to you.

Speaker 4 (01:19:48):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:19:49):
I'm trying to think if I have any because I
was talking to Cameron about non therapy e things. Okay,
so wait, so Cameron's you're homie right, yeah, and he
said that the night is just getting started and I
asked him how. I was like, what does that mean?
And he he didn't really have an answer. What what
do you are you guys about to go do something crazy?

Speaker 6 (01:20:05):
Honestly, we could we could figure it out, honestly, because
I don't know. We've been hanging out a lot, so
we usually get into like stupid shit.

Speaker 2 (01:20:13):
What kind of stupid shit?

Speaker 6 (01:20:14):
Honestly, we're what was it Coney Island we went to
and stuff?

Speaker 2 (01:20:19):
And we yeah, to Coney Island. It's that's fun.

Speaker 6 (01:20:22):
No, it is fun, but like being out there at
night and stuff is not the best.

Speaker 2 (01:20:26):
Idea being out of Coney Island at night.

Speaker 6 (01:20:28):
Yeah, Like recently, like it was his birthday and stuff,
and we went out. I planned this whole thing and
it was fun. It was nice, but like we were
out here at like one two in the morning, just
taking photos and stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:20:38):
It was just that sounds fun.

Speaker 6 (01:20:40):
It is fun, but it's not always the safest.

Speaker 2 (01:20:43):
Have you gotten in any issues?

Speaker 6 (01:20:46):
Well no, right now we're both sober, thank god.

Speaker 2 (01:20:48):
But like, okay, cool, this is great. Cool. Well, it
sounds like you guys got a fun night ahead of you.

Speaker 6 (01:20:52):
Oh yeah, we'll just see what we get into.

Speaker 1 (01:20:54):
Keeping on Cameron, he's a loose cannon. Actually, hey, listen, listen,
this guy did thirty five plush ups. All right, if
she go down, you know, I think you could take
care of it.

Speaker 6 (01:21:03):
I mean, I don't know about that, but disrespect. You
gotta be more aware of your surroundings.

Speaker 1 (01:21:10):
Saren, thank you very much for chatting with me. Is
there anything else want to say to the people the
computer before we go?

Speaker 4 (01:21:15):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (01:21:15):
Respect, basic respect is given. Absolutely, Always respect people young
and you people owed the uppahed absolutely the second they
start to disrespect you, though, you don't gotta stand there
and fucking take it. You don't gotta sit there and
take it. You can leave. You don't gotta be in
a situation that you don't want to be in. Okay,
do what you want to do, do it safely, don't
be too crazy out here. And if you are taking drugs,

(01:21:38):
drinking anything like that, substance related test deal shit, Please
test it. If you gonna do it, do it, but
test it. Get clean supplies and all joe what you
need to do and be safe out here.

Speaker 1 (01:21:48):
Okay, folks, this has been talking to a gecko at
the park. This was a great I feel like again.
If you're listening to this and you just woke up
from an app at seven pm, eight pm nine the
day can be saved.

Speaker 2 (01:22:02):
If this is This is a message to you, the folks.

Speaker 1 (01:22:05):
If you took an if you got too high, you
ate too much ice cream, and you took a nap,
and you believe that the day is over, you can
save it.

Speaker 6 (01:22:12):
Can I say one? We're doing it is perfectly okay
to start over whenever you need to. Like that doesn't
matter what time of day it is, how old you are.
Tomorrow is a new day. Do whatever the fuck you want.

Speaker 4 (01:22:23):
Shit.

Speaker 2 (01:22:23):
Orrow is a new day. Nine pm is a new hour.
Nine o two pm is a new hour exactly.

Speaker 6 (01:22:29):
Don't got to be on the dit. You do what
you need to do for you. You don't have to
live by any anybody else's rules, anybody else's timeline. Do
what you gotta do for you.

Speaker 1 (01:22:39):
I'm a gecko I'm signing off. Thank you guys very
much for listening, and uh see you see you again
very soon. Hello, folks, it's Lyle. This is the end
of the episode. This is and I'm recording this not
in the park. I'm recording this alone in my room
on my phone, and I'm recording this to tell you

(01:23:01):
all that if you want more IRL episodes, I am
actually releasing a bonus episode today of IRL interviews that
I did two years ago in Melbourne. I think that's
how you pronounce it, Melbourne, Australia, on the streets of Melbourne, Australia.

(01:23:25):
It's an IRL episode just like this one. I recorded
it two years ago. It's been sitting on my hard drive.
I never got around to do anything doing anything with it,
but I am releasing it today as a bonus episode
on therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. If you want
to support the podcast and you want to get not

(01:23:45):
just this bonus episode, but access to all the bonus
episodes that I have done over the years, then you
can go to therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com or
check the link in the episode description to sign up
and view it. And here right here, I'm gonna put
We're gonna have a little clip from the interviews that

(01:24:08):
I did in Melbourne, Australia. So here's her clip from
this week's bonus episode.

Speaker 8 (01:24:13):
And she was telling me.

Speaker 1 (01:24:14):
She was like, I'm having trouble because I don't think
there's any straight single men left in Sydney, so I
don't know how I'm supposed to date.

Speaker 2 (01:24:23):
So it's funny to hear that.

Speaker 1 (01:24:24):
It's I thought she was just bullshitting, but it's funny
to hear other people say that.

Speaker 8 (01:24:29):
Yeah, Sydney has big a history.

Speaker 2 (01:24:31):
They had like the first sort of pride movement in Australia.
But their nightlife isn't isn't the same as it was?
How's the nightlife here?

Speaker 4 (01:24:41):
Not bad? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:24:42):
Do you go fucking crazy?

Speaker 8 (01:24:43):
We go party, we go to raids.

Speaker 2 (01:24:45):
That's fun.

Speaker 8 (01:24:46):
Yeah you ever do you do crazy?

Speaker 2 (01:24:48):
Drugs? No comment?

Speaker 1 (01:24:50):
Once again, if you want to listen to that, if
you want to support the podcast, if you want to
get the rest of the bonus episodes that I've got
on there, you can go to therapy Gecko dot super
ca dot com or check the link in the episode
description to sign up.

Speaker 2 (01:25:04):
Anyway, Uh, that's it. That's the end of the words
that I have to say today.

Speaker 1 (01:25:10):
Thank you for listening to the pod gek bless you,
Thanks for being here, Thanks for still listening. You haven't
clicked off yet, You're still I'm still rambling. I'm just
sitting in this rum, sitting in this chair and drinking
a little bit of water.

Speaker 2 (01:25:26):
It's nice.

Speaker 8 (01:25:27):
Life is nice.

Speaker 2 (01:25:28):
Sometimes I complain too much. Life is really nice. Thank you,
Thank you for listening. Bye bye,

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Episode Transcript

Host

Lyle Drescher

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