“I FELT LIKE GOD”

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello.

Speaker 2 (00:00):
Hey, what's your name?

Speaker 1 (00:02):
My name is Mason Mason. What's up, Mason, Yes, sir,
H nothing much, man, I'm a long time listener, first
time caller. Uh found your found your stream twenty twenty two.
I remember, I remember exactly where I found the stream,
but uh, it's not what I'm calling calling to talk

(00:23):
to you about.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Wait, but I'm kind of curing us because if you
remember something exactly, it must be interesting. Tell me more so.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
I work. I work at a theme park, and I
was doing haunt repair work in one of our haunts,
and uh, I saw you on Instagram a couple times,
and uh, and then I finally tuned into the podcast
and I listened to your podcasts every day for like
eight hour, my entire work day, for for about a week.

(00:53):
And uh, I'm I'm all caught up on all previous
uh episodes you post said since then? Which is I'm
really married to the game.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
Yeah, no shit, no shit, that's really crazy to me.
That's that's I mean, that's a significant How many episodes
of this thing are there?

Speaker 1 (01:12):
Like three, I.

Speaker 2 (01:15):
Don't even know, but you've been I mean that's a
significant amount of Uh, that's probably a significant amount of
the words that I have said in the past five
years of my life, right, I mean think I'm thinking
about it, right, Like, if you like, in a twenty
four hour day, what percentage of the words let's say

(01:35):
okay in a week? Right, I put out two of
these podcasts a week in one week, what percentage of
the words that I say are recorded and put online
as a podcast. I hope it's not a large percentage.
I hope I'm socializing enough that it's not a large percentage,
But it's a percentage. It's a you've heard a large

(01:58):
percentage of the recording words that I have or I
not I not even requd you've heard a large percentage
of the total words that I have spoken aloud in
the last five years. I hope that's absolutely that would
mean that would mean, that would mean that that I've
just been silent in thinking.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
You know, well, I live vi curiously through your words,
and I really I really love the issues that that
you talk about on your podcast with your with the
viewers and the callers. I mean, I really I really
kind of take your therapy for for gospel in a way,

(02:38):
but I mean just just living living through other people's
world experiences is enough for me to tune into the
podcast every day.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
So good, I hope. So I hope that that's here
because I don't I I hope. I hope you're not
taking anything I say as gospel. I hope you know.
Here's what I'll say this, here's what I I hope
you're not taking anything I say as gospel. But if
I think, if I'm I think if the point of this,
or if one of the points of this is that

(03:08):
people are gathering perspectives on the world based on other
people's lived experience. If if my own lived experience is
chucked in there, I don't mind, but you probably shouldn't
take anything I say. Is I try not to take
anything I say is gospel or at.

Speaker 1 (03:29):
Least Oh dude, it's the best man.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
Well, I thank you. I appreciate that. I'm trying to
take my own words. You know, I'm trying to trying
to live better. I'm trying to I don't know, I
got to get a handle on my brain.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
But we're gonna say, we're all trying to be the
best version of ourselves. Man, And that's that's kind of
what I'm calling to talk about.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
Please me talk about you finely.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
I'm trying to finally become the best version of myself. Okay,
So so June twenty second, so that's exactly a month
ago from today. I had I had a stint of
what what I was diagnosed with was acute mania, So
I kind of I kind of had this god complex.

(04:14):
Everything felt larger than life. I had hyperactivity in my brain.
So the past four, I guess the past month, I've
been actively coming down from that, and it was a
very eye opening experience for me. It kind of changed
the way I think and changed my entire worldview. So

(04:35):
I'm calling to see if I can get any advice
from you on how to navigate this, this this new
perspective and this new journey I'm kind of undergoing here.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
Well, before we launch into any kind of advice, if
you want to talk about it, tell me more. What
did that experience look like?

Speaker 1 (04:56):
Well, so since then, I've been I've been talking to
a psycho biatrist. My my parents started to think that
I was bipolar. My my psychiatrist completely disagrees, but I
the experience looked like I took three visits to the

(05:17):
e R, which is more than I had ever gone
in my entire life. In one week, I had three
visits to the e R to kind of talk me
down from this this heightened manic state that I was in.
I do think it was kind of like a weed
induced psychosis. I mean, this, this is just this is

(05:37):
just an idiot doing research online. AI has been a
big tool for helping me navigate this. I know I
shouldn't be so reliant on AI, but I'm.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
Right.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
So, I mean, it's it's very interesting, man. They they
got my parents insisted on medicating me. I'd never been
on any form of medication before I had direct symptoms
of the medication, so I was I was taken off
the medication and my parents I still live with them.

(06:12):
I'm twenty one. I I can't really move out in
this economy.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Oh br I mean before before before we do anything,
before we do anything, I mean twenty one. I want
to hear the rest of your story. But twenty one
is a perfectly acceptable age to be living with your parents,
So you know, don't don't freak out about that. And
it's also not I mean, it's a fucking it's an
amazing gift that you your parents are still heavily involved

(06:42):
in your life and care about you enough to be,
you know, going through this with you. So I hope,
you know, I hope you're feeling that love.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
Absolutely, it's it's unconditional love, but it is almost overbearing
to an extent because I still feel like I'm trying
to navigate the bounds that come with manhood and trying
to find my independence as a man. I mean, I've
I've had the same job for seven years. I'm only twenty.

(07:13):
I started when I was fourteen, and I thought this
would be my life's calling and I could I could
work the rat race and work the nine to five
job my entire life. I'm I'm slowly coming to terms
with that in this new state of mind, that I
might go crazy if if I if I end up
working the same job my entire life. But my parents

(07:34):
have been trying to instill this foundation onto me that
I need to work to make money. But watching you
for the last three years has been really inspirational that
you can find your voice online and you can find
you can find other means to make money that's not

(07:55):
being stuck in the nine to five job.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
Okay, yeah, my job, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
I mean my job, it's very creative. I'm currently at
work now. I do a lot of special effects and
prop making and seen c work scence. He's a wood router.
I'm actually in the wood routing room right now. I
got a couple of projects to get done, but I

(08:23):
thought this would be a more beneficial way to spend
my time on the clock.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
So you've been so wait aute, you're twenty one. You've
been in the special effects industry since you were fourteen?

Speaker 1 (08:35):
No, no, no. I started operating rides and I became
a rides trainer, a ride supervisor, then moved over to
special effects right out of high school, and I've I
hadn't touched a hand drill or anything since then. A
little quick backstory. I grew up in a STEM academy

(08:56):
from kindergarten through sixth grade, so I always had this creative,
uh aspect of me that's kind of been untapped up
until now. Because now I can finally express my creative
outlet in a way that I reap the benefits from
the park that I work at. Also reached the benefits
from so I'm very savvy when it comes to like

(09:17):
three D modeling. We do a lot of three D
printing at our at our work. But I mean, I'm
I'm self taught. I've used AI and YouTube to help
me out with a lot of these things. But I
feel like there's a passion that lives so deep within me,
and I'm trying to explore this, this passion. I have

(09:37):
a lot of guest service experience, I mean, essentially growing
up at this theme park, so I know how to
talk to people and I know how to put on
a stage face. But I'm trying. I'm trying to I'm
trying to see how I can apply this in my
in my real life to to kind of I don't

(09:59):
know if it breaks free from the rat race, I guess.
I mean, I've I started voice journaling, so I do
have a voice journal journal on on my phone, and
then I can I can take the transcript of that
voice memo, putting it, put it into AI, and AI
helps me complete like unformed thoughts that I that I
had mentioned in the voice journal, it helps me organize. Uh.

(10:23):
It's basically written journaling, but in utilizing modern day technology
to help me explore what I want to really do
with my life, kind of back to my parents, I
I'm still living under their household. I have a wonderful
safety net that they've they've helped build for me. I mean,

(10:43):
I like this. I think I've been pretty calledled my
entire life and don't have the real world experience that
I envy. Four But I I've essentially lived paycheck to
paycheck because I put all of my money in cryptocurrency.
I know you would advise that I shouldn't put all
my eggs in one basket, as my parents have been

(11:03):
telling me, but I've I put seven thousand in there.
My portfolio is currently up to fifty thousand, some pretty
exponential games in the last year and a half. But
I Dave Ramsey would be the person I would talk
to you about this cryptocurrency, right.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
I have lots well, I have, I have lots of thoughts. Okay, Well, Also,
by the way, listen, I'm gonna be honest with you,
is I've also I also feel as though I've been
relatively coddled for my entire life. I mean, I grew
up in you know, so I grew up you know,
with a in a house in the suburbs, and my parents,

(11:43):
you know, they pay for me to go to college.
And they let me live there for you know, fucking
live in the house until I was twenty two twenty three,
so I was able to save and do all the scrap.
And I also felt like I was like, oh crap,
I'm I have no uh semblance of the real world whatsoever,

(12:08):
you know. But I also but I also have the
belief that like, uh, listen, if you can use that too,
I mean, don't you. I I think if you can
use that position to you know, enrich your life, and
they're bot from enriching your life, you kind of there's
a there's a bit of I would call I would

(12:29):
call it trickle down enrichmond when you you know, use
it to do do do you know, as like a
starting launching platform to do something that's worthwhile for your life.
Uh you know, I think that benefits uh, you know,
the people around you who care about you.

Speaker 1 (12:50):
Two.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
So uh oh, there's a bunch of other things. I
was going to say, Oh, crypto, I don't know, man,
don't I don't have I don't I mean, I don't.
I don't have any crypto. I'm not a crypto guy.

Speaker 1 (13:03):
Oh you're missing out, man, And utility coins. Look into
ISO twenty twenty two, compliance try to invest in US
made cryptocurrencies, something with utility, because it seems like that's
where our financial system is headed. So, I mean, for
the last three years, I've kind of been preaching the
gospel when it comes to cryptocurrency, and that's just that's

(13:26):
the way the world is heading.

Speaker 2 (13:29):
Yeah, well, I'm okay again. A lot of things, a
lot of things.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
Again. I could talk all day about cryptocurrency. I've done.
I've done three years of research onto this. Finance in
high school is always what I was most passionate about.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
Sure, and I actually and I actually, I actually, I
think it's a good thing because it's true, you need
money to exist, right and if you're lucky unfortunately, yes,
you need money to exist, and if you're lucky, you
can figure out a way to make it that doesn't
take up too much of your time so that you

(14:05):
can go and do the things that you actually want
to do. Crypto, I'm not. I don't know anyth about crypto.
I don't really don't. I don't want to talk about
it only because I don't know about it. But I
think it's okay to I. I also when I was
you know, when I was twenty one, I had a
lot of separate parts of my brain where I was like,
I kind of separated my brain into like three or

(14:31):
four categories where I was like, Okay, I need to
figure out something I can do to make money, and
then I need to figure out something I can do
to that is like makes art, and I need to
figure out something I can do that gets me around people,
and I need to focus on and I need to
make sure I get the money thing down, pat, because
then it'll help me out with the art thing and
the being around the people thing.

Speaker 1 (14:52):
So you are genuinely thriving, then I have all of those,
all of those four checkbox ticked.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
I got the age of seven.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
Man, It's true.

Speaker 2 (15:05):
I got well, I got you know, I got a
little lucky. Uh.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
COVID was a huge benefactor to that. Dude. Yeah, I
remember going on Reddit and and and seeing seeing that
you wanted to start this thing and then call this line.
I mean your story is is very uh and I
mean your business model, I guess too, you could say
is very inspirational too. I mean just just your everyday listener.

(15:35):
I really enjoyed that. Uh. It was her name Ava
that British woman you had on I just got done
listening to that part.

Speaker 2 (15:41):
Oh yeah, great, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah that.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
Was That was a great conversation man, And it's really
cool to hear from your I mean, I don't want
to say older, but you're more more wise audience numbers,
I agree. I mean, it's just it's just the way
you break down those those calls is is very beneficial
to me when I'm trying to experience the world vicariously

(16:05):
through I mean, I guess your callers, right, because so
that seems like the best way I can I can
pick up on on my flaws, other people's flaws, and
again kind of tying back to the beginning of the conversation,
being the best version of ourselves.

Speaker 2 (16:20):
Right, I appreciate that. I want to get back into
your life for a second. And by the way, just
so you know, I'm just and you've heard every episode
of my show, so I guess, I'm I guess, I'm
only I guess I'm just saying this to myself. But
obviously you know I'm not a real therapist and work,

(16:41):
but I'm interested. But You've brought up a lot of
topics as we've been talking that I have personal interests in,
so I'm happy to just like chat with you about them.
So you brought up a lot of things that I
want to get into. I'm trying to keep a note
of all of them. I'm going to rattle off the ones.
I remember you talked about masculinity navigating that. Is that correct? Okay?

(17:04):
You were talking about mania and just general mental health stuff,
and then talking about talking about like trying to find
what you actually want to do with your life, your
relationship with your parents. I'm down to get into all
that stuff. Let's talk about Let's talk about the masculinity thing.

(17:26):
Where you where are you at with that? What are
the thoughts with that? What's right? Made you bring that up?

Speaker 1 (17:33):
So there's a couple of things that that that it
sparked me to just say that. But my my state
of acute mania really made it clear to me that
I am a man that is I'm going to quote
Paul McCartney here, Uh, maybe I'm a man that's in

(17:55):
the middle of something that he doesn't really understand. That's
from a song. Maybe I'm amazed, And I mean that
that really resonates with me because we're all just men
and women and children trying to navigate this this world
for the first time, and how we how we respond
to our adversities and and things that things that really

(18:21):
bog us down and distract us from I mean, I'm
not very religious, but God's plan, I mean I think
there's a plan, there's a there's a path that all
of us are destined to be on. And I mean, so, yeah,
I know. I mentioned the man because my parents think

(18:42):
of me lesser as a man because of the way
that I've been responding to this adversity in my life.
I mean, this last four weeks has been pretty hellish
for my parents because they've seen me. They've seen me
in a heightened state that they're not used to. So
every time I come home, my mom kind of just

(19:03):
says she wants her son back, and the son that
she once knew as her roommates. I mean, I've been
their essential, essentially their roommate for the last three years
since I turned eighteen and got my full time job
out of high school. They uh, they want that relationship back.

(19:25):
I think myself as lesser of a man then, because
I was addicted to poorn, I was addicted to my phone,
I was addicted to h to marijuana, all these these
crutches in my life that have have negatively, uh negatively
been impacting me. Uh, I've break, I've breaken free from
from from those things. I'm finally getting back in the gym.

(19:47):
I'm finally becoming the version of myself that I want
to be. So when I come home and my parents
think I'm lesser of a man because they don't recognize
this new me anymore, it's it's kind of disheartening.

Speaker 2 (20:00):
So Okay, you don't have to get into it if
you don't want to. But you you described kind of
at the beginning of this some like manic episode where
you thought that you were God? What what was.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
That it was? It was, I mean a cute mania.
I mean I just have have kind of I've done
a little bit of research, but what from my psychiatrist
has told me I had a God complex where where
I uh, man, it's a little it's still hard for

(20:36):
me to process this because it was it was riddled
by insomnia, it was riddled by my excessive marijuana usage.
There was a lot of there was a lot of
contributors to what led me to this state of acute
mania and I mean it was tough, man, it was.
It was a tough like week of in and out

(20:58):
of the er, in and out of fighting with my parents.
I mean, kind of spewing off the same same garbage
that I'm telling you now.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
But do you do you know what sollipsism is.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
I do not.

Speaker 2 (21:14):
Okay, maybe I should maybe, maybe maybe I shouldn't send
you down this rabbit Maybe it's not responsible to send
you down.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
I'm a huge fan of rabbit holes, but I don't.

Speaker 2 (21:25):
It's probably not respond it's probably super irresponsible to send
you down this rabbit hole. But the only reason why
I and bringing it up is is, I guess in
relation to the god complex. Yeah, syllipsis, don't go don't
go too crazy on it. Please stay in the matrix. Okay,
the matrix is a nice place to be, especially when

(21:46):
you're twenty. Stay in the matrix as long as you can.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
I mean, I don't know if my parents have escaped
the matrix for for the last four weeks and they
don't stand what I mean.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
We can, we can, we can, we can talk about that,
but I don't whatever. Syllpsicism is this idea that your
consciousness is the because I've gone I've had a I've
recent not over the past year. As I've been hading,
you've listened to my podcast, you know, I'm going through
an existential crisis. As the year has been going, I've
also had like a weird God complex of this. And

(22:17):
here's what I mean by that is Syllipsism is the
idea that your own consciousness is the only verifiable thing
to you.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
And so.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
I know, yeah, well, it's the only thing that's verifiable
to you, and so it leads you down this path
of thinking, like, wait, theoretically I could be God. Not
in the sense of like I'm like, not in like, oh,
I'm better than everyone else kind of a sense, but
in like a oh, I'm the only thing that can
be verified, but I also have got but also the God,
the the like a God complex thing manifests itself in

(22:52):
this sense of like, sure, I'm God, but also everyone
is God because.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
God lives in within, God lives in with all of us.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Man, well, well, the idea that like, I mean, look,
I'm create. I I am created out of fucking like
biological material and carbon and ship that is, you know,
part of my parents who were created out of carbon
and it just keeps good. Eventually, if we go back
farther enough, we get in from like how I got

(23:25):
here and how I'm able to have these thoughts and
how I'm able to be conscious of myself. We start
to delve into things that are beyond the known, and uh,
you know, I'm a I'm a conscious product of the universe.
I am the universe aka God. I don't know if
I believe in like a Christian God, but you know

(23:46):
what I mean, Like, you're you're you're born.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
Of the p.

Speaker 2 (23:51):
No, it's not everything, I'm everything. I'm saying like feels
very like empirical to be. I know, I use the
word too much. I'm saying like makes sense, Like I'm look,
I'm created of, Like I'm a weird thing. We all
are weird things. I'm a weird thing where I'm biological

(24:11):
material like the like created from the universe itself, and
I'm also conscious and I am experiencing the rest of
the universe. That's fucking crazy to me. It's a wild
it's a wild concept. So like be whatever, the whole
thing of, Like I'm the universe experiencing itself. Whatever. Blah

(24:34):
blah blah, Anyway, anyway, I'm sorry that was a huge tangent,
but that that's kind of I love it. But also,
but here's why I.

Speaker 1 (24:43):
Say, you want to stream of consciousness, man, that's that's
that's what tis. I mean, that's why people are so
interested and you have diehard listeners, right, I mean your
stream of consciousness. When when you get into talking about
a subject matter that's as heavy as that, it's it
just it resonates so well with a lot of us,

(25:03):
like free thinkers, I would say, I mean, I.

Speaker 2 (25:05):
I appreciate that, Mason. I want to keep on subject.
I want to keep on you is okay, So you
were talking about let me let me ask you this, man,
because what did the psychi when you when you went
crazy and you went to the er and you and
you saw the psychiatrist. What did they tell you?

Speaker 1 (25:27):
So here's the thing. I was kind of in the
midst of that god complex, but I was fully lucid
and conscious the whole time. So I was actively trying
to resist treatment. So I mean, for the first time
we went to the er, everything was was pretty chill

(25:48):
and dandy. These these medical professionals I'm air quoting right now, Okay,
all right, Well didn't didn't didn't see well? Right, right,
I mean, at least at least for me. They are
medical professionals. They are able to help people who need
the help. But when when you don't feel as though
you need the help in that state of mind, because

(26:10):
I mean I was, because I was fully lucid and
aware of my surroundings, but it was it was more
of a spiritual awakening to me than it was any
form of diagnosis. That were you but the matrix could
give me?

Speaker 2 (26:28):
Well, okay, I have again, I keep having thoughts about this.
So were you when you say that in the in
the in the time you were there, when you were lucid,
you were not rejecting help, and you were and you
called them quote unquote medical professionals as I'm talking to
you right now, do you? And I'm not in the listen, listen, listen,

(26:48):
let me let me right finish your quite And I'm I'm,
I'm I'm not in the businesses. Maybe I am, but
I was going to say, I I what fuck it do?

Speaker 1 (27:01):
I had these right, I did think they could help me.
But when I spend four hours of my life not
seeking active help because my parents think I desperately need it.
It seems like wasted time every time we went in there.
The only time they were really of service to me
is when I was having direct symptoms of my medication.

(27:24):
So I would I would go in there because my
parents think I'm manic, which yeah, you could from an
outsider's perspective, you could definitely say I was manic. But
but I would rather be at homes like like going
down rabbit holes, or watching YouTube or fucking jerking off,
like I mean, doing something that's productive to me in

(27:47):
my life. Because when I was sitting in that hospital room,
multiple hospital rooms for an extended period of time, waiting
for the medical professionals to come in and try to
diagnose what I'm what I'm undergoing, they weren't of any
service to me, and it really just left myself and

(28:08):
my parents with more questions about what I was going through.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
I want to I just want to clarify. I want
to clarify something. Are you talking right now from the
perspective of you at the time, or this is how
you feel right now.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
Me at me at the time, this is this is
me at the time, This is me able four weeks
able to reflect on that time spent, because I mean,
it's it's exactly a month to the date. I've been
trying to call the last couple of times because I
thought you would find my story interesting. But yeah, dude,

(28:39):
I mean, it's it's just a lot for me to process.
One is a man but also trying to find independence
and trying to break free from from the the societal
constructs that my parents have laid before me.

Speaker 2 (28:54):
What is this? What is the societal contract that what
is the societal contract.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
That I that I need? That I need that I
need to find a job that will make me money.
But during my awakening, I realized that this was not
the job for me. Okay, And I mean, and I
feel like I'm actively like I feel like a caged
bird right now, who who wants to spread his wings

(29:20):
and fly. But I'm trying to find what I'm deeply,
truly passionate about to kind of help me. But I mean,
I'm twenty one and the world's my oyster, right So
I mean, I I will I probably won't find that
right now, but that's I've kind of been banking on

(29:41):
cryptocurrency too much to help help me find this financial
freedom so I can take like a gap year in
my in my working history to find what what what really?
What really resonates with me for the since COVID, I've
kind of had dreams of being a nomad and living
in a van down by the river, as Chris Barley

(30:03):
would say, or I mean taking a sailboat and going
and sailing from Seattle down to Hawaii. I mean, like
so very ambitious goals like that.

Speaker 2 (30:14):
Yeah. Actually I was. Yeah, I was like I think
twenty twenty one when I first was like, oh I
want to do Yeah, when I was also I was
also at that age I was thinking a lot about
nomad adventures and those things. Yeah, have you well, but
also but also have you ever done anything like that?

Speaker 1 (30:33):
No, sir okay, I mean other than other than backpacking,
camping trips, really trying to get in tune with the
really just touching graphs. I mean other than that, No,
because I haven't had the funds or means to do.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
So you're up what fifty grand in crypto?

Speaker 1 (30:52):
Yes, sir okay.

Speaker 2 (30:55):
Have you ever been out of the country?

Speaker 1 (30:58):
Yes? Yeah, my parents were very fortunate enough to take
my brother and I exploring around the world. Was last year,
the year before we went and saw the Mayan ruins
down in Chietsa, Nitza, we had a we had a
tour guide there that really opened up my mind. And

(31:21):
I mean, the sun gods and how the Mayans created
our calendar year fifty two seasons in a year, seven
days a week was all be able to they all
they read that from the sun. And I mean, I
think in a lot of ways, society is more advanced.
Society was more advanced back then than it is now

(31:43):
just because we have smartphones. I mean, I'm an old
soul that would really like to unplug from from the matrix,
if you will. I mean, because nomadic lifestyle just seems
like how our ancestors intended for us.

Speaker 2 (31:59):
Let me tell you this, and this is there's no
correct philosophy on how to live. I don't believe. And
also I don't. You and I might have different interpretations
for what the quote unquote matrix is. Uh, my personal

(32:20):
interpretation of what the matrix is is like, uh, you
have kind of like where your brain is at when
you're in some form of a spiritual awakening and you're
seeing beyond the day, the day to day, right, and
and the day to day and living in a society

(32:40):
and stopping at stop signs and waiting in line at
the CVS and talking to someone in a hallway and
being on the computer and uh, you know, talking to
your mom on the phone and saying hi to somebody
who walks past you down the street like that, Like
that's the matrix or whatever, and or like you know,

(33:04):
you're waiting in line at a sandwich shop and you're like,
why is this line not going? Or whatever? You know,
you're that's that's I get, Like the matrix. That's like
every day. And then like beyond that is where you're like,
uh oh, what the fuck? I'm the universe experiencing itself
and what right? And my personal philosophy is you want
it is if you is. I was actually just talking

(33:26):
about one of my friends about this, uh and and
she disagreed. She wanted to live fully outside the matrix.
But this is how I think about these things.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
Live fully outside the matrix will need to be firmly
planted in reality.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
Okay, That's how that's what I was going. That's that's
what I was gonna say. Is I enjoy life the
most when I'm one foot inside always you gotta keep.
You gotta keep, especially if you're at the point where
you know you're you're going through psychosis and you're going
to the er and you're you're really scaring the people
around you, you want to keep. It's I think it's

(34:03):
good to explore that which is beyond the matrix. But
you know what's funny. You know what's interesting is that
you explore all these things outside of the matrix, But
then the real spirituality is kind of found within the
matrix a little bit, right, right, It's kind of found
within the matrix. You know, it's found in very sure

(34:27):
small things. I mean, you know when you're whatever. Let's
say you work at a fucking office and you are
at the you're getting a snack from the fridge, and
your coworker is talking to you about some fucking thing
they did over the weekend, and you're talking to them
like that's very matrixy. But that's also but also but

(34:49):
also being in the moment of that conversation has deep
spiritual value, you know, so so go, so it's fun
to explore yourself beyond the matrix and whatnot, But you
got you bring it back, and you bring it back
and you use it to because you also you also
don't live there. Your your physical body and brain you

(35:10):
live in. You live in society. You can go off
into the woods and remove yourself, but you, I don't
know if you're gonna have such a great time. You know,
it's good to live in society. So you, you know,
go off and have your spiritual awakenings and whatever, do
your fucking ayahuasca and uh, I mean maybe don't do ayahuasca,
but go and and do do those things. But but
bring it, bring it back so that when you're whatever

(35:34):
talking to your son one day about some bullshit, it's like,
you can navigate the thing you act you can, you
can use it to better navigate the thing you actually
live in. Does that make any sense to you? Or
am I on a road?

Speaker 1 (35:49):
No? It totally, It totally does, dude.

Speaker 2 (35:51):
Okay, because you, because you, if you, because you you
realize a lot of things that are matrix y. You
really you have to make money to survive. You you
want a career or a or to pursue a passion
of some kind that requires you to exist within your
ego and your identity. Right, so the things you want

(36:13):
are all matrixy, but that's good. If you live too
far outside of the matrix, you'll get I don't know.
I don't know what your brain is like. I only
have the experience of my brain. And when my brain
goes too far outside of the matrix, I get lost.
I just get lost. I'm honored to you know, think
about that ship, but you get And also, you've become

(36:34):
an asshole when you talk to your even when you
talk to your friends about the matrix. And the more
you talk to your friends about how you're the universe
experiencing itself, the more they're gonna hate you.

Speaker 1 (36:46):
So they think you're arrogant. They think you're an asshole.

Speaker 2 (36:50):
And I mean being arrogant about it only if you
are right, you know.

Speaker 1 (36:54):
Well, I say those things because that's how my parents
were referring to me when when I talk, And I mean,
I'm just I'm trying to find that separation between me
living outside of the matrix while still living in the
confines of my household, while still living in the confines
of the matrix, going going, and clocking in every morning.

(37:18):
But I think it takes a lot to navigate, man.
And uh, it seems like I'm too young to be
experiencing the world in this in this in this light
at the moment, maybe.

Speaker 2 (37:32):
Sorry to storry to start to interrupt you, but also in
talking about like I don't you shouldn't let your parents
and the people are You shouldn't let your parents and
the people around you dilute you. You know what I mean,
You should let them dilute you. You you shouldn't let
them dilute you. But also you gotta learn to live

(37:54):
in the other people's contexts. You know, you gotta have
the empathy for your parents myself. Got to put yourself
in their shoes, and you got to understand how their
brain works and how their world works, and you might
you might be living in this world that's like spiritually
beyond what they understand, not even in a douchey I

(38:16):
don't even that sounds douchey, but you know what I mean.
But you got to learn you gotta take some empathy
and have it for them so that you can be like, Okay,
I'm gonna what's the best way to be in this
situation with them right now? And that that shows that
I because you got to you got to live in
their context. You can't let them you don't want to

(38:36):
let them dilute you, and you don't want to let
them make you feel bad about yourself or make you
I'm trying.

Speaker 1 (38:43):
I'm trying hard, right, Yeah, I'm trying hard. But uh,
I'm trying to separate myself from Agent Smith actively trying
to to pull me back into their way of thinking. Right.
I mean, I refer to today I did my parents'
Agent Smith.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
But that is really that is extremely funny. But I mean, well,
I'm sorry. I want to ask you.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
I I want to free slope, dude.

Speaker 2 (39:09):
I want to ask you. So, I mean, what is
going on with your parents? Like? What is the deal there?

Speaker 1 (39:17):
They? They love me almost too much. It feels like,
like I said, it's overbearing. I've had this unconditioned, unconconditional
love for the last twenty one years of my existence.
I will always know they love me, and I will
always love them. But I don't feel as though I'm

(39:37):
in a a constant state to be parented anymore because
I've I've found that in forms of mentors, mentors and
my job mentors in my life, my I I find
it hard to relate with my peers sometimes because because
I'm an old soul. I feel like a man that's

(39:58):
that's living in the sixties right now. If that makes
any sense to you, I mean, I I I just
I find it hard to come to terms with with
realities we know it today because I'm just reminiscent on
on past societies, past cultures.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
Okayanna, I'm gonna I'm gonna stop you. I'm gonna stop you.
What is it about? And I want you to try it.
I'm gonna try I want to try to rain this
in and get really specific here. What is it about
past societies that you think can't be found in the
world that you currently live in? If you can give

(40:45):
me a specific answer about that, because I'm willing to
bet so.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
I'm immediately I'm immediately thinking of the movie Midnight in Paris.
Owen Wilson goes to Paris and he hops in a
in a horse wagon and carriage, and it brings him
back to the nineteen twenties in a time where Paris, culture, literature,

(41:13):
evolution in society was at its finest. And what I
took out of that message was people are people in
the present are actively trying to go back to how
things used to be. And I mean I'm just a man,
and I know I can't charge the course of history,

(41:36):
and I go back.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
I gotta stap, I gotta stop you, I gotta stop you.
I'm so sorry for forgetting your name, because I'm really
enjoying our conversation. But what was your name again? Mason?

Speaker 1 (41:48):
Mason?

Speaker 2 (41:49):
Mason Mason. I'm gonna stop you, and I'm going to
ask you again because you kind of did the thing
that I thought you were going to do. Okay, right,
you kind of did the thing that I thought you
were going to do, which is fine, But I'm gonna
ask you again. What's specifically do you think is gone
from the past that you can't find today?

Speaker 1 (42:10):
Really? Really nothing? The only the only thing something maybe
the addition of smartphones, right, I mean, I just, I
just I don't like the way that smartphones make the
common man think anymore, because everyone would rather be so
sucked into the reality of their online screens. It's really

(42:33):
just the modern age of technology we live in. While
I reap the benefits of that, I also am reminiscent
of a time where I had to go to the
library to uh to find information.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
And I means I I I under here's the thing,
and I get that. And actually I don't think you echo, uh,
you don't echo an unpopular sentiment. And I think a
lot of people, especially like you know, I mean, uh,
you know, twenty one twenty seven is is not a

(43:07):
crazy gap, but it is a gap. And I think
a lot of people, you know, you were of the
age where where we've only we've only known smartphones. And
I think a lot of people do realize underneath it
that they don't like smartphone culture and they don't like it,

(43:27):
and I I I think that you're not alone in that,
and I think that there's opportunity in understanding that you're
not alone in that and going out to find uh,
the more sort of intentional people and intentional communities that
you seek. But you don't wanna you don't, I don't.

(43:51):
I just I just would you know, you're a smart guy, Mason,
I would. I would hate for you to waste any
time menting about the state of the world when you
could be when you could be finding the people and
the places that are worth engaging, because you know, I

(44:16):
fucking every you know, dude, every every This is not
a popular sentiment, but every epoch of history has had horrible,
horrible things going on. I mean, we had fucking like,
we had two world wars. Man, Like, you know, there's

(44:38):
never been a state of the world that was utopian.
Maybe actually maybe maybe a little bit in the nineties,
but even then there's probably going on that was kind
of when technology was perfect. But anyway, but anyway, like
all the things that at least, if we're going to
talk about you as an individual, the things that you

(44:59):
seem to want, wants, you seem to want to just
from talking to you, I'm gauging that you seem to
want connection, you seem to want community, you seem to
want to be able to express yourself. You seem to
want adventures. Those are I mean, bro, those are my
Those are my three big life values. Is adventure and community,

(45:20):
creative expression, and you can you can find them. You
don't need to travel to fucking the eighteen hundred's. Life
would suck in the eighteen hundreds. Man, you're no, but
I don't need to imagine.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
Imagine. Imagine imagine a get Go pulling out their gun
from there and being a gunslinger, right, just just like Rango.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
You know, Mason, I can Mason, Mason, I can buy
a gun right now, I don't want a gun. You
can go have an advent. You can go to the
library right now. You don't have to transport to so,
you know, if I were just like again, I would

(46:03):
hate for you to be lamenting the world you could
live in instead of realizing the opportunities that exist in
the world that you do live in. Especially you, I mean,
you got you got it on lock I. I know
that the crypto or whatever. You understand that you've got
to try to figure out some way to make money
outside of the traditional ways in order to you know,

(46:24):
you understand the concepts of financial freedom and you understand this.
And then the air thing. As far as dealing with
your parents, I mean, I don't know, man, you'll honestly,
if I had to simplify my thoughts about this conversation
that we've had so far, I think you'll figure it out.

(46:45):
But like, don't let yourself go too crazy, man, Like stay,
you know what I mean? Stay stay? And also, yeah,
when other people want to help you, you should also be
open to letting them to the degree that it doesn't
dilute your your spirits and personality. You should let people

(47:07):
help you, especially medical professionals. Because also a lot of
the fucking things that we think of as spiritual awakenings
are truly just brain chemicals acting in crazy ways, you know.
But yeah, so I don't know, let people, let people
help you try to cultivate some form of empathy and

(47:30):
understanding with your parents while not you know, while preserving
yourself and yeah, just try to try your best. Man.
I don't know, it was a long rant, but.

Speaker 1 (47:42):
Oh dude, that exactly what I needed to hear today.
I do need to make amends with with my parents.
I knew. We had a kind of drag out fight
last night where I just I just wish conflict resolution
was more addressed in my upbringing because I'm actively trying

(48:05):
to keep an open mind and kind of check my
emotions at the door when I'm when I'm having conversations
and really just taking in the full scope of scope
of what they're saying. And I mean that kind of
ties back to living in the moment and and being
an active listener. So you're not you're you're you're listening

(48:25):
and you're not reacting to what they are saying. Yeah,
and that's that is still what I'm trying to juggle
and process right now is as I try to find
my footing in this world, as we all are trying
to find our footing in this world. I mean, we're
supposed to be ever changing individuals, and I mean I'm

(48:48):
just I'm just trying to to evolve. Essentially. It's broadened
my horizons in a way that most people aren't open
to h to doing because they're they're content and they're
comfortable in their current way of thinking and there in
their current environment and circumstances, and uh, the wilderness must

(49:13):
be explored.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
Yeah, well try not to trying to I I uh,
you know what's funny is I actually do think especially
I think when you're younger and you're I you know,
when you're like young and ambitious, there is a tendency
to think of yourself in terms of others, which is
what you're saying of like, you know, I want to

(49:36):
explore the wilderness and I don't want to be like
the other people. And that's actually it's a weird. It's
a helpful jump start slash motivator to getting yourself out
and in the world and doing shit. But you know,
then it's funny. I mean, I've been on that jur
I'm still on the journey. But then you kind of

(49:56):
do all that stuff and then you come back down
to earth and you're like, oh, we were all we
we were all kind of the same and some Yeah,
I don't know anyway, Mason.

Speaker 1 (50:09):
At the end of the day, we're all human, right, Yes,
we're all human.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
We're all destined for who knows. We didn't talk about
the job thing. Yeah, we can talk about it briefly
if you want. What do you want to do?

Speaker 1 (50:27):
Dude? That's That's still what I'm trying to figure out
because I was I was content with so when I
when I graduated, my my walkout speech was I want
to win the lottery and I want to buy the
theme park that I've worked at my entire life. Uh.
The owner of the theme park saw that and uh

(50:48):
and had a chuckle. But I mean, I've always I've
kind of been a one track mind up until my
acute mania, So I mean I would I would have
been content with working at this place my entire life,
but I'm actively trying to veer away from from that
way of thinking and uh and realize there's more to
life than to the than than working at the same

(51:13):
job my entire working career. So right now, I think
I'm trying to expand my resume. I mean, the resume
comes to like gaining world experience as well as my
working career. So I mean, I'm I'm almost thinking working

(51:33):
for a cruise line and uh and being able to
being able to see the world while also getting a
steady paycheck, living living abroad and living aboard a vessel. Right, So,
I mean, I think there's there's proper ways to go
about this that kind of tap into the what I'm

(51:57):
what I'm actively searching for, and that's just a sense
of connection and a sense of humanity because I kind
of I kind of radiate off the energy I receive
in the world. So I mean, if I'm if I'm
around a group of people, my my initial instinct is
to bring the spirits of others up. So I kind

(52:18):
of do that in the form of being a stand
up comedian. I kind of do that in the form
of being courteous and uh and charismatic and gentle to others.
But when when I'm when I'm receiving toxic energy or
or hearing things that I mean that are coming from

(52:38):
a place of love. But yeah, I just I need
to be more open and understanding kind of like you're saying.

Speaker 2 (52:46):
But you. But I also I think that what you're
talking I think everything you're talking about is is sort
of a natural process of maturity that you go. I mean,
you're still still young man. I think. I think I'll
let you go in a sec But I I think
that the hunches that you have to make more of

(53:07):
your life and do more things and try to put
yourself out there by you know whatever, going on a
cruise line or maybe doing like a work away or
some shit, I think they're great hunches. And I and
I think that a lot of the things you're going
for sort of emotionally or spiritually, they kind of come
as a result of like natural maturity. So I just

(53:32):
I'm gonna let you go, but I'll say don't let
just don't let just don't let yourself go too crazy,
and try to let people help you if they feel like, yeah,
they feel like you need help. Mason, is there anything
else you want to say to the people of the
computer before we go.

Speaker 1 (53:48):
Not necessarily to the computer, I do have a thought
for you. Have you ever thought about doing a therapy
get go podcast out of an airplane as you're actively
skydiving for the first time, or if you if you
haven't been skydiving before. I think that would be a
good piece of content.

Speaker 2 (54:05):
I unfortunately hate that idea.

Speaker 1 (54:07):
I have.

Speaker 2 (54:07):
No, I'm not interested in, Yeah I do. I I'm
not interested in like extreme sports or things that in
like any kind of like physical danger, right, But I
like But I appreciate the idea. I appreciate the idea.
I think I would. No, I would, I would ship
my pants. There's way, but there's there's way other things

(54:28):
that I would rather do than skydive. But who knows.

Speaker 1 (54:32):
Then the people, the computer. I just want to say,
live and let live, and I mean be the best
version of yourself every day.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
So beautiful. Thanks for listen, Thanks for the kind words
you have about the podcast, Thanks for sharing your story,
and I'll uh I'll see you around the universe.

Speaker 1 (54:50):
Misson absolutely man, thank you for the time. Take care
of you.

Speaker 3 (54:56):
Know.

Speaker 2 (54:56):
It's funny he said he's listened to every episode. I
wonder if he's gonna listen back to himself on this episode.
That could be crazy. That could be crazy. I liked
that conversation. Yeah, I do feel like I actually I

(55:16):
feel I felt a lot in common with Mason, like
like thinking about like me at twenty one, Not so
much the existential stuff. I wasn't particular I was maybe
I was a little bit existential when I was twenty
I was definitely a little bit existential when I was
twenty one, not to the degree that I am now
or to the degree that I think Mason might be.

(55:39):
But I definitely had the same sort of adventurous spirit
or desire to find something beyond what I what I knew.
But yeah, I think I think he'll arrive at certain
places again through just some natural maturity. And that was

(56:03):
and that was that call, and I am a gecko.

Speaker 3 (56:07):
Hello, Hi, I'm Cora. Wow, this is crazy. How's it going?

Speaker 2 (56:13):
Uh? You know, actually this morning is going good. I
feel good. I'm here on the earth. I'm asking a
lot of questions to my brain, but you know, doing
the best, doing the best I can. How are you doing, Coorra?
What's up?

Speaker 3 (56:33):
I'm doing pretty good? You know, I'm feeling I remember
you told the listener one time, is the least important
conversation that you'll ever have. I'm trying to tell myself
that right now. Yeah, you know is doing pretty good.

Speaker 1 (56:51):
Yeah, breakout work.

Speaker 2 (56:53):
Yeah, this is among one of the least important conversations
I think you'll have. What's what's your life like side
of this conversation.

Speaker 3 (57:03):
Well, I'm a trans woman. Uh. I just moved to
Seattle from the Midwest, so that's a pretty interesting change.
I'm living with a couple, so it's me and then
two people that are dating in a two bedroom, which

(57:23):
is only the second weirdest roommate situation I've had. But yeah,
that's pretty much what my life looks like right now.

Speaker 2 (57:31):
Why is that a weird situation for you? Is it?
Do you feel like you're third wheeling these people?

Speaker 3 (57:37):
Oh yeah, no, it's it's like chill, we're all we're
all like queer, so it's not like super awkward.

Speaker 1 (57:47):
I think.

Speaker 3 (57:49):
I think we've avoided awkward situations so far. But you know,
sometimes I got to set boundaries, you know, got to
be like, don't share, don't be intimate around me, you know,
stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (58:04):
What was the other roommate situation that you were in?

Speaker 3 (58:10):
My ex? So I lived with my ex for like, wow,
I just saw someone run over a traffic cop and
that's crazy A sorry. So I lived with my ex
for like a year after we broke up, and that
was the weirdest roommate situation I think I have ever
been in. And I think I mean, obviously that's already weird,

(58:37):
but it was mainly weird because they started dating someone
like very shortly after we broke up and continued to
live together.

Speaker 2 (58:49):
Did they have the person that they were dating over
the house while you guys were living together?

Speaker 1 (58:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (58:56):
Were you guys sharing like a one bedroom or a
studio or did Aulae have your own room?

Speaker 3 (59:01):
So I had my own room. We shared a wall,
so I did hear some things. It's kind of weird,
kind of felt like I was sitting in the cuck
chair sometimes, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (59:12):
Yeah, totally. Whose idea was it to break up.

Speaker 1 (59:18):
Theirs?

Speaker 2 (59:20):
Ah? Yeah, yeah, it was like yeah, yeah, go ahead, Oh.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
No it was. It was just like.

Speaker 3 (59:33):
A bad relationship though, So I think they're kind of valid,
you know, I think we were just we were together
for like four and a half years or something when
we broke up, and I'm twenty four. I just turned
twenty four, so like we were together for like since
like high school, so you know.

Speaker 2 (59:56):
And are you outdating anyone? Now? Are you? What are
you doing?

Speaker 3 (01:00:00):
Mm hmm. You know, I've been thinking about getting on
dating apps. I feel like i've kind of I've not
been dating or been interested in anything romantic since I moved.
I don't know why. I feel like I've just been
like since I was in a relationship for so long,

(01:00:21):
I've just been like enjoying doing my own saying, oh
my god, mm.

Speaker 2 (01:00:27):
Hm m hm uh what is it? What is your
own thing that you've been doing?

Speaker 3 (01:00:40):
Well, I let's see. My big three hobbies are like music,
video games, and I make like YouTube videos. But yeah,
I would say, I feel that's a weird. I feel
like we're bringing up YouTube videos on your podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:00:59):
Sorry that I was, well, I.

Speaker 2 (01:01:01):
Was gonna ask. I was gonna ask what kind of
YouTube videos? What kind of YouTube videos?

Speaker 3 (01:01:06):
So I got I just started a podcast actually, And
then I also make me and one of my roommates
makes We both make video essays and I I edit
them and stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:01:20):
So yeah, the thing, what was the last thing you
made a video essay about?

Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
Well, the last thing I'm The thing I'm about to
upload is so I make anime videos. But like I'm
also queer, So I want to get like a queer audience, right,
So I thought, what better thing to cover than to
talk about futinari? What the you know that is?

Speaker 1 (01:01:48):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
I probably I I what is what is Fuinariutinari?

Speaker 3 (01:01:53):
Well, I'm going to be the caller that teaches you
about futinari.

Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
Okay, So this.

Speaker 3 (01:01:57):
Is essentially like Tai you know head Tai. It's that
but with girls with like massive penises, and that's essentially.

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
The whole meme.

Speaker 3 (01:02:12):
And my video was on whether or not it's representation
because it's kind of fetishizing.

Speaker 1 (01:02:17):
So it was kind of just like.

Speaker 3 (01:02:19):
A pseudo intellectual video essay about that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
But yeah, you know, can I I'm very curious about
what you think about this? Is like, is is the idea?
And I don't know, maybe this is a stupid thing
to talk about. But like in the current world right
where like everyone like we're no longer living in a

(01:02:45):
mono culture, like is representation still a thing because like
we're all kind of representing ourselves on the internet now,
So it's like I don't, well, I don't know, I
don't know. I'm curious what you think because like I
don't know, do we need like, do are people still
like hung up about like representation and like mainstream media

(01:03:08):
if there isn't any mainstream media really, I mean there
still is, I guess mainstream media, but it's like dying,
you know. So it's like when you because like when
you scroll on TikTok or Instagram reels, you already get
like you're algorithmically you're presented with representations of yourself like naturally,

(01:03:29):
I don't know, I don't I'm just spitballing ideas here.
But what do you think about that?

Speaker 3 (01:03:34):
No, that's so real because like before you page, my
for you page is all people that are like me.
It's all great people and other than like stuff that
goes viral and just ends.

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
Up there naturally.

Speaker 3 (01:03:45):
Like it's mostly people that are like me. So I
am represented by my social media and takes. That's an
interesting point. I feel like a lot of people have
been like just like so disillusioned by popular media like
move like Marvel movies. For example, they were going to
release a comic for Marvel called Snowflake and Safe Space,

(01:04:10):
and it was supposed to be representation for non binary superheroes.
But it's like obviously that's so cringe to have a
superhero called Snowflake and safe space. And I feel like
that's a great example of like, yeah, we don't need
representation when it's like a billion dollar corporation. They don't
know what they're doing.

Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
We're not even looking for that anyways.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
Right right, I mean kind of like, you know, I
guess who gives a shit what like the billion dollar
or whatever. I don't know. I feel like social media,
although people have demonized lots of aspects of it, it
has allowed for greater democratization of the media landscape. You know, well,

(01:04:53):
I got okay, I got a question for you, So listen,
as a queer person, how do you feel when like
what a target or whatever, or like like during Pride Month,
right when all these companies are like, hey, look we
have a ring, we changed our profile picture to the
rainbow flag. But it's still like, you know, we're doing
a bunch of crazy stuff behind the scenes, Like does

(01:05:14):
is that do anything for you? You know?

Speaker 3 (01:05:16):
I have a funny anecdote about this. There was like
a viral video of someone like trashing of Barnes and
Noble Pride display. So it's like from down the street,
from where it grew up, like at my Barnes and Nobles,
and I think that was.

Speaker 1 (01:05:33):
Like two years ago.

Speaker 3 (01:05:34):
This year, companies did not really do the whole Pride thing,
and I think it's because of stuff like that where
people were coming in and like screaming about like tucking underwear.
You know, I wish stuff like that, you know, Like
the Target specifically is tragic because like sometimes they do
be having cute stuff at Target, you know, like yeah,

(01:05:57):
and it really depends on the store. Also, I saw
there's like always a meme like a Cracion Pride profile picture,
you know, like you're telling me Pride profile picture, Like okay,
but I guess I.

Speaker 2 (01:06:11):
Don't like when you see that, you know, and it's
got like like like the trans flag in it, Like
does that do anything for you? Does that make you feel?
Is that do you like that stuff? Uh?

Speaker 3 (01:06:23):
No, It's I feel like it's more of a meme.
I feel like it's kind of like an indicator of
just like whoever's president, you know what I mean, Like
how like.

Speaker 1 (01:06:32):
How which which way.

Speaker 3 (01:06:33):
The tides turning in terms of which is more profitable,
you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (01:06:36):
They don't.

Speaker 3 (01:06:37):
It's more of like a yeah, No, it doesn't do
anything for me. It's just more interesting.

Speaker 2 (01:06:45):
Mm hmm. What you what, you grew up in the Midwest?

Speaker 3 (01:06:49):
Yes, I grew up in Arizona, so kind of Midwest
kind of okay?

Speaker 2 (01:06:53):
Was there a lot of queer culture in the Arizona.

Speaker 3 (01:06:58):
There is a lot of queer culture, or in Arizona.
It's kind of a weird state because everything's so spread
out and it's so hot, so no one fucking goes outside.
So the community there is very like spread out and
not very centralized. But there are a lot of gay
people that live in Arizona.

Speaker 2 (01:07:18):
Were you in a major city or were you in
kind of a smaller place.

Speaker 3 (01:07:23):
I was in a major city, so I went to Asu,
and yeah, so that area was pretty gay. But there's
also a lot of everyone there because international students and
just everyone in college town, you know. But yeah, I
think Arizona.

Speaker 1 (01:07:40):
Is like very weird.

Speaker 3 (01:07:43):
It's like, I mean, obviously all the young people are
like general like West Coast demographic, but also like we
have so many boomers that are just giving, like straight,
like midwestern small town like evangelical Christian, Like who am
I about to talk to right now? When I'm going
for the fries, you know, likeice old lady or like

(01:08:07):
crazy person. You know, that's kind of how it fell
for me. I don't know if this is like the
same experience for anyone listening. Obviously, I'm a trans woman,
so I kind of view it through like a more
bias lens. I'm sure it's trail for some people.

Speaker 2 (01:08:21):
But yeah, And how has Seattle been in comparison just
I mean sort of just in general?

Speaker 3 (01:08:30):
Oh oh, it's awesome. I mean for queer people, this
is like the best place to be I'm telling you
Capitol Hill and like just Seattle in general, there's like
I mean, I actually am seeing people like same sex
couple's hold hands in public, which is something I had
never seen before, like outside of Pride Parade. So that's interesting.

(01:08:54):
I think also people in Seattle, it's kind of funny
people in Seattle suck and saying hi to you on
the street. I don't know, what do you think do
you enjoy when people say, like, hey, how are you?

Speaker 2 (01:09:05):
They suck at saying hi? Well, I feel like in
any big city you're not going to get people saying
hi to you on the street.

Speaker 1 (01:09:14):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 3 (01:09:16):
Yeah, you're in New Yorker. Can people do that there?

Speaker 2 (01:09:19):
No, of course not definitely. Not well, because there's so
many people, Like saying hi on the street is like, well,
let me think. No, I mean when I go back
home to Baltimore, like to the suburbs, like I'll say
hi to somebody if I pass by them in the suburbs.
But that's not I don't think that's really a thing
that happens in a big city.

Speaker 1 (01:09:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:09:39):
I guess if there's so many people, you can't say
to everyone.

Speaker 2 (01:09:42):
Right right?

Speaker 3 (01:09:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:09:46):
Maybe like yeah, no, no, it's not really a big
saying hi to people town. What do you what's so
you're living with this couple there right, yes, okay, how
do you know them?

Speaker 1 (01:09:59):
Where?

Speaker 2 (01:09:59):
They just ran? The people from craig list or are
your friends?

Speaker 1 (01:10:03):
You know?

Speaker 3 (01:10:03):
So one of them is like my best friend.

Speaker 1 (01:10:06):
We moved.

Speaker 3 (01:10:06):
He actually asked me to move here first, and I
was like okay, sure. So we moved here together and
then he started dating someone like pretty fast, just because
he's like very like social and on dating apps and stuff,
and uh yeah, it just ended up working out that
the U haul lesbian. I don't know if you've heard

(01:10:28):
that term, you haul lesbian?

Speaker 2 (01:10:30):
But what is a lesbian?

Speaker 1 (01:10:35):
So a U haul.

Speaker 3 (01:10:35):
Lesbian is when two people, two queer people start great
and so U haul lesbian applies to woman, but it
could be anyone. And it's essentially when the relationship moves
really fast in terms of like, oh, we met two
days ago and now we're like moving in together, you know,
so we already got the U haul. So it's called

(01:10:58):
it U haul lesbian?

Speaker 2 (01:11:00):
Is that a I feel I feel like And this
is purely like anecdotal observation, Like, I feel like, do
do queer relationships tend to move quicker than straight relationships? M?

Speaker 1 (01:11:17):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:11:19):
Why do you?

Speaker 1 (01:11:19):
What do you do?

Speaker 3 (01:11:22):
Because straight people have a stick up their butt?

Speaker 2 (01:11:24):
Man?

Speaker 3 (01:11:27):
I feel like the process of a straight relationship first
date is removing the stick up your butt and then
you can talk like normal people, you know, like everyone's
so scared. I feel like queer people like you already
have like such like a huge life experience in common.
You are you can kind of get past that like
awkward face. I feel like a bit easier interesting, Yeah,

(01:11:49):
and you're just more comfortable.

Speaker 2 (01:11:52):
I don't know, is there do you think? Like again,
anecdotally from your experience, do you have you found like
that queer people have been more like generally wired for
like down for like monogamy from the start, because I
feel like, well, like in straight relationships, I feel like, uh,
in general, there's a lot of like hesitancy for commitment

(01:12:15):
and you know, oh maybe you know, in the world
of infinite possibilities, is there someone else better out there?

Speaker 1 (01:12:24):
You know?

Speaker 2 (01:12:24):
Do we want to move things so fast?

Speaker 1 (01:12:27):
You know?

Speaker 2 (01:12:27):
Do you feel like there's less of that in the
in the queer community?

Speaker 3 (01:12:37):
Is there less I'm sorry, what was the last part
of the question.

Speaker 2 (01:12:40):
Oh, you know, just just like, uh, a fear of commitment.
I'll put it short.

Speaker 3 (01:12:48):
Oh, yeah, no, I'm back on track. Yeah, So I
mean it's more like you can.

Speaker 1 (01:12:59):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:12:59):
I guess it's per person I wouldn't want to generalize
fear of commitment as like a queer thing or not
a queer thing, but I feel like maybe I feel
like maybe queer people just like lack community from spaces
where it's offered normally, like maybe family or like friends

(01:13:21):
or maybe like in schooling, Like if you're like not
in an accepting area, I feel like stuff like that
makes you like want to move faster in your relationship
because you want to like feel what you don't have,
and normally you don't need to do that in a
relationship to get those things, you know, Like there's lots
of found family, so I feel like it kind of

(01:13:45):
it kind of has to relate to that also, so
it's kind of an incentive to commit as supposed to
fear of commitment. To bring it back to your question,
I feel like there's more of an incentive to commit
for like community, Like you're all in the same community anyways.

Speaker 1 (01:14:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:14:03):
Interesting. What about you personally? How's your Are you like
trying to find a husband or a wife or like
what is your what's your goal?

Speaker 1 (01:14:14):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:14:14):
Man, I thought I was in the men for so long,
but I think I really just want a wife, you know,
or a girlfriend. I don't want to get married, honestly.
It was kind of speaking a fear of commitment. I'm
not trying to get married. That's scary. But yeah, no,

(01:14:34):
I've been thinking of getting on dating apps. But I
also want to see if like going to like third
spaces or shared spaces for like my interests would help
me find and meet people because I just moved here,
so I need to like go out and like find things,
do my weekly thing, so I don't kill myself, you know,
like that one guy said magic on Monday, So I

(01:14:57):
don't kill myself.

Speaker 2 (01:14:58):
It's true. You got to have something to make a
say don't kill yourself. It's very important. Yeah, it's very important.
Do you have a job of some kind out there?

Speaker 3 (01:15:07):
Yes, without docting myself, I work at car dealerships, so
it's a very not queer job. It's kind of the opposite. Actually,
it's very interesting.

Speaker 2 (01:15:22):
Yeah, tell me more. How has that experience been.

Speaker 3 (01:15:26):
So I work on like the I work like non sales.
I work in service, so when I talk to salespeople,
it's always like in passing. So this is where I
get a lot of like oh, people stuck and saying hello.
Like so these are like my coworkers that I never
have to talk to, but we see each other every day,
and they all suck at communicating, specifically at this dealership

(01:15:50):
that I'm at right now. I feel like everyone sucks
at communicating except for me, and car dealerships are just
like that out here. I don't know everyone like so focused. Sorry,
I'm basically salespeople are so focused on selling cars that
they're kind of rude, and then the service texts are
all just like dude bros. So if you're one of

(01:16:12):
those types of people, it's great. But yeah, no, I'm
kind of just here because it makes me some money.

Speaker 1 (01:16:20):
You know.

Speaker 2 (01:16:21):
You know, what do you work in? Do you are?
You do work in sales or you do you like
get commissions and stuff?

Speaker 3 (01:16:29):
So I work in service, so I like work on
the electricity. I'm like twelve o'ol, so that like I
work on cars, like the electricity part of it.

Speaker 2 (01:16:43):
Yeah, okay, okay, it's not very int. What's your name
in Karra?

Speaker 1 (01:16:50):
Cora?

Speaker 2 (01:16:50):
Cora? Uh? What's your I guess before we go? Well,
you know, I want to ask you this, Quorra, because
I know we just kind of chatted for twenty minutes,
but was there a particular thing you wanted to talk
about when you called?

Speaker 3 (01:17:05):
I feel like I steered the conversation towards all the
topics I would talk about, honestly.

Speaker 2 (01:17:09):
Perfect. So what's next for you, Kara? What's your dream
in life? What?

Speaker 1 (01:17:13):
What? Uh? What's an influencer?

Speaker 2 (01:17:18):
I want to be an influencer.

Speaker 3 (01:17:20):
Or work for someone. This isn't I'm not doing the
critch thing where people call it as for jobs. I
would never do that, but I w it's either that
or like be an editor for someone like a YouTuber,
you know. So those are my two things I'm working
on right now. So I've been editing my podcast and
I got my friends YouTube channel in mine and just

(01:17:44):
autistically doing that over and over again. So yeah, so.

Speaker 2 (01:17:52):
Your and have you uploaded a video essay before? Is
this your debut?

Speaker 3 (01:17:58):
I've had I've done three four, but two of them
my first one is pretty so. My first one's bad,
my second one's pretty good. I'm uploading a third one
and then I have a couple on my friend's channel.
I'm starting out, though it's pretty debut. No subscribers, have
you got any?

Speaker 2 (01:18:18):
Have you got any any buzz on any of them?
Or at least because there's the thing, right, it's not
about like going viral or getting a ton of views,
but like if you post a video essay, right and
you get like three comments from people you don't know,
that's pretty good.

Speaker 3 (01:18:32):
Yeah, so I think I found it that So yeah,
I agree. I'm not really like focused on the numbers.
I'm kind of more focused on how much I can
engagement I get with people. So, like one of them,
I posted about how this anime character is trans and
a lot of people don't think that they're trands. It's
from this anime called Rama one Half or Context for

(01:18:55):
anyone that knows that show. That got like five hundred views,
but it got like a hundred comments of people arguing
in the comments. Yeah, because that's what you're on like
a controversial topic.

Speaker 2 (01:19:06):
Yeah right right, so yeah, that's what people I think,
you know, people don't understand about like building Internet careers
or whatnot. Is it's not about like how many views
or followers someone or something has. It's more about like
how many comments there are because that that that's a
representation of like how many actual human beings are genuinely

(01:19:27):
engaging in the things that you are saying and doing.

Speaker 1 (01:19:31):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:19:32):
No, yeah, I think it's so cool. I actually get
like that feedback, especially on YouTube when it's like delayed.
I don't know, it's very fun. It's like instead of
it's like turning in like a video assignment for a class,
but instead of a teacher, it's like a bunch of
like random.

Speaker 1 (01:19:48):
Twelve year old boys on the.

Speaker 3 (01:19:53):
I like, how did I do.

Speaker 2 (01:19:57):
I like that analogy. Yeah it is. It's like you're
writing an s say for school, except instead of a teacher,
it's a bunch of twelve year olds on YouTube that
are giving you the grains. That's very funny. Well, Coora Uh,
if you want, you can shut yourself out.

Speaker 3 (01:20:12):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:20:16):
So I my.

Speaker 3 (01:20:19):
Video essay channel is Cora Lex c O R A
L e X, and then my podcast is called Pleasers
and you can really just called, like type in pleezers
Cora lex.

Speaker 1 (01:20:31):
And it pops up.

Speaker 2 (01:20:33):
Cora Lex. Anything else you want to say to the
people of the computer before we go go outside.

Speaker 3 (01:20:43):
Don't be afraid of making eye contact with people. You
look silly. I am someone that starts being afraid of
eye contact. I'd be looking at people ignoring me, and
that looks silly. We all got to start talking to
each other more, That's what I think.

Speaker 2 (01:20:56):
Stare at everyone.

Speaker 3 (01:20:58):
Yes, therapy, pople in public.

Speaker 2 (01:21:01):
Beautiful, take care of court.

Speaker 1 (01:21:03):
Yep, you two fine?

Speaker 2 (01:21:06):
That was fun. What was the thing? Foo? Put foo
something something of the foo Kora Lex. Let's go I'm
gonna check her out. Let's see Cora Lex YouTube dot com,
slash kora Lex. Oh, okay, This is not what I
was expecting to come up when I typed it. Okay,

(01:21:28):
this is a skateboarding person. This is definitely not the
right thing. Okay, I'm just gonna search Kora lex On.
Oh harah, here we go, Here we go. Did trans
people ruin anime? I think that I think that's the
one that that that they're talking about.

Speaker 1 (01:21:49):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:21:50):
I like this format. This is cool. Yeah, there we go.
There's a bunch of people in the comments talking about
each other. That was good. This is good.

Speaker 1 (01:22:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:22:03):
I like I like make I like when people make stuff.
I think it's good to make stuff rock and roll. Hey,
what's up, folks. I'm gonna end this episode by doing
a little bit of gak mail. Uh. If you're not familiar,
gek mail is a thing that I do where I
uh read viewer mail and uh if you want to

(01:22:25):
me to read an email that you have sent, you
can send me an email at therapy gecko mail at
gmail dot com and I might perhaps read your email.
So let's, uh, let's start reading a few emails, shall we. Okay,
this first one is from Valentine. The subject line is

(01:22:47):
all caps. We are sinners. Valentine says dear Lyle, I've
been listening to your podcast since the pandemic and I
wanted to thank you and the listeners for bringing together
so many stories. Thank you, Valentine on twenty six from Vienna, Australia.
And am not religious by any means, but this New
Year I walked past a church and thought about going

(01:23:09):
in for confession, mainly because therapy is so expensive and
religions use many tools like meditation that are used in
therapy too. However, I didn't go in. It's fine. I've
thought about doing a confession once. I don't know can
Jews go to confession? I feel like that. I mean,
that's who gives it? No one. I think they just
let you in. I think he's to do it anyway.

(01:23:33):
After giving it some thought, I realized that most of
the sins quote unquote discussed and confession are religious in nature. Parentheses, blasphemy, masturbation,
primarital sex, etc. And I don't feel bad about participating
in those things. When I got home, I kept thinking

(01:23:53):
about what I would have said if I had gone in.
At first, I couldn't come up with anything. This felt strange,
because of course we all do things that aren't okay,
even if unintentionally. The more I thought about it, the
more I spiraled into overthinking may and other's actions and
whether they are morally right and respectful. I wonder how

(01:24:13):
many people find the balance between being self serving and
empathetic for the community when the line is evil and
when uh? I wonder how many people find the balance
between being self serving and empathetic for the community and
when the line of evil is drawn? And how conscious
all those good and evil people in the world are.

(01:24:36):
One of the sins that came to mind had to
do with Eric, the man from the Australian Homeless shelter.
The man oh oh, the man from the Austrian homeless shelter. Okay, wait,
I remember this. Do you guys remember a phone call
that I took on here? I think I think this
is a yeah, this is a This is a person

(01:24:58):
who is referencing a phone call I took on here
from this guy, this Austrian dude named Eric who worked
at a homeless shelter. One of the things that came
to mind had to do with Eric the man from
the Austrian Homeless Shelter. In the chat when I was
streaming this on Twitch, In the chat, I commented that
I'd love to get in contact with him to go

(01:25:19):
to your show in Cologne, and he replied that we
should get in touch. Interesting, however, I completely ghosted him.
At the time, I was broke from a trip I
had just taken, under immense pressure to finish my experiments
for my master's thesis and trying to find a PhD position.

(01:25:40):
On the other hand, Eric was probably looking to get
in touch with me and never got a reply. I'm sorry, Eric,
I hope you can forgive me. I hope you and
Eric had an amazing show in Cologne and that you'll
come back to Europe Sunday. All the best, love your podcast. Okay,
here's what I'm confused about. Is okay, when you say

(01:26:02):
you ghosted him, right when you say you ghosted him,
were you guys just in the twitch chat and you
were like, hey, we should go to the show together,
and he was like, yeah, we should and then you
didn't say anything else. Is that really ghosting? Because look,
here's the thing, right, we all know that we all

(01:26:25):
know that some plans just don't make it out of
the group chat. You know what I'm saying. Sometimes plans
just don't make it out of the group chat. That's
not really ghosting. Ghosting would be more like if you
guys got in contact and the DMS and you were like, Hey,
what time do you want to meet up on the
day of the show?

Speaker 1 (01:26:43):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:26:44):
If it got to that point, then maybe it's ghosting.
But if it was just like you brought it up
in the chat, I don't think. I don't think you
need to go to confession for that necessarily, But thank
you for your thoughts, Valentine. Okay, let's see here. This
is from Jeremy subject line open masturbation, second date. Hey, Geck,

(01:27:13):
I had a girl over at my house hanging out. Okay,
this person spelled girl with a U. It's not that important,
but it's also a little important. I had a girl
over at my house hanging out. We met on the
apps hinge. Specifically, we were just chilling watching a show.
No physical contact or intimacy had been performed at all

(01:27:34):
thus far. This evening, we were watching Squid Game season three,
and I get up to let my dog out, and
when I come back, this girl is completely naked on
my couch, legs spread open, using a mini vibrator, casually
having an orgasm right there, right on my couch. Exclamation point.

(01:28:02):
I see this and go oh sorry, turned around and
walked back outside and came back a minute later. When
I get back, she's dressed and sitting there watching TV
like nothing happened. I sit back down and watch for
about five minutes in complete silence before I ask her

(01:28:22):
why she didn't just use the bathroom or something, and
her response was, I just needed to have an orgasm.
You know, I'm almost certain I'm asexual, but hate labels,
so I just set her up on a date with
a mate who's always horny. Lol. I'm Australian, by the way.

(01:28:43):
Come to Cannaburra for a show. My confused regards Jeremy. Okay,
this is a what an awesome email. That's so funny.
First of all, I you know, Jeremy, I have to say,
I think if you're a sexual, that's all cool. I
have such strong respect for you that, after all this happened,

(01:29:07):
you just you set her up with one of your friends.
That's awesome. That's a really good Uh, that's a really
good move this woman. Clearly, I think if a woman
comes to your house and then you go to the
bathroom or some ship, and then she comes back, and
then you come back and she's just naked. She's probably

(01:29:28):
I would probably assume that she was into you, or
she or something. I would probably that's a I think
that's a fair assumption. Maybe she didn't know that you were,
that you were asexual. I don't know. I don't this.
I this is an interesting case to me. But you,

(01:29:53):
I would ask your friend. I would be like, so,
what what's up? Did you did? Did? Did? Did your
friend and this lady go on a date? Did? Did?

Speaker 4 (01:30:04):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (01:30:05):
I'm cre I'm really curious about this lady. If your
friend ends up going out with this lady and then
gives you any more information, let me I send another
email because I'm curious what this lady's deal is, because
there's some something's going on. Maybe who knows. Not that

(01:30:25):
it's any of my business, I guess, although I guess
my entire show is about things that are none of
my business. You're a good homie, Jeremy. Okay, this is
from Brendan subject line stuck in my own brain. Hello, Lyle.
I'll keep this as short as I can. Recently, I

(01:30:45):
broke up with my partner and ever since it happened,
I haven't changed for the better. I've been ignoring most
social connections I had and feeling NonStop guilt for the
breakup and also for being distant from the world. I
can't stop feeling pathetic and scared to step back into
the world despite how bad this is for my health.
Have you ever been too depressed or distant to want

(01:31:07):
to be a part of people's lives? If you have
or haven't, do you have any advice on how to
stay positive and go through life even when it seems
impossible to do? Love? The podcast was a treat to
see you alive later this year. If you read this
higher a Koul guy anonymous. Oh okay, well all right,
well we'll cut his name out. We'll just say this

(01:31:30):
is from anonymous. Okay. I'm trying to think here. I'm
trying to think here, and this is a real this
is a very much a real therapist type of a thing.
But I am it does have me thinking about my
own life. I think. I mean, I'm the kind of

(01:31:50):
you know, there's two kinds of like depressed people, Like
some people get depressed and they when some people when
they get depress, say withdraw and they don't want to
talk to anyone. And I've had I have tons of
friends like that who they get depressed and they just
ghost everyone and they don't want to be a part
of people's lives. In my personal experience with depression, I'm

(01:32:14):
kind of the opposite. When I get depressed, I want
to okay, I'll say this, uh, when i'm you know,
part of what I enjoy in my own life and
is also my job, is like interfacing with new people

(01:32:35):
and new experiences and trying to find interest in the
world around me, and like I have, I have a
part of my soul that like loves life and loves
people and loves new experiences and wants to connect with
as many folks as possible and engage in as many

(01:32:57):
novel experiences as possible and whatnot. And when I get depressed,
I absolutely distance myself from that part and I go, wow,
I don't give a fuck about to anyone or anything,
and I super distance myself from that. But when it
comes to people I'm already connected with, like the people

(01:33:17):
in my life, like my you know, my family and
my like my my real friends and whatnot, when I
get depressed, I tend to be drawn uh uh more
towards then, if that makes sense. I typically crave social
connection from people I already know when I'm depressed, but

(01:33:37):
I lose the part of myself that wants to engage
with the world at large. And so do I have
any advice on how to stay positive and go through
life even when it seems impossible to do? You know,

(01:34:01):
within your ability. I don't know what your life looks
like beyond just this email, but I've definitely had I've
had periods of time where I was really depressed and
I was like, I shouldn't bother dating or going out

(01:34:23):
and doing anything because I'm just like, I don't I
can't see why anyone would want to be around me
right now because I'm just like such a I have
no energy. And I think typically when I feel that way,
it's a sign that I gotta go back in to

(01:34:48):
the I call it the depression laboratory, where we gotta
hit the drawing board. We gotta go, Okay, something something
is not good here. Is it a medication thing, is
it a is it a brain thing? Is it a whatever?
We get we hit the drawing board. So I think
when I feel this way, I just go back to

(01:35:09):
the drawing board, and I go, okay, I'm clearly you
can't force it. I don't think I'm just talking. I
advice is one thing I can only I can only
really just tell you my lived experience, and I found
I can't force things when I'm depressed. So if I'm depressed,
and that means I can't like whatever, go to some

(01:35:30):
social event or you know, do this podcast or do
something that demands of me, I don't try to force
it because the idea of like you said it, you
say in this email, do you have any advice on
how to go through life? And even when it seems
impossible to do it? Is if I'm in a situation

(01:35:53):
where a thing seems impossible to do because of my
mental health, I just don't do it, and I go, okay,
let me go back to the depression laboratory and go, okay,
maybe I need to get more sleep, maybe I need
to try some medication, maybe I need to do this
that the other thing first before I begin to feel

(01:36:17):
like myself. And then the things that were previously impossible
to do, I'm like, oh, they were impossible to do
because of something internal that I needed to work out
first and now that I've worked them out, I'm like, Okay,
I actually can interface with the world after kind of

(01:36:37):
fixing myself a little bit. That's really how it's worked
just for me in my life. So also, sometimes, bro,
you just got to turn your shit off and back
on again, you know what I'm saying. So you ever
have a day, You ever have a day where you're like, yeah,

(01:36:58):
we gotta this, we gotta give we gotta give up today.
We'll try again tomorrow. I think I've brought this up
on the podcast before, maybe, But doctor k who's great.
You should check him out on YouTube. He goes by
healthy gamer Gigi. He's like a he's an actual therapist.
He's like a psychiatrist guy. I know he does a

(01:37:21):
lot of mental health videos. But he talked about uh.
He says he doesn't dip into reserves. He says he
works hard, but he doesn't dip into reserves. And when
he said that, I was like, that's fucking genius. So

(01:37:44):
that's kind of how I do it is I'm like,
I'll i'll be a part of other people's lives. I'll
interface with the part of myself that wants to be
in the world doing things, and I'll work as hard
as I can, and I'll, you know, try as hard
as I can. But once I sense in my brain

(01:38:04):
and my body that I'm beginning to dip into reserves
is when I stop and I go, Okay, time to
turn this off and back on again. I don't know
if that rant was helpful for you in any way,
but good luck, Brendan. Okay, I'll take a I'll take

(01:38:24):
one more viewer call.

Speaker 1 (01:38:29):
All right.

Speaker 2 (01:38:29):
This is from We Found Love in an Email? Okay, Oh,
this is from Elise. The subject line is we found
Love in an email. Hey, Gek, you spoke to my
boyfriend Bryce and I on Valentine's Day earlier this year.
We were the couple who called in while sitting in
a car outside the art museum. I fully, I not

(01:38:54):
only fully remember this phone call, but I often think
of it. Actually, I often think think of it. We
were the couple who called in while sitting in a
car outside the art museum. Thought to send a cute
little update. We both cherish that episode. One thing I
liked about this couple is I remember they were a
little bit older and they were on like a What

(01:39:16):
I liked I remember I liked this episode because these
two they were a little bit older, and yet they
were on a very teenage date. Like I remember being
sixteen and I was on a date with a girl,
like sitting in a car in a parking lot, and
it just it feels like, you know, you have moments
like that where you're like, all right, well that was
all in high school, that's all gone. And I was
talking to these two and I was like, oh shit,

(01:39:37):
they're they're still doing it, you know, So I thought
it was cool. Okay. As a refresher, me and my
boyfriend met in January of this year through hinge. Bryce
had asked me to be official in March, and our
relationship has grown so much since we last spoke to you.
We've traveled together, met family members, connected on a very

(01:39:57):
emotional level, and we can both confidently say that we've
never felt safer with anyone before. I love that. And look,
these guys met when they were twenty nine or something
like that. For all you young folks out there afraid
you'll never find love. In our episode, we had briefly

(01:40:17):
spoke about how many tribulations it took to find each other.
I'm writing this not only as a form of a
love letter, but I also wanted anyone in the dating
scene who hears slash reads this to feel inspired to
keep putting this themselves out there. I'd like to see
this as a pay it forward because there was a
force in my life who inspired me to keep putting
myself out there despite feeling hopeless toward dating. And if

(01:40:40):
it wasn't for that, I would not have what I
have today. So if you happen to read this, thank
you and thank you for all you do. Much love,
take care at least. Wow, that's a great email to
end on. It's tough, man, it's tough. The apps are
a grind. You know. Real life is tricky. It's hard.

(01:41:01):
It's hard for men and women out there, and I
think a lot of people they get a little disillusioned,
especially if you know things haven't happened at certain periods
of time where you may have expected them to have happened.
But yeah, I don't know. I've talked about this on

(01:41:22):
here before. My parents are divorced and they're both remarried,
and they got divorced when they were in their fucking
h I want to say my parents got divorced in
like they're mid or late forties, and they're both remarried.
And the people that my parents are remarried to, my
stepmom and my stepdad are significantly better matches for them

(01:41:47):
than each other. I mean shit, I think my dad
met my step mom when he was fucking forty nine
or forty eight, forty six, and they've they have a
great relationship. They've been together for a while. My mom
met my stepdad when she was at a similar age.
They've been together for you know, they have a great relationship.

(01:42:10):
So yeah, I agree. Just keep putting yourself out there. Life, life, life. Okay, Well,
this was a fun podcast. This was a good one.
Shout out to Mason, Shout out to Cora. Thank you
guys for calling, Thank you guys for emailing, Thank you
guys for listening. Oh I am folks listening on Spotify

(01:42:37):
or on any podcast form, although mainly Spotify. I'm gonna
be I So this is the last thing I'll say
before we go. I made this video. I don't know
if you guys remember a caller named Diego from an
episode back in December of twenty twenty four or twenty

(01:43:02):
twenty three, But there was a caller there's this guy
who called me on the show from Tijuana and we
talked about the Tijuana breakdance scene. And I went to
Tijuana a couple months ago to meet him in real life.
And I made this little travelogue documentary video and actually,

(01:43:28):
if you want to watch it on YouTube, it'll be
It's out right now on my YouTube channel YouTube dot
com slash Lyle Forever. But I'm also gonna try to
post it on here on Spotify as like a video
podcast episode on Friday, so look out for that. But

(01:43:48):
if also, if you want to just watch it right now,
you can watch it on my YouTube YouTube dot com
slash Lyle Forever. It should be out by the time
this podcast episode is out. Anything else that's it. Go
watch that documentary. I hope. I want you guys to
watch it because I worked hard on it and I
want to make more of them, and if you watch it,

(01:44:12):
it will it will make it so that I can
make more around the world. Maybe I'll visit other callers.
Maybe I'll go to Kenya, maybe I'll go to Brazil,
maybe I'll go to the Middle East. I want to
do all that shit. Okay, I'm done ranting. I gotta
get off. I gotta get out of here. But uh, okay,
see you guys soon. Thank you. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here.

(01:44:34):
That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm
releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire
extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to
by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at
therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access

(01:44:56):
to bonus episodes. They get a completely ad free podcast
feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my
live shows, members only streams, and they help support my
ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip
from this week's members only bonus episode.

Speaker 4 (01:45:14):
But I did want to tell a story about the
first time I did acid. Okay hit me, and I
wouldn't say I ended up in Narnia. I felt like
all of my bones disconnected, like individually, and we're rotating
like long waves inside of my skin. Like you don't

(01:45:37):
know exactly how to explain it, but not like circular,
but like.

Speaker 2 (01:45:41):
Your bones are rotating inside of your skin. If you
want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up
to become a premium member at therapy Gecko dot supercast
dot com, or find the link in the episode description.
That's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I
have nothing else to say there.

Speaker 3 (01:46:02):
Rep Ken goes on the line taking your phone calls
every night.

Speaker 2 (01:46:07):
The RepA Can goes doing his ride. He's teaching you
to loud in the lid of your life, but he's
not really an expert.

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Host

Lyle Drescher

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