September 28, 2025 • 71 mins
A caller’s estranged father friends them on Facebook, a caller’s brother returns from prison to live with them, and a final caller aims to escape their troubles by going to Germany.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello, Hello, what's up man? What's your name?
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I guess I'll use the name Josh.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Josh, I like it. What's what's going on with you, Josh?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Uh? Not much due just hanging out watching my kids.
My wife is still asleep. I just got off work
a couple hours ago.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
So what is it that made you want to call
into my Gecko show today? Uh?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yeah? So I So, basically, my dad hasn't been a
part of my life ever since I was a baby.
I think like the first time I saw him I
was twelve, and then the second time was when I
was seventeen, and then I had no contact with him
(00:55):
up until I was about eighteen or nineteen, so like
a year after and then he went completely dark. I
like to lead of this Facebook, I can't find him anywhere.
Me and my wife ended up having a baby, and
(01:17):
there was no way for me to tell him that
he was a grandfather. So after about like five years
and twenty four now, I found him on Facebook and
Adam added him as a friend and he added me
back and everything, and I just don't really know where
to go or what to say.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
And did you did you message him or did he
message you?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
So I like kind of like stalked his Facebook a
little bit. I canna lie, I like looked through all
of his photos and everything, and I guess he did
the same because he liked a photo of me and
my son. So I sent him a message basically saying like, oh,
you know, I guess you got to it before I
(02:02):
could tell you, like, surprise, your grandfather sent this long
message to him, maybe an hour ago. He hasn't responded
together or anything, but yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Wow, interesting. What How how long was it that you
said that he yet you'd seen him five years?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah, since I've talked to him. Yeah, I haven't seen
him in like I don't even know how long.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Was there like a reason why you didn't was Yeah?
Was there like a reason why you didn't talk to him?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Well? My mom always painted him as like this horrible person,
and there was like some stuff that I remember from
my past, like maybe when I was like a little
bit older than my son, like three years old, of
him like like breaking into the trailer that we lived
in and like hitting her and stuff and the cops
being cold. So like I have some bad memories. All
(02:58):
the memories that I have of him are that. Yeah,
but I know like even I've made mistakes as a father,
maybe not to that extent, but I know that people change,
and I just don't feel like it's right for me
to not at least like reach out to him, try
to get his side of the story. Now that I'm
an adult and I have like a fool, I feel
(03:19):
like I have not a full grasp of life, but
maybe a better understanding.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, well, yeah, that curiosity makes sense for you to
want to follow for sure. All right, how do you Yeah,
how do you feel about following that curiosity?
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Well?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
I don't know because I told my mom about it
yesterday and she was pretty like like, oh, I don't,
Like that's a waste of time. I don't know why
you would do that, Like that's that's stupid. You know,
you shouldn't do that. You shouldn't reach out to him.
You know, he wasn't there. What makes you think he's
going to be there now? Like type of thing, like
(04:00):
kind of like the whole, the whole thing that she's
been telling me my entire life about him, Like he's
not worth talking to, he's not worth even like wasting
your breath on mm.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Hmmm are you but you're not really you're not. It
doesn't sound like going into this with any kind of expectations.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
No, No, I don't have any expectations. I mean, I
guess I have like a little bit of hope to
like maybe build a relationship with him, or I don't.
I don't really, I don't know, dude. I don't know
what I want. I don't know what I want out
of this ship, dude. I'm just I guess I'm just curious, right.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Right, Yeah, what do you what if the interaction went perfectly,
how would it go?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
I guess he would just respond, and I don't. That's
that's a pretty hard question.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
That's good though, That's actually that's good. I feel I
feel like it's good that you can't answer that, because
that means you have no expectations, right, you know.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, I mean I don't even really expect him to respond.
I don't even expect him to read it. I didn't
even like ghek. I didn't even expect him to add
me back on Facebook. I was surprised when he added
me on Facebook because I like searched.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
I just got like this.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
I don't know what happened, Like I just got like
the spark in me I was like, you know what,
I'm just going to look his name off on Facebook
because I've white paged his name, done all that, like
try to find his phone number and stuff, but couldn't.
So I was like, you know, I'm just gonna look
him up on Facebook this one time. And then I
came across.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
How are things going with your family?
Speaker 4 (05:46):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
They're good. I mean, money's tight like always, but that's
about to be fixed. My wife is going she just
did like a four month like celerated course for pharmacy
tech cool, and she's doing her extern shit in October.
So it's a month of like no pay forty hours
(06:09):
a week. Whoa and yeah, so then after that then
she can get a job and then financial wise it
will be good. But I mean, honestly, with the way
the world is right now, it's kind of scary to
be raising kids.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, I feel that I understand that. Uh yeah, bro,
I was thinking about that shit in terms of like
by the time like my kids are like adults, because
I don't have kids, but I want to at some point,
but like I feel like by the time that they
are adults, you know that we're gonna live in a
the generational gap between worlds gets like more exponential, I think,
(06:46):
between generations and shit. So I get, I get, I
get freaked out about that, you know, But I don't know.
Sometimes I don't know, man. Sometimes like I'll walk around
in New York and I'll see like fucking kids playing
at a playground or something, and I'm like, all right,
we'll we'll, we'll figure this out somehow, you know.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah, yeah, dude, kids are definitely are definitely not easy.
And then I think the same thing, like whenever my
kids are my age, like how how's.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
The world going to be?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
But I mean maybe my parents thought the same way.
Maybe that's just part of being an adult, you see
how shitty things can really get.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Well, it's funny, man. I mean imagine like trying to
explain what web three is to like an eighty three
year old.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
You know what I mean, I don't even know what
web three is.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Dude, exact, I don't. I don't even know what web
three is. But there's some fucking thirteen year old who's
like making a billion dollars off of it, you know
what I mean. Like we're all going to be doing
you know, whatever, the show, whatever, the ship that like
our kids are gonna be like making their living off
of or doing what their life is gonna be as
(08:11):
beyond us as it is, you know. Yeah, it's gonna
it's gonna be it's gonna be beyond us for sure.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Definitely a little spooky. But I guess that's good. I
guess that's what I guess that's what you want. You
want the next generation to and to create things that
you don't understand.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
It's also yeah, one second of momophone also like.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
You sorry, I'll let you. I'll let you finish your piece.
But if you've got to attend to your kid, we can.
It's that's okay.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
No, no, no, I definitely I want to talk to you.
I listened to you like I I load trucks. Hold
on one second, I load trucks, uh for ups in
the middle of the night. I go to work at
like two am, and I load trucks for like six
hours straight. And I've listened. I've almost listened to every
(09:13):
single one of your podcasts podcasts since you started. And
I've and I've like I've literally only started listening like
maybe two or three or four months ago.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Oh cool, fuck yeah, fuck yeah, bro, thanks for that's
that makes me happy here in this uh you know,
a new a new person coming in listening to the
whole thing.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah, So it's a while that I'm like on the
phone with you because usually like you're just in my
headphones and I'm listening to you talking to people, and
now you're talking to me, and it's just like crazy.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Well, what's your kid doing right now? She seems to
want your attention?
Speaker 2 (09:59):
My I'm sitting in a wagon with a truck and
my daughter's standing up trying to grab the truck from him.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yeah, what's your what's your wife doing?
Speaker 2 (10:16):
She worked, she's sleeping.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
M Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to have it for the future.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Yeah, it's the How old are you? You're like twenty
you're like twenty six, right.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Twenty seven?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Yeah, twenty seven? Man, how's that? How's that?
Speaker 1 (10:41):
How how's being? How's being? Twenty seven?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Yeah? Do you feel any different?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
You're what? You're twenty four?
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Well you're more of a You're you're way more of
an adult than I am. You know.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah, dude, you're honestly lucky that you don't have kids,
because the craziest thing happened my wife woke me up
at midnight last night, right midnight, she woke me up, dead,
dead asleep. I'm like, what, what, what's going on? She
brings me out of the living room. My son's spilt
but so like my I built a desktop recently, like
(11:21):
a little budget build and like maybe two months ago,
and my son spilt lemonade through the top all over
the CPU cooler in the graphics card nord. Oh no,
And my wife didn't know how to open the computer
and try to like get it out, so it end
(11:44):
up dry. It's dried now, so it's all like goofy
and I I'm lost.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Oh no, yeah, do you do you still think it
was worth it?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Kids?
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yeah, man, one hundred percent. They change your life, dude.
Like I feel like I went from like I don't know, dude,
I went from being like a little kid or like
having this different perspective on life to like having these
little humans that I have to like work and provide
(12:26):
for like no matter what, like I no matter what,
I have to work and I have to provide for them.
And that kind of gives you like a like a
purpose in life totally, Like like whenever I think like, oh,
you know, what the fuck am I doing going to
work every day doing the same thing at a job
(12:47):
that I don't really like, you know, like, oh, I'm
doing it for them at the end of the day.
So I always have that to hold on too.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure it gives you a strong sense
of purpose. Yeah, let's see, how does being twenty seven feel.
I feel like I'm I feel I actually still feel
like I'm sixteen.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I still feel like you're sixteen.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Yeah, definitely. Well, yeah, I feel like I'm well not sixteen.
I probably feel like I'm like twenty one.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I feel that.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Dude, how old do you feel?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Honestly, I still feel like I can't whenever I say
twenty four, I feel disgusting.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Really, twenty four is so yeah, I mean I think,
I mean, I think both of us are still pretty young.
Although I get worried since I get worried about like what,
uh my life is going to be like when I'm
in like my thirties and forties and fifties like that.
I think that scares me, you know, because like I
don't I can't know it.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
But then I see people, But then I talk to people,
and I see people who are that old and they're
not freaking out. They're they're living life, they're still doing stuff,
They're still here.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, I feel like it just I feel like life
just goes on, like you just get older. I don't
feel like you're your feelings really, I mean like, yeah,
your feelings change, maybe you change as a person, but
like that kid inside of you is still there. I
feel like that that really never goes away. Like You're
gonna never feel like old, like you know what I mean,
maybe whenever you're sixty, shit, you still might feel twenty one.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Yeah, I hope.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
So.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I think, uh, I think it's like a bit of
a it's a bit of a choice. I think is
as to kind of like a mindset you want to have,
you know. Yeah, sometimes sometimes I lose that battle though.
Sometimes I feel old. Sometimes I feel like, uh like,
uh yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm Sometimes I feel
(14:49):
like I'm twenty one in this very moment as I'm
talking to you, I feel like I'm I feel like
young with Sometimes i feel like I'm like seventy four
and I'm like I'm Sometimes i feel like I'm mister
me seeks, you know. I mean, yeah, like I'm like
oh fuck we I you know I have I'm ready to.
I'm ready to. You know we did it right.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
But if you feel I mean, if you feel like
you're seventy four out, how would you know what? How
would you know what that feels like? What would it
just be like? More of like a what do you
feel in that time that you feel like you're seventy four?
Is like worn down? Tired?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Yeah, sometimes sometimes I feel like that. Yeah, but that's
why imagine I feel seventy four to be. But also yeah,
I mean age is even like a man made thing.
I mean, you just kind of exist and then you die.
There's nothing I could really, I mean there's a few
things I guess theoretically that I could. I can't think
(15:47):
of any major things that I can do now that
I can't do when I'm like sixty, maybe like go
to Maybe it's just about how you're how you're perceived
differently and whatnot. But like, I don't know most of
the ship that I think I would want to do,
I could I could just keep doing, you know, it's
(16:10):
just about whether or not you want to give up.
But as you get older, I think you just get
you get a little bit more tired if you if
you let it, if you let that happen, though, but
I think it's important to not let that happen, and
you know, maintain vitality just mentally, just mentally feeling like
you know, but you're you're uh because you have kids,
(16:32):
You're so deeply in life every day, is what I imagine.
I don't know if you feel that way, but like
you don't, because like I feel like you correct me
if I'm wrong, But it seems like you don't have
time to wax poetic about how it might feel when
you're this and the other, because you know, you got
ship to do, you got people to feed.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Yeah, dude, Like I don't. I don't know how it
feels to not to not have kids because I don't
really remember what that feels like, even though it's only
been two years. But like I feel like, dude, the
days and like the weeks, even the months just go
by so fast, really, and like, yeah, dude, like like
(17:14):
I blink my eyes. I can't even I don't even
know how it's almost the end of twenty twenty five.
I feel like I still remember January of twenty twenty
five like it was yesterday. Right, like like I blink
my eyes, like my like whenever my son was born, Dude,
I swear that wasn't two years ago. That like completely
(17:36):
blows my mind that that was two years. It's like
you blink your eyes and time just goes by, dude.
And I feel like it's hard to try to like
hold on to like memories or like cherish like the
little moments with them, or like cherish moments with my
wife because it's so just so like involved in life
(17:58):
and like work and this like trying to provide and
like survival mode just like you know, how how are
we going to do this? This is how we're going
to do it. And it's like that every single day,
just you know, so it's hard to hold on to that.
And I feel like that's what makes time go by fast,
because you're so preoccupied with everything else that's going on
(18:22):
around you, all everything else that you have to deal with.
Mm hm hm hmm.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
That makes a lot of sense, not saying that not
having kids would make life any easier.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
No, No, I know you, but I know you mean though,
like when you are like when you get into like
a strong routine, time goes by very fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
anytime when every day is the same and yeah, whenevery
days the same time flows by fast. But if yeah,
if you find a way to break through your routine,
like you kind of remember ship a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Yeah. I actually I actually told CHATCHYTP about this because
I've heard in one of your podcasts from maybe a
couple of years ago that you were using you tried
to using chat GTP as a therapist.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
So I was like, yeah, I try.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
And and it actually gave me like a pretty cool
like uh little like tip, I guess you could say.
It was like I was just telling it how like
I find it hard to remember times, you know, of
like good moments with my kids, like like yeah I
remember them being born, the first steps like stuff like that,
(19:37):
but like something that I did to make them laugh,
like you know, like little little moments to hold on to.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
And uh.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
It was basically just saying to remember this conversation, the
conversation that I had with it, and to think back
to that whenever one of those moments are happening, like
whenever I do something that makes them laugh either, like
maybe this conversation will make you think back and then
you'll try to hold onto that memory and share shit
(20:04):
so then you don't just you know, get it mixed
up with all the other ship that's going on and
just end up forgetting it.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
M M, yeah, I I think, Yeah, make a note
of shit is important, Like journaling. Writing shit down makes
you feel like your life actually existed in some way,
ship or form, right, M.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
I've actually I've actually I did that. Whenever I was
a kid, I had a journal, but I really never
stuck with it.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
What did you think about it? Would you think about
getting back into it? You know, not even like not
even as like a daily practice, but just like, uh,
you know, whenever you can. It does make life feel
more real.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Really? Oh yeah for sure, Yeah, dude, I've I've never
done that in my adult life. I haven't tried that.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Do you just like write about like how your day
one or how you're like?
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Yeah, yeah, I used to write every I used to.
I mean I journal all the time a lot. I
used to, like I used to meticulously journal everything I did,
like and long. I would like every like everything I did,
where I went to eat that day, you know, or
like who I talked to. Yeah, I used to matic
like when I was in college. I was meticulously journaling.
(21:23):
Now I do it sometimes, but I lost it along
the way. And I do feel like when I stopped
doing that is when time started going faster, because everything
felt like it was just another like thing on the
road to whatever the main thing is. But then you
realize that it's all the main thing. And so but
the more you write down, the more you know, Yeah,
(21:44):
that shit just goes into your memory, and then you
look back and you can like, actually, you can like
read your life a little bit. You know, you could
be like, hey, I talk to my kid about especially
because you have like young kids, you know, like they're
saying shit. Maybe they they want to you want to
remember when they're asking you about it later, or do
and ship you want to remember, you know, And it
doesn't have to be a huge chore. You know, just
bullets I think is good sometimes, you know, yeah, sorry,
(22:11):
go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Oh no, I was just gonna say, whenever I think
of journaling, I think of writing these big, huge paragraphs.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
No, no use a bullet Is that what you got
time for?
Speaker 2 (22:28):
That's interesting. I'll have to give that a shot.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
You say, you said your name is Josh or that
was your I know it was a fake name.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Yeah, it's a fake name. I wish, I wish I
could use my real name.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
I want you, but I'm not going that's that's okay,
that's okay. Why do you wish you could use your
real name?
Speaker 2 (22:46):
I don't know, because it just feels it feels more
like like I don't I don't know. That's a good question.
It feel more like, uh, like I'm not just hiding
behind a like a mask and I'll just talk to
a random per something that gave you fake name.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
No, I don't w Well, we are both talking to
a random person that we don't know. There's no hiding
behind that.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
But yeah, yeah, but for me, for me, it feels
like in a way, I know, I don't I have
no idea who you are, but I know your your
persona online you anyway, I feel like I know you,
but in reality I don't.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
You've well, yeah, I mean it's as if it's as
if we have It is a little bit as if
we have spent five hundred hours together.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Yeah, several several hours.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Yeah, which is enough time to get to know someone
in a sense. Right, It's kind of weird.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah, it's gotta be weird for you. I I couldn't
even imagine like having a large following and then people
talking to me that I've never met before, like like
they know me.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
But I but I. But it's here's a weird thing.
I almost I know I know you via what you
know about me, and I know you via what I
know about you from the past twenty minutes. So we
can combine that those two I can combine those two
informations enough for us to have this conversation. I know
(24:26):
this is getting kind of meta, but.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
You know, I.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Cool. Man, Well I'm well listen, but here's the thing.
Regardless of what I uh, I appreciate you sharing your story,
regardless of what happens with you know, your dad on Facebook.
I'm really happy to hear that uh uh you know
you're a great fucking dad and that you're enjoying raising
a family and the things things seem like they're they're
going well for you, man, So you know, congratulations on
(24:57):
you know, we had that guy uh trip, We had
our boy Trip talking on the podcast like a week
or so ago about you know, breaking breaking the cycle
and trying to be a good dad. So, you know,
glad to hear another one out there doing that ship.
You know, it's a noble thing to do. So I
appreciate you doing that and sharing your story about it.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yeah, thanks man, I appreciate you giving me a call
out of probably the hundreds of texts that you've gotten,
this the first. I think it's well, this would be
the second time that I've tried to call you.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Now I've only got I've gotten about how many texts
do I have?
Speaker 3 (25:37):
Right?
Speaker 1 (25:37):
And I got about uh, I got about ten?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Oh about ten? Ship. That's still that's still I still
feel lucky.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Chris Man. Is there anything else gonna say with the
people of the computer before we go? Uh?
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Well, you know a couple of years you said some
a couple of years ago that you hate when people
or you wish that people wouldn't give advice.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
So, oh, I do forget forget forget You know how
you just said that you listened to every episode of
the podcast forget anything I ever said in any of
those just forget it all. I didn't. I I was
I was drunk the whole time. That's not true. But
go ahead to say whatever, say whatever you want, man,
go ahead.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Oh yeah, I was just gonna say, uh, I love
you guys, and I hope everybody's doing well. I know
it's hard time, so we can all get through it.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Yoh, thank you Josh. I appreciate you man. You have
a good one.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah you too.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Bye, Josh, all right bye. I love you, Gek, love
you to you, buddy. Good guy like Josh. He's a
nice man. He's a sweet boy, taking care of his family,
living his life. Hmmm, I'm inspired by that. I'm inspired
by that. He's got a good he's got a good
head on his shoulders, doing a good thing.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Well, it's funny because he was asking me how it
felt like to be twenty seven, and I'm like, dude, bro,
you have like I feel like when you have two kids,
you're like a real ass adult. I feel that's why
I feel like I'm sixteen. You know, I'm in a
precarious situation where like if I fell asleep right now,
you know, nobody, nobody relies on me to uh exist
(27:22):
and not die. You know that has this pros and cons.
I think you know, but he seems like you got
a lot of purpose from having people to rely on
him to not die. I think it's nice. It's a
noble thing to have people in your life who need
you to not die. I think that's very noble. Hello,
(27:46):
hi there, Oh my god, what's up?
Speaker 4 (27:50):
Are you kidding?
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Nothing? There is no kidding, There is only uh seriousness.
What is your name?
Speaker 4 (27:59):
Oh my god, my name is Lida.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
I'm at work right now, Yo, Lida, you're at work?
Are you? Are you able to interrupt your workday to
have this conversation right now?
Speaker 4 (28:11):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Okay, okay, great, great? Could you do me a favorite?
Could you take me off of like speakerphone or headset
or whatever?
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (28:21):
Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, you're off, you're speaker. Now.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Where are do you work?
Speaker 4 (28:27):
I work at a hotel. I am a housekeeper?
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Oh okay, are you off toilets?
Speaker 4 (28:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Are you cleaning people? Are you cleaning ship off of toilets?
Right now?
Speaker 4 (28:41):
Thankfully, I'm actually done with that. My work just do
was like a summer like barbecue. So yeah, it was
really good. But like I'm allowed to throw up because
I just ate too much food.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
What did you eat? Would you have to eat?
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Okay, let's see. I ate two cookies, I ate three cupcakes.
I had a hamburger. I ate a hot dog. I
ate some pizza salad, pizza salad, hold up pasta salad,
my bad pizza salad sounds really good, though, somebody should.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Come up with that's a that's a lot. Do you
feel Are you okay? Do you need medical atte? Do
you feel okay right now? Mentally and physically after getting that?
Speaker 4 (29:27):
No? But my mom is a nurse, so I will
be okay.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Okay, that's not I don't. That's uh. It's helpful that
your mom's a nurse, but I don't. Does it guarantee
that you'll be okay forever?
Speaker 4 (29:43):
Yes, it does. I'll probably live forever because of her.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
And you know what, I respect your confidence in that answer.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
Nobody else has agreed with me on that.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
I don't know if I may have talked about this
on the podcast once. I had a kind of embarrassing
moment when I went to Tijuana a few months ago.
I I'm a serial clogger. I'm known amongst the community
as a serial clogger of toilets.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
And oh my.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
God, I remember that episode you talked to that one
guy who was like, I clogged too many toilets, so
I can't live anywhere.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Yeah, I'm like that too. That's why I can't have roommates.
I clogged too many toilets. I was. I was at
this hotel and I had like, uh, I clogged the toilet,
and I had to I went down to the front
desk and I had to be like tns esta and
then do the like toilet plunger motion, like I'm plunging
(30:42):
a toilet. And then they were like then they were
like one second and then and then they came up
to my room and they were about to go in.
They were about to go in, and uh unclogged the toilet,
and I was like, I took, I took this toilet
plunger and I and I unclogged the toilet.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
That's how I feel when I talk to my coworkers,
because they yeah, anyway, wait, okay, I'm nervous.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
There's nothing. There's nothing nothing, nothing has happened. There's no
this is there's nothing to be nervous about. I I
we can uh yeah, there's you're not being like you
don't try to be please, don't. You don't have to
try to be anything. You don't have to try to
be anyone. You don't have to care about this in
any way, shape or form.
Speaker 4 (31:34):
I don't care about anything.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Good good good.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Well, okay, let's there's a few things. Well, let me
ask you this, was there a particular thing that you
wanted to talk about today.
Speaker 4 (31:48):
Let's see see, Unlike everybody else, I've thought about this
like a bajillion times.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
M hm, but hmmm.
Speaker 4 (31:57):
Let's see. Okay, I just graduated from from high school.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
Yeah, okay, And.
Speaker 4 (32:11):
Let's see I just got actually, I just got accepted
into cosmetology school.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Very nice.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
And let's see, my brother got out of prison and
he's coming to live with us.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Oh are you are you excited about that?
Speaker 4 (32:28):
No? But you know, here's the thing. I have two
I have three brothers. One of them passed away, and
so now I'm having to be like extra thankful for
my other brother. So I'm kind of trying to not
be mad, but like, I'm in the middle of going
(32:49):
to school, and it's kind of crazy that, you know,
he's coming to live with us. I haven't seen him
in years, in the middle of me going back to
like cosmetology school, and so I'm just like, but.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
You know, okay, why uh if you want, I mean,
if you want to talk about it, why uh you
would you had a very quick reaction when you said no,
why no to being excited about him coming home.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
Well, as a housekeeper, I am very particular about how
I keep my living area, specifically like my bathroom, and
so I don't think I really have to elaborate too
much on that.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Okay, do you guys do you guys share? Do you
guys share a living space?
Speaker 2 (33:46):
Like?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Do you live in the same room?
Speaker 4 (33:49):
No, I have my own room, but we're gonna have
to share like a bathroom, okay kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Are you excited to see him?
Speaker 4 (33:58):
I'm excited to see him. I am. I am. He's
just a huge dick wad is how I would describe him?
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Is he older or younger?
Speaker 4 (34:10):
He's older, he's in his Uh all my brothers are
in their thirties. I was quite the not planned sing
so all I have every single one of my brothers
are getting up there. So just fine.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
You talked about and I'm sorry to hear about your
brother that passed away. You were talking about how okay,
because you have this is how many brothers? And is
he the last remaining brother? Is there another brother?
Speaker 4 (34:47):
So I have another brother that is on my dad's side. Okay,
but he I don't talk to him. He's like bald
and stuff, and he.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Has a kid, and the you don't talk to him
because he's bald.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
Partly he gets it from dad.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Okay, all right, that's fair. Sometimes sometimes you just don't
want to talk to bald people. I get that, and
I understand, yeah exactly.
Speaker 4 (35:14):
And he's and he has a kid and stuff, and
so it's just like, yeah, hey, you're my you're my
brother man.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Okay, all right, I get it. Yeah, yeah, sure, you're eighteen.
When you think of like a brother, you're like, you
think of like a boy. You're like, you think of
like a Dexter's laboratory kind of a boy. But your
brother is a your brother is a bald, old man
with a child's and so you're like, I don't even
(35:44):
you're like a You're like a tertiary. You're like, I
need to invent a new word beyond brother, uncle cousin.
I need I need a new word to describe how
I feel about you. Yeah, that's how That's exactly what
it is. Okay, I get you. I get you. So
(36:04):
then so then let me so let me ask you this.
Uh the you're saying that you want to use this
opportunity to foster a better relationship with the brother that
is coming to live with you. Do you do you
feel that way? Oh?
Speaker 4 (36:21):
Let's see, I do feel that way. Let me think
I do feel that way?
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Really hey, real quick, real quick? Can you I don't
know if you did something to your phone, but if
you could just hold it right up to your ear,
that would be great.
Speaker 4 (36:32):
Sorry, sorry I had to take off my hoodie because
we're not allowed to wear at work. But anyway, Yeah,
so he's coming down, and then my dog Actually he
doesn't like people. He only likes me and my mom.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Mm hmm. So that's wait wait wait wait wait wait wait,
but but before you start talk about your dog, do
you are you trying to use this as like a
way to like, are you looking forward to like building
a relationship back with your brother?
Speaker 4 (37:10):
I kind of am. Here's the thing, he's just kind
of a jerk, you know, he's just kind of a jerk,
And that's like the main thing. But other than that,
I guess I am. That's me excited. I haven't seen
him in a long time.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
Mm hm.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
When when was the last time you saw him?
Speaker 4 (37:33):
I saw him? Let's see, done, like three years.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Three years?
Speaker 4 (37:43):
Do you? Yeah, like three years, because.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Did you visit him at all in prison?
Speaker 3 (37:51):
No?
Speaker 4 (37:52):
So the thing is he was there. He's all the
way in Wyoming. I live in Oregon. Ohkay'm find you
for Renica. Okay, it's okay. Sorry, my coworker had some
drama for me. But anyway, we haven't visited him because
(38:15):
he kind of like, I mean, we call him and stuff,
but he kind of like he's too far away. Even
when we go down to visit our family in the summer,
he's just like way from where it's accessible to us.
That makes sense.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Do you ever write letters to him or anything like that.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
I did not write letters to him. I don't write
letters to him, but we do talk, and you know,
I tell him, like you know, brother and sister stuff.
I guess like I tell him what's going on, but
nothing like I don't know. He's just like we're not
(38:55):
as we're not as close as I was with my
other brother. We were much closer when that passed away.
We were much closer. He's uh, it was like very cool,
very cool fellow.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
M They're nothing you like, do you alright? Do you
is it possible? Do you think that your brother has
like changed at all and praise Like, do you think
he'll have he'll re emerge a different guy.
Speaker 4 (39:29):
And that's what my mom keeps telling me. My mom
thinks that he has because you know, we talked to
him on the phone and stuff, and he seems a
lot more normal than he was. I mean, I can
say this, I think Yeah, I think so he was
like addicted to mess and stuff. So he was just
(39:51):
kind of like not who I remember him being when
I was younger and stuff like that. Yeah, so it
was just kind of like a struggle to I guess,
relate to him and have a good relationship the way
we did before. Yeah, if that makes.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Sense, Yeah, that makes sense. Is he is he clean now?
Speaker 4 (40:17):
He's clean now just because I think it partially is
mostly because he can't access it anymore.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
But that's a that's a solid way to stop doing anything. Yeah,
it is, it is.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
It is.
Speaker 4 (40:32):
It is. But I mean, I I I sympathize with
him and whatnot. Ah, but it's just kind of hard
to because he was.
Speaker 3 (40:46):
Very rude.
Speaker 4 (40:48):
But otherwise what is left to be done in here?
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Well, listen, what's your name again?
Speaker 4 (40:57):
I've heard everything, but wipe it down. Sorry, my name
is Lena.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
Lena, Lena. I'm gonna let you get back to work,
but uh, you know, I appreciate you sharing your your story,
and I hope that uh things go well with you
and and your and your.
Speaker 4 (41:13):
Thank you than your brother. Thank you. I appreciate that.
I appreciate that. And uh yeah, I've been listening to
middle school so this is awesome. I couldn't even believe it.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
Rock and roll. Man, Well, thank you very much for listening.
Good luck, and I'll see you. I'll see you around
the universe.
Speaker 4 (41:33):
Thank you so much, Thank you so much. I'll talk
to you later maybe probably bye bye bye.
Speaker 3 (41:42):
No fucking way that works, bro.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
What's up?
Speaker 3 (41:45):
Man?
Speaker 1 (41:45):
What's your name?
Speaker 3 (41:47):
What's up? My name?
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Has life?
Speaker 3 (41:51):
Personally? In my life, a lot is going great, but
then like in the world, it seems like everything kind
of stucks.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Yes, yeah, uh a lot. Don't you what that everything
in the world sucks?
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Yeah, I mean I have a lot of thoughts on this,
and I get into fights with people about it sometimes
about whether the world sucks because well because and I
don't know, I hate uh, part of me wants to
shut up, but I'm the one who has a fucking podcast.
(42:27):
But this is large part of me that and you
know what, fuck it is. The world's for as long
as we've been around. You can point to, you know,
terrible things, Yeah, you can point you can for as
long as we've been around, you can point to dictatorships,
(42:49):
and you can point to, uh, genocides and atrocities and
horrible things and so and so we're just dealing with
We're we're we're the human beings alive at this very
moment dealing with the horrible things going on in the
(43:12):
world at this very moment. But we it's not. It's
all and it's all new to us, you know what
I mean, it's all new to us. But like, uh,
I mean, fuck man, we you know we had that,
there was the there's been if you if you want
to go and take a look, there's been horrible There's
been a horrible thing yet, if you want to go
(43:36):
take a look, there's been horrible things happening forever. And
I don't and I say that sometimes when people think
I'm being dismissive, I swear in my life I'm not.
It's just no, it's not.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
It's not dismissive to say that like war is always
a thing, because then if that also means if war
is also always happening, that also has to mean that
good thing are always happening as well simultaneously.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (44:03):
Yeah, there's always been ship in the world. There's always
been bad stuff, there's always been for but there's always
been super cool as always been.
Speaker 1 (44:12):
I I I, and I don't say it to be dismissive.
I say it to be hopeful because I think people
have this uh, because we're you know, every every hundred
years there's new people. And I think people have this
uh feeling that like everything we're going through is like unprecedented,
(44:34):
And I and I have I have that feeling a
lot of times. And it's scary, and I mean, it's
certainly unprecedented for us because we've never well sorry hold on,
let me let me finish talking real quick.
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Oh yeah, okay, sorry.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
It's unprecedented for us because we're the people that uh
have you know, we're the first people going through it
as are we We're the it's the first time for
us going through it, right yeah. Yeah, But I mean
and also America, it didn't feel like uh, we always
(45:10):
felt like uh because we're like in power right now
at this point in the world, and so we always
felt like we were the like, oh, we're gonna be fine.
Nothing bad is ever gonna happen to us in America.
We're stable, you know, and uh, you know, everything is transient.
(45:31):
So yeah, we're kind of dealing with our own insecurity
in that sense. But I think it's kind And again
the reason I said people think I've gotten enough fights
with friends because when you know, I say things like, well, yeah,
you know, there's always throughout all of history been places
you can point and things you could point at, and
(45:53):
to go like, oh, that's so horrible, and they think
I'm saying it to be like, oh, it's not that bad.
I'm not saying it's I mean that it's all that bad.
I'm saying it to me, like, you know, uh, this
fear that we have of like the world is such
a horrible place and everything is so unprecedented and whatever whatever,
(46:13):
Like I don't I don't think that that fear is helpful.
And I think a more helpful attitude is like, well, yeah,
the universe has always had problems, We'll always have problems,
and we've always move, We've always been able to just
(46:33):
as a species, uh, get through them. And that doesn't
mean we should let our guard down. And that doesn't
mean we shouldn't be cognizant of things, but it does.
It means it's like, hey, listen, you we're not the
every hundred years, there's a new people. We're not the
(46:53):
first group of people ever to deal with hard and
precedented things. Everything that's ever motherfucking happened in in the
universe is unprecedented. It's always happening for the first.
Speaker 3 (47:08):
The first time we've it's just the first time we've
experienced it.
Speaker 1 (47:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, So that's that's all I have
to say.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
Yeah, of course, yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:18):
It's great. It's but like I want to go live
my life. Man, I want to it. It's I I
guess what. I I can see why people think that's
a dismissive take, because I want to I want to
counter that take slightly, like I'm not I want to
(47:39):
dismiss it, but I feel.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
Like, because.
Speaker 3 (47:47):
We pee, I want to live, like I want to
do stuff like I used to be really really depressed
like I used to.
Speaker 4 (47:55):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (47:55):
I mean not to get like super into it or anything,
but I gotten I've gotten tree close to crossing over
the Rainbow Bridge a few times by my own hand,
and like I wouldn't want to say him over that
period of my life, but it's definitely I'm never going
to get that far again. And I'm at a point
in my life. I just moved into my apartment with
(48:17):
someone that I considered to love my life and he
considers that as well, and we're trying to move to
Germany together because he's German, and it just you know,
it works out, and you know, I'm really excited, Like
I'm going to go over there to first thing to
study German German culture and then study music, and it's
(48:38):
just I'm really really excited to live and I want
to do all this stuff. But all these unprecedented times,
it seems like every day there's a headline that comes up,
like my partner's trans too. And I'm not gonna get
too much more into that because of what people like,
(49:02):
what the culture has shifted to today, what the government
has shifted to today, I'm scared and I don't want
my life to be cut short because of that. That's
why I feel like people would say that's dismissive, because yeah, sure,
fascist governments have existed before, but the people died in
(49:22):
them and I don't want to die and I don't
want anybody to die, so like, and I know you
weren't saying, oh, we shouldn't do anything about it. I
know you are, but like, what do we do about it?
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I'm not
going to pretend like I have an answer for that
of what we do. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:45):
No, that's a whole people, that's a degree.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
Yeah, I'm not going to pretend like I have an
answer of what we do about it. And I'm only
speaking to uh, I'm just speaking to like this sense
of like on dread of like uh, you know, feeling
feeling like things are unprecedented. That's all I'm speaking. I
(50:10):
don't have a I don't have a I don't. I'm
not pretending like I have a solution for, you know,
the state of the world. I I wouldn't even it's
so deeply beyond me and even I Also, if people,
you know, think I'm being dismissive, that's that's okay. This
is just how I feel when I when I get
anxious about the world.
Speaker 3 (50:31):
Yeah, definitely definitely a lot to be anxious about, that's
for sure.
Speaker 4 (50:35):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (50:37):
So what do you so, what do you want to
do that you like, you want to leave you want
to go move to Germany?
Speaker 3 (50:45):
Yeah, so, I mean so that's that's the like decision
that I've got. It decided for a multitude of reasons,
and the government actually being a pretty small part of
that decision. Most of it is simply because my partner
is part German, he lived there during the summers when
he's a kid, and it just works out really well.
(51:06):
I've always been interested in German culture, and because I
was also his plan and we we reconnected. We went
to high school together, but we lost contact after a
few years and then reconnected kind of recently, is like
ten months ago now, and a few months ago moved
(51:27):
in together. So it's just I want to go to
Germany with him because he's the love of my life
and it's so great and I love him so much.
Speaker 1 (51:36):
And so why are you so, why are you saying
that you you don't feel like you can live your life?
Speaker 3 (51:44):
Well speak like not It's not that I can't in
long story short, but the people running the systems of
our like world the airport. Government might not let that
happen because of stupid culture war issues like uh trans
(52:07):
quote unquote ideology and uh like race war ship people
just stop realizing that the war is not left or right,
but it's up and down.
Speaker 1 (52:22):
Sure, yeah, I I I agree with that, but so
and I I agree with that and empathize that that's
a terrifying thing. But I want to get down to
why you feel like you can't like do the things
that you want to do.
Speaker 3 (52:46):
Like, I guess, what do you what do you mean?
Then I'm strug going to understand that.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
You said you said I want to live my life.
Speaker 3 (52:54):
Yeah, I guess in a way, I'm kind of let
the pressure of that whole government not let me live
my life already. I like, personally, I've kind of gotten
myself into this weird bubble of just not seeing one
just going to work and going home. But that's more
(53:17):
of like a personal like I guess my personal well
it is personal issue, but not necessarily related to the government.
Speaker 1 (53:26):
Okay, okay, So so why do you feel like you
can't live your life? And also I guess what does
it even what does it mean for you to live
your life?
Speaker 4 (53:38):
Well?
Speaker 3 (53:40):
Well, so I'm a I'm a musician. I might have
mentioned earlier. I'm playing on studying studying music in Germany.
And that's just kind of how that's what that is
my life, That's how I live my life. I've been
playing drums since I was too my dad taught me how.
It's just that's how I live. And for for a
(54:06):
good while, I had this band in the local scene
and I did a lot of shows. Sorry, it's gonna
get uh, it's you opened up a can of worm,
just gonna get a little dark here. I had a
I had a band and we played a bunch of
shows around the scene. And this one time we did
(54:27):
a show at a park, uh in middle of the city,
and we were we were doing it and this park
has like some like dangerous architecture, and kid freaking died
climbing it. And it kind of like climbing it because
(54:51):
you're not stills a climate. It's like all fenced off
one hundred feet up in the air or actually fifty,
but still this kid went top defense like a lot
of kids, do you know what I mean? Did people
go into the show and he like literally fell off
and died at that show. That I was playing and
it was a it was a quote, yeah I wat show.
(55:12):
I don't know if you've heard that term before. It
was like yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So ever since that,
I kind of.
Speaker 1 (55:23):
It kind of just like.
Speaker 3 (55:26):
Made me go back to how it was before I
did all that band stuff, because that was like I
started to do the band stuff after I like finished
a program to deal with my personal issues, like I
got addiction issues, I got trauma issues from middle school
(55:49):
middle school bullying. It was like intense, tense uh stemming
you know, into addiction issues.
Speaker 1 (55:58):
So then.
Speaker 3 (56:03):
Where am I?
Speaker 4 (56:04):
Where am I?
Speaker 3 (56:05):
Like I train of thoughts?
Speaker 1 (56:08):
Sorry, So that's that's that's okay. Well, I mean listen, man, look,
let's you want to bring it back to I guess
what we were initially talking about.
Speaker 3 (56:15):
Yeah yeah, sure, sure.
Speaker 1 (56:17):
I mean just the just the concept of like living
your life right, Yeah, you have you have okay? So
I mean you have this uh uh partner that you're
very in love with, and you want to go within
to Germany. And where do you live now? Uh?
Speaker 3 (56:36):
In the city. I I don't care people people know me.
I live in Seattle.
Speaker 1 (56:40):
You live in Seattle, Okay, and you want to move
to where in Germany.
Speaker 3 (56:46):
Well, it's it's gonna be a few different places. It's
going to start with Munich because there's like this program
that I'm going to be doing for German language, but
Munich to be determined.
Speaker 1 (57:00):
Brother, I don't know you very well, but you sound
like you're living your life pretty well. You know, you're
in you're in a you're in a relationship, you're about
to go learn fucking Germany. You you sound like you're
doing again. I don't know you very well, but you
you sound like you're living your life.
Speaker 3 (57:14):
Yeah, I mean I am. I definitely am. Don't get
your wrong. Especially this is because, uh, you know, I
moved out of my parents' house to go to my
partner's apartment and that was only like the second time
I lived by myself after her going to Florida. But
(57:34):
that's a whole lot of dan worms mm hmm. But like,
so yeah, in essence, I am, I'm just not like
doing as much as I was, so I I.
Speaker 1 (57:57):
I don't know, that's I guess those are my I mean,
I guess back to talking about just general world events.
I mean I kind of think.
Speaker 3 (58:07):
That's just the whole thing.
Speaker 1 (58:08):
Well, I don't have I don't have a solution for it.
But uh, I mean living your life the best way
you want to live it is uh, you know, with it,
but living your life the best way you want to
live it within the confines you have to live it
is uh. One of many good answers, one one of
many potential good answers. AH to facing this weird a
(58:40):
dread that I think our generation is looking forward to
the world with.
Speaker 3 (58:47):
Yeah, yeah, it's I don't know when it comes to
my life objectively, like with even with me not feeling
I'm like, I'm living it like objectively, like when I
really looked at it, I do, like I love I
(59:07):
love my life right now. I love working, coming home
to my partner and just you know, living Most of
the time we cooked cooked dinner by ourselves because it's
just expensive to eat. But it kind of made me
realize that I like cooking again. So that's fine. Been
surviving off of me so soon because it's so easy.
(59:32):
But yeah, but I guess other than that, Uh, first,
all the personal slide stuff aside, I I don't know
what else there.
Speaker 1 (59:47):
Talk about, ship, what we tald, what we talked about
A lot.
Speaker 3 (59:52):
We did Yeah, that's true. I text, you know, a
text I told you, like I worked for the you
your company rentals.
Speaker 1 (01:00:01):
Mm hmm. Do you do you feel do you feel
there's any well, I mean, do you feel I guess
on on all the subjects that we've covered, and I
want to I genuinely want you, genuinely want to know.
Do you feel satisfied with our conversation about them? Is
there anything else you want to bring up? Or you know,
(01:00:22):
because we're talking about some big stuff and you know,
I know you seem you feel, you seem passionate about it,
and so I want to, you know, make sure we
get all the angles if that you wanted to get.
Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:00:38):
No, no, I I do feel good talking about it.
I guess I'm still just a little I wasn't expecting
to talk to you right now anyways, but.
Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
No, it does feel good to.
Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
Kind of get it all out there in a in
a way I kind of haven't really put it all
out there like anybody else for a good while now,
like like the way I did, Like I've you know,
gone into bits and pieces of it, but just you know,
saying everything that I've been thinking about, because this is
pretty much what I've actually been thinking about, like this
(01:01:14):
exact conversation and all stuff we're talking about has kind
of just been the stuff I've been thinking about this
past three weeks, like weirdly on repeat, and I don't
know why what specifically, just like well, so starting off with, uh, personally,
how everything's going good in my life, but then it
(01:01:37):
seems like, you know, my government is trying to attack
me and everybody I love. Yeah, I've been thinking about
that a lot. But then also just the you know,
personal aspect of it being like, Okay, so why am
(01:01:58):
I not doing anything right now?
Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
Although like, uh, why are you not do you? But
you're doing a lot? What do you what do you
like you're not doing?
Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
Just like that's the thing like going to shows, Like
I haven't I've been really doing much with my music lately,
is what I'm trying to say. Like I haven't been
going to many shows at all, really haven't been going
practicing guitar. I haven't been recording much, like and that's
kind of like for the longest time, the thing that
just has been the biggest part of me, Like that's
(01:02:30):
like that was my thing, that was the thing I
am good at, Like without that I don't know. Mm hmm,
I was kind of serious identity crisis, crisis if that
music wasn't the thing.
Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
Mm hmm. Let me say, let me say this, let
me let me you know, let me let me say this,
and uh, people might take issue with this, and but
it's I don't know, It's it's how I'm feeling in
the moment that I'm thinking about this right now and
I'm talking to you. Is that uh, like, listen, you
(01:03:10):
have things you want to do. You you you want
to learn German, and you wanna foster this relationship you
have with your partner, and you wanna play shows, and
you wanna do all these things and and and I'm
sure that you as a lot, as a lot of people,
as most people, I don't know about most people, but
(01:03:32):
as a lot of people, uh, in fucking America and
in the world, are get get stuck in like dread
dread loops, like very existential loops because you see ship
that's going on in America and in the world, and
it fucking freaks you out. Yeah, because it's freaky, because
(01:03:53):
it because it's freaky stuff. And the thing I wanted
to say that is, uh, you know that I guess
I feel is like, look, the best one of the
best forms of resistance is like, it's important to be
aware of these things, and it's important to fight against
(01:04:16):
these things, but it's really really deeply important to go
you know what. Yes, yes, yes, there's a lot of
fucked up things happening, and powerful people are are doing
bad things in the world. But I'm not I draw
the fucking line at my sanity. And that's how I'm
(01:04:40):
gonna resist. Is is if I because I go on Reddit.
If I go on Reddit every day, and every day
I go on Reddit, Reddit is like curated this thing
where if Reddit bro, like you, yeah, I don't have
to tell you, right, I go every day. Reddit has
curated bro, they're getting you know what, fuck it. I'm
not being I'm not gonna be apologetic about this. I'm
(01:05:01):
gonna be passionate about this. They're really I really feel
this way. Reddit, Twitter, Instagram, all these things, they they
have curated for us a fucking daily thing where we
can go and every day we have the opportunity to
(01:05:21):
just spiral in a fucking loop of all this shit.
And I'm telling and I'm telling you, like, if you
really want to fight back for brother, for you. The
best way I think you can fight back, I really
mean this is to go you know what you can.
You can manipulate the universe and you can go after people,
(01:05:43):
and you can do all this fucked up and you
can kill people. You can do all this fucked up shit.
But I'm drawing the line at my own sanity. I'm
gonna put the phone down. I'm gonna go to the
fucking DIY music show, and I I Am going to
uh in a form of existential spite, try to enjoy
(01:06:07):
my life, you know, as opposed to And I'm I
and I know what every and I know what you're
all fucking doing because I go on Reddit and I see, like, dude,
you go on read it and like you look at
like every day there's a new Trump thing to get
upset about, and you and I look at the comments
and instagra, I and you look at the comments, and
(01:06:28):
the comments are filled with people being like you know,
like commenting being pissed off. It's filled with people who
are it's it's filled it's filled with people who are
like you know, letting it like take up their brain,
(01:06:49):
like your like bro, like you're you have a finite
amount of time to exist and to do the things
you want to do, and you gotta protect it really carefully.
You gotta protect it, You gotta you gotta protect it
as carefully as you can. And I know that there's
certain things that are going on in the world that
are just unavoidable, but you have to put up a
(01:07:11):
little bit of effort to protect your attention and what
you spiral about as much as you can. And the
best form of resistance that you got again is the
ability to go, I as the ability to look at
that Instagram post and go, I know that someone's making
fucking money off of me getting pissed off right now,
and I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna fucking go
(01:07:35):
play my guitar or go study German.
Speaker 4 (01:07:38):
You know.
Speaker 1 (01:07:38):
That's the that's, in my opinion, the best resistance that
you can do. Because when you're when you're spiraling, it's
like people are the the most engaging emotions are are
are fear and anger and all the companies and all
these So when you're stopping on the Instagram post and
you're you're letting your existential dread about the state of
(01:08:02):
the world stop you from living your life. You're you're
like you're you're really letting them win. And I really
don't think you should do that. And people can, you know, ah,
say that it's like ignorant, but that that's and And
I don't think that what I'm saying is the whole
piece of the pie. I really don't. I'm not going
(01:08:23):
to pretend like what I'm saying is the whole piece
of the pie. But I think it's an important piece
of the pie.
Speaker 3 (01:08:27):
So yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you Jack. I think
you know, I think I really needed to hear that
really badly.
Speaker 1 (01:08:39):
Like I.
Speaker 3 (01:08:43):
Knew it subconsciously. It's like kind of people know that,
like they can like know things be where they know
it cautiously. But it's I appreciate you kind of talent
me the way you did the work. I don't know,
it just it made sense.
Speaker 1 (01:09:02):
Good good, I'm glad. I'm glad. And and by the way, man,
you have a nice life, you know you really you do,
Like yeah, you like like you have. You were excited
about the future, you got You're gonna go on this trip.
You have this person that you clearly love in your life.
You have these hobbies that you cleue love in your life,
like just don't like please please, like obviously it's hard,
(01:09:24):
like things are scary, things are happening. I understand that,
but just don't don't let it take you out of
your life for too long, just like understand a nice life.
Speaker 3 (01:09:34):
I've spent way too much time in like that way
but really dark head space to have her go back there?
So good good fuck that?
Speaker 1 (01:09:45):
What is your name again?
Speaker 2 (01:09:47):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (01:09:48):
Actually you know I said my real name beginning of
a podcast, but I'm realizing now you could like change
it up. I'd be I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (01:09:56):
Sure, I can, I can. I can get rid of it,
just like I know.
Speaker 3 (01:10:02):
I know live stream internet isn't permanent.
Speaker 1 (01:10:04):
But on this you're your name. Get rid of your name.
Speaker 3 (01:10:10):
Well, do a coffee. I'm in front of a coffee shop.
Speaker 1 (01:10:13):
You can call me coffee, perfect coffee. Is there anything
else you want to say to the people of the
computer before we go?
Speaker 3 (01:10:23):
Keep your head up, keep going even though life my
fucking suck outside my scene like that, I guess, don't
like make it interrupt your personal life for inject your
personal life as I sort.
Speaker 1 (01:10:41):
Of have se Yeah, thank you do you have a
good rest of your life.
Speaker 3 (01:10:46):
Thank you, you as wells blesses.
Speaker 1 (01:10:53):
Thank you, But he's not really an expert.
Hello, Hello, what's up man? What's your name?
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I guess I'll use the name Josh.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Josh, I like it. What's what's going on with you, Josh?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Uh? Not much due just hanging out watching my kids.
My wife is still asleep. I just got off work
a couple hours ago.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
So what is it that made you want to call
into my Gecko show today? Uh?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yeah? So I So, basically, my dad hasn't been a
part of my life ever since I was a baby.
I think like the first time I saw him I
was twelve, and then the second time was when I
was seventeen, and then I had no contact with him
(00:55):
up until I was about eighteen or nineteen, so like
a year after and then he went completely dark. I
like to lead of this Facebook, I can't find him anywhere.
Me and my wife ended up having a baby, and
(01:17):
there was no way for me to tell him that
he was a grandfather. So after about like five years
and twenty four now, I found him on Facebook and
Adam added him as a friend and he added me
back and everything, and I just don't really know where
to go or what to say.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
And did you did you message him or did he
message you?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
So I like kind of like stalked his Facebook a
little bit. I canna lie, I like looked through all
of his photos and everything, and I guess he did
the same because he liked a photo of me and
my son. So I sent him a message basically saying like, oh,
you know, I guess you got to it before I
(02:02):
could tell you, like, surprise, your grandfather sent this long
message to him, maybe an hour ago. He hasn't responded
together or anything, but yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Wow, interesting. What How how long was it that you
said that he yet you'd seen him five years?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah, since I've talked to him. Yeah, I haven't seen
him in like I don't even know how long.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Was there like a reason why you didn't was Yeah?
Was there like a reason why you didn't talk to him?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Well? My mom always painted him as like this horrible person,
and there was like some stuff that I remember from
my past, like maybe when I was like a little
bit older than my son, like three years old, of
him like like breaking into the trailer that we lived
in and like hitting her and stuff and the cops
being cold. So like I have some bad memories. All
(02:58):
the memories that I have of him are that. Yeah,
but I know like even I've made mistakes as a father,
maybe not to that extent, but I know that people change,
and I just don't feel like it's right for me
to not at least like reach out to him, try
to get his side of the story. Now that I'm
an adult and I have like a fool, I feel
(03:19):
like I have not a full grasp of life, but
maybe a better understanding.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, well, yeah, that curiosity makes sense for you to
want to follow for sure. All right, how do you Yeah,
how do you feel about following that curiosity?
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Well?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
I don't know because I told my mom about it
yesterday and she was pretty like like, oh, I don't,
Like that's a waste of time. I don't know why
you would do that, Like that's that's stupid. You know,
you shouldn't do that. You shouldn't reach out to him.
You know, he wasn't there. What makes you think he's
going to be there now? Like type of thing, like
(04:00):
kind of like the whole, the whole thing that she's
been telling me my entire life about him, Like he's
not worth talking to, he's not worth even like wasting
your breath on mm.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Hmmm are you but you're not really you're not. It
doesn't sound like going into this with any kind of expectations.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
No, No, I don't have any expectations. I mean, I
guess I have like a little bit of hope to
like maybe build a relationship with him, or I don't.
I don't really, I don't know, dude. I don't know
what I want. I don't know what I want out
of this ship, dude. I'm just I guess I'm just curious, right.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Right, Yeah, what do you what if the interaction went perfectly,
how would it go?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
I guess he would just respond, and I don't. That's
that's a pretty hard question.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
That's good though, That's actually that's good. I feel I
feel like it's good that you can't answer that, because
that means you have no expectations, right, you know.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, I mean I don't even really expect him to respond.
I don't even expect him to read it. I didn't
even like ghek. I didn't even expect him to add
me back on Facebook. I was surprised when he added
me on Facebook because I like searched.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
I just got like this.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
I don't know what happened, Like I just got like
the spark in me I was like, you know what,
I'm just going to look his name off on Facebook
because I've white paged his name, done all that, like
try to find his phone number and stuff, but couldn't.
So I was like, you know, I'm just gonna look
him up on Facebook this one time. And then I
came across.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
How are things going with your family?
Speaker 4 (05:46):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
They're good. I mean, money's tight like always, but that's
about to be fixed. My wife is going she just
did like a four month like celerated course for pharmacy
tech cool, and she's doing her extern shit in October.
So it's a month of like no pay forty hours
(06:09):
a week. Whoa and yeah, so then after that then
she can get a job and then financial wise it
will be good. But I mean, honestly, with the way
the world is right now, it's kind of scary to
be raising kids.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, I feel that I understand that. Uh yeah, bro,
I was thinking about that shit in terms of like
by the time like my kids are like adults, because
I don't have kids, but I want to at some point,
but like I feel like by the time that they
are adults, you know that we're gonna live in a
the generational gap between worlds gets like more exponential, I think,
(06:46):
between generations and shit. So I get, I get, I
get freaked out about that, you know, But I don't know.
Sometimes I don't know, man. Sometimes like I'll walk around
in New York and I'll see like fucking kids playing
at a playground or something, and I'm like, all right,
we'll we'll, we'll figure this out somehow, you know.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah, yeah, dude, kids are definitely are definitely not easy.
And then I think the same thing, like whenever my
kids are my age, like how how's.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
The world going to be?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
But I mean maybe my parents thought the same way.
Maybe that's just part of being an adult, you see
how shitty things can really get.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Well, it's funny, man. I mean imagine like trying to
explain what web three is to like an eighty three
year old.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
You know what I mean, I don't even know what
web three is.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Dude, exact, I don't. I don't even know what web
three is. But there's some fucking thirteen year old who's
like making a billion dollars off of it, you know
what I mean. Like we're all going to be doing
you know, whatever, the show, whatever, the ship that like
our kids are gonna be like making their living off
of or doing what their life is gonna be as
(08:11):
beyond us as it is, you know. Yeah, it's gonna
it's gonna be it's gonna be beyond us for sure.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Definitely a little spooky. But I guess that's good. I
guess that's what I guess that's what you want. You
want the next generation to and to create things that
you don't understand.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
It's also yeah, one second of momophone also like.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
You sorry, I'll let you. I'll let you finish your piece.
But if you've got to attend to your kid, we can.
It's that's okay.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
No, no, no, I definitely I want to talk to you.
I listened to you like I I load trucks. Hold
on one second, I load trucks, uh for ups in
the middle of the night. I go to work at
like two am, and I load trucks for like six
hours straight. And I've listened. I've almost listened to every
(09:13):
single one of your podcasts podcasts since you started. And
I've and I've like I've literally only started listening like
maybe two or three or four months ago.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Oh cool, fuck yeah, fuck yeah, bro, thanks for that's
that makes me happy here in this uh you know,
a new a new person coming in listening to the
whole thing.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah, So it's a while that I'm like on the
phone with you because usually like you're just in my
headphones and I'm listening to you talking to people, and
now you're talking to me, and it's just like crazy.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Well, what's your kid doing right now? She seems to
want your attention?
Speaker 2 (09:59):
My I'm sitting in a wagon with a truck and
my daughter's standing up trying to grab the truck from him.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yeah, what's your what's your wife doing?
Speaker 2 (10:16):
She worked, she's sleeping.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
M Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to have it for the future.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Yeah, it's the How old are you? You're like twenty
you're like twenty six, right.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Twenty seven?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Yeah, twenty seven? Man, how's that? How's that?
Speaker 1 (10:41):
How how's being? How's being? Twenty seven?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Yeah? Do you feel any different?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
You're what? You're twenty four?
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Well you're more of a You're you're way more of
an adult than I am. You know.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah, dude, you're honestly lucky that you don't have kids,
because the craziest thing happened my wife woke me up
at midnight last night, right midnight, she woke me up, dead,
dead asleep. I'm like, what, what, what's going on? She
brings me out of the living room. My son's spilt
but so like my I built a desktop recently, like
(11:21):
a little budget build and like maybe two months ago,
and my son spilt lemonade through the top all over
the CPU cooler in the graphics card nord. Oh no,
And my wife didn't know how to open the computer
and try to like get it out, so it end
(11:44):
up dry. It's dried now, so it's all like goofy
and I I'm lost.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Oh no, yeah, do you do you still think it
was worth it?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Kids?
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yeah, man, one hundred percent. They change your life, dude.
Like I feel like I went from like I don't know, dude,
I went from being like a little kid or like
having this different perspective on life to like having these
little humans that I have to like work and provide
(12:26):
for like no matter what, like I no matter what,
I have to work and I have to provide for them.
And that kind of gives you like a like a
purpose in life totally, Like like whenever I think like, oh,
you know, what the fuck am I doing going to
work every day doing the same thing at a job
(12:47):
that I don't really like, you know, like, oh, I'm
doing it for them at the end of the day.
So I always have that to hold on too.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure it gives you a strong sense
of purpose. Yeah, let's see, how does being twenty seven feel.
I feel like I'm I feel I actually still feel
like I'm sixteen.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
I still feel like you're sixteen.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Yeah, definitely. Well, yeah, I feel like I'm well not sixteen.
I probably feel like I'm like twenty one.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I feel that.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Dude, how old do you feel?
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Honestly, I still feel like I can't whenever I say
twenty four, I feel disgusting.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Really, twenty four is so yeah, I mean I think,
I mean, I think both of us are still pretty young.
Although I get worried since I get worried about like what,
uh my life is going to be like when I'm
in like my thirties and forties and fifties like that.
I think that scares me, you know, because like I
don't I can't know it.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
But then I see people, But then I talk to people,
and I see people who are that old and they're
not freaking out. They're they're living life, they're still doing stuff,
They're still here.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, I feel like it just I feel like life
just goes on, like you just get older. I don't
feel like you're your feelings really, I mean like, yeah,
your feelings change, maybe you change as a person, but
like that kid inside of you is still there. I
feel like that that really never goes away. Like You're
gonna never feel like old, like you know what I mean,
maybe whenever you're sixty, shit, you still might feel twenty one.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Yeah, I hope.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
So.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I think, uh, I think it's like a bit of
a it's a bit of a choice. I think is
as to kind of like a mindset you want to have,
you know. Yeah, sometimes sometimes I lose that battle though.
Sometimes I feel old. Sometimes I feel like, uh like,
uh yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm Sometimes I feel
(14:49):
like I'm twenty one in this very moment as I'm
talking to you, I feel like I'm I feel like
young with Sometimes i feel like I'm like seventy four
and I'm like I'm Sometimes i feel like I'm mister
me seeks, you know. I mean, yeah, like I'm like
oh fuck we I you know I have I'm ready to.
I'm ready to. You know we did it right.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
But if you feel I mean, if you feel like
you're seventy four out, how would you know what? How
would you know what that feels like? What would it
just be like? More of like a what do you
feel in that time that you feel like you're seventy four?
Is like worn down? Tired?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Yeah, sometimes sometimes I feel like that. Yeah, but that's
why imagine I feel seventy four to be. But also yeah,
I mean age is even like a man made thing.
I mean, you just kind of exist and then you die.
There's nothing I could really, I mean there's a few
things I guess theoretically that I could. I can't think
(15:47):
of any major things that I can do now that
I can't do when I'm like sixty, maybe like go
to Maybe it's just about how you're how you're perceived
differently and whatnot. But like, I don't know most of
the ship that I think I would want to do,
I could I could just keep doing, you know, it's
(16:10):
just about whether or not you want to give up.
But as you get older, I think you just get
you get a little bit more tired if you if
you let it, if you let that happen, though, but
I think it's important to not let that happen, and
you know, maintain vitality just mentally, just mentally feeling like
you know, but you're you're uh because you have kids,
(16:32):
You're so deeply in life every day, is what I imagine.
I don't know if you feel that way, but like
you don't, because like I feel like you correct me
if I'm wrong, But it seems like you don't have
time to wax poetic about how it might feel when
you're this and the other, because you know, you got
ship to do, you got people to feed.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Yeah, dude, Like I don't. I don't know how it
feels to not to not have kids because I don't
really remember what that feels like, even though it's only
been two years. But like I feel like, dude, the
days and like the weeks, even the months just go
by so fast, really, and like, yeah, dude, like like
(17:14):
I blink my eyes. I can't even I don't even
know how it's almost the end of twenty twenty five.
I feel like I still remember January of twenty twenty
five like it was yesterday. Right, like like I blink
my eyes, like my like whenever my son was born, Dude,
I swear that wasn't two years ago. That like completely
(17:36):
blows my mind that that was two years. It's like
you blink your eyes and time just goes by, dude.
And I feel like it's hard to try to like
hold on to like memories or like cherish like the
little moments with them, or like cherish moments with my
wife because it's so just so like involved in life
(17:58):
and like work and this like trying to provide and
like survival mode just like you know, how how are
we going to do this? This is how we're going
to do it. And it's like that every single day,
just you know, so it's hard to hold on to that.
And I feel like that's what makes time go by fast,
because you're so preoccupied with everything else that's going on
(18:22):
around you, all everything else that you have to deal with.
Mm hm hm hmm.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
That makes a lot of sense, not saying that not
having kids would make life any easier.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
No, No, I know you, but I know you mean though,
like when you are like when you get into like
a strong routine, time goes by very fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
anytime when every day is the same and yeah, whenevery
days the same time flows by fast. But if yeah,
if you find a way to break through your routine,
like you kind of remember ship a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Yeah. I actually I actually told CHATCHYTP about this because
I've heard in one of your podcasts from maybe a
couple of years ago that you were using you tried
to using chat GTP as a therapist.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
So I was like, yeah, I try.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
And and it actually gave me like a pretty cool
like uh little like tip, I guess you could say.
It was like I was just telling it how like
I find it hard to remember times, you know, of
like good moments with my kids, like like yeah I
remember them being born, the first steps like stuff like that,
(19:37):
but like something that I did to make them laugh,
like you know, like little little moments to hold on to.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
And uh.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
It was basically just saying to remember this conversation, the
conversation that I had with it, and to think back
to that whenever one of those moments are happening, like
whenever I do something that makes them laugh either, like
maybe this conversation will make you think back and then
you'll try to hold onto that memory and share shit
(20:04):
so then you don't just you know, get it mixed
up with all the other ship that's going on and
just end up forgetting it.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
M M, yeah, I I think, Yeah, make a note
of shit is important, Like journaling. Writing shit down makes
you feel like your life actually existed in some way,
ship or form, right, M.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
I've actually I've actually I did that. Whenever I was
a kid, I had a journal, but I really never
stuck with it.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
What did you think about it? Would you think about
getting back into it? You know, not even like not
even as like a daily practice, but just like, uh,
you know, whenever you can. It does make life feel
more real.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Really? Oh yeah for sure, Yeah, dude, I've I've never
done that in my adult life. I haven't tried that.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Do you just like write about like how your day
one or how you're like?
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Yeah, yeah, I used to write every I used to.
I mean I journal all the time a lot. I
used to, like I used to meticulously journal everything I did,
like and long. I would like every like everything I did,
where I went to eat that day, you know, or
like who I talked to. Yeah, I used to matic
like when I was in college. I was meticulously journaling.
(21:23):
Now I do it sometimes, but I lost it along
the way. And I do feel like when I stopped
doing that is when time started going faster, because everything
felt like it was just another like thing on the
road to whatever the main thing is. But then you
realize that it's all the main thing. And so but
the more you write down, the more you know, Yeah,
(21:44):
that shit just goes into your memory, and then you
look back and you can like, actually, you can like
read your life a little bit. You know, you could
be like, hey, I talk to my kid about especially
because you have like young kids, you know, like they're
saying shit. Maybe they they want to you want to
remember when they're asking you about it later, or do
and ship you want to remember, you know, And it
doesn't have to be a huge chore. You know, just
bullets I think is good sometimes, you know, yeah, sorry,
(22:11):
go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Oh no, I was just gonna say, whenever I think
of journaling, I think of writing these big, huge paragraphs.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
No, no use a bullet Is that what you got
time for?
Speaker 2 (22:28):
That's interesting. I'll have to give that a shot.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
You say, you said your name is Josh or that
was your I know it was a fake name.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Yeah, it's a fake name. I wish, I wish I
could use my real name.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
I want you, but I'm not going that's that's okay,
that's okay. Why do you wish you could use your
real name?
Speaker 2 (22:46):
I don't know, because it just feels it feels more
like like I don't I don't know. That's a good question.
It feel more like, uh, like I'm not just hiding
behind a like a mask and I'll just talk to
a random per something that gave you fake name.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
No, I don't w Well, we are both talking to
a random person that we don't know. There's no hiding
behind that.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
But yeah, yeah, but for me, for me, it feels
like in a way, I know, I don't I have
no idea who you are, but I know your your
persona online you anyway, I feel like I know you,
but in reality I don't.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
You've well, yeah, I mean it's as if it's as
if we have It is a little bit as if
we have spent five hundred hours together.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Yeah, several several hours.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Yeah, which is enough time to get to know someone
in a sense. Right, It's kind of weird.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah, it's gotta be weird for you. I I couldn't
even imagine like having a large following and then people
talking to me that I've never met before, like like
they know me.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
But I but I. But it's here's a weird thing.
I almost I know I know you via what you
know about me, and I know you via what I
know about you from the past twenty minutes. So we
can combine that those two I can combine those two
informations enough for us to have this conversation. I know
(24:26):
this is getting kind of meta, but.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
You know, I.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
Cool. Man, Well I'm well listen, but here's the thing.
Regardless of what I uh, I appreciate you sharing your story,
regardless of what happens with you know, your dad on Facebook.
I'm really happy to hear that uh uh you know
you're a great fucking dad and that you're enjoying raising
a family and the things things seem like they're they're
going well for you, man, So you know, congratulations on
(24:57):
you know, we had that guy uh trip, We had
our boy Trip talking on the podcast like a week
or so ago about you know, breaking breaking the cycle
and trying to be a good dad. So, you know,
glad to hear another one out there doing that ship.
You know, it's a noble thing to do. So I
appreciate you doing that and sharing your story about it.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yeah, thanks man, I appreciate you giving me a call
out of probably the hundreds of texts that you've gotten,
this the first. I think it's well, this would be
the second time that I've tried to call you.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Now I've only got I've gotten about how many texts
do I have?
Speaker 3 (25:37):
Right?
Speaker 1 (25:37):
And I got about uh, I got about ten?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Oh about ten? Ship. That's still that's still I still
feel lucky.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Chris Man. Is there anything else gonna say with the
people of the computer before we go? Uh?
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Well, you know a couple of years you said some
a couple of years ago that you hate when people
or you wish that people wouldn't give advice.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
So, oh, I do forget forget forget You know how
you just said that you listened to every episode of
the podcast forget anything I ever said in any of
those just forget it all. I didn't. I I was
I was drunk the whole time. That's not true. But
go ahead to say whatever, say whatever you want, man,
go ahead.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Oh yeah, I was just gonna say, uh, I love
you guys, and I hope everybody's doing well. I know
it's hard time, so we can all get through it.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Yoh, thank you Josh. I appreciate you man. You have
a good one.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah you too.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Bye, Josh, all right bye. I love you, Gek, love
you to you, buddy. Good guy like Josh. He's a
nice man. He's a sweet boy, taking care of his family,
living his life. Hmmm, I'm inspired by that. I'm inspired
by that. He's got a good he's got a good
head on his shoulders, doing a good thing.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Well, it's funny because he was asking me how it
felt like to be twenty seven, and I'm like, dude, bro,
you have like I feel like when you have two kids,
you're like a real ass adult. I feel that's why
I feel like I'm sixteen. You know, I'm in a
precarious situation where like if I fell asleep right now,
you know, nobody, nobody relies on me to uh exist
(27:22):
and not die. You know that has this pros and cons.
I think you know, but he seems like you got
a lot of purpose from having people to rely on
him to not die. I think it's nice. It's a
noble thing to have people in your life who need
you to not die. I think that's very noble. Hello,
(27:46):
hi there, Oh my god, what's up?
Speaker 4 (27:50):
Are you kidding?
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Nothing? There is no kidding, There is only uh seriousness.
What is your name?
Speaker 4 (27:59):
Oh my god, my name is Lida.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
I'm at work right now, Yo, Lida, you're at work?
Are you? Are you able to interrupt your workday to
have this conversation right now?
Speaker 4 (28:11):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Okay, okay, great, great? Could you do me a favorite?
Could you take me off of like speakerphone or headset
or whatever?
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (28:21):
Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, you're off, you're speaker. Now.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Where are do you work?
Speaker 4 (28:27):
I work at a hotel. I am a housekeeper?
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Oh okay, are you off toilets?
Speaker 4 (28:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Are you cleaning people? Are you cleaning ship off of toilets?
Right now?
Speaker 4 (28:41):
Thankfully, I'm actually done with that. My work just do
was like a summer like barbecue. So yeah, it was
really good. But like I'm allowed to throw up because
I just ate too much food.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
What did you eat? Would you have to eat?
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Okay, let's see. I ate two cookies, I ate three cupcakes.
I had a hamburger. I ate a hot dog. I
ate some pizza salad, pizza salad, hold up pasta salad,
my bad pizza salad sounds really good, though, somebody should.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Come up with that's a that's a lot. Do you
feel Are you okay? Do you need medical atte? Do
you feel okay right now? Mentally and physically after getting that?
Speaker 4 (29:27):
No? But my mom is a nurse, so I will
be okay.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Okay, that's not I don't. That's uh. It's helpful that
your mom's a nurse, but I don't. Does it guarantee
that you'll be okay forever?
Speaker 4 (29:43):
Yes, it does. I'll probably live forever because of her.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
And you know what, I respect your confidence in that answer.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
Nobody else has agreed with me on that.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
I don't know if I may have talked about this
on the podcast once. I had a kind of embarrassing
moment when I went to Tijuana a few months ago.
I I'm a serial clogger. I'm known amongst the community
as a serial clogger of toilets.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
And oh my.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
God, I remember that episode you talked to that one
guy who was like, I clogged too many toilets, so
I can't live anywhere.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Yeah, I'm like that too. That's why I can't have roommates.
I clogged too many toilets. I was. I was at
this hotel and I had like, uh, I clogged the toilet,
and I had to I went down to the front
desk and I had to be like tns esta and
then do the like toilet plunger motion, like I'm plunging
(30:42):
a toilet. And then they were like then they were
like one second and then and then they came up
to my room and they were about to go in.
They were about to go in, and uh unclogged the toilet,
and I was like, I took, I took this toilet
plunger and I and I unclogged the toilet.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
That's how I feel when I talk to my coworkers,
because they yeah, anyway, wait, okay, I'm nervous.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
There's nothing. There's nothing nothing, nothing has happened. There's no
this is there's nothing to be nervous about. I I
we can uh yeah, there's you're not being like you
don't try to be please, don't. You don't have to
try to be anything. You don't have to try to
be anyone. You don't have to care about this in
any way, shape or form.
Speaker 4 (31:34):
I don't care about anything.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Good good good.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Well, okay, let's there's a few things. Well, let me
ask you this, was there a particular thing that you
wanted to talk about today.
Speaker 4 (31:48):
Let's see see, Unlike everybody else, I've thought about this
like a bajillion times.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
M hm, but hmmm.
Speaker 4 (31:57):
Let's see. Okay, I just graduated from from high school.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
Yeah, okay, And.
Speaker 4 (32:11):
Let's see I just got actually, I just got accepted
into cosmetology school.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Very nice.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
And let's see, my brother got out of prison and
he's coming to live with us.
Speaker 1 (32:23):
Oh are you are you excited about that?
Speaker 4 (32:28):
No? But you know, here's the thing. I have two
I have three brothers. One of them passed away, and
so now I'm having to be like extra thankful for
my other brother. So I'm kind of trying to not
be mad, but like, I'm in the middle of going
(32:49):
to school, and it's kind of crazy that, you know,
he's coming to live with us. I haven't seen him
in years, in the middle of me going back to
like cosmetology school, and so I'm just like, but.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
You know, okay, why uh if you want, I mean,
if you want to talk about it, why uh you
would you had a very quick reaction when you said no,
why no to being excited about him coming home.
Speaker 4 (33:24):
Well, as a housekeeper, I am very particular about how
I keep my living area, specifically like my bathroom, and
so I don't think I really have to elaborate too
much on that.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Okay, do you guys do you guys share? Do you
guys share a living space?
Speaker 2 (33:46):
Like?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Do you live in the same room?
Speaker 4 (33:49):
No, I have my own room, but we're gonna have
to share like a bathroom, okay kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Are you excited to see him?
Speaker 4 (33:58):
I'm excited to see him. I am. I am. He's
just a huge dick wad is how I would describe him?
Speaker 1 (34:07):
Is he older or younger?
Speaker 4 (34:10):
He's older, he's in his Uh all my brothers are
in their thirties. I was quite the not planned sing
so all I have every single one of my brothers
are getting up there. So just fine.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
You talked about and I'm sorry to hear about your
brother that passed away. You were talking about how okay,
because you have this is how many brothers? And is
he the last remaining brother? Is there another brother?
Speaker 4 (34:47):
So I have another brother that is on my dad's side. Okay,
but he I don't talk to him. He's like bald
and stuff, and he.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Has a kid, and the you don't talk to him
because he's bald.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
Partly he gets it from dad.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Okay, all right, that's fair. Sometimes sometimes you just don't
want to talk to bald people. I get that, and
I understand, yeah exactly.
Speaker 4 (35:14):
And he's and he has a kid and stuff, and
so it's just like, yeah, hey, you're my you're my
brother man.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Okay, all right, I get it. Yeah, yeah, sure, you're eighteen.
When you think of like a brother, you're like, you
think of like a boy. You're like, you think of
like a Dexter's laboratory kind of a boy. But your
brother is a your brother is a bald, old man
with a child's and so you're like, I don't even
(35:44):
you're like a You're like a tertiary. You're like, I
need to invent a new word beyond brother, uncle cousin.
I need I need a new word to describe how
I feel about you. Yeah, that's how That's exactly what
it is. Okay, I get you. I get you. So
(36:04):
then so then let me so let me ask you this.
Uh the you're saying that you want to use this
opportunity to foster a better relationship with the brother that
is coming to live with you. Do you do you
feel that way? Oh?
Speaker 4 (36:21):
Let's see, I do feel that way. Let me think
I do feel that way?
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Really hey, real quick, real quick? Can you I don't
know if you did something to your phone, but if
you could just hold it right up to your ear,
that would be great.
Speaker 4 (36:32):
Sorry, sorry I had to take off my hoodie because
we're not allowed to wear at work. But anyway, Yeah,
so he's coming down, and then my dog Actually he
doesn't like people. He only likes me and my mom.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Mm hmm. So that's wait wait wait wait wait wait wait,
but but before you start talk about your dog, do
you are you trying to use this as like a
way to like, are you looking forward to like building
a relationship back with your brother?
Speaker 4 (37:10):
I kind of am. Here's the thing, he's just kind
of a jerk, you know, he's just kind of a jerk,
And that's like the main thing. But other than that,
I guess I am. That's me excited. I haven't seen
him in a long time.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
Mm hm.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
When when was the last time you saw him?
Speaker 4 (37:33):
I saw him? Let's see, done, like three years.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Three years?
Speaker 4 (37:43):
Do you? Yeah, like three years, because.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Did you visit him at all in prison?
Speaker 3 (37:51):
No?
Speaker 4 (37:52):
So the thing is he was there. He's all the
way in Wyoming. I live in Oregon. Ohkay'm find you
for Renica. Okay, it's okay. Sorry, my coworker had some
drama for me. But anyway, we haven't visited him because
(38:15):
he kind of like, I mean, we call him and stuff,
but he kind of like he's too far away. Even
when we go down to visit our family in the summer,
he's just like way from where it's accessible to us.
That makes sense.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Do you ever write letters to him or anything like that.
Speaker 4 (38:35):
I did not write letters to him. I don't write
letters to him, but we do talk, and you know,
I tell him, like you know, brother and sister stuff.
I guess like I tell him what's going on, but
nothing like I don't know. He's just like we're not
(38:55):
as we're not as close as I was with my
other brother. We were much closer when that passed away.
We were much closer. He's uh, it was like very cool,
very cool fellow.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
M They're nothing you like, do you alright? Do you
is it possible? Do you think that your brother has
like changed at all and praise Like, do you think
he'll have he'll re emerge a different guy.
Speaker 4 (39:29):
And that's what my mom keeps telling me. My mom
thinks that he has because you know, we talked to
him on the phone and stuff, and he seems a
lot more normal than he was. I mean, I can
say this, I think Yeah, I think so he was
like addicted to mess and stuff. So he was just
(39:51):
kind of like not who I remember him being when
I was younger and stuff like that. Yeah, so it
was just kind of like a struggle to I guess,
relate to him and have a good relationship the way
we did before. Yeah, if that makes.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Sense, Yeah, that makes sense. Is he is he clean now?
Speaker 4 (40:17):
He's clean now just because I think it partially is
mostly because he can't access it anymore.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
But that's a that's a solid way to stop doing anything. Yeah,
it is, it is.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
It is.
Speaker 4 (40:32):
It is. But I mean, I I I sympathize with
him and whatnot. Ah, but it's just kind of hard
to because he was.
Speaker 3 (40:46):
Very rude.
Speaker 4 (40:48):
But otherwise what is left to be done in here?
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Well, listen, what's your name again?
Speaker 4 (40:57):
I've heard everything, but wipe it down. Sorry, my name
is Lena.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
Lena, Lena. I'm gonna let you get back to work,
but uh, you know, I appreciate you sharing your your story,
and I hope that uh things go well with you
and and your and your.
Speaker 4 (41:13):
Thank you than your brother. Thank you. I appreciate that.
I appreciate that. And uh yeah, I've been listening to
middle school so this is awesome. I couldn't even believe it.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
Rock and roll. Man, Well, thank you very much for listening.
Good luck, and I'll see you. I'll see you around
the universe.
Speaker 4 (41:33):
Thank you so much, Thank you so much. I'll talk
to you later maybe probably bye bye bye.
Speaker 3 (41:42):
No fucking way that works, bro.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
What's up?
Speaker 3 (41:45):
Man?
Speaker 1 (41:45):
What's your name?
Speaker 3 (41:47):
What's up? My name?
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Has life?
Speaker 3 (41:51):
Personally? In my life, a lot is going great, but
then like in the world, it seems like everything kind
of stucks.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
Yes, yeah, uh a lot. Don't you what that everything
in the world sucks?
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Yeah, I mean I have a lot of thoughts on this,
and I get into fights with people about it sometimes
about whether the world sucks because well because and I
don't know, I hate uh, part of me wants to
shut up, but I'm the one who has a fucking podcast.
(42:27):
But this is large part of me that and you
know what, fuck it is. The world's for as long
as we've been around. You can point to, you know,
terrible things, Yeah, you can point you can for as
long as we've been around, you can point to dictatorships,
(42:49):
and you can point to, uh, genocides and atrocities and
horrible things and so and so we're just dealing with
We're we're we're the human beings alive at this very
moment dealing with the horrible things going on in the
(43:12):
world at this very moment. But we it's not. It's
all and it's all new to us, you know what
I mean, it's all new to us. But like, uh,
I mean, fuck man, we you know we had that,
there was the there's been if you if you want
to go and take a look, there's been horrible There's
been a horrible thing yet, if you want to go
(43:36):
take a look, there's been horrible things happening forever. And
I don't and I say that sometimes when people think
I'm being dismissive, I swear in my life I'm not.
It's just no, it's not.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
It's not dismissive to say that like war is always
a thing, because then if that also means if war
is also always happening, that also has to mean that
good thing are always happening as well simultaneously.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (44:03):
Yeah, there's always been ship in the world. There's always
been bad stuff, there's always been for but there's always
been super cool as always been.
Speaker 1 (44:12):
I I I, and I don't say it to be dismissive.
I say it to be hopeful because I think people
have this uh, because we're you know, every every hundred
years there's new people. And I think people have this
uh feeling that like everything we're going through is like unprecedented,
(44:34):
And I and I have I have that feeling a
lot of times. And it's scary, and I mean, it's
certainly unprecedented for us because we've never well sorry hold on,
let me let me finish talking real quick.
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Oh yeah, okay, sorry.
Speaker 1 (44:49):
It's unprecedented for us because we're the people that uh
have you know, we're the first people going through it
as are we We're the it's the first time for
us going through it, right yeah. Yeah, But I mean
and also America, it didn't feel like uh, we always
(45:10):
felt like uh because we're like in power right now
at this point in the world, and so we always
felt like we were the like, oh, we're gonna be fine.
Nothing bad is ever gonna happen to us in America.
We're stable, you know, and uh, you know, everything is transient.
(45:31):
So yeah, we're kind of dealing with our own insecurity
in that sense. But I think it's kind And again
the reason I said people think I've gotten enough fights
with friends because when you know, I say things like, well, yeah,
you know, there's always throughout all of history been places
you can point and things you could point at, and
(45:53):
to go like, oh, that's so horrible, and they think
I'm saying it to be like, oh, it's not that bad.
I'm not saying it's I mean that it's all that bad.
I'm saying it to me, like, you know, uh, this
fear that we have of like the world is such
a horrible place and everything is so unprecedented and whatever whatever,
(46:13):
Like I don't I don't think that that fear is helpful.
And I think a more helpful attitude is like, well, yeah,
the universe has always had problems, We'll always have problems,
and we've always move, We've always been able to just
(46:33):
as a species, uh, get through them. And that doesn't
mean we should let our guard down. And that doesn't
mean we shouldn't be cognizant of things, but it does.
It means it's like, hey, listen, you we're not the
every hundred years, there's a new people. We're not the
(46:53):
first group of people ever to deal with hard and
precedented things. Everything that's ever motherfucking happened in in the
universe is unprecedented. It's always happening for the first.
Speaker 3 (47:08):
The first time we've it's just the first time we've
experienced it.
Speaker 1 (47:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, So that's that's all I have
to say.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
Yeah, of course, yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:18):
It's great. It's but like I want to go live
my life. Man, I want to it. It's I I
guess what. I I can see why people think that's
a dismissive take, because I want to I want to
counter that take slightly, like I'm not I want to
(47:39):
dismiss it, but I feel.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
Like, because.
Speaker 3 (47:47):
We pee, I want to live, like I want to
do stuff like I used to be really really depressed
like I used to.
Speaker 4 (47:55):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (47:55):
I mean not to get like super into it or anything,
but I gotten I've gotten tree close to crossing over
the Rainbow Bridge a few times by my own hand,
and like I wouldn't want to say him over that
period of my life, but it's definitely I'm never going
to get that far again. And I'm at a point
in my life. I just moved into my apartment with
(48:17):
someone that I considered to love my life and he
considers that as well, and we're trying to move to
Germany together because he's German, and it just you know,
it works out, and you know, I'm really excited, Like
I'm going to go over there to first thing to
study German German culture and then study music, and it's
(48:38):
just I'm really really excited to live and I want
to do all this stuff. But all these unprecedented times,
it seems like every day there's a headline that comes up,
like my partner's trans too. And I'm not gonna get
too much more into that because of what people like,
(49:02):
what the culture has shifted to today, what the government
has shifted to today, I'm scared and I don't want
my life to be cut short because of that. That's
why I feel like people would say that's dismissive, because yeah, sure,
fascist governments have existed before, but the people died in
(49:22):
them and I don't want to die and I don't
want anybody to die, so like, and I know you
weren't saying, oh, we shouldn't do anything about it. I
know you are, but like, what do we do about it?
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I'm not
going to pretend like I have an answer for that
of what we do. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:45):
No, that's a whole people, that's a degree.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
Yeah, I'm not going to pretend like I have an
answer of what we do about it. And I'm only
speaking to uh, I'm just speaking to like this sense
of like on dread of like uh, you know, feeling
feeling like things are unprecedented. That's all I'm speaking. I
(50:10):
don't have a I don't have a I don't. I'm
not pretending like I have a solution for, you know,
the state of the world. I I wouldn't even it's
so deeply beyond me and even I Also, if people,
you know, think I'm being dismissive, that's that's okay. This
is just how I feel when I when I get
anxious about the world.
Speaker 3 (50:31):
Yeah, definitely definitely a lot to be anxious about, that's
for sure.
Speaker 4 (50:35):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (50:37):
So what do you so, what do you want to
do that you like, you want to leave you want
to go move to Germany?
Speaker 3 (50:45):
Yeah, so, I mean so that's that's the like decision
that I've got. It decided for a multitude of reasons,
and the government actually being a pretty small part of
that decision. Most of it is simply because my partner
is part German, he lived there during the summers when
he's a kid, and it just works out really well.
(51:06):
I've always been interested in German culture, and because I
was also his plan and we we reconnected. We went
to high school together, but we lost contact after a
few years and then reconnected kind of recently, is like
ten months ago now, and a few months ago moved
(51:27):
in together. So it's just I want to go to
Germany with him because he's the love of my life
and it's so great and I love him so much.
Speaker 1 (51:36):
And so why are you so, why are you saying
that you you don't feel like you can live your life?
Speaker 3 (51:44):
Well speak like not It's not that I can't in
long story short, but the people running the systems of
our like world the airport. Government might not let that
happen because of stupid culture war issues like uh trans
(52:07):
quote unquote ideology and uh like race war ship people
just stop realizing that the war is not left or right,
but it's up and down.
Speaker 1 (52:22):
Sure, yeah, I I I agree with that, but so
and I I agree with that and empathize that that's
a terrifying thing. But I want to get down to
why you feel like you can't like do the things
that you want to do.
Speaker 3 (52:46):
Like, I guess, what do you what do you mean?
Then I'm strug going to understand that.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
You said you said I want to live my life.
Speaker 3 (52:54):
Yeah, I guess in a way, I'm kind of let
the pressure of that whole government not let me live
my life already. I like, personally, I've kind of gotten
myself into this weird bubble of just not seeing one
just going to work and going home. But that's more
(53:17):
of like a personal like I guess my personal well
it is personal issue, but not necessarily related to the government.
Speaker 1 (53:26):
Okay, okay, So so why do you feel like you
can't live your life? And also I guess what does
it even what does it mean for you to live
your life?
Speaker 4 (53:38):
Well?
Speaker 3 (53:40):
Well, so I'm a I'm a musician. I might have
mentioned earlier. I'm playing on studying studying music in Germany.
And that's just kind of how that's what that is
my life, That's how I live my life. I've been
playing drums since I was too my dad taught me how.
It's just that's how I live. And for for a
(54:06):
good while, I had this band in the local scene
and I did a lot of shows. Sorry, it's gonna
get uh, it's you opened up a can of worm,
just gonna get a little dark here. I had a
I had a band and we played a bunch of
shows around the scene. And this one time we did
(54:27):
a show at a park, uh in middle of the city,
and we were we were doing it and this park
has like some like dangerous architecture, and kid freaking died
climbing it. And it kind of like climbing it because
(54:51):
you're not stills a climate. It's like all fenced off
one hundred feet up in the air or actually fifty,
but still this kid went top defense like a lot
of kids, do you know what I mean? Did people
go into the show and he like literally fell off
and died at that show. That I was playing and
it was a it was a quote, yeah I wat show.
(55:12):
I don't know if you've heard that term before. It
was like yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. So ever since that,
I kind of.
Speaker 1 (55:23):
It kind of just like.
Speaker 3 (55:26):
Made me go back to how it was before I
did all that band stuff, because that was like I
started to do the band stuff after I like finished
a program to deal with my personal issues, like I
got addiction issues, I got trauma issues from middle school
(55:49):
middle school bullying. It was like intense, tense uh stemming
you know, into addiction issues.
Speaker 1 (55:58):
So then.
Speaker 3 (56:03):
Where am I?
Speaker 4 (56:04):
Where am I?
Speaker 3 (56:05):
Like I train of thoughts?
Speaker 1 (56:08):
Sorry, So that's that's that's okay. Well, I mean listen, man, look,
let's you want to bring it back to I guess
what we were initially talking about.
Speaker 3 (56:15):
Yeah yeah, sure, sure.
Speaker 1 (56:17):
I mean just the just the concept of like living
your life right, Yeah, you have you have okay? So
I mean you have this uh uh partner that you're
very in love with, and you want to go within
to Germany. And where do you live now? Uh?
Speaker 3 (56:36):
In the city. I I don't care people people know me.
I live in Seattle.
Speaker 1 (56:40):
You live in Seattle, Okay, and you want to move
to where in Germany.
Speaker 3 (56:46):
Well, it's it's gonna be a few different places. It's
going to start with Munich because there's like this program
that I'm going to be doing for German language, but
Munich to be determined.
Speaker 1 (57:00):
Brother, I don't know you very well, but you sound
like you're living your life pretty well. You know, you're
in you're in a you're in a relationship, you're about
to go learn fucking Germany. You you sound like you're
doing again. I don't know you very well, but you
you sound like you're living your life.
Speaker 3 (57:14):
Yeah, I mean I am. I definitely am. Don't get
your wrong. Especially this is because, uh, you know, I
moved out of my parents' house to go to my
partner's apartment and that was only like the second time
I lived by myself after her going to Florida. But
(57:34):
that's a whole lot of dan worms mm hmm. But like,
so yeah, in essence, I am, I'm just not like
doing as much as I was, so I I.
Speaker 1 (57:57):
I don't know, that's I guess those are my I mean,
I guess back to talking about just general world events.
I mean I kind of think.
Speaker 3 (58:07):
That's just the whole thing.
Speaker 1 (58:08):
Well, I don't have I don't have a solution for it.
But uh, I mean living your life the best way
you want to live it is uh, you know, with it,
but living your life the best way you want to
live it within the confines you have to live it
is uh. One of many good answers, one one of
many potential good answers. AH to facing this weird a
(58:40):
dread that I think our generation is looking forward to
the world with.
Speaker 3 (58:47):
Yeah, yeah, it's I don't know when it comes to
my life objectively, like with even with me not feeling
I'm like, I'm living it like objectively, like when I
really looked at it, I do, like I love I
(59:07):
love my life right now. I love working, coming home
to my partner and just you know, living Most of
the time we cooked cooked dinner by ourselves because it's
just expensive to eat. But it kind of made me
realize that I like cooking again. So that's fine. Been
surviving off of me so soon because it's so easy.
(59:32):
But yeah, but I guess other than that, Uh, first,
all the personal slide stuff aside, I I don't know
what else there.
Speaker 1 (59:47):
Talk about, ship, what we tald, what we talked about
A lot.
Speaker 3 (59:52):
We did Yeah, that's true. I text, you know, a
text I told you, like I worked for the you
your company rentals.
Speaker 1 (01:00:01):
Mm hmm. Do you do you feel do you feel
there's any well, I mean, do you feel I guess
on on all the subjects that we've covered, and I
want to I genuinely want you, genuinely want to know.
Do you feel satisfied with our conversation about them? Is
there anything else you want to bring up? Or you know,
(01:00:22):
because we're talking about some big stuff and you know,
I know you seem you feel, you seem passionate about it,
and so I want to, you know, make sure we
get all the angles if that you wanted to get.
Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:00:38):
No, no, I I do feel good talking about it.
I guess I'm still just a little I wasn't expecting
to talk to you right now anyways, but.
Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
No, it does feel good to.
Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
Kind of get it all out there in a in
a way I kind of haven't really put it all
out there like anybody else for a good while now,
like like the way I did, Like I've you know,
gone into bits and pieces of it, but just you know,
saying everything that I've been thinking about, because this is
pretty much what I've actually been thinking about, like this
(01:01:14):
exact conversation and all stuff we're talking about has kind
of just been the stuff I've been thinking about this
past three weeks, like weirdly on repeat, and I don't
know why what specifically, just like well, so starting off with, uh, personally,
how everything's going good in my life, but then it
(01:01:37):
seems like, you know, my government is trying to attack
me and everybody I love. Yeah, I've been thinking about
that a lot. But then also just the you know,
personal aspect of it being like, Okay, so why am
(01:01:58):
I not doing anything right now?
Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
Although like, uh, why are you not do you? But
you're doing a lot? What do you what do you
like you're not doing?
Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
Just like that's the thing like going to shows, Like
I haven't I've been really doing much with my music lately,
is what I'm trying to say. Like I haven't been
going to many shows at all, really haven't been going
practicing guitar. I haven't been recording much, like and that's
kind of like for the longest time, the thing that
just has been the biggest part of me, Like that's
(01:02:30):
like that was my thing, that was the thing I
am good at, Like without that I don't know. Mm hmm,
I was kind of serious identity crisis, crisis if that
music wasn't the thing.
Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
Mm hmm. Let me say, let me say this, let
me let me you know, let me let me say this,
and uh, people might take issue with this, and but
it's I don't know, It's it's how I'm feeling in
the moment that I'm thinking about this right now and
I'm talking to you. Is that uh, like, listen, you
(01:03:10):
have things you want to do. You you you want
to learn German, and you wanna foster this relationship you
have with your partner, and you wanna play shows, and
you wanna do all these things and and and I'm
sure that you as a lot, as a lot of people,
as most people, I don't know about most people, but
(01:03:32):
as a lot of people, uh, in fucking America and
in the world, are get get stuck in like dread
dread loops, like very existential loops because you see ship
that's going on in America and in the world, and
it fucking freaks you out. Yeah, because it's freaky, because
(01:03:53):
it because it's freaky stuff. And the thing I wanted
to say that is, uh, you know that I guess
I feel is like, look, the best one of the
best forms of resistance is like, it's important to be
aware of these things, and it's important to fight against
(01:04:16):
these things, but it's really really deeply important to go
you know what. Yes, yes, yes, there's a lot of
fucked up things happening, and powerful people are are doing
bad things in the world. But I'm not I draw
the fucking line at my sanity. And that's how I'm
(01:04:40):
gonna resist. Is is if I because I go on Reddit.
If I go on Reddit every day, and every day
I go on Reddit, Reddit is like curated this thing
where if Reddit bro, like you, yeah, I don't have
to tell you, right, I go every day. Reddit has
curated bro, they're getting you know what, fuck it. I'm
not being I'm not gonna be apologetic about this. I'm
(01:05:01):
gonna be passionate about this. They're really I really feel
this way. Reddit, Twitter, Instagram, all these things, they they
have curated for us a fucking daily thing where we
can go and every day we have the opportunity to
(01:05:21):
just spiral in a fucking loop of all this shit.
And I'm telling and I'm telling you, like, if you
really want to fight back for brother, for you. The
best way I think you can fight back, I really
mean this is to go you know what you can.
You can manipulate the universe and you can go after people,
(01:05:43):
and you can do all this fucked up and you
can kill people. You can do all this fucked up shit.
But I'm drawing the line at my own sanity. I'm
gonna put the phone down. I'm gonna go to the
fucking DIY music show, and I I Am going to
uh in a form of existential spite, try to enjoy
(01:06:07):
my life, you know, as opposed to And I'm I
and I know what every and I know what you're
all fucking doing because I go on Reddit and I see, like, dude,
you go on read it and like you look at
like every day there's a new Trump thing to get
upset about, and you and I look at the comments
and instagra, I and you look at the comments, and
(01:06:28):
the comments are filled with people being like you know,
like commenting being pissed off. It's filled with people who
are it's it's filled it's filled with people who are
like you know, letting it like take up their brain,
(01:06:49):
like your like bro, like you're you have a finite
amount of time to exist and to do the things
you want to do, and you gotta protect it really carefully.
You gotta protect it, You gotta you gotta protect it
as carefully as you can. And I know that there's
certain things that are going on in the world that
are just unavoidable, but you have to put up a
(01:07:11):
little bit of effort to protect your attention and what
you spiral about as much as you can. And the
best form of resistance that you got again is the
ability to go, I as the ability to look at
that Instagram post and go, I know that someone's making
fucking money off of me getting pissed off right now,
and I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna fucking go
(01:07:35):
play my guitar or go study German.
Speaker 4 (01:07:38):
You know.
Speaker 1 (01:07:38):
That's the that's, in my opinion, the best resistance that
you can do. Because when you're when you're spiraling, it's
like people are the the most engaging emotions are are
are fear and anger and all the companies and all
these So when you're stopping on the Instagram post and
you're you're letting your existential dread about the state of
(01:08:02):
the world stop you from living your life. You're you're
like you're you're really letting them win. And I really
don't think you should do that. And people can, you know, ah,
say that it's like ignorant, but that that's and And
I don't think that what I'm saying is the whole
piece of the pie. I really don't. I'm not going
(01:08:23):
to pretend like what I'm saying is the whole piece
of the pie. But I think it's an important piece
of the pie.
Speaker 3 (01:08:27):
So yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you Jack. I think
you know, I think I really needed to hear that
really badly.
Speaker 1 (01:08:39):
Like I.
Speaker 3 (01:08:43):
Knew it subconsciously. It's like kind of people know that,
like they can like know things be where they know
it cautiously. But it's I appreciate you kind of talent
me the way you did the work. I don't know,
it just it made sense.
Speaker 1 (01:09:02):
Good good, I'm glad. I'm glad. And and by the way, man,
you have a nice life, you know you really you do,
Like yeah, you like like you have. You were excited
about the future, you got You're gonna go on this trip.
You have this person that you clearly love in your life.
You have these hobbies that you cleue love in your life,
like just don't like please please, like obviously it's hard,
(01:09:24):
like things are scary, things are happening. I understand that,
but just don't don't let it take you out of
your life for too long, just like understand a nice life.
Speaker 3 (01:09:34):
I've spent way too much time in like that way
but really dark head space to have her go back there?
So good good fuck that?
Speaker 1 (01:09:45):
What is your name again?
Speaker 2 (01:09:47):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (01:09:48):
Actually you know I said my real name beginning of
a podcast, but I'm realizing now you could like change
it up. I'd be I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (01:09:56):
Sure, I can, I can. I can get rid of it,
just like I know.
Speaker 3 (01:10:02):
I know live stream internet isn't permanent.
Speaker 1 (01:10:04):
But on this you're your name. Get rid of your name.
Speaker 3 (01:10:10):
Well, do a coffee. I'm in front of a coffee shop.
Speaker 1 (01:10:13):
You can call me coffee, perfect coffee. Is there anything
else you want to say to the people of the
computer before we go?
Speaker 3 (01:10:23):
Keep your head up, keep going even though life my
fucking suck outside my scene like that, I guess, don't
like make it interrupt your personal life for inject your
personal life as I sort.
Speaker 1 (01:10:41):
Of have se Yeah, thank you do you have a
good rest of your life.
Speaker 3 (01:10:46):
Thank you, you as wells blesses.
Speaker 1 (01:10:53):
Thank you, But he's not really an expert.
Host
Lyle Drescher
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