“I WAS UNINVITED TO MY FRIEND’S WEDDING”

A caller struggles to make peace being uninvited to his friend’s wedding after dating his sister, and an existential bridge inspector talks about the mundane beauty of his life.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, what's up? Who is this? Is this? While? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Who is this?

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Oh? My goodness, that's amazing. My name is Elijah.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
How are you Elijah? What's up? Man? How am I?
I am fine, I'm okay, I'm living life. I feel
pretty good. Actually, scale one's a ten like a seven. Yeah,
I feel pretty good. I feel ready to have this conversation.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
I feel really all right.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah I do. I feel ready to have this conversation.
I feel I feel like I don't know what you're
gonna talk to me about, but I feel like I
can thoroughly engage with you for at least twenty minutes
or that depending. I feel ready to engage with whatever
you have to talk to me about. That's how I feel.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Well, that's amazing. Wow, you know, I hear it's a
lot listening, and it's like, never thought I'd actually be
in this position. But everybody's like, oh man, you know,
I had all these things to say and now I'm
on the phone, and what do I talk about? You
know you just had a blank But yeah, I don't know.
I had texted you earlier about something, and I feel

(01:17):
like maybe that's a good jumping off point.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
Perhaps, Sure, I didn't read the text, but you can
tell me what it was.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
So very good friend of mine is talking about his
wedding and I don't think that I'm going to be
invited to the wedding because I used to date his
sister and she is going to be there.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
Ooh, I okay, Now did you and the sister end
on good terms or bad terms? Or neutral terms?

Speaker 1 (01:52):
I would say neutral ish, maybe, like a chaotic neutral possibly.
I mean she there wasn't necessarily anything wrong in the relationship.
It was just I feel that she had reached a
point where, you know, things may be fizzled out. You know, honestly,

(02:14):
I'm gonna say this, and this is like the most
fucked up part about it, is that the main reason
she broke up with me is because I didn't want
to start my own business. That was literally like the
big because like I work corporate and I have a
very nice job and I'm still doing what I love
and I make good money doing it. She's like, yeah,
like you have a boss, you don't want to like

(02:35):
do your own thing, and like my industry, like my
field is like for you to be your own business owner,
you would be making way less money than what I'm
doing not owning my own business.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
You know, So she broke up with you because she
didn't because you didn't want to start your own business?
What makes you now? What makes you feel like that
was the main thing versus like that?

Speaker 1 (02:58):
Definitely? She set it out right.

Speaker 3 (03:02):
Really well.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
She said that I had well it was more of
a drive thing. But that drive concept leads back to
me not wanting to start my own thing or own
my own thing. And I kept telling her, I'm like,
you know, that's it's a lot of headaches, it's a
lot of stress that quite frankly, I would rather not
deal with.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
Weird. How long were you dating?

Speaker 3 (03:29):
For?

Speaker 1 (03:31):
About two years?

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Okay? And did this did this idea of like you
don't have enough drive come up a lot?

Speaker 1 (03:39):
I mean not a lot. She had brought it up
a few times, so like for a reference, I'm a chef,
right as she was like, oh, you know, you could
do catering or you could open up your own restaurant
and all that stuff, like to leave my cushy, you know,
insurance and for a one k gig to just kind
of like jump out there. And now there's people that

(03:59):
do it and they're very successful. And I understand that,
but like risk to reward, I'd rather not be responsible for,
you know, my future as much. Does that make sense?

Speaker 2 (04:10):
Yeah, of course, Well yeah, it's not for everyone, the
fact that you don't want to do it. But also
like I don't know, you're a chef, right, you're working
for another. I mean, you're still you're still working hard,
You're still making the fucking food. It's just like you
don't want to have to do all the other bullshit
involved with making food, with opening a restaurant. That's not
because then then your job stops being making food and

(04:32):
then it becomes like posting and ship.

Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, exactly. And a good advice that I got years
ago when I started doing this is that the higher
up you go in the food chain of a kitchen,
the further away you get from the stove, which is
like why everybody falls in love with it, you know,
is the fire and the excitement and the and the
throwing salt on shit. But like, I mean, I'm in
a management position at this point where thankfully I get

(04:57):
to choose how much I get the cookers, like paperwork
involved too, and scheduling and stuff like that. But like
at the end of the day I worked for a
corporation that they're not going anywhere anytime soon. I'm always
going to have a job. The company's treated me very
well so far.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
How was the relationship outside of that, like, did was
it relatively good?

Speaker 1 (05:20):
I mean, I what's fucked up is that prior to
this relationship, I was with a girl for seven years
and I never once thought about like proposing to her.
I was just kind of like complacent with the relationship.
But I was with this other girl for damn near
two years, and I had ring money saved up, like
I had like a couple grands saved up that I

(05:41):
was like waiting for the right time. I'm like, oh,
we'll book a trip and I'll get down on my knee.
And then as I'm thinking about this, she's like, yeah,
by the way, we got to talk, and I'm like, ah,
I know what that means. That's not good.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
What was it about this woman that made marry her
so much?

Speaker 1 (05:59):
I feel like there was just a lot of connections.
She was my previous relationship. That girl, she was just
like very much like a timid yes yes man kind
of thing, like oh you want to do this, Yeah,
we'll do that. But then like this other girl, I'd
never been with somebody who was just so A lot
of my friends said she was a bitch, but like,
I don't agree with that. She was just she just

(06:21):
knew what she wanted, you know what I mean. She'd
be like, hey, this is what I want. We're going
to do this, and I'd be like, hey, you want
to go do this and she's like, no, I don't
want to do that. Obviously, she would take what I
wanted to do every once in a while, even if
she didn't want to do it. You know, you got
to give a little bit in a relationship. But like
outside of that, I mean, it was just very there
was very much a connection.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
Yeah, what was it?

Speaker 1 (06:44):
What was it?

Speaker 2 (06:45):
What was it that attracted you so much? To that
energy of knowing what like her knowing what she wanted?

Speaker 1 (06:54):
I couldn't really tell you. Again, I think it goes
back to my extremely long relationship before that, where I
never had that. I only found out after the fact,
like in an argument she'd be like, oh, well, like
I do this for you, you know, And like that
never came up with this girl because if she didn't
want to do it, she wouldn't and then if she
didn't want to do it, but she would do it
for me, she would just say that. She's like, yeah,

(07:15):
like this is your thing, Like I like to go
to concerts a lot, like kind of like like heavier concerts.
She's like, yeah, I'll go with you, but I'm not
going to go get ruffed up by a bunch of
dudes in the pit with you. I'm like, okay, So
then you know, stash her in the back by the
merch booth, and then I go have fun. And I
mean we still got to experience it together, just not

(07:37):
you know. And then she wouldn't complain. She's like, yeah,
this is what I wanted to do. I just I'll
stand in the back, you go have fun. I'll drive
you home after you break your glasses in your leg.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
So do you feel a lot of grief when she
broke up with you after you're planning to propose?

Speaker 1 (07:53):
It was actually so bad that I moved across the country.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Mm.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
And this is only a couple months ago, by the way,
I just moved here. I think I'm on months three.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
How's it going?

Speaker 1 (08:11):
Is pros and cons? I mean my job, I was
able to move with my job, so they paid for
all the moving expenses. Where I'm living now, i'm paying
more for less. Like the last place I was living,
I was living in like the newest most high tech
apartment complex that there was, Like the if you left

(08:33):
the fridge open too long, it would like sing a
song that told you it was open too long. Like
the washer and dryer in the unit was like one
one thing I'd never seen that before. So like you
put your laundry in it washes and then afterwards you
said it to dry and you don't even have to
move the clothes. It was very nice. And now I
live in like a studio for like six hundred dollars
more months than like kind of a shadier part of town.

(08:56):
But I needed I needed the new experience, the new faces.
You know, it was really hard living in that city
because it was like I had taken this girl everywhere,
and then you go to those places and you're just
reminded of the times that you spent with that person
that you're never going to talk to again.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
Yeah, so I.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
Have none of those memories here.

Speaker 2 (09:16):
So wait, I'm confused. And so I'm sorry if I
you said this already, But the job that you were
staying in That was the whatever straw that broke the
camel's back. Is it a remote job? Like, how were
you able to keep it?

Speaker 1 (09:32):
No? So again, I worked for a big corporation. I'm
not going to dox myself, but yeah, yeah, it's a
hotel change. I just transferred hotels. They have an entire
website where it's like find a job, and then you look,
and then I saw one in the city that I'm
living in now, and then I applied for it. I
got the job, and then they were like, hey, we'll

(09:53):
move you all the way across the country into this
new city for a new job. It was a promotion too,
so that was nice.

Speaker 3 (09:58):
Cool.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
Did you move a do you know anyone there?

Speaker 1 (10:02):
I this is up in New England and I have friends,
you know, kind of close, like in New Hampshire and
Rhode Island, which is a bit of a trek but
still close enough. But yeah, I left like a whole
life that I had built for years down south to
move up north again. Right at the wrong time too.
It was snowing earlier and I was like, God, I
haven't seen snow in years.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
So it's two months and how are you feeling about
your decision.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
I feel better about it every day. I think I'm
kind of hitting a stride here. I will say that
living going from a red state to a blue state
is very different because the price of cigarettes are outrageous.
M but I mean personally, but going back to if

(10:56):
you don't mind going back to like the initial thought.
So I met this girl, right, and then I met
her family. Obviously I miss was right around the time
I was having trouble with my roommate. I needed somewhere
a new to lips. So her younger brother, him and
I became friends. We got similar interests. He was like, oh, well,
you know, I'm trying to move into this apartment. You
want to move in with me? So then him and
I were roommates for a full year. So we became

(11:18):
very good friends. And I remember after she broke up
with me, I went out and got very drunk, as
some people do, and I had called him. I was like, dude,
like you know what happened. He was like, yeah, you know,
she just talked to me about it. And I was like,
but like we're still cool, right He's like yeah, obviously,
Like our relationship isn't affected by what you did with
my sister. You know, I was like cool, cool, But

(11:40):
now again I'm finding out that he's going to get
married and I'm like, oh, dude, like congratulations, Like when's
the wedding? Where is it? Like I'll try and take
some time off to come to it. And he's just
like yeah about that, Yeah I don't know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
Oh so how did that conversation go.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
I mean it was pretty much be like defending my
side of it because like my last day in that city,
I went to the bar that I'd also preface. I
was introduced to her by my old boss because me
and my boss we would go out drinking all the time,
and she was one of the regulars at this bar.
I remember the one day. I'm still getting over my

(12:20):
seven year relationship, which I also moved across the country for.
I have a bad habit of getting broken up with
and moving to a brand new city I've never been to.
So I'm like all depressed about this, that and the
other end, my boss text me and he's like, hey,
you know, so and so is asking about you, and
mind Jesus, girl was phenomenally out of my league and
I'm like, yeah, right, you're probably just drunk. At the

(12:40):
bar and your wife left you, right, and you want
somebody to drink with, so you want me to come
to the bar. And then his wife text me and
she's like, if you don't stop being fucking depressed and
come out to the bar and talk to this beautiful girl,
I'm gonna be pissed off at you. And at that
point I knew it was true, right all right? So anyway,
fast forward four years later, I'm I go out to
hang out with my boss in my last night in
the city, and she's there. I didn't talk to her.

(13:03):
I didn't say anything, you know, very just yeah, she
wants to talk to me, she'll talk to me. If not.
Then Also, as soon as she broke up with me, coincidentally,
she's with this other guy who lo and behold owns
his own like bar. So I want to say that
that maybe was playing into it a little bit, but yeah, yees.

(13:24):
So that I'm talking, I'm talking to my friend and
I'm like, hey, you know, if I go to the wedding,
I'm not going to fucking cause a scene, you know
what I mean, I'm not gonna if she doesn't talk
to me, I'm not going to talk to her, like
I'm there for you, I'm not there even to see her.
Like if I go the whole night without seeing her,
it's looking cool, you know.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
Yeah, do you do you really even want to go
to this wedding that this fucking lady is gonna be at?
Like when is the wedding even?

Speaker 1 (13:52):
Oh see, it wasn't planned yet. It was kind of
like I just found out about the proposal not too
long ago. I was like, oh, well, do we have
date for the wedding? When is it? Like, let me
know what it is that I can plan to fly
out and be a part of it, because like, you're
a very good friend of mine, I'd like to be
a part of your special day kind of thing. And yeah,
I don't know. It was just a lot of resistance

(14:15):
from him about it. It was just like, yeah, well,
you know who's going to be there kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
I feel like, I mean, do you want do you
want to be around that lady?

Speaker 1 (14:28):
You know, it's not about her, it's about him, you
know what I mean? Like I've looked past the fact
that she's going to be there in order for me
to show up for my friend.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
You know, yeah, well, clearly your ex is like influencing
your friend to be like yo, like, you can't invite
clearly this this woman is like, you know, throwing her
weight around in the family dynamic, I suppose, and has

(14:58):
has successfully influenced your friend to be like you're out,
you know, I.

Speaker 1 (15:05):
Mean yeah, And granted that's that's his older sister. He's
known her his entire life. But in the short time
that I knew him, I'm like, come on, we're boys.
You know, we've been through some stuff together, Truman's with
the roomies kind of stuff. You know.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
Yeah, but she got she she got in way earlier
than you did. I mean, because I actually I thought
I thought, I thought you met the sister through your
friendship with the brother. But if you start the friendship
with the brother through relationship with the sister, that's a
bit of a different story, I think.

Speaker 1 (15:39):
Okay, okay, so are you saying that? Like, so, what,
what in your opinion should I should I feel about
this situation? Like to me.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
Well, listen, I'm not in the business of telling people
what they should feel. But any ponders feel feel whatever
you want. Any Well, that is my ponder is, like,
you know, look, you met this guy, you lived with
him for a year. You guys became good friends, you
dated this girl, and now you're in a new city

(16:12):
you don't live. How often do you talk to this guy?
Are you like really good friends with them?

Speaker 1 (16:16):
I mean talking and you know, sending each other memes
or two different things, I guess, but at least every
other day we'll have a text conversation about something, you know.
And then I'm I'm a pretty big proponent of calling
your friends because like, I've moved around a lot in
my life, so all like five of I would call
my best friends, like my inner circle everyone lives in

(16:38):
a different city that I've lived in kind of thing.
So it's like whenever I get the chance, I like
to shoot people's phone calls and just kind of like
even it's just for like ten minutes, Hey, how you doing?
You know, like, how's life, what's new? Everything good?

Speaker 2 (16:53):
So again, again, when you talked to your friend about this,
what was his vibe? Was he like, ah, yeah, sorry
about though? Like what was his vibe like was he
being apologetic or was he just like ah sorry, man.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
It wasn't like my hands are tied like it did
come off as if like it was his own decision,
which obviously we already talked about the influence behind the decision.
I'm sure, But at the same time, he did make
it sound like it was like his call, which at
the same time, I feel like I did mention something
about like, hey, you know you you are in a

(17:27):
position to say no to her. I mean, it's your
fucking wedding. It's not like it's her wedding, you know.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
Yeah, but yeah, but it's true, he is in a position,
but he didn't take it. You know, it's a bummer.
I'm gonna tell you how you should feel. But it's like,
you know, he assessed the situation. You came in after
you know you you you your relationship with him formed
after the relationship with her. It's just it's a mess.

(17:58):
I think it's an understandable, lee fragile situation your homie.
But listen, your homie probably is not stoked about I
don't think this is like a reflection of your friendship
with homie. I don't think he stoked about it. But
I think he, for whatever reason, has made the decision
to you know, he's the piece I suppose, or he's

(18:20):
his sister by not having you there. Now, how you
should feel about it, I don't know, but whether or
not you want to now if you were like, you
know what, I don't feel valued in this friendship because
you didn't stand up for me whatever, and you want
to start spending you know, sending a few less means
to this guy. That's understanding.

Speaker 1 (18:41):
No, No, I don't think that I'm taking it personally
in any kind of way. I'm just trying to understand
the where where is the real issue with me actually
going because outside of her?

Speaker 2 (18:56):
But yeah, yeah, but it doesn't Yeah, but we can
ponder on this stuff. But like it doesn't really matter
because he made the decision already, you know.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
Like, yeah, it's not something that I want to press either,
like not at least in a conversation. It's not something
that I'm gonna bring up again and be like, hey
you think about it again, like you have any second thoughts?

Speaker 2 (19:18):
Yeah, but yeah, I think here's the thing is, like,
if you decide you're offended and you don't want to
be homies with this guy anymore, like you know, I
think that's justified. But also if you're like, Okay, I'm
gonna be homies with this guy, don't like be homies
with him. But then yeah, also like press him about it.
Also also who knows, right, the wedding hasn't even been planned, right,

(19:41):
there's not even a date, And you just broke up
with this lady two fucking months ago, you know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
So like it was a little longer than two months,
but I know what you're saying.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
Yeah, so who knows this la By the time that
this lady, by the time that your brother gets married
and whatever, maybe she moves, like things could evolve emotionally
to the point where you are you are invited back
by I don't think you should press about it. I
don't think you should be like, you know, you should

(20:10):
let it consume you necessarily.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
But yeah, I mean it was just a bummer. It's
not like all consuming. It was more just again me
trying to figure out outside of the obvious my sister's
going to be there, Like, is there is there like
anything else, you know, like there's something about me because
there was one time pretty shortly after the breakup where

(20:33):
I did I mean, I was drinking and doing a
lot of drugs because I mean I had all this
ring money just sitting around. So what do you do
with it. I got like five breakup tattoos, did a
lot of coke, drank a lot, and so then like
there was this restaurant that I let, like my favorite
restaurant right by where I used to hang out after
work at the bar, but I had been there for

(20:54):
like eight hours drinking and non you know, nonsense. And
then me and he's like, yo, dude, guess where I'm
going tonight. I'm like, oh shit, like where he said
the name of the restaurant, like my favorite restaurant, which
was right around the corner, and I was like, ah, dude,
like let me tell him, you know, like let's go
like order some appetizers, like there was this one duff
thing that I really loved there, and he was just like, ah,

(21:17):
you know I would, but there's gonna be like other
characters with me. And then I'm like all right, fine, whatever.
And so then I sat at the bar and I
kept drinking. I was like, you know what, I'm gonna
go sit at the bar at that restaurant and I'm
gonna eat the duft thing that I wanted because this
is my life. And then like later that night he
texted me he was just like, yo, like she totally

(21:37):
saw you, and she was like kind of pissed off
that you were there. But like I didn't I didn't
talk to them at all, Like I didn't even look
in their direction. I just enjoyed myself and my food
and my drink. But again, that was definitely not the
smartest decision. But that was the only time anything like that.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
Every So when he said when he said his sister
was there, your ex was there?

Speaker 1 (21:57):
Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. So it was like their dads
birthday that they went out for. I was like, oh, oh,
other characters are going to be there. Fuck you. I'm
my own person. I'm gonna go eat at the bar.
Yeah listen, which again bad decision, but I was also
heavily intoxicated, and I I was just kind of like

(22:20):
in a fuck you mood. I was like, I'm gonna
do what I want to do with my life because
it's my life and I can do that. But again,
when when you say those things, the things that you
do with that sentence aren't always very justifiable. Usually use
that statement when you're doing things that you kind of
know in the back of your head you shouldn't be doing.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
That is that is kind of hilarious. But you were
there on their dad's birthday. I thought it was just
because I thought I thought it was just your friend,
like I don't know, like trying to like keep his
friend groups apart or whatever the fuck he's doing. But
the fact that it was the family birthday and you're
just there at the bar like in their eyeline.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Yeah, no, Like she totally just like looking at me
the whole time, apparently like why is he here? And
I went with my buddy that I was sitting at
the bar with. I was like, have you ever been
to this restaurant? And he was like no.

Speaker 3 (23:10):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
I was like, come on, we're going, We're going to
order some food.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
Listen, here's okay, okay. That story has informed me a
little bit more on what the dynamic is over here.
And uh, listen, brother, my friends, what's your name again?

Speaker 1 (23:29):
Elijah?

Speaker 2 (23:30):
Elijah, Elijah Brother. I think you gotta let this go.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
Oh no, I'm working every day towards it. You know,
every day gets a little bit better.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
I think I think you gotta let it go. I
think that your impulse to move across the country is
not necessarily a wrong one, but I think if you're
moving across the country to build a new life for yourself.
I think you should invest in the life that you
are building in that new country and perhaps lay to
waste the emotional energy that you still have in the

(24:01):
life in which you left behind, which includes, uh somewhat
emotionally divesting yourself from that family in general.

Speaker 1 (24:12):
To see, I've had that thought too, because I'm not
gonna lie despite the fact that he's my boy, like
and you know, a pretty inner circle friend type situation.
It's like talking to him sometimes does kind of like
trigger you know how your brain makes connections. Well, obviously
this guy's connected to that part of my life. But

(24:32):
at the same time, I don't want to let go
of a very good friendship just because my friend.

Speaker 2 (24:37):
You don't Okay, you don't have to. You can keep
sending to memes, but like I mean, let go of
uh you know this, like like I'd let go of
the wedding thing, I'd let go of like any any
kind of like a negative emotional energy you're getting from
this guy, like he's let it go. Is fucking if
if if things are now weird with him and like

(25:00):
the family events because of this restaurant situation, and because
of the breakup. Just let it. Just let it go
and let him have as much uh.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
What is it?

Speaker 2 (25:12):
Let it go and let him have as much involvement
in your life as he desires to have, you know,
don't I wouldn't go to I wouldn't and I would
also not get to because you're getting pissed off about
this stuff and it's just like taking you away from
your life.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
I wouldn't say that I'm pissed off. I'm just more
like inquisitive of you know, like the greater Why. But
at the same time, that's just me personally.

Speaker 2 (25:38):
Sound you sound like you sound like you're as inquisitive
of the greater why as much as you wanted to
go to that restaurant that they were going to that night.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
Well, why you gotta say it like that.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
Because you know I'm right?

Speaker 1 (25:58):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
So let's look, You've been on the phone with a
human gecko man about this for twenty five minutes. So
clearly it's taking up even even the inquisition, whether or
not you believe it to be benign, it's hostile enough
to your life that it's taking up precious brain resources
that you could be using to you know, go talk
to other beautiful women that exist on the planet, and

(26:22):
you know, make make food and do all the other
things with your life. So let it go as much
as you possibly can. That's that's my Uh. Can I final?

Speaker 1 (26:34):
Can I branch off on what you just said just
a little bit because I've been I've been listening to
this for a few years now and a lot of
there's a reoccurring scene that you put out there which
I've been trying to take up, which is, is go go
somewhere that has a you know, a community based around
something that you like to do, and the city that

(26:56):
I'm in now literally has none of those, And.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
Why then, why the fuck did you go there?

Speaker 1 (27:03):
I thought it would be a good idea, And I'm
slowly finding out that this place because I've visited this
city prior to me moving here, and it was a
lot of fun visiting. But now that I live here, it's.

Speaker 2 (27:16):
Like, Uh, what city is it?

Speaker 1 (27:22):
All right?

Speaker 2 (27:22):
It's Boston, Boston, Okay. There's nothing to do in Boston,
nothing that.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
I like to do. And I mean I'm the type
of person who likes to go out and like try
something new too, you know what I mean? Like the
last city I was in. There was like this pottery
place where like you go and you spend I don't know,
like sixty bucks and you do like a pottery lesson
and you learn how to use a pottery wheel. And
I had never done it before. I was like, fucking,
I'll go do that. They did like it. There was
like a cheese making thing. Now granted that's a little

(27:50):
bit more like my niche, but like, yeah, you know,
I'll go out and I'll do that. They got top golf.
I don't really golf, but like I go do that.
But here it's like I have yet to find anything
that peaks me or anything a lot like in that
vein and then like I I go to bars a lot.
Let's I'll go all right, I'm gonna I'm gonna.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
All right, I'm gonna all right. You're not gonna like
what I'm about to say to you, Elijah h. But
I'm gonna say it. It'll be it'll this. I'm gonna
say it. I want to get your thoughts.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
On it as you say it from a kind plate.

Speaker 2 (28:24):
You're not gonna like what I'm gonna have to say,
but I'm gonna say it to you. Okay, I think
the the thing of your girlfriend being like, you know,
you gotta get your drive up or whatever hurtful thing.
Hurtful thing. But I think in some sense, when you're

(28:49):
broken up with even if you really don't like the reason,
and you can be like, oh she's a bit you
know this and the other thing like you, you have
to kind of look and be like, well, to what
degree are they correct? You know what I mean? And
so for you this thing of like uh, getting your

(29:11):
drive up. I suppose, h you can live your life
however you want to live, but like, if you want
to indulge in community and you want to have these
like you know you're talking about, Oh, there's nothing to
do in Boston, it's like you got to get your
entrepreneurial spirit up a little bit, you know, and see like,

(29:31):
like how much have you really dug in there or
tried to make a thing before you've concluded that in
the entire city where millions of people live, and I
think millions of people live in Boston, but where you
know all these people live, that there's nothing for you
to do. It's like, you know, I would say to
you to you know, increase your drive and if there's

(29:52):
nothing for which exists, then you know, perhaps you create
it or you continue your search for it, you know
what I mean?

Speaker 1 (30:03):
Yeah, again in two months. I'm not saying that it
doesn't exist. I'm just saying that I haven't found it yet. Okay,
is a little.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
I'm pretty sure you said it doesn't exist.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
It hasn't exist. Well, until I see it, it doesn't exist.
But okay, you know. But also, yeah, you're talking about
the creation aspects, and we're going back to like that
whole why why did the relationship end? Because I don't
go out and fucking start my own thing. It's like, yeah, you.

Speaker 2 (30:32):
Don't even have to say you don't even have you
don't even have to start your own thing. But you
got to give a little more of a push before
you decide there's nothing that exists in Boston that's that
you would like.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
You know, that's true. Yeah, I'll push it a little
bit more.

Speaker 2 (30:52):
Elijah. I'm rooting for you, Okay, I don't. I'm rooting
for you.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
I think I appreciate it. I got I'm rooting.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
I'm rooting for you. I'm in your corner. I want
I want you to have a you know what, I
want for you. I want you to have a fulfilling
social life. I want you to have a fulfilling relationship.
I want you to enjoy your fucking life. And I
think that stewing over this thing is not additive to

(31:28):
those goals. Let's say though, it is. Though, it is tempting.
Though it is tempting, And I know that because I'm
I too have been tempted by stewing over things that
pissed me off. Yet bring me nowhere.

Speaker 1 (31:45):
Close to It's the one tree that you were told
not to eat from. It looks the tastiest. You know,
don't eat from this one tree. It's true, we're ending it.
I do. I do have a comment that I knew
that I ever got on here. I'd have to say.
So recently you did this Thanksgiving thing with your sister.
I have to know. This is just like a set

(32:06):
that was awesome by the way, I mean, all of
them are awesome, but I like it, and you have
that you were even talking about just having real people
on the podcast. And don't get me wrong, like I
love all of your celebrity guests, but like just to
have like your sister, who's just actually like for lack
of a better words or just a fucking real person.

Speaker 3 (32:26):
You know.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
But during that, during that you were you always ask
what people's names are, and she's like, wow, you really
do have name blindness. And then I was thinking to
myself because I always thought it was a bit. I
thought it was a running bit that you do on purpose.
But then after she said that, I was like, maybe
it's not a bit. But then I got like very
uh like in my head, and I was like, but

(32:50):
what if he told her beforehand that it's a running
bit and she has to play along with it?

Speaker 2 (32:55):
You know, I've said, I've said multiple times it's not
a bit. But also what really pisses me off is
that people are like, oh, you're so forgetful, and it's
like I could talk to someone for an hour, like like,
quiz me on anything, Like we've been on the phone
for thirty three minutes, quiz me on anything except I
do remember your name. Surprisingly, but if you but if

(33:15):
I forgot your name and you quizzed me on any
other aspect of your life, I could probably give you
the answer because I'm paying attention to what you're actually saying.
Even if I've forgot.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
Your no, I'm I'm completely the same way. I'm horrible
with names, but I'll never forget what you do to me,
what you say to me, or how you treat me.
You know. Yeah, So I just I don't know. I
just thought it was funny how conspiracy. I got in
my head after your sister was like, wow, you really
do have a name blindness, and I was like, oh,
it is true.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
But then I got in my head. I was like,
he probably told her to say that.

Speaker 2 (33:45):
No, that's true, that's your No, that's that's too much.
It's like people, It's like people who say that the
it's like people who say that the callers on this
show are actors. It's like, I don't that would be.
That'd be you know how much more work it would
be to write a script and hire an actor to
be on on this show than to just sit here
and talk to whoever calls in. But Elijah is your name.

(34:06):
I remember that. I'm rooting for you, Elijah. I hope
that you.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
I appreciate you deeply. Thank you for your time. So tour,
I'm signed up, but like, can you can you drop it?
Or you coming to Boston because I'm showing up.

Speaker 2 (34:20):
Yeah, I'm planning to come to Boston in September. I
know it's a long way away Retember.

Speaker 1 (34:25):
Well, fine, that's totally fine. Well, I hope to talk
to you again at some point in the universe. This
has been very helpful in more ways than one. I
suppose you know. Yeah, dude, fucking real quick, what do
you got planned for the rest of the day. Anything cool?
You're hanging out?

Speaker 2 (34:47):
What do I have planned for the rest of the day.
I'm gonna finish recording this podcast and then I'm gonna
probably edit more, probably have more work to do. Man,
I gotta edit a video. I gotta do other stuff.

Speaker 1 (35:00):
But uh, I forget that, this is your job. I'm
gonna I'm gonna get drunk and place the more Kingdom
Hearts three.

Speaker 2 (35:07):
Yeah, go do that, man, Go go enjoy the toy
Story three world.

Speaker 1 (35:11):
I'm literally in the toy story world. That's so funny.
All right, but you have you have a great resume.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
Day geck, thank you, Elijah. You have a good one man,
all right?

Speaker 1 (35:23):
Peace.

Speaker 2 (35:28):
That was Elijah. I'm rooting for him. I hope he
finds a good uh life for himself. Whatever weddings are
stupid anyway, they have they have too much water. I
don't know what that means. I just wanted to say
something friend, cool, Hello, Hello, what's up man?

Speaker 3 (35:58):
Oh? My goodness, not much. I am awake today.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
That's good. That's good. A lot of people aren't. A
lot of people are not awake. A lot of people
are dead.

Speaker 3 (36:17):
Yeah, like a certain amount of people died died.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
Yeah, a certain amount of people did die today.

Speaker 3 (36:24):
One of them wasn't me. It wasn't you. It wasn't
you either.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
I know.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
Isn't that crazy? I know, I know. I've like I've
I've gotten too fucking deep into all this like existential stuff.
But once you start thinking about it, you can't you
really can't stop.

Speaker 3 (36:43):
It's literally okay. Wait, I think I think we're in
some kind of loop because I started listening to your
podcast again recently, like in the past two or three weeks,
I've gotten more into it. And I think the reason
I answered this phone call the way I did was
because I've been listening to you talk to people about
existential shit, and now here I am being like, oh, hey, yeah,

(37:04):
I'm alive today.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
It's I'm spreading it like a virus or something.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
Like, yeah, yeah, I've developed it.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
Yeah, I mean, you know what the funny thing is though,
And I'm trying to write something about this because I'm
like going, it's like, there's people who go their whole
lives they never think about existential stuff, and they get
the points more than people who spend all their time

(37:33):
thinking about it. Because if you spend your whole life
thinking about life, you know, it's stupid. You should be
living life. I was my friends my friend once was.
I was talking to my friend about this kind of
existential stuff and he's like, he's like, it's like if uh,

(37:53):
it's like buying a dog and being like, oh, this
dog is going to die one day. And my friend
was like, that's not the point of the dog is
that it's gonna die one day.

Speaker 1 (38:05):
You know.

Speaker 2 (38:06):
It's like, it's it's just stupid. It's it's stupid to
think too much about it. I mean, it's not stupid
to think too much about it, but it's no, it's
stupid to think too much about it. There's an optimal amount.
There's an optimal amount of thinking about life. There's an
optimal amount.

Speaker 3 (38:21):
Do it right. It makes you appreciate the cleanness of
the dog more. Yeah, and maybe you spend some more
present days with the dogs because you know it will die.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
But that's stupid too, because like, uh, man, can I
get I'm gonna get dark for a second, please, Like
I've been hanging out with my I was with my
parents over Thanksgiving, and uh, when you're really existential and
you're with your parents, all you can think about is like, fuck,

(38:56):
they're gonna they're gonna be gone. And I'm like, oh, okay,
let me really soak up the this is depressing, but okay,
I'm like, let me really soak up and try to
be present in the moments that I feel like are fleeting.
And I've realized that whether you were present or not,

(39:18):
they're gonna still fleet you know what I mean. It's
like you can be you can be so present, but
it's still not gonna do it. It's not going to
do anything.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:30):
I had that kind of similar experience of visit my
grandma this Thanksgiving, and I had those kind of same
thoughts sitting there with her. But she's interesting because she
starts talking about death now ever since she hit like
eighty yeah, which is just crazy because she's like a
person who like will tell me that she's still afraid

(39:51):
of death, and that's just like crazy to hear, and
like it kind of scares me because I want to
get to a place where i'm her age and I'm like,
all right, I'm getting older whatever, yeah, you know, but
she's like very much like, oh I woke up today,
my back hurts, Oh my god, I'm gonna die. My
life sucks, and so I freak herself out.

Speaker 2 (40:13):
You know, shit, yeah, no, no, you imagine. Yeah, you'd
like to imagine that by the time you get to eighty,
you're ready. But to meet someone who's eighty and she's like, no,
I'm not ready to go. That's the most terrifying thing
I've heard.

Speaker 3 (40:26):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, here's the fuck out of it.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
Well, well yeah.

Speaker 3 (40:40):
Uh did you eat breakfast today?

Speaker 1 (40:42):
No?

Speaker 2 (40:42):
I yeah, ad a protein bar. We'll be fine. It'll
blue cares. You know, I've been not I've been dead
for most of the time.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
You're dead.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
Yeah, I've been dead most of the time. Like I
was like, uh like like, for example, like a history
is interesting to me because I'll read about like, uh,
like you kind of think that.

Speaker 3 (41:13):
This.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
I think I'm a nar Sometimes I think I'm a
narcissist because really, unconsciously, unconsciously, I think I have a
belief within me that the universe doesn't exist unless if
I'm actively there to perceive it, which is a crazy
thing to believe, even unconsciously, So like this is stupid.
I'll be reading about like like the French Revolution on Wikipedia,

(41:39):
and I'm like, well, where was I during all this?
It's like, you didn't you were you were? You didn't,
you were nothing. You had nothing to do with the
French Revolution. There's an infinite amount you had nothing to do.
You had nothing to do with a guy in China
eating food today. You had not like you know what

(41:59):
I mean. There's infinite amount of things that you had
nothing to do with. You didn't matter for them. And
but that's fine. You shouldn't want to be that important.

Speaker 1 (42:12):
You could be.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
You could be so important. You could be like like
Donald Like I was thinking about like Donald Trump is
like like everyone's talking about him and all the time
he's he's theoretically he's the probably important is the wrong word.
But he's the most perceived individual on the planet. Probably, right,

(42:34):
he's the most Yeah, he's at least the top five
most perceived talked about individual on the planet right now,
and by like, by the time I have kids and
they're my age, he'll be long dead and they'll nobody's
talking about him anymore. Nobody will be talking about him

(42:54):
by people.

Speaker 3 (42:58):
So many people measure their success in terms of like
how how relevant am I? Mm hm. He might very
well be one of those people.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
Exactly. He's the most relevant guy on the planet, and
he's gonna be like he was never any and even
he the most relevant guy in the way, he's going
to be like he was never anything. Yeah, but that's
kind of Do I think he's happy?

Speaker 3 (43:23):
Yeah, Like is that our goal in life to be happy?

Speaker 2 (43:25):
I think I have to say I think that because
he's the president and he's like doing all this stuff,
whether or not, Like I think I think he seems
to be deeply present in his life, you know what
I like to be. Uh, Like, if you're giving a

(43:46):
press conference and you're talking to the world and you're
like commanding the military. I don't know whether or not
he commands the military, he probably has some how to
do that for him.

Speaker 1 (43:54):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
And he's like meeting with Zoran Mondam and he's doing
He's just like every day, Like every day he's doing
a bunch of stuff. So I don't know if he's
so I think so he's probably happy only because he's
so deeply present in his life at the age of

(44:14):
seventy nine. And by the way, and also by the way,
like you can be like really angry and really afraid
and really greedy and really wanting, but those are all
like present emotions, you know, like if you're like, yeah, like,
I don't think he's depressed, you know, like because if

(44:35):
you're depressed, like if you're sitting alone in a room
and you're not doing anything and you're like, oh, what
should I do with my life? Then you're depressed and
you start going into despair. But he's not sitting around
like what should I do with my life? He's like
he's at minimum. I don't know if he's like happy.
I don't know. I don't know if what happy means,
but he's at minimum extremely present in his life.

Speaker 3 (44:56):
I think I like meditate every morning or I try to,
and I spend so many of so much of my
time thinking like we might who am I doing? And
you're telling me this guy who probably was not I'm
assuming he is not meditate. That's assumption I'm making. I
don't think he wakes up every morning and meditates you
figuring dead. No, and you're saying that he is far

(45:16):
far more present than I am or perhaps ever will be.

Speaker 2 (45:20):
Yeah. No, here's the thing. Overthrowing democracy takes a lot
of presence, Like it takes like to stage a coup
and over try to overthrow the US government. It's you
have to be in your life. You know. You don't
have time to get depressed when you're doing that. So
in a way, I do think that that makes a

(45:43):
person happy.

Speaker 3 (45:46):
That's a good point. I maybe I should find a hobby.

Speaker 2 (45:52):
Like that exactly. Yeah, I mean there's there's better. I
think there's like for as in engaging as overthrowing the
American government was is for him. I think you could
find a similar level of engagement in like playing soccer.

Speaker 3 (46:14):
You know. Yeah, that's a good point. Is it interesting
that you were born at a time in history that
your life progressed in such a sense that you are
now a get go computer person, Like if you were

(46:35):
born during the French Revolution? I wonder I think a
lot about what my life would have looked like if
I was born in a different period of time. So
I feel like being born at this period of time
has allowed me to grow up in a sense where
I think a lot. But I feel like if I
was born in a different period of time, I would
and maybe have lived a very present life in the

(46:56):
sense we're talking about where I was just like, fuck,
I need I need to get some food and not
get stabbed.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
Yeah, totally. Yeah. Well, because we have access to more,
Like the average person has access to so much more information.
And this is only in the last like less than
twenty years compared to how much along human beings have

(47:23):
been around. We have access to infinitely more information than
like every human being that has ever lived has basically, dude,
last night, I don't know why, but last night I
was getting really into North Korea. Like I was just
like I was down. I was down like a YouTube
rabbit hole. I was like reading about Kim Jong un

(47:45):
and like, fucking, there's like seven maybe top ten. Yeah,
I don't Kim Jong un. Maybe maybe he might be
in the top ten, but he might I don't. He
might be in the top ten most perceived people. I
don't know. There's I feel like Sabrina Carpenter is probably

(48:08):
perceived more than Kim Jong un. Is I mean he's perceived.
I mean, let's say there's twenty five million people. There's
like twenty five million people in North Korea, and they
all heavily perceived Kim Jong un every day. But how
many monthly streams to Sabrina Carpenter get, She probably gets
more than twenty five million. So she's probably more perceived

(48:31):
at least in this moment than Kim jong'un.

Speaker 3 (48:35):
But she were perceiving him last night.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
I was, I was perceiving him last night. I was
watching some YouTube video and I was talking about how
there's seven hundred and fifty I think, I think there's
something like seven hundred and fifty thousand troops stationed along
the border of North Korea and South Korea. And I
was thinking about those people, because if you're guarding the

(49:03):
border of North Korea and South Korea, you're and your
whole life, you've been like propagandized to you know, believe,
you know whatever, like whatever they're making you believe that
you're doing. That's seven hundred and fifty thousand unique consciousnesses

(49:27):
and human bodies that are no different in any way,
shape or form from mine, and for some reason, I'm
like a guy living in America talking on a podcast
thinking about all this stuff, and I'm like, there's and

(49:47):
I was just watching it and I was like, why
am I not guarding the border of North Korea right now?
No reason, no reason, there's no fathomable reason why I'm
not guarding the border of It's insane. You can't think
about it too much, or else it'll ruin your life
if I think too much about why I'm not. If

(50:11):
I try to think too much about why I'm not
guarding the border of North Korea right now, it'll ruin
my life.

Speaker 3 (50:18):
Well, ultimately, it really doesn't matter why, because it's here
and it's changing it so.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
Yeah, and I'm never gonna know. I'm never gonna know why,
and it's only gonna distract me from because I don't
live in the existential grandiosity of my life. I live
in like the days, and thinking about why I'm not

(50:48):
guarding the border of North Korea is not gonna make
my days better. It's only gonna make them more freaky.

Speaker 3 (50:57):
It's an interesting thought to have, but I think the
key is kind of noting it and being like, all right,
I'm going to get back to the living now.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
It's true, like cool thought, dude, Yeah I remember, yeah,
go ahead, no, go ahead. I remember the day that
Charlie Kirk died. I was like on Mike, I was like, oh,
I watched the video. Do you watch the video?

Speaker 3 (51:28):
Okay, So I actually didn't watch the video.

Speaker 2 (51:31):
Horrible video.

Speaker 3 (51:31):
I made a choice not to.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
Yeah, it's a horrible video. Yeah, it's a horrible video.
I watched it and I was like, it's a really
just it's a really disturbing video. And I watched it
and I was like, oh wow, I watched it. I
was like I was like thinking about it, and I
was like, man, this guy was just like he just
like snap just died, you know what I mean. And
it's like, fuck, you can just die. And that like
really freaked me out thinking about that. Can he just

(51:55):
dies dies? Snap die? Freaked me out. That and if
just my whole day, like I was fucked up. And
then I remember at one point I like went on
YouTube and started watching something else and I was like, oh,
I've moved on from that thought.

Speaker 3 (52:14):
Yeah that's in yeah, because I mean, you didn't really
have any attachments to this particular person, so it kind
of meant a lot to you for a second, and
then you're like, Okay, my life continues on.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
But you know, even if I did have attachment to
this person, yeah, like life style, life still moves on
in a weird, well way.

Speaker 3 (52:36):
So yeah, I kind of I heard this thing in
like my meditation practice, which is literally just me using
the headspace app So yeah, whatever. But the thing that
was said that kind of changed my perception of just
the world and what I'm aiming for in life was
that what I should be looking for is not happiness,

(53:00):
because that's just a fleeting feeling, just like sadness. Is
what I should be looking for is like a feeling
of just being content and at ease with the fact
that Okay, I'm here, I'm alive, and life goes on.
Because like in life, you're going to like your loved
ones are going to die, You are going to lose
someone you care about or something you care about, and
that's of course going to make you feel sad. It's

(53:22):
supposed to. Just like you're going to experience things in
life that make you feel happy. But the one thing
you can carry consistently through both the happy and the
sad moments is the feeling of contentment, because if both
you and I are like, Okay, people are going to die.
I'm going to be sad that's the cost of playing
the game. Then that's us saying like okay, Like we

(53:45):
might not be like okay or thralled with the fact
that our loved ones are passing away, but we're ultimately
accepting of it because we know it's inevitable. So in
that way, even when we're like super depressed or sad
about something or at least content to still be alive
playing the game and we know that different sueings will come.

Speaker 2 (54:07):
Yeah, yeah, no, that's when I feel the best. It's
when I well, actually, I feel like I feel the
best when I'm deeply in the present because I'm completing
something that uh, I feel the best. I think when
i'm deeply in the present because I have achieved something
that I have been working hard towards. H or I'm like, actually,

(54:31):
that's probably when I feel the best is when I'm
deeply in the present because I've achieved something I've been
working hard towards. And then also when I feel content
and when I feel like when I start like, ah
want like I'll like when I want the life that
I already have that feels good. Yeah, it's a form
of contentment. It's not like a manic happiness. Actually, when
I get like manically when I get like manically happy,

(54:52):
I'll like I sometimes I'm walking down the street and
I'm like, uh, oh fuck, I wanna I'm when is
Sometimes I'm walking down the street and I'm like looking
at my watch like when is this gonna be over?

Speaker 3 (55:06):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (55:07):
And then yeah, and then sometimes I'm but also but
then I have the opposite effect where I'll be sometimes
I'll be walking down the street like in New York,
and I'm like looking around all the people and the stuff,
and I'll be like, wait, I really like life. I'm like,
I hope I get to do a lot more of this.
You know, it's between that. It's either it's either it's
either you know, I think we did it. I think

(55:30):
I'm ready versus oh no, I want to do a
lot more. So I don't know. That's I think that's
part of being uh but I guess mentally ill or
I'm not mentally ill, But you know, I meant, you
know whatever high high as Lo lows all that jazz.

Speaker 3 (55:46):
Yeah, yeah, I I okay. I think I kind of
relate to what you're saying. I kind of like I
was thinking a lot about whether I got to like
my talking about my grandma just Thanksgiving. It's like I
wonder if I accept death, and I don't think I do.
But there are some moments where I look around and
I go, man, I'm just I'm happy to have done
what I've done. And those are like really cool because

(56:08):
I feel really wise in those moments. But then, like
the more common more of the time, I feel like
I'm just like, fuck, I have more I want to do.
How I haven't done it yet. I'm turning twenty six
this month.

Speaker 2 (56:23):
Okay, yeah, yeah. I mean you ever look at like, oh,
I do this all the time. I'll look at like
a sixty year old guy and he's walking around, he's
eating soup, it's making plans, and I'm like, all right,
that's like two more of me plus a few years.
He's not freaking out.

Speaker 3 (56:43):
Yeah, yeah, he's good.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
What do you want to do that you haven't done?

Speaker 3 (56:49):
I don't know. I I think one of my biggest
purposes in life that I am just excited to get
to is to have of a family, like I really want,
I really want to like raise kids and have a
wife that I stay with. It really excites me. So

(57:13):
I think that remains the thing that kind of keeps
me motivated. And in addition, like just little moments of
just being present really excite me about life. Like I
produce music, and when I like finish a song I've
been working on means a lot to me and I'm
really happy. And when when I spend time with friends

(57:35):
and when I go on a hike, you know, like
those are moments that really bring me joy. So I'm
excited to do more of those and have like more
experiences because I love experiences. But like at some point,
just like having little experiences doesn't feel like a complete purpose,
you know, to me. That's why I feel like my

(57:55):
my answer is the family thing, because that just feels
like more of a natural Okay, this is what my
art wants to grow into, you know.

Speaker 2 (58:02):
Yeah, of course, you gotta have a little universe of
your own. That's what That's when I feel that I
happy is when I'm like in my own universe that
I feel like I've created, you know, like little like, yeah,
little experiences are kind of fleeting, but like, yeah, when
you're in kind of your own universe and having a family,
it's like the ultimate version of creating your own universe.

(58:22):
You're creating like a place where you are. You're you're
creating a thing that deeply needs you.

Speaker 3 (58:32):
Definitely. Yeah. I left. I left like my whole life behind,
and I moved to Portland in August. And I feel
like I've just been having like little experiences here because
I haven't really you know, gotten into my little niche yet.
And like over Thanksgiving, I just made this kind of
manic decision, like fuck, I'm just getting in my car

(58:55):
and driving. And then I ended up driving in the
direction of home. And that's when I visited my family
and my grandma and my friends, and I felt like
I was kind of in my bubble again. That felt
really comfortable of people I care about and love and whatnot.
And I really needed that. And I came back here
and like it's it's hard because I know I will find,

(59:19):
you know, those comfortable places here, but I just haven't
completely gotten figured out yet. So some days I've been
pretty hard being and I don't have my support system,
like in person.

Speaker 2 (59:32):
Why why did you move to Portland.

Speaker 3 (59:37):
I've always wanted to experience living somewhere else that wasn't home.
So I've always kind of had this thing in me,
and I was like, I can't stay here forever. I
need to go see what it's like somewhere else. As
much as I like love the people, my friends and
family back at home, I felt like, more so for

(01:00:01):
my soul, I needed like adventure. So like I did
a trip to Europe too before I moved here. It's
like one hundred days just fucking around, walking around, and
that was cool for like the adventure bug. And then
now I'm here just seeing what's up, and it's really

(01:00:24):
fun and exciting some days, and other days it's like
incredibly depressingly lonely, and I questioned my decisions, but it's
it's just kind of accentuating the roller coaster for me,
is what I've noticed. Mm.

Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
Yeah, that's a big thing for me as well as
like you, the balance between desiring adventure and desiring like
like stability. Although it's funny because when I was when
I'm watching the North Korea thing or like getting or

(01:01:01):
like I'm getting really into like what life is like
in other places, I'm like, oh my god, I have
such stupid problems. Yeah, when you really think, when I
really think about it, I'm like, it's fun because like
like when you're waiting in like the bread line and
like the Soviet rushier or whatever the fuck, you know,

(01:01:23):
you're not like do I want stability or adventure? You
know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (01:01:28):
It's like a.

Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Strong it's it's a strongly uh, it's a super like
first world problem. But also whatever it's it's totally a privilege.
But it's like, well, fuck, I live in the that's

(01:01:49):
I have. This is my life and my brain. So whatever,
all your problems are always like relative to your own existence,
you know, and whatever existence, however extra ravagance it may be,
it'll always have problems. However, however extravagant or shitty your
existence is, it could always be more extravagant and you,

(01:02:11):
or it could always be more shitty.

Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
You know.

Speaker 3 (01:02:15):
Yeah, that's that's something that you can go up in
your head. Yeah, compared your life to the lady. Imagine
every serpist you ever had, just compared your life to
the starving lady and Soviet Russia waiting in the breadline,
and you're just like okay, thank you, let me leave.
You leave therapy. They don't do that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:35):
They don't do they do that.

Speaker 3 (01:02:36):
They engage your problems as for what they are.

Speaker 2 (01:02:39):
They do. And here's what I think. I think when
I go to my therapist, sometimes like half the time
I want her to engage with my problems and I
want to take them seriously. But then half the time
she should be she should be like, you know, you
could be starving to death in Russia, and that's also good.

Speaker 3 (01:03:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
I think sometimes you engage. Yeah, sometimes you engage your problems,
and then other times, you know, you kind of have
to be like I could. My life is amazing, I
could be starving to death in Russia.

Speaker 3 (01:03:16):
Yeah. You ever heard the saying license too serious to
be taken seriously.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
Yeah, I've heard something like that.

Speaker 3 (01:03:26):
Does that make any sense to you?

Speaker 2 (01:03:27):
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. It's kind of
trying to hold those two things in one.

Speaker 3 (01:03:33):
Yeah, like they're both true. It somehow makes sense.

Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
Wouldn't it be funny if we both just died right now?

Speaker 3 (01:03:47):
It'd be crazy. Yeah, that'd be crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
Yeah, we both just like I don't know what, Like
we both just got had like aneurysms. Or we got
exploded or sniped or something.

Speaker 3 (01:03:58):
Dude, terrifying. Can't like control that. I don't think it
just happens time.

Speaker 2 (01:04:04):
Yeah, Yeah, what's what's your name?

Speaker 3 (01:04:08):
Oh? My name is Cole Cole, Cole Cole.

Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
Let's not live our lives in fear of our own fragility.
Let's not do that. I think it's a bad idea.

Speaker 3 (01:04:19):
Okay, because I do, I won't.

Speaker 2 (01:04:22):
I've begun to realize that I'm not special in any way,
shape or form. I'm just as susceptible to disease and
horrendous things as anyone else. It's a little scary, but
I'm gonna not think about that. I encourage you to
not think about that either.

Speaker 3 (01:04:38):
I think that's the biggest thing I need to work on.
So thank you for identifying that for me. That's like
a real that's like a real therapy moment for you, Like,
that's yeah, you did a therapy for.

Speaker 2 (01:04:54):
Me, Thanks, Matt. I feel like we're doing it. We're
doing a little therapy for each other.

Speaker 3 (01:04:59):
Maybe yeah you think so? Do you feel therapized in
some shape or form.

Speaker 2 (01:05:07):
I feel this conversation to be therapeutic.

Speaker 3 (01:05:11):
Right, I have I have one more thing for you.

Speaker 2 (01:05:17):
I guess, yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 1 (01:05:19):
I have a job.

Speaker 3 (01:05:20):
I have a job that I don't think anyone has
talked about on the podcast. It might interest you. You
might not give a ship because we've been talking about
and I'm just talking about my career.

Speaker 2 (01:05:37):
But no, I'm interested. I'm curious if your job, in
some way, shape or form creates existential dread. Go ahead.

Speaker 3 (01:05:45):
Sorry, No, it's so, it's pretty basic. My job is
I'm a bridge inspector.

Speaker 2 (01:05:57):
Your bridge inspector.

Speaker 1 (01:05:59):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:06:00):
I look at bridges and then I assign them a rating.
I give them a score on how good of a
bridge they are.

Speaker 2 (01:06:15):
Do you ever do you encounter a lot of shitty bridges?

Speaker 3 (01:06:19):
Sometimes yes, because they're old. Sometimes or they were engineered wrong.
But it's more likely that they just were old and
people don't pay attention to them. Mm hmm, and then
I shut them down. Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
Do you what is it that makes a bridge shitty?

Speaker 3 (01:06:46):
Corrosion? Okay, you know about corrosion, about corrosion, cracks, about cracks.
Have you ever heard the word spall?

Speaker 1 (01:06:58):
No?

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
I haven't.

Speaker 3 (01:06:59):
That's crazy. That's like when you got concrete and like
a big chunk of it falls out because there's cheeping
into it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:08):
It sounds like a British slang term for jizl. I'm
a spoil on your mom.

Speaker 3 (01:07:21):
Oh off book off.

Speaker 2 (01:07:29):
Does the does your job does your job in some way?

Speaker 3 (01:07:32):
Shop?

Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
What's your relationship? What's your job's relationship with your existential dread?

Speaker 3 (01:07:37):
My job's relationship with my existential dread is fuck. Because
I I got out of school, I did like engineering.
I got a degree in engineering, and I worked in
in design because that's what most civil engineers do, is
they graduate and go into like consulting work where they
just like design stuff. And I I went to design

(01:08:01):
and it's like every day I was in the office
forty hours a week in my little cubicle, doing mostly
computer work. And for me that was terrible because I
was I just like, you know, I have whatever ADHD
or whatever that I don't want to sit in the
same place every day. And I only worked there for

(01:08:21):
like eight months out of college, and I was like,
what the fuck did I do? Like I spent all
this time working towards my degree, and like here I am,
I'm gonna die in these office walls. I was. I
was not having it. It was crazy, and I found this
job posting for the bridge inspection saying where I could
use the degree I earned in civil engineering for this

(01:08:43):
job where instead of being in the office all the time,
I was in the office half the time and the
other half the time I was like traveling around the
country looking at a bridge. And to me, I was like,
oh my god, that's exactly what I need to keep
myself from like bouncing off the walls. And it really
has been. But there's also trade offs to that because

(01:09:05):
sometimes when the travel is a lot, Like I had
an issue with anxiety and panic attacks like a year
and a half ago, and it was kind of related
to my travel at the time, and I had to
tone it back a little bit, so like that was
really hard. So I was like, fuck, now now I'm

(01:09:26):
traveling too much and I want to chill out more.
But anyways, that's a lot of information. But this job
ultimately is really working for me again now because I've
kind of gotten I understand my anxiety a lot more
and it took a lot of time to grow and
go to therapy and stuff like that, and it's working

(01:09:48):
for me because half the time I'm in the office
and then right about the time I start getting jumpy
and want to bounce off the walls. I go and
inspect the bridge for a week outside and I breathe
in air, and I think, ultimately the job is working
for me in that regard. Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (01:10:11):
Do you do you ever encounter any bridge trolls?

Speaker 3 (01:10:19):
No? No, no, trolls. I don't. I don't think I've
ever met a troll here in Portland. Sometimes people like
live live there and mostly they're pretty cool, and I
just tell them, hey, like, if you don't want one
to fuck with, you just don't have a fire down here,

(01:10:40):
because the bridge owners stood upset when when they have
a fire.

Speaker 1 (01:10:46):
But they're not.

Speaker 3 (01:10:46):
Trolls, They're just they're just people living under a bridge.
Of course, of course, if I saw a troll, I'd
be scared.

Speaker 2 (01:10:55):
Yeah, that'd be terrifying, that would I wonder if that
would increase your existential dread or if that would make
you feel like there is that like there's fantastical things
out there for you.

Speaker 3 (01:11:07):
That yeah, kind of mystical. Uh. The one thing that
does increase my dread is just this exists to every job,
but it's like the corporate ladder flash people trying to
get promotions and message each other on LinkedIn and make
posts about how we're working as a company. We're a

(01:11:28):
great company, and networking events and shit like that. Like
that whole side of work just kills my spirit. I
don't know why. I don't know why I can't just
genuinely jump in and be like, oh, yes, sorry, I
work for this company and we're the best at what

(01:11:48):
we do, and it's very nice to meet you. But
it just all feels so fake to me because I'm
just going to make money so I.

Speaker 2 (01:11:54):
Can go on a hike, you know, Like, Yeah, by
the way, that's not a defect in your existence. That's
uh uh Honestly, that's a shared sentiment among a lot
of people. So I don't think you're crazy for feeling that. Well,
I don't think you're crazy for not having strong pride
in the company and just being there for a paycheck,

(01:12:16):
you know what I mean. So I don't I don't
think you're I don't think that's completely insane.

Speaker 3 (01:12:24):
Yeah, some people just like to hustle. Maybe that's how
they get their worth.

Speaker 2 (01:12:30):
What did you say your name? What did you say
your name was?

Speaker 3 (01:12:32):
Again?

Speaker 1 (01:12:33):
My name is Cole Cole.

Speaker 2 (01:12:37):
This was there. This was a therapeutic conversation. I didn't
I did enjoy this, and I hope that. I hope
that the both of us live very long lives and
eventually when we're eighty, except hopefully we make it to eighty.
I'd like to make it to eighty to be nice.
You'll have a family, You'll like grandkids and shit, that'll
be nice. Maybe I'll have a uh, you know, a

(01:13:01):
spider or something I don't know, and well, uh yeah,
I'll have like a pet tarantula that I'll give my
wroth ira two and we'll die, and more things will
happen after us, and those people will enjoy life and

(01:13:23):
eternity will be good.

Speaker 3 (01:13:27):
I'm gonna check the balance of my roth Ira.

Speaker 2 (01:13:32):
Thank you for calling cool.

Speaker 3 (01:13:34):
Bye, Lyle.

Speaker 2 (01:13:38):
You can max out your roth Ira every year and
you're still gonna die. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's
the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing
a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra
hour of the podcast that you can listen to by
becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapy

(01:14:02):
Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to
bonus episodes, They get a completely ad free podcast feed
of the regular show, They get recordings from my live shows,
members only streams, and they help support my ability to
continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this
week's members only bonus episode.

Speaker 1 (01:14:24):
She like got mad and said.

Speaker 2 (01:14:27):
Wait, hold on, what do you mean it's all over text?
Because you guys spoke after she sent you the text? Right,
you spoke in person?

Speaker 1 (01:14:35):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:14:36):
No, we have not spoken in person.

Speaker 2 (01:14:37):
You haven't spoken in person.

Speaker 3 (01:14:40):
No, we've all made it over text.

Speaker 2 (01:14:42):
Have you have you? Have you called her?

Speaker 1 (01:14:44):
The call got denied. We're supposedly we're supposedly meeting.

Speaker 2 (01:14:49):
Tonight in Okay, So you're talking to me more about
this than you have with her so far.

Speaker 3 (01:14:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:14:58):
If you want to hear this full conversation, and you
can sign up to become a premium member at therapy
Gecko dot supercast dot com or find the link in
the episode description that's therapy gecko dot supercast dot com.
All right, I have nothing else to say. There goes
on the line taking your phone calls every night.

Speaker 3 (01:15:20):
Therepy goes to his i's teaching you

Speaker 2 (01:15:23):
About in the memory of life, but he's not really
an expert.