“I’M LIVING IN A CHRISTIAN SHELTER”

A caller discusses the strict rules of the religious shelter they’re staying at, we get a positive update from a return caller, a guy almost dies doing kratom, a lady loves her goat centric job, and a final caller has regrets about monetizing his hobby. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, Hi, how are you.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm eating carrots?

Speaker 3 (00:03):
I apologize you're eating carrots?

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Yeah, I'm just snacking. Sorry about that.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
That's okay, It's okay. You can do whatever you want.
You know, there's no rules. Okay.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
I did not expect. Oh my gosh, my heart. I
did not expect to, like, my heart is being fast.
I didn't expect to actually get through.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
What is your name? Uh, I'm gonna call you carrot?
Oh Sapphire. Okay, we'll go to Yeah, uh Sapphire. Oh crap,
what was I gonna say? Have you ever spoken before Sapphire?

Speaker 2 (00:39):
No, this is my first time.

Speaker 3 (00:42):
Well, what's up, dude? How's life?

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Okay? Life is real funny right now. I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (00:52):
No.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
So for a little while now, I've been staying at
a shelter and so I've just been there and doing
their program and saving money and everything, and I, yeah,
I guess I'm struggling to figure out what exactly it

(01:15):
is that I even want out of life anymore. The
last few years have been like ridiculous, and I feel
like they kind of took away my motivation to like
do anything at all. But every day I wake up,
I go to work. I do my job, which it's
actually really funny because my job is providing clothes, shoes,

(01:38):
school supplies, et cetera to kids in the school districts
that are in the same situation as me. So it's
actually funny because I've actually helped some of the people
that I like that I live in that place with,
So that's pretty cool but also funny.

Speaker 3 (01:53):
How old are you.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
I'm gonna be thirty at the end of the year.

Speaker 3 (01:59):
Okay, And no, I guess I was wondering if you
were like in school, Like, what school level is this?
Like high school, college, middle school?

Speaker 2 (02:10):
I'm sorry, could you repeat that question?

Speaker 3 (02:12):
Oh? Sorry? What like level of school is this that
you're working at?

Speaker 2 (02:16):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (02:17):
Like K through twelve?

Speaker 2 (02:21):
Okay, it's the school district.

Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yea cool? Cool?

Speaker 2 (02:23):
Cool?

Speaker 3 (02:23):
Oh you're helping Okay, I'm sorry, yes, okay, sorry, I'm
an idiot. Okay, now now I'm like, no, I'm dumb.
I'm like, I'm like, is this lady in middle school
and she's helping out and she's like, oh, it's ironic
because I'm seeing the people I go to middle school.
I don't know why my brain wentout. No, you're helping
people who went to the same middle school, high school
that you went to that were in a similar situation

(02:44):
as you. Okay, I understand now.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
No, I'm helping like like any kid in the entire
school district. It's a big school district. And then there's
about nine thousand kids that identify as homeless in the district.
And that includes living in hotels and hotels, share housing details,
financial difficulty, and things like that, living in a car,
living in a shelter. So that is kind of what
that encompass is. So that's it anyway. Sorry, I don't

(03:11):
even know. I guess I just called because I I
just wanted to just say hi, I don't know. It
is cool.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
So how long did you say you've been living at
the shelter for?

Speaker 2 (03:24):
Oh? So, and I keep saying things are funny and
they're not actually funny. I just say that. I guess
it's been like a year.

Speaker 5 (03:35):
It's been a while.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
It's been a while I've been saving.

Speaker 5 (03:39):
So that's good.

Speaker 3 (03:40):
How is life at the shelter?

Speaker 2 (03:42):
Okay, I'm very grateful. I want to just say that
right off the that super duper grateful. It's once. First
of all, it's the best one around. They are a
Christian organization, so they do mandate that you go to
their church for the first at least ninety days, and
then you can start branching out and finding your own church.
But they do require that you go to church three

(04:04):
times a week, so and you have to go to
there at least once and so that's Sunday morning, Sunday evening,
and Wednesday evening. And when I first got there, it
was very funny, because I'm sorry, and you stop saying
things are funny when they're really not. When I got there,
the first sermon that I was you know, I attended,

(04:28):
the pastor said that we were all there because our
sins brought us there, and you know, he preaches some
really interesting things, you know, mostly just talks about himself.
So that's interesting. And there are a lot of rules
that you have to follow and there's not a lot
of freedom, and I do understand it, I really do.

(04:49):
But I also think that some of the people who
work there aren't as compassionate as you would expect one
in this field to be. And there's a lot of
like you can tell, there's people who kind of look
down on you or who thinks that you know, you know,
you couldn't possibly know any better than they do about

(05:12):
like because you're because you're in a certain situation. You know,
they kind of assume that you don't really know what
you're doing, as opposed to like things just happened. And yeah,
sometimes maybe it is that you don't know what you're doing,
but they can't make that assumption and apply it to everyone.
I think that's unfair. But really, you know, three meals
a day, I get to share just a room with
just one person. Yes, there's curfews and stuff like that,

(05:35):
but there's like they have activities.

Speaker 5 (05:37):
They do require you to.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
Attend those activities, and sometimes you don't really feel like it.
But who am I to not go to something If
they're providing a roof over my head, they're helping me, say,
I don't have to pay rent, I get three meals
a day, you know what I mean. So really, and
we have like a case manager, a biblical case manager
they call them. And my experience so far has been
pretty good. Not everybody's had the same experience, but you

(06:00):
just got to follow the rules, I guess.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
So this is like a private shelter.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
Yes, so it's completely funded by private donations.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
Interesting. I've never heard of that before. I know about
like I mean, I know about like the whole thing
of like you know, Christian missionaries, like you know, helping
the less fortunate and doing all that stuff, but I've
never It's interesting. I've never heard of like a thing
where it's like, oh, you have to, like I always

(06:33):
kind of I guess what. I've seen it out in
the wild and whatnot. It's been like, you know, hey,
the church is doing like a feed the homeless thing.
But I've never seen it be like, Okay, you have
to go to church.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yeah, no, they make you. You could get written up if
you don't go. You can get written up this year late,
you can get written up this Your shoes are peeking
out from under the bed. There's inspections like pretty frequently about,
like for room inspections, and there's like a list of
things you have to do to like maintain like cleanliness.
You do have chores that you're assigned for on my floor,

(07:09):
it changes every month, and I have one shore on
oh gosh, oh my gos, why can't I think right now?
One shore on Monday, and then another chur on and
then two more chores on Thursday, and it's just so
that we maintain our living space.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
What are the sort of rules for the inspection?

Speaker 2 (07:31):
Okay, make sure that when you leave for the day,
you don't leave anything on. No lights on, like you know,
like basic things right, no lights on. Make sure that
you're ac in the room, that you turn off the
There's like this setting called constant fan. Make sure that's off.
Make sure that it's at seventy or they're gonna walk it,
and make it to where you can't set it any
lower than seventy, which is torture because it gets really

(07:53):
hot in there and there's no ventilation. It's really it's
an old building. So there's that. And then make sure
that you like vacuum, make sure you take out your trash,
make sure you wipe things down, make sure it's not dusty,
make sure you make your bed like it just needs
to look presentable. For like, if a donor wants to

(08:13):
tour and kind of like see like what they're going
to be donating to, you know what I mean, So
that's kind of what.

Speaker 5 (08:20):
That's for.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
That's basically it. And they're so they have the women
and Children's Shelter, they call it the family home. And
then they also have the Men's Center, which is a
hotel that was converted to like a shelter for men,
and their rules are more strict. They have to go
to church every day. They don't get there, they get
their phone taken away for their first ninety days or something,
and then when they do get it back, they can

(08:42):
only have it at certain hours. And it's like all
this stuff. Oh, and here's the thing I don't like.
Let me explain. There is this program. I'm not gonna
say the name of it because I feel like that
gives away too much, like more than I've already given away.
But basically, if you get there and you don't have
a job, or you have a job they don't don't
particularly think is gainful, like, so you don't have gainful employment.

(09:05):
So let's say that you're working at a gas station,
they don't like that. What they make you do is
their program. They call it a program that's supposedly meant
to help you and everything. But the way it works
is you go when you work in either their kitchen,
so like the people that serve us food most of
the time are people who stay there like that, they
prepare the food and they service food. There are people

(09:26):
who live there, so you do that. You can't opt
out of that, right if you don't have gain food plot,
you can't opt out. Or you work in their in
house childcare center, or you can even work at their
like bargain store or whatever. So there's that. But so
this program, they you have to do this program and
they only give you a stipend. They call it a stipend,

(09:50):
and it's twenty five dollars every two weeks. So there's actually, yeah,
so there's definitely things that can be improved. Because I'm
glad I ca in with gainful employment because I wouldn't
have lasted there if I had to. So you if
you need to pay things like a storage, you're out
of luck. And then they kind of make you prioritize

(10:13):
them and what they want over like like even I
have a friend who was told explicitly, if you get
an schedule, if you get an interview offer for the
day that we have our meeting, and it's like inter
it interferes with our meeting, tell them like call them
and reschedule. And I'm like, but this woman is homeless
with children and she needs a job. And if somebody's

(10:35):
calling her for an interview. That's priority, but they don't
see it that way. So they're very funny like that.

Speaker 3 (10:41):
So far had you find this place?

Speaker 2 (10:44):
So when I was living with a family member and
some other people that were staying there, long story short.

Speaker 1 (10:55):
I.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Okay, uh, how right I put this up? Okay, there
was like drug use in the house and I was
not okay with that. My stuff was being stolen and
sold so that these people could go and buy drugs,
and like it was real crazy. It was a mess.
There were animals that weren't really being taken care of,
and like I had to like pitch in for those things,
and it was it was crazy. And then when the

(11:18):
part the moment where I said I have to leave.
Besides being kicked out, every time I asked the question
like how much do we owe the landlord or whatever
the case may be, and they didn't like questions, So
like every time I asked the question, they were like,
I don't want you to hear you gotta leave. It
doesn't work that way. You can't just ask me how
much we owe the landlord? And it's like okay, whatever.

(11:39):
So the day that I decided I needed to leave
that place was when somebody in that house just did
something really violent too, not to me, but in front
of me. That resulted and I just don't want to
say it because it's really you know, like this person

(12:02):
could really get in trouble, but they did something really intense,
really violent. So they did that, and then they thank you.
They they actually did that in front of two kids
that stayed there, and it was and then they told
me their kids actually and then they told me that

(12:26):
all my kids have already seen enough, like you need
to leave. And so when they were out of out
of the state for some work things, they actually left
the car and they said I could use it, and
so I was outstick from my job with COVID and
flew at the same time. And then I basically took

(12:48):
the car and started going around to like I called
two one one looking for resources, and they kind of
gave me a few, and so I went to the
first one and they said, oh, well, we can't really
help you, but go check out this place down the street.
So when I went in, they had me fill out
an application because they go buy applications and there's a
waiting list of hundreds, so they had me still out

(13:08):
an application and the person who's my case manager today,
she is the one who accepted it. And then they
called me for an interview, and like, I did this
in secret from you know, my family member that I
was staying with, and I and I went and did
there did an interview because you have to do an
interview with like like a panel interview type thing with

(13:30):
different case managers and stuff. So I did that and
they told me that I was accepted and that I
needed to move in that Saturday, and then I did.
And when I tell you, I remember when I first
got there, I heard like footsteps down the hall and
I was like laying down because I'm like, well what
do I do. They're like, well, you can, like chill,

(13:51):
you can do whatever you want. So like I'm like, well,
it'd be really nice to lay down. I'm really tired.
So I was laying down and I heard footsteps and
I got this like my heart started pounding. Oh my god,
I'm laying down, you know. So and SO is going
to be mad at me because I'm not. I've been
doing whatever and da da dah. And then I was like,
oh wait, I don't have to panic like that anymore.
I'm okay, Like everything's okay.

Speaker 5 (14:12):
So I have had a lot of.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
Peace here, but it's also not been easy, not having
like freedom and stuff and not being able to stay
overnight anywhere because they're like, well, if you can stay
overnight somewhere, then you have somewhere to stay, and it's like, no,
it doesn't work that way. Actually, it's just you.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
Know, how many how many other people are in this
place with you? Like, not like like how many other
people are like staying there?

Speaker 2 (14:37):
Well, I know that there was there's eighty nine kids
there and many more adults, so I don't know, it's
definitely well over a hundred. I know on life floor
there's like how many ladies. It's like eleven twelve ladies
on my floor.

Speaker 3 (14:52):
This is this is kind of why I've never heard
I mean i've I've of course, I've heard of like
you know, like government sponsors shelters, but I've never ever
heard of like these like strict religious Well, they don't really.

Speaker 2 (15:06):
Call themselves a shelter. They call themselves a residential program
or like a transitional living program, which I think is
more suitable because they don't really offer emergency shelter, not
at the Women's center.

Speaker 5 (15:20):
They're more of.

Speaker 2 (15:21):
Like you apply, they accept you, and then you do
the program and you have to go to their Bible
class and you have to go to there. What's the
other thing? You have to go to a parenting class
even if you don't have and you don't want kids,
but you have to do the class. And if you
don't do it, you know, if you get ridden up
three times because you didn't follow the rules, if you
got back after curfew.

Speaker 5 (15:41):
Et cetera.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
You know, then you get written up three times, you're out.

Speaker 3 (15:47):
Yeah, so okay, I mean, let's talk about you, Sapphire.
So you have this job you're helping out kids in
the school. Is it a paid job?

Speaker 2 (16:00):
Yeah, No, it has a paid job. I'm so hard
paying job I've had.

Speaker 3 (16:05):
Great, you're saving up some money? M hm great. Do
you have Do you have like friends and family?

Speaker 2 (16:21):
I do have family? Are they reliable? Are they able
to help me?

Speaker 5 (16:28):
Not? At this time? My brother.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
Is moving to a different country and he's been struggling
too lately. He's moving to a different older brother moving
to a different country. My younger brother was recently arrested,
not for the first time, but for uh, what is
it fleeing or attempting to elude, and that was multiple counts.
They had to stop the car with a spike strip.
So that's interesting. So he can't help me. He's homeless

(16:56):
right now himself, and he refuses to follow anyone's rules.
So he declines, you know, my like me telling him
go to the shelter, Like what are you gonna do?
You want to be homeless or go stay to shelter
and have to follow a few rules. You know, I'll
understand it's strict, but like, what are you going to do?
And he's like, oh, but they won't let me smoke
weed there, And I'm like, well, so you'd rather be
homeless and smoke weed? Okay, great? My sister is that's

(17:22):
she's my sister, and I'm just gonna leave it at that.
I love them all, but you know, she's not able
to help me. She's got, you know, obligations of her
own to take care of and you know, so there's that,
and these are all like I've helped my siblings a
lot when I was in a good, you know place,
and I had my own place for five years, you know,

(17:42):
in the years leading up to this. I have my
own place and everything. So I've helped them, they've stayed
with me, they've borrowed my car, et cetera. And then
I have my parents, not an option, my mom different state.
My dad out of the country, and he's a jerk
and I don't like him very much. Uh, but he

(18:03):
is married to a very wealthy woman, so good for him.
My the person who raised me, like as my stepdad,
another state, and he's you know, remarried now and he
doesn't really care about me anyway. And my grandparents are
living in a like hotel room here, and my grandma's
a hoarder, so her house in a different like she

(18:25):
has a house in a different city, and then she
has like a hotel room that she privately owns here
in this city where I live. And so she's taking
care of my great grandma and there's no room there.
And like I said, she's a hoarder. It's very you
have to like walk sideways to like get through the place.
So I can't really stay with her.

Speaker 5 (18:46):
So that's it.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
Sorry, My my answer is a very long wing.

Speaker 5 (18:49):
Did I call?

Speaker 3 (18:50):
Oh, it's okay, it's okay, So okay, Well I'll say
this thing. It's nice. I think the What is I
guess what's good to be about this phone call is
that you know, though you've been there a year, you
don't seem to have drank the kool aid? What do

(19:12):
you mean, like, I don't know. It seems as though
this is a place. I assume you're you want you
want to leave this place. You are you're trying to
save up and you want to get.

Speaker 2 (19:23):
Out of Yeah. Yeah, I've been looking at apartments actually lately.

Speaker 3 (19:28):
Okay, great, because this place and I don't know these
and I don't I'm I'm making assumptions about things that
I don't know. But it seems like the kind of
place that I guess wants you to be in some
form of like submission to them, you know. And I'm
sure that a lot of people go through this system
and have gone through the things you've gone through, and
have you know, been in this place, and they find themselves,

(19:52):
you know, again in some form of of submission. And
I don't know, I guess, I don't know. I guess
who there's admitting to do you know what kind of
I guess what I'm saying like, this seems like the
kind of place where they want you to like join
them and serve their mission and their rules and be

(20:14):
there kind of like you know, uh, submit to whatever
their their thing is. Am I crazy? Am I talking crazy? Uh?

Speaker 2 (20:30):
I am so sorry? Could you repeat that last part?

Speaker 3 (20:32):
I'm no, it's okay, I'm I'm I'm being vague, but
you know, you're yeah, you know, I think I think that,
Uh it's good that you have a plan to get
out of the situation.

Speaker 1 (20:51):
You know.

Speaker 5 (20:53):
Sorry.

Speaker 3 (20:54):
I'm reading the chat of on the twitch and a
lot of people are saying it sounds like a lot
of people are saying it sounds like a cult and
maybe that got into my head. But this person said,
this sounds cultist, but this is how all transitional living
facilities work.

Speaker 2 (21:10):
Yeah, everywhere you go, they're going to have rules and
things like that that they expect you to follow. When
it's actually not my first time being in a situation
like this. When I was like ten years ago, I
my things happened with my parents and everything, and my
stepdad stole my last bit of money and I didn't

(21:33):
know what I was going to do, and we were
getting kicked out of this place that we were in.
Kids Apparently they were not paying rents at all, and
so I went to like, you know, a shelter then
and I was only there for a few months. But
but it's things doing rules, curfew, don't bring food inside,

(21:55):
that kind of thing, you know, like make sure things
are nice to meet when you leave. I know, there's
always rules, and I guess, I guess I don't know
if it's clear that like while they're like, well, like
I have been saying, like, yeah, there's a few things
that could change, it doesn't change the fact that I

(22:15):
am grateful and that my experience, despite being a little
stressful sometimes has largely been a really positive one. And
so I guess I'm hoping that that comes across it,
though I don't know if it does, and I don't
know if the people listening have like taken that from
what I've said.

Speaker 3 (22:37):
I think the people listening and me are I probably,
I'm going to assume, are just glad to hear that
you feel as though you have a path forward, that is,
you know, your own I would say, m hm, well.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
Thanks and thanks to the people listening to for their positivity.

Speaker 3 (23:10):
Well, Shiit Sapphire, I appreciate you sharing all of this
with us.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
I appreciate you listening. I don't really have people to
talk to, so thank you.

Speaker 3 (23:19):
Is there any other you know, is there any other
kind of aspect of of anything at all, or of
any of this or whatever that you that you wanted
to talk about?

Speaker 2 (23:34):
You know, I guess I wasn't really one hundred percent
clear on what I was going to talk about when
I got on the phone anyway, So I'm just glad
that I'm just glad that I got to talk to
you at all, and I appreciate that you listened.

Speaker 3 (23:50):
Welcome, well, well, thank you, Sapphire. Good luck to you,
and you have a have a good rest of your day,
you too, goodbye bye, Sapphire. That was interesting. I am no,
I've never heard of like the but she was right about, like,
I guess all of all of these places have rules,

(24:12):
you know. I mean, yeah, I don't know. I've I've
never heard of like a religious private shelter that like
makes you go to church. I don't know. I feel
like I'm probably there's probably gonna be people in the
Spotify comments that are like this is this is the
the Jenkins whatever in in uh southern Oklahoma, And I'm like,

(24:35):
I don't know, I'll I'll I guess I'll figure that
out when I read the comments. But I don't even
I don't even give a fuck about any of that ship.
I'm just glad that this lady seems to be getting
on her feet and doing okay, so that's good.

Speaker 5 (24:51):
Hello, Oh my god, you're kidding me?

Speaker 3 (24:55):
What's up? What's up?

Speaker 5 (24:57):
Cat? We talked? We talked a while ago.

Speaker 3 (25:01):
How long ago did we talk?

Speaker 5 (25:04):
Just like, let's see, a couple of months. I guess
I'm the one who makes stickers.

Speaker 3 (25:09):
You're the one who makes stickers. You'll have to be
Can you give me more we more specific?

Speaker 1 (25:13):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (25:14):
Sorry, I'm like just waking up. Okay, wow, I readly.

Speaker 3 (25:17):
Wait hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Actually
are you you're like a coach of some kind, right, yeah, exactly? Okay, yes, sorry,
I remember exactly who.

Speaker 5 (25:26):
I was, visiting my mom and my brother. Yeah, and
I actually happened to be back in Maryland right now
visiting my mom and my brother.

Speaker 3 (25:35):
So yeah, no, I remember our conversation. I liked our
conversation very much. I remember. I don't remember, like I know,
we talked for a long time about just life in general.
But yeah, I know, I gotta ask you, So, did
you get any coaching class? I know that, I know that,
you know. I don't think people come on here to
self promote, but I really liked our conversation and so

(25:58):
I was super happy to have you promote yourself on there.
Did you get any good, any any feedback or clients
or anything from our conversation?

Speaker 5 (26:08):
Dude, I did. I got two clients from our conversation,
as well as really awesome coffee with somebody else who
wants to do like more of what I'm doing. So
I had like a lot of really cool connections based
on that episode.

Speaker 3 (26:21):
Actually, well, that's so cool. You met somebody in real
life who messaged you from the show.

Speaker 5 (26:27):
I had multiple people message me from the show and
join my coaching program. And I did one on one
coaching with two different people who found me because of
that episode.

Speaker 3 (26:39):
That's so cool. I mean, I don't know, you don't
have to get into specifics if these are like private things,
but like, what, how did the sessions go?

Speaker 1 (26:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (26:49):
Awesome. They've actually both like moved on from coaching in
really awesome ways. So one, I don't want to get
too specific because I haven't actually asked most I can
talk about them. But one decided that based on our
focus in coaching, which was focused a lot on like
mental health and just like solidifying your routine as a

(27:15):
creative and as a business owner before like giving away
all of your time to all of these other things.
And essentially because of that focus, he decided, you know
what I really want right now is therapy. So he
left coaching to go pursue therapy, which I was like,
that's perfect, that's amazing, that's exactly what should happen. And
then the other had a really similar story of like

(27:37):
they came to me saying, Okay, I want to do
something else with my life, not what I'm doing, and
then they left coaching because they had transitioned into doing
the thing with their life.

Speaker 3 (27:50):
Oh so what do they end up doing with their life?
Or is that? I guess that's too much to I ask.

Speaker 5 (27:55):
That's probably too much. But they landed their dream job essentially,
and it was like a work steady gig. So they're
studying to pursue their dream job. But because they're studying,
they get to work in that field.

Speaker 3 (28:05):
Also cool man, Well I'm super had. Yeah, I know,
I remember I really liked our conversation. We talked a
lot about just like ADHD.

Speaker 5 (28:11):
Crap, Yes exactly.

Speaker 3 (28:14):
Yeah, I'm sorry, happy to hear me.

Speaker 5 (28:16):
Like he was like, so, what are you gonna call
Lyle back? And I was like, oh, I mean, I
guess I should like make some progress in my life
and like talk to my mom and like do kind
of the stuff that you and I had talked about.
And it's just I don't know. I saw the notification
that you're gone live and I was like, yeah, I'm
not perfect.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
I was like, I'll.

Speaker 5 (28:32):
Call three times and then on the third time you
picked up.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
No, it's I'm happy to hear that you were. I
love I love when like this podcast is like a
I love that it's like a what it could have
like a domino effect, you know. I mean I remember
in the early days when I was like a little
bit more twitch and discord focused. You know, there were
people talked about like meeting each other in the twitch
chat or in the discord or you know. I know

(28:58):
that they were back when at the cave on and
he got a lot of you know, people hitting him up,
and it was you know, it's quite I love I
love shit like that, Like when people connect with each other,
you know, based off of like finding each other on
the show. It's cool, It's it's like, uh, I love
that this ship you know, extends beyond me, and I.

Speaker 5 (29:18):
Love that you are not just like willing but eager
to use your platform in that way because I know,
like I know for me, the difference it's made in
my life. Like it literally, I I'm like full on
my client loads like I I did it. I made
the business happen because I'd not like to attribute all
of it, but like a big part of it was
just getting the name out there from showing up on

(29:40):
your episode.

Speaker 3 (29:42):
Fuck, yeah, that's awesome, that's great. Well shit, kat, Well,
let me see here, let me see here. Is there
any other like kind of updates that you wanna you
want to give us?

Speaker 5 (29:57):
Oh my gosh, what's new in my life? Let's see.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
I don't know, I think.

Speaker 5 (30:06):
Honestly, I think that's like as much as I wanted
to tell you, it's just Hey, it worked, we did
the thing. Thanks, thanks for collaborating making it happen.

Speaker 3 (30:15):
Any Oh well, okay, this will be my last question. Then,
I guess is there any other stickers down the line
that we should know about or any new sticker designs
that you could audibly describe to us.

Speaker 5 (30:28):
You know what, there aren't, And I'm really glad you asked,
because that's like the self promo that would be My
ask is send me your sticker design. I know that
I want to draw the demon Tiger from K Pop
Demon Hunters. I don't know if you've seen it, but
I'm obsessed of course.

Speaker 3 (30:46):
And it comes up on my on my Netflix, like
it's the first thing that comes up on my Netflix.

Speaker 5 (30:54):
So you haven't watched it yet.

Speaker 3 (30:56):
No, I haven't watched it yet, but like it just
like it throws itself fat me. It really wants me
to get into it.

Speaker 5 (31:03):
Well, here's the thing, and I'm gonna give you a
glowing recommendation of K Pop Demon Hunters. And I know,
I know the hesitation of I'm not gonna watch that
because it's a kids movie, it's a musical, it's animated.
You're like, Netflix is really pushing this down my throat.
I want to ignore it. Here's the thing. You can't
because remember back in the day when Pixar was making

(31:26):
all these awesome fucking films and we would like watch
like robots fall in love and Save the Earth.

Speaker 3 (31:32):
And you're telling me that, you're telling me that this
thing that I saw on my Netflix that I honestly
brushed off as a joke K Pop Demon Hunter is
too on the nose. K It's like too yep, it's
too culturally, just on the nose of a thing. I'm like,
I'm I you know, I know, and then I and

(31:54):
you're telling me it's Pixar level quality.

Speaker 5 (31:58):
I am telling you it. It is like the rebirth
of the original pick Star like Life and Breath of
Animation films, but it's from Sony who produced The Mitchells
and the Machines and Spider Verse.

Speaker 3 (32:16):
And Okay, I like, oh, okay, all right, so it's
of that caliber of thing. I didn't like the Mitchells
and the Machines, but I like the Spider Verse exactly
the way. Yeah, I like, I like, I like that style. Okay,
I'm gonna be super So.

Speaker 5 (32:32):
It's so annoying, it's so like culturally, yeah, I get it,
and I was like, it's I had the same thought,
and then I just sucked it up and watched it
because I got a glowing recommendation from somebody I trust,
and they are indeed correct, and you just go into
it knowing, Okay, it's so on the nose, it's going
to be fun. It's fun. That's it.

Speaker 3 (32:51):
Okay, I'll think, I'll I'll think about it and probably
not do it. But even if I want somebody listening
to this, my give it a shot, and that's worth something.

Speaker 5 (33:03):
I watched. So I watched K Pop Demon Hunters with
my mom and my stepdad last night as our emotional
support movie because my nice a friend of mine, had
recommended that, like she had gone and seen some family
and they watched it, and I was like, oh, that's perfect,
it's nice, neutral ground, it's just media. It's good. So
I watched it with them and then like remembered all

(33:24):
over again why I love it so much and watched
like two hours on YouTube afterwards to fall asleep of
other people talking about K Pop Demon Hunters.

Speaker 3 (33:33):
That's the only reason to finish any movie or TV
show is so that you can be spoiler spoiler free
and go on YouTube and watch other people talk about
it exactly, Kat, is there anything else you want to
say to the people of the computer before we go?

Speaker 5 (33:48):
Hang in there, Everybody, when you set goals and you
work toward them. You get there, I promise.

Speaker 3 (33:54):
Thanks for calling Kat. Thanks Lyle, that's a nice return call. Yeah.
I forget what the name of that episode that we
did was, but I do remember her and uh again,
very cool that I love. I love seeing lines intersect
because of this show. You know that things that you

(34:15):
know are beyond me. I think it's cool. Hello, hey, Lyell,
what's up man? What's your name? My name is Richard, Richard.
That's my uh yeah, that's my father's name.

Speaker 1 (34:32):
Oh it's a fake name. It's a pretty good fake name.

Speaker 3 (34:34):
Then, oh okay, well you know what, that's also a
fake name for my father. I'm not I'm being serious.
That actually is not my father's name.

Speaker 1 (34:42):
Very good.

Speaker 3 (34:42):
So it's my fake name for my father and your
fake name for yourself.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
Well, Richard, I'll be honest. I was gonna make a joke.
I can be like, hey, my name's Richard, but you
can call me Dick.

Speaker 3 (34:53):
That's not a joke. That's just a statement. That's just
an accurate thing.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
Yeah, but the dick part was supposed to be the joke.

Speaker 3 (34:59):
I'm sorry, So you don't have a thing to be
sorry about, Richard, what's up, man? What do you want
to talk about today?

Speaker 1 (35:05):
Hey, I have a very interesting story. Happened to me
about a month ago. I tried creatum and I took
cretum for about two weeks. Have you ever heard of creedum?

Speaker 4 (35:15):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (35:15):
Yeah, Kretim is like is very new. They sell it
in Uh. Well, there's kretum and kava bars and uh
I've been to those and I've tried it. I've never
like bought it at a gas station, but I've tried
it at one of the bars, and uh, I gotta
be honest, I don't get it.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Well, I'll be honest with you. There's nothing to get.
It's a complete waste of time. It's completely ripoff. But
it did send me to the hospital for three days.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
Oh okay, well then then it's definitely something.

Speaker 1 (35:47):
You would think, but it's really there. Zero out of
ten would not recommend the experience to anyone else.

Speaker 3 (35:52):
What happened? Do you have a heart attack?

Speaker 4 (35:55):
No?

Speaker 1 (35:55):
So basically I started taking kretum and took it within
the regulated dose, or at least what the package said,
and after a while, apparently this caused liver toxicity, and
the liver toxicity turned me yellow, made me you know,
vomit immensely, and eventually I was in so much pain

(36:18):
I went to the hospital with the legitimate belief I
was going to die. Oh man, Yeah, it was pretty
pretty gnarly. I do not recommend kratim to anyone else.

Speaker 3 (36:33):
What were you thinking about when you thought you were
going to die?

Speaker 1 (36:36):
So that's actually really interesting, I realized. And I'll be honest,
I'm actually in my late thirties and you know, married,
I have a kid on the way, and that's what
I was thinking about primarily, but quite frankly, I was
thinking about how much time I wasted and how much
regret I had up until this point. And it really

(36:58):
gave me kind of a new lease on life once
I got out of the hospital that I no longer
want to live with any further regrets or anything like that.
So maybe some good did come out of this.

Speaker 3 (37:10):
Wow, you had like a you had like an LSD
psychedelic realization, but on kretom.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
Well, yes, yes, while my liver tried to kill.

Speaker 3 (37:24):
Itself, what did you okay? So when you thought you
were going to die and you were thinking about your regrets,
what do you regret?

Speaker 1 (37:34):
You know, just all the opportunities that I never took
advantage of because I was too afraid to you know,
just what you and people call in all the time
about just going up to people and saying hi, introducing yourself,
really putting yourself out there, because you know, I was
such I was so afraid of rejection for so long.

(37:55):
I realized there was a lot of missed opportunities, missed experiences,
and a lot of stuff I'm probably going to continue
to regret regret because I obviously can't fix the past.

Speaker 3 (38:05):
Okay, well, hold on, hold on, let well let's get
into a few things. I You also mentioned wasted time, right,
what did you waste time doing?

Speaker 1 (38:14):
Pretty much nothing, whether it was you know, just getting
intoxicated on alcohol or you know, alone playing video games
in my room till like two in the morning. Just
a lot of time I felt like it could have
been better spent either bettering myself, whether it's you know,
physical exercise, doing something a little more productive, reading books,

(38:38):
meeting people, talking to people, all that type of stuff.

Speaker 3 (38:43):
Okay, and then what are these opportunities that you because
you're saying and how old are you thirty eight?

Speaker 1 (38:51):
Thirty eight and.

Speaker 3 (38:54):
You're saying that you're going to continue to regret these things.
What is it that you continue to regret moving forward
that you see yourself continuing to regret well.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
You know, not introducing myself to certain people or taking
advantage of certain opportunity. I don't want to like be
too specific, but you know, it's very It's a classic.
You know, Hey, should I go up to that girl
and talk to her? Know a way she might say
no to a friend's buddy.

Speaker 3 (39:22):
Richard, Richard, Richard, you have a wife and a kid.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Oh no, I'm very happy to where I am. But
I realized at that time, you know, when I was
making those decisions, I was regretting not making those choices
to put myself out there.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
Okay, but's always what I hear. I'm sorry to keep
an ardent you. But when you say you were like,
so okay, so I assume because here's the thing. Romantically,
I mean, you seem like you're happily married and you
have a wife, so romantically everything worked out. You happy
with your wife absolutely? Okay, wonderfully you didn't even hesitate
that you're so there's regrets there and then, so what

(40:03):
are you regretful of?

Speaker 1 (40:07):
Just not putting myself out there because of fear of rejection.

Speaker 3 (40:11):
Okay, what do you want? What would you You're not dead,
You're not dead there, you're not dead. You almost died.
You almost died in a pretty hilarious way. Yes, which
you know good, and now you're not dead. And so
you want to live life differently? What do you want
to do differently?

Speaker 1 (40:29):
You know, I want to And it's a little I
don't want to say, too late to do this, but
I do want to put myself out there. I do
want to, you know, perhaps talk to people, get involved,
do stuff, not just you know, go home, nine to
five job, go home, wait until you go to bed,
wake up, do it all over again. Hey, the weekend comes,

(40:50):
we're just basically wasting time waiting for Monday to come.
I want to get up, you know. I want to exercise.
I'm going to start to exercise once I'm one hundred percent.
I want to read more. So I really want to
take life more by the horns, you know.

Speaker 3 (41:05):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't. I I guess I'm a
little bothered by the fact that you're saying that you're
going to continue, Like, why are you holding on to
this regret?

Speaker 1 (41:18):
It's you know, it's it's all it's fear of missing
out basically, you know, all the stuff that could have happened,
which I understand. I'm very happy with my current wife. Yeah,
just you know, perhaps it's one of those instances where
you you're not satisfied kind of what you have and
you want what you could have had.

Speaker 4 (41:39):
But I don't know.

Speaker 1 (41:39):
I'm very satisfied with what I had, but there's still
going to be that bad regret.

Speaker 3 (41:44):
Sure, But I don't know. Man, you seem like you
have a nice life, right, You got a nice you
have a wife, really happy with, you have a kid.
I'm sure you're really happy with and so I mean
you want like uh I I guess it sounds like
you want like uh, you know, friends and community and
experiences and to do weird, cool, interesting things. And I

(42:05):
I don't see any reason why you can't do those
things as long as you're not you know, letting your
child starve or whatever.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
What's I live in a rural part of America.

Speaker 3 (42:23):
Okay, that's a little bit tougher.

Speaker 1 (42:26):
It's a little bit tougher, but you know, that's one
of the things you that would prevent me from going
to do something as oh, you know, that's an hour
and a half drive from here, now, you know, kind
of after getting out of the hospital and you know,
I thinking I was going to die for two days.
I that's not that big of a deal. An hour
and a half drive to go to an event to
meet a bunch of people. Like that's the type of

(42:47):
stuff I'm talking about where I'm much more open to
that stuff.

Speaker 3 (42:51):
Now, good cool. I like that. I don't, but I
am I just I'm, I guess in talking to you.

Speaker 4 (43:00):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (43:01):
The the thing about like I'm going to continue to
regret the past, I think is uh, I mean, I'm I'm.
I was about to say I'm being an armchair therapist,
but I guess that's the whole thing of the thing.
It's like, I mean, it's why would you do that?
It's like a it doesn't serve you in any way,

(43:23):
shape or form to hold that because you could convert it, right,
Because I and I went on this rant recently and
I've been thinking about this in my own life with
these things, and I constantly checked myself. I'm like, do
I have any regrets? And the good nobody does any
nobody does everything one hundred percent correct. I went on

(43:44):
this fucking rant on the show already, but I'll do
it again, like the nobody does any nobody lives life
one hundred percent correctly, and everything is just error, correction
and just fucking up. You're in correcting, and so, you know,
like to sit and carry any amount of like ah

(44:04):
shucks that could have been different is not a It's
not a good mindset, right. Instead, it's like, Okay, well,
I made those decisions that I didn't you know, I
made them with the body and the mind that I
had at the time I made them. But look, I
you know, I have a fucking wife and a kid,
and I have a job, and I have a house,

(44:25):
and I have energy, and I'm I'm thirty eight and
I have I'm you know, relatively young. I'm not seventy four.
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna die. Let's see what
I can do in the future. You know, I think
just to hold on to regrets of the past is
a really unhelpful thing to do, unless, if it so,
I mean, it's already served you in the way that

(44:46):
it should, which is directing your future. And it seems
like it's already done that.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
Yeah, I like what you're saying about error correction, because
that's honestly what life is about. You're never I mean,
you only get one shot at it, so you're never
going to do it perfectly. So that kind of yeah,
I guess. And I'm really trying to deal with the
concept of letting go of that, you know, fear of

(45:12):
missing out, regret, kind of whatever you want to call it.
It just doesn't go away. It's kind of easier said
than done. Just like this isn't serving me.

Speaker 3 (45:21):
I'm going to get rid of it totally. You're and
by the way, you're one hundred percent right. It's absolutely
easier said and done. I have hundreds of thousands of
I have so many thoughts and behaviors and emotions constantly
every day that do not serve me in any way,
shape or form that I know don't serve me in
any way, shape or form. That correct is easier said

(45:45):
than done. But you know what, but I just don't
just don't let it get in the way of you
doing the shit you want to do. You know, oh absolutely,
I mean it'll be illle trickier when you have I mean,
has your what has your is your you have a
pregnant wife, right, Yes, is she is? She like, Hey,
what the fuck? What are you doing driving an hour

(46:06):
and a half to go to this chess game?

Speaker 1 (46:09):
You now because i'm uh, you know, I'm she she
saw kind of my transformation over the past few months
after this incident happened. No, she's She's happy that I'm
being a lot more active. I'm not just sitting on
the couch kind of waiting for the weekend to be
over so i can do my nine to five crap. Again.

Speaker 3 (46:31):
That's a nice lady. That's great.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (46:37):
Hm, well, I'm glad that you have a new lease
on life. I mean, sounds like it sounds like sounds
like you have a perfect testimonial. This is the best
testimonial I've ever heard for creedom.

Speaker 5 (46:50):
Yes, I'll tell you this.

Speaker 1 (46:52):
Never listen to a product that's, you know, being sold
to you by a podcasting Cometown.

Speaker 3 (46:59):
You heard about you heard about Creatim from Cometown. Yeah,
they advertise it that's really funny. Yeah, I don't know, Well,
I don't know it's funny. Look at like I mean,
I don't know. Look at the Cometown guys. They're all
around your age and they're all fucking still doing things.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
There's no way they're doing creative as well.

Speaker 3 (47:24):
No, they're probably not doing creatim. What's your name again, man, Richard?
Richard Richard? There's anything else you want to say to
the people of the computer before we go, or I
don't know, if I don't know, if if you feel
like there's anything else you want to say about any
of this stuff, I'm happy to keep talking about it.
But if not, you know, no worries.

Speaker 1 (47:42):
Oh no, I just wanted to share my testimonials, create
them and basically tell everyone, look, be kind to one another.
We only got one chance at this, so let's at
least not be dicks to each other.

Speaker 3 (47:54):
Thank you, Richard, I'll see around the universe.

Speaker 1 (47:57):
You have a great day there.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
Well. I think about regret a fair amount. I don't
I don't have I don't really have any regret. I think, well,
I have a few regrets, but I don't let them
destroy me. I mainly I mainly regret anytime that I
was a dick or that I was Most of my

(48:25):
regrets are about very like emotionally charged things, because anytime
I was a dick, there was some like emotional quotient
to it. I think that's always true. I don't think
anyone in their I don't think anyone's ever a dick
in their right mind. You know, you have like the
higher versions of yourself when you're you know, like uh,

(48:49):
when you're like like like, there's a lot of versions
of me. There's me when I'm dressed in fully I'm
fully clothed, and I'm like at a place and I'm
on my laptop. That's a very different guy than you know,
me naked in my room, you know, jerking off at

(49:13):
four am. Those are different guys. And I think I
don't know anytime that's just one example or or you know,
me when I'm pissed off, that's a different guy. Or
me when I'm annoyed or I have low energy, that's
a different guy. But when I'm at the because I'm
not like you know, thinking about your regrets in life

(49:35):
is something you do when you're at the higher version
of yourself. You're not gonna You're not like uh, you know,
jerking off or like annoyed at someone screaming at you
on the subway or whatever, and being like what regrets
do I have in my life? You're just emotionally existing.
And so this, you know, is a constant fight between you,

(50:01):
you as you emotionally exists, and you as you logically exist,
and me as I logically exist. I think I'm I'm yeah.
That's why I gras anytimes I was a dick or
was worried too much. Hello, Hey, what's up?

Speaker 4 (50:19):
That's insane?

Speaker 2 (50:20):
Hi?

Speaker 4 (50:21):
I love your podcast all the time when I'm at work, dude.

Speaker 3 (50:24):
Hell, yeah, what's your name? My name is Fran Fran Okay,
I'm gonna I'm gonna actually remember your name this time, Fran,
I wanted.

Speaker 4 (50:36):
To call you and talk about my job because I
love my wor so much.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
Sure have we ever? We never spoken before? Right?

Speaker 5 (50:44):
Never?

Speaker 3 (50:44):
No rock and roll? Hit me? What's what's what's your job?

Speaker 4 (50:48):
So? I work at a farm. It's a goat farm
and they do baby goat rentals is super fun and
they go to fairs and you can do baby goat snuggling.

Speaker 3 (51:02):
You can rent a baby goat.

Speaker 4 (51:05):
Yes, you can rent a goat for for like a
night or two. It's it's really fun.

Speaker 3 (51:14):
Well, how much does it cost to rent a goat?

Speaker 4 (51:17):
It depends on how many goats you're getting. I think
one is like sixty dollars, and it depends on how
long you're having them.

Speaker 3 (51:25):
How much does it cost to rent a goat for
one night?

Speaker 4 (51:30):
For one night? I'm not entirely sure. I kind of
I don't really do the rental part of it. I
take care of the farm animals.

Speaker 3 (51:42):
Where's where in the country is this farm located? Not
like the exact but like you know, general regions.

Speaker 4 (51:47):
I can tell you the exact because the farm I
work on actually has a YouTube channel and everything. Oh okay,
So I work on a farm called Steinmetz Family Farm
and it's in Temple, Pa.

Speaker 3 (52:01):
Okay, And now do you do do you vet the
people who rent these? You could? Like if so, if
I have sixty dollars, I can take a goat and
bring it home with no questions asked. There's that's all
I need. There is there is there a vetting process
of any kind.

Speaker 4 (52:19):
So obviously, like the goats have all their shots before.

Speaker 5 (52:23):
They get with you.

Speaker 4 (52:25):
And then my boss will take a picture of your
ID and just make sure like you know your license
plate and make sure like you're a safe person.

Speaker 3 (52:36):
Can I ask you something this? It's just it's in
my mind and it's my fault that it's in my mind.
But I got to ask you this question. Of course,
you think people are sucking these goats, but.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
No, absolutely not.

Speaker 3 (52:52):
You don't think there's been a single little freaky guy
in like, you know, rural Pennsylvania who is like I
have sixty dollars and I'm alone and I and he
try wants to fuck a goat. You don't think that's
ever happened.

Speaker 4 (53:07):
No, Yeah, people who rent from us usually are moms
or family, older people. I don't I don't think that's
ever happened.

Speaker 3 (53:20):
Okay, someone else has a twitch I don't usually read
the twitch chat, but somebody else in the twitch chat
said I had the exact same thought, and now I
feel a little less crazy. You've never had like a
you've never had like a like a ghoolie looking older
gentleman come up and you've never had that.

Speaker 4 (53:38):
No, but my boss has had people come to the
farm and try to buy the.

Speaker 5 (53:42):
Goats to eat.

Speaker 4 (53:44):
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, my boss has never let that happen.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
Though.

Speaker 3 (53:50):
Isn't it funny that's isn't it funny that that's like,
that's theoretically worse for the goat. I guess. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (54:01):
I wouldn't know either.

Speaker 4 (54:03):
I've actually that thought has never crossed my line.

Speaker 3 (54:09):
Well, you're you're a good You're a good person that
the thought has never crossed your mind. You're a good you.
Your brain stays within uh normal human being limits. I
appreciate that about you.

Speaker 4 (54:25):
I I love I love animals so much. They're my
heart and soul.

Speaker 3 (54:33):
So what do people just like rent the goats? And
what do they do with them? They just like take
them home for a second.

Speaker 4 (54:42):
Yeah, some people take them home for parties, like birthday parties.
Some people just have them for you know, kids birthdays,
like when the kid is having a birthday and she
wants a specific goat because we go to fairs and
we do goats snuggling there. So people will pick a
favorite goat and then for their birthday they might come

(55:03):
to rent that specific oat.

Speaker 3 (55:06):
So, and how long have you been working with these goats?

Speaker 4 (55:13):
I want to say, this is my third month.

Speaker 3 (55:16):
Oh, it's you're very new to the very or new
to the goat industry. This is the goat industry seems
like something that is like there's a lot of lifers
in it.

Speaker 4 (55:26):
It's it's hard work, a lot of lifting, a lot
of just moving, a lot of hoop.

Speaker 3 (55:38):
And uh and how how how old are you? Friend?

Speaker 4 (55:42):
I'm eighteen?

Speaker 3 (55:43):
Oh shit, okay, you just got into are you? Is
this like your your thing? Like are you? Are you
going to go to college or are you going to
go in into goats?

Speaker 4 (55:57):
So, actually I am going to beauty school then, but
I'm going to be with the farm for a while.
I love my job so much, I really do.

Speaker 3 (56:08):
That's very nice. That's very nice. What do you see
yourself doing it for the future.

Speaker 4 (56:16):
I want to become an esthetician, so that's like skincare,
makeup stuff like that. I'd love to.

Speaker 5 (56:21):
Pursue that.

Speaker 4 (56:25):
And still volunteer on the farm that I work at.

Speaker 3 (56:28):
M How did you get involved with this farm? Did
you mention that already?

Speaker 4 (56:35):
No? I did not, But it's actually it's quite a story.
So my family had chickens at our house, and we
had six chickens, and one of them got attacked by
a hawk. Now I still live with my parents, so
my family didn't really want to take the chicken to
the vet because it's a chicken and that's a lot

(56:57):
of money. So I called the first the first Sorry,
I called the first petting zoo basically that was near me,
and I said, can you help me? My chicken is
heart And that's how I met them.

Speaker 3 (57:19):
And oh shit, was I gonna say? Do you ever
have do you ever have any like farm rascals? Does
anyone ever like cause trouble on the farm?

Speaker 5 (57:35):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (57:35):
Yes, if you're talking goat wise.

Speaker 3 (57:37):
Yes, yeah, like any like foxes or trick or tricky critters?

Speaker 4 (57:44):
No, no, no no, but the goats can have quite
big personalities. There's this goat Tenley. Tenley is such a
pain in the butt. She basically jumped all my back
and then jumped off my back to get into this
stall that we have for grains to eat.

Speaker 3 (58:06):
You know, you really you It's like you live in
a children's book. It's very nice.

Speaker 5 (58:10):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
I do.

Speaker 4 (58:12):
I don't have to deal with people always saying things
and like getting all mad old people especially.

Speaker 1 (58:18):
Or just.

Speaker 3 (58:21):
Well, friend, let me ask you this, I guess is
there anything else that you want to talk about or
say before we go?

Speaker 4 (58:32):
Just it's it's a pleasure to be on here. I've
been wanting to call you since I was sixteen, so
it's it's amazing.

Speaker 3 (58:40):
Well, I'm glad you found a thing that you like doing,
and I hope that the goats remain remain kind to you.

Speaker 4 (58:50):
Yeah, check out the YouTube channel.

Speaker 3 (58:53):
Oh yeah, it's what is it? Well, I'm gonna look
at it right now. What is it?

Speaker 4 (58:58):
Sign that family farm.

Speaker 3 (59:01):
Stein Metz Family. Oh, there is Simon's Oh shit, it
comes up Maybia. Oh shit, Okay, there we go. Hey there,
I'm the goat father. Oh. This guy's a really this
guy's a real goat tuber. What's his most popular video?

Speaker 4 (59:16):
It's someone about.

Speaker 3 (59:19):
Yes, it's a big fucking bull. Wait, no, that is
that a Is that a goat or a bull?

Speaker 5 (59:25):
Uh?

Speaker 4 (59:25):
You might be the one where he got stabbed in
the leg by a bull. My boss is My boss
is quite a personality. His name's Justin.

Speaker 5 (59:37):
He's he's great.

Speaker 3 (59:40):
My garage is overrun by giant rats. Parentheses not clickbait. Yeah,
I endorse this. I endorse the Steinmetz Family Farms YouTube channel. Friend,
is there anything else you want to say to the
people of the computer before we go? Uh? Ryan goats,
Thank you friend, have a good rest of your night,

(01:00:00):
you too, by bye bye, friend. You know I feel
I well, Okay, here's the thing. I feel a little
bad asking if people fuck the goats. But here's the
thing is, I can't, I really can't not be myself
and it is of it is of myself to be like,

(01:00:22):
are people fucking the goats? So I, yeah, that just happened.
That's what I thought when I asked. What occurred in
my head when I imagined that's the you know in
rural Pennsylvania. Now there's anything wrong with royal Pennsylvania. But
I'm like, you know, it's what is what? Murphy's law?
What's the thing? Anything that can happen does happen. That's

(01:00:45):
my fault. But uh, this she was a nice suite.
She seemed like a very wholesome person and that's really
that's good. And goats are nice. And I do think
you should check out the Steinbutz family farm. They have
they have cool videos. Hello. Hello, what's up man?

Speaker 1 (01:01:05):
Oh?

Speaker 6 (01:01:06):
Did I make it through?

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
What's going on? Man?

Speaker 3 (01:01:07):
How are you? I'm doing okay? Brother? What's uh? What's
your name?

Speaker 6 (01:01:12):
My name is William?

Speaker 3 (01:01:14):
William? Yes, sir, what's going on? William? How you doing, buddy?

Speaker 6 (01:01:19):
I'm doing good, man, I'm doing good. I just wanted
to talk about a little uh, a little phenomenon that's
been pretty relevant to my own life recently.

Speaker 3 (01:01:29):
Ooh phenomenous.

Speaker 6 (01:01:35):
Yes, I don't know if it's technically a phenomenon, but
like why not just call it that?

Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
You know?

Speaker 3 (01:01:41):
I agree?

Speaker 1 (01:01:43):
So pretty much like.

Speaker 6 (01:01:46):
Having a hobby that turns into a job and then
you kind of start to hate the hobby. Oh you know,
So that's kind of what I've been wrestling with a
little bit.

Speaker 3 (01:01:58):
What's your hobby that you turn to a job?

Speaker 6 (01:02:02):
So I'm a graphic designer. I went to school for it,
did the whole the whole thing. Now I do it
as a nine to five, and I'm just like definitely
not as fun anymore.

Speaker 3 (01:02:14):
Yeah, you know, yeah, I think there's a big I
think that separating what you do for money and what
you do for your own personal sense of enjoyment can
be good. I mean, even like, I mean, dude, even
like what's his what's his name? I'm not I'm not

(01:02:35):
going to talk about anyone specific because I don't know
this ship. But like even like famous filmmakers right, like
they have their little like, you know, weird little movies
they want to make, but they don't make any fucking money.

Speaker 4 (01:02:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:02:47):
But so then they go and they they sign on
to direct like a some Marvel movie or some bullshit right.

Speaker 6 (01:02:53):
Right, and then that funds like their their passion project
for lack of the better, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:02:59):
Yeah, I mean, if the the thing that you're really
really really really passionate about is the thing that also
makes money, you're very lucky. But it's not always the case,
like even like you know cool, even like if you're
doing something cool, you know, even if you're doing like
looking like a YouTube channel or you're making art or whatever,
it's very rare that like the the exact type of

(01:03:22):
art you want to make, the exact version of the
thing you want to do, is also the thing that
makes money.

Speaker 6 (01:03:30):
Right, And then you tend to like romanticize what it
would be like, and then you get there and you're like,
this is not this is not what I pictured you know.
So I'm kind of kind of in that space, and
I felt like you could relate to that, because I'm
sure this started as a hobby for you and now

(01:03:50):
it's grown into something so much more, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:03:54):
Yeah, I mean I could, you know, I could talk
about that, which is that? So, I mean there's been
a lot of ass. There's a lot of aspects to
what I do and some like there's there are there's
sort of three categories of the things that I've been
doing as the Gecko over the years. There's things that
are you know, purely lucrative. There's things that are and

(01:04:18):
there's things that are purely lucrative that I am not like,
you know, astatic about, I guess, but you know, you
it's it's a good job to have. There's things that
are fun and lucrative, like you know, things that make
money and are also you know, really fun and cool

(01:04:40):
and interesting. And then there's things that I I I'm
like super interested in and love doing and I'm like,
this is the ship, but it does not make any money, yeah,
and in fact loses money totally, So I I of
of I I you know, I've been doing a lot
of different things with the Gecko, between the podcasting and

(01:05:00):
the touring and the making these little documentaries, and they
all fit into different categories. But in the in my mind,
the way I have everything kind of set up is like, Okay,
I have certain things that are more lucrative that kind
of fund the things that I'm really excited about that
maybe aren't as lucrative. I'd like to live in a

(01:05:21):
world where the things I'm really really soaked on are
the things that you know, are kind of a self
sufficient thing. But you know, I think having kind of
what you do to make money and what you do
to just be the thing that you like doing, I
think it's almost kind of good to make those separate,
because then it's like, you know, when when everything is

(01:05:44):
crumpled up into one ball, it's it's you don't really
know where your kind of artistic desires begin and end
and where the money stuff begins and ends. Right, So
I think if it's okay to have like, Okay, this
is my graphic design job that I do. I'm good
at this and I am skilled at it, and so

(01:06:06):
this is what I do to just make a living,
and then it allows me to you know, uh, fund
the the you know, the crazy furree hen tie that
I that I really want to make good. Yeah, no,
exactly saying you know, whatever it is. But yeah, I

(01:06:26):
think I think that's a perfect legitimate way to and
don't feel bad because it is a real is a
real inclination to beat yourself up about it is the
real too.

Speaker 6 (01:06:35):
It's like it's like I feel like I should be
super stoked and like, yeah, high on life all the
time because I was able to turn a hobby into
a job.

Speaker 1 (01:06:44):
But it's like, at the end of the day, it's
a job.

Speaker 6 (01:06:46):
And that's like when I was stoked on it, I
was doing it for myself, whereas now I feel like
I'm in service to other people, which is awesome, Like
I'm glad that people find value in what I do.
But the same time, it's like, I don't really want
to do this for you, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:07:04):
Yes, and and if I were you, and this is
kind of what I do and a lot of the
things in my life that are like this is just
you can you can you can take it and if
it because right now it kind of sounds like everything's
jumbled up into one ball, right and it's okay if
you take it. It's okay if you take it and
you rip it in two pieces and you go like, okay,
this is this is my job. This is my work.

(01:07:27):
This is what I do for money. I probably wouldn't
do this if I wasn't making money doing it. As is,
like ninety nine point nine nine nine percent of all
the jobs that people have across the world, and then
you have this other and that's fine, that's totally that's
not only legitimate, it's how again ninety nine point nine
nine nine nine nine percent of the planet operates. And

(01:07:50):
also you can still by the way, you can still
feel that way, but have pride in what you do. Yeah,
And so that's another thing. And then on the other
side is you have this little piece of it where
it's like, I just want to make I'm an artist.

(01:08:11):
I am separating myself from this other part that's just
making money because I'm trying to kind of preserve the
thing that got me, you to want to do this
in the first place. And I gladly do this if
it didn't pay me money, I'd gladly do this forever,
just because it's because it's me and I like doing it.
And you can have those two separate parts of your life.

(01:08:32):
I think when you try to combine everything into one,
you start entering a lot of like cognitive dissonance.

Speaker 1 (01:08:38):
Yeah, man, it gets blurry for sure.

Speaker 6 (01:08:41):
But I've like picked up other hobbies and stuff now
too that I can kind of get that creative like
I don't know, creative bubble like out there like.

Speaker 1 (01:08:51):
I've been making beats and stuff just.

Speaker 6 (01:08:53):
On the side, is like cool, a passion project sort
of a thing, you know, just to like because now
the graphic design thing doesn't really fill that void for me, right,
So like just trying to pick up other things, Like
I've been skating since.

Speaker 1 (01:09:07):
I was ten and I'm twenty six now, so like.

Speaker 6 (01:09:10):
Skateboarding a lot more, you know, trying to get back
into like that sort of thing, hang out with like
my homies that I was tight with back when I
was fifteen, skating around, you know, so doing stuff like that.
But yeah, man, I don't know. That was just something
that's been been on my mind. And I felt like
you could relate to that in a way because you

(01:09:32):
have been doing this for for a while, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:09:35):
Yeah, one hundred percent and uh yeah, like I said,
there's yeah, you do kind of you kind of can
beat yourself up a little bit about being like, why
does way is this turn into a job? But everything,
everything becomes everything becomes a job and everything becomes work,
And I think you still be grateful, but it's like,

(01:09:57):
for sure, it is what it is. You know, the
way you feel it is valid.

Speaker 6 (01:10:01):
Right, And I recognize that I'm like in the position
I'm in, like I'm super blessed.

Speaker 1 (01:10:05):
You know, I did what I set out to do.

Speaker 6 (01:10:08):
It's just like maybe not exactly what I expected it
to be, which you know, that's.

Speaker 1 (01:10:12):
Kind of everything in life.

Speaker 3 (01:10:13):
Here's here's here's the thing about not beating yourself up
is like, don't like you're not like do this all for.
I urge you to do this all form like a
place of power meaning meaning like okay, you know what,
like like very logically like, okay, you know what, I'm like,

(01:10:34):
I worked really hard to get to this point, and
now I'm I'm logically observed. I'm logically observing my emotions,
and I'm observing that I'm not actually really fulfilled by this.
And so instead of responding to that information by feeling
like a piece of shit or quitting or spiraling into

(01:10:57):
like self whatever, the best move is to look at
this emotion logically and go, Okay, what's the solution to this?
And the solution to this is, okay, let me build
some new, uh aspect of my life that does film

(01:11:18):
fulfill me creatively and look at this other aspect as
just a job that makes money. Yeah, and I'm I'm
happy that it makes money, and I'll let it make
money until it doesn't make money, and then you know,
on the other side, I'm just gonna make sure you'll
feel better because you'd be like, Okay, I took action
on this feeling instead of just spiraling about it, and

(01:11:40):
the action will now you have you know, you have
your beats or you have your fucking side divon ard
account of whatever the fuck that kind of fiells you up.
So that's that's kind of how I would I would
think about it, and that's how you know, that's kind
of how I've tried to think about it in my
own life.

Speaker 6 (01:11:56):
Yeah, I mean that makes total sense.

Speaker 1 (01:11:57):
It's just like I feel like I got a that energy.

Speaker 6 (01:12:00):
Into whatever it is. The making beach thing has been
a really good, uh creative outlet for me, even though
like I'm not doing anything with them, but like I
think it's kind of it's better that way to keep
it kind of like this sacred thing that like I'm
not necessarily trying to make it bigger, if that makes.

Speaker 3 (01:12:19):
Sense, Yeah, totally. And also by the way, the whole
thing of like the whole thing of like trying to
make it you know, I'm wrestling with this a lot.
I'm really thinking about this a lot because I'm I'm I'm,
I'm kind of in this period where I'm like, I'm
attempting to make this like career evolution diversion that's not

(01:12:43):
like and I'm st starting from scratch a little bit.
It almost feels and I'm like reconciling with like, you know, oh,
if I try, if I get in, if I get
too in my head about like making something a thing,
then it just becomes another like stress point instead of
like creation point. And so at least in my own

(01:13:07):
kind of practice, I'm just like, Okay, let me just
do the work. Let me just like do the work
and not worry that much about truly anything except I mean,
I'm i can't help it. I'm naturally like, oh what
if I marketed it like this or did this, and
I'm gonna do that shit. But most above, above, above,
any of that is just like doing the work that

(01:13:28):
makes you. That is doing work that you look back
at and are happy with. You know, like I made
the I made that fucking Tijuana video. Okay, cool, I'm
glad you liked it, And you know what, I'm also
I think I actually, I think it performed better than
I gave it credit for, but it maybe didn't. Like

(01:13:51):
you know, do I think I'm just I'm just kind
of being impatient. But I can look at that video
and I when I watch it, I'm like, I think
this is really cool and I made this the way
I wanted to make it, and it's the exactly. It's
like the thing I'll look back at in my life
and be like, I'm fucking stoked about this, and I
just want to keep doing work where I'm like, Okay,

(01:14:11):
as long as I can look back on it, regardless
how many views it gets or if it ends up
making money, as long as I can look back on
it and be like, I'm happy with how this came out.
This feels very me, and this feel this is very
like in alignment with myself. Then you know, then I'm
then and I mean that's the only thing. That's the

(01:14:33):
only I think real way forward because if you get
if something go, if something becomes successful because you compromised
it in some way, then you just back with a
job again.

Speaker 1 (01:14:45):
So exactly exactly, I think everything satisfied.

Speaker 6 (01:14:48):
Yeah, that's that's all that really matters, because also like
you if you do something and you're like, you know, compromising,
You're gonna look back at the thing, not the money
and be like, damn, I wish I did that differently,
you know.

Speaker 3 (01:15:01):
Yeah, totally totally, and and all this shit it can
only come. It can only a lot of this. Also,
shit is like random and luck because I see so
many people I mean, you know, I mean you know this.
There's so many comedians, musicians, podcasters, YouTubers, TikTok whatever, people
who are really truly like really talented and for whatever,

(01:15:24):
they just don't hit for whatever reason. And it's like, yeah,
the sauce involved in in like hitting or not hitting
is very elusive, and so the really the only thing
to do. It's like it's like the only thing to
do or worry about is what's within your control, which
is like the actual work itself that you're doing.

Speaker 6 (01:15:43):
And I try to take myself out of the actual
thing and be like okay, like take the pressure off,
because like the pressure it just makes you like, I
don't know, I feel like no matter how much pressure
or stress you put on yourself, everything's gon to like
work out in a specific way no matter what you do. Yeah,

(01:16:05):
you know. Yeah, that's kind of like the mindset that
I try to put myself in, like it doesn't really matter, like,
don't stress about it, you know, just get it done,
do the best that you can do at this moment.

Speaker 1 (01:16:17):
Yeah, and then once it's out there, it's out there,
you just let it happen.

Speaker 3 (01:16:21):
That's what's so annoying about anxiety. That's what's so fucking
annoying about anxiety is that it's like it it truly
like I was talking about regret, and I regret times
I was worried, and it's like that's the main reason
I regret times I was worried because it's like, wow,
they didn't do I Mean, sometimes I think anxiety can

(01:16:43):
like charge you into action, but a lot of times
it also is just like.

Speaker 6 (01:16:49):
It also it also takes you out of the moment,
you know, because you're so worried about like how you
are perceived or how like I don't know for in
my case, like what are they gonna think of this?
Because I do a lot of freelance stuff on the side,
like in the music industry, so I'll like send some
ship out and be like damn, they might not like

(01:17:11):
this at all. And I might have made myself look
really bad at what I do. But you know, sometimes
you just gotta like not care.

Speaker 3 (01:17:19):
I don't know, I got you do. You just do
the work and kind of try not to focus on
anything else.

Speaker 1 (01:17:28):
Yeah, so.

Speaker 3 (01:17:32):
What did you say? What did you say? Your name
was again, William William? It was nice talking about all
this stuff, William. I I do genuine think about this
shit a lot. So I'm glad that. Uh, I'm glad
we could have this, uh, this little call and I
could uh kind of work out these thoughts and we
can talk.

Speaker 5 (01:17:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:17:49):
No, for sure, I'm glad I got through. I've been
I've been trying for so long, so I'm stoked.

Speaker 3 (01:17:56):
Is there anything else you want to say to the
people of the computer before we go? You can plug
yourself too if you want.

Speaker 6 (01:18:01):
Could I okay, I'll plug my my graphic design page
on Instagram.

Speaker 1 (01:18:06):
It's just w S D s g N.

Speaker 6 (01:18:12):
It's pretty much just like my first and last initial
design D SGN.

Speaker 3 (01:18:17):
So I have a lot of means.

Speaker 6 (01:18:20):
I mean in my head, I don't know if that's
technically what it means. I'm just like I wanted something short,
you know, so by.

Speaker 3 (01:18:27):
Like I'm sorry, can I point out something hilarious? And
I'm I'm not saying this to be a dick, but
it's very funny to me that in the like the
your Instagram bio is I just be making stuff?

Speaker 7 (01:18:44):
Yeah and yeah, yet and yet the the the the
crux of our call is.

Speaker 3 (01:18:54):
Is attempt is the both of us talking about attempting
to actually in bodie what that bio is saying of
just I just be making stuff? Like I like, I like,
we're both trying to like live that, but you know,
the anxiety prevents you from just be making this stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:19:13):
It's more of like I see that and I'm like,
all right, just make stuff.

Speaker 3 (01:19:18):
Good good, No, it's a good it's a good, but
it's a good bio.

Speaker 5 (01:19:22):
Thanks man, I'm gonna I'm.

Speaker 3 (01:19:23):
Gonna try to live by that. I'm gonna try to
live by that too. I'm gonna let's both let's both
just be making stuff.

Speaker 6 (01:19:30):
Let's both be making stuff. Hell yeah, beautiful, Are you
coming to Florida anytime soon? On your give a tour
coming up?

Speaker 1 (01:19:38):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:19:39):
I don't know, I don't know. I don't know when
I'm in the tour next. I'm like I'm fired up
about going to random weird places. Uh first, and I
might if people want, If people still want to see me,
I'll cook something up. But we'll see, we'll see what happens.

Speaker 1 (01:19:55):
I feel like people always want to see you, bro.

Speaker 3 (01:19:57):
I don't. I don't, I don't know. I don't know, man,
I don't know. I mean, well, every every year, I'm like,
I don't know if I don't know, if people still
want to see me do this, But if they do,
I'm down. I'll come. Hell yeah, Well take care, William,
good luck, take care. Thank you so much, by bye, sir.

(01:20:18):
I liked William. Who's a good guy. I do. I
do empathize with him on a lot of those those points.
He's got to do stuff. Well, folks, that was it.
That was the podcast. I hope you enjoyed it. I
don't have anything else to say, but I think this

(01:20:40):
was a good episode. I enjoyed recording it. Let me
know in the comments if you liked it. Let me
know in the comments if how you're doing, how you're doing,
if you want, I read the Spotify comments. I shouldn't
read the Spotify comments. I shouldn't read any comments, but

(01:21:01):
I do uh. And I shouldn't tell people I read
them because then they'll say things. They'll they'll be they'll
say stuff in them, But I do I read them anyway. Okay,
thank you for listening to the podcast. Get bless see
you guys around the Universe. Goes on the line taking

(01:21:21):
your phone calls every night. Deacon goes to his hide
just teaching.

Speaker 5 (01:21:26):
You cloud in your life.

Speaker 3 (01:21:28):
That's not really an expert.