“MY MOM HATES MY POLY LIFESTYLE”

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, Hello, Hi, Hello, Hi, hey, hi hello Hello.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
How's it going?

Speaker 1 (00:07):
When I was? How old was I? Maybe? Did you
ever use AIM?

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Absolutely?

Speaker 1 (00:16):
How old? Can I see how old you are?

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Yeah? I'm thirty?

Speaker 1 (00:20):
Okay, yeah, so you've used AIM? I like, I used
to have a lot of conversations that just went like, hey, yeah, hey,
what's up?

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Forever no substance, n m JC.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
Cool, you know, and they're all gone. I don't know
where my AIM chats are. I don't know if there's
still I don't think I can still log into AIM.
My I'm trying to remember what my my childhood, uh,
like you know, we all had like like stupid emails.
Mine was doctor Worm forty five at gmail dot com.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
Wow, it like, where did the forty five come from?

Speaker 1 (01:03):
I don't know where the forty five came from? But
do you know where the do you know where the
doctor worm came from?

Speaker 2 (01:08):
No? Okay, it was I was just more interested than
the forty five, I guess.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
Yeah, the forty five is more mysterious. The doctor worm
is a little bit more. Well, there's a they might
do you know what the band they might be Giants. Yeah, yeah,
they have a song called doctor Worm and it's about
a worm who's a doctor that plays the drums. And
I liked that song, so I might doctor worm. What

(01:33):
was yours? What was your childhood email?

Speaker 3 (01:37):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yeah, it was KitKat like the candy QT the letters
then nine to five, which is the year I was born.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
KitKat qtie. That's good. That's a good I'm honestly, I
am genuinely surprised that that wasn't taken KitKat Q.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
But I added ninety five to it, So KitKat qt
probably was kim.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
But of all the thirty, of all the however old
you were at the time, twelve year olds? True, that
would probably because everyone puts now the forty five isn't
isn't the year I was born? That would make me
eighty eight years old? That would make me eighty years old.
But uh, I'm surprised that wasn't taken. That's a good one.

(02:22):
Kick kat qt ninety five.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
It's all right, it is. It is not as embarrassing
as it could have been.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
You know, I wonder if by talking about this on
the podcast will get emails to people.

Speaker 2 (02:34):
Yeah, I'm connecting too, Yeah, Illy, As soon as I
said it, Yeah, as soon as you asked, I was like, oh,
I better give the crappy one so that if I
get emails it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
What is your name?

Speaker 2 (02:50):
Cat Kat?

Speaker 1 (02:51):
Did you tell me that already? No? Okay, good, I
think I'm losing my mind. Actually I'm not.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
No, you're not.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
You're not I'm not.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
You're good.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Actually, I actually I mean this. I feel very sane
in this moment. I feel awesome. I feel good. How
do you feel? Do you feel sane in this moment?

Speaker 2 (03:11):
I feel I'll be honest, it's a little surreal. I've
been trying to call you for a few days and
actually knew that today would be the day that we talk,
but still tried, you know, the past couple of days.
So I'm just still a little bit reeling that you
actually answered two questions.

Speaker 1 (03:30):
One have we ever spoken before?

Speaker 2 (03:32):
We have never spoken before.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
And then two, how did you know that today was
going to be the day?

Speaker 2 (03:40):
I hate to say it, but it was just a feeling,
just a gut feeling. I have been having some life
stuff going on, and today I am chilling at the hospital.
My brother's getting discharged, and it's just a good day
to be on the phone.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
Do you are you typically correct in your gut feelings,
like have they have your premonitions typically came true.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
Man, that's a good question. I'm gonna say no, because
I texted you a few days ago and was like,
today's the day we're going to talk, and then we didn't.
But upon further inspection, it was not the day we
were going to talk. I just knew that we were
going to talk at this season of my life where
I'm going through this stuff with my family.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
You know, it is kind of funny because if you're yeah,
it is kind of funny because like if you every
single day go today is the day, you'll eventually be right.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
So exactly, you know, And that's kind of how I
was feeling. I was like, you know what, today's the day,
Today's the day. And then eventually it was right, And
now I can be satisfied that I called I made
it in. Today's the day.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
Yeah, or you won't. Sometimes sometimes you'll say to day
is the day, and it will never be your day.
You know that. It's like kind that It's like, friends,
hasn't been your day, your week, your month, your year,
your decade, you're century you'r if I guess if the
soul exists beyond death. What would you call that? That's

(05:13):
not a lifetime? What's like, what's like a step above
a lifetime?

Speaker 2 (05:16):
M wow, great question. Oh gosh, like a soul cycle.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yeah, it hasn't been your soul cycle. But if that
was in the Friends theme song, people would be like, this.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
Is too woo for Definitely it would not have been
the Friend's theme song had it talked about soul cycles.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
No, that would be too much. Well, you know, listen,
I'll be fully honest with you. Is I think I've been?
I just yeah, I don't know, just to like set
a context for me personally. Is I think I've been? Yesterday?

(05:53):
I think I tried to record this podcast yesterday and
I was.

Speaker 2 (05:57):
I listened yesterday and yesterday and I was like, wow,
this is not He's going to try again tomorrow and
we're going to talk tomorrow and it'll be better.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
Yeah. Yeah, I I there's a thing when I record this,
I I by the way, I promise, I promise. I'm
not going to just talk about myself this whole time,
but I just gotta get this stuff.

Speaker 2 (06:13):
No, you're fine, I'm this is great.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
Is that I tried to There's like I've been doing
this for five years now, and and there is uh several, several, several,
maybe even hundreds of times where I've sat down to
try to record this podcast and I am I'm not
feeling it, and I'm not in the right physical or

(06:39):
mental existence to do it. And yesterday was one of
those days. And you were there, you saw it, you
saw it on the twitch stream. Yeah, but today, I
don't know if the vibe ance is kicking. I don't
know if it's the fact that it's noon and not
nine pm. But yeah, I'm ready to uh yeah, I'm

(07:01):
I'm hit me with whatever you got, let's get Let's
give it. I will give Let's give this a try,
Let's give this conversation our best try on both ends,
and see what the fuck happens. So what's up, kat So?

Speaker 2 (07:14):
I am in Maryland. I am not from Maryland, but
my parents and my little brother live here. And my
little brother is like incredibly medically complex. Do later if
you want, but he was hospitalized for an infection and
is getting out today, which is amazing. But I came

(07:35):
to visit him, and this is the first time that
I'm seeing my mom since we got in a huge
fight at Christmas.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
Well, so I'm like, awesome that I get to see
my brother, and I just have a lot of anxiety
in my body because this is the first time since
then that I'm seeing everybody.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
And everybody is your mom and your brother, is anyone else?

Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yeah, my mom, my stepdad, and my brother.

Speaker 1 (08:05):
Are you cool with your stepdad?

Speaker 2 (08:07):
Yeah, we're cool.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
Can I ask what was the fight about?

Speaker 2 (08:13):
Yeah, you can ask for sure. You know, it was
like a culmination of a lot of things. I want
to say it was about the basement flooding, and I
didn't like jump up to help right away, but really
it was about my mom not feeling cared for in
our relationship and feeling like, ever since I chose this
polyamorous lifestyle, that I don't have room in my life

(08:34):
for her. While simultaneously I am dealing with like, I
have a lot of insecurities about my life choices and
things that I think that my mom would disapprove of,
and so when she tells me that she does indeed disapprove,
I'm just like, Okay, I don't want to sit here
and like tell you that it's okay and convince you
that it's okay. Because I already did that for myself.

(08:54):
I don't have the bandwidth to do it for you too.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
Well, that's a that's a very introspective. Uh. You went
from it was about the basement flooding too, it was
about all these deeper things.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
Yeah, I think the basement flooding was just the catalyst
to get us yelling at each other, you know.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
Yeah, yeah, it's no, it's never just about the basement.
It's never just about the fucking the way ever stupid thing.
But so you said, it's about your mom doesn't feel
cared for enough.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
I think so. And I'm putting words into her mouth
because I've been avoiding the conversation, so we haven't had
like the direct conversation. But if I could project and
read her mind a little bit, it's that like, well, okay,
So to give you even more context, in twenty twenty,
my husband passed away and my mom like came up

(09:51):
to Chicago to live with me for several weeks and
like really helped me, took care of me. And then
that's been five years and I have grown and gone
through a lot of therapy and made new friends and
have new partners and just like have a totally different
support system now, and I think my mom is feeling
like cut out of that. Not that she's cut out,

(10:13):
but I definitely rely on her less now than I
did five years ago.

Speaker 1 (10:17):
Does your mom have like her own life? I mean,
she has her study, she is, she is, she's.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
Married, she's married. She has my brother who's twenty five,
and she and my stepdad are his like full time
caregivers and will be until he passes away, which could
be Well, we were thinking it could be this week,
but now he looks fine, and so we're thinking like
weeks to months. So, like she's with him a bunch.

(10:42):
She has a job that she's really successful at. She
has book clubs. She's hosting a baby shower girl in
her book club. Like she's got stuff going on.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
Yeah, interesting, No, it sounds like she's got a lot
of shit going on. But like, I don't why is
she feel like is she just like guilting you about shit?

Speaker 2 (11:10):
So, like, my mental health has been really rough the
past year and a half, And from her perspective, it
is rough because like relationship turmoil from being polyamorous and
dating multiple people. And from her perspective, my choices are
contributing to my mental health from my perspective, which is,

(11:32):
you know, more accurate because I am the one living
my life. I know that the choices that I'm making
are getting me out of the mental health issues. But
I think from her perspective, and also because like I said,
I don't need her as much now, so I'm not
relying on her as much, so she's not getting as
much information about my life. I think she just has

(11:52):
like such a limited perspective that she felt the need
to tell me, like, hey, you are doing it wrong.

Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, I mean that's the thing when you have like
when your fucking kids are I mean, that's the thing.
When your daughter is thirty years old, you're uh yeah.
I mean if you were sixteen and you had seventeen
boyfriends or whatever, then maybe, yeah, maybe maybe maybe your
mom is a little bit more justified and chiming in.
But by by thirty, it's like, you know, whatever you

(12:23):
have to say about my life is you know, you're
entitled to your opinion about it, but you have no
you have no sway. It's like what's the Bob Dylan song,
The times are a change in par fuck? Do you
know the there's a line, it's about crap. Well, I

(12:44):
want to look this up. Hold on, sorry, I want
to look it up. I'm looking it up. It's just it's, uh,
the times, they are a change in the classic classically
from uh the opening of the Watchman movie. Have you
seen that? Yeah, yeah, okay, he goes, it goes. Come come,

(13:08):
mothers and fathers throughout the land, and don't criticize what
you can't understand. Your sons and your daughters are beyond
your command. Bam. That's what that's what we got. That
that's what we got. That's that's what's going on here,
speaking the truth. So yeah, I mean your mom, your

(13:30):
mom's got to listen to Maybe you should send her
that song. Maybe maybe maybe you text her. Maybe you
text her that song, and you're like, that's that's what
you gotta accept. That's her journey is accepting that that
that little part of the song. Yeah, you know, And

(13:52):
I get why that would make her hard to hang
out with if she is has an accept Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
Well, and it's too because like my mom and I
were really really close, like I said, like she lived
with me for a little bit when my husband died,
and then even before that, like she was only twenty
when I was born, so we really grew up together
and like, are really close or we're really close question work,
I don't know, and so it's weird for me too,

(14:20):
Like I have a lot of grief about the state
of our relationship currently and I'm like, ah, this is
not how I would prefer it, and that doesn't change that. Like,
I just don't have the emotional bandwidth to convince her
that I'm making the right life choices.

Speaker 1 (14:35):
You can't you could, well, you literally can't, right right true?
What well? I guess, Like, I mean when when when
you talk to her about these things, how does that
conversation go? Like are you like, hey, mom, listen, I'm
never gonna I know you have your ideas of how

(14:56):
I should be living my life and you're entitled to
he I have ideas about whatever it is that you want,
but I would I just di I don't want to
hear them anymore.

Speaker 2 (15:07):
She's like, but I'm your mom, and you need to
hear what I have to say. You need to hear
my perspective. But I'm like, but I don't need to.
You need me to and that's different. Yeah, yeah, And
I did, like I did sit and listen to her.
Like last let's see, in October, she flew out to

(15:32):
see me and we talked like pretty intensely and emotionally,
and I just straight up told her like I sat
and I listened and I was like, yeah, I'm not
going to change my mind, Like this is not a
continu a conversation that I'm willing to continue having with
you for you to tell me that polyamory is wrong

(15:53):
for me, Like, I'm just not open to hearing your
perspective because you don't know, you haven't done the research,
you don't have the experience, like you have your own
insecurities around it, and that's I just don't want to
deal with that and I don't have to. And she
didn't like that.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
Hmm. Yeah, that's a bummer. That's a bummer. I wish
I had anything. I wish I had anything better to
tell you other than that that's a bummer. Yeah it is,
you know, Yeah, I don't know, because you you're like,

(16:37):
if you like anyone out there, if you have a
if you have a parent who's like unconditionally supportive of you,
it's like it's like striking fucking gold, you know. Yeah,
And uh, it's hard to deal with it. If it's
if they're if they're not, I'm I'm not a real therapist,

(16:59):
or I'm not I don't even think I'm a fake therapist.
I'm just doing a part I get. You know what,
I guess if you call yourself the therapy gecko and
you and you pretend to give people, yeah, I guess,
I guess I'm yeah. Anyway, Well, well, uh, okay, okay.
Have you ever talked to a real therapist about this?
And if you do, what do they have to say?

Speaker 3 (17:21):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (17:21):
Yeah, I talked to my real therapist all the time.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
What theist say?

Speaker 2 (17:28):
She basically reminds me, like to use my tools and
that I don't have to let anybody make me feel
any kind of way, which is actually funny because that's
advice that my mom has given me my whole life,
usually about other relatives. And then just like reminding me
about some other therapy stuff, like wise mind, which is

(17:49):
you have like the emotional part of your brain and
then you have the logical part of your brain, and
wise mind is bringing those two together and making decisions
from both, and so reminding me like, don't just look
at the details on paper, don't just look at how
you're feeling about a situation, like use all of it
and take all the data and make your decisions accordingly,
and just like reassuring me and my sense of self

(18:12):
also because we've done a lot of work on that
since my husband passed away.

Speaker 1 (18:18):
What's your so like, I'm very what's your relationship like
with your stepdad? I know we kind of talked about
it a little bit, but like is he like because
because the stepdad is is a bit of a central
figure I think in this of like, you know, like
does he play a voice of reason? Is he on

(18:39):
your side? Is he like, hey, you know, give give
the kid a break? Is he what's his kind of
Not that it really matters in the like fasting of all,
not that it really matters in the processing of all
of this, but I'm just curious.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
I don't really know. I think for the most part,
he just like stit out of it at Christmas, like
try to me between us and remind us, like, hey,
don't say anything that you're gonna regret. I feel like
at that point it was too late though, I was
already figuring out how I was gonna suddenly fly home
and leave the trip, but for the most part, he's
like encouraging to both of us to do it our

(19:16):
way whatever that looks like.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
So tell me, I guess, like, aside from what's going
on with your mom, tell me about tell me about
the polyamory stuff. What's uh, what's been your what's been
your journey with that. I think about this stuff a
lot because like I don't know, like being on I

(19:42):
don't know. I think these are not refined thoughts. I'm
gonna think aloud for a second, but it's like I
think there's something to be said about, like because I'm
trying to figure out how I want to live my
own life, and it's like, uh, there's something to be
said about like committing to one person and then like

(20:05):
you have like doing the work of like figuring it
fucking out with like one person, and like you know,
the idea, the idea is you pick someone and then
you grow with them and you fight with them and
you work it out and you you continue on. But
but the idea that like, like I don't believe like

(20:27):
soulmates makes no sense to me. The idea of like
there was there's one person who's one person who's perfect
for you and you happen to meet them out of
the infinite amount of people that like, that's there's no way.
There's is no fucking way. And I also I also
believe in you know that like like the like the
abundance of love and all that shit of like, well,

(20:51):
I have you know, tons of friends. Why can't that exist?
Why can't that you know, uh uh be? Why can't
I have infinite love for multiple people? And the truth
the truth is, I actually I don't think to say
which of those things is to say, like, Okay, the

(21:14):
path of commitment and we're gonna, fuck I'm just choosing
this and we're gonna do it. There's there's growth there,
and there's positive things there versus the acceptance of like
I'm going to live with just the utmost abundance of
love and I'm actually going to uh learn how to

(21:34):
juggle and be in like, you know, multiple abundant what's
the word. There's a fucking thing I'm trying to think
of like like like uh like anti possession kind of ship.
And I'm gonna learn how to be I'm gonna learn
how to be so fucking loving to so many people
that I have no desire to possess them in any way,

(21:57):
you know, And I think and I think both both
kind of lifestyles. There's no neither of them are uh
you know correct, TM, They both kind of They both
bring with them their own sense of you know, struggles
and their own senses of of of benefits. So I'm

(22:19):
curious for you which what how you know what your
journey has been like on that.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yeah. Yeah, So my husband I were monogamous and Christian,
like super Christian. I was working in the church and
he was super involved in the church. And when he
passed away, there was also like some just like bullshit
drama that happened at the church, and so the church
ended up closing. Also, luckily, I had another job lined

(22:47):
up because I was trying to get another drip up anyway,
and so I transitioned to working in marketing, which, like
I was doing marketing for churches anyway, and then I
avenge started dating very very casually, And in dating casually,
I was dating a lot of people who were either
polyamorous or in open relationships. Because people who casually date

(23:10):
are casual daters, right, It just makes so a lot
of the people that I was dating we're also dating
other people. And I was just like, well, yeah, sure,
I could try this. I dated a guy for two
years in Greece and I actually like flew back and
forth to see him a bunch, and at first we
were just super casual, like friends with benefits, but we

(23:31):
were pretty into each other and if I was going
to be there, we would hang out. But we weren't
like going to get married or anything like. We weren't
committed as long as it served both of us. But
then after being together for like a year and a half,
I was like, well, we've put in so much time,
like we should be more serious than this, Like we
should be committed committed. But for him, that looked like

(23:54):
more exclusivity than I was comfortable with, because by that
point I had already met other people in Chicago that
I really liked spending time with, hanging out with, dating,
cooking up with, and I wasn't willing to give up
those connections. And there was one in particular that Greek
boyfriend was especially like insecure about, and he was asking

(24:18):
me like, hey, if we're going to be committed and serious,
I don't think that you should still be with this person.
And I was like, but I love this person and
I want to be with this person and definitely so
I'm not going to do that. So we broke up.
And then my partner, Javan and I have been together
and are doing well and we date together and separate
and have other partners also, but we live together and

(24:41):
like do life together, share finances, share an apartment. He's
feeding the caps while I'm gone. I love our relationship.
Our relationship is amazing and beautiful and wonderful. I just
rambled a bunch.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
No, No, that was great. That's great, all right, By
the way, I like, I really do, I really, I
I really do get I feel where you're confront because
like people, you know, I think people mistake like, oh,

(25:18):
I could never do that with nobody, can ever do that?

Speaker 2 (25:23):
You know?

Speaker 3 (25:24):
Yes, so that's yeah, probably I was going on, yeah,
oh I could never do that with the pretense or
the undertones of and neither can you.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
Right, right, But I don't know. We live in we
live in an abundant world where everyone can kind of
fucking do whatever they want.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
Yeah, And that's I mean, one of my core values
is to do it for the bit, Like everything can't
be so serious and sure. That's not to say that
like my dating life isn't serious. Like I have a
lot of very serious, committed relationships. It's the commitment and
exclusivity are not mutually exclusive.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
That's an interesting concept. Tell me, tell me more about
what you mean by that.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
Well, I'm wholeheartedly committed to my partner, Javon, and that
doesn't mean that I can't be committed to other people. Also,
it's like you were saying about friendships. It's like you
don't have one friend and that's the only friend that
you do stuff with. You have a bunch of friends
and for a bunch of activities, right, Like there's one
friend you go to the movies with to see an
action movie, and there's another friend you go to see
a rom com and it's just like the same kind

(26:35):
of thing, but for dating and incorporating sex and romance
into those relationships also m h m hm. And there's
no reason that you can only do that in one relationship.

Speaker 1 (26:51):
Yeah, I have to. I have to ask though, because
it here's the one thing is that there is a
the one thing that you I mean, one of the
one of the many challenges to the lifestyle I assume
is that you have a finite amount of time in
an you twenty you have twenty four hours in a day.

Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah, and it's the most difficult thing about I mean.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
Yeah, for for most people, it's like, I mean, polyamory
isn't like forget about anything logistically. I mean, I'm sorry,
forget about anything emotionally. It's just like logistically between you know,
having to work for however many hours you got to
work and having to do laundry and brush your teeth
and go to that, you know, just do everything. I mean,

(27:40):
how do you have genuine question, how do you have
time to have all these commitments and all these relationships.

Speaker 2 (27:48):
Yeah, I'm probably the wrong person to ask, because I
left my job and started my own business partially to
free up my time, partially because I was just ready
to do that. But so there's that. So I work
a lot less now, and the work that I do
is significantly more meaningful. And then it also honestly helps

(28:10):
that I am dating people who are dating each other,
because then we can hang out together versus when I've
dated people who are not dating the people that I'm dating.
It's like a lot more logistically challenging just to find
time and I feel like that's the like, not argument necessarily,
but like that's what I end up like getting frustrated

(28:32):
with partners about is time management, either on their end
or mine of like, Okay, well I've set aside this
time for you and you didn't take me up on it,
or like we had this date planned and you double
booked or I double booked or whatever it is. It's
like time management is like the most annoying part.

Speaker 1 (28:51):
That's so no the thing you said about, uh yeah,
like if you have two boyfriends, but the two boyfriends
are also boyfriends, that's not perfect. That's perfect because you
can go because that means you can go do whatever
the fuck thing you're gonna do. And then your boyfriends
are boyfriends ended up with each other, you know you
have to worry about.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
Uh uh, well, like last night, right exactly last night,
like I flew out to Maryland and so my girlfriend
was over at my apartment with my partner, and she
like stayed over and then got up this morning and
went to work, and I'm like, wow, how great that
my partner was not home alone, Like how wonderful that
he had company?

Speaker 1 (29:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (29:29):
Yeah, and company that I love and trust versus like
company that I don't know anything about.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
What's your What business do you do?

Speaker 2 (29:40):
I am a business consultant. I helped creative people organize
their self care, passion project or small business.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
Interesting, how long have you been doing that?

Speaker 2 (29:53):
I started in January?

Speaker 1 (29:55):
And how's it? How's it going?

Speaker 2 (29:57):
It's going great. I love all of the clients that
I'm working with. I'm doing a lot more well on
one coaching than I was expecting. I was expecting to
do more like small business consulting, where I have like
contracts with small businesses, But actually a lot of the
work that I'm doing is just like one on one
calls with people who are doing some form of passion

(30:20):
project and they just need help like with project management
or resources or training stuff like that. So I have
a client that I'm helping develop a marketing strategy for
her self published children's book. I have a client that
I'm helping her outline her like branding guidelines for her
own business because she doesn't quite have the budget to

(30:40):
pay someone else to do it. But I was like, well,
I can do it, but it's better if I teach
you how to do it. So I'm doing that.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
Stuff like that that makes sense. You know, you're very
easy to talk to, so it makes sense that you
have this like one to one kind of coaching job.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
Yeah, it suits me. I enjoy it a lot. And
I don't know. I have been in therapy like all
of my life, literally all of my life actually since
my brother was born because he's special needs, the like
therapy center for him where he would do like his
physical therapy. They also offered mental health services to the siblings.

(31:22):
So I started therapy like super young and have just
like I don't know, absorbed at all. And I like
passing on knowledge, not just about like business stuff, but
everything like holistic care. And I really think that self
care like is part of your work and your business.

(31:43):
It's like the crucial part. It's the part that everything
is built off of. So I'm glad that I get
to do that for other people and with other people.

Speaker 1 (31:52):
I'm gonna go ahead let me. I don't know what's
going on in the twitch chat, but if you're down,
I'll see if the twitch chat has any, uh any
questions are you a real gecko? I'm not going to
answer that. You should.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
Speaking of are you a real gecko is when you're
a little like intro theme song plays or your outro
theme song, and it says, budd, he's not really. We
say a gecko, Oh.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta update that
intro song. I get a new one.

Speaker 2 (32:27):
I know that's not the words, but it's fun.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
So okay, here's a question. Someone asks if STDs are
ever a concern.

Speaker 2 (32:34):
Yeah, for sure. So we're just like really open and
talking about testing and also using barriers, and we just
have those conversations a lot more than other people.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
Someone asked, uh, what was the transition like from being
employed to self employed?

Speaker 2 (32:53):
Fucking terrifying. I have like a good savings account that
I built up for this, and it still like hurts
me emotionally to dig into it. Like I know that
that's why I have the money, and I'm like, oh
my gosh, like I'm going to burn through my savings.
It's like that's literally what it's for. Yeah, it's really

(33:14):
just like the mindset shift of like I am fully
responsible for my income versus when I was working at
a business, it was like there was a little bit
of like sales and lead generation in my job, but
I wasn't doing all of it. Whereas now I'm doing
all of it, Like, if I need a new client,
it's my responsibility to go out and find a new client. Yeah,

(33:36):
and that, Like I knew all of that going in,
but it's still quite a lot to juggle and to
get used to.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
Are you you started in January?

Speaker 4 (33:46):
Are you?

Speaker 1 (33:46):
Are you? Are you in the green?

Speaker 4 (33:49):
Not yet?

Speaker 1 (33:51):
What's been your like process for gathering clients and whatnot.

Speaker 2 (33:56):
So it's funny when I moved to Chico back in
the day, like five years ago I did it or
six years Oh my gosh. I raised support as a
missionary to do that, And so I had like a
pitch deck that I would show to people from the
church and say, here's why you should invest in my
position at this church, and here's the impact that I'm

(34:18):
going to make. I just like took that framework and
created it for my business. And so I made like
an investor deck. I scheduled call with a bunch of
my friends and family and just anybody who would get
on a call with me, and then I asked them
to do something, whether it's like book a call with
me to move forward as a client, refer me to
someone else, or shout me out on social media, and

(34:40):
then I just did that over and over again until
I got a client load I was happy with.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
I guess that kind of the missionary thing leads into
this other question, Are you still a Christian?

Speaker 2 (34:52):
That's a tough question. I don't think so. I don't know.
I think there's a lot of value in the community
that you get from the church. Like I have a
lot of really close friends, like family friends from the church.

(35:13):
I think church can be awesome. I think it also
can be awful. The like party line from Christians is well,
it's not God that makes church awful, it's people. And
it's like, yeah, I get that, And I don't know.
I'm more spiritual. I don't think I'm Christian. I'm not
like Jesus saves or anything anymore. But I'm also not

(35:35):
anti church.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
You know the dude. I yeah, people listening to this
podcast know that this year for this this year has
been unintentionally been for me the year of the existential crisis.
And yeah, I've been thinking a lot about I've been
thinking about things that I have not really I mean that,
you know, everyone thinks about like, you know, what the

(36:01):
fuck is this? And you know, how did consciousness get
to be and what happens after we die and all
that stuff. But this year, for this year, I got
like really, yeah, it's called existential depression. Like I got
really into it, and I think it's the other day
I was like thinking about it and I was like, oh, wait,

(36:21):
I actually do think I'm like I was, I was like, wait,
is there actually fucking might be a god? And I
not in like a not in like a obviously like
the god as it's kind of like the way it's
been like weaponize. Yeah. Yeah, like I hired being like

(36:42):
like the way it's been like weaponized to like you know,
uh other people and to fucking you know, like I
don't think, like I don't think I believe in heaven
and Hell, although I don't who knows I At this
point it all all roads leads. All roads kind of
lead to there being no definitive answer. But when people

(37:06):
talk about like, I'm not bothered when people talk about
like God and Jesus because I think God and Jesus
are just like they're just allegory and I don't know
if allegory is the right word. They're just placeholders for
like a higher power. And when you really think about,
like what a fucking miracle and like what insanity it

(37:30):
is to like be conscious you you it almost like
the fact like they're being a high there there must
be a higher power which and it's not necessarily like
a dude in the sky or.

Speaker 2 (37:45):
Like mean to me, just like the design of like
the earth one place where our like human being is
able to exist and has the right oh zone whatever
in the air and the like, all of that to
me indicates like some sort of higher power designing things

(38:07):
or orchestrating things.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
Yeah. Yeah, but I mean there also is like you
could take a nihilistic approach to it and be like
it's all just a random, chaotic, uh cosmic mistake. But
still but but even but even but even if it's
all a mistake and it's all random, it's like, well
so the that's that still doesn't explain a lot of stuff,

(38:34):
you know, So I don't know, but yeah, but yeah,
the fact that it's like so I don't know anytime
like when like uh like even like prayer, like I
like I pray now you're like I find I've talked
about this before, Like I'll do this thing like when
I'm like traveling like if I'm uh going through airport
security and uh, you know, is that moment when you

(38:57):
you like you don't have any of your stuff and
you don't have your phone and you're just standing there
and you're waiting, I'll like clasp my hands and look up.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
And it's like wow, wow, actually pray.

Speaker 1 (39:09):
Yeah, it's like pray. But it's again, it's not like
it's not like Jesus or it's just like we randomly
somehow got to evolve into these like con into fucking
conscious beings. It's so insane. There are there obviously there's

(39:32):
like you know, scientific whatever of like the neurons create
consciousness or whatever, but there's there's still so many questions
that like can't be answered, and the answer is not
necessarily like there was a God and he created the
life and he wants you to you know, never have
sex and never you know, direct like that stuff that

(39:56):
that stuff is all fucking stupid. But like the idea
that there's something more conscious than us makes total sense.
So I just I sub that in.

Speaker 5 (40:05):
Now.

Speaker 1 (40:05):
I don't get annoyed when people talk about Jesus or
anything like that, because I just sub it in with
like they're seeking a higher power, they seeking answers. You know,
it's only annoying when people use it, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:17):
Go ahead, sorry, Yeah, it's annoying when they like try
and force it on you exactly, they're like, oh, well
you should change your X y Z because I believe this.
It's like, okay, we can stop this conversation now. Versus
if they're just telling me about their belief system, I'm like,
oh cool, tell me.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
More, right, right. Yeah, it's annoying when they do that,
when they try to push it on you, or when
they like use it to be like, well yeah again,
I guess, I guess, yeah, I guess. Actually all forms
of like religious powered hatred are just like extremities of

(40:51):
trying to force your religion upon other people.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
Yeah, well, and I hate that that religious powered hatred
is veiled under the guys those religious powered love. It's like, well,
we're just telling you this because we care so much
about you, like you clearly don't because you're telling me
this mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (41:11):
Although you know, it's fun and and I although to
be maybe it's wrong to be sympathetic to this degree,
but I also I was thinking, I was maybe it's
wrong to be sympathetic to this degree. But I was thinking.
I was like, I was like, you know, if I
were convinced that if I were convinced unfallibly of these things,

(41:37):
then of course I'd be like.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
Yeah, I have the best news in the world I have.

Speaker 1 (41:43):
Of course, yeah, of course. Uh. Louis c K has
this joke where he's like, you know, like like people
who are like anti abortion, like like they like in
their minds, they think that you're killing babies, and so,
of course if you think that people are killing But

(42:05):
of course, if you're convinced that you think that people
are killing babies, you're going to stand outside of the
fucking planned parenthood. Doesn't make it right, but of course
that's what you're gonna do if that's what you're convinced of. So,
you know what, I none of these are all just
you know, things to think about.

Speaker 2 (42:25):
I guess, but yeah, I don't know either. You talk
a lot about like recording your thoughts on the internet,
and I feel very similar. I'm like, oh my god,
all of this is recorded, and I'm going to change
my mind.

Speaker 1 (42:36):
Tomorrow, Yes exactly, but whatever, I'll here's what Here's what
happened is I'll change my mind. Tomorrow somebody will be like,
well and hear you said this about this, and I'll
be like, well, you know whatever I'm it makes Honestly,
it makes me. Yeah, yeah, it makes me very I'm
very happy and I feel very you see, you really

(42:56):
get where I'm coming from on all these things, and
that makes me. That makes me feel feel very seen.
So I appreciate this conversation very much.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
You're so welcome. And I know that you don't see
it this way. But we spend a lot of time together.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
This is true. It's true. You spend a lot. It's true.
We have a yeah, yeah, sure, yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:16):
Yeah, I listen. Do you talk a lot? So it
makes sense.

Speaker 1 (43:23):
Hold on, we might have another let me let me
see if we have any more any more? Just questions
from the chat. Uh. Someone wants to know how many
partners do you have?

Speaker 2 (43:46):
I would say three right now. I have a nesting partner,
we have a girlfriend, and have a platonic partner who
I've been with for ages, but we're long distance.

Speaker 1 (43:59):
Right now, let's see, Oh, how did you meet your partners?
Someone wants to know.

Speaker 2 (44:10):
Okay, so Javon and I met on Tinder. We were
just like looking at and then we actually really liked
each other and like fell in love, which was a
little problematic because we both had other partners at the
time who weren't super chill with us falling in love.
And then I met our girlfriend through Jon he already
knew her. I don't know how they met, I assume

(44:32):
on the app. And then my platonic partner we were
friends in college.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
When you say you had partners that weren't chill with
you falling in love, are you, is it like do
you have agreements with them where it's like, look, have
sex with whoever you want, but like I want to
be your Yeah, okay, that makes sense. Yeah, someone wants
to know your thoughts on Playboy CARDI on what play

(45:03):
Playboy carti?

Speaker 2 (45:05):
Playboy CARTI? I don't know. I have none.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
Okay, Okay, I don't have any either. All right, Well, well,
kat I, I, is there anything else that did we
cover all bases? If we didn't, we can come down
so much.

Speaker 2 (45:28):
I mean, I would love if you're cool. Isn't to
tell you a little bit about my brother because he's
like my fucking hero?

Speaker 1 (45:34):
Yeah? Oh, also, yeah, I do want to hear about
your brother. I also, uh, don't let me forget, but
I wanna. We'll do this at the very end. I
want to give you. Don't let me forget about this.
I want to give you the opportunity to shout out
your business. I don't know if you have an email,
Instagram or whatever, but uh yeah, go ahead. Tell me
about your brother.

Speaker 2 (45:56):
So his name is Thomas. He has this genetic disorder
called FG syndrome, which it doesn't matter what it's called,
but it basically his body and his brain like don't
connect the way that they're supposed to, and so that's
caused a whole bunch of issues throughout his life. He
we call him bionic Boy because he has so many

(46:17):
like medical devices attached to him used to his spine.
He has a muscle relaxer pump under his abdomen, like
under the skin that sends muscle relaxer straight to his
spinal system. He has he's on like bagged nutritions instead
of a feeding tube.

Speaker 6 (46:35):
It just goes.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
Directly to his bloodstream. It's really fucking cool. He likes
to play piano, he likes to read books, he loves
to watch movies. He was on a really big Marvel Kick.
But then I think he finally got tired of Marvel
after watching like all of the movies in chronological order
and release order, like one hundred times over, I think
he's finally moved on to other action movies. Now, let's see,

(47:01):
he's quadriplegic, so he doesn't have functionally quadriplegic. He doesn't
have like full range of motion of his limbs. He
can like turn pages in a book and like press
keys on a keyboard, but he doesn't have very much
control of his motor skills. He's wheelchair bound. He's nonverbal.
He can communicate with like yes no with his eye

(47:23):
movement or like he'll raise his eyebrows for yes or
lower them for no. But for the most part, we
just kind of read his mind.

Speaker 1 (47:32):
Does he does he like type or write or anything.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
He did type for a while, but it's like so
much physical effort for him to be able to type
that there's just very little that's worth it to him
for the energy of communicating.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
Is he's twenty five right?

Speaker 2 (47:53):
Yeah, Well he'll be twenty five in September.

Speaker 1 (47:57):
Sorry if you mentioned this, Sorry about is he Is
he been like this his whole life? Or was it
something that developed, it's.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
Gotten like worse through his whole life. So it's like
every year he's had some sort of medical complication, not
necessarily every year, but pretty much every year, and so
it's like usually one thing at a time. So when
he was little, little, like there was barely anything wrong,
so to speak. And then as he or his body

(48:27):
just like couldn't keep up. Like if you're in a
wheelchair and you don't like walk around and move your muscles,
then your muscles atrophy. So his body has just been
like falling apart his whole life.

Speaker 1 (48:41):
What was your what was your guys relationship? Like like uh,
growing up, we actually.

Speaker 2 (48:47):
Didn't realize that he was not also mentally handicapped until
he was like fourteen, So that was the first time
he ever typed a sentence before that. Like we were chill,
but I didn't know he was in there, you know,
so like we would hang out, watch movies, whatever. But
like I was like, how quick can this relationship be?

(49:09):
Like I don't know. We thought he was a vegetable,
and then it was like, oh my gosh, he's not
a vegetable. He's a real kid. He's in there and
can talk and tell us things, And I have a
lot of guilt for like not being around more, but
I'm trying to just let go of that and be
around as much as I want to instead.

Speaker 1 (49:31):
Does he have a nice relationship with your stepmom and
your mom?

Speaker 4 (49:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (49:38):
I think so. I think they so. During the pandemic,
it was pretty rough because there was the shortage of
healthcare workers and so it was literally just my mom
and my stepdad taking care of him twenty four to seven,
and they all got burnt out from each other. Now
they have like nursing care in the house again, and
so I feel like the relationship is much better, not
just between like my brother and my parents, but even

(49:59):
between my mom and my stepdad. Like I feel like
they finally get a break from caregiving.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
Now, wait, where are you right now? By the way,
I hear a lot.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
Of people, I'm in the hospital lobby.

Speaker 1 (50:11):
Yeah right, you mentioned that. What forgive me if you
mentioned this already? But what's up with your dad?

Speaker 2 (50:21):
My dad is a chill guy. He and my mom
got divorced when I was young and my brother was young,
so my brother is his biological child. Also, he's remarried.
He lives with his wife in small town Indiana.

Speaker 1 (50:37):
And uh are you is he? Do you guys? Like,
are you guys cool? And you're cool with his uh
his wife and everything.

Speaker 2 (50:44):
Yeah, yeah, we're cool. He wasn't around a ton when
I was growing up because he had work stuff and
I was with my mom, who's his ex wife, And
I have a lot of just like grace and understanding
for that. And I talk a lot lately about how,
like my dad, my relationship now that I'm an adult
is so much better. And then my mom kind of
jokes like, well, that's because you lowered your standards, but like, yeah,

(51:07):
it is because I lowered my standards because like my
dad never asked to have me, like they just got pregnant.
He did the best he could and left his wife
and still like showed up for me. So yeah, I
did lower my standards. I'm cool with that. But he
and my brother haven't really been able to see each other,
like since my mom and them moved out here to Maryland.

(51:30):
They used to live in Indiana. Also, m m.

Speaker 1 (51:36):
Hmmm. I'm trying to think, was there anything else you
wanted to you wanted to mention about your your your brother,
your family or you know kind of anything at all
before uh we get into uh I want to let
you do your plugs?

Speaker 2 (51:55):
Yeah, yeah, gosh, I don't think so. I'm just I'm
so thrilled we got to talk today.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
Yeah. Absolutely, here what's okay?

Speaker 2 (52:05):
So?

Speaker 1 (52:06):
What where do? If people want your your coaching services
or yeah, any of these stings.

Speaker 2 (52:14):
If you want help with your self care or your
passion project or your small business, you can follow me
on Instagram at Cat Makes Stickers. That's cat lob K.
From there, you can check out my website if you want,
or just follow. I also well buy the name. You
can tell make Stickers as my like lead generating thing,
so you can also see the stickers I've been designing

(52:35):
and working on.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
Cat Makes Stickers. There's no no no x's or underscores
or numbers or anything. Just Cat Makes Stickers straight. Yep,
pretty good. What kind of stickers do you make?

Speaker 2 (52:48):
Whatever? I feel like just like fun stuff. Today I
was working on a sticker of my mom's pets, but
in the style of like the Stardeo Valley Pets.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
Here, hold on, I'm gonna I'm gonna is it? Is
it embarrassing? If I check this out? While we're on
the phone. No, okay, cool, Uh stickers, Cat makes stickers cool?
Oh you gotta Oh this is cool? Oh hell yeah,

(53:21):
Oh you got the Powerpuff Girls. Oh hell yeah, you're
really doing it. This is sick.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
I'm trying, man.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
This is like for helping folks.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
With like yes I am, I am really doing it.

Speaker 1 (53:34):
This is this is like helping folks with like ADHD
and shit like that. Okay, sick, sick. No, well, look,
I'll say this just by talking to you, is that
I I I really enjoyed talking to you.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
Cat.

Speaker 1 (53:48):
You're very I can just you know, from the hour
ish that we got to talk, I can tell you're
very empathetic, understanding persons.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
So wow, I I I'm gonna quote you on my website.

Speaker 1 (54:02):
You know what I full you can, I will, I
will endorse you. I will. This is I will give
I have a full I don't know if what we
I guess what we just did counts as some form
of a one to one conversation, and so I will
give you. I will give you a an official endorsement.

(54:22):
Put me on the put me on the back of
whatever CDs you put out, or anything like that. Yeah, yeah, Cat,
is anything else you want to say to the people
of the computer before we go.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
You know what, No, I feel good.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
This was great, perfect, Thank you Cat, having a good
rest of the day.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
You too, Bye bye.

Speaker 1 (54:50):
That was a great conversation. I I I love I
love talking to that person. That was That was great.
That was really great. No, definitely, I hope she gets
some busy that would be That would be super cool
to me if she got some business off of this,
I'm gonna cool. One of my favorite things now is like,

(55:10):
if somebody I love, like, if somebody shouts out their
ship on the podcast, I'll like, after I released the episode,
I'll wait a few days and then I'll go to
their Instagram and I'll like, I like, I'll see the
look at the comments and there'll be a bunch of
people being like, GEX sent me here, and I'll be like,

(55:30):
that's sick. I did that with the There was the
there was of course the cave guy, and then there
was the woman on the boat. And yeah, it's cool.
It's cool watching uh like their followers go up and ship.
But yeah, yeah, shout out, shout out CAT makes stickers.

(55:54):
That was a good conversation. Yeah. The more I don't
know the more the more. I I don't know that
was I don't know if I have any post call
thoughts Aside from that, I think everything everything that was
said is is was good. That was good. Hello, Hello, Hey,

(56:21):
what's your name?

Speaker 4 (56:23):
My name is Scott.

Speaker 1 (56:24):
Scott what a Yeah?

Speaker 4 (56:28):
And I started a weed journal in chat GPT last night,
and like it's really weird because I feel like I've
been more honest with it than like most of my
therapists I've ever had.

Speaker 1 (56:40):
You started a weed journal in chat GPT. Yeah, Okay,
I'm gonna make some I'm gonna make some guesses as
to what a weed journal is. First guess, a journal
that you do while you are high on weed.

Speaker 2 (56:59):
Essentially?

Speaker 1 (56:59):
Okay? Is that wait? Essentially? Or what's a weed joke?

Speaker 4 (57:03):
Well, I mean I haven't I have to do a
bunch of shit already. So I'm like keep track of
what I have, keep track of what I've smoked in
the past, and like what I've said about it, and
then kind of like asking me questions about like why
I'm smoking and how I'm feeling and stuff, because you know,

(57:25):
I know a lot of people in the show say
they feel like they smoke too much weed and I'm
kind of trying to figure out if I smoke too
much or if it's actually helping.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
Okay, So you so you tell it that, like you're like, Okay,
I smoked this strain and this is how I'm feeling,
and it's like, okay, got it, memory updated?

Speaker 4 (57:50):
Yeah, pretty much?

Speaker 1 (57:52):
Okay, and then you journal with it.

Speaker 4 (57:58):
Yeah, you know, to give my life prompts checking in
at like fifteen minutes after a smoke and in like
an hour after a smoke.

Speaker 1 (58:06):
All right, has it been gone?

Speaker 4 (58:08):
Uh. It's kind of like getting me to kind of
like experience it more because I kind of always felt
like I don't really get like the stereotypical life high,
you know, like the giggles, the munchies, you know, couch

(58:29):
flock shit like that. But I still have, you know,
been smoking and you know kind of just does to
make it through the day and stuff. So I think
kind of paying attention to it more is making me
feel the effects more. And it's also like, I don't know,
just exposing some of my insecurities the way I'm like

(58:51):
reflecting on some of the aspects of my life. I'm
trying to you know, with more when I smoke or
you know, like I said, smoking too much stuff like that.

Speaker 1 (59:01):
Uh are you saying that uh Ai is exposing your
insecurities or weed is exposing your insecurities.

Speaker 4 (59:10):
The way I'm conversing with AI is because I guess
I don't have the social pressure of it being an
actual person, so I'm kind of like it's more like
thinking to myself or like you know something like that.
Kind of.

Speaker 1 (59:27):
Yes, interesting, Well, yeah, I mean that's what by the way,
you know, look, I've gone back and forth, you know,
in my real life, like with my friends debating about
AI and you know, reading about you know, environmental things
and whatnot. But like, but I get like, but I mean, look,

(59:50):
I use I use I use it every day. I
use it every day to like do this ship and
it does like help you think. My friend refers to
it as journaling squared and I can't exactly explain what
he what that means. But then when he said it,
I'm like, that makes perfect sense. It's like thinking to myself,

(01:00:12):
but having something like reflect back at me. It's not good.
Don't use it. I don't think it's good to use
as a friend or a partner. I think that's where
people can get tripped up because you don't want to
do that. But you know it's not it's not it's
a good partner for you know, helping helping you think,
not necessarily. I this is just my experience. I don't

(01:00:35):
want to I know this stuff is like controversial, but
it's like, yeah, for me, it it it. It doesn't
like think for me, I'm not like, I don't fart
into it and then it farts back something and I'm like, great,
I don't have to think anymore. I use it as
a tool to help me think and reflect and introspect
and whatnot. And I assume that's what you're doing with

(01:00:56):
this we.

Speaker 4 (01:00:56):
Journal Yeah, that journaling square makes a lot of sense
to me. Like I feel like journaling is like two
open ended, Like I don't know what the hell to
write about, so like having telling it to ask me
questions and then kind of summarize that information back to
me at some point, you know, to say trends or
you know whatever. Like so it's kind of like it's

(01:01:20):
doing the analysis of me, doing my own analysis of
myself kind of.

Speaker 1 (01:01:28):
You know, I'm gonna I know a fuck. I know
this is controversial and maybe I'm an idiot for saying
this publicly, because I might eat my words many years
from now. But this is just my thought process of it,
because my friends say that. I had a friend who

(01:01:51):
said that we are the last generation that will have
critical thinking skills because of AI, and I think, I
think that's a bold statement to make. And he may
be write and maybe there are people who are more
researched on this than I am, but I don't know.

(01:02:15):
For me, I think it's not replaced. I I mean,
you could look at it. It is like a thing
that is again like helping you think because you're thinking
with it. It's not like it's not telling you. I
mean if you look if you're like if you use
it to write poems for yourself and then you post

(01:02:39):
the poems on Instagram and you're like, look at these poems.
I think that's stupid, like doing shit like that, and
people do shit like that, and people use it to
like do create. I like, like using it to like
do creative work, I think is lame. I think that's antithetical. Yeah,
I think I think using it to like create artificial

(01:03:01):
art is dumb. And I don't I actually I don't
know if it will ever even get to the point
where it creates good artificial art. And if and if
it is creating good artificial art, it's doing it with
the guidance of a human who is refining it and

(01:03:25):
prompting it in ways that are art full, I suppose,
but in the way that it sounds like you and
I use it to like kind of as a sounding
board for reflection. I think, is yeah, is is you know,

(01:03:46):
is useful?

Speaker 4 (01:03:48):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:03:50):
I mean I don't know, it might yes, sorry, go ahead,
go ahead, just.

Speaker 4 (01:03:54):
You listen to this podcast called Pessimist Archives. I think
it changed the name and the format then that's why
I off. But like it kind of started off as like,
you know, saying like, well, I think the first episode
was trying to find out like when was America great,
like that we're trying to make it great again, and
it's like, you know, it went back to World War
two or whatever, and then they were saying times were

(01:04:16):
great then, and then you know whatever I want. I
think it went like all the way back to like
medieval times, and they were like, you know, essentially the
conclusions like everyone always thinks that times were better in
the past. And I'm also like, I think you know,
like kind of the reaction to books is similar. Original
reaction to books was kind of similar to like the
initial reaction to computers and stuff like that. So it's

(01:04:38):
it's weird kind of like loop generational loop, uh where
kind of everyone thinks what's super one the better.

Speaker 1 (01:04:47):
I'm willing, you know, I'm willing to be checked on this.
Let them, let the let the fucking record show. I'm
willing to be checked on this. But I just while
while you and I are talking about it, I I
really what you just said resonates with me super hard.
I really think every I think every generation thinks that
the previous generation is stupid. Isn't that what keeps Isn't

(01:05:10):
that what keeps happening? Like like like all those like articles
being like, well, millennials don't want to work anymore, Millennials
spend all their money on like avocado toast. It's like
the boomers thought the millennials were stupid, and then the
millennials think the gen zers, and then we think that,
like does doesn't that just keep happening? Isn't that like
a cycle of like, yeah, everyone every generation thinks the
previous generation is fucked and stupid? There's certain and like, look,

(01:05:36):
I mean there's certain things that are like I think,
like undeniably true. These aren't but these aren't black and
white things. You can't just maybe they are. I don't know.
I mean I say all this stuff, and then someone
sends me a link being like, hey, there's empirical data

(01:05:57):
to show that suicide rates are up and oppression is
up and anxiety is up. So we have actual data
to show that times were better before. And I'm like,
ah shit, maybe, I.

Speaker 4 (01:06:09):
Mean it's all relative.

Speaker 1 (01:06:10):
I guess it's all relative. I don't know. You could
probably have some fucking chart. Yeah, actually, now I think
about it, Yeah, there are probably a lot of there's
probably a lot of like again, empirical data that can
be like no, no, no, these aren't feelings. We can actually
prove logistically that the quality of people's lives were better

(01:06:32):
in this period of time. And and and then I
look at stuff like that and it makes me. It
makes me less optimistic, but I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:06:43):
Something done. It's also like, well, what about you know,
if you think about you know, America in the fifties
or whatever, like it might have been better for white
people but not black people.

Speaker 5 (01:06:52):
You know.

Speaker 4 (01:06:53):
So it's like that goes back to it being like relative.
It's like there's never going to be well. I mean,
I feel like the idea of peace has like gon
out the windows since like nine eleven, So, you know,
I feels like there's never going to be like a
you know, utopian world where everyone you know, even though
that's kind of the goal, and hopefully one generation you

(01:07:15):
know that even if they say some stuff is shitty,
you know, like then the next generation will still have
other stuff that they push forward even if they bring
some stuff back. So it's like hopefully, you know, the
averages progress forward in the end, but it doesn't really
feel like it always.

Speaker 1 (01:07:34):
These are big questions.

Speaker 3 (01:07:41):
Mmm.

Speaker 1 (01:07:44):
Yeah, there's a big questions to think about. Maybe I
should get some like experts on the podcast. I feel
like I'm always just like spinning my own wheels on
a lot of this shit I'd love to like because
you know, the more I research and more I like,
look shit up, I'm like okay, because I'm always like,
all right, there seems to be smart people who come

(01:08:10):
up with like two smart well researched people can come
up with different visions for the future. You know, I mean,
I don't know. People are saying like, I don't know,
man like people people are saying like the dollar is
going to collapse and the end of the world is here.

(01:08:32):
And then there's people being like, you know on the
thing of like well yeah, yeah, everyone every generation says
that the previous generation was fucked, and then you can
be like, yeah, but this time it actually is different
because X, Y and Z.

Speaker 4 (01:08:53):
But every generation also thinks the world is gonna end.
Remember back in twenty twelve.

Speaker 1 (01:08:58):
Right, yeah, yeah, remember when the fucking trailer for that
movie came out. I was terrified. I really thought the
world was going to end in twenty twelve.

Speaker 4 (01:09:09):
I remember being like on the beach by day and
just like kind of looking out at the horizon and
being like it is just a weird vibe for sure.

Speaker 1 (01:09:16):
Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I want to have this.
I want to have this conversation because I'm trying to
check because I'm like fighting, I'm always fighting with myself
of like I want to believe that, like I want
to believe that like the world is how you see it,

(01:09:38):
and that perspective is everything, and that that applies on
like a individual level as well as a societal level.
But I'm also there's also people who could be like, hey,
you're actually a big, dumb, fucking hippie and all this
shit is happening and we don't need your hippie fucking
nonsense right now. We need X, Y and Z. So yeah,

(01:10:05):
I'm like, I don't know, I'm wrestling with that ship.

Speaker 4 (01:10:09):
But then, like your own perspectives can lie to you too,
you know, like when you're talking on like depressed is
like you know then, I mean in that moment, I
guess that is your world, but you know, kind of overalled.

Speaker 2 (01:10:21):
Not necessarily.

Speaker 1 (01:10:24):
Yes, yeah, depression can lie to you. It can tell
you that, oh, I can tell you a lot of
your your thoughts, and your brain can lie to you,
and so and you can I I I see, I
don't see why optimism can be I mean, yeah, yeah,

(01:10:45):
optimism can be uh checked and uh dissected and pulled apart.
But so, I mean, on the same coin, so can pessimism.
So I don't know, may be fine, Everything's gonna be fine,
right probably maybe who knows what's going on in your life.

(01:11:06):
I don't know anything about you, and we've been talking
for fifteen minutes. I only know that you smoke weed
and talk to chatchybt.

Speaker 4 (01:11:13):
Oh, I don't know. I'm tying. I got married Blake
a little less than a year ago to the person
i've been less since we're sixteen, so it'll be like
we've been together half of our lives.

Speaker 1 (01:11:23):
The Lahaiam very good. How old are you now? I'm
thirty two, thirty two and you're married to the lady
you've fucking met when you were sixteen. Yep, okay, yeah,
I'm curious about your life because you are, like your

(01:11:43):
romantic life is the polar opposite of the previous callers
romantic life, and so I'm curious on your you have
like the exact opposite uh romantic life stories. So I'm curious.
And we got to hear her you know, struggles and

(01:12:05):
her benefits to that, and so now I'm curious you
took the opposite route of like, I am going to
commit to this person that I met when I was sixteen,
and I've now it's been sixteen years of commitment. It's interesting.
So what's going on? What's going on with you? Tell
me about that lifestyle.

Speaker 4 (01:12:25):
I mean, it's kind of one of those things where
like I see why that sounds kind of crazy to people,
but like it just feels natural to me personally. We
actually met on like a Reptar fan page on Facebook.
I like made a comment referencing a song by this
band that references Reptar, and she like noticed it, knew

(01:12:47):
the band as well, and then saw that, you know,
we're from generally the same area. So she added me
as a friend, and literally my first words to her
where do I know you? But then from there it
turned into like a couple hours long conversation. A couple
of weeks later, we were at the same concert and
like saw each other but didn't actually interact. And then,

(01:13:08):
you know, we lived like an hour away from each other,
so we were, you know, in high school having our
parents drive us back and forth on weekends to like
see each other. Once we finally started dating months later,
and yeah, I mean there we had like a really
big fight a couple you know, like a year or

(01:13:29):
two into our relationship that you know kind of led
to some really hard times and I probably still kind
of feel the effects of it as well. And then
there was a point, you know, a couple of few
years ago where she was kind of going through some
mental health issues and you know, sort of wanted to
take a break, which you know, I gave her, like

(01:13:49):
her space, but she wanted to you know, potentially go
on a date or kiss someone else and stuff. And
that was kind of like where I drew the line.
And I don't think she necessarily wanted to do that.
I think it was kind of you know, not like
a midlife crisis, but kind of something like that and
more related to you know, mental the butsher was going

(01:14:12):
through mentally. But yeah, so I don't know. I mean,
we've lived together, we have three cats and a dog,
we've owned a house together. It's uh, I mean yeah,
like you said, it kind of goes through all the
a lot of the stereotypical kind of like beats, but
like I said, it feels it just feels natural.

Speaker 1 (01:14:32):
Isn't that the core? I love this? But this is
one of my favorite episodes of the podcast lately because
isn't that Isn't that so cool that two completely different
lifestyles can both feel deeply natural to respective individuals. It's interesting. Yeah,
I don't know if you were here when I was
talking to the previous person, that's cool to me. Okay,

(01:14:58):
what the fuck was I going to say? What do
you do for a living?

Speaker 4 (01:15:08):
I work for a place orders for a company that
makes musical accessories and also distributes like pro audio stuff
who are like owned by a big parent company that
like trades on the British Stock Exchange or whatever. So

(01:15:29):
when I started at the job, it was a family
owned company and had been for like four years, and
then they sold like a year after, less than a
year after I was there, And so it's been a
lot of dealing with the corporate bullshit, Like, you know,
every time we have a town hall meeting, we have
to hear about the investors and how they're doing versus

(01:15:53):
you know, oh yeah, we're so good working on our
total package rewards even though we're not going to give
you a raise, you know, shit like that. So that's frustrating.
And I actually tried to start a union at one point,
but only one other person was actually had the bass
to try to join me.

Speaker 1 (01:16:10):
Sorry, I know I moved on from this topic, but
I actually remembered what I was going to say, is
that I I think I've read I don't know if
this was a tweet or if this was like something
I saw on Instagram.

Speaker 2 (01:16:23):
But like.

Speaker 1 (01:16:25):
Someone said something of like I think breaking up is
like not not for everybody. Of course, this doesn't work
this way for everybody, but like for like long term couples,
like breaking up is like part of the relationship in
a way, like having a little like I know lots

(01:16:49):
of couples in successful relationships that like broke up or
like went through really hard times, and you I think
you start to realize that like going through not always
because we do live in a chaotic, random world and

(01:17:09):
sometimes a breakup truly is a breakup, but it does
seem that like you know, going through uh, like a
tough time or a disagreement is like a not not disagreement,
but I mean, you know what I mean, Like it

(01:17:31):
is a fundamental part of like the relationship process, you know,
because because that's that's it's it's because yeah, kind of
like we were talking about the previous caller is like you know,
if you're committing to somebody and you have there's like
there's just gonna kind of be like natural points of friction,

(01:17:54):
unless if you get really lucky and really aligned with
a lot, which a lot of people do. But yeah,
if you're committing yourself. There's just naturally going to be
ah friction, I think.

Speaker 2 (01:18:06):
For sure.

Speaker 4 (01:18:06):
Yeah, I think that's one of those things where like,
I mean, it's kind of cliche, but like can make
or break you, you know, like it shows how how
much your committee, you know, shows whether or not you feel,
you know, like life would be the same without that
person or better or worse, you know. Kind of. I
think it's, you know, also sort of a life directing

(01:18:29):
thing where it's like you kind of have to because
something's changing so drastically in moments like that, you know.
I think that's the you know, something like that day.
But it could be like, you know, kind of like
a wake up call type thing type put time to reassess,
you know, and just kind of figure out your priorities.
I guess, what.

Speaker 1 (01:18:52):
Is your name again?

Speaker 4 (01:18:54):
Scott?

Speaker 1 (01:18:55):
Scott, Scott, the Wed Journal guy.

Speaker 4 (01:19:02):
We'll forever be known as that.

Speaker 1 (01:19:05):
I'm trying to if I have any other questions to
ask you, Scott. Let's see, how long have we been talking.
We've been talking for about twenty three minutes. Okay, so
you what okay, well, all right, let me ask you
this the Weed Journal, the reflections, you know, I think

(01:19:28):
we talked a lot about like I think I think
I went on too big of a rant about AI
in general that I actually forgot to ask you on
a personal level, what if any conclusions you have come
to as a result of this weed journaling.

Speaker 4 (01:19:47):
I mean I pretty much just started it like yesterday.
So so far it's kind of been just like reflecting
on why I wanted to start it, which, like I said,
I think is kind of tied to both how I
feel the effects and uh just like insecurity about the

(01:20:08):
fact that I do smoke as much as I do.
I really think that like the nineties propaganda against smoking,
like I'm fucked with my head, you know, like I
I cannot imagine smoking a cigarette, and like I feel
like guilty smoking weeds sometimes. Uh So it's kind of
a weird place to be into.

Speaker 1 (01:20:29):
Mm hmm, yeah, I do too. I came to this.
I'm my I'm still on my weed journey. I'm not
going to pretend like I'm like, well I was thinking
about this, uh, like I'm on, I'm I'm on a

(01:20:51):
big like medication journey, like trying to find like like
like work with like psychiatrist and shit, trying to find
like medication that works for me. And I went on
this thing of I was, I had this thing of like, uh,
I came to a pretty hilarious realization for myself where
I was like, well, I don't want to have to

(01:21:12):
be on a drug every day. You know. That was
I think one of my big anti like SSR I
uh talking points. And then I was like, wait a minute,
I fucking smoke weed every single night. I'm already on
a drug every day.

Speaker 4 (01:21:30):
You know, that's a good point.

Speaker 1 (01:21:33):
And once I came to that point, I was like, oh, yeah,
fucking duh. So yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:21:42):
Yeah, it's also kind of ironic to me that, like
I was, I was straighted until I was like twenty three. Look,
I didn't even have a drink of alcohol or anything,
and I was kind of like part of my identity,
not you know, not to the point where I was
like only going to see you straightedge bands, DIY shows
and shit like that, but you know, I labeled myself

(01:22:04):
as straight edge and like would tell people that if
they offered me a drink or whatever, and so yeah,
I don't know. It was kind of a weird shift
transitioning from that to you know, having a drink or
two here or there, having a smoke here and there,
and now i'd you know, smoked a couple of times
three times each day. So yeah, that's I guess that's

(01:22:27):
happened over the last like eight or nine years. And
even I stopped a weed for maybe like a year
and a half. I had some shit where like I
was passing out and my heart stopped. Uh, not necessarily
related to the weed, but the first time it happened
was like when I was smoking and eating too much.
So yeah, it's just yeah, it's been. It's definitely been

(01:22:47):
an interesting and continues to be an interesting like a
trip kind of figuring out what works and what doesn't.
And I'm kind of on the same with like the
medication as well. Like I was on luxopro for a
while and it was really worse, but then it was
giving me like bad side effects, so I weened off
it on its life. It really like it was like
the lowest I've probably ever been and now about to

(01:23:10):
start prozac and see how that goes. So it's kind
of it's yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:23:16):
Scott, what let me think, is there any is there
anything else you want to cover or do you think
we did it.

Speaker 2 (01:23:30):
I think we did it all right.

Speaker 1 (01:23:31):
Cool. It was good talking to you, Scott. I hope
I hope that you continue to live a nice.

Speaker 4 (01:23:41):
Life you as well as a get go in the computer.

Speaker 1 (01:23:45):
Have a go in, Scott. That was so perfect, What
a perfect episode to have. I loved the I loved
that contrast that was. That was juicy to me because like,
I don't know, I went on the whole like polyamory

(01:24:06):
verse monogamous commitment rant, and then both callers embodied lifestyles
that were opposite yet yet were very natural to them.

(01:24:27):
That's so it is so fascinating to me and so
interesting that they both happened to call in right after
each other. So that was I liked that. Do I
have any other post call thoughts about Scott? I liked

(01:24:47):
his voice and he was a nice guy, and that's it. Hello, Hello, Hi,
what's your name? Lars? Lars? I'm going to warn you
about something. Okay, I think over the past hour and

(01:25:07):
twenty minutes, I don't know how long the last two
calls took, I have I think I have hit my
limit on deep existential philosophical conversations. Okay, Oh you sounded
so disappointed. I could tell in your voice that you
sounded really.

Speaker 6 (01:25:26):
No, no, no, absolutely not no, that sounds great.

Speaker 1 (01:25:31):
I also feel like I'll just well, did you have
something you wanted to talk about?

Speaker 6 (01:25:38):
Maybe like a couple of things?

Speaker 1 (01:25:40):
But yeah, go ahead, go ahead, fuck it.

Speaker 6 (01:25:44):
Okay, So I heard you were talking about relationships earlier.
I don't know if you still want to do that.
I got out of an eight year relationship recently.

Speaker 1 (01:25:57):
Okay, And how you doing.

Speaker 6 (01:26:01):
Doing all right? I actually just got into a new
relationship with a trans woman.

Speaker 1 (01:26:06):
Okay. Where'd you meet him? Bumble bumble? Yeah? And how's
it going?

Speaker 6 (01:26:19):
It's going great. I mean she's fantastic. Yeah, I have
no complaints.

Speaker 1 (01:26:30):
Okay, Okay, what when did you break up with your
previous person?

Speaker 2 (01:26:36):
Oh?

Speaker 6 (01:26:37):
A couple of months ago probably, And I moved where
I was living in March, and we broke up a
couple of months before that, so probably in December or something.

Speaker 1 (01:26:50):
Very nice, very nice. Okay, Wait, you said you said
you said a couple of things. What would the other
thing be?

Speaker 6 (01:26:58):
Oh? I called, I emailed you actually earlier and you
read my email on the stream?

Speaker 1 (01:27:06):
What's email?

Speaker 2 (01:27:06):
Who?

Speaker 1 (01:27:06):
Which email were you?

Speaker 4 (01:27:09):
Uh?

Speaker 6 (01:27:09):
The douche Canoe story.

Speaker 1 (01:27:12):
Douche can.

Speaker 6 (01:27:14):
Yeah, we put a bunch of douches on this guy's
door for years. We like pranked him and he was
like he didn't know who it was for like years,
and then he found out it was his girlfriend who
was actually now his fiance.

Speaker 1 (01:27:32):
That's kind of that's good, Like I'm trying to remember that. Uh,
what do people do? People still use douches?

Speaker 6 (01:27:46):
I honestly don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:27:48):
I don't know if I've ever seen a douche in
my life.

Speaker 6 (01:27:54):
Or like this plastic thing that's like, I don't know,
it's got like a two.

Speaker 1 (01:28:00):
Maybe this is yeah, maybe this is a personal question.
But have you ever used one?

Speaker 6 (01:28:06):
No? Not personally, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:28:08):
Okay, so they're not like part of every day hygiene.

Speaker 6 (01:28:12):
No, I think they aren't for special occasions.

Speaker 1 (01:28:15):
Okay, what does it actually do?

Speaker 6 (01:28:18):
It like cleans everything out, you know, make sure that
you're nice and clean.

Speaker 1 (01:28:25):
Interesting do most women use douches?

Speaker 6 (01:28:31):
I think both. I think everybody used to uses douches
on occasions.

Speaker 1 (01:28:37):
Oh, like you could like you can put them in
your ass. Yeah yeah, okay, yes that makes sense.

Speaker 6 (01:28:47):
My girlfriends here right now actually is us laughing?

Speaker 1 (01:28:52):
Where do you? But where do you. Yeah, I feel
like I've never seen one. I've never like dated anyone
who used one or anything like that. I've never I mean,
I've used a bidet' I've watched with a bid day.
Let's sit answering you a day in a douche.

Speaker 6 (01:29:12):
Days are in a toilet. I guess I don't know.
I think the douches get more up in.

Speaker 1 (01:29:18):
There the the days are sick. I got to get
a day I had. I used to have a sponsor
of the podcast. It was like, Tushy Bedey, I think
I gotta get a bedat sponsor. Yeah, do you have
a do you have a suggest Who should I? Who
should I reach out to? Oh?

Speaker 6 (01:29:40):
I don't know any brands Off the top of my head.

Speaker 1 (01:29:44):
Was Tushy. Well, okay, I'll, I'll okay. I'm glad we
had this conversation. I'm going to try to find a
bidet sponsored so they can send me one nice okay.
What else? What else? How's the weather where you are?

Speaker 6 (01:30:05):
It's pretty overcast? Yeah here in Washington.

Speaker 1 (01:30:13):
Washington's Washington. Does Washington get cold?

Speaker 2 (01:30:17):
Oh?

Speaker 6 (01:30:17):
Yeah, it gets pretty chilly in the wintertime, But right
now it's a mild, humid, kind of rainy day.

Speaker 1 (01:30:26):
Dude. I think I've been to Seattle five times.

Speaker 6 (01:30:30):
Five times. I've seen you one of those times I went.

Speaker 1 (01:30:34):
I went once in twenty twenty one to do one
of my very first live shows that was like a
DIY live show, and then I went in twenty twenty
two for a tour, and then I went in twenty
twenty three for a tour, and then I went in
twenty twenty four for a tour, and then I went
again in twenty twenty four to do my Reptile Rave.

(01:30:57):
So yeah, I've been to Seattle five times.

Speaker 6 (01:31:01):
That's awesome.

Speaker 1 (01:31:02):
That's crazy.

Speaker 6 (01:31:06):
How was your Reptile Rave?

Speaker 1 (01:31:09):
It was fun. It was fun. We did one in
Seattle and then we did one in New York. It
is fun. Although you know what's funny is I do
remember when I did my New York Reptile Rave. I
was like standing up on the stage while we were
they were the DJ I was playing, and I was

(01:31:31):
from I had a moment where I was looking out
and I was there and I was like, wait, why
did I do this? I don't like I don't necessarily
like raves. I just wanted to. I just like doing
things that's the main reason I like doing things in person.
You know, I have fun. I today, I really enjoyed

(01:31:55):
doing the phone call podcast. I really enjoyed. I'm enjoying
talking to you. I enjoy talking to the previous caller
and the color before that. But I may I feel
as though I mainly thrive, uh, you know, in in
the in the universe. And I think that the rave

(01:32:16):
was an excuse to be more in the universe, you know,
just have a party, just be around people. You know,
maybe I'll do more ship like that. I don't know.
I like I like stuff, I like people, I like experiences.

Speaker 2 (01:32:37):
What do you like?

Speaker 1 (01:32:38):
What do you like?

Speaker 5 (01:32:40):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:32:41):
Uh?

Speaker 6 (01:32:42):
I like to be home alone and do art respect respect.

Speaker 1 (01:32:48):
Do you and your girlfriend do art together?

Speaker 6 (01:32:51):
We do? Yeah, digital art and I do more like
physical art. So then we put like our art together.
She like does something digitally and I'll put like textures
on it.

Speaker 1 (01:33:03):
Do you do you act like you're better than her
because you do physical art and she does digital art.

Speaker 6 (01:33:11):
No, we respect each other's art equally.

Speaker 1 (01:33:14):
Okay, Okay, that's it would be fair if you did.
I was talking to my friend about this yesterday. Uh, like,
I think it may philosophically, it makes absolute sense. Why
if you're vegan, why you would think if you're vegan

(01:33:40):
and you think you're better than everyone else, First of all,
you're right, and the second of all, you're you're entitled
to that opinion because it's so clearly I don't know
why I'm bringing this up, but this is just the
concept of thinking you're better than one. It's so clearly

(01:34:01):
unethical to eat animals when we don't have to, and
so if you do that, you're just you're I think
you're literally better than everyone else. Yeah, I don't do that.
I eat. I've I've killed thousands, and not personally, but
I've contributed to the murder of thousands and thousands of

(01:34:24):
chickens and cows and pigs throughout my life, and I
will and I will continue to do that for I
will just continue to do that for the rest of
my life. I will never even attempt to go vegan
or vegetarian. And if I ever meet a vegan or
a vegetarian and they say to me what you were
doing by eating meat is wrong and I am better

(01:34:47):
than you, I will I will agree. I will agree
with them. I think I think it's true.

Speaker 2 (01:34:54):
Yeah, I mean that's pretty fair.

Speaker 1 (01:35:00):
You know, I don't know. I don't want to. I
guess are you? Are you better that I think you
might be? I think not. I'm trying to. I think
if you don't use a computer, you're probably better than
everyone else. Like if I, if I if I were
completely off of social media, I would absolutely be all

(01:35:20):
the time. I would be thinking I'm better than everyone else.
There's a I've because like I've had times where like
by by times I mean time, I mean I did
this once. No, I no, I do this fairly often.
I do this fairly often. Where like if I'm on
if I'm on this, like I'll have like a forty
two minute subway ride and I'll be like, you know what,

(01:35:43):
I'm gonna turn my phone completely off, oh wow, and
put it in my backpack and just observe and just
not be on my phone and just like kind of
be in like a I'm gonna use this as like
meditation time to just not be doing anything. And the
whole time I'm you're looking at everyone else and you

(01:36:04):
look up and everyone else is on their phone, and
it's great because you just you just get to soak
in being better than everyone else. Yeah, for that, In
that in that moment, I'm the most enlightened and awesome
person on the train, and it just it feels great. Yeah,

(01:36:26):
but I can't tell. I don't think I can do
that my whole life. If I could, I would be
insufferable all the time. If I could be if I
could live the kind of life I think. I think
if you have the like will power and conviction to
live the kind of life where you're abstaining from any

(01:36:49):
and all things that could be remotely considered unethical and
you're not and you don't eat sugar, and you don't
go on the internet, and you just live like like
a completely holistic life, I think you. I think, yeah,
you're you deserve You've earned being the ability to be

(01:37:10):
pretentious about it.

Speaker 6 (01:37:11):
I think mm hmm, yeah, definitely. I mean, yeah, if
you can do all that, I guess.

Speaker 1 (01:37:21):
Dude, if you can do all that and then you
walk around think you're better than everyone else, you I
think you deserve it. I think that's the prize that
you get for being able. I and I and frankly,
i'd rather have wait, hold on, I'm gonna blow your
mind right now. Okay, I'm gonna blow your mind. I'm
gonna blow your mind. Frankly, I would rather just you know,

(01:37:48):
eat the meat and uh like, use the internet and
do the things because I'm abstaining because I because that
would by doing those things, I'm abstaining from thinking I'm
better than everyone else. And you know what that makes
me do? It makes me think I'm better than everyone else.

Speaker 6 (01:38:11):
Yeah, yeah, it's a loop.

Speaker 1 (01:38:14):
It's a loop. My abstinence from thinking I'm better than
everyone else subconsciously makes me think I'm better than everyone else,
which is really awesome when you think about it. That's great. Anyway,
what's your name again, Mars? Mars? Is there anything else

(01:38:40):
you want to say to the people of the computer
before we go?

Speaker 6 (01:38:44):
I hope you all are having a great day and
gagnation beautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:38:51):
Thank you, Mars, Thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:38:54):
Bye.

Speaker 1 (01:38:58):
Well, there we go. We did it. We did a podcast.
What a great episode. I want to thank Vivance for
helping me make this episode. I want to thank the
I want to thank the I want to thank Diarrhea

(01:39:25):
for not having me have it right now. I want
to think what am I gonna eat after this?

Speaker 2 (01:39:31):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:39:31):
Yeah, I'm gonna eat some sushi. I have a little
bit of sushi in my fridge. Okay, thank you all
for listening to this podcast. This was a good This
was a good episode. I was talking at the beginning
about how sometimes I sit down to record and I
just can't do it. And when that happens, I usually go, oh,

(01:39:56):
I can't do this anymore. I can't do this podcast,
Like this is my in my brain telling me I
cannot do this anymore. And then the next day I'm like,
all right, let me try again. But I'll do it
in the morning, right after having some coffee or some shit,
and then I'm in the zone and I'm like, all right,
I think we can do this shit. So I don't know,

(01:40:19):
but and then tomorrow I'll probably be like everything sucks forever.
I think that's life. Life is like. When things are
working well or your brain is in a positive mode,
you're like, Oh, everything's gonna be great forever now. And
then when they're in a negative mode, you're like, all right,
this is it. This is how my brain will function
and how my life will be for eternity. But really,

(01:40:42):
you're just going in and out of all that shit.
I don't know for me, personally, it's how my life
has gone so far. I'd like to have a nicer
baseline anyway. Okay, thanks for listening to this podcast, thanks
for listening to the ads, thanks for calling, thanks for

(01:41:04):
being here. And we'll do another one. Well, this one
comes out on a Wednesday. We'll do another one on Sunday.
I might do an IRL on Sunday.

Speaker 4 (01:41:14):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:41:15):
Yeah, it depends on how I'm feeling, all right, gek Bluss, Hello, folks,
it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But
get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right,
an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can
listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko

(01:41:39):
over at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers
get access to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad
free podcast feed of the regular show, they get recordings
from my live shows, members only streams, and they help
support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's
a clip from this week's members only bonus episode.

Speaker 5 (01:42:03):
I kind of just wanted to, uh get your take
on what I do, which is very similar, I think
to what you do, which is put a fully rat
costume on a little animal costume, put myself out on
the internet, uh, and kind of use that persona to

(01:42:27):
explore my mental health journey.

Speaker 1 (01:42:31):
Interesting. Okay, so let's I want to I want to
get a full scope of this. Here, you dress up
as a rat on the internet.

Speaker 5 (01:42:39):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (01:42:40):
If you want to hear this full conversation, you can
sign up to become a premium member at Therapy Gecko
dot supercast dot com or find the link in the
episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right,
I have nothing else to say. Go on taking your

(01:43:00):
phone calls every night. Never be get Goost on his ride.

Speaker 6 (01:43:04):
He's teaching you to housing live your life, but he's
not really an expert.

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Lyle Drescher

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